		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 330 ug
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 2:00
		 100 mg
		 smoked
		 Changa

		   T+ 6:00
		 100 mg
		 smoked
		 Changa

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   77 kg

An Overwhelmingly Terrifying Experience

This trip report consists of two DMT experiences, both while under the influence of LSD. It is the latter DMT experience which is of most interest, and you may skip to it if you like, but I feel it important to provide the necessary context, especially as both DMT experiences were completely unlike any other DMT experiences I’d had.

I consider myself an experienced psychedelic user, having taken countless LSD experiences over the course of approximately a decade, as well as being a semi-regular user of DMT, although usually at sub-breakthrough doses, with only some limited and mild ‘full’ breakthrough experiences.

--- LSD come up

So today, in the early afternoon, I was well rested, in my own home, and decided to take 330 micrograms of LSD (my usual 'go-to' dose), and the purpose of my trip was to relax, listen to some music, de-stress and contemplate some things that had been on my mind.

The first part of the trip was uneventful - I came up quickly, I enjoyed dancing around my kitchen with some music in my ears, my mood was exceptionally high - I felt fantastic. At about two hours in, I was tripping very hard and in the peak of the LSD experience, and I sat down to do some meditation.

Instantly I was transported to a familiar headspace - I started feeling a sense of connectedness with the world, and I started seeing some very familiar closed eye visuals that I often associate with this meditative state.

Part of the tapestry on my wall started glowing bright as I focused on the centre of it and I felt little shreds of my ego being picked away, as I so often enjoy when meditating on psychedelics, and my body felt a little bit lighter for each shred that was removed.

--- First DMT experience

I had the sense that I was ready for more, and I wanted to try again for that elusive DMT breakthrough experience, which I had been trying hard to achieve for years. I loaded up the bong with 100mg of 50% changa and took it all in two hits.

Now, I will say, if anyone else had been describing this to me, or if I had been reading my own experience elsewhere, I would doubt the legitimacy of it. Even as I type it now, it sounds so bizarre. I can assure you I am trying to be as accurate as possible, and I’m not exaggerating for effect.

I was relatively disappointed that when I opened my eyes after the 2nd hit, I was still in my room. However, my disappointment did not last for long, as the centre of the tapestry on my wall which I had been focused on before smoking the hit became even brighter, extraordinarily so. This bright light grew bigger and formed four corners, and essentially a portion of my wall was replaced by this pure white rectangle which had space behind it, as if it was a door to an entirely white room.

I promptly felt my body be pulled towards the light, and I was consumed by it. My perspective changed and I became aware of my own body now floating in this white room, and I was looking down on my body. Each part of me started to detach and split off - I saw my legs detach, one by one, and then my arms, and they floated away into the nothingness until they were gone.

Eventually, all that was left was my skull, with no torso, and I saw my head split open and my brain slid out. I could see the fine details of the tissue on my brain, and it looked healthily pink. I then watched my brain split in half down the middle, and each part of my brain went flying off into different directions. I was consumed by whiteness for a few moments longer and then eventually I was spat back out onto my sofa, with crazily intense visuals filling my room.

I was absolutely floored by how REAL it was - I still had my sense of self, and I knew I’d taken DMT and LSD, but there I was, quite literally watching parts of my body float away, in full HD vision, as if it was the most ‘ordinary’ thing ever

I still had my sense of self, and I knew I’d taken DMT and LSD, but there I was, quite literally watching parts of my body float away, in full HD vision, as if it was the most ‘ordinary’ thing ever

, the same as going to the shop to buy some milk.

I felt pleasant throughout the whole experience, and I was never scared or afraid when I was in the white room. Once I calmed down a bit from the DMT ‘haze’, I became very reflective and intensely in awe of the experience I had just had. I’ve seen lots of things ‘in my head’ before, but never had I seen, clear as day, such a blatant disregard for reality. It made no sense to me that I could view myself having my limbs torn off and my brain split open, but it had just happened. I saw it with my own two eyes. It was clear as anything else I’d ever seen.

I sat for approximately two hours trying to make sense of it (whilst still tripping on LSD), and I considered it an extremely profound experience, and one that was unknown to me. I finally managed to distract myself from the experience for a couple of hours, and got some food and watched some television.

About 4 hours after the initial experience with DMT, and about 6 hours after I took the LSD, I felt fully recovered and recharged from my DMT trip, and I still felt in a very positive mind state. I was very intrigued to know more about what I had just experienced (‘was that a breakthrough?’) and I decided that I would take another round of DMT.

--- Second DMT experience

I meditated for a while beforehand, and then loaded up 100mg of changa into the bong and managed to take it all in one hit. This is where it all went wrong.

As I was doing a very long, slow, inhale, I was watching the cherry of the changa in the bowl of the bong glow red. I recall this red glow getting brighter and brighter and consuming more of my field of vision as I inhaled. This was already a more intense visual effect than I was usually used to when smoking changa, and I had a good idea that I was in for a heavy ride. I placed the bong down.

The next memory I have is finding myself in a completely white room, again. There was just intense whiteness all over, with intricate patterns that looked vaguely like clocks floating through the air like ticker-tape. I immediately felt an intense panic and fear. Fear like I’ve never felt before. I had no idea who I was, where I was, or what was happening.

Information was coming at me from all angles - the visuals were intense although I cannot remember the exact nature of them. My mind was totally overwhelmed, and I just wanted it to stop, but I was too confused to know even that I had taken DMT. I did not remember taking it. I could not form any thoughts or do anything other than be completely subject to the experience unfolding in front of me.

The fear was absolutely overwhelming. It was the most intense emotion I’ve ever experienced. I was utterly terrified. I kept looking around, trying to find a way out of this white room, and at one point a door appeared, but then was snatched away from me when I got nearer to it. I turned around, looking for another door, which then disappeared again - this kept happening, as soon as I got close to a door, it vanished. Something was mocking me. I felt trapped. Someone had captured me. Had I gone insane?

I eventually became familiar with the thought that I had taken DMT and I had broken through. This induced even more panic - I’d already been ‘trapped’ in this white room for far, far longer than a typical DMT experience lasts. I could’ve sworn that I had been trapped for many hours.

I began to accept that I was trapped here forever. There was no way out. I’d sent myself into a psychosis. I was never going to come down. I started accepting that I would never see life again. I’d never see anyone I knew again. This was it. I was going to die here, in this horrible white room. The sheer horror of it all was unimaginable. I can still feel the panic now as I write this. I’ve never experienced anything like it, or even close to it. It was deeply traumatic.

Eventually I became aware of my own body again, but was not allowed to move it, and I watched my perspective rapidly flip around my body, in 360 degrees of vision, with images of myself folding over on top of each other.

My visual perspective was changing so fast that I could barely even register the changes. It was deeply disorientating, like spinning round very fast on a merry-go-round. First I’d be seeing out of my eyes, then I would be looking down on myself, then I would see several copies of myself side by side, as if I had grown several more pairs of eyes and could see through them all concurrently. At one point my ‘perspective’ flew down into my hand, and then back up out of my torso, stuck in a loop, spinning between different parts of my body like a washing machine.

Eventually I was back in my body (but still confused, I didn’t know who ‘me’ was, yet) and I was subjected to a series of painful hallucinations of my teeth snapping in half. I quite literally felt them break off in my mouth, and I placed my fingers into my mouth and could feel that there were teeth missing. (Of course, my teeth were fine when I sobered up).

Still in the white room, but now in my body, I sat down on the floor - admitting defeat. I would sit here until I died, however long that may be. I hoped it was soon, I had had enough.

Eventually I started to feel like I was in a vaguely familiar place. Details slowly shifted in from the white light and I realised I was somewhere I knew and recognised. It took another minute or two before I realised who I was, and that I was sat in my living room, on the floor.

Curiously, I had started the experience sitting on my sofa, and I have no idea how I came to be sat on my floor. Presumably I had moved around during the experience, but of course I have no memory of this.

I sat there for almost 30 minutes without moving. The residual DMT effects felt like they took forever to wear off.

The residual DMT effects felt like they took forever to wear off.

 I just wanted to be sober again. I felt like every visual was mocking me. I’d been humiliated by the substance. I wanted it gone, I wanted it out of my body. I wanted what had just happened to have never happened. I was broken.

Writing this now, several hours later, I feel okay, but still deeply confused and quite shocked by what has happened to me. I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought I could handle it. Obviously, I was woefully underprepared. How can one prepare for such a thing? I have been 'training' for years to achieve ego death, and yet when I did, it was an awful, awful, awful experience. The worst I've ever had.

I was absolutely floored by the power of the DMT experience. I had done, in my mind, absolutely everything I could to be ready for it, but it was not even close to enough.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115893

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 29

Published: Dec 6, 2021	Views: 2,309

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LSD (2), Changa (816) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:00

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 2:00
		 1 hit
		 inhaled
		 Inhalants - Nitrites

		   T+ 4:49
		 100 mg
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Tobacco - Cigarettes

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   60 kg

LSD &amp; MDMA, Cannabis, Tobacco, Poppers

This report tells the story of my experience with the combination of LSD and MDMA (also known as “candy flipping” in the psychedelic community) on new year’s eve 2021. LSD blotter paper was tested using Ehrlich and Hofmann reagent, both giving a positive result. The dosage on the blotter paper is unknown to me, however I estimate it to be around 100-150 μg. MDMA crystals were tested using Marquis and Simon’s reagent, both giving a positive identification as well. A dose of 100 mg was weighed using a precision balance that is accurate up to 0,001 g.

