		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 0.5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:00

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 0:45
		 0.5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:20

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   151 lb

Running a 5K Race on LSD

A good friend of mine had an LSD hookup that had some pretty amazing tabs. I've done my fair share of good LSD, mushrooms, mescaline etc. and these white on white papers blew my mind. Some of the purest L I've ever had the pleasure of tripping on. It's such a beautiful clean trip. I had one more tab left after having tripped on the rest I bought a few nights ago. Just one tab of this LSD was enough to have an exceptionally strong trip. My friend and his girl each took only half of a hit and both of them still tripped harder than they had on any other L.

Anyways, I was at the local pub playing my guitar like I usually do on Friday nights. I wasn't really expecting to trip. However, when I got there and played my set and socialized with some people I started getting really good vibes and decided I may as well drop some LSD! I went to the bathroom, and dropped half of the 1 hit on my tongue, I didn't take the full hit at first, because I thought my friend might want the other half. felt that tingly electric feeling as the LSD entered my bloodstream. I then walked back to parking lot to hang out and smoke some weed with friends. This happened around 12:00 am.

After I dropped my uncle off at home, I decided I should head to this free Trance music festival downtown. There were some pretty good psy-trance Dj's there and I thought I might as well meet some people down there and rave all night on acid! About 20 minutes after dropping I could already feel slight waves of euphoric energy rushing through my body. There's nothing like the feeling of good clean lucy. Around the same time I reached the venue the cops had already shown up and were busting up the party. I guess the venue wasn't legit. But no worries, I met this cool dude who gave me the address to an afterparty rave. It didn't start til 1 am though, so I went home, having about 35 minutes to kill.

The lucy was bringing me higher and higher. I sat down at my computer and put on some Hendrix. Always good acid tripping music. The music flowed through my head in waves.  I looked at my Facebook messages, and saw a message from my current potential other. We had a strange connection. I used to be in a relationship with her and I guess I kinda still am. We've been hanging out again recently. She asked me if I wanted to chill and I invited her to the afterparty with me. She was down. I saved the other half of that hit for her in case she wanted it.

At about 12:45 Taurus (we'll call her that) arrived at my house. She was really tired and just wanted to get drunk. She didn't want that other half so I dropped it. We drove to the party and it was actually pretty dead. We also saw a few cops rolling around. By this time I was starting to trip and with Taurus being tired, we decided we'd both probably be better off just relaxing at my house.

1:20 We're back at my apartment complex sitting in the parking lot. Taurus is asleep so I let her be for a while and don't disturb her. The L is coming on strong. All of the numbers on the speedometer wiggle and jump up and down. Blue rays descend gently from each streetlight. A Live Grateful Dead disk is in my CD player and my mind starts to zone out. I'm in such a beautiful head space. I sit and listen to at least 3 live jams before waking Taurus for a hit of weed and walking her inside. The lyrics and Jerry's guitar solos speak deeply to my soul.

Back in my apartment. It's about 2:00. I make the softest bed I can for Taurus. I'm starting to feel deep appreciation for her and am doing whatever I can to make her feel comfortable. She's hungry so I make her an English muffin and some Macaroni Cheese. Haha, That was interesting. Wandering around my kitchen in an intense LSD mind state, I discover the bottle of orange juice in my fridge. I down the whole thing. Vitamin C is good for your brain. That's when my trip really kicked into gear.

Around 3:00 now.  Every time I feel like I'm peaking, I get higher. I think the orange juice made all the difference. Taurus is sleeping gently next to my. Grateful Dead Radio is on on Sirius XM. They are playing a show from 4/29/71. It's absolutely beautiful. I get lost in the music, lay next to Taurus, and close my eyes, letting it carry me away. I loose all sense of time and space, there are times where I feel like I'm literally at the show, hearing people in the crowd talk about the band and whatnot. I turn the lights off and beautiful visuals overwhelm me. Blue LED sparkling lights and geometric patterns crawl around my walls. My imagination conjures up crazy random images in my brain. Each thought I think echoes in eternity. Complete unity. I feel at one with the entire universe, Every star, every nebula, every being. The Dead play every perfect song for every exact perfect moment. I listen to the entire show... When it's over I sit up, feeling as if I've just traveled across the cosmos in the past couple hours.

I don't know what time it is. The sun is getting close to rising, rays of light shine through the cracks in the blinds. Damn, I could really use some ganja right now. I wake up Taurus to ask her if I can smoke a bowl of her weed. She says yes. Damn I love this chick. I pack up a bowl and go sit on the front porch to think about what I just experienced. It's getting lighter and I'm still tripping hard.

I sit by the pond by my house as I smoke a fat bowl of high grade medical weed. Ducks gather around me, looking at me curiously. Soon I have a whole flock of ducks chilling around me. Weird. I finish the bowl. I'm stoned now. And still tripping. Not peaking anymore but definitely still tripping. My body feels like it's melting into the nature around me. The willow trees look like giant furry creature moving towards the water. I feel totally unity with the life force of the pond. The water, the plants, the ducks, fish, trees.. they all feel just as part of me as an arm or a leg. That's my best attempt to describe the feeling I felt.

The sun begins to rise and the entire pond begins to wake up. Ducks and Geese are singing their morning songs. I take out my acoustic guitar and sing to the sun as it rises. I decide I should go out for a walk in the sunrise. I put on my shades and head out. There is this beautiful patch of nature by my house. Trees and tall plants everywhere, it looks almost like African grasslands, and I spend a lot of time alone there meditating in nature. However, when I arrive at my spot, I am in for a surprise. People. Everywhere. So many people. They're wearing running gear and numbers. Bulldozers have torn trails in my beautiful patch of nature and vendor stands are set up everywhere. A DJ stands blasting annoying pop music on speakers. I go up to one of the event officials. 'What's going on here?' I ask him. His face morphs almost like in fear and loathing as he turns to me. 'Mud run.' He responds. 'Is that like a 5k or something?' 'Yeah.' 'Well, where do I sign up?' I ask. If these fuckers are tearing up this beautiful patch of land, I'm going to at least beat them at their own game. 'Over at the white tent.' The man says, pointing to a white booth set up across the field.

Determined to win this 5k, for whatever reason. I approach the registration tent. There's a $70 sign up fee. Fuck that. I'll just enter the race by my own means. I'm gonna need lots of water, and some chewing gum. I put on my running shorts and sunglasses, tie my dreads up in a rag, and jog to the local gas station to buy water and gum. Mind you, I'm still frying on acid at this point. I haven't run a 5k or any race in over a year.

I haven't run a 5k or any race in over a year.

I warm up and stretch a little. As I approach the start line, they're already getting ready to start the next heat. Perfect timing. I find a place near the finish line behind all the runners and crouch in the tall grass. I know this forest very well, and it will provide me the energy I need to run this race. The gun goes off, and I sprint out from the grass passing most of the runners within the first stretch. I feel like I have massive amounts of energy. Power surges through my body as it moved like a lean beast through the crowd of runners. Colorful visuals still flood my vision, The sun rays beam down in different colors. The adrenaline of the start of the race propels me forward. I soon pass the leader and am at the front of the pack.

As the race progressed on I kept my energy going. The trees and the grass all spoke to me and gave my body energy to help me keep going. I felt like a tiger chasing its prey. The race course was a mud obstacle course. I had to climb ropes, jump over hurdles, through tires, climb muddy hills, wade through swamps, balance on beams, jump over ditches, slide down a mudslide and various other obstacles.

I got sprayed by water from a bystander and it was one of the most energizing things that could have happened. I surged ahead. There was one musclebound bodybuilder-looking dude who was gaining on me. He looked well trained but I was determined to not let him pass me. I kept him at a reasonable distance behind me. On the final stretch I gave it my all, not knowing how far behind my opponent was. As soon as I crossed the finish line, covered from head to toe in mud and vomit, I collapsed, dry heaved several times, and projectile vomited twice. I won the race through. 19:30 was my time. 1st place. On LSD. Woah. This is an experience I will never forget. The feeling of having just WON a 5k race, and crossing the finish line while tripping on acid is completely fucking awesome. I'd never won a 5k in my life until that day. I felt like a beast. I felt like I could do anything. It was amazing. Dangerous? maybe. I definitely do not recommend it to anyone. I survived though and I don't regret a second of it. I'll remember this trip for the rest of my life that's for sure. Just keep truckin. Beautiful stuff man. Be here now.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 101139

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 19

Published: Jan 23, 2021	Views: 584

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LSD (2) : Music Discussion (22), Performance Enhancement (50), Glowing Experiences (4), Various (28)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 0.5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 2:45
		 300 mg
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 7:00

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   85 kg

Most Amazing Experience of My Life

I'm a 22 year old male with previous experience of both LSD and MDMA. I have been taking MDMA on a semi regular basis for 2 years and I have taken LSD a number of times over the last 7 months. I have wanted to candyflip for a while and had made plans to do so at a music festival over the summer. Unfortunately my bag was stolen on the first night along with my drugs so that stopped that plan. Anyway I waited until a suitable time and decided that a local rave that's on every month would be the perfect place. I had a batch of acid that I had already tried before so I had a decent idea of what the dosage was. I took half a tab. I took the tab around 9 in the evening when all my other friends were drinking. They were all taking md but I would be the only one candyflipping. I also decided not to drink as I find it doesn't have any effect while on acid.

