		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:00
		 1 bowl
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		   T+ 1:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

Although I had experimented with my share of hallucinogenic drugs, including 10x Salvia and Mushrooms, I had no idea what LSD had in store for me.  It would turn out to be my first, and last time using LSD.

Me and a very close friend were on our way back to his house to basically trip for the night.  He had scored a bunch of LSD and some particularly potent marijuana which he called AK-47.  The night was starting off good.  I was a little hesitant to take the acid, just because I'm always reluctant to try new drugs, but my friend convinced me that everything would be ok.  I wanted to believe him at that point in time.  I looked at the tiny tab of acid and thought, 'How could something so small be harmful?'  We casually popped the acid in our mouths and happily drove down the highway, blasting Blur and Radiohead, ready for the night ahead of us.

 [Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]

Eventually we got back to his house, and invited over another friend of ours, and lay back waiting to be hit by the acid.  I remember the feeling well, it was reminiscent of that feeling you get before you go on-stage to perform, or before you're walking up to give a speech in class.  Something close to nervousness, but almost like it wasn't provoked by anything.  I remember watching a couple music videos my friend had on tape, and beginning to notice that things were changing.  Not visually, just the way I felt about things.

Our friend eventually arrived and by this time, it had been about an hour since we'd taken the acid, and I wasn't seeing visuals, so we decided to smoke the pot and take one more hit a piece.  After we stepped back in from smoking the weed, I felt so much better, ready to let the acid 'in'.  We took one more hit of it, and sat back and relaxed.  Our other friend had work the next day, so she only smoked the weed.

Then the strangest thing happened.  I had always thought of acid as being a 'visual' drug, or at least, that's what people talk about.  Seeing stuff, tripping.  But that was only an added bonus.  The feelings I had within my body were the most profound I've ever felt.  It was like love was inside me, or at least the idea of it, and I could taste it in my mouth and hear it in my ears.  I sat on the couch smiling ear to ear as we watched T.V., thinking, 'This is the most amazing feeling of my entire life.'

The world then began to change.  Pictures on the wall began to re-organize their order, or grow, or shrink.  I laughed hysterically at them.  I got up to go grab some cheese crackers, but never made it to the cupboard.  I was too busy staring at the coat rack, watching it 'breathe'.

Then my entire view of the world changed.  Everything made sense.  I thought about my life, people I'd dated, mistakes I'd made, but they all seemed to have a purpose.  Nothing I had ever done had been in vain, everything for a reason.

My friend was enjoying his trip too.  He came running into the living room with a magazine, screaming that it was telling him secrets.  I opened the magazine, only to find the ad he was talking about: A black insert with the Sopranos banner on it.  Upon opening it, you'd hear the theme from the show, the Sopranos.  I laughed kind of hard at him, but he just smiled right back, and we fell over laughing on the floor together.  Our other friend had gone home by now.

We were having such a wonderful time, we thought we should try and write some music while under the influence.  So I grabbed my guitar, and tinkered with the effects processor we had for a bit, then lay back and started to play.  I have never, ever, played or heard such beautiful music in my life.  It was perfect.  I've thought songs were catchy, or really good, or awesome before, but this was like hearing the most perfect noise one could ever hope to listen to.  There was no need to ever write another song again after this one.  Thankfully, we recorded it onto a little tape player we had lying around, and put it in the tape player and listened to it back.

All the love and beauty of the entire world seemed to swell within those notes.  It relaxed us, but energized us at the same time.  We lay for hours listening to that tape in tears at how pretty the music was.

**********

Our trip had been wonderful up to that point.  I thought to myself, 'This is the greatest drug of all time, I'm going to do this all the time.'

Right about the time I started thinking that, things started going wrong.  We were coming down off the acid, and it was a HARD come down.  I lay in the living room sprawled out on the couch trying to sleep, as it was nearly 8:00 AM and we'd been tripping for a solid 10 hours.  The dizzyness and 'boat rocking' feeling wouldn't go away.  I began to hyperventilate from fear.  I had to go home to my house and talk to my mother in a couple hours.  What was I going to do?

Every breath was like my last.  I'd hold it in as long as I could, and if I tried to stop thinking about my breathing, I'd stop breathing.  I was trying to watch the movie we had put in to get our minds off of it, but it just made me more dizzy.  Pretty soon I started complaining that I wasn't coming down the right way.  My friend said that I would be ok, just give it time, and that if I felt like sleeping, it would be a good idea.

I Desperately tried to fall asleep for at least 2 hours, but every time I'd seemingly slip off, I'd be awakened by the feeling of electricity jolting through my body.  I figured it must have been my breathing getting worse. Eventually we got up, although neither of us had slept, and I had my friend drive me home because I was so dizzy.  I remember asking him when the effects would wear off, and he said 'As soon as you get a good night's sleep, you'll be ok again.'  So that's what I looked forward too.

When I went home, I ran upstairs and got into bed, telling my mom I had been out late last night and needed to sleep all day.  Thank god it was a Saturday.  She knew something was wrong, but didn't say anything, so I thought I had gotten off scott free.  I slept a little that day, and a little that night, but all along, the feelings of dizzyness and color changes and trails never went away.  They didn't seem to be getting better anyway.

I sort of lived my life for about a week before I had had enough of it.  I wasn't coming down, it was painfully clear to me now.  I was having horrible nightmares at night, feelings of not having a soul or not being human.  Whenever I'd be out away from the house I'd feel like I was an alien from another world.  The world seemed to be totally different, although it looked the same.  It frightened me like nothing else ever has.

Eventually I broke down and told my mom what I had done.  She was understandably upset.  Up to this point, she had no idea I even smoked cigarettes, much less smoked pot or did acid.  But she was great.  She said, 'You're in trouble, but not until you're O.k.'  So we immediately hopped on the net to try and find out what was wrong with me.  We fould all kinds of speculation, but nothing that particularly diagnosed what was going on.

My mom said to try and wait it out to see if it was going to go away.  About 3 weeks passed.  The symptoms had gotten a lot better, but were still there, so I decided to go to a Psychologist.  After discussing many things with him, he came to diagnose me as having Post-Hallucinogenic Cognitive Dysfunction.  I think it can also be referred to as HPPD.  It was like a horrible nightmare hearing him say those words to me.  Thoughtout my life there has been one saving grace to all my mishaps, and that has been the thought that no matter what happens, I still have my wits/health about me and I can try and save myself.  Now this comfort was gone.  I felt as though I had lost my mind, or at least a very precious piece of it.  The doctor assured me that it would eventually go away, but it might take a while.

It's been about 2 months since I took the acid.  Although it was the most spectacular drug I've ever taken, with it came HPPD.  And I only took it once.  This experience has changed my life completely.  However, I'm recovering bit by bit every day, and I have a new perspective on life.  I no longer use drugs, drink, or even smoke.  My grades have risen a lot and I've started going back to church.  I'd consider my life to be much better, but at a steep price: a small part of my precious sanity.

On a side note, the tape that me and my friend recorded that night of ourselves playing music still exists, and I listen to it quite frequently.  It's still the most beautiful sounding noise I've ever heard.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 31646

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Feb 13, 2007	Views: 53,491

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), HPPD / Lasting Visuals (40), Post Trip Problems (8), Hangover / Days After (46), Music Discussion (22), Health Problems (27), First Times (2), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 4 hits

		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

One fall, a number of years ago, I had an experience that completely unraveled, completely obliterated every idea I had about myself and reality. I went camping alone with 12 hits of LSD. I wasn't after any experiences. I just wanted to see what LSD had to offer. From the writings of J. Krishnamurti I had become convinced that the spiritual journey is just an illusion. You're either awake or you're not. There's no in-between of becoming awake I had come to believe. But I wasn't completely convinced of this idea. I thought that LSD might be able to help me wake up a little, move me along the spiritual path a little, the path that Krishnamurti saw as an illusion.

I had read Stanislav Grof's book 'The Adventure of Self-Discovery' and in it he relates stories of people who overcome various psychological problems through the use of LSD during psychotherapy. I hoped that LSD could have the same positive psychological effect for myself. Lessening my psychological burden I felt could bring me a little closer to waking up to my true nature.

A friend dropped me off in the woods, and I found a good camping spot a fair distance away from any roads and people. I was going to wait and take some LSD the next day. I thought it would be a good idea to spend a day settling into a more tranquil mood. I was aware of the power of LSD. That's why I had just bought a walkman and headphones and a tape of Gregorian chant. I felt that listening to Gregorian chant would help induce a good trip.

Well, I decided not to wait until the next day. In the early afternoon I took four hits of LSD. I lied down in my tent to listen to Gregorian chant. In less than half an hour I was tripping. I looked up out of my tent (I didn't have the rain-fly on) and saw the tree branches and the ripples on the tent from the wind moving to the Gregorian chant. The movement of the clouds slowed down. An indescribable beauty infused everything.

I opened up the tent door and was stopped by a dead leaf lying right in front of my tent on my groundcover. The veins in the leaf weaved and undulated. Looking more closely I saw smaller and smaller divisions in the leaf. The sun shone through small holes in the leaf reavealing a deep red-orange glow. I said to myself, 'It's soooo beautiful'. The whole existence of the leaf revealed itself to me. I saw the leaf being born, growing, reaching its' glorious fruition, and then dying and shriveling up into nothing, only to repeat the whole process again. It was so glorious. I was awe-struck. I watched the the cycle of existence of the leaf happen over and over.

