		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:30
		 0.3 g
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 1:30
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   250 lb

The following story is not a beginning-to-end account of my LSD trip; it is only an excerpt of the most interesting occurence.  In fact, it is an excerpt of perhaps the most profound moment of my entire life.  At the time of this story I was an experienced LSD user (about 20 trips preceding) and was comfortable enough with myself and my surroundings that I felt I could experiment with a slightly higher dose than ever before.  What you are about to read is a calculated risk on my part, physically, emotionally, and legally.  Don't take such decisions lightly.

~~~

My parents were out of town and I had the house to myself.  It was a glorious sunny summer noon and I had reserved the entire day for intraspective exploration - I declared it a holiday of my one-man religion.  Having familiarized myself with the variety and strength of the substance I planned to consume (paper tabs with a symmetrical pattern resembling a bathroom tile) I decided this would be the perfect opportunity to delve a little deeper than ever before.  I started with 3 tabs, and after getting a good feel for things, consumed a 4th after about 90 minutes - my highest dose to this day.

Most of the experience was unremarkable from my other trips, except for a few minutes I spent on my back deck as I welcomed the 4th hit.

I was enjoying the radiance of sunlight softened by the white venetian blinds in my living room, and decided to peek around outside to 'see what I could see.'  I took my first barefoot step outside onto the wooden deck and breathed in this glorious potpourri of swarming and exhaling vegetation, feeding my lungs like my belly is fed a fresh garden salad.  I surveyed the back yard from afar, drinking in the velvety

vibrance with all my senses.  In the distance I could hear the delighted screams and squeals of children enjoying recess from the nearby elementary school.  I laid back on a plastic deck recliner, staring at the sky, revelling in this unbelievable stillness and peace the likes of which I'd never known.  The knowledge that this was just another ordinary day and that such a fantastic orchestra of existence was the status quo filled me to the very brim with contentedness - a profoundness that reminded me of Leary's 'ecstasy' but a calmness and neutrality that betrayed such description.

I relaxed all my muscles and decided to tackle one of the exercises I'd promised I'd try the last time I tripped - I closed my eyes and kept them closed.  I was surrounded by this whirling miasma of blues and greens; the pollen-like residue of the 'good vibes' that emanated from nature around me that stuck to my soul like burrs on jeans.  I felt my consciousness lapse into some abstract form that danced with this complex geometric tea party.  I held proverbial hands with these particles, spinning with them in unison.  They welcomed me, they beckoned me, and I welcomed their invitation.  As we danced, the particles and shapes faded slowly from blues and greens to brighter greens, to a deep yellow, to sultry oranges, to bloody crimson, and deeper, darker, until there was nothing but intense blackness.  The song of nature and the dance of life were no more and I knew, somehow, that this was the very epitome of unity - that, paradoxically, the only oneness was nothingness.

Suddenly aware that I was reclining in a chair in my backyard, soaking the glorious warmth of the sun through my skin, I maintained this duality between nothingness and somethingness for an undetermined amount of time.  Probably no more than a few seconds.  Then I felt my eyes roll downward slightly.  I felt the strain of the muscles as I peered down, continuing to see only blackness.  When I looked down enough that my eyes were slightly uncomfortable I saw a pinprick of white light.  Still in my chair but feeling myself flying, I willed myself toward the speck.  The speck stretched vertically into a line, like a bright white toothpick.  Daring to approach nearer, the toothpick expanded featurelessly in two dimensions until it resembled a sort of monolith.  This white column stood before me, or I before it, and I felt the attraction.  This column was a door.  It was a portal to some place absolutely crucial to the universe.  It towered before me, the purest white I felt I was capable of perceiving, and bathed me in a torrent of wellbeing, potential, energy, growth, expansion, vastness... I felt this column tugging at me, beckoning me, inviting me.  My breathing stopped.  My heart stopped.  Everything was still.

At this moment I was aware of my perceptual duality more than any other moment in my entire life. I was not only aware of it - this view was being presented to me.  I was being asked THE QUESTION.  Did I want to enter or stay?  I knew somehow that where I was was some place that always was, always is, and always will be.  I knew I could come here again when I was ready.  I also knew that if I said yes to this question, that I could never go back to the world I grew up in.  I felt that this was the door that separated 3 dimensions and infinite dimensions.  I could choose to be reborn, right now, and to die on Earth.  I was not afraid.  I was not happy or sad.  I was generously given the time to remain in limbo and rationalize the decision.  I wanted to go through, but I felt I should weigh the variables first.

I only needed one.  I thought of my beloved girlfriend.  My soulmate.  Our souls were tied and I didn't have the right to separate them without her permission.  I felt that I would miss her for all eternity if I left her.  My love for her was greater than my love for anything else.

The choice was made.  The pillar quickly slipped back down into nothingness, out of the blackness rushed the red fractals, streaming into yellow, green, then blue, and then I opened my eyes.  The world rushed into me the way water rushes down an open drain.  I took a breath and realized it had been my first in some time.  I loved the feeling.  My backyard quivered and danced and glowed for me, each blade of grass enthusiastically waving hello to me after my excursion.  I had made the right choice.

I sat at my computer and described the experience to my girlfriend over IM (though for some reason I omitted that she was my reason for returning) but she was uninterested.  I told the story again to another friend who was very positive and excited for me, insisting I'd had a brush with an out-of-body experience.  I played some video games and watched some movies and enjoyed a jolly afternoon.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 49772

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Feb 6, 2006	Views: 36,568

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LSD (2) : Nature / Outdoors (23), Relationships (44), Mystical Experiences (9), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   145 lb

This was only my second experience with psychedelics. The first was a mild trip on one hit of acid. My friend K (I will refer to people by initials), who has tripped several times on mushrooms but was as new to LSD as I was, warned me that we hadn’t really been tripping. “You can sense when you’ve crossed that threshold. It feels somehow sharp. You know you’re in it for the long haul.” This really didn’t bother me much. My last experience had been so universally positive that it was hard for me to imagine what a difficult trip would be like. Ignorance is bliss, eh?

I couldn’t have asked for a better day to trip. It was well into autumn and the leaves were all shades of brilliant colors, some on the ground, some still clinging to the trees. The day before had been quite cold, which had me worried I’d have to trip indoors, but on the day I was to trip, it was unusually warm, almost like summer, but with a crisp fall breeze. The sun lit the landscape so intensely that it reminded me of my last trip. My friend T attributes days like this one to the Stoner God, a benevolent deity who blesses hippies and heads with nice days to trip on.

After eating breakfast with the four friends I tripping with, smoking a bowl, and preparing our trip kits, we set off toward the park. About half way there, probably around 11:30, we stopped at a bench to take our hits. I never cease to be amazed that so powerful a drug comes in such an unassuming package, and I mused to myself about this as I held the tiny peace of blotter paper under my tongue. My friend P knew several people who had tripped off of this same sheet and the word was it was excellent acid. P described the feeling you get waiting for acid to kick in as being like preparing to go on stage, and I recalled the nervous excitement and mental preparation from when I did theatre in high school. Everyone was in such high spirits from the weather, though, that I hardly thought about the acid, still in my mouth.

As we entered the park and headed up the trail to Lookout Point, our first destination, I started to notice the colors more deeply. I saw my friends slowing down and looking more intently at the trees and assumed that the sensation had hit them at almost the same time. P smiled and said, “Do things like really bright to you?” I nodded with a grin and he added, “I think I might be tripping.”

As we sat down on the giant rocks of Lookout Point, I suddenly felt a tightness in the back of my neck and a buzzing sensation in my head. I closed my eyes and leaned against the rock trying to calm myself, but my mind was chattering with odd disjointed thoughts and the tension had increased so that I kept trying to yawn. I realized that I felt cold, and I stumbled to my sweatshirt and jacket which I had discarded a few feet away. When I pulled them onto my body, I felt a tingle down my spine, and the fabric was pleasantly warm but oddly harsh on my skin. By the time I made it back to the rocks, my hallucinations had begun set it. With my eyes closed, I saw a magnificent spiraling fractal pattern radiating red and yellow shapes and symbols from a point that I sensed could only be the depths of my subconscious. (Incidentally, at a later date, I told a friend that my spirals always went counterclockwise, and he said his are always clockwise. We speculated that this may have something to do with left and right brain). When I opened my eyes, I saw the textures on the leaves and rocks seemingly smolder – they would ripple and darken, then peel away and send what looked like tracers into the air. Seeing me struggle, P asked, “How are you doing, man?” the last thing I remember saying for some time was, “Everything is melting up.”

At this point, I experienced what I would later learn to call ego-death, but the feeling was alien and unpleasant as I desperately tried to cling to my sense of self while the drug acted to deconstruct it. My mind felt fractured, as if I was existing is several places and times simultaneously. Cause and effect had lost all meaning, so I began to have disjointed memories with no sequential relationship to one another. This led me to believe momentarily that time itself was an illusion, and that each moment in my life was occurring at the same time. Questions like, “Who am I?” and “What is fundamental?” led to radical deconstructions of existence, because everything I thought could be abstracted one step further. I found myself flailing to find a sort of cognitive ground – some fundamental thought upon which I could base my experience. Time, space, personality, and causation had all failed in this, and lacking any reference point, my consciousness was a whirlwind of thoughts without context.

