		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:30
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   130 lb

This was my first LSD trip. I've tried (and bought for my hard-earned money) what I was told was LSD several times before, but it was either fake or very low dosage, since I took multiple hits each previous time with only a slight bodily effect, where I noticed that my body felt slightly different. This time, however, I bought the LSD from my bud guy, who's very reliable with the shit he sells. I'll call him S. I snuck out of my house at 10 am and met him at the gas station near my house (I live in a rural area, so he drove out quite a way to deliver), and bought four hits at 10 bucks a hit. I gave him a few bucks for gas money too, since he drove out all this way.

11am: My mom being gone to work for the day, I took one hit and started doing something on my computer. I was excited to finally get some real LSD, and was looking forward to the trip, which I hoped would give me some real intense hallucinations. I was a little worried about doing more than one hit, since I'm real paranoid about trying new, powerful drugs, even if I'm looking forward to trying 'em. I didn't prepare for the trip in any way, being satisfied that I had enough cool stuff around the house to occupy me while tripping.

T+30 mins: I experienced the 'body high' feeling I described in the first paragraph. It was unusually quick in coming, which made me happy because it affirmed to me that the acid wasn't fake, and after getting ripped off twice, I was happy to get the real stuff finally.

T + 1 hour: I began experiencing a slight nausea, which was mildly uncomfortable. One of my friends came by, whom I'll call P. P came by to trip and smoke some herb, and I gave him two hits and took the last hit. I was a little paranoid about doing that, like I already said. We chilled in my room listening to some punk on the computer for about 30 mins, then we took out the bowl and packed it full (packs about a gram) of some bud. We smoked it and another bowl over the next hour and a half, so each of us ended up smoking about a gram. I was a little paranoid about smoking herb on acid as well, since I didn't want to prolong my trip or do something to f-ck it up in some way. P seemed to be cool with it, though, and since he tripped like this before, I thought I'd be alright.

T + 1 hour, 30 mins: I began feeling the first hit kick in. I was in my chair by my computer desk and P was sitting on the bed. I was already pretty high, and Dropkick Murphy's drinking songs were getting me in a festive mood. I also had this real colorful and weird Winamp visualization full screen on the computer (something like the visualizations in Windows Media Player that come on when you play music in it, though much more intricate and colorful - another reason I like Winamp), which helped kick the trip in a lot faster once we were high - you'd have to see it to fully understand why. It was really trippy. When I felt the acid kick in, I felt like a kid on top of a roller coaster, with the anticipation and all finally about to be gratified. I can't describe the feeling itself except that I felt a profound change in my body chemistry, a mild euphoric feeling that felt like I was beginning to slide on my ass down a frozen-over lake. It was bright in the room, being the middle of the day, and everything felt extremely full of light. We were laughing a lot.

T + 2 hours: (Side note - it's becoming more and more difficult to denote the time exactly, since the acid was beginning to profoundly slow my perception of time by this point. These estimates are just that - estimates.) I was feeling very euphoric and high. Me and P were laughing constantly, and were having fun with the increasing effect the acid was having on us. I felt more and more like a kid on a frozen-over lake, sliding endlessly on his ass. I also began feeling more and more out of touch with reality, as if time has frozen and we were somehow phasing out of this plane of existence. At this time, P noticed I had The Getaway for the PS2, so we moved to the living room with the bowl and the game. I remember packing another bowl in the living room, and being almost unable to do it because everything was so funny, and everything P said was somehow tripping me out even more. We began smoking and playing, and the main character somehow seemed much taller than the buildings and cars. We played for the game for a while, and I was becoming ever more aware of the time slowing down.

T + 2 hours, 30 mins: We stopped smoking and playing the game, and moved back into my room for some reason. The acid had come on pretty strong by that time, and I felt as if every minute felt like 10. We were listening to some kind of music (I don't remember what, probably punk) and laughing a lot. Everything looked real bright and blue, and time kept slowing down more and more. I began feeling real nostalgic, as if I felt something very similar to what I was experiencing as a little kid. I'm still not sure whether or not this was just from the drug; it felt, and still does, extremely real, and not just an effect of the LSD. This feeling would only get stronger as time went on and pervade most of the rest of the trip. By this time, the acid was well working in both of us, and everything began feeling as if I were falling down a long, dark tunnel in my mind. It also felt like we were going on, making kind of a 'droning' sound as we went. It was very strange, and felt alien to me. I began feeling the acid in my brain as a tangible thing I could almost grab, and began feeling as if the acid had a personality of its own, one mischievous and powerful. It's very difficult to explain exactly its personality, but one could equate it to the Norse god of mischief, Loki.

It also felt like it was hanging over us, like a cloud almost. I began writing my first note of the day, which said something like 'everything in tens, everything in 10's, everything in 8t's now...'. S also called us for the first time of several about right now, asked how we liked the trip so far. I don't remember what I said to him.

T + 2 hours, 40 something minutes: The note 'ACID KICKED' I wrote at this time explains what happened best. I think I was trying to write 'acid kicked in', but couldn't finish it. I couldn't concentrate on anything, since everything I'd try to do would trip me out more, and the trip itself would trip me out. I'd get lost in some inexplicable adventure full of color and circling psychedelic shape resulting from trying to perform a simple task, shapes very reminiscent of those colorful shapes and tie-dyed shirts so common in the 60's. I'd have to try to 'zoom out', to tear myself away from the shapes and try to grasp sanity to perform the task, only to get lost in perpetual 'zooming out' which I'd realize was only another trip my mind would take. It began to frustrate me, slowly. Time seemed to slow down to where every second felt like an hour and me and P seemed to totally melt. As he put it: 'We have no control of ourselves from this point on'. I knew at that point that 1) he was right; 2) I was tripping pretty hard; and 3) that any task undertaken while on acid would never get finished. The reality of what was happening to me was so funny and I felt great. We moved into the living room to watch tv.

T+ 3 hours: We were peaking. The walls and everything rapidly changed color from red, to green, to various shades of those two, to other colors, and it took me five minutes to find a piece of paper and write a note to myself to remind myself that I'm on acid, which was at once both terribly amusing and incredibly important that I write it. P wanted to go out, so we began to get ready for that trek, but first, there was an insane amount of cannabis leaf patterns on the walls which prevented us from leaving, since it looked so cool. I wasn't paying attention to the tv, but P was lying on the floor telling me there's all this stuff crawling on the ceiling, an everything's in a pattern.

Over the next hour, my mind constantly revolved several key thoughts or ideas in my head: 'This is too much, I can't take this', 'I want this to end', (now would come something about something which would trip me out and make me feel better about the trip), (next would come P telling me to come outside, or saying he can't stay in this house, which would freak me out, both for his safety and for how f-cked up I knew he was, and what could happen outside), leading to 'damn it, why'd I do this sh-t?' and then back to 'this is too much'. Time was slowed down too much, and the entire trip stopped being cool, and I wanted it to end. I couldn't handle all the stuff my senses were telling me, and it felt like I wanted to go to sleep, but couldn't. Sometime in this period, I went outside with P, walked all the way to the entrance of my house (which was an adventure in itself that I wish I could remember more fully), and forgot I had no money, so we went back. Then I thought I got the wrong set of keys and couldn't get in the house (which, thank the gods, I was wrong about), and this scared me, because I realized that I could potentially do something like this and really screw myself, and I decided I wouldn't leave my house just to be safe. Most of the bad feelings I described above stemmed from this experience.

T + 3 hours, 47 mins, (I was checking the time every second to see if another minute had passed) I figured out that I needed P out of my house if I was gonna calm down, so I kicked him out, which ended up being good for him too, since he had the most fun trip he ever had getting home, and actually thanked me. I kicked him out and fixed up the couch, then sat in front of the tv, watched star trek, and told myself to trip, except I couldn't. I couln't shake that feeling that I wanted the trip to stop, which was annoying me because I wanted to trip out nice, but I couldn't. All I could think of was the intense sensory overload and insanely slowed-down time. Everything was too much, basically. The droning feeeling was resonating loudly in my head and 'Acid', the character/drug that was in my head, was laughing at me and playing around with my mind, to my continued frustratrion and growing unrest. I was happy to have P out of my house, though, because I wasn't sure if we'd still be tripping by the time my mom got home, and I didn't want him here just in case we were.

T + 4 hours, S calls again, and at length, I explain to him my predicament. He tells me to drink some milk to calm down. I drink a glass or two. I slowly begin to calm down, first from freaking out so much, then, as my peak passes, the intense sensory overload I experienced subsides, and the intense droning feeling which I assume to be my senses compounded into one collossal noise subsided as well, and I began to enjoy the trippy things I was seeing as I felt my trip subside. Everything was distorted and objects would bulge out, edges change color, and it was quite fun again.

T + 7: I had half a kiwi to prolong the diminishing effects of the trip, thinking it would be over in an hour. When my trip leveled off, and didn't diminish for another three, four hours, I got worried again. I watched whatever was on scifi channel, and by 10pm, I was pissed because I was still tripping as bad as at 6pm. I thought to hell with it, and decided to watch some more tv, in the hope that the trip would subside. It finally did around 11pm-midnight, around the time my mom got home, and I was glad to meet her with regular-sized pupils, although I was still tripping kind of, and was very 'out of it'. I kept hearing my mom's voice when she wouldn't say anything, and felt very confused. I smoked what we didn't finish off the bowl once my mom went to sleep, which calmed me down, thankfully. My mind was exhausted, and I wanted to sleep.

