		 DOSE:

		   repeated

		 2-Fluoromethamphetamine

		   repeated
		 oral
		 Coffee

		   repeated

		 Amphetamines

		   repeated

		 Lisdexamfetamine

		   repeated
		 oral
		 Kratom
		 (capsule)

		   repeated

		 Pharms - Methylphenidate

		   repeated

		 3-Fluoroamphetamine

		   repeated
		 vaporized
		 Cannabis
		 (extract)

		 oral
		 Alcohol
		 (daily)

		   repeated
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   199 lb

Anything Goes – Dealer’s Choice, and I’m the Dealer

This report is part of an eight-report collection. The collection consists of a summary report that is retrospective and generalized in nature as well as seven [of which this is one] more detailed chronicles of my experiences with various chemicals used intentionally for work or study enhancement. Each report documents a single substance used for thirty days. The idea was to give each material a chance to show its strengths and weaknesses. The summary report has shorter descriptions and comparisons of my experiences with each material, as well as links to the other full-length experience reports for each substance.

This final entry to the collection summarizes a month of substance use aimed at enhancing my performance, primarily in the context of work, just as with the rest of this assemblage of writings. This month was unique in that I wasn’t following a predetermined schedule of dosing. I wasn’t even confined to a single substance. This month was a free-for-all. I chose the dosage and substance(s) each day as I saw fit. As such, this report includes but is not limited to the substances detailed in my full series of performance-enhancing reports, it also included some random selections; old favorites, wildcards and combinations.

Background Information

I consider myself to be well versed in the realm of substance use. Previous experiences include opiates, stimulants and psychedelics spanning over more than a decade. A fair amount of my substance usage history includes novel research chemicals often in less than common combinations.

I have spent at least a month taking and documenting in detail many of the substances included in this report as they were stand-alone portions in the series of experience reports this entry belongs to. Others substances outside of this specific set were things I was familiar with from previous experience; no first times here.

This report was written using extensive notes as well as audio recordings taken during the experiences.

Besides cannabis and alcohol I did not have any tolerance to any of the substances included below. A few light hits from an oil vaporizer every other day and 3-5 drinks daily summarize my habitual use of cannabis and alcohol.

Given the nature of this report, with numerous compounds and combinations, the same structure I used for the rest of the series was not a perfect fit. Rather than focus on a single substance’s “best”, “worst”, “mood effects”, “physical effects”, etc., as I did in the other reports, I’m using these same sections to discuss some highlights, lowlights, and themes I experienced across the month, but not necessarily focussing or discussing the details of every single day for every single substance.

Substance Descriptions:

- LSD: The LSD used in my experimenting was sourced from a respectable vendor and the same batch from which I had previously used in small, medium, and large dosages. I trusted the 255 micrograms per tab they were advertised as containing. To enable accurate volumetric dosing, I dropped one blotter into 35 ml of agave-based ethanol [40% ABV]. This was stirred and shaken every thirty minutes for the first five hours, then left overnight until the next morning when the same agitation schedule was resumed for the two hours before I called the preparation of the solution complete. The result was 7.3 ug/ml of LSD. All of the volumetric dosing was performed with clean new syringes.

- Kratom: The Kratom was sourced from a reputable vendor from which I have purchased and used various products before. I used a variety of strains, but all were an enhanced leaf type product. The dosages were prepared at 750 milligram per 00 capsule.

- 4F-MPH: The 4F-MPH was a fine powder material and each dosage was prepared on a freshly calibrated milligram (.000 gram) scale. The chemical was sourced through a highly vetted chemist and this batch tested at a &gt; 98% purity. An NMR analysis was completed and analyzed by a third party chemist to verify the chemical was as advertised. If taken orally, the powder was placed into a capsule before swallowing.

- 2-FMA: The 2-FMA was a fluffy and clumpy white powder of which the dosages were prepared on a freshly calibrated milligram (.000 gram) scale. The chemical was sourced through a highly vetted chemist and this batch tested at a &gt; 98% purity. An NMR analysis was completed and analyzed by a third party chemist to verify the chemical was indeed 2-FMA. When I prepared dosages for oral administration, I used  00 capsules.

- Coffee: All of the coffee ingested in this report was from the same batch of medium roast. The coffee beans were ground fresh every day before preparation using a glass-pour over style coffeemaker. I wasn’t specific in measuring the exact temperature of the water used each day. I did however weigh my beans each day and kept the following measurements consistent throughout the month:

   - 10.5 grams per mug of 300 milliliters of liquid

   - Between .5 – 2.0 tablespoons of sugar per mug

   - Between 25 – 75 milliliters of whole milk per mug

- Amphetamines: Adderall, dextroamphetamine, and lisdexamfetamine; all of these substances were sourced through a legitimate pharmacy.

The Adderalls were thirty milligram pills that were round and orange with “AD” stamped on one side and “30” stamped into the other. There had a full break mark between the “3” and the “0” and then smaller quarter break marks perpendicular to the main break line. For any smaller or uneven dosages, I used a pill cutter to divide these up.

The dextroamphetamines were ten milligram pills that were round, orange, and featured a stamp of “U39” on one side. The other side of the pill had a break mark that would dissect the lettering on the lettered side, top from bottom. For any smaller or uneven dosages, I used a pill cutter to divide these up.

The lisdexamfetamines were thirty milligram capsules with the female side of the capsule being orange and the male counterpart being white. The orange side featured black text that read “S489”. Directly across from this on the white portion of the capsule was black text which read “30 mg”.

- 3-Fluoroamphetamine: The 3-FA was a pure white powder that was more clumpy and flour-like than it was granular. The dosages were prepared on a freshly calibrated milligram (.000 gram) scale. The chemical was sourced through a highly vetted chemist and this batch tested at a &gt; 98% purity. An NMR analysis was completed and analyzed by a third party chemist to verify the chemical was indeed 3-FA. When I prepared dosages for oral administration, I used  00 capsules.

- Methylphenidate: The five milligram pills were a bright yellow color, with one side imprinted with “MD” and the other with “531”. The pills were circular and had no break marks.

Study Dosage Timeline

My ingestion schedule was as follows:

