		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 75 mg
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (powder / crystals)

		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 125 mg
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (powder / crystals)

		 1.5 g
		 oral
		 Mushrooms
		 (dried)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   120 lb

Let me start this report off with a description of the participants, myself and the setting. I am a 16 year old male, good health, great life and even better friends. I live in Missoula, Montana which, as far as I’m concerned is the BEST town in the world. Beautiful scenery, friendly people, and of course, a steady supply of almost every drug imaginable. Even the hobos here are nice. I have been interested in and using psychoactives since the end of my freshman year, about a year and a half ago. As always, I started out with alcohol and pot and even though I swore I wouldn’t, my curiosity got the best of me, and I started trying others. Starting with prescription pills, salvia,  and eventually became greatly interested in psychedelics after the time I smoked some DMT. This changed every aspect of my entire life, but scared me shitless at first. The guy who gave it to me described DMT as like “a mix between being drunk and stoned.” What a dipshit. He must have sensed I was an inexperienced pothead looking for some real drugs.

Anyways, with my connections, and low amounts of cash, I was never able to find any real psychedelics, and stuck to mostly DXM and pot. But in May towards the end of sophmore year, I managed to get a hold of some excellent mushrooms. Since then, I have experienced mushrooms about 6 times, LSD (though this report is of my first legit trip, asides from the time I took 3 hits and got possessed b a demon) varying prescription benzos, amphetamines and opiates, MDMA about 10 times (changed my life) and 2ci. Since my interest in psychedelics, I have experienced a spiritual awakening, and am now deeply in touch with myself, god (not any god coming from any organized religion, a concept I came up with on my own during meditation) and the universe. I have become a very passionate, open-minded and happy person since my use of psychedelics.

Anyways, me and 4 of some of my best friends, who I’ll call G, A, C and J, all had similar interests in psychoactive drugs, and almost all my trips have been with 1 or more of them. G and I have known each other and been really close since we met in the beginning of 8th grade. I had always been living in a shell, afraid to express my insanity to the dull population around me, but when I met G, that side of me came out, and I have been a happier, more relaxed and expressive person. G is random, insane, hilarious, cynical, sarcastic and everything in between. He is also a complete badass. The kind of kid that wears steel toed boots, has a passion for metal, and is the biggest heavyweight I have ever met. But he has soft side, and when it comes to friends and family, and especially puppies, he melts. I have known A since first grade, but only during the past 2 years have we really started hanging out a lot. He is a really generous, open, kind, caring person. The kind of guy you can trust your life with. However he tends to look down on himself and always feels as if he is not giving enough or as if he is just a sidekick. C is absolutely hilarious, loudmouthed, and expressive. I fucking love that guy.  He reminds me a lot of Walter from the Big Labowski, but much less extreme and isn’t such a dick. I met J in my gym class in sophomore year, and have been great friends since. He was the only kid in the class who also had an interest in drugs, and was a huge part of my developing interest in psychoactives, spirituality and music. One of my best memories of that year is snorting Ritalin with him before the gym final and beating everybody. We are both relatively scrawny guys, so the look on the jocks’ faces when we were the first 2 kids to run the mile-at 5 minutes 10 seconds was absolutely priceless. J is a quiet, dark, artsy, spiritual kind of guy.

So anyways, I had been lucky enough to meet a kid who knew where to get almost any psychedelic you could want, and one day we got a call from him asking if we wanted to buy some acid. We all immediately said yes, and ended up buying 16 hits to split between us. A offered to let us stay the night and hang out at his place during the trip. He has the kind of family that attend burning man, so they would be totally fine with us tripping balls over there. However, we found out he was moving, and we got to stay at the empty house, all alone. The house was relatively small, had about 5 rooms, and was completely unfurnished asides from a refrigerator and stove.

So, that weekend on Saturday was when we all agreed to do it, and the conditions couldn’t have been better. For the first time in about 3 weeks, it had stopped raining, the sun had come out, and it was warm with perfectly clear skies. This was certainly an omen to a good trip. And, it also happened to be 11/11/11, which was pretty cool too. G, A, and C all had play practice, so I met up with them at about 2:30 and we all took 1 hit, not wanting to trip too hard. The guy we bought it from said they had 500mcg per hit. We doubted we could get a hold of 500mcg hits for $10 apiece, but we wanted to be cautious anyways. C was extremely experienced with acid, and A and I had both experienced it this summer together for our first times. However we only took 1 2/3 hits of some weak blotter and hadn’t had many effects; although that was my first legitimate encounter with god. After about an hour, none of us were feeling any effects, so A, J, and G took another hit. C, being the kind of guy he is, said fuck it and took his last 2. I still wanted to wait a bit before taking more, still a bit wary of LSD since my last trip where I was possessed by some angry spirit.

We arrived at A’s other house-the one that still had stuff in it, to drop off some things we didn’t feel like we would need yet, and walked on over to the empty house. Once there, we passed around a few bowls and hung out in his room, waiting for the acid to kick in. C, getting impatient, once again said fuck it, and ate the 2 grams of shrooms he had. I was tempted to eat my 3 grams, but realized I had a whole night of tripping, and didn’t want the fun to end too quickly. However, I realized I had left our ipod and the ihome at the other house, and G and I decided to walk over there to get it. On the way over, we were both talking about how we were starting to feel a bit weird, definitely more than just the pot was taking effect. We arrived back at the empty house, and everybody was just still chilling in the empty room, reporting little to no effect. C, however, was peaking on 3 hits, and 2 grams of shrooms. He was laying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, eyes the size of dinner plates talking about how geometric fairies were flying around the room or some crazy shit like that. Realizing I wanted to be in his frame of mind as soon as possible, I took my second hit and dispensed A, J and G their third and final hit. We spent another hour or so sitting on the floor in the room, talking and waiting for the effects to hit.

One of the things I gathered from this experience is that LSD has a very gradual come-up. It was about 5:30 before anything really happened. We were all sitting around the room, talking. I am discussing a recent Infected Mushroom concert with G, and he all the sudden looks at me and says “the walls….ARE FUCKING TILTED! OH MY FUCK!” and at that point, all LSD-fueled hell breaks loose. It seems as if G’s comment about the walls seemed to kick in all our acid at once, and within seconds, we were all on the ground, laughing our asses off and enjoying ourselves. At this point I decided it was time for my third and final hit. I walk to the kitchen while they are all in there screaming and laughing, and I remember thinking “whoa…acid’s coming on strong” as I look out the window and see a man on a bike leave behind a barely visible trail. I take my last hit and join the chaos in the room. We sit around for an hour or so, giggling and talking, and decide to walk over to A’s other house to watch movies or something.

When we arrive, the acid is kicking in nicely, as things begin to swirl around, colors are brightened, and I am beginning to fee twisted as all hell. We sit down with A’s sister and boyfriend to watch a movie with them. I have always been a very socially awkward person until my first MDMA experience, but when I am stoned or on psychedelics, that discomfort sometimes returns. Sitting, watching the movie, I felt uptight and unwelcome in A’s house. So I decide that some of the MDMA I brought along would help with that. I dumped about 75mg under my tongue, and immediately started gagging violently to the amusement of A’s sister. This made me relax a bit for whatever strange reason. The movie that was playing was the toxic avenger-a low-budget superhero movie about a kid that gets mutated and fights crime or something. The bad guys were extremely over the top, and as awful as it sounds, the part where they shoot a puppy, rape a blind girl, and shove a gun in a baby’s face made me laugh my ass off. The movie scared me at first from the violence but soon became hilarious. By the end, we were all in hysterics and the MDMA was kicking in, and the acid was going full force. I was feeling excellent.

About a half hour later, we arrived back at the empty house, and G came up with an idea that later turned out to be the worst one of the night-turn off all the lights, lay down, close our eyes and listen to white noise. About 5 minutes in, I was in absolute heaven. Sensory deprivation and psychedelics have always a favorite of mine. DXM in particular. I was in complete heaven, seeing beautiful patterns and having one hell of an ego death. I could feel myself becoming slowly unwound and joining the mass consciousness I call god. Let me elaborate on this. In my opinion, god is what happens when you destroy the boundaries that separate each individual existence in this universe. When you take away what makes us individuals, we become a single, flowing energy that all matter in the universe is composed of. It is very hard to put into words. Oh well, more on that later. I was laying there, in sublime bliss, when I started hearing some of my friends freaking out. G kept saying how “this is some seriously freaky shit” with agreements from the rest. I comforted them by explaining that nothing can hurt them, the only thing to fear is fear itself, and that the only reason they are afraid is because this is mental, emotional and spiritual territory they had never been to before. The only fear they felt was fear of the unknown, and that they must let go of everything, welcome the darkness and see the beauty or something crazy like that. They became quiet and within a few minutes I heard sobbing. I opened my eyes to see if everybody was ok, and G was laying there, crying, with a look of absolute peace and euphoria on his face. He exclaimed “this is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, I have never witnessed such beauty in my life! Im crying it’s so beautiful. IM ACTUALLY CRYING” I would have never expected this from G in my life. As I said before, G is a complete badass, and the last one of us I would have ever expected to see cry.