I went to sleep around maybe two or three am, like I usually do, and slept fine with some vivid dreams (which I couldn't remember the second after I woke up). I didn't experience any inability to sleep or any negative aftereffects, however, I'd have to say that my view on LSD, drugs in general, and P is changed. Not really positively or negatively, but changed. It was definitely an experience I'd want to try again, because I realized that I freaked out because I thought I was ready for the trip, but I wasn't.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 48836

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Mar 1, 2006	Views: 34,690

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LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 0.2 oz
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		 6 carts.
		 inhaled
		 Nitrous Oxide
		 (gas)

		 1 hit
		 smoked
		 Salvia divinorum
		 (extract - 10x)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   155 lb

This trip occurred on a Friday from 4pm - 4am.

I love acid. Lucy is .... amazing. Beautiful. Heartbreakingly benevolent and equally powerful. Albert motha-fuckin Hoffman came up with a true slice of cosmic beauty on his 25th try.  A chemical that was created by serendipity, that started a revolution. This molecule has been the object of my search for YEARS upon YEARS.  Soooo many times the quest for LSD has led to tales of scandalous individuals ripping us off. So many times LSD is fake , or not there at all.  Some shady shit had gone down, my friend.

However, finally , serendipitously (go figure) and randomly my friend robby calls an old comrade of his. One who was known to dabble in dee-ex-em.  See my friend robby and I have recently come across a fair portion of DXM powder. The call was not about acid, it was about dxm business, but soon talk of the illustrious chemical came up. As it always does.

It just so happened we were in luck. And man, were we in luck.

My friend gets the credit, he did the work, he got the acid, and he hooked me up. I went to pick it up from his place at around maybe 2 or 3, and it suprised me with its appreance.  It was a small, thin white strip of paper, with no perforation. It was multi-layered and VERY white. Almost angelic looking, with a slight sparkle.  When I went to pick this up, I had also come to collect some dex. The motherfucker handed me a water bottle. The bottle was 3/4th FULL of DXM powder. Packed.

Anyways back on the road, we pack up a bowl and I bite off Half the ten strip. I was told by my friend (robby) that in order to get the 'classic' in depth acid trip, 4-5 would be a good dose.  The taste was interesting, I cant quite describe it on memory, as I was quite stoned through all of this so far. Quite. It seemed to have a metallic taste, and its absorbing in my mouth kind of sent a rush through my body. I was so excited that I was finally tripping on some real, good acid. After about 5 minutes of letting half the ten strip sit on my tongue, I bit off a little extra hit. Juuuust to make sure that I tripped me some balls.   There was already plans to drive to another part of town, to a headshop with a 'dude' of ours working, one who would openly sell us nitrous.

After quick few cell phone calls, it was decided we were going to pick up my friend Leah, then go back up to my part of town to pick up my friend Mike, who happens to have Salvia Divinorum 10x extract. Spearmint flavoured of course.  We get Leah, who is a good friend of mine despite the lack of time I've known her. Really, I dont even remember how I started talking to this girl, but it was via AIM. She's a goofy, cool, down girl.  She's also is a big fan of Tim Leary, and has always wanted to try LSD. I already got this girl to try DXM, which she actually wrote a trip report for me on the DV called 'dxm took me to india'.

Anyways tripping with her was always a good experiance , now that I've got her around, the music groovin and the car rollin to mikes, the vibes are feelin good.

It's been like 30-40 minutes, and I'm starting to feel reaaaaal grooooovy. For those of you havent done acid I dont know how to explain this. Everything is funny. The feeling of elation and excitement at everything is overwhelming. My body starts feeling exsquisitely comfortable and energetic. My legs are almost numb. They feel wiggly, watery and without substance. I dont think I could walk very well right now.   We were passin' around bowls and talking of times past , when I noticed the space within teh car seem to take on a different feel. I felt as if my perception was based within the space around me, inseprebaple. Its like my consciousness was a ball, that suddenly lost its form and spilled out into a endless electric ocean. The spilling sensation felt damn good.  Everything I looked at had taken a strange green tint to it. Colors blurred slightly like on a fuzzy TV screen. My body was in ectasy. I was bursting with happiness and thought. I figured out my whole life, while silently muttering to myself. The acid was barely even just coming on.

Well its a few more minutes coasting along route 48 in a ocean of electric music and love vibes, and then we get back to my town. We head over to my friend mikes house. The pickup is seamless, and the introduction of Mike's strong and honest vibes are welcomed by all parties in the car, I can feel it. He shows me his vial of Salvia, half full. We take off.  By this point I'm starting to trip hard. Upon inspecting any surface I would notice undulating paterns,creeping lines and unfolding fractals. I stared at my hand and It was like my mind was a zoom-in lense, and I began to view my finger on almost a cellular level.

I snapped out of it. I looked around the car. Mike was starting to trip on a 400mg capsule of DXM he had taken earlier. He had his eyes closed over in teh corner. My friends Miesmer and Joey were up front , both tripping balls on dxm.

I was in the back, and my mind was opening up into space.

The slightly toxic, grabbing electrical feel that LSA trips bring to mind was very present in my brain. This toxic psychedelic feeling is also comparable to those I experianced on 5-MeO-AMT. And yet, it felt vastly more benevolent than LSA and so much more pure and smooth than 5-MeO-AMT. So very smooth. It felt like the perfect drug, it was activating the antipodes of my mind, setting the engines of my consciousness to warp drive.  I felt my mind expand , and I was sure at this point that my pupils had to be HUGE. I felt very, very pleasantly intoxicated. The interior of the car seemed to glow and simmer with energy. At times I would think there were other people in the car, other friends of ours. Then I would realize they werent there and I had just been talking to nobody. Keep in mind everyone in this car is spaced out.

It was the 5 of us, Me , Leah, Mike, Joey and Miesmer. We were headed to Joey's.

We are almost to Joeys, when we come across a road called 'whipp' road. Its been raining, then snowing out today. The road is caked with ice.

Miesmer... is not a very good driver. Hes going way , way too fast down these curvy roads, way to high and tripped out and vibing to music to pay ANY attention to the road. At least 60 mph.  Yeah, I know its stupid. But , keep in mind we've done this many, many times and its worked out fine. But not this time. Miesmer lost control of the car. He began to drift his shitty little geo metro.

He drifted for a good minute, pitching left then banking HARD right.

Like the car jumped off the ground and switched sides.

After bouncing at insane speeds down a icy road, control completely lost, we slid off the road and smashed into a large bush. Thank god this wasnt a tree. But this was a hell of a big bush, it completely decimated the side of miesmers car.

We sat there. Dazed. Confused. What the FUCK just happened???

We were ALL tripping balls. Nobody panics. Confusion abound.

My girl leah turns to me and says '' Aaaaaalex we are just got in a car wreck! and I'm on LSD!! oh alex...''

I look at her and say something consoling like ''yeah well... dont worry about it...''

We get out of the car. Mikes door was destroyed, the window is knocked out and the door is dented in completely. The driver side window was also knocked off, laying stranded 20 feet off in teh background. Miesmers door (drivers) was about half dented in, with scrapes covering the rest.

Fucked up vibes set in. The car was in a slight ditch on the side of the road, submerged in snow on the left side that had hit the bush.I guess we all presumed we were stuck, so we just stood around for a minute.

We decide to try and get out on our own, and Miesmer gets in the car . He starts it , and with a little bit of gas it immediately bolts out of position into the road. Miesmer almost hits another car , again.

Sigh's of relief and exasperated looks all around. I cant tell you how good it felt to be on the road again, knowing we wouldnt have to deal with cops and parents, at least not now.

About 10 minutes later we are laughing and arriving at Joey's apartment complex. We walk into Joeys apartment building, and begin the ascent up the stairs to his 3rd level apt. The trip upstairs was slow and laborious, as we were all tripping mad balls and shaken from teh car wreck.

The usually white walls in the building seemed very green to me. The patterns on the carpet were expanding and melting into one another.   When we get to Joeys apt. we go straight to his room. This is the ultimate trip room. 5 blacklights strewn across the room, strategically placed to illuminate the posters covering all 4 walls with bombastically bright neon colors. In these posters there is marijuana, naked busty women, and tripped out images of scenery.   There is a very nice sound system that is already playing 'another brick in the wall' of 'The Wall' CD. If you dont know who that is by, I would kick you in your balls.

The posters look real nice. Me and Leah sit down on the bed, and she snuggles up close to me. Her warmth is very welcomed on this cold day. She tells me shes tripping really hard and is kind of scared. So I hold and her and just sit there with her for a minute, staring at a poster of an extremely gorgeous naked woman laying next to a gigantic joint in a bed of satin. I started imagining myself being there with Leah, her being naked. I closed my eyes and my imagination and the LSD brought that scene to life around me. But that wasnt all dear Lucy showed me.

Suddenly the vivid close-eyed scene was blasted to nothing. I was in space. I felt very cold, and I looked to my left I could see Leah's love energy beaming with light and warmth. It was scintillating all up and down my body. It was almost fiery, it was so warm. I could hear her thoughts in my mind. I think she told me she loved me, but I was unsure so I did'nt respond, but merely reciprocated her love, in the middle of space, stoicly.

I feel incredibly strong and powerful. I love myself. I love Leah. And I loooooove Lucy.

We just floated there in our own space, listening to pink floyd , for what seemed like not hours, not days, but a lifetime. Now I know why they call pink floyd 'space rock'. Damn! ...I open my eyes.

Leah is sitting there staring at me with love in her eyes. I look at her, my heart melting at the beauty and fiery innocence of this girl. I really dont know why she hangs around with me, sometimes I'm just a straight up dick to her. But I think she sees through me. Right now it felt like see quite literally did. I felt an intense mental and emotional connection to her. When I closed my eyes I could see the burning intensnity of our bond. It was bright orange/red, and seemed as if it were fire.  Anyways the vibes from our bond are simmering, and we both shift and change positions as Joey comes back in the room (he had left sometime earlier). We had been alone in that room for what seemed like millenia. Everyone still thinks we had sex.

