		 DOSE:

		 0.3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   185 lb

This happened a little over 2 years ago.  My first experience with LSD, but, to preface: I had been curious of trying LSD because of some very intense depressive and suicidal episodes that took place in late 2013 through the middle of 2014. I had gotten to the point where I was extremely suicidal and attempted to do the deed by means of overdosing on prescription painkillers. I remember the night of taking the painkillers, prior to that night I had experienced 3 days of very little sleep and sitting up all night listening to the same songs on repeat and staring at a wall, so the painkillers were almost a welcome change in scenery at the time. I took them and went to sleep, I woke up the next morning and was completely unsure of whether I was dead or alive, and rather uncaring I’d either. But, nonetheless I presumed I was alive still, and proceeded with my life.

I spoke with a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with clinical depression. This led to heavy doses of anti-depressants being prescribed to me by a psychologist. The heaviest of which was 40mg of Escitalopram, and 450mg of Wellbutrin. I took this dosage for a single day, and have not touched anti-depressants since. That day I was convinced I was going to die, as it felt as though my face was melting and that my body was shutting down. This caused me to abruptly quit these medications and search out another method of attaining clarity in life. This led to a very deep interest in philosophy and psychology for me. I read countless books on the subjects and various “sub-genres” of the two main subjects. This led me to reading Alan Watts as well, and reading about his experience with LSD. This intrigued me, and I could not help but research more deeply on this very interesting substance. Needless to say, I spent the next 6-8 months researching it deeply. I read countless reports, and reading the amazing experiences and realizations people have had made me more intrigued than ever to give it a shot. Maybe, just maybe, LSD would lead me to my answers for the questions that I had, even though I was unsure of what the questions were. This led me to talking around with my friends and as it would end up, my friend “Tom” was also interested in trying LSD. Tom knew a dealer who had some, so I payed Tom and he bought us both 1 tab. We planned to trip on Presidents Day, as we did not have school and Tom's parents were out of town for the week. As we both mentally prepared for the upcoming date, another of my very good friends, “Peter”, asked if he could join us in tripping. We responded with open arms, and Peter payed Tom to get him a tab.

THE EXPERIENCE

Presidents Day rolled around and me and Peter met at Toms house with Tom to begin our trip. We all walked into the kitchen and discussed the amount we would take. Tom decided to do a full tab, as it was his second time tripping and he felt comfortable doing so. Peter decided to do a third as it was his first time, and I also decided to do a third as it was my first time

I also decided to do a third as it was my first time

. We all took our blotters and had a small toast to the upcoming experience.

We all walked outside and sat down and patiently waited, Peter and I were somewhat giddy with anticipation as to the effects of the LSD. Tom was less giddy as he had already had a previous experience. After about 25 minutes, Peter and I were talking about any changes in our vision that we may have noticed or placebo’d ourselves into seeing. This did not consist of a whole lot, yet. We waited another 15 minutes, and proceeded to have another conversation. This time, speaking about how all of the trees outside suddenly looked outlined, as if they had a high resolution filter on them. They were unmistakably noticeable, as if they demanded that they be emphasized out of the rest of nature. We talked about these details and then decided to walk inside. We all went to Tom's room where Tom's girlfriend was, Tom began cuddling with her and was mostly focusing on her for the majority of the trip. Me and Peter moved to the hallway outside his room and gawked at a painted canvas hanging on the wall, this canvas had a sunset over a small island with a palm tree, the sunset reflected off of the water and made the ocean look beautiful in the picture. We marveled at these colors and then moved to sitting on the floor and watching the carpet move and breathe.

It was not long after this that I decided to move outside again, I went outside and laid on the deck. I listened to the wind against the leaves of the trees and heard all of the tiny sounds coming from all parts of the nature that surrounded me. This was by far the most calming and absolutely gorgeous sound I had ever heard. I flipped onto my chest, as I was previously laying on my back, and saw a leaf lying on the deck. I stared at this leaf, and watched all of the tiny, intricate patterns in the leaf dance and breathe as if it was just as alive as I was. I absolutely marveled at these details and was astonished, at the fact that something so small and minute as a leaf, could have so much detail put into it. I continued to lay and stare at this leaf in awe as I pondered this question of detail in small forms. After about an hour of staring at this leaf and listening to the sounds of nature as it was living alongside me, I closed my eyes.

When I closed my eyes, I suddenly saw a huge burst of color, and this burst of color then faded to a deep, and beautiful purple mixed with other colors that seemed to be in a transparent layer behind the purple. Barely visible, but visible nonetheless. Then, surrounding and inside of this purple hue that I was viewing with my eyes shut, I saw small white dots lighting up everywhere in random spots on the purple hue of color. This looked like what I would imagine the universe as looking like if I could clearly see it in the middle of the nothingness it engulfs. As the white dots appeared in this “universe”, I witnessed a tree growing out of nothing in the color and white lights that I was seeing. This tree continued to grow right in plain view of my mind, and I witnessed it growing from nothing, to being a mature tree, and then watching the leaves it grew ever so slowly, very slowly falling off the tree one by one. Till the tree was barren and empty. Then, I viewed its leaves regrowing and the cycle repeating itself. This cycle of this tree growing and dying and growing and dying continued on in my mind. I realized at that moment as it repeated itself. That human existence is no different than the tree and its leaves. We grow as people and expand ourselves, only to die in the end, only to rejoin the rest of the universe as one, as the leaf falls to the ground and decomposes to provide the soil with more nutrients that provide plants more fertile soil to grow in. Everything is an extension of another thing, and that continues until the last extension is a extension of one single thing. Everything.

At the time I realized this in my trip, I smiled very wide and opened my eyes. A warm feeling unlike anything I’d ever felt coursed through my body. I felt so pure, and genuinely happy. I felt as though all of my questions were answered and that I could rejoin the universe and exist in harmony as I should have been doing all along. This truly felt like the first time I had ever felt genuinely happy, and to this day continues to be one of the most absolutely beautiful and defining moments of my entire life. I still tear up when thinking about it, as it is truly the one time in my life when I felt whole. I felt pure and I felt the clarity that I strive to attain in my life now.

I felt the clarity that I strive to attain in my life now.

 It is beauty in and of itself that I wish I could hold onto. But, nonetheless, after I had this realization, I stood up. And just stared into the woods surrounding the majority of Tom's house. I smiled wide and full as I stared at the woods. I stood there like this, probably looking absolutely ridiculous. But feeling absolutely amazing, for quite a while. My friends then walked out and retrieved me from the deck and walked inside with me.

We talked and shared our own individual experiences thus far, and Tom, being how he is, had convinced Peter to take the rest of his tab, and then tried to convince me to take the rest of mine. I knew that stacking trips was not smart, and didn’t want to come up as I was coming down or peak as I came down. So I refused Tom's attempt to make me take the rest, and in a last attempt, Tom tried to tell me how him and Peter were on a “whole other level” and how he wanted me to be there with them. I looked at Tom dead in the eyes and just stared at him. At the time I was thinking something along the lines of “why are you trying to get me to do something, when I clearly don’t want to. And have good reasons for not wanting to.”  As I stood and stared, Tom gave up on trying me and returned to his room. I simply thought, “ you are doing this for the wrong reasons bro”. But I wouldn’t tell him, as I didn’t want to put a damper on his experience. I sat down on the couch in Tom's living room and looked at my phone, my cousin had texted asking if I wanted to hang. I said sure, and my cousin came and picked me up. At this point, I was feeling the come down pretty decent, so I knew I could converse normally and function properly. We went out and got a pizza, then returned to his house and watched some Top Gear. I came down completely after a few episodes of Top Gear and returned home later that evening.

THE CONCLUSION

I felt as though my first trip had taken an extremely thick fog that resides in my mind, and blew it clear away. And left me with no confusion or non awareness of the paths I could choose to follow in life, and it began the next step of my journey. Which is still continuing on, and I have a feeling it won’t end anytime soon. My first trip was the most loving, beautiful, and enchanting experience I have ever had the pleasure of living through. I very often sit and wonder if I will ever find my answers I search for, I think maybe I will one day. But I think deep down I know, that truly, I won’t find them in my own life. Initially this may seem disheartening, but my friends, please, if you take anything from this, take and remember this one piece of advice.

Often times, the journey is far better than the destination.

Peace.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 112003

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 16

Published: Jun 7, 2018	Views: 906

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LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Depression (15), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   165 lb

My junior prom was located at the Disneyland Hotel Ballroom in Anaheim, California.  A large group of us got together to take photographs of our formalwear.   My date, E.T. and I, matched well, and were excited for the dance.  I was very excited to go to the prom; having taken LSD on multiple occasions prior to prom, I decided that ingesting some LSD at the prom would be a good idea.  It sounded very fun.

Everything was going very well.  After dinner, my friend and I walked upstairs to use the restroom.  It was around 9p.m., an opportune time to take the LSD I planned on eating.  At once, I ate all five hits that I had folded in a piece of paper in my pocket.  “Was that three?” my friend asked.  “No, five” I said.

The tabs disintegrated quite well on my tongue.  Never before had any of the paper LSD I had taken dissolved so perfectly; I could feel the acid going into my body.  Within minutes I could feel the stuff working on me.  I came up quick, and within twenty minutes on the dance floor, I was tripping hard.  Little did I know that my trip would intensify for the next three and a half hours.

The dancing was phenomenal.  The song that best sticks out in my mind is Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.  The climax of the song is one of the climaxes of my life.     The theme of the prom was Cinderella; so naturally, trippy, fairy tale Disney music was played throughout the ballroom.  While slow dancing with my date to a Disney song (with birds chirping, tin whistles, and the like), the room changed colors from red, to yellow, to purple.  It was a very euphoric and colorful experience, and caused me to giggle and smile a lot.

