		 DOSE:

		 1.25 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   155 lb

First journey on LSD

My first acid trip. Around 11.15am on a brisk Saturday morning in February, I embarked on something that I had been pondering over in some capacity for almost a year. I had decided to voyage into the world of psychedelia. My mind was curious. Consciousness has encompassed my consciousness for a while. We know so little about our minds and the fact that I could venture into ways of being and thinking that would otherwise never be found, engulfs me as something that must be found. How could I live my ‘normal’ existence and not try and voyage to these plains?

Months and months of research led me to taking one and a quarter tabs of LSD. In a cabin deep in the Sequoia national forest. With my wife who would be joining me on this journey, and two of our friends that would be sober and sitting us. Our set and setting were primed as well as they could be.

Let’s do this.

Around an hour into the journey I became interested in lights reflecting off the walls. (We had set Christmas lights all over the cabin to replace the sharp white lights). Had they always been so bright? So illuminating? Hmm. Soon after I needed the bathroom. As I sat on the seat (I’m a sit down and wee kinda guy), I noticed the green bath towel hanging in front of me begin to “breathe”. In and out. In and out. A minute warped breath. So gentle. So interesting.

I noticed that my hand had a vainy greyish blue quality to them. They weren’t beautiful hands. They were old, ageing and almost decaying, but this didn’t trouble me. I was aware that this was just my mind playing curious games. We had begun to watch Fantasia by Walt Disney, and I was enjoying the movie until I wasn’t. The scenes of flooding were jarring and a bit much. Turn it off please.

I was asked by my friend Kelsey if I wanted to sit outside on the deck. Sure. The deck was surrounded by huge redwoods. I was excited to see what the trees would show me. I began to see a man. He was looking at me. He was cheeky. He was whimsical. My mind had seemed to conjure up a visual in exactly the same way as when I would stare up into the clouds as a child. Once you see them, you really see them. It’s all you see. But where clouds dissipate as they stretch and pull apart, trees do not. They stand tall. Strong. He wasn’t going anywhere. Now not at any point did I believe this was a real man that was in a tree. I was very aware that what was happening was my mind playing devious and whimsical tricks. This makes it far more interesting for me though. As I continued to stare at the guy, I noticed the tree was now full of faces. Absolutely fucking everywhere. Carved into the wood of the tree. There were faces in the faces with more faces hidden within those faces. They didn’t take the shape of “a real face" per se but a carved quality that had a stone age feel to them. A Spartan look. A classically strong male chiseled look. Detailed, in vertical hieroglyphics. They always had that age old uniform to them.

Kelsey asked me if I wanted to go below and see the tree up close. I did. This was really fucking amazing-- the fact that my mind was doing this!

This was really fucking amazing-- the fact that my mind was doing this!

 Just before I went downstairs to the trees, I came across a tarp covering firewood and within the folds and creases and light reflections I saw exactly the same imagery. The hieroglyphic, chiseled male spartan. This reinforced to me the notion of my mind creating these images as opposed to them being “really there”. But incredibly interesting nonetheless. In fact, this understanding made it all so much more interesting to me than if I thought or believed these men were really present. I still very much had my Lee-ness. My wherewithal. My critical faculties and understanding of mind.

We began our descent to the trees and I was continuously mystified and enthralled by the presence of this imagery. As I circled the tree they (the images) became vaster and grew taller and taller. I then sat below the trees and that’s when the warping and breathing began. And this was a feature that stayed pretty much throughout the trip.

The actual seeing of the faces versus the breathing and warping were two distinctively different features. I’m sure there’s a metaphor that would describe this difference but it is lost on me. It’s almost as if the warping/breathing was clearly a classic hallucination but the faces were real. They were actually there. Carved in. Always there, even though I always knew they were not. But there was still a very different quality to the hallucinations of the stagnant imagery and the motion. Hard to describe. Real vs not real with the understanding that they were both not real.

Kelsey asked me to look at the cabin itself and boy was that mind blowing. The wood grain within the panels that make the cabin were circulating and warping in an absolute show of beauty and wonderment. How could my eyes that have always seen things in its normal way be relaying this new sense of visual stimulation to my brain? How amazing and fascinating. Turning and twisting and melting and blending. Not through a filter. Not on a tv screen. But through my eyes. Lee’s eyes. I remember saying, “I’m having such an amazing time, this is so much fun!” I was. It was the most fascinating experience. I then played with a withering leaf that had long fallen from a tree. The meniscal, fine details at the micro level were works of absolute art. The intricate nature of it was enthralling. I remembered being told about the fascination of the micro and I totally understood in that moment. The deep, tiny slithers of edges and holes were the most beautiful woven lace. Caverns of beauty within the decayed fallen leaf from the tree of spartan soldiers. This was another separate quality to the experience- the interest in the micro. If you’ve ever googled microphotography, this is what it was to look at something small. You felt as close as the closest lens could get. And you could get lost in the beauty of the finely tuned intricacy. Later that evening I was in the hot tub and next to me was a table made out of a tree slice. As I sat there and leaned in to look at the bark, I was engulfed into deep caverns, layers and worlds that were in these tiny crevices. Still breathing ever so slightly. Gasping for air. It was just so incredibly interesting and fascinating and mesmeric.

Just before we came back inside, I began to notice new imagery on the trees. Alien like. Monster like. You know the guy from Saw with the white face with red swirls? I was seeing him. It was almost like your classical horror figure becoming apparent within the bark. Again, this didn’t bother me in the slightest. My mind was just creating these and I was interested in that process. We then came inside and began to look at some art that was given to us. Starry night by Van Gogh and Sunset at Venice by Monet. These were literally the most visually enthralling pieces of anything I had ever seen. The movement and the beauty. Every time I looked up from the art and realized I was in the living room, the disappointed that I was in a real world and the fact that this realization had taken away from the pure bliss of these pieces of art was becoming very frustrating. This frustration was shared by Heidi so I asked her if she would want to go and sit in the bedroom alone together and stare at the art. Absolutely. Great Idea.

We sat and we stared. We reminded one another to just let it take you. Go where it takes you. Let go and just follow the beauty. This was an amazing thing to understand and do. Starry night would, at one moment be a visual time lapse with days and nights passing within seconds, but the flow of beauty would take you to the sky where the whirling winds and clouds would roll in and out over and over, shining beams of beautiful colors and blue lightning swirling in mesmerizing excellence. There aren’t enough superlatives to describe how beautiful it was. Sunset at Venice was so warm and would also continually flow in absolute beauty. I then noticed at the end of the bedroom there was a painting on the wall. I purposefully looked away and said to Heidi that we should put down our paintings, lay back, count to three and stare at that painting together. She was excited. So was I.

1..2..3..

The painting was of a cold winter cabin on top of a hillside covered in snow. The painting just started melting on top of itself. Warping. Circling. The frame itself took on a neon purple shape and started turning and becoming 3D like. Almost felt other worldy. Very intense but wonderful and fun. I’m unsure if this dawned on me then or later but I became aware that the breathing and circling of my visuals were just a spherical imprint of my mind. A hallucination. Therefore I was never fooled into thinking the painting was alive or the trees were breathing. I can totally see how a “breathing tree” would convince someone that they’re alive more than we otherwise understand them to be, and then feel a deeper connection to nature, but I definitely still had the wherewithal to understand that that quality was part of my minds reaction to the drug I had ingested. I’m an evidence based guy and have no need for make believe stories of mysticism but that understanding didn’t take away the enjoyment of the experience itself.

My next venture was to meditate. This was always the interest I had and still have in regards to these compounds.

My next venture was to meditate. This was always the interest I had and still have in regards to these compounds.

 I had noticed that my visuals were more beautiful with my eyes closed. My minds eye. Colorful. Vast. Deep. Not deep as in ponderous and thought like, but vast galaxies of lights and images. I remember seeing a female lioness type on top of circling lights. But it was all hard to grasp. The images were always moving and traveling far and beyond. I could never pause and stop and stare at the imagery. It just sped across plains of existence through galaxies of lights. I still had a sense of self. A sense of ego. Although the feeling of me became an undoing at times later in the trip, I was able to use myself to remind myself of the practice of mindful meditation. Something I’ve been practicing for nearly a year now on a fairly regular basis. To not try and stop thoughts, but to observe them as thoughts. To look at them. Be interested in them. To not hold on and see where they go.

It was during this meditation that I became unsure if my mind was showing me the interesting planes of color or if it was just me thinking of them or a mixture of the two? My intuition is a mix. At times I felt lost as a passenger and as a visual spectator to the lights and the traveling landscapes. Volcanoes and valleys and mountaintops. Always surrounded by colors flying all over my mind. Was I in control? Was I thinking these thoughts as me? Or was I watching these thoughts as me from afar? Or was I totally removed? I definitely think all of the above. There was definitely no ego death but there were fleeting moments of ego dissolution. Or maybe not? When we are heavily involved in a task, our minds almost have a loss of self. We’re ingrained into the task. Maybe it was just that? Either way it was a journey that I already yearn to travel to again and go even further into.

After my mind exploration I walked back into the living room to a frantically excited Heidi. “Lee! You gotta taste this! Taste it!” Heidi’s mind was blown away by some sour skittles she had bought the day before. I popped one in my mouth and holy fucking shitcakes! It was the most remarkable out of body experience! Really! As the sourness of the skittle hit my taste buds and fired off the sensation to my brain, something remarkable happened. I was totally separate to the taste! It wasn’t me tasting it. Two separate entities experiencing the same experience. I closed my eyes and ate another but this time mindfully focusing on what this experience was. With closed eyes and just me and my mind, the taste of sour was the center. A black hole. In a galaxy surrounded by other galaxies. I was the milky way and the sourness was completely separate. Not me. But in the center. As I whirled around it, my mind a tornado, filled with neon colour, the separate skittle was slap bang in the middle. A taste explosion. I began to laugh hysterically as I was aware how preposterous this all was. A taste, so obviously felt by me, but at exactly the same time not. Two separate beings, with my eyes closed experiencing them as one. The imagery and feeling of me being a swirling neon galaxy, circling the planet sour skittle.