Day 1/30:   T + 00:00 2-FMA:16 mg oral

	        T + 01:37 dextroamphetamine: 10 mg insufflated

Day 2/30:   T + 00:00 Coffee: 1 mug

 	        T + 00:35 Adderall: 5 mg oral

	        T + 04:00 Adderall: 5 mg insufflated

Day 3/30:   T + 00:00 LSD: 8 ug oral

Day 4/30: Off Day

Day 5/30:    T + 00:00 lisdexamfetamine: 30 mg oral

Day 6/30:    T + 00:00 lisdexamfetamine: 30 mg oral

   	         T + 04:02 2-FMA: 14 mg insufflated

Day 7/30:    T + 00:00 kratom [Green Vein Borneo]: 4 grams oral

	         T + 00:34 2-FMA: 5 mg oral

	         T + 00:36 dextroamphetamine: 5 mg oral

	         T + 07:31 kratom [Green Vein Borneo]: 4 grams oral

Day 8/30:    T + 00:00 LSD: 15 ug oral

	         T + 00:45 Adderall: 10 mg insufflated

	         T + 10:15 Kratom [Red Vein Borneo]: 3 grams oral

	         T + 11:35 kratom [Red Vein Borneo]: 2.5 grams oral

Day 9/30:    T + 00:00 lisdexamfetamine: 60 mg oral

Day 10/30:  T + 00:00 lisdexamfetamine: 30 m oral

	         T + 02:18 2-FMA 5 mg insufflated

	         T + 02:40 2-FMA 5 mg insufflated

Day 11/30: Off Day

Day 12/30: Off Day

Day 13/30: T + 00:00 4F-MPH: 20 mg insufflated

	        T + 01:15 2-FMA: 15 mg insufflated

Day 14/30: T + 00:00 LSD: 9.5 ug oral

	        T + 00:00 lisdexamfetamine: 60 mg oral

Day 15/30: Off Day

Day 16/30:  T + 00:00 2-FMA: 21 mg oral

Day 17/30: Off Day

Day 18/30: Off Day

Day 19/30:  T + 00:00 Adderall: 7.5 mg oral

Day 20/30:  T + 00:00 dextroamphetamine: 10 mg oral

	         T + 00:20 2-FMA: 8 mg insufflated

Day 21/30:  T + 00:00 methylphenidate: 10 mg oral

Day 22/30:  T + 00:00 Coffee: 1.5 mugs

	         T + 01:15 Coffee: 1 mug

Day 23/30: Off Day

Day 24/30:   T + 00:00 Coffee: 1 mug

	          T + 00:39 2-FMA: 18 mg oral

Day 25/30: Off Day

Day 26/30:   T + 00:00 2-FMA: 10 mg oral

	          T + 00:00 dextroamphetamine: 5 mg oral

	          T + 00:01 dextroamphetamine: 5 mg insufflated

Day 27/30:   T + 00:00 2-FMA: 16 mg oral

	          T + 04:25 3-FA: 20 mg insufflated

	          T + 07:36 3-FA: 29 mg insufflated

	          T + 08:22 3-FA: 48 mg insufflated

Day 28/30: Off Day

Day 29/30: Off Day

Day 30/30:    T + 00:00 3-FA 14 mg insufflated

	           T + 03:01 3-FA 18 mg insufflated

Expectations | Hopes | Concerns Going In

Having given myself complete liberty to do whatever substances, in whatever dosages I wanted, to enhance my performance at work; I expected this to be a fucking good month. I hoped I would be able to pick and choose substances and dosages that fit my tasks for the day. During each of the proceeding month-long experimentations with a single substance my most common complaint was that my day-to-day experience at work was more dynamic than the substances. By this I mean that there were plenty of occasions where I wished I could have taken an amphetamine, but didn’t because it was LSD month, or vice versa

there were plenty of occasions where I wished I could have taken an amphetamine, but didn’t because it was LSD month, or vice versa

. Being in complete control to tailor fit my needs and mood with whatever combination of substances I thought would produce the best results and be the most enjoyable was an exciting prospect as I began this month. This all being said, I had concerns of overdoing dosages and combinations and finding myself geeked out in a meeting or unplanned presentation. It had been a long time since I had taken some of these substances and I was admittedly a bit nervous about getting my dosages dialed in to produce the desired effects each day. There are a lot of substances I take less of now, in terms of dosage, than I used to, generally speaking. So I had the other side of the coin to worry about as well; I didn’t want to waste half the month being underwhelmed. Finding each substance’s balance in solo and in combo was something I hoped to achieve quickly. I also knew I’d have cross tolerances to take into consideration, making the perfect dosage an interesting, ever-moving target.

Favorite Aspects

Obviously the flexibility of selecting a performance enhancing substance was a nice change from the past year during which I was working on the rest of this report series where I was sticking with one drug for the entirety of the month. Also, because this was the grande finale of the project, I was always a little extra excited to tinker with combinations and push the limits in terms of dosages in the work setting. One result of slightly aggressive dosages, was realizing that I’ve been a little nervous and cautious with some of my stimulant doses lately.

There was one day where I took relatively high amount of lisdexamfetamine and mid-day decided to take things up a notch. I had finished all the day’s deliverables and only had a few hours of the workday remaining. I was high, feeling as though nothing could go wrong, with a body that felt efficient and strong. About thirty minutes after adding dextroamphetamine to the mix, I realized I was fucked up; I was high, not feeling very well, and wondering why I chose to do this? I felt good before, why ruin that? I decided to add a very small amount of etizolam [.5mg oral] and let this settle in while I took a short walk outside. By the time I was home, I felt back at 100% and had a euphoric and productive evening.

This is an excellent example of using a variety of tools to course-correct an experience that is starting to head off the rails. It was enlightening to leverage my mind, my environment, and a substance, all in unison, to bring the experience back to a positive place. Too often these days I douse an unpleasant or too intense experience with hefty benzos. Sure, there is a time and a place for this, I’m not the intrepid explorer I once was in some ways, but this was a lovely reminder that there are many methods for dealing with a challenging experience including exercise, a change in setting, fresh air, and additional helper substances.

In terms of pure, absolute, “favorite” parts of the month, I really enjoyed layering 2-FMA and dextroamphetamine in small dosages in combination with each other. Doses around five insufflated milligrams per substance taken every few hours, gave me me a playful back and forth during which I sometimes felt my drive and motivation to work beginning to wane, and then I was gifted with euphoric stimulant energy roaring back, allowing me to crank through chores at the house or little bursts of writing that served as a break from the non-stop financial related work content. This combo was just friendly, it did what I love most about amphetamines; make being productive enjoyable and fun, resulting in more desire to do work, and thus more fun being had! Tickling euphoria while accomplishing things that must get done and feeling extra good about doing them? Yes please.

Least Favorite Aspects Any parts of this month that were disappointing were a direct result of substance administration choices for which I was the responsible party. With my new-found, slightly aggressive, dosing attitude, I’d have expected more issues to highlight in this section. Looking at each day as a stand-alone experience, I had essentially no instances of complete discomfort or challenges. Almost every substance, excluding kratom, that I ingested during this month, catalyzed bowel movements shortly after ingestion [T + 00:00 – T +01:00]. Given my entirely work from home situation, this wasn’t ever much more than an inconvenience; I tried to scheduling meetings whenever possible to fit this predictable, but required, bio-break. I actually think that the variety helped reduce anxiety about altering my state so regularly. It naturally felt more comfortable to be selecting my substances in a tailored fashion; designed on the spot to fit my schedule, mood, and needs.

Neutral Aspects | Additional Commentary

Taking a variety of substances, despite being desired, well thought out, and premeditated, still took a physical and mental toll on me. Until the dose of the day kicked in, I was often tired in the mornings. Physically, I’d trudge around the house, requiring extra effort to swing my legs over the side of the bed each morning. Standing upright and maneuvering from room to room for my morning chores and routine often felt exhausting. Emotionally I felt blank. After managing to get to my feet and into a shower, I would slowly begin to come to life. I began to make emails my first task most days. Well, second task if you count weighing out my daily dose. Emotionally, the dullness wore off quickly, even before the day’s substances fully kicked in. Feeling dumpy most mornings was not terribly enjoyable, but it never discouraged me from skipping a dosing day.

Appetite

I generally am not a big breakfast eater. A sober morning usually involves a banana and a few glasses of water. During this specific month, I kept with this routine, wanting hydration to begin as soon as possible, and I liked having a little something in my stomach, especially for any oral dosages. Lunch often became delayed until it became dinner. Most of the substances I ingested suppressed my appetite significantly enough to make a mid-day meal seem unnecessary. On days where I re-dosed mid-day or took larger than average dosages, I didn’t even bother with a snack, only consuming water throughout the workday. By evening, things went one of two ways. Scenario number one played out with me becoming ravenous at the first taste of food. On several occasions I had finished my second serving before my partner Kai had finished her first. The second scenario was that I mustered up a peckish appetite at best, and choked down half a serving just because I knew I needed the sustenance.

Biometrics

 - Starting weight: 199 pounds

 - Ending weight: 194 pounds * not related

- Heart Rate Notes: I paid a lot of attention to my heart rate and breathing patterns during this month of ‘anything goes’. Throughout the variety of substances and dosages, I never experienced any cardiac concerns. The most intense effects were, as expected, on higher dosages, particularly on days when I was mixing substances. I didn’t limit my daily exercise routine, which is fairly minimal already, and at most I saw my peak heart rates increase roughly 20% on average during cardio activities. I never documented any irregular heart beat patterns or felt that the pace was cause for concern. My resting heart rate averaged an increase of 5-10 beats per minute when compared to a sober state.

- Sexual Effects: The stimulants increased my libido as a general rule. The higher the dosage, regardless of substance, the more intense this was. At low dosages, dextroamphetamine and 2-FMA were more sexual than the other substances. Performance and tactile sensitivity were enhanced in a similar fashion; higher dosages resulted in more sensitivity and enjoyment from intimate activities.