While waiting in the ballroom lobby for the Limo to pick up our group and drive us to the after party, I remember feeling like I was going to fall over.  I felt so funny I could barely stand.  My pupils were very bold.  I was covered in sweat from dancing energetically and intensely, African style ☺.  Within minutes, I would lose control.  Just minutes longer at the Prom and I would have been completely fucked.

The first thing that I did subconsciously occurred in the limousine on the way to the afterparty.  The Limo was driving around a roundabout, the centripetal force holding me pressed against my seat.  There were lights flashing on the ground in the Limo, and very loud music was playing.  Everything was crazy, and the intensity of the dancing at Prom was fresh in my mind.  Lots of flashing colors and intense rushes of emotion were flowing through my sight and awareness.  “Wooooooooooo!”  It wasn’t until after everyone in the Limo was looking at me did I realize what I had done.  I had just screamed at the top of my lungs “Wooooooooooooo” with my right hand/fist clenched, and raised high in the air.  I had no control over screaming; like I said, it wasn’t until after I screamed and everyone was laughing at me that I realized I screamed in the first place.

The second thing that occurred subconsciously took place when we arrived to the after party.  I was sitting in the Limousine, and I looked to my right and realized that everyone in the Limo had exited except for three others and me.  Those who hadn’t left the Limo were to my left, and were unable to get out of the Limo because I wouldn’t move.  I suppose I was non-responsive because they seemed very irritated and confused as to why I wouldn’t exit the Limo.  This was the second time that I had done something that I had no control over.  In both situations, it wasn’t until after I did the subconscious action that I realized I even did it.

I proceeded to walk into the residence with my date.  By this point, I was tripping very hard, but still having an excellent time.  “I’m tripping so hard” I told my date.  I wasn’t sure if she knew exactly what that really meant; in fact, I seriously doubt that many others on this planet (with the exception of some, of course) understand the magnitude of an intense acid trip.

Changing into comfortable linen and bamboo clothing took probably fifteen minutes.  Upon exiting the laundry room in which I changed, I heard someone say “Who takes that long to change?”

I desperately needed to smoke some pot.  Everyone at the party was openly drinking bier despite the fact that the Mr. and Mrs. were home.  I figured it wouldn’t be a problem if I smoked some grass.  “You can’t smoke that here, it’s illegal, and the smell is very obvious,” I was told as I packed a bowl.  I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t smoke some weed.  People allow their children to drink beer and alcohol, but smoking marijuana is frowned upon, and it’s senseless.  I guess some things I’ll never know.  My high was intensifying, engulfing me with positive energies.

Minutes later, I stood up to walk upstairs on the balcony to smoke some grass, but on the way, I got into a conversation with my friend.  He started talking about parents.  He told me that there were sophomore girls in the group whose parents will be coming to pick them up.  Everything was very fast and crazy, and intense open and closed eye visuals overwhelmed me.  Although I wouldn’t realize it for another ten minutes or so, I was already in a delusional and subconscious state. I had a vision of a man running and weaving in and out of people at a Rave I went to in LA.

Everything was crazy, people are talking about parents, and I had a vision of a man who got out of sight, then BOOM!!!  I took off sprinting through the party, weaved in and out of people extremely fast, and ran out the front door and up the street.  A chain reaction went off in my head, and I subconsciously believed that I had to get out of sight because of parents.  I did not think about it, I just did it.  “Ryan, where are you going?” my friend Robbie yelled, chasing after me.

I stopped, turned around, and then slow jogged back down the driveway and into the residence.  The reality is, everyone at the party had just witnessed me sprint through the house as fast as possible for no apparent reason (which, later described by my friend Jeff, was the “fastest he had ever seen a human run”).  From my perspective, though, the reason I had run was legitimate.  I truly believed that I had to get out of sight (or perhaps I didn’t really think about it, for everything was intensely colorful, fast, and euphoric).  I thought that because the reason I took off running was legit, everyone who had witnessed me run was impressed by the will that I had to get out of sight.  I felt like a prophet.  I thought that everyone thought that I was badass for running so unbelievably fast to get out of sight. I refer to these delusions as delusions of grandeur.  The LSD propelled me into an extremely delusional state in which I felt superior and prophetic.

The LSD propelled me into an extremely delusional state in which I felt superior and prophetic.

I remember walking into the kitchen and catching something this beautiful girl from my school said.  She said, “…I’ll never look at him the same.”  At that moment, she turned her head and smiled at me, indicating that she was talking about me. She had been discussing my incredible will; it was as if she wanted me. I felt amazing.

Shortly thereafter, I decided to go into the Jacuzzi, but I had no bathing suit.  I took my linen pants off and went into the spa in my boxers.  Two of my friends joined me in the Jacuzzi.  I remember chugging beer very fast.  When I got out of the spa, I was wet, and needed a towel.  “Get me a towel, I need a towel, someone get me a fucking towel!”  All subconscious.

I was wet and wanted to be dry, so I did the logical thing, and took off my wet boxers.  I walked into the house, completely naked.  Someone yelled, “R’s naked!”  I am a respectable person, not someone who gets naked in public.  My friends tried to help me but I was completely delusional, unable to sit still or control in any way.  I eventually managed to put clothes on, only after everyone at the party saw me naked from front to back.

The Mrs. had seen me run upstairs naked.  She commented that I had a cute rear end.  After I clothed myself, I remember talking to her.  “What did you take?”  She asked.  “Blotter,” I responded, holding my fingers up indicating five hits.  I could barely speak.  Everything I said throughout the night was awkwardly forced and sounded fucked up.  At one point in the night, The Mrs. brought me into her bedroom and tried talking to me with her husband.  I was unable to sit still, getting up subconsciously every thirty seconds or so.  I was tripping extremely hard.  I could barely get words out, and I couldn’t control myself for more than a minute.  I would pace back and forth, and when people asked me if I were ok, I’d respond by saying, “I’m golden.”

Beginning at the time I got to the residence, the following hour and a half or so was characterized by 30-45 seconds of conscious awareness, then 20-30 seconds of subconscious actions.  I would do things uncontrollably, snap out of it, and then fade back into a subconscious and delusional realm.  These subconscious delusions and altered perceptions faded in and out every minute or so for about two hours.  The entire time, I certainly had a heightened sense of awareness; my senses were keen, my memory was clear, and I felt very focused.  In spite of my misperception of true reality, my delusional state was one of clarity.

I eventually stopped doing things subconsciously, and the delusions changed into the realization of the magnitude of what had just happened.  The harsh realization that I had run around and exposed myself while on high doses of LSD had just dawned on me.  My delusions of grandeur became fallacies, and I immediately felt ashamed for my obnoxious behavior.  Although I was still tripping very hard and getting intense visuals (my hallucinations were both auditory and visual, very colorful and happy), I was able to control my actions.

Everyone at the party was still drinking and having a good time.  I tried to mingle with everyone, but was unable to.  I felt inclined to apologize to people, but found that bringing up what had happened was a bad idea.  One person’s response to my apology was, “Yeah, running around naked on acid at a party isn’t exactly something you want to be remembered for.”  I felt extremely depressed and embarrassed as a result of what I had done.

I felt extremely depressed and embarrassed as a result of what I had done.

  If I had been at the party and witnessed my behavior, I would have been frightened.  I spent the remainder of the night on the couch watching Varsity Blues.

I hadn’t slept all night, the only person at the party to do so.  Around 5:15 am, rhe Mrs. peeked her head over the couch and looked into my eyes, both of which were wide open.  “You’re sweating,” she said.  As everyone else woke up, The Mrs. served us an amazing breakfast.  She arranged to have her housekeeper drive me home.  I returned home, and later that day, my mother and I flew to  to visit family.  I never got in trouble for it.  The Prom was on a Thursday evening.  That following Monday, I ran a 10 Kilometer race.  I had not been in peak shape, but managed to run it in one hour.  I felt tired for a few days following the Prom, but shortly thereafter, felt fine.  The aftereffects were minimal.  However, prolonged use of any drug will result in more negative after effects.

This junior prom was perhaps the most profound life-changing experience I’ve ever had.  I never thought that something like that could happen to me.  I have a new respect for the unbelievable capabilities of LSD.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 76812

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 17

Published: Jun 10, 2018	Views: 1,457

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LSD (2) : General (1), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Large Group (10+) (19)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 3.5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 8:00
		 3 hits
		 smoked
		 DMT

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   140 lb

LSDMT- Cosmic Alien Bardo interface

The following is an account of the most intense, bizarre and certainly the most intriguing psychedelic experience I’ve ever had. I was on a heavy dose of LSD. The dose based on the strength of my tabs was 525 ug (3.5 hits of 150 ug). I know most confirmed reports of LSD dosage are a matter of conjecture however the LSD was procured from a source that is reliable. The experience was very intense and on the come up I saw splashes of color all around me while walking into the bathroom. There were pink outlines to my hair and splashes of green around the walls. My dog looked like a pink and green psy-doggy. If contact highs are real let me tell you that little dog has been on some journeys.

So I’m on this journey through the cosmos and perceiving the fractal nature of everything. It gets very intense and I just dissolve. At this kind of dose music isn’t enhanced like it is at lower doses; it’s distorted with overtones and screeches. Even strumming a guitar is ugly sounding with all the extra reverberations.  I came to many realizations during this experience and it was a little scary until I realized that we’re all one and then I let go completely and rode a wave of fractal thought.

The main moment that I want to talk about happened on the tail end of my LSD experience. It was about 8 hours into the experience. Due to the dose I was still tripping quite hard although coming down. I decided to smoke some DMT. I had tried to smoke some a few weeks earlier although unsuccessfully. As a result I loaded a rather large amount of DMT in the pipe to account for user error as well as the inadequacy of my vaporization tool (marijuana pipe and layer of ash). I estimate I loaded about 60mg- 65mg although inhaled a much smaller amount that I can only speculate.