The whole experience wasn’t all this wonderful. I had a handful of moments when I became aware of my awareness and this took on a negative effect. I tried to be mindful and be interested as to why this was having this effect on me but I couldn’t figure it out. Having a strong sense of me rattling around was really getting to me. Maybe it was disappointment in the knowing that awareness was a thing? That it was me? This really troubled me from time to time, but with the help of my guides I was taken to a new room or taken outside. This immediately didn’t help. Actually at first it made me more aware. I knew what Kelsey was doing. This isn’t going to work. I know what you’re doing. But alas, something would spark my interest and take me elsewhere. Away from my awareness of ego. I totally see how trains of thought could lead someone to a bad trip. To the feeling of schizophrenia. Scary. Very scary.

I lay on the sofa and put on “Everything Changes” by the band Love. I closed my eyes. Every time I closed my eyes my visuals were stunning. The music added to the euphoria. What then transpired was the only time I felt the indescribable. I recently listened to Sam Harris describe a mushroom trip and he said “just like clicking one’s fingers isn’t the tool to describe an experience, words are also not the correct tool to describe the experience”. The YouTube channel Psyched Substance also put it a wonderful way once, “try describing what a color is to someone who has always been blind. Being able to describe the intense experiences on Psychedelia is also impossible to describe”. This is something I really wanted to feel going into this. In fact, the only thing I WANTED to feel. And for what may’ve only been minutes, I felt it. Pure bliss. Warmth. Love. Transcendence. All of those thing without it being those things. It was a feeling that was other worldly. Utterly indescribable but euphorically transcendent. I want more of that. I need to explore more of that.

We then explored the loft. A small area overlooking the front room. Tiny, steep stairs lead you up to the space with little to no head room. I sat on the bed and instantly became mesmerized by the size of the room. The corner in the far left, in reality maybe 8 feet from me, seemed to be at least double that. I was shouting down to everyone below, “It’s huge up here!”. Heidi came up and sat next to me and also reveled in the tiny space’ grandiose. As we marveled at the optical illusion playing in front of our eyes, Amanda came upstairs and we asked her to sit in the corner of the room. She seemed tiny but giant in the vast distance of the 8ft room. Kelsey then came up the tiny stairs and sat at the top to our right. Kelsey is a larger girl so the illusion of her sitting by these tiny steps along with tiny Amanda sitting in the distance of the elongated loft was the most fascinating optical illusion. It was so similar to scenes from Alice in Wonderland. Amanda in Wonderland.

I continued to become agitated with my awareness of my awareness but I was always able to get out of the headspace. I went to sit in the hot tub and marveled at the breathing wood table whilst Heidi had an almost internal sexual experience with Amanda’s cello. We then put on some classical music. I closed my eyes and tried to encompass the sounds. My mind still showing me traveling formations of living luminescent lights. Always showing me. But then something happened. A lightbulb moment. A lightbulb journey. My mind started reveling in love.

Love. Love. It’s about love. It’s only about love.

I had enough ego to understand that I was having a revelation. Hold on Lee. Keep going. Don’t come back to reality. I heard myself saying out loud, “Oh my God. Shit. I get it! Fuck!”. I wanted to say “I finally understand. It’s just about love”, but I didn’t want to stop the journey. I kept going. As I continued to understand that love was all that mattered, I also started to understand that I was unable to feel more love. I didn’t love anyone any more than I already did. Unlike MDMA where the love you feel is vastly stronger. No. It wasn’t that. What is this I’m feeling? Eyes still closed I was feeling like my mind was a building crescendo of colour and love. I journeyed to a tower. A pyramid shaped tower with a single white light on top- and then it finally hit me! Love wasn’t a feeling. It was a place. A destination. Everything was leading my consciousness to destination Love.

That’s it. That’s all I can describe that as. It was absolutely enthralling. It again left me wanting more. Wanting to journey further. Go further into my mind and the depths of what still baffles scientists to this day. Consciousness and its contents.

I don’t feel like I am now different because of this.

I don’t feel like I am now different because of this.

 It hasn’t affected me after. I don’t believe trees have souls or even that we have souls that travel to a tower of love. My mind under a foreign compound isn’t evidence for this. It just makes me want to venture deeper. Further. Into plains that seem light years away but live within my mind.

The night began to peter out. I started coming down and then going up again. I had a nice time vibing to British hip-hop, then I got really annoyed at a barking dog. I moved bedrooms and started creating a physical experience with each body part moving as a musical instrument which made Heidi laugh, but I then got uncomfortable and hot and annoyed again. I needed to move. I began to feel so tired. Not physically but mentally. It felt like my mind had run a marathon and rather than stopping and resting, it continued to jog. Even though its aching limbs were beyond exhausted. I just wanted to be able to close my eyes and see nothing. Black. Good ol’ boring Lee thoughts. But it continued to show me the dancing lights of traveling neon.

Heidi’s butt felt nice. I wasn’t horny but I thought that having sex with my mind still in technicolor might be interesting. The sex was great. Normal great. But the climax was ABSOLUTELY INSANE. An accordion of matrix like rainbows. My mind’s dial had been playing at 4 around this point, but as I had my orgasmic peak, my mind went fuck you and turned the volume all the way to MAX. I lay in silence and Heidi asked if I was okay. “You don’t know. You just don’t know” was all I could say. Words would not have done the sensation justice.

Just before we went to sleep I sat in the living room and stared out at the shadows of the trees. The full moon seeping through the branches of the sleeping giants. Calming. Peaceful. Quiet. I realized that I hadn’t worn my glasses all day. I’m near sighted and can’s see very well- especially at night. Glasses at night always make everything crisper but as the drug was leaving its final marks on my brain, it still had enough of a stronghold to show me something new and interesting. The best way to describe is how when one watches a 3D movie without the glasses, the visuals are off and distorted. Only when one puts on the glasses everything then becomes crisp, clear and visually enthralling. This was happening with my glasses. Everything took on a crisper, more concise and sharper quality. Almost a deeper dimension. Beautiful.

In closing, the whole experience was wonderful. I wasn’t fooled by my visuals. I was always aware they were my mind and for me, that made the experience fascinating, enthralling and enjoyable. The visuals, as fun as they were, were not the reason I bought the ticket. The price of admission was for the mind. The depths of consciousness. At times I was over the visuals. I wasn’t interested any more. I wanted the compound to show me more. Take me further. Drown me in your beautific depths, and show me the vastness of the world’s greatest mystery. Until next time.

P.S.

At some point earlier in the day I started talking to Heidi about how amazing it was when my mind went to these nether regions. Heidi started talking back. Also proclaiming how the sensations were mind blowing. Ecstatic explosions. “Yes! You get it too! How cool”. Heidi fervently agreed that she understood and we continued to philosophize over the profundity of that experience.

Then Heidi mentioned the flavor…

Wait…

Is she talking about sour skittles this whole time?!

“Yeah. What are you talking about?”,

“Consciousness”.

Who knew that the depths of mind and sour skittles could have the same mind blowing, philosophical qualities. Only on LSD it seems.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115255

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 38

Published: Mar 23, 2021	Views: 6,364

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Meditation (128), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Sex Discussion (14), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 36.5 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 2:44
		 12 oz
		 oral
		 Alcohol - Beer/Wine
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 5:21
		 1 mg
		 oral
		 Etizolam
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 7:13
		 12 oz
		 oral
		 Alcohol - Beer/Wine
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 7:13
		 2 oz
		 oral
		 Alcohol - Hard
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 7:13
		 2 mg
		 oral
		 Etizolam
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 9:23
		 12 oz
		 oral
		 Alcohol - Beer/Wine
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 9:23
		 1 mg
		 oral
		 Etizolam
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 9:40
		 12 oz
		 oral
		 Alcohol - Beer/Wine
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 9:40
		 0.75 oz
		 oral
		 Alcohol - Hard
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 11:21
		 1 mg
		 oral
		 Etizolam
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 11:21
		   repeated
		 vaporized
		 Cannabis
		 (extract)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   191 lb

Background Information:

In the realm of substance experimentation I consider myself something of a seasoned veteran. I have extensive experience with stimulants, dissociatives, opioids, opiates, benzodiazepines, tryptamines, and phenethylamines. Many of my experiences involve research chemicals and unique combinations of substances.

I take 5000 IU of vitamin D3 daily along with 2400 mg of mesalamine for a lifelong stomach condition. I do not consider either of these to be a contributor factor in this experience.

The entirety of the experience in the report below was spent in the company of my life partner Kai and my trusty dog Gee.  We spent the day together in our home and on the rural road on which we live.  The set and setting were absolutely prime for the experience; a controlled and optimized space plus well intentioned adventuring.

A combination of written notes and audio recordings were used in the creation of this report. I am confident that the timestamps are accurate.

The material ingested in the experience described below was sourced from a vetted individual.  The volumetric dosage preparation technique is described below.

Tolerance was a complete non factor on the day of the experience with the exception of alcohol.  At the time of the experience I was consuming 4-8 drinks per day.

My history with LSD is relatively extensive.

My history with LSD is relatively extensive.

  My past includes frequent ingestion and infrequent ingestion, in small [10-50 ug], medium [50-150 ug] and large [150 ug – 1.5+mg] dosages.  LSD was not the first psychedelic I tried, but it was the first I fell in love with.  I had positive experience after positive experience.  Each time I explored the substance I discovered new ways to think, to see, and to be.  I was all in.  This honeymoon phase lasted a long time.  Several years in fact.  When the streak came to and end, it was a bitter, disastrous, scarring end indeed.

The beginning of the end was a day on which I ate a fairly high dosage of LSD [~600 ug].  No other substances were involved besides cannabis (smoked plant material), which I had a strong daily habit of at the time.  Things were going swimmingly at a small private music event during which I even met one of my all time favorite musicians.  Somewhere around T + 3:30, I simply become lost in my mind.  This was the first time that the thought loops, confusion, and general wonkiness of my brain had turned truly negative and no matter what I tried; meditation, food, conversation with a sitter, deep breathing - things would not turn around.  I patiently waited for the hours to ooze by as one must do, and eventually returned to sweet and beautiful baseline.

