		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:00
		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:50
		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

A little background information; At age 15, throughout the 10th grade of High School, I dropped Lucy every other day and was able to even keep composure throughout High School while doing so. Never once did I have a bad journey or anything that felt remotely wrong at this point in my life. At this point in my life I was a worry free kid. The drought set in and my life changed drastically. I got into hard shit and became very depressed with my life. My last trip with Lucy (11 days before my daughter was born) was a rough one but I had my daughters mother who I was very close with at that point to guide me through. She had also been my chemical companion throughout various past experiences.

Alright so here it is all laid out. Not a very perfectly planned journey by any means but I did learn a few very important lessons about my life and life in general and all around it was a very good experience. Throughout the night before dropping I had around 4 or 5 beers. Around 4:25a.m. I decided to drop 3 hits of the blotter which I recently acquired from a loving brother. The first hour was spent in my room just laying down watching TV I don’t exactly remember what was on the TV at the time. When it reached 5:25a.m. I was feeling nothing so I decided to drop two more. Layed there and watched some more TV until it reached about 5:40 a.m. when I felt like I had diarrhea coming on from some little caesars pizza and crazy bread I hate ate a few hours earlier. My mother was just getting out of the bathroom and getting ready to head to work.

I got up and went into the bathroom and opened up the window nice and wide which faces to the east. While sitting there I could feel it coming on slightly and in my mind I got very excited and felt as if I was purposely purging out all of the negativity in my life. I felt nothing but good vibes radiating at this point. After getting out of the bathroom I went back into my bedroom around 5:50a.m. and sat back down and took a nice swig of beer and could still feel it coming on slightly. It felt like as soon as I sat down my mother called me from downstairs to print a report for my little sister because she couldn’t get it to print. I went downstairs with minor anxiety and printed it and headed back to my room.

At this point it was 6:00a.m. Upon getting back into my room I laid there feeling out Lucy and letting her get a good feel of me. Everything felt right at this point. Everything was beautifully coming together but I was not totally satisfied. Around 6:15a.m. I went to grab for the last 2 hits and my phone started ringing immediately as I reached. It was my mother asking me to wake up my little brother for school. I felt like this was an omen not to drop anymore because she had stopped me while my arm was outreached. I woke up my brother and went back upstairs. Sitting on my futon things were starting to take hold even stronger but I still was not satisfied and while looking at the last two hits I thought to myself “well I can either sit here and have a low to mild experience or I can see how far the rabbit hole will go with all of these”. Seeing as this has been my first experience in over a year I dropped the last 2 hits.

At this point it had reached 6:35a.m. The sun was up in the east but my windows face the north and the west so my room was fairly dim at this point. This is where things really started to go into overdrive. Laying on my futon I was watching “Funny Farm” because it was on HBO at the time and seemed suitable and non violent/threatening. At around 6:55a.m. it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was totally blown away. I laid completely flat on my back on my futon breathing deeply in and out keeping a good mindset and watched spots on my wall begin to swirl and take on what looked like a life of their own moving in various motions. At this point all was good and I was enjoying. I turned back to the TV and it was annoying me so I shut it off and laid back watching the ceiling. The visuals were utterly phenomenal. At first in a good sense but then they started to get a dark feeling to them. I brought my blanket up over my head and shut my eyes and inside my mind I was having some very wild visuals that I have never experienced to this intensity before. Things that seemed to look like skeletal figures with geometric lines forming their shape. Utterly amazing but at the same time frightening.

It felt as if “the demons” (how my mind put it at that time) were closing in on me. I felt like I was fading out and I became very claustrophobic and felt as if something was making it hard for me to breathe while under my blanket. Very overwhelming feeling. I pushed off my blanket and laid on my side staring at my futon gazing into what looked as if it was the fourth dimension. While gazing it became dark again and what looked like a demons face came before my eyes totally white face made up of total energy nothing physical with black eyes. This fucked with me bad so I sat up and tried to regain composure. At this point only a very small amount of time had passed. It went from 6:55a.m. to only 7:15a.m. I couldn’t believe my brothers and sisters hadn’t even left for school yet because I wanted to go downstairs where it was more open and bright. Things were very intense so I decided to try and give my daughters mother a call who used to be chemical companion and would guide me through when times got rough. With 3 back to back failed attempts at calling I think it set me off very bad.

I laid down on my back again and stared at the ceiling. The next visual was the most intense I have ever seen in my entire relationship with Lucy. Above me on the ceiling were physically lifeless forms. They were made up of complete energy with a light white glow. They were in a circular shape all connected at the head, arms at their sides, and legs spread out. They were moving in a circle in a counterclockwise rotation. I felt like fading out again and began to but things started feeling negative and I felt as if “the demons ” were grabbing for me (this is what was running through my mind).

I closed my eyes and I was seeing some very fucking cool but scary shit. Things that looked like ancient egyption pyramids and peoples of that time along with skeletal figures and demonic looking faces. All incredible and I'd do it over any day of the week but at that point where I was at right then it was a little too much for me. I needed somebody to be there with me and help me understand and comfort me. I attempted to call my daughters mother again with no luck and became upset and realized that it had only hit 7:40a.m. and that my little brothers and sisters were gone at school. At this point I totally lost track of time up until the end.

Downstairs I went and turned on a fan and pointed it at the couch and headed to the bathroom. In the bathroom nothing too spectacular happened. Just the usual off and crooked look to everything. I came out of the bathroom and laid down on the couch and watched the TV hoping it would keep me leveled off. This did not work and I found myself gazing off and getting an overwhelmed feeling of anxiety. I forgot the purpose of why I was journeying in the first place and only wanted to come down. Things felt off and not right and generally blue. I tried calling Erica one last time with no luck. The air from the fan started to annoy me so I turned it off. I stared out the window and became annoyed because I couldn’t go outside feeling that overwhelmed and not knowing the purpose of what I was doing in that realm and feeling like nothing was being accomplished and very overwhelmed of the intensity of what I was seeing.

I had to figure out something to do. Right in front of me was my answer. The computer. I walked up and hit the mouse and the screen saver shut off and Windows popped up. I looked at my desktop and it was distorted looking, the buttons seemed larger, the color was off, out of the corner of my eye the printer looked like it was lifting off the desk and coming back down over and over again everything on the desk out of the corner of my eye was floating and pulsing. The exact words that came flying out of my mouth were “Fuck That.” I got up and sat back down on the couch. Everything was just so very intense and I felt so lost after only a few minutes I jumped back up and made my way back to the machine determined to get online to talk with some people I knew would understand where I was at and be able to help me through.

The visuals were still intense and throughout my whole time on the computer it was very intense. I felt like I was inside the monitor at some point and others I just watched everything on the desk float. I made my way here with little trouble. I’ve been a computer nut since I was 11 years old. I went to my post where I asked earlier around the time I originally dropped for people to send me some good vibes. On the screen I read a post that I hadn’t previously read before dosing saying “It’s been a long time coming. You know what to do.” It’s like exactly what I had been thinking. That I had no clue what I was supposed to be doing. I had totally forgotten the purpose of my journey and why I was gazing into the astral plane.  I have so much respect and appreciation for everybody who helped me out throughout that thread especially in the beginning. Everybody was throwing short and compact hard hitting good spirited punches at me. I will never underestimate the value of words even on a computer screen ever again in my life. Where I was at that point in time I was clinging on those words. I will also never forget what those guys did for me. They may not realize it but they truly helped set me in a good place. I have much love for them and I feel a much deeper connection with that forum then I previously had.   Sitting with my face close to the monitor I felt like I had a connection with each and every one of them. It was absolutely beautiful. I could honestly feel their good intentions and felt like I was making a connection with their spirit through their words and avatar. It was like I have known all of them my whole life and they understood me and where I was at that point. I became very calm at this point. This is when I could not connect to the forums. I had just started to feel better and I felt like something very demonic was keeping me away from the love I was feeling while here. While here I felt as if all of the negativity in my body was being purged with the help of the vibes I was receiving.

I went back and laid on the couch and reached out and felt like I made a spiritual connection with me uncle who I was very close to growing up. He was like my role model and I respect him. He is a very wise spiritual man. I felt overwhelmed with good vibes again and once again felt like I was purging out the negativity in my body. I called him and when he heard me rambling about how I dropped 7 doses and was tapped the fuck in and didn’t remember what I was supposed to be doing here and I am totally lost and on and on and on he laughed. “He said Matthew you need to go outside. It’s a beautiful day and the earthly spirits will love you right now. Get up go outside and lay down in the grass and let yourself be engulfed with the positive spirits who will help you figure out what you are trying to do here.” I replied saying I cannot go outside. He shot back “It’s not that you cannot go outside it’s that you are setting boundaries for yourself as you always do. Let go of your boundaries and travel outside.” I looked out the window and it all looked so big out there (mind you I haven’t been out of my house at all in literally 3 or 4 months.. except for a few times with my daughters mother. I ditched most of my friends due to my anxiety that I have a hard time controlling) I just couldn’t do it. My uncle continued to laugh and told me that everything would be alright and to keep purging out the negativity and that’s the reason I had come to purge the negativity, the boundaries, the fear of responsibilities and maturity, and thinking to much of what other people think of me. It still didn’t seem to clear to me at this point. What he said made since but he cut me short because he was at work leaving me confused and sort of upset with him.