- Sleep Effects: The lisdexamfetamine was the worst offender when it came to a single morning dosage giving me issues with attempting to sleep that night.

The lisdexamfetamine was the worst offender when it came to a single morning dosage giving me issues with attempting to sleep that night.

 The fluctuating pulsating energy of this chemical pinged me every hour or so with a fresh zing of effects. This was brilliant most days, but when they continued, and continued, and continued into the evening, they could become problematic. Other stimulants offered more temptation for re-dosing, which if acted upon, naturally didn’t encourage me to be asleep by a normal hour. Dextroamphetamine was my number one culprit for this creeping desire to take a second or third dose. I attribute this to the prominent beautiful physical feelings I often encountered on the drug. It felt very recreational, with a strong mental and physical components that nearly always felt good. To remain in a strictly performance-enhancing realm with dextroamphetamine, I had to dose pretty small. Usually five, or perhaps ten milligrams orally. Above this and I’d most certainly be feeling divine, in control, but in an increased state of intoxication. In the end, if I made specific choices, I could avoid issues with all of this months substance use interfering with my sleep. I didn’t always make those choices, but the option was there if I needed or wanted it.

Mental Effects

- Creativity: Given that a lot of this month focused on stimulants, I never felt like I was being gifted with different viewpoints or innovative mental capabilities. The pure stimulants had benefits in other areas of mental enhancement. Almost by default, LSD would clearly be the substance that rated highest in terms of enhanced creativity. While I welcomed this, and selected LSD for this specific reason during my free-for-all month, I only did so when I was very comfortable with my work schedule in order to make mini-dosing worth the risk of facing the potential downsides to this substance. The increased creativity was fluid and natural feeling, I’d be working through a technical mathematics and computer-based challenge, and suddenly have forward vision that allowed me to see errors or inefficiencies in my solutions sooner than normal. The result was more efficient paths to solutions, not having to complete an attempt before I realized its drawbacks. When this type of thought process was happening, I didn’t typically realize it until I had completed the task and upon reflection realized how smooth the flow of ideas has been.

- Focus: Each substance taken during this particular month offered enhanced focus of some kind. The majority held major similarities at a high level: a faster paced mind, motivation to charge at tasks with a positive attitude and unusual amount of interest, and an ability to put the axe to the grindstone for longer periods of time than I could sober.

Subtleties and unique flavors existed between the stimulating materials. I’ll try and give brief commentary on these nuances now:

I. Dextroamphetamine: Pure, raw, and reliable. If I’d never taken an amphetamine or stimulant before, this is probably what I would expect the experience to be like. An onset marked by a light physical rushing and a twinkling blissful mood, the combination of which would manifest as a wide grin on my face. Pulsing euphoria in my limbs and abdomen, accompanied by a outgoing cheeriness, allowed me to talk empathetically to coworkers. In several instances I was able to make a stressed out colleague laugh, brightening their day. Doing this made me feel kind, authentic, and clever. I had confidence and it felt earned. Beyond the occasional cheering up of fellow teammates, was the focus. A razor sharp concentration that wouldn’t quit. I could read, comprehend, and retain massive amounts of text and information. This ability was not only exceptionally useful, boosting my productivity significantly, but I also ate up whatever I was working on. Work became fun; not hitting a mid-day lull of energy, losing a morning’s motivation, and being faster while thinking, all made for enjoyable productive days.

This substance sometimes felt too recreational, but I also never gave my body the chance to learn how to properly dance with it as I did some other substances that got full month-long dosage schedules. I wanted to include it in this final ‘anything-goes’ month because it has historically been one of my favorite stimulants that did have the ability to let me crank through long writing or study assignments, and then seamlessly transition into a party evening. This was more commonly done and appreciated when I was younger than at the time of this writing. As the mullet is to haircuts, dextroamphetamine is to stimulants; business on one side and party on the other. Yes this substance had the ability to make me focus and stay on task all day long, but it could do so while giving me a nice little mental and physical buzz. If I wanted to turn things up a notch, I didn’t have to switch substances necessarily, I could just up my dosage and carry on.

II. 2-FMA: The focal ability provided by this substance was my favorite. Maybe not the most immersive and intense, maybe not the longest lasting, but, it was controllable and malleable. I could start small and then adjust according to my schedule, set, and setting using calculated routes of administration and dosages. This quickly earned the nickname of the ‘wonder-drug” between my partner Kai and me. When shit had to get done, a variety of shit; physical tasks, mental tasks, projects that had been procrastinated on - this was the substance to take. Somehow I always achieved my goals, didn’t feel overly concentrated or uncomfortable, and managed to get a few things done off the next day's “to-do” list in addition to completing the present day’s tasks. All of this was done in a good mood, enjoying every bit of everything.

III. Amphetamines (Adderall): The descriptive words here were ‘hot’ and ‘heavy’. Sometimes my mind’s focus wandered away from the task at hand and I’d look up to find myself deep in a rabbit hole completely unrelated to what I was originally working on. While it lacked precision, this substance had an unbelievable ability to make me interested in whatever I was concentrating on. Unfortunately with this great power came the chance that I turned on the focus superpower to something besides work or things I needed to get done. I’d dominate whatever I was sidetracked on, but this caused issues at work at least one day where I got almost no work done, resulting in extra stress through the subsequent days as I has to make up for the lost time. In the end, I found the Adderall to be hit or miss – I smashed my work tasks in grand fashion while in an excellent mood, crossing the finish line at the end of a work day feeling like a king. Or annoyed from feeling clammy and cold all day, behind schedule from letting the Adderall’s focus drift off track, hungry, and disappointed with the results of attempting to enhance my work performance.

IV. Lisdexamfetamine: This substance generally made me feel the least “speedy” of all the other stimulants. It felt sparkly and friendly, like the mood I get automatically on the first warm sunny days of spring after a long cold winter.

Lisdexamfetamine: This substance generally made me feel the least “speedy” of all the other stimulants. It felt sparkly and friendly, like the mood I get automatically on the first warm sunny days of spring after a long cold winter.

 Energy levels and my ability to focus were absolutely extended. This substance had the longest duration by milligram of any of the stimulants I took during this month. The focus felt different than the others, more like a good book that kept drawing me in for one more page, one more chapter. The focus felt delicate at first, but clearly had power and depth to it. A comparison from one day’s notes described dextroamphetamine and Adderall as a pumping techno song that forced my body to stomp and dance along, while in contrast, lisdexamfetamine was a delicate symphony that seduced me onto the dance floor. Despite feeling elective and softer than some other substances, lisdexamfetamine certainly had plenty of firepower.

V. Methylphenidate: The tofu of the group. Not in a necessarily good or bad way; sometimes light and malleable was good, sometimes it lacked the punch I desired. This material provided significant focus enhancement with less risk of overstimulation, paranoia, or general discomfort. This was a great substance for a small but effective increase in productivity. If dosages were increased, it had the ability to deliver wide-eyes, sweaty body, and a racing mind. I found if I pushed to this level that I was likely to become distracted and use the extra energy on whatever random idea, topics, or project popped into my head. To maintain the amount of control I preferred, smaller amounts of the substance were required. I could lock into tasks much more easily than if I was sober and could keep my concentration fixed with ease.

VI. 4F-MPH: This substance didn’t offer significant enhancement when it came to my ability to focus. There was neither an acute improvement nor a serious elongation to the amount of time that I could keep my mind on a single idea or topic. The only thing remotely akin to an upgrade in this mental capacity was the 4F-MPH making me alert or awake for extended periods of time. From morning grogginess to evening lackadaisicalness; this substance had the ability to abolish feelings of tiredness. Lack of sleep can negatively impact my ability to mentally perform but this substance could allow me to feel awake and clear-headed despite too few hours of shut-eye.