Unfortunately, these same inescapable mazes of negative thoughts, especially those centered around the fear of tripping too hard, plagued my LSD usage for 15-20 experiences in a row.  No matter what I tried, I held severe nausea in my stomach and was infected by the uninterrupted worry of tripping too heavily until I passed the peak intensity of each experience.  Only then could I let go and begin to enjoy myself.  As this pattern showed no signs of breaking, I stepped away from LSD and most other longer acting psychedelics (phenethylamines and tryptamines primarily) and began deeper exploration of other mind altering substances.

I have known full well that the time would come; the time where I wanted, perhaps even needed to leverage LSD as a tool for learning, assessing a new stage in life, and creative critical thinking.  This time is now.  I have felt it growing for months now, and I am confident that an attempt, a first step, is due to occur.  Being the cautious person I am, I elected to avoid the diving board and the deep end of the pool.  A gradual building of dosages over multiple experiences seems to me the perfect way to put my toes back in the water.  If things don’t go well; no harm no foul.  If they do; I’ll proceed with the next step up in dosage in the next experience.

For this journey I prepared the dosage by placing a blotter laid with 255 micrograms of LSD into 35 ml of agave-based ethanol [40% ABV].  This was stirred and shaken every thirty minutes for the first five hours, then left overnight until the morning when the same agitation schedule was resumed for the two hours prior to ingestion.  The result was 7.3 ug/ml of LSD.  All of the volumetric process was performed with clean and freshly calibrated syringes.

Wanting my body to be nourished later in the day while my appetite is likely suppressed, I prepare a simple breakfast.  A single fried egg, runny as a nose with a cold, hot melted cheddar cheese, as sharp as a samurai’s sword, both atop a lightly toasted everything bagel.  After enjoying the salty sustenance with Kai, I wait fifteen minutes and then it is time.

T + 00:00 [9:45 AM]

Rather unceremoniously, as shots of tequila tend to be early in the morning, I toss back the 5.0 ml [36.5 ug of LSD].  The taste is unaffected by the LSD’s presence.  I fill the shot glass with tap water  (well water) and drink again.  I repeat this several times to ensure I ingest the entirety of the intended dosage.

I immediately make my way into the shower, to freshen up for the day.

T + 00:24 [10:09 AM]

The shower is completely normal.  This is great news!  No anxiety, concerns, or stomach discomfort!  I know I have chosen my dosage correctly if none of these are present.

I dress in a comfortable pair of pants, a soft shirt, and my favorite pair of wool socks.  Lets do this!

I don’t believe I detect any psychedelic effects yet.  The tingle of excitement, tail end of the O-DSMT I took last night, and the tiny bit of tequila serve as camouflage for the entrance of the LSD to my mind and body.

In my eagerness for things to begin, I am playing the “do I feel a little different?” game with myself; searching for the smallest detectable difference between my sober existence and my current one.

I believe I have achieved a ± on the Shulgin Rating Scale.  The movement of my arms is awkward.  I test my coordination and do not find anything wanting in this department.  I sit on the couch, waving my hands back and forth, and probably looking slightly insane. I register that I am commanding my appendages to move.  They are obeying my directions and doing so with normal precision.  During my limbs' journey through space however, they don’t truly register as my own.  They are distant, less sensitive, and almost rubbery in their interaction with the air.

Kai and I have some music playing, mostly gentle lo-fi electronic.  It sounds pleasant, but not enhanced in any way at this point.

Focusing my vision is a challenge; my eyeballs feel like they are vibrating and I struggle to hold my gaze in one place for very long.  Colors are starting to pop with more saturation.  My eyes are drawn to parts of the room where texture and patterns are prominent.  I meander around the main room of the house, exploring this new “pattern detection ability”.  The windows are due for a cleaning, the streaks on their outside seem not only to grab my attention, but to be pleasantly spaced and shaped.  There is no active re-organization or movement from the window stains but my brain recognizes patterns where there are none.  Smears, stains, and dust appear as faces and geometric shapes.  The dirty windows are just so beautiful!

My wandering leads me back to the couch, where the stone fireplace and wooden coffee table attract my gaze like a magnet.  The tight lines in the wood grain appear in high contrast.  After forcing myself to look away, I find the visual magnet attracted to an area of the fireplace that is lightly darkened from heat, soot, and flame.  The texture of the soot-covered stones is magnified; each crack and crevice seems twice as deep and defined as the  rocks.

T + 00:53 [10:38 AM]

My mental age is rolling backwards; a child-like state of mind is replacing my analytical “grown up” mind.  I don’t have to pretend to have fun while I play games with Gee.  Tossing toys for her to fetch and crawling on the floor to romp around feels normal and natural.  There is no pressure or awkwardness for being silly and fully engaged in this nonsense.  I also do not feel badly about quitting playing when it no longer suits me.  I am doing what feels right without analyzing my actions.  After all, I am just playing with my dog while slowly coming up on some LSD: how much calculated analysis should I put into such a scenario?  It seems obvious that the answer is: very little.  Normally I would overanalyze. This reprieve from my sober mind-state is a liberating and enjoyable.

I can feel the atoms that make up my physical body.  The particles that are resonating though every inch of my body, in all directions, are impossibly small.  I examine this physical condition further.

I can’t claim feelings of euphoria, but my physical body definitively feels positive.  My muscles, flesh, and organs are all in a good mood.

My muscles, flesh, and organs are all in a good mood.

  Not high, or rushing: just positive.

The proverbial sands of time are draining from the cosmic hourglass quickly: almost double the rate I would guess.  I’m continually surprised as I check in with the clock for note taking purposes.

A feeling of returning home  sets in.  I feel almost sleepy.  Letting my eyes drift out of focus and then pulling them back to attention is an unusually comfortable variety of visual focal failure.

T + 01:07 [10:52 AM]

I’m past a + on the Shulgin Rating Scale now.  A quasi-synesthesia takes form as my “I”, my internal sense of ego or being, becomes the music playing from above me in the loft.  The sounds of the music intertwine with my thoughts in a beguiling way.  These sounds and my “me” manifest as immersive closed eyed visuals.  Magnificent teal and mint colored globules slowly float through a black abyss.  These are not just moving pictures on the back of my eyelids.  Each colored shape shifting blob is a pieces of my mind and at the same time parts of the music.  They/I expand and contract as the characteristics of the song change.  I watch the shapes morph while I feel my body and mental state swell and contract in unison.  What I see is what I feel and vice versa.

Attempting to control the shapes is fruitless, but seemingly not beyond possibility.  The realization of the phenomenon I’m experiencing startles me out of it.  This is just like realizing that I am amidst a lucid dream.  The excitement of realizing it is happening ruins the dream by waking me up.  My melding with the music slips away after the momentary lapse in the connection brought on by my excitement.

My dog Gee is particularly pointy.  Her hair specifically.  It is as if I can see each follicle of hair from multiple angles at the same time.  The coloration is all wrong also.  The brown in her coat is perfectly matching parts of the room.  Gee’s fur, the mantle, and the surrounding stones of the fireplace simultaneously drift across the ROY portion of the  color spectrum.

Gee’s agouti is transfixing.  Running my hands through it brings forth an explosion of color.  Hey fur flips directions, exposing its secondary tone with mind-boggling fluidity. Similarly, the other objects in the room share this mysterious ability to flow from one color to another without any noticeable transition.

I’m scribing some comments in my notebook about the experience.  The pen is too heavy to write properly with.  I’m physically weak, similar to how my hands can feel weak in the morning shortly after waking up.

The air is clearer than normal.  It is like there is less material between me and the objects in the room.  Everything in my vision is clearer, sharper, and slightly more color saturated.  The farther away objects are from me, the more noticeable the effects are.  Staring at the timber beams on the ceiling and the railing along the loft’s edge, I'm seeing greater detail from this distance than ever before.  Splinters of wood on the railing and the wire brush strokes on the steel balusters are obscenely obvious. The main structural beams appear closer than they truly are.  I can see minute details of swirling wood grain hiding in the barn-wood's diverse grays.  With my attention on the two prominent structural beams, I slip into a more passive state of observation.  The entire vaulted ceiling tilts like a ship swaying on the ocean.  The line down the peak of the “A shape” of our ceiling folds flat, first on one side and then the other.  Once the top of the room has gone completely horizontal, the outer edges of the ceiling hinge downward, making the pitch of the roof steeper, the center angle more acute.  This folding to and fro, back and forth, repeats two times before returning to normal.  The angles on each side of the roof return.  It seems like the start of breathing visuals, but like the entire house was breathing, rather than individual components.

T + 01:19 [11:04 AM]

I grow colder and colder.  No matter how many layers I add to my outfit; wool socks, long underwear, and sweatshirts, I cannot get warm.  My extremities suffer the worst.  This does not feel especially positive or negative, but the inside of my head is being invaded by a pressure that simultaneously shrinks and expands my brain matter, which is definitively negative.  It feels wrong, like a headache, an itch, and a bruise happening all at once.

A sense of wonderment fills me.  Walking from one room to another feels like an adventure.  My own home feels like a foreign land, filled with excitement and unknowns.  I ponder the idea of walking to our garage (one hundred some-odd feet away from my front door).  It seems as though this might be a grand idea, who knows what amazement I would find there?!

A trickle of reason still exists in my mind.  I realize there is a fair chance that I could make my way into the garage only to find myself a little high, standing in a very ordinary garage: bored and unimpressed.

This feeling that even the smallest tasks are great challenges, and familiar places are foreign, is a classic effect of LSD for me.  I’m very surprised to find it present at such low a dose.  It is extremely convincing and authentic.

T + 01:30 [11:15 AM]

Texting is difficult.  I get mentally tangled as I read and re-read my drafted replies.  I can’t tell if I’m getting my point across with any sort of accuracy.  My phone is abandoned on the coffee table.  I have been sucked into the device for a few minutes, locked into the pattern of reading an incoming message, then repeatedly questioning my response before going back to read the original incoming message.  Breaking this cycle feels good.  I feel as though I’ve “snapped back”, suddenly a little closer to reality than I was moments before.  Kai, Gee, and I decide to go for the ultimate adventure: a walk up our road.