I got back on the computer and read back to see what happened from there. The pictures posted were absolutely beautiful. They produced some wild visual distortions and I had to close some of them because they were very intense. Especially one of a girl on the blotter.  From time to time between posts and such I laid down on the couch. I watched the ceiling and many geometric patterns that looked like grafitie letters and designs were pulsing on the ceiling and changing form constantly. At one point the ceiling looked as if one big spiders web. I think the web represented many personal problems of my own that I have weaved. I could see it perfectly but became lost inside of it and lost my way.

At one point I tried to call Erica my daughters mother again and things were slowly coming down at this point. This time she answered and I tried to tell her where I was at but she didn’t want to hear me. She started screaming nonsense at me that I couldn’t understand. One thing I did understand was her last line. “How often in the past year have you been here for me Matt? I was there for you last time this time you are on your own.”. It made perfect sense to me and I needed to hear this from her. It helped me contemplate on many personal issues and set me back on track as to what I was doing and trying to accomplish.

Things slowly faded out. Visuals became less and less robust. The mind grip let go slowly. Around 1:30 p.m. The effects were totally gone for the most part. The afterglow is still upon me as we speak. From 1:30p.m. – 4:00p.m. I laid on my futon and contemplated many personal things. I have come to some conclusions and some things are still left unsettled.

All in all it was a very very good experience. It taught me a few valuable lessons and left me with a few questions to answer on my own.

I am anticipating my next meeting with Lucy with open arms which probably will not be for a while.

And this chapter comes to a close. Damn that was a long time coming.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 44974

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Jul 27, 2005	Views: 6,712

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LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Entities / Beings (37), General (1), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 14 g
		 oral
		 Mushrooms
		 (dried)

		 oral
		 LSD

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   185 lb

This is an attempt to recount the details of my first experience using psychadelics. I realize the above-stated doses are extreme, but they are accurate. I took these quantities out of ignorance having no prior experience or knowledge of appropriate first time methods. I had this trip 7 months ago and am still recovering.

My mental state going into this was one of 'lets do it man, lets  see what life's all about,' but below the surface I've always had a good deal of anxiety and depression. I took the drugs at an outdoor concert venue in Washington state. First the mushrooms (all) and then the acid within 10 minutes. I was with two friends that I did not know well and did not completely trust. Initially, I felt small changes in sensory perception, beginning with color changes and auditory variations in volume. I made my way to the top of a hill where I could hear the music, and look out over the Columbia river gorge. Shortly after sitting down I heard my friend mention something and I turned my head to talk back. This is when the drugs hit me. When I turned my head, everything smeared visually. I shook my head, but doing this just made the smears start bouncing around and morphing into one another.

Having no prior experience with psychadelics, this was insane and I began to have intense pulsations of fear. I started reaching out with my arms for someone nearby, but my arms would disappear into these smeared geometric patterns and come back to wrap around my face. I tried yelling, but I couldn't understand the words coming from my mouth. Then the panic hit me really hard. My heart was pounding, I was sweating heavily, and I suddenly couldn't feel myself breathing. I then lost all subsequent feeling in my hands, feet, and facial organs. At this point I was roughly 2 hours in. Things got so distorted that I couldn't tell which one of my senses was picking up what. The things I was seeing are unexplainable. Just radical morphing images in my periphery whether I had my eyes open or closed it didn't matter. The things I focused on would lapse into the periphery. I began to have the experience of living distorted memories again, and I was seeing and touching faces, shapes, and forces that were not there (technically). It grew from this into my being just morphing with the sky and the earth. I felt like I was physically coming apart and transforming into different parts of the universe. I felt strongly that I was sitting in front of my body, and my motions were independent of it.

At roughly 4 hours the fear rose to a new level for me. It was a new kind of fear that I've never felt before. I was just completely paralyzed and I knew that I was approaching death. I had wave after wave of panic attacks, but there were also new emotions that I've never before encountered. At this point I couldn't take the fear and the horror I was going through, so I began trying to crawl toward a cliff I had seen earlier in an effort to throw myself off. Fortunately my motor skills were so impaired I was physically unable to move. I remember at that point just crying and giving up control. I just said 'its over let it take you' and in doing so some of the fear left me and I just laid there thinking about my family and friends and trying to connect with them on some level to send them my love.

About 6-7 hours in, my friends had managed to get me to an ambulance crew. There is only one thing I remember during the following 4 hours or so and that was asking the Medic what time it was. He replied '6:30' after awhile I asked him again and he said '6:15.'   I couldn't fully comprehend this, but I can say that over the course of the trip (lasted about 18 hours) I thought years had gone bye.

I honestly cannot recall anything from about the 7th to 15th hours of the trip. I have snapshot-like memories of some very unexplainable things. Coming down was very sad. I was just overwhelmed with empathy for every living thing. I felt extremely detached from everyone around me, and my view of reality and the world was very distorted.

For months after this trip I had severe panic attacks/flashbacks and depression, along with a major change in reality perception. For the first several weeks after I felt like I was drifting on the line of psychosis. I am not the same person I was before this experience. Although I have healed spiritually, I have a hard time relating to anyone who has not had similar experiences and I continue to feel like this reality is a cage that I have to escape from. A note to all: don't take doses like this, I found it very hard to reintegrate myself into reality after doing so. Drugs are not necessesary to reach answers for the ultimate questions in life.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 42633

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Aug 2, 2005	Views: 9,500

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LSD (2), Mushrooms (39) : Difficult Experiences (5), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		   T+ 0:00
		 0.5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:45

		 inhaled
		 Nitrous Oxide
		 (gas)

		   T+ 0:45
		 2 tablets
		 oral
		 Piperazines - BZP

		   T+ 3:30
		 1 tablet
		 oral
		 MDMA

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   70 kg

This is a yarn about people getting really, really twisted. I've given my background in another report but Ill skim through again: Pot, Shrooms, Acid, Mdma, Meth, 2CB, Salvia, Nitrous, some real shitty coke. The most interesting part of this report is probably going to be the BZP, which where I come from (New Zealand) is legal and is sold under the brand names Frenzy, Euphoria and Nemi. TMFPP, which is another form of Piperazine is sold as Exodus, but there is BZP in these as well, not very helpful for serious experimenters.

The setting was at a New Years eve outdoor Dance party, and a better setting would be hard to find in my opinion. The various areas and campsites were nestled amongst tall hills, a beatiful and unspoiled natural environment. The vibes were amazing, the weather was sunny and my friends and I immediately felt welcome. This was to be my fourth time on E and my second candyflip, but I was soon to find out that the gear I'd got this time was far, far superior to those times I've just mentioned. I was filled with nervous exitement, but being among a large group of friends who I'd been tight with for ages meant that there was nothing approaching a negative thought in my mind.

We broke out the pot in large amounts to pass the time but some of my friends were getting impatient and had heard there were some legal pills for sale that had an effect similar to speed. They went to obtain some of these while I continued to chill. The ones they got were Euphoria which I think had 50mg BZP per pill or maybe 75. Frenzy certainly have 75mg, and are stronger which makes me suspect they were 50. After being responsibly(!) informed by the supplier that they would go well with an E my friends G, P and D each took four of these pills. My other friend (P also) took two. An hour and a half later they were all visibly mashed. I had tried Exodus, the ones with TMFPP, before, and did my best to warn them about the many negative side effects I had experienced (extreme jaw clamping, contracted gut and extended loss of appetite) but everyone just saw me as a spoilsport and didn't pay any attention. P1 (one of the dudes on four) said that it was almost as good as a roll.

At this point I dropped my half Acid blotter (T 0:00) and we all sat around in the slowly fading sun, enjoying the last few moments of relaxation before the big night ahead. As my acid kicked in (T 0:45) I had a balloon and this confirmed that it was a good half dip, some very interesting visuals were occuring already. Also, since Euphoria came in four packs my mate P2 had a couple spare, so I thought what the hey and joined the others in partaking of this strange chemical.

By nightfall (T 1:45) I was well charged and anticipating the E to really do the business. The countdown was a bit of an anticlimax, probably because none of us had dropped our eccies yet. We wanted to hold out as long as possible, but at one am we could no longer resist (T3:30) and dropped. We walked around for a while, to pass the time and soon I was feeling extremely strange. I have no idea when it happened but at some stage I suddenly realised that I was no longer on Earth. I don't mean this metaphorically at all, I was literally on another planet. I think it was Mars or something. I felt like I was completely lost, but in a good way. The time distortion was just unbelievable. Seconds seemed like hours. Me, P1 and G ended up at the Tribal tent and tried to dance for a while but then we looked at each other and came to the realisation that we were seriously, seriously twisted.

We made the wise decision to head back to base camp and have bizarre, in-depth discussions about nothing in particular. My mate P1 had a different pill to us called an X-files and he was convinced that he was seeing aliens. Since I was on Mars, this made sense to me at the time. It helped that all the hard-trancers were running around with glow sticks. I started raving on about evolution, (I had been listening to a lot of Bill Hicks) and we looked up at the stars which were bright in a way that you only get in the middle of the bush. We sat there for about two hours, until our rolls became a bit more manageable.

As the first light appeared, we headed out to the main stage to see what we had come for, a DnB set from 48 Sonic and Riddle. It was kinda weird seeing a whole lot of people as wasted as us in the light in the middle of a field. The set was awesome, they spun the hugely appropriate 'Morning Light' by Concord Dawn. After this we went back to base, where in my tent were a few Nos' I had been saving. I had a balloon, and this was when I found myself in a corridor of infinity, that was marked by web-like electric blue patterns. I could see in front of me and behind me at the same time! Weird.