All other times I took acid it started to kick in within an hour. This time I wasn't really feeling much other than slight body shivers. I also started to feel a bit nervous. I told myself everything would be alright and got ready for the night ahead. We left in a taxi for the venue around 11 and on the journey in I started to feel a bit uncomfortable and strange. I still wasn't feeling any of what I would call positive effects of acid. I wasn't experiencing visuals or having a nice body high.

After we arrived at the venue all my friends got a drink and dropped pre-prepared bombs of MDMA. I had decided that I would wait 3 hours after taking the acid to take my MDMA

I had decided that I would wait 3 hours after taking the acid to take my MDMA

 so I waited a bit longer.

During this time I was feeling uncomfortable and out of place. Around 11:30/45 I decided it was time to take my MDMA. I had prepared 2 bombs with 150mg in each one. As I was feeling so uncomfortable on the acid I decided that I wanted to come up on MDMA as soon as possible so instead of swallowing the bombs I chewed them up to get hit quicker. Pretty soon within 10 minutes I was feeling all the effects of the MDMA. I wasn't feeling anything from the acid and thought that maybe it wasn't evenly distributed on the blotter and I must not of taken as much as I thought. The uncomfortable feeling ended as I came up on the MDMA and I started to dance and enjoy myself.

Then suddenly around half 12 I felt the acid kick in. I was looking at a strobe light and it was like a switch in my body had been turned on. I was overcome with an immense sense of pleasure. It was so overwhelming I had to stop dancing and lean against a wall to get my breath. It was like nothing I had experienced in my life and was the most incredible feeling. The next 2 hours are a bit of a blur. I just remember feeling amazing and loving. I was feeling love for everybody but at the same time was happy in myself and didn't want to talk with people. I was dancing but still every now and then I had to stop because it felt like I was being overcome with this pleasure feeling.

The event ended at half 2 and we walked to a corner store to get water and ice cream. I was still feeling like I was in the rave and was trying to explain to my friends how incredible I felt. They were all starting to come down off the MDMA and wanted to go home so we did. I was still feeling pretty good but could sense the MDMA was wearing off.

We got home around 4 and rolled a few joints which we shared. This made me feel like I was coming down and I also felt pretty tired. By now I felt I was coming off both the acid and MDMA and decided it might be a good idea to try sleep. This was at about 5. When I went to bed as soon as I closed my eyes I started having intense closed eye visuals. It was really confusing as I kept seeing myself in the sitting room with my friends as we were a few minutes earlier. As well as the visuals it was a general feeling of being there. This happened a good few times I'm not really sure how many. But as soon as I opened my eyes I realized I was in bed. It was almost like I was going into a dream state as soon as I closed my eyes but with the ability to end it at any moment.

Eventually I did fall asleep and slept until around 11. I did wake a couple of times in between but find this very normal after taking MDMA.

I had a meeting for college at 12 so had to get up and shower and get ready. I find this is the best way to avoid a bad comedown as doing stuff prevents the negative thoughts that can sometimes happen after taking MDMA. For the next two days I felt pretty tired but other than that I felt good and would say that the positive effects of the night were well worth any side effects on a comedown.

I hope you enjoyed reading and that I managed to convey what an amazing experience this was for me. I look forward to trying this again some time in the future. I think at an outdoor music festival could be ideal.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 111089

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 22

Published: Feb 1, 2021	Views: 827

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LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), Rave / Dance Event (18)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 cap
		 oral
		 Amanitas - A. muscaria

		   T+ 72:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 72:00
		 3
		 oral
		 Mushrooms
		 (fresh)

		   T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Tobacco - Cigarettes

		   T+ 0:00
		 1.5 mg
		 oral
		 Cariprazine
		 (daily)

		   T+ 0:00
		 12 - 3 mg

		 Pharms - Buprenorphine
		 (daily)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

Below is copied an email (which describes the A. muscaria experience in full and the LSD &amp; psilocybin-containing Gymnopilus mushroom experience in summary) to my Lacanian training psychoanalyst, who serves as a quasi-spiritual guide for me at many times, since we share our religion, and since he is my supervisor in psychoanalytic training at our Lacanian School, as well as my training psychotherapist. It is important to note for this experience that I am also an Aspirant monk (the lowest rank) to a contemplative biritual (Eastern &amp; Roman) Catholic order. Here the two trips is described in detail, with more detail going to the Amanita experience, which was like the positioning of many questions that the LSD/psilocybin experience three days later counterpointed in response. Following, I will try to fill in the blanks of the LSD/psilocybin (combination) experience, this Friday night, alone in my room in the dark silence of prayer. While the email is directed at my analyst, obviously most of the information can be understood by any general audience. It opens with an explanation of events prior to the trip (set):

"Essentially, a lexicon of dissociated signifiers were streaming like a lightning bolt, like mycelium, or a flowing river path, through my whole world. An entire lexicon of images, symbols, and words with their private associations and webs of meaning -- and in all four of the languages I speak -- were, frankly, assaulting me. Here, the stage is set for a ripe and productive session of prayerful psychedelic entheogen usage. Here too, the stage is arranged for a life of contemplative prayer -- only after I was able to -- and I say "was" because I have done this, certainly - invert the assault of this tireless syntax into the redemption of the Word.

Before medicating myself [with my prescribed antipsychotic medication; Vraylar, 1.5 mg], what I gleaned from the drama was that there were "star" moments -- or, "stark" times -- and there were "wood" moments -- or, "word" times or "world" times or "work" moments. Two dual signifiers of event and rest, point and space. This metonymy only made sense to me after the Soma mushrooms whereby I discovered the tangent point in two circles of infinitely different sizes where the inmost point in myself touches and meets the open ocean of God. Then, three days later, the LSD experience where I sojourned on a prayerful search for the answer signified by constancy, the question being that which had been carved like a hole in me -- perhaps exactly where I open into God -- by the enigma of desire. Regarding desire, one of the lessons I have begun to institute is the starving of desire in order to reduce the surplus proliferations of a restless soul -- which, when done properly, leaves behind a desire unbroken yet like a pinprick point, desire which has been killed by starvation yet which traces infinitum through the sand of my heart like a Holy Ghost.

This period of days following, I realized I had almost completely fallen from grace into the world of blindness and desolation I had inhabited for the past year or more until All Soul's Day, 2020. And I searched desperately for an answer to the questions that had been posed and imposed on me, really, since the fateful cipher of the comforts and traumas of my early life.

So, I decided to give psychedelic substances a shot. I went on my first mushroom hunt in over a year.

I should describe some historical detail here; I have used psychedelics, obviously among many drugs from which I am now completely sober/abstinent, around 40 different times over the past seven years, beginning when I was fourteen. Let's just say I had a good time in high school, both educationally and socially, and had a tendency of recklessness combined with a need to explore. My usage of psychedelics was always spaced far apart, and I, having researched meticulously since a young age, recognized their power, potential, and danger with deep caution and respect from the outset. I first experienced LSA through morning glory seeds, and later LSD ordered from the dark net, when I was in middle school. This sounds bad: a young teenager using these powerful drugs, however, I regard the experiences as opening a veritable universe of questions to me that allowed me to make some limited sense of the trauma I had experienced and rocketed me into the, at the time, precocious maturity that I continue to work on. Never did a psychedelic experience actually trigger any psychotic phenomena for me -- in stark contrast to my experiences with Cannabis -- I believe, precisely because I already had so much deep and harrowing familiarity with the limits and recesses of the human psyche because of my having had my first psychotic break and diagnosis of schizophrenia prior to this experimentation.

So, the mushroom hunt was successful, obviously, and quite a spiritually enriching activity actually. There are a truly numerous amount of reasons why fungi/mushrooms of any type are utterly amazing biologically, ecologically, culturally, but I will just say that the mushrooms seem to call and guide one during the hunt towards themselves. I spoke with my friend Vita, my brother's girlfriend, while walking and ingressing with the mushrooms.

At home, I prepared a tea of one Amanita muscaria / fly agaric cap. First arrived the strange and pleasant sensation of utter clarity and tranquil synchronized thinking. (Remember, psychoactive Amanitas are very different from psilocybin mushrooms or LSD.) I was almost tired, but more simply peaceful. I almost fell asleep, until I was jolted awake with an incredible stimulation and productivity.

I almost fell asleep, until I was jolted awake with an incredible stimulation and productivity.

 I went outside of my room to smoke a cigarette, and the garden looked awesome under the wavering moonlight. During this time, I then, I sketched out the following in my notebook, entranced by the stimulation of the mushroom. I felt compelled to examine the flaws in my life, and to create a pragmatic plan to live exactly how I ought to live, guided by several texts which have been crucially formative. This plan, I called: The Redeeming Act. I realized, during the trance of the Amanita mushroom, that I had a significant problem with DOING and needed to proceed utterly fearlessly with the stillness required of a monk in order to live a redeemed life. I mapped out every detail of the problem at hand. I realized that, perhaps, what I had been given is possibly exactly enough after all this time. I needed "to be a person on whom nothing is lost." Then, I would be the "new man psychoanalysis aims to create." (Otto Rank) Doing this would require a breakdown in the barriers between myself, and fully trusting my environment. I realized: I had to stop thinking and start trusting and doing, moving towards contemplation rather than rumination. The search for self will always be a trap; for me, I must simply Be. Do.

Pray, Love, Work, &amp;c.

My main issue was with trust and a search/need for security, which I had to conquer. I felt a fervent love for the Eucharist and a desire to spend as much time as possible before the Flesh in Bread. I knew I had to do what I ought to do, and act on principles and convictions without exclusive reference to moods and feelings, like a saraobite. The only clear path ahead of me was to starve desire, as I described. Questions and insights had arisen, which had been present for quite some long time, that I only resolved several days later with the LSD and psilocybin mushroom experience as a resolution or capitulation to what the Amanita muscaria had opened up.