At some point, K looked at me and asked, “How are you?” I looked at him slowly and nodded my head. Words could not express how I was, so it seemed sufficient to give him the affirmative – yes, I exist. How I am is a non-issue, I just am. I also recall an odd moment of clarity in which I stressed to myself, “This is only a drug. Even if it’s difficult, you’ll still come down eventually.” In retrospect, I’m almost proud of myself for having the strength of will to think such a thing in the midst of such a shit storm. After we had been sitting at Lookout Point for some time in various mental conditions, A, who was very familiar with LSD and more adept than the rest of us insisted that we continue hiking and make our way to the lake. P and K agreed, but I looked at T to find that he seemed to be struggling as much as I was, if not more. I tried to protest, but had difficulty speaking clearly. A insisted that moving would help me calm down and the group began moving.

She could not have been more correct, because I soon as I had a goal – something to draw my attention away from the madness in my own head, I began to realize that my surroundings were absolutely gorgeous. The ground was covered in a carpet of golden leaves that made the atmosphere seem to glow with an aura of the same color. The tree branches turned into spiraling tendrils of light that would curl themselves into circles before spinning off into the air, as if propelled by their own inner energy. The bark was bulging and rippling with dark craggy patterns. All of the trees looked like the ancient, massive treed you see in pictures of the primeval forests in Europe, except that the bark was crawling about and rearranging itself.

We stopped again to rest and immediately, I was back in the confusion of my own mind – stronger, but not yet in control. P said, “We need some music, why don’t you play your harmonica. I remembered that I had my harmonica in my pocket and I put it to my lips, hoping I would remember how to play it. I found myself unable to play coherent melodies, but I discovered that it was intensely pleasing and calming to me to simply inhale and exhale through it, producing the two fundamental chords.

On a harmonica, inhaling produces the V chord, and exhaling produces the I chord. V to I is the most basic cadence in all of music, tension and resolution. Some musicologists have theorized that moving from I to V represents leaving home, while the V to I resolution represents the return home. I was not actively conscious of this theory at the time, but I simply knew that this was the case. Exhale/inhale, V/I, tension/release, away/home. The duality implicit in the harmonica was like a revelation. Suddenly I knew the cognitive ground that I could use to understand my shattered reality. Everything exists in two states – dissolution and resolution, away and home.

In all things, there are two states

Dissolution and Resolution

Away and Home

This simple phrase became a mantra for me. At once, the madness of my experience collected itself into archetypal manifestations of this fundamental truth. I began to babble to P about my discoveries – the duality of all things, the cyclical progression from dissolution to resolution and back again, the psychological meaning of “home.” I was obsessed with the notion of home. I insisted that all of life is just finding home in the present moment, discovering the resolution of all tensions, psychologically returning to the first state of oneness, before moving back into chaos and repeating the process. At some point during this time, I had the bizarre sensation that P and I were shooting thoughts back and forth between our minds non-verbally, but these thoughts consisted only of sounds. I really can’t explain this, but that’s what it felt like.

After walking for a long time, we arrived at the lake. The size and brilliance of it completely overwhelmed me. As we wound around the shore line, I admired the plants around me, which had taken on a painterly quality – instead of continuous lines, they looked like bold strokes of color moving independent of one another. Finally, we found a shady spot near the waters edge and sat to eat. At that moment, I felt completely at one with the universe and my companions. I reached the conclusion that all life is really a manifestation of the same universal life-form. Realizing that this life would continue forever without me, I had no fear of death, though I felt fortunate to have been given a portion of this life to do with as I please. As I sat in perfect bliss, marveling at the implications of my insights, I realized that I was home.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 69386

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 17, 2008	Views: 124,113

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LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Mystical Experiences (9), Music Discussion (22), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 2.0 g
		 oral
		 Mushrooms - P. cubensis
		 (dried)

		   T+ 3:30
		 3.0 g
		 oral
		 Mushrooms - P. cubensis
		 (dried)

		   T+ 3:30
		 3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 6:00
		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 6:00
		 1 capsl
		 oral
		 2C-B
		 (capsule)

		   T+ 6:00
		 2 lines
		 insufflated
		 MDMA
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 10:00
		 1 hit
		 smoked
		 DMT
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 10:45
		 1 capsl
		 oral
		 2C-B
		 (capsule)

		   T+ 14:30
		 1 capsl
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (capsule)

		   T+ 15:30
		 1 bump
		 insufflated
		 Ketamine
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 16:30
		 2 bumps
		 insufflated
		 Ketamine
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 18:00
		 2 capsls
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (capsule)

		   T+ 23:00
		 5.0 g
		 oral
		 Mushrooms - P. cubensis
		 (dried)

		   T+ 23:00
		 2 bumps
		 insufflated
		 Ketamine
		 (powder / crystals)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   95 kg

Friday 13:00: After about a week of planning my “dealer” and I are getting ready to embark on an adventure of epic proportions. We pack the car and do a final check of essentials. We plan to attend a psytrance/music festival and consume some of and sell the rest of the following, over the 2 nights 3 days of the festival:

20 tabs LSD

30grams shrooms

5 gram extracted mescaline

500mg of 2c-b

5-6 grams MDMA

500mg DMT

3grams Ketamine

What I ended up consuming myself:

5 tabs LSD

10grams shrooms

1 gram extracted mescaline

about 100mg of 2c-b

1.5 grams MDMA

3 hits DMT (smoked, not sure of dosage, but I was fuckered up)

and lastly 6 bumps of K.

15:00:

We arrived set up tent etc. and consume 2 grams of mushrooms each. They come on fairly quick and seem to be nice and mellow. The rest of the afternoon was spent hiking in the mountains surrounding the venue. We meditated on a rock at sunset and I felt good about obliterating my mind.

18:30

Upon returning to our tent the music had started and I was feeling very cool, my mind was at ease and my body felt good I had not had many visuals yet. We consumed another 3 grams of mushrooms each and 3 tabs of LSD. We decided to go explore the dance area. I could feel both the LSD and the mushrooms fighting for dominance and had to lie down. I explained to my friend “dealer” who I will call D from here on.  I found a soft spot and lay back. As my body hit the ground it felt as though everything was sinking in beneath me (in a good way) as waves of euphoria and that tingly acid sensation washed over my body. I have no idea how long I lay there, but I traversed time and space in my mind, I was soaring with nebulas and dancing with the cosmos. I eventually felt energetic and jumped up, a head rush followed that can only be described as my soul trying to pop out my skull.

+- 21:00

I found D, after roaming around like a madman for I don’t know how long. He was happy to see me and handed me 2 more tabs of acid and gave me a cap of 2c-b. I downed them all. We went for another walk up the mountains. It was pitch dark so we needed to bring a torch. The torchlight on the grass was insane it kept jumping up and dancing in the sky.

We reached the rock we had meditated at earlier and I needed to sit down as I was feeling a little woozy. As I looked around everything seemed a lot more “evil” than it was earlier, even D’s demeanor had changed. I asked him something and he just mumbled back. I had a sudden fear that a demon or something had dragged me here to this rock. I kept seeing flashes of blood splattered every where, and I swore I could hear myself scream. I was breathing very heavily, and D said I should sit down. He took out some MDMA and said we should sniff some to clear the bad vibes.

I sniffed 2 medium sized lines, and almost instantly felt like a purple cloud had descended on me. Everything was so happy and different to how it was not 2 minutes earlier. I could talk easier and we even hugged for a few minutes. We began talking about our lives and how him and I are so different, yet are the same people on psychedelics. I swear I could feel his thoughts at this point. I tried to explore this more but got a very sharp metallic taste in my mouth, and an intense headache. We decided we needed some water and headed back to the tent.

01:00

We are back at the tent, and there are a few other people sitting around talking to the other people we met there. I was surprised at how easy I was talking to people. Eventually D decided we should all smoke some DMT. I have only done it twice before, and was a bit unsure, but we went into the tent and he took out a pipe a lighter and a small baggie of DMT. He said I should go first. He held the pipe and lit the small amount of DMT sitting on top of some parsley looking stuff. I inhaled deeply. The first taste was the distinctly acrid plasticy taste of DMT, I almost vomited but managed to keep it all in. I exhaled, but before the smoke had even left my mouth I could feel the pull of the floor.

The tent swirled like ice cream at a parlour and before I knew it I was engulfed in whiteness and marbled lines like the architecture of a distant world far beyond our understanding. I could hear singing/ringing everywhere. And could hear my name (although it wasn’t, but I simply recognized it as my name). It was a woman’s voice and I tried to locate it, but there were patterns swirling everywhere in my vision, it was getting hard to focus on anything for longer than a second before it moved away. There were pulsating (not correct word, but closest to what I saw) colours everywhere, bright yellows and oranges they were changing shades and eventually I managed to move past them and was met by a massive tower like structure, the woman’s voice was coming from inside the tower. I tried to walk but was held back by something. The colours were fading and as I turned to see what it was the tent became clear again. I remember sitting up and I was sweating quite a bit. I relaxed for the next 10 minutes trying to understand what was going on. I tried to write down the experience, in point form but lost interest half way through.

01:45

I thanked D and left the tent to go walk around as I was leaving D shouted and asked if I wanted more drugs. I said I would take some with me in case we got separated. He gave me some more 2c-b and a capsule of MDMA. I took the 2c-b and went to the stream nearby to relax and try to think. I lay on the ground, I could hear frogs croaking, but they sounded like machines or something, I closed my eyes and focused on their croaks. They seemed to get louder until it was unbearable, I screamed and they stopped. In my head I imagined that my scream had ended everything.

