		 DOSE:

		 3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		 smoked
		 DMT
		 (powder / crystals)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

I had just finished Daniel Pinchbeck's marvelously weaved metaphysical memoir 2012: The Return of Quetzacoatl, and after vicariously experiencing all his psychedelic trips, shamanic rituals, and cosmic revelations, I was eager to take my own psychespiritualdelic journey. It had been months since my last trip. So I uncovered my last 3 tabs of LSD I had been saving, a very strong batch of Fluff, which has given me many wondrous, colorful experiences before. I tried to convince my friend Z to join me, but ever since she encountered demons deep within the underbelly of Boston's Charles River on an LSD trip, she has had The Fear.

Even though I consider myself a pretty experienced psychonaut (LSD, psilocybin, mescaline, DMT, 5-MeO-DMT, 2C-B, 2C-E, 2C-I, salvia, mali, ecstasy, plus all sorts of combinations :), I had never experienced anything beyond my Self, any kind of Other presence, whether for good or for ill. And even though I saw it terrorize her mind, I could not help but feel envy for her experience, because after all the trips I've been on, I had never had a truly spiritual or mystical experience. The trip always just seemed like something going on in my head. So she stayed relatively sober while I put a tiny white strip of blotter under my tongue.

I spent the next 30-45 minutes sitting around, smoking a bowl or two, and enjoying that familiar curious anxiety that slowly creeps over my consciousness as it begins to expand. We eventually left indoors, got in the car (Z was driving), and took the dog to the beach, which was just a few blocks away. Before we even made it to the sand, I was entranced by the sound of the surf. I remember telling Z that 'the sea is a symphony.' I let the waves wash my feet and ankles. I felt such a strong pull from the ocean. It felt so good. I considered going swimming, but lacking a bathing suit, my shorts instead weighed down with cigarettes, weed, glass, and DMT, among other things, I stayed on dry land. Z and I wandered around a little, smoked a bowl, and then she decided she wanted to go, while I decided to stay. I walked back to the car with her to coerce the dog into the back seat, and then they were gone.

I found myself alone on the beach now. I could see maybe 25 feet in front of me before the ground disappeared into the luminescent haze of the sandy air above it. Despite this, the stars still shone incredibly brightly, and when I looked up at them, they danced and twinkled, forming some kind of geometric net that resembled the appearance of a canyon from directly above. It was slowly descending upon me but never reaching me, and when I looked down at the sand, the rocks seemed to be growing out of the ground beneath the surf, something which they actually do in certain areas, but whether or not it was happening here, something I still am not sure of, the phenomenon was at the very least heightened considerably.

Everything around me was coming alive. This once-empty beach was now surrounding me with its presence. The street lights behind the dunes seemed to wax and wane, sometimes illuminating the haze into a brilliant artificial orange glow, sometimes seemingly disappearing altogether. The effect only added to size and distance distortions I was experiencing. Everything was moving, nothing was concrete. The haze created a small dome around me in which I could clearly see. It was my cloud of perception, and it followed me wherever I went, keeping me out of reach from the foggy unknown world beyond, where shadows and shapes were manifesting and disappearing at the same time.

I found a comfortable seat in the dune flanked by two hills, and it was here that I smoked the remaining crystals and resin that was left in my DMT pipe. Right after I inhaled, long and slow, the haze intensified, and I could barely even make out the water in front of me. It was probably less than 20 feet away. The DMT effects were relatively subtle. First, the geometric net of the stars was noticeably more apparent and complex, but still following the same slow wiggly descent. Then, when I stood up in a moment of paranoia and saw my cloud of perception to be maybe 10 feet in radius, I had the distinct feeling that I was no longer where I thought I was, that I had journeyed somewhere entirely different. There were more shadow figures wandering in the fog now, though never coming into view, and as I passed a mass of beached seaweed, I remember thinking that it looked like I was clearly on some alien planet.

My mind was still accelerating, and the symphony of the sea was ever-present, slowly infiltrating my consciousness, though I didn't realize it at the time, finding distractions everywhere, and even though I knew on a conscious level that I was just on the beach at night, I also knew, both consciously and unconsciously, that I had stumbled into a place I have never been before, and this feeling was only intensifying as I wandered farther down the coast, to a land where the gradual slope of the dunes transforms into steep cliffs.

Then, just as I saw another shadow figure, she saw me, and I saw that it was a mutual, simultaneous observance. She seemed to say something to me, and I seemed to respond. What was literally said or what it sounded like, I have absolutely no idea, but I realize now that she was bidding me to follow, and I was accepting. I began walking in her direction, which was roughly the same direction I had already been heading, but there was such a distinct presence out there now, an 'otherness' that was following me, surrounding me, but staying just outside of my sphere of perception. I kept looking around me, only to find my own shadow and the sound of my own footsteps, but it was as if I could almost touch it. I could feel it getting stronger. I was also entering an incredibly chaotic state of mind, a schizophrenic-like stream of consciousness where there were multiple voices and thoughts in my head simultaneously, and I could not differentiate one from the other, much less my own from my other.

I found a spot on the cliff where the rocks jutted out, providing a small shelter if one were to sit right against the wall. I sat down here and began to pack a bowl of cannabis. Less than a minute later, I was fleeing from the site in panic, because I saw and felt the rocks above me begin to crumble apart. I ventured back to make sure the cliff was still standing, as I knew it was, and that I was just tripping face. I walked a bit farther until I stopped to lean against the rock. It felt so strange to touch it, and as I was gazing at it, trying to collect myself, the rocks again began to crack and crumble apart right in front of me. The unknown had now entered my sphere of perception, and matter was dissolving before my eyes.

I again fell back from them in utter and complete terror. As I backed up, and as the fear grew, the cracks grew massive, climbing up the walls, until I finally calmed myself down, realizing it was being brought on by my emotions. I considered turning back at this point, but I knew I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I did. I was out there looking for something, and I knew I would find it if I kept looking. So I ventured farther, following more shadow figures in the fog. There were so many of them now, their presence still intensifying. I kept walking toward her ever-changing shape, and as she came into view, I saw that it was a stack of rocks, maybe three and a half feet high, but stacked perfectly among the rest of the stones on the beach. It struck me, and I remember looking at it, curious, but I did not stop, I kept walking, entering a still-higher level of schizophrenia. Everything was so jumbled, I eventually sat down against the rocks again, finally smoking that bowl. I was tripping so incredibly hard at this point, I remember telling myself and all the other voices in my head that 'I'm just sitting,' which made me laugh out loud when I made the connection with the Buddha, and just how ridiculous this all was.

I began listening to the symphony of the sea again. I was being lulled into a trance. I did not realize it at the time, but it was her. She had led me there, egged me on, and she was singing to me now. Her voice was transcendent. Once in her trance, I found myself to be in a multi-dimensional sonic space. The rhythm and structure of her song created these pulsating, swirling rhythmic harmonies that were of a complexity so incredible, so beautiful. I have never heard anything like this before in my life. And I've been to the beach before, I've heard the sound of the surf crashing against the sea and sand. But never like this.

I was shaking now. She was stringing me along one of these harmonic columns of energy, spinning, swirling, whirring, and then, right after a momentary eternity of silence, the string snapped, in unraveled, and I heard the deep, guttural roar of a massive wave. I knew it immediately when I heard it, and I wept at its beauty. Tears streamed down my face as I realized what had just happened. I heard a wave for what a wave really is. Not some rising hill of water that breaks on itself as it approaches the coast, but a huge, swirling formation of energy that journeys miles a minute in its constant cycle. As this all sunk in, I was still trembling, my pulse was tremoring, and I was gasping for air, and my body had just been sitting there this whole time.

I channeled her and she channeled me, and the spirit of the water had led me there, against the rocks, where I could hear her sing. The rocks she had led me to were shaped perfectly to resonate the swirling, spinning divine rhythmic harmonies of the waves deep in the sea. I could ride her voice for miles. It was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. Everything was clear now, I was lucid in this spirit realm, and I was in harmony with her, dancing with her. The presence I had felt encircling me was now a part of me. I spent a long time out there, hypnotized and enraptured by her breathtaking roars and elaborate cadence. It resonated within my soul. She was a part of me now, and I was in ecstasy.