Day old snow crunches beneath our boots.  The thick fir trees that line our single lane dirt road are burdened by the load of ice and snow.  The wind is calm now, but its recent presence is visible in the  snow drifts.  The needles of the more exposed trees are completely frozen, each needle a dazzling tentacle reaching out, asking the shining sun to melt its beautiful encasement.

I feel at ease.  Strides are not cumbersome in the least.  I talk idly with Kai about how I am feeling as well as some other chit chat type topics.

After just over half a mile up the road, we pass a neighbor on his way into town.  We are friendly, but not well acquainted.  The first few minutes of conversation are smooth. I don’t even think about the fact that I’m a bit overdressed for a casual walk and have my camera with me, which one might think is unusual for an everyday dog walk.  As the LSD’s effects  rise inside me again, I begin to wonder if I’m sounding weird or intoxicated.  I find myself wanting the interaction to be over as soon as possible.

Luckily this happens naturally and we part ways.  Kai assures me I sounded and looked completely normal, although we did share a good laugh about my attire.  I overdressed, and as a result become warm from walking.  Upon encountering our neighbor I had multiple layers tied around my waste in a comedic “I’ve never hiked before just bought a complete outfit at an outdoors outfitters shop” sort of way.

Another half mile up the winding road reveals a stupendous view of the mountain ranges that border us on two sides.  While I appreciate the scenery, as I always do, there is no special connection to the view, or any strong visual effects.

T + 02:01 [11:46 PM]

We turn around and begin the return journey back down to our house.

I’m going through cycles of being sweaty and hot then shivering and cold.  Perhaps this is just occurring as I pass from sun to shade.  I cannot make good sense of the outside world and my relationship to it.  The effects are intensifying.  Walking is beginning to feel strange.  My coordination is different.  Not in the stumbling impaired manner that can come with alcohol, dissociatives, or benzodiazepines.  This feels more like my legs are rubbery and both ultra sensitive and numb at the same time.  The strangeness brings about some frustration.  I find myself falling behind Kai whose natural pace is quick.  My thoughts rapidly shift now that conversation has ceased.  I’m frustrated and confused.  Confused because I don’t know why I am frustrated, and frustrated because I don’t understand why I am confused.

I’m frustrated and confused.  Confused because I don’t know why I am frustrated, and frustrated because I don’t understand why I am confused.

  Paradoxical confusion swirls around me.  All I know is I want to get back to the house and be off my feet.  I need to rest and be comfortable.  I feel almost desperate.

I trudge one foot in front of the other, now alongside Kai but unable to say much.  All mental capacity is committed to concentrating on walking the slippery road and longing to be home.

For a few strides I can feel the ground through my boots.  How is this possible?  Is it the ground?  Or just snow compressing beneath my feet?  What on Earth is this?  I am making snowballs with my feet.  This cracks a smile across my face momentarily.  Are my legs numb? Or the exact opposite?  Hyper-sensitive?  Tingly.  Yes.  Whoa.  I can feel each follicle of hair on my legs contact my pants as I walk, the legs tingle with ferocity.

Why am I thinking like this?  My mind races with questions.  It seems unable to to track back and answer one question before firing out several more.

T + 02:22 [12:07 PM]

We made it.  I’m a mess as I come through the door.  Kai is kind enough to clean up Gee’s paws and shut the door behind us.  I strip off my shirt and socks, leaving a trail of discarded clothing behind me as I make my way for the couch.

My hair is slick with sweat as I run my hands through it.  I close my eyes and cradle my head in my hands.  I try and reel myself in as best I can.  I still feel slightly out of control or confused but don’t have a real reason for any of these feelings.  I rationalize with myself: there is nothing wrong, I’ve made it to the couch where I had promised myself everything would be alright during the walk home, and this is just the final upswing to the peak of the experience.

T + 02:25 [12:10 PM]

The internal conversation seems to be working.  My mind is already less rattled as I comfort my physical body using blankets and pillows. Out of the shadows of a negative headspace, a smile creeps onto my face as I peer around the living room, inspecting it for visuals.

I find a notable alteration in my ability to focus my eyes.  I can focus on a wider range of depth than normal.  As I write in my notebook, not only is the page in focus, but also the floor behind it, as well as the items in my peripheral.  Foreground and background are strangely visible in full clarity and detail.

T + 02:37 [12:22 PM]

I touch down for a moment: the effects have dipped slightly.  This allows me to do some self checks and note taking.

Energy is folding inside of me.  Slow moving waves of heat and vibration stack on top of themselves like pahoehoe lava moving across the ground.  Slowly this intensifies between my ears, each fold of my brain detectable as a line of energy or vibration that has pressure on either side of it.  My brain feels squishy.  The room seems to have a similar “energy”, a physical force pulsing through the air.  My folding pressures interact with that of the room, transferring from one to the other: me affecting the room and the room affecting me.  The synergy of this is of a kind nature.  I am not under attack or imposing myself on anything.  The give and take seems familiar; like it is happening all the time but I am unaware of it.

This exchange between the environment and myself is intriguing and generally pleasurable.  The feeling that has concentrated in my skull however is a source of distraction and discomfort.  This is the most annoying part of the experience at this point.

My eyes are pleasantly dazed.  They drift rather than dart around the room.  They float from one area of the room to another without particular intention or effort on my part.  Slow moving angular curiosities manifest in my macro view of the world.  The vaulted fir ceilings are doing the same flattening and unflattening as earlier.  The pace of the movement is much faster now however.  The dormers in the loft, which add a second angle to the pitch of the roof, oscillate out of sync from the movement of the main ceiling.

The clink of the Kai’s fork against her bowl jars me out of my trance.  Although she is seated at the other end of the couch, it sounds as though she is standing over me hammering the fork and bowl together like a drummer beside my head.

I struggle to communicate with Kai; we seem to be in different worlds, separated by some invisible mental barrier.

I’m cold! Sensations from reality are rushing back.  Although I’m partially under several blankets, my shoulders are still bare and the air that touches them is icy.  A dry tee-shirt is just the ticket.  It brings not only warmth but also a sense of security and safety. Now warm, I am able to let the LSD wash over me.

Colors are shifting all across the stones of the fireplace and hearth.  Browns turn to oranges which in turn flow into the spectrum of reds.  Not only do the hues and saturation change, but the temperature of the colors does also.  Cool, warm, cool, warm.  Things shift slyly, yet out in the open at the same time.  The only similar visual trickery from sober life I can come up with is how the sun displaces shadows with light and vice versa as it dances around clouds in the sky.

In addition to coloration, the spatiality of the fireplace is out of wack.  As a whole unit, it looks short and wide, retaining its width but reducing its height by perhaps 25%.  I don’t see it stretch, but suddenly it is normal height again.  A single blink later and it is squat once more – how did I miss the transition again?!  I purposefully do not look away – but the size alteration somehow slips past me time and time again.  Giving up on the macro scale changes I focus in on the details a bit more.  Each block of stone comes to life.   As the grid of square cut rocks wave and ripple with movement around the flame-filled center, I can’t help but think of Hogwarts.

My focus drifts from the stones themselves and re-centers on the squirming, squiggling strings of mortar that usually go unnoticed between each piece of rock.  The gray material seems to be a single entity, wrapping itself around the more colorful stones.  It shrinks itself narrow, then expands. None of the breathing, wiggling, or re-arranging is fast or chaotic.  The visuals are syrupy and slow.

My mindset follows suit – or is it the other way around?  Either way, I've achieved calm.  The stable environment, being in one place rather than moving, is comforting and allowing me to enjoy the experience with my guard down.  Yes, I am sure now.  The setting is the source of the slower flow to my existence.

T + 02:44 [12:29 PM]

I open a light beer [12 oz 5.1% ABV].  The taste is unaffected; cold and refreshing, but without much depth in the taste profile.

A sense of antsiness manifests in my jaw and teeth.  I’m not clenching or grinding but I’m holding my mouth in such a manner that my teeth almost touch.  In this position a steady minor tremor is felt through my lower set of teeth.

T + 03:30 [1:30 PM]

The effects feel steady now.  I always find the final escalation up to the peak of an experience’s intensity curve to be the most rattling part of the experience.  Any progression in intensity can be unnerving given my history with this substance and as such, the ultimate version of this is the final wave upwards to the apex.  I now know that I have survived the last climb and am settling nicely into the end of the plateau of the substance.

T + 04:05 [1:50 PM]

I comment to Kai that I think time is passing quickly.  Amidst writing that the “past hour and a half has flown by”, I realize that I have read the clock incorrectly and it has only been thirty minutes.  This is a bit of a shock – time is passing slowly not quickly!

A twinge of hunger stings my stomach, perhaps the first signal that I may be on my way back to baseline.

All the notable effects are dialing back simultaneously.  My brain feels more normal, I’m not nearly as conscious of its physical presence as I was early.  There is less stretching and folding happening between my ears.  I also seem more connected to Kai.  My ability to converse is improving drastically.

 I find it odd to know the LSD will ease me back to baseline slowly (pyramid shape intensity curve); in contrast, the dissociative substances I have been using more often recently tend to march to a crescendo then die off quickly.

T + 05:07 [2:52 PM]

The decline is now definitive and steady.  I’m happy about this.  Today has been a terrific re-acquaintance with this substance.  The experience was mostly positive.  It lacked the signature difficult and bad trip characteristics that have plagued me with LSD.  There was just the right amount of challenging moments to remind me about the power of this chemical.  It has been well balanced and useful: exactly what I intended to achieve today.

On paper, the comedown should mirror the reverse intensity of the comeup.  However, being on the other side of the “mountain”, I feel more in control and comfortable.  Overall I am very happy with the day except the pressure in my head that continues to annoy me.

Overall I am very happy with the day except the pressure in my head that continues to annoy me.

T + 05:21 [3:06 PM]

The effects of the LSD are really dwindling now.  I’m off baseline, but the experience feels as though it has concluded.  The lingering discomfort of the body load in my brain is unpleasant and annoying.  I find myself dwelling on the sensation.  To combat this sensation I orally ingest 1 mg of etizolam in a propylene glycol solution.  I am pretty sure the benzodiazepine will ease the mental tension and smooth out the final descent off of the LSD.