I wanted to see what I had done, as it was so quiet, I could not even hear the sound of the music, only my heartbeat. Instead I decided I would re-create the world in my mind. At this point I became immersed in my own mind, I was creating the earth like a god it was swirling masses of rocks and I compacted them. I formed mountains, I flew through canyons I was carving with my mind.  All in all I was the Universe, I was God, I was The God’s, I could understand everything that had happened, everything that was to happen and why. I knew I had a place in the world, and that I was just as important as a god because I came from something resembling a god.

I gripped the grass around me tightly and ripped up handfuls of earth. The ground was cold and damp, as I made the connection to what I had done, the frogs croaking became clear again, and I opened my eyes. The first signs of dawn were clearly visible as orangey pinky glows in the distance. I washed my hands in the stream and ventured off to find D. When I found him he told me I had been gone for about 3 hours. I was surprised as I thought I had been gone about an hour tops. We relaxed at the tent and spoke to each other about a lot of shit.

05:30

We decided to go for a swim and clear our heads. I took the other MDMA cap and had another line, hoping to keep up a happy mindset as things were starting to turn nasty again. I stepped into the stream and my feet felt like they had been dipped in liquid nitrogen, the sensation persisted as I went in deeper. I washed quickly as it was freezing. While drying myself It felt like the towel was re-juvinating me while I rubbed it vigorously over my body. I felt great. I looked at D and we plodded off again.

06:30

We returned to the tent and debated trying to sleep; we decided it would be impossible. We decided however that it was now time to go dance. But not before some K. I had a small bump. It burned a little. It was beginning to take effect almost instantly as it felt like my head was expanding and floating at the same time I lay down and tried to forget about it. I noticed small clouds in the dawn light of the sky, they comforted me.

There were disturbances in my peripheral vision, there had been all night. These were different though.  I suddenly felt very uncomfortable and my head started to “float away” again, I looked down at my shoes and they seemed like I was looking through binoculars backwards. I immediately jumped up, wobbled and fell over again. I was kneeling with my head in my hands. I could feel my face moving further away from my head, I couldn’t stop it. I was trying so hard to keep it from disappearing, I imagined myself running after it like a kid chasing a helium balloon. I cried out for D he came up and pulled me to my feet. He kept saying it would be ok, I believed him.

He helped me walk to the tent. I lay there for quite some time, playing in my mind. I eventually felt good enough to stand up, but for some reason wanted more K. I had another 2 bumps and collapsed onto the bed. For the next hour I was obliterated I can’t even begin to describe the things that went on in my head. The tent wasn’t real, I wasn’t real. Nothing was real. I watched the Universe being born and then traveled through millions of years of the Universes development in split seconds. I arrived at the exact point I was at and jolted upright. I got up and needed to go outside.

09:00

I went to dance for a bit and found D sitting playing with one of those you open and it’s a ball of interconnected plastic, and you close it and it like a star. He gave it to me and I danced with it. I felt so good, and could feel the MDMA slightly. I asked D for more as I was enjoying dancing so much. He gave me what was my last 2 capsules. I gobbled them up and went to sit down as I felt sick, they hit me so quickly, it couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes. I jumped and danced for what must have been close to an hour.

10:30

I needed to eat even though I wasn’t hungry, but I felt weak. I opted for some fruit, It didn’t taste of much, but I could feel the goodness coursing thru my veins. After a fair amount of watermelon and some mango. I was ready to vomit, so I walked it off. I was feeling bouncy and lively, and danced for a short while, until my stomach started to cramp. I needed to lie down. I went to the first soft spot I had found the previous evening and lay there rubbing my stomach. It felt so good, and was helping a lot. I got up and went back to the dance floor D was gone. I went to the tent and found him sorting out shrooms to go sell. We sold shrooms and some acid for a while.

14:00

We got back to the tent after walking around and selling the drugs. We decided the best thing to do was to eat some shrooms and veg out for the rest of the afternoon. We both ate 5 grams each and lay in the shade waiting for them to take effect. Most of the acid was still going but everything else had faded, the MDMA was still giving me very nice euphoria.

I felt the familiar leg spasms of mushrooms and the discomfort in my stomach. My vision started to go all soft and hazy, I realized my eyes were trying to close, so I closed them and voyaged into my mind again. I assumed D was going thru the same thing as he was quiet as well. I tried to delve into my mind and as I traversed the corridors of my mind it became apparent that I needed to change. I was a disgusting person, who had destroyed my life with drugs. I argued with this thought and figured it could go very awry at this point. I opened my eyes and the same “evil” from earlier had returned. I was freaking out, I looked at my hands and didn’t believe they were mine. I looked at D lying next to me, he looked happy with a smile on his face, I was jealous I wanted to be happy. I got up and went into the tent and lay down again.

Everything was closing in on me, I could hear people laughing at me outside. The world was mocking me. I closed my eyes and tried to break through this funk. I came to the conclusion that I was feeling guilty because of all the drugs I had taken, and promised myself never to do it again. I couldn’t have been very honest with myself as the feelings of anger and guilt grew stronger. D opened the tent and I almost fucking died of fright. He burst out laughing, and eventually so did I. I asked him if I could have more K to shift the focus of my trip. He obliged with 2 small bumps. I did one. The same feelings as before persisted, but they were looping in my mind, I could look at them from another perspective. I snorted the other bump and lay down again.

This time my mind collapsed in on itself, and I forget the details, but I remember the tent vibrating and the stretcher that I was lying on felt like pillows stuffed with polystyrene chunks, I rolled onto the floor, and lay on my stomach. My stomach started growling, and mumbling I tried to listen to what it was saying, but it was obviously alien. I even tried communication but failed. I was cramping severely, and in a wave of brilliance decided my stomach was grumbling. But then it spoke almost an English word. For the next however long I was confused, angered and worried about my stomach. I think I may have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes the feeling of the K was almost gone. The mushrooms had mellowed out and D was nowhere to be seen.

16:00

I ate some more food and prepared myself for the mescaline and impending vomit from the come-up. At this point I was unsure of proceeding with this ludicrous weekend. D convinced me that we had gotten this close to infinity that we had to go on. We spent the rest of the afternoon talking cod shit and mellowing out.

18:45

We prepared ourselves mentally for the mescaline and I took 2 capsules which was about 500mg. We went to dance while we waited for the mescaline. I know it takes a while so I was not impatient. The shrooms were still going slightly and my visuals were pretty and soft like cotton wool spirals. We danced for about an hour, but my legs were starting to feel like lead so I sat down on a hay bail.

I could feel the mescaline coming on slowly and felt anxious. It was like waves of warmth moving through my limbs. My vision was getting sharper and I tried to focus on a piece of hay, I moved it around and it left long lasting trails. I was definitely fucked on the mescaline. As I became aware of the high, I felt sick and ran off to a tree where I vomited. After I washed my face I surveyed my surroundings. I was feeling really happy and noticed a crowd gathering near the dance floor. I went over and there was a fire dancer show starting. I sat in awe for at least 45 minutes, the flames seemed like molten gold and amber being flung around and controlled by some magical force.

I noticed D and called him over, he was well and truly high. He was also amazed at the flames and we sat talking about how it warmed our souls to see something like that. I asked one of the girls with the fire staff if I could have a go, she obliged. I focused myself and tried my best to look confident. I managed a few spins before dropping it. I returned it to her, and was quite impressed, D was laughing, as he reckons I made the dumbest faces.

We both walked to the dance floor and just swayed in the awesomeness of the beats. I had to go stand next to the speaker and feel the power of the bass. The speaker set-up was 65K turbo sound rig, and was fucking loud. I pressed my back to one of the bass bins, and closed my eyes. What came next was truly amazing. It felt like I was floating. I couldn’t feel the ground at all I had to open my eyes to make sure I hadn’t floated off. My visuals were getting more intense and people were melting and moving to the music. I focused on one girl in particular who was dancing like she was loving life to the max. I watched her for ages, she was a goddess, a nymph, my ultimate desire.

I snapped out of it and lost site of her. I had to find her I plodded off and eventually was lost near the stream, I have no idea how I had got there. I lay down as I felt I might be a little overwhelmed. I faded in and out of this reality and into the next, Orbs of “good” were swirling around my head, they were almost humming a peaceful tune, although I could have been doing this. I was in touch with myself, my inner beauty. I was electric, and amazing I felt like I could shoot lightning from my fingertips. I got up and had to find D to see if he was feeling amazing as well. He was at the tent.

23:00

We had been chatting for ages about random things, and how psychedelics could really be the answer to a lot of the world’s problems, if anyone had ever felt like we did they would never want to harm anyone else. Let alone destroy whole countries. I had another bump of K for shits and giggles, it didn’t do much apart from give me some disturbing CEV’s of flashing lights and lightning.

D asked if I wanted to hit the DMT again, I agreed. I sat on the stretcher and breathed deeply, he held the pipe to my mouth I inhaled held it and breathed out. I could feel the smoke swirling in my chest and throat, I coughed and shattered my vision, I focused on one piece at it fell to the floor it was getting closer and I was almost right on it. I kept falling and put my hand out to stop myself but was stopped by something. I saw fractals of infinite complexity, lines so thin a million of them would fit into a single strand of spider web.

