		 DOSE:

		 2 tablets
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (pill / tablet)

		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   75 kg

I am 19 now, and i am a law student. i come from germany, and i live there again now. but when i was 17, i went to university in London for a year, and there i got very badly hooked on cocaine. I basically was bang on it for about 8 months before i stopped it. I was doing a gram per day, every day, more on weekends, and i was doing other drugs as well (ketamine, ecstasy and speed, mainly). Cocaine in my opinion is the most intelligent drug there is, because you will NEVER realise that you are actually addicted to it. I was totally convinced that i did not have a problem with it. I was very logical, giving other people advice on their life, i was always the first when it came to helping others. But i didnt realise that i was a complete mess myself, the drug tricked me into believing that I didnt have a problem.

When I compare it to any other drug, I see the difference: with alcohol, when I drink, I feel that I get drunk, and when I drink loads, I am very drunk, and at some moment I reach a point when I am wasted and puke, and I know that you have overdone it and probably will stop drinking more. When I take ecstasy pills, I will drop a few, maybe a few more, I will be buzzing, but at some point I will be buzzing so hard, or I will mong out as the evening goes on, that I know you dont do more pills, because they wont have any effect anyway. same with weed, there is only so much I can smoke, at some point I will be lean and stoned and you will have had enough. So there is a saturation that happens. Well, this did NOT happen with cocaine. When I take cocaine, I feel good, I get a kind of buzz, but I cant really tell WHAT it is that makes me feel good. the buzz is subtle, and I dont actually FEEL the buzz as much as I might have expected. I think 'oh, it's not actually that strong' and this is where the drug's intelligence comes in.

Because the buzz is not that overpowering, I can do more. in fact, I will want to do more, because I think I can increase the buzz even more. I want the buzz to be 100%. But as you do another line, yes, maybe the buzz is 100%, but the drug increases my expectations upwards, so that again I dont feel 100% buzzing. I kinda want more, I want to increase the buzz to '110%' for example. And this is the difference: I will never reach a limit where I know 'enough, no more'. (at the beginning when I had coke sessions, my body puts a limit to it as my nose blocks and its hard to snort more, but when I got used to it, my nose will stop giving me too much hassle after a while, or I will just get used to it.) so in fact, there is no way of me realising that I have done enough coke, or gone over the top, because my brain gets tricked by it. I could swear i was ok, just like i can swear now i am typing on my pc.

Now, after this rather lenghty introduction, which is as long because it is important for me to realise the way that coke works and because it shows, that some addicts have very very little chance to get out of it by motivation alone as we are controlled by the drug, i will come to the part how lsd has saved me out of this heavy cocaine addiction:

I went to a psychedelic trance rave in london. Psy-trance is acid music. it is trance music with a different beat pattern, a very atmospheric feel to it and a lot of twisted and trippy sounds. Plus a psy trance song is built like an acid trip: it doesnt follow the usual pattern of intro, breakdown, drop/main part, breakdown, drop, lead-out like normal electronic dance music, but it starts somewhere, evolves, changes, the melodies keep changing, the sounds change, it takes you on a journey and you dont know what to expect next, and it ends at a point where it makes sense and the story of the song is finished. (If you are interested, i suggest listen to tracks by the group 'infected mushroom') so i went to this psytrance rave. i didnt know anyone there cos my mates are not into this kind of music, and i was impressed by the atmosphere there. everyone was so friendly, open, and quite obviously many were on acid or mushrooms. they were even selling mushroom tea, its was a nice setting.

i had dropped a pill or 2, and i went dancing in the main arena, the lasers and lights were amazing, and the music was banging and intriguing at the same time. I was dancing next to some young guy with his girlfriend, and i got talking to them. I subsequently found out that he had acid, and i had done it before and i wanted some. little did i know how strong his stuff was. He put a drop on my hand, and i licked it off. i continued dancing. the last acid i had done wasnt that strong, so after about 20 minutes i asked him for more, and i took another drop. i was enjoying the rave loads, but apart from a few little colour changes the acid didnt seem to have much effect on me, even after 1 and a half hours. i went to sit down in the chillout room. there was a nice light in there, it was a very warm atmosphere. I was now seeing a few more colour things, and i realised the acid probably WAS doing its job.

Suddently some guy that i had never seen before appeared from nowhere and sat down in front of me on the floor, pointed a finger at me and shouted 'PASKAL!'. I got a weird feeling creeping up on me, i felt quite weird, my skin was tickling. I couldnt believe there was a guy there who knew my name. Baffled, I asked 'what?' 'PASKAL!' he said again, in a very sharp voice. He was about my age. He had dark hair like me, quite skinny, in fact he looked a bit similar to me i suppose. I noticed that he was very edgy, kind of moving his bodies in an edgy way while talking to me, and he frequently touched his nose too, like someone who had just done a big like of coke. in fact, he was quite aggressive even in his way, and he was looking my directly in the eyes, with brown eyes like me. I said 'What the heck, how do you know my name??' I was very intrigued, and i wasnt sure where this was going. His answer made me shiver: 'Well PASKAL, i know a lot about you. I know everything about you.' he had an evil look and a slight grin at the same time and i didnt feel comfortable at all. he continued 'I am a hallucination. Yes, Paskal. I am part of your brain. I am part of you!! I am inside you! only you can see me!'

I was scared, but i didnt want to show it. I tried to remain 'on top' of the situation, tried to be clever, and with the firmest voice i could put up with, i asked him 'Well, if you say you are part of me and only in my brain, then what is your name?' And his answer was, and i will never forget the way he said it: 'My name is Charlie! Now how did you know that, PASKAL??'

Charlie, for those of you that come from different parts of the world, is a common english name for Cocaine. I was staring at him, i couldnt say anything else, my whole body felt weird and buzzing and i felt so weak at the same time, and scared. And then he said something which was incredible: 'Now tell me to FUCK OFF, PASKAL! Tell me to go away, and I will go away!!' I think i managed to stumble a weak 'go away'. he grinned at me in an evil way, got up, and left through the door as quickly as he had come. I sat back down, and it hit me instantly, that i had a problem with cocaine, that cocaine was in my brain and was controlling my life. I kept thinking that and panicked even more, i realised that i was not in control and something was happening with me that i could not control. I couldn't take it anymore and i knew i had to get out of this room. I looked up and around me, and it was all weird. i couldnt hear any music, the light seemed kind of pale, it was bright, but dark at the same time, and i could not see any faces, it seemed like people were looking the other way. in fact, when i looked at someone, his head turned the other way, as if i was someone that they dont want anything to do with. I got up and hectically walked around in the chillout room, looking at the people, thinking what the freak is going on here? But everywhere i was passing by, i could hear people whispering about me. 'Paskal is losing it' 'Paskal is going crazy' 'Paskal is changing personality' 'Paskal' 'Paskal'.. oh my god, i panicked and ran into the corridor and downstairs to the front entrance of the club, where things were looking a bit more normal again but i was still tripping hard and panicking, i ran up to a bouncer and begged him to put me into a safe taxi (it was in one of the roughest areas in london) so i could get home..

When i was in the taxi and the surroundings had changed, i was kinda ok, and another phase of the trip began. I was seeing nice colours, and the road which was kinda wet was looking awesome, as if diamonds were all over it. When i arrived home, my friends were there and i was ok, in fact the second part of the trip was well nice.

It was on that evening that i realised that i was addicted to cocaine and that it was controlling me life. That evening, it was my subcosciousness talking to me, and showing me what is going on inside me, even warning me! I realised how charlie was messing with me, and how intelligent it was. and it was a big experience to me admitting that something had managed to control my life like that, and for the very first time in my life, i had to actually admit defeat to something. It was cocaine - paskal 1:0. Realising that was the first and most important step to stop taking it, and i owe that to LSD. It opened my eyes. I did not stop taking coke instantly, but whenever i did a line after that, i knew that i was fueling 'Charlie'. I did, however, make the decision to move back to germany, out of the druggy surroundings that i was living with in London (clubs, friends and dealers).

I did move back to germany about a month later, and i stopped taking coke. I am so glad that LSD helped me with that. Quite ironic actually that one drug helps you come off another, lol.

i know i have talked a lot about cocaine, and little about LSD in this post, but it is the essence of my encounter. However, there is something about this that i want to say, and about the way I see LSD.