Then I looked at the blue ground-cover of my tent. It undulated like ocean waves. I felt that all it contained was immense. I saw the oil taken from the earth to make it. I felt the oil of the earth being thoughtlessly, selfishly plundered in the ground-cover. I saw the war and hate and energy and greed connected to my ground-cover. I cried hard. But then I saw that it was just part of the earths' trip. Part of its' trip was to have a 'bad trip'.

I stepped out of my tent and looked at how beautiful and meaningful the whole world was. I wondered how it was possible to have a bad trip. I couldn't understand how people could have bad acid trips.

But then I thought that a good friend of mine knew that I was going to have this good trip and having it would show in his mind that I was inherently different from him because he had always had bad experiences on acid. I thought that he'd feel alienated from me now and bring a permanent rift in our relationship. I now realized the good trip could actually be a bad thing. This troubled me, but I put it out of my consciousness.

The next thing I knew, without thinking it was strange, was coming to after a lapse of consciouness in my tent. The first time I didn't know I had had a lapse of consciousness. I again looked at the leaf outside my tent, and then got out of the tent and looked at a particular tree by the tent. The next time I came to in my tent I thought, 'Hmm, this is like deja vu.' But I still didn't think it was strange reapeating the same experience for the third time in several minutes.

The fourth and fifth times it happened I thought, 'Wait, something strange is happening.' I wondered who or what was playing this trick on me. I began to doubt the essential beauty and benevolence of the world which I'd had no doubt of just shortly ago. I decided to lie down and listen to Gregorian chant for the rest of the trip in the hope that the beautiful music would block out my troubling thoughts.

But now as I looked up through my tent the trees and the sky looked lifeless, cold and distant. This disturbed me. I threw off the headphones and unzipped my tent to look at the leaf again. I saw it shriveling up over and over into a grotesque, gray, lifeless leaf. There was no life in it. Only death. I told myself that the world wasn't really like this. I told myself that existence itself is the highest meaning and life is at its' core and that it was only the LSD that was making me see the world as meaningless and dead. But then I thought that I wouldn't have to affirm the inherent goodness and positivity of the world to myself if it really were true.

Yet once the doubt had slipped in there seemed to be no way to get rid of it. My earlier wonderful trip became increasingly hellish. I told myself that I was just having a bad LSD trip and that the world was in fact good. But then I thought that if the world really was good I wouldn't be able to have a bad LSD trip. Before I realized it everything had ceased being beautiful, good and meaningful and had become grotesque, sinister and meaningless.

I worried that the bad trip might never end and thought I might need to go get help because I'd damaged my brain. But I still had some objectivity on my experience because I thought how I didn't want to draw others into my hell and paranoia and just further confirm the meaninglessness of existence. I decided to stay alone in the woods, but then I began feeling sick to my stomach. I wondered whether I was just imagining I was sick or whether I really was. I tried to remember something I had done early in the day that could be making me sick. I remembered that I hadn't purified the water that I had gotten from a spring early in the day. A scoutmaster out camping with his troop had even offered me some purifying tablets but I had turned him down saying I never purified spring water. I thought the untreated water might be killing me. I thought I might die. All because I was too arrogant to accept some purifying tablets. And it was the arrogance not just of this moment but of my whole life that was now going to kill me.

As I sat in horror deciding what to do next everything merged and coalesced with everything else destroying the tangibility of each individual object. Time and space dissolved. My sleeping bag and tent stretched and contracted. I wondered who I was. I was no longer sure. Most of the ideas I had about who I was no longer felt tenable. It felt that my whole life had necessarily culminated to this moment. All I felt I knew was that I had to come to terms with the fact that I was a wretched human being and that life was meaningless. I could either leave right then and go back to my friends on the farm where I lived and let them know I knew they knew I knew that life was meaningless and that all humans were in eternal conflict with each other and everything and that all we could do was feign communion and happiness.

I also knew that if I went back to my friends I'd have to go to the hospital and my parents would find out I'd taken LSD and had almost killed myself as a result. I felt like I'd be reduced to a pathetic, worthless, repulsive individual if my parents found out what I'd done.

My other choice would be to stay in the woods and die. Either way my identity of being a 'good person' would be destroyed. I felt overwhelming dread seeing that I was caught in a vicious Catch-22. But, I thought, there'd at least be some redemption if I went back and let everyone know that I realized all of my 'idealistic' dreams were selfish and arrogant and that I was a worthless person who needed to beg for forgiveness. I felt my friends and parents knew what I was going through at that very moment and were just waiting to see whether I had the humility to admit to them that all I'd thought and done with my life was completely self-centered and wrong.

But then a more terrifying thought came over me: that my whole past life might be fictitious. I thought that all of my memories may have been implanted in me. I was becoming uncertain of everything. My grip on reality was slipping away. I realized I no longer knew who I was or where I was or what was happening to me other than something unspeakably horrible. But I tried to keep reminding myself throughout this that I had just taken four hits of LSD and was just having a bad trip. Yet saying that to myself helped less and less as time went on. It was irrelevant after some time how I had gotten into the state I was in. The hell I was feeling was too real and powerful to pass off as the play of my mind. I felt that the LSD was just bringing to the surface the truth of myself and reality. But I thought if I could just remember what LSD was I could stave off the bad trip. I thought that what LSD was was what LSD stood for, but I could not remember what it stood for.

The trip became even more frightening when physical reality had pretty much lost all substantiality. Nothing had any distinct identity. Everything was fluid. There was nothing to get a grip on psychologically. Everything I touched lost all feeling of solidity on contact. I decided I should eat something to help me get a hold of reality. Feeling the solidity of food in my mouth and stomach I thought would help.

I took one bite of an energy bar and spit it out. It tasted disgusting. That food could be repulsive further confirmed my idea that life was essentially indifferent and meaningless since negative things were possible. I looked down at the food I had spit out and saw it turned into clumps of writhing maggots. I looked more closely at the spit out food to see that it really wasn't maggots, but I only saw the maggots in greater detail. More fear welled up in me. Now I had further, tangible evidence that reality was a malignant, indifferent, untrustworthy miscreation at its' core. The lusus naturae of all lusus naturaes so that any and everything that could exist in all possible realities was necessarily a deformed, grotesque aberration destined to bear nothing but total chaos and randomness so nothing ultimately made any sense and no perception or interpretation could ultimately be trusted.

But beyond the fear of the indifference and meaninglessness of reality I was terrified that the solidity of the world had dissolved. I had to get in touch with something solid, either from the present or past, something that would show they were real and not just figments of my imagination. I opened up my journal to read some of the entries I had written to help confirm to myself that the past I remembered having happened really did happen. I thought that if the thoughts in my mind could be confirmed by something outside of myself it would provide solid evidence of my past and put solid ground back under my feet again, and more so, put solid ground back under my ideas about myself and reality. It would also help confirm my belief that I was having doubts about who I was, and reality in general, because I was on a bad acid trip. But when I opened my journal and started reading I  became afraid to read past the quotes in the beginning of the thinking that if I read some of my personal experiences they would only create a whole other series of worries and doubts.

Then I remembered I had my watch, and I remembered that I had taken the LSD at about 1:00 pm. I felt that seeing my watch would give me something very concrete to hold onto. I could check the time and the date, and I knew that if the time was about what I'd expect it to be and the date was what I thought it should be I'd know that I was just having a bad acid trip and that it was only the acid that was causing me to lose my hold on reality. I looked at my watch and the time said 5:48 pm. That was good - about what I expected. And the date was 11 - 18 - 95. Also very good. Those outside facts confirmed my inner thoughts. The watch felt solid and real in my hand. A wave of relief came over me.

But then I doubted that what the watch said or that the watch itself was real. I didn't know anything outside of my own thoughts that could prove what the watch said was real and true. I saw what the watch said as part of a lie. I realized I was waking up to the 'Great Lie' - the lie that is past on from generation to generation of humans that the material world is substantial, solid and that our ideas and measurements of it reveal reality. I now saw this was not true. It was clear now that there is never anything to get a hold of and call 'reality'. I realized that everything in my inner experience and in the outer world had no real substance. I realized that nothing could be trusted, that there was no solid truth to hold onto. I looked down at my watch and it melted in my hand. Any substance and weight it had had a moment before was gone. I threw it to the ground in terror.

Any and every hellish scenario began to feel possible now. I decided to open myself up to the most bizarre and hellish possibilities. I saw a comfort in realizing that anything could go wrong - then at least I could take comfort in knowing what the truth was: that reality is hell. I decided to see if I could jump through the earth into another dimension. I ran and jumped into the air. It was deeply comforting when my feet landed firmly on the ground. Layers of fear immediately dissipated from my mind. Some of the substantiality of the physical world returned. I felt security in the returning solidity.

But it was short-lived. The nausea that I had felt earlier suddenly returned, and much worse. I vomited food and then blood. I was sure I was dying. I knew I had to get back to the farm where I lived or I would die. I put on my boots. I was ready to take off for help when every direction I looked in looked the same. I didn't know which way was the right way. I realized it was dangerous to try to get back to the farm for help since I had no idea which direction was the way back standing there in the middle of the woods.

I conceded to the fact that I might just die out there in the woods. But I again reminded myself that I had taken four hits of LSD and that it could just be the bad acid trip that was making me feel that I was dying. Though I didn't find that thought very convincing. I felt that I'd be lost for good and definitely die if I headed off into the woods having no idea if I was headed in the right direction or not.

I lied down in my tent trying to accept the fact that I might die out there in woods. Facing immanent death made fear of the meaninglessness of existence and its' insubstantiality pale in comparison. Accepting the fact that I might actually die a deep sobriety came over me. With the sobriety I no longer felt a need to avoid anything, however frightening. A deep desire to face the truth, to face reality, however good or bad it might be, filled my being. I didn't listen to Gregorian chant. I didn't want to try to create any feelings of a good world. I wanted reality to come to me on its own terms. I'd accept whatever it gave me.