I eventually wandered back to Z, who was asleep. I woke her up to tell her my story and smoke a freshly packed bong. Even blocks up from the coastline, I could still hear her, and I could feel her song below my feet. We got in the car and drove around, and after some meandering throughout the sleeping city, pulled on to a street where a massive tractor trailer was trying pull into an alley. I felt the pulsating in my soul again, but this time totally different, and all of a sudden the power lines above us got ripped apart, exploding in a cloud of white sparks. I yelled at Z to back up, because if the pole was coming down, it would've come down right on top of us, and then again, a second explosion. Luckily nothing fell, and everyone was alright. I told her I anticipated it, feeling it before seeing it, and she said she felt it, too. We thought it might have been a small earthquake, but we haven't been able to corroborate this conjecture. In all likelihood the truck got caught on one of the wires and snapped it apart. This had a similar apprehensive feeling as the wave, but it was more of a cosmic punch to the soul than a trance-inducing song.

We spent the rest of the night wandering between the beach and the car, and wherever I went, whether it was an open beach where the sound didn't resonate the same way, I could still hear her, I could still hear the swirling get faster and faster until it snapped and unraveled, exploding in the crashing of a wave. I was eventually lulled to sleep by her when I finally lay in my bed well after dawn. When I woke the next day, and even now, her song still resonates in my soul. The sea sounds forever different to me now. I went back to the same spot I was in the next night, but this time in the normal, material world, where both the haze and the stars were less visible, the rocks were no longer stacked up, and I could only barely hear that whirring energy resonance. But it was still there.

The most astonishing thing to me about this whole experience is the fact that I actually got a response from a seemingly unresponsive universe. I was out there looking for spirits, or some kind of 'other,' I don't even really know. My normal day-to-day life feels different now. Even though I was in such an altered state, as this surely ranks among the strongest trips I have ever had, and even though I am a little unsure about the linear progression of events, I have no doubt about what I heard in that eternal moment. She sang to me.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 65793

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Oct 9, 2007	Views: 42,836

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DMT (18), LSD (2) : Alone (16), Mystical Experiences (9), Entities / Beings (37), Nature / Outdoors (23), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		   T+ 6:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Salvia divinorum
		 (leaves)

		   T+ 0:00
		 1.5 bowls
		 smoked
		 Salvia divinorum
		 (extract - 10x)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   125 lb

I’m writing this because I noticed that there aren’t many reports about this combination, and where there are they tend to be negative or there were more substances involved. Mine wasn’t necessarily positive or negative, just immensely weird and mind-blowing. One thing I have to say, tho, is that this combo is very easy to panic on (which is what I almost did), but more about that later.

To start off, I am a very experienced drug user, having been around the block a lot with every major illegal drug and several drugs most people have never heard of. My favorite is by far mescaline, but I’ve only gotten to try it a few times. Barring that I’d say it’s LSD, and that I’ve done dozens and dozens of times. I’ve experienced a lot of crazy trips in my time, but never anything like this. Before I begin, I should mention we had also been smoking a fair amount of marijuana through out the evening, how much I don’t know. Also, I apologize for the length of the post, it’s just this is a very difficult experience to describe.

Anyway, here’s what happened: I’d gotten a hold of some pretty good acid from a friend of mine. I bought three hits, and my friend, A, bought two. Excited to trip, we went back to his place and dosed around sunset. While we waited to come up we just smoked some of A’s weed and listened to Animal Collective, nothing out of the ordinary for us at the time. We both noticed this acid took a while to come on, and at first we thought we might have been jipped. Of course, a few minutes later Alice made herself known to us. I smiled in delight as that euphoric buzz unique to acid crept over me, opening all my senses. A lot more happened as we came up, but honestly it was trivial compared to what would happen to me in the next few hours.

We peaked around about three hours; we both remarked about the quality of the acid. During the following hours we talked, listened to music, and drew some really good abstract art with oil pastels, which is saying something because I’m not much for visual art. It was an awesome trip, enthralling is the word. Not one uncomfortable thought or feeling.

Then, as we were both coming down toward the six hour mark (sorry, I should have documented the times, but I didn’t know anything this crazy would happen), I remembered about the little bag of salvia I had from the day before. I got the zip-loc bag from out of my backpack. Inside was quite a bit of non-extract leaf and about two hits of some 10X. Having had such a good trip, and being a little disappointed it was all winding down, I asked A if he was ready to embark. Of course, he was, so we filled his bong with some leaf and a hit of 10X. We decided beforehand that we would go one at a time, just in case. A had done salvia several times before, and he really liked it. I’d only done it once before, and it was 60X; total amnesia from the first hit, I don’t even fully remember the comedown. Not really pleasant. I was probably more apprehensive than A for that reason, which may have influenced my trip.

We wait, but nothing really happens to him. So we smoke two more bowls of the leaf. Enter the insensible giggling I’d seen happen on salvia before. We both thought our visuals became more colorful. But still, nothing. I decided to wait a bit longer. Then suddenly the mood of the room changed, it’s hard to describe. The only way I can explain it is that “Salvia” came into the room and was there with us, not like a drug but like an actual person, disembodied and pervasive. I mentioned this to my friend, who thought it was cool; he still didn’t feel anything remotely like his last trips.

I wait some more, and the “presence” begins to subside. Not wanting to waste my shot, I packed a bowl of 10X and took it all in one hit. As I exhale, I woke up in an unfamiliar reality. It happened so fast I didn’t know what to think. Titanic tidal forces were stretching my body in all directions; I felt like I was being smeared over everything. Everything I saw had become intensely colored, and not your regular “dude I’m tripping, so many colors” kind, but the “I’m about to go insane” type, the colors were so brilliant that nothing in the room seemed solid, but rather like it was a “hyperliquid.” In this hyperliquid state everything bled into everything else. I felt like my body was being pulled into the floor, and dissolving into the air around me. This was quite disturbing.

Only a few seconds into the trip it intensified to a crazy level. Now everything had such an awesome “gravity”, it’s like A’s living room had just fallen through an event horizon and everything had taken on such incredible mass. I felt like I was being crushed by the immense forces emanating from everything, almost as if I was in the presence of some immense being. Light became very strange to perceive, it was like I was moving just a tiny bit slower than it, so time had almost come to a standstill. To this day I think I understand Einstein’s ideas about spacetime better, for in this state time and space melted into this organic, breathing thing, and I could “feel out” events happening anywhere in the universe; it was like every event sent out a pulse, and because of the “hyperliquid” nature of reality these pulses were instantaneously transferred into everything else, all across existence. I looked at my friend in terror; all he said was “what?” repeatedly with a smile, but to me it seemed like he was confirming that this was indeed reality. I thought that him and all my friends and family existed on this level and had forever, while I had been stuck in the “3-d” world of delusion all my life and had just now realized what everyone else already experienced. I’ve heard of salvia having this unique effect on others before. It truly felt like I had woke up and realized every event and detail of “my life” was a complete fabrication. This terrified me, I won’t deny.

Suddenly, a pocket in reality opened up, and my awareness divided between the me experiencing all this stuff in A’s living room and the me that was stuck in this immense geometric chamber shaped like a triangle. It was so immense that I realized I was in fact in a room of infinite proportions. Imagine eternity turning into a room; well that’s where I was. The walls were full of repeating, spiralling patterns. The strangest thing about this chamber was that it seemed to have more than 3 dimensions; tho I don’t really know if this can actually be true, everything appeared to be “5”-d. This is where I really start to panic, as the alien geometry really upset me. I felt the most intense fear, a desire to escape this triangle-chamber that I was now interpreting as a prison. The problem was, this chamber didn’t exist anywhere in space-time; it was beyond both. I remember calling out desperately to the “me” still in A’s living room, but my voice couldn’t carry across the infinitesimal yet gaping chasm between us. I seriously believed I’d never leave this place, that I was trapped here forever. I could barely remember who I was, let alone who that kid back on Earth was. I was certain I had lost not only my mind, but my soul, lost forever in this bizarre reality.