17:20 - One hit of LSD blotter paper

22:09 - 100 mg MDMA dissolved in tap water

Cannabis and tobacco consumption throughout the whole experience

SOME BACKGROUND INFO

I am 21 years old and a third/fourth year biochemistry and biotechnology student. The past two years I have been experimenting with primarily psilocybin mushrooms, LSD and MDMA and studying the literature of psychedelic compounds and the psychedelic experience. I am aware that these compounds, when used in the correct “set and setting” and on a properly informed subject that is well prepared, can produce extremely profound changes in the way we perceive ourselves and our environment, often leading to experiences that are truly meaningful and leave the subject struck in awe, struggling to describe what happened with plain simple words. More importantly, these compounds, when used carefully and with proper thought, are tremendously valuable tools for studying the human psyche and gaining insights in one’s own persona, just as Alexander and Ann Shulgin suggested. Being aware of all this, my prior experience with psychedelics have generally been of a positive nature, and I have never had a truly horrifying experience that would keep me away from them. Prior to this experiment, I have used MDMA and LSD individually about 5-7 times respectively.

Prior to this experiment, I have used MDMA and LSD individually about 5-7 times respectively.

  I started using psychedelics in low doses first and then had two very profound experiences with high doses of mushrooms (5g dried) in a dark, silent room on my own (inspired by McKenna). I am also a very frequent user of cannabis and have used it almost daily for the past year. I am not using any sort of medication or supplements.

SET AND SETTING

This experiment would take place in the city of Antwerp, Belgium. Several long-term and close friends of mine live here as students and I am familiar with the dorms they occupy and the general environment of Antwerp. Besides this, a bunch of other less close friends and some people I never met before would also be present. This is what worried me most about the setting; people unfamiliar to me, not being aware of what I would be doing and probably thinking I’m crazy if they did. However, I trusted myself enough based on prior experience and general knowledge of these compounds and told myself to stay near my closer friends and try to avoid the rest. I had a rather restless night before, but apart from that I felt pretty good and was looking forward to seeing my friends again. The weather and the general atmosphere of the day seemed optimal as well. I had been planning this experiment for about a month and read quite extensively about other people’s experiences on online resources. I generally felt that I was well prepared.

EXPERIENCE

(names are made up to protect the identity of those involved)

The consumption of one hit of LSD started at Malchior’s place. Close and long-term friends Tito, Elsas, Jeskir and Lulu were also present. Directly after ingesting the blotter paper we went outside and I smoked some cannabis with Elsas, which made me a little bit stoned already before the LSD would kick in. After about 40 minutes I wasn’t sure if I was starting to feel the LSD or if I was just really stoned from the cannabis I smoked. I employed the test of looking at the back of my hand, and noticed my veins and the skin over my knuckles slowly moving in a wave-like fashion and also being able to distinguish clear geometric patterns flowing underneath the skin. This is usually a good indication to me that the effects of LSD are becoming noticeable and that I am officially off baseline.

Now a bunch of people (mostly friends I know, but don’t have that good of a connection with and weren’t aware of me having taken LSD) started coming into Malchior’s room and joining our gathering. I mostly sat still and tried to act as normal as possible while the effects would slowly unfold themselves. The next thing I noticed was an amplification of sound; everyone appeared to be talking very loud and the room was just filled with noise of people conversing with one another. I remained pretty quiet and was just observing everyone in the room. Looking at people’s faces, I noticed how their facial expressions would stand out way more than usual and different aspects of their faces became apparent while they were talking. This change in the perception of people’s faces is something I have experienced on LSD before and I found it quite remarkable and amusing, not particularly frightening. At one moment I also had this vague feeling of my body splitting up, and I could distinguish two separate parts in my body with some kind of entity awakening in me. One part just being neutral and observing all the social interactions, the other part my normal self? This was very strange and of short duration. I decided no to focus on this phenomenon too much, since the room was starting to get very crowded. Generally I didn’t interact with too many people unless forced to and tried learning something from analyzing and observing the interactions between people. I don’t recall learning anything valuable.

The time is now approximately 19:10, 2 hours in, and we’re all planning to go to Nero’s apartment and have dinner with the whole group. At this point our group contains about 15 people. When everyone starts leaving, me, Malchior and Tito get the opportunity to try “poppers”; a small bottle filled with volatile alkyl nitrates that is sniffed and produces a very short high. The effects of the LSD were now clearly noticeable, but it was familiar to me and not too overwhelming or something I couldn’t handle. Tito and Malchior sniffed the bottle first and then passed it to me. Approximately 5 seconds after taking a hit, I experienced an explosion of colors and every person and object in my field of vision looked like it was radiating and charged with an immense amount of energy which quickly became overwhelmingly intense. I also sensed an increase of pressure around my eyes. This was quickly followed by an episode of extreme hilarity and uncontrollable laughter unlike anything I have experienced before. Me, Malchior and Tito were laughing so hard for no apparent reason at all and just looking at their faces made me laugh even harder, almost shedding some tears. This lasted about two to three minutes. I have rarely laughed this hard in my life and cherish this moment as one of the best of the evening. I was happy to have shared this moment with my good friends Malchior and Tito. We were now ready to start walking towards Nero’s apartment for dinner.

On our way to Nero’s apartment, I was walking with Malchior and Tito, talking about what had just happened and still laughing about it. Then Malchior started talking to me about his recent trip to New York and the abstract art he encountered and enjoyed in the Guggenheim Museum. We had a pleasant conversation about it during the walk and nothing noticeably drug-induced happened. Once we arrived at Nero’s place, Malchior started showing me the pictures of the art we were talking about, mainly by the artist Wassily Kandinsky. This is where the visual effects of the LSD started peaking. Looking at the pictures on his phone, I frequently noticed my vision changing focus like you would expect a camera lens doing. This would often change the nature of the painting I was looking at and offer me a new way of interpreting it. The colors were vibrant and the pictures all seemed to come alive and appeared rather dynamic. All the paintings intrigued me and I wondered about how this Kandinsky guy could produce such art and where it came from in his mind. In retrospect, I was grateful that Malchior was occupying me with these pictures, so I wouldn’t have to be interacting with all the people in the apartment.

Dinner was being served and everyone started taking place at the table. I was becoming worried and slightly paranoid about where I should sit, considering I would almost certainly be seated next to some people that I wasn’t all that comfortable with and it would force me to have normal conversations about superficial bullshit. Me and Malchior eventually decided to take place next to Tommy and Fiona (boyfriend and girlfriend), a decision I would slightly regret later. Everyone at our table was eating takeaway Chinese food which we all paid for together, except for Tommy and Fiona. Tommy and Fiona didn’t think Chinese food to be “festive” enough and so only the two of them were preparing teppanyaki. This was just (excuse my language) fucking weird and I couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t just eat the Chinese food like the rest of us. Anyway, I avoided talking to them most of the time while being weirded out by their choice of food, which the LSD only amplified. Me and Malchior were mostly trying to occupy each other during dinner. Tito had a very comical appearance sitting in a low camping chair at the table and looked like a small child seated amongst the adults. Me and Malchior were laughing about this throughout dinner.

After dinner I decided to go and smoke a cigarette outside, Jeskir, Elsas and Malchior joined me. At this moment I was in a rather melancholic and indecisive mood, not knowing if I really wanted to go back to the crowded apartment and be with all these people that weren’t aware of my LSD experiment. Eventually me and Elsas decided to smoke a joint and go for a walk around the city. I was just having a pleasant conversation with him, not really paying attention to my current state of being. We eventually arrived at where we wanted to go, which was at a docking site for boats in the city. This is where I had some awe-inducing visuals as well. The city was all lit up and when I looked at the large body of water in front us, where all the boats were docked, I was amazed at how the water was flowing and reflecting the lights of the buildings. I could distinguish with exceptional accuracy the constantly fluctuating waves in the water and was struck by its pure beauty and fluid dynamics. My friend Elsas agreed that it looked very pretty and enjoyed it as well. Although I doubt he perceived it the same way I did, I was still happy to share the moment with him and just being there instead of the crowded apartment which made me feel uncomfortable. I think we were gone for about 45 minutes before we would decide to join the rest of the group again at the apartment.

We stayed at the apartment a bit longer and then all decided to go to Tito’s place and start partying, finally. We passed Malchior’s place first, where I would decide to ingest the 100 mg of MDMA. I went to the toilet, filled a quarter cup of water and dissolved the MDMA in the cup. While I was doing this, my friend Nero, who isn’t really a fan of doing “hard drugs”, walked into the toilet and saw me dissolving the powder in the cup and drinking it. As soon as Nero walked in, I was scared and had this feeling of being caught by your parents doing something you’re not allowed to. In retrospect Nero probably didn’t care because he was drunk. At this point it was 22:09, about 5 hours after ingesting the LSD.

We all walked to Tito’s place, which is about a 10 min walk. I felt the MDMA coming up pretty quickly during the walk. When we arrived at Tito’s place and turned on the music I was suddenly struck by a burst of unimaginable euphoria and ecstasy. I felt like dancing and partying all night and was extremely energized and excited for everything that was yet to come this night. I knew I was in for a ride. We danced for a bit in the basement, but not everyone was joining. Me, Elsas, Malchior and Lulu decided to go to Lulu’s dorm, since I hadn’t seen his new room yet and mentioned earlier in the evening we should visit it sometime during the night. At this moment I couldn’t give two shits about what I or anyone else wanted to do; waves of euphoria were engulfing me like never before and simply existing was the most satisfying thing one could do. I knew what MDMA felt like, but this was a whole other level. The synergistic effect between LSD and MDMA made normal MDMA look like a beer. I remember thinking why I would ever want to orgasm again if I can experience this state of being.