Outside, the others were smoking a blunt that had two types of weed and generous amounts of hash in it (no tobacco, but it was still as big as a cigar). As we were partaking of this I had a bizarre and mystical experience. A small child (four or five yrs old) had wandered over to our group. I immediately felt empathy towards her. She was telling me something about how she had lost her friend although she didn't seem upset or concerned. I felt a queasy sense of guilt as I watched the hash smoke waft in huge clouds around her face. I wished to god that she wasn't there, but knew she had some kind of message for me. I couldn't interpret this hidden message though. It was just like a dream that I knew I'd forget when I woke up.

I was coming down now, so I sought the comfort of my tent. Unfortunately, so had what seemed like a dozen or more white tailed spiders (poisonous). I wasn't imagining this! I decided to sleep outside on a rug in the sun instead.

The next day I could still feel the chemicals in my system. We decided on a change of scene and went to stay in Hahei the next night. A few tokes of Pot brought me a sense of warm well-being and as I lay under the stars with my closest friends I felt truly blessed to be on this crazy planet, no matter how fleeting and strange my experience of it has been and will be.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 26974

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Aug 5, 2005	Views: 15,317

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BZP (101), LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Combinations (3), Glowing Experiences (4), Rave / Dance Event (18)


		 DOSE:

		 7 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   160 lb

Well, I had been in a self destructive mode for a few months. Doing way too many drugs, way too often. I had done acid only about two to three times before and the first time had been life changing, I had the perfect first experience and decided that a bad trip was not possible for me after such a night. Boy was I wrong.

I’d  just started reading a lot about existentialism and had just finished reading a decent amount about Zen Buddhism. Another piece of media that had influenced my trip slightly was a film titled ‘waking life’ but anyway I’m starting to ramble so I’ll get on to the bad trip night.

I’d  met a girl just once and I knew a few of her friends but had not actually gotten to hang out with any of them before, I gave her a call and we decided to do something that evening. First we had to wait for her friend to get off work, he was a DJ at a really cheesy bar, so the night started off kinda strangely. After he got off work we met up with another one of her friends who suggested we get some drugs of some sort and go to his place to listen to him spin (a DJ who is into trance/hardhouse) she and I (I’ll call her X from this point on) and her first DJ friend (y from now on) decided to try to find some LSD. Y had never done it before and X had about four times never more than two hits. I had bought ten really, really weak hits the previous weekend and had about seven which barely caused any hallucinations, so I decided I’d  like a normal type of trip for the night. So we left X’s car and hopped into the second DJ’s house who we’d  be going to (from now on z) in search of some LSD. Needless to say we found some and I bought plenty for the evening (25 because it was supposed to be good and good stuff is hard to come by where I was living). And we headed off to Z’s house.

We stopped along the way and bought slurpies and candy (unfortunately) Z was spinning some psytrance on his amazing system and the rest of us were sitting on a couch listening and had taken two hits each and waited. WE waited about two hrs and about the only effect was that a ball with a smiley face seemed to be winking at me (things always wink at me when I take LSD or mushrooms, things like houses and toys, pretty much anything that has a face like structure) I had taken about three grams of vitamin c that day because of a cold I was getting over, and I think that may have been suppressing the visuals. I was getting giddy, and started thinking some strange thoughts, however I was feeling letdown thinking that I had bought 100 dollars worth of bunk ’cid. Y started to get pretty funny though but X was becoming quite irritated with the two of us, and was a source of some seriously bad vibes. I decided to pretty much leave her alone for the rest of the night. Now comes the turning point of my evening. For some reason (it’s something to do with the self destructive things I do, when things are going well for me I seem to throw a wrench in them) I found a pair of scissors and cut off a strip of five hits, I figured if this stuff is weak then that would be appropriate. (I hadn’t waited long enough, a mistake often made when people take drugs).

I put the five hits on my tongue and sat back down on the couch. X asked me to open my mouth, and when she saw the strip she smacked me and became quite pissed off that I’d  done something so ridiculous. About ten minutes later I started feeling really high (the next five likely hadn’t done anything yet) and Y and I decided to go for a stroll. Z’s place was a two story duplex, and while in the stairway I lay down and completely lost track in my mind of which way was up. After about twenty minutes we finished putting our shoes on and went out into the beautiful Monday morning. We got out on the stoop and promised not to leave the yard for fear of getting lost. I was becoming quite high, without the hallucinations however. I noticed how large Y’s head was though and laughed about it for a good five minutes then when I wiped the tears off Y said he wanted to go back in.

We hadn’t left the stoop yet and when we turned around we were faced with an enormous problem. Because the house was a duplex there were two doors leading to two different living spaces side by side, and neither of us could remember which door we had just exited. HAHA, really funny. We laughed for about twenty minutes until our stomachs hurt too much to laugh, but then it became an actual problem, we honestly didn’t know which door to go into and they both looked exactly alike. We didn’t want to try the wrong one for fear of getting a pissed off neighbour on our case (by this time I was becoming extremely high and the absurdity of the world around me was becoming hard to ignore) Finally X came out making it look so easy to exit the right door (for her it was, but we forgot that) and another ten minute spell of hysterics began. We went back inside.

Now, somewhere between the door way and the basement, I decided that there isn’t anything in life that someone can want that they can’t have. (Thought it would make a great bumper sticker, and became quite annoying in stating that.) X became down right pissed off at my repeating and ranting and told me to go outside. Her anger set off something in me, and I went in sat in the stairway (I was afraid to go outside). At this point my bad trip started. I started thinking in circles, started relating things in ways that I felt were amazing coincidences, e.g. The way every man really looked the same but our mind made the physical appearance differences (I dunno, it seemed right at the time) and how Aristotle was right with his four elements, which I changed into the four colors in the windows symbol then divided them into halves, pretty soon the whole world was made up of only black or white, wrong or right, the dark side or the light side, Darth Vader or Luke Skywalker, one or zero. I then thought my life was so confusing and difficult because I couldn’t decide so I began to meditate. I ended up thinking that everything in existence was one simple mass amount of data and that we were simply a insignificant little part of it trying to take as much in as possible, in some sort of greedy way. Like all of existence were a wall, and we were just a short scratch along it’s side. (My first trip I was in a bar, and sitting and on a huge screen directly across from me they played Pink Floyd the wall onto for the first time I’d  ever seen it.)

So I suppose I had the “Another Brick in the Wall” thing inspiring that thought. Anyway it was like I had an epiphany like existence became clear to me. Everything fit, except that I had to chose one or two, black or white, etc. So I went back downstairs and tried sharing this with my peers who were very unreceptive. (It probably sounded like rambling as I don’t have the best verbal expletive skills, although I doubt getting across what I was thinking is humanly possible even though I am now trying.) X started yelling at me, and Y was laying on the floor dropping a ball and expecting it to fall to the ceiling and then becoming disappointed when it didn’t. I decided on the dark side so I threw an expensive remote control to the wall and then laughed evilly.

At this point the idea of a black and white fractal started running though my mind and the utter pointlessness of existence hit me hard. From that point on everything that anyone said to me was a question, that the rest of my life had led up to, and I only gave the wrong answer. (What was really happening I believe is I was being asked questions on how to get home, and I was giving up only nonsense to which they would sigh and become annoyed with.) When they sighed it was like everything in existence had boiled up to that one moment, and that all of this absurd existence had been conjured up by some god like beings for eons never ending in hope that I would answer the question correctly. And I couldn’t. And when I didn’t (from now on I’m stating the experience as I thought it was happening not as it was because I was beyond reality), it meant that everything was doomed to repeat itself over and over until I did. The catch was that I was certain I never would, so we’d  spiral off into eternity with no hope of ever knowing why we were there (the sad thing is that part is true, we never will know). All of a sudden X and Y were these omnipresent (because they were always near me to make sure I didn’t do something stupid) beings that were toying with all of mankind, like they had created us on a bet to see if I’d  answer this question right, or not. I think at that point I truly understood Kantian idealism. For time and space made a lot more sense to me. I realized that every atom I was made up of had been going though time, and had been in space for ever as far as I knew and would always be as far as I knew.

By now X and Y were trying to send me in a cab, but I had no cash, so they walked me down the street to a sev to get cash, I only spit out the wrong answer to the nature of our existence when asked for my pin number so they couldn’t send me, not even on a bus which they would have (that would have been even worse). I tried to steal a car (I thought maybe that was the answer to the question of existence) that was followed by a lot of yelling and threats, then I ate a pepper that had been sitting for possibly days on the sidewalk, and they walked me back to Z’s house and they decided to wait till they could drive me home.

On the way home I decided that maybe sitting (in the Zen meditation type of way) was the only way to endure eternity, and kept trying to sit, which was always followed by more yelling. The next bit is hazy, colors were changing, I had visions of being on huge cliffs staring into vast empty space, it was all scary in the sense that I realized I’d  never answer the question of why I was in existence. Next I got back into thinking about the black/white 1/0 thoughts, and decided that I was an electron, and these questions I always had to answer though life were really the random patterns electrons would travel along if given equal conditions for either way (I don’t know what the hell that means).

When we got back, I started lazing around on the front yard, and became ill and threw up a bunch of candy I’d  eaten before and thought this was some sort of punishment for never giving the right answer. Then I thought about what a sick joke being stuck in existence for eternity was and asked X and Y why. Why had they done this to me. It was horrible. I felt the full responsibility for all of everything being stuck in existence, not being given a choice, which meant I was responsible for all war, famine, sickness, pain, boredom and uselessness life affords our universe. I relived my life. It actually felt like I relived my life, I remembered a lot of it, time was slowed down for me I reminisced about my life and realized it was all part of this setup, this sick joke these godlike creatures had set up to get me to answer correctly the information even they didn’t know (actually X and Y).