I moved my butt-cheeks while lying down so I could get more of a sense of my physical being. The world was feeling more tangible. I realized I just needed to be interacting with physical reality, that I needed to be completely living in the here and now, in each and every moment. I noticed that storm-like clouds had formed in the sky. I got up and put my rainfly on my tent. A said out loud what I needed to be doing each step of the way, 'OK, attach the rainfly there. Good. Let's go over here now.' I just wanted to be fully in the present, no matter how mundane it happened to be.

I realized that living in the present moment no matter how 'mundane', 'routine', or 'boring' was beautiful compared to the horror acid trip I had just been experiencing. Physical reality, with all its' solidity was slowly coming back into focus. Then the bad trip was completely gone. And without realize it, the good trip wasn't there either. I didn't notice that the feeling of tripping was diminishing. It was now about five hours after consuming the four hits of LSD. Exhausted, but greatly relieved, I went into my tent and lied down.

I suddenly came to, and it was like the other times I had lost and regained consciousness. There was no feeling of having fallen asleep. It felt like I had blacked-out and suddenly come to. I spontaneously, without thinking it was strange, or even realizing what I was doing, jumped up and out of the tent. I knelt on the ground and grabbed a fistful of leaves. I pressed them against my face. The bad trip, or any feeling of tripping was completely gone. I hugged a tree. It was solid! Solidity! What a joy! And sounds had substance again. And everything I looked at was hard, firm - solid.

It didn't occur to me that it was very unusual for all feelings of tripping to have disappeared only after five hours from taking the acid. I went back into my tent and lied down again, now even more deeply relieved that the trip from hell was over.

I suddenly came to again after a lapse of consciousness. Again, I spontaneously jumped out of my tent and knelt down grabbing a fistful of leaves. I stood up realizing that the world felt very different and that I felt very different. It felt as though a burden had been lifted from every cell in my body. My body felt amazingly light, and every movement I made felt effortless and completely natural. Then I realized that my sense of having a personal consciousness was gone. I knew in that moment, beyond any doubt, that I had awaken. I felt that I was in a fairy tale land.

Everything felt so close. I could feel the whole universe right there in front of me. It felt like the universe was laughing and clapping and saying, 'Welcome home.' I literally felt that I had awaken from a dream. It truly felt that I had just been born, just, in that moment, truly come to life. I repeated out loud, 'This is so funny' (awakening from taking LSD) and 'This is so incredible.' I looked at the darkening sky and the ground and the trees. Everything looked so soft and light. It seemed that the world had been turned inside out.

I realized how meaningful suffering is. If people truly knew that suffering was a natural part of existence then they would attend to their suffering instead of trying to avoid it. Suffering is a reminder that there is something wrong with our perception (understanding) of reality. We need to ask, 'Why do I suffer?' and see that the answer is in the question: because of 'I'. We suffer because of the idea of an 'I' separate from and standing apart and independent from the rest of the universe.

I saw so clearly how most humans are still caught in the illusion of separateness, but I no longer saw the irrational acts of humans as evil or tragic. I saw suffering as an essentially natural outcome when reality is not percieved correctly. There was no pity for the human condition, only compassion.

I could feel how we all originate from nothing. The best way I could think about it at the time was that we are all crystallized points of eternity. I thought, of course something that is eternal and infinite is going to suffer if it thinks it is something temporal and finite. Thinking you live in a human body is necessarily going to be very suffocating, claustrophobic, when you are, in fact, infinite, which doesn't imply endless space but its' transcendence.

My head felt like a void, and I had a feeling of vastness and emptiness up through my stomach, chest, neck and mouth. I loved the sound of my voice. I felt like I was speaking out of a void. Every sound and syllable I made was effortless and sounded perfectly crisp and clear. I realized before that I had always been afraid of my voice.

As I tried to think of 'myself' I found it very hard. There was nothing to hold onto. There was no longer any concept that could contain who I now recognized myself to be. I saw that my life as 'Chris M.' had been nothing but a dream. There was nothing substantial about 'Chris M.'. I asked myself, 'Who is Chris M.?' and found I had no idea. He was a dream, an illusion, a mirage. My whole past life felt like a dream that I had just woken-up from. It was hard getting a hold of past memories. Nothing specific came to mind. It didn't bother me in the least. It seemed that I had been dropped off in the woods about a month ago.

I thought to myself that it was worth next to an eternity to reach the state I was in. I laughed at all the things people identify themselves with - political causes, religions, their color of skin, nationality, being cool etc. I saw the ridiculousness of so many acts of humans.

I thought of my family, and my friends on the farm where I lived, and saw how much I loved them all. I felt that they were right there with me. The earth, the universe, felt so small, as if everything was immediately present. I thought of what I would do next with my life, and I found there was nothing to weigh my thoughts against. Everything I thought of doing was just, 'Yeah, OK, whatever.' There was no seriousness or worry or doubt to my thoughts. It was just, 'whatever I do, I do.'

I remember shouting out, 'Hello!' expecting the universe to answer back. I had never felt so incredibly alive. The world had been transformed from a 'serious place' to a place of pure magic and wonder. I just wanted to help others wake up and say, 'See, isn't it awesome and miraculous? See, the world's already perfect.'

I felt completely safe and secure and at home. I laughed at the thought that people are actually afraid of being attacked in the woods by another human. Being afraid felt so absurd, so completely unjustified, completely based on an illusion about one's true nature and the true nature of reality.

I decided the next morning I'd go back to the farm to be with my friends whom I felt an intense love for. I kind of felt like a father. I wanted to let everyone know that everything is alright, that everything is already perfect.

I decided to pack up my stuff right then (it was about 7pm) and go over to see some Boy Scouts whose Scoutmaster I had met earlier in the day and who said I was welcome to come to their campfire that evening. I wanted to share my love, myself, or maybe I should say, lack of self.

It was a funny experience trying to make it over to where the Boy Scouts were. I got lost in the dark. I thought that was pretty ironic. Yet it didn't bother me in the least. At one point I was going to start over from where my tentsite had been. I turned around to see if I could trace my way back, and I stumbled over mentally. I realized that I had always had ideas, presumptions about everything. I mentally stumbled over because my mind automatically was trying to hold onto my ideas of where I had been, but a deeper part of me could no longer make the error of mistaking my ideas about reality for reality itself. My perception was no longer obscured, and it was obvious what was reality and what were just my thoughts about reality. So I stared at the ground, and the trees and the earth seemed to be saying to me, 'Well, here we are. We're all the information you need to find your way back. We're reality.' It was a wonderful feeling - to just see the world without it being cluttered up with ideas, opinions, beliefs, presumptions.

My fifty pound pack felt like nothing on my back. I hardly noticed it was there. And I hiked up and down the mountain like it was nothing as I tried to find my way to the Boy Scouts. It didn't matter at all that I couldn't find them. Just being alive was an exhilarating experience.

Feeling no inhibitions I called out and tried flashing my headlamp in a signal-like fashion. Not living in the normal human realm of separation and fear I didn't think that my actions would be taken as strange by everyone else camping out there in the woods. There were a number of people camping in the area, and people's responses were essentially, 'What the hell are you doing yelling out trying to find somebody in the dark, dude?' I felt such intimacy with the rest of the world that it didn't seem strange to me at all.

Well, I finally found my way to the Boy Scouts. Actually, it was the scoutmaster and about eight adults whom I finally came across. I could see that they were wary of me, and the scoutmaster was definitely not the friendly person I had met earlier in the day. I could see they were just checking me out - making sure I wasn't some psychopath or something. To me their behaviour was ridiculous, so unjustified. It was merely based on the illusion of separation. But I only had understanding for their situation.

I told them I was coming to join their campfire, and they told me that it had already ended. When I spoke with them I felt awkward speaking in a way that I never had before. I realized after that I felt that way because I had no ideas or expectations or fears deciding what I should and shouldn't say. It was a completely new experience for me. I was really struck by their irrational fear of me based on the false belief of separation. Their behavior seemed almost silly. As they walked away from me talking they seemed like silly cartoon characters going, 'mumble grumble, mumble grumble.'

I was now in a clearing up in the mountains at night with the stars overhead. I layed out my sleeping back in the open beneath the stars, a feeling of total freedom, of oneness with all, permeating my being. The temperature was dropping. My body shivered from the cold, but coldness was just coldness, not a 'problem' as I'd normally related to it. I no longer felt any pain in my right knee which had been bothering me for weeks.

I lied down in my sleeping bag looking up at the stars. They felt like they were right in front of my face. Everytime I opened my eyes I mentally jumped back at seeing how close the stars were. The mountains also felt very close, and the sound of the wind and trains and voices and other noises felt like they were right next to me. The sights and sounds were perceived without ideas or beliefs or any thoughts coming in the way.

The insubstantiality of time and space was completely tangible and obvious. They were still there, but I now saw them as the thinnest of veils lying across the vastness of the void.

Possibly the most powerful part of the awakening was that all existential suffering and all existential doubt had ended. I had attained 'Certitude' of certain things as the Zen priest Steve Hagen had spoken about in his book 'How the World Can Be the Way It Is', which I think had had a significant influence on me having this experience. I had read the entire book the previous day, and one of the main themes of the book is trying to prove that there is nothing substantial in the material world, and yet, there it is. He says that the world is filled with paradoxes until we just see things for what they are beyond all conceptualization. I have no doubt that all the ideas in that book were mulling around in my unconscious mind when I took those four hits of acid.