I got up and went into the kitchen to get something to drink. The lights everywhere were very bright and tinted with kalaedescopic color wheels. The TV had visible bombarding rays showeringt those who were watching it. It looked like they were being consumed by the rays.  I looked at the microwave clock, and the moving , wiggling numbers read 8:00pm. Holy shit it was still pretty damn early. I had been trippin balllz for about 4 hours. I was still goin damn strong. And I knew we still had nitrous, salvia, and that Joey was packing up a bowl right now.

First, it was time for the Salvia. Mike packed me up a nice 1-hit bowl in the water bong. I was to 'go' first. I placed the form-fitting mouthpiece up to my mouth, and activated the torch lighter. I sucked in hard and deep, closing my eyes and praying to Sally to bring me out of this world and into pure chaos.

As I sat there holding the hit and meditating, I rapidly began to feel a sliding feeling. It felt like I was being hurtled forward at a TREMENDOUS speed, lights and squiggles and undulating fractal energy designs exloding everywhere amidst a crackling green-white energy force-field.

And, for those who have partook of Lady Salvia, you know what I mean when I say I felt like I was the visuals I was beholding.

This was my very consciousness being exploded and transmogrified into different dimensions of perception and existance. I exhaled my hit, and the sound of my own breath clicked and whirred and became part of me as it echoed out of my body. I tried talking, which was an incredibly weird and similar sensation. I'm sure I made no sense whatsoever.

I opened my eyes, and began to drift back into a more comprehensive state. The room was 'breathing' quite heavily. Walls did'nt hold their shape, but instead morphed back and forth in seemingly stable undulation.  While I had been off in Salvia-Space my friends had finished the rest of the Salvia. Oh well.... I was pretty damn fucked up right then, and we still had the nitrous.  So I broke out the two 10 packs of whippets I had bought from the headshop earlier. We had totally cleared out their stocks of nitrous  I pulled out a green baloon and my cracker, and loaded up a cartrige. I cracked the cartrige and gently milked the nitrous into the baloon with the finesse of a seasoned nitrous fiend.

I Inhale deep.... sweet sweet nitrous. Like a cool, sweet mint. The kiss of air in my lungs felt soooo good. I exhaled it back into the baloon, and then fully inhaled again. As I did this once more, my entire body started to tingle with vibration. I began to feel an extreme rush of euphoria and pleasure as the nitrous dissociation plunged my consciousness into a void like state. I was completely nullified. My eyes were closed, and all I saw was white. Then the fringes of my perception began to be tinged with color. That color bled and swept into the whiteness until I was staring at a stereotypical swirling acid visual cascade.

Beautiful... beyond words.... I felt deeply fufilled to be present in such a experiance. So thankful and grateful to be alive NOW.

After a few minutes of that, I opened my eyes. I loaded Leah up a cartrige. After she pounded the baloon a few times, she layed back and collapsed in laughter. We did those two 10 packs in a manner of maybe 3 minutes.  At this point I was exhausted. I hadnt gotten much sleep from the preceeding days ( due to excessive dxm consumpion ) , and all the drugs and activity of the day had taken out of me. Leah and I decided to take a nap.

The dream I had was a complex, non-sensical one, which had one very important scene:

I was in my bedroom with my friends... as I'm sitting there with my homies , suddenly a character strolls into the room. As he strides with great beauty, the world fades into blackness behind him. As he sat next to me, I realized this man was none other than Tim Leary. His eyes were glowing orange. The iris. The pupils were huge, and seemed like portals into space. He had an incredible presence. I was enamored. I just stared into his eyes communicating with him. It was an extremely vivid experiance.

I woke up, and looked at the clock. Yeah, once again it was 11:11. I was still tripping balls and tired as hell. After the birst of thought the 11:11 sighting caused, I came back down to hang out.

We spend few more hours just hanging out at Joey's, talking and smoking A LOT more pot. Every hit of that fine mary jane I took, I would close my eyes, and relish in the pleasures and visuals I would experiance.

Eventually it was time to depart.

We went and took Leah home first, I gave her a hug and bid her adieu. When she left the car it felt much colder, but also very clear. I felt very lucid. I was ready to go home and spend the rest of the night meditating and communicating with this amazingly benevolent entheogen. And I did.

I got home and went straight to my room and turned on my computer. I put in a song titled 'Ochoa', by a band I think is named 'Shambovopaya', and excellent song designed for shamanic journeying.

I set it on repeat, and layed back on my bed in upright lotus position. It was pitch black in my room. The transitive darkness resonated in my soul. I was immersed in complete darkness. I felt a deep humming that seemed to be resonating fron within my spine. It led up to the back of my head, and it felt like something was clogging up my spinal flow.

Its hard to explain, but instinctively my hands moved to the top of my head and I focused love and healing energy into my hands. Doing so, I then concentrated my will on pushing love and healing energy into my mind. The dark, electric clouding energy began moving out. My vision became illuminated by a distinctly divine light. I had the sensation of several dark entities lurking around me, observing from another dimension, too far off to even bother communicating in any traditional sense. Their presence had been revealed by the LSD. They were not malicious, but seemed very interested in me, and maintaining their presence with me.

I wasnt going to let that happen. I began focusing my energy to expand in waves. A sunlike red energy exploded around me and swept the dark things away. My room was very clear and seemed slightly brighter. I felt so overwhelmingly postive and SOOOO relieved.

Then I layed down and kind of just drifted off into dreamland... I really dont rememeber anything of my dreams that night. A shame, as I love dreams and I'm sure I had a incredible on this night.

We'll thats the end of the tale, I hope you enjoyed my recounting of a truly spiritual experiance.

Peace n Love.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 43664

Gender: Not Specified

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Mar 2, 2006	Views: 63,005

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LSD (2), Nitrous Oxide (40), Salvia divinorum (44), Cannabis (1) : Various (28), Entities / Beings (37), Sex Discussion (14), Music Discussion (22), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:

		 10 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   165 lb

Location: Chapel of Sacred Mirrors, NYC... Alex Grey live painting event

Dose: 10 strip of good, clean white on white.

I had been saving some paper for the past couple of months to do a higher dose trip with when I got the chance. About a week ago, a friend of mine told me that Alex Grey would be doing a live painting at his space in Manhattan, along w/ psychadelic dub/trance, and this sounded like the perfect place to take the dose i wanted.

I have been to CoSM in the past and really enjoyed the space. It has a main area that is used for dance classes, yoga, etc w/ a big open floor and mirrored wall... this is the room that had the music and artists. There is also 'The Chapel' where the original paintings of Grey's that everyone knows are on display... unfortunately, we found out when we got there that this room wouldn't be open.

On saturday I worked until 11pm when my girlfriend and two other friends met me at my work and we jumped a cab down to CoSM. After making it up the 4 flights of steps and paying the $15 entry, we made our way into the main room. There weren't really many people there at this point.. maybe 30-40 total. I managed to find my friend that told me about the event pretty easily. I had brought a couple extra pieces of paper and gave them to him. My girlfriend took 1.5 hits and I placed the ten strip on my tongue...

This took place at about 11:30pm

When i take 'cid, no matter what the dose, I know it right away... I feel this feeling start at the base of my neck and carry down to right below my sternum, not quite in my stomach. It's a strange electric feeling... like 'the tripping' is just waiting in there to come out.

We took a few minutes to check out the area we were in... it was one big room that had been partially partitioned into three areas using hanging tapestries/curtains. In the corner when you first came in was the first painter... he was doing a sort of cathedral on dark canvas.. it was in the very beginning stages so it was hard to tell exactly where it was going. To the right of him was where the musicians and visuals people were set up... they had two live drummers, trumpet player, dj, vj, and a lot of equipment. When we first got there the music was very organic and chill... nice psychadelic electronic dub, for lack of a better description. The visuals screens were playing cool shots of plants opening that had been computer altered to have eyes on flower petals and the stems of the plants... and some cool cgi of robotic plants. Across from the musicians was were Alex Grey was set up... He had laid out a sacred geometric pattern on a black canvas prior to coming and was painting a skull over that, using an actual skull in his hand as a model. To his left, in the back corner of the room was the third artist... she was the only one that wasn't painting on dark canvas and was using a much more airy, light style than Grey or the other artist.

Now, i had come to this party w/ work on me... hopefully you all know what that means. So, for the first 30-45min i was doing a lot of favors... and the place was gaining people pretty steadily. I don't generally talk to people i don't know.. so, i just floated the word with my friends that if people talked to them, they could come find me. It's a pretty safe method, and i know a couple people that work at CoSM which helps reduce the risk, too.

After this, I took a minute to sit with my friends and smoke a bowl of some 'mist' and eat some fruit snacks... I could feel the tripping feeling coming on pretty steady and was starting to notice the wobbly vision in the corners of my eyes that lets me know the fun has started. I watched the visual screens for a while and talked to my girlfriend and friends.

It was now approx 12:15am

I got into a pretty lengthy discussion about high dose tripping with my friend that invited me.. (I guess we'll call him matt). Matt had taken 20mg 2C-I, 1.5g mushrooms, and some sort of tea that i can't remember, that night... but has had some higher dose mushroom trips and L trips. At first I listened to him talk about his theories about different psychedelics and their different 'resonances'... this is was basically an idea that on some super molecular level all psychedelics resonate at a different pace... this causes subsonic vibrations that alter your visual perception, aural perception and mood... all in all a pretty interesting theory, but he can dive really, reallly deep into that stuff.. and while i'm interested in the science of psychedelics, i don't necessarily like getting to deep into it while actually tripping.