After my third hit I violently exploded out of my body.  It was so violent and physical a sensation that I felt like all my internal organs had for sure exploded out of my mouth.

It was so violent and physical a sensation that I felt like all my internal organs had for sure exploded out of my mouth.

 I was able to verify this wasn’t the case and fell back into some sort of trance state. I was in this place. It was some sort of Bardo, a place between life and death. It was some sort of universal alien interface and I was shown all sorts of alien languages on this alien technology. It seemed to be a place where all the souls that were dying or birthing were traveling through. Technology seemed to play some sort of a part and seemed to mediate this process. I saw screens with alien languages and symbols on them. This was a place where time did not exist at all.  I remember looking over at my laptop at a point and seeing something that wasn’t my laptop. It was an alien machine.

 I do not know at what times my eyes were open or closed or if they were closed the entire time. It felt like a very long time and it also felt like 30 seconds. There was a pool of saliva in my mouth when I returned to this reality. I imagine that it was only 2 to 3 minutes. I was scared in that alien place. I did not freak out but wondered if I would return to my world. I think that’s when I looked at my laptop and saw something that was alien. Luckily I returned very quickly to baseline.

Once I returned I snapped out of the trance state and started screaming “oh my god” at the top of my voice at 4 am. What I saw was essentially some sort of alien contact experience. For someone like me this is huge. I love the idea of sentience in the universe and I saw that today. Also my experience was so different from Terence McKenna’s accounts of the DMT space as well as many other accounts. I did not see too much geometry or overwhelming visuals in the form of rotating shapes and entities. It seemed different. I don’t know if this is just something that I was tuned into or if my dose was small. Or perhaps the large dose of LSD colored the DMT experience. If that was a small dose of DMT, I shudder to think what a large dose must be like.

DMT also seems to have reverberated through time and in the few days it’s been since that experience I’ve had countless synchronicities in my day to day life.  Whatever it is new doors were opened and my world view has been altered. I’ve realized that there’s so much more to know out there and that ultimately I don’t know much at all. I just can’t believe it. It’s everything I wanted yet something I don’t recognize at all.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 103100

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 22

Published: Jun 11, 2018	Views: 1,012

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LSD (2), DMT (18) : Entities / Beings (37), Combinations (3), Unknown Context (20)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 2:00
		 12 oz
		 oral
		 Alcohol - Beer/Wine

		   T+ 5:00
		 2 cups
		 oral
		 Coffee

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

T. 0:00 6 mm x 5mm tab of teddy bear dead family needlepoint taken sublingually (Expecting roughly 75mcg.) (8:17pm MST)

T. 0:05 Making Angel hair pasta, trying a new sauce.

T. 0:15 Chewed what remained of tab. I find it terribly inconvenient to hold the paper in my mouth for more than 15 minutes, and as far as I can tell it results in no diminished effects.

T. 0:20 Likely placebo, but very faint body load detected.

T. 0:27 I can feel the paper in my stomach and a slight tickle in the back of my throat

T.(9:04pm) Dinner ready. Definitely feeling the lightened body and egotistical mindset distinctive of early trips

T. 2:07 Definitely a cleaner feeling trip than the 'fluff' that we got from some 'dead family' in Oregon. Auditory hallucinations and general good feelings. A sense of being open and simply enjoying. Many thoughts come to mind, but I let most pass by with the realization that whatever is now is all that matters and everything else is secondary. Feeling very much at peace with my life and life's decisions. Also feeling extremely competant, however no tests come to mind as of right now. Dinner was okay. I've decided to enjoy a bud-light. Weve been watching the office on netflix. And I will go back to that now.

Sorry busy chasing the dragons

T. 3:.37 Playing minecraft with the woman I love, chasing the dragons in the chinese mythology mash-up had to make a bottle for our daughter. I've reached the point that is common in my acid use where I feel like I'm thinking of things in an important way, as in I can properly discern answers, but I dont know how to apply these thoughts in my daily life in a manner that would be productive.

I can properly discern answers, but I dont know how to apply these thoughts in my daily life in a manner that would be productive.

 I plan on microdosing on what I have left.

I'm a great person but a shitty temple

In the bathroom, just popped a pimple

Sat and thought too much why cant I just keep it simple

Its sad I often rush

T. 4:01 I have noticed now that I am an inherently suspicious person. Of myself, my loved ones, of society as a whole, but in this context I've noticed that I'm suspicious of my drugs. I seem to think now that I'm never as high as I am. If I were capable of doing it sober I would say that I think I am not enlightened as I truly am. Even though I am. And thus the loop. Its like I cant allow myself to possibly be happy so I have to create these imagined roadblocks that just slow my processor down. My life being the processor. Back to doing the dishes.

T. 4:32 If I'm ever going to reconcile with my brother I need to do it through his wife. In the last thirty minutes I did the dishes and wrote a heartfelt letter to my brother that I will never show him, but now I KNOW I need to sit down and write his wife a proper letter explaining my feelings, why I'm upset with THEM, and why I wish we could all still be friends. This is Good sid with the teddy bear blotters. I know what I want to be famous for. I know why I want people to remember my name, I believe in myself and yet I still accept all my mistakes and my shame. This is a very good accepting plateau and one of the reasons I keep coming back to this drug. Its unfortunate I havent found a way to achieve this feeling by my own meditative measures. It's late but I'm making coffee.

T. 5:24 Feels like the trip has mostly subsided by now. I'm happy but still energetic and dont want to wake my wife up so I'm going to play league of legends before bed. I cant even hack into my old league Account. Jeeeeezzz its so weird how different I am today from how I was just 5 years ago .

T. 6:38 Pupils still dilated, counts as tripping in my book. Body load is gone by now but still energetic, not tired etc. Just played the most enthusiastic game of league ever, had some real highlights but overall wasnt too spectacular a performance. Was just a ton of fun. Felt comfortable and confident recording it as well.

T. 8:00 Pupillary constriction is normal and responsive. Still feel a calm, loving energy, but I'm definitely no longer 'high'. Parts of my body still feel slightly numb, or clammy, or calloused, but other parts like the back of my neck are sensitive. My senses, as in the cardinal 5, all feel refreshed and ready for the day ahead. Have had 2 cups of black coffee by now but I am not feeling at all jittery or unwell. Overall I feel pleasant, and dare I say enlightened of many stresses.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 111901

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 21

Published: Jun 12, 2018	Views: 790

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LSD (2) : General (1), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 3 tablets
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 8:00
		 10 mg
		 oral
		 Pharms - Zolpidem
		 (pill / tablet)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   180 lb

One fine evening during the Fall of 2007, I managed to get my hands on some decent acid. My friend 'C' had made available to me some acid from out in Cali. While I had limited funds, I told my friend 'D' about it, and through me he aquired a sheet of acid.

Long story short, we took the acid, and it did what it normally does when people eat it. I enjoyed tripping out with my friend for about 8 hours, and by that time things started to wind down and I went home.

Upon arriving at home, I was still quite awake from the acid, but I was not tripping hard. I was having no open eyed or even closed eyed visuals, but I did still feel a little weird off of it. So I decided to take a 10 mg pill of Ambien that I had gotten for free from one of my friends who had a script.

After doing this I sat down at my computer and went to check my email. I guess about 20 to 30 minutes after I had taken the pill, I started to have a funny feeling, and then ZANG. Neon colored and pulse like snakes started to crawl in and out of my computer screen. The air became thick and hazy, and I became immersed in a green soup that had engulfed the room. The tiny lights on my computer and my wireless router and other electronics in the room suddenly felt so far away, like I was descending down the side of a Mountain into a sea of lights. I heard voices and saw whispy creatures moving about the room, and soon I found myself surrounded by what looked like extremely tall and thin Aliens, except they could have also been nomads from the Sahara in Africa. In panic, I closed my eyes, and I suddenly became immersed in several different scenarios in rapid succession. One minute I was in High School again, the next I was driving in a car, the next I was flying into Bolivia again. It seemed like I was constantly flipping through random times in my life, like in Slaughter-House Five, I had become unstuck in time. After a little while I stumbled off into my room and got under the covers, watching everything flash and grow and die in the green and hazy darkness.

I don't know if I had some sleeper acid or what, but Ambien made what was left of an acid trip into so much more. I have never tripped as hard as I did on this occasion. It was AMAZING.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 73406

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Jun 18, 2018	Views: 3,564

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LSD (2), Pharms - Zolpidem (143) : Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), General (1), Various (28)


		 DOSE:

		 3 tablets
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		 smoked
		 DMT

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   160 lb

Background information: I am 19 and attending a college located in the Appalachian Mountains that owns vast amounts of farmland and animals. I have a lot of experience with a lot of different kinds of drugs. after being addicted to heroin for almost 4 years, I have begun using psychedelics for their spiritual, social, and intellectual benefits and stopped taking most other kinds of drugs. Prior to the events described in this report, I had had an intense spiritual connection to cows during a mescaline trip. As a result, I began regularly practicing meditation in cow pastures while under the influence of psychedelics. After several months of doing this, I designed an experiment in which I would attempt to communicate telepathically with a herd of cows while on DMT and LSD.

Beforehand: I took 3 tabs of decent quality LSD about 10 hours prior to the experiment, at around 11 PM. I had planned on doing the experiment during the peak of the trip. However, a friend of mine who had borrowed my bowl earlier that night neglected to return it before going to bed, and by the time I realized this, anyone who I could have borrowed one from was already in bed. I took this as a sign to be patient and waited through the night, spending my time meditating, smoking spliffs, and hiking through the forest. That morning, I got my bowl from my friend and walked to a cow pasture.

