		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		 1 bowl
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

Woke up quick, at about noon, just thought that I had to get enlightened soon. This is the 2nd weekend after two more of our kids have moved out of the house and there is a lot of work to be done. I quickly decided to drop one tab of LSD with breakfast since I had nothing else going on and it would help me get organized and motivated to convert these bedrooms. Then there would be plenty of time for staring at clouds and watching movies or whatever the day brings. This was about my 20th or 30th time taking LSD and I’ve never had a bad trip. As long as someone is watching the kids and nothing important is going on it's all good. As of this writing I plan to wait a few weeks and do it again. Even after this unbelievably terrifying experience which left me shaking and crying for many hours…in a good way!

My first time taking LSD was just 4 years ago at the age of 39. Before my dad died he told me that he tried LSD and he thought it was a good thing. After he died I decided to study it in depth. I listened to hundreds of hours of Terence McKenna and other folks talk in order to get an idea of what I was looking to get out of these substances, and what to expect. My first time was absolutely amazing and positive. I have since completely changed my outlook and behavior in a major way. I believe LSD fixed whichever wires were crossed in my brain and I was finally allowed to grow up. It also gave me the ability to hold a conversation; you’ll miss it if you suddenly don’t have it. But if you never had the ability in the first place then you grow up a confused, pissed-off individual. Today I can actually listen to what people have to say, no longer having the attention span of a gnat. And I can respond to people without first having to figure out what the hell this person has been talking about. Because something they said in the first 4 words triggered my stupid brain to ponder some other, totally unrelated subject. Then there was the rocket-ship full of anxiety and doubt which came along with it. Seriously, I don’t know what I’d do without weed and LSD. For sure I would still be trapped in my own personal hell. I think I’ve almost got my anger issues &amp; stuff under control thanks to these substances.

After eating and smoking a little weed I started to feel the LSD effects kick in around 1:00 PM and I decided to take a shower. After cleaning up a bit and brushing my teeth I sat on the shower floor to let the water bounce off of the top of my head while I began to meditate. I’ll usually do this for a little while regardless of how high I am. All of my best designs and ideas come in the shower. I’m not sure how long I was under the water when the shit began to hit the inter-dimensional fan. But I can tell you the water was still warm so maybe it was 1:30 at the time I realized this trip was going to be a very different experience than what I was used to.

With years of practice I’ve learned how to navigate this psychedelic landscape and manipulate my environment. 20+ years ago I was on a “heroic dose” of mushrooms and I somehow managed to communicate with an entity who gave me some pretty great life advice, in English! Yes, I did see a bright light first and I left my friends to watch their WWE alone while I went into the garage to die. I’ve never experienced such a thing in the LSD realm up to this point but it’s essentially the same thing as with the mushroom experience. I basically play around with these incredibly complicated, interactive, inter-dimensional cartoons. On LSD I can pretty much produce any image my wildest imagination can conjure, animate and modify it however I want. I can cycle through some sort of universal collection of “feelings” just like a rolodex of life experiences. For example I can envision “love” and now I have the ability to cycle through every feeling of hugs, kisses, cards, winks, perfumes and anything else the universe has to offer in regards to love. It can be pretty creepy if my mind goes dark so I've learned to keep my thoughts positive! And the whole experience is so introspective that I end up flipping over every rock in my brain looking for issues I can fix.

I’ve tried my best to crash the system in coming up with the most complicated sequences of art and music that I can think of. But it’s not “me” in which this stuff is really coming from at all. It’s as if I'm working in conjunction with someone else who possesses this incredible gift. And this other person has quite a sense of humor. I’m reminded of all the silly jesters and gnomes found throughout cultural history. There seems to be some sort of irony at the end of time, or some funny joke hidden within the meaning of life. The more I try to push this “Source” to its limits the more it laughs in my face and shows off what it can do, a lot of times using hilarious ironies and silly cartoonish themes. At times like these my brain actually runs hot as if my processing power is red-lining. Eyes-closed I’m intensely focused, squinting and straining, occasionally crying in amazement as my pineal gland practices the art of navigating this beautiful landscape. At some point I have no choice but to conclude that what I’m communicating with is the absolute Source of all art and inspiration which exists on Earth. This amazing Source must be where all of the great artists and geniuses throughout time have received their information. Or at least they must’ve all had some perspective of this same object communicating information to them non-verbally, or even verbally. The visuals of this object can be “felt” and this seems to be key to understanding all of this. Of course I suspected the Source to be God but it refused to give me a name, try as I might.

Early in the process of learning to navigate these spaces I found the musical aspect to be the most fun. The limitless amount of musical possibilities always blows my mind. With enough practice I’ve even learned to make music without LSD at all, I can do it well enough with just weed. I love making music in this place. And that’s exactly what I was doing, sitting there on the bottom of that shower at 1:30 just blasting away at this epic hip-hop style beat. Even with all this gardening noise happening right outside an open window, it didn’t matter. In all honesty this was probably like my 10th beat which would flip the music world on its head and dominate all charts…If I only knew how to translate that shit into the physical world…lol. This particular beat I was working on would even put Dr. Dre to shame. This beat might’ve been my best yet. This beat was so good that I was starting to get a little cocky, knowing damn well I wasn’t the Source of all this. As I flipped one of Dre’s awesome beats into my own existing beat, it became even better and I think I may have been slightly dissing Dre at the time of my undoing. While slaying this beat, out of sheer amazement at the beauty of this masterpiece I asked myself a rhetorical question, “How am I not world-famous?” And to my utter shock I received a very real response back. For the first noticeable time in the LSD realm another separate entity clearly responded to me and said, “YOU ALREADY ARE FAMOUS!” With this message I suddenly came to the realization that I was the same “thing” as Dr. Dre. It turns out these messages are not said in English within the LSD realm so I assume this is just the first time I was able to clearly recognize this “feeling” as “language”, and it was NOT my own doing! This was the very moment that my world changed forever. The process of death and rebirth will be completed within about the next 10 minutes. And I would be dropped back onto my bathroom floor from the sky.

So the way in which I work on a beat is, I assume the same way you would do it in a real studio. It’s very easy to think of a sound I like and change it up to whatever sounds best to me, make a tempo/beat out of it and then make it loop forever. At that point it just sits there while I layer a bunch of other sounds and effects on top of it. I can take stuff out, whatever I like. It’s crazy how it all just sticks there on whatever tempo/instruments I leave it on while my attention is elsewhere. I could even go have a conversation with someone and come back to my beat later. Any sort of hollow or echo effect is all available, probably a lot more effects than a real life studio. At some point it should be overwhelmingly obvious that my body is not the Source of all this stuff at all. I’ve always suspected as much and I’ve always been extremely curious as to the nature of this mysterious and beautiful Source.

Throughout the years I’ve continually poked and prodded for answers. I could not help but ask over and over; just what the hell is going on here? I’ve always studied cutting–edge physics and philosophical stuff trying to answer these very deep questions I have about the meaning of life. I pay close attention to every new archeological discovery trying to figure out what the pre-historic folks were up to. It is clear to me that pre-historic people were far superior to our society regarding spiritual matters. And it helps to have a little experience with comprehending things like quantum mechanics when dealing with the LSD realm. Everything in there is extra-dimensional, meaning there could be a completely hidden “direction” I could’ve gone into this whole time and I didn’t even know about it. Up, Down, Left, Right….then what? On LSD there are other directional planes to be used which stack on top of one another as if to spice up what I’ve already got going on with my little 3D bullshit. Once I re-created the entire Earth, then I zoomed in and when I got down close enough I could see that everything was made from sexual organs. It was all just titties and asses gyrating in unison to create everything. So I was just flying around, exploring famous parts of the Earth for about an hour while everything around me “fucked” itself into existence. This is typical LSD realm behavior. Everything turns into a big joke just so you don’t take yourself too seriously. This Source loves to have fun.

While on LSD and listening to music, making music, making art or whatever, there is always this extra-dimensional sort of electronic chunk of play-dough through which I communicate with this great Source. The extra-dimensional play-dough object is affected by stuff you do to it and it contains “everything” within it if you can learn how to access its secrets. Terence McKenna refers to this object as the “Transcendental Object at the End of Time”, but Terence mostly talks about mushrooms, not the LSD perspective so much. In either case I interact with this object using pure thought and I learn to play it as an instrument. Except I have many hands to work with. I quickly learned that I can sort of “pluck” at these “chords” and  manipulate the object. I get the feeling there are many hidden layers of dimensional planes within this object. I cannot help but wonder if this mysterious object should be referred to as the holy-spirit, thinking in terms of the trinity. My goal is always to think happy thoughts and avoid the bad ones because it seems that I can access some very deep places if I know the right, or wrong questions to ask. And for me it was this one simple question which led to my complete ego destruction, “How am I not world-famous?”

“YOU ALREADY ARE FAMOUS!” God responded. I know this mysterious Source to be God, now. It was at this moment that my entire perspective on life shifted. We took a hard left as my foundation shook to my very core. A new dimensional plane was now available to me. I was given the clear option to go ahead and move along this new direction. I only needed to pluck this very special chord which was now placed before me. It was understood that this chord was profoundly important. There would be no going back and it would change everything…forever. This was very much a red/blue pill situation from The Matrix. I had poked at this Source for years to reveal its secrets and it is now responding with, “OK human, you really want to know? Put on your seatbelt and pluck that chord!”