We arrived at Lulu’s room and it was the most beautiful room I had ever seen. Lulu had lots of plants which intrigued me and were very pretty to look at, the room had an overall pleasant aesthetic and was charmingly decorated. I felt tremendously happy for my friend Lulu living here and I expressed my gratitude to him for showing me this room multiple times. The state I was in was truly  indescribable and I was overwhelmed by it. I was so appalled by how much I enjoyed merely existing in this space that I decided to smoke the big ass joint I had rolled earlier in the day. This was no doubt one of the best joints I had ever smoked, and I shared it with my good friend Elsas. I was extremely grateful for everything and everyone. Just the four of us in this room, a whole night ahead of us, me and Elsas smoking a joint, Lulu and Malchior coming up on MDMA as well and dancing. I could not have asked for anything more in that moment. But it wasn’t all “rose-scent and moonshine”, as they say in Dutch.

When we arrived back at Tito’s place, Tito himself and the girl he had been dating for the past two weeks, Yaninator, were standing in the doorway. I had never met Yaninator before and this would be the first time. I wanted to make a good impression but when we arrived I just couldn’t think of anything to say and I suddenly started feeling very self-aware and strange. I just walked past them without saying anything and went to the basement, reminding myself of how I wanted to dance earlier. Only to then find myself in the basement with shitty music and people that were obviously not on the same level as I was and I felt extremely uncomfortable and watched by everyone. At the same time I was stressing out over the encounter I just had with Tito and Yaninator; afraid that I had made a bad impression, that I looked like some junkie to Yaninator and she would think badly of Tito’s environment, which would then be my fault. This killed my entire mood and suddenly I wasn’t so sure any more about all the drugs I ingested. I was confronted with how quickly things can turn really dark on LSD.

Luckily my friend Elsas came to the rescue and I told him how I felt. He assured me not to worry about the encounter with Yaninator and Tito, and I felt comfortable again being in the vicinity of a close friend, God bless you Elsas.  In retrospect, this was all due to the fact that there were people present who weren’t really into drugs beside alcohol and maybe cigarettes (I knew this beforehand). When I would find myself around these people, I couldn’t help but feel ashamed of myself for doing what I was doing and I would feel held back by them, not being able to express what I wanted to express. And with this much raw burning energy inside me I greatly felt the need to express myself. Maybe I also felt a bit sad for them, or guilty, for them not even being aware of what states of mind one can achieve using these compounds. This feeling of suddenly becoming aware of the people around me, thinking they were judging me for being some weird drug addict, often sent me in a spiral of negative thoughts and emotions throughout the rest of the night. Eventually I just learned how to deal with it somehow I guess.

The next thing I recall is me standing in the basement and everyone being ready for the countdown of the New Year. When the clock hit 00:00, everyone was so freaking hyped and started congratulating each other and wishing each other a happy new year. It felt like I was swimming in a sea of affection and I deeply enjoyed hugging everyone and telling my close friends why I love them, what I like about them, what makes them unique, and telling them there’s a another great year of friendship ahead of us.

We went back upstairs, outdoors, and this is where I was confronted with an extraordinary sighting. The whole street in front of Tito’s building was filled with cars stuck in an enormous traffic jam. People were honking like crazy, getting out of their cars, blasting fireworks on the street, wishing each other a happy new year... It felt like everyone in the city had just collectively decided to not give any fucks anymore about anything or anyone, and this shared celebratory state with my fellow human beings catapulted me in a dancing frenzy the likes of which I had never experienced before. I started dancing on the street with my friends, dancing on cars, honking people’s horns, talking to strangers… Never in my life have I experienced such liberation.

I started dancing on the street with my friends, dancing on cars, honking people’s horns, talking to strangers… Never in my life have I experienced such liberation.

 I am generally a very shy person and always afraid to interact with other people, always worrying what they will think of me, always trying not to stand out and lay low in the background. This, to my mind, shows the true, raw power of these compounds. Never in my life would I have dared to expose myself this much to this many people, dancing like there was no tomorrow, people cheering… I was riding a wave of energy caused by the collective state of joy and celebration of mankind. I felt grateful for every living thing on this planet. All this because we made a single rotation around the Sun. What strange species we are.

Throughout the rest of the night I enjoyed just being out on the street, observing and taking in the scenery of the cars, the people, the joy… While doing this, I was struck by one of the most unlikely coincidences. I was smoking a cigarette and threw it on the ground, when my friend pointed out to me that the cigarette had fallen perfectly balanced on its butt. I could not fathom this. What are the odds of this ever happening? What are the odds of this happening on New Year’s Eve? What are the odds of this happening on New Year’s Eve while candy flipping? I could not help but interpret this as some kind of sign of a higher power, an omen of good luck…

During the comedown phase I was in a rather introspective and quiet mood, trying to process what I had just been through. I didn’t really feel like talking to anyone and just wanted to be on my own. The rest of the night was spent smoking joints and cigarettes with my friends until about 6:00. Sitting at Malchior’s place, quiet stoned, I noticed how I could actually see conversations taking place in the form of sound frequencies and amplitudes when I closed my eyes. This was quite amusing. When I went to sleep in Malchior’s bed, after smoking one last joint, some of our friends kept playing music and partying downstairs. I was laying in the bed and when I closed my eyes I could again see, visually, the sounds of the music, now being displayed to me via a show of color sequences. Lastly, I felt like my body was morphing and transforming into some sort of a cocoon/pupa in the bed and I could spend an eternity in this hibernating state. After some hours laying in the bed, enjoying the music and contemplating, I finally fell asleep.

I woke up the next day pretty early, only having slept for a couple hours. I had a light headache and had an overall sense of blurriness/worthlessness throughout the day, not really feeling like doing anything.

INTEGRATION

I think the most valuable thing I learned from this experience is when I was dancing on the street and briefly experiencing how it felt to not care what anyone thought of me. I was so moved by this after it happened that I made a mental note to myself that I should care less what people think of me in general as well. When one wants to achieve or do something (say dance), but always has the thought in the back of his mind how other people are perceiving him, and what they are thinking about him, one is not fully focused on the task at hand, and will ultimately fail at it or at least not give it his all. Even when I am doing things on my own, I often think about how I’m going to have to communicate it to other people so that I look good in their eyes. For example: I’m reading a book and I read something that strikes me, say some philosophical idea. Instantly I start imagining conversations and scenarios with other people how I’m explaining these ideas to them so that they will appreciate me and think I’m a ‘’cool” or ‘’intelligent” guy or something. Constantly pondering about how to prevent not being liked by my peers. This might come from an overall fear that people will not accept me for who I am or something. I’m finding it difficult to describe this. This is something very personal to me and I’ve thought about it quite a lot in the past, how I’m always worrying over how other people see me. Anyway, I felt so liberated in that moment that I also decided right after to write this report because it seemed so significant to me.

Looking back at the overall experience, I don’t think taking LSD in this sort of setting was a good idea and I probably wouldn’t do it again. The environment was way too “formal” and it felt awkward being the only one on LSD during a gathering of friends. Most of the people were not aware of my drug-induced state and I constantly felt like I should act “normal” in front of them. Culture is indeed always the third guest at the table. Although, I did have some moments I cherish during the LSD-phase, like sniffing poppers and going for a walk with my close friends. I would repeat this experiment in a more friendly, tranquil and natural environment, with only a couple of close friends. I would be way more comfortable and feel like the full potential of this combination would come to light then. Generally, the whole night was just a rollercoaster of emotions and feelings of extreme euphoria, alternated with dips of feeling awkward and isolated from the rest. Especially after ingesting the MDMA. Probably the consumption of cannabis facilitated and amplified these feelings of paranoia and feeling like a misfit, which wasn’t pleasant at all.

This is also the first time I’m writing a formal report after a psychedelic experience, and I feel like it’s something I should have started doing way earlier. I find it’s one of the best ways to integrate the experience in my life and I’m planning on keeping a diary of all my psychedelic experiments now. There truly is something magical about these compounds and I feel like devoting my entire life just trying to figure out what it all means. Lastly, I would like to mention that if anyone is thinking about trying this combination of drugs, one should think very carefully about it. The states of euphoria one can reach are simply unimaginable and will make one question if anything is even worth pursuing at all in ordinary life. The days after this experience, writing this report, are often filled with wanting and craving to be back in those moments of ecstasy, completely being in the moment and not having a single worry.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 116035

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 21

Published: Jan 26, 2022	Views: 1,708

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MDMA (3), LSD (2) : Large Group (10+) (19), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 300 mg
		 oral
		 Pharms - Bupropion
		 (pill / tablet)

		   T+ 8:00
		 300 mg
		 oral
		 DXM
		 (pill / tablet)

		   T+ 8:30
		 couple hits
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (flowers)

		   T+ 22:00
		 300 mg
		 oral
		 DXM
		 (pill / tablet)

		   T+ 24:00
		 100 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 24:30
		 300 mg
		 oral
		 DXM
		 (pill / tablet)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   85 kg

Timeline:

T-08:00 Bupropion 300mg

T-04:00 Grapefruit Juice ~350mL

T+00:00 DXM (freebase) 480mg

T+00:30 Cannabis, smoked (small amount)

T+14:00 Bupropion 300mg

T+16:00 LSD 1 tab ~100ug

T+16:30 Bupropion 300mg (oops)

I’m going to tell you about the greatest experience of my life.  This was my first trip on LSDXM.  I’m experienced with DXM in all its forms at doses as high as 1200mg (HBr) and with LSD up to about 200ug.  I built up to this trip for a long time and felt I was prepared for it.