Then I started to focus on the me inside the chamber, instead of trying to get back to my body still on earth. I proceeded to experience the most intense feeling of knowledge, as I realized that this “chamber” was really the intersection of countless parallel realities, and this “person” inside the chamber was the intersection of all the parallel selves I had in all the parallel worlds I existed in. I had, in an instant, become a conglomerate of parallel minds all perceiving as one! At this point I realize that there is something I, or we (which one should I use?) have to do, something so imperative that if I didn’t do it we’d be trapped here forever and could never achieve what was next (I wonder). Tormented by the idea, I-we tried to navigate this chamber, but soon realized that since the chamber is infinite, there’s (relatively) no progress that could be made.

Despite that, I-we ran and ran, and as we “ran” the swirling 5-d patterns on the floor got bigger and bigger (yet at the same time always infinite) until it absorbed us. As we were absorbed we realized what the purpose of us being together as one in this chamber was. And just as suddenly I lost clarity;  I become aware I’m in my body again, and the strange pocket closed up and disappeared. I am back in the hyperliquid of spacetime, but this time reality is moving as if huge waves were undulating through it (I think this had to do with the music playing at the same time, I could hear the music, but it was just as much a part of the “hyperliquid”). As these waves passed through reality, I realized even bigger waves were coming from somewhere much deeper in reality. Now I really, really panicked, as I realized an alien intelligence was sending its consciousness through this hyperliquid plane in the form of waves, but the intelligence itself was much, much deeper inside reality, far deeper than I was. There was a sinister feeling to the being, tho I think this was mainly my ego freaking, who knows what the intentions of this “being” were as I never directly experienced it; I was simply aware of its emanations thru spacetime.

As the waves pushed through the liquid, the liquid would condense even more where the waves were, to the point that I saw these “bands” of A’s room become so dense I later described them as being dense as neutron stars. Then the waves hit me, and as they went through me I felt my being become infinitely dense, like they were. I thought I was being crushed into a singularity, or dying, or both. Suddenly, A’s room disappears yet again, and all I am aware of is an infinite darkness and the wave dragging through me. As it drags it pulls my body into a string without a beginning or an end. I exist for I don’t know how long as this infinite string when I become aware that there are other strings next to me. I am a fucking guitar! An infinte guitar at that; somehow the dimensions were set so I knew I was a string and it was a guitar, but everything was infinite so how could there be any dimension at all? Anyway, I am still panicking and trying to resist whatever is happening.

Suddenly something strikes the strings and a chord rings out into the void. I realize that I am the hand, the guitar, the strings, and the sound ringing, but my conscious self is localized on one string (which one I can’t remember, it was either D or G, as it was in the middle), and this string is full of fear and won’t vibrate in harmony with the others, resulting in a discordant harmony. The entire time I know I have to relax and let it happen; I wish I did, who knows what could’ve happened. I would’ve had it not been for the sinister feeling I had, like if I relaxed and let the chord play, I’d lose my soul and free-will. Very strange thoughts, who knows what would have happened if I’d let go. I’m kinda glad I didn’t, tho there’s another part of me that’s disappointed; did I miss a chance to really learn something? Perhaps some things should not be known by a primitive human. I should also mention that throughout this part of the trip I was aware of many thoughts and impressions, as if I was working out deep inner issues; of course I can’t remember, tho, which mildly frustrates me.

Regardless of what would’ve happened, I leave this place after another eternity and am back in the hyperliquid, but this time it’s less “liquid” or “hyper” and more like A’s living room. A few more seconds and I stumble back into reality confused as hell. I get up and look around, wild-eyed and sweating profusely. A is still saying “what?” and laughing. My heart was beating really fast, for a second I thought it would be a problem, but I just layed down for a bit and it came under control. For thirty minutes I seriously could only say “Holy shit, what the fuck, how…Oh my god, what the fuck, how…” etc. I’m finally able to speak English somewhat fluently and ask A what happened. He says I just zoned out for two or three minutes and looked scared the entire time, grabbing my sides and looking to the side a lot, which I of course did not remember. Two or three minutes! I couldn’t believe him, but he insisted. How long it took I don’t know. If there’s ever a next time, I’ll be sure to bring some kind of timer.

In the end, I can’t really say it was a bad trip at all; had I been prepared this could’ve been something more productive, and I might’ve been able to go with it more. It caught me totally by surprise, which is what I think contributed to my fear. Who knows what would have happened if I’d let go. It could be a mystery for the rest of my life, as I feel trepidation in attempting such a mind-blowing combo again. I may try it again some day, but only when I’m sure I’m ready. It was definitely one of THE MOST INTENSE things that has ever happened to me. On coming down, I remember having the distinct impression that if I would’ve had to stay there even a few earth-minutes longer, I might’ve lost my mind forever. This experience definitely stretched my mind to its limits. I’ve come away from this experience with a new respect for salvia, psychedelics, and reality in general. That night I plumbed depths I may never be able to fathom again, which begs the question, “Do I even want to?” I don’t really know the answer to that yet. Maybe I am just not supposed to be in that world, and that is why it felt so terrifying and sinister. But I can’t call it a bad trip, as I think I learned and perceived so much in those few minutes.

Here are some things I noticed about the trip I’ve found to be common to many salvia reports I’ve read:

1.	Experiencing ‘alien geometries’

2.	Feeling like I was being ripped apart

3.	Realizing that my previous life had all been an illusion, and everyone but me had known, and that this salvia space was the only true reality.

4.	Becoming an inanimate object (in this case, a guitar).

5.	Experiencing feelings of immensity, gravity, infinity, and eternity.

There are a few aspects of the trip I’ve had a hard time finding in other reports, mainly the “all selves in all universes converging into one” part, as well as the “presence” entering the room. I wonder if anyone else has experienced anything like this. As for the multiple-selves, a while after the trip I came up with a theory that maybe at that moment I took that last hit, so were an innumerable amount of other “I’s” scattered throughout the multiverse, tho in the end I realize I don’t know anything, really.

I don’t know what would’ve happened had I not been on acid. It probably would’ve been much less intense. I’ve come to the conclusion that salvinorin A, THC, and LSD make for some incredible synergy. I can’t tell you how much one might have colored the other, they just melded together perfectly and catapulted me into realms beyond my understanding. Definitely the strangest night of my life, and my most mind-blowing trip to date. I will ponder this experience for the rest of my days.

Note: at the time I didn’t play the guitar, or any instrument for that matter. So I find it strange I had such an engrossing hallucination of being a guitar. My intuition told me maybe that was a hint from the universe, or something. Several months after the experience I started learning the guitar, and now less than a year after I started learning it I’m actually quite good; as I get better at the guitar, the more emotionally stable and confident I become (which relates back to the trip like this: in the trip I was the string that wouldn’t play in harmony with the other strings; I feel as I progress with the guitar, I get more in tune with myself on a deeper level, and my anxieties decrease as I work them out thru music). Before this trip I should add I never really had any interest in the guitar at all. So I guess this was actually an extremely productive trip, one that pointed me in the direction of growth. Or maybe I’m insane. Thanks for being patient with such a long report.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 82086

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 17

Published: Sep 22, 2010	Views: 53,669

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Salvia divinorum (44), LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Mystical Experiences (9), Music Discussion (22), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 4 hits
		 oral
		 Unknown
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 15:00

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   128 lb

Background: I am male, at the time of this experience 24 years old and weighing around 128 pounds. I take no prescription or OTC medications, but generally use marijuana and yerba mate on a daily basis. I have also been using kratom frequently, about two to four days most weeks. I have extensive experience with psychedelics, everything from mushrooms, LSD, DMT and 5-MeO-DMT, syrian rue and caapi alone or in combination with the aforementioned tryptamines, hawaiian baby woodrose seeds, MDMA, 2C-I, 2C-E, 2C-B, Trichocereus cacti, sketchy blotters suspected to be DO-x compounds, Salvia divinorum, nitrous oxide, ketamine and DXM.