My LSD trip was amazing, because there's something very very philosophical to it. I take a drop of liquid, and when I do it, I am still in 'reality' (let's just leave the term like that, i dont want to go too far). The trip actually starts the very second that I take the drop, but I dont feel it. It can vary how fast I start feeling it, usually after half an hour till 2 hours after I dropped it. So I am still in reality, everything is normal. I feel normal, I see things normal. But slowly, very slowly I enter another world. I see small shadows where there arent supposed to be any, I see small movements where there shouldnt be any, and as the trip goes on and I look around myself, I will find that there is nothing that really stands still, everything seems to be 'active', be it subtle colour changes, shadows, anything. a plain white wall will appear like there is liquid on it or something, its really hard to discribe. But, as all these things came about very very smoothly, I dont realise the transition from 'normal' to 'trippy'. I forget I am on acid, and now this is my reality. And then, suddently, I will see something which does not fit into the image. Something happens which you KNOW cannot be true. Like when i met Charlie. My rational thinking tells me 'this is not possible, this is not true.' but in fact it is possible, because you see it. He was there, i could see him, i could hear him talk, he was 100% credible. And this, at that moment, re-defines your standards of 'reality' and 'possible'.  I know that this cannot happen, but yet it has happened. and as I believe what you see, I increase my horizon and I accept what I see as part of my reality. I am baffled, I am stunned, because I would never have imagined, that everything I have been told in life, all standards that have been set and all my logic that I have acquired, is in fact wrong and irrelevant at that moment and there ARE things which I didnt think they could exist. I realise, that in fact 1 + 1 does not always equal 2, but it can equal 3. And that is amazing.

When I see a hallucination like that, which doesnt fit into my thinking pattern it is really really important that I accept it, and that I face what I see. I get the chance to 'deal with it' kinda thing. Sometimes, like in my case, it will be an inner self, somthing subconsciousness, talking to me. It might scare me, but it is important that I accept what I see and that  I am open to see more, not trying to be on top of things and to control the trip, because I can't. Ican play with it when I am more experienced, yes. I can challenge my hallucinations, but only to see where it's going, and not to be stronger than them, cos if I do, it can go horribly wrong, just like it nearly did.

LSD to me is a very rational drug.  That means that anything I see makes sense. This is where the credibility of it's hallucinations is based on. And if I see something which seems to threaten me, I need to be strong. I must have a strong personality and I need to step back and say 'hey, how is this actually threatening me? It's there, it's real, yes. But it can't hurt me'. I always hear the advice that people give 'you have to remember that it's not real and that it's only the drug'. I find that it's a stupid advice, because at that moment it is real, and at that moment  I am on the drug, and even if I realise it's the drug that is doing it, it's still there and I am still confronted with it. So the best way to trip, is to be open for what is coming to me and to be prepared for something amazing. Let go of the ego, and let the drug take me on a journey, on a trip.

At the end of the trip however, i have always experienced the same feeling: I arrive at a point where I realise the trip is over, and it all makes sense. Anything I have seen on the trip, it is gone, but it made sense and it was all part of it and it was necessary for me to see it. Every person has different trips, and they are all made for each individual. And at the end it will ALWAYS make sense.  I will feel good, most of the time, and even if it was a horror trip, I will admit that what I saw was all part of it, and belonged there. It is like a trip that made on holidays: I leave my home or whatever, I travel somewhere, I see things, meet people, do things, it moves on, and when you arrive back at home, it is like you have been round in a circle: I arrive where I started and it all worked out.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 37004

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 19, 2006	Views: 67,302

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MDMA (3), LSD (2) : Rave / Dance Event (18), Entities / Beings (37), Music Discussion (22), Glowing Experiences (4), Addiction &amp; Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   140 lb

This was the second time I had an out of body/ego obliterating experience on a psychedelic.  the first time was on mushrooms and that was a startling, terrifying experience, which was also profound and had fascinated me ever since.  I'd wanted to return to a place like that, where I am unconscious of who and what I am, where memories, sound, fractals, shadows twist together and are not distinguishable, but the memory of the power of such a trip was frightening.

Between that time and the LSD trip which I'm about to discuss, I tripped maybe 60 or 70 times.  these trips were all unique and great in their way, but I never returned to that amazing place, which is the residence of pure thought and intelligence, a place where context is a joke.  studying indian philosophy intensely, then going to india, combined with my job here in the u.s. as a mental health case worker, has led me to believe that this state of mind parallels the cosmic consciousness of mystics like sri ramakrishna as well as the much more common acute schizophrenia.  ramakrishna willed his psychosis into a state of bliss and love and many who have schizophrenia feel incredible bliss and connection to god, though it often dissipates into fear and mistrust because most people don't have the uber-will to fight their darkness and grow into giant conduits for love and the energy of life.

While I was taking time off of work to go to india, I had this acid trip which thrust me kicking and screaming into a state of mind like this. to this day it remains the most profound trip of my life. it happened this way....

I left the hot foul plains of uttar pradesh in search of cooler more relaxing environs, and I realize now, also because I didn't want to leave india without a profound spiritual experience, and somewhere inside of me I knew my will was pulling me to the himalyas. once there I was passing some time in a guest house with some europeans.  I overheard a young german guy talking about pure mescaline trips.  I asked him to elaborate and told him that I was interested in taking pyschedelics.  we got to talking and he must have felt that I was a kindred spirit so he went into his room and came back with a folded up wrapper.  he said gravely as hell, 'this is very special acid.  VERY special.  maybe you should only take half.'  I thought 'you mean it's only one hit?  I've taken eight at once before and handled myself.'  he assured me, 'this is very special acid.  this one hit will be more than you can handle.  don't do it until you are ready.........'

Some weeks later I rented a cottage on the side of a mountain which was on the property of a farm.  there where many terraced fields, small huts, villages, cattle, buffalo... a very wonderful place.  my hut opened up to a view across a valley which was serene and also happened to be surrounded by wild pot plants (of which I don't partake.)  I had found my spot to trip.  I waited several weeks so I could 'sense' when to take the acid.

I practiced music regularly, walked up and down the mountains for exercise. I met an indian man named deepak who drank tea with me a lot and was a great person to talk to.  we were both very into hindu mysticism, especially agora tantra, and programs which use very ancient technologies to achieve ecstasy.  we both felt our minds expanding just spending time speaking with each other.  deepak never did drugs, and I didn't see a need to tell him about what I was planning, because I thought he would be judgemental, and I felt he lacked the psychedelic experience so any of his objections would be without foundation.

I was going to trip alone, as I had done 40 times or so prior.  I always trip alone, and work through trips alone.  with psychedelics of the power as this acid, though, one must always have sitters or fellow trippers to help with context.  I learned this the hard way.

The morning of the trip I awoke at dawn, practiced music, did yoga, and ate a very small breakfast.  I took the acid and started to walk down the mountain to find a quiet protected place.

I sat on a rock and waited patiently, thinking about my thoughts, and watching for change in their patterns.  change they did.  slowly my wet warm green piece of forest began to become more and more green.  the sunlight began to fill me with a joy which was unbelievable.  I thought that I would walk up to deepak's cottage and just look him in the eyes to give him some of what I was experiencing.  it was wonderful, a cleaner and smoother and more organic feeling than acid had ever given me.  soon after this, I could hear the local farmers yelling at the monkeys and even firing some rifles at them in the distance.  there must have been about thirty or forty monkeys running and screaming towards me.  they can be quite nasty as anyone who's been to india can attest, and I didn't want them to see me.  their strange yells and the tumult of their collective charge sounded like it  was about to plow right through me!

Instead of being afraid, though, I decided to trust the stillness and joy I was feeling and to simply be still and let the monkeys come, as they will see my peacfulness, and likely take no interest in me.  as it turns out they didn't come close to me, but that was the last thing I thought about before becoming completely unaware of who or what I was, what I was doing and where in this universe I was.  what happened next is that I went into an all out psychedelic trance which lasted about two and a half hours.  in that time I was freely moving about, standing on the roof of my cottage for a while, running and jumping across rice terraces, and eventually going up to the farm and freaking the shit out of several farmer girls as well as some european hippy travelers and my new friend deepak.

The trip followed, in the way a dream does, the issues of my mind which were circulating at the time before tripping. I had been struggling with the idea of form and subjectivity for weeks prior to that, going over and over the nature of being human with deepak.  of course because we were speaking in a human language,  using concepts left and right, we weren't really getting anywhere with our disscussion, and we knew it, and we were amused at what little progress one makes spiritually by flapping one's gums. this proved to be the 'theme' of the trip.

The first thing that happened after I 'flipped over' into the 'other' space was that I walked up to the roof of my cottage.  I found myself feeling very centered, feeling like a solitary being with no identity, but there was one other intelligence present, presumably my idea of god.  I felt that I was standing in a place which was  a middle world, like a video game type of cyberspace.  this place was a chamber or an temporary mock up, like a computer program (the star chamber at the end of 2001?) in which I would be presented a test.  if I passed the test I would enter a cosmic state of being, if I failed, I would be left in this purgatory, a place without context, where being has no meaning. (by the way I don't really play games, cards vidoes games, D and D etc.)  I had a vague feeling that living did have meaning in my previous life, whatever that was.