Personal details, I am 31, 85kg, trans woman, Autistic and dissociative identity disorder.  I’ve listed one of my normal medications along with recreational substances because it is a potentiator of DXM.  Other medications I take are estradiol, spironolactone, and progesterone, these have no effect on drugs except for lowering my tolerance to substances.

The setting for the whole experience was in my own house, alone with our partner system.  I started with a DXM trip up to one of my favorite places, the borderline between the 2nd and 3rd plateaus.  This phase of the trip was alone, with my partner system sober but nearby.  I dosed at 8pm on 16 little RoboCough tablets, potentiated by a glass of grapefruit juice four hours earlier, and my antidepressant Bupropion which always intensifies DXM for me.  I managed to not throw up this time, I got a little nauseous and was able to control it with candied ginger and a little weed.  It took about an hour to start to come up.

The interesting thing about being a plural system on hallucinogens is how they affect my system.  I went in with one alter in front, a few others present.  On DXM I always lose my grasp on who is in front as I lose all sense of identity and self and become a passive observer of the Dextroverse.  So we became unable to tell who we were and functioned as one being.

So we became unable to tell who we were and functioned as one being.

It was pretty typical, I got lost in music for a few long hours, I had a few nice dissociative scenarios and closed eye visuals, got the wonderful DXM body high, and lost my sense of touch and taste and proprioception, the usual.

A DXM trip is to swim through the middle of a sea of chaos and order.  I can focus on anything and whatever it is will become more and more complex the more I dissociate.  What I see is not profound, it’s silly, it’s absurd, cartoonish, I see no value or importance in any of it, it simply is a thing I experience.

DXM turns my brain’s pattern finding ability way up, it will try to interpret order where there is chaos.  Close my eyes and my brain won’t accept looking at nothing, it will make something for me to look at.  My trips to this beautiful meaningless universe are all guided by music.  Each song is a world of its own, with a story to tell.

I managed to eat one slice of tasteless pizza while high.  I went to bed at 4am, in the middle of my slow comedown.  I never get much sleep while tripping, and I woke up around 10am, still feeling like I’m on the lower 1st plateau.  I take a long time to come down from this drug.  When I woke up I took my bupropion, like I usually do, but I didn’t eat anything because I was going to dose on LSD soon.  This threw me off a little on my routine which led to a mistake.

We switched back to the same alter who was in front at the beginning of the last night’s trip, but we were still a little blurry and uncertain.

I took my tab of acid at noon.  Shortly after, I ate some frozen waffles, and went to take my daily spironolactone after eating, before I could come up and forget about it.  Because it’s my usual routine to eat, then take my bupropion and spironolactone, and I was on LSD and DXM at that point, I forgot I already took my bupropion and redosed on it.  I realized immediately after that I did that, I’d taken 600mg of a drug that potentiates DXM, oops.  It was fine, though, I was a little worried but I told myself it would be fine, it’s still within the medicinal range of the drug.

My partner system took two tabs of the acid.  They came up quickly, I was lagging behind, wondering if this was going to work or if I waited too long in between.  I put a playlist together and started it while waiting.

When my partner and I trip we like to look at my desktop background which is a slideshow of images of planets and moons in our solar system.  We did that for a while and I started to get minor visual distortions.  The music sounded *very* good like it does on DXM.  Even though I had mostly come down from DXM, it was like as the acid came up it reignited the DXM trip and I could feel some of its effects again.

When I was clearly coming up I put on a youtube video of a few hours of fractals, another thing we like to watch on a trip.  It’s good on LSD alone but on LSDXM it was really blowing my mind and it was overwhelming, I had to look away from it a lot.

For some reason my partner got sick and threw up.  Luckily I was cognizant enough to realize it and help them.  Neither of us have ever seen this happen from LSD, and we took the same acid and ate the same food, don’t know what caused that.  They were overstimulated by the music but I needed music because I was tripping on DXM, so I switched to headphones.

When we trip on acid together we always end up having sex, and we did, but it was a challenging and confusing experience to my LSDXM self.  I had my sense of touch back somewhat.  I tried my best but I kept dissociating and forgetting what I was doing.  I also was worried a lot because I felt we were not communicating at all, like we were in different worlds barely able to reach each other, with me on LSDXM and them on LSD alone, so I kept making sure what I was doing was okay.  It all didn’t work very well.  It’s impressive I could have sex on a dissociative trip at all, though.  We just cuddled the rest of the night.

We sat wrapped up in a blanket together and went back to watching pictures of planets and moons and listening to music together.  This was where it got really good for me.  I was experiencing extreme short term memory suppression, to the extent that I couldn’t even say a short sentence without losing the beginning of it and not knowing what I was trying to say.  We had the strangest most disjointed conversation that I barely remember the details of.

The visuals here became *incredible.*  There was color shifting making everything iridescent, there was image slicing, there were fractals in everything.  It was the best of both worlds from the DXM and LSD visuals.  I saw the full moon reflected in the surface of a pond on an image of Jupiter.  Later in the same image I saw a cave with pillars rising out of a deep pit.  Even images without many features or complexity would become something incredible.

The longer I looked at a picture the more I would dissociate into it and get completely lost in its world.

The longer I looked at a picture the more I would dissociate into it and get completely lost in its world.

  And what’s more was once the image had become alive with its DXM chaos, I could look away and look back and it would still look the way I had hallucinated it.  Not constantly shifting and changing like LSD, but static and slowly morphing like DXM.

It looked much like I might have expected, LSD visual distortions superimposed over DXM hallucinations.  It was like the way DXM creates closed eye visuals was happening on real objects and surfaces if I looked long enough and dissociated.  The music was so good, better than it had ever sounded before.

Time distortion became intense, each song was feeling like hours.  I could tell the passage of time by the changing images and songs.  I continually had the strangest sensation that I was experiencing the song a few seconds in the future.  Either I knew these albums well enough that my brain probably was anticipating the next notes, or my sensory processing was a little delayed from my sensory perception, but I really felt like I was sliding between the present and the future.

I would start to have some kind of profound LSD brain realizations about some grand cosmic truth to the universe but then my DXM brain would catch me and remind me that it’s meaningless, just look at the pretty pictures.  The general theme of this experience was that of being on a dissociative trip but watching the trip itself from a detached distance, being on a psychedelic trip and looking at it from the outside in.  It felt just the same but from a different perspective, the trip from 3rd person instead of 1st person.  That was what we kept coming back around to, a matter of perspective.

Being on a DXM trip makes me a resident of the dextroverse, caught up in its chaotic machinations.  LSDXM lets me observe the dextroverse from above and see the bigger picture of all its moving parts.  LSDXM made me the goddess of my dextroverse.  People universally say they feel like a god on LSDXM, and I understood what they meant.  I was outside my universe looking in.  LSD makes me feel connected to everyone and everything, it makes me see connections between everything and think that everything is one.  DXM makes me disconnected from everything else.  Combined, I was a goddess who could stand back and look upon a beautifully interconnected world without living in it.  I could hold the world in my hand and watch it spin.

I’ve never been so aware of my surroundings and my body during a trip on either DXM or LSD alone.  Usually my universe closes in, until only my immediate surroundings are real to me.  This time I was aware that the outside world existed and that I was looking at an inner world.

On LSD, if we go through ego death all of my alters’ egos will collapse and reform, and in between we are one being with no identity, able to think but not to know.  On DXM, ego death is the complete loss of self, reduced to merely a perspective, not even a being, somehow able to know but not to think.  This was an entirely new experience.

I felt like I had a meta-awareness of the trip.  I could notice the processes of each of the drugs, I would catch my LSD brain trying to come up with something grand and profound and I would catch my DXM brain trying to step back and just observe.  What I was left with in between was beauty like I have never witnessed before.  The visuals and the music were so overwhelmingly beautiful I was completely in awe, trying to put to words what I was experiencing.

We were coming down, slowly.  My system was present, but I realized I was functioning as the whole system collectively.  We were not blended together, but rather my identity was a meta-consciousness of us all collectively.  There we were, goddess of our inner universe, observing its grandeur.  We listened to one of my favorite albums and I delved so deep into it, I existed in between every note and truly understood it on a level I never did before.  And at the same time I knew that understanding was meaningless, it was only beautiful music.  I also had the recurring feeling that I had been there before in that headspace, even though it was my first time on this combination of drugs, it felt so familiar.

This slow comedown was the most wonderful experience of my life.  It took hours longer before I regained enough short term memory to functionally carry on a conversation.  I was able to get up and go to the bathroom, and I was back to robo-walking even 24 hours after dosing on DXM because the LSD had brought its effects back somehow.  When I came down more I was light and floaty, that wonderful DXM feeling.

At the end of a beautiful album that ended with a long ambient piece I felt it was the time to stop the music.  The silence was beautiful too.  It was raining.  It had gotten dark long ago and we had only the light of the TV screen.  We turned on the lights and it was very nice and warm and cozy to be there in that room.

I ate some pizza and it tasted so good, so wonderful.  I sat there with my partner just completely in love and blissed out.  They had come down sooner than me, I took a long time.  But we were both still pretty fucked up, and we decided to start up the Switch and play Smash while we were so fucked up.  We were both so terrible, and it was so much fun.  I was so happy, so overwhelmingly happy I was crying, I was having so much fun I didn’t want the night to ever end, it was a state of pure indescribable joy.