We started talking about my half oz experience and what it was like in comparison to an 11g experience he had. This in turn led to a conversation on death. We talked about our different theories on what the actual 'dying process' is going to be like... all in all it was a pretty interesting conversation.

As I was talking to Matt, I started noticing pretty strong visuals coming on. There was a pattern over my entire field of vision that pulsated and pixellated along w/ the music and dancing... waves of color would start on one side of my vision and sweep to the other, constantly fluctuating in brightness and color tone. At some points I would notice a bright spot in the center of my vision that would sort of 'explode' outwards in all directions. Within this patterning would also be spots that would appear closer to me than others, and spots that made things seem farther away... it gave a really strange, carnival-mirror distortion to everything around me. Once i started to notice these things, it took me a minute to be able to focus correctly and navigate the room.. it was getting more and more crowded very quickly.

It was getting close to 1am by now...

I broke off my conversation on death with matt to join my girlfriend for a bit. We decided to check up on the paintings that were being done and to watch Grey paint for a little bit. It was really cool because he was on the same floor level as the crowd and totally amongst the crowd... you could talk to him while he was painting, and while i didn't personally do this he seemed very accomodating of the people that chose to speak to him.

My girlfriend wanted to try and get to see the chapel even though it was closed.. so we headed off to find my friend that works at CoSM to see if we may be able to get a peek inside. We were told that this wasn't possible, as it would risk him getting into trouble, which i didn't want to do. So, we settled for the next best thing.. the prints that are in display in the hallways and sitting room outside the chapel.

We looked at a few prints and sat down to talk. At this point i was tripping very hard visually. There was no unaltered point in my vision.. the world had become a very, very interesting place. I would have stalls in my vision where everything would go 'stop'.. then motion a few seconds later.. a strobe-light like effect, i guess. I really don't remember what exactly we were talking about.. I think I was just recounting my conversation with matt and some of the scientific aspects of psychadelics that she really doesn't think or know about.

In the middle of the conversation this guy comes out of nowhere... and i mean this almost literally, considering the amount of distortion in my peripheral vision he basically appeared our of a colorful box. He appeared waving a $20 bill in my face and saying something about $10. I was completely thrown off and really didn't know what this guy was asking me... I didn't recognize him and definately had not talked to him that night. At first i thought he wanted two tens for a twenty and told him i didn't have change.. then he said something about wanting something blue, and i told him i didn't have anything blue... and then he said he wanted '$10 and $10'. I'm getting really frustrated with this guy at this point.. i'm like, '$10 of what? i don't have anything for $10'... and he took off. This was in front of about 15-20 people and was a pretty uncomfortable situation. I didn't really handle it the best, but all things considered I did my best.

I decided I wanted to go find my friend to see if he knew this guy. I found matt pretty easily and he told me that a guy he knew had just come and talk to him and was looking for something for $10, but that he had told him not to talk to me. After a few minutes, the guy came back around... it was the same person, and somebody I had met once before but didn't recognize at all. I politely explained to him never to run up to me waving money and to try and be a little more discreet in his personal business... he appologized and everything was kosher.

It was getting close to 2am at this point...

My girlfriend and I went to find our other friends.. they were all near Grey watching him paint and dancing. By this point in the night the dynamic of the event had completely changed. The organic, chill music and evolved into psy-trance... the crowd had changed... there were a lot, a lot of people and the place was really hot. We came to find out that a psy-trance party that was being thrown elsewhere had been shut down so all the people there had headed to CoSM. Amongst the new immigrants to the party was a large segment of eastern european men that are at a lot of psy-trance events in the area... they are generally thuggish and show up to push a lot of substances really fast. They add an uncomfortable edge to things, I think, and I wasn't happy to see them there.

After talking to our friends for a bit, I got too hot and headed back into the sitting room to cool off. I took off my hoodie and sat down. I just kicked back and did some thinking. I thought about my job, i thought about my side work, i thought about my girlfriend and our relationship... and the whole time i was just blown away by how hard i was tripping. It was completely manageable for me at this point.. it took focus and some mental power to be able to navigate the crowd, do favors, hold conversation, etc.. but it was w/in my grasp. I have taken many, many 10strips in the past.. but that was during a time when i took acid about 2x a week... so the tolerance factor was obviously there. This was about as hard as I can ever remember tripping on acid.

I started thinking about where I was right then.. I was in an environment I love.. in a scene I love.. with people I really enjoy. And I thought about how much risk it took to live a life that I really enjoy.

--

This is time for yoschie's personal history 101.. or this trip report won't make sense.

In the beginning of 2000 I started working for a sound company that did sound/light production for clubs and raves throughout new england. We did events every weekend in NY, CT, MA, NH, ME... all over... and on the rare night we didn't do an event, I would use my status w/ a production companies to go to events for free. I met some really good people during this time... and also made some really nice connections for obtaining quantity of L and other substances. It wasn't long before I started investing in sheets of paper and getting rid of it at parties and concerts.

I was in school full time and hustling in all my other available time. I had VIP access to so many events and was granted free roam at a lot of places. This led to a pretty big business for a college student. I started out making about $500 extra on the weekends.. but by the beginning of september when i hit my biggest night, i pulled in $11,500 in one night.

I have always hustled, since highschool.. usually just buy enough of something so that once everyone else pays for what they want, mine is free... but, this was actual business.. and lots of money. I loved it.. I loved the lifestyle.. I loved the fact that i could hold a lot of shit together at one time.. I loved the risk, even.

By september of 2000, i had graduated from school.. and jumped on the fall phish tour. I only made it about half way across, to Chicago, when I was arrested. Basically, I ended up charged with 9 state felonies and 4 federal charges relating to the possession and distribution of controlled substances.

I was released and had to return home to my parents for the duration of the trial period. In the beginning of 2001, I took a plea for 1 felony and walked with 2.5yrs probation and fines... not really a bad outcome.

Over the next 4 years i tried all the time to start really working and stop hustling.. but, at the same time i didn't try and quit doing drugs at all.. I didn't want that. and as long as I am around these things, I hate paying retail for any of them.. so it leads to a pattern. Especially since with my new felony to put on my record, it was really hard to find a job at all, let alone one that actually payed well.

I worked off and on in PA and CO.. and got arrested again in CO in 2003... I wound up doing almost 5 months in jail at the beginning of 2004 and then was put on probation upon my release. I totally fucked up my probation.. I had 7 hot UAs in like 3 months and went through a few jobs... the entire time i was working, i wasn't really working. Finally i was sent back in front of a judge, but my probation officer didn't show up to court and the vioations were all dismissed. I was refiled into the system... and apparently my file was lost... I waited 8 months and was never contacted by anyone. That's when I moved out here to NYC, with the intentions of changing.

so, the point of all that back story..

--

back to the trip..

I was thinking about all this past history of mine.. and how I had really tried to stop my repetitive actions, but that I really don't want to. For some reason, I really enjoy it. Maybe I have some fatal character flaw that when I think about the consequences of my actions.. and the effect that my going to jail would have on my family, my girlfriend, and my friend... that it hurts me to think that they would hurt, but that i don't get the thought that I should stop. I just think, 'that's reason to be more careful.'

I recognize this thought pattern, and constantly do battle with myself about how to change it.. or if I really even want to. So, that's what I was doing now... looking at the night and just how risky it had gotten.. with the random man waving money and the unsavory crowd element.. and the fact that I was tripping really hard. I also started thinking about the fact that i had to work in approx. 12hrs.. and while I knew that I wouldn't be tripping then, I knew that I was going to be tripping for a while and would enjoy it more at home now.

I decided that it was time to go... it was not a major decision.. I wasn't having a bad time.. I would have been able to stay and have fun, but I had to work and wanted to be rested.  I debated it in my head for a few minutes.. but decided that leaving had definately become a process at this point in the evening.. I had to get my jacket and girlfriend.. find and say goodbye to about 5 people.. and take care of some the last minute business that people always want when you're leaving.  It was now that my hoodie decided to get the best of me and proved that it was really time to go.

It was roughly 2:20am.

When I took my hoodie off, somehow i pulled the one arm w/in the other arm. When i went to put my hoodie back on, I was met with a formidable opponent. Basically the arms had become like one of those liquid filled tubes that slides back and forth. I was sure that my hoodie had two arms.. i had just taken it off.. but i couldn't for the life of me find the one arm due to the fact that they had been connected. The dark room and visual distortion made this task very difficult. Thankfully, after a few failed attempts and getting into my hoodie, Matt came by and after humorously explaining my situation to him, he found the culprit arm and helped me into my hoodie. I'm sure this whole sequence was extremely enjoyable for all the people around me to watch.

After defeating my hoodie, I went to locate my girlfriend and tell her that I had decided that I was leaving. I wanted her to come with me, too. I located her, and told her, 'it's time for me to go.'... apparently she thought this meant I was not ok.. and after a few questions on why I wanted her to come with me, she came. I left looking like i was having a bad time, apparently.. but it wasn't really that... and I just didn't feel like sitting there and explaining that I wanted my girlfriend to come w/ me so that i had someone to tell all this shit to... so, when she asked me, 'do you want me to come with you because you can't go by yourself?' I said, 'yeah.' It just made the leaving process easier.

It was about 2:45 by the time we finally headed to the exit..

On the way out, I was really excited to see Alex Grey standing with a bunch of prints near the entrance, so I took the chance to go say hello.. shake his hand... and to tell him 'thank you for the artwork and opening your space to us all like this... it's really been an honor.'.. he replied with, 'thank you for coming and sharing this with me.' It was really pretty cool.

So, we headed back into the world... down the 4 flights of steps and onto the street. It was chaos out there. CoSM is on the same street as like 4-5 other large clubs, so there were tons of people on the street, people shouting, cabs honking... and the wind was howling... it was crazy out there.