A friend had given me four hits of a new type of blank blotter “acid” to test out, reputedly from a different chemist than before. We have been doing a certain type of acid once a week or so, for several months. Thus I had become very used to the effects of legitimate LSD, at various doses. One hit to catalyze my mental processes. Two hits to feel the characteristic effects of LSD. Three hits to go deeper. Four hits for a trip to the moon. Five hits to be seriously, seriously confused and disoriented. Eight to twelve hits, to transcend the confusion and reach a much higher plateau of fractalizing goo. In other words, I knew acid, inside and out.

Mindset going into the trip: So I decided to take all four hits (5 X 6 millimeters each) of this blank blotter on a Sunday morning. The friend who gave it to me had not sampled himself (he almost never takes psychedelics these days), but he said that everyone he had given it to reported it was stronger than the batch I was used to. I did not consciously state an intention for this trip, but was just feeling kind of bored and thought four hits of acid would be a good way to liven up my day. I was confident taking it all would be no big deal, as I had taken five hits a couple days before and been a-okay. When I put the blotter in my mouth, it tasted faintly bitter and did not have the electric-tingly tongue feeling I get from legitimate acid. However, I did not think anything of it at the time.

The Experience: Right after dosing I walked down the hill with a couple people from my house, it was beautiful and sunny outside. After so much cold winter weather this unseasonal warmth was welcome. On the way down I began feeling somewhat detached. I concentrated on just being centred and grounded within myself, and not reacting to anything around me too strongly. I chose not to speak at all, unless specifically asked a question and even then my reply was terse. We went to a flea market which has some cool stalls. The community centre it was in had poor ventilation, and I was alerting and starting to come up. I felt very uncomfortable, people milling all around, and very aware of the funny smells in the building. Bad vibes. I quickly excused myself, saying I would hang out outside.

Once outside I felt a very nervous energy. There was a little joint in my pocket, but I didn’t feel comfortable just hanging out calmly and smoking. I needed to walk! There was a strong stimulated feeling, a kind of nervous energy soothed best by physical activity. Without telling anyone, I just started walking around the neighbourhood. Taking residential streets, soaking up the sunshine. I felt a little guilty about having just wandered off without telling anyone where I had gone, but at the same time I felt I had to keep walking to ease the comeup energy.

The trees were beautiful, bare branches showing their growth habits against the blue sky. The elm trees in particular fascinated me, the fissures in the bark looking like eyes or faces. And the snow was melting and dripping all around, sparkling brilliant rainbow colours. I passed a house with colourful childrens toys, a little sled and toy shovel. Everything seemed more vibrant than before. The next house I passed had a decapitated seagull lying at the edge of the sidewalk. The head was nowhere to be seen, but the yellow feet caught my attention, pointing up at the sky. Pink and red tissue and a hole in the neck. Feathers were scattered across the sidewalk. I felt no revulsion or anything towards this macabre sight. Instead, I calmly noted that there was a dead seagull, thought that a cat probably got it, and continued my walk.

At this time I was beginning to notice some muscle tension. All my deep muscle tissues seemed clenched, tightened up. My shoulders ached, and my hips and legs felt a little stiff. My hands were getting numb and tingly. This happens to me sometimes on LSD, especially if I do not stretch properly first, or if it is cold outside. However, on LSD I usually only feel the muscle tension in the later stages of the trip. Usually the tingling hand effect is not this strong, nor does it come on this fast. I was a little perplexed, but put it down on being outside (not cold but a little chilly) and possibly taking a higher dose than normal.

I walked past a local coffee shop, in which a couple of my friends were hanging out and chatting. I stopped briefly when Dante came outside and hailed me, but again did not feel like going inside. Inside was too stuffy, too many people. Outside was kind of gross, dirty melted snow and people’s spit and cigarette butts all over the ground and flower planters. I was feeling a bit antisocial, saying I didn’t want to hang out here, and was going to keep walking instead. Again, the vibes felt bad to me. I continued my walk, and a friend text messaged me from inside the coffee shop: “Come back!” I ignored the message.

I made my way to the nearby park, seeking a pleasant natural place to maybe smoke that joint. There was a lot of mucous building up in the back of my throat, and I started to cough frequently, spitting out the phlegm. “That’s kind of weird,” I thought to myself. I have hacked my lungs out before on high doses of 2C-I, 2C-E or 2C-B. Even on mushrooms. But usually I don’t get this kind of body load on acid. Unless I am specifically tripping out about my body for some reason, acid usually has little to no body load.

Next came more coughing, and eventually I purged. What the fuck? I haven’t purged on acid since… since… that sketchy fractal “acid” blotter I took years and years ago (which I suspected to not be LSD but probably a DO-x compound). I still didn’t make the connection that what I had taken today wasn’t acid. I thought it was really strange, but figured my anxiousness, my desire to get away from busy roads and pollution was what had made me purge. Everything is possible, as acid is so much a catalyst of my mental processes.

After purging I tried sitting on a patch of clear grass, a little sunny spot on the hillside. Having quite the déjà vu, sitting here, just having purged… just like that time I took 23 milligrams of 2C-E. The anxious need to walk around, the nausea, the way everything glowed vividly in the sunshine… The coughing was still bothering me so I decided not to smoke the joint, and to continue homewards instead. Sitting calmly was hard, I still had that anxious, stimulated feeling driving me to walk.

Upon returning home, I put on a pot of tea and before the water had even boiled everyone else came home as well. They were a little upset that I had just disappeared and avoided them all, but the only one I told the real reason, was my girlfriend. I went through some intense emotions, feeling ashamed of wandering off and letting my friends worry about me. Feeling ashamed of taking acid in a way more recreational and abusive, than enlightening. Feeling ashamed of not being honest with my girlfriend and others about my actions, from the beginning. Recalling bitterly that, if I do not state my intent consciously and clearly, it means that my subconscious will run things for me. My subconscious chooses its own agenda, and I was enmeshed in my fears, anxieties… questioning my self-worth.

I felt there was a barrier between my girlfriend and I, because I had not told her right away about taking the blotter. I felt very emotional about this and first had to “clear my conscience” with her. Once the barrier had been torn down, we attempted to make love. However my penis was flaccid, with too little blood flow to maintain an erection. This has never been a problem on LSD. Quite the contrary, LSD usually keeps me at a constant level of sexual arousal. Love making becomes cosmic, oceanic, and ecstatically transcendent. On LSD, we tend to make love many times until reaching the point of exhaustion. I have experienced flacid-penis-syndrome before with phenethylamines, particularly higher doses of MDMA or 2C-E. One more aspect of this blank blotter “acid”, making it feel different than the acid I was used to. Instead of having sex we just cuddled for awhile.

I was dragged out of the house by my two “brothers” (not blood, but I consider them to be my brothers). They were walking to the mall to find a new blender for the house, and wanted my company. I wasn’t too enthused, but decided a change of scene would be good for me. That stimulated nervous feeling was still nagging me, and although I was already tired from walking so much before, more walking seemed a good idea. The muscle tension in my body was still pretty bad.

We walked along the highway to get to the mall, and everything was dirty, mucky and smelled of exhaust fumes. My nose was running, mucous production again. Damn pollution. We think its okay because it gets diluted in the atmosphere, and yet most of us live in the dirtiest and most polluted areas; in the cities, in other words. Meanwhile looking up, I saw jets were spraying chemtrails, in a nice cross-hatch manner to the planes that had sprayed earlier in the morning. The sunny sky was slowly being covered with a thin silver mist.

So kind of a depressing walk, but in retrospect the walk was pretty nice compared to being in the mall. Malls are fucking scary! All my senses had been heightened, and I was very aware of the little details. The subtropical heat, making everyone feel a little stupefied. The toxins making the whole building malodorous. The gaunt and vacant stares of the shoppers, anxiously searching for bargains. It was “scratch and save days” and a lady walked past asking her kids how much they had saved on their purchases. “I saved 10%!” said one daughter proudly. The other moaned, “I only saved a penny.” All three had the same chubby, fast-food figure.