Eventually I came down enough that I was recognizably a single alter and not the collective being, the same one we were when we started.

When we eventually went to bed after 4am, I could still see closed eye visuals in the darkness.  They would form patterns like DXM CEVs do, then turn into beautiful fractals, and slowly become a solid geometric object made of that substance.  I was experiencing auditory hallucinations, the white noise of the air filter was turning into sounds kind of like the game we were playing, it was so interesting.  We held each other and I watched the pretty fractals until I fell asleep.

The next morning was wonderful, the best afterglow of my life, stacked up DXM and LSD afterglow.  I woke up a different alter.  It had snowed overnight and the outside world was so beautiful.  Everything was wonderful.  I looked at myself in the mirror and I was beautiful too.  I was someone who has a lot of gender dysphoria and self confidence issues, and there that day I had none of it and I could finally see the beautiful woman I have become.

I had learned from this trip that the universe is beautiful, and so am I.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115173

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 31

Published: Aug 28, 2022	Views: 3,479

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LSD (2), Cannabis (1), DXM (22), Pharms - Bupropion (87) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Sex Discussion (14), Music Discussion (22), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 oral
		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   113 lb

I had taken acid with my partner a half dozen times before this particular trip, and my experiences had always been pleasant with rather gentle psychedelic effects. We would listen to music or watch a film or just hang out together. But this particular time was completely different, completely unexpected, and changed my life in ways I am still trying to comprehend.

My partner and I had booked a 90 minute session at a “float” place for this particular evening, and we decided it would be fun to trip while floating. It was our first float. (For those who don't know, the float experience involves submerging yourself naked in a tank of warm salt water. You can have lights on or be in total darkness. Some find it very relaxing or meditative.) We ingested the acid at our home about an hour before our appointment, both of us feeling positive and looking forward to this new experience. We think the dosage was the same for both of us. For my partner, the acid kicked in almost immediately. For me, it took about an hour (this is typical).

During the float, I felt male and female energy both rushing through me. An image of a middle-aged woman with long, curly gray hair kept manifesting in my mind. When I got out of the tank, I looked in the mirror (always an interesting thing to do while tripping) and watched my face rippling from male to female and back.

This was just the beginning.

The float over, my partner and I decided to get something to eat. We walked a short distance to an Asian café and ordered soup and rice, and were generally acting pretty silly and giggly, but more or less in control. My partner paid for the food and we left.

At this point my memory of real-time events dissolves.

I was in a “cosmic café.” I don't know how to explain this, but my consciousness was “splintered” into many different awarenesses. I was still “me,” but somehow I also was everyone else at the same time, and everything was happening all at once; there was no time, only an eternal Now. I felt that this was ultimate reality, which had always existed and always will, I just hadn't been able to experience it until now, until the LSD unlocked or opened something in my mind. I knew my partner was beside me, but in a way, there was no difference between he and I. I could feel his earthly desires – a distraction from spiritual reality– and his fears as my own – as anyone's.

I heard voices all around me, speaking in many languages that did not sound “foreign” – but there was no sense of confusion, only harmony.

I looked at the faces around me in this “café.” They shimmered with change, with beautiful symbols and colors; they changed constantly from one ethnicity to another, from male to female, and there was a harmony in all the changes. Nothing remained constant and yet it all seemed natural. Sometimes I heard chimes, as though something was trying to get my attention or calling me to focus.

I had a feeling of being welcomed: “Now you see how it is!” A feeling of being lovingly encouraged, guided through this new reality which I had been blind to until now.

The voices I heard were always saying things that related directly to my experience. Unfortunately I can't remember much of what I heard, but I do remember someone saying “It's disorienting at first.” I remember my partner eating greedily, frantically, and saying “I feel like there's a hole inside me.” I realized that although I had always seen myself as a hedonist, one who distracts themselves with worldly pleasures to avoid feeling pain, my partner was just the same. I saw him as an old man who would one day die and decompose, but he was also a sort of “acid trickster” who had “been there” many times before. He too was welcoming and grinning. I wasn't sad at the thought of him dying because I knew he had always existed and always would in some way.

Later, I know that I ascended even higher and glimpsed vast unfolding complexities, which I can only describe as branching out further and further, revealing a higher wisdom. Even as I type this I know it sounds like a lot of trite New Age nonsense. As I descended back to my “self” I knew that I would forget it all.

As I descended back to my “self” I knew that I would forget it all.

I saw and felt that the universe is forever in a grand cycle, like planets eternally rotating, and that fear, love, disgust, anger, compassion are always “floating” through the universe and through all of us as part of the human experience. Those of us who are pulled into fear or hate or negativity must repeat life until they return into harmony with the great reality. I felt sad about this, about all of the suffering that humans experience as they repeat lifetimes over and over. I asked repeatedly “WHY” there has to be fear and negativity at all – the answer was simply “This is how it is, and always has been and always will be.”

There was a point when I realized, or was shown, that anything is possible, there are no limits. I was holding onto my rational/logical mind and knew I could let it go, and for a second I experienced this, and since rationality or sanity is what anchors us in reality, it was very frightening. I could let go of my perceived orientation in space and it wouldn't matter. At this point I realized we had been walking down the street, because I fell down and bumped my head slightly. A very kind woman came over to help me to my feet. I remember she was Asian and wore a jade bracelet that burned with light. She asked if I needed help and I whispered no, and thanked her several times.

Such kindness was shown to me that night!

I began to move toward Ultimate Reality; I wanted to become one with it. I could have completely merged with the Infinite. I felt myself beginning to, but a part of me wanted to return to an individual life... A beautiful, ugly, hard, limited-awareness, painful life, where I would be best able to love and to practice compassion. Then things began coming into focus. I could smell the harsh artificial odors of city streets, and air freshener or perfume. I felt cold. I knew I was in a car, with a seat belt on – I did not like feeling restrained by the seat belt – and my partner was in the back seat, very concerned about me. I was holding onto nausea. Something told me to let it go, and I threw up. I was still afraid of something, still holding onto something, unwilling to let go. But I let myself come back down to earth, I let the amnesia take over. I felt very cold and heavy and wobbly. The driver, bless her, was so kind to me even though I had just been sick in her car. She took me by the hands and guided me toward our apartment very slowly and gently. I looked into her face. She appeared to be a sort of bird-woman hybrid, maybe part owl or part hawk, and she was infinitely loving and wise. I think I embraced her and felt my hands melt into her. I remember coming into the apartment and our little dog trotting out to greet us, all anxious and happy as always. My partner got me to sit down and took my shoes off with some difficulty. Then I got undressed and went into the bathroom. It was over.

I want to note that my partner's experience was extremely different. Later he told me that he could see I was way “out there,” and he was afraid for me when I fell down and when I got sick. He was much more in control of himself than I was.

Since that night, my life hasn't been the same. I am consumed with a newly awakened hunger for spiritual knowledge. I have been reading Hindu and Buddhist teachings; they resonate for me. When I see people, I imagine we are all “splinters” of a great unity. There is no real separation between us.

I was never really afraid of death before, but now I am reassured that there is nothing at all to fear. All of us emerged from the great unity, and we all return to it.

And I have been grappling with new ideas, particularly the profound concept of consciousness. I realize now that consciousness is not limited to our brains. It is a shared reality, perhaps an energy field (again, sounding New Age-y). The most mind-blowing idea of all is, what if the universe itself is conscious??! What if it is alive in a way we can hardly conceive of?

Is this what people mean when they speak of God?

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116558

Gender: Not Specified

Age at time of experience: 54

Published: Sep 27, 2022	Views: 834

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Floatation Tank (369), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Combinations (3), General (1)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 155 ug
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 4:15
		 110 mg
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 5:30
		 55 mg
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 5:30
		 2 glasses
		 oral
		 Alcohol - Beer/Wine
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 8:00
		 1 glass
		 oral
		 Alcohol - Beer/Wine
		 (liquid)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   79 kg

Preface:

This experience took place two days ago after having spent one night in our rented apartment in Ohrid, North Macedonia. My girlfriend and I are currently on vacation here because it’s a cheap and beautiful country that we haven’t heard much about.

I recently had a huge biology exam and wanted to retreat for a few days before university starts again in a week. Away from home, away from all the responsibilities and time for ourselves. So that‘s what we did.

——————————————————————

Background information:

- gender: male

- age: 25

- weight: 79 kg

- setting: the garden of our AirBnb in Ohrid, North Macedonia

- set: somehow I‘m more nervous than I usually am before tripping! My thoughts are filled with possible negative outcomes of the trip. I talk to my girlfriend about it, she notes similar things but we still decide to proceed.

- tolerance: none, I haven‘t taken a psychedelic in about a month.

The LSD tartrate was gifted to me by a friend who obtained it from a reputable vendor a while back and who has indulged in this exact batch multiple times before. The blotter art is very famous so I won’t mention the name of it, but some of you can probably guess what tabs I’m talking about because of the specific dosage number.

The MDMA was obtained years ago and the crystals have a slight gray tint to them. It was tested by a drug-checking facility in my home country and verified to be 99.8% pure MDMA HCl.

As a side-note, I am familiar with LSD as well as MDMA, but this was the first time I have combined them at full doses. I normally write trip-reports on unusual compounds but this experience was so significant and special that I had an urge to put it into words. So this report is going to be different than the others.