As I held my “finger” to that extra-dimensional chord, there was very little hesitation. I plucked the chord and it started to vibrate with a sort of deep rumbling bass feeling deep down within my extra-dimensional core. Then the vibration almost immediately slowed and dissipated to a halt, as if it affected space/time and I had just frozen time in place. This is an incredibly eerie feeling. It is as if some great machinery with star-sized gears had suddenly come to a steaming, grinding halt, and the universe creaked and settled into its new position with deep thumps.

It is as if some great machinery with star-sized gears had suddenly come to a steaming, grinding halt, and the universe creaked and settled into its new position with deep thumps.

 The silence which followed was scary.

Meanwhile I was still thinking about my beat that I was working on and the ramifications of being the same “thing” as Dr. Dre and I realized we were both looking at this exact same object. But Andre’s body interprets this extra-dimensional signal in his own unique way. In fact, every other person on Earth tunes into this exact same signal. It is a lot of fun to say “we are all one” but when you truly get it this concept takes on a completely different meaning. This core understanding shook the very foundation of my reality and I felt something new rise up as if everything had changed forever.

As my world fell apart I realized I had very little time. Something great and powerful was approaching. I was told to “prepare” when I felt a very real presence begin to enter that bathroom with me. The air became thick with a sort of glowing white substance that made everything in the bathroom come to life and everything blurred with new movement. My interpretation is that I was in the presence of God or the holy-spirit as the entire bathroom was consumed by this soft glow. If you had told me there was an angel or a UFO floating over my house at around 1:30 that day, I would’ve said “I know.”

I was presented with what appeared to be a female God if there was a gender at all. I really don’t know because I never got a clear look. I picked up some very cool visuals of a womanly shape moving in the shower door glass. But on LSD I see naked women in pretty much anything I look at so who knows. I just can’t imagine being that madly in love with another man so maybe my stupid monkey brain just twists God into a female. Interestingly, the entity who I talked to for hours on mushrooms 20+ years ago seemed to be female as well. But again, I couldn’t really tell. I now suspect that as a young man I had a very long, casual, funny, and helpful conversation with God in that garage and I didn’t even realize it at the time. I don’t remember any of the specific advice given but I do recall the mushroom voice telling me; “I’m so glad you found this technology!” and the voice knew exactly when my friend was coming and that we’d have to “hang up.” The voice pleaded with me to come back “again and again” before hanging up. At the time I was still buying into a lot of the anti-drug propaganda and I took this as sort of an addiction voice that was trying to pull me into abusing this drug. But now of course I understand mushrooms to be non-addictive and I had put my faith in the wrong places.

As God quickly approached I knew I had to get out of the shower and prepare for what I understood was going to be the ride of my life. I was not sure if I would survive. It meant leaving my body and meeting my maker. As I turned off the water my world was being pulled away and I was leaving the Earthly plane. The boundaries melted away as I sort of pushed through these layers of stretchy membranes or something. These membranes reminded me of the x, y, z, planes used as visual reference in 3D design programs. Except these were extra-dimensional planes, meaning I could not perceive them in simple 3D space with only my human body. I feel as if I always had a foot in the door in regards to my physical body. But after this point my consciousness was more elsewhere than in my own body.

Still standing in the shower with the door open, I grabbed my towel just as I came to the increasingly horrific realization that privacy was not an option. In the world of God there are no secrets. And I suddenly realized there exists this sort of extra-dimensional photograph of everything you are made of as a human. This photograph includes your thoughts, actions, behavior, deeds, things that happened to you, it's all readily available in one picture for all to see. At the same time that I’m realizing this fact, the extra-dimensional piece of play-dough is describing to me the story of an eternal soul which is growing and progressing through many versions of itself until it emerges at the end as a god! Some of the visuals I can remember are this sort of human-like flower blooming as the dead petals fall away and the flower becomes this epic god bursting out with light. Meanwhile back in my body, I’m grabbing my towel and I suddenly realize that I AM that god! The extra-dimensional play-dough had sort of merged with me or something.

 Here in my shower I have just become fully aware that I am “One with God”, and the entire universe is at a sort of cross-roads where everyone has been waiting for me to emerge as this god! And to make matters worse, my shower walls turned into basically the biggest, most epic stadium full of people who were much smaller than I, since I was literally a giant! And to make matters just…infinitely worse, I’m still in the process of wrapping my towel around to cover up my junk from literally everyone in the universe! I was probably the most embarrassed god you could imagine. But I also thought it was really funny and it made the people smile. I then put on a very humble game-face as I overlooked my new kingdom. I didn’t know what to do with this great power so I just sort of asked myself, “OK, what dost thou command?”

I just wanted to get out of that shower and sit down but I didn’t want to offend anyone. I was being thrown the biggest congratulations party in the history of the universe. To my great relief the womanly image in the shower door summoned me to go have a seat on the closed toilet. From the time I turned off the water, this is maybe 30 seconds. I usually avoid mirrors in general but especially on psychedelics. I exited the shower and looked into the mirror in a wild-eyed, disbelieving, already-sweaty way. I’m a very shy person and not very self-loving so this is all very strange to me. My facial expression then changed somehow to a look of confidence and I said the craziest thing without even thinking, “This is always tough with humans.” I was very surprised by that because my state of mind at the time was that of being connected to everyone and everything in the universe, I wasn’t sure who said it. I felt as if I’d been here before and that I had done this same thing countless times before. I had to explain to myself what I meant, when I spoke, sort of…

I sat on the toilet and prepared for the next stage which I knew was going to be crazy. I was also terrified that I would be given some difficult task such as Noah’s ark or something. And I was afraid God would force me to go preach a message or do something which would make me famous. I thought about my family and what they were going to do without me, or what mess they’d be forced to deal with were I allowed to return to Earth with my crazy message.

At this point I am clearly dying. I’m desperately trying to remind myself that I had taken only a small amount of LSD and there was no physical danger. But that was not enough to console me. I clutched my chest to check my heart rate. And nothing I’d learned from Terence McKenna, Joe Rogan, or any of the great philosophers could ever have prepared me for the actual experience of complete ego death. My body was ripped into atoms or some sort of geometric pattern which dissipated away from me. My body was completely gone and I was left as only a point of light. I was now at the complete mercy of God as trains, earthquakes and tsunamis quickly approached my position. The final layers of membrane were now being penetrated and I was now entering a different place altogether, a very holy place. The veil was now completely lifted and I could see the inner workings of the entire universe. Just as everyone says, it seems to be made of pure love. My existence was very simplified and understood here, but I don’t claim to know how everything works. There was not much I could bring back from this place. There was nothing around me and it was very bright and white. I did get some very intense imagery while in there, however. I feel like I was not in there for very long because I was so astonished at the sheer beauty of it all that my soul recoiled. I do not recall seeing any religious imagery such as crosses, Buddha or anything like that. I feel as if I wasn’t shown everything this place had to offer because I simply couldn’t handle it. I also couldn’t handle being there for too long because it would be far more difficult to leave. I had the distinct feeling that God was holding my hands, teaching me how to “walk” in this place like a small child. I was eased into things with patience and understanding.

One thing is for sure, all of my feelings of fear and apprehension were replaced with pure bliss, joy, love, understanding, and all the good things that make up life. I was immediately, completely, and forever in awe of this place. I’m pretty sure somewhere in there I pledged my life in service of whatever this God asks of me. Immediately upon entering this new realm there were two impossibly intense feelings which brought me to my knees, crying into my towel for a little while:

ONE - It was understood from the start that I could not stay in this place, I was to return to Earth soon, which was and STILL IS absolutely devastating.

TWO - I was essentially told by God that “I GOT YOU”! At least that is how I interpret the whole thing if I were to sum it up in just a few words.

I believe having this one, REALLY positive thing combined with this other, REALLY negative thing speaks to the duality of man. It seems like this duality is probably related to the yin &amp; yang. I was shown beautiful imagery of this impossibly strong love/bond which I share with God. My extra-dimensional piece of play-dough depicted images of impossibly strong materials which formed immovable structures. I could push on these structures with incredible force and they would not move. The more I push, the stronger they get. There were all of these layers of safe-like objects and steel plates slamming into place around this already-secure object as if this bond were so well-protected that nothing in the universe could ever threaten to break it. I was also given the biggest hug imaginable and I was reminded that I am deeply loved and cared for beyond my own belief. I was also extremely grateful to find out, and to be able to acknowledge the fact that God has been with me literally every step of the way. I responded with “Thank You! Thank You!” for a few minutes as I was dropped back onto my bathroom floor in a sweaty, frantic, confused, crying mess of enlightened humanity.

I felt as if I’d received some sort of blue-belt in a crazy martial art known as the game-of-life or something. I always wanted to meet God and I got my wish. God came down and shook my hand with the most amazing, dramatic &amp; beautiful re-introduction that I could’ve ever asked for.

I laid there on the bathroom floor struggling to make sense of it all. With my new lack of extra-dimensional, one-with-the-universe understanding. I could not find English words to even begin describing what I had just witnessed. No sentence I formed could do it justice. Also I was still sort of used to having all things possible to me. So I concentrated on a picture frame on the wall and I tried to throw it off the wall using my mind, fully expecting that it just might move. To my hilarious disappointment it did not move…no super powers this time. I was already laughing so this was a good sign. When I first returned to Earth it was weird for a few minutes. I was very paranoid, looking out of the window and listening for some huge event or anything bad that might be coming. I felt as if the world must be coming to an end or something. Why else would I be shown such incredible wonders? I actually listened for distant sonic-booms of asteroids entering the atmosphere. Or maybe I could catch the sound of some great event or home-invasion which was about to take place any minute. I felt slightly schizophrenic as well, being used to sharing my consciousness with another entity. I asked out loud twice; “Is anyone there?!”