After this confrontation with, for lack of a better word, god, I started to slowly come down, but I was still far from knowing who I was and that I was on a drug.  I left the roof and was walking through the rice terraces scraping against briars.  I felt the pain, but it also was apparent what an illusion the pain was.  I reached in front of me and squeezed a branch of the briar hard, just to prove to myself the pain was immaterial.  the pain rippled through me in shards, but it felt silly and small and I forgot about it instantly.  I did, however, feel an underlying emotional pain of incredible level.  it wasn't attached to anything in particular, it was just my darkness, or the darkness of the universe.  I screamed, apparently ( I was later told)very loud.

I was leaning against a window on the outside of my cottage and screamed again and put my elbow right through the window (I had no idea I'd done this until much later).  the pain shot through me but it felt great compared to the deep dark pain in my heart.  these screams alerted numerous people up the mountain at the farmhouse and they soon sent deepak down to see if I was alright.  he immediately knew I was out of my head.  I had no idea who he was, but I took him to be 'my concept' of 'concepts' if that makes sense.  because of our many conversations regarding philosophy and being, he became my idea of what was wrong with me, why I was falling short of a true cosmic break. I thought he was an entity that was eminating from within my mind.  I took him to be a game, one which I tried to decode.  I needed to 'win' with him, or I wouldn't pass to the next level.

He seemed to to trying to pull me back to the lower world, which is in fact exactly what he was trying to do, but I wanted to stay and figure out what I needed to do to keep moving towards the unimaginable and formless. I remember yelling right in his face as an act of defiance.  we kept talking and I'm sure he was petrified at how labile I'd become. I don't remember why, but at one point I hugged him, and I just reached down and grabbed his ass.  I'm not gay, at least I'm quite happy with my current girlfriend, but at that moment our hug became very sexual.  it didn't last long but that was a strange tangent.  I then started to run away from him.

I grabbed my sitar and ran across the hillside. (deepak later said I looked very graceful leaping across the terraces with a large sitar on my shoulder.) I was walking around the farm freaking everyone out with my flashing eyes, incomprehensible statements and blood dripping from my arms and legs (from the briars, but primarily when I elbowed the window).  no one knew what to do with me and deepak later told me they assumed I'd gone nuts.  deepak left me at my cottage eventually in dispair, thinking I'd lost it and that they'd have to go into town and get the authorities to remove me or take me to delhi and try to contact my family somehow.

I started getting this feeling that I'd forgotten something very important.  this is what was similar to the previous breakthrough mushroom trip.  I was starting to remember I was tripping.  I sat on a seat looking out across the valley.  what was this?  it was starting to make some sense.  I was lucid at one level at least because I started boiling some water to drink. (so I would not drink contaminated indian water!)  I sat there drinking the piping hot water slowly.  deepak came down again, looking very worried.  I asked him, 'what is your name?'  he told me his name and my memory came flooding in.  I was in india, for crying out loud, I was tripping on some crazy crazy acid.  I was amazed.  I'd once again visited that place I'd been to five years earlier on mushrooms.  deepak was relieved.  because the last thing I remembered before going into space was the monkeys, I thought I'd been attacked by monkeys and that's why I was dripping blood.

I told deepak I was attacked by monkeys which he doubted. he was very disappointed I was tripping on acid, but relieved I'd regained my self.  he left me to think and that I did.  I felt the effects for about 5 more hours pretty seriously.  I went into the cottage and saw the broken glass and I remembered the feeling of the glass breaking and tearing open my arm.  slowly the trip came back to me.  at about ten at night, feeling somewhat normal and hungry, I sat out under the stars and deepak came down to talk to me.  I assured him that I was ok and we talked about what I'd been through.  he was skeptical about the spiritual 'shortcut' I'd taken.

he suggested that I could reach the same place through years and years of disciplined meditation.  I told him that americans do prefer a quick fix.  I felt blown away and totally cleansed by the experience.  I love this world and everything in it and this trip made me want to continue to explore my mind and consciousness itself.  I lost the desire to trip after this, feeling that if one's brain is sped up to that level, it's similar to a model of psychosis. At the peak I was at a place so high above regular consciousness that if I had had more even the smallest bit of context to ground me I could have changed my life forever.  because I was visiting that space prematurely, I was confused and tormented by what I was missing out on.  that place, available to any self reflecting being in the universe, is lying in wait inside the nervous system.  the change can be permanent, resulting in cosmic consciousness, or in can be brief and fleeting to those who 'dabble' but ultimately fear leaving their material lives behind.

LSD is an amazing drug that is different for every person and different each time it is taken.  there is a big difference between the good stuff and the bad stuff.  also, I thought blotter was supposed to be the bad stuff.  this paper hit blew all liquid, cubes, gelatins I'd ever done away.  perhaps it was so strong because I wanted or needed something like that at that time.  I was doing a lot of inner work and I was in a very deep and seriously mystical place, the indian himalya.

LSD is wild and holds the geometry of all life in its atoms!

Exp Year: 2000	ExpID: 27413

Gender: Not Specified

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 20, 2006	Views: 20,792

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LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   165 lb

The intro:

Let's start out with your basic introduction.  I am your average late-teen, early-twenty year old psychonaut.  I've injested countless quantities of short acting tryptamines, phenethylamines, cactii, mushrooms, and I quit counting after my 55th acid trip.  Don't get me wrong though, I'm not an escapist.  I don't want to leave what I have.  I love every aspect of my life.  I have a wonderful girlfriend, maintain a Dean's List standing at a University, and have a job that pays well.  My parents have always cared for me, and although haven't always approved of what I've done, they've never left my side.  So maybe you'll call that typical, boring, or ordinary.  Well it's extra-ordinary!  I adore what I have and what I felt I almost gave up.

The story:

It was my birthday.  It was July 9th in the extraordinary summer of 2003.  I just turned 21 and all was peachy.  I had 5 days off of work and I was on a road-trip to see my best friend in the world, Nathan.  At the time he went to school in Alabama and I was at U of M.  Last time we were together had been over a year ago.  At that point, he had come to visit me and we painted the town red.  Needless to say I was very excited to go see him.  I had never been to his condo before and was so anxious to give my friend a ginormous hug.  Since I had just turned 21, I was of legal stature to buy beer and we just planned on getting really shitty.  I am not much of a drinker, but sometimes it's wonderful to just get hammered and reminisce.

During the 5 and a half hour voyeur to Tuscaloosa to visit my comrade he called my cell phone and told me that he had a birthday present for me.  I sped up to 80 miles an hour in anticipation.  Finally, with punk music blaring I pulled up to the unfamiliar territory and was greeted by him outside.  I dropped my backpack on the driveway and hugged his neck.  It had been damn near a year since we last spoke in person and even when I arrived we spoke, wordless.  Nothing but pleasant company was to be had.

We walked inside and sat down.  He offered me a drink and some food and I graciously accepted.  While he was making preparation, I was thumbing through a stack of Calvin and Hobbes books on the coffee table.  It was just mindless occupation before I asked where the bathroom was.  He motioned around the corner.  It was at this point that I actually looked at the set up.

It was a relatively typical condo.  After walking in the front door, immediately in front was a kitchen, to the side, a living room.  There was a spiral staircase between the kitchen and living room that led up to the computer 'room'.  The staircase was wrought iron with grating for stairs and there was a light set below it.  It was more or less a balcony on top that overhung the den.  The bedrooms were set in the very front of the place and I was to sleep in his roommates sister's room.  I set my stuff in there, peed and came back out.

I looked around and Nathan was there on the couch with a little box with an itty bitty bow on top.  I asked if that was to be my birthday present and he replied with a smile and nod.  He said that I should open it now and that's exactly what I did.  All I saw inside was a little plastic bag on top of a cotton cushion.  Inside that bag contained a 9 hit square of extremely potent blotter.  Later, I would find out exactly how powerful this was.

Each hit was imprinted with a black Timothy Leary face with whatever array of dazzling psychedelic color that lie behind him.  Instantly I knew what it was.  I had heard about this going around from a previous trip to New Orleans but had not managed to put my hands on any.  Nathan's roommate had, however, bought an entire sheet of the stuff and sent us on our merry adventure.  I didn't plan on doing this through the course of the evening, but plans change.

He asked if I wanted to drop that evening or tomorrow.  I just shrugged my shoulders and put it under my tongue.  He laughed and did the same.

Okay, I know what the readers are thinking.  What a moron, he just ate 9 hits of acid, rumored to be quite good.  Well, my friends, I must concur, but my concurrence will come later in this tale.  Right now, I just want to reiterate how little of a stranger I am to the discovery of Dr. Haufmann.  I've consumed as many as 10 hits of powerful acid in my day in public places, unfamiliar places, with a sour state of mind, etc.  I've dealt with 2 relatively bad trips and one was on a 9 hit escapade.  Let's just say that I'm very familiar with my body and it's reaction to LSD.