I could hear the electricity buzzing around me. I could see the fluorescent lights flickering. Nowhere was there any relief to be found, no green plants or artwork to soften the consumerism. Desperately I tried not to let my glance fall on any of the products all around me. I didn’t want to give them my attention. Stuff I don’t want, stuff I don’t need. My eyes found something that wasn’t a box with a sticker: A sign on the wall said “Area monitored by closed circuit television.”

Star dragged us around the electronics department for awhile, then we got our blender and fucked off. Unfortunately not outside, Star was adamant on doing a tour of the mall. More gaunt faces, more vacant stares. A woman with four rambuncous children and a fifth in the stroller. All boys? Maybe the fifth was a girl… I wondered what compelled her to have so many. Old people in wheelchairs, slowly rolling along. Everybody seemed drained of energy and depressed. What a fucked up place the mall is. We reached the gaming shop, near enough to the food court to smell that peculiar and unpleasant odour. What passes as food for those already drained of life force… it will fill you up, without truly nourishing and replenishing. My sense of smell was through the roof, I could smell everything so vividly.

The walk home was nice, I was glad to be out of the mall and we took side streets rather than the main road.

Around 13 hours after dosing, I started to question the blotter. Why was I still having vivid hallucinations after thirteen hours? Why did I still feel just as high as after five hours? Acid would normally start to wear off after eight hours, and be nearly clear by twelve. Instead, I was seeing geometric patternings and such across every surface. The visuals were more reminiscent of cactus or 2C-compounds than LSD. Slowly all the little clues clicked, and I realized I had taken something other than LSD. I had taken some kind of phenethylamine. The nagging, dragging stimulation and lingering psychedelia had finally tipped me off.

PIHKAL came off the shelf and I browsed. I was pretty sure I had taken a DO-x compound and not LSD, since the DO-x are potent enough to fit on a blotter and are longer lasting than LSD. To me, this trip had a lot in common with 2C-I, 2C-B and 2C-E. It was longer lasting than even 2C-E, and perhaps with more of a stimulant edge. Otherwise I felt the effects were closest to 2C-B, particularly the coughing &amp; mucous production, and the way I felt pushed to walk around so much, to ease the nervousness. Also, on 2C-B I got a lot of muscle tension like with this blotter. I had taken another type of sketchy blotter in the past, which was a much more mellow experience seeming more like 2C-I to me. That other sketchy blotter was nice material, but this stuff had a little too much body load for comfort. And so, I tentatively identified the substance I had taken today as DOB. I believe the other sketchy blotter I had taken was probably DOI.

About 15 hours after dosing, and with the aid of a couple doobies, I was able to go to sleep, however my sleep was broken and disturbed all night. I do not remember any dreams that night, whereas with LSD my dreams are usually more vivid and more easily recalled. The next day I still felt slightly altered upon waking but the feeling had faded by the time I went to bed the next night. The muscle tension stayed with me for most of the next day. I got a nice massage from my girlfriend, which loosened me up a lot but the deepest muscles were still clenched. I was worn out and slept soundly that night.

Conclusion: In PIHKAL it lists DOB as having a dose of 1.0-3.0 milligrams, lasting 18-30 hours. There is mention of muscle cramps and the strong stimulating effect. Everything I experienced seems to closely match descriptions of DOB. I would say that I prefer LSD to this substance. The body load was too high for me to be really comfortable. Taking all four blotters at once was probably not the best idea. If I had just taken one or two, I might have had a much more rewarding and enjoyable experience. The duration of the substance was a bit annoying, and I made poor choices regarding my set and setting. It wasn’t a “bad trip” (I don’t believe in bad trips, there are just experiences… often learning experiences).

If I tried this compound again, I would do so at a lower dosage. I would take it early in the morning knowing that I would be tripping all day. I would put more conscious intent into the experience, perhaps planning to be outdoors hiking in nature to receive the full value of this substance. I would do it on a warm day, and make sure I was warm and comfortable while coming up, to help with the muscle cramps. But honestly I felt the overall tone of the experience was cold and harshly analytical, and I have no desire to seek this substance out. The body load was too high, and the mental effects did not make up for the body load.

There was a lot of these sheets of blank blotter floating around for awhile, and I went back to the guy who had gifted me my tabs and told him what I suspected it was, and urged him to be open and honest about what he was selling. Don’t call it “acid” unless it’s LSD, that’s just being dishonest. There will definitely be people interested in trying DOB. I’m all about knowing exactly what you are taking.

My partner tried this substance out at a dosage of three hits, a week or two after my experience with it. She experienced the same annoying muscle tension as I did, and also the extremely long duration and residual stimulation of the compound kept her up and awake all night the day she took it. She agreed with me, that compared to LSD the body load was much higher and the mental effects were not as enjoyable. She has no desire to repeat the experience.

We had one other friend who took four hits of this same blotter and had a very rough trip. The effects lasted so long that she didn’t feel as if she ever really came down, and again the cold, harshly analytical nature of this compound got to her. She struggled with the integration process for months, and needed lots of support from friends as well as some conventional psychotherapy.

The problem of substitution is unfortunately very real. What tipped me off was the bitter taste, the long come-up time (3 hours or more to fully come up), lots of body load (nausea, phlegm and muscle tension), and having a duration much longer than expected for LSD. Also getting “flaccid-penis-syndrome” was a dead giveaway that I’d taken a phenethylamine and not a tryptamine.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 83379

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 24

Published: Sep 7, 2010	Views: 53,117

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Unknown (120), LSD (2), DOB (19) : General (1), Sex Discussion (14), What Was in That? (26), Difficult Experiences (5), Various (28)


		 DOSE:

		 100 mg
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (powder / crystals)

		 3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   135 lb

This experience was the most intense foray into psychedelia that I’ve ever had. It was also the singly best and worst night of my life. It started on a regular Saturday night. I had just obtained some great molly to my excitement, as I hadn’t had good stuff for many many months. My friend H and I were just chilling at my apartment. I was kind of hesitant to take it for whatever reason but knew that I would still thank myself in the end. I weighed out ~100 mg and parachuted it.

I began to feel a little odd and knew I was coming up. Then, in about 40 minutes it hit me completely; I was rolling harder than ever before. I began to dance ecstatically and H put on some music. I was just massaging my whole body and talking a mile a minute. H was completely sober, but I tried to get her to open up to me completely and began psychoanalyzing her life inadvertently. She told me that everything I was saying was true, but she hadn’t come to terms with it yet and needed to mule it over.

At this point I decided to take some acid on a whim, so I went to my stockpile and dropped 3 hits of this amazing rainbow children blotter I had. H expressed some concern, as I had not originally intended to do any acid. I was completely confident in my decision though and couldn’t have been more happy with myself and what I was going to experience. H asked me if I wanted to go outside and run with her and I replied with a definite YES! I got some water and a pacifier to chew on for the road. As we were leaving, our friends John and Joey popped by randomly and we vaporized a bowl together. I was really happy to see them and they wished me the best of luck on my trip.

After they left we set out down the neighborhood in a jog. I ran until I noticed my heart was beating very FAST and I was getting lightheaded. I listened to the signs of my body and decided to slow down and drink some water to cool off. At this point the acid really kicked in and I felt like I was popping in and out of the space-time domain and dancing with the cosmos. We made it to a small elementary school park and I immediately lay down in the grass of a field. I looked out at the sky and saw the most beautiful cloud formations and the stars appeared to be raining out of the sky. I was so happy and had never seen so much beauty before. Everything was ALIVE! Everything I looked at was breathing in the energy of life and absolutely flowing. I could see every molecule that composed everything I saw, no matter how close of far away it was. All my senses were enhanced and I experienced them as one: beyond the senses.

I began to get astounding and glorious revelations. I saw that everything was composed of one basic building block fractal that would create patterns to give off the appearance of form. I new that this fractal was pure and absolute love, the creator and the creation fused as one- God, energy, light, whatever you wish to call it, this is what it was. And I realized that nothing was static either-everything was always moving, flowing, going through a continuous cycle of life, death, and rebirth. I realized that although it was always changing, it was infinite, and to be part of the cycle is what it means to be alive. I saw everything that appeared to be still was simply slowly moving particles of this energy life force, vibrating at such a low rate that our ordinary senses perceive it as solid. I almost cried for joy at this realization- all was love, all was one.