 Satisfied that the world would continue and that I was going to be OK after all, I just laid on my back for a few hours trying to burn every detail of my experience into my memory. I desperately tried to remember all of the little details that happened to me in such a short period of time. Finally at about 3:45 P.M. my wife, who just says “no” to drugs, knocks on the door to see if I’m “still alive” which is funny considering that I’d just died. By the way, this entire time my head was lying in the exact same place where my youngest daughter was born! I came stumbling out of the bathroom in my underwear extremely happy to see my wife, and I told her, “I took some LSD today and uhhhh, I think I just talked to God!” She responds with, “That’s called praying”, and I cut her off with, “NO, NO, NO!! I left my body!!”

I told her, “I took some LSD today and uhhhh, I think I just talked to God!” She responds with, “That’s called praying”, and I cut her off with, “NO, NO, NO!! I left my body!!”

 It took quite a bit of effort to form enough English words to blow her mind as we laid on the bed and I tried to explain the more important aspects of the whole thing, stopping to cry every few seconds uncontrollably as thoughts of God’s love came back to me. The feeling of not being able to stay there with God is very sad and lasting. There was no furniture moved on this day, I wanted nothing to do with my phone, TV was boring, I laid there for many hours contemplating my existence and picturing my new life with God.

I feel as if the voice in your head is sometimes literally God, not you. It’s just filtered through your stupid monkey parts and you can’t usually tell the difference where your thoughts are actually coming from. If you’ve done some bad things and you’re wondering if you can ever be forgiven, I’d suggest you ask if you can forgive yourself because it’s the same thing. I also feel as if there exists an eternal agreement between you and God to live this life together. It might not seem like it at times, but this love/bond we share with God is completely unbreakable. This feeling of having an unyielding, I-got-you, rock-solid bond with God is enough to make me cry every time I think about it. I also get the feeling that all evil will be separated from humanity and isolated somehow; there is no room in these higher-dimensional planes for such things to exist. But that’s the reason for evil to exist in the first place here in the lower planes. We’re removed from the perfection of heaven and we are shown a place where evil can be studied and understood first-hand, safely. You cannot be a perfected eternal soul, truly understand all things, and “be good” without first experiencing the lowest depths of evil. We have eyes and ears to witness these atrocities happening around us and our job is to have fun, learn, spread the light, hold down your people, watch your step, and report back. Our life experiences are put into the bucket with everyone else’s combined experiences until the bucket is full. Then it’s party time when the job is done.

I was able to confirm a lot of my suspicions about the nature of my existence. I’ve always relied on my own thoughts and intuition (God, as it turns out) to form my world view, I think I’ve been pretty close in how I’ve viewed things overall. On the surface this probably made me look like a crazy person, or complete asshole at times. I refused to believe what anyone was trying to sell me. I’ve never followed social norms, and you won’t catch me in anything resembling a cult for very long. Hey, it may have seemed harsh at times to many people but whenever I found myself in a situation which I felt was in violation of my very mysterious gut-feeling “code” in some weird unexplained way, I’ve never had a problem with making an awkward comment/exit to save my soul from corruption. I’ve accumulated plenty of side-ways looks living my life this way. But I’ll take that over the alternative which is compromising my truth. Nobody could ever tell me shit and I think even less-so now that I know exactly what I am. (Reference my ‘song’ at the end). It just sucks that I have to learn everything the hard way, doing it this way.

It turns out my problem was that I didn’t recognize this permanent connection with God and I tried to deny it for a long time. My reward was deep depression and other struggles because I had a giant hole where God should fit in. Jim Carrey said, “Depression is your avatar telling you it’s tired of being the character you are trying to play.” I cannot disagree because my depression seems to have improved since I stopped acting like the person I thought people expected to see, 4 years ago

my depression seems to have improved since I stopped acting like the person I thought people expected to see, 4 years ago

. I’ve always tried to do good in my own stupid way but it wasn’t always enough. I was always completely put-off by organized religions, exploiting decent people and misleading the masses for their own unholy purposes. Of course not all experiences are negative but who can say these days what is true and what is false? Eventually I learned there is actually a lot of truth to things I’d heard about The Bible and other texts. Obviously The Bible contradicts itself and no human text is perfect, but it seems to be a more recent version of an older story based on real things. For me this realization came from watching Randall Carlson explain how the great flood actually did happen. It was the scientific proof of that flood which shifted my opinion of The Bible entirely. Also Graham Hancock does a wonderful job of filling in some of the blanks in regards to what life must’ve been like for pre-historic people at the time of the comet/flood 12,800 years ago. They were far more advanced than we’ve given them credit for. Re-discovering what humanity has lost should be our main priority.

Coincidence? Just a few months ago I decided to go ahead and start reading The Bible beginning with The New Testament. So far I’ve made it through Mathew, Mark and Luke. Interestingly, at my dad’s deathbed I was surprised to learn that he was actually religious. I had no idea, he had never mentioned anything to me about it my whole life. I wanted to take advantage of this strange dynamic and my goal was originally to offer myself as an experiment to the world by avoiding religion until now, then applying religion to a clean-slate modern mind. I feel as if I have reached a good enough base of knowledge in regards to understand what we know as a modern society. I’ve approached The Bible with a sort of suspended disbelief as if it very well could be 100% legit. I wanted to see how it all ties in with everything I’ve learned so far about ancient civilizations, UFOs, modern science and everything else. The Bible has really interesting stuff in it so I was going to keep reading it anyway. But now that God has literally stopped by to say hi, just as I’m applying The Bible to my very deep questions about life and reality, I feel as if I should probably finish reading it even if I do not believe all of it. I’m pretty sure the moral of that little story is that if you are truly seeking, you will find God. I also want to check out the rest of the religions more in-depth. I always felt like Buddhism was probably pretty close to explaining our true reality and I can’t wait to find out!

Those guys were at least open about their use of psychedelics. Unlike the Greeks who tried to keep it to just a few elite folks at the top. Or worse yet psychedelics have been all but erased from modern western religions. You can only find traces of mushroom use within Christmas imagery and older stuff. Researchers found traces of psilocybin mushrooms and THC in the censers used by early Christian priests to burn in the church isles, right near the holy land. They used to get high as fuck in those churches! What happened? Why have we allowed control-freaks to deny us something so special and essential? It makes sense to use psychedelics. These substances work far faster than sitting under a tree for a few months or starving yourself in order to access the same places.

I finally started taking better care of my body and learning to respect myself so that I could respect others. This is all 100% thanks to my first LSD experience which was also amazing. I dedicated my life to learning and growing better. I believe I’m now being rewarded for my efforts. I’ve always tried to figure out the answers to the biggest and deepest questions I can possibly think to ask, but way more so now than ever before. It’s funny because during my very first LSD experience I saw myself having all of these answers and I saw myself writing this very text. I also “felt” the support and non-judgmental feelings that I’m getting from my family in response to all of this, right now. I could not believe it to be possible 4 years ago. There was no way I was going to write down my deepest thoughts and allow other people to read them. I was so far removed from who I am right now that it felt impossible, yet here it exists.

I heard once that in the world of Shakespeare “to die” was a euphemism for “orgasm”. In my experience this seems like a valid assessment except dying is way better. I want to do a good job here on Earth and finish my part of course but secretly I’ve always looked forward to death and now I understand why. I believe I now have some extra appreciation for what a gift life really is. I’m only about half-way through if I’m lucky. Of course I hope death doesn’t hurt too much, but now I know what to expect when crossing over. I’ll be dying with a smile on my face.

My epic Saturday actually ended on Sunday. I probably fell asleep around 3:00 A.M. in a puddle of tears. And here is one of the coolest parts! This is a gift to last me a lifetime. For the past 13+ hours I had one specific song and one song alone, burned into the background of my thoughts as the day unfolded after my death. I had parts of the song running on constant repeat with just a few lyrics which I would occasionally remember. I realized that as soon as my soul returned to Earth my brain was struggling to grasp at anything to help remember my experience. Apparently this one song is the closest Earthly example I’m left with to represent the overall tone of my experience. My brain absolutely refused to let go of this song and I finally played it a few times late at night, taking it as a sign. The beat in this song is not unlike the beat which I was working on when this whole thing started. But more surprising to me is just how this song does not do a terrible job of sort of… putting into perspective… (Of course!!! Of Course the song pops onto my stereo at this exact time of typing, on a random playlist!!)… Anyway (sigh!), do you see what I mean about God having such a great sense of humor?!? I can’t make this stuff up. Is this NOT a sign that my writing this text is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing right now? Anyway, I was talking about how this song does not do a terrible job of summing up my current state of mind…Which currently is blown away once again, damn…The song ends with the Artist saying “I’m Gone” and he dies. I’m now at a loss for words!

2012 Album: R.A.P. Music

Artist: Killer Mike

Song: “Untitled” (Feat. Scar)

“If you don’t have a plan, you become part of someone else’s plan!”

