ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
231,501	Next time you're asked "What's Up" respond "A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house."
231,502	Is this your 1st video conference call? Takes HUGE bong rip Holding it in umm no So you're aware we can see you? Cough what cough
231,503	NASA's Scott Kelly is back on Earth after spending a year in space He found out how many states Trump won and left again
231,504	Thank you, Student Loan, for getting me through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.
231,505	There's 10 types of people in this world Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
231,506	/r/Jokes just surpassed /r/AskReddit in users! I lie...
231,507	Whats worse than eating 10 oysters out of your girlfriends vagina? Realising you only put 9 in
231,508	What's the difference between a Malaysia Airline flight and Internet Explorer? None. Eventually, both of them are gonna crash.
231,509	A man deserves a woman who he enjoys spending time with, who can fulfill his desires, and who can cook. But most importantly, he must make sure that these women never meet.
231,510	knock knock "Who's there?" "Dejav." "Dejav who?" knock knock *edit : thanks a lot for appreciating the stupidity
231,511	Lost my first follower today. Funeral is Tuesday. Will be live tweeting. It's what he would have wanted.
231,512	What did the Marvel character say when he attained full control of his Android's CPU and Kernel? I am Root.
231,513	I am trisexual I'll tri sex with anyone
231,514	Justin Bieber's home has now been thoroughly searched, but police have uncovered no evidence of talent.
231,515	Doctor: "Your wife is in hospital!"... Me: "...How is she?" Doctor: "I'm afraid she's critical". Me: "Oh, you get used to that...".
231,516	Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
231,517	DYK Mozart never suffered from stress He always kept his composer.
231,518	Why did the Mexican guy rob a train? He had a loco motive.
231,519	I used to be in a band called 500Mb...... But we had to break up because we couldn't get a gig.
231,520	What's Black & Rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre
231,521	Do you like oranges? Well I am bad at colloquialisms! How you like them oranges?!?!
231,522	What did the dragonball z fan say when he wanted to go to the toilet? I need to goku the toilet
231,523	I once dated a mortician... it didn't work out because I'm not that much of a mourning person. Though she was a real head-turner.
231,524	How to get personal space If there's a lot of people, just yell "Allahu Akbar" for a rapid evacuation.
231,525	Why is it called almond milk? "Nut juice" wasnt very popular.
231,526	When I broke my back the doctor said I had to start sitting down to pee... Because I'm not allowed to lift anything over 25 pounds.
231,527	my son is only in 4th grade but he snap chats at a 7th grade level
231,528	A guy called out over the radio that someone spilled chips at work... Turns out they were Flooritos.
231,529	In which country are they refusing to use wi-fi and bluetooth? In wireland
231,530	At the store & asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around & looked them in the eyes and said, "Make it 52"
231,531	The Declaration of Independence was NOT written in Philadelphia. it was written in ink
231,532	I carry a gun because I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six.
231,533	Is a pamphlet just a smaller pamph? What the heck is a pamph? People make no sense.
231,534	Hi, I'm a high paid business consultant. I see you've named your business "Dale's Paint Supplies" but what if it was named "Best Dog Memes"
231,535	I don't hate you, but if you we're drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck.
231,536	I really don't understand why people think mayweather is so great I'd much rather have June weather
231,537	Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop? Poop
231,538	Why did the meatball chef get fired from the middle school cafeteria? They caught him stroganoff.
231,539	Dad, how does it feel to have such a handsome son? I don't know son, ask your grandfather...
231,540	If I stop my car for you to walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knee's to chest b!tch , knee's to chest!!!
231,541	What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a dirty bus station? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean
231,542	What do you get when you cross a genius with a hooker? A fucking know it all!
231,543	My 2yr old pointed at my crotch and said, "Big pee pee!" I'm taking him with me everywhere I go from now on.
231,544	A duck walks into rehab "What're you here for?" asks the desk lady. "I'm addicted to quack."
231,545	If the opposite of "pro" is "con"... Then what's the opposite of "progress?"