The experiment: It had rained the previous night, so when I walked through the pasture, the grass was wet and muddy. However, I came upon a circle of dry dirt on the ground, at least 50 yards from the nearest cow in the herd. Seeing this as a sign, I sat and packed my bowl, sandwiching the DMT between some weed. I then meditated until my mind was calm and focused. Being careful to light the bowl without actually touching the flame to the weed on top, I smoked the bowl as long as I could. At first, I was having such intense visual and audio hallucinations that I could not concentrate on my experiment. However, after they decreased in intensity, I was able to begin meditating on sending messages to the herd. At first, I tried sending messages in English. However, I quickly realized that cows probably would not understand spoken language, and instead began concentrating on sending empathetic messages of love and peace. Soon after beginning to do this, the entire herd moved around me and began grazing. This movement distracted me from my meditation for a minute, and filled me with an intense euphoria; it seemed to be working! When I had collected my thoughts, I began my meditation once again. After doing this for a little while, 5 cows surrounded me, staring at me intensely with their noses no more than 2 feet away from me. Once again, this distracted me from my meditation and created euphoric emotions. When I began meditating for a third time, 3 of those cows, one at a time, approached me even more and began rubbing their noses on my feet before calmly walking away. By this time, the DMT was beginning to wear off, so, elated, I walked back to the human pasture.

Afterwords: Since this first experiment, I have done many others using various psychedelics including 2C-E, mushrooms, 4-AcO-DMT, 25i-NBOMe, and more LSD and DMT. Most of them have seemingly been successful, and I appear have been able to cause cows to move upon request, lick my hands and body, and allow me to pet them. Anyone who has spent much time around cows knows that they tend to be extremely skittish and generally fear unfamiliar humans, making these events extremely meaningful to me. In the most successful experiment, an entire herd that I had never encountered before swarmed around me and a friend of mine and began nuzzling and licking us within an hour of an extremely profound and life-changing DMT trip. I have found that the most important qualities necessary to achieve this kind of telepathic communication are patience, tranquility, compassion, and love. Keeping myself in this frame of mind seems to be extremely attractive to cows.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 94883

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 19

Published: Jun 18, 2018	Views: 1,285

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DMT (18), LSD (2) : Alone (16), Mystical Experiences (9), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		 200 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   140 lb

It was a beautiful day and G, R and I had just bought a strip of “Dragon Ball Z” acid the previous day. We called it this because or plug only sold LSD on sheets with the DBZ logo. Due to the weather, we decided it would be a perfect day to drop and we each took one tab of 200ug strength. We then drove around the city and pulled endless gb’s as we waited for the acid to kick in, (don’t drive on acid we are stupid). At about 30mins in I began to feel the familiar warm euphoric glow and I knew I was in for a great trip. A another 30mins had passed and we headed back to G &amp; R’s apartment as it was really starting to kick in for them but for me the warmth and euphoria had only grown stronger and I had yet to experience and visual. This was odd as I usually begin to experience visuals early on into the trip.

Overall 2hrs had passes since I had first dropped, the feeling of warmth and euphoria was still steadily building and had become so intense that it was almost overwhelming. It felt like I had taken strong MDMA. Then suddenly while lying on a couch in the living room I felt a “pop” and it was as if reality went through a paper shredder and those strips of reality were sucked away into the top right of my vision. Those strips were replaced with complete blackness that eventually gave way to a mystical “dimension” void of space and time. While I was there I lost everything that I had always perceived as “me” all I was reduced to pure tranquility and I can vaguely remember vibrant reds, yellows, oranges, and purples. I don’t remember much about this place other than this. I’m not sure how long I was gone but while I was there it felt like eternity. I returned to “reality” with a wide grin, G and R asked me what happened and it took me a while to gather my thoughts all I could do was just smile and laugh like and insane man. I eventually gathered my thoughts and told them what had happened. They didn’t seem to believe me as they had never experienced anything similar on acid. I believe this to be my first ego death experience. Sadly, I have yet to experience anything like this since though, I have tried to return on multiple occasions but to no avail.

After I was able to collect myself I walked over to the mirror in the room and stared at myself for a while. At this point I was tripping sack and was curious what would happen. At first I looked normal, slowly, my skin became pale, eventually grey, my eyes turned a deep black, and my hair was moving as if it was alive. This startled me at first as I was not expecting to morph into a foreign being, but although eerie the being standing before me did not appear to be menacing. Since this first experience I have continually perceived myself as an “alien” looking entity. As the acid began to slowly ware of I saw fractals of lessening intricacy and vividness as I eventually returned to baseline, and was greeted the next day by a lovely afterglow as well as a feeling of newfound meaning and purpose that persisted for a couple of weeks afterwards.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 110263

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Jun 18, 2018	Views: 1,299

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OBE (332), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Mystical Experiences (9), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 3 hits

		 LSD

		 1 hit
		 inhaled
		 Nitrous Oxide
		 (gas)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

Currently I’m 21 years old... since I was 15 I’ve done I LOT of drugs... mostly lsd, speed, and E. Well one night changed my life forever and totally destroyed my ability to use drugs.

One night at a club I was on about 3 hits of good lsd... They brought out the nitrous balloons and not thinking about it I grabbed a balloon. Now luckily I was on a couch or I don't know what would have happened. Well here we go I inhaled... just as I started to let out the hit my vision swirled. I got struck by a terrible fear... It was like waves of evil deja vu. The swirling pattern started to take form into a single image the fear was increased but I couldn't do anything. All of a sudden I the pattern stopped and I saw what look sort of like an outline of a fetus or something like that and I heard a noise it sounded like it said 'UH OH' in a robotic video game sort of tone... the little fetus thing charge forward across the room and everything went RED. Now when I say red I mean my eyes were wide open and all I saw was a red a blank red screen. I was trapped and this pounding in my head was constant and wouldn't stop it pushed harder and harder and then I saw the figure again in the red screen. It was sitting like in the position I was sitting It was like I was looking at an outline of myself from several feet above. I then put my hands over my face and started to freak I could see the little fetus pattern bumping its head into a wall over and over and the sound electronic sound was bad and now it was repeating 'you fu**ed up' over and over and over with a strong beat pounding in my head. The fear was still strong as it felt I was trapped It was if my mind knew this was going to happen and was laughing at me I was in HELL. It was a constant wave of deja vu as if this is what happens when you OD and it is an endless hell. Slowly I tried to uncover my eyes I looked up and everything looked like a robot everyone was dancing in robotic movements. Still I was so scared I'm surprised I didn't have a stroke or something. I felt like I had to leave the club but I could see myself getting up and leaving in my head and I knew that I was trapped here. I finally managed to speak to my friend next to my and said 'I need to get the hell out of here' he said ok... but I couldn't move and he was so fucked up I think he forgot what I said a second later...For the next 30 min I sat there in fear as the nitrous faded away and the fear slowly left...

Now one year later there wasn't a day that passed I didn't think about that night but I thought it was just because of the mix of drugs and it wouldn't happen again. Well, If you thought that was the worst part of this story it gets worse... One night I decided to go to my friends and do some acid... now I usually took a lot of acid (like 6-8 hits) well for some reason I wanted to try 12 hits.

It was night time I took the acid my other friends just drank and smoked some mj. We were watching x-men and it hit me. A sudden wave of panic the same feeling I had gotten that night... in my head I thought 'OH SH*T' I jumped up and jumped out his window(we always use the window to get in and out of his house) and tried to puke. The fear started to set in then it happened... everywhere I looked it was the fetus now in a circular pattern. But now it was everywhere the universe around me was breathing this image and with this much acid it wasn't going away. Now It’s to much to write but I was stuck in a 12 hour nightmare of fear and If I didn't have a strong will I would’ve killed myself.

About 2 years after that lsd nightmare I hadn't done any drugs and swore of lsd and nitrous forever. I still have nightmares of the experience sometimes as I dream I get the fear and start to fall into it... I feel trapped and I can't move... It is a terrible feeling but luckily these dreams a very rare...

Iv'e tried meditation and other things but this nightmare still remains with me every day of my life

Now that you have heard my story I just want to say I feel I have somehow killed a part of my soul I have wounded myself so deep that even 3 years after the first incident I still think about it daily. I feel I have ruined part of my existence forever and was scares me most is when I die I will be trapped in that endless void forever and all I can say is whoever is up there and takes us when we die.. Please have mercy on my soul...

Exp Year: 1999	ExpID: 17024

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Jun 18, 2018	Views: 5,480

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Nitrous Oxide (40), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Post Trip Problems (8), Entities / Beings (37), Bad Trips (6), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3)


           BODY WEIGHT:
	   60 kg

My first psychedelic experiences

This is the first part of the project I started a few days ago. I don't know how it will end or anything about it, and I don't know my goal with it.

Part 1. Introduction and further explorations

1.1) My first experience with psychedelics was when I was offered half a dose of LSD-25 (exact dose unknown but probably around 60-100µg) at a festival close to my hometown. This night as it followed contained large doses of cannabis through a pipe and hours of wonders and subtle but beautiful hallucinations. I laid in a bed close to a small window as the smoke rose from the glowing pipe, up between the wooden pedals where small stripes of sunlight shone through, allowing the patterns in the smoke to evolve into amazing fractals. The clock was somewhere between 05:00 and 07:00 and I had been tripping quite intensely with some help from the leaf when I decided to go down and look at the sunrise over the barn close to the house where I was sleeping during my stay. I stumbled my way down the stairs and got out in the bathing sun. I’ve never experienced such brightness: the sun was just above the roof and the massive field of clouds around it jumped and danced across the sky. By this point, I’d seen smaller visuals, but the size and greatness of this sight blew my mind. I just couldn’t understand how seeing this was possible in any kind of way or state, drug induced or not.