I felt accomplished that I had taken away their fear, and laid down thinking “damn, must be one hell of a drug if it can make someone like G cry.” However, our mutual enjoyment soon ended when the white noise stopped, we turned on the lights, and C went to the bathroom. We were sitting there, telling eachother what we had just experienced, and we suddenly heard “there’s a FUCKING SPIRIT PIT IN YOUR BATHROOM MAN.” C comes stumbling out of the door with a look of absolute fear on his face. There is a strange little closet in A’s bathroom, and C had looked up and seen a trap door at the top, which led to the attic, but he perceived it to be a “spirit pit” A went in there to take a look, as me, G and J were laughing about how stupid they were being, when A comes out of the bathroom saying “oh shit, something happened in there once, somebody cut themselves in there hardcore, some girl cut herself in my bathroom.” Suddenly, my happiness plummeted as I received crystal-clear mental images of blood spraying all over his walls and a crying girl collapsing to the floor and dying. This scared the living shit out of me, and J and I soon joined the panic, freaking out while C begged to go pee in the backyard so he didn’t have to confront the spirit pit. G started yelling, calling us pussies and reassuring us that nothing was there, and that we were all just on acid. We laughed it off, but still were a bit scared so we decided to take a walk to get rid of our bad energy.

The walk was absolutely amazing. We had some incredible discussions about life, the universe, god, nature etc. We played around in an empty skatepark, sliding into the huge bowls, and running around, feeling completely free-free from ourselves, the world, our own minds, the things we have always taken to be true, we were like infants again, before our minds had been programmed to believe this, and be scared of that. At that moment I truly realized the mental value behind psychedelics. All our lives, we have been spoon-fed certain knowledge, and doctrines and values, and even though we don’t acknowledge it, we will forever be slaves to the things we have been taught throughout our lives. Walls are put up in our brains that refuse to leave, forever shaping the way we perceive the world. But on psychedelics, those walls, those thoughts, feelings, expectations, even we, are completely destroyed. Everything we thought to be true is suddenly obliterated, and we are left to see the world as a baby sees it, fresh, new, with no labels, or dispositions. Taking everything in for how it truly is, and experiencing the world from a zero state. We see things for the way they truly are, without our ego to get in the way and influence our thinking. This feeling, this divine death of ourself, of everything we have ever known, is true freedom. This divine realization is something I have experienced before on mushrooms and nitrous once, but was never able to define or recognize it. The moment this became clear, was the most life-changing moment of my short existence. I can hardly put into words the euphoria, freedom and peace I felt with myself and the world. This is how life was meant to be lived. If I died right there at that moment, I would be completely content. It was beyond anything I had ever previously experienced. I felt happy-truly happy for the first time since a child. I didn’t’ realize it before this, but since my childhood, I have been depressed, hateful of myself, the world and everything in it. Scared and uncertain of what life threw at me…but now, in this beautiful moment, I just let go and accepted whatever life could conjure up and toss at me. I had reached enlightenment. However, upon reflection, I realized that true enlightenment is the ability to exist in this state without drugs. And the next day when I came down, I was unfortunately not able to reach this state. Nor have been able to since…

Not too long after that, I had another mind-blowing moment. We were all sitting on the edge of a quiet, still pond, watching some ducks and meditating, enjoying the moment in silence when G all of the sudden stood up, held 3 glowsticks in his fingers like wolverine, and starting doing a strange movement with his hand, when I felt a strange, calm energy flowing gently through my body. I watched the ducks and slowly, they all gathered into a sort of triangle shape, and slowly moved to about 3 feet from where G was standing with the glowsticks. This absolutely blew my mind, as I sensed a sort of connection between G and the ducks. We sat in silence watching the ducks for about 10 minutes. Those 10 minutes, I felt a divine connection to nature, and realized that man is not so civilized as we would like to be, that as advanced and well-mannered as we like to pretend we are, we are still just as much a part of nature as these ducks. We are animals. We are nature. And the reason society is so fucked up, with all the crime, and hatred, and dysfunction, is that we have ventured too far from nature, and we are so far removed from true living. We have made a terrible error by giving purpose, meaning and reason to life. True living has no reason. Life is sporadic, random, unpredictable, full of battles, and struggles, and pain and pleasure beyond words. We are not born with any more purpose than to live, to experience every little bit of living life has to offer, whether good or bad. Happiness, sadness, pain, pleasure…these are all human inventions. In nature there is no bad, or good, because without one, the other cannot exist. Good without bad or bad without good would be neither good nor bad, because without one to put the other into perspective, neither would exist. I understood the true meaning behind the yin-yang. White represents good, and black represents bad. They swirl together to create a divine duality, and the little dots on each side represent windows into the other side. How, when in either the bad or the good state, we always have that small dot to reflect upon, and remind us what is on the other side. That’s my interpretation of it at least. This then made me understand heaven and hell. Heaven/hell are not places we go when we die, because we don’t die! Sure, our hearts stop beating and our blood runs cold, but death is simply the next step. It is not the end, or eternal darkness. We simply live, experience, reproduce, and die to start all over again. Words cannot explain the orgasmic mind blowage I was experiencing at this moment. For the first time in my entire life, I was without question, I was without pain, or pleasure, or doubt. I simply was. And that’s all there ever is.

After this brief moment of enlightenment, G stopped waving the glowsticks, and the ducks dispersed. However, one stayed put, and I noticed A was focusing intently on it. I once again sensed the connection between A and the duck that I had felt with G. This went on for several minutes, then the duck made a loud quack and swam off to join the rest of its companions. A looked at me with an expression that I can only describe as MIND=BLOWN and said simply “i…just had a moment with a duck”

A later went on to explain something which led to another enlightening realization. He explained how, humans are just as much of animals as bears, or dogs, or cats (something I had experienced 30 seconds ago) and how animals seem to have the ability to communicate, but without words. They use energy and vibes to communicate. Have you ever sat down next to somebody in class, and without talking to them, sensed that they were in a really bad mood? It’s the same basic principle for animals, but to a much more extreme degree. Humans, however have developed and become dependent on verbal communication to get their point across, which is part of the reason for our separation from nature. However, in a state such as the one LSD brings, one becomes reduced to their raw, natural state, and gains the connection we have lost so long ago. We have an ability to communicate with our pets just as our cats and dogs do, we just have to learn to respect and be humbled by nature, instead of assuming we’re better than it, or more civilized. If we take the time to observe, and become a part of nature, we too can use our long-lost energy to become connected to the world we have become separated from. Needless to say, this was another mind-blowing moment, and one with will forever change me as a result of this night. A has always been the kind of guy who loves animals, and nature. Hell, %95 of the time he isn’t even wearing shoes. I have never really understood his connection to nature, and often wondered why he wants to belong to such a primitive, dangerous world until now. I have gained an unbelievable amount of respect for A since this moment.

We later met three college kids who we thought, for whatever reason were going to knife us, but turned out to just be a bunch of nice guys out enjoying a beautiful night. Talking to them was absolutely hilarious. Since we were all on divine psychedelics, and were in the throes of a sublime spiritual and mental journey, and they were just drunk and horny, I felt like a wise old grandpa listening to my 4 year old grandchildren. They were telling us all sorts of things about video games, booze, and especially porn. As unexpected as it was, one of them actually gave me a revelation almost as precious as the one I had just experienced. He told me about how at my age, we are approaching some of the most crucial moments of our lives. College, turning 18, graduating from high school, and that the decisions we make in the next few years will affect the rest of our lives, and that as shitty as it is, we have to work hard in school and go to college so the good times like we were experiencing now, can last the rest of our lives. This guy had some good stuff to say, unlike the other 2 who were telling my buddies about their favorite pornstars and the weapons on skyrim haha. They invited us to pull an all-nighter downtown with them, and they were all hell-bent on getting C laid, but we had to decline. We had bigger and better things to experience for the night.

We continued walking, talking and having a grand ol’ time, and when we arrived back at A’s house, is when things started getting crazy. I took the other 125mg of molly I had left, and split the 3 grams of mushrooms I had with A. I never planned on taking them, but after what I had just experienced, I felt the time was right to jediflip. When the mushrooms began taking hold, I knew I was in for something big. Something humbling, something that would take whatever piece of my fragile ego I had left, and smash it into a million pieces. I welcomed this thought and embraced whatever the night held for me. I found myself becoming very loving and caring towards the rest of my friends, asking every 5 seconds or so if they needed anything, or wanted some cigar or water. I felt as if I was no longer myself, but simply a part of the group. I was no longer able to recognize my friends as individual beings, but as a massive ball of energy, and whatever good or bad energy one person felt, would affect the whole group. About this time, J finished off the other half of his eighth of mushrooms. We were all about to be fucked out of our heads.