   -Terence McKenna

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115389

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 43

Published: Jun 1, 2021	Views: 490

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LSD (2) : Alone (16), Depression (15), Entities / Beings (37), Mystical Experiences (9)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 3
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:45
		 0,25 mg
		 oral
		 Pharms - Alprazolam
		 (pill / tablet)

		   T+ 3:13
		 4 hits
		 vaporized
		 DMT
		 (pill / tablet)

		   T+ 5:25
		 Repeated
		 vaporized
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   70 kg

Endless hills and melting signposts cloud over this come-up, acid-dipped memories of last summers half-baked foray into an entheogenic nightmare. I can feel my insides, every inch - stomach flips, tremors they come with the territory but what I'm feeling is something else. Something existential. A mistake?

I glance up, desperately searching for another thought and that's when it hits me ... I'm in the trip, I have been for sometime. Panic sets in, I can barely see, the visuals are so intense - a whole multi-verse projected onto the ceiling and I can hear the walls whispering. I attempt to reset; reconfigure; recollect, send my mind back to the distant beginning. How did we get here? How long since we dosed?

Six tabs - Hofmann blotters - three for me, three for my brother and a sprinkle of Alprazolam to take the edge off. Movies, music, fisheye vision and then, all of a sudden, a breach in the collective cool: we left the apartment. How did I forget that? Sudden flashes of Kubrickian hallways and hyperdimensional staircases flood my vision but something's missing, something important ... my psychedelic co-pilot!

And, eerily on cue, he emerges, alive and well, from what appears to be a bathroom in this spacefaring bedsit. We embrace, it's been so long but idle chit-chat can wait as I soon learn there are more pressing matters at hand. Hysterical, he waves the DMT in my face, babbling all kinds of nonsense about peaks and troughs but he made one thing abundantly clear "it's time to meet the elves". I drop my self-remembering exercise and pick up the vape pen.

One. Clean. Hit. Almost immediately reality drops its facade; a place once familiar now completely alien, the geography is all wrong, I feel upside down. Mentally, I'm even more lost than I was before - not only do I not know what I'm doing, I don't know where I am, how I am, or even who I am. "This is intense", the echo of my brother's commentary grounds me for a fleeting moment and we silently acknowledge that we are, in fact, in the same trip.

Another hit and this is where things start to get weird. Mayan hieroglyphs imprint themselves on the air around me, these yellow-orange wheels of complex information flicking on and off, on and off. I close my eyes and fall deep into kaleidoscopic madness; ancient cities built before my very eyes as I sit on the edge of the universe in conversation with beings made out of mandalas, awe and wonder have officially taken over. At one point I must've opened my eyes, though I didn't realize it; a seamless transition unless, of course, they were never shut. The hieroglyphs, now even more pronounced, have my undivided attention and suddenly a booming voice from above instructs me to inhale two more hits - that voice, in retrospect, was not God but rather my, equally high, brother.

These hits were not smooth, a lot of coughing and wheezing followed but that accidentally lead to a remarkable discovery. The hieroglyphics responded to frequency and thus I figured if I could just find the right vibration, they'd decrypt themselves. So, like Dennis McKenna in La Chorrera, I begin chanting and humming as loud as I could, the air buzzed with anticipation and, within a blink, I hit the note. Instantaneously, not only were the hieroglyphics as clear as day but I'd unintentionally shepherded the entire DMT trip into 'reality', too - briefly, in that room, man and myth blended as one. Focusing proved far too difficult and overwhelming, I could hardly move, frozen still as a temporary portal for the ineffable.

After about twenty minutes, things began to calm down and I found myself in the hallway alongside my brother both of us determined to go for walk. A curious thought crept up on me, I initially dismissed it but it just kept nagging at me until I finally listened "you've been here before" and, it was right, I had. I'd walked these very corridors, these staircases in the same manner as I was walking them right now. How did we get here? My stomach dropped ... it's a loop. Not a thought loop, a time loop, I've fallen through time and I'm reliving what I missed. Where am I? Really? Did we even leave the apartment?

Time jump. I'm smoking THC, wandering through the empty streets. I try to remember the route we came but I can't and the idea that we never left the apartment is becoming more and more appealing. Another jump, traffic lights now, still smoking, we're in the city centre, I think? but on closer analysis, all the store signs appear to be written in Sanskrit. My brother seems to know where he's going but I don't, I grab onto him half believing the ground is about to swallow me up and I ask "how long have we been walking?"... "about an hour". I've never felt terror like that before in my life. Blank spots in my memory, no idea where I was, and time felt more like a construct than ever.

Sensing trouble, my brother ushers me back into his apartment, locks the door, and puts me to bed. It felt like the trip was endless, that I'd always been in it. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to be in a more limited headspace. I rest my eyes and, for a brief second, I go astral before passing out completely.

I wake up six hours later with an aching head and even more questions. I must be honest, as I write this I don't feel as if I've fully recovered from the effects of my experience last night, which feels both radically profound and utterly pointless. I wish I could say that I learnt something but I really don't know if I did.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114961

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 23

Published: Jun 3, 2021	Views: 1,087

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LSD (2), DMT (18), Pharms - Alprazolam (98), Cannabis (1) : Various (28), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:

		 2.25 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   67 kg

An Awsome Trip

I did LSD a few times before, and last summer I decided that I would do a little experiment and take my highest dose yet. I wanted to check out what this sometimes weird and strange stuff would do when I took it up a notch. And boy, was I in for a party...

My experiences on acid were all on psytrance festivals, a hippy subculture way of partying with awesome progressive psytrance and superb chillout music. I dunno, I just love the atmosphere at those parties, and after being introduced to it about eight years ago I stopped going to all electonic music festivals except psytrance festivals. I go to about two/three of those a year.

Last summer I went to S.U.N. festival in Hungary. It was the first time this festival was organised, and I was excited to be part of it. Since all my friends were unable to go I went there alone, which was nice because I had never done that before. A little bit worried that I would be by myself for the next ten days, I went over there four days early, had an easy plain-train-hitchhike journey and immediately fell into a group of about ten people who'd also come early. I stayed and camped with them whole festival. They were very, very nice people, and although I know I will likely never meet most of them again, I am glad I did meet them there. We had a nice and cosy camp in the forest, cooked dinner at our campfire and generally had a lot of fun, good talks and chillum sessions. The festival site was great, with a lot of nature and just the right amount of added decoration. The people (and I met a LOT of people in those few days) were all very nice and friendly. The dancefloor at the festival was amazing too, although I found the music a bit dissapointing, until that Saturday evening that I will never forget.

I had done LSD three days before at the first day of the festival, starting cautious with just three quarters of a tab. It was nice, a feeling I'd had before, added visuals that were beautiful but not too distracting, and I was glad it was not too intense.

But this night I was going to go all in. I took two whole and one quarter of a tab, and my oh my, that was awesome! I remember hitting the dancefloor with some of my new friends and just dancing perfectly, with perfect control over my entire body, not tiring at all, and enjoying it immensely. I was literally jumping all over the dancefloor for more than an hour without ever bumping in to someone. The energy I felt in my body was just amazing. I was aware of the fact that my senses were being influenced by the acid, with the music sounding more intense than normal and the lights and people almost radiating with light around me.

After a while I started thinking that all that intense dancing couldn't be good in the long run and I decided to go for a walk and get some food or a drink. I just went on a stroll around the festival site, enjoying the people and atmosphere. I got to the chillout dancefloor and was immediately in awe of the performance of the people on stage. The band playing (I later learned) was Ancient Core, and though I had never heard their music I was immediately entranced by it. I remember dancing right in front of the small dancefloor, enjoying the fantastic tribalistic psychedelic music that those four people on stage were producing. The guys on stage were visibly having a good time too, the were connected to each other and sending out very good vibes. I closed my eyes while dancing and automatically started to visualise the most intense forms and movements, kinda abstract, like an Escher painting of arrows that locked into each other and pulsated in sync with the bassline of the music. It was beautiful, the forms and movements kept on changing and evolving. I think I danced like that for a couple of tracks, enjoying it immensely, when suddenly I was tapped on the shoulder by a couple of friends of mine that were also on the festival. I remember talking to them and one of them being so funny somehow that in a minute we were literally rolling on the floor laughing. I remember having a lot of fun with these guys the rest of the night, although the middle part of the night is a little vague to be honest.

When the sun started to rise the next day I was on the main floor when I suddenly saw all the people around me transform into almost monsters. I wasn't scared but remember it feeling not so good after a while

I suddenly saw all the people around me transform into almost monsters. I wasn't scared but remember it feeling not so good after a while

, so I left to just stroll around and enjoying the fantastic visual 'enhancements' this drug brought to everything I saw, except the people, people looked strange to me, almost animal like. I think it was around 10am when I started feeling tired, and went back to our little camp to find a friend sitting at the campfire. I talked to him for a while, fell asleep and when I woke a couple of hours later the visual side of the effects was totally gone. I still felt some effects of it in my head but they were mild. All in all the experience was very intense, at times amazing and at times uncomfortable, though I was never scared.

The next day I ran into the guys from the band I saw playing in my trip, Ancient Core, so I told them about my experience at their gig and they gave me one of their demo CDs, which I kinda wondered about if it would still sound as amazing or that maybe part of it was caused by the acid. (Luckily I found out when I was home their music just IS amazing, whether or not I'm on something while listening to it:) I remember needing a couple of days to just process what had happened in the acid trip. It was nice to wind down for a couple of days after the festival before going home.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 102881

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 36

Published: Jun 4, 2021	Views: 463

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LSD (2) : Festival / Lg. Crowd (24), Music Discussion (22), Glowing Experiences (4)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 25 ug

		 LSD

		   T+ 2:00
		 1 hit
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 2:00
		 1 tablet
		 oral
		 Pharmaceuticals

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   94 kg

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) on LSD

At the time of writing/experiencing this I was 29. Since age 24 I have been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). It was devastating, but it changed me, it explained many things in my life I was struggling with. I wanted to know more about this "curse", and as purely rational man, the only way for me was science, psychology. I started to read books about narcissism (Jacoby, Salant, Asper, Rohr, Kernberg, Kohut), about psychology in general, I studied Freud, Jung etc. and I had found a new amazing world I wanted to be a part of.