The hot wings finished cooking about 15 minutes later and we ate them.  I kind of needed something to settle my stomach because that first wave of acid influx had ocurred.  I'm not used to such a rapid onset, but I take it in stride.  It was when washing my hands after peeing again that I noticed the amide starting to take effect.  The sink seemed a distance away and my hands did not feel like they were on my body.

I loved that first rush of acid.  It felt like something wasn't right but I am unsure of what it is.  That twinge in the front of my head and the shifty body buzz that moves ever more pervasively through me.  Anyone who has eaten acid knows this feeling of initial uncertainty.

So feeling heavy and odd yet smiling I go to consume the hot wings.  They tasted like something Emerill would make.  We each sit down with our plate and turn on comedy central.  It was 7 o'clock because a new episode of South Park is on.  We finish our hot wings and wait a while longer.  The sun sinks into it's western horizon.  It was an omen, a forebearer of the night to come.  As it set, so the acid set in.  Sparking of South Park characters Kenny and Kartman was proficient in their eyes.  I looked outside and saw a pink sky that began to change color to orange then to red.  My arm itched, I looked down and my hair was growing, moving, shimmying around a fly that wasn't there.  I smiled and invited my friend to go outside and enjoy a cigarette with me.

It tasted strange but I was so enthralled with the surroundings that were consuming me, that I didn't really notice.  The sky was a kaleidoscopic display of stars coupling with the sunset.  It was the perfect natural ballet.  The grass was growing very tall in the very back of his yard and they seemed to be carassing the sun that had almost left the sky.  The grass grew into distant trees and I started hearing the colors, especially the greens.  They were whispering peaceful thoughts about nature.  The leaves on one tree started laughing so I asked it what it was laughing at, telepathically, and they said that the stars were fucking.  I smiled and told them to hold on.  I looked at the stars and saw them with an unknown clarity.  The sun waned further down.  Only a stark blue tinge was left.  I laid down with Nathan crown to crown and we watched the stars produce more stars.  I could command them with my thoughts.  I asked their permission to see constellations.  They bowed and whatever constellation I wanted to see, they gave way.

At some point, Nathan had left the outer realm to go and play the guitar inside.  I went in after who knows how long to see what goodies I could find inside.  I wanted to talk with Nate about the beauty and awe that we had eaten.  I saw his door was shut.  I heard a noise from that direction and saw it open.  He ran naked through the den into his roommates sister's bedroom, into the closet and shut the door.  The only thing he had was an acoustic guitar.  I laughed at the thought and retired to the Salvador Dali book.  How vibrant!

His roommate walks in the door.  I didn't know who he was and he asked if I was the guy who was going to eat acid with Nathan.  I had forgotten I ate it until that point but said that I was.  He said it was cool and asked how much I had eaten.  I remembered it was a square and told him 9 Timothy Leary heads.  He looked at me with shock or some sort of emotion that only a head full of acid could describe.  So the roommate grew into the floor and turned into an alien and started speaking in a language I didn't know, or didn't think I did.  However, when I really concentrated I knew what he was saying.

'9'  It was a question, not a statement.  He then did the absolute stupidest thing that one can ever do to another while on a strong acid trip.  He said, 'Uh-oh.'  The beautiful reds and yellows of the room turned into a violent violet and deep blue with hues of shadows looming over me.  I was getting the fear.  I managed to ask him what Uh-oh meant in my newly found tongue.  His voice turned to static.  All I heard was garbled, muffled foreign language.  I again concentrated on the statement as much as I could.  It was like listening to Chinese on a cell phone, but I made him write it down.  All the page said was two things really big.  'Double dipped' and '18 hits'.  The 1 from the 18 slithered off the page.

Instantly the trip intensified to an unparalleled degree.  It was a personal insanity.  Things streched and grew.  People from far off places appeared in the brick walls.  The couch threatened me.  I did everything i could to keep from thinking that I took double the acid that I've ever taken, but alas, I was peaking and couldn't help it.  The furniture changed colors and began melting into puddles. The liquified cotton and wool spread around the apartment and it began to flood.  I began to cry to Nathan to get out of the room because the house was sinking.  He never heard me.  I was sure he had died.  The only way I could survive was to climb the staircase.  The staircase was unfriendly and very hard to navigate.  I just crawled, and crawled until I reached the carpet above.  I laid down and looked at the ceiling.  I looked through the railing down to the floor and everything down there was completely normal.  I finally calmed down a bit and remembered that I had eaten acid and this was a result of the drugs I had consumed.

I wasn't done yet.

I was too scared to go back downstairs.  The fear still crept in me.  I thumbed through a magazine of fashion that was up on the indoor overhang and saw a picture of a really odd leather jacket.  It was red and pinstriped.  There was a hat above it as well with the same motif.

One thing worth mentioning is that I am sitting on the computer chair using the monitor's light to help me out.  I couldn't find a light switch and Nathan, for one reason or another, unplugged everything in the house that was electronic except the computer.  He told me later that the clocks were fucking with him.

Anyway, while looking at the picture, the computer went into power save mode and suspended itself.

Dark.  A more pervading nothing than anyone can imagine.  It was terrifying.  It was ultimate void.  I got dizzy.  The fear started knawing at me.  The pages of the magazine got hot to the touch and I threw it on the desk.  I got so scared that I tried to throw up, but I could not.  I paced, and all the while praying for whatever else was left to hurry and end.  In my clumsy disorientation I hit the table and the magazine fell.  With luck, I hit the table hard enough and the monitor flicked back on from the mouse movement, I think.

The pages were making a noise on the ground, muffled and strange.  I picked it up and there was the leather jacket/hat thing again.  This time it was different though.  The blackness that I mentioned earlier wasn't anywhere around me.  It had concentrated between the collar of the jacket and the brim of the hat on the paper.  This blackness was emotionless.  It was deeper than space and time.  It was a black that only hell could spawn.  Yet I was strangely drawn to it.  I heard the voice again.  It erupted from the depth with a shy and booming voice.

It communicated with me.  It asked what I wanted.  I didn't know I responded.  Should you go deeper?  Should I travel the void?  I didn't decline.  Whatever it was told me to look at the grandfather clock.  I did.  The pendulum stopped.  Slowly the second hand halted.  I looked at the page again and it was just a black blur.  I put my hand on the page and remember closing my eyes.

I was frozen.  I was no longer a human being.  I was a cog in the 4th dimension.  I was the extradimensional being that existed only in the space of time.  A voice surrounded me.  It asked what my perception of time was.  I didn't know.  It explained to me the difficulty that people have with time.  He said that the reason so many people are late for so many things is that they believe in time, but are unsure if it exists.  I said that time didn't exist.  We invented it.  He said that an idea is stronger than a piece of stone.  An idea will live on forever and that stone will crumble.  Time is only as real as we make it.

I could move again, but I still couldn't see.  Time was now a figment of my imagination.  Age, clocks, birthdays, years: all meant nil.  It was an offspring of an idea that was in itself non-existent.  I made it down the staircase.  Finally I felt as though I was coming down.  However, this poignant thought still rebounded through my head.  I walked into the bathroom and made the mistake of turning on the light and looking in the mirror.

I was older.  Not much, but enough to notice.  I contemplated myself and my existence.  Then I remembered the voice in the void.  Age isn't real.  Time is an idea.  I looked at the pimples and my 5 o'clock shadow.  It wasn't hair on my face.  It was black ants and they were moving rapidly up and down my cheeks.  They were biting me and turning into wrinkles and made me look really old.  I felt as though I were 100.  I was weak and tired so I sat down on the toilet.  I was exhausted.  Finally I stood up and I had returned to normal.

I walked out of the bathroom and looked around.  Color shifting had almost ceased.  I think I fell asleep on the toilet for an hour or two.  The den had lightened a bit.  I looked outside and the sun was rising.  Had I really been panicking for 12 hours?  What part was real?  Was it a nightmare?  The answer is 'yes' and 'no'.

Conclusion:

A personal quote of mine is: You don't go to the fair to ride the carousel.  Well faithful readers, I definitely rode all the roller coasters.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 29225

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 21, 2006	Views: 23,119

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 oral
		 Alcohol - Beer/Wine
		 (liquid)

		 3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   125 lb

[Erowid Note: Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]

Preamble

The other day I got off of work early (summer hours at my office; work till 6:00 Monday through Thursday, go home at 1:00 on Friday), and decided I would use my free and clear afternoon for a much-needed introspective acid trip. I have been dealing with some personal and relationship issues lately and felt I was in a spirit to tackle them at last. I have done acid a few dozen times, at doses up to 600ug, and of all the psychedelic drugs I am most comfortable and familiar with LSD. I trust it and value it very highly.