C fell asleep not too long after this, as all his lsd and mushrooms had worn off. I was still going strong on my last 2 hits and the mushrooms and molly were just starting to take effect. We were all somewhat tired, so we decided to just lay in the dark and put on some good, relaxing music. We listened to Tool, (which, in my humble opinion, is the most incredible band in existence. Both sober and tripping. No other band has such raw, primal passion embedded in their melodies, and they are the only band to have ever brought me to tears) Pink Floyd and Ween. All of which were perfect for aiding my ever-intensifying jediflip. We laid there, listening to music for about an hour, and A and G had fallen asleep. I decided to take the ipod outside and just have a moment alone outside in the cool night air. The following experience was the most beautiful, haunting, and humbling moment of my entire life. I was sitting out on the front porch, listening to triad by tool. This is the perfect song to listen to in such a situation. It is about 9 minutes of repetitive guitar riffs that sound like a raging river, primal beats, and hauntingly beautiful shrieks/wails. As I was sitting there on the porch, I looked up and noticed a tree in front of me. I concentrated intently on the tree, and what I saw cannot be put into words, but I will try my best. The branches formed a perfectly symmetrical, extremely intricate pattern. Within the middle, was a shape that looked like an 8, but I later perceived it to be the symbol for infinity, because within it laid a pattern that literally never ended. The lines and shapes within it never changed size or thickness, but went on forever, seemingly into other dimensions and alternate planes of reality. Lining the outside, were the leaves of the tree, swaying softly in the wind, but upon further reflection, I realized they were actually some sort of swaying pod or cocoon, and within them I saw a fetus, connected to an umbilical cord that extended through the cocoon and swirled around to form the entirety of the complex pattern I was perceiving. The contrast of the black branches to the dark brown, muddy sky seemed to represent the natural force that was nature. I was once again thrown into that state of mind I had experienced next to the pond, feeling that indescribable connection to the natural world. But to a much higher degree. All I could do at that moment was observe the absolutely divine vision I was receiving, and cry. It was probably the hardest I have ever cried in years, if not, my whole life. Not out of anger, or sadness however, but out of the pure beauty and sublimity beyond explanation I was experiencing. Each sob seemed like a holy embrace throughout my entire being. I was shattered, destroyed. There was probably an hour or so where I simply did not exist, and was so far removed from myself that I had BECOME god. Or at least part of god. I joined what I call “the sphere.” This is something I have experienced many times during intense meditation in the midst of a DXM trip. It’s what happens when you focus hard enough, that you lose all sense of self, and your human body is completely forgotten. The raw, natural, primal, sexual energy I felt coursing through my being was beyond anything that can ever, ever be described, and I almost feel blasphemous trying to put it into words. Even to this day, a month later, I cannot listen to triad. It reminds  me all too much of what I am missing, and reminds me of the flawed, dirty, blasphemous society I have no choice but to be part of.

I broke out of my beautiful trance when J called me, wondering where I had run off to. I went inside, and from there, things started to get shitty. Everybody was asleep except for me and J, who was tripping even harder that I was, considering he was on twice as many mushrooms as me. I went to use the bathroom, and had one more beautiful moment before an extremely uncomfortable night. I looked in the mirror, and became trapped. After a few moments of staring at my eyes, the size of dinner plates, and my face that conveyed an expression that suggested I had just been through something beyond words. And I had. I continued staring, and it suddenly was not my own face anymore. I once again had been reduced to my raw, primal, natural, spiritual being. What happened to my face looked like something from an Alex Grey painting. First, it was only skin, the muscles, nerves, etc, then I became some sort of deity. My eyes were glowing a vibrant green/blue, and I looked like something you would see carved into the wall of an ancient Buddhist monastery. I saw myself in my spirit form, with a twisted, loving, knowing smile, curled, glowing eyes, and an indescribable pattern throughout my face that twisted into infinity.

After becoming too horrified and over stimulated from the divine visions before me, I realized I needed to join the others in some sleep. I took a few melatonin, and laid down, and tried to get some sleep. This was a big mistake, as I should have known not to attempt sleeping when under the influence of so many stimulating psychedelics, but I was exhausted and went for it anyways. Not to mention the house was completely unfurnished so I had a sleeping bag, my pants and a jacket on top of a hard wood floor to sleep on. Of course, I was completely unable to drift off, and entered a hellish state of introspection. You know, the typical what am I doing with my life, I need to focus on school, what would my mom think if she knew what I was doing type of shit. This went on for the next 5 or so hours, with the occasional trip to the bathroom, and witnessing some sort of twisted vision in the mirror.

Everybody had to wake up at 9am for more play practice, and by that time, I had not caught a minute of sleep. We packed up our things, and talked a bit about our trips. J had not gotten any sleep either, and I slightly remembered walking past him in a delirious daze, not acknowledging or noticing his existence.  When they all asked how my jediflip had gone, I said “good,” not thinking much of it. But then I thought back to what I saw on the  porch and in the mirror, and could only say “oh…god.” When remembering what I had experienced, I felt shivers through my whole body, and felt absolutely haunted; in a beautiful way. I had true encounters with paranormal forces, something I had never thought existed. However, I never made any attempt to relay my experiences to the others, feeling absolutely incapable of putting them into words.  When I got home, I made up some excuse for why I was so tired, ate the best breakfast of my life (it had been 24 hours since I had eaten) and slept for the whole day. A good solid 10 hours.

This was, hands down, the most beautiful, mind-blowing, haunting, raw, incredible experience of my life. But as much fun as it was, it is definitely not something I need to experience-physically, mentally and spiritually-anytime soon. This was the type of journey that should be taken only a few times in ones life, and DEFINITELY not for the purpose of simply getting high, or having a good time. Psychedelics to this degree are not toys whatsoever, and should only be used by those who are very spiritually aware, or have the intention of becoming so.  I felt accomplished though, I felt as if I had experienced the psychedelic, spiritual and mental equivalent of hiking Mount Everest, and had returned with my sanity fully intact. It really made me realize the value and extreme power behind psychedelics. I would like to try something like this again, but not for a long time, and next time, during the day, and in a well-furnished house. And with the company of some benzos or sleeping pills for night time. I apologize for how long this report was; but it was something I felt needed to be shared. Kudos to whoever read through the whole thing. Peace and love, and happy tripping to you all.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 94068

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 16

Published: Apr 20, 2012	Views: 6,795

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LSD (2), MDMA (3), Mushrooms (39) : Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 oral
		 LSD

		 oral
		 MDMA

In the past few months, I've become very close to a woman that has come to mean alot to me. She has lived a pretty painful life, and she saw me as someone who was not so weighed down by pain. She approached me and dropped the guard that she maintains to protect herself from others. We started a friendship that was basically based on me 'teaching' her how to enjoy life.

I was happy to help someone else lose their depression, and she was happy to have me there as such. We both came to realize that there was an incredible connection between the two of us, a crazy cosmic connection that neither of us had ever experienced with anyone else. It's the feeling that you are with someone who really understands your soul.

A couple weeks ago, I had a dream that we were together, tripping on a couple drops of liquid apiece, on the day before she was to start her first job, and we decided to take ecstasy. We walked across the street to a little park, sat on a rock, and watched a beautiful sunset across the river.

It was awesome. As the MDMA came on, she started crying, as has happened a few times when we are together. Past emotional wounds were bleeding inside of her. I hugged her, wiped away the tears, gave her a message... made some crazy eye contact, and ... !!! Suddenly we were kissing, in what had been an intense but basically platonic relationship for months. The evening continued on that note, and it came out that we had some really strong emotions for each other, there was alot of love, we were together, nothing else mattered. It was one of the best nights of my life with the most beautiful woman I've ever met, someone I feel is definitely a 'soul mate'.

I wish this story could have a happy ending. Since that dream, reality has returned. She has got an insane job that she doesn't like, and has to work ridiculous hours-- basically she has no free time. When I do see her, she is quite depressed 90% of the time, because her whole personality is built around dealing with pain. I know that there is a happy, beautiful person in there somewhere, because I've seen it. But where? I almost feel like the MDMA experience showed me how great things could be, how perfect, how beautiful... and then when it is all over, I'm left with reality, which is nothing like that. The worst part about all of this is that there is nothing I can do about it. These issues are not mine, they are hers. Or are they? I feel like I'm stuck loving a person that doesn't know how to love herself- and there is no way that can work out in a relationship.

I guess the bottom line with ecstasy is that it shows you a little bit of heaven. Re-entry can be damaging. Integrating my early experiences with MDMA were easy, I was in control of my life and I had the power to live the way I felt on E without being on it. This is a different story because there is another person involved. Within a relationship, ecstasy can open lines of communication and show how great things can be between people.

But afterwards, if the same old issues fall back into place, just be prepared for the pains of reality. Because ultimately E can show you the potential in a relationship, but it's your job (or even worse, someone else's) to actually make it happen.

This has been a painful story to tell, and I'm still living it.

P.S.

As time goes on, I hear more and more stories of 'unfruitful' ecstasy experiences. It seems to mostly happen when ecstasy uncovers a lot of pain or otherwise uncomfortable issues. Instead of learning from this revelation or integrating the lessons they could have learned, some people react the opposite way, repressing their pain even more than ever, trying their best to pretend that the E never showed them the tough truth about themselves. In the end the result is worse than if they had never taken the E in the first place, sadly enough. I think it goes to show that while MDMA is medicine for the soul and works wonders for most people, it must also be accompanied by expert therapy or guidance in the worst cases. Some people just aren't ready for MDMA on their own...

Exp Year: 1999	ExpID: 97020

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Jul 24, 2012	Views: 10,046

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MDMA (3), LSD (2) : Relationships (44), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 0:00
		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (pill / tablet)

		   T+ 4:00
		 100 mg
		 oral
		 6-APB
		 (capsule)

		   T+ 7:30
		 100 mg
		 oral
		 6-APB
		 (capsule)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   80 kg

I had an amazing night on LSD and 6-apb (benzo fury). The setting was at a psytrance party held in the bushland outside the city I live in.

I travelled up and set camp with three friends. We were all very excited as we are all new to the scene.

7pm: After smoking a joint we dropped 2 microdots of LSD before heading to the dance floor. After an hour or so I was feeling very good dancing and looking at all the trippy visuals. The stars and the lighting were a sight to behold. Unfortunately as what often happens when using LSD I lost all ability of communication and got somewhat disorientated but this waned as the trip progressed.