It hurt the most that I hadn’t noticed until then, and that the love I’d made to the girl the previous weekend had been not by choice, but just something set up to get an answer. But then something happened. I was feeling/seeing endless fractals as a representation of all these choices an electron went through, these ones and zeros it went from random chaos but then I had a thought (which I have heard in K-Pax the movie, but I hadn’t ever seen it yet as of that trip date) that each choice required the complete cycle of our universe expanding until it collapsed upon itself at which point the big bang happens and it repeats itself endlessly for eternity, but I had this revelation that each time it happened a slight memory in space of it happening caused things like people who can tell the future, or unexplainable feelings such as deja-vu. And that over these eons and eons a bit of refining happened. Over these countless years, where time measurements as we define them are so insignificant that I can’t even bother to state them, a sort of collective memory had formed like the birth of a new type of existence. One that in its early age could be represented by white noise, random patterns, and at its peak of evolution could be best defined as Buddha. This thought I had was that I was watching it happen, I was seeing it emerge from the chaos. Seeing the end of one divided by three, the end of pi, the rough edge being sanded into a single and perfect ninety degree angle. But before I completely understood it slipped away from me…and I felt the greatest pain I ever have, and it felt like the greatest pain possible any sentient life would ever feel.

At that point the feeling of free choice died, before I could choose my final choice…it all slipped away…and I came down rather quickly. I went home, and was the most suicidal I have ever been. Very close.

I will never forget that trip, ever. Existential writings are much easier for me to understand. Artists like Dali seem to have more meaning and existence has never seemed to have less meaning. I don’t know if that experience was a bad trip, or the best possible without figuring out a new science for existence explanation, but now I cannot take psychedelics, and have had some flashbacks. The flashbacks are not anywhere near intense, however while driving once I had the exact same feeling as when I sat on the stoops and couldn’t remember which door it was that I came out of. It felt like reality had done an exchange, I couldn’t decide which lane I should be in, or what side of the highway the city was on (was on the outskirts of a city).

One time I was on a cocktail of different drugs, and I developed a bit of a trip that was similar, but no where near it, just a few of the same ideas being circulated. A bit of a new thought that we don’t go though time, but that time is more like a hamster’s wheel, we’re always traveling, but going nowhere. I think I said something like ‘Man time/reality is slippery.’

Anyway I don’t know if I’ve ever written anything this long, and thinking about all of this again is kind of putting me into a mind state that is actually beginning to scare my as I type this. So it’ll end here. I don’t know if anyone will read this whole thing, but I’ll save it for my own use.

Exp Year: 2002	ExpID: 20047

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Aug 8, 2005	Views: 8,934

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), HPPD / Lasting Visuals (40), Mystical Experiences (9), Difficult Experiences (5)


		 DOSE:

		 5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

My sophomore year of college I did a lot of acid.  I did it to gain insight about anything and everything.  It seemed and still seems like a miraculous substance to me, cleansing and empowering.  I decided to take it in class, and astronomy seemed the best venue.  It was in a large dark lecture hall with comfy seats and movies about the cosmos.  I dropped a hit or two a few hours before the class so that I would be past my peak by the time I was there.  I have a real tolerance to acid, and nobody can tell when I'm tripping, so I figured that it was worth a go.  I was excited to learn what the acid might help me experience this time, and not nervous or uncomfortable at all.

The lesson was on the death of stars and the formation of their remnants.  It was amazing!  Pure serendipity that I tripped during a lesson where there was speculative physics involved!

The professor talking about the slowing of time, and the warping of the space-time continuum sowed the seeds in my head for one of the best school experiences I ever had.  I was amazed that my split acid consciousness could pay attention, take notes, and contemplate the universe at breakneck mental speed.  Every thought seemed to 'glow'- to have a beautiful resonance, since my mind was freed of 'static'.  The warm padded seats, general good 'vibes' of the room, and the lack of light other than that of the projector were all delectable, in ways only acid and deep meditation have given me.  I think this is also due to the lack of mental 'static' which might have otherwise dulled and blurred my sensory perception.  I left the class wishing it had been longer than an hour and a half.  My consciousness digested the lecture and experience, as my inner, higher self stilled, and . . . well . . . I don't have words for what happened, but I bet you trippers and meditators out there know.

I decided to trip again in class.  This time it was the final.  My friends thought I was insane to do so.  My inner being knew that it would be good.  I had perfect grades in the class up to that point, and I trusted myself and the acid.  I somehow instinctually knew that I should do it, in a 'part of my gut' that's never led me astray.

I dropped 5 hits of blotter a few hours before coming into class.  Going up was fun, dancing and singing in my dorm room, letting emotions expand from me through my actions.  It was beautiful.  I was peaking as i walked into the classroom.  I felt serenely confidant of the situation.  It was as if I were God in mortals' flesh, playing their game, and I was going to show them a thing or two.  The nerves of the other students and the strained expressions of the teaching assistants were like a boiling sea I could see from a cliff-top.  The kids around me were talking about how much they'd studied, and they asked me if I had. I said 'Of course not, you know me.'  and they seemed to cringe.

The paper landed on my desk and it began.  I observed the workings of my 'conscious, logical mind' as if separate from it.  It was myself that I marveled at this class instead of the infinite universe.  Numbers slid through equations in my head like kids in a slide at the water park.  Memories bubbled up in perfect synch with my thoughts, meshing with them to form essays, and make calculations and charts.  The removal of thoughts from their contexts  that my logical mind was doing startled me.  In the lecture all became one, as if I zoomed out on a picture.  In the test, the zoom went in to the ultimate degree.  I had the oddest sensation watching myself:  the processes of my test-taking mind looked so easy even though I was working at full throttle.  Suddenly it ended.  I felt the mental equivalent of a runner's high.  I raised my hand for the teaching assistant to take the test from me.  She smiled weakly at me, and walked off with my masterpiece.  I left the room aglow, and went to eat.  (I'm the only one of my friends who likes to eat while tripping.)

I felt my class trips had revolutionized the way I saw school, my mind, and the universe.  I truly felt that acid is an entheogen - something that puts god within, or rather, I realized my inherent divine nature.  I do not suggest that anyone trip in class per se, but that everyone find their instinctual core - the little voice of council inside that is never wrong.  AND LISTEN TO IT!  Incidentally, I got a perfect score on the final, and A in the course, and congrats from the professor ;)

Exp Year: 2002	ExpID: 19534

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Sep 15, 2005	Views: 7,313

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LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), School (35)


		 DOSE:

		 3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   75 kg

After last night. I have come to terms with my spiritual self.

3 double dose blotters. Dose.

I wanted to go for that earth shattering experience. And I got it. I really wanted to learn about my spiritual side this time...and I learnt. And learnt and learnt. I had a peak religious experience.

Comming up was rather chaotic and intense. I was with 2 other people. 1 one of them wasnt tripping, the other was on the same dose as me. I find being around 2 people a bit hard. I dunno. Once the 3rd person went to bed. Me and person 2 had such a better time. We put on some trance music. Had heaps of energy and started to dance. Felt good as usually. Decided to go into the dark bathroom and experience some sensory deprivation. This was kind of weird because it felt as though I was a voice with no body and head and I felt as if I existed in a spirit realm. Started to get really really good closed eye visuals. These were great. So many patterns and combinations of colour and light. Amazing. I didnt know this was possible. We went on our usual walk to the store to get some food. The world is breathing and humming and throbbing. Everything is alive and well at this point in time. We get back and start looking at some psychadelic posters with those kewl designs on them. This was kewl. I was enjoying this experience but it was nothing compared to what was about to happen.

My friend has a sofa bed/futon fold out setup in the lounge room so we rolled that out and had a lie down. It felt as if the whole bed was a raft and we were floating on some great ocean. As the carpet was waving and morphing at this point. Like water. The boat was going up and down with the waves. We were both experiencing this. It was amazing. We could see animal life swimming in the carpet and I felt as though I was really on the open sea. Wind blowing us around. Bobbing up and down in the water. I began to realise it felt so good just to lie still on the raft. And if concentrated enough on being totally still, it felt as if I was sinking into myself? Or like I was melting into a mould? It's hard to explain. But it feels so right. After awhile I started paying closer attention to the carpet. Upon closer inspection the whole sea was filled with letters! Everywhere I saw letters of the alphabet in random patterns and combinations and spiraling in and out up and down flowing like water. I got closer and closer to the 'water' and I saw more and more letters. They got thicker and thicker. It was like those fractal things they use in math. Never ending. It felt amazing just drifting there.

After that we start to lie on the other side of the bed and on the carpet on that side were cd's. All my cds were there and it totally changed the mood. It was like the cds reminded us of reality. We didn't like it at first. But then we started to ignore the fact that the cds were full of music. We started to notice the right reflections on the cds. And playing with them. It felt amazing seeing the light.