Dosing, al fresco style

I did some cooking at home first, and then remembered I had to go to the eye doctor for my annual checkup. So I went, and they gave me those bright yellow drops to dilate my eyes, and I thought, “Excellent! Later when I’m tripping, I’ll have a perfect excuse for why my eyes are so huge!”

After the appointment I went to my favorite coffee shop down the street and sat out on the sidewalk sipping an iced mocha latte. The weather was in the quiet hours between some pretty severe thunderstorms, and it was temperate, sunny and perfect. Surprisingly for 5:00pm on a Friday there were not many people out – at least, the sidewalks were not teeming with people as they often are in this trendy neighborhood – and I was able to surreptitiously dose my LSD right there at the outdoor table. I took three hits of fairly strong microdots, which I estimate to be around 100µg each. This is my usual dose when I desire a “strong” trip, but do not want to be utterly overwhelmed.

I finished my coffee and went to run a few errands. It was probably just anticipation, and caffeine, and the weather, and the fact that it was Friday, but I could feel an immediate mood lift as I ambled back home. Everything was just Right. I ran into a friend on her way home from the train stop, and we chatted pleasantly. I was voluble and charming (which I admit I am not always).

The first of many insights

By the time I got home I was on the big long come-up for sure. I proceeded to continue my cooking project (a long involved soup recipe with lots of simmering), and listened to the radio (sort of; I couldn’t really concentrate on two things at once). At this point I had the first of two beers, which I find often make my acid trips more relaxed and open.

At this point I began focusing on one of my issues, which has to do with a woman, who is not my wife, who I have begun to have feelings for, despite not knowing her very well at all. We had made meaningful eye contact at parties a few times, and for some reason I have been unable to stop thinking about her ever since. It is both maddening, confusing, alarming, and fantastic all at once. Fortunately (or not) she left town for the summer and I will not have to deal with this temptation for several weeks; in this period of time I feel I need to get myself sorted about it.

I wandered back and forth a lot between my food project on one counter and the cook book on another. I could barely make sense of the recipe anymore (the soup came out pretty good anyway; I always cook better than I think I can while tripping.) As I worked, though, most of my mind was preoccupied with thoughts of this woman. The LSD and the alcohol together were removing my emotional inhibitions entirely, and I was able to experience my feelings in their full, raw power and beauty.

In the first of several deep insights of the evening, I realized that, although I do not want to fall in love with someone else and leave my wife, who I love dearly, I could if it felt like the right decision for me. I decided that there can be more than one “love of one’s life”, and one can and should be open to pursuing a new love if it really does seem more fulfilling. This was all just a thought experiment, of course, and unlikely to be tested in reality, but I had been worried whether I would have the strength to even deal with the possibility of ever getting a divorce, and I realized with a sense of personal power, that I had. I didn’t want to, but I knew I could if I had to. I filed this insight away in a safe place in my mind and moved on.

At this point I was listening to NPR and some segment came on This American Life about ghost-hunting in some remote forest cabin where children had been murdered or abused or something. It was kind of stupid but also started to freak me out a little, as I was home alone and it was starting to get dark, and stormy again. Fortunately I had the presence of mind to put on some music before the trip started getting too dark.

Rock &amp; roll, thunder &amp; lightning, and Complete Synchronicity

Music was, as usual, totally awesome, and I spent about an hour just shuffling through a bunch of albums and sipping my beer. Eventually I went back to the kitchen to finish my gargantuan soup project (six hours from start to finish; Christ!), and then returned to the living room and really cranked up the stereo. I put on Ratatat. Very melodic, synthy instrumental kind of math-rock with big thick beats, that had me up and marching around the apartment in no time.

Finally I settled down on the couch and stared out the window as the album continued to play. Our living room faces the six-story-high ornamental brick façade of an historic theater built with money from Al Capone in the 1920s, the original heyday of the neighborhood. Past the rococo molding around its roof, I could see the lowering storm clouds intermittently lit up by lightning in the almost-dark of twilight. With the music coursing through me, this was my setting for my next great insight of the evening.

I started thinking about this woman again, and imagined what it would be like at the end of the summer if she returned, and we talked, and it turned out she had been thinking of me all summer long as intently as I had been thinking of her. I imagined this with perfect clarity, as if it was really happening, and a huge, HUGE wave of euphoria, better than any roll, came over me. The most indescribable pleasure, acceptance and relief we all feel at the moment we reveal our feelings to someone, and discover they feel the same. I very nearly cried, and for a moment, I became my mother archetype / my feminine side, a creature of pure emotion and feeling, lifted up by that emotion to a higher state of being.

My heart was still racing from this reverie, but I pushed on with the thought even further. I remembered feeling exactly this way many times when my wife and I were first dating, and especially at the moment when I proposed. I connected my feelings for this new woman back to my original feelings for my wife, and realized that of course, they are exactly the same. Not only my feelings, but in a sense, the two women are the same too. They are strikingly similar physically and, as far as I can tell, their personalities are very similar. In a flash I realized I was falling in love with my wife all over again; this new woman was simply my wife, before I had “captured” her. I was seeking something I already had, because of my unquenchable human impulse to conquer something new.

It’s hard to describe what happened next. Still struck by this thought of the endless cycle of romantic attachment – we keep looking for the same thing in different people -- I looked out at the gathering storm above the huge man-made rooftops of the city, and connected my thoughts about love with my thoughts on the fate of the human race. We are all programmed to continually strive for more, different, better – better women, higher rooftops, greater civilizations – and it is ultimately futile and hopeless, because when we succeed, we simply move on to the next challenge. We can never really win.

At this, I put my hands to my mouth in shock. I had made a horrifying discovery about the hopeless nature of humanity, which I had never intended to do. It was indescribably sad, but also beautiful. I felt at once sorry for mankind for what we will never be able to have, and stubbornly proud of us for what we have nonetheless accomplished.

All at once the weight of it all, on top of my already high emotion, was too much, and I burst out crying. I haven’t cried so hard, sobbing loudly with tears running down my face, for years. And in between sobs, I was laughing too. It was pure lunacy. The cat came over to sniff me and find out what was wrong. The music track I was listening to at the time synched up perfectly with my emotion, building to a crescendo, just as the thunder and lightning outside peaked. It was a cosmic alignment. In the moment of stillness as I took my first deep breaths and quit sobbing, the clouds opened and the rain came, a huge cleansing downpour that mirrored exactly my own cleansing with tears. Complete Universal Synchronicity.

This had been better than sex.

Rediscovery

Not much later, my wife came home, and I was able to see her again with new eyes as I had not done for months, maybe years – as I had before we were married. We sat together and ate some of my soup, and I gave her a present I had bought weeks earlier and been saving for a special occasion. She looked so beautiful to me. We held hands like teenagers and later, had our best sex of the year, hands down. I had never had much fun with sex on psychedelics before, but suddenly I saw the power of it. We connected even more deeply than usual, and at the same time, I was completely unhurried and almost uncaring about where things went, what we did, how long we took. I was more relaxed and “in the moment” than I can remember being with another person, maybe ever. I saw that married sex life does not have to be dull and boring and repetitive; it can also be exceedingly comfortable and natural and effortless, two people who are really one. So that was pretty great.

Coda

Later, I had time for one final, somewhat unrelated insight. After my wife went to sleep, the acid kept me awake, and I stayed up and smoked some pot and fooled around on-line. The pot took me out of my exquisitely clear, positive, self-enabled head space, into your basic stoned stupor. I lost the glow; I felt deadened and out-of-it. I was chatting with a friend on AIM and was barely able to make sense or have a conversation. I kept losing my train of thought and saying weird disconnected things. I realized a lot of the unpleasant and unproductive feelings I’ve had lately have been due to smoking too much pot. So I decided to quit smoking it for a while. This felt likely manifestly the right decision, even if it will be a hard habit to break, and I was grateful once again for the clarity the LSD had given me about my life and what I need to do.

Summation

This was not my most intense trip ever, but it was undoubtedly my most integratable, useful, and personal one. I have experienced pleasure before on psychedelics, and discovery, clarity, and emotion, but it’s never been so connected to my own personal issues. And the weather! I have redoubled my faith that LSD, used properly and in the right setting, is worth about 30 visits to a psychotherapist.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 33778

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 24, 2006	Views: 24,877

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LSD (2) : Alone (16), Glowing Experiences (4)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   120 lb

It has been three years since this event happened but most of it is so sharply ingrained on my psyche that I can never possibly forget.

The blotters were called 'Fat Freddy' or 'Fat Freddies Cat', and just by looking at them I could tell they were going to be interesting. One side had a white background with fat freddy and stars in red ink and the other side was part of larger picture which only the coolest of the cool would ever get to see. I considered myself an experienced psychonaut.