T + 05:50 [3:35 PM]

I finally move from my nest on the couch.  I relocate to the loft with Gee.  She is so soft to pet!  I’m sitting on the floor inundating the poor pup with love.  Some of the simple child-like mindset lingers on – resurges in fact.  I’m smothering Gee in hugs while giggling softly: everything feels so incredibly right in the world.

The etizolam is assuaging my mental discomfort and in doing so, allowing the more enjoyable overshadowed effects of the experience.  My mood has drastically improved since the ingestion of the etizolam.

My notes read:

Love

Openness

ALL FEELINGS

I do feel that all my emotions are close to the surface.  Every feeling I feel is genuine, true, and deep.  When I feel an emotion, it envelops me quickly and I don’t question it at all.

T + 07:13 [4:58 PM]

Kai and I have been chatting intermittently while listening to music.   All visual effects have long since departed but the alterations in my mental space are still present.  The magic brought on by the etizolam has been fading for the past half hour or so.  With this dwindling, the uncomfortable folding in my head has resurfaced.  It is far less intense than earlier, but still unpleasant.

I chase the disagreeable feeling away with alcohol.  I open a beer [12 oz 5.1% ABV] and pour a whiskey [2 oz 40% ABV] over ice to enjoy in tandem.  I ingest two more milligrams of etizolam.

T + 07:29 [5:14 PM]

The benzo and booze have not yet taken full effect (I have now finished both drinks).  The stretchy headspace has lessened but  it's still there.

My body reflects the etizolam while my mental space is an interesting mix of the ingested substances.  My arms lack euphoria but they have shifted into a state of pleasant weightlessness.  I’m spacing out but am regularly interrupted by spurts of rapid thought.  These are mostly organized but also a bit random.  Thought loops and confusion are absent.

ZIP!

ZING!

Electrical currents shoot through, in, out, and around my body and mind.  Similar to the involuntary muscular jerking felt as one falls asleep, but without physical manifestation: these jolts of energy ricochet around my internals.

T + 08:27 [6:12 PM]

I’m acting as though I have not taken LSD now.  The afternoon seems far behind me.  Sure, lingering effects make themselves known from time to time, but normality is taking over again.  As usual, recalling a psychedelic experience is challenging, the details slipping through my grasp like a dream after waking up.  This combined with the etizolam I have ingested has me wondering if I will be able to recall the parts of today that were not notated meticulously.

T + 09:23 [7:08 PM]

A milligram of etizolam is washed down with a delicious light beer [5.1% ABV 12 oz].  I have not yet felt the onset of sedation or inebriation from these substances.  They are, alongside the power of time, banishing any persisting effects of the LSD.  My head is a bit empty.

T + 09:40 [7:25 PM]

I hurry down a beer (5.1% ABV 12 oz] and toss back some tequila [40% ABV .75 oz].  I finally feel fully departed from the LSD.

When a ethought does drift through my barren mind it seems more cosmic than when I take etizolam on its own.  I think a good deal about personal relationships, the specific actions that are common or absent.  There are no revelations, but the thoughts are deep are pleasant nonetheless.

T + 11:21 [9:06 PM]

My mind feels drained, not just blanked out from the benzo, but exercised and fried from the mental exertion brought on by the LSD.  Although it is early, I decide to press onwards towards sleep.  I drop a final milligram of etizolam into my mouth from the syringe, and begin to repetitively take hits from my cannabis pen vaporizer.  This only serves to enhance the intensity of the etizolam.  No classic cannabis effects are noted.

T + 11:59 [9:44 PM]

This is the earliest I have laid down to sleep in a long while.  I believe the benzos are acting in tandem with the mental and physical exhaustion that come from a full day in a psychedelic state.  I drift into a deep sleep with almost zero effort.

Additional Commentary

At the peak of the experience, I was between a + and a ++ on the Shulgin Rating Scale.  If this was my first experience on psychedelics, I’d probably have assigned this intensity a ++.  Given my history with stronger dosages, I know this is not accurate.  I find it interesting that changing the flavor of the mind altering substance, from my dissociatives preference, seemed to allow me to be deeply immersed by the LSD on a small dosage.

I came away from this experience with a newfound excitement for LSD and similar substances.  Two months later, I have still not acted on this excitement and experimented again in this genre.  Part of this is due to the fact that the materials require a full day.  Additionally, the  body load, which manifested in my head, is not something I wish to revisit, especially at an increased intensity.  Besides these two logical reasons, something else, something I cannot put my finger on, keeps me from selecting LSD when choosing a substance to ingest.

I didn’t return to an actual “baseline” while awake due to the other substances ingested, but the LSD’s main effects drew to a close around 5:30 PM [T + 7:45].  The mental folding annoyed me a bit longer than this, but this felt more like a hangover than the end of the experience in earnest.

I was exceptionally surprised by the “wonder” and surreality I felt.  It was the “first time” feeling.  This feeling had been absent from many, not all, but most of my LSD experiences in the past few years.  Discovering that the magic has not been lost forever was a major takeaway from the day.

The visuals were enjoyable, but light.  I did find myself wanting more from the experience in this department.  The effects were on par, if not more intense than I figured they would be at this dosage.  Unfortunately the physical sensations detracted greatly from my ability to enjoy what visual effects did arise and the headspace I reached.  I wonder if this unpleasant balance of effects was because of the dosage . . . Would a larger amount have tipped the scales to make the ratio more enjoyable?

The experience was well rounded.  A prime example of the difficulties and golden pleasures accessible through this substance.  A kind but earnest example of a day spent in psychedelia.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114004

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 29

Published: Jan 27, 2020	Views: 5,787

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Combinations (3), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 7.14 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

		 8.568 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

		 11.424 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

		 5.7 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

		 8.568 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

		 14.28 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

		 12.852 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

		 12.852 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

		 12.852 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   185 lb

LSD – Not My Silver Bullet

This report is part of an eight-report collection. The collection consists of a summary report that is retrospective and generalized in nature as well as seven [of which this is one] more detailed chronicles of my experiences with various chemicals used intentionally for work or study enhancement. Each report documents a single substance used for thirty days. The idea was to give each material a chance to show its strengths and weaknesses. The summary report has shorter descriptions and comparisons of my experiences with each material, as well as links to the other full-length experience reports for each substance.

Background Information

I consider myself to be well versed in the realm of substance use. Previous experiences include opiates, stimulants and psychedelics spanning over more than a decade. A fair amount of my substance usage history includes novel research chemicals often in less than common combinations.

The LSD used in my experimenting was sourced form a respectable vendor and the same batch from which I had tried previously in small, medium, and large dosages. I trusted the 255 micrograms per tab I began with. I dropped one blotter into 35 ml of agave-based ethanol [40% ABV]. This was stirred and shaken every thirty minutes for the first five hours, then left overnight until the morning when the same agitation schedule was resumed for the two hours prior to the first ingestion. The resulting solution was 7.3 ug/ml of LSD. All of the volumetric processes were performed with clean and freshly calibrated syringes.

It should be noted that all of the LSD dosages were administered orally; I did not hold the liquid in my mouth at all before swallowing.

I did not have any tolerance to LSD coming into the beginning of my month of using the substance.

This report was written using extensive notes as well as audio recordings taken during the experience.

My history of using LSD is substantial. Over more than a decade I’ve explored the substance from truly imperceptible micro-dosing all the way up to galaxy destroying megadoses. I began my month of LSD on the cusp between micro-doses and “mini-doses”. To clarify the difference: to me, a micro-dose is one that is too small to allow any discernible effects to be detected. A mini-dose is the smallest dosages at which I feel threshold effects.

As I progressed through my program of LSD, I found my “sweet-spot” dosage to be firmly on the mini-dose side of the fence. Several months prior to my documented thirty days I played around to narrow my ideal dosage range. During the ‘pre-season’, I could not find anything positive resulting from micro-dosing. Like taking a daily vitamin, it might have been good for me, but I didn’t notice it correlating to enhanced performance in any form whatsoever. It was easy to decide that what I was searching for was a tangible boost in my mental abilities during both work and non-work activities. In a similar fashion I ruled out dosages above twenty micrograms. These became too intense, particularly during the peak of the experiences, to be appropriated for the variety of work scenarios that might arise.

Study Dosage Timeline

My ingestion schedule was as follows:

Day 1/30: 7.14 micrograms

Day 2/30: Off Day

Day 3/30: Off Day

Day 4/30: 8.568 micrograms

Day 5/30: Off Day

Day 6/30: Off Day

Day 7/30: Off Day (Sunday and I forgot to dose)

Day 8/30: 11.424 micrograms

Day 9/30: Off Day

Day 10/30: Off Day

Day 11/30: 5.7 micrograms

Day 12/30: Off Day

Day 13/30: Off Day

Day 14/30: 8.568 micrograms

Day 15/30: Off Day

Day 16/30: Off Day

Day 17/30: 14.28 micrograms

Day 18/30: Off Day

Day 19/30: Off Day

Day 20/30: Off Day

Day 21/30: Off Day

Day 22/30: 12.852 micrograms

Day 23/30: Off Day

Day 24/30: Off Day

Day 25/30: 12.852 micrograms

Day 26/30: Off Day

Day 27/30: Off Day

Day 28/30: 12.852 micrograms

Day 29/30: Off Day

Day 30/30: Off Day

Timeline | Duration Details

While the onset, duration, and intensity varied depending on dosage, what I had eaten that day, my mood, and a myriad of other factors, I constructed the summary below to describe when I felt certain types of effects on an “average” day.

T + 00:00

Pretty straightforward – this is when the dose was swallowed.

T + 00:15 – T + 00:40

During this timespan I typically felt the first alerts of the substance. Generally this presented as a light bristling or tingling sensation on the inside of my scalp. Often this physical hint was accompanied by a light influx of mental energy and a minor, but noticeable increase in color saturation. I typically didn’t find any increased mental abilities in the realms of focus or creativity at this point.