This is where it starts to get interesting : After my previous trip I'd become interested in Buddhism. I burnt some Buddhist and new age chant music onto a cd and stuck it in. I just wanted to see how it would be. And I realised instantly this was the best music I'd ever heard in my life! Ever. This was it. So simple. And soothing and relaxing. We began to lie there and a Buddhist chanter began singing. We BOTH at the same time started sweating! We felt so warm just listening to it. It was a really really nice heat. Comming from the inside out. It was bliss. Better then sex. Better then anything I'd ever experienced. We just kept sweating. It only worked with this particular chant though. It was really overwhelming...we slowly started to realise that we were in Tibet! It was like we were really there. I could imagine the monestary and the monks praying peacefully, not harming anyone. I felt so happy, and complete it was amazing. I felt nothing! No emotion but this pure bliss. Satisfaction. I wanted nothing but to be in a room, an empty room, just listening to that music. I wouldn't even have to see the speakers. That's all I needed! Nothing else mattered. Something as simple as a peice of bread was enough. It felt like an entire meal. The smell the texture was amazing. I could taste through my nose!

We continued to feel as though we were in Tibet. We could imagine everything. I brought a book about Buddhism along with me as I was reading it at uni the previous day. I flipped open to a map of Tibet. And I realised as tears came to my eyes, that it was home!! I've never felt so drawn to a place before. It was like it was the home I've been searching for all my life. Even now it's hard to come to terms with this. The simplicity and the peace of Buddhism was just moving me so much. I felt so good! So emotionally flat line. If aliens came down into the room at that moment I would embrace them. Not fear them! Which is what I would normally do.

We had been in our Buddhist world for 2 hours now. I felt like a chinese monk. I went and looked in the mirror and I looked chinese. I felt like eating vegetarian food. No meat. Simple foods.

Over the past few weeks due to tripping I've noticed that my sex drive had decreased. It's very low now. But the thing is, I don't really mind. I'm kewl with it. It's better then being horny all the time and not having any release. After experiencing what I experienced, sex is put in perspective big time! Its not that big a deal for me.

The sun was starting to rise at this point and my friend's appartment is overlooking a major freeway here in Melbourne. And it was peak hour weekday traffic at this point. This was a wonderful view. We saw a almost empty freeway burst into activity. People going to work. It was like everyone was in a panic. Rushing rushing rushing. I felt like walking down to the freeway and just telling everyone to stop and relax and hug each other and realise so much more. We felt like 2 enlightened beings looking down on a chaotic world, however we didn't look at them as lower beings. We felt sorry for them. I began crying again. And I said. 'The world is so beautiful... why'? Why do people fail to see this? We are the ones that create the shit in order to avoid the so called shit. Its an endless spiral of self denial.

All the while we were still in Tibet! We lay there and saw amazing visuals that played really well with the meditation music. As I closed my eyes I saw brilliant light. White and pure. I saw mountains, snow, valleys. Rivers. Nature. It was amazing. I was so relaxed!!! I can't emphasise how great this felt. This went on for 2+ hours. Meditation. We slowly began to drift into a deep peaceful sleep. The amazing thing is that when my non-tripping friend woke up he took a picture of me sleeping. And I had fallen asleep with a smile on my face!! I still feel really great right now. I feel contented. I feel I've had a peak experience. No more LSD for awhile because I wouldn't want to get bored of this because of repetition. It's so special. So so special. If everyone in the world experienced the same thing we went through, believe me. There would be no fighting. All I have to do is have an open mind in terms of my spirituality and LSD will lead me in the right direction. We as a world are beautiful. We are beautiful. There is no ugly. Only ugly thoughts. That is how I'm going to end this one. I hope I have had an impact on someone with my thoughts.

In the past few weeks LSD has done for me what psychiatry has been attempting to do for 10 years and was never nearly successful. I have been on anti-depressants, lithium and all sorts of other meds which never really worked. I've been to therapy groups and sessions. Spent countless hundereds of dollars for very little improvement. I imagined myself under clinical conditions when I took LSD. I wasn't doing it for a kick. I tailored my own treatment session. I designed the setting in my own personal way. And this worked. And I can't get over it. I have gone from being a depressed, anxious, angry, frustrated individual to being someone who is contented, happy, not anxious and calm. Each trip has made me realise that the world isn't as bad as it may seem. It has made me realise the true potential in my own brain and how amazing it is. It has made me become more self-confident in my abilities to learn, understand and experience. I have been able to concentrate and come up with better ideas at school. I show proper emotion now. I can relate to loved ones and family much better. I am finally living. It is truly amazing and I really don't understand why psychadelic therapy with LSD was banned. If taken for the right reasons the risks associated with LSD are no greater then the risk of taking an anti-depressant, which by the way are handed out like candies, which really messed me up. I can't even put in words how much I have improved. It's like I'm a new person. A person waiting for an opportunity to come out.

And LSD has done this. It was my miracle cure. Thank you Dr. Hofmann.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 32307

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Aug 23, 2005	Views: 14,614

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LSD (2) : Health Benefits (32), Depression (15), Mystical Experiences (9), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 1.0 g

		 Amphetamines

		 2 drops
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

		   repeated
		 oral
		 Alcohol
		 (liquid)

		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   200 lb

It started off as a harmless birthday party. My friends, Nic and Cat, were extremely lucky to get the flat they did. It's a basement flat and an old deaf lady lives above them so she doesn't hear the noise. Even the noise of approximately 40 people partying hard with the decks at full volume.

I arrived at whatever time I arrived. I'm guessing that this was about half seven pm on the Saturday. I was one of the first to arrive, and indeed arrived before the hard-core drugs did, and before the music. So, smoking hash commences. So far it's not that jumpin a party, but then our guy arrives with some speed, pills, and for some reason a bottle of acid. I'm not sure why he thought the liquid acid would be any good at a party with forty people. Maybe he just happened to have it on him.

Anyway, I bought a gram of speed and three pills. I took two pills and had a few lines of base while I was waiting to come up. The speed was great, and the pills were fine. I'm used to doing speed and pills; I do them on a semi-regularly basis just for a bit of fun. Everyone was having a fantastic time, the people who were wasted and the people who were straight (most of them were working the next day). There were people fire dancing, which just looks so amazing when you're on pretty much any drug, and still looks cool when you're not.

I persuaded one of my friends to let me have a go of his pois (that's fire on chains). It's one of the most fun things to do while off your face. I'd recommend it to anyone, although you should definitely have several people watching you so that if you set your clothes on fire, someone notices for you, because you won't on you own! We have great photos of one of my friends totally covered in black slimy soot from the paraffin, but I digress.

The bathroom was one of the quiet rooms of the house. It's a really big bathroom with lots of floor space, and lots of fucked people, for some reason, just began to congregate there. I believe it may have started off just being the bath. I have vagueish memories of sitting in the bath with other people. We talked, we occasionally danced, we smoked hash, and we were all having a great time. There were a few people (there always are at big parties) who were a lot more fucked than everyone else. One girl was wandering about in a daze for most of the night, speeding off her face. There was a guy there who ended up spending almost the entire night unconscious on the sofa. His head bounced spasmodically from side to side. I'm sure in his head he was having a fantastic time dancing away and chatting to people, but he was in fact totally monged out all night. He only opened his eyes when the music stopped (which was rarely) and just sat there looking confused for a few moments before it started up again. Everyone kept half an eye on both these people all night, and both were fine by morning.

As the night progressed, those who were drug free left for bed. The remainder then separated into two groups. In one group were those for whom it had been enough. They'd either run out of drugs or were too knackered for the drugs to be working any longer. The first group was the one that I was in. We were the hardcore party animals who had been up for the whole night and decided that it would be a good idea to go and watch the sun rise. Eventually this was agreed on and we set off for the beach. It was cold and drizzling slightly. This was not a great environment for people who have been up all night on drugs. I think some of us were feeling that much more of this would simply lead to the dreaded comedown. We climbed the fence into the ruined castle, but we couldn't find a part of the castle that was sheltered enough to skin up in, so we just headed back. The sky was much lighter, but the sun was still not yet up.

We sat for a while in the living room, our remnant looking more and more depressed as the minutes passed. People skinned up and joints were created, but this was no longer enough for any of us. Then someone suggested that we all go on an acid trip. It seemed like a really good idea at the time. I'd done acid before, but only in very small amounts--enough for a mild trip, but no more--so I was eager to try it properly. Seven of us ended up taking a taxi to the house seven miles out of town where we could trip for six hours or so uninterrupted.

After sitting down and smoking a spliff or two, we got down to business. The guy with the acid reckoned that two drops of the liquid acid would suffice, judging on previous experience from the same bottle. There was one other person there who had never taken a big dose of acid. We agreed to keep an eye on each other. We were all experienced drug users, and expected just to have a laugh and ignore the hideous comedowns that had set in until we could sleep them off a bit later in the day. I don't actually remember what it tasted like now, but I remember discussing it at the time.

So that was it; the deed was done. All we could do now was wait. I remember wondering how long it would take. We decided that the curtains should be closed. The view outside wasn't very stunning, and the cold and the wet looked unpleasant, although the sky was starting to clear by then. I think it was about ten am on the Sunday, but I'm not entirely sure.

We sat and smoked up some more, waiting, listening to music. I have no idea how long after that we actually started tripping, but I do remember sitting on the sofa looking at the ceiling, fascinated for a while before I realised that it had started. The ceiling was made of pine and was full of knotholes. I'm not sure what drew my eye up there, but I noticed that some of the dark knots had started to move around the ceiling. I pointed this out to everyone, and soon we were all there.

It's amazing how quickly time passed and how far things degenerated. We spent a long time sitting and chattering amongst ourselves. My brain turned to putty and I kept saying things that I didn't mean to say. It wasn't that I didn't want to say them, it's just that my train of thought started coming out my mouth. I couldn't stop stating really obvious things like 'The sky is blue' and asking really mundane questions. It made people laugh and it was interesting to see what the LSD had done to my brain.