Until this point I only had a brief idea of what a hallucination actually was, and what hallucinating actually meant. Until this very moment the concept of visuals felt like something happening in your head, like a high or a drunk, that tripping was something happening only in the influenced mind. When I saw the clouds, the sky and the star shooting trees, it all felt so obviously real though not real in a normal kind of way, but real like atoms and dimensions: there, but not present. Just like any other part of the code which we define as reality the hallucinations was simply there, as they’ve always been, but now I could see glimpses of these underlying, mysterious wonders. It was this first experience that made it clear that I wanted to deep into the whimsical world of psychedelic substances.

The second time I did LSD was a week after the first trip. A friend of mine living in the same collective as me had a bottle of the substance which he passed around between a quite large number of people and when it finally arrived to me our best option was to shake the bottle over my hand while I continuously licked up the acid from the skin. It was full moon and if I remember it correctly over 10 persons tripped that evening, therefore the setting was amazing. We were running around in a hippie-collective, saw crazy paintings and exploding patterns, cooking chaga chai which is a kind of tea, and watched 3d-fractals in the barn using a projector, accompanied by the usual psytrance. This was my first trip of what I’d call the stronger kind. During the night I experienced a number of semi-spiritual events, since this ”full moon party” contained such a large amount of people it felt very ritualistic, almost tribal. Maybe there will be a chapter about these kinds of experiences, just as there may be a chapter about the visual hallucinations and their meaning, but I can’t tell this early in the process of whatever this sudden flow of inspiration and energy to write will end up in. To conclude this evening, it can be described as a opening of the gate of the psychedelic landscapes I so long had been wanting to explore.

1.2) The next psychedelic drug I tried was 4-ACO-DMT, this occurred in almost two weeks after the ”full moon party” . Me and a friend ordered 500mg which we were going to share, we actually only received 250mg but through email I’ve managed to make contact with the seller and he will be sending more. When we first got the zip bag we opened it and measured up 15mg each by splitting the pile of powder an amount of times. I felt the first effects quickly, my body felt weird, a bit nauseous but mostly a little heavy. After a phase that mostly involved a discussion about how your own body was feeling on 4-ACO-DMT I got calmer and more confident. I saw some visual changes, mostly breathing walls and shapes, but also some fractals and pattern in a few sofas. I had some fun talking with my trip-partner and we listened to music most of the time.

As this was our first time with the drug we had been dosing pretty carefully, and I’m not sure if I really would define this evening as an actual trip. But this was still only the test dose, and the night after we’d try to measure up a much larger one. After maybe 4 hours I came down from a dreamlike, mellow state that was rather closer to being stoned than what I expected after two LSD-trips. During this comedown I think I mentioned the fact that I probably could do twice as much, but I didn’t, I quadrupled it.

Second 4-ACO-DMT-trip, this night much more intense. I watched the sun slowly sinking lower and lower over the horizon as I said to my friend (who from now on will be called X) that the time felt right to take another dose, and so we went up to our sleeping place with a plate, two cups and some water. Realising that some liquid had found its way into the powder made me a bit worried, since the it made it darker and more compact. We dosed up what I thought was 25-30mg, but this later turned up to be closer to 60mg, I drank it with a cup of apple juice between 21:00 and 22:00. After less than 10 minutes I was feeling a strong body buzz and a overwhelming heaviness grew on me. Already 30 minutes into the trip I while sitting at a campfire watching the flames stretch and swirl could feel that this were very different compared to LSD. The effects were more focused on the body and my surroundings seemed to breath in a very heavy way. Sounds became uncomfortably distinguishable from each other and I was quite nauseous, but it was so far pretty manageable. It was thursday and the day after, a reggae festival would start, so people started turning up as I began tripping harder. The buzzing feeling was only getting stronger and I felt extremely weighed down. Even laying down was hard in this state, but since I got more comfortable to just existing in this way I started enjoying the trip more and more.

One particular event that affected me was the 15 minutes spent in total darkness, watching the light from the grayish, blue night sky while listening to Carbon Based Lifeforms. The heaven produced just enough light to trigger wondrous hallucinations between the wood panels, I saw soundwaves, geometric shapes and patterns, web-like structures and what seemed to be some kind of interdimensional grids, coordinating all existence. I really want to write about these theories too, because one following pattern in my trips has always been the presence of something that feels like a part of reality I normally can’t perceive. These grids and networks can mainly be seen in the sky, but also in smaller things. But back to the subject: while watching the wonders of light and sound combined my other friend (not Y, this person bought some of the substance from us shortly after we took it) reminded me of the opening line of William Gibson’s Neuromancer. ”The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel”, and it was the most perfect description of what I saw.

The visual part of 4-ACO-DMT was for me kind of similar to the one on LSD, but there’s a few differences. On 4-ACO-DMT I saw more patterns in real life things as grass and walls: even when I didn’t look directly on them I could see moving stuff in the corner of my eyes. LSD was slightly different for me, while the patterns were less overwhelming at first sight, they evolved into amazing things. Another difference with the, what I heard, more mushroom-like drug, is the way you see landscapes actually. Although, this is just a theory and something I’m very excited to compare when my 4-ACO-DMT arrives.

1.3) After the last trip I had become very excited to try more psychedelics, and preferably in higher doses. Although I’m still new to these kinds of drugs, I feel that there is only room for growth in knowledge and experience. My next trip was actually on an research chemical, I usually feel that RC’s isn’t a good idea, but after talking to a handful of people who tried it the night before and having my blotter paid for, why I don’t know but my friend (let’s call him Y) who’s 30 bought two and gave one to me, I decided to expand my list a bit further. The chemical was 25c-NBOH, a pretty new and untested one, I read some reports from 2013 and felt kind of safe actually. We took the blotter, made tea and decided to watch my personal favorite movie: ”eXistenZ” by David Cronenberg. The clock was now 03:00 in the morning.

The effects came up slower than 4-ACO-DMT but faster than LSD, and in the beginning mostly consisted of a uncomfortable, eerie feeling moving through my body. After this quite obnoxious phase I felt a head high, not much different from the one I get on LSD, which felt quite pleasant.

After this quite obnoxious phase I felt a head high, not much different from the one I get on LSD, which felt quite pleasant.

 The body feelings were still annoying though, and made it hard to enjoy things. Me and Y went down to the sauna were we found the man selling the blotters bathing naked with a woman. The steam from the heated bathtub made patterns and since this place was filled with towels and blankets hanged in among the trees (yes, the bathtub is outside and placed over a small fire that heats it) it was a nice place to sit and watch the visuals. After a few hours and around three joints we decided to heat up the sauna, which turned up to be a wonderful idea. Bathing sauna while tripping is extremely pleasant, and every time I poured water over my body I felt a tingly sensation running all over my nerves.

By this time the unpleasant feeling was completely gone and a warm euphoric feeling was getting stronger. Me and Y put on some new, clean clothes and decided to take a 40 minute walk to the town to buy munchies. We smoked two joints which really got me tripping again, and started to walk. The visuals were really nice by now, I saw patterns in the big fields, which looked more like huge labyrinth, and the sky was filled with green and purple grids. This was one of the slowest walks I’ve ever taken, we were way too high to hitchhike too, and forgot to bring water. The clock was somewhere between 08:00 and 09:00 now, and we arrived to the small town which had one local store. We bough chips, chocolate, cakes and cider and went to a small lake where we had our picnic. The road back was even worse to walk, and when we got back people where eating breakfast so we went up and smoked a ridiculous amount of weed and listened to radio theater.

1.4) This was the first five trips in my life, they were very educative but also very confusing. I’ve learned a lot and I feel that I’ve grown as a person.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 104011

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 17

Published: Jun 20, 2018	Views: 2,038

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4-AcO-DMT (387), LSD (2), 25C-NBOH (763) : Large Group (10+) (19), Retrospective / Summary (11), First Times (2)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 1:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 1:00
		 1 tablet
		 oral
		 MDMA

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   59 kg

For my New Years eve I wanted to make it something to remember. I was fifteen at the time and dating an LSD dealer who I will call (M). For our new years we decided to go to an outdoor rave several hours drive from our home city, my friend who I will call (D) came along with us. At this point I had taken LSD twice in my life, each time only taking one tab, and I had never taken Ecstasy before.

After we had set up our tent in the rain, we decided to have a look around the different zones and wait until it started getting dark before getting our party on. At around 7pm we headed back to our car and me and (M) took one tab of LSD each, and (D) took 2 BZP pills. We then headed off to a hard dance tent and waited for the stuff to kick in. After about half an hour I started noticing the effect of the acid, the lights twinkling more, dancing felt amazing and I had a huge grin on my face. I had begun to feel a little disorientated so (stupidly) said to (D) “Hey I think we should head back to the car and take the rest of the stuff before I get too fucked to find my way around', so we found (M) and walked back to the car.

Once we got back to the car it had gotten quite dark and was raining. At about 8.00pm me and (M) took a second tab of LSD and an Ecstasy. While sitting in the car I noticed I had begun tripping quite hard, the broken glowstick on the bonnet on the car was about the funniest thing ever, all three of us were in stitches laughing at it, and then (M) and (D) pouring water from one bottle into another made me fall off my seat in hysterics (not to mention confuse the hell out of me).

About 30mins after taking the second tab and the E, we started walking back to the dancefloor, I was holding (M)'s hand and ranting about everything that came into my head, I then noticed I was squeezing his hand very hard and squishing it around in my hand- and it felt so good! I grinned at him as we entered the dancefloor.