Who I was and my 'place' in the world were meaningless questions now. I Knew that I had awaken. I Knew that existential human suffering is based upon an illusion - the illusion of separation. I Knew that what I was could never be harmed. I had no fear of anything. Fear is a product of the separate self. Fear goes hand-in-hand with the feeling of separation. The individual, separate 'I' is fear.

Two men came up to me while I was lying in my sleeping bag. They wanted to know if it had been me they'd seen walking along the mountain ridges, or rather, the headlamp that they'd seen. Every word I spoke came out effortlessly. I felt a naturalness and comfortableness in my being that I had never felt before. I felt the infinite in me communing, unaware to the two men, with the infinite in them. It was a joy being with others because I felt no separation with them.

Another amazing thing I noticed was seeing that thoughts were no longer a problem. I could easily put aside any thoughts in my mind and just see the world void of any concepts about it. It was such an exhilarating feeling of liberation - there was finally space, boundless space, in my mind.

Not long after I had initially woken-up to reality I felt I had realized what LSD is. I felt that it had been created by the collective unconscious of humanity to show humans deeper aspects of reality to help them wake up, ultimately, to the ground of being itself. I thought the same idea about Chaos Theory. I saw that everything is happening to help us wake-up. I saw, without any doubt, that the only useful thing to do in life is to wake-up. All the works of humanity, all technological progress adds up to nothing. The only thing that is of any value is to wake-up to reality.

The next morning the voidness in my head and body had greatly diminished. I didn't feel as light, though my voice still seemed to be coming from a void, and objects still felt lighter than 'normal'. I thought that maybe I was already growing use to my new state, but as time went on it was clear that the awakening was fading. Any effects not attributable to memory had faded completely within eighteen hours.

It was a let down at first to realize that what I thought had been a permanent awakening  turned out to be temporary. The intense acid trip had been a catalyst for a brief, though extremely powerful transcendence of my mind. I have no doubt that the brief awakening was genuine. LSD can only effect the mind and I had gone beyond my mind. It was like the high dose of LSD I'd taken acted like a rocket ship that broke me free from the gravitational pull of all of my ideas about myself and reality to temporarily wake me up before the powerful karmic pull of my habitual center of gravity in the known, in ideas and beliefs about myself and reality, pulled me back.

And then there I was believing I was 'Chris M.' again and huddled in the security of all his ideas about the reality around him - a reality of unfathomable mystery and wonder. But now that mysterious reality was wondered down by concepts to make the world 'safe' and 'secure' for myself.

I am deeply grateful to have had a glimpse, even for a brief period of time, of reality. LSD can show us deeper dimensions of reality. It can take us on trips to subtler levels of consciousness, and in my case, it can even catapult us beyond the mind altogether, though, almost inevitably only temporarily. Only temporarily, because whe have to go through the actual day to day practice of living to let go of all our ideas about reality and ourself to finally stand in total nakedness and vulnerability and humility in the knowledge that who we are and what reality is will always ever be a mystery.

Exp Year: 1995	ExpID: 56890

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Feb 15, 2007	Views: 26,594

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LSD (2) : General (1), First Times (2), Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Mystical Experiences (9), Nature / Outdoors (23), Multi-Day Experience (13), Personal Preparation (45), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 2 lines
		 insufflated
		 Cocaine
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 0:30
		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   180 lb

Well, I'm not going to bother anybody with the details regarding how it began. Quite simply, it began as any ordinary evening would have. A close friend telephoned me at the 10 hour, and said that a party was going to take place. Being the charismatic 19 year old I was, I happily jumped on my bike, and began the 4 mile trek that would lead me to the party. I had never been a particularly popular student, and rumor had it there would be several of the cool group at the party. This filled me with much joy, as I had hung out with the chill crowd during class and on campus, but had never attended a party in their presence. Had I known the strange thing that would befall me that night, I'm not sure if I would have ever embarked in the first place.

When we arrived at the party, there was a kid (who appeared to live there) who was handing out cups at the front door. I happily paid the chap five dollars, and was on my way to infiltrate the party.  There was a disco ball, music playing, and just about everything else you could ask for at a run of the mill rave party.  However, as I sipped on my keg-cup, I noticed that a small portion of the crowd was retreating to a more intimate setting. Being the curious child I was, I decided to follow them.

As I proceeded up a long staircase and came to the attic, I noticed that all the kids up there were busying themselves with some marijuana and cocaine around a large round table. Not wanting the marijuana to affect my partying (I had previous experiences where I ended up so stoned I couldn't socialize) I decided it best to simply do a line of quality cocaine and save myself the 'stoney-ness'. I did one initial line, and then another when the fellow providing permitted me. Having never done cocaine before, I was overcome with a strange and unique sobriety. What followed this sobriety was a very pleasant buzzing euphoria, that seemingly eminated from my heart. I was pleased by this, and ended up jabbering incessently to my newfound friends for a good twenty minutes.

As a bit of time passed, my friends grew restless, as one of them casually said to the others 'You wanna trip...?' They responded by nodding in unison, and the goods were distributed. It seemed that they were taking tabs of LSD, according to the kid sitting nearest me. He assured me that it would teach me of things about my soul that I had previously never known. To me, spiritual enlightenment was something very appealing, as many viewed me as a loser of sorts. Taking this little tab was my chance to show the club kids that I was cool, and that I could hang.

I know I sound like a fucking loser when I talk about the stereotypical 'cool' kids. However, you have all been in my position at one point or another. We've all been to highschool, and we know how conformity brings satisfaction. It's not fun being an outsider, and at this point in time, I thought that taking this 'acid' or whatever the hell it was, would make me whole, or show me what I was missing out of my misguided youth.

The acid tasted like a piece of tagboard paper, and I was getting anxious to swallow the damned thing about 2 minutes into the experience. As I waited patiently, my new friend (the distributor of the acid) announced that 2 of our lost friends were not going to make an appearance that night, as they had not found a sober driver to the party. With glee, he asked if anybody in our group wanted at 2 free tabs of the blotter shit. I found myself raising my hand, as I felt that 2 hits would certainly be better than one. And they were free! Why the hell not???

After taking both tabs, I walked to the keg to grab another beer, and make conversation with whoever was around.  As I walked out to the deck to have a cigarette (25 minutes after ingesting) I noticed that the flower patterns on the kitchen curtains seemed to be pulsing and breathing with the beat of the music. I was initially entertained by this sudden change, and staired for a bit before I walked out onto the deck.

As I was smoking my cigarette, a girl walked up to me and began to converse with me. I initially thought that she might have been taken by my physical appearance, but then she began a story about how she forgot her cigarettes in her friend's vehicle, and the desperate conclusion of how she was out, and needed more to feed her addiction. What the hell is going on? I asked myself. It was almost as though this girl had taken 25 minutes to explain her situation to me, and I already knew exactly where she was going with it, and had a cigarette in my hand. Why did she have to waste 20 minutes of my time to ask me for a silly cigarette? Why the hell was I paying so much attention this thought?

Damn man. I think I had started tripping at that point. I lost track of time for a second, and then came back as I handed random girl a cigarette. I walked inside to get my bearings, and was greeted by strange, morphing figures. I had a good memory of the furniture arrangement in the house, and the living room I saw did not resemble the one I had left. The couch seemed to be pulsating blisfully in response to the couple that was laying on it and the grandfather clock was chiming the 3 hour, as if signalling us that it was time to leave, and I was too fucked up to drive.

At this point, I walked to the bathroom, and began to splash cold water on my face, as it was the only thing I could think of at that point to make things better. However, as I continously splashed water on my face, I knew that it would do no good. The cocaine was wearing off, and I realized the fact that I had most likely taken something that would not wear off for a long time. I began to panick, and wondered what would happen to me. After several minutes of sweating and panicking, I convinced myself that I would simply have to ride it out, and walked out to the living room and sat myself on the couch.

As I sat on the couch, fucked up shit began to happen. The visuals were completely uncontrollabe at this point, and shifting my eyes did no good. Colors were so brilliant that they seemed to be humming to each other. This sounds fucked up but I swear to god, the couch was singing a duet with my friend's easy chair, in an accompanyment to the cd player. This strange humming noise was always in the back of mind. As I tried to comprehend this, a good female friend of mine sat down next to me. She was one of the kids who was with us when we took the acid.

I was so relieved when she sat down next to me. Finally, someone who understands the state of mind I am in. As I began to convey this to her, I only hoped she would understand.  The words that came out of my mouth were not the ones I had imagined. An unintelligable mish-mash of sounds was all I heard, as auditory hallucinations took over. The trip was only beginning. I had taken the shit only 2 hours before.  When I realized I could not communicate, I freaked out. The auditory hallucinations were becoming so extreme that I could not even communicate what I thought or felt. At this point, the girl I was sitting next to seemed to sympathize with my situation, as she placed her head on my shoudler, and rubbed my back.

Suddenly, wonderful thoughts took over. The girl (I think her name was Phooebe, so from now on, I will refer to her as this) was rubbing my back without end, and I was reminded of days past, when my mother would do the same thing before she awoke me before school. At this point, I came back to myself for a brief moment, and wondered where I was and what was happening. I had two possibilities presented to me: The first one was that I was a person named Willy in my first year of college, who had taken a hallucinatory substance. The second possibility was that I existed as a strange ego-less shell who had been birthed when Willy had taken the acid.

This sounds fucked up, but I seriously thought that reality had started when I took the acid. This was my life, and it was unfolding as if I were an infant. Suddenly, I accepted the trip. I accepted this new possibility. The extra tab I took had probably started kicking in, and I lost complete touch with my ego. I was driven by a sort of existential mindset. I didn't even think I really existed in this world, or any other. There wasn't loneliness, sadness, anything. It was just nothing.