When I was done with this plan, I fell into a deep dream like state, but one of absolute lucidity and clarity. I went inside and lied down. It had been about six hours now, and it was 2 AM. During this time, I perceived the silent centered part of myself that connected like a secret tangent to the ocean of God. I had a colloquy with the Divine Source, God in Christ and the "lengua indefatigable" of the Holy Spirit (a double-entendre), and received the voice of a particular oracle, which I copied down:

"Clear as the daylight which speaks, the Universe embeds meaning unto Good meaning. This comes to teach-- through the seekers -- unto you, my child who art misery, my son who art joy &amp; order upon the crown layered mine truth after truth after truth.

Trust &amp; still you, through delighted rest, ye temple refashioned on press heavy my wounding chest. Be still -- suspended -- be like that dull echo call."

Then, I slept. I dreamt. All in all, I was surprised because the time was not so different from certain states I can go to naturally. This was also noticeable with the LSD and psilocybin experience, which I will recount next; it was all familiar; I believe I handle psychedelics so well just because I can already go to these places sober -- a state where signifiers become loose and abound in the everyday world which speaks -- although in a more "psychotic" state for me, psychedelics can very easily exacerbate the issue to the point of utter calamity. This is why the risk is so great for me as a subject, and subsequently why I take great lengths to prepare and be safe, and use these substances so very infrequently -- and only at amenable times.

Okay, as I write this, I'm getting tired, and I will have to follow up with the account of the LSD/psilocybin mushroom experience later. However, I will paste the images of my notes during the experience. All you need to know for now is that I spent the whole time in prayer, in the dark in my room, then later walked at sunrise to the Eucharist, and will be making Confession tomorrow. The immediate effect was that I am legitimately safe in my home, in my perception now, leading to actually joyful encounters in my family life, contrasted with prior.

It was even more powerful than the Amanita time, and it answered questions with profound clarity that have awakened me into a sober and safely certain life. It was like a deep and long overdue "cleaning" of the unconscious, like signifiers that had been trapped in deep and incessantly reappeared to taint my view of reality were swept away and understood/integrated in a way that leads me to believe I was utterly blind before this, in a way that ties everything together with simple grace and elegant solubility -- While as a perpetual student of the spiritual and analytic life I must always move forward to learn, and while only time can truly tell, with the cipher of the traumas that have plagued my perception of reality in madness and confusion for so long, at least in their cleaning, I can truly say that for those means: through the redeeming lexicon of all previously schismatic symbols now reorganized only toward &amp; under the Divine Word, I am truly cured.

You will notice I could only express myself in several languages [Photos of handwritten notes accompanied the original production of this experience report]. I am still wondering why that is, but I am happy to discuss the nuances of translation, and explain the impact and relevance of this at our next session."

Essentially, the LSD experience was characterized by this promulgation of signifiers that had long since lay dead in me -- and my search to understand them. I began with cleaning things, moved to prayer in the dull light, went outside frequently to smoke cigarettes and look at the stars. This moment of looking at the stars allowed me to understand that so many of my greatest problems and greatest gifts were due to not being grounded. As well, looking at the stars in the darkness of the garden reminded me strongly of my first night at the monastery, when the Prior allowed us all to drive up to the mountains and watch an astronomical event with prayerful vigilance, celebration; it was the first time I had experienced such a characteristic sense of contemplation, that I had only glimpsed before in backpacking trips (which we occasionally undertake as monks in pilgrimages to the wilderness). In fact, throughout the trip, I had a strong desire to return to the monastery immediately, although I knew it would be unwise to show up intoxicated! I fondly recalled our little familial community, the dark and sprawling libraries, the winding stairs and chapel oratory and the sunroof in the shedding dawn light, and my simple iconography-decorated monastic cell.

Saturday night, while I was trying to fall asleep, I again returned outdoors to smoke a cigarette (a savory indulgence we are not allowed to partake in at the monastery), and I was reminded of this simple joy at living, and the sensation of the real presence of God's magnificence in and through and around all things -- one and the same. Saturday, the day after the Friday night I took the LSD, was perhaps more important than the peak of the experience.

Saturday, the day after the Friday night I took the LSD, was perhaps more important than the peak of the experience.

 Although I was exhausted and sleep-deprived with various cardiovascular effects of the LSD and/or psilocybin leading to my skin become very flush/dry (similar to my time on methamphetamine) and my appendages reacting to the cold of the winter, I truly recovered to a good and graced mood of interaction with my family -- whose trauma meets my own in complicated ways -- prophesying the days of genuine healing we have ahead of us that have already been embarked upon in many ways.

During prayer, which consisted of chanting the Latin Divine Office (Extraordinary Form), Lectio Divina, and the rosary, I felt such a strong relation to the Psalms that I was overwhelmed with a mournful love for God and the potentials and predicaments of humankind. I copied down most of the insights into my journal, photographed and reproduced here, whose scribbling took on its own form of sprawling topographic notation and ergodic readings. Most of this experience I spent here, reverent and adoring, in the quiet of my comfortable and clean little sanctuary of my room in my childhood home. I will try to explain some of these mystical insights that arose. In general, I must say that I was very glad that for quite some time, both inside and outside the monastery, I have been relatively cleansed or fasting or purged from excessive, surplus, "jouissance-laden" inordinate stimulus like television, advertisement, pornography, or otherwise harmful subconsciously-impactful images and symbols.

I was terrified at the idea that I could forget the Jesus Prayer, which I said periodically throughout the experience to center myself in my breath. To this today I continually say the Jesus Prayer to "remind" myself of God, as often as I draw breath; inspired by this experience and my monastery community.

About four hours into the experience, the frenzy settled, and I entered a more meditative state. Questions that had long plagued me had revealed themselves to have obvious solutions. I understood deep experiences and associations of shame, including social and sexual shame, and processed them so that they no longer blinded me. I came to the radical conclusion that "hell is empty" in the sense I need not be afraid -- indeed, I need to proceed trusting and fearlessly -- into the problems of the past that inhabited like demons the literal household I tripped in that night, as well as the potentials and dilemmas arising in the future; I needed to "sea seguro" -- to trust, to be "safe", "certain", "sure". I wrote these notes in a combination of Ecclesiastic Latin, Connacht Irish Gaelic, English, and Latin American Spanish because the Mystery of the Word(s) were abounding within me, all "jumbled up" and this was truly the best and most intuitive and accurate way I could express what was being delivered to me and my interpretations thereof.

I felt I was totally blind before this. I knew that many, many mystical experiences, mostly sober, had gone into making this epiphany. But nonetheless, before this, I was blind; now I see. "It is no longer I that lives; it is Christ that lives in me." I understood that the "Constant" I had searched for was actually an immutable part of myself, an inner compass. I knew I had to "be like li, like mycelium, like the topography of river streams, like a sprawling map, like lightning; I had to become the mushroom. I was motivated to make an earnest and honest Confession.

At dawn, I walked in the park and witnessed the most incredible sunrise I had seen. Here, I navigated the deep shame I carried because of my history of sexual/physical abuse when I was a child. I understood that I was safe now; really, safe -- truly safe. I had not believed that since I was about seven years old, and here now, I am again, safe. I copied down in Irish the pondering that "God was perhaps too bright; I cannot see what (S)He is because of the light being exuded." The predicament of light, seeing, blindness, speech, and silence preoccupied me. I knew I was on the right path to cultivating a life nourished by the fruits of sacred silence. I knew "what I had to do"; an adjuration delivered to me -- sober but in the midst of a psychotic episode for which I was subsequently hospitalized -- by three apparitions of the Blessed Virgin Mary (which I interpreted like a Jungian anima) in Advent of 2018. I was glad to have found a way out of madness -- maybe even only now -- and a way to see. I was grateful and gave thanks to God and the spirits around me, such as the mushrooms in my room.

I fell asleep after my walk in the park and spent the rest of the day in rest and in peace with my family. I now must prepare for the beginning of a truly full and worthwhile life as the semester begins, and as I prepare to return again to the monastery. I do not know what made these two psychedelic experiences more productive than the rest, and I may never, but the mysterious insight of peace has not left me and I suspect it never will.

--- MadMonk

[Reported Dose: "A. muscaria: 1 medium cap. LSD: 1 blotter. Gymnopilus sp. 3 fresh small mushroom full-bodies."]

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115135

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 20

Published: Feb 5, 2021	Views: 1,681

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Ritual (129), Amanitas - A. muscaria (70), LSD (2), Mushrooms (39) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Multi-Day Experience (13), Mystical Experiences (9), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:

		 0.25 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 0.50 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 0.25 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   70 kg

The following details my first, and only experience to date, of LSD.

I set aside a weekend to explore this drug and bought the tabs on the Friday previous. I was nervous to try the substance, but I had done plenty of research beforehand into its effects. I decided to take the substance alone despite recommendations as I felt the presence of others could induce anxiety during the trip. I did however message a couple of friends throughout the trip and I suppose they acted as virtual trip sitters.

I woke up early on the Saturday and tried to clear and relax my mind as much as possible before the trip. I dosed a quarter of a 120μg tab at around 10:30am. The initial effects I noticed were that the techno music I was listening to became clearer and more pleasing, and the snow outside became brighter and more beautiful. Edges became sharper as if I was watching the world like an ultra–HD TV. These effects were very subtle and there were no mind-altering effects except a very mild, constant and pleasing euphoria. I decided, happy with the effects so far, to dose a further half a tab, bringing my total consumption to 90μg. I didn’t notice new effects at this dose, but rather the subtle effects became enhanced.