- Social Effects: All of the stimulants made me want to converse more than when I’m sober. To my partner Kai, to friends online, to anyone! A presentation of this that I like to track as a comparing measure between substances is how much I felt a potential to gush and share information I wouldn’t have sober. Dosage, among other factors, played a roll in the following commentary, but even at lower amounts, some substances certainly exhibited this trait more naturally than others. The list below begins with the substances that made me the most naturally loose-lipped substances, down to the ones I felt most controllable in this regard.

I. Dextroamphetamine: I’d talk to anyone, store clerk, stranger on the sidewalk, best friend, etc., especially at the peak of the experience; I got chatty!

II. Amphetamines (Adderall): I became more focussed on intimate topics with friends I already knew well, but on higher dosages, I would open up and reach out to fringe friends and strangers.

. 2-FMA: Typically the conversation was fast, smooth, and of good quality, usually limited to my inner circle of friends. If they were unavailable, I was able to ignore the social impulse to connect with others, and wouldn’t feel that I was depriving myself of a part of the experience.

IV. Lisdexamfetamine: I'd switch from introspective moods where I was just internally conversing with myself, back out to an increased desire to speak to anyone around. This felt more like being in an excellent mood and the upbeat-ness caused me to feel talkative, rather than obviously being a reaction to having eaten a chemical. The focus offered by lisdexamfetamine was powerful, especially at higher dosages, but I often enjoyed taking smaller amounts, which resulted in this positive mood along with the ability to stay attentive and energized for a full day. This substance was a great one to begin the day with and have the option of upgrading the intensity by adding a short-duration drug in combination with it.

V. Methylphenidate: This fell in the middle of the substances described above. Compared to a completely sober version of myself, I would probably dart my eyes around a store a bit faster, finding eyes of strangers to meet and initiating a friendly greeting or quick interaction. I wouldn’t, especially on low or medium dosages, describe my desire for social interaction as incredibly strong. It didn't get to a craving level where I’d reach out to people I wasn’t familiar with about topics that I shouldn’t discuss outside my close circle of friends.

VI. 4F-MPH: Being the stimulant that I found the most bland overall, 4F-MPH didn’t really do much for me beyond offering extra energy. I felt little to no extra desire to spark up a conversation with a co-worker or even with Kai, who often works at the desk directly beside me.

VII. LSD: This was the substance I usually chose for days when I wasn’t interacting with people at work. Although I didn’t ever have a negative experience from mini-dosing LSD, my biggest fear was embarrassing myself while suffering from psychedelic confusion or poor memory recall. There was potential for increased emotional openness, during which social interactions could be enhanced by a sense that I was doing a better job listening and relating to whomever I was speaking with. These occurrences seemed infrequent and random. Typically they were not work-related conversations, but rather with friends through text or with Kai in person.

Please note that this order could change drastically depending on the dosage I took, the mental state I was in, and the setting for the day. Given my extensive experience with these substances I feel this list is accurate, as much as such a subjective ‘average day’ type ranking could be.

Mood Effects

I. Dextroamphetamine: This was, on average, the most euphoric of all the substances this month. Feeling good physically translated into feeling good mentally. I had to be careful to not get compulsive with this material. If I didn’t exercise reasonable control, I could find myself ignoring work, turning to passion projects instead, or feeling uncomfortably stimulated, which even in a Zoom meeting, could easily become very unpleasant if I had to actively participate. When kept in a dosage range that avoided feeling overwhelmed, dextroamphetamine usually kept a big smile on my face. I was more empathetic, upbeat, and just generally happier to be alive than on a sober day or a day spent on one of the other substances. I didn’t feel that the drug amplified my existing emotions or mood – it had its own positivity that it forced onto me. It could turn a sour mood around and compel a feeling of happiness.

II. Amphetamines (Adderall): This substance could swing my mood in any direction. I found it more of a mood magnifier than something to catalyze a good mood. If I was really stressed out or sad, these emotions wouldn’t necessarily be erased and replaced by more positive ones. I didn’t think of this as a negative characteristic of the substance. Sometimes being sad is what I needed to be, and the Adderall would enhance the sadness, making me a little more capable of accepting and exploring my natural emotions. If my mood was entirely net neutral when the experience began, this substance would push me in a positive and cheery direction, but this typically wasn’t powerful, unless the dosage was towards the higher end of my ‘study aid’ spectrum.

III. 2-FMA: Similar to how I described Adderall above as an intensifier, I found 2-FMA to have a similar action but with a bit more positivity built into it. The mood enhancement was natural and almost hidden in the background, never feeling overtly synthetic or in my face. Work was more enjoyable on this substance; finishing tasks was extra satisfying. Productivity was rewarded with a terrific boost to my mood. As the first few items were checked of my to-do list, I became increasingly motivated to get through the next ones; the cycle began. The desire to work and the accompanying atmosphere of mental positivity that resulted as tasks were I completed, felt legitimately self generated. How natural the effects felt was really key in allowing myself to fully let go and let the relaxed mood carry me through the productivity → positivity cycle. This underlying good mood would continued to be spurred on by each accomplishment of the day, large or small. This would continue until tasks naturally dropped off as the work day ended. As this happened, I might switch to productive tasks, but regardless, I never felt dried up and haggard. The satisfaction of a day spent in a positive mood and fully completed list of to-dos, always felt “good”.

IV. Lisdexamfetamine: This shit was bright and sparkly. I never had any sort of emotional issues or challenges stemming from the ingestion of this substance. The duration, being the longest of all the substances included in this free-for-all month, was cause for concern; if things went astray, I didn’t want to be in a bad mental place for hours and hours and hours. I dosed accordingly, always staying relatively conservative. As a result of this, I didn’t tap into the full potential of the substance to crank my positivity, generosity, and overall happiness. I know this potential exists from previous high-dosage experiences, which I had thoroughly enjoyed. These were always in a non-work setting however, and so despite lisdexamfetamine being capable of powerful temperamental improvements, I didn’t take full advantage of this given my setting and goals for using the substance this month, which were primarily aimed at enhancing my productivity at work. Even with my doses staying somewhat low, the sunny disposition of the chemical was noted every time I took it.

V. Methylphenidate: Being one of the my least favorite substances of the month, this didn’t really enhance my mood significantly. I often felt jittery and like the energy and effects of this material weren’t “clean”; they seemingly didn’t interact with my body well. Feeling uncomfortable and like I was waiting for the experience to end would lead to me to say methylphenidate pushed me into crabby moods with a shorter temper than normal. This was more a reaction to the uncomfortable or displeasing other effects though, rather than the substance itself making me irritable. I was irritated by the other effects of the substance.

VI. 4F-MPH: This drug often disappointed me with its lack of efficiency in helping boost my productivity. Disappointment didn’t ever lead me to a great mood, but it also didn’t spiral into severe or negativity. Looking back, I didn’t have much to say about 4F-MPH having a specific or consistent manner in which it affected my mood. I was able to experience a full spectrum of emotions while on this substance, never feeling blocked, restricted, or guided in any particular direction.

VII. LSD: LSD didn’t have a very strong effect on my mood compared to the other substances. I was also dosing this significantly lower, in terms of possible intensity, than any of the others. I was nowhere near a full-fledged LSD experience, obviously that wouldn’t have fallen in line with my intentions of improving my working abilities. With the stimulants though, I could pretty much give them full-blown dosages given that many of them are commonly used or were even designed for this purpose. Overall, I felt some extra positivity on my LSD days, and I absolutely felt it was easier to take a step back, relax, and not get upset with myself. A calmer, less hectic mind was the typical result of these momentary pauses. On one of my LSD days, I got some unexpected bad news from the vet about my dog Doc’s health. I’ve typically found that in higher doses LSD will take my emotions and multiply them. With these mini-doses however, I seem less susceptible to this type of effect. Once again, the pausing and reflecting was a useful tool in controlling my emotions and mood. In this example, the deep breath moment allowed me to react to the news with a holistic view. In the end, I actually felt appreciation for Doc and my relationship with him. The sadness didn’t disappear, but my mood wasn’t derailed like it might have been on a few hundred micrograms.