Going to the toilet turned out to be a bit of an adventure. That sounds slightly wrong, but it really was. I'd been in the same room the whole time and hadn't even tried walking or standing. When I did get up to go after a few hours of sitting on the floor, it was like trying to walk on the moon. My depth perception was fucked, and I could watch my legs bending and stretching out and shrinking and folding. It was great! As I hadn't left the room before, I didn't know what the rest of the house was like. I was very confused. There were stairs everywhere. Some of the staircases were really narrow and long. Others were wide, but only had three or four steps. I was very confused at the time. I couldn't decide whether or not I was hallucinating all these stairs. There seemed to be a set between every single room. I later on confirmed that this was the case. The house we were in had been built upon an old ruin and started off very small with bits and pieces being added over the years. It was a fantastic house for a trip. In the toilet on the window ledge there were some ornamental shells. There appeared to be lots and lots of spider web just on that shelf and nowhere else. I couldn't tell if it was real or not, but the spiders kept me from investigating further.

Back in the main room, the knots in the ceiling had turned into beetles and were running all around, but this was ok as the ceiling was where they 'belonged' and I intuitively knew that they would stay up there. I had a brief look outside the curtains, but the alien landscape outside was a bit daunting, so I decided to leave it alone. The joint-making had suddenly become very bad indeed. Everything looked wrong. All the dimensions were warped. I tried rolling some cigarettes, and that was difficult enough. It took an enormous amount of concentration. The result of five minutes' work looked extremely strange. Anything we rolled always seemed too short, but the length of the skins hadn't changed. It was a bit of a mystery. Smoking itself was great fun though. Occasionally it was hard to work out if we'd ashed the carpet by mistake or if something had fallen off the end of the spliff or roll-up, but usually after checking the carpet nothing had. Watching the smoke curl and float about was fantastic. At times it looked solid and so real, but then my perception would shift again slightly and I'd see infinitely deeply into the smoke and out the other side. It's a difficult thing to describe, but it was mesmerising.

After maybe four or five hours of this, one of us received a phone call to say that their flat was being inspected. The poor guy who had been phoned had absolutely no idea what to do. We were all far too fucked to be of any help cleaning up the flat. That was our first stress. I remember looking at the clock at that point to check how long it was until the flat inspection was supposed to occur. This was almost impossible. At one point the three different hands on the clock ticked in three different directions, even though there are only two directions (clockwise and anticlockwise) possible and only one direction they were made to go in. I realised at that point that my brain was fucked enough to be creating three dimensions out of two-dimensional object. I decided that now would be my best chance ever of imagining a hyper-cube (a four-dimesional cube for those of you who don't know), or better yet--as three dimensional representations of four-dimensional cubes are almost possible, making them easier to picture--a hyper-sphere would be really really impressive. I spent about five minutes doing this. My brain boggled and came close to leaking out my ears. I decided it would be better just to leave it for another time. I kept being destracted by the stress of my fellow trippers.

Our second stress, and first major problem occurred at about four o'clock. The guy to whom the house we were in belonged received a text message from his parents to say that they were coming home early (they hadn't been due back for a day) and would see him in about an hour. At this point things became really confusing for me. We managed to work out that we'd all have to leave. We also had to tidy up and leave no evidence of our being there. The problem was that we couldn't agree on where to go. I reckoned the best place would be to go back to the party flat that we'd started in. It would be safe there, and people would understand our predicament and leave us to come back down to baseline. Others believed that heading for the fields to look for magic mushrooms would be a much better idea. We eventually got the place tidied up, but it took a long time and a lot of effort. People started making toast and soup, thinking that this would help in some way. The windows were opened to let the room air, but this was confusing as the wind began blowing things around. I remember some of the observations I made at the time. One that sticks out was that we had been reduced to mob mentality. A person can be intelligent, but people are stupid. We were like people, I realised. Not just seven people. We were more like 700 all trying to do the same task. We got in each other's way, we drifted about aimlessly, and we did things that didn't need to be done. Eventually we got organised enough to think properly about leaving and where to go. I remember being really proud of our achievement at this time. I decided that we were like different facets of the same mind. We had had a goal, and we had achieved it. We'd done what we set out to do, and somehow the idea of a hive-mind seemed agreeable to me at the time. We were just deciding that it would be a good idea to get in a taxi back to town when a taxi pulled up outside. After a moment's conference we discovered that someone had already phoned one and forgotten about it completely.

Just a quick note here: at the time I didn't know that we were tripping more heavily and for longer than we'd intended. It was my first time taking this much acid, so I thought that this was all going to plan, except of course the early return of parents. I was very happy up until the point that we left the house. There were stresses and problems, but they weren't my worries. I could try and help, and just tried not to think about the fact that we had to leave the house. It made me feel a bit panicky, thinking about how we were going to get the seven miles back into town in a direction I didn't know and go somewhere we hadnt' decided, so I just didn't think about it until I had to.

It took us so long to get out to the taxi that he'd started to drive off, but one guy ran after it and stopped him. I have no idea what he said to convince the driver to let seven heavily-tripping people into his taxi, but it worked. I was sat in the back and the guy I was sitting next to started talking to me about stabbing a biro pen into the neck of the taxi driver to stop him telling anyone. I thought/hoped he was joking and went along with him for a bit. I couldn't tell how loud we were talking though and started to worry that the driver could hear us. We got back into town and the driver asked us where in town we wanted to go. Seven different voices stated seven different destinations. The taxi driver said that he'd just drop us off where we were so I shouted over them all and told the driver to take us to the street the party had been on. This was where the party had started, and it seemed fitting to me that it should also end there.

We got out the taxi and someone paid the driver. We'd almost forgotten.

We were all just heading down to the original party flat, when some of us decided that the pub would be better and our local was the safest. Apparently people were thinking that if we went back to the flat we'd get roped into cleaning up, which, in our hallucinatory state, would not have been easy. I remember asking everyone individually if they'd rather go to the pub or back to a nice flat where we could chill, and only one person actually wanted to go to the pub. However, the group mind had already decided and there seemed to be no way out of it. We walked into the pub at about half past five on the Sunday evening. Thankfully it was quiet. There were only about six people there, and I knew most of them at least vaguely. Perhaps this wouldn't be too bad after all. Some of us sat down, and some of us ordered drinks. I sat down and waited to see what would happen next. The general opinion seemed to be that we were going to have a drink here and then move on to the flat, but, of course, it really didn't work that way.

We were in the pub for almost three hours. Those were the worst three hours of my life. I think that I started really coming down off the speed from the night before about then. I started getting intensely paranoid. I remember trying to interact with some of the people there, but the attempt was futile. I'd hear them say half of a sentence that made no sense before they descended into what seemed to me to be complete gibberish, not even speaking words.

During those hours, I sat mulling over what course of action I should take; many thoughts crossed my mind. I considered killing everyone, or myself, or screaming at everyone to stop fucking with my mind. Words can't express that experience. I know now what a bad trip is be like, but I would still do it again. I was actally in hell for what felt like days. However, I pride myself on the fact that I didn't completely freak out. On the inside, I completely fell apart, but outwardly I was fine. I was told that my eyes were as big as saucers the whole time I was there, and my sober friends could tell that all was not well, but I didn't completely break down.

My thoughts were running in circles. Random thoughts were going through my head that I had no real control over. I felt my mind fracture and splinter, and it was such an effort just to keep myself in the seat, but on the other hand, I felt that I couldn't leave everyone else because I would then be truly alone and I was scared. I was terrified that I wouldn't recover and that I'd spend the rest of my life in this living hell. I felt so small and fragile. I honestly contemplated suicide and murder, and for a while I actually did think that I was already dead and that this was hell.

I don't know how bad that was, but I do know that things could have gone a lot worse. If I had lost my self control, I honestly would completely have freaked out. I had a long time to think about many things. I don't know whether or not the conclusions that I made during that time are correct or not, but I do know that I learned a lot about myself and the way my mind works. I survived.

I could tell myself that this was something beyond my control, that the tripping would stop at somepoint, and that everything would be normal again. I'm not sure if it would have been better if I'd left the pub or not. I do know that I couldn't though. I had to stay with the other tripping people. I wasn't ready to face the world on my own. I became extremely insecure.

I'm going to try and record some of the conclusions that I made while I was in this state. It's going to be hard to put into words though.

At several points, I could feel my mind fracture and spin off in different directions. It was a bit like the clock from before. The clock whose hands went in three different directions. I had more than one train of thought running at once. It's an extremely bizarre feeling. I couldn't focus on anything for more than a few seconds...literally. I don't know how many times I asked when we were going to head back to the flat, but I think it was quite a lot.

I remember feeling me trying to hide within myself, that is, my self awareness or my consciousness was retreating deeper and deeper. I think that this was some kind of defense mechanism. I was trying to get away from what I was experiencing, but I couldn't physically get out, only hide myself mentally. At the time, I thought that this might be how some patients at mental hospitals must live. It frightened me to realise just how much acid can fuck a person up.

I'm giving up on trying to describe this properly. I can't even remember it clearly and I really can't find the words to convey what it was like. I've spoken to some of the people that were in the pub at the time. I wanted to find out how much they had been trying to fuck with us, and it turned out not to be that much at all. I could have sworn that half of the time I was there, people were trying to mess with our minds. That, however, was just my mind messing with me.

Having experienced this though, I'd still say that acid is a really fun drug to use, but in future I'm going to treat it with a bit more respect and caution. I know that I have a tendency to rush into things without really thinking the consequences through properly, but at the same time I have an excellent capacity to look after myself.