Since 19 I've been experimenting with LSD, once to two times a year, and I always felt, that there was something more in those states of mind, not just fun and carelessness with friends. So I started to experiment on my own, only with curiosity where it would it take me. And after my NPD diagnosis I felt, that it could get me deeper to my problems and wounds, and I started to believe, that it could actually somehow help me. But unfortunately, I did not find any official information on LSD (or other psychedelics) and NPD, only a brief note in (Milan Hausner - LSD), that LSD therapy was not effective for NPD. On the other hand, Grof writes, that he believes, that all psychological illnesses/disorders are caused by traumatic events during human development, and all can be dealt with later in life and all can be finally resolved. Well, that is not much certainty to begin with, but there is hope. I hope, that this trip-report could be at least an information source for other NPD truth seekers.

9.7.2020

I decided that I would take a dose a few days before the actual trip, so it was quite spontaneous. The intention was only to try erotic tantra massage on small dose of 25ug.

14:00 25ug

I took 25 ug at 14:00 and went for the massage, hit came at 15:00 and it was pleasant warm feeling in gut, I felt quite ok and I was enjoying the massage, however a little anxiety poured in. Plan was to use only this dose and just chill after the massage, but on my way home I decided to take more. However a quite strong headache settled in on my way home, which was quite no-go for another dose, but I wanted it anyway. I unpack the stuff and holding the blotter in hand I had a really bad feeling about that, I felt that I definitely should not take more. I was tired, had a strong headache, was anxious, but I did it. I put 100ug blotter under my tongue and regretted it immediately. I told my self I should not have done that, but I was not able to spit it out. The same force that was telling me NO was also telling me YES. I yield, thinking, let's see what happens.

16:00 100ug

I also took a painkiller for my headache and laid in bed. I was just relaxing until the hit at 16:50. This was quite standard hit, everything was more colorful, walls were "breathing", I was clumsy and whimsical. I sat  down and looked down to the floor. Wow, all hallucinations and visions, that I know so well from my other trips, were there. I saw human bodies and faces, all moving and changing. Why these visions again I was asking myself. Then two faces appeared, those were angry, terrifying,threatening. I was frightened and had to look away, as I did that, I noticed that all edges (edges of furniture etc.) got extremely highlighted, all edges were like zigzag lightnings. I froze in awe, those were my psychological defenses as Grof described them in his books. But what are they trying to protect me from? I looked back to those angry faces and got frightened again. Like a small child I ran to my bed and cover myself under blanket, but kept watching the visions on ceilings. Those faces were everywhere. I was scared, I felt that an emotion needed to get out of me, but I could not handle fear and anxiety. What now? The grief. I was able to bear intense grief, so I thought if emotion needed out, let it be grief and I started thinking of anything, that would made me cry. And this simple thought started an avalanche of thoughts:

I realized that for a past few months, my life bore no meaning to me, I felt empty, hollow. No activity fulfilled me and a thought came to me, that if I died, it would not really matter that much. And this thought made me sad, why was I thinking like that? And what would make sense, what would bring meaning to my life? Then a vision came to me, it was a vision I had a month ago, a vision of me being with a unknown woman in a nice house with a garden. In that vision we were happy together and were caring about each other. Light warm feeling flooded my gut, this was nice vision. And I thought that this could give my life a meaning - just to love someone and care for her. And I realized, that I wanted the same for me, just someone who would love me. And I started to cry. It was the strongest emotion of grief and pain I have ever experienced. Why does it hurt so much? Such a simple idea? I was crying and repeating to myself, that I just wanted someone to love me. For a while I did not feel as human, nor child as before, I felt as a tiny bacteria, a little microscopic organism in the middle of vast evil and terrifying world, and the only thing I wanted was someone to love me.

And there were those faces again, all angry and terrifying, those were faces of my family members, parents, grandparents. I was always asking myself why do I see those faces, and why they are so evil, what did I do so wrong, that they are so bad to me, what horrifying thing had I done to deserve this? And I realized, that I had done nothing, I was just being myself (as a child) and just for that, they were so angry at me.[*1] This hurt the most. My parents, grandparents, they could not have loved me for who I really was. I collapsed in tears, I was not able to regulate it anyhow, the emotion was too strong, it was everywhere. It flooded myself totally and I just had to cry.

After a while, I calmed down and continue with this thought train. I repeated : I just want someone to love me, who could do it? Is there anyone here who could? And then it hit me, it is me, in my mind I shouted I, I, I and burst in tears again. There is no-one else in this world, that could love me unconditionally, but me. I realized, that this was the healthy self-love, healthy narcissism, to love myself unconditionally as I was, to accept my positive and also negative side, truly and honestly, accept myself as I am. Third wave of crying and sorrow started to mix with laughter, it was liberating, I was laughing at my situation, I was laughing at myself, it was such a relief. I laughed and cried and laughed and cried, until I was unbelievably relieved and totally exhausted. In a second I was sober, it was like this emotional discharge just canceled the LSD state, there was no reality distortion, no hallucinations, no visions, just calm exhausted mood, and feeling, that this was the most meaningful experience of my life.

There was also an afterglow. For at least a month after this experience, I was different. Before, I was avoiding people. After, I enjoyed contact with other people, colleagues, friends, just the contact with them was bringing me this light warm feeling. I could have just listened to them and it was making me happy. Before the experience I used to pull conversations back to me, not listening, but immediately talking about myself. I knew, that this was one of my narcissistic symptoms, and I was training not to do so. But what really surprised me was the fact, that I did not have to focus on that after the experience, I was purely and honestly interested in others, I could have just listened and it was joyful. I thought, that for the first time in my life, I was able to "see" other people, for who they really are, with acceptance and joy. Also, I realized in the following weeks, that I need to be more compassionate to myself, with knowledge, that I am so deeply wounded, I am the one who should take care of myself, to be more understanding and compassionate and not to continue with the damage, that was done by my family.

This was the most meaningful experience of my life and I do believe, that such trips are healing. However, this afterglow did not last, once again it was pulling me back. And it was also pulling me back to psychedelics. I wanted to continue on this journey and I wanted to know more about my past. I tried psilocybin. And I took too much, and I did not handle it, I think I was lucky enough not to become psychotic, but for six months after this schroom trip I was super anxious, had nightmares, insomnia, was avoidant, was unfocused, total opposite of the LSD afterglow. I just want to use this as an example, that psychedelics can also be risky, and that one has to be really careful with them. For me the problem was anxiety and fear, I was not able to submit to them,to let go, as I did to the grief on LSD. I was not in a "safe" place and I was alone. I believe that for this kind of confrontation I need a sitter. But even after this schroom "bad trip", and this one was really bad (I called it psychosis simulation), I still believe in psychedelics. I believe psychedelics can heal.

-----

[*1] I was deeply regressed, imagine a small child, two years old, imagine, that this child was playing with toys and started to throw the toys into the toilet: now, the child thinks, this is me, I am happy, it is joy for me to throw my toys into the toilet, I am happy as I am, but its parent sees this and gets really angry, yells at the child, reasons with the child, tells the child, that it is bad. Child translates this to: I am bad, when I am myself, I will not be loved if I am myself, I will rather be as you want me to be, just for you to love me. False self is created.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 115681

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 29

Published: Sep 5, 2021	Views: 595

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LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), General (1), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 2 - 3 hits
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   69 kg

1 blotter hit LSD per person. Standard blotter with a colorful design. The hit was about double that in size of what I have gotten in the past... suffice to say, extremely strong.

3 grams high grade Marijuana

It's Sunday morning and we both wake up knowing today is the day, we've been waiting a long time for this day. For me it's nothing new, I've tripped acid many a time but for my wife it's a first. For the last five years (we're both 28) we've been trying to find some to no avail, then about two weeks ago, out of the blue, finally a score. 4 hits. Hell yeah!

So we wake up and we're both a little nervous so we eat breakfast and shower to kinda calm down and relax a little. We decide we are each going to take one hit and that we can always take a second one if necessary.

At 13:51 we each take our first hit, I can taste a slight metallic taste on my tongue; hell yeah, this taste I've tasted before, a very slight taste, seems to be a strong hit! I instruct my wife (lets just call her MaryJane) to put the blotter under her tongue, after five minutes I tell her to start swishing it around her mouth and a few minutes later we started chewing it. Altogether I spent around 20 minutes sucking on the blotter.

After swallowing what was left of the paper I immediately realized that something was different, I started walking around the room making jerky movements with my arms and walking a little like a robot whilst chuckling to myself. MaryJane was sitting on the couch telling me that she felt nothing at all. I loaded a bowl and we each took two or three drags.