11pm: 3 of us decided that we would have a 100mg capsule of 6-apb each. I’d had 6-apb once before in a club and had a great old time. Given its psychedelic visual effects I was eager to try it in combination with LSD. After 15 minutes or so I felt quite nauseas. After 20 minutes I noticed a marked new willingness to fully express myself on the dance floor. Over the next 3 and a half hours I proceeded to dance, talk to strangers about a range of things from their ethnic backgrounds to their ability at playing with a poh ball, dance like a maniac spraying bubbles everywhere and tell my mate how good it was to have such a shared experience. The combination with the LSD was fantastic with vivid digital-type hallucination. It was the best parts of LSD with the ability to communicate and really feel a connection with everyone else at the party. I also consumed some nangs (nitrous oxide) but was not hugely into the head rush it gives so I only did a couple.

2.30am: As we were having such a great time we decided to take another 100mg capsule of 6-apb. This one really put me and my 2 mates into outerspace. We were getting freaky on the dance floor/ My friend was talking shit and described it like having “no internal filter” to what he was saying. But we were having a great old time and continued to do so until the sun came up.

6.30am: It was getting light and me and my good mate decided to smoke a joint together. As I have previously experienced with 6-apb and MDMA+LSD the joint kicked hallucinations in intensely. The difference was that these hallucinations were not inherent on other objects like LSD hallucinations but seemed to exist in empty space in front of me. I could put my finger out and touch the hallucinations which were purple and green geometries sometimes spinning to form a vortex. I also experienced what is best described as the cracking of my vision.  It was as if everything in front of me was behind a force field about 50cm from my face and it would crack and warp, thus warping everything behind it. It is truly amazing to experience.

As the sun came up my energy to remain up and dancing persisted but the dance floor suddenly became seedy to me. There were lots of edgy looking zombies doing the same dance moves they had done 10 hours earlier. Some of these people had sunken cheeks or were unhealthily thin. It was a sobering reminder of what I wanted to avoid and I suddenly felt myself losing interest in continuing the party. Instead I returned to our tent and sat on the deck chair for some 3-4 hours just enjoying the hallucinations and talking with my friend.

12pm: As I was still tripping my friend who had take ecstasy and not the benzofuries said that he was sober and could take over as designated driver from myself. We immediately packed up the tent and left. It was a good thing I didn’t have to drive because my hallucination didn’t stop until 5pm and long before this point I got hit with fatigue that put me to sleep while sitting in the car.

All in all the come down wasn’t so bad, just inordinate physical fatigue, an inability to stomach food, a mild headache and dizzy feeling and an incredibly sore jaw from chewing my gum so hard all night. I had one of the best nights of my life with the highlights being the psychedelic hallucinations and the feeling of shared experience with my friends and fellow party goers but I recognise that indulging in such a wide array of chemicals at such high doses is not something that can be done often without impacting on everyday life.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 97646

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 23

Published: Oct 23, 2012	Views: 11,841

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LSD (2), 6-APB (516) : Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), Rave / Dance Event (18)


		 DOSE:

		 2 hits
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   140 lb

I had tried to get acid for some time, with some fake stuff coming through, but other than that, it proved hard to locate. I have been smoking weed fairly often for almost 3 years, and for the past sixth months or so this has been an almost daily practice. I've tried coke, mushrooms, ecstasy, various opiates and painkillers, and a few other insignificant substances. So one summer day, I call one connection I have, looking for some coke, since a friend had expressed interest. He said he did not have any white, but he was quick to mention that he had some acid which he tripped nuts off of the other night. He called it white fluff acid, the best around.

So me and two friends decided to drop that night, and another friend was in town but would just sit out that night. Me and one other friend each purchased two hits, and one other friend could only afford one. We arrived at my house jaround 10:00 PM, and took no time to wait before slipping our doses under our tongues. We sat around for the next hour or so, watching TV and listening to music. Eventually I noticed a faint floating feeling, and then my heart started to beat somewhat rapidly. We were extremely entertained by taking pictures of ourselves on Apple's Photobooth program, using the mirror effect to create visually creative photos. We all had tremendous energy, and the off white tone of the paint in my room seemed to glow with radiation. It was very cool. One of the walls in my room is all mirror, and my cheeks were rosy, as I could feel my body temperature increasing. All three of us were sweating out a storm. The only poster in my room at the time was a giant cover of Axis: Bold as Love by The Jimi Hendrix Experience. The white walls absorbed the colors from this poster, and soon the walls started to breathe with color.

We proceeded to my backyard, which was unusually bright, since it was already around midnight. I'm not sure how many cigarettes we smoked then, but they were absolutely amazing. It seemed as if waves of energy and stimulation would surge throughout my body, starting from my lungs, with every breath.

Looking up at the purplish sky through the trees, the leaves started to turn into hands, petting and stroking the air around. I began to see copies of my face, smiling with ecstatic joy, floating between the branches. I began to dwell into my own thoughts, and my mind seemed as if it was all of the sudden a drug of its own; I could taste my thoughts and words had different flavors. It really made me think of every psychedelic movie I had ever seen. My mind was encouraged to think of the extraordinary, and although things seemed weird and funny, everything was perfectly clear at the same time.

 I thought about the guy who sold me the acid, and in my mind he seemed like some sort of magic professor who really knew how to experience the most intense, self-indulging mind-fuck. This was beyond any drug, and it was more than just the drug, it was perfect. There was nothing that could bring me down from this. I could not even understand how anyone in the world would even experience a bad trip.

Now we were cruising. We had left my backyard around 12:45 AM and proceeded to explore my empty neighborhood. There was no limit to my energy, and I certainly wasn't losing any from walking. As we walked, we absorbed and tasted all of the light and color glowing off of every tree, and the street lamps seemed like glowing orbs, lining the neighborhood streets. We walked to the lake dock, which was adjacent to a parking lot, and a pool house. So many thoughts flew through my head, and whenever I tried to communicate it, I could only stumble, and remind myself how this feeling was so perfect, that it could not even be communicated into words. I had a total sense of being myself, and all fronts had dissolved just like the acid. I realized that along with this trip, life was also perfect. It amazed me to think about how one's life spans out and works. We go through amazing experiences to find out who we really are, and better understand ourselves. I was truly enlightened, as I was honestly meeting myself that night. 'This is the realest shit I've ever done,' I would repeat, and my friends agreed.

The night was only beginning, but since one of us wasn't tripping, he went back inside to sleep. There was no way any of us could have slept, the amounts of energy the acid had given us were enormous. We continued to walk the quiet, yet beautiful, streets, returning to the lake. My friend called another friend from school, and incredibly he was also tripping acid just like us; purely coincidental. We sat on the asphalt, and it felt as if we were being absorbed into the ground, becoming one with the earth, as the cracks in the ground swelled like sponges. The stars in the sky looked like diamonds, and everything was in patterns. Everything, audibly and visibly, had levels and layers, and with just our presence we could dissect everything and really understand it, for the first time in our lives.

We left and kept walking the lonely streets, talking, but mostly just letting everything absorb into our minds. I realized for the first time that there is much more to everything than what first meets the eye, because with our minds we can explore much more than we might first think. There was one cat that kept appearing and reappearing into our path as we walked. He was extremely friendly and let us take turns feeling his soft coat. At 3:30 AM there was one very old Asian-looking man who was riding his bike. We found it hilarious, that we chose to be tripping acid at 3:30 AM, and someone else chose to ride his bike. Nevertheless, we walked for about 2 miles, before returning once more the pool house parking lot. There was no plan to anything we did that night, as we did not need any plans; the acid knew where to take us. We smoked our last cigarette for the night, before returning home.

I did not sleep at all that night, but the next night I slept for over 12 hours. I took interest in sharing this experience with friends, since I sincerely felt as if this acid trip changed my life in little ways, for the better. I felt like this trip was the ultimate discovery for myself so far; I had spent a lot of time up until then doing soul searching, and trying to figure myself out, but this trip really put the cap on things. While I know I can never completely figure myself out, I know who I am in a sense, and I know that my life is going to be long lived, with many other incredible experiences. There is nothing more harmonious and absolute than coming face to face with yourself.

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 76172

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Oct 31, 2012	Views: 9,342

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LSD (2) : First Times (2), Glowing Experiences (4), Nature / Outdoors (23), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 3 hits
		 smoked
		 LSD
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 3:00
		 3 hits
		 smoked
		 DMT
		 (powder / crystals)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   125 lb

I've never experienced anything remotely close to the intensity of this combination.  I rarely detail experiences I've had because words simply don't do them justice, but this is an exception because I feel it is something I need to share.  Of course, the more incredibly intense it gets, the harder it gets to explain.  Nevertheless, I'll at least make an attempt.

Lately I've been having weekly tripping sessions with a group of 4 friends.  I introduced all of them to LSD, and we've been having some incredible experiences together.  I absolutely love this drug.  I've introduced DMT to three of them, and I've had mixed responses.  They all had trouble smoking the stuff (as I use an oil burner pipe), but one of them didn't feel it very much at all, another had a pleasant mild trip, and the third had an extremely unpleasant experience (though she only took one hit, so it wasn't too difficult to handle).  I decided to try my hand at smoking DMT on LSD the other weekend, and took two hits of it and had an incredible time.  It wasn't a breakthrough by any means, but it was a pleasant intensifying of the LSD visuals that blew me out of the water at the time.  It was good stuff, and I wanted to emulate that experience this weekend.