I suddenly came back to reality for a moment, and realized that Phoebe was on top of me. This seemed to be part and parcel for any party I was at. However, I remembered that she also had taken the acid, and may be just as desperate as I was, prior to my death (I thought I was dead, you must understand).  At this point, the trip convinced me that I was an angel, and must serve to comfort her, as she made her passage to where I had found myself.

As I laid there with the intention of comforting Phoebe, it became clear what would make her comfortable. She seemed to want us to connect in a way other than the platonic. As an existential nothingness, I felt it not a problem at all to surrender myself to this strange psycho-naut's desires, and let her guide my hands wherever she liked, as I experienced the her desire. This was to be a new beginning. The birth of the new person that was to be me. I would fornicate with this girl, as a tribute to all that had changed.

As fucked up as this sounds, I honestly felt like we were Adam and Eve that night. As we had cuddled, my ego experienced complete withdrawal, as I become nothing inside of a shell. I felt as though we were clinging to each other (literally) as if it was the last thing we had left of reality, and beyond that, was nothing and the unknown. If I had not spent time with Phoebe that night, I feared that I may have died.

After somehow exchanging phone numbers (don't ask me how) I was on my way.  The act of walking through the bedroom door and down the stairs toward the main room forced my ego to return briefly, and I remembered where I was, and who I was. It was at this point that I remember actually taking the acid, and remembering that I was tripping.  As I looked around, uncontrollable visuals greeted me, and I wondered how and what I had experienced in the previous 2 hours because quite frankly, it exists only as a vague dream. The visuals were so intense, that I retreated into sort of an existential state of existence, devoid of sight.

I somehow my way outside and bummed a cigarette from some random kid.  As I slowly puffed on it, I began to perceive things that existed around me. The large oak tree I had seen when driving in, the large tractor that was broken down on the side of the house.  Even the stars seemed familiar for a moment. This was my first plateau. Then things got fucked up. My friend (we'll call him Jake) suddenly burst through the front door, ssking me where I'd been, what I'd been doing, etc.

I wanted to look him straight in the eye and say 'Fuck you man. I'm on 2 tabs of acid. I'm tripping balls, leave me alone.'  But then I remembered that he wasn't into that. So I instinctively kept my mouth shut, as he continued talking to me, face morphing, mouth twisting, words not making any bit of sense.

'Hey, We're all hungry. Do you want to go to Perkins.?'

Me: 'Umm. I don't know man, we'll see.'

'Well, were going now. If you want a ride, come with us.'

I didn't really have much of a choice at that point. Visions flashed through my head of me wandering around in a fucked up daze asking for a ride home from random people who didn't give a shit about me. I had no choice but to agree to go.  We then climbed into the car and left for the all night restaurant. It was somewhere around 4 in the morning, over 4 hours since I ingested the acid.

The diner was weird. I kept percieving seperate entities from the people who were sitting in the restaurant. Do they know I'm tripping? was a question I kept asking myself. I would continuously stare at the two truck driver sitting behind us, or the overweight woman in the next row, or the cracked out meth-heads chattering away in the smoking section.

I was overwhelmed with so much empathy that I wanted to walk right up to them and ask them about themselves, where they came from, and who they were. However, I was overwhelmed by the fact that the trip was still going strong, and I coudln't say a damn thing to anyone.

Somehow we got our food, and ate it. Rumor has it I drank an entire cup of coffee, and got into a conversation with our neighbors about complex interdependence in western Europe, but that's all subjective. After ordering my food, the next thing I remember is us sitting in the car talking about how crazy the night before had been. The visuals had worn down to a moderate level, and I was left with the equivalent of a very mild buzz.

The sun was coming up over the hills, and we decided it was time to go home. However, I was still not quite convinced that the sun really was rising. I could have still died that night, and not even known it. I have so much more respect for psychadelics after that fateful night. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, and am very lucky I have as calm of a mind as I do, because otherwise I might have been toast.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 33540

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Mar 1, 2007	Views: 64,398

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LSD (2), Cocaine (13) : General (1), First Times (2), Combinations (3), Sex Discussion (14), Mystical Experiences (9), Large Group (10+) (19)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   145 lb

This may serve either as an enticement or caveat for psychedelic trippers. I've gone into an egoless oblivion twice on tryptamine psychedelics, once on mushrooms, and once again on lsd about 7 years later.  This is a report on the latter lsd experience, in which I was out of my life/body/identity for around four hours.  That's a long time when you don't know your ass from a hole in the ground and are bent over in time warped tryptamine space!

I was renting a small cottage by myself in the Indian Himalya, in a place close to the origin of the ganges river, which also registers the area as very sacred to hindus.  I was interested in esoteric types of Indian mysticism such as aghora tantra and advaita vedanta and this interest led me, I believe, to experience what I did when I did.  I feel strongly in the saying 'be careful for what you wish for, because you may get it.'  I put a lot of mental thought into cosmic consciousness and the void, and I got an unexpected and massive taste of it.

A very young German man I met in a small himalyan town gave me a hit of acid, and warned me 'This is VERY special acid. Maybe only take half.'  Seeing the tiny hit of blotter, I truly had my doubts that it could have much effect on me.  I've tripped many many times.  I was very wrong about the acid.  It was stronger than anything I've ever had by a long shot.  And that was from one hit!  I was also having numerous stomach problems at the time, which is a common experience in India.  I was taking some antibiotics which were very strong.  I wonder sometimes if this had a chemical reaction with the acid, strenthening it considerably.  It may just have been truly special acid.  I don't know.  I tend to think that it was because of my intense practice that month with vedanta, which relaxed me to the point where some acid thrown in the mix would trigger a full on psychedelic blow out.

I chose a day to take the acid.  I tried to clean my head out of it's rubbish for about a week prior to the chosen date.  I know that nothing can can prepare one for a wild and unique trip, but I still think that these type of preperations are helpful.  There was, however, no way to prepare for what would happen to me.

I meditated for two hours at sunrise, than dropped the whole hit and went into the forest.  At first it came on very sweetly, after about 45 minutes.  I sat on a rock about halfway down the mountain and felt the magic of the sunlight.  It was warm and loving and I felt very good.  I remember thinking that the acid was indeed very clean and gorgeous feeling.  I foolishly thought that I was having a blessedly beautiful trip because of all of my preparation and mental training.  Slowly, though, the trip began to escalate.

I was very happy and delirious, and I think a peculiar kind of drunkenness was around me because I didn't really notice just how out there I was getting.  My sense of time was totally shot.  Some farmers off in the distance where shooting their rifles to scare away a mischevious band of monkeys who regularly raided all of the crops on the mountain.  The last thing I remember while I was still lucid, that is I still new my name, date and location, was the sound of the riotous monkeys screaming and running down the mountain sounding like charging bison or something.  I remember feeling some fear because I didn't want to deal with those monkeys in my state.  They are very intrusive and clever little bastards!

I had nothing to fear with the monkeys, but rather had much bigger things ahead.  This is when I lost consciousness.  It was around two and a half hours after dropping the hit.  I was so far inside my mind that I had no clue who or what I was.  I've heard of others who reach this state with acid, but it seems rare.  I encountered not a single person for several hours, leaving me on my own to decipher this new universe which seemed to be made of pure thought.

Looking back on it I have many memories of what I felt, but at the time I was lost in a place where there was no up, down, left right, sight, sound, scent.  I tested this new world to see if there was pain, because I remembered pain, and I tested it by reaching out a grabbing briars with my hand.  As the thorns dug into my hand I remember laughing because it wasn't at all painful but rather ecstatic!  Thousands of colors shot outwards from where my hand contacted the thorns!  My senses had blurred togethter fully and I felt that I was invincible.

I continued the experiments, thrusting myself into thickets and letting all of the thorns cut my body.  It just felt liberating.  My reality had truly crumbled.  I felt that now I truly 'knew' that pain and all material was a product of the mind and I didn't need to be a slave to it.  Reality was finally peeled aside, appearing as an illusion.  It's strange that as I thought this, I didn't even know my name, but I thought in terms of vedanta philosophy.

I wonder if I could have gone farther.  I wonder if I could have really hurt myself in that state.  Without fear of harm or dying, I could have jumped off a cliff or who knows what.  Fortunately I didn't.  I did climb up onto the roof of my cottage and stare into the sun, an acid trip cliche.  This is where I felt that I may be a being who is 'between worlds', something that had recently died.  I felt this once before on mushrooms several years earlier.  I was there again, but of course I had no context and no way to find myself to compare this current trip to the previous one.

I began to feel that there was a 'mystery'.  When my old reality slowly creeped back, there was a fear.  I knew that I knew something, but what?  Where the hell is this place?  It seems familar, but how?  Being in India, on the other side of the world, made it even more surreal, because it clearly wasn't MY world or MY familiar territory.  The setting lent itself to me feeling that I had somehow (died? entered cosmic consciousness? gone insane?) sublimated into an alien place.

At one point a felt such a profound emotional pain that I screamed at the top of my voice to try to purge the horror from me.  I was standing in front my cottage.  As I screamed I thrust my arms behind me and smashed a window out with my elbow.  the glass cut my arm open.  The pain felt magnificent.  Again I wonder how much further I could have gone hurting myself.