On the dancefloor it was raining hard, there were about 150 people there and what seemed like A LOT of flashing lights, I was dancing with (M) quite happily for about 10mins, but then started to feel really weird, like liquid... and was also feeling very loved up. I started telling (M) that I loved him so much, I loved this place, I love dancing, I loved the music, I loved how I felt... I began to feel every drop of rain that hit my skin, and the lights and music became very overwhelming. From about this point I don't really remember much for the next 6 or so hours. What I will tell from now on is what (M) and (D) remember as they tried to look after me.

After my banter about how loved up I was, I wandered to the side of the dancefloor near the forest and fell onto my hands and knees, grasping the mud and grass and then putting some into my mouth. (M) went and found (D) and they lifted me up off the ground and walked be between them away from the dancefloor. We had to stop at every muddy puddle for me to have a barefooted stomp in. When (M) went off to find some help for me, (D) stayed with me beside a car, I remember hugging her and telling her that I loved her, and then started biting her neck until she pushed me away. When (M) came back we started walking back to our tent, I can remember holding (D)'s hand and saying over and over to her 'We're melting together!! We are becoming one!!' as I grasped her arm very hard and dug my nails into her.

Once we got back into the tent, they decided I needed a drink, so tried to pour water into my mouth which I dribbled all over my chin and down my front (i can vaguely remember this feeling really amazing) then they decided maybe if they got (M) to put it from his mouth into mine I would drink, which just resulted in him getting his tongue bitten.

At some point I started screaming random stuff like 'I can talk... I can scream!!!' (I can remember feeling as though I had discovered myself, or had just been born and was finding all this stuff out about myself

I can remember feeling as though I had discovered myself, or had just been born and was finding all this stuff out about myself

). When I had stopped screaming I started having a fairly normal conversation with (M) and (D) about things such as sports and school when I told them that I need the toilet... so (D) took my outside and took my tights, skirt and underwear off, as I lay on the ground trying to kick her. Once she had managed to get my clothes off I kicked her quite hard and crawled/ran off away from her and collapsed into the muddy grass and started shovelling the grass and mud into my mouth and with the other hand was masturbating.

Eventually (M) and (D) got me back inside and put a pair of boxers on me and tried to hold me down, I managed to take the boxers off myself and started telling (M) to fuck me... but at the same time violently bit and scratched both of them. This carried on for about 20mins, and then would cease as I lay motionless on the floor of the tent talking to myself.

At this point where I was talking to myself, I can very vividly remember walking around the rave site with (M) and (D) saying things to them like 'Is everyone tripping out like me?, Are they all feeling like this?' and I remember trying to figure out what was happening, and eventually I 'figured out' that we were all playing this giant game, and that (M) and (D) were in on the secret, but I was clever and had just figured it out I told them this, and then can remember (M) saying 'And she gets it....' But according to my friends, all these conversations I had with them was really just with myself talking as me and as both of them as I lay on the floor of a dark tent. At one point over the night, I urinated on my friend as she tried to hold me down, this really just goes to show exactly how little control I had over myself.

Over the course of the 6 or so hours I went through 3 different personalities that my friends described to me.

Over the course of the 6 or so hours I went through 3 different personalities that my friends described to me.

 One was semi-normal where I would sit up and have normal conversations and be calm, just talking about everyday life. One was quite violent, I would scream, try hurt both of them, masturbate, yell at them to fuck me and try rip the tent down. And the other I would just lie down and keep talking to myself and twitching.

When I had calmed down a little, (D) went back to the dancefloor and (M) lay with me, I can remember waking up... feeling very confused, very sick, very sore and felt very 'empty', like I had no emotions left. (M) looked at me and smiled, he looked very tired. I smiled back at him and went back to sleep. Once it had gotten light I woke up, hearing (M) and (D) talking, I crawled out of the tent and looked around, seeing my clothes scattered around the tent. At this point (M) and (D) told me all about what had happened...

I now know what a stupid fucking idea this whole experience was, I warn everyone to not ever try something like this. I don't blame anyone but myself for this. If you ever think of candyflipping then make sure you know the effects of both drugs and you know how to handle it. And dont ever take too much!!

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 67013

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Jun 27, 2018	Views: 1,366

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LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Bad Trips (6), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Second Hand Report (42), Rave / Dance Event (18)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1500 ml
		 oral
		 Chamomile
		 (tea)

		   T+ 0:30
		 200 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 3:00
		 0.5 joints/cigs
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 3:30
		 100 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 5:30
		 0.25 joints/cigs
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 0:00
		 10
		 smoked
		 Tobacco - Cigarettes

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   85 kg

Schedule:

10.30 am: 200ug lsd

01.30 pm: 1/2 of a joint with 0.2g weed

02.00 pm: 100ug lsd

04.00 pm: 1/4 of a joint with 0.6g weed

02.00 am: sleep

Prior experience:

I tried mushrooms when I visited Amsterdam, but they didn't have much of an effect; I only experienced some minor visuals and nothing else. I've smoked weed, but never on a regular basis. I drink alcohol ~ once every two weeks.

Setting:

It was a beautiful sunny day last weekend on my lakeside summer cottage. The weather was perfect: approximately 25 degrees Celsius, no clouds. This is quite rare where I live and it felt like the universe/reality/gods approved of this journey. Nevertheless, I was nervous. The planned dose (200 ug) seemed massive for a first timer. My buddy had tried 150 ug LSD before and his calmness reassured me. I drank 1,5 liters of cold chamomile tea in hopes of deterring a bad trip. I was also under the impression that it might potentiate the effects of LSD, so it was a no brainer.

Me and buddy set up mattresses, pillows and blankets on the huge wooden terrace that I've built between the main cabin and the sauna. The terrace was immediately surrounded by large trees and pristine Scandinavian nature: tall pine trees and spruces mixed with verdant birches and rowans. The ground was covered by blueberry and cloudberry bushes. The forest was filled with rabbits, birds and squirrels and while swimming, we encountered duck mummies with their kids. The lake is large and the water is clear, even potable. The water was a bit cold to the skin, but ignoring that, we spent large stretches of time there.

The cabin and Finnish sauna were both built by my grandfather. He was an eccentric man and the buildings are covered by weird wooden sculptures made by him. Everything from the wooden door handles made of tree nodes to lamps carved inside hollow burnt logs are sights on their own. Upstairs in the main building, there's a small dresser in a dark corner (not dark at all, had we pulled the curtains on the window, but we liked it that way).

We wrote all sorts of notes to ourselves saying e.g: 'you're tripping on LSD, if you're feeling bad, don't worry, it will end soon. If you're feeling good, have fun!' and 'Here's some fruits and water, remember to hydrate'. We never even glanced at those notes.

For food, we had the aforementioned fruits, pineapple, bananas and apples. Late at night we had some barbecue.

We started the trip with some clothes on, but very soon after the first dose we went swimming naked. It didn't feel appropriate or good to put the clothes back on, so we stayed naked for pretty much the rest of the day.

Sitters: My dog.

The trip:

My friend wanted to take the plunge at 10 am, but I wanted to make sure that we have everything ready. We set up the mattresses, food and notes. I drank my tea.

I put the tab on my tongue.

It might've been placebo, but just after 15 minutes of taking the drug, I experienced a strong sense of heaviness in my limbs. A few minutes later, my hands and feet got really cold and even turned bluish. I had an urge to pee, but I found it difficult when I tried to. While trying to pee, I noticed the lessened periferic blood flow in my genitals as well.

The the nausea kicked in next. It started around 11 am and lasted for about an hour. It wasn't bad, but definitely unpleasant. Neither of us felt the urge to puke. It was basically the sensation that some people get while reading in a car. All colors became more vivid.

At around 11.15 I started experiencing the first visuals: barely visible streams in the sky, turning slowly into worms that soon became snakes. Things escalated quickly from there: the nature started breathing with me and all surfaces started twisting and twirling. The world turned into a spectacular show of peculiar images rotating, as if I was looking at the world through a kaleidoscope or the glass paintings of a church. By this time all colors were magnified to such intense vivid levels that I found it difficult to look at the sky. I retreated to inside of the cabin for a few minutes, for I was afraid of eye damage. I looked at the downstairs mirror and my pupils were gigantic.

By 5pm I saw faces even on dull uni-color surfaces. Dragons, animals, demons, insects and people on more complex surfaces. However, I was fully aware that they are hallucinations and I could make them disappear for a second or two if I really put my mind to it.

At around 11am we started speaking about the nature of reality and other complex ideas, most of which I've forgotten. I started thinking about the reality as a set of rivers or streams flowing in the same direction, connected in some areas and separated in others. There were 7-8 levels of reality. My consciousness was a whirlpool on the 5th level. The whirl grew weaker and weaker, until it was completely flat at around 12.15. I was gone. I started speaking about myself in third person, saying 'he is irrelevant' and 'he exists on lesser level of unity'. The idea of there existing a thing called 'me' was laughable.

The idea of there existing a thing called 'me' was laughable.

The current decided to inhale some marijuana. The joint had a life of its own; it glowed, sparked and was alive. It looked more magical than anything else in the world. The spirit of the fire in the joint was female. I inhaled her. While smoking, we decided to go balls to the wall and take 100ug more lsd. We had agreed not to do this, but It had been pleasant experience thus far and we were not afraid. It was a good decision.

At around 2pm I came back. I came to realize that I am, but I didn't really know who I was. I started searching for pieces of my personality. I encountered a feminine spirit (I don't believe in these spirits, it's just a practical way of describing how it felt) that tried to take a hold of me. I looked at the mirror in the dressing room of our sauna and saw how I might look like as a woman. I was disgusted and angry at this femininity, but it refused to go away. I decided to accept that there's a feminine side in me and the spirit left me alone.