The time stamps are estimates and not accurate to the minute

LSD (155µg, sublingual) + MDMA (165mg, oral) + alcohol / Trip Report:

T:00:00:

It’s 11:20 AM, I place this beautiful blotter under my tongue, so does my girlfriend. It tastes like absolutely nothing, as it shouldn‘t.

T:00:25: (+)

Definite first alerts, I am feeling quite wavy already. My body however is a bit tense and jittery, soft electrical impulses can be felt in the extremities furthest from my heart. That’s probably the slow manifestation of vasoconstriction.

My girlfriend starts giggling. She remarks that her little feet remind her of paws. Her trip seems to be developing even faster than mine. Faint visuals start to appear, colors are brightening, everything starts to look richer and more interesting. Chew and swallow the blotter.

T:00:45: (++)

The intensity is picking up fast, visuals and headspace are very apparent now. My thoughts are disorganized and I already lose track of time. My stomach is a bit unsure what to do with this foreign molecule dancing around in my gut. It’s a little unsettling, slightly nauseating.

My girlfriend lets off another funny remark, she notes that the mountains already look like broccoli and that I should prepare myself for what‘s about to come. I thank her for the valuable information. The clouds are moving fast and morph into weird figures while their edges take on a rainbow colored hue. The blue sky and the neighboring house look like they are in the same vertical plane, which makes absolutely no sense. Looking up at the sky makes me dizzy.

T:01:10: (+++)

Oh my god, the view over lake Ohrid is gorgeous! This is surreal, I am so blessed to be here. The sun and the weather are fantastic too. The wall of the house beside ours is richly ornamented with carved out rocks and they are moving from left to right. A delightful sight, I‘m excited to see where this is going. The effects are still ramping up rapidly.

T:02:00: (+++(+))

Sounds, smells, the light, everything becomes a bit annoying, so I decide to move inside. I lay down on our bed and fully engulf in the closed eye visuals. At this point I am full on peaking, this is so much more intense than the last 150µg acid trip I‘ve had. It doesn’t really matter if my eyes are open or not, everything is covered in fractals and mathematical patterns. This is spectacular. After a couple of minutes I notice that my sense of self starts to dissolve. There was no fear, only curiousity and a feeling of “this is the right direction”. I don’t want to do this alone, I call my girlfriend and she quickly comes over to join me. We lay down in bed, cuddle up and suddenly, we merge. My thoughts vanish, I can literally see and feel them moving away from my head and wander into my girlfriend's head. I can’t believe what is happening right now! This is absolutely glorious. I repeatedly babble "this is unbelievable”. I am so incredibly euphoric and full of love. The synaesthesia is so strong that I think about throwing up. I don’t, but this is insane. Somehow, this feels like the most profound trip I’ve had... Is that it? Is that the notorious +4 experience that I always wanted to have?

This goes on for quite some time until we return to a relaxing and content mind state and a feeling of magnificent warmth and security. I fantasize about having sex with my girlfriend but the idea of inserting a penis into a vagina seems like a ridiculous idea. No way in hell I could pull this off, I can’t even speak properly.

T:03:30: (+++)

It seems that the peak is settling down a bit but I‘m still really confused and the effects keep going strong. I am trying to eat a grilled cheese sandwich, but it doesn’t agree with me at all. I am trying but the taste of cheese and the dry toast are a bit much. I give up and switch to fruit. Banana and oranges are way easier to swallow. The acidity of the latter is very enjoyable.

My girlfriend and I are trying to talk about deep, personal stuff, but it’s more difficult to bring a point across than it is on phenethylamine psychedelics like the DOx family or mescaline, a reason why I like them so much. Anyway, LSD still feels like the perfect drug for me. The duration, the visual effects, the bodily effects, the headspace. A perfect hybridization of everything I want from a psychedelic. I have thought about this so many times before but I still find it mindblowing that such a tiny amount of LSD perfectly fits into our serotonin receptors and induces these magical effects. It‘s almost like it was designed to be ingested by humans.

I am overwhelmed by gratitude and gratefulness. I am so happy with where I‘m currently at in life. My girlfriend, my family, my acedemical pathway and in general with who I am. That’s a huge revelation for me, because this is something I have been struggling with a lot in the past few years. However, I have been actively working on this issue with therapy and positive affirmations. I have to give credit to the one DOM experience I had last November that served as the catalyst for this change. During the peak of that trip I broke down crying for what felt like forever and it made clear that I had to take this problem seriously, which I did. This experience highlights the progress I’ve made and I’m so happy with it.

T:04:15: (++(+))

My girlfriend and I actually planned to candy flip today but as the experience was so intense up until now we are hesitant. Should we do it? Maybe it’s best not to think about what could happen. Whatever, I grab my pre-weighed MDMA capsule and dissolve it in water. My girlfriend does the same but with a bit less MDMA. The taste is actually bearable. I drink about 2/3 of the cup and let the rest sit for a while. Lets see what happens.

T:04:35: (+++)

Can already feel the MDMA coming up, I‘m starting to get hot. Bowel movement is real, I make my way to the bathroom. My hands are clammy, I’m sitting on the toilet and my legs are shaking. It’s been almost two years since I last had MDMA, I kind of forgot how these comeups felt like. Oddly enough, I’ve always liked coming up on MDMA. The anticipation, the stimulation, the restlessness, the feeling of a rocket ship taking off.

I’ve always liked coming up on MDMA. The anticipation, the stimulation, the restlessness, the feeling of a rocket ship taking off.

 It’s just exciting. My vision is blurry and my jaw is starting to clench up. Going back outside.

T:05:00: (+++)

There’s a sudden switch from being confused by the LSD headspace to a mental clarity induced by the MDMA. I can finally articulate myself precisely. Talking flows nicely, we are having very therapeutic conversations about our life goals, self worth, family and other things that are important to us. It is deeply emotional. Again, I am overcome by gratefulness and love for life. It’s a great feeling to be deeply happy, I hope I can take away some of the stuff that I learned today.

T:05:30: (+++)

Down the rest of the MDMA water and drink two small beers on the side. I need some carbohydrates to restore my energy but I am not hungry. My appetite is heavily suppressed, I try to eat a cookie but need water to wash it down. My throat is dry, my jaw is locked, but I’m feeling great.

T:06:50: (++)

The effects are starting to wear off, but that’s fine by me. I do have a desire to keep going and I’m pondering over ways to extend the high but conclude to let it go.

T:08:00: (+)

Girlfriend suggests to drink a glass of red wine and I approve. We talk for a while and watch the night unfold.

T:12:00: (±)

Slight open eye visuals are remaining. My mind is still stimulated, even though my body is exhausted. I barely ate anything all day but tripped quite hard. My organs had to put in a lot of work today, I thank my body and my girlfriend for this day and try to go to sleep.

The day(s) after:

T:16:00-20:00:

I constantly awaken from my lysergamide half-sleep. I‘m really not sure if I slept at all, but I‘m not tired either. My thoughts are still trippy and racing. Girlfriend is also awake, we joke about going for a night walk but decide not to.

T:23:40:

Rise, eat breakfast, drink coffee and start to think about what happened. This was just amazing and I still feel great. What a trip, the afterglow is kicking in strong. I‘m feeling a bit manic and overly enthusiastic but this will pass when the sleeplessness overhauls me in the afternoon.

T:30:10:

Like I called it, I am tired, drained and have no energy left. I’m still not hungry but my stomach is growling. Reminds me of how I felt after my 15mg 2C-T-4 trip in January. That was exhausting too, but definitely worth the price. Perhaps a smoothie will help, I need some vitamins and anti-oxidants.

T:33:00:

Eat a large meal and finally feel like myself again.

T:44:40:

Wake up after ten hours of sleep and a set of bizarre dreams. My girlfriend dreamt a lot of weird stuff as well. Nonetheless, we‘re feeling pretty well rested.

——————————————————————

Conclusion:

Where do I start, I think it’s pretty evident that this was one, if not the most profound psychedelic experience I’ve had in my six years of tripping. Looking back it wasn’t a full ++++ experience but I was toying with it during the peak. I’ve had plenty of deep, emotional, healing, and overall amazing experiences with comparably stronger doses and a variety of psychedelic compounds but LSD triggers something in me that not a lot of substances do. But mostly, set and setting play an important rule and I think this trip just had to happen this way. What I found interesting was that there was no anxiety when my ego started to slip. It just felt right, like it was meant to be.

The MDMA was a very nice addition too and a great way to prolong this beautiful day, but it was definitely not a necessity and I will skip it next time. I’m just not a huge fan of it anymore. Anyway, this day was a 10/10 and one I will remember for the rest of my life. I hope I can hold onto this gratefulness and happiness for a long time and don‘t let my neutrality and pessimism get in the way of things.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116699

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 25

Published: Oct 8, 2022	Views: 1,167

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LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Glowing Experiences (4), Hangover / Days After (46), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

As of this writing, about three and a half years later, no psychedelic experience that I've had even comes close to the awe-inspiring beauty of my first acid trip (well, except for DMT...). I've had countless mushroom trips, plenty of experiences with HWBR seeds, a few solid rolls, and every time 5-meo-this or 2C-that comes my way, I try a bit. But my first date with LSD blows them away.

My two friends A and E (both experienced trippers) and I dosed around lunchtime. I had no real intentions or goals for this trip, nor had I done much research on the subject. A and E seemed to like the stuff quite a bit, and that was good enough for me. After all, they'd been right about psilocybin and LSA (the only other two psychedelics I had tried at the time). So we dosed (I took two hits), and sat around A's room for a while waiting for the substance to come on. After about forty minutes, I started feeling goofy and climbed under A's bed. I noticed tracers, and started to wave my hands around. I also noticed a metallic taste in my mouth that seemed to come from my upper lip.