I heard the woman’s voice from earlier, it was very distant this time. I turned and could see nothing but pulsating glowing colours and architectural fractals. I turned once more and there she was, a woman naked and dripping water/mercury. She was pure, she was beautiful. I reached for her and tried to grab her hand, it was impossible to, she moved away as I moved towards her. I was getting frustrated, she whispered the word no. I felt happy as I knew now that she was unobtainable.

Slowly the tent was coming back and I could hear ringing in my ears. I woke up slumped on the floor. D was laughing, and said I was doing some fucked up things, like growling and shaking. I lit the pipe for him, and left the tent so he could enjoy the privacy. I couldn’t believe how awesome I felt. My soul was glowing with love and peace, it came of waves of euphoria that can only described as god touching me. I thought back to the feelings I had on the mushrooms, and could understand them more clearly, they were dirty and horrible. The mescaline “explained” that I was not entirely ready for this weekend and that I was not to do it again as my life would indeed become dirty like those thoughts. It continued saying that I was experienced enough to do it, but that anything in excess is bad.

I felt ashamed, and the presence grew stronger. I could feel love, pain, anger, happiness, and all my emotions as one emotion it was given a word by the presence but I have forgotten it. I was told that I have a lot to give to this world and should not let the pursuit of a “high” stop me from being the best person I can. I agreed. I snapped out of it as D walked up behind me. He handed me another 2 capsules of mescaline and said he was going to go fuck out in the tent. I took them and decided to go do the same.

05:00

I awoke out of a haze of unconscious consciousness. I have no idea how long I lay there in tent for. I can’t even describe the things I had done in my mind. I looked at my watch and freaked out, I had been lying there for the whole night. I think my bodies tiredness was too much to handle. I was still very clearly fucked on the mescaline and went to watch the sunrise. I yanked D out of his sleeping bag, and we went up to the rock. He was not talkative, and neither was I but we seemed to communicate without words. We sat in awe of the sunrise. He pulled out the rest of the K and I refused any more. He had a bump and we both just sat in silence for what seemed like ages, I could see ants working, bugs doing there thing, and suddenly felt guilty about work.  Which was the next day. I put it out my mind and continued to watch things going about their comical business.

For the rest of the morning we didn’t do much apart from smoke a few joints and eat some food. D was convinced some of his soul had been stolen. I on the other hand felt like my soul had been given a second chance, another chance to be great. I told him he was being silly and that it was probably the K. He agreed, and started laughing. I said we should do it again next week jokingly, I think he almost fell off his chair, until I said it was a joke. He seemed very serious, and I was starting to feel uncomfortable. I said I was going to bathe in the stream.

When I returned everyone was packing up, I helped and we left shortly afterwards. I was still very high in the car on the way home and watched as the scenery flitted by. I was relieved to get home, and have a shower. I felt like the shower cleansed me inside. I thought back to what the mescaline had told me and smiled. I knew I would be ok. I watched tv for the rest of the day until I fell fast asleep.

Conclusion:

I feel I seriously over did it, but things like this don’t happen very often. I will be taking a year’s break from psychedelics, and hope to only do Mescaline and LSD when I start again. I came to the realization, that although psychedelics can reveal truths about myself and the world, it is still a drug, and will be used in the pursuit of a high. I vow never to look at psychedelics in this way again, and treat them with the respect they deserve.

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 70283

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Jun 21, 2008	Views: 303,327

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Ketamine (31), DMT (18), MDMA (3), Mescaline (36), 2C-B (52), LSD (2), Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Glowing Experiences (4), Difficult Experiences (5), Mystical Experiences (9), Entities / Beings (37), Multi-Day Experience (13), Combinations (3), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 3 Tbsp
		 oral
		 Nutmeg
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 3:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 7:00
		 100 mg
		 smoked
		 Salvia divinorum
		 (extract - 10x)

		   T+ 7:00
		 1 hit
		 inhaled
		 Nitrous Oxide
		 (gas)

		   T+ 8:30
		 125 mg
		 smoked
		 Salvia divinorum
		 (extract - 10x)

		   T+ 8:30
		 1 hit
		 inhaled
		 Nitrous Oxide
		 (gas)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   155 lb

About 3 weeks ago (this was edited again 6 weeks after the event) I set aside a weekend night to be devoted to some experimentation with a combination of LSD, nutmeg, nitrous oxide, and my newly arrived salvia divinorum 10x extract I was eagerly waiting to break into. (I did not originally intend to use the Ganzfeld sensory deprivation set up I had previously assembled for use with DXM, although it ended up playing perhaps the most important role in the course of my night.) The nitrous and salvia were the most important to my main mission of the night, which was to be an attempt at total ego annihilation and body disassociation. This was to be obtained through a “loosening” of my hold on the world with nutmeg and LSD, and then brought on fully through an intake of both salvia extract and nitrous oxide in quick succession. I had previously experienced ego loss in varying degrees on a variety of substances, and body disassociation as well (most often with DXM), but had yet to ever find myself in a fully dissociative state, completely unaware of the existence of my body, or in a state of ego loss so profound that my fundamental concept of the “I” was ever truly obliterated the way I had read about in many experiences with smoked DMT and Salvia.

The nutmeg I had decided on due to being unable to procure any decent cannabis, and because the low quality cannabis that was available was extremely overpriced. Since nutmeg has always given me a high very similar to low quality marijuana I decided it would be a decent substitute for my purposes. I took the nutmeg, 3 heaping spoonfuls, at around 6 PM. Within an hour I began to notice some increased visual snow, phosphene like apparitions, in my field of vision, but little else. At about 9 PM after coming back from the gym I took my tab of acid and took a shower, getting giddy as I eagerly awaited the come on of the LSD and nutmeg effects.

I spent the next few hours coming up into a very pleasant if mellow trip. I listened to music, jammed on the guitar a bit, did some charcoal sketches and drew a big psychedelic mural on a cardboard board I had lying around with markers.

Around 1 AM I decided it was time for the main course of the night, which was to come in the form about a 10th of the gram of 10x salvia extract followed immediately by a hit of nitrous oxide from one of the whipped cream cans I had ready in my refrigerator. As I began to get everything set up for my big trip I started to feel a good deal of anxiety build up. My brain recoiled in fear of the ride it was about to go on. I put some low-key music on, Bob Marley I think, and dimmed the lights, in an attempt to get myself properly relaxed before I took the plunge. I took the salvia via vaporizer, heating it to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. I laid myself out on some couch cushions on my floor with the vape next to me, unwrapped the can of whipped cream, and waited for a minute or two, taking deep breaths to relax myself, to get ready before the plunge.

I affixed the vaporizer tube to the vape, took four large hits, which I held for a count of 30 seconds each. With each inhalation I felt myself, my perceiving being, pushed farther and farther from things I had always closely associated with concepts of self, and began losing consciousness of, and sense of control of, my physical body. I was being pushed away from my memories and personality, my “ego” if you will, although I would say I still possessed a strong sense of a self, although a much degraded self. At this same moment a sort of “special gravity,” seemed to kick in. This is an experience common to all my strong salvia trips, I felt the strong pull of gravity on the back of my head, and more so deeply within my being, dragging my consciousness backwards into my skull with a sensation not unlike that from the plunge of a rollercoaster drop, although without any of the adrenaline or deep stomach panic feelings. Realizing I was quickly losing control of my functions I hit the off button on the vape, who’s colored lights were already strobing considerably, and lifted the whipped cream can to my mouth.

The nitrous hit took immediate prominence in my attention over the rising salvia effects. I felt like my head was a balloon being poured full of helium and rising on its string, floating to the top of the room. The sound in the room coming from my speakers began to climb in pitch and became totally unrecognizable as music, although not at all unpleasant. The music, which now manifested itself to me as a pleasant and intricate buzzing sounded as though somebody had hooked up a wah pedal to the input chord of my brain and was rocking it back in forth in steady rhythm.

My vision at this point, while I still recognized the room and objects within it fairly well, became very chaotic, with very strong green, red, yellow, and blue colored spider’s web patterns overlaying everything. The room also began to have a very pronounced spin, much like that produced by heavy alcohol intoxication, although I experienced none of the nausea common with alcohol. Body disassociation was almost complete, and while at this point my name and much personal information had long since checked out of being, a definite sense of self as a being still remained.

I could feel the nitrous effects subside as the salvia continued to build. The fuzzy headed upward floating was again replaced by the salvia special gravity sinking. Knowledge of my body returned completely, although ability or want to use it was nonexistent. As the salvia effects continued to build up the open eyed patterns became more intense, taking on more filled in geometric schemes. The erratic and nondescript spider’s web patterns took on a more mandalesque, shape based form, reminding me both of pre-Columbian Central American art and eastern Hindu and Buddhist art, although the general impression was much more of the former. Faces began to appear in the pattern. Not clear faces, because the pattern was still very much merely an overlay of material objects in the room, but the perception of faces began to manifest itself within the pattern. The overhead light at the center of my room took chief hold of my attention. It seemed to be a being in itself, or more so a half being, for I recognized it well as a simple light, but also as an entity. At the time however, this duality did not seem at all odd or contradictory to me. Although the light did not speak to me in any clear sense, I got the distinct impression from it that “I would need to try harder in the future to get what I was looking for.” Staring at the light it seemed to take on an arachnid character, with thick black leg lines growing from it and twisting around it with the spin of the room. Despite the visuals persisting in intensity, I began to feel more and more the presence and importance of my body, and the many scattered facets of my ego began to fall soundly back into place. Most importantly, the idea that this was all the effect of a drug became concrete once more, pulling me out of the aimless trance state I had been in. I realized that my goal of total ego and mind/body dissolution had not come to fruition; however I was very excited. There was, as the spider light had suggested, more I could do. The idea of the sensory deprivation Ganzfeld fell immediately into my mind.