So this time I went for three hits of LSD, as we've all been gradually stepping up our dosage.  It was an incredible day, and we dosed about 9:30am.  We spent the first few hours of the experience indoors handling the peak, listening to music, watching Milkdrop, etc.  Then we went outside, and explored the creek near one of their houses that we were staying at.  It got cold, and we decided to head back inside, and I wanted to smoke DMT again.  My friend said he was down, and the other two decided not to.  We sit down and put on the Grateful Dead.  So he takes two medium sized hits, and lays back and starts to have a good time.  I was relieved because of the bad experience our other friend had, so I felt confident in doing it this time.  We had started a stopwatch on one of our phones to keep track of how long we held the hits.  I had switched it on when my friend started taking his hits, and so I started taking mine probably 3-5 minutes after it had started.

So I took a small hit, held for thirty seconds as always, and let it out.  Then I lit up another, slightly bigger hit, and repeated.  When the third hit came around, and I started inhaling, the bulb of the pipe completely fogged up with the vapor.  I don't think I had ever taken a hit that big before.  But I took it, held it in, and that's when things got real.  I have no recollection of letting that hit out.  In fact, as any of you who have experienced a breakthrough dose of DMT should know,  much of the experience was blacked out.

The next thing I knew, I was lying on the ground on my stomach.  I didn't know where I was, what was happening, why it was happening, what time it was, or who I was.  I struggled to get a hold of reality.  I opened my eyes wide and couldn't see a single thing at some points.  The world was replaced with a horrid nightmarish world.  When I could get glimpses of what was around me, the room was a huge swirl, like a blender.  Stuff was EVERYWHERE.  All of the things we had on the floor were scattered everywhere, and there were dozens of each object.  I saw so many copies of my cell phone and the oil burner pipe, and jars and clothes and all sorts of things.  Nothing made any sense.  I pulled my hand out from under me, and the pipe was clenched in it.  As I was looking at it, it completely vanished and reappeared on the ground next to me.  I was dizzy and completely delusional.  I kept thinking 'what time is it?' and 'what's happening to me?', but most importantly, 'am I hurt?  am I okay?  am I dying?'.  I looked up to see my friend kneeling by me trying to talk to me in a calming voice, but I couldn't understand him.  Not a word he was saying.  It was complete gibberish.  All the while these thoughts were swarming my head, and I struggled to ask him if I was hurt, but I couldn't articulate the thought into words.  I kept thinking 'I have to ask him if I'm okay.  Ask him!', but I couldn't speak.  I just looked back up at him when he was speaking nonsense, and shook my head and curled back up into a ball.  I had to just lay down and recede into myself.  I had no choice.

I faded in and out of consciousness several times.  My life was flashing right before my eyes.  It was like a blurred tunnel of visions that came to me from my past.  It felt like I zoomed through my entire life in a flash, going over everything that happened to me.  It got to that day, and the day's events flashed through my mind.  I made a tremendous effort to figure out at what point my memory stopped.  I remember being at the creek, jumping on rocks (which I'm hugely fond of doing on LSD), and climbing on the rickety maintenance bridge we found.  Had I fallen off?  That was the only possibility I could think of.  I must have fallen and hit my head, and had been rushed to the ER.

I pulled my head up and looked around the room.  It wasn't the room I started in.  It was somewhere else.  It looked huge and tiny at the same time, pulsating.  It looked nothing like the room we were in.  I looked around and saw that all three of my friends weren't in there with me.  The police!  The police must have come and found out what happened.  We were busted.  It was all over.  My life was ruined.  I figured my friends were in the other room talking to an officer and explaining that I was on DMT, and they were waiting for me to become sane again.  The dread of that combined with the feelings of sheer terror I had felt already, and I was losing it.  I saw everything important to me before me demolished and destroyed.  If I wasn't dying already (and the thought had occurred to me several times; there were times when I thought this was the only explanation), my life may as well have been over.  Everything and everyone I cared about vanished before my eyes, destroyed.  I had become insane.  Lost my mind.  Even if I survived this hellish nightmare, I would never be sane again.  I would never be happy again.  I managed to look up, and saw that my friend was back in the room and sitting on the couch.  The window was behind him, and the light shining in obscured his face.  He looked divine, but it was no comfort to me.  I rolled back over and fell into it again.

I came back to and pulled myself up and flopped onto the couch.  I faded in and out of reality as all these thoughts of dread and loss flooded my mind and broke me.  I've had a few bad trips on mushrooms, but they don't compare to this.  Not even close.  I was convinced I would never feel happiness, which has happened to me on a horrible mushroom trip before.  Then the thought hit me as I started to realize what was happening.  The concept of a bad trip came back to me, and I remembered I had smoked DMT, and things began to make a little more sense.  I was completely delusional, though.  Intellectually, I knew that this would all be over soon, and I knew I had to remind myself of this, but the negative feelings overcame all rationality, and I became extremely depressed.  The door opened and my friend came back in and sat on the chair next to me.  He asked me if I wanted some water, and I weakly nodded and he handed me the bottle I had brought and I carefully cracked open the cap and took a sip.  I just then realized how much my throat and mouth burned.  The water helped, even though it gave me a bit of a coughing fit.  I started burping quite a bit, and my friend said 'you're not gonna throw up on me, are you?'.  I sort of chuckled and said no.  My head nodded back over and I closed my eyes.  Things were still horrifying, but reality was slowly starting to fade back in.

I remembered that the only way out of this nightmare was to let go.  It took more effort than I'd care to admit to just lay back still and ride it out.  All the while I was muttering things like 'holy shit...fuck... that was bad... really bad... really bad idea... why did I do that?  Oh my God...'.  But at least now I could understand English again, and could begin to communicate.  I had pieced everything back together and began to understand what had happened to me, but the feelings still remained and I was weak, broken, and destroyed.  Our other two friends came back in, and one asked if I was okay, and I told her yes, yes, I'll be fine, just give me another minute.  Then I remembered the time.  What time was it?  I had to know.  I had to know how long I was out for.  I asked my friend, and he didn't know.  I remember in the haze and confusion I looked at my phone and saw that it was 4:03.  Now, I looked at it, and it was 4:23.  I didn't put that together, and it was meaningless.  Just numbers.  Nonsense.  I slipped back into the couch with my eyes clothes, whimpering and grunting a little bit.

At some point, I got up and went to the bathroom.  The concept of time didn't mean anything to me, and the memory of it is jumbled and segmented.  I finished the bottle of water when I came back, and laid back to relax and let the rest of it dissipate.  The other two had gone back into the other room and it was just me and my friend who had stuck with me.  He sat next to me and I was on the verge of sobbing.  I started to talk to him in a soft, weak voice, and I kept repeating that that was a bad idea.  That was a horrible idea.  How could I have been so careless?  I started to explain to him a little bit of what had happened, though it was still a mess in my mind.  He told me when I was on the floor and he was trying to talk to me, I stared at him with eyes wide open and a blank face, and that my pupils were completely dilated.  I'm the only one of the four of us that doesn't have dark brown eyes, and he said that there was absolutely no color in them.  I was apparently shaking rolling about a bit.  He said he brought the other two out of the room so that things would calm down a bit.  Everything was fine.  Nothing was broken, the police hadn't come, and I was beginning to grasp reality again.  I was going to be okay.

He also said that there was one song that came on right as I started to fall into the bad trip.  I had put on 'The Best of Skeletons From the Closet', a best-of album by the Grateful Dead, and the song that came on was called Rosemary.  That song scares the shit out of me sober for some reason, and it made sense that that song triggered that negativity.  It very well could have been the cause of all this.  Our other friends came back in the room, and one of them found the phone with the timer.  It was still running.  This was at the point when I was just starting to come out of it, and it read 50 minutes.  Fifty minutes!  I was out for probably about forty-five minutes.  In the heat of the experience, I thought it would all be over in 10.  In all honesty, I would have guessed I was gone for days.  Literally, days.  It felt like years.  Anybody who's experienced a breakthrough knows that feeling.

Without a doubt, this experience was the most terrifying and traumatizing experience of my entire life.  I feel like this sort of experience is the worst thing a human being can go through and come out okay from.  It was truly humbling, and has inspired a higher respect for these drugs.  That's not to say I didn't have a respect for them already, but I'm surely going to tread with more caution in the future.  It'll be a while before I combine these two drugs again, but I don't think I'll ever break through on DMT while on LSD again.  I can't imagine a worse thing.

One post on the internet caught my eye upon rereading it:

'This combo will caused me to completely lose all control and any sense of self I still had left after taking LSD. The boundaries that separate my body from my surroundings dissolved and I mesh with the ever morphing energy surrounding me.

The DMT flash that followed was shocking and impossible. Since I was high on LSD I didn't comedown like I do when smoking DMT sober but remained in the dream for a significant amount of time. A lot happened but it wasn't human. After a while I wasn't functioning as a human anymore.

When I finally regained control the DMT afterglow and the LSD combined to give the feeling of surviving an extremely death defying experience. I was in a state of shock for a good while.

I personally love this combo but I have seen it break people before so think deeply about whether you want to subject your mind to something so shattering and foreign.'

I should have heeded this warning.  This describes how I felt exactly.