I noticed tracers, and started to wave my hands around. I also noticed a metallic taste in my mouth that seemed to come from my upper lip.

 As an aside, I had purchased 25 hits of that acid, and every time I took it, I got that taste in my mouth. Not only have I not had that effect from any other psychedelic, I haven't even had it from any other batch of acid. I tend to get flushed from psychedelics, so I think it had something to do with the blood rushing to my head. Finally, I experienced some physical discomfort, especially in my mid back. I heard a voice in my head say the whole point of this is to get comfortable.

We had intended to peak in the middle of the blizzard raging outside, but the snowfall subsided right before we left our college dorm. It was hard to be disappointed, though, as we were left with enormous mounds of pristine snow to enjoy. We went for a romp in the less heavily traveled areas of our serene campus, and came upon, of all things, three other students gleefully tripping acid in the snow. Better still, each of them mirrored an aspect of each of us (or vice versa or both simultaneously, or whatever). A's mirror was exuberant and expressive, E's was confident and funny, and mine was quiet and thoughtful. To be more clear, these were actual people from our campus (coincidentally, I had first met one of them during the most overwhelming mushroom trip of my life, and was convinced that he was a figment of my imagination for some time). In that moment, however, the juxtaposition was uncanny. I had had no visuals as of yet except for the tracers, but this was already too much for me to take. I was feeling uncomfortable, and didn't really want to be a part of this strange geometrical arrangement. My ego was too precious, I didn't want to be someone else's reflection. We all headed back to our dorms together, but I put my headphones on and tuned out of the group and into some electronica/pop music. At this point, my first visuals appeared -- golden plants of some kind growing around the periphery of my vision. They did not seem to be part of the landscape, it felt more like they were superimposed like CGI over the film that was my experience of the world.

When we reached our dorms, a bong was loaded up and sent around. I don't think I took more than one hit. A was talking about how he wasn't tripping nearly as hard as he had wanted to, he was somewhat disappointed. I, on the other hand, was beginning to trip balls. I was filled with emotions I couldn't explain, so much so that I was uncomfortable being around other people. A and E seemed to be doing their own thing, so I went back to my room by myself.

Once there, I put on some euphoric rock music and was almost immediately overcome with joy! Light was bursting from every corner! I watched waves of winter sunlight ripple across my desk and thought then (and I still think now) that it was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. The nostalgia as I write this, even months and months later, is strong. After exulting at the sheer unadulterated beauty of the everyday for a while, I was inexplicably drawn straight to a box I had stashed beneath my desk. The contents of this box were drawings, letters, and assorted mementos from one of my first romantic relationships.

This relationship had, for all intents and purposes, ended about four months previous, but was not really over yet because she was romantically involved with one of my new friends at college. To put it briefly, the whole relationship was a nightmare. The whole thing dripped with enough tedious hyperbole, pointless drama, and mind-boggling coincidence to be a rejected hollywood script. But what I had really loved about this girl was that she was an artist. Her art had struck me as a really unique self expression, a communication that went beyond words.

So there, tripping balls on the floor of my room, it wasn't the letters I was interested in, but the drawings. After contemplating curvy lines on paper for a while, there was an explosion in my brain: art. I was an artist. Art is what I need to do.

Now, this didn't come completely out of the blue. My father is a professional artist, and has been making a living off of his oil paintings for almost thirty years. I used to draw a lot in junior high, but had traded art for music when my social circles changed. So, I wasn't a stranger to art, but it was still something I hadn't seriously thought about for five years. I decided that I had to start making art immediately, so I began scanning my room for potential supplies.

What I found was my mirror (my canvas!), the sun reflecting of it in all its glory (my muse!), and two cans of unused shaving cream (my paints!). After putting up a sign on my door that said Do not disturb! I assure you, this is meditation!, I got to work. Now, this was probably some of the most outrageous fun I have ever had in my life. The menthol smell of the shaving cream was overwhelming. The texture was incredible. And between the sunlight reflecting off the mirror and the relentless open eye visuals from the acid, my creation was growing and transforming on its own, even as I was building it. After a while, I began using masking tape to add a different texture to the mirror. When I showed my friends, however, they were unable to see what I was so excited about. I found out later that some of them were pretty sure I had lost my mind. I asked my friend M for her camera, and tried to capture what I had seen, with the sun's assistance. Operating the camera was a challenge, my hands were bursting with nervous energy and holding them steady was an act of will.

After the photos, I regrouped with my friends, who were going out to eat. I debated going with them, but they had a full car already. Besides, I couldn't stop moving and gesturing, and I probably would not have been able to control myself very well in public. I asked them to bring me back a salad. Now it was time to clean up. I experimented with music I don't normally listen to, some blues, some hip hop, and found myself not just liking but loving pretty much everything I heard. Cleaning up became an exciting dance; I was hopping around like a frog while cleaning stray foam off of my door. When I had finished, I spent some time with A, who had also decided to pass on the restaurant. He packed a pipe with tobacco, and told me to take as big a hit as I could. The taste was unbelievably horrible, but the rush almost knocked me off my feet. Worth trying once, at least. Our friends returned with food, and I proceeded to eat as slowly as humanly possible. I had no interest in silverware, and picked individual components out of the salad one by one, studied them, and then carefully ingested them. I had the vague impression that I was eating a densely populated coral reef.

I was about a quarter of the way through the salad, when I felt the urge to drum. Now, I'd been a guitar player for five years at the time and had never touched a drum, nor did I know anybody who had a drum. So I wandered back to my room, and disassembled a crappy display for a crappy presentation, and used the hollow plastic base as a drum. Was it an effective drum? No. Did I care? Not even a little. I stripped naked, turned on loud hard psychedelic rock music, and went to town. I tried as best I could to follow the rhythms I was hearing, but I was mostly just exploding in a rapture of sound and aggressive physical motion.

As I drummed, my head filled with closed eye visuals and improbably conclusions. I saw fleshy spirals pivoting around eyes. I saw, from above, a woman dancing in spirals with a flowing skirt beneath her. It occurred to me that there are intrinsic differences between the way males communicate and the way females communicate. A conversation between men is like a snowball fight; not only is it competitive but it's direct. But conversation with women is more like a dance: cooperative and frequently sidestepping/spiralling around the central issue. Obviously, this is a blanket generalization, but it struck me as profound at the time. I saw myself (but a little older?) living in a tiny apartment with a beautiful young woman (with dark straight hair and a grey sweater). We didn't care that our apartment was small because we loved each other and spent all our free time creating beautiful art and music with each other. She went to the window, and rested her head in her hands, watching a butterfly dance in the air outside. My vision followed the butterfly out the window, and I realized that my lover and I were quite literally living in a hole in a wall. Colored light was pouring out from behind the butterfly; the light become bricks and the bricks stacked themselves in a multi-colored pyramid. Shadowy reptile people roamed around the base of it.

There were many more, but those were the most vivid. By the time I finally stopped, I had been drumming for almost three hours. My hands were numb, red, and throbbing, but I still felt incredible. And, the trip was still going strong! I put on clothes, grabbed my ipod, and wandered outside. I had no idea where my keys were, but I figured I could leave my door unlocked this once.

It was late enough (and cold enough) at this point, that there were almost no other people outside. Great! I roamed around listening to more electronica/pop and psychedelic hard rock and grooved on open and closed eye visuals. The arms of a lamppost became spirals with square corners. The cloudy sky, complete with glowing orange moon, was the head of an unfathomably large (and not in the least threatening) monster. Guitars sounded to me like the singing of primordial reptilian people, and at one point the vision of the multi-colored pyramid with the lizard people returned. The leader had an enormous headdress that vibrated with electricity. He was doing a strange dance that I felt compelled to replicate. I was only mildly concerned that someone might see me. Dancing in the snow was fun, until my enthusiastic gyrations ripped my headphones out of my ears and sent them flying into the tundra. Needless to say, I did NOT find my white headphones in a field of snow, at night. No biggie. I was still euphoric.

I came back to my room, discovered that I had given A my keys for safekeeping and completely forgot, and got warm. By this point, it was about 2 am, my first awareness of time, and I had been tripping, hard!, for about fourteen hours. I wanted a conversation that was more like a dance and less like a snowball fight, so I called up the aforementioned ex-thing (we still spoke from time to time) to share with her my experience. The conversation was mostly weird, but I was still too euphoric to care. From my perception, skewed I'm sure, she seemed totally self-interested. When interacting with her on normal days, I frequently felt like I had no special value to her, that I was just another admiring face in the crowd. Tripping was no different, but thanks to the manic euphoria, it didn't really bother me until later. I also noticed her tendency to gravitate slowly towards dark topics about her past and then change the subject right before the point of no return. I noticed her doing this several times consecutively, and tried to point it out. However, my brain was beginning to melt down at this point, and I was unable to articulate any complicated thoughts. Instead, I contented myself by watching the little spheres of light generated by the christmas lights in my room gently bob like puffer fish swimming in a current (they even developed little fins!). Finally, I got off the phone and went to bed. The next morning, I felt incredible. Thinking and moving were effortless. I was happier than I'd been in years.

Long term effects of this particular trip:

I continue to this day to make art. Ink, colored pencil, paint, doesn't matter. I've started using art software, and I regularly make spontaneous gifts of artwork to my friends, especially those I haven't seen in a while.