At this point I realised that I had to stop messing around and commit to a full psychedelic experience and go all in.

I dosed the final quarter, rolled a large joint up and ventured outside. It was as if the acid was beckoning me to seek out nature. I remember thinking as I swallowed the final quarter of the tab “you’ll be a hero”. I realise now that this was the beginnings of the grandiose thought altering effects I experienced. I walked along the streets and had to stop myself from laughing hysterically, the euphoria gripped me in ways no other drug had ever provided. The sheer happiness did not feel manufactured either, but rather a natural consequence of the thought altering behaviour of the compound. It felt as if people were staring at me, I felt as if I had some great power and people were noticing it.

It felt as if people were staring at me, I felt as if I had some great power and people were noticing it.

 I had to physically grab my face to prevent myself from laughing as I walked past people, they probably thought I was unhinged in some way. At this point the visual effects were becoming more intense, the roads warped and swayed and flattened out as if I had no depth perception at all. I remember almost forgetting I had taken a drug at all and began developing a delusion that I had some sort of innate power that was enabling me to see details I had never before noticed.

As I neared the footpath that would take me to fields and woods, it became difficult to judge distances and avoid cars. I would not recommend doing what I did and go walking the streets on acid, I was putting myself in much more danger than I probably realise at the time. As I descended into the woods down the path I felt as though I was in stasis, not moving at all. I heard voices and footsteps behind me only to turn round and realise I was alone. The squelch of my footsteps in the mud had an almost whispering quality and the leaves and trees warped and swayed around me much more than the wind could achieve. In the centre of my vision, I began seeing pulsing geometry, but it was very faint and seemed to disappear as soon as I noticed it. As I neared the end of the path, which opened into a field, I realised that the ground beneath me was perfectly symmetrical, as if whatever I was looking at would become tiled across my vision. I should note that this was all pre smoking the joint - that took me to a whole other realm.

I began to develop strange thought processes, I believed I was on a journey, both into the woods and into my own mind. I thought I had been sent on a mission by some other worldly force. I remember at this point the thought loops began. It all started when I typed the word “bro” to one of the mates I mentioned earlier. For some bizarre reason, the word “bro” looped in my mind from this point forward and was present in all the thought loops I had. I remember thinking how stupid the word “bro” was and how pathetic it was that I, this spiritual traveller – or so I thought - was using such a worldly term. I really began to analyse language in this way from this point on, thinking how strange some words were and seeing hidden meanings in what my friends were messaging me. I decided at this point that nature was calling me to smoke the joint, a product of nature, to complement the LSD, a product of man.

This is where shit got really crazy. I made it about halfway through the joint and ventured into the woods. I remember looking down at my phone and my entire field of view curling comically away from me and splitting into RGB colours, outside of this was completely black – it was as if I was peeling away reality and viewing what was beneath. I could still type on my phone; my actual thought process was not yet altered. The hallucinations were comical, things warping and bending and everything splitting into its component RGB colours. Then they became more ordered, everything I looked at fragmented into triangles and branched or mirrored or warped. Everything was perfectly symmetrical and ordered. Then my mind itself began branching like a tree, mirroring what was happening to my vision. This sounds strange but it is the only way I can describe it. I remember trying to type this to my friend, but I realised I had become trapped in a thought loop, going to type to him before forgetting before starting the train of thought again. My vision spiralled and warped and matched the thought loop as if my entire experience was in frames of visuals, thought, audio etc and was being sliced and mixed.

I decided to go with it. I spun around in a circle for what seemed like ages. I had only made it a couple of footsteps into the wood and yet I couldn’t escape because if I tried to think to leave I would forget and loop back to the start of that train of thought. I remember thinking I could easily traverse the 3 dimensions of space home, yet I couldn’t traverse the dimension of thought and logic required to do so. This went on for a while although my concept of time was reasonably fucked so I have no idea how long I was standing there. I remember hearing a siren, I don’t know if it was real or not, but that audio became part of the thought loop, playing over and over.

Eventually I made it back to the footpath, it was getting dark and cold now – I barely felt the temperature but I realised this was probably drug induced and that I should get home to warmth particularly as it was snowing. The walk home was scary, I felt people were watching me the whole way back but I managed to calm myself by breathing slow and remembering I was on a drug. I got home. There’s no other way to describe it except I was absolutely and totally off my arse, I have never felt so drugged up. I encountered a flatmate and he knew straight away I was off my rocker. I quickly retreated to my room and experienced many similar hallucinations and thought loops. Music I listened to had an ethereal quality and sped up and slowed down. I created many works of art – fuelled by the intense synaesthesia I was experiencing. I got stuck in a few thought loops again but decided to allow them and let the acid take me where it wanted. Eventually I came down enough to leave my room. The effects of the LSD lingered for the rest of the day.

The next day I felt completely calm and relaxed. I’ve suffered with depression for a long time, but the LSD had an extremely calming effect on it. I hope to delve into this drug many times in the future and look forward to all that can be learnt from this substance. I would not recommend going it alone like I did but for me that was the best thing. LSD truly is a magical substance.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115152

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Feb 16, 2021	Views: 576

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LSD (2) : General (1), Nature / Outdoors (23), Depression (15), First Times (2), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)


		 DOSE:

		 13 hits
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 Repeated hits
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (flowers)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   157 lb

[Erowid Note:
The substance(s) in this report is not properly identified. Although the report is included in the collection, the substance might be something other than the author believed it to be.]

Ever since I took my first hit of weed, I have been searching for LSD.  I figured it just didn't exist, and my searches became less frequent and I paid less attention to the desire to do LSD, because I just figured it would never happen.

In the halls at school, a friend runs up to me, telling me he is getting acid soon.  2 days later, I purchased 17 hits on Sweetarts. I sold 4 to my friend right away, and we all made plans to go to our friends house that night.  At about 9:20, I let 2 hits dissolve in my mouth, with extremely high anticipation and excitement.  After an hour, nothing is happening.  After 2, still nothing.  I let another one dissolve.  An hour later, nothing, I'm pissed!  I call my friend, he took his at 6 and never felt anything.  I stand up to drive over there, and I feel a bit light headed... placebo?

I get over there, it's probably 12:00, and I feel noticeably distant... feels like I just took a very tiny toke off a clogged pipe with very shitty shwag in it.  I don't know if I could even consider it a buzz, just something there.  We get to his house, after 1 hit of weed, I can tell the room is different, something is off. We smoke an indeterminate amount of weed, cycling through very good hydro and decent shwag. I notice the Rob Zombie poster on his wall has shooting stars, and his eyes are moving around and he's dancing.  The relief on the poster changes, and he appears to slightly protrude. And dance.  And sing with the music (even though the music is NIN).  I figure we just smoked a bunch of weed, but all of our eyes are huge.  They claim no visuals, the acid didn't work, but they were behaving extremely erratically. So I figure there's something in those sweet tarts. They agree, we're just not sure what.

I get home after the weirdest car ride ever, I listened to choruses of chanting robots on the radio, and every street I drove through felt like the same damn street, over and over again.  I was getting real pissed that I was driving in circles.  Then I realize I'm at my house. I get out, and go inside.

A huge bubble... making a large amount of my vision appears, just making everything in the bubble push out towards my face.  The flower patterns on the wall move around, jaggedly, and glows between the cracks.  I'm really fucked up, the rest of the night disappears, I'm not sure if I fell asleep and dreamed it or just slept.  I'm still not sure if it was acid, or the weed, cause I had never smoked so much hydro in my life.

I'm not sure if I fell asleep and dreamed it or just slept.  I'm still not sure if it was acid, or the weed, cause I had never smoked so much hydro in my life.

The next night, I decide to just drop 10 hits and see what goes on.  I think it was odd that it took 4+ hours to kick in last time.  I let them dissolve on my tongue, 3 at a time (they're too big to fit any more into your mouth), and after an hour I noticed there was a ... moving, rubber film on my face that moved and changed the structure a bit.  Nothing else.

Later, the curtains moved around, and the computer screen seemed a little brighter.  I just took 10 hits of acid, I read about people really freaking out on it, and I felt more sober than I did from just smoking a couple bowls.  I'm pissed, maybe it was the weed.

I decide to go smoke then, to push whatever the hell I am feeling farther.  The trees move a little bit like water, but that's it.  I can type/converse just fine, contrary to pot in pretty much any amount.  I see slight patterning on a dark wall when I concentrate HARD, but other than that, there's nothing... except the body load.

Let me just say that this is one of the worst things ever.  It felt like there was a brick of cement in my stomach, and I had to shit and puke at the same time, but nothing ever came.  I knew it wouldn't.  It filled up my whole torso, the dull yet blinding pain.  I was wincing in pain.  This sucked.  It went on for a few hours. The 'visuals' were gone within 30 minutes, but this pain lasted 8+ hours.  The next day I felt more fucked up than I did while I was tripping. I don't know what the hell went on here.  In a way, I do believe it was real acid, because I got some threshold effects.