We managed to flag a cab, and after a brief altercation with a couple girls that tried to steal our cab when it moved to a safer loading location, we headed to my girlfriend's apartment in Brooklyn.

The ride to her apartment was spent by me trying to explain to her my real intentions behind having her leave with me.. about how we were a 'unit' and I just though that it was the best idea for the both of us to leave then so that we could spend some of the trip alone. I also explained to her the dilemma I felt that I was in regarding my current and ongoing relationships with drugs... and how I thought that for me to really quit doing more than just doing drugs, that I would have to quit doing drugs.

It was a little after 3am by the time we got back to Brooklyn...

After getting back to her apartment, we spent a few hours looking at some photo books and talking about a lot of things regarding our relationship, our relationships with our friends and where we see our lives going in general.. individually and as a couple. I talked myself out of hustling and back into it about 5 times during the conversation.. and really reached no real conclusion. As bad as I can make myself feel for living the way I do, I see the side of it that is ok just as easy.

I also tried to explain to her the visuals I was seeing.. and in the process had one of the strangest acid visuals ever. We had been talking about me getting a ktten at my new apartment earlier, and as i'm standing talking to my girlfriend I see one of those explosions of color.. but coming from the left side of it is a black silhouette of a cat.. like a halloween cut-out, sort of.. and it comes with the wave of color, but then it's like it entered my head at the left corner of my eye and i saw the image of a cat in my head. Totally bizarre, but pretty cool. It led to me kind of flinching and saying, 'a cat just jumped into my head.' hehe.. it obviously made no sense to my girlfriend.

The visuals were still really strong at this point.. about 4.5 hours after dosing... but much more enjoyable in a home setting.. much more controllable for the most part and more able to be focused on. I when i looked straight ahead, i described my visuals to my girlfriend like this,

'About one foot in front of my face there is a plane.. it's sort of like there is a really fine screen right in front of my face. I know that's what past this is real, and what i see on this screen is altered. Now, it looks like behind this screen there are orbs.. or something round making alternating areas of spherical vision.. rounded edges, etc. And, the whole thing is pulsating lightly.. it's like if you were to lay on level with a speaker.. and watch it play really low frequency sound over a long period.. that slight vibration that the speaker cone has is what this screen looks like. But, that will change with the pace of music or sound in general. And, on this screen there is a basic pattern.. sort of like an escher drawing... but, this morphs at times, too. sometimes the pixellation will drop out at one point and just be very clear on one side of my vision and then wave from side to side. Sometimes I have like rainbows of color that just appear from nowhere and completely change the tint of the room. Sometimes there are explosions of color and patterning that make it really difficult to see what is real at all. That's why sometimes you'll see me stop and either close one eye, or close both eyes and shake my head.. it's like a kaleidoscope, it changes my focus.'

6:00am - We put on some music and went to bed for a bit... considering my girlfriend had taken a substantially lesser dose, she was done tripping before me and went to sleep. I spent the remainder of my trip snacking and relaxing.. and took a shower.

I layed down for a little bit, and then headed to work at 3pm.. still with a little visual distortion from dosing at ~11:30pm.

--

So, all in all a very nice trip.. taught me that for similar situations a 10strip is not really kosher anymore if I plan on doing people favors, too.. that I have to just be tripping to do that much in a social setting.. 10strips+ are no longer party dosages for me... but, are still well within my enjoyable trip range.. it leaves me anxious for the next step up.

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 51241

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Mar 6, 2006	Views: 34,890

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Police / Customs (60), LSD (2) : Club / Bar (25), Relationships (44), Music Discussion (22), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), Difficult Experiences (5), Retrospective / Summary (11), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   170 lb

My best friend &amp; I had been playing in a band together for years &amp; one day he suggested that we take some LSD.  The plan was that we would do this in our studio &amp; record our 'new found creativity.'  I was in my 20's and had not so much as smoked a joint before, but I was all for anything that would 'promote creativity.'  Here's what I didn't know: that bipolar disorder &amp; schitzophrenia are part of my family's medical history (my parents moved away from their families before I was born, and therefore, I grew up not knowing many relatives).

So we got up on Saturday morning, drank a cup of coffee &amp; each ate 2 blotter hits.  Since my friend had tripped before, he was telling me how cool it was going to be...and tried to keep me in a happy positive mind-set.  After about 45 minutes, I had what I can only descibe as 'perma-grin' -- I couldn't stop smiling!  We hooked up our gear &amp; started recording our jam-session.  Hours passed in an instant and all was flowery, happy, giggling &amp; some mellow hallucination.  We networked our computers &amp; played 'Quake' for a while (who knows how long) &amp; I felt like I was IN the video game.

At this point I was not panicked at all and was having so much fun that I wondered why I hadn't done this before?  After about 4 or 5 hours, I went into the bathroom to pee.  I didn't turn on the lights, so the room was dimly lit, and when I washed up, I looked into the mirror -- honesly don't remember what I saw, but a huge wave of guilt washed over me and I sat down on the floor and started worrying that I had somehow ruined my brain, and was never coming back.  When I finally emerged from the bathroom, my friend was outside having a cigarette.  He was happy &amp; fine.  I poked my head out of the door &amp; whispered to him that I had messed up my life.  Although there's no neighbors around for miles, I thought someone would hear me.  I kept asking him when the trip would end.  After a few hours of paranoia, I still wondered when it would end.  My friend said it was already over, and pointed out that it was dark outside.  I tried to go to sleep but I was in such a state of anxiety, that I didn't sleep all night.  I was sure I had fucked up my life.

The days that followed were the most horrible ones of my life.  I wanted to commit suicide just to get out of my own skin.  The thought of my mom &amp; brothers missing me was the only thing stopping me.  Finally, on the fourth day, I went to my mom's &amp; told her everything.  And she told me everything...about bipolar disorder &amp; schizophrenia, and how LSD could have triggered something that I already had going on in my brain.

Well, after a few more days of pure panic, no sleep, difficulty breathing, not eating, 2 doctors that said I was fine, I found a doctor that explained to me how the LSD could trigger this 'genetic fortune' that I didn't even know I had.  In the following months, I endured a deep depression, and began a course of the anti-depressant Zoloft.  When I started feeling better (approx 3 months later), I flipped into a manic phase that took me higher than I had ever been.  My Doc put me on lithium right away.  Since then, I have had mild ups &amp; downs, unless I stop taking my meds, in which case I can descend into the dark depths of depression or rise to the euphoric heights of mania -- which is fun, but only for a while because paranoia soon follows, and inevitably the depression.

I guess my point is that although my friend took the LSD and was fine, it triggered the bipolar disorder to which I was genetically predisposed.  I learned a lot in the years that followed and when my younger brother told me he was considering taking mushrooms, I told him everything that had happened to me &amp; advised him to stay away.....of course, if he's bipolar, it will eventually surface on its own, but why take that chance?  Seven years have passed....I'm now in my 30's, very stable, and still taking my meds, and otherwise living a 'normal' life. It took a long time (and a lot of guilt) before I believed that it wasn't the LSD that gave me bipolar disorder....that it likely would've surfaced on its own. I'm not trying to spread an 'anti-drug' message here, but just suggesting that a little research into the family history might be a good idea.

Exp Year: 1996	ExpID: 23359

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Mar 17, 2006	Views: 43,078

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LSD (2) : Post Trip Problems (8), Health Problems (27), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 1.75 hits
		 oral
		 LSD

dear psychonauts, those who would be such and simply curious ones, this is an email I wrote today to my very close friend describing my latest LSD trip that I would also like to share with all of u:

Hello sweetheart,

Thank again for your courageous input. I understand I must’ve spooked u out quite a bit with my previous email. I was at a low ebb, true. But things drastically changed soon after, I had what seemed like a short-term breakdown on the day of the equinox which was the 20th I believe and the next morning things just fell into place, I understood what the problem was and was able to resolve it. I understood the nature of human ‘games’, to use Tim Leary’s lingo, and remembered who I ‘really’ am and my relationship with these games, which until that morning was grossly misconceived. The advice in your emails was of tremendous help, concise and right to the point. I was able to use it as a sort of a guide. Thank u. As for psychedelic drugs, I’ve done none since leaving Vancouver (3 months ago) except for trying a few new things of semipsychedelic nature and smoking pot less then a dozen times. However my odyssey in the magickal and phantastik Montreal has generated a great psychic buildup revolving around many synchronicities, internal changes, great philosophical highs and new experiences and people.

I was waiting to release this psychic buildup in one culminating experience, which is what happened on the morning of march 30th in the form of an LSD trip with my friend (it was his 1st LSD trip) on Mount Royal, a mountain overlooking Montreal. As expected, I obtained the ‘sacrament’ through interesting means (many thanks to my cybermystic friends) and needless to say it was of very high quality, strong and clean. We started our gradual dosing at 2:30am. I am very cautious when it comes to dosing because I’m physically hypersensitive to this chemical and because it was my friend’s 1st time and thus his reaction to it was unknown; in the past I’ve made the mistake of not being ultradiligent about gradually dosing myself in small doses (1/4 hits in this case) in timed succession which resulted several times in adverse physical reactions such as ultrarapid heart rate and severe cramps as well as negative psychological reactions such as panic attacks. What follows is a brief account, omitting many important details and nuances, of the highlights that I was able to bring back to baseline memory from this trip. It is important to keep in mind that less then 1 percent of such experiences can be expressed through words.

We met in shivering mountaintop cold an ultrapsychedelic sunrise which began at about 5:20am with a view over the entire city laughing our heads off, having a sci-fi rock star trip, but it was when the final doses kicked in that things got weird (there was a total of 1 and ¾ hits consumed by each one of us over roughly 2 – 2 ½ hours). I went into a peak sitting on a bench all hunched and curled up in my red psychonaut suit. My heart pumping hard and all my muscles trembling, I plunged into a world of death and decay, every part of my body being violently ripped apart (mind u I was hoping and intending and ready for this), a sensation well captured by Alex Grey’s painting ‘journey of the wounded healer’.

