		 DOSE:

		 2 tablets
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   255 lb

I am writing this to give my first time experience with LSD. A little about me, I am a 21 year old college male. Prior to this event, I am very familiar with cannabis, have smoked Spice product once, and salvia once. I am also a regular consumer of alcohol. I used to take 100mg of Zoloft every morning, but had stopped about 35-40 days ago. I have been looking for LSD for about 3 months prior and had no luck. I finally found some and purchased 20 blotter tabs.

I initially wanted to trip 4 days before but due to a personal experience that left me in a stressed and anxious state of mind, I put it off, not wanting to fuel any possible bad experiences during the trip. I believed that proved to be a very wise decision.

I set the trip date to be the day after my last final of the semester. I worked for 4 hours that morning and then headed over to my girlfriend’s house. She would be my sitter for the trip. She has no experience with LSD and has only smoked cannabis and Spice product.

About 5 minutes before I ingested, I ate a banana. At 12:33pm I placed 2 tabs under my tongue. I kept them under my tongue for about 15 minutes then swallowed them. The taste was metallically as many people say. Only about 4 hours into my trip did I realize that the taste was as if you had a mouthful of blood. For about 45 minutes after I swallowed the tabs, drinking water would give me a rust taste in my mouth. After about 45 minutes, this experience went away and water tasted fine.

The first effects I noticed were about 45 minutes in when I went to pee. (Side note, I’m not sure how common this is, but for the duration of my trip, I had to pee constantly). As I was peeing, my stomach started to get upset. I had read that eating before a trip can cause this, so I attributed it to the banana I ate. My stomach would consistently be uncomfortable for about the first 3 or 4 hours of the trip. Lying down with my eyes closed seemed to help. Also while I was peeing, my first hallucinating experiences occurred. The towels in the bathroom began to slightly wiggle, even though there was no draft or air movement in the bathroom. Also, the rug in front of the toilet began to have various faces and pictures appear. When I left the bathroom, I went out to the living room and laid on the couch and listened to Calf Mountain Jam (a band that plays long jam songs, similar to the Grateful Dead). The music was very relaxing and I began to slip into a state of happiness. On the tv screen, my girlfriend has some sort of screen saver thing that has various nature pictures pop up. I stared at these for a while and noticed a bunch of faces and pictures within the mountains and streams on the pictures. When a picture would come up, things would sprout from the bottom of the image like grass growing.

About an hour in, I had made this note in a journal: “I feel empty, but when I touch my body it just appears. Like my body isn’t real. My body is everywhere but nowhere at once. I always thought that was just expressions, but once you experience it, it’s very real. Worth checking out.” As I as lying there, I felt like I wasn’t really there and was just a soul, no real physical features, just being. Once I touched my body though, it all appeared and I became a physical being. While this is happening, my girlfriend is in her room cleaning and smoking some cannabis from a pipe.

Once Calf Mountain Jam ends, I get up and change it to the Grateful Dead and again just relax on the couch. About 30 minutes into the album I get up to eat another banana. The texture was fantastic and I was a little upset that it was my last one. After I ate the banana, I grabbed a bag of grapes and went to my girlfriend’s room and just hung out in there with her, Grateful Dead still playing in the background. Walking began to feel different. The boards of the hardwood floor began to feel hollow and like they were made of Styrofoam. For about the next hour, I would just be walking around the house. Her stove has a big handle on it, and at one point I remember walking by it and out of the corner of my eye, it began to spin around, but once I looked at it, it stopped. I would randomly get bursts of color in my vision, kind of like sunspots, but not uncomfortable in any way. Eventually I retreated back to lying on the couch and listening to music. I began to experience the music in a way I never had before. I could see the sound. I am not a synesthetic of this nature (I do naturally see dates and numbers in a consistent pattern), so I began to appreciate what it is like for some people to see sound. It wasn’t just colors I would see; I could just physically see the sounds. There is no real way to describe this without experiencing yourself.

About 2.5 hours into my trip, I made my last journal entry: “Everything is inside itself. What was 30 minutes ago feels like a different life. Time is life.” Time seemed to be moving slower than it does when you are sober, and I realized that 30 minutes ago isn’t just the past in your life, it is a different life. I tried explaining this to my girlfriend, but to no avail.

She and I then went to her backyard to let her dog pee. We ended up sitting in the open field while the dog ran around and rolled in the grass. This is when I first noticed that everything I look at, I get lost in. I wouldn’t think about what I was looking at or really even comprehend what I was looking at. I would just stare and get lost in the objects. The mountains in the background suddenly weren’t mountains, they were ordinary beings, no different than you or I. There was no such thing as mountains, or trees, or dogs, or grass. We sat there for about 20 minutes and then she decided she was sober enough to drive, so we drove to an open meadow about 20 minutes away to walk her dog. I was really anticipating this as I had wanted to get out of the house and experience more of the world while on LSD. As we drove, I noticed the trees on the side of the road began to have happy faces. Not like a generic smiley face, but just various faces of all shapes and sizes that were happy and watching us. While we walked the dog, I ended up getting a rope burn from the dogs leash that really burned. Physically it burned, but mentally it also hurt. We headed back to her house to get it cleaned up and soothed so it wouldn’t burn anymore.

On the car ride back, at one point the trees on the side of the road became 2D and folded in on themselves, as if they were a picture inside a greeting card that got closed. However, by the time I could physically see this, it went away and looked normal. I realized that my mental eye made it happen, and it did really happen, but once I physically went to see it, my mental eye changed it back, keeping a step ahead of my physical eye. This was the only time I would experience this phenomenon.

After I got my burn cleaned up, my girlfriend and I went back out and walked around downtown. This was about 4.75 hours into my trip. We ended up at a local all-natural food store run by an 80 year old hippie couple. We looked around for about 15 minutes and then left. While walking on the sidewalk, I began to feel as if I was walking on clouds, but once I used the word walking, the feeling of walking disappeared and I began to float. We then just walked around for a little bit and ended up at a pizza place to get some dinner. While we were eating, a guy I met who wanted to by a half-sheet was texting me asking me to pick it up for him since my dealer didn’t know him and wouldn’t sell it to him directly. I spent about an hour coordinating a pick up point for the money and LSD, which made me very anxious and stressed since both my girlfriend and I just wanted to go home and have a relaxing evening. At about 7pm we got the money and made the switch. I felt like an entire weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I could now relax. I was also starting to come down; I wasn’t hallucinating very much anymore and was just slipping into a state of euphoria. We got home and watched The Invention of Lying. At about 8pm I had a beer, and around 9pm I had a second beer. Nothing to get me drunk or feel any drunk effects, just enough to give me a relaxed buzz, that I was surprised to actually feel given the state I was in. While we watched she took two more hits from her pipe. Once the movie ended, she went to her room to watch another movie on her computer. All I wanted to do was lay on the couch and relax and listen to my all-time favorite album, Sublime’s self-titled album. As I laid there I began to feel happier and happier and the effects slowly diminished into the night. About 10 hours into the trip, I became extremely exhausted and just wanted to sleep. I started to get a bit of a headache, which I wasn’t sure if it was due to being mentally drained, or just because I hadn’t drank much water during the day, even though I kept peeing. I peed one last time before I went to bed, and realized that peeing feels like I am in a dream. I began to wonder if I would wake up any minute and realize it wasn’t real.

At about2am my headache got so bad that my girlfriend had to run out to get some Advil. When I woke up the next morning, my headache was gone and I had gotten the best sleep I have had in a long time.

Overall, my experience was extremely good and I will definitely trip again. I will up the dosage to 3 hits next time to get more of a trip. Throughout the experience, I wasn’t nearly as incoherent as I anticipated and was able to completely function, except I realized there was no way I would be able to drive a car. Walking through downtown, though, and talking to people was no problem. This trip was not life changing, but it did open up my mind to experiences and thoughts I had never had before.