Thanks for reading if you made it all the way through.  I'll definitely never forget this experience and the lesson I learned from it.  I think we all start to feel invincible at some point in our psychedelic careers.  I'm just glad I pushed the limits in a safe environment rather than somewhere where I could have hurt myself or others.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 94874

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Nov 12, 2012	Views: 31,915

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LSD (2), DMT (18) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Bad Trips (6)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:50
		 3 tablets
		 oral
		 Pharms - Clonazepam
		 (pill / tablet)

		   T+ 0:50
		 25 mg
		 oral
		 Pharms - Promethazine
		 (pill / tablet)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   170 lb

 [Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]

11:50pm: Lights have become, in my state of mind, liquids. Everything is no longer normal. My normal mindset is gone. I want this to stop, but I know in my mind it's not going to. Just with MDMA and LSD, once it is ingested, there is nothing you can do but ride it out. My room is completely dark other than my clock which poses the time in a green font. My ceiling has now become a white light panel. The entire ceiling is lit up as it is a giant light. Yet when I look to my side, it fades and I'm still in a black room.

12am to 2am: The trip has finally hit with full fledged force. Lights are waterfalls, dripping onto the ground around me like glow fluid. The ceiling fan is moving clockwise, but stops and shifts counterclockwise. My covers no longer feel like they are on my body. I feel the warm sensation of being curled up in my bed but it almost feels as if I am levitating in a warm magnetic field. Sounds are extremely distinguishable. I can no longer just hear sounds, but I can distinguish frequencies and wavelengths of different tones. The sounds have a reverb that echoes multiple times for about a minute after they happen. My walls are starting to become transparent. My mind knows my house so well that it is projecting what is on the other side of the walls, making it basically see through. Behind the wall that by bed faces; on the other side is my shower. The wall no longer exists and I can see straight to my shower. Shadows are playing tag. The clock is projecting dim light making shadows of the bedside lights and other objects such as drawers. They are all shifting around and moving from wall to wall. Light tracers have become more than tracers. If I stare at my clock for a few seconds, I can look in a dark corner and still see the time, as bright as if I were staring directly at the clock again. My laptop light has a dim light (MacBook) that fades on and off as an indicator that it still has battery. It's no longer fading. The light is a constant white. If I take my phone screen, I can move it side to side and up and down and paint my entire vision white. It slowly fades away from where I first started to where I stopped, almost like a domino pattern. My perception of time is completely gone. My body and mind both feel like they are stretching in between multiple dimensions. I feel completely drugged (probably due to the large dose of anxiety medicine). I can feel the air. Not like when you are on a beach and feel a breeze, but I can cup my hand and feel a presence of gas. I'm no longer in a normal world.

3am: Dimensions and time are shifting. I have no recollection of where I am or what is going on. I feel like I'm in a spacial void and I have no idea what to think. My mind is absolutely confused at this point to where I couldn't complete my thoughts. I had been texting my friends at this point explaining my trip, and them texting me to keep me some sort of comfort. I can no longer text them anymore at this point. When I open the ''New Message'' option, the screens features are shifting at rapid rates and speeds. Every time I click on one of the letters, it floats off the screen into the air in my room and fades once it hits the walls. After stumbling and pressing every number and letter possible, my home screen is just a white page with no text, options, or buttons of any sort. Time is shifting. The numbers on the face of the clock are changing rapidly, they are all going through the course of 0-9 like a slot machine. I no longer have a sense of the time because I cant even understand my clock. I'm shifting around the room and the ceiling. My bed isn't against the same wall, I'm facing a complete opposite direction each minute. My bed also has gone from being on the floor to the ceiling and now the carpet is the ceiling and the fan is beneath my feat. It is thundering and lightning outside and I can feel the soundwaves and vibrations all over my body to the core of my bones. The reverb of the thunder last several minutes and the light of lightning isn't a quick flash anymore, when it happens the brightness stays, and slowly fades minutes after.

My heart rate has come down to a significant stable level, as I have accepted my trip and now I'm slightly more or less enjoying it. Patterns are all over the place and I can vividly see textures surrounding me. Lights are spinning just like fans and giving off pulses. I can see waves of lights in every direction I look. Keep in mind I am in a totally black room but it feels like all of my walls are LED panels and my room is rapidly changing colors. Every time I verbally speak, I do not hear the words until my sentence is finished, as if someone was repeating what I was saying after I was done. I can't understand anything. I no longer know where I exist, what I am, or who I am. I'm very educated in the field of science and astronomy so the intelligence is projecting spacial images and stars and such everywhere. I feel like I'm floating throughout the realm of space and time.

4am: The trip is slowly starting to decrease. My mind is coming back to my body, as I am piecing together myself in my room and I can now figure out who I am. I'm collecting all my thoughts as if all my years of learning are being crammed into my mind in a 30 minute period. I am relearning everything as if I was just reborn. I'm completely drugged, I've had enough depressants and sleep medicine to tranquilize a horse, but I'm still awake, yet I can feel the depressant in it's entirety. I get up to go to the bathroom because I haven't peed in several hours. I avoid looking into the mirror because I know that I will get lost in it. As I turn around after I'm done peeing, I catch a glimpse of the mirror. I try as hard as I can not too, but I end up staring at it. I don't know what its called, but I'm seeing one of those infinity type images. I can see myself hundreds of times like I'm looking through a tunnel and I can see the frame of the mirror multiple times as well. This is a complete mind trip so I stop staring a return to my bed. Every time I touch my sheets, instead of feeling a fabric my fingertips can feel each and every single thread. I can distinguishable feel the texture of the thread.

5-7am: My body and mind have returned. The sense of time and awareness of where I am has also returned. I know where I am, who I am, and I can finally realize that I'm just in my dark room, inside of my house. This trip was the most intense I have ever experienced, even more so than my previous trip on half a strip of acid in the past. Patterns are still shifting, but its not intense enough to not realize that this is just a chemical shifting my vision. Lights are still quite watery, and I can still hear lights and see sounds. Yes, hear lights and see sounds. I'm okay at this point, I've fully accepted my trip and I'm no longer scared of what is present. Patterns are crazy and I'm playing some new funk/electronic music that is very pleasing. I've never heard music in such a vivid form as this. I'm relaxed and laying in my bed enjoying the comfort and security of my covers.

7:40am: I finally pass out. The depressants and sedatives have beaten the trip.

10am: I wake up describing my trip to my friends as best as I could. I can type this experience up but there's no words to describe it. This is one trip that is a life changer and I will never forget this.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 97980

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Nov 16, 2012	Views: 31,104

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Pharms - Promethazine (336), Pharms - Clonazepam (125), LSD (2) : Alone (16), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

After months of meditating for the first time in my life (about 5 months), I ingested three hits of potent LSD rated at about 300 micrograms. [Erowid Note:
Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]   After dosing, I allowed about thirty minutes to pass to come up a bit and then I sat for a meditation session. I saw many visions that were infinitely complex in structure of goddesses, cities, and pyramids. It all built up to me seeing direct visions of what I perceived as Buddha in meditation posture.

It was only about an hour into the trip and I hadn't even peaked. At the peak of the trip, I experienced full blown ego death. What resulted were ultimate feelings of rising up into a state of pure bliss. I felt connected to the infinite now. This exceeded and went deeper than any of my previous LSD experiences. Further amusing by the fact that I wasn't even on a heroic dose of the substance.

Everything seemed to be great until I realized I wasn't coming down from the trip after about five to six days. I continued to meditate to alleviate the immense energy that I felt, but this didn't stop me for experiencing visuals and other characteristics of the substance at times, and I couldn't meditate as extensively as I could before.

I at many points had nearly made direct contact with entities, only to catch myself becoming delusional.

I ended up nearly destroying my TV and guitars as I shouted, “I don't need these things!” and pranced around my house naked, terrifying my mother, who managed to remain strong and calm through this episode.

After this I fell back to some state of stability, with a new found since of peace and ecstasy. My mom felt relieved, comforted by this and I was the happiest I had ever been, ready to take on my life and move on from the experience. This happened on about the fourth day.

It didn't last as feelings of paranoia and fear about darkness began to creep up the next day after. As time wore on with the substance in my system, I began to weaken with controlling my mental state again. When I looked in the mirror, I looked as if I was on the verge of death. Sleep was not a possibility for the week that I felt the effects of the substance, which might explain the immense fatigue that I wore on my presence.

After being unable to control myself again. I began to think that I was telepathically communicating with two friends of mine. I thought, without having communicated with them in person, that they were on their way to my house to pick me up and show me around the new world. That's right, the new world.

During the entire experience I thought that everyone of my peers, people around my age, were also coming to some state of spiritual awakening. I at many times hallucinated  as I looked at websites like reddit and such, that other people were on my wavelength, including the friends I thought to be picking me up. I also assumed that the world just managed to change drastically, to the point to where we were already on the verge of utopia. As my mom feared that I was getting ready to leave the house, on my own, in the middle of the night, she decided to cleverly convince me she would take me to see my friends. Instead, she brought me to the hospital, quite possibly saving my life.

There they put me on anti-psychotics and I was sent home after a few days of being in a psych ward for one day and a detox center for drug addicts the other few days. There visuals were still present at first, often being outlines of Buddha or some other figure meditating. After about a day or two in the detox center, the visuals began to subside and I calmed down, yet I felt some level of inner peace and calm I had never felt before, although nowhere near the level that I felt on day four, more than I had felt in many years.

A few weeks after being on the medications, the anxiety rose again to the point to where I couldn't successfully meditate and the inner peace and calm left me. I withdrew from the medications, but the anxiety worsened.