231,546	And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life"... But John came fifth and had to eat the biscuit.
231,547	I'm an old guy, and I fuck at least 3 super hot girls in their mid 20's every week I'm a student loan collector
231,548	What is the most popular social media form at Hogwarts? SnapeChat
231,549	Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... Bartender: "Why the long face ?"
231,550	knock knock... "knock,knock" "who is there?" "KGB" "KGB who?" (you slap a person across the face)"we ask the questions around here"
231,551	Strap-on backwards spells No-parts.
231,552	The best thing about going on a first date to the petting zoo is that if she doesn't put out there are still plenty of options.
231,553	Two word joke Dwarf shortage
231,554	She has a coy pond. All the pretty fish swim away when you try to feed them.
231,555	If H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside? K9P
231,556	What was Hitler's favorite letter? Not z!
231,557	Did you hear about the gay german? Apparently he Adolf Hitler.
231,558	What's E.T short for? He's got little legs
231,559	Did you know there is a Virus that turns fruits into vegetables? It's called AIDS.
231,560	You can make jokes about anything, just not mexicans That's crossing the border!
231,561	Biography of a voyeur He came, he saw, he came
231,562	I remember when people just wanted to date someone with personality..but noOoo, now everyone's gotta have multiple.
231,563	In light of MLK day... African american culture has fought so hard not to have to sit at the back of the bus. But they still do anyway.
231,564	What's ISIS's favourite song? Niggas in Paris
231,565	Did you know that in any given group, only 9/10 of people understand basic math? The other 3% doesn't.
231,566	If I had to describe myself in one word... It would be, "Unable to follow instructions."
231,567	What I don't understand is, how did Jabba the Hutt become so powerful? He's just a fat, lecherous crook. Wait
231,568	Did you hear the Joke they don't tell retards... No, Oh my bad.
231,569	Why did the element Fluorine get a copyright strike? Because it was extremely reactive
231,570	What do you call a Vietcong that's been hit by napalm? Charlie Brown
231,571	When I was in 3rd grade my teacher smoking in the classroom told us not to tell well I'm telling you now
231,572	How do you know a black guy's been at your computer? It's not there.
231,573	Crabs are amazing collectivistic creatures; they only use pubic transportation.
231,574	OC that I came up with whilst daydreaming: Why is there no sofa in the forbidden kingdom? ... because Mao is more of a chair man!
231,575	OMG! It's colder than a pimps heart out here!
231,576	Canada's navy
231,577	Why are most reactionists black? Because stealing is the only thing they can do.
231,578	Fired from my court room sketch artist job, for putting thought bubbles on people's heads saying "The court room sketch artist is so hunky."
231,579	I used to have a friend who practiced acupuncture.
231,580	Why do lesbians like radishes? Because they like to get their daikon.
231,581	The first step of any project is to grossly underestimate its complexity and difficulty.
231,582	What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog
231,583	What do gay men and ambulances have in common Both get loaded from the rear and go woop-woop!
231,584	A flying pig defecated on me today. I shit you not.
231,585	At my funeral I want a dozen doves recaptured.
231,586	My friend gave me a free dvd... but it's only Chinatown.
231,587	A black man and a mexican are in a car. Who is driving? The police officer
231,588	Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.
231,589	What do you get if you cross history and a cow? A moo-suem.
231,590	A man only wearing saran wrap pants... Walks into his doctors office. The doctor says: "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
231,591	What is a gay jew's favourite bank? Goldman Sach's
231,592	After his failed Presidential run, Bernie Sanders decides to write a book and finally endorses Hillary Clinton. The Clinton Foundation bought 10 million copies in advance.
231,593	A joke I like my women like I like my coffee. Without a penis.
231,594	I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you. They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.
231,595	I'm not racist, but... >[deleted]
231,596	What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last hit was the wall.
231,597	All of the other reindeer were secretly watching red-nose-on-regular-nose porn.
231,598	What's the difference between a duck? One of it's legs is both the same.
231,599	'Appearances can be deceiving' said my fortune cookie message; then I realized I've cracked open a snail.
231,600	Paula Deen should create her own brand of butter called I Can't Believe It's Not 1860.