Summed up, I think a text I sent my friend who had always wanted to try LSD but never had says it best, “Everything was just beautiful and happy and euphoric.” I look forward to my next trip.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 96045

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 21

Published: Jun 4, 2020	Views: 1,358

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LSD (2) : Various (28), Guides / Sitters (39), Music Discussion (22), First Times (2)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1/4 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:10
		 1/4 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   153 lb

I have never been interested in trying drugs. I grew up thinking I would never drink or do drugs due to personal reasons. I slowly grew open to the idea of alcohol due to my ex. I never really cared about it though. After leaving him, I found my current boyfriend (who I will be calling Nathan) who has been the biggest blessing on my life so far. He used to do drugs a few years before he had met me. He knew how to be safe and respectful to the drugs he took. He eventually opened my eyes to weed and slowly my own fascination grew to more interesting drugs. I was highly interested in the psychoactive side of weed because I had no idea that was a part of it, and it was fascinating. Then came the knowledge of LSD, but I was scared of having a bad trip like so many others fear. I had done research and thought about it a lot.

One day, after we both had a good day at work, I brought up the idea of taking LSD. We had come into possession of two tabs of LSD recently. We were saving them for the right occasion. Me bringing it up gave him the idea of having us try a quarter tab. I felt great that day, so I decided why not. A quarter couldn’t be that bad. It was a fourth of the full tab. So we did.

We took a quarter tab around midnight and watched some youtube to pass the time until things started to kick in a little bit. I had no idea what to expect about a quarter of a tab. I had done research about LSD a lot and asked Nathan lots of questions, but a quarter was unfathomable. So I expected nothing and just let whatever happen, happen. I was nervous no doubt though, but I just remembered everything would be fine.

I didn’t know what to expect with the changes so I didn’t even notice anything had kicked in for a while. It was about 45-50 minutes before I noticed, but only when Nathan asked how I felt. Everything just felt fun. I felt good. I was vibing with myself and the world. We talked about how we were feeling a bit. I noticed I felt it was slightly harder to breathe, and my stomach was beginning to twist and turn. Nathan told me that was the light version of that intense feeling he had been telling me about. I understood what he meant then. We hit our first peak at some point within this time frame, but I couldn’t tell when. It was my first time experiencing it at all.

Maybe 20 more minutes had passed, and Nathan said to me, "do you want to take the other quarter? It's this but more intense. We might get on the verge of tripping as well." I responded with, “yeah dude, I feel good. Why not?” So we did and watched more youtube in the meantime.

Eventually Nathan suggested music because he had songs he wanted to hear while tripping, and I wasn’t against it. The songs were so wonderful. They felt so beautiful, flowy, and intune.  Then we decided to put on our favorite album. It was something he was so excited for before we even got the LSD.

We hit our second peak during it within a couple songs. It was the best experience ever. It was so flowy, loud, and perfect. After the album we just kind of hung out and talked. I felt heavy but not. Like I was constantly having to stop from melting into the ground. I kept sitting in bed and slowly falling backwards or forwards. Moving was weird. Everything was weird. Nathan suggested we eat a cookie we had been saving for later. I knew that would probably be a bad idea. He had bad experiences while eating and tripping before due to the lack of taste, but I wanted to just see for myself. It was the most disgusting thing I had ever eaten. It also looked so discolored and made it even worse.

Nothing was visually moving that intensely, but my visual stuff would kick in more when I was listening to music. My ceiling was extremely cool. The popcorn ceiling I had was covered in dust near the fan. It looked like bugs. During songs, they were constantly moving, shifting, and making patterns. It was so amazing to look at and that alone made me want to do a full tab or more to see those more intensely. I knew seeing eyes was common too, but I saw almost no eyes in objects. Only a few. One in my flag, a few in our curtains, and faces in the wallpaper in the bathroom. The ones in the curtains gave me a feeling of fear, but I told myself to look away and remember it was all fine. I also experienced a couple sounds of audio hallucinations. I heard a few bugs flying by my ear and head without there being anything there. I actively reminded myself nothing was actually there whenever that would happen.

At this point, an hour or so had passed and Nathan said that he recognized that the tabs were more potent than expected because we were past the verge of tripping but not by that much. Whenever I went in the bathroom, I would turn the fan on. It was actually the most intense thing I had ever felt. The sound shook me to my core and basically made me feel like I was near impending doom. It scared me but I was like what the fuck this is kind of cool. Not horrified. It just felt so intense. Like I was being enclosed in a box of sound. One that was shrinking if I stood there for too long.

The bathroom was also the only room during this entire time I saw super vibrant intense eye visuals. The wallpaper in the bathroom would basically disappear, and it became this super vibrant orange mandala pattern that was constantly moving. It only happened if I was looking in a specific area for at least 5 seconds or so. It was so fucking rad but also that feeling of doom was constantly in the room due to the fan. It was so overwhelming being in it alone. I didn't like staying in it for too long. Logically I should have just turned the fan off, but I felt this feeling that would wave back and forth of the self-conscious part of my brain. It would cause me trouble because I felt so self-conscious randomly.

Whenever I looked into the mirror, it was one of the coolest things. My eyes looked so pronounced and vibrant. I looked fucking gorgeous. Something I had rarely seen in myself. I was however a little freaked out a couple times while staring at myself, but I looked so good so I couldn’t help it. Nathan’s eyes actually looked fucking awesome. His pupils to me looked like snake eyes with a vertical pupil. It was so fascinating, and I wanted to stare at him forever. His skin was so pigmented and bronzed. His tan was so prominent.

I was very self-conscious randomly about the most ridiculous things. Nathan would encourage me to let go of that feeling. To make peace with it, so I could just be utterly and completely myself. We talked a lot because I just wanted to talk about what I was feeling so badly. He encouraged it. At one point, I had mentioned my stomach pressure feeling had increased. He suggested throwing up to help release that feeling of pressure and intensity. So I did. He sat next to me to encourage. I didn’t have much in my stomach, but I tried. It helped tremendously.

The other feeling I got was a constant possible fear/terror. It was very interesting and not something I expected. Basically in the corner of my eyes, which of course felt wider, was 1000% scarier if something seemed to be there. I would look at it and feel slight fear before realizing everything is fine. That knowledge didn't go away unless I was listening to music. So I basically always felt like I could be scared shitless if I let myself go towards that feeling too much.

There was a moment that I thought I saw someone coming in the room from the corner of my eye. It was so intense that I actually got super scared for about 3 seconds, but I immediately was like nope everything is fine. I tried really hard to fight that terror that had built up. I did give Nathan a scare while doing that though. I basically had stopped breathing, gasped loudly, and looked very quickly at the door.

After a certain point, I realized the songs felt like they took hours long. It got to the point of feeling like they were too long during the song. It was very weird. However I also felt like for a good portion of the beginning that I was getting worried that we would run out of time. That the drug would end too fast. I was used to having weed edibles and listening to music. After an album maybe some light sleep, you felt like it was already over. I eventually got over that feeling though.

Nathan after a random song had sat up and said, “hey let's go outside to see the sunrise.” I was shocked because.. the sun? Even though the songs felt hours long, the entirety of the music felt so short. And then I realized that everything we had just done was forgotten. My brain had already moved on to the next thing. So we did. We got our clothes on and headed towards the door. I followed after him, but not that close because of something I can’t remember.

Now let me tell you.

This was fucking life changing. I walked out of the bedroom door, but not yet to the backdoor. There was a wall in the way of the view to the backdoor. Nathan walked up and told me to come see. I followed him in what felt like slow motion. He walked outside, and I saw through the door a scene that I will never forget. It looked surreal, and the sound was so beautiful. The plants and trees looked the most vibrant I've ever witnessed. To the point where I was extremely overwhelmed with green. It had rained overnight as well so the air smelled of dew. The sky had the most perfect sunrise. It wasn't fully there. It was mostly a dark blue sky with an orange red pocket that was very pretty.

The thing that got me the most was the sound of all the animals. All the noises of the birds, frogs, and whatever made noises made the entire experience like the amazon rainforest. It was so fucking beautiful. I just wanted to lay in the grass so badly, and Nathan encouraged it. I will also say though, the entire time of this all, I had INTENSE melancholy and INTENSE self-consciousness. I felt sadness and I'm not sure why, but that's something I get from being in nature occasionally. I do think my depression causes it to do that sometimes.

So I got my coat, and we walked down the steps and the wet grass and mud felt so amazing against my feet. Absolutely amazing. I didn't lay in the grass, but we walked around alot. We eventually went to a tree, and he told me to touch it. I was fighting that part of me that was self conscious, but I did. I had to really focus on it though. It felt like the textile felt. It felt surreal. It was so interesting to touch. But me being self conscious and having trouble letting that go was hard, so it was hard to really get the best out of that specific experience. We stood under a bunch of trees, and it felt so intensely green and pretty. It was all so pretty. The birds and frogs singing music to my ears. Everything was so nice. We kissed and shared a moment under the trees and the beautiful scenery. I fell more in love with him if that's even possible.