I reflected on the concept of the OM and understood it completely. I also realized that since everything was composed of love/God everything was whole, at every moment. I could never be separate from God, I was God, God was inside of me and God was EVERYTHING. This thought gave me so much comfort because I knew I would never be alone. As I was telling this to H she asked me where fear fit into the picture. I instantly knew that fear was only a lack of awareness of love and it is only a flaw of perception. I continued to ponder and gaze at the sky, watching the clouds dance and flow with rainbow iridescence around the moon. Sometimes I felt like I was right up there with them.

After a while a light turned on in the school and H told me she thought she saw someone. We were trespassing, so we decided to just leave and not take any chances. We went back to my apartment and I lay on a yoga mat outside and continued to stare at the heavens and talk to her ecstatically. She told me I looked absolutely comfortable and I replied that I was. I decided to paint and began to mix colors randomly and paint an erratic pattern all over the canvas. She told me that she enjoyed how free I was being and I smiled and continued to paint until I was out of space. I didn’t want to come back for awhile and decided to take 2 more hits. I contemplated taking more molly and even some shrooms, but decided not to get too crazy.

At this point I began to try to talk to H again about her life because I wanted her to find the peace and love that I had found also. When she spoke to me I could see which parent had given her which specific personality traits and her face actually morphed to portray either parent which I found absolutely crazy. I was still tripping madly at this point and space and time were so skewed that I was having a lot of trouble staying in a linear conversation as my mind was bouncing all over the place.. I told her everything I had realized and that she could have it too. I decided that I would give her the same illumination I had discovered since I had discovered the power of creation by calling it out of the universe.

This is when things started to get really crazy. I knew that to transmit the enlightenment I would have to put it into a shape that she could access. I asked her what she wanted to be, what she most clearly identified with, what she was most passionate about- so I could mold the energy into shape for her to access. She kept on replying that she didn’t know and this exasperated and frightened me. For some reason I felt that she was right here experiencing my consciousness with me and couldn’t fathom why she couldn’t see it. She began to get defensive and talked about how she often struggles with depression in life.

This is when my trip got really bad. The molly had worn itself through and I realized that it wasn’t coming back. I began to feel like our friendship was over- I was moving on, choosing to live completely in the light, whereas she was still partially enveloped by darkness. I wanted her to come with me but she wasn’t ready, she was still afraid. I thought I would lose her completely and this greatly saddened me-for her sake especially because she wouldn’t understand. All the energy I had called out of the universe to give to her was still hanging over my head, enveloping me. I couldn’t put it back, so I absorbed it and it became all of her fear and sadness.

This is when I went to hell. I quickly and shakily said goodnight to H, who was in the process of passing out. She asked if I was ok and I lied because I knew that there was nothing she could do to help me, especially if this is the point I had gotten to trying to help her. I walked out onto my balcony again-I had left the door open and saw my black cat disappear into the darkness. I think she jumped into my neighbor’s balcony but I was tripping so hard I felt like I had lost her forever. This triggered my absolute descent into the lower realms of HELL. I began to feel like absolute shit. I was lost, wandering aimlessly looking for the peace, love, and beauty I had felt before but all I could see was darkness and terror.

I tried to go to sleep but felt like H was a giant spider in a cocoon who wove a machine-like web sucking out my soul. I got up and began to pace the house. I tried to do everything I could think of that would make me feel better-meditation, yoga, chakra cleansing, cleaning, painting, singing, dancing, watching planet earth. Nothing helped, I simply couldn’t focus at all on anything I tried. I took some melatonin and gaba pentin to try and kill my trip early so I could sleep and at least find peace there. I wanted to die. I felt like I was eternally trapped by pain and demons began to haunt my thoughts. They sounded like really ghetto trashy fucked up people and kept repeating a barrage of cuss words, shouting into my brain “bitch ass nig motha fucka shithead douchbag asshole fuck fuck fuck..” and so on. I couldn’t make them go away.

This madness went on for about 3 hours. Finally I decided to eat because I hadn’t in over 15 hours and felt kind of weak. I fixed myself some really healthy cereal with raisins, strawberries, and raspberries and then went outside to eat it. It was about 7 and the sun had begun to rise in a fuchsia glow behind the clouds. I turned and saw a black flash and my cat reappeared on my balcony and went inside. I felt so much relief with her return I almost cried again. With this sign and the new day I finally found hope and redemption-rebirth. I gazed at the tree out my window and still saw the fractal molecules of love that it was flowing with. I stared at it intently and saw it breathing-full of energy and life. I watched the water vapor molecules that formed clouds in the distance morph and swirl with the wind. They turned into images of people and animals and I saw a historic play take place inside of them. Ancient looking Asian women were washing clothes in a river one moment and then the scene would shift to a tiger hunting its prey, so on so forth. This captivated me and I felt like it was a web of history of the earth. I began to let go of the fear until it was no longer dominating me. After a while visuals stopped and I realized my trip was over. It was now about 8:30 and I was ready to sleep. I smoked a bowl and went to bed.

This trip was really complicated. It was the most intense, enlightening, and painful one I had ever had. I spent the complete following day putting my mind back together and coming in terms with reality. It was my first candyflip, first bad acid trip, and most acid I had ever taken. Of these things, it probably won’t be my last. Because I entered a lower realm, I really wanted to try and dose again, but decided to give my mind at least a week or so to recover. Even though the ending was only bittersweet, this trip changed my life for the better. I feel like I truly understand the mysteries of life and my purpose in the puzzle- to give and manifest love. I decided to start attending Kundalini yoga at least twice a week as well as to give smoking weed a break (for the past 3 months I had been smoking incessantly and for the first time in my life began experiencing lapses of memory that comes with THC saturation). I no longer would allow myself to abuse my mind, my body, and my soul by not appreciating marijuana for the sacrament it is. This experience was yesterday, but I have been keeping true to myself so far and intend to hold my enlightenment within and continue tripping periodically to stay in touch with my true nature.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 87422

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Oct 7, 2010	Views: 120,186

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MDMA (3), LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Bad Trips (6), Mystical Experiences (9), Relationships (44), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Difficult Experiences (5), Various (28)


		 DOSE:

		 2.5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   135 lb

LSD + Yoga   =   Formula for Therapeutic Healing

I have been working with psychoactive substances for four years, having come to psychedelic work after having tried literally dozens of therapies (traditional and alternative) over a lifetime, seeking healing of very early childhood traumatic experiences.  The substances used have included MDMA, LSD, and Psilocybin, separately, and in various combinations.  My experience of my life as an adult is generally a complete disconnect from my body and any body feelings, which actually feels normal for me.

The transition time -- from commencement of my journey work (when I am most out of body) to being taken into my body by substance  -- has always been difficult for me (anxiety and fear).   During a previous journey (3 tabs LSD and one tab of MDMA), I thought that I might reduce some of the transition anxiety by starting off doing something that gets me into my body fairly effectively – Yoga.  I began a 45-minute practice immediately upon dosing.  This method seemed to substantially eliminate my transition anxiety, and also yielded some dramatic and exciting body releases in a pose that was usually troublesome for me (Down Dog).   But the MDMA felt overly medicative, and because I found myself dissociating through most of the journey, I was not able to explore the full potential of the Yoga work during that journey.  I was eager to try this experiment again with just the LSD, and had the opportunity two weeks later.

This journey I reduced the dosage to 2.5 tabs of LSD.  I began on an extremely empty stomach at 8 pm.  As before, I began to practice my Yoga immediately upon dosing.  I went through my practice for 30 minutes.  This time there was no noticeable effect.  My mind is frequently subjected to exaggerated Obsessive Compulsive loops during journey work, which is expressed by the need to compulsively repeat a previously successful experience, and I panic when it does not follow the route my mind thinks the journey should take. I took a break, listened to some music, and then came back to the Yoga mat.  I calmed myself by telling myself that I had lots of time, all night, and then simply started the Yoga workout again from the beginning.  The time was 9 pm -- one hour in.