It is difficult to recall an accurate chronology of these things now but eventually: I was a mythic character fighting a giant eagle; my body was exploding in razor sharp light; I experienced the ‘one mind’ as a golden conical pillar studded with faces, myself being just one such face, which would morph into this pillar as this pillar itself would morph into circular spiraling fractals only to reform itself again; I clearly heard as if it actually was consistently and unalterably outside of myself Tibetan monks chanting (I’m not Buddhist or of any religion for that matter); I found myself in a crib in a different higher frequency dimension being what I nicknamed an alien morphonogenic baby which was hooked up at its nerve centers (or chakra points if u prefer) and other nerve/energy points to high frequency energy wires/channels with zany alien entities hustling and bustling over and around me. They seemed to match the descriptions of what Terence McKenna called the self-transforming machine elves, entities often encountered during DMT trips (which I have yet to experience).

They seemed very preoccupied with my well-being, communicating with each other in an elfish language that was based on frequency modulation instead of syntactical blocks of sound; this language was rather well imitated at the beginning of a Shpongle song called ‘shiva space technology’. As I have said, these alien entities seemed very preoccupied with my well-being and I ‘realized’ that my ego and being in this physical world is a test for this alien morphonogenic baby to endure and complete. It is like a birthing process or strengthening and maturation process it must go through to be ready for life in this other dimension where these alien entities are waitingwaitingwaiting hopinghopinghoping that it can make it, monitoring its progress.

As the intensity of the peak decreased slightly, I was forced due to circumstances to leave the bench and the area it was in with my friend. Now about my friend. He is an incredibly intelligent and creative man close to twice my age (I’m 20 now) and has many therapeutic issues. He however has undergone several major ‘awakenings’ (for lack of a better word) in this past year thanks to the use of psilocybin mushrooms and nitrous oxide and the Burning Man experience as well as experiences of regional Burning Man events near Montreal, so I was hoping he would address these issues in this trip since I believed he was ready. As we roamed through the sunlit Mount Royal forest paths, my trip was making me increasingly more mellow and balanced and centered, while he was increasingly breaking down in the classical LSD therapy style. This included regression and surfacing of repressed material as well a spiritual urgency for transcendence. I knew however that I must stick with him through this and help him through it no matter what, this was my mission and purpose, the application of the psychedelic experience in this world instead of letting it be just another tv show.

As his breakdown was increasingly intensifying, communication between us was becoming more and more difficult and since I was just as loaded as he was, forming coherent sentences and soberly reacting to the situation and thinking in linear logic was a great challenge. We eventually ended up at his grandparents’ grave in a cemetery on Mount Royal. At this point he was becoming increasingly paranoid and suspicious of me. He later told me once we were back to baseline that at that point he was perceiving me as Satan who was trying to keep him in the human ‘game’ of mundanity and suffering and prevent him from mustering all the courage and bravery in him to use this very special opportunity to “climb to the top and leap into and take off with the solar wind”, as he was then incoherently and graspingly describing it. Kneeling on his grandparents’ grave, he then proceeded to murmur a prayer “Is there any remover of difficulties save God? Say praised be God. He is God. All are His servants and all abide by His bidding,” over and over and over again, him being a very open minded adherent of the Baha’i Faith.

I was lying beside him on the grass a few feet away with my eyes closed during this recitation when a face formed out of my closed-eyes fractals. I felt right away that it was a face of what some may call a spirit or angel and it was looking mostly at him, sometimes at me. When his prayer recitation stopped, we had another confrontation that finally pushed him to his edge that we both so desired. He stood up and began reiterating the prayer again. Only this time it was becoming louder and louder, until he was bellowing it at the top of his lungs, foaming at the mouth, eyes closed, head raised, arms extended, fists clenched, in deep deep trance, possessed, the prayer thundering rolling resounding across the mountain, a religious epiphany at its ultimate. This went on for a few minutes and when he was done, he marched off amidst the gravestones never looking back as I stood there with the most gleeful grin on my face, knowing that my purpose of being one of the links in someone’s life towards such an epiphany was complete.

I lay back down on the grass, watching what I see before me form out of fractals, still hearing the elves talk and particles shrilling by, every thought plunging me into its own well of infinity. And finally I understood that there is no need to break down such experiences with rational skepticism, that critical and rational and skeptical thinking must be applied to what u choose to do with such experiences when u come back down in order to avoid superstition and bigotry and cultish thinking and behavior. Yet it is equally important not to use the thinking of materialistic science, or what I call archaic or immature science, to declare such experiences ‘invalid’. I just take them for what they are, an experience in itself, a gift I can apply in the mundane physical reality. And so I did, lying there in the grass under a tree amidst the graves, floating off into an ocean of suns.

melter

April 1, 2006

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 52018

Gender: Not Specified

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 5, 2006	Views: 22,444

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LSD (2) : Entities / Beings (37), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 2 tablets
		 oral
		 Pharms - Diazepam

		   T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   14 st

I was involved in a consciousness raising group for 6 years which was an interesting mix of Kabbala, Astrology, Meditation, Hinduism the Occult &amp; various new ageisms like Alice A. Bailey, which really left me connected to a higher energy source. Still, once at Point A I want to get to Point B, and I figured LSD would be the Ferrari I needed to get there.

I'd taken pot for a few years and had some amazing experience. Initially it was just high times but it morphed along with my studies into a tool that allowed me to access a place I ended up calling the concept room. I could feel balls of ideas all around me and it was just a matter of tapping in and experiencing the energy of the idea more than just words. They were like living powers. If for example I said Ying - Yang that would really be my whole brain tapping into an understanding of many concepts concurrently. Like having a book of advanced Physics knowledge instantly. Other experiences ranged from seeing the essence of people and not just what they showed on the surface, to experiencing energy connections between people. So in other words I was well primed.

After a long time of talking to other acid heads/meditation heads and reading a lot of psychedelically inspired literature I plunged in with a mate.

I had a couple of Valiums as I was very nervous, invoked protection from my guides, and then popped a Red Dragon tab. It tasted sharp &amp; bitter. After about an hour, my mate and I thought nothing was really going to happen so we ended up having another. Another hour later I was disappointed and drove my mate home thinking I'd been sold duds.

Suddenly all the street lights were showing the 7 spectrum rainbow bands of light and it felt like my feet were going through the floor of the car. My mate had exactly the same reaction and we continued through the rest of the trip synced up. We saw everything at the same time. We decided it had definitely kicked in and amid much hysterical laughter shambled back into his house.

Looking up the the moon, from his front lawn was the start of the trip in earnest. The moon separated into 9 moons all interlinked with triangles in a Mandala pattern. I turned to my friend and he was seeing it as well. I had the impression that the different moons were in different dimensions. Then streaming down from the Moon came what I felt to be the Lunar Lords. I couldn't perceive them clearly but they streamed down to me and their vibrations were like a test. By balancing with them, which involved overcoming terror, we were made to feel so incredibly balanced. Like young Gods on the town. Actors in the Cosmic Play, Riders on the Storm.

We entered his flat, and lit up a stick of incense. It broke apart into 3 sticks. Everything I really focused on seem to break apart into a physical, mental and astral form. Then we lit a candle. Around the flame formed a golden ring. The flame was being kept alive by this ring which pulsed with an electron like ball which did perfect orbits around it. The flame itself gave off sheets of colored energy.

Around this time my friend got scared and went to the next room to sleep it off. Left to my own devices I watched the wallpaper kaleidoscope while understanding such concepts as why time doesn't really exist and thinking 'of course' all the while. At some point waterfalls of white mist-like energy was flowing over everything and all objects took on an infinite/eternal hue. Everything looked perfectly placed within itself and resonating with meaning and BEING.

At some stage I decided to see if I could walk through the wall. It seemed quite achievable at the time. So I place my hand through the mist on the nearest wall and focused all my attention on moving through it. After a short time the wall cracked open with what I can only describe as something like a translucent membrane being pushed aside which I could see at the edges of the portal. I was looking into a purple energy realm and there was a group of 8 beings looking at me. They were very friendly, shared a group mind, and had a good sense of humour. They appeared to have been waiting for me and one of them grabbed my hand in a handshake. The purple humanoid/cartoon/cyberlike energy being was inviting me to step in but was in no way pressuring me. I had the impression that they were the Violet Devas I had read about. The so-called Devas of Shadows locked into our evolutionary cycle who actually build this energy plane. Like cosmic set designers. I liked them a lot but felt that if I stepped into their realm I may not be able to come back. They themselves just looked on enigmatically awaiting my decision. I decided not this time.

After that I had some blurry spots. I must mention that I now no longer had a mind as such but more of point of attention which was now riding the A-Train to God knows where.

At some stage I heard my friend moaning in his sleep and I went in to investigate. What I saw was a group of shadows that I was impressed with as being lost souls. I saw that they were trying to enter my friends dreams because he had 'the lights on'. I could also see that they were stuck in a vast nothing dimension. I had the realization that everyone in this play/level/day-to-day world are blessed. Consciousness can exist on many different bands and the material world is like one narrow frequency. To be here is to be subject to the Reality that the Solar Logos chooses to create. It isn't Real as such but its like his company and we are the employees. Its a good company although we give up some soul freedom to reap the benefits.