We waited for god knows how long before we heard a meow coming from the front of the house.  My cat walked up, and we realized she had been out exploring all night. Nathan felt a tinge of sadness due to that, but I felt so differently. Up until then, everything outside was so overwhelming to my eyes. Then I saw her stroll up. She was the most crisp and clear image I had ever seen. Her big beautiful eyes had massive dilated pupils too. Nathan joked she stole some blotter from us and joined in. She was so incredibly white compared to everything around her. Her fur was the softest thing I had ever touched in my entire life. I cannot even explain how lovely it felt to my fingers.

We finally decided to go inside after finding her. Inside felt so bland and honestly just made me sadder than that melancholy feeling. We opened our windows which were right behind and pressed against our bed. The sun had risen a little bit. It was so beautiful, and this is where we started to come down. And I have to say, the coming down and the afterglow was the absolute best feeling I've ever had in my entire life. We lied on our pillows basically hanging out of the window and stared at the world. The ground, the trees, the sky, my cat walking around, and our dog walking around following her wherever she went. You name it. The ground looked so fucking green and so amazingly beautiful. My cat was still stunning. She shined like the moon. I've been with her for 9+ years, and I've formed an intense bond with her. I could really feel it then, and I hoped she could too.

The trees in front of our windows rustled, and the birds chirping was so peaceful. I lost all sadness and melancholy and was fully and utterly at peace. We stared at the world for hours. Probably about 3 hours or so. The sun slowly came up that entire time, and it felt more like 6 hours. We thought about a lot in these few hours. I thought A LOT about me, the world, my life, and Nathan. I felt so happy that I found him and so happy that he existed. I felt so happy that I had my cat and our dog. I felt everything was right with the world, and I fit into it nicely. I wanted to cry. It was the first time I felt like that, and it made me feel so good and full of pure bliss and subtle joy. As we laid there, the sun came up and brighten the entire world. We talked and talked about the experience, the world, us, nature, the drug, and everything.

My cat laid next to me, and I felt so much peace and content. I would stare at Nathan sometimes, and he would look so beautiful with the way the light shined on him and the way his skin and features looked. There were a few times that I was staring below the window at this little grassy land of green and brown. I felt the sensation and desire to slip out the window and fall into the grass and mud, letting it swallow me whole. I imagined I would fall into a black void of liquid if I did, but felt so much peace at the idea.

Eventually we started listening to music again. I felt very wispy, light, and airy through the entirety of the music. I love that feeling so much. It’s such a beautiful feeling. It was amazing. We eventually got up to shower, but ended up having sex. We left our windows open while we did, and it was some of the best sex I’ve ever had. Afterwards we laid there with the birds chirping and a breeze from the window. It was such a lovely feeling. We finally got up and showered, but it was tough. It was hot and our air felt like it was being stolen by the humidity that was growing. It was hard, but very interesting to experience. We finished, got ready, and headed out to shop for groceries. Stepping outside to the backyard again was horrible. The sun was so damn blindingly bright, and I got a hot flash immediately as its rays hit my body. Walking out the front door was completely different from the back. This door was on the same wall our bedroom windows were on. It was so absolutely beautiful.

We left, and the car ride was the most magical thing.

The music.

The breeze.

The atmosphere.

I was so in love with everything.

We took the scenic route as well, and it was so beautiful. We got chick-fil-a and sat in our car in the parking lot listening to music under the shade. We went grocery shopping afterwards which was an experience. It was crazy because we were basically confused but laughing the whole time and in our own world. We went to two different stores to make it even funnier. It was a wild time. Afterwards we went home and tried our best not to fall asleep so as to not ruin our sleep schedule.

It was overall an amazing experience that felt so long and intense. Each thing felt like different sections of time and eventually felt like different days entirely. It was so interesting and fascinating, and I was so very into it all. Even the fearful moments. I loved it all. I also used a lot of my thoughts while coming down to work on myself and come to terms with me as a human being. It helped me try to work through things I had been dealing with. It would have helped more, but I spent most of the time amazed at how I was feeling and the world around me.

Overall the experience was fascinating, and I learned a lot about the drug. I fell a little bit in love with it and the feelings it showed me. I can’t wait to learn more about it and about me.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114465

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 21

Published: Jun 8, 2020	Views: 1,466

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LSD (2) : Depression (15), Nature / Outdoors (23), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 750 mg
		 oral
		 Mescaline

		   T+ 1:30

		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 23:30
		   repeated
		 vaporized
		 Cannabis
		 (extract)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   220 lb

I awoke at around 6:30-7 to shower and clean the house a little bit for some better vibes (I'm a firm believer that a clean environment leads to better trips

I'm a firm believer that a clean environment leads to better trips

). My father leaves for work at around 8 AM usually (I'm a 19 year old student, so I am living with my father currently), so I planned to dose right around then so I could have the maximum amount of time to trip comfortably. My father wasn't feeling too great, so he ended up not leaving at the usual time. I got impatient at one point, and started sipping the mescaline, hoping that it would hit me right around his departure. This was at around 9:30 or so.

Just as the legend goes in fear and loathing, the mescaline HCl came on slow, then I started cursing the guy who sold it to me, and then...intensity. My entire body began to feel electric, my thoughts became clearer and much more meaningful, however the demonic grips of nausea began to overtake me. Of course, this was right about the time (10:30-11) my dad was leaving for work, and of course me being a polite family member I had to go see him off...on 750 mg of mescaline HCL. Luckily, the effects hadn't fully come on yet and I'm pretty adept at handling myself on drugs, so everything went off without a hitch. I imediately went to go lay down once again, my mind began asking itself philosophical questions as I opened my eyes and saw my ceiling sparkling and making beautiful designs.

This is when the nausea kicked into over drive, and no matter how strong my will power was, that shit was coming up whether I liked it or not. The purge was brutal but also very therapeutic. I began to worry that I puked a little bit too early, but then the effects began to take hold and I realized that all was good not only with the dose, but also with the world. I lit some incense, turned on the TV, and somewhat hesitantly dosed the 1000 ug of LSD.

I have taken 1000ug of LSD in the past, but I don't think it was on the same level as these tabs. After only a half hour or so, I was seeing noticeable differences (take note I was just starting to truly peak on the mescaline at the same time) The X-Men movie I was watching became impossible to follow, my thoughts went from smooth and introspective to chaotic and confusing, every single sound echoed in my mind, every ray of light shining brighter than it ever had before.

Literally before I knew it, another half hour had passed, and I was there. The Dead Zone. My ego was no more, completely eradicated and shut in a dark closet like a parent giving their child a time out. I was living, breathing, walking, perceiving...but I wasn't processing any of it. I felt like I was on a completely different plane; not only had my reality been warped, but I was in a completely different reality. I army crawled myself into my room (I couldn't really walk without tripping) and found my usual salvation, a pair of headphones to listen to music.

Navigating my computer to get to youtube and play music was nearly impossible, but the thought the peace of mind I would acquire once I got it playing kept me going. I went with one of my all time favorite bands for this trip, The Doors, the kings of psychedelic rock. I turned the volume up almost to the maximum, and fell flat on my floor. To say the music was beautiful is a criminal understatement, as our society has not evolved far enough to invent words that could even begin to describe the amount of joy this music was bringing to me. I was saying to myself aloud, absolutely marveled that something so incredible was possible to experience,'Are you kidding me? Are you KIDDING me?' Every single cell in my body erupted with firey pleasure from every sound of the headphones, every lyric was painfully deep. 'Is this heaven?' I asked myself, 100% serious.

I got a little more comfortable on the bed, and literally began crying tears of joy listening to the music. I closed my eyes and had a CEV of pitch black, but with a single line very similar to a heart monitor used in hospitals or a sound equalizer or w/e its called. Every strum of the guitar, beat of the drum, the line zig zagged, once again very similar to a heart beat monitor. This wasn't even music anymore, this was speech. The music was conversing with me, telling me its story, asking me about myself...I was not just feeling the sounds, I was relating to them. I began to understand why music like this was so popular back in the 1960s along with the acid wave. Everyone was like me on LSD, lost, confused, searching for their salvation. But these bands, these groups of revolutionaries, showed them the way. They connected with them through their musical talents, and have now left a lasting mark on civilization that will never be forgotten. Never in my life had I had such strong respect for music, and I will never again forget this lesson.