This time, the effects were immediately and profoundly different.  I found it very hard to transition from one pose to another, since each pose I entered had so much going on in it.  Each pose was an intimate exploration.  Each pose was its own virtual universe -- mesmerizing.  I would find my body moving of its own accord to adjust in the pose, and most of the adjustments felt completely surprising to me – ways my body had never set into before.  Yet, in many of them, as my body would self-adjust, I could suddenly recall a yoga teacher recommending to me or to other students that exact adjustment, but never experiencing it as relevant to myself or my body.  And with each automatic and surprising adjustment, I would exclaim “Oh!  That’s what he meant!”  And it would feel totally good, and right, and pleasurable.  I did not want to leave each pose for the next because of how good each pose felt.

In the style I’m now studying (the Anasura style), our teacher continually brings us back to Adho Mukha Svanasana (Down Dog), which is where we start and where we end each sequence.  And following this pattern, I kept coming back to Down Dog.  And I kept staying in Down Dog longer and longer.  The pull to that pose just seemed to be more and more compelling.  Finally, I stopped moving into other poses altogether, and just stayed in Down Dog.  Strange things started happening to my shoulders – they were reconfiguring in the pose, self-adjusting in a way that made them stronger, allowing me to stay in the pose longer.   My legs were vibrating.  It became harder and harder to keep the pose, but something told me to keep working in it.  My arms and shoulders ached, more and more.  I continued to stay.  My breathing began quickening.  And then, the screams came – screams of terror that had been bound up in my shoulders since infancy.  I dropped out of the pose to scream into a pillow (to muffle the sound from neighbors, and to protect my throat), and released, and released.

When I was done, I walked around for a few minutes, feeling kind of dazed, but thrilled -- excited at the depth and power of the release.  Then I went back to Down Dog, and did it all over again.  Again, the movement deeper into the pose, just hanging out, until the breath started quickening, and then a huge emotional release.  I repeated this sequence another two or three times, each time dropping down into a pillow to release more and more of the terror that had been held into very tight musculature in my shoulders.

In an almost experimental mode, I moved on to Uttanasana (forward bend), to try to work very tight hamstrings, which were vibrating in Down Dog, but not releasing.  The effects in forward bend were also dramatic and profound.  The tight hamstrings were frozen because they holding me up – they were doing the job of my lower-back-side-muscles, which were not available because they, in turn, were trying to do the job of the lower-side-abdominals.  These lower-side-abdominals were not available for my structural use because they were no longer doing the job of a muscle, but rather they were a holding tank -- holding in deep, deep sobs.  And when the forward bend began to melt the hamstrings, all of this unwound – the hamstrings released, the back side muscles let go, then the front side muscles opened up, and deep sobbing began releasing from the sides of my gut. I could feel each part of this layered patchwork of musculature band-aid unwind and release with the sobbing.  The sobbing was so deep, and so profound, that I threw up (nothing to throw up, of course, but a lot of emotional release).

Next were some very gentle and unexciting twists (simply laying on my back with the knees bent, legs to one side).  These “unexciting” twists turned into glory.  I felt my whole spine simply relax and unwind, releases all up and down, and in my hips, and I started laughing.  There was laughter bound up in my hips and lower spine, and the twist, allowed this, too, to release.  I was laughing, joyously, for between 10 and 15 minutes.

All of this took place during the second hour.

This was when I had the most significant insight of the journey, and that was this:

------ Every pose was a healing ------

When even the simple twist yielded a release, I then understood that every single pose I could do would lead me to some place in my body where I had stuck energy, or unreleased emotions, or locked-in trauma.  If I was in a pose, and I wasn’t feeling joy in the pose, that was the sign that I had something stuck there.  All I had to do was to stay in the pose, keep breathing, and automatically, I would work my way down to whatever might be stuck, and, using my breath, it would work its way out of my system through some sort of vocal release.

And so I went back to Down Dog.  My mind told me I’d already done the work.  That there was nothing there.  It felt good being in the pose, but nothing else was going to come up.  That I should try something else.  I started to quicken my breathing.  My mind told me that it wasn’t working.  Then my mind confirmed that it wasn’t working.  My breathing started to quicken even more.  And my mind kept confirming that it wasn’t working, right up until the split moment that most powerful screams of terror came out of the deepest part of my center.  And they continued into the pillow for another full minute.  I had never released that deeply.  I was shaken, and a little stunned.  And five minutes later, I was back in Down Dog.  And there was my mind telling me all over again that nothing was going to happen.  And I had an even bigger release.

My mind kept playing the same game.  And I kept going back.  And I kept having these huge releases.  Finally, after bruising my nose trying to drop into the pillow when the screams started, I just piled up some pillows right under my nose so I could stay in the pose and do my screaming without breaking the pose (and without disturbing my neighbors).

I would take breaks during this process.  There was huge energy being expended, but I had been working on my stamina for several months to be able to do this work, and now it was paying off.  It did not matter if I felt too tired to do another Down Dog.  It did not matter if I “felt” like there was anything there to release.  It did not matter if I felt like doing anything at all.  It was all rather automatic (but not at all in any kind of disconnected way – rather, it was all VERY connected).  All I had to do was move into the pose, keep breathing, completely ignore what my mind was telling me and stay in the pose, and the release would come.   Finally, at about hour four it felt like I had really done all the releasing I was going to do in Down Dog for the evening.

Hour five:  Now I finally felt I could move into Pigeon pose (one knee cocked underneath with other leg extended back).   Again the same type of release – the mind denying, avoiding, dismissing --  right up until the very second of release of more fear out of the hips.

Switch sides.  This time, on the second side of Pigeon, the mind was even more insistent on avoiding any release.  As I negotiated with my mind, I told my mind that since I was not feeling joy in the pose, I was damn well going to stay there until I had my release.  And so my mind said, ok let’s feel the joy – and I felt the hip release into a place of pleasure.  But I also felt something really weird happen.  It felt like a snake traveling up from my hips through my back into my shoulders – literally.  As my hips relaxed and released without any type of expression coming out though my breath, this serpentine thing that felt bizarrely but realistically like a snake wound its way up my back and deposited itself into my shoulders, which promptly tightened and started feeling locked and almost painful.  WTF?  Back to Down Dog.  And then, an incredibly huge release of screaming (pain) out of my shoulders.

This demonstrated to me that a locked-in emotion in one part of the body could be moved out of one part of the body, but it would not be released unless it was given a vocalized expression of that emotion.  Instead, it would simply migrate to another part of the body, there to become part of the held-in-tension and eventual solidification of the musculature, unless and until released.

By 2:00 am, I felt I had done some of the most powerful and sustained emotional release work of my life.  I was not tired, nor was I wiped out, but I felt deeply grounded, and I felt good.  My body felt different.  I was walking differently.  Because the hamstrings were now no longer being used to keep the sides locked in (which kept them rigid and locked), they were released and available for walking, which allowed my legs to have a spring that allowed my knees to bend with a flexibility I had never felt before.  All this allowed my hips to move in ways that I also had never experienced before.

I ended my journey at 2:30 am by eating a light meal.  I was feeling like I had done many journeys’ worth of work in this single evening, and, even though a typical journey for me lasts from 8-10 hours, I called it a night at 5.5 hours.

Most exciting for me was possibility that I had found a “formula.”  A way to do the work that did not require anything of my mind to “get it right,” or to “try” to achieve some result that might not happen.  It was as simple as a mathematical formula:

LSD + Yoga Pose + Breath + Time = Release.  (Pillow optional.)

Years of release in a single night.

This was the most powerful work I’ve done.  I hope this report helps others who are use this kind of work to find the deeply unconscious places that remain hidden to ordinary methods of healing.

Additional notes:

I have studied Iyengar Yoga for several years.  There are many types of yoga and many types of teachers.  Some types are less concerned with precision and placement in the poses than others.  I, for myself, found that having Iyengar Yoga’s grounding in precision, placement, and sequencing was very important for my work that evening.  I did find during the journey that there was a correct way to do a pose, and, while my body would often find its way to that correct pose entirely on its own, much of my grounding in the Iyengar work helped me move far more quickly towards the pose I needed to be in, and with confidence that I would not hurt myself in the process.  I do not have the experience to recommend any style over another since I have only worked in the two styles mentioned herein.  I offer only that a Yoga school that is more meticulous about correct positioning in poses might be an advantage in this type of work.