I spent over a week dazed and confused from that experience. I later learned that our dosage had been misjudged. The fact that we'd been up all night partying hard and taking other drugs was not taken into account and what was supposed to be a mild six-hour trip became a twelve hour epic adventure. This is an experience that I will never ever forget, and something that I hope I can really learn from. I know that I have already gained a lot of knowledge about myself. I know it's a bit of an acid cliche, but it's one of those cliches that you really don't appreciate until you've been through it yourself. It takes a lot of strength to face yourself on a hellish introspective acid trip-gone-wrong. It's definitely not something that I wanted to experience, but I've done it and in a way I'm glad that I have.

For anyone that's taken the time to read this, sorry for the meandering aspect of this account. I have a tendency to ramble a bit. On the whole I reckon it really was a positive experience and it's definitely not put me off trying acid again in the future. I'm not really sure what that says about me as a person, but once again I don't really care. I'm happy being who I am.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 29556

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Sep 16, 2005	Views: 47,522

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MDMA (3), Alcohol (61), Cannabis (1), Amphetamines (6), LSD (2) : Large Group (10+) (19), Post Trip Problems (8), Hangover / Days After (46), Nature / Outdoors (23), Bad Trips (6), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3), General (1)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 50 mg
		 oral
		 Tryptophan - 5-HTP

		   T+ 0:00

		 Vitamins / Supplements

		   T+ 0:00
		 40 mg
		 oral
		 Ginkgo biloba

		   T+ 0:00
		 0.25 hits
		 rectal
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 3:30

		 oral
		 Poppies - Opium
		 (tea)

		   T+ 0:00
		 38 mg
		 insufflated
		 DPT
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 0:00
		 113 mg
		 rectal
		 DPT
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 0:00
		 0.5 ug
		 sublingual
		 Pharms - Clonazepam
		 (pill / tablet)

		   T+ 12:30
		 9.0 mg
		 oral
		 Melatonin
		 (pill / tablet)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   120 lb

Ever since the year started, I had been in a very dark place emotionally. A lot has been happening that is out of my control and has been injecting a lot of negativity into my life. I therefore abstained from taking any psychedelics this month. I have been stabilizing this last week, but I was determined to make it to Jan. 31st without taking any psychedelics. Well, as it turns out, I had been working on a book for my Mediterranean Studies class, and I was going to read it again in order to make a few connections. You have to understand that this is not an ordinary story – I doubt the author wrote it while sober. In case you are interested, the book is Quarantine by Juan Goytisolo. I wanted to read it the second time under the influence of a psychedelic. But waiting for Jan. 31st would mean dangerously approaching the deadline without having anything written down. And so, I have decided, on Jan 29th (the day of this report), to take a tiny dose of LSD and read at least half of the book while under the influence.

The day started with dosing my (somewhat new) regular regimen: 50mg 5HTP, 500mg L-Phenylalanine, and a Multivitamin tablet. I also decided to take 40mg of Gingko for no reason at all. The idea was to experiment with LSD via rectal administration. I was originally blessed with a 10-tab sheet of powerful blotter. I had previously taken half a tab sublingually, and enjoy a beautiful trip, by no means light. My ONLY problem with this magical substance is that it last way too damn long – I found myself exhausted (both physically and mentally) at the end of this trip. I have encountered the same problem with 2C-E. And so, I took the remaining half of the aforementioned tab, and cut that in half, giving me a quarter of tab. I decided to aim low – just in case. I was not aiming for a full-blown LSD trip, I was aiming for a semi-psychedelic mindspace to aid me with the book, and also to see how rectal administration would alter the LSD experience.

And so I take the quarter rectally at around 12:30pm. Usually, if I have a psychedelic in powder form I would dissolve it in water and take it as a microenema. But this was a *tiny* piece of paper. After a lot of work, I managed to actually get it in. I noticed that the onset was actually immediate – right after I finished washing my hands I started to feel off-baseline. However, the climb to the peak was just as slow as with sublingual administration – it took a total of a bit more than an hour since ingestion for me to be fully immersed in it. As I waited for the climb, I decided to rid myself of all sexual energy by masturbation.

Wow. This quarter rectally is about as strong as half a tab sublingually! In fact, I was surprised. I found there is a lot of stimulation – I found myself walking around the house aimlessly. There was a bit of a body load, but I attribute that to all the emotional stress from the previous month. There were no visuals to write home about – which is similar to my previous trip with half a blotter. But my thoughts were rushing at an amazing speed. I also felt great. Just like last time, LSD seems to give a very nice mood lift – but one which does not prevent me from flushing out negative emotions and experience them fully. That is the beauty of LSD.

I was walking aimlessly with thoughts rushing, and I suddenly stood in my living room, closed my eyes, and vibrated, “IIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOO”. My voice was fantastic – perfect, consistent vibration. I was drenched with beautiful coloured light, and my body felt energized and I even twitched a bit. I felt so spiritually charged. At this point I decided I was in a good mindset to take that divine sacrament… DPT. Hmm…

I also still had the novel on my mind. I decided that my current peak, DPT or not, was a bit too intense to allow for reflective reading. So I decided to do two things in one. I have always wondered how psychedelics and opiates mix, and thought that the opiates will calm me down for the latter part of the trip to allow me to focus on the novel. And so my plan was set!

I had a few decent-sized dried poppy pods lying around (for decoration, of course), and so I took seven of them, ground them up, and boiled in water and a bit of lemon juice. Strain, boil again, strain, boil again, strain. Now I have a glass of bitter honey-coloured nectar. Hey, why not. Lets add honey. And that was a great move – the honey made it taste actually pleasurable. Down goes the poppy tea. There is a lesson to be learned when drinking poppy tea. Even if I use a coffee filter, there will always be some sediment at the bottom of the cup. The tea can be downed smoothly, but if I happen to get some of the sediment in my throat, it’ll trigger a gag reflex. Gluttony, tsk tsk tsk. Just don’t drink all the way to the bottom. Leave that tiny bit of liquid and sediment for the sewer faeries to drink – its not like its going to make such a difference in the effects.

Now with the poppy tea down, I know it takes about 2 hours to even start to take effect, the plan was set: I take the DPT, have a huge peak along with the LSD peak, come down from the DPT just as the opium was peaking, and use the peacefulness of opiates with the mindspace of psychedelics to analyze my novel. So, I run and prepare myself a miniature mound of DPT. In all honesty, I actually have no idea how much it is, but I am sure it is more than 100mg and less than 200mg, judging from the total amount of sacrament that I originally had. It did not matter. I find that above 100mg, the trip is intense anyway and 50mg difference does not affect the trip much. The battle between nose and rectum ensues: should I snort it, or should I plug it? I decided on snorting it, then going for a shower and letting the vapour help my nose. For some reason, snorting it this time created a very violent reaction in my olfactory system – I just couldn’t go on. Perhaps my nose was too clear? I was able to insufflate only about a quarter of the total to be taken. So, I decided that I will take the rest rectally, and I did.

I then went into the shower anyway. I must note that by this time my conception of time was totally off. Adding the DPT certainly did not help. I actually have no idea how many hours had passed since I took the LSD, but if my memory is correct, my watch had the fat arrow at the 4pm position. As I “showered” (it was a big effort), I realized that my mind – the LSD peak – has actually calmed down! But I knew that I was still peaking on LSD since showering had become an art and a science. From my experience, high doses of DPT have an effect of “the calm before the storm.” I realized, as “time” passed on, that I was feeling a “gravity” pulling me upwards. Interesting. During the middle ages, certain types of Sufi mystics were referred to as “Mjdhub” (s/he who is pulled by (God’s) gravity). This was used to refer to some wandering mystics who were either actually psychotic, or had Hashish as part of their meals, or both. I find that interesting since DPT always creates a sense of God-intoxication in me, and that is why I consider it sacred.

Now I was in the shower being pulled upwards. I was beginning to feel the DPT vibrations and my visual field was starting to become not-so-normal. I decide it is time to step (float) out of the shower. I manage to dry myself and put on some clothes, and then lie on my bed just in time when the music starts and I am blown away into divinity.

Lets see what we have for music… two servings of Enigma and The Mars Volta, with a hint of Muse and a dash of Radiohead. Perfect. I do not remember much of what happens next. I was lost. My jaws were rattling at OM speed in the typical DPT manner. I remember looking at the ceiling, and then seeing it shatter into particles to reveal a white (sometimes with a purple hue) light that permeated through and dissolved me in it. So much light! This is too divine… I would then snap out of it and get lost again in something else. Music was distorted in the most beautiful alien way. It seems like I could “transfer” pieces of music from one part of the track to the other. I could also “stretch” certain parts. Not only did I die, but I had fun doing it, especially that now I was beginning to lie on a bed of poppies. The tea was starting to kick in.

I then walked around, basking in the DPT afterglow. I noticed that there were muffled voices coming out of my speakers. I have no idea if this was a hallucination, or if it was a strong radio wave being picked up by the speakers. I suspect it is the latter, even though it never happened before. I have noticed that my body starts creating some electromagnetic disturbances as a reaction to the DPT experience. Lights and animals behave funny around me, and sometimes I pick up other people’s thoughts and feelings. I called my friend and tried to make a conversation with him about the voices on my speakers (I was still hearing them). The conversation was very hard, and I kept laughing at myself. I told him I will talk to him later when I am more coherent. He said I sounded perfectly normal, but in my mind, I was not. For some reason, the phrase “La Voix des vents” got stuck in my mind. I do not know why. It sounds so beautiful when pronounced properly. I finally recognized it as the title of a painting by Rene Magritte. I have not thought of Magritte since my short-lived high school crush on surrealism… But I looked up the painting, and found it very expressive of my state of mind.