Not bored, but just curious, I took the headphones off and went to see what my headspace would be like without the music. I stumbled slowly into my living room, and genuinely was not sure where I was. I felt like I should be doing something, but I had no idea what it was. This is the part of LSD I fear, the part where I remove the headphones (the rose colored glasses for LSD as far as I'm concerned) and I must face my thoughts and day to day existence without the support of my already fragile ego.

I tried my best to face these demons, standing in the middle of my living room having the most intense battle of my life inside my own head. It was myself vs myself. Admittedly and IMO understandably, this got a little too difficult after a while, and I retreated back into my room where I began to lose myself in the music once again. I got a skype call on my computer, a friend of mine was asking me to play league of legends with him (a game I'm typically pretty good at, ranked diamond for those who know the game). Bad idea. I will never again try to play a video game that takes that level of micro and macro management at the same time on this amount of drugs again. We lost the game because I couldn't play correctly, which sent me on a downward spiral. I was sweating buckets, inconceivably stressed and riddled with feelings of guilt. Obviously, it was just a game and was completely meaningless, the people in the game didn't even give a fuck, but of course this wasn't clear to me at the time.

I started freaking out, and it became apparent to my friend over skype just how fucked up I really was. I had a thought that in order to better myself, I could tell him my thoughts which he could then relay to me when I was sober so I could better incorporate the experience later. The issue was explaining that I wanted him to do this and making him not think I'm just tripping balls and that it was actually important to me. This...wasn't possible. Eventually he left the call when I started babbling completely incoherent nonsense, which I understood, who could blame him.

I was so fucking hungry at this point, and all I had in my house were things that required preparation. I finally decided to make myself some cheeseburgers, which I had to do completely from scratch with ground meat, spices, and a frying pan. I know how dangerous it was to do anything with fire when I was this high, but I had little to no choice. It took me over a half hour because I kept forgetting what my next steps were, but I successfully seasoned the meat, made them into patties, cooked them and some buns in the pan, and melted some cheese on them.

I ate my fill, it was maybe 3-4 PM by now, even thought it had felt like an eternity. I started to feel lonely, and could tell that my peak was starting to fall off. This is where things would really start to get difficult. I put on netflix and wanted to watch something moderately upbeat to keep my spirits up, so I went with Parks and Recreation. As fun of a show, and has lighthearted as it is, I can't begin to tell you how watching this impacted me. Actually I kind of can, so let me try.

I am an extremely introverted person, and suffer from moderate social anxiety. Not to the point where I need to be locked in my house all day or I start shitting myself, but enough that it certainly discourages me from participating in society. Watching Parks and Rec somehow helped me come to the revelation of how important other people are to happiness, and that I shouldn't fear them like I do. Seeing these people with honestly pretty shitty jobs and constant challenges who are still happily living their lives in the company of their friends and family...it really touched me and made me re-evaluate my views on socialization.

I was already most of the way done with Parks and Rec when I started watching it, so I ended up finishing it in that one sitting. Kind of sad it was over, I had to find something else to occupy my mind before I went into another downward spiral. This was when I looked at the picture of Jim Morrison who is famous for being a rather handsome man on the video of their greatest hits album I had been listening to earlier, and began thinking about the ideal male form. I saw visions of statues of gods, began seeing visions of conception of all species ultimately ending with human conception. This is when I made the decision to take charge of my physique and broke down the mental barriers preventing me from making the changes to better my body.

I went into a spare room where we keep our gym equipment I previously rarely used, and went to town with the bench presses, sit-ups, and shoulder presses. It wasn't enough, my red hot youthful blood was pumping like it never had before, I needed more. I went for a jog which I literally hadn't done in years (naturally chubby, anxiety about people seeing an overweight guy running, and a medical condition all contributed to this), I just didn't care about any of it anymore, all I cared about was changing my life. I ran almost nonstop for a solid 15-20 minutes.I was still so fucked up, my heart was racing so fast that I genuinely believed at one point that I would collapse and have a heart attack...but I still didn't care. I had rested long enough, I had wasted enough time, if I were to collapse here and die then that would have been fine with me at that moment because I did it chasing after a dream I've had for years...to not only want a better life, but to truly take the steps to get there.

I did it chasing after a dream I've had for years...to not only want a better life, but to truly take the steps to get there.

 To break through my inhibitions, to find my identity, to understand the meaning of this silly little life given to me by the universe.

As you can see, this was a pretty fucking intense run. When I was done, I managed to get myself back into my house and took a much needed shower as I had been sweating nonstop all day from the LSD, and now I was sweating even more. I got out, dried my hair because the feeling of wet hair was too strange to me at the time, and went to practice guitar with my newly found respect for music. I had already been trying to learn for a couple weeks, so I knew some basics. I strummed basic chords, and was just playing around with the guitar having a good time, I couldn't believe I was capable of creating such beautiful sounds.

My father called me and asked me if I wanted to go the market with him to get food for the week...I said yes, which was my second or third bad idea of the day. My father has a very short temper, and is a pretty depressed person overall. Most of the time he is a kind and enjoyable person to be around, but he gets very negative and worked up over very small things. He was not in a very good mood when I hopped in the car, and it was made worse when he learned that I hadn't hung up his shirts for him which he asked me to do as said goodbye to him earlier in the morning. I had a perfectly good reason for not doing it (I was tripping fucking balls when he told me and I was tripping 3 times as hard the rest of the day after that), but I didn't want to tell him that. He knows I smoke pot and have dabbled in psychedelics, but I just didn't want to tell him that I did it that day when he was already in a bad mood from a long hard day at work.

He got frustrated with me, and started saying very cynical things, and asking me if I was going to be capable to doing my college work or if I would just stay absorbed and brainwashed by my technology. (he doesn't particularly approve my gaming hobby) I tried to explain how sorry I was, but thats pretty hard to do on that dose of LSD when your heart was racing as fast as mine was from the stress this conversation was causing me, so I got kind of quiet. As we got out of the car, he mumbled some swears to himself and shouted that he would just do it himself and how he shouldn't have expected anything out of me.

This killed me, it would have bothered me whether I was high or not, but on 1000ug of LSD which was still going strong, it destroyed me. I managed to maintain my cool somehow, and he eventually calmed down. I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible because I realized how high I still was, so I volunteered to go around the market and get the usual stuff which also allowed me to get some distance from him. Because of this I was able to avoid much conversation, which was good because I don't think I could have maintained one too well. After we got all the groceries, we went to the check out line.

Our groceries were being bagged, and the bagger was clearly sick. He covered his cough while bagging his groceries, but was still touching all our stuff as he bagged it, so the effort was kind of wasted. I didn't like this of course, but my father was very upset about it. As we talked out of the market he began cursing and yelling, saying they should take everything back and then go shop somewhere else. He then proceeded to go on a rant about how life is a losing battle, everything is pointless, the world is so fucked up and its only getting worse. It wasn't a fun car ride home.

Needless to say, this really fucked with my vibes. I was in the comedown stage of my trip so my mind was already weak, and this was certainly not helping. We finally got home and brought everything in, and I began putting the groceries away as fast as possible so I could say I was going to bed and retreat back to my room where I really should have stayed from the beginning. He stood in the kitchen with me as I put stuff away, continuing to rant about how shitty everything in his life and the world is. Then he realized that he grabbed the wrong cereal box (big fucking deal right) and lost his shit. I started to get really sick of all the negativity, it was just eating away at my already exhausted soul, so I kicked it into overdrive on putting the groceries away, which signaled to him that I was getting upset about something.

'WTF is wrong with you??!!!' he asked me, as I quickly looked up in fear. I kind of mumbled that I just didn't want to listen to all his bitching anymore (I said it more politely), and then he started to realize how he had been acting with me for the past hour and a half. He acknowledged that he was wrong and shouldn't have been so negative with me, apologized, and went to go lie down in his room while I finished the groceries which was a blessing from god at that point. I finished everything up, did the dishes to be safe, and told him I was going to bed. He apologized again for how he acted with me, and explained that he had a very long and torturous day at work, how goes through it day in and day out to put food on the table for us, and then only to see some guy cough all over 300 dollars of his hard work just rubbed him the wrong way.