[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]

Exp Year: 2002	ExpID: 12638

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Feb 26, 2021	Views: 888

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Cannabis (1), LSD (2) : What Was in That? (26), Health Problems (27), Combinations (3), First Times (2), General (1), Multi-Day Experience (13), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 100 mg
		 oral
		 Pharms - Lamotrigine
		 (daily)

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (daily)

		 3.5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   140 lb

I started experimenting with psychedelics in early 2020 when I was a junior in high school. Prior to this experience, I had taken mushrooms 3 times, LSD about 5 or 6 times (though I never tested my tabs, and a couple of those were probably N-Bombs). I was on medication (Lamictal 100g daily) for epilepsy, though this never seemed to have any effect on any drug I've taken. I was a heavy pot smoker at this time.

It was a quiet breezy Texas day when my friend and I dropped 3 and a half tabs each. I'll call him K. We walked to my neighborhood cafe in the morning, sat outside, and got some tacos after dropping. These hit quicker than normally, we were laughing a lot and couldn't really tell how loud we were being (all the employees here were total stoners and I've shown up absolutely blasted too many times for this to make a difference). I remember we thought we were pirates for a brief moment sitting out at the table. Then it just kept hitting and hitting and we eventually had to leave because we started saying some extremely stupid shit and making funny faces.

We walked back to my house, it was nearly noon. At this point, our faces looked very swirly and my house was breathing. We weren't dropping this time for any particular reason - normally, I like to meditate a bit when I trip, try to get outside in nature at least for a little bit, surf around on Google Earth and look at all the craziest places I can find, and listen to some good ol' music. Anything else that happened was an added bonus. Anyway, we played some Windhand, Pink Floyd, and Darkthrone when we got back and marveled at how good it sounded before I packed a bowl of 1g pure indica. We smoked it all in my backyard at about 1pm. At some point inside after that, I picked up a guitar and started plucking and we both bugged out for a second. I could barely play the guitar at first because it felt all melty like one of those clocks from that Salvador Dali painting, but then the sound just filled my small living room and seemed to bounce off of every wall (which was turning different colors). K looked absolutely mesmerized. Neither of us had played an instrument like that on acid and it sounded mega fucking cool. After that, we decided to head out again and walk to one of the neighborhood pocket parks.

This particular park we went to has always been very special to me. Growing up, I would always go there as a kid and swing on the rope swing, play by the river and watch the minnows, and build little 'fairy houses' on the tree roots. It's in the middle of a split road, so you climb down a little row of earthen stairs and you're in the green clearing. There's a little river on the right side, earth walls full of moss on the left, and massive Texan oak trees all around. The ground has a worn path through the top and bottom of the park, surrounded by clovers. It was the perfect smoke spot for me as I grew through my younger teenage years, and so I thought it would be an amazing park to ride the high of my trip in. While on our walk, we noticed the array of palm trees on some of the houses in my neighborhood and the old beat-up trucks under the sun. I had always felt the ability to transport myself to another time or place while on psychedelics, and this was no exception. I mentioned to K that it felt like I was in 1970s coastal California, to which he agreed immediately. I must have been tripping balls, because we live in Central-Southern Texas. On one of the main streets we passed, I saw the laundromat in English and Spanish with its old blue faded banner which really solidified my time and space travel thoughts. We were almost to the park when I thought it would be very cool to play some music from my phone. I remember looking at my phone when I pulled it out and laughing at how much it looked like an alien robot. I started playing Mirror Reaper by Bell Witch (if you don't know what that is, it's an 83-minute long ambient-doom song). We finally got to the reserve park and descended down to the riverbed and trail, which is where the trip really starts.

The first thing I remember is how vivid the entire scene looked. The sun was shining through the tall trees and bending them all around, the green was EXTRA green. Like extremely green. I was almost blinded by how green everything looked - it was so beautiful. Each branch on the tall trees wiggled, the minnows in the stream were gleaming bright colors, and the ground was completely beckoning me forward. Walking straight ahead, the clearing in the park looked like a portal in a video game. I motioned to K to keep walking ahead with me. We walked a couple more minutes along the glistening river when we finally got to the rope swing. We sat down, Bell Witch still playing. K took the swing and I sat on the ground, I think I even laid down on the dirt for a while. My main realization began here:

I reached out and felt the clovers between my fingers. I touched the dirt all over and wandered over to the water. I closed my eyes and listened to the babble of the stream while visions of wavering caves appeared behind my eyes. I had never, ever felt this level of serenity in my entire life. My breath felt divine, like such a graceful gift. I felt like I was literally breathing with nature and the world. I forgot K was behind me on the swing. The music from my phone seemed so peaceful and intertwined with me that I could not separate it from the park. I looked over at K and said "this is the soundtrack of nature" to which he replied "no this is Mirror Reaper" which made me laugh very hard. But it didn't really distract me from the experience I was having. I sank deeper down into the riverbed, crouching along all the clovers and leaves.

All at once, I felt an overwhelming sense of grief overcome my entire heart and soul and body. I had never felt this hurt before - it absolutely felt like my heart was breaking. I looked all around me and realized it was coming from the park. I lifted my head and looked beyond the park at the street full of houses and began to cry. In that moment, it felt like every single thing humans have done to invade this part of earth was an invasion. I looked at the closest house, with its extracted wood used to make the building and the concrete on the sidewalk and started crying. I knew that some part of this living, breathing green entity that I was breathing with had been destroyed and exploited just to make that one house. And then I looked down and saw 10 more houses do the same. I could feel the pain of nature come up through my fingers and into my whole body.

I could feel the pain of nature come up through my fingers and into my whole body.

 I felt so terrible to be part of a human race that had destroyed and depleted this beauty. The heart of the earth started beating with mine and I felt the deep grief even deeper. K saw that I was very upset and sat with me and I tried telling him how I felt in that moment, but I knew I couldn't articulate even a fraction of what I felt. I think he realized this as well and gave me some time to reflect. I couldn't stop touching the little clovers that surrounded my body. I could see them breathing and moving all around the ground, some content, but some crying out for help. The sun warmed me and I knew it was giving lifeblood to everything around me.

This feeling was elevated for the final time when I had a second realization: all of earth used to be this natural. At one point, every corner of this planet was purely natural - whether it was endless water, scorched earth, forest, patches of clovers, fields and prairies, or mountains. Every piece of nature was allowed to breathe without fear. I looked up at the houses and concrete roads again in anger and hurt. How dare we assume superiority over what was earthen long before humans came along? I wasn't sure if it was the Agricultural Revolution or industrialization or whatever that began the colonization of earth, but it pissed me off. I didn't have a bad trip or anything, but it hit me all at once. I grieved with nature at its destruction. We can have as many parks, conservatories, protected lands, and reserves as we want, but the damage had already been done. I sat at that river among the clovers and realized that we have destroyed all we had.

K suggested we walk home after that. I was still peaking, but I could feel myself start to fade a bit. The green looked just as green, the sun still as shiny, and I had to leave. While I walked along the concrete sidewalk, I felt how angry the houses made me. I almost threw my phone into the gutter simply because it was a piece of technology. K said not to do that, which was a pretty good idea. I was still enjoying Mirror Reaper playing. It was mid-afternoon at this point. When we got home, the rest of the trip was quite pleasant. I ended up doing some mirror trataka meditation and thought more about the soul of nature. After that, we listened to some more music and explored Northern Africa on Google Earth. We had many funny conversations and I kept noticing how bright K's eyes were and how they were moving all across his face, which was also moving. Eventually, it stopped moving so much and we smoked a bit more pot to finish riding the trip, and took a little nap.

All in all, one of the most profound trips of my psychonaut days. I tripped many times after that, but I do not any more due to prolonged anxiety and hallucinations after a heroic dose of shrooms. But I still remember every detail of what it felt like to be in that park clearing, living and breathing and crying as a part of nature and her cycle.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 115193

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 17

Published: Feb 27, 2021	Views: 543

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LSD (2), Cannabis (1) : Combinations (3), Music Discussion (22), Entities / Beings (37), General (1), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00

		 oral
		 Pharms - Citalopram
		 (daily)

		   T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 0:00
		 1 tablet
		 oral
		 Pharms - Propranolol

		   T+ 24:00

		 oral
		 Alcohol - Beer/Wine

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   138 lb

I had my first acid trip a few days ago and wanted to document and share the experience. A bit of background: I’m a 20 year old male with depression and anxiety issues which have lessened over the past month due to medication and other positive life experiences. I was nervous that these issues would give me a bad trip, but I decided to go for it anyway as I felt like I was making good progress and was mostly happy with my current life situation. I’m a university student living with friends, one of which had the fairly spontaneous decision to try acid, as we had all been curious about it for a while. None of us had ever taken proper psychedelics before, the closest we had come was cannabis and MDMA.

We got the tabs from someone we knew and trusted who had tripped on that same batch before and reported positively. We were told that it would last about 13 hours from start to finish, which should give me enough time to have a few hours of sleep and get to a morning class the next day, before taking an afternoon train back to my parents’ house to stay for a week.

We cleaned up my friend’s loft bedroom and decided to trip there. We had smoked weed there many times and found it a very relaxing, hippy-ish environment with a good music system, lava lamps, and nice patterned rugs and wall hangings. There were four of us present, although one friend decided at the last minute not to take any acid and smoke weed instead. This turned out to be the right decision for all of us. We all ate a meal and then dropped the tabs at 3:30pm.

After almost an hour, I looked out of the window and noticed that the streetlights were a little brighter and sharper than normal, and everything looked a little prettier but not noticeably different, similar to an MDMA comeup. I started to feel quite happy and positive and was starting to think I would really enjoy this drug. I went to the toilet, and while I was in there I thought that I heard voices in the next room and felt a little paranoid, but nothing more intense than a weed high. I also found the dirtiness of the bathroom (it’s a house full of college students, so not the cleanest environment) more unpleasant than normal, but nothing I couldn’t deal with.