My breathing during this work was simply normal breathing.  The quickening of the breath that immediately preceded the releases was mostly involuntarily, although sometimes I had the perception that I had initiated it voluntarily.  That perception may have been the mind trying to take credit for anything it could grab onto as a way of minimizing (to itself) its utter lack of control over the work, but that, too, did not seem to matter.  I surmise that people deeply experienced in using breathwork, such as pranayama, might find an even more profound doorway into these deep places, but I do not have experience or training to offer that report.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 66904

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Feb 17, 2011	Views: 31,217

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LSD (2), Yoga / Bodywork (202) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   55 kg

On January 12, 2008, I had an LSD experience that would change my view on the world for good. More than just feelings of pleasure and pain, it had the sheer force of intensity to it, and my complete surrendering to whatever came along. My only desire being to see things for what they truly were.

Now this was around my twentieth trip on acid, and I had been taking it regularly, once or twice a month for about a year, thinking I had seen most of what the drug had to offer. It had taken me about five trips to realize that I was best when taking LSD alone in my apartment, apart from the raves, parties and night clubs which most of my friends would choose as a setting. Over the course of all this acid experimentation in 2007, I acquired a clear sense of direction and purpose in life, readjusting myself dramatically to the things I thought were in fact worth fighting for.

I quit a four year addiction to Klonopin, lost complete interest in alcohol, marijuana and tobacco; found my soul dwelling in the arts as I rediscovered painting and classical music. Actually, I quit my language course in the university to try a major in piano, realizing that I had spent my teenage years too fearfully to affirm my artistic identity, and that the track I had been leading would surely lead me to undeniable frustration. My hermitage also grew considerably and social interaction became an ever greater task, as I substantially found myself on another plain of thought and interest, I could no longer go out with my friends to just “hang out”, neither submit myself to any passiveness towards daily life. I felt like there was a bubbling, active volcano, erupting inside of me, pleading for artistic productivity and disciplined dedication to musical studies, and that there was no time to lose, no time to be spent fooling around.

I must also point out that three months after my first hit, I developed intense tracers, light and noise sensibility, a wavery vision in which nothing stands still for too long and some phases of stomach clenching anxiety. Symptoms I later related to what is called to be HPPD. There was something else I can only call “enhanced thinking”, as my imagination and creative powers sparkled to an unprecedented level of output causing me to put a lot of faith in the my artistic development as a whole. Interesting enough, as these HPPD symptoms sky-rocketed, my interest in LSD only grew stronger.

In January 2008, I acquired 8 hits of a blotter I had not yet tried. At about 10:30, on a sunshine Saturday morning, alone in my fourteenth floor apartment about 50 meters from the Brazilian coastline, I took one of these hits. And within 50 minutes I realized that something very different was at play, as reality began a slow and unstoppable path towards disintegration. The trip came 4 to 5 times stronger than I had ever tripped before, and the well known apartment which I had been living for the past three years morphed into uncharted, unexplored territory.

Now something inexplicable happens to me when I take acid that my piano and painting techniques burst ridiculously with expression, something I could never really match while being sober, and for that reason tend to have a frustrating outcome. But I never give up trying, having the drug showed me what I’m capable of. On this particular trip, there was very little playing, no panting at all. I could barely move is most of what I can say. With six to seven thoughts in my head all at once, there was very little room for action or decision making.

As lunch time arrived, I grew increasingly hungry and headed for the kitchen where I spent the next two pain-tasking hours trying to prepare myself a meal. By that time I was being repeatedly struck with very different, contrasting emotions of great bliss and great sorrow. It was as if I was an actor being shoved with every possible role-play, and feeling beneath the skin all the possible emotions that human beings are capable of feeling.

As the effects continued gaining in strength, I realized I would glimpse both heaven and hell, and the kitchen I was in was no longer a kitchen, but a swamp, with broad leaf petals and a misty, fog type atmosphere. As I looked at the garbage can, I envisioned multiple insect, worm-like creatures feasting on rotting food. And then suddenly, I could see my body, a pale-grayish body lying on dirt, dead, rotting as well, being feasted on by worms and flies. I felt my fleshy body intensely and took into account that my hands, skin, eyes, and all the fleshy meat that made me be would one day be eaten by these slow chewing worms, and that the lives of these worms depended on my fleshy meat, just as I depended on the ingestion of other living creatures to live as well.

And then it hit me, like a bomb, like a surprising explosion of truth… That if all life were to be made one, it must continuously feed upon itself to sustain its existence. Figuratively speaking, one must chew one’s own arm to give one’s leg the possibility of growth. I cannot blame mosquitoes for thirsting for my blood, no matter what conditions life gives us, it’s only natural that life wants to live, and it’ll move out of its way to do so, no matter the costs.

With such ideas in mind, the meat and beans that I finally managed to serve on my plate had a different tone to them. Needless to say I rejected the meat, chewing on it felt like chewing on my own. I ate the beans or else hunger would have certainly sent me on a downwards spiral.

There was a point in the trip in which the magnitude of the experience looked down at me from up above. I no longer had control of its directions and my ego was washed away. I didn’t know who I was, and this feeling of a lost identity was frightening at first, but then everything all around was so abundant with endless streams of possibility, I didn’t care who I was. The marvel of not being in character was just fine with me. And in that ego-lost state, I realized how the fabric of life was indeed the fabric of a dream, and one’s life could be a good dream or a bad dream, but still a dream, made true by the endless “life eats life” cycle.

At about 4 hours after ingestion, I felt utterly alive, with streams of vibrations flowing through my body, I could not really locate where my body was. There was a definite body-mind split which made me exist thoroughly in thought. And I felt like a kid about 4 years old, with a big honest smile on his face, longing for a playground, a place to play his life away. And playing gave life meaning, the joy of spilling energy for a cause that found purpose in itself, not needing any justification other than the sheer desire to play. I understood how important it was to be in peace with one’s self in order to have a better life quality. The song they sing to us when we’re kids: “Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merely, merely, merely, merely, life is but a dream.”, proved to take in tremendous amounts of wisdom.

All along the experience, faces and gestures of people would flash in front of me. I’d wonder who they were. I’d have an infinite amount of empathy for the faces I saw, wanting to hug them, and pour myself into them in a great gesture of love. I would then see myself as a very old man, watching my grandchildren (or just kids in general) playing in a park or something, having fun. And I would feel like god, wanting to create a world better than our own, a place where more smiles and less suffering would be seen.

About nine hours into the experience, I gradually started to come down and resumed creative activities, playing each note on the piano with great delicacy and love, music being made an essential aspect of my life. I felt as if I had survived something great, and had gotten a peak of something even greater. Most of all there was a prevailing feeling in me that there is more suffering in life than is made plausible, and that a lot of this suffering shows to no utility at all. I also longed for the impossible: the ability to not depend on other living beings to myself be and began to wonder if I’d ever find a realm in which such was made possible.

That night I did not sleep, I was not sleepy at all. The stillness of the late night hours gave a feeling that everything was in its right place, like a calm sea after a heavy storm, a feeling of harmony and understanding, that I knew my place in the universe and that there was nothing to fear. Somehow I believed that if the person I am role-playing while journeying on planet earth ever reached his fullest potential, this role-playing me would die a complete death, and the characterless, egoless me that embodied myself would gladly move on to a state of unbeing, or being on a realm not as harsh as than the one found on planet earth.

Maybe life on earth is an acid trip in itself, with good trips and bad trips, pleasure and pain, and a lot to teach us about who we are and what we’re after. A real test of endurance not meant for the weak-hearted, but what all this striving is meant for... one must answer oneself. The meaning of life is most likely the meaning we give to it.

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 73418

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Oct 30, 2008	Views: 368,554

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LSD (2) : General (1), HPPD / Lasting Visuals (40), Mystical Experiences (9), Alone (16)