I told him I understood and forgave him. I never said it was ok, because it wasn't in my opinion, but I did accept the apology. This brought some of my good vibes back, and also helped me realize how much I want to move on. I don't want to live in his house anymore, even if I am a student and there isn't really anything wrong with it. He is either best guy I know, or the worst, and the bad side just shows too often. The constant daily negativity is toxic to me, and the feeling of needing to live up to his standards cripples me even further. I came to the realization that it is time to make a change in more ways than one. I made the plan in my head to use some money I inherited from my grandfather's untimely death a few months back to get a car and pay for insurance until I was able to find a steady job. I was going to routinely exercise and work out, and make much more of an effort to socialize with friends. The goal was a new and better life, to write a story where I was the sole author.

I couldn't sleep that night, too many negative vibes mixed with the typical somewhat speedy aspect of LSD just made it impossible. I laid there contemplating life and its meaning, the universe and how insignificant each human is the grand scheme of things. How we are all just grains of sand on the beach of life. I was up all night, and at about 9 AM took some dabs to hopefully make myself tired...didn't work. I finally got a much needed night of sleep. The next day I had my monthly therapy session that my dad always insisted I attended. I told him about my trip since he is well aware I use substances, and explained to him all my revelations and goals I now had even 2 days later. I told him I was feeling so upbeat that I didn't even feel the need to come see him anymore. He was somewhat hesitant because he thought I was planning a lot all at once and the catalyst had been drugs, but he agreed with me. I felt that I had been going nowhere but up for a while, and he graduated me from treatment. My father was very proud of me, and offered to take me out to dinner for a nice meal to celebrate. Guess what...I declined him, went home, and ate a chicken breast with mixed vegetables on the side, and then worked out for over an hour.

Since my trip, I have made many changes to my life.

Since my trip, I have made many changes to my life.

 I go to bed and wake up and more reasonable times, think carefully about every dietary choice I make, I exercise regularly, have significantly less social anxiety, and overall feel much more optimistic about the future. I've already lost almost 10 pounds just making these changes for a little under a week because of how much exercise I have been doing. I feel great! I can't remember the last time I felt so youthful, and the best part is that I still have so far to go. I absolutely can't wait to see how I look and feel after 3 months!

I don't want to be tethered anymore, I want to figure out who I am and who I can be. The cool thing about my life is that I am a blank canvas, I can paint my life any way I want to. I'm young and come from a decently well off family. I am intelligent and kind, and have to much to give to this world...I want my short time on this earth to mean something. The options are endless.

[Erowid Note:
Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]

Exp Year: 2015	ExpID: 106923

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 19

Published: Jun 15, 2020	Views: 2,456

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LSD (2), Mescaline (36) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Relationships (44), Music Discussion (22), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:

		 5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   108 lb

It was a Friday night at 3am - my boyfriend and I watched as our friends walked out the door and decided what to do with the rest of our evening. We had been casually drinking and consumed some MDMA earlier, but wanted the energy to stay up and enjoy each other's company. Yes, LSD is a lovely idea. He cut a generous chunk of blotter in half - we figured splitting a 10 strip would make for a dazzling sunrise. Before placing it in my mouth, I asked him if he wanted to set an intention for the trip. He said, 'I'll leave this one up to you.' I gave it a thought and responded, 'Remember the sex we had when we first met? That ethereal element that transcended body sensation? I want to rediscover that higher intimacy, or see if we can.'

So he took a shower and I relaxed in bed on the come-up. I noticed my visuals already becoming incredibly intense while we enjoyed each other's bodies in our bed - about 40 minutes after we dosed I had noticed that the act of coitus was almost too intense and took a break. Taking a moment to look at my surroundings made me realize that my visuals/sensory perception was beyond my comfort level (something that has never happened to me - I've always loved LSD and tend to take thorough doses with no issue).

Slightly, I panic. I mention to my boyfriend that I'd really like some xanax, because I was caught off guard. Of course, we don't have any. We go downstairs and as he tried to call a friend for some, I become increasingly ambushed with sensation. I am in a cold sweat, unsure if my mind will be able to stay present enough to stay...me - because I knew it was only going to build for another 2 hours until I really peaked. All I could think was 'No. No. The only way to handle this is Xanax. I can't withstand this level of sensory fuckery'. I pace over to the bathroom, and turn the light on - BAM! What I see hits me like a wall, I feel my heart pound. Brightness beyond imagination. The sink and toilet had no edges, but looked like pillowy block-forms. My visuals were so outrageous that objects no longer had definition. I turned the light off immediately and began to feel panicked and took my glasses off because my eyes couldn't handle clear vision - never was I so thankful to be half-blind.

My boyfriend, unable to hunt down xanax from a friend, started doing what he does best, keeping people calm in anxious situations. He took me up to bed to relax - I keep asking, 'am I going to lose my mind?', 'am I going to be normal after having this experience?'. He reassured me that I was going to be fine, over and over. I was hanging on moment by moment, reminding myself  that it was just LSD, that it was intense, but that I wasn't losing my mind. He kept me as relaxed as possible and present.

Then, things got surreal. As the morning light began to trickle into the window, I realized that I was unable to keep my eyes open - my pupils were too dilated to handle light. The next hour and I half of my trip would consist of my face being buried in a pillow, reaching levels of sensory perception that I never thought were possible, and the loss of my physical form. I started describing what I was experiencing to my boyfriend - I could see and feel . . . everything. I had complete synesthesia. Every sensory input I could experience through every sense. Simultaneously I was tasting, hearing, feeling, seeing, and smelling the entirety of the universe. I lost almost all physical perception of my body - I knew it was there, but could only feel vibrations. My boyfriend said, 'it sounds like your third eye is opened way up.' And he was right - I was perceiving things beyond my immediate surroundings - and I realized that I was in a state of awareness that I never thought I would be able to achieve - this is what enlightenment must feel like. What I did know to be helpful in overactive upper chakras is grounding. I wanted to get back into my physical body.

What a better way to ground than uniting two bodies? I decide sex would be an excellent distraction. Suddenly, my overwhelming sensory ability went from an anxiety-inducing phenomenon to the most beautiful gift I've ever experienced. The physical sensation of coitus exploded into sustained spiritual bliss - all of the physical and emotional pleasure I've ever felt couldn't add up to the level of euphoric sensation I was attaining. For a half hour I was in a state of sustained, inconceivable orgasm. It felt like our souls were merging, a ethereal body one in the same. Tears streamed down my face as I tried to iterate the visions I saw projected on my closed eyelids 'I've never seen such beauty. Colors and sights I've never known. It's beautiful.'

He leaned over and asked me, 'Do you remember what your intention was?'. And I began to laugh. Ethereal, beyond comprehension spiritual intimacy IS what I was going for. Despite the anxiety, uneasiness, panic, and disorientation I had to experience for what felt like 12 hours, it was incredibly ironic that it would, indeed, lead to the fruition of my intention - and on a level I never thought possible.

It's absolutely ironic how the universe can manifest one's intentions.

After this, I was finally done peaking, and in a calm state. Not too long after I regained the ability to open my eyes. For the next 8 hours I still wasn't able to put my glasses on because the visuals were too intense. It wasn't until 19 hours after I dosed that I was able to fall asleep.

My boyfriend and I decided that the blotter we had was dosed way too generously. I'm just so thankful that despite tripping the hardest he ever had, he was still with it enough to keep me from going into LSD panic shitshow.

Moral of the story: LSD is some intense shit. Dose wisely.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 104280

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 22

Published: Jun 16, 2020	Views: 1,553

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LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Sex Discussion (14), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 cup
		 oral
		 Coffee

		   T+ 1:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   160 lb

As I was past the halfway point of my college experience, for whatever reason I became fascinated with LSD. I’ve known of the drug for a long time but never read about it in detail until this point in my life. After a few hours of researching it one day to get things straight and clear up any misconceptions I had on the substance, I quickly got to the point where I told myself “I have to try this”. This calling grew stronger in the coming days, and I eventually asked my brother for help in attaining it. It took over a year to get some, so I had plenty time to prepare myself for the experience.

It took over a year to get some, so I had plenty time to prepare myself for the experience.

 Getting the LSD was quite a journey in itself, but that’s another story.