I continue to this day to enjoy percussion, especially when tripping. I tap out syncopated rhythms while listening to music, I beatbox when I'm waiting at the bus stop, and I acquired a djembe.

I took up yoga, and continue practicing almost daily. Partially because all my friends were doing it, but partially because the whole point of this is to get comfortable.

I started dancing more often, and really enjoying it.

I was convinced that EVERYONE should try acid, and proceeded to share my stash with as many of my uninitiated friends as I could. These days, I'm much less enthusiastic about the idea of the whole world tripping, but at the time I was pretty into it.

These days, I'm much less enthusiastic about the idea of the whole world tripping, but at the time I was pretty into it.

The nervous energy lasted for almost two weeks, during which I was gesturing and moving around FAR more than I normally do.

And finally, I have NEVER had a trip comparable to this one. My head has never felt so foreign and so familiar simultaneously. I consider this a very robust +++, and I should probably mention that I've never more than flirted with a ++++, no matter what I've taken. All my subsequent acid trips (and there have been quite a few) have been far inferior, ranging from muddled to casual to confusing to neurotic to just plain boring. I doubt I will ever experience anything quite like this trip again. The persistent euphoria was incredible. The CEVs were more compelling and intricate than any I've had since.

In general, I prefer psilocybin. LSD is just too damn long of a trip. Rarely am I energized all the way through, and I end up feeling like my head is in a vice after about eight hours. Most of my other LSD experiences beyond ++ have been somewhat unpleasant, due to physical discomfort, emotional confusion, and garbled motor skills. Still, I would never undo this trip. The experience was one of the most momentous of my life.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 79675

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 20

Published: Oct 17, 2022	Views: 785

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Music Discussion (22), General (1)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 5 - 6 drops
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 1:30
		 300 mg
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (capsule)

		   T+ 8:00

		 oral
		 Pharms - Chlorpromazine
		 (pill / tablet)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   65 kg

NOTE: I’ve chosen to use pseudonyms rather than just initials when it comes to naming the individuals mentioned in this post, because I think names read better and this trip report involves quite a large cast of characters.

This trip report describes what was easily the worst night of my life- a full-blown psychotic episode, a train wreck, a disaster trip. That being said, it was still an invaluable learning experience, and over the following months I was able to use the lessons learned during this experience to reach a better, fuller understanding of myself, my own psyche, and my place in the world. In the final analysis, I’m actually glad that I went through this, but I certainly didn’t feel that way at the time!

In early March of this year, a few weeks after my twenty-third birthday, I experienced my first truly “bad trip”- what I would term a drug-induced psychosis. Myself and a group of friends had gone to an outdoor psytrance party, held on a farm just outside of town. My friend Bella had just acquired a vial of liquid LSD, and we were all very excited to trip together at this party (note: This would be my 4th time tripping acid. I am also very experienced with MDMA, methylone, psilocybin, 4-ACO-DMT, 5-MeO-Dipt, and several other psychoactives).

When we arrived (at around 11 p.m), we immediately went to the bathroom to dose up. I asked Bella for two drops (approximately 300 micrograms); I’d had 3 drops (approx. 450 micrograms) before, but I had never tripped acid in such a public space before and wanted to play it safe. However, as she was administering the LSD her hand slipped and I ended up with WAY more acid under my tongue than I’d bargained for

as she was administering the LSD her hand slipped and I ended up with WAY more acid under my tongue than I’d bargained for

- closer to five or six drops (750- 900 micrograms) worth. Bella was horrified, and I was understandably apprehensive. But there wasn’t all that much to be done about it. I considered retreating to a safer place and waiting out the trip at home, but I had been looking forward to this night for ages and was curious to see how I would handle such an unexpectedly large dose (not well, as it happens).

About half an hour later, I started to come up HARD. Visuals were extremely pronounced- thousands of tiny little spheres of multi-coloured light began to dance across my vision, and people’s faces began to warp and stretch. Conversation became increasingly difficult, and I began to feel as if there was no connection between the words in my head and the words coming out of my mouth. I also began to feel an extreme physical discomfort- “tweaky” is the word I would use to describe the sensation. I went and danced for a little bit, which helped distract me from the discomfort, but I was finding the whole experience distinctly unenjoyable. I ran into my friend Kyle, who was also tripping, and told him I was having a bit of a rough trip. We walked around the party for a bit, chatting in a disjointed fashion, and I felt a bit better. At that point I suddenly remembered that in my wallet were two 150 mg caps of MDMA that I had left over from my birthday, and in my acid-addled state it seemed like a brilliant idea to take them there and then, despite Kyle’s objections. BIG MISTAKE.

I went to dance some more, and started feeling really, really good. Better than I’d ever felt before. The music was face-meltingly incredible, every slight movement I made sent ripples of pleasure all through my body, everyone around me seemed blindingly beautiful. About an hour after I took the MDMA, I decided to take a break, got some water and went and sat by the bonfire, where I ran into my friend Rosie- a beautiful soul who I’d had a massive crush on ever since I first met her last year. We started chatting, and I basically blurted out my feelings for her. She seemed taken aback but pleased, and we kissed for a little bit. Things were taking a turn for the better, but then the incoherency that I’d been battling all night came back with a vengeance. I said some very inappropriate and hurtful things to her, completely unintentionally, and she became very hurt, confused and angry with me.

It’s at this point that the trip took a truly dark turn, and my recollection of things beyond that point is still very scattered and incomplete. I ran away from her, back into the mass of bodies on the dancefloor. I became overwhelmed by terrible, uncontrollable feelings of desire- everything and everyone around me took on a very sexual aspect. I started touching, rubbing up on and kissing everyone around me. Obviously, this didn’t go down very well with anyone- not that I noticed or cared at the time. Kyle and Bella saw what was happening and tried to drag me away, but I ran away from them into the darkness. I ended up backstage and, for whatever reason, decided to climb onto the roof of a large freight container and throw myself off of it. I landed face first in the dirt, breaking my glasses in the process. A couple of witnesses told me afterwards that I lay still for a very long time- about 10 to 15 minutes, they said- and I think I may have sustained a mild concussion from the fall.

Eventually, one of the organizers of the party found me and took me to the chill-out tent, where he tried to contain me and calm me down. My memories of this time are very fragmented. I remember lying on an old, beat-up couch, pushing my fingers into holes in the couch and being very aroused by this; I remember people’s faces morphing and warping around me- total strangers turned into childhood friends, men turned into women, friends and acquaintances turned into celebrities and pop culture icons. It was as if every time I blinked I was transported into a totally different reality with totally different rules. At one point I became convinced that to solve the worlds energy crisis we needed a second sun, and that I had the power to will this sun into existence; at another, I remember being given water to drink and then believing that I was drinking whole oceans dry, swallowing rainclouds, draining seas, sucking the whole world dry to quench my terrible thirst. A second later, I hallucinated that I was surrounded by silverback gorillas. The whole time apparently I was raving, talking nonstop gibberish. What’s important to note, however, is that this whole time during the psychotic part of the trip, I didn’t feel fearful, or anxious, or anything like that. On the contrary, I was consumed by an overpowering, awe-inspiring sense of wonder and joy- it was if I was so happy that my brain couldn’t cope with it, and happiness itself was driving me insane.

Eventually (sometime past sunrise), someone managed to feed me an antipsychotic- chlorpromazine, I think- and someone else managed to call my flatmate to come take me home. Once I was back in my bedroom, reality began to return to me bit by bit, and I slowly began to realise just how fucked up that night had been. I was sobering up but still tripping, and that was when I entered into the most hellish and nightmarish part of the trip. I lay in bed sobbing my eyes out as a multitude of demonic-looking worms and centipedes and other crawling vermin slithered and swarmed all over me, enveloping me in slimy darkness. I puked all over myself, and pissed my pants, several times, unable to even drag myself to the bathroom to clean myself up. I remember looking at my hands, and seeing the flesh begin to blacken and wither until the skin slid off of my body and all that was left was yellowing bone. At that moment, still in the grip of the monstrous candyflip but sober enough to realise just how badly fucked up things had gone, I hit rock-bottom, and for the first time in my life found myself contemplating suicide. I finally managed to cry myself to sleep at around 10 a.m.

The next few weeks were very difficult. I fell into a deep depression, obsessed by feelings of stupidity, shame and remorse over what had happened. Fortunately my friends were very understanding and supportive, and with their help I was able to get my shit back together and carry on with normal life. I tripped acid once more in the months that followed that night, mushrooms twice, and had two MDMA rolls (but no combos), and everything went pretty smoothly- I wanted to prove to myself that I was not permanently insane, and that I could still enjoy drugs despite what had happened. Nonetheless, the memory of that night remained like a scar in my consciousness, and I felt acute anxiety and shame whenever I thought about it or someone brought it up.

Over the following few months, with the help of therapy, the support of my friends, and a few more quite revelatory drug experiences (primarily involving MDMA and methylone), I was able to take a lot of positive things from this bad trip- as I said at the start of the report, it taught me a lot about myself and my place in the world, and I’m grateful for those lessons, even though I wish they hadn’t had to come to me in such a terrifying manner. I won’t go into the details here because this is a trip report and not a personal psychological evaluation, but the main point I want to get across is that every trip – good or bad- contains within it the possibility for personal growth and development.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 103969

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 23

Published: Feb 22, 2023	Views: 2,179

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MDMA (3), LSD (2), Pharms - Chlorpromazine (318) : Rave / Dance Event (18), Hangover / Days After (46), Sex Discussion (14), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3)