I was almost overwhelmed with excitement to begin, but for the moment was still far too intoxicated to start setting up, so I laid back for a while closing my eyes and enjoying the intricate patterns forming on the backs of my eyelids.

The salvia effects subsided for the most part soon after, though given my already altered LSD and nutmeg induced state I would say my trip had been kicked into overdrive by the recent experience both as respects a far more noticeable “high, and fogging of the mind, as well much more prominent visuals and patterning. Setting up the Ganzfeld, especially with all its parts scattered around my apartment was, to say the least, difficult in my current state and took a good hour and a half. This making it approximately 2:30 AM, 6 and a half hours after I first took the LSD, about 5 hours since I began to feel its effects.

I had a television covered in a blanket creating white noise for my head phones, 2 lamps with low watt red bulbs in them set up over my head, and the pingpong balls with adhesive already affixed to them ready to put on over my eyes. The only downside of my set up is that the TV had a 15-20 minute auto shut off timer when it was playing static. I actually kind of liked this though because I figured it would keep me from being there all night and into the morning when my roommate might come home early and find me obviously in some sort of weird drug fueled ritual. (One thing I feel I should make clear about my personal experience with the Ganzfeld is that unlike float tanks that induce darkness like effects, it causes one to simply cease to process visual stimuli. For me this has represented itself as loss of all sense of visualization, making it quite a bit different from darkness in which I’ve found visual hallucinations actually increased. In this way it is for me more of a true deprivation then what comes from sensory deprivation tank. Meanwhile, with white noise, I find the sense of sound remains very prominent, unlike with noise canceling, making sound take of a greater role in Ganzfeld experiences then in sensory deprivation tank ones, and likewise vision becomes of much less, if any importance.)

Figuring out how to hit the vape and the whipped cream without being able to see was quite the challenge. I loaded the vape with the salvia from last time, figuring it might have some active chemical left in it that had not been vaporized and added another 8th of a gram of extract, intent on really blasting off this time. Being effectively blind did little to ease my anxiety about the coming trip, but I was so eager to really break through that I was able to spur myself on, despite images of Frankenstein type disaster floating through my mind. Vape tube in one hand, whipped cream in the other, I took in and held several hits of the salvia (I do not recall exactly the number, but I would put it between 5 and 8), experiencing the same rising cloud of confusion and removal of aspects of self as last time, along with the special gravity  beginning to move me back into my skull. This time though the effects, due to taking more hits with more salvia in the vape, and the Ganzfeld, built up quite quickly. I felt I was barely able to get off the nitrous hit while still able to function. I inhaled and leaned back into the floor.

With no build up, within an instant, it was all of it, everything, like nothing I had ever experienced before-

I was falling back into my imploding skull

Falling backwards

Back back back

And into-

Falling…

And it is all eternal nothingness and I’m all gone, all but my tongue and my teeth, they are my everything- tap the teeth with the tongue- “what is that?” What is? Then the tongue and teeth disappear and there is no body, just a wisp of I, cart wheeling in the engulfing nothingness. Then nothing…

Gravity in the back of my head.

Gravity sucking in everything.

A black hole in my skull,

spinning,

consuming everything.

My vision and hearing shut down entirely and I lost all sense of my body, though I had the distinct feeling of being “something” through powerful sensation of rushing backwards I felt. The white noise faded into a cascade of unchanging sensory waterfall that became a sonic pulsing of my entire being. For an indeterminate amount of time I simply was not. Then out of it I became aware that I was, and had begun quite recently to be. As I continued to be I felt myself expand out of nothing, I began to grow. This feeling was akin to a sense of birth and then growing up and maturing in life. I felt a strange sense of removed pride in my expansion, not unlike that which comes from beating a level of a video game that hasn’t fully captured my interest. This continued for a while and I continued to grow, expanding into the nothingness. After a time my parents appeared to me in a blurred conceptual form. They were thoroughly chastising me for being so amazingly high, so altered. Although my sense of sight had shut down I saw them, as if in a dream, as large hulking cartoon bears towering over my expanding, but still small child entity.

I tried to get away from the chastisement, picking up on their suggestion that I was just “high,” and tried to look around me, hoping to reestablish contact with reality, only to be met with a featureless field of dull red infinite. I fell back into nothingness.

A whirling phantasm- an “I am, I am. I am. I, I, I. I. I.” No I. An eye simply! An eye was all that was left of “me,” pure perception, zero introspection. Internal monologue, which had ceased to exist, began again, but was degraded into single word-concepts repeated again and again as my flailing ego sought vainly to lay hold on some semblance of recognizable thought- some foothold of cognition, to reassert itself on.

Just as one experiences the tip of the tongue phenomenon, able to recognize a concept or thing but not the words for it, so was I able to vaguely guess a word and concept but unable to lay firm hold to either. The words, experienced as both as concept assertions and audible stimuli were repeated again and again to me, quickly degrading in understandability and meaning with repetition and trailing off into infinity before blending into the omniechoing static and being replaced.

I then fell into a very distinct and detailed memory of being about 6 years old and playing with my next-door neighbor and best friend in my neighbor’s basement. I was going up their stairs to go outside into the fresh summer air, totally caught up in the game of imagination we were playing. Then suddenly I fell out of the vivid memory and was bodiless again. Then another one of my oldest friends, Mike, came to me in bodiless concept form and tried to put me at ease as to what was going on, telling me to relax. Next my friend Dave appeared to me laughing hysterically and asking me “why I was so fucked up?” I could not rightly give him an answer but began to find my current state very funny as well.

I came too with the static of the TV chiming off. In a heavy fog of confusion I lifted the ping pong balls off my eyes, turned the TV back on, hit the vape again, replaced the eye covers, and fell back into total ego loss. Whether there was any active chemical left in the salvia that had been left in a vaporizer at 400 degrees for 15 minutes or so, I don’t know, but lying back into the Ganzfeld was enough to blast me off yet again. The phenomena of coming vaguely back, taking a vape rip, and falling back into nothingness again happened a few times. I felt like I was coming up for much needed oxygen each time and then diving back into the deep enveloping sea of unsurpassed beauty and wonder that was total disassociation. On the last time I “dove” back into the Ganzfeld I began to feel terrified as my ego drifted away once again. I thought I would never be me again, that I was doing something incredibly dangerous, that I was dying. I had no anxiety up to this point, but now- Adrenaline- deep stomach terror, shot through my body as I opened my eyes wide and saw nothing. I tore off the ping-pong balls, gasping for air as I sat up. I quickly relaxed at seeing the world appear again and realized I had nothing to worry about. I replaced the eye coverings and drifted off again.

When the TV kicked off again I made the decision that it was time to come back to myself. It was a slow and difficult process. I felt amazingly drained and tired. I had spent almost 30-40 minutes in a state of total ego and body disassociation. I felt like an infant. I’d move my head up, look around the room, and then drop it and close my eyes trying to gather the gravity of what had just happened and reassert myself into the world. All my concepts of the world as it was, all my hard earned objective philosophy, all my Nietzsche, and Heidegger, all my things in and of themselves, all my memories and concepts of self, they were all of them blown to total shit.

I sat in complete wonderment of the fact that I had a body, of the idea of bodies and being themselves. That simple thought brought to me such exquisite joy. I sat in rapture at being again while at the same time basking in the ecstasy that had been nonbeing. It was as if both were infinitely enjoyable and I was now on to enjoy the treats of being after a good time- a measureless time- of ecstatic nonbeing. When I had the energy to stand I wavely walked around a bit as I gathered my thoughts. I got naked and began to admire my body and the wonder of having a body. My thoughts were at this point still highly frazzled and everything in the dim red light seemed to be breathing heavily. I laid back down for a time simply basking in what had just happened.

“And I came back in a body that knows how to play guitar.” This was a wonderful fucking revelation. I grabbed my electric lickty-fucking split, not caring to plug it in, and began to play away to my great joy. My fingers flashed around the fret board, great trails of bright blue streaming off them and into the dim red surroundings with each note I plucked. After a bit I walked upstairs to my room, purposely avoiding the mirror, I wanted to wait a bit to look at myself for the first time, and sat down with my acoustic on my bed and tried to reflect on just what the fuck had happened. It seemed amazing to be so absolutely separated from all things human. The utter difference of my experience from all else I had known blew my mind.

At this point I began to get extremely excited about my prospects in life. I truly felt my previous self had died, and though I grieved him, the new me had been born through his death, and he had to live. And live he would! How easy everything would be! No tiredness would hold me back, no anxiety. Everything was possible! I could go out and meet all sorts of new people daily, bring them joy and love. I could work on my guitar playing, on my art, on making those closest to me happy with three fold efforts. I could practice meditation more as I had always meant to, I could start keeping a good dream journal again and work on my lucid dreaming. And yes! I could at some point in the future use substances as tools to lose myself in the ecstasy of nonbeing once again. A shaman born! A shaman born was I, one who could choose to not be. “To be or not to be?”, was no longer the question, no longer a question at all, it had become a choice! Existentialism is everything, and as Sartre said, existentialism is humanism, but I could become unhuman. I had overcome existentialism? Overcome existence?

Ubermensch!

Ubermensch?