I went back to the others and lay down. We listened to an Alt-J album which was enjoyable but not hugely different from normal. My body felt heavy and I found it hard to move. I closed my eyes and saw vivid visuals of all of my friends at college dancing in a club, and as I saw it I described it to them.

I can’t quite remember the exact order of the next part of the trip. I felt incredibly spaced out and at one point had to ask my sober friend what drug we had taken because I had forgotten a lot of things. I also asked if what was happening was real. I was almost certain that it was, but I felt like I needed confirmation. I felt very spaced out, nauseous, and was starting to feel uncomfortable. I picked up a bowl and put my face in it as I thought I might throw up. I don’t know how long my face was in the bowl but it felt like I was in another world before I remembered I was in the house and I came back to reality. My grip on my sense of identity was slipping away, and when I had a moment of clarity, I asked my friend for a prescription anti-anxiety tablet as I had heard that these can stop the trip (I later found out that it wasn’t the right tablet, and only a benzo would have worked). The trip didn’t stop, but I moved into a more relaxed state and accepted the sense of confusion. I felt incredibly hot, sweaty and clammy, and kept asking my friends if I was sweating a lot, to which they replied that I wasn’t. My mouth was also very dry and had an unpleasant metallic taste for the entire trip. I lay down on a rug, which was cold, but I mistook it for being wet. I felt like I could hear rain, and then felt raindrops on my skin but was told that it wasn’t raining.

My sober friend and one of my other friends left the room for a while to go out in the garden, but I felt too heavy to move so me and another tripping friend stayed. I felt paranoid while they were gone as I felt like my sober friend was our only connection to reality and without her being there I might lose sense of where and who I was. I called her on the phone and they came back shortly.

I felt uncomfortable in my clothes so I changed into pajamas in my bedroom. This was a really difficult task and seemed to take ages and take a lot of mental concentration for me to stay on the task of getting changed. Afterwards I went back upstairs and lay down on the bed with my friends. At this point the anxiety and confusion faded and the trip started to get good. I think this was maybe 2 or 3 hours in.

I noticed that the lights from the lamps was reflecting on the walls and ceiling, but instead of reflecting solidly, it was in moving geometric patterns, which was amazingly entertaining to look at. We put on MGMT’s Oracular Spectacular album, which sounded perfect for the occasion. There was a sense of catharsis and connection to everything and each other, and the senses of sound and visuals seemed interlinked rather than separate. It’s hard to remember the specifics of each song, but throughout the album I felt really happy to be with my friends, and that I was part of a life affirming-experience. I could imagine that moment as a scene from a teen coming-of-age film, and I reflected how it had been worth it to make it through the struggles of my life to reach this point.

Another sober housemate came home at this point after a few days away, and the two sober friends drank wine and smoked a joint as the three acid-trippers lay on the bed and watched. The smoke looked beautiful and the air seemed slightly fuzzy and shimmering, but the lights were sharp. The whole scene felt dreamlike, and as Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall” came on I felt like we were in a perfect moment and I had everything I needed in life: good friends and good music. I felt like we were all really cool people and we were really succeeding in life.

For the next couple of hours we listened to music and watched the patterns on the ceilings. I loved listening to all of the others (including my tripping friends) talk to each other, but I found it hard to join in as I was struggling to form words. I felt like I was having lots of very important and profound thoughts but every time I tried to put them into words it was impossible and the thoughts slipped away. I realised how limiting words are, and how they are only our best approximation of how to explain concepts.

Every time something changed in the room, such as a person leaving or entering, a light switching on or off, or a song changing, it felt like the entire room changed. By the end of the trip I felt like I had been in a million different rooms rather than one. Whenever I left the room to get a drink or use the toilet, I felt uncomfortable and wanted to get back with my friends as soon as I could.

Towards the end of the trip, my sober friends had to go to bed as they had things to do in the morning. When they left I felt very sad that we were being separated, but I assumed there would only be a couple more hours of the trip and then I could go to sleep.

When I started to feel very tired (but still tripping), I went to my own bed to sleep, but the entire room felt wrong in an indescribable way. The fact that the new day was starting soon was incredibly distressing to me, and I felt like the world was going to carry on without us and we would be left stranded in trip-land. I got frustrated that after over 12 hours the trip was showing no signs of stopping. I felt so physically and mentally uncomfortable after only a few minutes in my bedroom that I had to go back to my friend’s room and join them.

I told them how awful I was feeling and how the trip was lasting too long, and they said they agreed, but we decided to ride it out and carry on listening to music. At this point I started to feel very detached from them and from the entire world. In hindsight, I imagine this was because I had spent an entire day in one room with the same people, but the acid was intensifying these feelings to the point where they were unbearable. I questioned whether or not the trip would ever end.

At 7:30am the trip was still ongoing. My sober friend woke up at this point and came back upstairs. I told her the trip wasn’t over and she couldn’t believe this. She kept leaving the room to get ready to leave to catch her train, and returning intermittently to check on us. I felt like we needed her as a sober person to help steer us through the trip and worried we might go insane if we were left alone. I asked her if she could be present as much as possible and she said that she would try, but had a lot of chores to do elsewhere so couldn’t stay with us for too long. This terrified me, and I felt so frustrated that I couldn’t get across how vital it was for us all to stay together as a group.

I felt the strong urge to leave the room as I had spent close to 17 hours in it and was starting to feel trapped. I did this and sat downstairs with one of my friends and we started to feel the trip fade away, but far too slowly for our liking. We felt very spaced out and tired, not tripping any more but far from sober and normal. Our sober friend brought us a carton of orange juice which we drank, and I ate a small breakfast, both of which helped me feel more comfortable. She left to catch her train at 11am, and my other friend had started to feel more sober than us other two trippers. He caught his train at 1pm. I had a shower, which helped, and got dressed. I had now lost all visuals but still felt spaced out and a little lost in my head, and found it hard to do simple tasks. I had a morning class scheduled, which I didn’t go to for obvious reasons.

My other friend was still higher than I was and at this point was freaking out and very upset. He said that he just wanted the trip to go away, and I reassured him that it would as the rest of us were already coming down. This was almost 24 hours after we had taken the tab, which amazed and distressed us as we had expected 12-13 hours approximately. He was very upset that everyone was going home and said that he wished that we had all stayed an extra day. I also felt the same and had been very distressed about this a few hours previously, but had accepted it by this point. I persuaded him to catch a train home as it would be better than staying in the house alone with no company. We walked to the station at 4pm and caught separate trains home. While I was on the train, I started to feel a little high and uncomfortable again. I wondered if people could tell that I wasn’t yet sober, and felt paranoid, but held it together. My friend called me from his train and said that he was having a panic attack, but I managed to calm him down and reassured him that his train journey was short and he would be at his girlfriend’s house soon. Once he arrived there he texted me to say that he was fine.

On the train, I started to notice people’s faces and it looked to me like they were also tripping as their eyes were wide and they looked a little manic. This frustrated me as my perceptions were still definitely altered. I was being picked up from the train station by my father, and I felt paranoid that he would see me in my spaced-out, sleep-deprived, tail-end-of-an-acid-trip state. When I got in the car I lied and told him that I had a fever and felt dizzy because of this.

That evening, the trip had faded to the point where I could function, but I still felt spaced out, and when I watched TV with my parents the colours looked a little brighter and the music seemed a little more interesting than normal. I drank a couple of beers (which tasted disgusting on acid) and then went to bed and slept for 12 hours. In the morning I was sober, but feeling an afterglow where music still sounded better and I felt very introspective.

Looking back on the trip with hindsight, I’m not sure I was ready for the intense experience of LSD. I was certainly confronted with some very distressing emotions and thoughts, but also had moments of euphoria which I’m glad to have experienced. I still can’t believe just how long the trip lasted, or how mentally unforgiving it was. I realised during the trip just how bad some of my insecurities are, and how much I need to work on them. I realised how uncomfortable I am in my physical body and how limited I feel by it, but that the only thing I can do about this is treat it with care and live a more healthy lifestyle (I need to lay off smoking weed, heavy drinking and junk food for a while, and take MDMA less often). I also realised just how much I appreciate my friends, but how terrified I am of being abandoned by those who are close to me. I also felt uncomfortable with my belief that the world has no deeper meaning, and I wished that I believed in a god or afterlife, or even just a sense of spirituality to give life a sense of meaning. Before and after the trip, I was/am content with my atheism and mortality, but during the trip I felt saddened by these beliefs.

Before and after the trip, I was/am content with my atheism and mortality, but during the trip I felt saddened by these beliefs.

One of the main things that occupied my mind throughout the entire trip was the concept of positive and negative energy. I don’t believe in anything metaphysical (for example, I don’t believe in the soul, and I believe that every emotion can be explained as a balance of chemicals in the brain), but I felt very attuned to the moods of others around me. I felt sad and distressed when I detected or suspected sadness or discomfort in others, and I felt euphoric when I detected happiness and comfort. I wanted so badly for everyone around me to be happy all of the time, and I felt like their emotions were tangible things that effected the positivity/negativity of the “energy” in the room. However, as I struggled to form sentences and talk to people, and was only able to lie down and observe the people and world around me, I felt powerless to contribute or “give out” any energy myself. I could only receive positive or negative energy from others.