Everyone and everything here is evolving because of this, while those lost souls were floating in a void of no-meaning and were without the level of creative energy needed to establish an authentic reality. This seems to require a mass of souls working in tandem. Think of it like the material cosmos being a coral reef in an ocean. Most of the ocean is void while the reef is teeming with life, a self enclosed system which supports &amp; grows itself. Anyway I got scared and turned on the lights, which I now saw as representing the Solor Logos in some way. The shadows, as I knew instinctively, could not exist in the light and cried out pitifully and disappeared.

After some blank spells I can't recall, morning came and I felt like the Suns son. His energy seemed to be a part of me, lighting me up from within. Quite literally being en-light-ened. If I closed my eyes I saw an atomic white pulsating energy. It felt like my soul was made from this stuff.

My slack mates' girlfriend ended up driving me home. Once there I lay down to meditate and when I opened my eyes giant interlocked translucent molecular-like globes with 3-d Stars of David? were moving through the room. I have since seen such things in Vatican artworks in paintings of Saints having visions of Heavenly Hosts. Also they sound like the sacred geometry of the Seed of Life. I had the impression that all reality is relative and that all truth depends on perspective. Also that anything can be made manifest, everything is connected and that we are actually Gods but due to karma act out our lives in set ways.

Suddenly, all along the wall translucent, dragons or skeletons (I honestly can't remember which) were moving with serpentine like motions. After a while I became scared of them. The instant that happened a fully clad knight appeared between us with visor down, &amp; sword pointing down in front of him and standing at attention. I instantly became calm. In hindsight I feel that these images were archetypes as mentioned in the Tibetan Book of the Dead.

At this exact moment my then recent ex-girlfriend knocked on the door and looked after me. Although we had broken up she told me that she felt compelled to come and see me to see if I was OK as she sensed I was in trouble. This was good because I had been tripping now for 14 hours with no sleep and starting to feel like it was never going to end. It continued for another 12 hours or so, but with no more hallucinations, just weird cold internal energy. Her touch at this stage was totally healing and I felt like Love is one of the strongest forces in the universe. It grounded me and helped me to come back.

I felt so far from the material frequency that it seemed strange that people could stay moored there some how in consensus reality.

I finally came back, but my reality had been shattered and it took years before I finally fully integrated the experience. In the meantime I suffered panic attacks, insomnia, disturbed sleep due to what seemed like astral attacks and alien invasions. Also I had occasional periods were I felt like I was going crazy and my psyche was under enormous unbearable pressure. Now when I look back on this I think maybe this was my ego's way of coming back into equilibrium, but then again. For years after I was hypersensitive to energy shifts and felt like I'd lost an energy cocoon of protection. I lost a few jobs during these years as I didn't really care about the material world so much.

These days I'm back to normal but I daily feel rushes of bliss energy when I'm near people. Not everybody, just now and then, and it doesn't matter who they are, age, sex, stranger, whatever. Also I've experienced phases of such extreme synchronicity that my life has seemed cartoonish. For example, I had an impression to go out of my way, go into this bookstore and pick up a book. I did this and the book I opened up said,'Sometimes people pick up books to receive messages'.

There seems to be a high degree of humour behind the coincidences. Some days it's been like life is a book with everything directly teaching me something. Also when I meditate now, on a good day, I can feel and remember what its like to be pure spirit. It feels like the essence of me but as a being that is intimately connected to the universe in a very real energy sense. It also feels like I've been there many times, but life has a way of making me forget what I know. Ultimately all this has made me a better and more enlightened person, but it really made me feel unhinged for a long time, which is emotionally exhausting. If you follow this path take all the usual precautions and have a good meditation practice to ground and understand your experience. Bon Voyage

--&gt;

Exp Year: 1998	ExpID: 25972

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 38

Published: Apr 13, 2006	Views: 72,763

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Pharms - Diazepam (115), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Entities / Beings (37), Glowing Experiences (4)


		 DOSE:

		 5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

My state of mind at the time was very stable, poinient, and rational(the good life).  I was finishing my senior year in high school at the time(about three years ago), and I had been taking psycadelics in HUGE quantities since my sophomore year.  Often, me and a good friend of mine would heroicaly take 4 geltabs of lsd from a source that one could not help but respect for the simple fact that one of these gels was probably the equivilent to a three or four strip of decent (clean)blotters, and were sold for 5 a-piece.  This batch of lsd was different from (almost)all others I had previously experienced.  My friend and I bought a sheet of the stuff and understood this within 20-40 min after ingestion.  BY this time of my life I had experienced a total of around 40 acid trips, or a bit less, I'm not to sure.  Only a few of the trips I had experienced were of this degree of clarity and intensity in all fields of the psycadelic experience.

I probably shouldn't have asked the person dealing it to me of the potency, he choped up and handled enough sheets of this stuff per day to make the average person in his position build up an extreem tolerance, or think they are forever mentaly ill becuase of his subtle contact with these potent blotters, (which resembled the potency of the geltabs that caused the best and most intence trips of my life, ((probably lsd_25)).  An interesting note, the guy who sold these blotters has now been diagnosed as a schizo, without a doubt!

The day I encountered these, I left my friends house to fully experience what my psycadelic team-mate called, an extremeny potent trip, reminiscent of our trips back in the day.  I took this the wrong way and ate the same amount he did, five of these ufo blotters.  This was either a big mistake or the cause of my mind set as I know it now, society can be the only judge as to my compatibility to 'normal' people after I took those five blotters.

The first hour was interesting, I had our family house all to myself, and after the first 30-40 min I knew I was in for something special.Special my ass----&gt; I had no idea that a person could lose their ego/self entirely.  Within 1.5-2.00 hours I was a mess.  My pupils were non-existent, my respiration in total disarray, and my ego was in an argument with something more important.  This thing that taught me was a mere expression of my total self, my fractal intelligence, and memories that by frequency can not be measured to any extent, only abstract experessions of a dimension that allowed my mind to move freely about all human potentialities, and then I observed those potentialities that seperate humans from what comes next on the evolutionary pathway(god/death).  This pathway was by NO MEANS HUMAN, definately a potentiality, and not even necessarily evolutionary, but it is most definately positive, and almost alien.

I was upset with myself in many ways that I did not previusly recognize, And after my experience I believe these things are common amoungst all poeple espeacialy on the road toward ego-less enlightenment, (I had been on this road for years).  There is a striving within us all that catlyizes all experience into something recognizable to us all.  Perhapse I am delving pretty far into Jungian theory, but I know That the same mental process that made me tear up as I walked by a flock of scavenger crows fighting over a squirl carcass, is the same thing that facilitates the processes that create religion and order in societies.  I don't even care if this is human nature, whether it is something to be considered the affects of history, or god/DNA given.  It is miraculous, which lead me into the next part of my 'trip'.

Here I analyzed the processes involved in tripping(on lsd and mushrooms in particulare),  and realized, as I had in the past, that it often takes a chemical for poeple to understand this highway of information and intelligence. The kind of intelligence that is fearfully avoided for the sake of comfort in our sociological confines.  As anyone who has taken lots of LSD at once knows, under those conditions, one might as well be asleep and dreaming rather than associating one's self with people who are essentialy foriegners who speak a different language.

It is at this point that I realized that this was a conversion into something unintelligable.  My heart opened and began to race in a way that seemed to make my chest vibrate into an aray of colors that my mind could not compute all at once.  I've taken enough of this hallucinogen to know I was In the realm of dosages that would send most into a frenzy.

At that point my mom came home unexpectadly from her vacation.  I faked being asleep to save my sorry ass from total mental breakdown.  This worked, but the threat involved lead me to further question the state of human existance and I was overcome by the next wave of ego-destruction.

There I sat, pissing off my god-like intelligence by fretting all of man kind's issues.  I may have been young when I experienced this, but I was already incompatible with most all people my age because of my developed interest in jazz-music, painting, science,  philosophy, politics, psychology, and things too (LSD)emotional to be human.  Each vision expressed one of the most important, arbitrary facits of humanity, and then expressed how it should be applied to the whole of human existance with prosperity in mind.

By the laws of the hierarchy of importance, my own prosperity was on the forfront of my cognitive chain rather than the later, most important facit of humanity, the whole.  A thing that I could only call the unmoved-mover, moved my imagination to places that were so foreign to me, and in this state it told me that I could not possibly understand the vast volumes of fractal/exponentially useful and interesting information I am to encounter in my life: if I dont understand a few specific axioms of true knowledge, I will not be able to assimilate even the most bignine parts of my LSD experiences to the knowledge I have learned thus far.

For what it is worth to say this, these axioms(Aristotles blue-print of rationality and beyond), taught me how to be purely harmonious with my surroundings.

As fun as this trip may have sounded, it was terrifying every few (seemingly 10-15 minuit) seconds because of the intensity and the forcefulness of the visions.  The visions were so intense that my (Sober)written language can only hint at the vast fractal knowledge I possesed for a short period of time. Also, most of the time I could not breath very well because it felt like a 500 pound man was sitting on my chest.  Most Importantly though. I KNOW that one of the main reasons for my intence experiences was the fact that, due to natural anxiety, coupled with these somewhat new states of mind, my body flushed so much blood to my head at once, that at times the amount of blood dictated how deep my thoughts were.  This was scary to me because at it's deepest, these thoughts were reminiscent of the knowledge one could attain only in death, and the further my mind delved into these unheard of topics, my bloodpressure became evermore unstable, to a frightning degree.  UP and down, UP and down.

During the comedown of this increadibly intense trip I was able to more acurately guide my semi-conciousness and assimilate these entities that taught me about humanity into my actual personality.  It was at this point where I seperated myself from what I would consider to be a collective unconcience.  During this 6-7 hour comedown I also encountered thoughts that were exact replicas of what I would later read to be experiences encountered by great minds such as Terrence McKenna(no joke).  Such as the implications Math and fractals have toward human conciousness, knowledge, logic, rationality, and evolution(i've made around 10 paintings trying to describe this): I have a whole notebook filled with personal writtings on the subject. Spiral models of history, both personal and world wide, each trancending eachothers meanings into one whole.