I almost could not wait to begin running around meeting and helping and loving people, even if it was 4:00 AM at this point. Looking in the mirror for the first time occupied a good half hour as I admired my physique and got happy about being “placed into such an adequate body.” I decided to take a shower, which felt amazing. Towards the end I switched the water to as cold as it would go and stood under it as long as possible before jumping out. At this point I may have creeped out my neighbors through our thin walls by yelling “I’m alive wooooo, I’m alive,” and wooping around the apartment.

However it wasn’t all sunshine in the hours following the experience. There were birthing pains to be had. The next hour, as I was still tripping to a large degree, unfolded into “who man I? Am I me? Who was me? I’m not him, have I killed him?” I had to stop myself from thinking a few times, pull and E brake on my thoughts, because I felt myself going right off the deep end into a total freak out. At this point I began to realize the risk of running such a heavy trip without a tripsitter. At the same time I think a tripsitter could have negatively affected the experience at many points, especially my coming out of the Ganzfeld, where in my weakened and confused state I would have been very embarrassed to have a person watching me. I’m not sure what good a trip sitter might have done at this crisis point anyhow. I probably would have rambled to them, apologizing for killing their friend, which might have driven me further over, where as being alone I was able to decide “fuck it, whatever,” with all the “I don’t give a fuck,” years of minimum wage jobs and pointless American high school had taught me so well.

I have Mondays off, and this had been a Sunday night. At around 9, as the first wave of people were taking the bus down to class. I decided to go out with them and get myself a nice fruit drink. Not that I didn’t have drinks in my refrigerator, but I felt the need to mingle with my fellow humans, to start right away meeting and sharing love with the whole human race. Dostoevsky was right, “understanding is forgiveness”, and I understood and forgave all that was human!

This turned out to be an absolutely terrible fucking idea. I had expected everyone to be as bright eyed and enthusiastic about life as me and I was met with bleary eyed, tired, and pissed off looking people on all sides. Noise was incredibly loud to me and I felt awkward for my own breathing as I sat silently on the bus. The buses movement also made me extremely motion sick, and I found myself getting off at an early stop to walk home rather than risk my LSD weakened stomach. It was being self-conscious for the first time all over again and it sucked.

The way home from the bus stop I got off by a cemetery, which I decided to walk through. My thoughts at this moment on death were odd. On the one hand I loved life intensely and never wanted to die, and yet, death, nonbeing, was infinitely better and more powerful than anything I had ever known. How were those souls beneath the ground faring? How was it not to be ever again? The morning was crisp and warm and the sun on my face felt amazing. I was still getting slight visuals and the morning sky dotted with lightly breathing clouds looked picture perfect. I walked further into the cemetery, paying respects in my mind to those who were once like me yet now no longer were, were never to be, and walked out of sight of the road and into a copse of trees. There I sat down and I cried.

------------------------------------------------

I’ll end the narrative there although I had many similar, if less intense experiences over the next few hours before going to sleep and to a degree the next day. I can say that this trip definitely has affected me in what seems to be a permanent way, although not to the extent I originally thought it would. It has made me change my views on perception-based reality and the ridiculousness of objectivity in any sense. I’ve abandoned to a degree my faith in any amount of rationalism or empirical organization to make things clear to me when perception can be so radically altered. This was a mystical experience in every sense of the word, and although it instilled in me no spiritual revelation as respects organized religion or any set beliefs, it made me realize I was fool hardy in casting spirituality aside, and I now strive to embrace it and break down the protective walls I had built up around myself against spirituality that had masqueraded as “philosophy.” I realize my entire epistemological theory had been flawed. I had been totally caught up in knowing, maybe sometimes realizing, but I never “felt” truth. That night I felt the truth of being as only nonbeing could make me truly feel it. A truly philosophical lesson.

Over the next week I made efforts to tell my parents and all close to me how much I loved and appreciated them. I put myself forward in new social situations and attempted to help and love as best I could. My resolve in this faded disappointingly quick though, especially as regards branching out socially. Fatigue, which I was sure I could cast off as a regular part of life continues to be a problem and I find myself being too tired to put all my best efforts forth in most things most of the time. Still, self-improvement is a long road and I use this experience as a drawing point for motivation towards progress.

The other lingering effect of the trip is that I still feel as though I am not fully the same person I was when I left that night, although much less so then when I first came back to myself. It feels like a chapter of my life ended that night and a new one has begun. It is much like how I feel the day after a heavy DXM trip, the difference being that with DXM that sensation lasts a day or two and this has lasted 6 weeks. I haven’t used any psychedelic drugs since despite having friends trying to get me to trip with them on spring break. I feel I need to digest this last trip quite a bit before returning to anything of that sort and get me well rooted in me. I still feel a bit wispy ego wise!

Anyhow- not to be too long winded, hope you liked it.

As a post script, if this hasn't already become a bit long, I would like to comment on the philosophical implications of this experiences as regards my view of perception based reality. I had before this taken, perhaps a bit grudgingly, that reality is perception based, and ultimately subjective. I was a postmodernist, but only because I couldn’t find a way around postmodernism. I however, drew the conclusion, erroneously, that somehow because a given perception schema I've come to hold is more persistent then others, that it is more consequently more important, and more importantly, more 'real.' This was a grievous mistake in valuation, perhaps brought on by my fears of succumbing to postmodernism and loss of valuation grounding. Nevertheless, this eye opener has helped me cast this off. I don't see my experience then as fake, I don't just a total loss of body and self brought on only by drugs, that really it was just me lying on the ground with ping pong balls on my eyes tripping my brains out, rather I see a duality of reals, in which non-existence, my total non-existence, stands out as more palpable.

For a better example, I think of my first girlfriend. When I was with her I thought myself thoroughly in love. Now I hardly see that as even possible. And yet how can I challenge the reality of previous perception based on what persists just due to its persistence? What evidence is there that the persistence of perception is equal to its reality? I've adopted a quite Hegelian idea of epistemology, seeing knowledge of being as a flower, it must first be a bud before it can bloom into greater things, and must be a flower before a fruit, but all are real knowledge of being that must be cultivated. Knowledge in improved by synthesis and possesses inherit dualism between immediate and persisting perceptions.

Hegel applies the idea of the flower bud to mankind as a whole, and I think this is very suiting. How we as a race viewed the world years past is totally different from our 'real,' now with big bangs and atoms and such. It is much like my being in love before. Was I not really in love because this image has not persisted? Was spirituality, as Nietzsche thought, all mere escapism from the threat of death just because the evidence from which spiritual conclusions were drawn have not persisted? Will not our current scientific mold of reality, and our current hypo-deductive epistemology not seem ridiculous to future humans? Will it be as much a myth as dead and denied love? Will we deny the big bang ever was if we find evidence somehow to the contrary? In the great chain of history it is easy to side with the present and give yess and nos to these questions, but given the essential duality found in perception as it must apply to how we judge real, relying on persistence to understand reality it ultimately foolish.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 70438

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Jul 8, 2008	Views: 54,879

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Mind Machine Devices (301), LSD (2), Nitrous Oxide (40), Salvia divinorum (44), Nutmeg (41) : Mystical Experiences (9), Combinations (3), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:55
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   160 lb

I began my trials with LSD in January of 2008. The first time was on a Saturday. I was home alone, and I was in a good state of mind. The only problem was that I had a few doubts about the source I had acquired the tabs from. They were younger distributors, and somewhat new to the business. I had no reason to doubt that their tabs were LSD, but some previous customers had complained they were slightly on the weak side.

I slipped a quarter-inch blotter under my tongue. The paper was thick, almost like cardboard, and adorned with fractal patterns. It had no taste whatsoever. About forty minutes later my skin started to flush, and within an hour there was a nice full-body high, but only the slightest of visuals. A second tab was taken, and between two and three hours in, a hallucinogenic state flowered into being. There was some wavy movement of objects with my eyes open, and a profoundly increased level of detail in my surroundings, with intensified light, color and shadow.

After about four hours, the mental effects became more prominent. There were looping and wandering thoughts, somewhat reminiscent of the confusion produced during the onset of a mushroom trip. But there were also moments of lucidity, reflection, and clear articulation. Throughout the day, my pulse rate increased and decreased unpredictably in fluctuating cycles. One of the most distinctive and constant visual effects was a tendency of letters to 'wiggle'. In fact, words seemed to swim upon their pages, or whatever they were printed onto. It was beautiful to watch, but could be distracting if I wanted to read a book. The effect was constant, and long lasting: Even shortly before I went to bed, I caught the large blue print on the packing crate in the corner of my study rippling and echoing around the edges.

The effects seemed to be gone the next day, but for several days there was a vague sense that something remained altered under the surface. On one occasion I smoked some pot several days after the trip had ended, and acid-like visual and emotional states once again became noticeable. It was obvious that I was dealing with a powerful drug. The visuals were perhaps not as strong as I had expected, but they were very clear and crisp, with a unique beauty of their own. The mental state gave way to profoundly emotional twists and turns and a sort of mystical confusion. But I couldn't help but think I had missed something, that a greater treasure still remained to be unlocked.

There were a couple more small doses that failed to deliver that missing element, and even a skirmish with bad prints containing a DOx chemical. Then I happened upon some new blotters that I had reason to believe were of the highest possible quality. It was time to finally get to the bottom of LSD's mystery, and I chose to do so with the company of a friend.