When my brother finally got it, he came over and plopped a trading card in my hands. I pushed the card out of its sleeve a little to reveal a strip with eight doses. I remember thinking how small the tabs were. It was surreal seeing LSD in person. I was holding in my hands the item my brother and I had been trying to get for over a year. This mysterious stuff I wondered all throughout my life if I’d ever get to try. “Didn’t we buy a ten strip?” I asked. My brother stuck his tongue out to reveal the two missing tabs resting on top. “Jesus, spit them out. Each of those is supposed to be 200 ug. That’s 400 ug of LSD you’re taking. What’s wrong with you?” He irritably spat them out and said “Okay, yeah fine, whatever. You’re not really helping my mood right now. Don’t worry I’ll be fine.” I was a nervous wreck for him, but somewhat relieved in a shameful way that he was testing it out first. He went back to his house with a friend that night and actually did end up being fine. We later figured out each tab was the standard 100 ug instead of the “200” ug it was sold as.

I decided to take LSD for the first time four days later on Thursday, March 30th 2017. That day made the most sense to me as I had no classes, wasn’t meeting with anyone, and wasn’t expecting any calls. I woke up around 9 am and had coffee and some breakfast, then spent the next half hour relaxing and mentally preparing myself for the experience. I even had a little black notebook to document the experience.

+0:00 I cut out a single tab and took it at exactly 10 am. It didn’t have any taste, I made sure to swallow it right away. I was a little nervous, so I decided to calm myself down with a hot shower.

+0:25 I wrote down in my notebook “Some anxiety, no noted effects.” Then went to rest on my bed and wait for the acid to kick in.

+0:45 I started feeling this sensation in my back. I got out of bed to write down in my notebook “Weird energy feeling just hit.” This will turn out the be the last entry I make in the notebook.

+1:00 Still in bed and watching tv, I suddenly realize “Wait… something’s different. I definitively feel different.” As I thought this, my peripheral vision almost felt as if it was expanding horizontally. I think my pupils were dilating. It wasn’t a sensation I was hoping for or even expecting. I was thrusted into this alert mental state that felt like a mix between energy and panic. My headspace was surprisingly crystal clear. I’ve had weed before and that’s a fuzzy stretchy kind of head space comparable to how it feels when you stretch your leg out to the point where it feels really good but kind of hurts too.

+2:00 At this point I was pacing around my room trying to calm myself. I heartrate peaked at 141 bpm according to my fitness tracker. At one point I was so anxious, I felt like running upstairs to the room my brother was in, waking him up, and telling him to call an ambulance. To calm myself down in the moment I sat down in a sofa chair and thought to myself: “This is what I’m dealing with right now. If it gets any worse, and it probably won’t because this has got to be the worst of it, but if it does go upstairs and get help. But what’s more likely is this is as intense as it’ll get and you can handle it, just wait for it to ease down.” I then snuck downstairs to get a snack, avoiding going through the bathroom because I was afraid to look in a mirror. I got a glass of water and an apple. There was a little ant crawling on the apple. It freaked me out at first, then I kind of admired the ant and let him crawl off onto a table.

After that little pep talk and snack, I started feeling better. I was starting to figure out how to manage myself in this altered mental state because I finally figured out how LSD was changing my emotions. The best way I can describe it is the drug amplifies my emotions around 5 times or so. You can imagine from that statement alone how this drug can either be a heavenly blissful experience or terrifying nightmare or everything in between. When I tried to calm myself down by explaining to myself why I'm feeling this way, the explanations didn't match the emotion I was feeling.

For example, imagine a totally normal sober person waking up in the morning and walking into their bathroom and starting to feel a little anxious for some reason. They quickly remember they saw a spider in the bathroom last night and realize it still might be here. Sure, that makes sense. “Why am I feeling a little anxious right now? Oh, because there might be a spider around here. I see.”

Now the exact same situation, except this person is under the influence of LSD. They walk into the bathroom and start feeling this sense of impending doom. They quickly remember they saw a spider in the bathroom last night and realize it still might be here. Okay… so a spider might be in this room I’m in, that doesn’t explain why I feel like I’m about to be murdered. Even repeatedly telling yourself “It’s not me, it’s the drug. It’s the LSD making my emotions out of wack.” won’t work too well at all because the drug is so clever at affecting such a core part of your mind, you truly think you should be feeling these intense emotions. It’s no wonder people have developed PTSD from this drug. Can you imagine experiencing something a sober person would consider traumatizing while on LSD?

+3:00 I was a little calmer at this point, but certainly still had to manage myself. The intensity of the drug’s effects came in waves every 3 minutes or so. At the peak of each wave, time felt like it was passing by so slow. I always noted to myself weed felt like it slowed down time by about 3 times. I know that seems like an arbitrary value, but there’s been plenty of times where I was high and looked at a clock and only 15 minutes have passed when I thought 45 have. I would guess at the peak of these LSD waves, time felt slower by roughly 5 or 6 times.

I could only lay on my bed, watch TV and fare through it. I couldn’t get myself to record anything in my notebook, get on my phone and listen to music, or any creative activity that required focus. I remember watching Batman Begins, it was near the end when Bruce was talking to Rachel, and Christian Bale’s face was like purple. I turned on CNN, and Vladimir Putin was on speaking, but he looked fat and orange, with white flaring rays around him. My leg hairs looked really gross and black in contrast to my skin. It was as if someone opened my vision up in photoshop and increased the field of view, enhanced the contrast and brightness, and was slowly changing the color hue. The walls of my room would be yellow one moment, and then purple maybe 15 or 20 seconds later. I couldn’t perceive the color change though. Imagine watching the hour hand of an analog clock. At a glance it doesn’t appear to be moving, but if you watch for long enough, you’ll have that epiphany/realization moment that it has definitely moved, but you didn’t see it happen. Just apply that same feeling to colors changing on LSD. I didn't perceive the wall’s color changing from yellow to purple, I just knew it was yellow and now purple, with no transition in between.

+4:00 Around this time my dad called me down to bring in a couple heavy groceries from the porch. Yes, I panicked at that moment, worrying if my dad would figure out I was on LSD. I couldn’t really figure out a way to talk my way out of having to do it, so I just went for it and went downstairs to get the groceries on the porch. Going outside felt like such a nice break from my room. I was anxious thinking an open environment would be even more stressful, but if anything, it had the opposite effect. Being outside and on the front porch felt much warmer (emotionally) and playful than usual. It also felt more expansive and novel, to the point where this area I had grown so familiar with felt foreign. When I took the groceries in, my dad was cooking in the kitchen. As I walked up behind him, I felt this aura around him. Nothing visual, it was a pure sensation, that grew stronger the closer I got to him. It was almost as if I was feeling his kind personality.

+4:30 I’m back in my room watching Impractical Jokers. The ONLY reason I was watching that show was because their laughing seemed to help me take the whole situation less seriously. Around this time, my brother upstairs woke up, came downstairs, and visited me. I quickly acted like I was trying to nap so I wouldn’t have to talk with him much. I wouldn’t even open my eyes because I remember thinking it would be too intense to look him in the face for some reason. He eventually left and took off in his car with my dad so I had the whole house to myself. I walked around a lot at this point, exploring the house. I felt lighter than usual while walking. I found this teddy bear I use to play with that I gave a personality to and made voices for, but it just felt like an empty teddy bear with no presence at all.

+5:00 I would say I had passed the hardships of the trip at this point.

+5:00 I would say I had passed the hardships of the trip at this point.

 I was laying in bed, doing breathing exercises, when this wave of relaxation washed over me. I felt so peaceful and remember thinking “I wish this would never end.” Quite a turnaround from the situation a few hours earlier. I also had this deep sense of satisfaction that I had finally tried LSD and felt quite proud as the trip was coming to a close.

+8:00 Around this time I was finally feeling like myself again, as most of the drug’s effects had worn off. I told my brother who was back at the house I had taken a tab, to his surprise. It was very difficult explaining what it felt like at the time. I was just emotionally exhausted after dealing with that altered state for so many hours. As drained as I felt, I still had trouble falling asleep that night.

In the days following my trip, I felt calmer than usual, especially in public places like my university. I told myself “It’ll be a while before I even contemplate taking LSD again.” As fascinated and eager as I was to take LSD before that day, I had immediately lost all interest in it after that single experience. Some other notable effects after the experience include not feeling like drinking anymore (lasting a few weeks), smoking weed taking an additional couple minutes to kick in and having a more psychedelic effect once it did (this eventually began to wear off after a couple years), and my peripheral vision being more reactive to moving objects (I think).