Another interesting thing happened shortly after. I had what I think was a sprained ankle for the past week. It was beginning to heal and I was feeling some numbness at the spot (but no pain). At this time, it seems like the psychedelics exaggerated the numbness whenever I felt it, and at one point I felt like my foot was becoming gangrenous or something. This alarmed me much – but I managed to get my mind out of it by soaking it in warm water and then going out for a walk. No, make that going out for a float on the pavement. It’s a good warning though: not to take psychedelics if one has a physical ailment, because it will be exaggerated if it takes some attention.

The transition from LSD to DPT and back was very smooth. The synergy is golden. My only problem was that the energy from the DPT descent (normally pleasant) mixed with LSD’s energy to create too much energy that was not allowing me to experience the poppies fully. And so I decided to solve the problem with 0.5mg of Clonazepam sublingually. It worked like a charm. Now I was in the exact mindset that I aimed for: Opiate serenity and psychedelic mind-expansion. I was also able to feel LSD’s presence despite the Opiates and the benzos, and I was also able to detect it leaving. I would say the LSD was fully gone at T+8 hours, with the peak easing up at ~T+5 hours. Perfect! with sublingual administration, LSD lasted more than 12 hours!

Of course, the other drugs I took with it might have very well affected its duration, and I will probably be experimenting with the same amount rectally in the future without combining it with anything else. However, I was very glad to have fulfilled all the goals I set for this day. I read half the novel, and made more connections than I would have by reading it 5 times over while sober. Suddenly, much of it made much more sense. By the way, I do recommend this novel for fellow psychedelics users. I stayed awake, covered in a warm poppy blanket until about 1am, when I took 9mg of Melatonin and slept very well to wake up refreshed and full of wonderful ideas for the essay I am going to write.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 40264

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Sep 19, 2005	Views: 26,606

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LSD (2), DPT (21), Poppies - Opium (43) : Combinations (3), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 6 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 6.5 g
		 oral
		 Mushrooms
		 (dried)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   75 kg

This report is not an ordinary report, but a story about my life, what LSD and mushrooms did to me, and how they affected me and my life. Hope you'll enjoy.

Losing My Religion

I was born in the Middle East in a very religious family. I have followed Islam since I was a little kid, but suddenly I decided to quit the religion back when I was 17, even though it was a very big part of my life. I can’t really put words on what happened in my mind, I just felt myself as a slave for a God whose existence has never been proven to anyone.

My mother hired four imams (Muslim priests) just to make me change my mind and reconvert to Islam. She was afraid that I would make a big mess in my life and then regret it. That’s a very typical thought for a Muslim - for a Muslim there is no other reality than the reality which Islam gives you when you are being raised with the religion. Once you quit the religion your life will be complete nonsense, both in your own head and in the eyes of others.

My mother is a very religious woman and has a very personal relationship to Islam; therefore she just can’t understand my thoughts because she is isolated from the world’s reality by the reality of Islam. I still respect the religion even though I decided to quit it and denied all of its allegations and theories on God’s words and the human existence.

When I decided to quit the religion I realized that religion is an important thing in people’s lives. A religion is something that gives people hope and meaning. Your life won’t be meaningless any longer when you have joined a religion. It gives you answers on what is going to happen to you once you die, and at the same time it has a law that tells you how to act in the world if you want to be a part of heaven. It makes sense to many people, but it just didn’t make sense to me. To me it felt very absurd and ridiculous to know that if I didn’t follow the law of the religion, I actually was making my way directly to hell. I didn’t like the feeling that took over my body every time I did something wrong, which is stamped as reprehensible in the religion. I was always afraid because I knew that God was watching me and my actions 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I couldn’t have a private life; I couldn’t be completely alone in the world, and that annoyed me a lot.

I also realized that religion was a way to control a community in the same way as the government does today. 1400 years ago you couldn’t control a country in the same way as today, because no one possessed the authority and power to make people act exactly as you wanted them to. In this case religion was a very effective way to control people: One “God”, the creator of the universe, was watching all of us. He knew what we were doing, and he was going to judge all of us. The humans created an illusion of a powerful God, and the citizens believed in it. They believed that someone (e.g. Jesus, Mohammed, etc.) had talked to God, and that God told the person concerned that the people of the world had to follow a law. If they did so, they would get access to heaven - the most beautiful and peaceful place in the universe. Otherwise, they were going to be thrown into the warmest and most horrible place in the entire universe: Hell.

That frightened a huge part of the world, and people believed in it. Since then religions grew and got more powerful than ever before. They were very effective, and every single person in the world simply had to believe in it if he didn’t want to be killed and be judged by God when he died… which would be a horrible ever-lasting experience.

After I got these thoughts, I was suddenly able to see through the religious system. I told my mother and the imams about my thoughts, and they then told me that I was possessed by an evil spirit - by Satan himself. It was very hard for me not to believe in what they said to me, but I never gave up. They kept telling me that the worst thing I could do was to quit Islam, because that was something that God just didn’t want to see his own people do - that would make him judge me even harder than anyone else in the world. I was very afraid, and for about six months I was considering suicide, just to get away from the effective religious brain wash. But I couldn’t do that… I couldn’t get away from my fear of God, either while I was living or when I was dead. If I committed suicide I could be wrong and then meet God, who would torture me forever. I was forced to live and suffer because of my thoughts. There was absolutely nothing to do about it.

I had a friend who told me that magic mushrooms and acid (LSD) were drugs that were able to put me into a mystical and religious experience which could help me out with my thoughts. I read a lot about these drugs and tried them in small doses, just to sense the psychedelic world. Some months later I was thinking of consuming a huge dose of both drugs at once.

I consumed the huge doses. In the trip I met a good spirit and an evil spirit who talked to me about my life, my family and my religion. They killed me so my soul could be free and fly into the enormous universe. I died. My ego died. I got detached from my body and my senses. I was lying safely in my bed and couldn’t move, smell, see, hear or anything. My soul had left my ego and was set free. I didn’t know who I was or where I was. There was nothing called “me”, and I couldn’t stop the experience and say to myself that I had ingested big amounts of two very powerful psychedelic drugs. The experience was 100% real and was hard to deny.

The spirits took my soul with them into outer space where “I” (my soul) saw billions of stars. I also saw a circle that looked like a black crack in the universe. The spirits had taken my soul to the circle and wanted me to fly into it… they would stay outside and wait for me. And I did that.

In the circle I experienced an indescribable divinity, which you just can’t describe in words. All of a sudden, without being told by anyone, I knew that “God”, as we humans call him, wasn’t a judgmental God… “God” was pure energy. God was mystical divinity. God was the vitality of our lives and any living things among us. God was us. Nature was God, animals were Gods, Mother Earth was God, and the entire universe was God. It’s incredibly hard to explain, but this is what makes sense. This is what people had to understand in this world. But the divinity was removed from religions, where power and control are essentials; they are the motive power in Islam, Christianity and Judaism.

I gained clearness, and suddenly I could understand everything. I could understand and see how the religion affected me physically, and I could see the way out of this brainwash. After this experience, which lasted for about 2 hours, I got kicked out from the circle and back to the spirits. The spirits made some kind of a conclusion, and, before I ever noticed it, I was back into my own body again. I woke up, and I was still lying safely in my bed. The spirits disappeared and left me behind.

Today, after my amazing experience with the magic mushrooms and LSD, I have found myself. I don’t have to be addicted to a religion anymore and be in need for it just to get some meaning in my life and existence in this universe. Today, after the trip, my life makes much more sense than it did before, when Islam was an active part of my life.

In the end my mother gave up, and so did the imams. They told me that I was going to burn in hell forever and that I shall consider reconverting. I remained as strong as I was after my trip. Every time my religion and the imams annoyed me using the religion against me, I just led my thoughts in the lines of what the spirits told me. Every time I remembered that, the religion didn’t have any form of effect on me anymore.

The imams told my mother that I wanted freedom to do whatever I wanted to in this world without being punished by God. In the eyes of my mother and the priests, this was a totally wrong way to live out my life. But that was my decision, and no one could change it.

Today I believe in karma, in Gaia (Gaia = Mother Earth is “God”) and some kind of reincarnation. I believe that everything a person does has some kind of consequences. I also believe that Mother Earth and the other planets are the real Gods in this universe - they will judge everything that happens in the universe. This also means that I think there’s some kind of parallel universes to our universe - I don’t think we are alone at all.

And last but not least, after my experience with the psychedelics, I believe that our ego will be dissolved somehow when we die. That means that nobody can say “what will happen to me when I die”. There will not be any “me”, and therefore no one can be judged and punished - the punishment happens while alive. So I think that our soul, the “invisible” energy (invisible for humans, not animals and plants) that keeps us alive, will be mixed with other energies among us in this world. The energy can then be used for many things; for example to form a new soul to go into other living organisms in the universes.

This is what I believe in, and this is my own thoughts I have come to by dropping out of Islam and by getting such an amazing experience on psychedelics.

Remember that these dosages are not recommended to unexperienced users. This might be a too intense trip so please be careful.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 38280

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Sep 30, 2005	Views: 27,854

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LSD (2), Mushrooms (39) : Combinations (3), Retrospective / Summary (11), Glowing Experiences (4), Mystical Experiences (9), Multi-Day Experience (13), Unknown Context (20)