My dealer specifically warned me and my friend, whom I will refer to as 'B', to go very easy with these trips she suggested we eat 1/4 of the blotter to start off with. But as soon as she handed the trips over 'B' popped his in his mouth straight away. I looked at him incredulously and laughed nervously, saying

' I can't believe you did that, now Im going to have to eat mine soon to be on the same wavelength'.

Straight away I could tell we were in for an interesting night.. We got in my car and drove around town looking for the house where we were supposed to meet up with a girl 'K' (who I thought I was in love with, who also enjoyed fucking me around) who was going to trip with us. After 30 minutes of not being able to find the house we gave up.

'B' was becoming insistent urging me to drop the Tab before we got out of synch, I grudgingly popped the tab in my mouth. It had no taste.. and after 5 minutes I started to feel the initial anxiety/tense buzziness alot earlier than I was hoping for. We decided to try make it home before it came on too hard

Believe it or not only 10 minutes after dropping the Tab it became too risky to drive and we decided to park the car at a friends house and walk to the place 'K' was supposed to be.

*Note: Mistake Number 1, The town I was staying in has VERY bad vibes at night and is not the place for heavy tripping*

We started to walk and all around us was very quiet, it seemed that wherever we walked everything went dead silent and that everywhere in front of us was DARKNESS and every where behind us, being created by us was LIGHT. I felt like we were two angels stranded here on earth and that we had always been like this. At the time we were both very interested in the Dark Arts, Magick, Vampirism, Golden Dawn and we were discussing this as we walked. *Possible Mistake *

Around us lightposts were bending and twisting, coiling.. we could see waves in the fabric of reality the road was like a rolling sea of asphalt. We were generally feeling good at this point the acid was strong but not unbearable.

[1 hour into it]

As we walked past some houses still on the way to find 'K' but realising that it was a waste of time. I thought I could hear the people sitting on their balconies talking about us and making fun of us, people who drove past seemed to stare and shout out things to us as if we had a big sign on our heads saying 'look at these hopeless trippers' I started to feel sad and angry at the same I felt the emptiness of my city... the total negativity and it began to eat away at me..

I started wringing my hands over and over clenching and unclenching my fists saying 'Stupid fucking humans, worthless fucking scum'

It was about this point in time that I walked through (80% sure I did anyway) a massive Golden Orb Weaver Spider Web and had the sensation of being bitten two-three times on the face. I screamed and started pulling bits of web and trying to brush whatever had bitten me off my body.

I was screaming 'Ive been bitten oh fuck maan' and 'B' just said 'stop freaking out man your just tripping, nothing bit you'. All he saw was me pulling bits of nothing out of my face. Well whether it was the spiders venom or the surge of adrenalin from being bitten Im not sure but it set me off big time..

All I could feel now was emanations of pure hate overcome me I felt like I was channeling an entity (Read below for the story of the entity), an entity that totally disliked humans and earth (gaia) we decided to try and make it back to my house before anything bad happened I was constantly saying 'fuck, FUCK stupid fucking humans' 'I swear im going to kill someone'

*From this point on I am only explaining what happened from my perception, alot of the following may be hard for people to believe in actuality It is also quite a fragmented story so sorry about that*

I had to get away from 'B' because I seriously thought I was going to kill him.

I RAN, I ran so fast and so far that the world seemed to blur and my legs were moving of their own accord. I remember vomiting as I ran but I didn’t care I just spat the remains of my vomit away and kept running. When I stopped it felt like wind Whoooooshed up to catch up with me it felt like the whole world had to catch up to me.. I Swear I ran at least 2 kilometres in less than 2 minutes.

This is where I can hardly remember anything.

I remember sitting under a lamp-post screaming, 'please god fucking help me Im going to kill someone or kill myself, Jesus Christ!!' (Im not anywhere near christian btw nor are my family though I WAS deeply interested in PRE christian mythology about Angels, Annunakai, Nephilim etc)

I had the feeling that I was the chosen one, that I was the vessel through which Armageddon would arrive, all the votes from all the conciousness in existence were being tallied through me, Continue creation?? Or destroy everything?? And when the votes were tallied I would be the one to SING the sum of creation out of existence if neccessary.. It sounds outrageous but if you can imagine the pressure and the alienation you would feel if you were given such a task then you would understand..

*After this I became completely overwhelmed by the Entity and do not remember the next 30 minutes*

The next thing I remember is me walking without a shirt down the middle of the main road (in winter) with both hands in the 'fuck you' position shouting 'I am the fucking end of creation you are all going to die you fucks, I am god, I am satan, I am something inconceivable'

*another piece of lost time*

I remember walking off the road onto the sidewalk and I can hear sirens and I see the flash of blue and red. I suddenly have a flash of sanity and I say 'oh fuck' quietly. A cop gets out of the car and shines his torch in my eye as another cop car pulls up behind him.. I say 'oh fuck' a bit louder this time and the cop hears me and says 'That’s right mate, 'Oh Fuck' you've had your fun for the night don't you think?'

There are now four large policemen approaching me with Torches flashing my eyes.

*This next part is extremely fragmented and probably didnt really happen*

I remember a group of policeman surrounding me as I scream something to the effect of:

'I am something for which your insignificant little minds have no capabilities of understanding, I am all of creation I am SATAN I am GOD and because of Humanity I am going to destroy you all you fucking filllllthy fucking huuuumaaaaahhnns...I am going to fucking kill you alll!! 170,000 years on this earth this fuckin wretched planet'

In my mind I could see the police cars rising off the ground slightly... I felt like I was floating above the ground and small objects were flying around me. I was emanating tremendous kinetic energies. As the police discussed what the hell they were going to do with me I could hear what they they were thinking, the fear in thie minds that they were witnessing something incomprehensible, that they should call the army.. anyone. I was answering their questions before they asked them.. I told them that there was nothing they could do to me because the world would very soon come to an end, the votes were still tallying inside me but I could feel the end coming on..it would all be over sooon.

*another blackout*

I am now on the ground, A large police officer has his knee in between my shoulder blades while another one is holding down my legs.. They are asking me if i committerd various crimes around the neighbourhood 'what did you do at such and such... why did you break their letterbox?? Did you steal this car? did you piss on this guys lawn' some ludicrous bullshit and Im saying 'How the fuck should I know'

My arms are handcuffed beside me. I am screaming 'Someone please fucking help me' because there are wasps and Ants crawling in and out of my mouth stinging me.. there are two voices coming from my mouth.

One very scared sounding ME, the regular me, and a very deep growling voice that is the voice of the Entity gnashing and growling and reciting ancient prophecies in a different language. The pain from the wasps bites is so bad that I have to chew at the grass so I dont bite my tongue off.. meanwhile the entity is making my voice growl like an animal very real very, scary kind of growl..

As I am screaming 'help me' the police man is very worried for me and says 'mate I'm trying to help you what have u taken??', The entity takes over and says in that growly voice 'Elllll Essssssss Deeeeeeeee' and does an evil laugh and starts spitting.

An ambulance arrives and the paramedic flashes his light in my eyes and says 'nup hes gone' and injects me with (what I think was) valium they wait and the entity still struggles against the police.. another shot and Im out..

I wake up and I am in a small concrete room I am chained to a chair I am watching myself but Im not really in control of my body, the entity has control. Surrounding me are High ranking military personnell in front of me is an Intelligence Officer, Flying Officer, Ackland.

He is questioning me about secret military codes, locations of secret installations, my knowledge of interdimensional travel and of secret technologies.. the entity answers them in a sophisticated superior growl..

Having decided that I am a threat to the security of earth they decide to launch me into the sun in a nuclear missile.

I am in a sealed cubicle made out of some kind of Bone coloured Carbon Fibre material there doesnt appear to be any seams, very strong it is just bigger than a coffin, there are strange symbols and diagrams inside it.. there is an alarm going off and a count down... I can hear the tallies for the end of the world counting down... almost in sync with the rocket launch count down the count down loops and loops for the remainder of the night... Destroy/Create/Destroy/Create forever

I wake up again and I am in the hospital arms handcuffed behind me two security guards on a 24 hour vigil making sure I dont run away.. I look at my clothes and shoes on the floor they see me looking and fold their arms and puff up... I laugh and say 'rightio then'

As soon as they see Im awake a Nurse comes with a huge needle/syringe and I squirm away and say 'holy fuck!' and she grabs my arm and says 'thats right, holy fuck' and injects me, she looks at me like 'you fucking little tripper'.

Dad comes he has a sad look in his eye.. I say sorry and that I love him, and I look at my arm and pull out an IV line and blood starts to spurt out and I say 'oh no' but when helooks at my arm and says 'what??' it stops.. I say 'oh dont worry you dont want to know'

thats it..all i had to do then was sign out and I was fine..The Ambulance cost $180, I had severe rash marks and bite marks all over my body Two bite marks that could have been a spider bite on my face and my neck.