This is the only period of time that I understood this to this complex degree.  Since then my tripping experiences have been more subtle because I have not gotten up the guts to take enough of this drug to force my self into a state of total ego-death.

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 25236

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 14, 2006	Views: 25,906

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LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 3 hits
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   190 lb

This trip was mind shattering and life-altering.  Looking back, I made some OBVIOUSLY retarded mistakes that I've learned from.  I sound like the world's biggest amateur based on my actions, but this was not my first experience with L, and not even my first bad trip. Although the trip itself was a disaster, I've grown tremendously as a person since then, although the feeling of horror and fear I experienced that night still lingers on in my mind.

It was the summer of 2003.  I was 19 yrs old and life was good.  I had recently finished my first year of college (although it ended on a terrible note with my best friend and current roommate being robbed at gunpoint and having to deal with a whole mess of legal issues -- although that is another story!) and had been soaking up the rays down at the beach while working.  I had begun a relationship with my first real girlfriend and things were going swell.

Towards the end of July, me and three of my best friends from high school decided to attend a Drum and Bass/Electronica festival in the city.  I drove up from the beach solo in the middle of the afternoon and we had planned to get to the show early.  Unfortunately, when I got up to my house I realized that the tickets were locked inside!  Worse yet, I had all of my friends tickets!  I became impatient and tried to find a way into the house.  I began pushing on my basement window, trying to pry it open, while on the phone with my brother asking him if he knew if a spare key existed.  While my attention was diverted, I heard the glass shatter and saw blood dripping from my arm.  'Great!' I thought.  'Just what I need.'  I wasn't cut too badly -- about a centimeter long gash on my left forearm, but I was bleeding nonetheless.  My neighbor was outside at the time and heard the window break and he came over to investigate.  He saw me holding my tshirt over my arm and offered to clean up my wound for me.  I accepted.  He cleaned out my cut and stuck a bandage on it for me and sent me on my way.  I went back to my basement window, cleaned up the glass and crawled inside to fetch my tickets.

Soon after, my friend C picked me up.  C was a very experienced drug user and I became friendly with him in high school merely by smoking pot after school.  He introduced me to MDMA and mushrooms and I had had some great times with him.  We quickly picked up our other two buddies, S and H and we embarked on our journey to the city!

A huge traffic jam got us stuck on the highway for a long time, and C was growing increasingly impatient.  Around the same time, my arm was beginning to bother me and I kept on touching my bandage.  'It will be fine,' I thought to myself.  I had been anticpating this show for the longest time and I wasn't about to let a little cut stop me from going.  When we finally made it into the city, we realized that we didn't know where we were going.  We drove around in circles for a little while until we finally decided to stop and ask for directions.  We made it to the venue a little behind schedule, but still on time to catch the main act.

When we got inside the venue, my friend H announced that he had scored some LSD earlier in the day and that it was a surprise he was going to give us.  We eagerly accepted his offer and each took a hit of blotter.  I remember being confused at the way it was cut -- instead of square hits, the doses were much more thin and rectangular shaped.  'No matter,' I thought.  We walked around the venue soaking up the sights and sounds (heavy, dark drum and bass music) and waited for the acid to kick in.  I remember eagerly awaiting the visuals to start, but only feeling great anticipation and a sense of nervous energy.  I remember as I was walking across the dance floor a light beam shot down and sent sparkles of star light shooting through the air.  I couldn't tell if this had actually occurred or if I had hallucinated it.  My mind remained focused on the cut on my arm.

By the time the main band came onstage, the dance floor was packed and I was still feeling very uneasy and wasn't tripping in the way I had hoped.  My friend S thought we should smoke a bowl and I agreed.  I took a hit and immediately had the feeling of 'Why did I just do that?'  My thoughts began racing and everything I thought or saw took and a very dark, negative tone.  I felt as if all the other people in the audience were watching my every move, whispering to one another about how lame or stupid I looked.  I saw all my peers in the room as being evil.  My arm began throbbing and I couldn't take my mind off of it.  Here I was, standing in some disgusting club in the middle of the city with a giant, infected cut on my arm just so I could stand around in the middle of the night listening to strange drum and bass music -- was I really that dumb?  Did I really value this crappy music and these evil people over my own well being?  Why wasn't I in a hospital getting my arm taken care of?

At this point I really really wanted to leave and seek medical help because I was so distracted by my arm, but I felt trapped.  There was no way out.  I would have to stand around for a few more hours before C got tired and wanted to drive home, but even by then my arm would be infected and I would be left with a horrible scar.  I was clearly losing it.

Before I knew it, the main attraction had left the stage and we were forced to sit around listening to DJ's spin until they came back for their second set.  I sought out a couch to rest my body and mind, but this didn't help.  I was confronted with a multitude of spun out kids, each more fucked up and helpless than the next.  I remember a dirty, drug-fiending girl coming up to me and my friends and demanding money.  The other kids in the area thought it would be funny to fuck with her and tell her to look in strange places for cash, and she followed the orders desperate for some money.  Everyone was amused -- I sat there disgusted at my current situation and the people I was spending my night with.

For the next few hours, every single bad thought that I could ever have came and went through my head tormenting me while the drum and bass pounded my ear drums.  I thought back to my childhood and all of the mistakes I had made.  I thought of my family and how they had let me down and how I had let them down.  I thought of school and all of the shit that had went down before I had left and how I didn't want to go back.  I thought of the world and the wars and the violence and all the pollution.  What was the point of all this!?  I was wasting my time doing nothing while the world was slowly being poisoned by its inhabitants.  My arm was going numb by this point -- I wasnt sure if I was in serious medical danger or if it was just thea acid fucking with my head.  I had sacrificed my health and relationships just to come see a concert.  What the hell was I doing with my life!?  I had never felt so insignificant in my entire life.  I felt like a giant failure and my thoughts were overrun with a ominous feeling of uncertainty and fear.

I was being crushed by the weight of the world.  I was fighting off tears at one point.  My brain had been poisoned, and I felt that there was no way I could possibly come down.  I was literally going insane.  I just wanted this to end.  I wanted to hug my family and tell them I was sorry for everything.

By the time the show finally ended, it was near 4am.  I left the venue extremely frightened and confused about what I was going to do in the future.  My arm was still bothering me a lot.  I sat in the car in dead silence for the entire ride home, my brain still racing with evil thoughts.

When I got back to my house, I was in no condition to sleep.  I decided that I needed to go to the hospital to get my wound fixed up.  It was 5am at this point, and my friend H agreed to drive me.  (H and I had been friends since Kindergarten, but it wasnt until this night that I realized how wonderful of a person he really is.)  We sat in the waiting room for what seemed like an eternity.  By the time the doctor had come to see me, it had been over 12 hrs since I had first cut myself.  He looked confused at my reasoning for not coming to see him earlier.  I still felt terrible, and I thought he was judging me as a drug addict loser who was wasting his time.  He fixed up my cut though, and I began to feel a little better.

I went home and tried to get some sleep.  No luck whatsoever.  I sat in my bed and listened to music, music that I normally loved and would dance and sing around to, but it just seemed so sour and evil that I began crying.  What had I done to myself?

I sat in my bed for a few hours thinking of a list of things that I had to tell somebody.  There was so much on my mind that I just needed to communicate to someone.  If I didn't talk to someone, I would surely drive myself insane.  All of my thoughts seemed to be trapped on my tongue and sealed in my head and I was scared that if I didn't get them out into the open they would dissipate back into my soul and torment me forever.  I had completely hit rock bottom and I had no idea what to do.  I felt like I would be stuck in this hole of darkness forever.

I decided to call my Dad.  I had always loved my Dad but had been growing more and more distant in the past few years.  I saw the path our relationship was going down and it made me sick.  I called him at his office and asked him if he could home b/c I really needed to talk to him.  He seemed confused and nervous but agreed to come home for lunch.  When he came home and we sat down to talk, he immediately assumed that I had been arrested for drugs and he seemed pissed.  However, I tried to begin telling him all of the things that were on my mind but found myself unable to speak and I broke down and began sobbing.  I vividly remember hugging him and at that moment feeling that everything was okay again.  I eventually calmed down and had a very long talk about everything that was on my mind.  He completely understood and was very grateful that I had come to him with my problems.  The healing had begun!

I was very fragile for the next few days, but as I returned to my normal self I learned to value things that I had previously overlooked.  My family and friends in particular.  I saw them as a tremendous source of support and comfort in an otherwise cold, unforgiving, and brutal world.  I wanted to tell them how much I loved every last one of them.  I've also stopped paying any attention to the future, because it only makes one worry needlessly.  Peace can be found in the present moment through acceptance of what is and by recognizing the amazing beauty that is constantly flowing through everyone and everything in the universe.

I took acid again a few weeks later and had the most beautiful and spiritual experience of my life.  I'm beginning to think that this horrible experience I just recounted was a result of many different factors including: the cut on my arm, bad acid, cramped indoor venue, the intensity of the music, and the confusion that was surrounding my life in general at the time.  Since then, I have drastically cut down on my usage of psychedelic substances, especially pot.  My head has never felt clearer, but I am not opposed to them altogether.  I can still sense the psychedelic qualities of everything I see and do, but am hesitant to throw myself into that world again out of fear that I will have another bad trip.  I believe that when I am ready, the experience will find me.  I just have to be open and accepting.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 32403

Gender: Not Specified

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 14, 2006	Views: 40,583

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Cannabis (1), LSD (2) : Large Group (10+) (19), Families (41), Bad Trips (6), Combinations (3)