T + 01:00 – T +03:00

This is when the LSD would really settle in and present the most pleasant and productive effects. I found that with these mini-doses I didn’t distinguish significant differences throughout this timeframe. Until the peak was reached, this stretch of the experiences typically felt the same. The same was good; mathematical and data related knots untied themselves like a properly rolled ball of yarn, rather than the tangled mess they might have appeared as if I was sober. Roadblocks several steps ahead of my current progress on work tasks presented themselves more clearly and sooner than normal, allowing swifter and more elegant solutions to complex data analysis challenges. I generally sat up a little more straight, was always on the verge of cracking a smile, and was excited, rather than dreadful, when work related email or message alerts blinked on my screen.

T + 03:00 – T + 04:30

Challenges sometimes arose during this section of the experience timeline; when the LSD was at peak intensity. On several occasions I experienced light anxiety here. Concern would fester if I received surprise requests for my attendance to a meeting. I felt the swelling effects and worried they would continue to progress to an uncontrollable trip. Despite knowing this would not happen, given my controlled and rationalized dosages, I was always glad when I passed through this phase of the experience and could detect the beginning of the decline.

T + 04:00 – T + 06:00

As the intensity started to descend I felt relief. The worry of overdoing my dosage, however irrational, disappeared and led me back into a state expanded creativity, imagination, and resourcefulness. Similar to the come-up, I didn’t differentiate between the beginning of the comedown and its midsection.

T + 05:00 – T + 07:00

This is the real beginning of the end. Positive effects dwindle considerably at the beginning of this time range and towards the end I usually would struggle to discern off-baseline from sobriety.

T + 07:00 + ...

At this point I’m usually beginning to become tired. The energy of the LSD is all but gone and if I have a lot of work left to do, I might be tempted to have a cup of coffee or at least take a brisk walk to try and ignite a second wind. On the Shulgin Rating Scale I’d be dwindling below a ± for sure.

Expectations | Hopes | Concerns Going In

I was hoping to break up some of the monotony and mitigate the short temperedness that I’ve been experiencing at work lately. I thought I might benefit from some additional energy as well. There are a lot of accounts that credit micro-dosing for increased creativity. This wasn’t something I was expecting to occur for myself. The only concerns I had were centered around the potential of being too intoxicated; too confused and mentally scattered during the workday to comfortably function.

MORE?

Favorite Aspects

Hands down, the positivity, which became an obvious trend early on in the mini-dosing trials, was the front runner among the reasons why I enjoyed using LSD during work. Amidst my experimentation, I didn’t find that the LSD amplified my natural emotions as it seems to do during more recreational excursions. To clarify this; the LSD in these mini doses was not just a mood magnifying glass. On larger doses, I’ve found that LSD would sometimes make a good mood great but also a bad mood calamitous. Thankfully these relatively small doses, for the month I documented, only pushed me in a positive direction. Decent days rose-up into markedly enjoyable days. On the flip side, frustrating coworkers suddenly didn’t seem so frustrating. The LSD pushed me to not only be more patient in these scenarios, but to sometimes even find humor within the ludicrous high-pressure environments that can exist in corporate finance. My sober self can spiral in these types of situations; getting more and more upset over increasingly smaller items of frustration. This is one of my least favorite things about how my personality interacts with my work. Having the LSD combat my natural negative reactions on these days was wonderful. I tried to take mental photographs of these moments, write some things down; in the hopes of bringing this ability back into my sober days. I never had much luck with these integration attempts.

During the month of LSD dosing, I found myself, far more often than usual, stopping to admire a small beauty of everyday life. Dust particles dancing in a beam of sunlight, the crispness of the air when I took my dogs outside for a walk; things that are easily glanced over, but when paid attention to, are really quite beautiful. Even a quick glance out the window from my desk often rendered a sense of appreciation and wonder at the natural charming elegance of the world.

It should certainly be noted that the “rose tinted glasses” effects were not silver bullet solutions that made work perfectly smooth and everything easy. They merely increased appreciation and slowed me down a bit. By no means did the LSD cut away stress completely. A challenging day at the office would crush the quiet moments of admiration like a steel-toed boot stomping down upon the rose lenses spectacles.

Least Favorite Aspects

I don’t have many direct complaints about the LSD’s effects during these mini-dosed days.

The comedown sometimes left me feeling a little bummed out from the fact that I seemed to use up all my increased abilities on work. During the day I’d think about productive projects and hobbies, but by the time work ended, I’d be drained of energy. A non-dosed baseline for me can sometimes feel tired and exhausted from the days mental exertion, but this is a special sort of weary. My physical brain itself felt tired and worn out, like the synapses and pathways have been working too hard. I rarely had a strong second wind on the LSD dose days during which I could be productive late into the night.

Similarly, on workdays that ran long, past ten or twelve hours, my energy and motivation were completely tapped out by the end. This was more noticeable than if I had done the whole day sober.

Even the small amounts of LSD seemed to negate the effects of alcohol. My typical evening beers didn’t produce as much of the familiar relaxation and buzz on days I dosed. There was no decrease in desire to drink – only a diminished enjoyment when partaking.

Neutral Aspects | Additional Commentary

Despite my familiarity with LSD, adapting to being on the substance on a regular basis at work took some getting used to. There were instances when something would come up at, like an unexpected interaction with a boss or a fire drill scenario, where I felt hindered by the LSD rather than aided. Typically this would present itself as a slight dilation of time and mild confusion, which were both unpleasant when trying to recall the details of logic and decisions made in the past relating to complex data files. Even if the negatives were momentary, it made me question if the mellow benefits were worth it.

The visual effects were very minimal during my mini-dosing days. Occasionally I found myself admiring a shaft of sunlight sparkling with dust or some other natural beauty; pleasantly distracted. I never got to the point of breathing or patterning in my visual field. Some minor color saturation and visual noise were present during most dosages.

Appetite

My appetite was slightly suppressed on about half of my mini-dose days. Unlike with a higher dosage, this effect only lasted until shortly after the peak of the day’s intensity. I usually ate a light breakfast of fruit, yogurt, and granola within half an hour of my LSD ingestion, either before or after. I wouldn’t feel hungry again until mid afternoon which was usually T + 05:30 or later. This delayed lunch schedule wasn’t unpleasant or inconvenient. I’m susceptible to getting hangry; angry when hungry, but this never happened while on the LSD.

Biometrics

 - Starting weight: 187 lbs

 - Ending weight: 185 lbs *not related

 - Heart Rate Notes: Nothing noteworthy – no slowing or hastening either on a regular basis or during any singular incident.

 - Sexual Effects: None noted.

 - Sleep Effects: I didn’t have any issues, but I never ingested later than 11 AM. No change in dream recall or subject was detected.

Mental Effects

 - Creativity: Absolutely boosted, particularly during the first few hours after ingestion. Interestingly, I did not achieve these boosted problem solving abilities at the peak intensities of slightly smaller dosages. I had to reach the middle to high range of my mini-dosing and only then, during the come-up, did I unlock the ability to find unique solutions to complex problems that I think would have taken me longer to achieve without the LSD. Thinking multiple steps ahead and seeing upcoming roadblocks was regularly mentioned in my daily notes.

 - Focus: I can’t say I got a high degree of enhanced “laser-focus” during this month’s trial. There was the occasional day were I felt sucked in, so a few hours would drift by and I was immersed in my work to the point that I would was pleasantly surprised when I checked the clock. There wasn’t any days where multiple hours passed and I’d have severely incorrectly guessed the passage of time like can happen on more classic ‘recreational dosages’.

 - Social Effects: No overtly positive effects stood out in the month of micro and mini dosing I documented for this project. It is noteworthy that all of my working relationships were taking place on text and video chat formats due to COVID-19‘s disruptions to office workplaces.

There were a few instances where I felt confused, overwhelmed, and nervous about my intoxication. A pressure would build in my mind, an itch almost; one that couldn't be scratched. Struggling, unable to shake this unpleasant sensation would be distracting as I interacted with co-workers. It would typically become more manageable once the stressor of interacting with others was removed, but sometimes it lingered until the LSD’s effects left me completely. These feelings were accompanied by the thought that: “I can make it through, but this is making my day more difficult.”. The juice didn’t seem worth the squeeze.

Moo Effects

I chose to divide this section into portions of time because after reviewing my notes at the end of the month, the most distinct patterns of mood changes were correlated to specific timelines. The comments below held true for nearly all of the LSD dosage days.

 - Mid Experience: Overall, a sheen of positivity; an elevated mood, was present from the onset onwards through the majority of the experience. I felt more excited about taking on tasks and interacting with difficult coworkers. Every day seemed more like opportunities than a dreary to-do list.

 - Come-Down: Towards the end of the work day, as the effects disappeared, I was almost always completely drained.

I was more tired than I would have been if I’d gone through the day sober. This exhaustion was physical and mental. My “normal” evenings are often productive. I write, play pool, do chores, or any number of things that need to get done. On the LSD mini-dose days, I found that I watched more Netflix, lounged around, and procrastinated far more often.

 - Next Day(s): I didn’t find much difference in my mood on “off days” at the beginning of the month and the end of the month. There wasn’t any cumulative effects, positive or negative, from the regiment. I sometimes, about 30% my notes informed, I experienced a light afterglow the morning after my dosages. This was a sense of relaxation; a calmness. Stress took longer to set in than an average sober day. After a few hours, at the most, this sensation dissipated entirely. Interestingly, this glow returned on the morning of the second “off day” about 10% of the time. Besides these “waking up on the right side of the bed” type feelings, I didn’t note any other significant “day after” effects.

Physical Effects

The only common thread about the month spent on LSD that falls into the purview of “physical effects” was a constant thread in my commentary of catching a chill. My toes and fingers already suffer from poor circulation, this was exacerbated by the small dosages of LSD. A slightly heavier set of wool socks and a thicker chamois shirt on dose days were usually enough to eradicate the chills.

Combinations

Please keep in mind the below commentary is limited to the handful of interactions between my micro and mini doses of LSD. Most of the secondary substances were taken at least halfway through the experience of the primary substance, LSD.