30 minutes into the trip is when shit hit the fan; the next 6 hours were to be the craziest, best, most compelling and beautifulest trip/session/experience I have ever had. It came and took us really quick. Normally I have like a wave that swoops me up and it's like an intense drop into the trip. This wasn't like that at all, from one second to the next we're tripping hardcore, not even really thinking about tripping. MaryJane starts telling me that she is thirsty but try as I might, I was not able to get her to drink. We both are sitting on the couch laughing uncontrollably. All of the sudden I think to myself, man we're tripping hard, but also as little sad because it seems like there’s no “spiritual” aspect to it, no connection, just a strong “superficial” kind of high. I was hoping to take my wife on an adventure... little did I know that in these terms, there was absolutely no need to be sad.

It's now 14:51 and we move from the couch to the computer desk and the next wave hits us! I am not able to see the contents of my computer screen anymore; 100% visual hallucinations. The next level. I look over to MaryJane as to make sure she's on par with me- she definitely is. I take out some markers and some paper and I start drawing. In my mind I cannot make up what to draw so I just start drawing lines, spirals and things of the sort. Whilst drawing I am in the picture, it is completely three-dimensional, way better quality than the 3d at the movie theaters. I am riding the lines as I draw them, like being on a roller coaster. The whole time my computer screen is blaring away with all kinds of crazy hallucinations. Usually when on LSD I just see the regular “world” and the things within are manipulated, even rather strongly at times. This time was different. This time I was completely hallucinating, seeing things that had no ties whatsoever to reality, coming straight out of the blue. MaryJane starts drawing with me. The whole room is moving. For some reason I am not scared, I enjoy the whole situation. I see no reason to be scared. MaryJane's picture is awesome, she used several different markers and made this never-ending spiral out of nothing but dots. Some dots were made to spell, “lost in time”.

I put some music on. A play list with some Pink Floyd and some Tool. Things seem to intensify. The music is definitely sounding different. I've known these songs for ages, there seems to be a whole different dimension to the song that’s playing. I hear a whole new voice singing, like its always been there, I've just never been able to hear it. I can also hear the regular singers voice but there is also another one, very subtle but ever so present. I'm sure this voice does really exist somewhere on the track... .. . The peak has not yet been reached.. Something is going on.. I..

We seem to be slipping. All of the sudden MaryJane (whom up until this point had been unable to move really, not even to drink. Up to this point she had been rather uninvolved.) got up and tells me it's time to go to the couch, I don't really feel like moving but being happy that she shows some sign of life I droopingly move on over to the couch. It's been about two and a half hours since we took those powerful little slips of paper. The whole room is alive and moving. Little did I know this was but the very beginning. I lay on the couch next to MaryJane, we lay there in each others arms and lose total touch with reality. I hug her and it's like I'm grabbing through her physical body and we slip into an astral plane. Stars are everywhere, aligned in a beautiful symmetry, we are engulfed with joy and delight as we fly through what seems time and space. The whole time we are together, ever so close, we both feel as we are one, it's unbelievable. Our human shells are in a total sense of trance. There are no words that can sum this feeling up. We are communicating in terms and on a level that a day seems so incomprehensible but at the time was clear as day. We are in a different dimension, flying about, totally exhilarated.

During this session and the several that followed my wife and I experienced an awesome connection and experienced things far too personal to sum up in a trip report. Suffice to say, on a personal level we managed to communicate in a unfathomable manner that simply cannot be put to words.

After about an hour I decide that I need a break, time to go “back”. Coming back proves to be quite difficult, kinda felt like I was crawling and at the same time yanking myself out of a dark tunnel. At first I could hear music- chaotic music. The music makes no sense at all, just random chords and a mish-mash of notes floating through the air. My eyes aren't open yet, that is to say I cannot see the room yet, still space. The music starts to get a little clearer and I start to see the room, I can hear my wife calling me to come back but I pull her out with me. The entire room is chaotic, the far end of the wall is like a really small square and the colors are totally random and very intense. I start to recognize the music as Pink Floyd. I tell Mary it's time to take a drag. We do. Now most times I've taken acid I didn't really feel all too much when smoking. This time was entirely different, it really really intensified things. I'm hallucinating like I never have before. We decide we had better delve back into whatever it was that we were experiencing earlier. It was kinda like laying down and going to sleep but I was definitely awake. I don't know if I had my eyes open or closed, I guess it doesn't really matter because the visuals were unbelievable. In a matter of seconds we reentered the cosmos. Like I said, it was an unbelievable experience, total ego loss, loss of being, time and space. At this point I was totally unaware of the normal world and my real surroundings, if someone sober were to have walked in I probably would not have been able to respond, I wonder what I looked like whilst in this state. We stay in there for about an hour, so many things happened, it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

I start heading back to reality, bringing MaryJane along and as we enter back MaryJane starts laughing uncontrollably. This in turn makes me laugh. I have never laughed so hard and so long. The hallucinations are still going hard and I am not able to stop laughing. I look at my wife and see her grinning ear to ear and her face starts to contort, I quickly look away because I don't really like my Jane's face going all jibbery on me. We are still a laughing. I tell her the neighbors are going to call the cops on us for chronic laughter, this in turn makes us laugh even harder. I was laughing so hard that it started to get hard to get air, my stomach hurt and my eyes were tearing. I finally manage to get up and head to the kitchen to get something to drink. The whole room is still moving, nothing seems intact, walking feels weird and with the room spinning I wobble my way to the kitchen, weighing myself through cosmic mass. I manage to grab something to drink and go back to the living room. We sit there first staring at each other and then into each other. We grab hands and start to drift back into another dimension. Literally! Never before have I been on such a trip, total out of body experience, more than that, total lose of being. At first I could feel the life running through MaryJane's hand, felt like throbbing light. For another 40 minutes or so we spent just sitting there holding hands, what was going on in mind was another matter, like I said, it was like stepping into a complete different dimension. For me the strangest thing was, somewhere in the middle of it I could hear bits and pieces of the music. Complete chaos, or just a single instrument in the background, all other sounds muted out. It got kind of scary when I really couldn't see my surroundings anymore and all I could just hear was chaotic music, for a second I questioned my sanity. Then I just let go an enjoyed.

This continued for about another hour and a half or so. We kinda started coming back to ourselves at around 20:00. I turn on the TV and we decide to watch Men in black 3. Then I realized that the trip was still going strong. MaryJane asks me, “Is it always that way, do normal people see it like this too, or is it us?”. The visuals on the screen are really cool but the movies content is really bothering both of us. We go on the search for other things to do and have a nice evening. Come 11:30 things have calmed considerably and we go to bed.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 100266

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 28

Published: Sep 10, 2021	Views: 492

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Relationships (44), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), General (1)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 1:30

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 0:00

		 smoked
		 Tobacco - Cigarettes

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   155 lb

I'll be referring to myself as Siren, a name I use for mostly anything Internet related. It comes from my love for all things beautiful, singing and of course mermaids. I'll be referring to my best friend I dosed with as Luminescence or L. I am going to try to make this as detailed as possible so I can really capture the essence of this particular trip. Throughout I may mention two other friends ours, they did not dose this night, however we did spend a lot of time with them through out our trip and they contributed to mine whether they realize  it or not, they will be referred to as M, and D.

It was Saturday and I was leaving working later than usual, the first day after Christmas was a very busy day for the smoke shop I work in. L had messaged me asking if I wanted to hang out that night, maybe go to the park and flow, as we both are into flow arts, such as gloving, hooping, poi and staff. L is probably one of the closet people too me, we've only know each other about 3 years but over that course of this 3 years we've dated on and off, but also have become very close friends which is hard to say after you've had a romantic relationship like ours. I told L I was down to hang out but I needed a shower and to eat something, I mentioned that D, and M wanted to hang out as well so we should get ahold of them. I bolted out of work because at this point I was over dealing with impatient customers, while I was trying to count down my register. I headed home eat some food, took a shower, relaxed for a bit got dressed and headed over to L's house.

When I got there we decided we wanted to dose, unfortunately our regular who sells to us is unavailable for quite some time. We have found someone else who can get a much higher dosage of LSD, which they refer to as needlepoint. He was out so we started looking elsewhere. I have anxiety issues, and a problem with depression. Against my doctors advice, I refuse to take prescription medication, and instead use meditation and flow arts to help me through, which in my opinion works much better for me and my life goals. Looking for LSD of course gave me some anxiety. I don't know these people all that well. What if it's bunk and we waste our money? If they rip us off we'll be disappointed and broke. We don't have a way to test it without tasting it, it could be research chemicals which will definitely sky rocket my anxiety.

Our search wasn't going to well and I kind of figured we wouldn't be dosing which wasn't a big deal, but a friend of ours came through and said he has some so we left L's house and headed to the city to M's which was about a 20-25 minute drive. We put gas in my car, got some more money, grabbed some food and cigarettes so when we did dose we wouldn't have to get out again. I'm not totally sure if L knew that but that was my plan. After I dose I don't particularly like being in cars, I have no problem with taking walks or hikes, but the streetlights from inside a car make anxious.

We head to the next state over, which is about a 35 minute drive, to pick up the doses which I had assumed would be on blotters. We arrive at this party and to me the vibes were weird. Not bad not good, just odd. We meet our friend and he takes us  into a back hallways and he starts to bicker with someone we don't about the sketchiness of the party and is showing up then leaving. He was holding an eye dropper, which made me have a minor anxiety attack. The thing about my anxiety attacks is they can be incredibly subtle and most people don't notice, or they can be the exact opposite and I can be on the floor in a puddle sobbing. I've gotten to a point where I can coach myself out of them mentally. So L says 'are you ready to dose? Okay stick out your tongue.' And he doses me out of the dropper. That was new for me and L didn't seem to be worried about it so my anxiety disappeared. We were going to give our friend a ride somewhere so we relaxed met some people and the party and left after about 10 minutes being there. Neither one of us wanted to come up on a 35 minute car ride back to M's house.