On one fateful night, it got so bad, I felt like I was on the verge of suicide, but I held on and went through it. The next day the peace, calm, and a light level of bliss come rushing back to me with a successful meditation session. I had found god and with it, tears flowed.

I am now happy AND stable; it's only getting better with each day and each meditation session.

I posted this for the psyhonauts that might have experienced similar and are attempting to reintegrate something of this nature. Honestly, I shouldn't have dropped acid. It was foolish and had it not been for my mother, great harm could have happened to me. I also think that I would have lost it completely and forever had I been genetically predisposed to schizophrenia and other similar illnesses. The only thing I've been predisposed to on a genetic level is depression and ADHD, both of which are continually lifting from me drastically after this experience.

This experience has gotten me to the point of renouncing all drug usage. I'll be reprocessing this experience for a lifetime and I also would like to see more research on LSD and meditation, because this only raises many questions about the substance, spiritual experiences, and psychological illnesses.

According to what I've read and seen on chakras, what I experienced is similar to what some describe as a pre-mature opening of the crown chakra, which often sends someone insane if their lower chakras like the root are not strong, open, and stabilized.

Disclaimer: This is not a how-to guide. I do not feel that I have found enlightenment. I feel like I had a spiritual awakening, but I am young and many challenges await me. What I experienced is possible for everyone if they are willing to work for it, but only the individual can determine the path they need to take for spiritual growth, which includes whatever it is to be done to get to the here, there, and everywhere. For some it may take months to get to this point, for other years. I hope that this can inspire others to take a much safer and stable path to arrive at that constant state of becoming.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 98408

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 20

Published: Nov 28, 2012	Views: 13,215

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LSD (2), Meditation (128) : General (1), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Glowing Experiences (4), Entities / Beings (37), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Various (28)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00

		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 3:00
		 200 mg
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 8:55
		 10 mg
		 oral
		 Pharms - Zolpidem

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   95 lb

Before sharing a report of my most recent experience, I feel a bit of background information is necessary. I am a twenty-two year old female weighing in at around 95 pounds (or ~43 kilograms) who has dabbled in drugs since the age of eighteen. I have taken MDMA, both in its adulterated and pure forms, around 8 times, salvia I have done once, LSD I have dropped four times at varying quantities, 2C-D I have done 3 times, cannabis I have smoked 4 or 5 times, and DMT I have done twice.

The experience about which I am writing now was a candy flip – a combination of LSD and MDMA. The LSD was acquired around 6 months ago from a friend, averaging around 100 micrograms per blotter.  [Erowid Note:
Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]   The MDMA was molly, a gift from a friend, in its pure powdered form – and said to be mixed with either 2C-B or 2C-I (though our friend was not sure which, it was said there was only enough to “add a little color”). As stated previously, I have tried both LSD and MDMA separately in varying quantities before; I also candy flipped once back in October 2010, so this was my second time.

In total, there were four participants in the candy flip that occurred four days ago, on Thursday. Other than myself, there was my boyfriend, D, who has previous experience with LSD (around 5 times total), MDMA (3 times total), and candy flipping (once before – with me). The other two are mutual and trusted male friends of ours, B and H, who both have done LSD about 3 times, but this was their first time taking MDMA. We were doing this at B’s apartment and informed a good friend (and D’s roommate), who has some experience, of our plans as a safety precaution.

We had 3 blotters of LSD to split between the four of us; B and H had bought a gram of the MDMA/2C-? mix while D and I had been gifted an unknown amount to split between the two us by our friend. (Thankfully D owns a scale and was able to check the quantities.) Because researched candy flips a bit beforehand, D and I decided to pre-load with 250 mg of magnesium and 50 mg of vitamin B-6 the night before.

Around 11 AM we all met at B’s apartment to begin preparations – we figured out things each of us wanted to do and/or get from the experience before setting to doling out doses. As D prepared them, I took one 100 mg capsule of 5-HTP as a jump start for the MDMA since my brain often produces low levels of serotonin.

Finally, around 1:20 PM, D had everything ready. The LSD had been split, MDMA measured and laid out for each person, and a hit of DMT had been prepared for each of us – just in case we wanted to indulge – for later. So that we would hopefully synchronize the peaks of the LSD and MDMA, we decided to wait and eat the ecstasy around 3 hours after sublingually ingesting the LSD. Because I was looking mostly for an ecstasy high and am often easily influenced by psychedelics, I took only 1/3 of one blotter paper (around 33 micrograms) while each of the guys took around 88 micrograms each.

Now it was time to wait. I was finishing some schoolwork and the guys decided to entertain themselves with a video game to pass the time. After about 30 minutes I noticed it was becoming increasingly difficult to focus on my work, while the guys became gradually more. It took me 15 more minutes to finish my, so I was trying to ignore any signs of a come up. Though retroactively I realize there was a slight blurring of vision, I was having more and more trouble focusing, my heart began to beat a little bit faster, my stomach began to churn uncomfortably at times, and I had a sudden urge to urinate around the 40 minute mark.

Once I had finally finished the work, I could truly focus on getting my mind ready for the trip. After relieving myself, I returned to the living room and got comfortable on the couch. B and D were trying to figure out a game level while laughing boisterously (which improved my move and mindset as well) while H recorded his come up experience in his journal. Gradually, I began to feel more of a body buzz. My stomach continued to churn discomfitingly, my temperature began to fluctuate slightly (wrapping myself in a soft blanket helped with this immensely) and watching the game on the screen slowly moved from being entertaining to somewhat bothersome. It confused and frustrated me that we were having trouble focusing and I was getting confused by the level. I could tell H was getting anxious to move onto something new as well, and we began urging B and D to stop playing once they had finished the level – they obliged.

B turned on the “Planet Earth” visualization on his PS3; I think it was around 2:30 – 2:45 PM at this point. Once they turned the game off and we chatted, I became more comfortable with the body buzz. I no longer had to shift positions every few minutes, my temperature leveled out, and the uncomfortable stomach churning and nausea I had begun to feel slowly faded away. I started to enjoy the experience more as the come up continued. Colors sharpened and there was a slight movement of objects like the ceiling. White lights had a slight rainbow hue to them. The ceiling appeared to have a transparent layer which swam and flowed like water over the textured under-layer. B turned on the ceiling fan to cool off.

I got more comfortable in my lying position on the couch and urged D to come and cuddle with me, as he is warm and his presence is always very comforting to me during trips. As B prepared a record (Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd), D and I adjusted ourselves for comfort, with his head lying on my chest while I laid back and closed my eyes. For the first time that day, I really took in the closed-eye visuals I was having – it took me a moment to realize the music had started to play. At first, I tried to describe what I was seeing – rainbows, spirals, checkerboards...I find it difficult to explain even now. D said that he began to see what I was seeing as I told them, but eventually the images began to shift so rapidly that I could no longer describe them but only sit back in awe and enjoy.

Before I knew it, the first side of the record had finished playing. As B got up to turn it over, I sat up and leaned against D while watching the ceiling fan and the way it played with the light as the song “Money” began. D tried explaining what he was seeing to me, but I was unable to see his visions. I think this is because our eyes were open now and I had not taken as large of a dose as he had; this disappointed me because I really enjoy being able to share, but I opted to close my eyes and got lost in my CEVs again.

Time passed much more quickly than expected (the time lapse effects of the acid had kicked in by now) and the record stopped sometime after 4 PM. Dark Side of the Moon was a better choice than I had originally expected for a come up – I am a big fan of Pink Floyd so it was very enjoyable for me. Their music mixed with my wonderful CEVs had put me in a good mood; everyone seemed very content with where their trip was going. We each took bathroom breaks and H and I ended up on the balcony outside before B and D came to tell us that it was 4:20 PM; in other words, we had reached the 3 hour mark and it was time to eat the MDMA.

D had prepared the dosages earlier based on our previous experiences and expectations, so B’s dose was the lowest, around 100 milligrams. H’s was closer to 150 mg. D split what we had been given in half, as we were told it was enough for “two people to have a good night” and it measured to around 200 milligrams each. H and D took theirs immediately. B was hesitant because he had never taken MDMA before and was enjoying the LSD on its own, but he had been really excited about trying ecstasy before we started so we encouraged him not to back out. We reminded him that the dose was a fairly light one for someone his size, that he had been determined to try it, and that our trips would be quite different if we weren’t all in synch.

In retrospect, I wish we had not urged him so vehemently. I know he wanted to try it very badly beforehand, but if he had changed his mind we should have let him do so. But we were all feeling good on LSD and wanted to share all of the experiences and all of the drugs; everything turned out okay, but it is still a thought that has crossed my mind a time or two since Thursday. Other than B, I was a little hesitant, too – though not as much. I really wanted to take the MDMA, as molly is my drug of choice, but the amount and rumored bad taste were intimidating to me (it was my first time without it being in pill form or in a capsule). Finally, however, I threw it back and ate it.

I had been reasonably justified in being worried about the taste. The powder instantly spread all over the back of my throat and tongue, immediately filling my mouth with the bitterest taste I’ve ever experienced. It doesn’t help that I often have difficulty eating anything while on LSD already, as I always get a very strange metallic taste in my mouth when tripping – this time was no different. Fortunately, root beer helped cover the taste and I drank some until the bitterness was gone.