At this point, it’s been over three years since that day, and while I wouldn’t actively search for it again, if someone had offered me a tab I’m pretty sure I would take it, or at least save it for a special occasion. Recently, I gave myself a month break from coffee, and noticed its subtle effects after I started drinking again. I never gave attention to this before, but coffee makes me anxious around 3 hours after I drink it. Because I drank coffee about an hour before I took LSD that day, that may explain why I was so anxious 2 hours into it. Anyway, if I ever choose to take LSD again, I would avoid any substance that would make me anxious. I could imagine meditating on the stuff and doing some real soul searching.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 114476

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 23

Published: Jun 16, 2020	Views: 1,524

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LSD (2) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), First Times (2), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   195 lb

One Fifty

u/basically_nothing10h

29y/o Male, 195 lbs, minimal psychedelic use. Cannabis for 2+ years, never really going anywhere with it. Just used it to make food taste better and music seem more deep.

Decided it was time to see something outside of my “control” - I needed to learn how to surrender completely to things I don’t understand. And that is exactly what I did. This is my best account of my first trip, a 12+ hour trip, on 150 mcg of LSD.

Obtained 4 x 150 mcg hits from L’s sister K. Placed the contents in between the pages of David Bohm’s “Wholeness and Implicate Order” which is a book written by the protege of Albert Einstein. Bohm essentially came up with the Holographic Principle and Quantum Mechanics. Each are fantastic way of describing the currently indescribable connection between this strange dream-like world and the implicate order. His work has been something I gobbled up quickly over the years. He was utterly fascinating in every way. A true seeker of knowledge, something I always strive to be but never had much gusto to do so. Suffice to say, the themes of the book played out heavily in my trip. Pretty sure I magically imprinted extra power on the LSD. But it could have been only because it was my first time!

Spent a couple weeks waiting for the “right moment,” reading a lot of experiences, watching youtube videos, trying mindfulness meditation and regular meditation on a day to day basis. I prayed to whatever gods held me down in this temporal infinity and pleaded that they make my first trip a good one, and a safe one. I had little doubt in my mind, as I had fully accepted the possibility of a nightmarish trip and had fully placed my well-being into my girlfriend’s more-than-capable hands.

6:10 pm: Ate 1 blotter hit with a nice big swig of water

6:20 pm: Starting to feel tingles a little bit. Mostly in my toes and upper cranial area.

6:25 pm: Slight distortions in perceived time, slight vision shift to a more “out of focus” setting. Starting to “step back” from myself.

6:34 pm: Slight nausea starts to crop up, highly manageable with breathing and water

6:36 pm: My exact quote “everything is opening up”

6:39 pm: EVERYTHING is SO COLORFUL!

6:45 pm: I decide to get up and move around. I had remembered reading somewhere to go with the flow of things, so I decided to listen entirely to my body and let go of my thoughts. Whatever my body wanted, it got.

6:50 pm: Really starting to “warm up.”

7:04 pm: It hits so hard, I cannot contain myself. I begin to weep. Sobbing uncontrollably, spit and dribble emanating from a place not of my own being, but of a scared and helpless something, lost in the vast infinite expanse of love. My girlfriend hugs me and says, “Are you happy?” and it took me a minute or two to respond, and all I could do was blubber: “yyyy… yyy… yes. It's all so beautiful. It’s all so perfect. I’m so happy. THIS is the POINT!” What is the point? She asked. And the only thing I could respond with was “THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL OF IT!”

7:05 pm: We color using these fine tipped markers with very surreal landscapes. Colors are so intense. Each color is, in and of itself, all colors. But it expresses the one it feels the most. Artwork around our house begins to take on a new light, a way in which I’ve always been able to see things, but never let myself entirely. This is how I’ve interpreted it. It definitely felt like an intoxication, like being drunk, but far more humbling. Like… I would never get into a fight with someone on LSD. I’d be too worried about the effect on our eternal spirits.

The last record, 7:29pm: L wrote this out for me as I said it: “I feel like I belong. I’m exactly where I need to be. Purpose doesn’t matter. I’m having fun. We are each an individual center. Putting the way I feel into words almost ruins the experience.”

At this point my trip was no longer “my” trip. I gave in entirely to the chemical. We started watching Finding Dori on Netflix. This might have been what really did me in, or perhaps it was the two bowls of cannabis I smoked earlier in the day. Who knows. But I was ONE with the movie. I was enraptured by every word. Every subtle gesture of facial muscle. Every slight twinge in their voice. All of the colors and movement on the screen. It was a bit overwhelming. But I was enraptured.

I myself felt like Dori, a fish with memory loss, struggling to find a purpose or meaning in their life, whom is always told “Just keep swimming!” and “Don’t get caught in the undertow.” I remember identifying with the beluga whale who had powers of “echolocation” and remember thinking to myself “hey, I do that already using my thoughts.” This really freaked me out, as I didn’t know I had these capabilities.

But then as soon as I had started to go down a dark road, that hilarious fucking turtle with a surfer dude voice shows up and I laugh maniacally… “THAT’S ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I yell. My SPIRIT ANIMAL! The turtle. Slow moving, great swimmer, chill as all get out, never lets a single thing get in his way.

When I was on LSD, words do not arrive like they normally do. Entire packets of thought arrive, fully fleshed out, crystal clear and glaringly obvious. And they almost contain laughter attached at the end of it. A laugher that says, “How could you have forgotten your true nature? Hahahahaahahahahhaahahahaaaaa……..”

'You are the ONE. You are the ALL. Without YOU, there would be no ALL. Without the ALL, there would be NO YOU!' I was simultaneously the reason the universe existed at all, in this form, and the reason I existed was so that the universe could see itself just the way it wanted to see itself. Wherever anyone ever “is,” they “is” because they need to be - everyone has a very specific and intentional place in the universe. And the qualities of one's character are also chosen very specifically. This is how I interpreted it, anyways.

I saw my girlfriend of 5.5 years as my Universal Goddess. She watched over my eternal soul in this everlasting dreamworld. She took amazing care of me and always made sure I was happy. For that, I was ready to give up everything I had just gleaned from the universe, just to remain in this place. Wait… what is this place?

On the outside, I saw a reality which had acquired a plastic, almost “bubble” like quality to it. It felt as though everything was blown up like a balloon, was slightly wet with condensation on the outside from the expansion and could be popped with the slightest poke. But it was also so incredibly solid that you wouldn’t want to disturb anything. Why harm that water bottle of yours? What did it ever do to you, other than provide hydration? Water was like drinking the nectar of gods, and I could not bring myself to eat or try anything else. I tried eating a couple strawberries but was convinced that I didn’t deserve something so divine.

All of my senses were overpowered, and they were starting to combine into one “sense.” My roommate had been upstairs cooking something and I said “Are those noodles?” and he was like “I haven’t even taken them out of the package yet.” And at that point I tried to stop smelling everything around me. So incredibly overwhelming.

Focused breathing was my godsend here. This was something I have been training myself mentally for several months, physically for about 2 weeks. Deep, intentioned, breaths. In with fresh air, out with all of the bad vibes. Though there really weren’t any bad vibes.

Upon closing my eyes, I was having mild to moderate visuals. These visuals ranged from the fanning out of birds-feathers to a steady breathing of geometric shapes. At points during the trip I felt as though my whole being, or my whole essence was itself a fractalization of intense light that continued to breathe in and out. I was more of a “process” rather than an individual “thing.” Always forever changing, but always remaining mostly the same. I am a very thought oriented person, so I was hung up on the millions of thoughts and concepts currently filtering through the conscious stream that I appeared to be connected into.

The movie ended and I was still high as balls. At this point in time I remember thinking… or receiving direct communication from my infinite self?...

You wanted IT.

YOU GOT IT!

At this point, it all hit me very, very, very hard. This must have been the peak of the trip because as I lay there, “I” was essentially gone. It is incredibly difficult to describe. I felt like I was at the center of eternity - I had lost my way and now could not find my way back to myself. This was the sole mission of the rest of my trip. How do I get back to myself?

I felt like I was at the center of eternity - I had lost my way and now could not find my way back to myself. This was the sole mission of the rest of my trip. How do I get back to myself?