The scream alerted the farmers up the hill, whom I was renting the cottage from, as to my strange state, and someone came down to see after me.  I did not recognize the man, although I knew him well as we had talked often.  I thought that he was a 'concept' in my brain, a part of my mind which was oriented to challenge me somehow into solving the 'mystery'.  I thought that all of these bizarre and alien feelings I was having was me entering another level of consciousness, that the mystery I was feeling was the 'test', the challenge, like in classical literature, 'before entering these gates you must face a great challenge.'  I thought this man who came down to see me was like an adversary, a program sprung from my mind.  His questions to me (are you okay? what's going on? etc.) seemed like game.  I remember, embarassingly, that I was laughing and yelling at him.

He went back up the hill to his home which had no phone, and debated with his family about whether or not to go up the mountain and hitchike to town to get the police.  He was certain I had cracked up.

I started to come down from the acid after about 6 hours after dropping.  When the man came back down to check on me, I decided to ask him the key question, 'who are you?'  I was beginning to think he wasn't my 'adversary' but rather a friend from my 'former life'.  He told me his name and instantly I knew all that had happened.  I 'remembered' that I had taken acid, after four hours of raving and wandering around!

I was astonished.  For the second time in my life, I had gone totally off the deep end tripping.  I was covered with cuts and my arm was bleeding rather a lot where I put it through the window.  I was embarassed at acting like a lunatic and frightening my very gracious Indian hosts, but more important was my sense of amazement.

I wasn't scared, though very disturbed by what I'd seen.  I had felt a great joy as well as a total abyss where no love exists.  There were many things which are far too complex or deep for me to even put into words.

I was seeking a spiritual experience, and I got one.  I wasn't ready for it.  I haven't tripped since then, 4 years later, because I feel no need.  I want to explore that area more, but I need to find a different approach.  The potential was there in that trip to have really hurt or possibly killed myself.  I'm still gathering bits and pieces of mental debris from that mind explosion.

Exp Year: 2000	ExpID: 33841

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Mar 6, 2007	Views: 16,510

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LSD (2) : Alone (16), Mystical Experiences (9), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   138 lb

On October 31st of 2005, I dove head first into the world of pure, psychedelic euphoria. To be completely honest, dropping acid was the last thing I would imagine myself doing that day. Here is how things transpired:

At approximately 10:30 PM on October 30th, I decided to get on the bus and go to the apartment some older friends of mine shared. I was granted a key to their place, because they knew they could trust me and didnt want me stranded outside if I showed up when they werent home. When I arrived at approximately 11:15 PM, the place was empty, because they were all still at work. I sat down on the couch thinking of how to kill the few hours I had until they returned. Feeling tired, I plopped my head down and fell asleep.

At approximately 2:30 AM, my three friends returned. I was awakened by the sound of shoes coming up the stairs and keys jangling to open the door. They all greeted me, and we just chatted for a bit. A friend who would not be tripping, we'll call him W, retired to his room after awhile. So, I was sitting on the couch in the living room with B and M. Later, a friend T dropped by. So, the four of us sat on the couch in the living room watching Adult Swim on Cartoon Network. A few times in the duration of whatever show we were watching, B and M kept getting up from the couch and running into the bathroom. T and I  could hear their voices from inside. He leaned over to me and asked 'whats going on with them?'. I replied, 'I dont know...'. I thought it was just B and M acting like B and M, but I was mistaken. After the third or fourth unexpected run to the bathroom, M sat back down on the couch and said 'Hey... Me and B are on acid right now.' I replied... 'Oh... hmm... thats sort of odd.' B was standing across from the couch to my right and added 'Yeah, we would've told you earlier, but we didnt want you to be upset.'

The hardest drug I had ever used at that time was weed, so I guess they were uncertain about my attitude towards drug use... however, B and M would singlehandedly change my attitude towards drug use in the moments which followed. 'Would you like to try some?', B said. I thought about it. My attitude was 'I don't have anything else better to do today, so why not embark on a drug trip for the first time. It seems like the right thing to do.' It was all very nonchalant to me. I told them that I did. B handed me two hits of acid and said 'You understand that nothing is ever going to be the same again, right?' I chuckled and said 'Yes, but let me think about this one last time.' She said 'Well, don't do too much thinking because all the LSD is going to rub off on your hand.' 'Oh, alright', I said, and decided to pop the piece of blotter paper into my mouth. They also asked T if he wanted to drop. He said 'yes', and was quite enthusiastic about it.

After dropping, the four of us headed to T's apartment to wait for the drug to kick in. B and M seemed in awe of everything around them. Me and T's trip had not yet begun, so we sort of waited around for something. M asked me if I felt any different. The full effects of LSD had not yet started, but I felt something, like a stirring inside me. Something that let me know that an 'experience' was in my future. I said 'Yeah, I think I feel something...'. M said 'okay, we should all go for a walk!'. So, we left T's apartment.

As we walked, I couldnt stop smiling, even though I was rather quiet. I was just waiting for everything to change dramatically. We all walked to Walgreens to pick up some pictures which M had dropped off to be developed a while ago. What an excellent idea that was. B, T and I stood outside of Walgreens and waited for M to return. He returned with a bottle of Sunny Delight, a few cans of Arizone Green Tea and some incredibly beautiful pictures he had taken on his drive from Seattle to Chicago. As we stood looking at these pictures, a man walked up to B and asked if she had a light. As she lit his cigarette, and the man exhaled those grey puffs of smoke, my trip began.

The smoke which left his mouth had incredible depth. I felt as if that smoke would ascend to the sky, and become a cloud, not dissipate and clear from the air. As the cigarette man walked away, the four of us stood outside of Walgreens, gazing at the magnificent pictures M had taken for what seemed like hours. I'm sure it wasnt more than 10 minutes. M put the pictures into the Walgreens bag and suggested that we do some more walking.

As we walked down Belmont ave., M pulled the Sunny Delight bottle from the bag and asked me 'You want some vitamin C? Its good for the triiiiip!'. As he spoke these words, thousands of tracers were eminating from his body. This was one of my most vivid memories from the trip. I replied, 'No, I'm.... alright' in that confused, disoriented way you would expect someone on a heavy psychedelic to speak. We crossed Belmont ave. , which was not an easy task, seeing as though we were not at a cross walk and it is a very busy street. We made it to the other side, and decided to walk down a side street near the apartment.

Since this was autumn, we entered a world of color by venturing down that little side street. Before we came upon some houses and trees, we came upon a large brown building (which looked purple to me). The side of this building seemed to breathe and pulsate, as if it were alive. B said 'hey! do you see that!?' and pointed towards it. I didnt reply. I was in awe. I was almost unable to speak for some minutes afterwards. We continued down the side street until we came upon a residential portion of it. For a moment, I felt as if I was outside of my body. I could see M, T, B and myself gazing down at the ground to look at all the leaves which had fallen, looking as if we were utterly entranced by everything we had seen, which we were. Things began to take on a cliched 'druggy' feel at this point, since M, T and B were being so vocal, shouting 'whoa!' and pointing to a bush or a tree or a fence. As they walked, I felt as if they were dancing around me.

I walked next to B, pointed downward and said 'look at the patterns the leaves make on the sidewalk.... look at those.' It had rained some days before, so the rain had left an outline in the shape of leaves on the sidewalk. I dont think I would've noticed something like this if I was walking down this street on any average day. The drug was now taking over my thought process. We kept walking and came upon a rose bush next to an old apartment building. We stopped and stared at it for a few minutes. The reds and pinks of the roses were overwhelmingly vivid.

We headed back to the apartment, where we began to look at M's pictures once again. I grabbed one of them. It was a picture which was taken from the inside of M's car while he was driving down a windng highway road. In this photograph, the sky was a cloudy blue/grey. It looked as if a storm was brewing. A blurry road sign, and an out of focus car were in the foreground. I stared at this photograph for what seemed like lifetimes. I couldnt put it down. I stood near the front door with the photograph in my hand for  about 20 minutes. However, I felt as if I had been standing there looking at this photograph for years. W was now awake. He made himself a cup of coffee and infered that we were all tripping. I think he could tell that I was, since I was standing in the corner with a blurry photograph in my hand. He turned to B and said 'getting people hooked on drugs, eh?'. This didnt make me feel uneasy. I actually smlied when I heard those words. W had many experiences with psychedelics previously and would not have made me feel bad about tripping.

After a while, me and T decided to grab two of the Arizona Green Tea cans (to keep us hydrated) and go sit on the back porch of the apartment. We talked of how the drug had changed everything, (since it was a first time trip for the both of us). We shared our experiences thus far, but realized that we still had many hours of tripping ahead of us. T went inside to use the bathroom and asked if it was okay to leave me out here alone. I agreed. I still had the photograph in my hand.

I started to look at it once again. This time, looking at the photograph was like watching a movie. I saw the out of focus car travel down the winding road. The road sign dissapeared. I was moving along with the car. I was making a journey into realms unknown. As I watched the car inside of the photograph travel down the winding road, I stretched out my arm, so I could get a clear view of the photograph in my hand. I saw the photograph melt, and then reappear in my hand. It was like something out of a Salvador Dali painting. At this point, I experienced what may have ended up being a 'bad trip'. After viewing the transformation the picture had made inside of my hand, I felt as if I was transforming as well. I dropped the picture and started to stare at the planks of wood which made up the floor of the porch. During this moment, I closed my eyes. I started to feel a rush of pure, unbirdled mania. I felt as if I had gone insane. I felt like I was living the text in an old H.P. Lovecraft paperback. It seemed as though I would transform into some hideous, lycanthropic creature. I waited for the change to come, knowing there was no return from this hideous physical state I would adopt.