Physical Effects

Once again; a lot of similarities between some of the substances, but for the sake of organization, digestibility, and data quality with as much brevity as possible, I’ll continue using the above formatting to address each substance used this month.

I. Dextroamphetamine: The most pleasant and the most powerful, by milligram, in the physical effects department. I remember the first time I took a recreational dose of this substance years ago I was flabbergasted at how powerful it was. I compared it to MDMA, but I didn’t have a veteran’s amphetamine flavor palate at that time. Even at the dosages I used during this month of performance enhancing, I loved the soothing movement of energy that ran through my core and limbs, almost like I could feel my blood circulating positive energy through me. The euphoric feelings helped mask the cold feet, and the annoyance of developing a light sweat, the sweat drying, me getting cold, changing clothes, and repeating the cycle, like what happened on a lot of the other substances during this month.

I. Amphetamines (Adderall): This was the substance I complained the most amount in regards to the physical effects it brought about. Beginning at low dosages, and becoming increasingly problematic were bruxism, poor circulation, and digestive disruption. A sore jaw is much less justifiable after a standard work day when compared to a day at a festival or a night of dancing. The inability to regulate my body’s temperature was annoying throughout the day. Cycles of sweating and cooling were irritating to no end. Extra trips to the bathroom and some cramp-like discomfort were not uncommon for me while taking this drug.

III. 2-FMA: I didn’t feel much from this substance in my body. It subtly hinted at the positive and negative effects I’ve described in the two substances above this, but typically never more than a hint. Of course, if dosage was pushed, these things would develop, but this substance was more mood and mind oriented for me. This was one of the reasons I really enjoyed it as a tool that allowed a large step up in mental abilities without having to deal with appetite, digestion, or even a body load. It did lack some of the “fun factor” that some of the other substances offered, but forgoing this knowing that there would be little to no physical discomfort was a trade I was happy to make.

IV. Lisdexamfetamine: This substance’s physical effects were difficult to summarize. Some effects were only documented once, others more often; the patterns and commonalities were not as easy to recognize as with some other similar chemicals. I noted the manifestation of effects in my physical body rather than the root effects themselves. I never felt anxious energy, but my fingers would suddenly be tapping incessantly. I naturally pace when speaking on the phone, but holy cow; I should enter a marathon or speed-walking event on lisdexamfetamine and a long phone call. My breath felt normal, sometimes more balanced than when sober. With soothing “ins and outs”, I often paused to recognize that my muscles and ligaments felt relaxed and loose. This is a unique characteristic that I didn’t find consistently present in other stimulants.

V. Methylphenidate: I founds a lot of common ground between Adderall and methylphenidate. Upset stomach, issues regulating my body temperature, and an underlying feeling of unrest that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. These were not offset with as many positives as Adderall however. At higher dosages, Adderall was able to offer a light glowing stimulant body high. I didn’t find this with methylphenidate although in fairness I never pushed the dosage on this substance as high during this month of experimentation.

VI. 4F-MPH: This substance didn’t have any of the common physical stimulant effects. I never complained about chilly feet or fingers. There was no instant trip to the bathroom for a bowel movement after ingesting it. While these are positives, there also was no warm euphoria or fun physical effects either. Additionally, this substance was bland across almost all effect categories, so I wasn’t getting mental performance with little physical effects, I was just getting very little in general.

VII. LSD: The physical effects of these small dosages were pretty minimal. I could feel a light swirling sensation in my brain along with tiny zips and zaps that zoomed around my scalp and down my spine, like goosebumps on sunburnt skin being kissed by a cool breeze. A light body load was present on higher doses. This would feel like a sponginess in my muscles, minuscule expanding and shrinking throughout my innards. I usually noticed these things towards the end of the come-up period and through the beginning of the peak. Once on the come-down, I felt normal from a physical perspective.

Combinations

- Cannabis: This was a substance I combined in earnest with just about all the main substances of each day. Most of the stimulants reacted the same way to the addition of cannabis so I’ll address them as a group. Immediately after the vaporization of a cannabis oil product, which was almost always my chosen delivery method and substance form, I would feel a rush of effects come on. This onset was far faster than if I was sober and presented very different effects. I didn’t have any haziness, or the classic “stoned” head high. Instead, I blushed and rushed. I would lean my head back and stretch my toes out as far as they would reach underneath my desk. The euphoric rush was a fast and furious escalation to the effects of the stimulants. The initial blast lasted between thirty seconds and several minutes depending on the cannabis dosage. After this, I’d usually have about thirty minutes of increased focus, energy, physical euphoria, or positive moods; whatever I was feeling from the prominent substance of the day was amplified.

- LSD and cannabis was not something I particularly enjoyed together. I dosed the LSD in specific miniature amounts that would get me the effects I desired but kept me well below the level where I perceived a risk of tripping too hard to function at work. This was a major concern for me, given my rocky past with LSD. Cannabis has always been a big-time launch pad, a trampoline for effects of just about all psychedelics I’ve taken. Knowing this, I wasn’t ever keen to see how high the trampoline bounce was during a work day. Even if I didn’t overdo it – I was paranoid that things were going to get uncomfortable.

- Kratom and coffee had minimal synergies when combined with cannabis. The cannabis, especially in medium or large doses, would overpower the coffee. It never played together. Despite various strains, I wasn’t ever able to get any of the cannabis's energy to mesh with the mild caffeine stimulation from the bean juice. The kratom interacted a little more with the cannabis, most often when the kratom dosage was on the higher side; four or more grams in a single go or one of the instances where I continue to re-dose several grams over and over again. Smaller kratom doses were overtaken by the cannabis, leaving me with the classic effects. If I was able to detect the two working in unison, it wasn’t fantastic for a working environment where I was trying to be productive. My brain would feel empty and my body lazy. This was an enjoyable state to be in, but not well-suited for the middle of a busy work-day.

- Alcohol: Surprisingly, I didn’t enjoy alcohol with most of these substances as much as I enjoy it on its own. Just about all of the stimulants made it so that I could consume more alcohol than normal, while receiving less of the fun effects.

Surprisingly, I didn’t enjoy alcohol with most of these substances as much as I enjoy it on its own. Just about all of the stimulants made it so that I could consume more alcohol than normal, while receiving less of the fun effects.

 So less effects, more financial cost, and typically a worse hangover in the morning? Not much to love there.

- Ketamine: I didn’t ever take ketamine while still heavily under the influence of one of the month’s primary substances. I’ve done so many times in the past, but I didn’t during this month because I was generally facing a work-day the next morning. Re-dosing a stimulant late at night just for the sake of commentary on the combo during this experimental month wasn’t something I found too attractive. From the slight overlap in effects I did experience, and drawing slightly on previous experiences, I can offer a few basic comments.

The onset of the ketamine, both racemic and esketamine, was delayed. On a graph showing the intensity of effects over time, the curve was stretched in a way that could make booster dosage tricky because I might be led to believe additional dissociatives were required, due to a lower intensity of effects at a given time that I might expect a stronger experience than I was receiving. Then, the curve on the chart would swing large and steep; strong effects coming increasingly rapidly once they began. This was an easy way to wind up in an unexpected or unintentional k-hole. If the stimulation was getting close to baseline by the time the ketamine was insufflated, the extremity of the elongated come-up and quasi-unexpected intensification were significantly lessened.

I was a little more physically mobile and chatty as the ketamine came on compared to a sober experience with this same substance. This was most obvious when I reached the difficulties of turning ideas into words into sentences. I wouldn't take the natural clue and shut-up, I’d suffer through some awkward attempts before realizing it was time to turn my attention inwards, away from the outside world.