My friend asked me to bring something from the cottage. While I was walking there, I noticed this urge to go speak to the mirror upstairs. I told my friend that I have a meeting with the mirror. I sat down in front of the dresser and started speaking. I felt furious. I started shouting at myself: 'Who the fuck do you think you are!?' I pounded the table and stomped the floor. I was at war with myself. I had a stare down competition with the man in the mirror. Suddenly, my grandpa from my mom's side appeared on the left side of my reflection and my father and my grandpa from my dad's side on the right. They stared at me angrily. They started speaking to me in turns about the great sacrifices they had made to ensure my existence. They told me that I'm at heart a warrior and I need to fight. Then they started fighting me. I felt great powers that tried to push me away from the dresser. I grasped the dresser with my both hands and held tight. The spirits, coming at me with wind and fire attacked me from different directions for what felt like hours, but I didn't budge. I had won. They spirits of my forefathers approved of my existence and of me. They told me that I'm not weak. I saw my face transform into something beautiful. All of my imperfections disappeared, my eyes started burning in green flames and I looked and felt peaceful and powerful.

After that, It was a loong way down. We had many awesome conversations, went to the sauna and had some bbq food. I still experienced some visual distortions when I went to bed. Though I can't remember much of the long talks I had with my friend, I believe they left a mark on me.

Aftermath:

This was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I truly value my existence more now. I am more content and motivated.

I listen to tons of different lectures and podcasts. During this trip I came to realize that I'm addicted and I keep contaminating my consciousness with infotainment. I decided to stop, at least for two weeks. I also gained motivation to fix my back that has been aching for way too long. I started organizing my life. Yesterday I cleaned up my email (went through 15 000 emails and deleted all spam and archived everything important). Other reformations are on their way.

This was very a pleasant, hopefully life changing experience.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 112060

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 26

Published: Jul 3, 2018	Views: 814

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LSD (2) : Entities / Beings (37), Personal Preparation (45), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Tobacco

		   T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		   T+ 0:00
		 100 mg
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 2:34
		 100 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 3:40
		 100 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 5:06
		 100 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 8:08
		 100 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 8:08
		 20 mg
		 smoked
		 DMT

		   T+ 9:34
		 100 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 10:00
		 100 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 11:00
		 100 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 11:52
		 100 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 13:00
		 70 mg
		 smoked
		 DMT

[Erowid Note:
The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]

900ug of LSD. Skateboarding  depression.

I had been mentality preparing for this trip for about a month waiting to move into my new house after been staying at my Mum’s for 3 weeks and not feeling comfortable to trip there.

I had been suffering from depression for about 5 years due to my Dad abandoning me and starting a new family.

Instead of dealing with my emotions I bottled them up. This lead to a lot of drug abuse and I became experienced with high doses of Alcohol, MDMA, Ketamine, MXE, Cannabis, Nitrous Oxide, Cocaine, LSD, 4-ACO-DMT, 2CE, 2CB, DMT, 5-MEO-DMT, Tramadol, Benzos and various other drugs. (A lot of RC’s)

I was taking all of these substances to escape life and make existence bearable, this ultimately destroyed my ability to properly feel emotion. I would not ever feel sad and was unable to cry for years even though I was suffering. This caused me to feel really frustrated with every aspect of my life without really knowing why. The inability to feel sadness made me feel inhuman I was studying at university but I was doing the bare minimum and barely scraping by. I wasn’t working and paid for my drug binges with my overdraft and by selling drugs. I felt like I didn’t care about anything and didn’t really want to exist. I started to shut people out and would rather sit in my room all night smoking weed then going out and meeting my friends. I never felt suicidal because I just see it as being selfish towards my loved ones. I had stopped selling drugs a few months before this trip and I was really struggling with money. Ultimately I felt useless and my plan for this trip was to make me feel human again and be happy with myself.

I had bought ten 100ug tabs and I was planning to take all ten, I have quite a large tolerance to most drugs and was excited to try being on a high dose of LSD. My last experience with LSD before this was taking 7 tabs quite quickly and having very overwhelming visuals where all the objects in my room would jump around like I was in a Disney film. Shortly after my peak I took a handful of Valium to knock myself out. I woke up maybe 12-16 hours later. I should not have done this as I personally blackout on high doses of Valium and have no impulse control. There has been times were I have taken anywhere between 200-700mg where I would blackout and do god knows what. Once I lost £1,200 gambling online after taking 700mg, that was all the money I had in the world)

Addressing my issues – I don’t remember at what time these all happened so I will describe them together now and then describe my dosage and visual experiences afterwards.

Throughout the night I was smoking tobacco in my joints, using more and more as I started to run out of weed. LSD always gives me the ability to separate feelings and experiences. For example, if I am listening to music I would hear each instrument separately at the same time. So when I was smoking tobacco I would feel the relaxation that it brings me but also I would feel the tar entering my body and clogging up my throat and lungs, I would remember that I hate the taste of tobacco bringing me to the conclusion that it is not worth smoking it.

I thought about my family problems and cried for the first time in years, I cried for a while and this allowed me to not only understand what was making me so miserable but to also let out these emotions like a human being and then be able to move on. I no longer felt frustrated and had a sense of peace. I felt sad but finally human.

I often fidget around by clicking my fingers and dislocating my shoulder and then popping it back in. While doing these things tripping I felt like I was breaking my bones and that my fingers and arm was actually falling off my body. This felt very uncomfortable and I decided that I really shouldn’t be doing this at all.

I have always been quite scared of the dark because it is unknown. I would sometimes feel uncomfortable walking around at night often feeling as if someone was following me and that something or someone wanted to harm me. While looking down my garden in the pitch black I started to see loads of wolves running towards me and this was quite unsettling because I knew this was all in my head I tried to embrace it and stay calm and obviously nothing happened to me. Now when I walk around at night I can remain calm, if I look behind me to make sure nothing is following me it will put the thought in my head and the more I react to these thoughts the more I felt like I was being chased. It sometimes would get to the point where I would start running and I would not be able to calm down until I was at home behind a looked door. I realised that if I just don’t react to these thoughts they don’t increase and they go away.

I realised that the reason I was abusing drugs was to escape from life, I would start getting more and more depressed until I would be smoking weed 99% of the day and then I would eventually start drinking every day and using benzos, opiates and anything available. I would purchase everything online so I had a lot of potent drugs to choose from. When I was tripping I realised that using drugs to black out my emotions was a very bad thing and I needed to stop. I now meditate when I need to clear my mind instead of taking drugs to cloud it.

When I was tripping I realised that using drugs to black out my emotions was a very bad thing and I needed to stop. I now meditate when I need to clear my mind instead of taking drugs to cloud it.

I also realised that I really needed to get my life together by getting a job and working harder on my studies. Setting goals is very important to being happy rather than focusing and worrying about things you have no control over.

Dosage and visuals.

12:00 – After waking up a few hours before and eating some breakfast I decided to take my first tab. I knew I was planning to take as high a dose as I could manage so I walked over to a friend’s house who had two Valium that he said I could have. I smoked a joint with him to thank him and then went home. I was thankful to have these because they are good for reducing trips and relieving anxiety. I felt like they were a sort of safety net encase I had a bad trip.

I knew I was going to be taking a lot of tabs and they normally take almost exactly an hour to take effect. Because of this I wrote down the time on a piece of paper every time I took a tab. I didn’t want to take a tab after forgetting I had taken one 20 minutes before. I would often feel like I wanted to take another tab but then I would look at my paper and realise that I was going to come up from a tab in the next 20 minutes for example.

14:34 – After coming up from the first tab I was relaxing, smoking a few joints and playing video games in my room. I decided it was time for another tab.

15:40 – I started to feel the effects of the second tab and knew that I wanted another, when I started coming up from the third tab I started looking at my curtains, they were netted and let in a lot of sunlight. The light coming in from the sun and the reflection of the sky, clouds and the houses across the road let in a wide variety of colours making my curtains appear to be beautiful stain glass windows.

One of my friends contacted me and asked if I wanted to go skateboarding with him. I really enjoy skateboarding and was excited to try it on acid. He wasn’t around for a couple of hours so I continued to enjoy the visuals.

17:06 – I took my fourth tab and went out to meet my friend. I arrived at the skate spot about 15 minutes before him. It was absolutely packed with people skateboarding and the visuals were really coming on strong. I was wearing sunglasses to tone down the visuals so I could see where I was going but also to disguise how wrecked I was to the general public.

Skateboarding was very enjoyable on acid. I felt quite wobbly but not like I was drunk, I was just quite distracted by all my thoughts and visuals. Anyone who skateboards will know that doing tricks uses a lot of muscle memory, I had been skating for about seven years so was able to land quite a lot of tricks. Although I would have to put all of my mental energy into doing any tricks, this made it in some ways easier than when I would skate sober because I would not put enough mental energy into it.

My friend decided to come back home with me and wanted to take a tab.

20:08 – Me and my friend both took a tab so I was on my fifth. I then went to my bedroom to smoke 20mg of DMT, I think it had lost potency because it had no noticeable effect. I then went outside to look at the trees. I felt very connected with them and it reminded me of the film Avatar.

21:34 – I take my sixth tab and then went downstairs to smoke a joint. We were smoking joints regally throughout the night and in total I must have smoked about 15-20 throughout the day and night. I looked out at the moon and it was beautiful, it looked like a bright glowing ball of rock. (I know that is exactly what it is but the shape and colour would change so it looked more like a comet stationary in the sky).  It was also incredible to think about how big the moon actually is. It wasn’t completely dark at this point but it was starting to be.

22:00 – Even though I was still going to come up from my sixth tab about 20 minutes later I took my seventh because I really wanted to go deep into the visuals. We were sitting outside and it had gotten quite dark. We had set up a phone light pointing up through a water bottle to make a sort of lantern and we ended up staring at it for what felt like hours. We would occasionally say to each other things like “man this bottle” and “it’s just so good”.