We decided that now was a good time to make our walk to the river like H had mentioned he wanted to do earlier, so we gathered fruit snacks, water bottles, and a blanket to sit on. As I bent over to pick up my phone, however, I felt a sudden shift. I swiftly stood and looked at the guys, none of whom had changed their demeanor. I felt another strange shift and took in a rattling breath, I wasn’t certain, but thought that maybe the MDMA was already kicking in (we were expecting come up to take an hour, but it felt like only 5 minutes had passed).

I told the guys I felt like I could not leave yet as I sat down on the couch. The come up was coming on really quickly now. D stopped what he was doing and came closer, asking if I was coming up on the MDMA and if I was okay. I felt like my body was being flooded suddenly with icy, but pleasant, water. The edges of my vision started to glow white, as though everything was suddenly overexposed. My entire body was tingling; it is difficult to explain, but my entire body was buzzing. It felt very sensual, almost like I was having an orgasm – a fact I quietly shared with D.

But it didn’t stop there. Feeling restless, I stood and paced a little. The guys were slowly starting to feel things, too, it seemed; I felt restless, with shifts coming more frequently now. I sat down again. Suddenly there was a “WOOOOOSH” in my ears where things seemed to go silent for a moment before sound came back, but now seemed distant and morphed.

Now I was feeling very anxious. It had been pleasant at first, but now it was coming on too quickly. I couldn’t focus and the sensations were just growing and growing, too strong and too intense for me to adjust. I felt uncomfortable and restless. I stood up again, mentioned that I needed some air, and headed for the balcony. I thought maybe I had needed a change of scenery, but it did not help. I realized my bladder felt full, so I went to the bathroom and relieved myself. While washing my hands I was almost chanting to myself, “You’re okay. It’s just the drugs. You’re going to be okay. You’ll get used to it. It’ll stop soon...You’re okay.”

I went out to the balcony again, but noticed that things still felt off and my stomach was churning. Without a word to the guys, I went back into the bathroom, chanting words of comfort and reminders of reality to myself. Suddenly I realized what the churning meant and sat on the toilet. D had noticed I was acting paranoid and knocked, asking if I was okay. I told him I was, or that I would be, and that he just needed to go out on the balcony. “Are you sure?”  I told him I was, but that he and the guys needed to stay on the balcony because I didn’t want them to hear.

Finally, I knew he had gone and slowly I let myself pass a bowel movement – as it happened, I began feeling better mentally, too. By the time it was over, I was smiling the largest smile I’ve ever made. I was instantly elated. This time when washing my hands, I was able to tell myself truthfully that I really was okay and that I felt great – I had never felt happier. The bad vibes and emotions had disappeared with the bad gunk that had been in my body.

I stepped out the bathroom feeling as I knew I should on 200 mg of MDMA and called for D, feeling the need to tell someone what happened, despite how embarrassing it was. We went into the living room and I told him how paranoid and anxious I had gotten, and what had finally relieved me of that feeling. He accepted this information well and even laughed, relieved that I was okay.

Overcome with emotion (all positive – all love) I shared another personal revelation with him. His reaction was all love, and the upsurge was like the surge of negative before. I was so full of emotion suddenly - I felt very nauseous. I only purged a little, but felt instantly better once I had. D and I decided to rejoin the others, as all of the love in the room was tempting us to do things we would not normally do with others around and I was feeling much better than I had before.

However, we had not quite overcome all of our hurdles for the day yet, as B was also fighting nausea. I rubbed his back while he tried to force himself to purge (something he later told me helped). I encouraged him to do what he could, as I knew he would feel much better when he got it out, like I had. It was very difficult for him, and soon I was overwhelmed with anxiety at his predicament. Feeling myself returning to where I had been before, my heartbeat rose to alarming rates. I had to leave him with D so I could calm myself.

I went to the balcony and sat with H, who was calm and serene. His quiet words, reassurances, and care-free attitude helped bring me back to the euphoria from before. Soon, D and B joined us outside. Listening to music had made B feel better and he, too, was able to start enjoying the effects of the drugs mixed together. Despite feeling calm and enjoying the high now, my legs began shaking and my jaw began clacking uncontrollably – I had never had this experience on MDMA before, but finally I understood why jaw clenching occurs. Thankfully, H had some gum that remedied things by keeping my mouth busy.

At this point it was around 5:30, so we knew the come-up had definitely been less than an hour, probably around 10-25 minutes (our altered perception of time made it hard to tell). For the next hour we sat on the balcony chatting about anything and everything – we all became introspective and open, like we were each other’s therapists. We talked about things in our lives that had been hurting us, and helped ourselves find closure by expressing these thoughts. The details of these conversations are very personal, so I will not give specifics, but it seemed very therapeutic for all four; bad pasts, mental disorders, trouble at home – no matter the issue, we were able to at least come to a better understanding about it and feel more at peace with our lives. Around 6:30 PM we decided it was time to walk to the river, as a peaceful atmosphere was the best option for the inner peace we had all just found.

As we walked from the apartment to the river one of the buildings we passed had music playing. The song “Hallelujah” seemed as though it literally drifted on the wind to get to my ears.  It sounded slightly morphed, and amplified, as though I were standing right next to the speaker the entire time; it was the most beautiful sound – the most wonderful song – I had ever heard in my life. Four days later, it still evokes such a strong emotion in me that I think it will stay with me for the rest of my life; it symbolizes the peace of mind I had finally been able to find thanks to the friends I was with, and the drugs I was on.

We arrived at the river as the sun had begun to set. We sat in silence, watching the wind ripple across the water. The trees on the other bank danced with life in a subtle way, and the sky held such vibrant colors. Eventually it grew colder and darker as the sun continued to set, and we decided it was time to head back to the apartment before turned to night completely.

Once back, we immediately began to prepare for our own little rave – black lights, glow wands, techno music, and ring pops. We danced and laughed and enjoyed ourselves until our bodies were too tired to continue, and then we sat back and enjoyed the visuals that the music had inspired in us. D decided it was time to throw DMT into the mix; I passed, but B, D, and H indulged. It was about 9:30 PM and I could tell I was coming down from the MDMA – it was a steady slope to baseline once I realized I was, and soon I noticed my muscles were aching all over. D rubbed my back while B massaged my calves; I sat enjoying my CEVs a while longer as they did so. We also took one 5-HTP capsule of 100 mg each at this point.

I always have difficulty falling asleep after a trip so I took 10 milligrams of my Zolpidem Tartrate (I have a prescription for insomnia) around 11:15 PM. I often get slight hallucinations (open eye movement and CEVs) and tracers when I take this medicine, so I feel it prolonged the effects of the LSD. Aside from having visions when my eyes were closed, I soon felt like I was completely back to baseline – just tired and worn out, but still happy (just not nearly as happy as I had been earlier). Unfortunately, I had trouble falling asleep despite having taken the medicine and my sleep was restless. I woke up multiple times in the night. At 5:30 AM, I realized I was still experiencing CEVs when I tried to fall asleep again. I noticed the same around 9:15 AM, nearly 20 hours after I had ingested the LSD, and 17 after eating the MDMA/2C-? mix!

Eventually these, too, faded away. My body felt tired, but I was fine and awake mentally. I took a final 100 mg capsule of 5-HTP around 1:00 PM that day (Friday) to further deter any post-MDMA depression from setting in.

The things I learned from this experience can be summed up into a few points.

First, I learned a lot about myself. I feel that this combination of drugs has a very therapeutic effect, much more than any counseling or prescription medications I have had to battle my difficulties in the past. Although a lot of the trip was spent just having fun, I was also able to talk things out, work through things, and let go of things I had been holding onto for years. They’re not completely gone, but they’re not holding me back quite like they were before. I think a few more candy flips (or possibly trips with only the MDMA/2C-mix) in the future will help me work through everything I need to in my life and will help me finish letting go of the things I touched on during this trip. I not only gained closure for things that happened in my past, but the confidence I need to move on to my future (something I had been lacking previously as a fresh college graduate). I feel I could not have gained such without the help of these drugs and my friends.

Secondly is a point I should have considered much harder before this trip. While the set and setting were excellent for it, my friends and I should have been more cautious in some regards. Rather than ingesting the MDMA on its own, on empty stomachs, after already being affected by the LSD, we should have put it in gel caps. Doing so would have made the onset of the MDMA mixture more gradual and less intense, I think, and therefore we could have possibly avoided the obstacles we’d had to face – which could have made the trip go horribly wrong if B and I had not been able to work through them.

We also should have made certain what had been mixed with the MDMA, or exactly how much of it there was. We are still not sure if it was 2C-I or 2C-B, though we’re more inclined to believe it was 2C-I. I have always been of the opinion that a person should know exactly what they are getting themselves into before addling their minds. Drugs are not something to take lightly, and as (fortunately) brief as the lesson was, it has stuck with me. We got the MDMA/2C-mix as a gift from a friend, but no matter how much we trust someone, it still should have been essential for us to know everything about it that we could.

Otherwise, this trip was the best I have experienced. The range of emotions, activities, and mental clarity that came with it will stick with me for the rest of my life. I feel much more of a tie to B and H than I did before, and although we’re all going separate ways, I think they are people who will be a part of my life no matter what. I feel I have gotten even closer, an even tighter bond, with my boyfriend D as well – I am so happy I was able to share this candy flip with him. Although I am sure I will dabble in drugs again, I doubt anything will quite compare to this experience. It truly changed my life.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 90973

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 22

Published: Dec 8, 2012	Views: 14,376

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MDMA (3), LSD (2), Pharms - Zolpidem (143) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Combinations (3)