'Hey!', T said as he stuck his head through the screen door which lead from the apartment to the back porch. 'Are you alright?', he added. This terrible mindset had left me and I felt much better. The awful feelings I had dissapeared as soon as I heard T's voice. I decided to go back inside. I walked into the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee. When I had finished my coffee, I gazed inside of the cup. I felt as if there were worlds inside of this cup. Tangible worlds that I could dive into. I did not attempt to do so, since I still had some rationality to my thoughts. I set the cup down on the counter and walked over to M and B, who were feeding a slice of balogna to B's kitten. This was highly amusing to all of us. Something like watching a cat eat balogna was incredibly hilarious in this state. After we chuckled at B's kitten, B, M and myself stared out of the screen door. I remarked on how I was seeing everything in a color scheme which mimicked the Dario Argento film, 'Suspiria'. This made M and B laugh. In a sense, I think they thought it was 'cute', introducing a younger friend of theirs to the psychedelic experience. We stood there in the kitchen for a bit, absorbing the 'life' that seemed to radiate from everything around us.

After a few more hours, and as the effects of the LSD were still prevalent, but dwindling, I decided to head home. M, B and T wanted to go get some food at Taco Bell, which was on the way to my bus stop, so we all walked together. We all remarked on what the experience had been like. B and M (who had tripped before) were just dying to know what I thought about the chemical wonderland of LSD. I told them I enjoyed it. As we walked, we kept looking at eachother with odd looks on our faces... because people wearing costumes, masks, make up, etc. were parading all around us. We remembered... today is Halloween. Picking October 31st really hightened my trip. The one day on the calandar where 'anything goes', where you think nothing of coating yourself in fake blood and running up to your friends shrieking like a madman in order to say 'hello'... that was the day I decided to drop acid for the first time. It made perfect sense to me. As M, B and T walked into Taco Bell, we parted ways. They asked if I wanted to come eat with them, but I wasnt very hungry. I felt as if I truly bonded with the three of them. I gave B a hug, and shook hands with M and T, and thanked them for the experience I had that day.

As I stood at the bus stop, I remembered how I hadnt recieved the full effects of music while on LSD. I heard music in the form of sounds from video games people played in the other room and whatever people played from their cars outside, but I craved more. In my bag, I had a portable CD player and my headphones. I put them on. The album I brought with me was 'Blessed Black Wings' by High On Fire. High On Fire is a band which I would consider one of the 'heaviest' of all time. I pressed play. I made sure the volume knob was all the way up and the bass boost was switched to 'ON'. As the first track came blasting from my headphones, the bus pulled up.

I suddenly fumbled for the money to put into the fare collection machine, since it was mostly in quarters at the bottoms of my pockets. After paying my fare, I shuffled to the back of the bus and sat down. Here, I abosrbed the crashing, overly-distorted sounds hitting my eardrums at full force. Near the end of the first track, I shifted in my seat and something else in my bag hit the track selection button. I realized this later on, but at the time, I felt as if my CD Player was posessed by some unknown force. Suddenly, it started playing a later track in the album called 'Silver Back'. As this song met my ears, I felt as if I were listening to elephants stomping around me. Distorted elephants. The bass-laden guitars sounded like thunder. This was an incredible thing. Even though I had an interest in music ever since I was 4 years old, I felt like I never appreciated the power of the recorded sound until now.

I listened to the remainder of the album, got off the bus and started to think of what other albums I should listen to. When I arrived home, I went into my basement, where a good stereo system was waiting to greet me. I dug out my copy of De-Loused In the Comatorium by The Mars Volta. I listened to that entire record while coming down from my trip. It was a beautiful experience. I just sat in front of the speakers, absorbing the sounds eminating from them, until the entire album was complete.

Once the album had finished, I noticed I still had my cell phone in my pocket. I felt the need to call someone. I needed to tell someone else about what happened to me. I needed to speak to someone I trusted about the experience. I called my best friend, J. He was more than happy to listen to me. This helped me come to grips with reality, since I was not prepared for the magnitude of this experience. I had little to no knowledge of the effects of LSD, I didnt plan out my trip carefully, I didnt read up on acid before ingesting it for the first time, however, I was in the company of people I trusted, in a very comfortable environment. Hence, my first expereince was nothing short of astounding. After talking with J, I started to feel as if I could actually go to sleep if I tried. However, I needed something to eat. I microwaved a frozen hash brown patty and slathered it in mustard and ketchup. This was amusing to me. I felt as if I couldnt eat a plain, ordinary hash brown patty. It needed to be VIVID and COLORFUL. Yay! As I devoured my hash brown patty, I decided that I needed a movie to fall asleep to. I chose 'Ichi The Killer'. I popped the DVD in, layed down on my bed, and absorbed the few fading visuals the acid would give me before leaving my system and letting me rest.

After my slumber, I was quite willing to return to normalcy the next morning. I saw with a new set of eyes.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 53084

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Mar 30, 2007	Views: 46,851

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LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Music Discussion (22), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 4 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 1.5 tablets
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (pill / tablet)

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   120 lb

When I was in the second year of college I got in with a friendly crowd who smoked a lot of dope. They also did other drugs. I had done various drugs before but this was my first candyflip. We did not set out to candyflip, it just happened that those were the drugs we got our hands on that night. I had recently broken up with a very straight laced boyfriend of 2 years and was feeling rangy and exploratory about life in general.

My friend A had gone away to visit some people in his home town and I knew he had stashed a  batch of fairly good acid in his fridge. I was feeling mischievous and I ended up out with two people I had only just met through a mutual friend - we just helped ourselves to the acid. We were 'on a mission' as we called it.

It was all a bit hedonistic and unthinking, which was good because it set the scene for  a discovery/journey together/ see what happens/no ties kind of trip. We were coming up on the acid but I didn't feel like I was tripping and was at that point under the illusion that the acid was having no effect. In fact it was having an effect but it was very clean and subtle so everything just flowed naturally. One of the guys we'd dropped the acid with took off and left - I don't know why and I never stopped to think about it.

Another friend came by and saw that me and my new friend B were tripping and said he had some good MDMA pills. He suggested we try them too to enhance the experience. We walked back to his place to take them - we had taken about four or five paper squares of LSD each and we topped this up with the 1.5 tabs of MDMA. I also smoked some joints but so potent was the LSD/MSDA cocktail that it didn't seem to make much difference.

As we walked back through the empty streets to B's room, I began to see psychedelic nets and balls floating around. B agreed he could see them too. I was filled with the sense that the world was a benign and interesting place. We were seemingly coming up on both drugs together.

We were both so wasted that night that we had the same CDs on repeat for much of the night as we couldn’t get it together to change the CD player. For an hour so other student friends had come in to say hello and smoke but seeing us on a major trip they drifted off leaving us to it. B had this gadget called a mindlab, a device which is like a pair of glasses which have flashing LEDs on them - you close your eyes and plug into a walkman-like machine which plays alpha and beta waves etc. The noises made me feel awful but I discovered that I could sit listening to the music we were playing (it was the 1st Leftfield album and The Orb UFOrb) and put the flashing glasses on and I would drift off into an intense visual inner trip. I have to say the colours and the images were amazingly vivid,  and I felt very emotional from the MDMA. To give an example of the intensity – it was stuff like flying though clouds with intense bright light and the warmth of the sun on my face and Pegasus flying past - yeah, the full 'signs and wonders' works.

The overriding factor in all this is that all through the night I 'forgot' I had taken drugs, or did not think 'Oh I am having a drug experience' - it really seemed that some new place in my soul was opening up which had previously been hidden to me.

After what seemed like a very long time, I was suddenly plunged headlong into what I consider to be my only REAL trip ever. I was as if I was dreaming a movie or something, but I was IN the movie. I was flying across a seascape as if I was a gull or a sea bird and away in the distance I could see this island. I was thinking - 'This is the real thing- this is the land of the mind' - I could see the island was densely wooded but it had a beautiful huge building in the middle of it, a white turreted huge palace with gold flags glinting in the breeze. I realised that this was The Library of all Things. Inside the library it was like a cathedral very ornate and worshipful. But to my puzzlement there were no books in the library, only myself as a three year old running about this massive huge building. The realisations I had were that I had to write the books to fill the library (what ever that meant – I now think it meant be responsible for your own destiny) and that I had to rescue that little three  year old girl who'd been living alone in that huge lonely library with nothing in it. It was a message to me about my life.

All in all it was a good interesting night but there was something thing very profound about the intense trip part of the night. I felt like a missing magical part of myself had been revealed or restored to me.

The reason I wanted to share this experience is because I truly believe that doing that candyflip actually enabled me to open up the tightly locked flood gates and begin resolving issues from my past. I have heard they used to use LSD in the treatment of alcoholics in a similar way. Essentially what came out of that trip was that I was able to tell my mother about my secret childhood abuse by a relative - I told her about it about 2 weeks later. Since then I have had my ups and downs but I am now in a good place - I have had plenty of other experiences with drugs, not all of them good - but I remember that trip so vividly even to this day some 9 years later.

Who can say why it happened when it did? Perhaps I was at a crossroads of life? But I tend to think that in fact it just so happened that by happy accident I took the right combination of chemicals at the right time in my life,  in the right setting, so that the profound soul searching other worlds experience of the LSD was buoyed up and given a smooth ride by the emotional flood of love and warmth and well being from the MDMA.

I have never regretted that trip.