- Benzodiazepines: Benzos were critical for me during this free-for-all month. I was more aggressively dosing stimulants than I was in their individual month’s of study and often layered multiple substances on top of each other in combinations. On one occasion I hadn’t eaten or hydrated enough and was beginning to feel paranoid and physically uncomfortable as I descending from the peak of that particular day. Knowing that I had benzos available to put on their superhero cape and come to the rescue in a poorly timed or aggressive dose decision calmed me down no matter what level of stimulation I was at; it was a huge comfort. Likewise, I knew I’d always be able to sleep even if I dosed too late in the day with something that would keep me awake without my helper substances. On an even more positive note, a light benzo dosage [Ex. .25-1 milligrams of Etizolam or 85 micrograms of clonazolam] taken in the morning along with stimulants across the month; this was, the way. to. go. By the time both substances came to their peak, I would be zooming along with the sharpened focus of the stimulant but in a more controlled state of mind. Some of the hectic racing in my mind would be eased, allowing me to fully utilize the performance and mood enhancement from the stims, without some of the pesky annoyances that typically come along with them. Taking the edge off with this combination really made for a smooth riding day; I would feel the way that I dream about – a great version of myself that’s positive, friendly, and energized.

- Other Euphoric Stimulants [MDMA and 4-FA]: These combinations where usually stacked on the middle to tail-end of another stimulant. Due to its blandness, 4F-MPH was likelier to make me feel like seeking out the beating rush of a more euphoric upper. This substance was a catalyst for the decision to re-dose a combo, but was always washed over immediately by the secondary drug. I did find cross-tolerance between MDMA, which I took via insufflation, and the other daily stimulants I was taking throughout the month. I felt under-dosed by about 25% and had to boost my initial MDMA intake with a second dose. The duration of the secondary euphoric stimulants was increased due to the combinations, but I didn’t find a lot of interaction between the effects of each material.

- Oxycodone: There were a handful of consecutive days were I took oxycodone in the evenings after an early morning stimulant. I was unable to detect any interaction between the substances. The opioid was just as sedating as I’d normally expect, and I didn't experience any extra energy outside of the pain-killer’s high. As the glowing euphoria came on, the lingering alertness and stimulation from the morning ingestion was slowly and fluidly wiped away, eventually to be replaced by a standard oxycodone experience. The onset felt just slightly delayed compared to starting from a pure baseline. I expect this is because it took a bit of extra time for the relaxation to get on top of any remaining ± level stimulation.

Outcome | Summary | Takeaways

This was fun – but tiring. If it hadn’t been for the sake of this report I would’ve taken far more “off days” than I did. The beginning of the month was particularly grueling, each morning’s dose seeming less enticing than the one of the day before. Somewhere around the beginning of the second week, I began to hit my stride and become used to both the good and bad effects of the substances. Sure I might be extra tired in the morning or feeling haggard from slightly less than optimal eating habits, but I knew these feelings were fleeting and well worth the increased mental accuracy and concentration I would get to enjoy for the rest of the day once I forced back a capsule, line of powder, pill, or bit of bitter liquid.

I did find that by tailoring my substance and dose to my schedule was a much more pleasurable experience than taking the same exact thing every day, as I did during the rest of this report series. When the workload was heavy, I had the freedom to start small and then crank things up, or just go heavy right off the bat. If the day looked like I’d be attending a lot of meetings, but without a lot of hands on to-do items, I’d choose a little LSD and one of the lighter handed stimulants like lisdexamfetamine to enhance my emotional and social abilities, rather than a strong handed dose of Adderall that was better suited for a day when I wouldn’t be speaking to anyone, buried in an Excel file. Most of the time, my choices and predictions worked out pretty well. On the few occasions I wish I’d been a bit less stimmed up than I was, but I found it easier than expected to adapt and calm my mind by either talking myself down, or taking a small dose of benzos.

I do of course have the liberty to continue using any substance I see fit; but this turned out to be a little much. I found the mental wear and tear of the frequent stimulant usage to be taxing. Of course I loved having the house extra clean, work assignments done faster, and energy to do additional chores when I normally wouldn’t. Balance however, seems to come naturally to me when stimulants are involved. Especially as I get older, I seem more keenly aware of the unique type of tired my mind and body gets after extended or regular usage. It’s like a head cold is coming on, or the second morning of a two-day alcohol hangover; dreary, tired, and frail. A day or two off was usually plenty to get me rearing and ready to go again. After settling into the month, which took a few weeks, I didn’t have this tired feeling for about ten days. After that, it returned and remained until the end of the month.

In the end, this was the most productive and enjoyable month of my entire “performance enhancement at work/life” exercise. I’ll continue a dialed down version of this, most likely, for the rest of my life. I absolutely found my existing beliefs to be true, even when studied in greater durations and detail, that substance use can make a significant and positive impact on my professional and personal life. Harnessing and practicing the art of delicate and appropriate dosing seem to be key to my success in this part of life.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115538

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 30

Published: Aug 5, 2021	Views: 13,040

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2-Fluoromethamphetamine (668), Lisdexamfetamine (589), Amphetamines (6), Coffee (173), Kratom (203), Pharms - Methylphenidate (114), 3-Fluoroamphetamine (680), LSD (2) : Not Applicable (38), Performance Enhancement (50), Glowing Experiences (4), Retrospective / Summary (11), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   140 lb

It was Friday night, I had just managed to obtain ten hits of blotter and this was the first time I would be trying LSD. I was very excited at the time, and couldn't wait to try it. I had done extensive research beforehand, and on this particular Friday night, I really thought I was ready to escape reality. Little did I know what was in store for me later that night. So the night progressed and I invited a few friends over to my house. For the purpose of this story, we're going to call these people Jack, Kate, Tim, and Ben. Kate had also done a bit of research and was ready to try it as well. It was just going to be her and I tripping, while everyone else was just going to hang out and trip sit, and make sure we stayed under control.

So the time came when we were ready to try it. I handed her a hit of blotter, and took one for myself, and we both popped them in our mouths. We then decided to go watch tv, while we waited for it to kick in. It seemed to take an eternity. After about two hours I called a friend of mine and asked him what the deal was. He insisted that I just keep waiting, so I did. About ten minutes later, Kate claimed she could feel it. I however, could not. About fifteen minutes later I began to feel it as well. It came on slowly. My thoughts seemed to wander wherever I would let them go. Every thing I touched had a very interesting feeling to it. Some things felt really uncomfortable to touch. I picked up Ben's key chain and stared at it in amazement at all of the colors for about five minutes. Then it started feeling really odd, and like it was cutting into my hand. I instantly threw it down on the table. While Kate was already tripping hard, and had went into another room, I wasn't quite all the way there yet. I went to see what she was up to, and she kept going on about snakes for the next half hour, and how the room was 'filled with snakes' and  the 'snake gods'. At this point I was enjoying myself, and having a really good time just laughing about everything. The smallest things seemed hilarious. For the next few minutes I was just fucking around with Kate while she was going on and on about snakes and kept unplugging her laptop cord which for some reason was hilarious at the time. I was really enjoying myself. I just felt like fucking around with everyone. I was there on the ground, screaming and yelling 'BEN! BENNNNNNNNN!' Then he would come into the room and I would go completely silent. Then he'd walk back into the living room, where the other trip sitters were, and I'd scream and yell his name again. This went on about three more times until he finally just got sick of my shit and started ignoring me.

I had some really crazy visuals, the most noticeable being when I looked at people's faces. While watching someone talking their face would kind of morph, and get larger and smaller. Their expression would also constantly change. This was quite amusing.  At this point both of us were tripping quite hard, and nearing 'peak'. We were laying on the ground, and just having a good time. At this point, one of my trip-sitters decided that he 'had to try it' after watching how much fun we were having. I kept telling him no, but he didn't listen. He went to the kitchen and grabbed a hit, then threw the money at me a bit later. A bit later I found out that EVERY person in my house had done the same thing! They all wanted to try it, so they took a hit without my approval. At this point I started panicking. They were treating this drug that they had never researched before like it was something small like weed or alcohol. Tim even claimed it was 'no big deal, and it's just a drug you chill out with your friends with'. Oh how wrong he was. I was starting to freak out. Thoughts were racing through my head, I kept thinking 'I'm losing control here' and kept thinking how terrible it was that we had no trip sitter to keep anyone under control. Then I started freaking out about the fact that it was my house, and that if anything got broken, my parents would kill me. From this point on, I could not enjoy the trip. I was panicking, and beginning to sweat. Everyone was tripping, and there wasn't a single sober person at my house. People were all over my house, doing god knows what, and I was really not enjoying myself. I became very hot, so I decided to go outside to cool off. We went up on the pool deck outside my house. Everyone else came with me. I kept asking them who hadn't taken it, but I kept being assured by everyone that each person there had taken it. This just made me freak out more. Tim tried to calm me down, which worked for a little bit. We laid there for a little bit reminiscing about the classic scene in 'The Pirates of Silicon Valley' where Steve Jobs takes LSD. We discussed it for awhile, and talked about how amazing it was that 'they made all those computers'. This doesn't make any sense to me as I'm typing it, but at the time, we all thought it made perfect sense. The pool deck had an amazing unique feel to it, as did anything else I touched, and my vision was filled with colors.