The whole trip, we all agreed, was incredibly emotionally draining and intense. I felt like my brain had run a marathon, and I had experienced an entire lifetime, including the highest highs and lowest lows, over the course of a single day. As often as I regretted taking acid during the trip, with hindsight I wouldn’t take it back. Although my problems and insecurities were intensified by a hundred times, I now feel two days later like they have been put into perspective. I feel like my past doesn’t have to define or limit me any more, and I can now choose the direction of my life, even if it isn’t easy. I appreciate life more since I dropped acid, and I’m hopeful that this will be a turning point.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 107911

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 20

Published: Mar 4, 2021	Views: 1,091

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Pharms - Citalopram (227), LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Depression (15), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 130-160 ug

		 LSD

		 15 mg
		 smoked
		 DMT

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   125 lb

I recently had one of the most intense and unforgettable DMT experiences to date. And get this-only using 15mg. I was peaking on 130-160ug LSD, and decided to give some DMT a go. Only loaded 15mg into the pipe to test the waters before diving in. I had never smoked DMT under the influence of another psychedelic, so I decided to start low, which proved to be a great idea. I take the hit, getting most of what I had loaded in one pull. I go to take the next hit, and as I'm doing so, the flame on my lighter dies. 'Oh, damn' I think to myself. The first hit comes on with surprising potency, and next thing I know, my dimly lit room and I undergo a transformation into another dimension (yes, this is with only 15mg) and everything in my room looks like it came from lego-land. It all has a very aztec feel to it, and I am beginning to become uncomfortable with the unexpected intensity of the experience.

 Now, this is where shit gets REALLY weird. It's hard to describe, but I will give it my best. My dog, let’s call him R, had been laying on my floor asleep for a good 4 hours. I had tried waking him so he could get out of the way previously, but he is a heavy sleeper. After sleeping on my floor all night, remaining unconscious as I giggle to myself, watch TV and do whatever noisy nightly rituals humans partake in, he remained very deep in sleep. As soon as the DMT hits me, and I begin to freak out at the intensity of my experience, R is jolted wide awake. He gets up, and begins barking. “Oh shit, this is just what I need,” I think to myself. My family had just fallen asleep and the last thing I wanted was for them to wake up and discover me tripping. But after watching R bark at thin air for a few seconds, it became apparent to me that what he was barking at was not something of this world. I remembered then that R is a Chihuahua, valued by southern/central American aboriginal tribes for their extrasensory abilities. The Chihuahua was regarded as sacred by a number of ancient tribes, and considered to be very spiritually sensitive, and were often used in rituals and ceremonies to welcome/chase away spirits. I look closer at him, panic coursing through me, and I notice that his barks are directed in many different directions, as if he is barking at a whirlwind.

Tail tucked in between his legs, practically spinning in circles, trembling and barking maniacally, I am hit with the realization that I brought some sort of presence into my room through DMT. I call his name and he looks at me, and leaps up onto my bed. He is shaking like I have never seen a dog do, and his gaze shifts all over the room. I follow his eyes and I realize that he is seeing something I cannot see. His pupils are like pinballs, bouncing all over the place as he shivers in my lap. I pet him and tell him everything is ok. He begins to calm down, and looks me in the eye, and I swear that we communicated telepathically. The look in his eye seems to scorn me, saying something like “How dare you do that to me?” I look upon him in a sudden understanding of his value, and I reassure him that everything is ok, that a door in his mind has just been temporarily opened by a very powerful molecule. He says (or his eyes say, but I swear we were communicating through gaze) that he was scared shitless, and is angry at me for being so inconsiderate. I apologize and calm him down. The DMT wears off after 10 or so minutes, and as it does, his eyes slowly begin to shut again, and he falls back into a deep sleep.

I know that this probably sounds a bit like a chapter from a cheesy Stephen King horror novel, or something similar, but I shit you not, this actually happened to me and my dear friend R. I have had many extraordinary psychedelic experiences, but up until this point, they have only been able to be described as the visions I had, or the shit that I saw, or the things that I realized. This was the first time I was given an experience that proved to me, beyond a reasonable doubt, that psychedelic experience is far, far more than a mere chemical reaction; something much greater than a drug-induced vision, and definitely not just all in my imagination. Believe what you will about what I have just written, but I assure you, my fellow psychonauts, that this happened. Once again, it has been proven to me that “DMT does not open the doors of perception, it blows them off the hinges.”

From that day on, I no longer regard R as just my pet, just a chihuahua, just a dog. No, that night it was proven to me that R, and all other living beings, are much more than their species, they, like you and I, are conscious, sentient beings given an organic body through which to experience this unfathomably beautiful clusterfuck of sensory input known as life.

I apologize for the length of this report, but it was an extremely significant event in my life that still haunts me to this day. Whether it haunts me with beauty or terror I still have yet to determine, but it was an extremely eye-opening voyage nonetheless. Peace and love to all.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 99807

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 17

Published: Mar 16, 2021	Views: 890

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LSD (2), DMT (18) : General (1), Combinations (3), Entities / Beings (37), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 100 ug

		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   117 lb

On Acid

On the Flirtations of a Cheeky Blue Light

A string of colorful Christmas lights were prominent in my narrowed field of vision, newly affected by the LSD  working their way through my brain. As I stared at the string of lights, the insides became brighter and ballooned slowly in size, while the outside shape of the light remained the same. It was a game we played. When I looked away, they would shrink. Every time I looked back they would grow. Except for one. That cheeky blue light. He was a little more flirtatious than the rest. He gave me extra attention with his brilliance and intensity- his color shining just a bit brighter, his size growing just a bit more than the rest. Trying to impress me and catch my attention like a bird pluming his feathers to impress a potential mate. He was winking at me. And I liked it. Like a schoolgirl in the playground, I giggled.

On The Struggle To Melt to the Other Side

I felt, at once, the feeling of being in both the Real world and the Other world. As the chemicals were taking over I understood I was existing in both and was trying to transition my body fully over to the other side. My mind was conditioned and ready for just this moment- reminding myself to give in and let go… Let go. LET GO! Why isn’t it letting go? I was feeling heavy in my chair and the faux fur on the rocking chair in my vision was very much alive and flowing like a polar bear underwater. But I was still stuck. Stuck between two worlds, stuck melting in my chair. Go with it, don’t hold on. I didn’t think I was holding on; in fact, I was trying to force myself to the other side like someone demanding themselves to fall asleep. Futile. Sinking. Then a face appeared in my field of vision. One of my sober sitters Amanda. She said in a very calm and cheerful voice, “Hey! Do you maybe wanna go outside?” I thought how preposterous! After all this hard thinking and progress to get where I was (which was stuck in limbo), not to mention the fact that I was immobile, she wants me to ruin it by going outside? I sat up just a bit to tell her I physically was unable to do so. But then I noticed I could sit up. Hey, maybe even stand. I stood and we went outside and just like a snap of the fingers I had made it to the other realm of existence.

On A Faraway Touch

Just as the stairs turned into quicksand and my feet disappeared I had a similar experience with a chocolate lindt ball. One of our sober sitters knew our love of lindt balls and she carefully unwrapped a couple and gave one to Lee and one to me. Lee, ecstatic with joy, immediately popped it into his mouth. I had similar aspirations but as soon as ball hit hand a whole new sensation overtook my attention. The ball. In my hand. How amazingly foreign it felt. I rolled the smooth chocolate around and around in my hand feeling two conflicting sensations. I could see it in my hand, but it felt faraway. I felt the nearness in my palm but as it touched my index and middle finger it was as if it were touching my skin from a distant space. A faraway touch. I continued to play with this nearness and farness sensation, completely forgetting my intention to eat the chocolate ball itself.

On What A Kiss Feels Like

Because Lee loves me and I love him at one point he wanted to express this to me with a kiss. He kissed me on the lips. His face pressed into my face. Mouth skin on mouth skin. Isn’t it funny, this face mouth skin smooshing to face mouth skin is a way humans express love? Human, you’re funny. I giggled. And that’s what a kiss felt like.

On Falling Into Paintings

Our fabulous trip experience curator provided us with some fascinating works of art- postcards of MC Escher’s work, and two paintings. One was Claude Monet’s Sunset In Venice, and the other was Van Gogh’s The Starry Night. Brilliant. Lee had already found the fascination of staring at artwork and said to me wide eyed, “Heidi, you have to look at these!”. I started with the Escher postcards. What a trip. His piece called Snakes depicts a disc of interlocking circles that grow progressively smaller towards the center and towards the edge, with interlocking snakes around the outside. Sober me felt uneasy about it, because snakes, but Acid me loved to watch it breathe. The circles expanded and contracted and spiraled. I was also drawn to Stars which depicts two chameleons in a polyhedral cage floating through space. The cage became an optical illusion and kept changing its orientation in space. Different parts of the points would expand to the foreground then recede to the background constantly shifting shape.

But the paintings. I fell into the paintings. The Starry Night’s swoops and swirls twirled and the painting came alive under my eyes. The moon would grow brighter and brighter and the wind swirls drew me in and whirled around- dancing in my eyes. The painting grew. So much that it enveloped me and I was then in it- circling with the winds and growing with the glowing yellow moon. The Sunset In Venice was an experience of color and of the macro. I fell into this one as well and the color covered me whole. The color turned into fractals of polyominos that shifted at the same time in clocklike left turns. Clearly we needed some alone time to get intimate with these paintings away from sober starers so we went into a darkened bedroom and laid on the bed getting lost in our paintings. Then Lee had an excellent idea. There was a painting on the wall across from us. On the count of three, we put our paintings down, then LOOK. 1.. 2… 3! We gazed upon the painting. What one might consider an ordinary painting of a snow covered cabin beside snow covered redwoods was at once a new world of experience. The peaked roof of the cabin morphed upwards to an elongated point then shrank back down while at the same time the trees would melt in a circular motion to the right turning its tops over the cabin. As this morphic melting hypnotized me the painting itself grew and rotated on its axis. As it grew it too consumed me and once again I fell into the painting.