Exp Year: 1995	ExpID: 41568

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 14, 2007	Views: 31,713

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LSD (2), MDMA (3), Mind Machine Devices (301) : Combinations (3), Glowing Experiences (4), Health Benefits (32), Music Discussion (22), Relationships (44), Mystical Experiences (9), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 1 tablet
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (ground / crushed)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   185 lb

I'm 18 years old and I have experienced and taken many different kinds of drugs in my life and have had some wonderful experiences overall. I've smoked pot for a few years, taken all kinds of pills, mushrooms, XTC, nitrous oxide, and snorted coke even... NOTHING could prepare me for the nightmare I was about to experience that night.

I had wanted to try Acid for a long time. I had heard all sorts of 'enlightening' experiences from my friends. I had heard stories about seeing crazy visions, colors, beautiful things, and so on. I figured I'd give it a try sometime or another just to see what all the fuss was about. My parents decided to go away on a trip for two days so they left me by myself to watch our pets. I called around and was finally able to find some Acid the night before they were coming home. After waiting for hours, I got a call from my friend (I'll call him J) saying he was going to go pick it up from the dealer for me. When he finally arrived, he and his friend (I'll call him D) came in with not only 3 hits of Acid, but also some crushed powder XTC that came wrapped in a small bag. The Acid came on three very small pieces of thin paper with the faces of the band Gorillaz on them. It was also wrapped in alluminum foil for protection.

I took my first hit of Acid with J and he took his one hit too around 1:30 in the morning. J wasn't very excited because he had taken Acid many times before and had told me it did nothing to him. After waiting a while, I started to notice things more. The first thing I noticed was how detailed the carpet was. The designs seemed to go on forever and the patterns became much sharper and more detailed than ever before. While J and D were talking, I lay down on the sofa and stared up at the ceiling fan. I noticed the strangest thing about it--these little diamonds appeared around the fan blades and began to almost melt onto the ceiling in a green, liquid type form. I thought this was extremely cool, but J and D didn't seem to care.

After some time passed, we went outside to smoke some Pot that D had brought with him. I had a pretty good amount of it, and it was fairly good stuff so I was fairly high when we were done which didn't really seem to do anything to the Acid effects at all.

We decided to go upstairs and relax for a little while in the room where our computer is. We moved our small TV up to that room and put on some movies to help pass the time. I took my second hit of Acid around that time during one of the movies. I waited a while and still did not notice anything different other than the lights on the ceiling and the patterns on the carpet from before in the living room. Feeling let down, J gave me the XTC powder and told me I'd enjoy that much more. I took the powder which was very gross and just figured the Acid was fake and we'd been ripped off. The dealer wasn't very trustworthy anyway according to many people so I figured we had either gotten some very weak Acid or it was completely fake. I waited some more time and then began to feel the familar effects of XTC kick in. By this time, J and D were bored and tired and decided to leave. BIG MISTAKE!

I came upstairs after they left (by now it was close to 4 a.m.) and decided to just enjoy listening to music at full volume and roll on the XTC until it wore off and I could go to sleep. Then it happened. The first thing I began to notice was that the mouse on the computer had trails on it (some people call these tracers) and it was like the mouse was moving in slow motion. The next thing I remember was that I looked over down the upstairs hallway at the smoke detector and saw it melt right off the wall! I looked again and it was there again as if nothing had happened. The Acid was DEFINITELY real, and I at the time was thrilled.

I looked at the knobs on the computer speakers and they started to throb and pulse, like a heart beating almost. I looked over at some of the posters we have in the room near the computer. One of them was a picture of a street in Germany with a castle tower and vines growing in the corner of the picture. I remember seeing the vines crawling out of the picture towards me. The tower looked three dimensional, as if I could reach out and grab it and also the people in the picture began to walk but were standing still at the same time. I looked at the clouds in the sky of the picture and a face formed in the cloud and smiled at me. I felt very strange all over at the same time. Part of me was enjoying how nice everything was to the touch (the computer chair, the desk, the pillow I was holding, etc.).

I looked over at another picture and saw similar effects. This time, it was a photo of a castle somewhere in Europe. The snow on the towers of the castle seemed to move and form around the towers as if it was snowing that very second. The lights on the inside of the castle seemed to brighten as well. I picked up an old poster my sister used to have on her wall that said 'believe your dreams' and I most definitely was at that point because the Unicorn in the picture started moving and the girly looking rainbow starting glowing along with the letters.

I sat in that room for what felt like ages, when really it was only about 10 minutes. I played some of the weirdest techno/electronic music, which really enhanced my overall mood and caused me to imagine some bizarre things that made no sense (I really can't remember what they were). It was at least 5 a.m. by this point and the sun was beginning to come up. I remember looking out the window and seeing the tree by the window changing as if it was rapidly aging. It looked very animated, as if it was in a cartoon. It started to wilt and melt as if it was liquid and very fragile at the same time and I noticed that the lines on the leaves were much sharper and drawn out.

This was about the time the bad started happening. I went in the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I completely flipped out at this point because I noticed that my skin seemed to be changing colors somehow and I saw another image of myself standing right behind me. My eyes were so dilated that they looked completely black and I looked like I was vibrating. This scared me, so I decided to lie down and listen to more music. This didn't help and only managed to scare me even worse. I called J on the phone and woke him up and asked him for help. I talked to him for what seemed like hours about stupid things that made no sense. He tried to calm me down and sounded pissed off that I woke him up.

I calmed down a little bit but I was still freaking out at everything in my room. All my posters were changing and coming to life. The people in one of them started moving and shaking their heads at me. In another one of them, the faces started changing colors and shades. The last one was a drawing of London at night, and I noticed that the hands on Big Ben seemed to be moving. This may not sound that bad, but remember my parents were coming home not too long from then and I could not fall asleep no matter how hard I tried. I even took a hot shower, but I was so numb from the XTC that I couldn't even feel the warmth of the water on my body. It was very unpleasant despite what many people had said about taking showers while rolling.

The dealer's friend said that Acid only lasted six hours at the longest. Everybody who had taken that before had only had six hour trips so I was freaking out already because it was at least 9 a.m. and they would be home soon. By this point and I was tripping VERY hard. I became extremely scared and started hearing scary vibrations and echoes throughout my house. Everytime I moved my hands, I had a series of trails/tracers following it. I decided to call the dealer's friend on the phone and after much confusion in finding his number and trying extremely hard to dial it, I managed to somehow. We talked for a while and he sounded alarmed that I was all by myself. He tried to calm me down and after a while of talking to him, I was able to finally calm down again.

We got off the phone and things got even worse. At this point I was desperately thirsty and was drinking lots of water and sweating like crazy in fear. I don't even know what I was so scared of, I was just extremely terrified at this point. Maybe it was the sounds in my house, or that my hands and arms were vibrating everytime I looked down at them. My arm hairs started to grow and wrap around my arms. I tried calling several of my friends, but nobody answered. I finally called some of my old friends who live far away who had just helped one of their friends out of a bad acid trip and told them what was happening and what I'd taken.

At this point, I was screaming for help. I was in tears because I was so scared. I thought I was dying, I felt like my whole body was shutting down. I went into spells of feeling extremely cold and then extremely hot. She talked to me for a while and calmed me down somehow a little bit. By now though, I was very very scared. My heart was beating so fast it sounded like a machinegun in my ears. I was shaking all over, wrapped up in blankets crying. I felt so pathetic and so helpless in that state and most of all, terrified. I have never been so scared in my entire life. I honestly thought I was dying.

She kept telling me I was going to be okay and that I was just imagining it, but I wasn't imagining the physical things like the horrible horrible pains in my stomach and the terrible pain in my back. I felt sick to my stomach and wanted to throw up so bad, but I couldn't. I knew I had too much, I could feel it in my body. The XTC and Acid combined was way too much for my body to handle. I even prayed to God, I said a long long prayer asking him for help and forgiveness for what I'd done. I did not want to die, not like that. I remember I kept looking at the time and would continue to freak out because only a minute or two had passed by when it seemed like hours had gone by. Things got even worse...I looked up at another poster of mine of the computer game Doom 3, and the demon in the picture turned into some kind of spider and crawled out of the picture and lashed his jaws at me. I was terrified and my friend and her dad were trying so hard to help calm me down but it was no use.

As if things couldn't get any worse, my parents walked in the door downstairs. I started yelling for help. My mom started freaking out, hung the phone up on my friend and her dad, and called 911. My dad yelled at her for doing it and then yelled at me for being so stupid. I was hysterically crying, begging them not to call the cops and have me arrested. I knew I needed to get to a hospital or I was going to die. I was so thirsty I felt like I was in a desert because my mouth felt as dry as sandpaper. My heart was beating so fast it felt like it was about to jump out of my chest. It was so bright outside I couldn't keep my eyes open. My parents drove me to the ER and all I remember is begging them to forgive me and that I would never do drugs ever again if I survived. A few times during the ride, I felt my chest tighten up and thought I was having a heart attack but then it stopped. The next few hours I spent in the ER, and I don't remember what happened except everything was extremely blurry and there were lots of noises all around me and people running around.

When I came to, I was still hallucinating but I felt a lot better. The one thing that did still scare me was my Mom's face because everytime I tried to look at her, her whole face would begin to melt and her facial expressions would twist into awful, orge like impressions. I also remember looking at some of the charts in the ER room and watching them change and become animated and saw bugs crawling all over the ceiling that my Mom told me weren't really there. We finally left and I remember how ashamed I felt and freaked out at how the lines on the road seemed to blend together and that every car had trails following it down the road. I was still scared, but at least I didn't die. The doctors in the ER told me I was severely dehydrated.

I will never again do any drugs. Acid changed my life. I am very thankful that I survived that nightmare.

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 53947

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 19, 2007	Views: 64,156

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LSD (2) : Alone (16), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Health Problems (27), Bad Trips (6), Combinations (3), First Times (2)