 - Cannabis: I combined cannabis, typically through an oil pen vaporizer, in almost every stage of the LSD experiences at one point or another throughout the month. These cannabis dosages were always of a light variety; 2-5 medium sized hits at a time. The addition of cannabis exponentiated all the LSD’s effects. Whatever I was feeling was expended upon; good moods became an exhilarating rush, a creeping concern swelled into legitimate paranoia. Adding cannabis was a roll of the dice, but one I could usually control the outcome of by avoiding cannabis if I felt even the tiniest bit nervous or on edge.

 - Alcohol: I did not enjoy this combination. I was not able to enjoy the sedating buzz of alcohol as much as I normally would. I could consume more booze than normal and feel the effects far less. Other than this, no notable synergies were found.

 - Ketamine: On a few occasions I used ketamine and/or esketamine in the evenings of the mini-dose days. I didn’t find any potentiation or interaction between the LSD and the ketamine. Essentially, it was not a “combination” when I did this; there was no difference compared to if I had done the ketamine entirely on its own.

 - MDMA: Twice in this month I ingested MDMA. One instance was a light dosage in the morning to accompany the LSD and the other was a medium dosage taken for recreational purposes on a Friday evening of an “on day”. The smaller combination was 45 milligrams, which I insufflated just after swallowing the days LSD. This intensified the LSD’s effects, particularly and not surprisingly, in the aspects of motivation and energy. The mental effects of the LSD, specifically confusion, were softened or pushed to the background by the positivity from the stimulant. I did not find significant desire to re-dose the MDMA or move in a more recreational direction as I might have with MDMA on its own. The larger dosage, 145 milligrams taken orally, was taken at about T + 11:00 from the LSD dose. I felt no interaction between the two substances in this instance. The MDMA experience was far stronger than the LSD and once it began, any faint reminder of the LSD was erased.

Outcome | Summary | Takeaways

I only had two instances where I felt the LSD was truly detrimental or uncomfortable. These were days that I pushed the dosage upwards slightly, hoping for a lighter workload paired with increased effects.

I only had two instances where I felt the LSD was truly detrimental or uncomfortable. These were days that I pushed the dosage upwards slightly, hoping for a lighter workload paired with increased effects.

 Unfortunately, things arose, and I was forced into some fast-paced emergency tasks around the peak of the substance’s effects. This was my own self inflicted risk, gambling on the unpredictability of work.

Looking back at the month of using LSD comprehensively, I found the material interesting, useful at times, but not the silver bullet, end all-be all, that many other people report it to be. The magical moments where I recognized that I was zooming past roadblocks, solving logical mazes as though I had a key to all the shortcuts were seriously enlightening. This is what I imagined, in a perfect world, scheduled mini-dose LSD would be like every time, all the time.

Unfortunately, these enlightened moments were not a regular occurrence, in fact, they were far from it. Not even once per day, perhaps once every three days. While miraculous and extremely interesting as to how and why these occasional moments of clarity occurred, they were offset by a significantly larger quantity of times where I felt either very little effects or noteworthy negative effects. For me personally, this month was novel, useful, but not something I’m interested in making a part of my long term routine. Since the month ended, I mini-dosed on a handful of occasions, but usually these have been weekends; days when I wanted some extra pep in my step, and didn’t have any chance of being pulled into unexpected stressful situations. Having control over the setting of the experience seemed to alleviate many of the negatives I experienced with these small doses of LSD. Unfortunately this simply is not possible for me and my work situation, leaving LSD as a mediocre fit into my work regimen.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 115532

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 30

Published: Aug 5, 2021	Views: 3,932

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LSD (2) : Workplace (51), Personal Preparation (45), Hangover / Days After (46), Performance Enhancement (50), Retrospective / Summary (11), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:

		 LSD
		 (daily)

		 Coffee
		 (daily)

		 4-Fluoromethylphenidate
		 (daily)

		 Kratom
		 (daily)

		 2-Fluoromethamphetamine
		 (daily)

		 Amphetamines
		 (daily)

Eight Months of Regimented Substance Use

This is a summary of seven separate experience reports that describe an experiment I conducted over the past twelve months.  The exercise was simple in design and my basic goal was enhancing my daily performance and experience at work.

Each experience could be read on its own, but I believe that tying them together as a collection is more useful as it allows one to read about multiple substances, used with the same intentions, from a singular perspective.

In the more detailed substance-specific reports, I describe how I spent a month dedicated to each drug:

Month One: LSD – Not My Silver Bullet

Month Two: Coffee – Jittery Pooping

Month Three: 4F-MPH – Clear but Boring

Month Four: Kratom – Putting More Hours in the Workday

Month Five: 2-FMA – Best of The Bunch

Month Six: Amphetamines (Adderall) – Sweaty, Jittery, Fun &amp; Productive

Month Seven: Dealer’s Choice, and I’m the Dealer

Each substance was taken on a semi-regimented dosing schedule for  at least thirty days.  These schedules began with what I considered to be effective dosages for my body and setting on each given day.  I allowed myself freedom to take days off when I felt it necessary, and also to alter dosages for tolerance or just because I wanted to.

personal background:

I consider myself to be well versed in the realm of substance use.  Previous experiences include opiates, stimulants, benzodiazepines, and psychedelics spanning more than a decade.  A fair amount of my substance usage history includes novel research chemicals often in less than common combinations.  The purpose of my usage has ranged from  hedonistic to  therapeutic.

I have extensive experience with all of the substances involved in this saga of self tinkering.  Each material was sourced through reliable and vetted vendors.  Testing was done on any substances I felt it necessary or reasonable.

In the past, I have used a variety of substances with the intent of performance enhancement.  I suppose, almost every time I ingest a chemical it could be argued that is the goal; enhanced performance laughing, studying, writing, dancing, thinking, or living.  I chose the substances in this set of experience reports because I felt they covered a broad spectrum of the many pills, teas, powders, and liquids that a person might leverage to boost their enhancement on a daily basis.

Going into each month, I ensured that I had no tolerance to the main substance.

Each substance’s report includes sections that discuss the best and worst of the month.  I attempt to summarize the experiences while highlighting standout events and effects. All the reports have a full dosage chart/timeline for the month, brief introduction to my history with the substance, and the following segments:

    • Study Dosage Timeline

    • Timeline | Duration Details

    • Expectations | Hopes | Concerns Going In

    • Favorite Aspects

    • Least Favorite Aspects

    • Neutral Aspects | Additional Commentary

    • Appetite

    • Biometrics

    • Mental Effects

    • Mood Effects

    • Combinations

    • Outcome | Summary | Takeaways

The challenge of capturing a high level of detail during an experience, especially a long one, was exponentially increased by the sheer mass of daily documenting for months on end.  To track trends, be efficient with my time, and attempt to capture useful information, I employed a note-taking template that encouraged and reminded me to document standardized categories of what I was feeling throughout each day.  I also allowed for normal note taking and voice recordings on an ad hoc basis.  Another source of information was my partner Kai.  We spend nearly every day together and she was useful in her ability to comment on trends she detected in my moods and actions.

Brief Summary of Each Substance’s Month

2-FMA

Best in class performer, and best in show performer.  From prior experiences, I knew this material possessed a wonderful, controllable, stimulation.  It provided extra energy that allowed increased mental processing speed and allowed me to stay focused on the task at hand; not easily distracted by random thoughts or conversations.  I am typically able to eat on the substance and don’t find any nausea or digestive irregularities accompanying ingestion.  Despite the light euphoria, I haven’t, in the past, found the substance to be particularly fiendy.  Taking the drug regularly for multiple weeks in a row however, had me curious about whether or not the effects profile would change, and how tolerance and dependency might develop.  Pleasantly, I found almost no need to adjust my dosage and didn’t really see any diminishing returns on the positive effects.

 - Dosage Data:  13-33 milligrams taken both orally and via insufflation.  I found that anything below 15 milligrams struggled to break a ± level and that if I pushed past 28 milligrams, I’d begin to venture into more recreational territory.

- Duration Data:  This substance was so smooth on the come-down that I often struggled to pin down when I arrived at true baseline.  For a mid-range oral dosage, I’d throw out a range of five to nine hours from ingestion to sober.  Insufflation of course shortened this significantly, perhaps nearly 50% to three to six hours in total.

Amphetamines (Adderall)

This one played out almost exactly as I predicted.  With a Goldilocks dosage, a good mood, and an interesting to-do list at work; Adderall fucking rocked.  Out of all the substances, over all of the months, there were some contenders from this amphetamine month for ‘best singular day’ of work enhancement.  Holistically, it wasn’t the best.  Not even close.  I found dosing to be finicky.  Too little; I’d miss the boat on stimulation and energy, but find plenty discomfort such as cold feet and stomach discomfort.  Too much; I don’t eat for a day, have cold sweats, feel tweaked out, and risk spending my whole day overcomplicating a small task or focusing on something that had nothing to do with work at all.

I found that this substance played the role of the heavy-hitter well.  If a day was stacked with uninterrupted, heads down, financial problem solving, Adderall was a great option to immerse myself in head-to-toe stimulation, cracking through one task, then another, amidst varying degrees of euphoria.  If I didn’t have that much to do, I would potentially get paralyzed in paranoia and second-guessing.  On a few instances I was able to re-aim the Adderall’s effects onto passion projects on these less busy days, but it wasn’t a guarantee.

 - Dosage Data:  (The Adderall was meticulously dosed using pill cutters and to accurately measure dosages where fractions of the  pill were required.)  Selecting a fitting dosage for Adderall was surprisingly difficult.  I was easily left underwhelmed, dealing with very little benefit but a fair amount of the less desirable effects.  On the flip side, too high a dose, and I’d be tweaked out, overly talkative and apt to lose myself in random strings of thoughts or other distractions.  Typically I could find the sweet spot between 8-15 milligrams [orally].  I seem, compared to others, especially as I age, to become more sensitive to the amount of this drug I ingest.  In earlier years, venturing into tripping digits of milligrams for a study binge didn’t seem too outrageous.  Now however, fifty milligrams, taken orally, would most likely leave me uncomfortable and focused more one surviving through the work day than thriving through it.