R is our friend who sold us the doses and his backstory is kind of a sad one, he's going through a difficult stage in his life, dealing with homelessness and friends who don't have his best interest in mind, unfortunately we didn't have a place where we could take him so we had to drop him off at his stepfathers house, who has been mistreating him to a great extent. I was selfishly worried his bad situation was going to affect our trip because the car ride to M's house was pretty quiet.

I figured out I was coming up pretty quickly but it wasn't a normal come up. It was similar to the needlepoint come up instead of a blotter come up, which is quite different for me. I wasn't getting crazy visuals quite yet, so I assumed I wouldn't. Everything looked more real and 3D, the trees looked like an extremely high resolution Sims 4 game. Like my entire existence was in a superb role playing game that was slowing taking place under water. Extremely still, calm water. Almost like a really thin oil consistency. We got to M's house and my visuals took hold. The popcorn on the ceiling danced in geometrical patterns. The trees waved like soft spaghetti a noodles, and the carpet looked like really slow waves of water. I lied on the couch and enjoyed the visuals, contributing to conversation when my mind let me. I wasn't really thinking about much at this point just enjoying my surroundings. L, would talk about gloving but I couldn't respond intelligent but I started to feel connected to everyone in the room. I didn't need them to explain what they were trying to say. I could pick up on what they were talking about within a couple words of their sentences. I think L noticed I was having insane visuals because I closed my eyes for a minute and when I opened them he was standing above me giving me a small light show with his gloves. The burst of bright color startled me at first, but the mode he was using was painting a really intricate stream of light in my mind so I enjoyed it. I was still laying on the couch and the way he was standing didn't give him enough room to give me a good light show so he sat on me.

As he was giving me a light show my mind began to wonder while I was watching his lights. I began to notice everything and became more aware of my surroundings. When L would shift his weight to one side of his body I could feel it inside on mine. Not in a sexual way, it was like his weight became apart of mine. L isn't overweight by any standards but the extra force began to wear on my bones but it didn't make me uncomfortable, my body just adjusted and started to support his weight along with me. My bones still hurt but it didn't bother me which made me question if my body always does that and I've never noticed. Does his body do that when I sit on him? Does everyone do it? Was it just part of the trip? We're our energies connecting differently that usual? I'm still not sure because my mind wandered somewhere else. He finished a awesome light show, turned on a lamp and I sat up so I can participate in conversation.

It was about an hour, hour and half after we dosed when something I call dual visuals started to happen. I don't know if this happens to other people or not but what it is, is my eyes are open and the visuals in the outside world, like the ceiling, the trees and carpet continue but if I change my focus to mind with me eyes still open I have visuals in my mind at the same time. So I see patterns on the ceilings while my mind makes an extreme music video. We were listening to the eden project, or skrux, I don't remember which was first. I sunk back into the couch and sunk into my mind. My body began to feel like bright yellow and white light, the ceiling began to dance to the beat of our music, my mind was going to odd places. When I get this deep into a trip recessed memories from my childhood play a big part and I can relive them.

When I get this deep into a trip recessed memories from my childhood play a big part and I can relive them.

 I can smell, see, feel and hear my memories with no other stimulation but my mind. L and M were talking, but I couldn't make out what they were saying unless I focused on them but I was far into my trip at this point which I think was the high point of my peak. L turned off the light and laid on the floor. I don't know how much time passed as we both laid in our own worlds but I don't think a lot did. I became even more aware of my surroundings. I could feel the weight shift of the floor if L moved, but M seemed to not play such an impact my senses. It was almost like he was completely still. I couldn't feel him breathe or move on the couch, almost like he wasn't even there even though he was sitting on the other end of the couch.

Some time passed and my mind wandered back into the apartment. I sat up and decided I wanted a cigarette but it took me some time because I could feel hold cold the apartment was and it chilled my bones. Finally L and I smoked a cigarette and also decided to smoke a bowl. After the high kicked in I was much more talkative and could actually use my cell phone again. Our friend D was still awake and wanted to come over. M was upset with D but decided to let him come over anyway. D lives 3 apartment buildings over so he was there within 5 minutes.

D walked in and the energy shifted. D had a few beers prior to coming over so he was a bit tipsy so he was trying to play proper and have intelligent conversation but L and I were too goofy and I had a mad case of the giggles so it slowly shifted into funny conversation.  After this communication became hard on my end. I could understand what everyone was saying on the surface and the meaning behind it. I'll list a couple examples. L and D switched spots and L was playing with his gloves kind of isolated and he said something under his breath kind of directed to me I think, he was doing whips and flails, a style of gloving but said 'tech just isn't fun anymore' which to an outsider wouldn't have made sense since he wasn't gloving that way but to me I saw how much fun he was having doing whips and flails and how easy he was flowing and jamming to the music. Right before he said 'tech wasn't fun' I saw it in his mind, meaning I saw the realization in his eyes, and his body language. It felt like I could understand what he was thinking without him even saying anything but I couldn't explain myself to him. My responses came out choppy and not thought through. I felt like I was portraying disinterest and what he was telling me wasn't important to me, which wasn't true. But I was caught up in reading unspoken language my senses were overloaded and I couldn't respond right, so I let off.

D and I were discussing Taylor Swift who I'm not a giant fan of, but damn her music is catchy. We went back and forth be cause I admitting her music was catchy. D chastised me for thinking so but muttered her song lyrics 'I love the game' under his breath which to me connected more dots to his life. I could see life from his point of view and his actions, right or wrong made sense because I could see where they were coming from. He treats every day life as a game and he will play both sides. I've noticed this before but I had never had a name for it until then. I could sense the deeper meaning behind everything anyone was saying but it didn't have an effect on me, I wasn't reading into things so I could have an opinion. I was reading into things so I could understand. I've always had good intuition but it was remarkable that night. I asked D if he wanted to use my hula hoop because I was locked on the couch so L turned off the lights, and gave himself a lightshow in the mirror while D hooped and I sat on the couch and watched. It was really pleasing to watch because I could see both of their playful, happy energies come out while they were doing something they loved. A tinge of me wanted to join the fun and hoop too but I was enjoying watching them more. D had been drinking so he kept knocking stuff over so we decided to all sit on the couch and hang again and laughed about our daily lives.

It was about 2:30am at this point and things were starting to wind down.  We chat for awhile then M decides to go to bed. L and I decided to lay down and watch tv, I have my head laying on his torso close to his hip and we're watching tv. A commercial came on, we're two people were trying to guess each other's favorite food, the women's was sushi and the mans was ribs which was funny because those are our favorite food. This wasn't the first time where we've been watching tv and the show or commercial correlated with my life or our life and I'm assuming I'm seeing them for a reason. I'm working on figuring out what that means. As we're watching tv L tries to be sexy and turn me on but, it's just funny because social interaction is odd on LSD and I just can't take him seriously. He notices and we both start laughing and agree that neither one of us are very good at initiating sex and we laugh some more, as I give him a blow job it's interrupted with laughter because there is no way to be sexy after that. It was comforting to know that we both agree we are bad at things and didn't feel as socially awkward as I usually do when I'm on LSD. Even though our communication was limited I still could understand.

I felt very connected to my friends and my surroundings throughout my trip and it taught me really how to see things from an unbiased 3rd party. We eventually fell asleep and went about day, we all had to work the next day.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 105210

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 20

Published: Sep 22, 2021	Views: 410

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Relationships (44), Depression (15), General (1)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 175 ug
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 1:00
		 25 ug
		 oral
		 4-HO-MET

		   T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Tobacco - Cigarettes

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   70 kg

INTRODUCTION

Last week I tripped on a combo of 4-ho-met and acid. I had done this two times prior to this (but with lower doses) and always had amazing results. This time was different thoough, this experience was so special to me that I almost feel obligated to write a report (which I never do). The location was at a really nice lake in the forest in Italy (South Tyrol). I was with 3 good friends, one remained sober as a tripsitter. The goal of the trip was really just having a good time, last trip was 4 months ago. My highest acid dose up to this point was 350ug, highest 4-ho-met dose 45mg.

THE TRIP

t-00:00 We drop the acid, it is currently 10am, and we just arrived at the hiking trail. We are all excited since we didn't see each other in a long time. The sun is shining, and the temperature is just perfect. We enjoy the beautiful nature and there are wonderful vibes.

t-01:00 We arrived at the lake and set up our hammocks. I'm starting to feel the acid creeping in, so I drop the 4-ho-met. A little comeup anxiety, but that's nothing out of the ordinary for me.

t-01:30 coming up hard now. The bodyload is coming on strong too and as I lay down and look up to the sky I start seeing the first visuals.

t-02:30 the last hour was a slow but uncomfortable comeup. Did not really feel clean up to this point. We decided to take a walk around the lake, we really chose a good place for this trip.

t-02:45 BAM! It hit me like a ton of bricks and the peak is here. Insane visuals, very complex and lots of variety. Me and my friend who took the same dose kind of lost the ability to talk, so we just enjoyed the walk and laughed a lot:). I have to say that the peak of this experience was not that clean, there was more confusion than with 350ug of acid and there were more side effects like temperature regulation issues and a bit of nausea which I usually don't get on psychedelics.

t-03:30 After we returned to our spot, we listened to some chill music, at first we tried some forest psytrance, but we found that a bit too hectic, so we switched to tipper and psychill which calmed us down a bit. We didn't expect it to be this strong but hey, that doesn't have to be a bad thing ;).