I was finally starting to enjoy myself again for a little while, but it was short lived. Kate and Ben had run off, and everyone was just being very loud outside. I started worrying again. A bit later I felt too cold outside, so we all eventually made our way back inside. It wasn't but a minute later the doorbell rang. Tim went and answered the door. It was the cops. They wanted to talk to me, since I lived at the house. I was panicking again. I could hardly even talk. I went outside to speak with the officer, who said they had gotten a 'welfare check' call. I kept trying to convince the officer that everything was fine, and that no one had done anything. I also kept saying that I did not want them searching my house under any circumstances. I couldn't think very straight at the time, as I was at the peak of my trip now. I just kept repeating that I didn't want them searching my house. This officer kind of 'gave up' on me for awhile, while another officer came out to talk to me. This officer tried to talk to me on a much more personal level. He said how he knew we were on something, and that his guess was acid. I didn't say a 'yes' or a no' but my facial expression did change when I realized he knew what was up. He continued talking to me on a personal level, and started going on about he used to 'sell dope at my age'. Then he started talking about how he turned his life around, and that I needed to, too.

At this point the other officer came back outside and started questioning me again too. I felt so intimidated and scared at the time. I was tripping hard, and I could not handle the situation at all. I felt like I was two inches tall, and the officers were giants. I felt like I was an a small bug about a second away from being stomped on. They also questioned my friends, in a different area away from me. My friends had told them that I sold it to them. I tried to weasel my way out of everything, but I was tripping so hard that I just couldn't handle it. I don't remember a whole lot of what happened next, but the officers had entered my house, and they found the remaining five hits of blotter, which I had left in a DVD case on the kitchen counter.

I felt destroyed. I knew in my mind that this was the end. At this point they had also called an ambulance to my house, as well as backup police officers. My entire culdesac was filled with law enforcement. Since I was freaking out even more now, the police officer led me over to the ambulance so that the medical examiner could check me out. He said I would be fine, and that I just had a really high pulse. Some of the police officers were enjoying themselves, and fucking around with me at the time. I remember one officer telling me to go to another officer, then when I got there he would say 'What are you doing here? I told you to go over there!' One of the officers who was talking to my friends inside of my house, was talking about all the crazy things all my friends were saying, and how they were definitely 'gone'. Eventually, one of the officers led me back to my front porch, to help me get my shoes. I put them on, then I was put in the back of a police car. I felt two inches tall again. I began to feel very claustrophobic, and started freaking out again.I kept looking out the window, and eventually they let me out again for awhile.

They asked me a few more questions, then I asked if I could call my parents. At this point the reality had really struck me. I knew how FUCKED I was. I knew I was being arrested, and I knew there was nothing I could do to get out of this. I called my father, crying to him on the phone, and telling him how sorry I was for disappointing him. I went on about how I should have listened to him. After awhile the police officer told me to wrap it up, so I said my goodbyes, and he then took my phone as evidence. I was put back into the police car, and an officer got in and started the car. We started driving to the police station. I had calmed down slightly, and I remember saying 'Damn!' as the officer floored it once we got out onto the main road. Eventually we got to the police station, and I was led inside. I was still tripping and had trouble remembering what he was telling me to do. He led me down a hallway, and had me sign some papers. Then he led me into a small holding cell.

Once I was in the cell I realized the severity of the situation again. The cell was a small room with bright lights, a mirror, a toilet, and a sink. I sat on the bench and the cell and just thought about everything. Wondered how I got myself into this. I started crying, and asking myself out loud 'How could I do this?' 'How could this happen?' This talking to myself went on for probably an hour. Then I proceeded to stare at floor of the cell, which caused me to see some very interesting visual hallucinations. I couldn't enjoy myself though. My mind was not in the right place. At this point I just wanted to end the trip. I took a drink of water, then took a look at myself in the mirror. I looked terrible. I definitely looked like someone fucked up some sort of drug. I kept having weird thoughts like 'Is this me?' 'Is this who I am?' Over the next couple hours, I kept drinking water, to help end my trip faster, and also went to the restroom a few times.

Finally, the officer opened the cell, and I was led out. I was told that I would be going to the local juvenile detention facility. My heart sunk, and again I realized just how much shit I had gotten myself into. I was put into handcuffs and shackles. Then I was led outside by two more officers into a white van. At this point it was around 5am, and I had not slept yet. I couldn't sleep though, as I was still tripping. I was put into the back of this van, while the officers got in and began to drive. The juvenile detention facility was around two hours away, so they told me to try and get some sleep. I tried, but I couldn't. It was very uncomfortable sitting with handcuffs and shackles on. During the two hour drive, I had some very weird thoughts. I thought a lot about life, and how these officers were just 'normal people' who happened to have a job in law enforcement, and how they all had their own families, and their own problems. This was just their job. My mind wandered the entire ride there.

Eventually we got there. I was taken out of the vehicle, and led to the door outside the facility. A very buff man, was standing outside it. The officers wished me luck, and left me with this man, who then proceeded to yell at me like a drill sergeant. He made my repeat everything he said, and started going over some of the ground rules of the facility. There was a yellow line taped down on the floor and I had to acknowledge all of the officers and request permission to cross it. This was very hard to do at the time, as I was still kind of fucked up, and I hadn't slept in ages. Eventually one of the guards led me into a room and had me shower, then gave me prison clothes to change into. I couldn't believe I was actually in jail. After I finished my shower, he let me call my parents. I told them to get me a lawyer and they agreed. That was the last I would hear from them. Eventually I was led to a room with bunks with the other inmates. The next three days that I would remain in this facility would be the worst days of my life. The first day was the worst. I was still coming down from the LSD, and I was not allowed to sleep at all until 10pm rolled around. Needless to say I could hardly function during the day, and was completely exhausted by the time night came around. The facility operated like a standard jail. Asshole guards, terrible food, no rights, and nothing to do besides read the 'rules sheet' you were given. If you had good behavior, you could later be upgraded and be able to read the Bible, then if you continued to have good behavior, you could check out a book. The three days I remained in this facility were the longest days of my life. What was even worse was that all of the other kids in there were in there for real crimes like fighting and stealing. I was in there for a drug charge. A victimless 'crime'. Every night before I went to sleep I would think about how I was going to possibly get of there, and how long I would be in there. On the third day I was taken to court in another white van, along with a dozen other inmates that were scheduled for court that day.

We got to the court house, and my case happened to be the very first one. My parents, my lawyer, and I both went to the stand. My lawyer did most of the talking, and eventually it was agreed upon that I should get out of the juvenile detention facility, but have house arrest for a month, then eight more months of probation. I was unhandcuffed, and released to my parents. That's where my story ends. All of this happened over one hit of LSD. My trip was a train wreck. A complete disaster. I later found out that all my friends had gotten off scott free. Not even charged or anything. I was slapped with over $1,000 of fees, and now had to serve probation.

So that's where my story ends. I wasn't able to properly evaluate the drug 'erowid style' due to everything that happened. Would I ever eventually try LSD again? I'm not sure at this point. If I did try it, it definitely wouldn't be at my house again.