I would be looking at the bottle and it would shine so bright that it looked like it had descended from heaven, then within the bottle the light would explode resembling the big bang and it created a universe inside. Time would pass very quickly and life would start to evolve, I would see tiny beings start to create buildings and eventually space crafts. The space crafts would start to fly out of the bottle but before they could leave they seemed to notice me watching them and they would return to the form of a bottle. This happened many times in a cycle and the whole cycle would take about 20 seconds.

23:00 – My friend went home as he had to work the next day, I took my eighth tab and the visuals started to get very intense. I was debating taking the Valium I had but then decided that I was able to handle myself fine and didn’t want to waste the acid I had by reducing the trip. I would be walking around my house and touching different materials like towels and walls, my hands would start to resemble that texture and appear to sink into it. This was very enjoyable. At one point I wrapped myself in a blanket and felt like I was the blanket.

I would be walking around my house and touching different materials like towels and walls, my hands would start to resemble that texture and appear to sink into it. This was very enjoyable. At one point I wrapped myself in a blanket and felt like I was the blanket.

23:52 – I took my finial tab and sent a one-hour alarm on my phone so I would know when I was starting to come to my peak. I was tripping very hard. The visuals would be creating widely detailed patterns out of anything I would look at and when I closed my eyes and meditation I would have visuals nearly as strong as that from a DMT breakthrough.

01:00 – I was tripping pretty hard at this point and decided to finish of my DMT that was probably about 60-80mg and then I was going to try an address the issues in my life that I was planning to.

The DMT had very little effect, it added a sort of curvy visual effect that I normally get from a low dose of DMT but didn’t have the breakthrough experience I was hoping for.

02:00 – I was starting to come down from the acid and knowing I would not be able to sleep I wanted to trip more. I loaded up my bong with somewhere between 15-25mg of 5-MEO-DMT. I had not taken 5-MEO before but had read up on it. Many people said they were surprised by the intensity so I was expecting a breakthrough experience. As soon as I exhaled the world started to go dark. My body felt like it melted away and I experienced an intense nothingness. I had no body, I existed but I didn’t feel connected to this universe. It was like I had died and there was nothing on the other side.

As soon as I exhaled the world started to go dark. My body felt like it melted away and I experienced an intense nothingness. I had no body, I existed but I didn’t feel connected to this universe. It was like I had died and there was nothing on the other side.

 For a brief moment I almost felt like death would be preferable but as soon as even a second had passed it felt slightly less intense. The fact that I knew that I would be coming back calmed me down instantly. It was still intense but I knew it would pass. I then started to remember that I had bones and a body. It was like a was reborn.

I then tried to sleep but knew I wouldn’t be able to so I just laid in bed with my eyes closed and enjoyed the closed eyed visuals, I could seem to control them. I would think of a pineapple for example and then see one in front of me.

I was also getting sort of thought explosions where I would think of something simple like an object or a decision, I would then develop this thought but after about a second I would go off on a tangent forgetting my original thought and having so many other thoughts in my head that I could no-longer pay attention to any of them so I would then let them float away so my mind wouldn’t get cluttered.

I was also getting sort of thought explosions where I would think of something simple like an object or a decision, I would then develop this thought but after about a second I would go off on a tangent forgetting my original thought and having so many other thoughts in my head that I could no-longer pay attention to any of them so I would then let them float away so my mind wouldn’t get cluttered.

I got out of bed at around 7am and then tried to get on with the day, I still felt like I was on one or two tabs throughout the day but I felt sober enough to play video games and then go out for a skate in the evening.

When I got back at around 8PM I planned to take a nap and then go out and buy some dinner but I ended up sleeping for about 14 hours.

All in all, I got exactly what I wanted from my trip. I got to experience intense visuals and also dealt with some of the issues that were ruining my life. Being on acid reminded me that I really enjoy being outside and looking at trees and other plants and made me realise that I don’t need drugs to enjoy these things. I have now started going outside regularly to meditate to replace smoking a joint or a bong.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 109051

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 22

Published: Jul 6, 2018	Views: 1,511

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LSD (2) : Various (28), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Depression (15), Combinations (3), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 1 tablet
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   120 lb

Since beginning my relationship with psychedelics about a year ago, I’ve become a strong proponent of the mind-opening properties that acid delivers. I feel lucky to say that, after a trip I never thought I would have, I still love this drug.

Three friends and I made the trip to TN for the 2008 Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival. We are all reasonably experienced LSD users (T having taken it the least at six times), and had for quite some time been planning on tripping Friday, the second night of the festival.

Evening came and went on Friday, and we grew more and more excited at our campsite. We were all eagerly anticipating trying our new “Rolling Stones” blotters, which were a significantly higher dose than many previous trips (an estimated 250 micrograms). At 10pm, we each dropped 1 blotter hit (I took very slightly less than one and C took very slightly more), and headed to the festival’s center to watch the end of Metallica’s show. Joining a massive crowd made me feel uncomfortable before even really coming up, so the four of us walked around a bit. We took a seat on a bench on the side of a locked barn on the grounds, where countless people tried unsuccessfully to get in. About two hours and many Sour Patch Kids after dosing, we headed to a tent to watch MSTRKRFT perform. Two guys sharing a blunt with a crew of dancers waving Canadian flags on either side of them seemed incomprehensibly cool to me, and I imagine, to everyone in attendance.

I thought the girl dancing next to me looked like Nelly Furtado (with no idea if she actually did), and enjoyed seeing her dance, but the guy she was with appeared to be confused every time I glimpsed over, which for one reason or another unsettled me. I found myself too careless to hold on to anything, so C took my sweatshirt as I gave away my glowstick to a very happy crowd member. Every so often I’d glance at people that were leaving the show. They seemed like they couldn't stop dancing, and that unsettled me even more.  Rather quickly, people all around me started to look panicked, and I decided I wanted to leave. C, T and I left the tent and emerged into the rain.

We tried to find a tree to sit at by the Comedy Tent. C had one picked out but it didn't seem like we were getting any closer even as we marched on. I realized I was freaking out and told him I needed to leave, fast.  As confusing as Centeroo was to me, it was impossible to get my bearings in the current state and I quickly entered a panicked mindset. I was hallucinating endless rows of identical trees, and everywhere I turned, the Ferris wheel was in my direct line of sight. Leveling up Plasma Pong-like electronic music was all I could hear. I grabbed C’s hand as tight as I could and spiraled into a place so dark I had no idea my mind was capable of such thought. I also thought I was in the process of ruining the almost two-year relationship between him and me. I repeatedly voiced how scared I was and that I wanted to go home. Everywhere I looked were fractals and various geometric shapes, and I seemed to briefly experience a sense I don't normally have while walking past a wall designed for people to paint graffiti onto. Everywhere I looked were endless rows of camping tents, flags, cars, and vendor tents. It was raining fairly hard at that point (somewhere around 3 hours into the trip), and I thought I was the cause of the inclement weather. I recognized the Bonnaroo arch, aforementioned graffiti wall, and the infamous grilled cheese stand on the way to our campsite, all of which I considered small victories. After some difficulties finding the campsite, the three of us ended up back at the tent, where I entered the worst part of my night.

I was consumed by mind-numbing fear, the likes of which I can't even really comprehend now, after the fact. At this point I buried my head in C’s lap and thought I was about to die (the feeling can only be described as being at the final step before death, whatever that may be. C later suggested I may have been approaching ego death here). My overwhelming feeling was one of embarrassment and shame, and I knew how embarrassed my parents would be if they knew what I had done. A guy in a scary outfit walked by and I thought he was an alien (I was later informed that a person in a scary costume had actually in fact walked by our campsite at that time). C put on recognizable songs (Transatlantic All of the Above, followed by Porcupine Tree’s Collapse the Light into Earth and a few more All of the Aboves), and slowly I started to improve. We entered our tent, where I cried and cried and begged him not to tell various people. He was calming and reassuring, and even in my state I knew I was in the best hands I could be in. Walking through endless swarms of women wearing tank tops at the festival, my prominent closed-eye visual pattern is best described as “kaleidoscopic boobs.” I knew I was compounding my problems through too much circular thinking, though knowing didn’t help. Aware that I was the reason C was missing two other acts we had looked forward too was certainly no help either. I felt like a small child, too overwhelmed to even change out of my clothes.

We talked about things that were particularly bothering me at the time, and he gradually brought me away from a state of panic. Eventually (Around 4 or 5 am) I felt ready to emerge from the tent. It was as though I was emerging from the cocoon I had spent the last few hours in. Time, thankfully, passed very very quickly, but I felt as though a sinister aura was surrounding me for the rest of the night and into the next day (visuals lasted around 8-9 hours, albeit much lighter as time went on). During our first trip to Centeroo of the following afternoon, my strongest urge was to cry, though I curbed that feeling throughout the afternoon. I wondered if I would ever feel “normal” again. I got my answer later that evening, where my group of four was able to enjoy brilliant performances by Sigur Ros and Ghostland Observatory, and thankfully could enjoy the rest of the festival as though my mind hadn’t completely broken from reality the previous night.

My Bonnaroo trip was a perfect example of set and setting being so crucial for tripping. Having never had a bad trip (before or after Bonnaroo), I learned that too much overwhelming input in an unfamiliar place can be disastrous. Now, I consider that night a learning experience, but will take precautions to ensure it doesn’t happen later on. I am so happy that I still intensely enjoy tripping acid, but now truly understand how powerful it can be.

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 72573

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Jul 18, 2018	Views: 1,191

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LSD (2) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Guides / Sitters (39), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)