One of the recurring themes that I left out was that I felt like for my whole life the world has known that I am god but they have to pretend like they dont know because if i find out i will destory the universe....

... I still use psychdelics and it has taken me AGES to integrate what happened.. Im sorry if it is too jumbled to understand.. there was no easy way to explain what happened.. One of the only Level 5 trips I have had, the others being 5-Me0-DMT and Salvia..

*The following is the information I received from the entity and why it was so angry..*

The Entities Story

Now the information was becoming clearer from this 'entity' I was receiving/becoming.

I/this Entity was once the SUM AWARENESS of a vast amount of time/space. This Awareness was one of a group of Awarenesses which together formed the AWARENESS OF CREATION (what some people call GOD)..

This entity, at the beginning of all creation, had seen that sometime in the distant future, Earth would host a civilsation that would develop such advanced technology it would threaten the very fabric of the universe. This entity so loved its part of creation that it couldnt bear to lose anything and decided to try to destroy the Earth.

So this entity went to the Earth and attempted to seduce Her so that he could bind her power to him and control earths destiny, the Earth spirit was enamoured and agreed to sexual union with the entity (celestial beings have sex too, though on a much different level than we can understand) As this was happening the Awareness who was overlord of Earth (My girl friend 'K') and a good friend of the entities stepped in and alerted the other Awarenesses as to what was happening. Together as CREATION they decided that what the entity was trying to do was against the law of Creation and banished him to the earth to incarnate as a human being until the end of creation.

Little did i know that all awarenesses will incarnate on earth before long....

Exp Year: 1999	ExpID: 26610

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 30, 2006	Views: 25,472

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LSD (2), Police / Customs (60) : Entities / Beings (37), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 2.0 g
		 oral
		 Vitamin C
		 (pill / tablet)

		 2 tablets
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (pill / tablet)

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 oral
		 Caffeine
		 (liquid)

		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Tobacco - Cigarettes

		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   230 lb

It was Friday, June 10th, 2005.  I left to go see what was going on, I picked up my a few of my friends, Tom, Josh, and Daniel.  We had nothing to do, but we all knew we wanted to do something.  We went up to the park where we met a few other people.  The plan the proposed was to go to Galveston and stay all night at the beach.  I called my mom and told her I was gonna play Halo and asked if I could stay all night (halo is a good excuse) she said it was, so my night was looking good.

We called the guy who had the tabs, He was gonna meet us at the park to sell them to us.  We waited around for about an hour for him to show up, by now it was about 10pm or so.  Now for this next part you must understand the layout of the park.  To one side is a big parking lot next to a bunch of baseball fields and closer to the bench where we were waiting.  To the other side is another parking lot, a bunch of buildings, the tennis courts, and pool.  Once the guy with the tabs showed up I got mine and Josh got his.  About 2 minutes after he shows up we look to the side of the park with the baseball fields (where me and the tab guy are parked) and cop car rolls up and parks.  We look at each other and run as fast as we can.  I pop my tab, and Josh pops his.  Im 16 so on top of drugs I'm out past curfew.  I look back after we all got about 100feet and notice the cop leaving.  Everyone stops but we are all still worried.  There are about 10 of us at this point and all their cars are parked on the side with the tennis courts where cop wasn’t.

The guy with tabs comes to me and says he’ll sell me the other tabs for 10 dollars each cause he put em in his mouth when the pig rolled up. I had 7 bucks in my hand so I went ahead and got 1 with help of my friend.  I stuff it in my shoe and we all get ready to leave.  Once I get to my care and take off my shoe my tab is gone.  I start freaking out but Tom has 2 ounces of dro on him and Dan has 4 hits of acid.  So we go ahead and jet, incase the cop decides to come back.  Now the tab was a Tweak based double stacked blue Mercedes.  No one in the truck knew I had taken the first tab, they all thought I had lost the only tab I had.  I turn to Daniel and say hey would u spot me that hit of acid.  So Daniel thinking I had nothing, gave it to me.  I didn’t find out until later that he didn’t know I was already on a tab.

Daniel took his other 3 hits of acid and Tom is the only one not on anything. Once we get on the highway  [Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]  its about a 45 minute ride to the beach, so we decide to smoke a few bowls.  I begin to roll pretty hard 30 minutes into the trip.  We get to Galveston and its my first time to drive there, so we get kinda lost.  Now Galveston is set up on a grid, going east and west are the streets named by letters, a-z, and north and south are the streets named as numbers.  When we first get there we're at about 80th street, and we just keep going trying to find sea wall which is the street against the beach.  We go down to about 6th street and by now Im feeling the acid and the tab and the streets begin to trip me out and confuse the fuck outta me, and everytime I think of the streets I just begin laughing maniacally and no one know what at.  We call our friends already at the beach and they tell us we were suppost to get of on 61st street.  Eventually we find our way to seawall, I dunno how.  The call us again and tell us to go to a department store to get a football and some vitamin C. This is where our journey truly begins.

At about 1am we arrive at the department store and we walk around for about 20 minutes.  Every time we look down an aisle it just seems so immense and endless.  Daniel keeps laughing and just randomly sitting down in the middle of aisles for no apparent reason.  We grab the glow in the dark football, vitamin c’s, and Tom gets a 3 dollar shirt that says “Official Dunk Master”, we found this shit hilarious.  As I looked around in the store I began to get thoughts about the war machine and the capitalist ideals and corruption that store stood for.  Normally when that happens the trip turns bad, but this time I was candy flipping, and the tab made all my bad feelings go away.  When we get to the truck I begin to roll VERY hard and the trip intensifies, so I let Tom drive because he is the only sober one, even though he doesn’t have a license.  As we get to the more secluded part of Galveston there are no street lights and this only makes me roll harder.  I keep thinking we are lost and freaking out and calling our friends at the beach already to get directions.  After about 20 minutes and 5 phone calls we finally arrive.

The beach was secluded, it had a few houses but other than that we were alone.  When we get there we figure out that 2 of our friends left to go get the other car full of people.  We get there to find John and Terry “holding down the fort”.

When we get out everyone is reluctant to do anything as we are not used to the surroundings.  About 10 feet from the tide and about 10 feet wide is a carpet of seaweed that has washed up, its as far as the eye can see along the beach.  We all took off our shoes and walk around.  About 10 minutes later the others get there.  15 guys and 1 chick.  We don’t care though, we are all rolling, tripping, or both.  The sand felt so good on my feet, its hard to explain but the fact that It molds to your foot each step you take just makes it an awesome feeling.  I look up to see all the stars in the sky clear as day, or well night.  There are no clouds and its rare to see this in the Houston area seeing as there is so much light pollution and pollution from the chemical plants.  Tom sees me looking up and comes over and he says, “Wouldn’t it be awesome to be able to know whats going on everywhere u look?  Like if u looked at that star and just knew what they were doing, inventing a new drug or going to school or something?”  And as I normally do on acid, my mind starts going 90 miles a minute.

The way I describe it is its like letting the flood gates on a ragin river open up.  If the river is dry, nothing really happens, but if its there then you will feel it, that’s how all drugs are in my opinion.  The only girl there, Candice, comes over and makes me lay in the bed of this truck and look at the stars.  Now the first time on acid I got kinda suicidal because I naturally am a little nihilistic, and acid made it get worse, but with the tab, every bad thought I had went away.  My body felt warm and tingly, my mind felt open and clear.

As I laid there looking at the stars I would stare at one star, and then after a few seconds all the other stars in the sky would melt away.  It was like Tom had said earlier, but I actually felt like I knew what was going on everywhere I looked.  Suddenly I lost focus and I could see all the stars again.  Now my heart began to pound really fast, the feeling I had now is very hard to explain, but I only feel it when I take a meth based tab.  Its kinda like im about to have heart attack its going so fast and I breath kind of hard, but its not scary, its kind of invigorating and makes me feel so alive.  Suddenly I see a shooting star but right when I see it Tom come and flashes a flashlight right in my eyes and I lose it.

At this point I kinda got annoyed by everyone around me cause everyone was talking and wouldn’t shut the fuck up so I just kinda tuned it out and once again all the stars accept the one I was looking at melted away and I felt almost godlike.  It was like all the worries I had melted away and I couldn’t concentrate on them enough to get worried if they were still there.  But soon they all came back because the utter lack or worries kinda bothered me.  Like I didn’t know what I would tell my mom when I came home and was all sandy and sun burned, but I tried to not let it get to me.  At about 3am me Tom and Jonathan all go back up to the store with me driving.  Jonathan is on 2 and a half tab and 2 and a half hits of acid.  He couldn’t stop talking about anything and everything.