On Amanda in LoftLand

We took a trip to LoftLand. It started with an epic scale of steep wooden stairs. The stairs turned into quicksand which my feet quickly sunk into with each ascending step. The quicksand stairs engulfed my feet until by the top of the steps they no longer existed, leaving me to guess where my disappeared feet might find the last few steps. It was so much fun I wanted to do it again and again but got distracted by a most amazing optical illusion. As I ducked my head from the low peaked roof Lee instructed me to sit beside him and look. Just look! Look how large this room is! The small loft had extended itself. Lee instructed our friend Amanda to sit in the corner and see just how far away she looked. And sure enough, there, in a faraway corner of a faraway LoftLand sat a tiny version of Amanda. The 6ft between us tripled. Look at little Amanda! Waving at us from the faraway corner of LoftLand! We laughed hard. Kelsey, sitting atop the small landing at the top of stairs just 6 ft to our right enlarged and magnified in our field of vision appeared to be sitting almost beside us. 6ft can be as short as 1 yard or as long as 20 ft in LoftLand!

On the Ecstasy of Sour Skittles

You don’t know, do you, that you need sour skittles to light your life and set your soul ablaze like an inferno of orange and yellow hued fireworks exploding your mind. On a journey to find a quiet meditation space I happened upon a bowl of sour skittles. Curious, I popped one of these secret magical ecstasy bombs into my mouth when (*explosion noises*) my life turned inside out in a bubbling engulfment of ecstatic joy that came piercing up and to the left in shards of orange and yellow rays. It was as if someone set a blaze of fireworks to my insides and a boiling kettle of flourishing sensations combusted my brain. I became addicted to the feeling and apparently relived this explosive vomiting undulation of bliss over and over. And over. Now you know the ecstasy that is sour skittles.

On the Incursion of the Cello

I held it between my legs, my body wrapped around its body. I enveloped the cello in my arms and we went cheek to cheek. As the bow touched the strings I took a deep breath. Slowly I drew back, drawing with my motion a deep bellowing vibration that instantly overcame my whole being. As if I were invaded, suddenly, by sensation so wonderful, so overwhelmingly electrifying, it filled me up whole and exploded my brain with rainbow mosaics bursting from left to right in a light arc. We became one and as the cello exploded inside me and sang its deep tune into my being my meditation deepened until we came to a silent stillness. I looked at my friend wide-eyed and asked, “Is this what it’s like to play a cello?!” She responded, “Well, no. You’re on Acid”.

I looked at my friend wide-eyed and asked, “Is this what it’s like to play a cello?!” She responded, “Well, no. You’re on Acid”.

On Feeling Color

Synesthesia riddled my acid experience. Colors popped up in various facets. Not in my field of vision, but in my mind’s eye. I was particularly drawn to light pink and dark purple. These two colors in vertical bars side by side seemed to describe my trip experience and the journey as a whole. The next time color invaded my mind was during the sour skittle experience. Specifically orange and yellow slivers shot up and out to the left. When I listened to classical music for the very first time it broke apart and separated vertically in fragments of black and brown- as if each fragment were a different musical instrument. When I laid down and closed my eyes during this classical music experience slow waves of blue and green flowed over me from right to left- or top to bottom. These colors were not physical or visual hallucinations; they were eruptions in my mind. They were colors that were felt, rather than seen.

On Looking In The Mirror

I was afraid, most of the trip, to look into the mirror. I had heard two very conflicting words of wisdom about mirrors while tripping:

1. NEVER look in the mirror!

2. ALWAYS look in the mirror!

This was polarizing and I was afraid of what I might see. I thought I’d see myself as an old lady with a melting face that would turn ashen and decrepit. Or perhaps I’d turn into a scary face with melting eyes and a joker-like smile. I hoped that perhaps I’d see myself as a majestic or fierce animal. I gained enough courage and mental fortitude after a while and decided to see what scary monster death images I would face in myself. So I did it. I looked. I had my hood up and I smiled, and I saw a kind smile back. Wrinkly, but kind. My body started to sway a little bit and that’s when I noticed that the She who was staring back at me was not Me. It was a different She. She looked like me, and also like my sister, but it wasn’t either of us. She was on the Other side but our two worlds were not separate. I thought, perhaps, that we could blend our not separate worlds together. As I started to think about getting lost with the She in the mirror I started to grow cute panda ears. I smiled, then left the mirror for another journey.

On the Universal Vibration

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration” -Nikola Tesla.

“All things in our universe are constantly in motion, vibrating. Even objects that appear to be stationary are in fact vibrating, oscillating, resonating, at various frequencies. Resonance is a type of motion, characterized by oscillation between two states. And ultimately all matter is just vibrations of various underlying fields.”

-Tam Hunt

I found myself outside in a grassy grove of trees spinning globes of light. The sun was going down and above me classical music was spilling out from the deck. I could feel the vibration of the music. It flowed through me and its energy resonated with my moving dancing body and the swinging spinning motion of the globes. I could feel we were all connected, and just as I felt that unity the forest floor and the trees too joined in on the vibration dance party, and all at once, body, music, and universe were in harmony in “a steady, insistent beat: the sound of cycles in sync…” and together, we danced.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115263

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 35

Published: Apr 6, 2021	Views: 665

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LSD (2) : Music Discussion (22), Guides / Sitters (39), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 Repeated hits
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (flowers)

		 Several hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   165 lb

It all started around 5:45 P.M.  I drove to this house, intending to just get really stoned.  My friend, call him A., said I should come over and chill out for the night.  A teacher had taken two exchange students, S. and R., and we went to their house.  She had a place for them to stay and never went in there.  I did not know S. and R. very well, but they seemed cool.  When I arrived, S. was there by himself, and we rolled a fat blunt an smoked it.  Then A. got there and we smoked some more.  I was feeling great.

At about 6:15, I don't really know but all of this seems right, A. took out a vile of acid. He had already taken a few hits and offered me some for free.  I was broke but he said it was all good, so he poured some on the lid of an altoids can. I ate it and everything was going good and we left to go rent The Wizard of Oz.  We returned and started to watch it and everything went fucking intense.  I told A. and S. that I could not listen to Floyd and watch that movie, that I was losing my shit and we turned it off.

My arms were numb, and huge surges of energy were pulsing through them.  I had a cup from Whataburger, and it broke because I was shaking it saying over and over, 'this shit is intense!!' By 8:00 or so I snapped out of a daze and R. was there and he had some weird trance music playing.  I just sat there with mind blowing thoughts racing through my head, and constant waves of numbness where I couldn't hear or speak or do anything.  I started freaking out and saying let me go to my car.  They would not let me but I was sure that if I got to my car, I would chill out. I didn't want to drive, I was just freaked out by people and the music.

I paced back and forth, and finally asked S. if I could lay on his bed.  He said sure and from that point on it seems like a dream.  The end... not really.  That is the boring part.  It seems so much like a dream, but I remember every detail like it was yesterday.  I jumped out of S.'s bed, and started screaming.  'JESUS CHRIST!!, JESUS CHRIST!!'  I thought I was going to die.  This is about 9:00 pm.  They tried to calm me down, but I would not trust them. I thought they were Satan trying to take me to hell.  All of their attempts to make me sane again had failed.  There was no way I was going to hell, so I had to repent before I died.  I would look up at them as if to stop, and they would tell me it was alright.

Thoughts crossed through my head that it would be better to go with the devils, but I thought that they were tricking me.

Thoughts crossed through my head that it would be better to go with the devils, but I thought that they were tricking me.

  I screamed and yelled and the teacher called the paramedics.  I jumped off the floor and ran out the door and hit R. as I tried to beak through their grasp.  R. got his baseball bat and hit me with it and then it was a struggle with the cops.  A. said that it took 3 cops to put me on the stretcher into restraints.

And then I went to the emergency room.  I remember when I first got into the hospital, I completely calmed down.  I thought it was all over and I was fixing to go to heaven.  The air was cool, there were men in white clothes walking around me, but then I saw the police and tried to get up and realized I was in restraints.  I freaked the fuck out.  I began to thrash and cus and yell. Then they put me under.

All I remember about that was a dream, where I went through the 9 stages of life.  I don't know how many there are but I know that in my  mind there was nine.  I then went through birth, and death over and over and over. And every time I was at birth, I just remember a dark tunnel that I had to push through.  After thinking the tunnel was me struggling in restraints for hours and trying to break them.

When I woke up at 6:30A, Sunday, I had stopped thrashing for quite sometime. But I couldn't move without being in a lot of pain and every breath I took felt like I was just recovering from getting the wind knocked out of me.  My lab report showed positive for marijuana, and everything else was clean so the doctors were stunned.  They thought I had a seizure but I told my parents what I did when I got home.  They didn't flip out that much and I drove to school the next day and partied that weekend. Peace out JOHNB

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 13049

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Mar 23, 2021	Views: 1,186

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Cannabis (1), LSD (2) : Various (28), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Bad Trips (6), Combinations (3), First Times (2)