At this point, the visuals were out of this world. They weren't that strong, but the variety was what made it so special. The tryptamine and the lysergamide melted into one amazing, beautiful experience. The closed eye visuals were what impressed me the most. I had full on 3-Dimensional geometric and very complex CEV's which I only ever got from DMT before.

t-04:30 It's currently 14:30 and now the peak is slowly starting to fade away as we can talk again (even though it is pretty difficult). Up through this point the headspace was pretty wild, now it seemed to calm down. We were just having a good time smoking some CBD and ciggies, talking about deep topics and the world we live in. Another amazing thing was the music enhancement: It was out of this world, never got anything similar from just one of the two.

t-06:30 Now the peak is over and we are in heaven. This combo is REALLY euphoric. We put on some dark forest psytrance. The music seemed like the visuals translated into sound and dancing felt sooo good. Almost comparable to mdma euphoria. The visuals were still in full force. I think this is where this combo really shined. From here on out, I didn't get any side effects anymore, just a really clean and amazing trip. The chaotic headspace died down a lot too and we were left just feeling amazing and fresh.

t-08:30 We were sitting by the lake smoking some weed and looking at the water. This combo just has a really special, amazing euphoric feeling to it. If it weren't for the peak, I would make it my go-to for parties.

At this point I was in a really calm state of mind, just feeling really balanced mentally. Euphoria was still strong, and we never got tired of talking. It was a really nice bonding session for us. Effects are gradually getting weaker tho, but really slowly.

t-10:30 As the sun was setting, we started our journey back to the car. The walk back was a real adventure, visually it was still mind-blowing since the weed boosted it again, they persisted until I went to sleep.

t-11:45 We go to our local pizzeria and eat something, since during the trip I was not hungry at all. Tasted great:)

CONCLUSION

This really was an amazing, if not the best trip I ever had. Visually this was really remarkable since I saw things that I thought weren't even possible from acid/4-ho-met. I also got a really nice afterglow from it and didn't feel exhausted the next day at all. Sorry for my grammar mistakes, but English is not my first language

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115782

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 20

Published: Sep 28, 2021	Views: 1,098

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4-HO-MET (436), LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Glowing Experiences (4), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   90 kg

Set/Setting

I had a some acid – a drop on a rizla paper – that had been given to me by a friend and had been lying around in a bag for a few weeks. I kept thinking about it and wondering when would be the right time to take it.

My life is in the middle of lots of transition at the moment: over the past 6 or so months, I have quit a job, left the flat I was living in and, following a three-year relationship breakdown, gone traveling in Asia for three months, only to return to London and fall into a limbo before finally accepting the decision (that I had made previously) to leave and move to another city. For the past week, I've been staying in the flat of two friends in Bristol. They were both away for a few days, so I had the flat to myself. I had been feeling the urge to do some psychedelics for a while, and this looked like the opportunity I had been waiting for. Despite all the fluctuations, I have been feeling as though the things I am putting into place at the moment are positive, and so felt that now might be a good time to put down a psychedelic 'marker'.

I have been feeling as though the things I am putting into place at the moment are positive, and so felt that now might be a good time to put down a psychedelic 'marker'.

T+0: I took the tab at around 9 in the evening. Throughout the evening, I had been unsure if I was actually going to take it, wondering if it was the right moment. But as with all things, sometimes the decision has already been taken and it is just a question of accepting it. I did go into the experience with a certain amount of nervous energy, however.

T+1.00: I spent half an hour or so tidying kitchen, making the room I was staying in comfortable, and assembling playlists, as my main intention for the night was to listen to music and 'climb inside it' as I had on previous LSD experiences. I began to feel the first effects an hour or so afterwards: the usual first tingles of excitement, as well as a sensation that the usual waking hour activities, such as a operating a phone, were becoming slightly more difficult to do (as well as being less necessary).

T+2.30: It was as I was sitting in my room that the first visual effects began to make themselves felt. Things around me were beginning to flicker and fluctuate. I should mention that at this point I had started watching a film – Holy Motors – a very strange film in which a man being driven around Paris in a white stretch limo takes on various guises, including an old beggar woman, an assassin, a dying millionaire etc. It made sense for a while, before the themes of body transformations began to get a bit too strange to deal with. With hindsight, this was not best way to start the trip, as some of the logic of the film probably seeped into my acid-soaked consciousness at that point.

T+3-4.00: The visual effects peaked at this point, I had long switched off the film as it had become incomprehensible, and was listening to music on headphones instead. At their most intense, the open-eye visuals manifested in a rippling sensation across all surfaces of the room, the boundaries between various physical objects began to dissolve completely, as did those between myself and the room, so that the bed, the chair, the walls, the desk, myself, were all beginning to morph into a continuous 'block' of energy of some kind, in which everything was rippling and vibrating.

Closed-eye visuals: there were several themes throughout tonight but I will try and describe the most noticeable:

Feminine/sexual energy: A recurring theme when I take psychedelics is a very strong connection to what I perceive as an extremely strong feminine energy. Sometimes this manifested itself in a overtly sexual manner: women's bodies as effortlessly fluid, pulsing entities, in tune with music. At other points it was just a closer connection with the feminine within me: at one point I visualized a female person, almost my female equivalent sitting where I was, headphones on, smoking a weed pipe and blowing smoke out the window. At certain points, I was experiencing what I can only describe as a form of ecstatic sexual energy, a warm and intense feeling in which I visualized some of the women I had felt connections with throughout my life. One woman, who I had met while traveling, kept reemerging throughout the experience. Sex has been lurking at the back of my mind for a while, as my sex life has almost entirely disappeared over the last few months. There was also a sensation of craving physical and emotional connection. I wonder whether this sensation of intense feminine energy coincides with the Hindu notion of Shakti, as the cosmic/divine female energy.

A day or two after the trip, I remember discussing with a male friend the differences between psychedelics and cocaine. We both felt that cocaine, as a more ego-focused drug, was in some way very much a 'male' drug, whereas psychedelics, with their boundary-dissolving qualities, are somehow more 'female'.

I also remember thinking how this essentialist notion of sex/gender – as two tangible poles – is in contrast to how I usually think about gender, as something much more socially constructed and constituted. I then also thought about whether this 'feminine' quality of LSD experiences was in part due to my own sexuality. Would gay men, for instance, experience the same thing?

Psychedelic architecture: The other intense vistas that I experienced were of vast caverns, landscapes that were moulded by the music I was listening to. They were like huge subterranean caves, fluctuating and brightly lit.

I also saw a physical modelling of my own life as a vast spiral emerging out of a street, at first glance seemingly made of stone but also very much part of the natural world, adorned in leaves and blending into the environment. It was both a physical object and a relationship to the things around it, expanding upwards and in many different directions. The words are feeble but that is the closest I can come to describing it.

The moment and the mind: At it's most transcendent, I felt I was able to largely control the experience, by sitting still and focusing on breathing when the visuals became intense.

I had a awareness of an undulating moment and being part of it. There is a space/time I have sometimes been able to access on LSD which can only be described as ecstatic – existing outside of ordinary time in which everything simply flows.

However, the main tension of the experience was between the direct experience of the moment and my mind stepping in to name or define things, as though my conscious mind was always on hand to say: 'ah, so now you're experiencing this...' this acted as a barrier to complete ego loss in the moment and something I became very aware of as the night wore on. I wonder whether it is time to start taking slightly larger doses, so that the mind can pose less resistance and has to surrender completely to the moment.

Questions: I remember feeling a certain satisfaction with the fact that I was able to be on my own and trip, feeling comfortable with myself and secure with the fact that I would be ok. Some questions that arose were: why are you taking this? Where are you trying to get to or what is it that you are seeking? But if tripping is seen as a form of traveling between layers of consciousness and exploring the caverns of the mind, then the journey is in itself the purpose.

Physical side-effects: there was a significant body load from the acid, and a slightly spiky edge that meant my body couldn't entirely relax and I experienced a degree of shakiness throughout. I smoked a bit of weed but this only reduced it by a small amount.

The grotesque: as with most trips, there was a darker component to the visions, which emerged later, as most of the open-eye visuals had subsided, and I my body was feeling tired while my mind was still racing and awake. At this point, distorted and mangled, sometimes mutilated body forms started to make their way into my consciousness. I imagine the film I had been watching earlier had a part to play in this. However, I didn't feel frightened by the images but instead accepted them and let them pass.

Just before I fell asleep, I had a wave of intense, graphic and somewhat depraved sexual fantasies, some of them fairly violent in content. I imagined doing things (and having things done to me) to and by friends and people I knew that I would never ordinarily fantasize about.  Despite their graphic nature, they were also somehow childish, as though my mind was processing the idea of sex and human bodies from the point of view of an infant who is still only becoming familiar with the notion of sexuality and is still a little bit disgusted by it all. I was shocked by some of what I saw though, and remember thinking if those were my actual desires or wants.

I eventually got to sleep around 4 or 5 in the morning. Overall, it was a positive experience, and despite feeling a little jangled the next day, I always feel quite surprised and how quickly the mind returns to 'normal' consciousness.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 103803

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 30

Published: Oct 4, 2021	Views: 428

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LSD (2) : Alone (16), Sex Discussion (14), General (1)