Once we got to the store me and jonathan took 2 of the vitamin c tablets we bought earlier and go inside without shoes and Jon has no shirt on.  We wander around for what seems like hours looking for anything and everything.  The utter size of wallmart tripped me out so bad.  I just got so overwhelmed by everything my eyes would get really wide and I would start to breath heavily and look around at everything and try to take it all in.  Once we left jon got in the back of my truck and he tried surfing in the bed.  The feeling of driving while candy flipping is awesome.  When we let Tom drive I felt super uncomfortable like I was gonna die or something cause my truck is standard and he cant drive standard.

Also the fact that it was standard made driving that much funner.  I saw the road ahead of me and it was rushing past me like I was goin 100mph, but when I looked at the speedometer I was going 45.  I felt like I was driving away from all the bad in the world, and with pink floyd playing I kinda spaced out.  When we finally got back to the beach I wasn’t ready to get there, I wanted to explore some more and smoke a few more bowls like we had on our way to wallmart.  I went and layed back in the truck bed but soon the last car to get there had to go cause everyone had to go to work at like 6am so the left.  Time at this point seemed to just flow freely and very fast, it literally only felt like 30 minutes when it had been 5 hours or so.

Once everyone left I began to think more deeply and I realized something, all night I hadn’t once looked at the ocean.  It felt like if I did look at the ocean I would be overwhelmed by its infiniteness and it would overtake me.  It was very intimidating to even think about how big the ocean was.  But then I decided it was time so I gathered all my strength, however weird that sounds, and cast my gaze upon the immense ocean.  And there I was, I saw what Columbus had seen more than 500 years ago.  I was looking at the edge of the world, but also the edge of the universe.  It was like I could everything that ever was is or will be.  The feeling of god.  I don’t really know what I was doing or where I was at this point all I remember is my thoughts and seeing the ocean.  It was almost as if I had transcended my body and my soul was flying freely through the universe.  I looked down at the waves rolling in and out and they looked like horses running to shore, kinda like in lord of the rings.

At this point I had The Wall playing in my head and it was on repeat, but it was like I was listening to it.  All this time ive been smoking cigarettes, but I was about to light up another stogie.  I sat there for a good 30 minutes before I lit it up, everyone kept offering me a light but I didn’t want one, I just kept saying, “Im waiting for the right time.”  And then I realized something when I was looking at the universe, It isn’t greater than me, I told myself that all night but it wasn’t true, creation isn’t greater than me, it is me.  My reality is defined as everything I perceive but we can construct out own realities if we try, we can alter everything around us and in us, and why is that not real?  If you feel something and it seems real, who is to say its not real.  And then I realized something else, what I needed to do was let everything inside of me out and everything that was outside me in.  And I did.  I took in the universe.  And I told Tom how weird it was to think it possible that the entire universe if understood would be contained inside a human brain, thus creating two universes.  The thought of infinity preoccupied my mind all night.

As the hours went on and the sun began to rise I was still rolling and tripping.  The thing is with acid or tabs, I never really stop rolling or tripping its just less intense.  I also figured something else out, this ties in with the whole flood gates idea which I figured out during this experience, it doesn’t matter how many of what I take, its what I do with what I have that creates the experience.  As the sun rose a storm blew in and it looked like a hurricane on the edge of the earth and I began to worry again but then I realized how stupid it was to worry about anything, how I cant control the storm so there is no use worrying about it.  As it passed I saw one of the most amazing things ever, a rainbow.  It was a real rainbow that arched across the sky and it was very bright and we all just stopped and looked at it until it went away.  Tom looked at me and said something I was thinking at that exact moment, “What the fuck is a rainbow? I mean where the fuck do they come from?”  And I know, the physics of light and science can explain a rainbow, but that’s not what he was asking, or so it seemed to me.  It wasn’t even a question, it was more of a statement about how awesome and random and beautiful the rainbow really was.

Soon I pondered my own existence, and I just thought about how awesome my existence was.  How in a universe of chaos and nothingness I just happened to spawn into existence.  I closed my eyes and through the blackness I saw little bits of light swirls bursting in and out of existence and I soon understood creation.

Solipsism- the belief that oneself is the only thing that exists, reality is just an illusion.  And I thought to myself so what if it is an illusion, the illusion is something.  Big bang or creationism, the fact that there is anything is utterly amazing.  And then I understood how to create matter, I create it with my mind.  Reality is constructed in the mind and as Huxley explain reality is filtered inside the sober mind but through lsd and other drugs it is opened.  The restraints lifted and your mind is freed to take in reality, and reality is truly something that exists within.  I soon grew tired of the beach and I knew I was crashing and hard.  So we got in the truck and left.  When we got back to town my car was filled with sand and I spent about an hour at a carwash cleaning it all out, but the problem was I was dead broke, not a big part of the story.

I went hope and wrote on my computer everything I felt before I was too far into crashing that I couldn’t. What came out was basically what I just wrote accept shorter and a lot more incoherent. It was now Saturday and I woke up around 6pm and went outside and vacuumed my pool.  What seems to help when I'm coming down off a trip the next day is to do mindless tasks that are easy and long.  It makes me stop thinking and cool down from the trip, but even the day after I still feel like im on acid, no matter what I do.

The next night (Sunday) I go up to the park to see what everyone is doing and they are all going up to this mansion our friend was house sitting and rolling.  So I call the guy we get the tabs from and get another one and head out.  On the way I got and drank 2 Sobe® adrenaline rushes and take my tab.  I smoke a few stogies and a few bowls once we get there before it kicks in.  Me and Candice laid on the dock behind the house alone talking and rubbing each others head for like 3 hours.  And to me it seemed the world was perfect.  It seemed/seems so silly to bicker and fight over land and money.   We talked about each other and it felt as if our souls were one and we were exchanging every part of us.  We aren’t going out, we are just very close friends.  But then I started talking about the bad experiences in my life and the good feelings left for about 20 minutes and I got REALLY depressed and I just felt all around bad, like I shouldn’t be alive or something.  So I got up and went to the pool where everyone else was.

I saw about 5 shooting stars that night.  I sat in a chair pool side and stared at the one of the few stars I could see and then everything around me, like the night at the beach began to melt away, except this time it wasn’t just the stars, it was everything and I was just sitting in a black abyss.  Everyone kept telling me to go swimming in the pool but I couldn’t bring myself out of my trance.  Soon I asked one of my really close friends and Candice to go with me to the store to pick up some cigs, seeing as im only 16.  When we left I looked at everyone and I felt like I was gonna cry cause I loved everyone so much, I loved life so much.  I feel that now just writing about it.  When we got back I went and sat dangling my feet off the edge of the dock looking for this fish that I had seen earlier that lit up.  It was like a firefly in the water.

It was amazing but then I saw a fish jump onto the ramp that went into the water and I thought it was stuck.  I felt so much love for life that I decided I had to let it live and push it back into the water, apparently this wasn’t the right choice, I got down to the end to find no fish and tons of algae.  I slipped in the water with my cell phone in my pocket, once again bad idea.  When I got out I was fine, the fact that my cell phone was dead didn’t bother me at all, the good feelings had come back and everything was perfect.  I couldn’t tell everyone how much I loved them.  After sitting some more I and smoking a bunch of cigarettes I did what I had done at the beach again and sat and held the cigarette until the time was right to light it.  I cant emphasize enough the importance of smoking a cigarette or weed while on anything, it makes the trip/roll/whatever so much more intense.  And suddenly I had the most intense feeling and I realized, I had reached enlightenment, I was the Buddha, if only for an instant, I knew everything.  That seemed like it was the right time to smoke another cig so lit up, but it seemed to be a bad idea in the end.

I became overwhelmed by reality and my heart began to pound faster than ever and my body felt very heavy.  Everything around me was spinning and I was very uncomfortable.  I couldn’t sit I couldn’t stand anything I did made me feel even worse.  I began breathing really heavily and it felt like with enlightenment came the burden of all the problems in the world.  It was like I heard the cries of all the starving people in the world.  I felt the pain of all the suffering, and I heard the screams of the dead.  And then I smoked another stogie and it all went away.  I went and had a bubble bath with Candice and then we went and layed down in the master bed and fell asleep.  All in all it was a very good experience.

My life has changed since then, for the better.  I now understand how absurd war and hatred are.   I look at my life and realize people are too worried about living and don’t actually LIVE!  Through this whole experience I smoke a lot of cig and pot, I was constantly on a buzz from both but I left all that out cause if I wrote that in it would make this twice as long.  So ya there it is.  It seems to me drugs are illegal because “THEY are afraid that there is more to reality that they could ever imagine, that there are doors that they have yet to go in, and they don’t want us to go in there either because their afraid that well find something they don’t know and that makes us a little out of their control.”  I found something no one else had found before in those 3 days, Im sure of it.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 43922

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: May 26, 2006	Views: 33,617

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MDMA (3), LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Nature / Outdoors (23), Multi-Day Experience (13), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)