231,501

Next time you're asked "What's Up" respond "A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house."

231,502

Is this your 1st video conference call? *Takes HUGE bong rip* *Holding it in* umm no So you're aware we can see you? *Cough* what *cough*

231,503

NASA's Scott Kelly is back on Earth after spending a year in space He found out how many states Trump won and left again

231,504

Thank you, Student Loan, for getting me through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.

231,505

There's 10 types of people in this world Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

231,506

/r/Jokes just surpassed /r/AskReddit in users! I lie...

231,507

Whats worse than eating 10 oysters out of your girlfriends vagina? Realising you only put 9 in

231,508

What's the difference between a Malaysia Airline flight and Internet Explorer? None. Eventually, both of them are gonna crash.

231,509

A man deserves a woman who he enjoys spending time with, who can fulfill his desires, and who can cook. But most importantly, he must make sure that these women never meet.

231,510

*knock knock* "Who's there?" "Dejav." "Dejav who?" *knock knock* *edit : thanks a lot for appreciating the stupidity

231,511

Lost my first follower today. Funeral is Tuesday. Will be live tweeting. It's what he would have wanted.

231,512

What did the Marvel character say when he attained full control of his Android's CPU and Kernel? I am Root.

231,513

I am trisexual I'll tri sex with anyone

231,514

Justin Bieber's home has now been thoroughly searched, but police have uncovered no evidence of talent.

231,515

Doctor: "Your wife is in hospital!"... Me: "...How is she?" Doctor: "I'm afraid she's critical". Me: "Oh, you get used to that...".

231,516

Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!

231,517

DYK Mozart never suffered from stress He always kept his composer.

231,518

Why did the Mexican guy rob a train? He had a loco motive.

231,519

I used to be in a band called 500Mb...... But we had to break up because we couldn't get a gig.

231,520

What's Black & Rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre

231,521

Do you like oranges? Well I am bad at colloquialisms! How you like them oranges?!?!

231,522

What did the dragonball z fan say when he wanted to go to the toilet? I need to goku the toilet

231,523

I once dated a mortician... it didn't work out because I'm not that much of a mourning person. Though she was a real head-turner.

231,524

How to get personal space If there's a lot of people, just yell "Allahu Akbar" for a rapid evacuation.

231,525

Why is it called almond milk? "Nut juice" wasnt very popular.

231,526

When I broke my back the doctor said I had to start sitting down to pee... Because I'm not allowed to lift anything over 25 pounds.

231,527

my son is only in 4th grade but he snap chats at a 7th grade level

231,528

A guy called out over the radio that someone spilled chips at work... Turns out they were Flooritos.

231,529

In which country are they refusing to use wi-fi and bluetooth? In wireland

231,530

At the store & asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around & looked them in the eyes and said, "Make it 52"

231,531

The Declaration of Independence was NOT written in Philadelphia. it was written in ink

231,532

I carry a gun because I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six.

231,533

Is a pamphlet just a smaller pamph? What the heck is a pamph? People make no sense.

231,534

Hi, I'm a high paid business consultant. I see you've named your business "Dale's Paint Supplies" but what if it was named "Best Dog Memes"

231,535

I don't hate you, but if you we're drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck.

231,536

I really don't understand why people think mayweather is so great I'd much rather have June weather

231,537

Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop? Poop

231,538

Why did the meatball chef get fired from the middle school cafeteria? They caught him stroganoff.

231,539

Dad, how does it feel to have such a handsome son? I don't know son, ask your grandfather...

231,540

If I stop my car for you to walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knee's to chest b!tch , knee's to chest!!!

231,541

What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a dirty bus station? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean

231,542

What do you get when you cross a genius with a hooker? A fucking know it all!

231,543

My 2yr old pointed at my crotch and said, "Big pee pee!" I'm taking him with me everywhere I go from now on.

231,544

A duck walks into rehab "What're you here for?" asks the desk lady. "I'm addicted to quack."

231,545

If the opposite of "pro" is "con"... Then what's the opposite of "progress?"

231,546

And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life"... But John came fifth and had to eat the biscuit.