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 76778

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Sep 26, 2012	Views: 75,223

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LSD (2), Police / Customs (60) : General (1), First Times (2), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Guides / Sitters (39), Post Trip Problems (8), Multi-Day Experience (13), Personal Preparation (45), Various (28)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit

		 LSD

		 Pharms - Zolpidem

		 Alcohol - Beer/Wine

		 Diphenhydramine

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   140 lb

First of all, I will be writing about the experience of my girlfriend.  Although, I did trip with her, and stay in very close contact with her in the months that followed.  This story is one that you seem to hear about as a sort of myth to scare you away from drugs.  One thing I would like to mention is that I personally have extensive experience with, knowledge of, and respect for psychedelic drugs.  This is not meant as a report to scare you into not experimenting with psychedelics, as I feel that, used correctly, they can be a powerful spiritual tool.  I submit this account as a means to educate you as to the possible dangers and humbly offer you what advice I can and what conclusions I have reached.

As a bit of background information, my girlfriend at the time (who we shall hereto refer to as Susan), prior to this event did not have a great deal of experience with psychedelics.  She had done Mescaline once, LSD once, and ecstasy once (while I don't feel it is a 'psychedelic' I am including it anyway).  Her Mescaline experience had been extremely positive with no negative side-effects.  Her first LSD ingested roughly 3.5 hits, had a very intense but altogether pleasurable trip for the first 5 hours, but then suddenly lost touch, to say the least.  She suddenly was naked, repeating certain phrases over and over (such as 'I've been here before' and  'I love you guys too!'), while thinking she had to vomit every minute or so, or suddenly running to the toilet for 'other' reasons.  I was with her alone for the next 5 hours.  Every couple minutes it was as though I could visually watch her particular ego or sense of reality focus in on her.  She would start out staring blanking into space, repeating phrases, experiencing extreme emotions, and then suddenly for a split second she would realize what reality was, then for the next second she would realize where she was... until she realized who she was, who I was, and what was happening.  She would apologize and thank me for helping her and then suddenly, she would be gone again.  Things I did to help her included giving her milk, making her drink water, just helping her relax and keeping the environment calm and comfortable.) Anyway, about 5-8 hours she gradually found her way back to reality and was essentially the same person afterwards (albeit one with perhaps a more enlightened view on life.)

Now, the story gets interesting.  Roughly a month and a half later was her next encounter with LSD.  This time she took only 1 hit.  Her entire trip was great, she enjoyed it, nothing bad happened.  The day after (after staying up all night), we went to the park, went on a walk, ate some lunch, just had a calm sober day really.  We then went back to my house, late afternoon and decided to try to sleep... after having sex.  However, directly after sex she began crying profusely, when asked 'why' all she could say was, 'I'm just so happy.'  The next few hours she gradually lost touch with reality.  It was very similar to the way she was acting before but was not nearly as bad.  I assumed it would soon pass, another night at the most.  I attempted to speed up the recovery by giving her food and liquid, which she was very uninterested in.  As the night progressed I gave her sleeping pills, one Ambien and a couple Excedrin PM.  She drank a couple beers to amplify the affect of the sleeping pills.  I am unsure whether or not she slept, but what I can say is that I was able to get 2 hours of sleep and so I can only assume that she did sleep, otherwise it would have been impossible for me to, since she was acting very dependent on me at this point and wouldnt let me sleep (we had been up for 2 days at this point).

I awoke to her being wide awake.  She seemed to be getting more and more out of touch as time passed.  I stayed up with her the rest of the night, by noon the next day I decided to give her more sleeping pills, Unisom and Tylenol PM, and also Niacin, they had no affect at all.  She would sometimes come back for very short time periods.  She would talk about how 'she could see it', but 'it hurt to remember', she 'didn't want to come back.'  At times she appeared to be in a very enlightened place, completely tranquil, happy.  Others, she would experience extreme sorrow, talk about 'being in the bad place,' 'I've been here before,' or talk about how we were all just 'hanging out in our imaginations.'  One thing I found very interesting was that she seemed to be reliving all of the experiences of the last couple days in reverse order, talking to people as if they were there.

To speed up the story a bit, by the afternoon on the 2 day after the trip, she was not eating, not sleeping, not drinking, and getting further and further away mentally.  I enlisted the help of some close friends to help me as I was on day 3 of no sleep.  That evening I was frantically awoke by them.  Susan was talking in a strange dialect (language?), flailing her limbs, hitting herself and others repeatedly, showing extreme rage at times.  By this point I felt I had no choice but to take her to emergency room, which with all of our combined efforts, we were able to do (through physical restraint).  There were police at the emergency room but aside from a suspicious glare, gave us no trouble.  The hospital had little clue about what was happening and, I feel, did virtually nothing short of restraining her.  It was clear to all of us that she needed food and sleep, the staff seemed to think it would just work out naturally.  Clearly they were oblivious to any situation even slightly resembling this one.  Her parents arrived within a few hours.

....

A day and half later she was transferred to a psychiatric hospital in the nearest major city.  I talked to her daily, she was very unhappy there and very disconnected from reality.  She was very confused and still very much in a different world.  It is extremely difficult to describe the way she was acting at this point.  This hospital also (I feel) handled things very poorly.  They still would not give her sleeping medication (even though she went 10 days sleeping only 6 hours) and she rarely got to even see a doctor.  But, regardless, after roughly a week and a half, she was released into the custody of her parents.  She was functional, but definitely still not in touch with 'reality.'  The next two days at home she gradually regressed until eventually she reached the point where she KNEW the CIA was trying to kill her, that everyone was trying to shoot her, and that dead bodies were chopped up in the basement.  Her parents took her back to the hospital, but she wouldn't allow her self to be committed (since she was 20 it required her permission, they had been able to convince her last time due to her state of mind), and so they struggled until finding a different facility.  A psychiatric research hospital.

I know this is getting long so I will finish up...  It was another two weeks before she was rereleased. It took her roughly 3 months to recover to normality.  However, she is a different person.  I think probably a better, happier person.  As far as the experience she remembers it all.  I have no doubt she experienced things extremely spiritual at times, inhabiting higher dimensions, talking spirits, and things of the sort.  BUT, I also think that due to many factors she experienced many things that were pure hallucination, or signs she took to be indicative of things that were not true (in some cases very extreme things).  The problem is that she is not entirely able to tell what was true and what was not.

So here are the conclusions I have reached after talking to doctors, researching, talking to her, etc.  Luckily, I was mindful enough to keep logs of what she was saying throughout the experience, and also have her journals from the hospitals.

So, she was a person with some issues in her past that she did not want to deal with at the time.  She suppressed these things and didn't think about them.  Most likely, she was prone to this sort of psychosis and it is very possible that this would have happened even without the LSD.  In this particular case though, the LSD definitely sort of opened the door.  Thus I say it triggered it, but did not CAUSE it.  I view this experience as a sort of transformation of her life into a better person.  Others see it differently, such as her parents, but they are coming with the attitude of placing blame on everyone and everything except for their daughter.  To them, it's not that their daughter had issues and problems that needed to be dealt with finally exploded, it was the fault of her boyfriend and of drugs that this horrible thing happened, a thing with no spiritual basis or positive side effects, they were convinced she was going to die.

What advice can I give?  Well for one thing the doctors at the second hospital, who seemed to more fully understand what was going on, said that everything I did were the BEST things that could have been done for her, short of actually taking the LSD of course.  That includes sleeping pills, food, water, vitamins, Niacin.  ALSO, here are some things to be careful of.

 * Isolate the person in a quiet, dimly lit room, without the coming and going of strangers

 * Constant reassurance is key, 'everything is ok, everyone is ok, and that includes you.'

 * The person should not be left alone.  Time is extremely distorted for them and a minute can feel like a day.

* Don't ask questions, questions can provoke a flood of anxiety in a person struggling to maintain logical thought

There you have it, I hope that offers help to someone should a similar situation ever arise.  Likewise though, I hope that it never does happen.

Namaste

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 51631

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Jan 6, 2012	Views: 49,372

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LSD (2) : Post Trip Problems (8), Second Hand Report (42), Health Problems (27), Small Group (2-9) (17)