In early March, I met up with 'C': A University student with similar interests who I met a few months back. C had previous experience, including having had the opportunity to thoroughly explore 4-AcO-DMT. He had expressed an interest in LSD to me, but before this day he had never taken a long-lasting drug. C is a 150 pound male in his mid twenties.

It was Sunday. C and I planned on meeting up early, but he got a bit lost and showed up shortly before noon. I brought him in, and introduced him to my girlfriend. She diverted her attention away from her cooking show and greeted him. I then showed him around the various rooms of my apartment, which I had recently decorated with a number of paintings and prints.

We settled in the Study: A second bedroom that I converted into a place to manage my computer, my DVDs, my music, and my chemicals. He commented on the Perkinson print on my wall, a very colorful layout with a bird spirit beside a kachina doll. Then he surprised me with a very kind gift: Samples of some 4-substituted tryptamines from his own collection, suspended in a liquid-filled eyedropper bottle. I added the sample jar to my refrigerator. We talked for a few minutes: I asked him how he felt, and if there were any preparations he wanted to tend to, or any plans he had for the day. C decided to take a small supplement of L-Theanine as an anti-anxiety treatment to combat his trepidation. After that, he was ready. He had come prepared with bottled water and plenty of his own musical selections. We were content to spend the time indoors relaxing and simply see where things went.

I took notes on a notepad once we got started. Before I share what happened, I would like to describe the acid tabs we were working with. These were bicycle prints, from Europe: Commemorating Albert Hoffman's bicycle ride and his first trip on LSD. They were highly-priced, yet nobody who buys them ever seems to complain. I could not get my source to divulge exactly what the dose per tab is. But in my estimation at the time, 250mcg per tab seems like it could be about accurate. Later, I asked my distributor to determine the exact dosage for me. He eventually talked to laboratory contacts who were involved in preparing the tabs, got back to me, and told me that the dosage per tab was 200 micrograms.

 [Erowid Note:
Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]

This was our bicycle day: A day to discover the true power of LSD.

11:55 AM: C &amp; I take 1 tab each and hold them under our tongues. There is a bit of a chemical taste.  It is not like the sickly-bitter taste of a DOx blotter, it is the metallic taste of a significant dose of lysergic acid. It washes away with a sip of water.

12:05 PM: I put on an album of relaxing music. C shows me a necklace he recently got: A silver serotonin molecule! Something I've seen many times before in pictures but never yet laid eyes on in person. It's beautiful.

12:30: We are very talkative. I show him a diagram of the LSD molecule online and discuss the differences between lysergides and tryptamines. Then the conversation drifts and we talk about the Dreamachines invented by Brian Gysin. I'd like to build one as a decoration for my home. C talks about how primitive stroboscopic light experiments like Gysins influenced more sophisticated light-flicker therapies that came later on.

12:40: We're still only feeling the faintest of effects. There's a little bit of chest tension, and we're feeling anxious, as though something big might happen soon. There is also a noticeable body high. But definitely no visuals.

12:50: We had agreed that if we weren't overwhelmed by around the one hour point, we would consider a second dose. Perhaps I didn't give as much thought as I should have to the unusual potency of these blotters, and the possibility they might take more than an hour to sink it. I go to my sheet and cut two more squares off with a pair of scissors. Soon we are tasting the chemical again while music plays behind us.

1:00: C is seeing rippling patterns with his eyes closed. I feel tenseness under my skin and a connection between my state of being and C's. I feel that the same energy is rippling through us both, what is behind his eyes and under my skin is the same force. Nobody else can understand my state except for him.

1:05: C puts his iPod on to listen to his own music. I turn mine off, finding that I prefer the silence.

1:15: C is getting sucked into his own world now. He finds it’s easier not to talk. I cannot find a neutral state and I cannot ignore the fact that something enormous is starting to happen. Silence is very powerful.

1:20: C is completely swept away. So am I. It is difficult to speak.

1:30: There are still more closed than open-eye visuals. But the raw sensation of the drug is becoming intense. Our faces are flushed, and there are feelings of pressure against our skin. I see a flash of emotion appear in C’s face. I ask him, “What are you feeling?” He says, “Euphoria. I wasn’t expecting it, but… it’s really strong.” His face twists into a strange smile. So does mine.

1:35: I am stricken by a wave of anxiety mixed with mild nausea. The euphoria is deepening… the substance seems to sink into every atom of my flesh. It is getting difficult to manage.

1:40: I wander into the bathroom and throw up. I feel better afterwards. I brush my teeth and wander back out to the study.

1:45: I play a song. In the chorus, the artist sings, 'And I puuuuuuuuuush your body out into space...' I close my eyes, and there I am: Floating in a great black void. The singer's words propel me as he continues: 'Let it go, watch it drift awaaaaaaaaaay...' and away I drift. Living the song, floating in space.

1:50: The song ends. I open my eyes and look at C. He looks very peaceful.

1:55: The substance is rising in intensity. It's not peaceful anymore. I am dumbfounded. C looks panicked. We are both starting to get dizzy.

2:00: I look into C's wide-open eyes. He is becoming overwhelmed. He looks at me. 'Oh Fuck...' he says. It is beginning to dawn on him just how powerful this thing is that he will be inundated with for the next ten hours.

I respond to his outburst: 'Yes, I know. The world's not the same as it was yesterday, is it?'

In a hushed whisper, C replies “...no, it's not.”

“The only thing that bothers me is that I can’t define it. I can’t explain what’s changed about the world. But everything's changed. It’s just too much to put into words!”

When we close our eyes, we are met with kaleidoscopic swirls, abstract patterns, and bizarre flowing textures. C saw something that looked like fishnet stockings with eyeballs emerging from them.

2:15: C looks like he might fall over. He tells me he needs to lay down. He asks me to get him a blanket, so I run into the other room and grab my familiar black, red and blue quilt. C covers himself, saying 'I think I just need to go with this.' He closes his eyes, pulls the blanket over his head, turns on his music player and slips away into his own universe...

2:30: The substance peaks, and we are both awestruck. A great and terrifying realization is dawning on us. It feels like we are waking up to a greater truth. A truth that is extremely difficult to accept.

------------------------------

----------------------

------------------

-----------

----

~

.....there are no timelines after this. There was no measurable time to make them out of. Only an eternity of awe. Awe, in a word, was the predominant effect of this drug. Why was a mature, intelligent graduate student grimly curled into a ball on the couch as hours slipped by? Awe. Why did I stare away for those same hours, never daring to say a word? I was in awe! There was a problem with communication from this point on. I wanted to define the event that was unfolding, as if to assign limits to its limitlessness. But most of my attempts at articulation got muddled.  It seemed like I was caught in an infinite riddle that threatened to destroy my thoughts as soon as they formed.

Sometime after four, we broke our silence. Talking seemed a little awkward, almost forced. Each of us understood what the other was going through, but neither of us could really express it. C told me he understands how a substance like this is not addictive... because it is euphoric, but also very difficult. We talked about the pleasure, how it had gone so far overboard that it was difficult to endure. The chemical-induced joy was unlike anything we had ever felt before. We vacillated between wanting to embrace it, and hoping it would just end. C had on-and-off discomfort in his lower digestive track and frequently needed to urinate. He never got nauseous, though. He lost himself for hours at a time just listening to music in the darkness. Later he told me he felt extreme empathy and connection for all kinds of music. With every song he played, it felt like he was right on stage, hearing the band live. With every word and sentence that the singers spoke, he felt like he could understand *exactly* what they meant, on a deeper level than ever before.

We listened to a lot of music. Sometimes together, other times each on our own. It was always a delicate matter. The impact of the songs chosen was enormous, so there was no room for anything agitating. At one point I pulled C out from under his blanket and asked him what kind of music he was listening to. He explained that it wasn’t really music, but a lifeline to keep him connected to reality. I agreed. I went back to my own playlist, and picked my lifelines very carefully.

At about Five my girlfriend got back home. She will soon be quitting this awful job that's got her working on the weekends, but they had called her in to do something from noon to five. I left the study to say hello to her. C was still in the other room, laying under his blanket in a state of rapture. She knew that C and I would be taking acid today but she had no idea what kind of an experience we were emerged in. “Your pupils are dilated,” she said innocently. “It’s an intense day,” I explained. I took her by the arm and walked over to the couch to sit down. I had her tell me how her day had been for a few minutes, not wanting to comment on mine at such a critical time. There was a separation between us. C and I were locked into something that she could not begin to understand. It was difficult to connect with someone who was not drenched in the same energies as me, surviving the same situation.

Before I walked back out into the study, I stopped to look at the painting on our living room wall… not a print, but an actual painting from a little-known artist. It is a portrait of a French woman on a bicycle, with her arms in the air. The bicycle is perched upon the moon, and a dark blue sky is cast behind them. The blue crept with depth and emotion, the woman's face looking uncannily real. I could empathize with the character, feeling for all her rippling details. Maybe the lady who jumps with joy while lost in outer space could understand a situation like mine.

For the first half of our LSD experience, the mere concept of eating was unthinkable. Food became just a series of interestingly textured objects: strange things to be stared at but not consumed. We stayed well-hydrated all day, me drinking an endless stream of sodas while C stuck to bottled water. It was well past six when we finally managed to drag ourselves into the kitchen and swallow something solid. I had a couple of toaster pastries and a pork dish, and C baked a barbecued chicken pizza. He ate two slices of it while I went through half a bowl of pork… both of us talking about how good the food tasted and how glad we were to be able to eat again. Then C put the remainder of a pizza slice down, proclaiming “Jesus, now I’m not hungry anymore!” A mutual wave of physical intensity had pushed to the surface in both of us. I started to feel uncomfortable about the meat I had just eaten and could not finish my meal.