231,547

I'm an old guy, and I fuck at least 3 super hot girls in their mid 20's every week I'm a student loan collector

231,548

What is the most popular social media form at Hogwarts? SnapeChat

231,549

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... Bartender: "Why the long face ?"

231,550

knock knock... "knock,knock" "who is there?" "KGB" "KGB who?" (you slap a person across the face)"we ask the questions around here"

231,551

Strap-on backwards spells No-parts.

231,552

The best thing about going on a first date to the petting zoo is that if she doesn't put out there are still plenty of options.

231,553

Two word joke Dwarf shortage

231,554

She has a coy pond. All the pretty fish swim away when you try to feed them.

231,555

If H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside? K9P

231,556

What was Hitler's favorite letter? Not z!

231,557

Did you hear about the gay german? Apparently he Adolf Hitler.

231,558

What's E.T short for? He's got little legs

231,559

Did you know there is a Virus that turns fruits into vegetables? It's called AIDS.

231,560

You can make jokes about anything, just not mexicans That's crossing the border!

231,561

Biography of a voyeur He came, he saw, he came

231,562

I remember when people just wanted to date someone with personality..but noOoo, now everyone's gotta have multiple.

231,563

In light of MLK day... African american culture has fought so hard not to have to sit at the back of the bus. But they still do anyway.

231,564

What's ISIS's favourite song? Niggas in Paris

231,565

Did you know that in any given group, only 9/10 of people understand basic math? The other 3% doesn't.

231,566

If I had to describe myself in one word... It would be, "Unable to follow instructions."

231,567

What I don't understand is, how did Jabba the Hutt become so powerful? He's just a fat, lecherous crook. Wait

231,568

Did you hear the Joke they don't tell retards... No, Oh my bad.

231,569

Why did the element Fluorine get a copyright strike? Because it was extremely reactive

231,570

What do you call a Vietcong that's been hit by napalm? Charlie Brown

231,571

When I was in 3rd grade my teacher smoking in the classroom told us not to tell well I'm telling you now

231,572

How do you know a black guy's been at your computer? It's not there.

231,573

Crabs are amazing collectivistic creatures; they only use pubic transportation.

231,574

OC that I came up with whilst daydreaming: Why is there no sofa in the forbidden kingdom? ... because Mao is more of a chair man!

231,575

OMG! It's colder than a pimps heart out here!

231,576

Canada's navy

231,577

Why are most reactionists black? Because stealing is the only thing they can do.

231,578

Fired from my court room sketch artist job, for putting thought bubbles on people's heads saying "The court room sketch artist is so hunky."

231,579

I used to have a friend who practiced acupuncture.

231,580

Why do lesbians like radishes? Because they like to get their daikon.

231,581

The first step of any project is to grossly underestimate its complexity and difficulty.

231,582

What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog

231,583

What do gay men and ambulances have in common Both get loaded from the rear and go woop-woop!

231,584

A flying pig defecated on me today. I shit you not.

231,585

At my funeral I want a dozen doves recaptured.

231,586

My friend gave me a free dvd... but it's only Chinatown.

231,587

A black man and a mexican are in a car. Who is driving? The police officer

231,588

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

231,589

What do you get if you cross history and a cow? A moo-suem.

231,590

A man only wearing saran wrap pants... Walks into his doctors office. The doctor says: "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

231,591

What is a gay jew's favourite bank? Goldman Sach's

231,592

After his failed Presidential run, Bernie Sanders decides to write a book and finally endorses Hillary Clinton. The Clinton Foundation bought 10 million copies in advance.

231,593

A joke I like my women like I like my coffee. Without a penis.

231,594

I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you. They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.

231,595

I'm not racist, but... >[deleted]

231,596

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last hit was the wall.

231,597

All of the other reindeer were secretly watching red-nose-on-regular-nose porn.

231,598

What's the difference between a duck? One of it's legs is both the same.

231,599

'Appearances can be deceiving' said my fortune cookie message; then I realized I've cracked open a snail.

231,600

Paula Deen should create her own brand of butter called I Can't Believe It's Not 1860.