 - Duration Data: With a medium oral dosage, I found that sober ingestion --&gt; back to baseline  took five to eight hours.  The difference depended on diet, exercise, weather, and  other factors.  Changing the ROA to insufflation would reduce the duration to something closer to 3-6 hours.

LSD

Overall, this was a pretty enjoyable month.  Once I established a general dosage range, this substance was pretty low risk, with medium to high rewards.  Creativity and mood boosts were common effects, and pleasant ones at that.  I reached potential solutions to technical problems at work that I don’t believe I would have arrived at quickly or at all without the LSD.  It was like I could see roadblocks in my problem solving path long before I encountered them, thus allowing a smoother path to success, skipping many dead-ends.  Sometimes obscure memories of something I’d read ages ago online would solve my issue – these were things that I don’t believe I would have remembered, let alone been able to apply, without the LSD.  This all happened internally as well, which as a pen and paper type person, was extra remarkable.  This stands out because it is not only a strong example of a substance enhancing my performance at work, but it’s maybe one of the only examples in this entire multi-substance exercise in which the substance provided me with enhancement beyond enhancement; not an increase in ability, but an entirely new ability.

Another benefit that occurred often during the LSD month was that I found myself making a habit of going for walks, sprinkling a few short breaks of time away from the screen throughout the workday.  These are always beneficial to my mental health, but I often neglect them.  The drug was a motivator and reminder that I needed these.

On the less enjoyable side, LSD could make my body slightly uncomfortable with annoying, uneasy, stretching, and swirling sensations in my brain.  It also performed worst in terms in helping me retain focus for extended periods of time compared to the other substances.  I liked the substance as a work-enhancing product, but it wasn’t a home-run and was effective, for me, in niche situations – it didn’t help every time I took it.

 - Dosage Data: I volumetrically prepared my doses by dissolving a blotter with a trusted amount of micrograms on it in a measured amount of alcohol that allowed for precise measurements.  I found that “mini-doses” were more useful than true, imperceptible, “micro-doses”.  I kept a pretty tight range between seven to thirteen micrograms taken orally and followed a schedule of taking two days off, without any LSD consumption, between my mini-dose days.

- Duration Data:  It took twenty to thirty minutes for the first alerts to arrive on most days.  From the moment of ingestion to when I was back below a ± intensity level took five to seven hours depending on my dosage.  I found that the intensity of effects, even at these lower dosages, followed the pyramid shaped intensity curve I’ve experience many times with this substance before.  The intensity would increase in waves until the peak about halfway through the duration, after this point, the waves would correspondingly recede.

Coffee

Despite being the most commonplace substance in my experiment, I was very excited going into the month of java consumption.  Ironically it was one of the drugs I’d used the least and I was curious if I could grow to love and appreciate the drink as so many of my fellow coworkers and friends do.  The risk reward ratio was pretty favorable.  I didn’t have, as one might expect, any massively negative experiences from drinking coffee.  It did as advertised; provided short term energy boosts during which I could concentrate a bit better and shake off early morning or mid afternoon sleepiness.  My biggest complaint was the effect the drink had on my digestion.  I do suffer from a lifelong stomach condition, which may very well have exaggerated the unpleasant effects.  To be simple and direct about it; I spent more time in the bathroom than I normally would and struggled with general stomach discomfort almost every day of the month.  For this reason, more than anything else, I haven’t continued coffee consumption outside of this substance experiment.

 - Dosage Data: The coffee beans were ground fresh every day before preparation using a glass pour-over style coffeemaker.  I wasn’t specific in measuring the exact temperature of the water used each day.  I did however weigh my beans each day and kept the following measurements consistent throughout the month:

- 10.5 grams of coffee per mug of 300 milliliters of liquid

- .5 – 2.0 tablespoons of sugar per mug

- 25 – 75 milliliters of whole milk per mug

Most times I started with one mug and then often continued refilling throughout the day until I wanted the effects to come to an end.  This was easy to re-dose because of the mellow and short-term effects.

 - Duration Data:

The effects of the coffee was pretty fast, within ten minutes I could feel it begin working.  Once things started I got several hours before things returned to baseline, depending on how much I drank.

4F-MPH

This was the only substance that I kept hoping would impress me and was continually disappointed by.  With its mild tease of stimulation and energy I constantly wanted the 4F-MPH to finally kick off and reach the imaginary potential I had created for it in my mind.  On more than one occasion this unrealistic expectation led me down the path of replacing 4F-MPH with other substances that I knew would provide me with reliable recreational experiences.  Being let down all day made it easy to convince myself to break out the collection and drink, roll, trip, or alter my mental and physical states.  I generally found this chemical bland and empty, but gentle and without any exceptionally aggravating characteristics.  Very mild stimulation that could keep me awake but not much else; no motivation, focus, or creativity came from bland old 4F-MPH.

 - Dosage Data:  The range of dosages consumed for this substance was very wide (5-100+).  The reason for this was that I started slightly cautiously but I rapidly adjusted due to lackadaisical experiences.  The lowest initial dosage I took was five milligrams and the highest was twenty-five milligrams.  These were a mix of oral and insufflated. The most I ingested, all via insufflation, was 148 milligrams.

 - Duration Data: Despite being very background, not having a very prominent set of ‘in you face’ effects, it was clear when the substance was active and when it wasn’t.  If I took a middle of the road oral dose, I could expect to feel the material for six to ten hours.  Insufflated, this same generic dose would be reduced to perhaps four to seven hours.  This long duration does make the compound useful in some situations, but its generally disappointing effects limit its usefulness.

Kratom

Kratom was successful as a performance-enhancing tool as well as fun.  Besides alcohol, kratom was the substance I had used the most to achieve a feeling of intoxication at work.  While amphetamines  offer a euphoria that I don’t normally get at the office, this is different.  This is a unique blend of  thinking “woah I’m sorta fucked up”, but seconds later realizing that I’m extremely motivated and capable of normal concentration and mental performance.  The motivation from this material was unique.  I’d get sucked in and often work a few extra hours beyond the end of the normal workday just because I wanted to finish solving a particular puzzle or project.  The overall sensation of functional intoxication, increased functionality even, was the prime take-away of this substance.

 - Dosage Data:  I’d like to experiment with stronger extracts in the future because the sheer mass of plant material I had to eat was rough on my stomach, especially on a daily basis.  For this month however, I was consuming all “enhanced leaf’ products in 00 capsules.  My dosages ranged from two to seven grams at a single time and my daily totals landed anywhere from two to twenty grams.  Some key notes were that I didn’t generally feel much effects below three grams, and anything past five grams would almost always put me in the neighborhood of a ++ experience intensity.  I almost always dosed multiple times per day but didn’t always follow any specific schedule for this.  I’d naturally feel my energy dropping and throw back a few more capsules and play things by ear.  If I wanted to really ramp up the intensity of the effects after the work day, for an enjoyable or productive evening, I typically had to at least double my initial dosage of the day.

 - Duration Data:  Given the almost constant re-dosing of kratom, duration is a difficult characteristic to nail down.  An initial oral dosage of several grams would typically provide me with a sober-to-sober duration of around four to six hours.

Anything Goes

This was a month  I allowed myself to take any drug or combination of drugs that I thought would best suit me and my to-do list for the day.

The most common complaint throughout all of the ‘single substance months’ was that there were often days or situations where the substance I was on and the situation I was in were not a good match.  The solution to this was, of course, to take off the handcuffs, and  pick and choose as I liked.

At the end of the month, it was clear that I generally preferred stimulants out of all my options for work enhancement.  It was notable however, that by far, my most pleasant and productive days were a result of multiple carefully crafted combinations and re-doses.  Learning to dose a multitude of stimulants by feel, rather than a pre-determined plan, was quite fun.

 - Dosage Data:  I pushed my dosages more in this month than most of the others.  On more than one occasion I got a hankering for a truly euphoric experience and transitioned from a more ‘productive level dosage’ to something clearly geared towards a good time [Ex. T + 00:00 20 mg 2-FMA orally, T + 04:00 10 mg Adderall insufflated, T + 06:45 125 mg MDMA insufflated].  As mentioned above, I really enjoyed taking smaller amounts of multiple chemicals in cocktails designed to play off one another, allowing myself to maximize the benefits of each substance and minimize the less desirable traits.

Given the large variety of substances taken in this month, it is difficult to summarize dosages.  Of course, complete detail is available in the full report.

 - Duration Data:  I had some long days this month.  Tinkering with re-dosing of multiple substances, regardless of their genre, generally leads to more time spent under an influence. For a solid portion of this month I was leaving baseline by no later than 08:00 AM and often didn’t even reach baseline before sleep which was induced with a combination of alcohol, zolpidem, cannabis edibles, and/or benzos.

Again, given the wide assortment of this month’s chemical consumption, a quick briefing on duration is pretty difficult.

Additional Commentary:

I think pretty much everything that needs to be said has been said already.  I spent seven months, taking various dosages of drugs, each for a month at a time, to study their unique abilities to enhance my performance at work.  As a grand finale I used what I had learned, along with previous knowledge and experiences to try my hand at having the ultimate productive and enjoyable month.

The above descriptions of my time spent with each substance are concise by design, intended to inform a reader not interested in spending the time and effort involved in reading the far more detailed complete reports, which are linked above in the introduction.

In the end, I learned a lot, had some good days, great days, mediocre days, and unpleasant days.  My biggest take-away was something that has been ingrained in me for a long time, but was good to reaffirm: set and setting are everything.  It makes total sense that matching a drug’s effects to the scenario I'm in is important and crucial to a successful and fulfilling experience.  This fact was made incredibly clear when the effects I experienced were ill-matched to the social scenario or work tasks that I found myself involved in.  This happened far more frequently than I would have liked despite the great amount of effort put forth in the name of responsible and accurate dosing during my “mandated” substance consumption.

Exp Year: 2020-2021	ExpID: 115531

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 30

Published: Aug 5, 2021	Views: 8,550

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LSD (2), Coffee (173), 4-Fluoromethylphenidate (728), Kratom (203), 2-Fluoromethamphetamine (668), Amphetamines (6) : Not Applicable (38), Performance Enhancement (50), Retrospective / Summary (11)