The concept of time became tougher to comprehend as the substance droned on in never-ending waves. How many times did we lose ourselves in a dream for an hour or three, sitting in music or silence, waiting for the energy to pass? Was it at Nine when we first started thinking the symptoms might be fading away, only to feel the energy rise back to the surface again at Nine-Thirty? It died down the same way it came on: In a complex series of layers that unfolded gradually. It seemed to be gone many times only to rise back to the surface, but each time it was resurrected one shade weaker than before. Was it the sixth time that it left when it finally stayed away? The ninth time? The fourteenth? Who could say. I was still affected by it even at midnight. C said he still had effects fourteen hours after dosing.

So how did this end? C went home a little past 11:00. His girlfriend drove by and picked him up. He left looking almost as shocked as he had looked at 2:30, and he told me it would take several days to completely process this. Afterwards, I recouped with my girlfriend. At first I couldn't talk directly about what had just transpired. I just wanted her to hold me close. Eventually I broke in by asking her, 'What do you think a spiritual experience is? What do those two words, 'spiritual experience', mean to you... how would you describe it? How do you define it?'

I had her tell me specific examples of times in her life when she felt that she had undergone spiritual growth, or felt a closeness with God. I asked her what the spirit meant to her. And finally, I explained that I had just had a spiritual experience of my own. I compared it to the times in my life when something had happened that forced me to change and grow. The times when something great or terrible occurred that shocked me so utterly, that I could not even function for days afterwards. It's after a shock that we discover who we really are. I cried. I told my girlfriend how gracious I was to be alive. How thankful I was for yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

The awed silence that C and I experienced, coupled with that penultimate sensation of throbbing bone-deep euphoria to the point of bitter frustration, this was comparable not only to a shocking experience that induces spiritual growth. It was also comparable to being in the direct presence of a higher power. Imagine the feeling of waiting your entire life to ask God a few important questions. Then one day he appears before you, and he is so strange, so powerful and so beautiful, that you can't even dare to open your mouth. You can only stare in awe, knowing that the answers do not matter. That is a lot like the feeling I got from the energy of lysergic acid coursing through my flesh and blood into my soul. I was in the presence of something so much bigger than myself that I could only bow down in quiet appreciation, hoping not to disgrace the holiness of the moment.

LSD is more than just a psychedelic. It carries the powers of many different classes of drugs in the space of a tiny droplet.  I could feel it in my soul, and I will never again doubt that the spirit is real. Lady Delysid... you are boundless!

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 69999

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Aug 23, 2008	Views: 48,215

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Mystical Experiences (9), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 1 bowl
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   115 lb

Background info:

I am a 16-year-old girl, and I've had some experience with drugs.  I'm a pretty big pothead, but I also drink, and do some other drugs (not very often).  Prior to this, I've done DXM, shrooms, salvia and LSD.  This was the 3rd time I'd done acid.  My mood was pretty good, as I was looking forward to tripping that night, and the setting was my friend A's house.  I'm very comfortable in A's house, because I'd been partying there once a week for the past year.  I can't put it into words, but her house is very trippy (not colorful like an acid trip that left itself on the wall, but everything there was really interesting whether I was sober, drunk, stoned or tripping).  I didn't say what time anything happened at, because I can't tell time on acid.

Me and my friend A (who's never done acid before) dropped at 8:00, right after eating dinner (we ate first because eating on acid makes me feel sick).  We each took one hit, but mine was an edge (bigger hit) and hers was a middle piece.  We put on a movie and smoked a bowl while we waited for it to kick in.  About halfway through the movie, neither of us could sit still, so we turned it off.  Just like the previous times I had done LSD, I felt uncomfortably energetic.  My heart was racing and I kept tapping my feet on the floor.  It felt like a *really* strong weed high, but without being retarded and lazy.  It felt like a combination of a lot of weed and Ritalin.  I also had a very chemical feeling.  I can't really describe it, but I had this feeling in my mouth and nose that I only get when I'm on acid, that just feels like your head is infested with a chemical.  We decided to go for a walk, so we got our coats and shoes on, but as soon as we stepped outside, we remembered that it was 20 degrees and snowing, so we stayed inside.

I wasn't experiencing any nausea like the other times I'd dropped acid, so I drank a glass of water, which felt really nice after smoking all that weed.  I couldn't stop laughing at stupid stuff like getting dirt on my hands.  My pupils were huge.  I was starting to see tracers.  When I waved my hand back and forth, it looked like it was a slow-motion movie.  Everything looked really cool, but the same.  Physically, it looked the same, but I perceived it differently.  The plants in her house looked like normal plants, but to me they felt like a jungle.

We both still felt really uncomfortable, because we had so much energy, and it was too cold to go outside, so we went to her room to smoke a cigarette, which didn't help at all.  She has a big colorful mural on her wall, and the paint looked wet.  There were big drops of wet paint on the wall, and they were mixing with the other colors.  Edges of things were not clearly defined, and everything seemed to kind of flow together.  I kept touching the wall, expecting the wet paint to come off on my hand, but it didn't.  A was feeling kind of disappointed, because she wasn't tripping as hard as me (this probably had to do with the fact that her hit was a lot smaller than mine, and she'd never done acid before, so she didn't quite know what to expect.  I think she was expecting to see random shit out of the blue that wasn't there, but acid isn't like that).

Any feelings and emotions that I had were very intense.  Anything I thought about came with some kind of feeling (both physical and emotional).  If A did something that annoyed me, it really really pissed me off, and I physically felt annoyed (I can't really describe this, as I don't quite understand it myself).  If I saw something that made me happy, I was completely overjoyed.  Music felt like it was part of me, instead of just something to listen to.

We were getting sick of staring at the walls and floor, so we started to look around at other things in her room.  We turned on the black light, and I went online to look at trippy pictures.  She thought they were really cool.  I was having trouble changing the music that was playing on the computer, and the whole concept of using the mouse wasn't making sense to me.  When I'm on acid, certain concepts really confuse me.  Money, books, time, drug dealing and computers don't make sense to me.  I was having trouble understanding that I had to move the mouse to make the cursor move (I am pretty smart when it comes to computers normally).

A was staring at herself in the mirror, and she kept covering her face and tweaking out.  I noticed this, and told her to stop looking in the mirror, so she covered it, and we decided to explore the rest of the house.  Everything was *really* cool.  There were fractal patterns on a lot of things, and a lot of things were breathing.  Lights all had an aura to them, and it was like a dream world almost.  Normal things like light switches, and tablecloths had some other crazy meaning behind it.  I kept thinking of analogies and relationships between ordinary things.  The light switch was just a symbol for the light, and the tablecloth was like some kind of mask for covering up the table's true self.

Now that we were really tripping, we decided to try going outside again.  This time we didn't even bother with coats and shoes.  We were so anxious to get outside that we just walked right out the door barefoot in the snow, and we didn't care either.  We just looked up at the sky and all A could say was 'I think I wanna be an acid head just so I can look at the sky!'  The stars were glittering, and twinkling, and they were all different colors.  There were shooting stars everywhere that looked like they were painted on there, and the trees were dancing at the edges of the sky.  The snow was so beautiful and white, that it felt like daytime, and the fresh air felt so nice in my lungs.  The open-ness of outside felt so amazing.  We stood there for about five minutes until our feet were numb, and then we went back inside.

We smoked another cigarette, and then A's housemate wanted to show us this book of really trippy art by this artist that put hidden penises in his artwork.  Some of it was really sick and disturbing, but visually, it was really really cool.  A and me were sitting next to each other with the book across both our laps, but we couldn't share it.  She kept turning the pages in order, stopping at each page for a long time to stare at the picture, but I was too impatient to look at one page.  I kept trying to turn the pages, because I was so excited by the pictures that would come next.  I kept turning the book upside down so that I could look at the page on the other side, and then we would forget which way we were going and turn the pages backwards.  I felt like the book was just a whole different book (I know this doesn't make any sense).

We smoked some weed, and the A's housemate wanted to go to bed, so we went downstairs to make our own art.  A started drawing a trippy picture and I started pressing some different colored modeling clay onto a piece of paper.  I smeared all the different colors together, and I picked up the paper and started bending it.  It was really fucking cool.  By this time, I was definitely coming down, but playing with colors (modeling clay) was still the coolest thing I'd ever done.  I could pick them up, smear them around, mold them into 3D sculptures and then mush them all together.  I spent what felt like 3 hours playing with modeling clay.

At about 3:00 we decided to try and go to bed, which was not easy.  My brain felt really awake, but my body was tired.  We tried to smoke ourselves to sleep, but it didn't help much.  We smoked bowl after bowl, and then we switched to cigarettes.

Finally we got to sleep, and we drank massive amounts of coffee in the morning.  My pupils were still dilated and I still had the feeling in my mouth and nose that I only feel when I'm tripping.  I could vaguely see fractals if I closed my eyes for long enough, or when I smoked weed.

I have never had an actual flashback from acid, but I can definitely feel it still in my system sometimes.  I have only done it 3 times, but weeks later, I can still feel that chemical feeling in my mouth sometimes.  When I smoke weed, I can shut my eyes and see fractal patterns.  Definitely a positive experience.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 29094

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 21, 2006	Views: 52,066

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LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)