Oh and the laughter. It seems as though my spiritual self was trying to relax the me at the end of the tunnel. Universal truths would fly by and make me laugh hysterically. Like a maniac, really.

I have experienced what people describe as enlightenment, satori, or kensho. It was the most simple and pure truth I could ever attain. But it wasn’t anything I had attained. It was something that was always there, hidden in plain sight, something my ego chose to ignore. And there it was. My life and the lives of those around me were just a simple game. The game of life and love. And we all needed our egos to live it out. A mask that god/the universe/the mind puts on, so that it can live a cause-and-effect life.

You are god. You are the divine being of infinite love. You always have been. But you decide to trap yourself in one of your infinite fractal characters, or shards, because you love it. It’s the most fun you can have when you get bored of the universal truth.

Remember to breathe.

Standing at the edge of infinity is quite a mind fuck - I felt all powerful, I felt like everything. I felt like Jesus Christ and the Devil, but some version of those two mashed together, because they balance each other out extremely well. These are just metaphors, as I’m not a religious person. But after this experience, I retroactively recategorized myself before the trip as an “Atheist.”

Now I am FIRMLY a believer in something. That something is essentially me, and everyone else in the universe. That something is infinite, all-powerful, all knowing, all loving and infinitely compassionate. It loves itself more than anything in the universe. But its SELF is ALL that it is. But at the same time, that something is very, very sad, because what does one do with all of this power if it’s alone and has nobody to love or be loved by?

I missed my family. I missed my girlfriend. I missed my dog and my cats. I began to realize that I take people for granted. I take my everyday life for granted. I take every moment that I’ve ever been blessed with, for granted.

As I take the time to integrate this experience, I find myself spending more time listening to people. Appreciating what they have to say. Trying to tickle them with laughter and get them to have a good time.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 109996

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 29

Published: Jul 29, 2020	Views: 1,839

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Personal Preparation (45), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 insufflated
		 Cocaine

		   T+ 10:00
		 4 tablets
		 oral
		 Diphenhydramine

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   125 lb

Did I pass the acid test?

First I must say, that I did acid at a time in my life when I probably should not have been messing with my psyche. But then again, is there ever really a “right” time to drop acid?

The year leading up to me dropping acid was one of monumental change. I finished my Arts degree, and worked a mind-numbing, spirit-crushing job in Accounting. The job was absolutely dull, so I started to use a lot of Cocaine and other Amphetamines (Adderal, Ritalin, etc) and got heavily involved in the party scene. After 8 months, of wild partying (and always coming back to the same bland cubicle) I realized it wasn’t the Life for me, and took off traveling. I volunteered in India, then I went on an 8000 km road trip with my brother, and we lived in Toronto for a couple of months. Toronto wasn’t the place for me, and I returned to my hometown, unsure of who I was.

I worked a mediocre retail job for a while, then quit, and have since been unemployed, just sort of living, applying for jobs. In meditation, I realized that my true passion is in the realm of skin care, and I hope to become a dermatologist or cosmetic researcher. Anyways, I was slowly starting to figure out my life, and basically am just trying to kill the next 5 months before going back to school… but the next 5 months is filled with absolute uncertainty… what will I do to pass the time? Will I find a decent summer job? Right now, everything is Open.  And the Openness/Uncertainty seemed to have a profound effect on my psyche while on Acid.

Anyways… it was at this point in my life when I dropped Acid.

I dropped it with my brother and my “partner-in-crime,” G. Two wonderful people that I absolutely adore.

We each took 2 hits of acid, then did a gram of cocaine (between 3 of us) and waited for the acid to kick in. When it kicked in, I was absolutely floored. We ended up lying on the ground, starring at the ceiling, which was moving around a lot. The visuals were amazing, almost overwhelming. The entire world seemed to be moving.

The first part of my acid trip was filled with beauty and wonder… but then, suddenly, everything changed, and I became fixated on Time. Perhaps it was because I took another hit of acid.

I got caught in some sort of psychological loop, where I was concerned that I would always be caught in the Acid universe, as I have “nothing to do” and “no reason to not be high.” I became paranoid, because my brother and my partner-in-crime both have jobs, and I felt like I had nothing.

I ended up curled up in my bed, freaking out.

Then for a while, I was a bit better. I really enjoyed the visuals, but felt really confused about how I had gotten to G’s place. We spent a while staring at collages, and looking at a beautiful view of downtown from his high rise.

Then I got really nervous about what people would think of me being high on acid, and I started to, sort of…. lose consciousness in a way?

My bro and G were experienced trippers, so they sort of calmed me down, but I kept getting caught in mind loops, where I would circle the same ideas again and again and again. It was mentally exhausting.

I would circle the same ideas again and again and again. It was mentally exhausting.

 I kept asking them the same questions for 3 hours.

After a while, I settled down, and we hung out in G’s room, listening to music. I rummaged around the kitchen for food, and was fascinated with the granola bar I found. I ate it, and then ate some cereal.

Then I went back to the bedroom and fed G cereal. After I touched him, I realized he was totally mushy. Then I became obsessed with the fact that G didn’t have bones. I kept asking, “Where are your bones?” or “You lost your bones!”

Then me and G started to fool around, and I told him he could maybe take my Acid virginity, but I wasn’t sure, then we fooled around and had sex, and after both said it was “Weird.” And it was weird, as the Acid made me feel really, really good physically, but sex wasn’t quite like sex normally is, visually… it felt very Real and Raw, almost too real.

Perhaps it was because G’s eyes were bugging out of his face, or maybe it was because the Acid seemed to highlight every pore on his face.

Whenever I went to the washroom or saw a mirror, my face looked totally messed up. I couldn’t even recognize myself. My face would always be contorted or stretching randomly.

I felt like G couldn’t like me, because while on Acid, I saw myself as being an absolutely unattractive blob. When I looked at him, he usually looked fine, but my face was swollen and covered with acne, and I was really, really swollen and fat overall (today I look fine!).

After a while of talking with G and my bro, I became fixated on all the scars on my body. I was a self-mutilator for about 7 years (haven’t done it in a long time), so I have hundreds of scars. I realized that the scars were really “self-hatred” and that my body was infected with the virus of “self-loathing.” Then I started crying, and G held me, and I just said, “Look at me, I’m nothing but Hatred.”

Then I started to try to bite off my scars, and I wanted a knife to slice them off, so I could remove the Hatred, but G convinced me that was a very bad idea, and I agreed.

Then in my mind, I was in a different Universe, it was an alternate reality, almost Narnia Like. I kept meeting different Demonic forms of myself. They were very menacing and cruel, and I think a Demon-self snatched my Identity at one point. I was very, very scared. G was sort of in the alternate universe too, and we’d meet up on trails randomly. The universe was very forest-like.

G passed out after a while, perhaps around 7 am. I tried to sleep, but couldn’t, because my mind was hallucinating in the Alternate universe, then me and my brother went back to my apartment. We were sketched out for a long time, and we cleaned up the entire apartment.

Perhaps we made a mistake, but in an attempt to sleep, we both took about 4 Gravol pills.

Then we went on a bizarre walk, and were still hallucinating. We weren’t ready to “Deal with money” so we avoided all stores.  The wind was blowing heavily and it was a rather miserable day out, so we ended up walking back, admiring the trees, which were filled with intricate and beautiful patterns.

We kept saying, “Think about how much more messed up we felt 2 hours ago. I wonder if we’ll feel better in another 2 hours…” But we kept feeling the same way, mostly, still hallucinating. The Acid seemed to come in waves… near sobriety, then total tripping.

He left at 3 pm (we dropped acid at 9 pm the day before), I was still very high, and unable to sleep. I started to truly freak out, and at one point, I had no idea who I Was.

I spent most of the next 12 hours pacing in my apartment, trying to figure out who I was. I literally lost all of my memories. I tried to think about what I would normally do, but I couldn’t remember who I was… I wasn’t even sure what my name was.

My brother had gone home, and I was slowly starting to put the pieces together. It was interesting, because I could actually see a puzzle in the mind, and I would put a piece into the puzzle. I thought that if I could finish the puzzle, I wouldn’t be High anymore, and I could return back to the way things were. I was still hallucinating wildly, freaked out what I would NEVER BE ABLE TO SLEEP. Whenever I closed my eyes, I’d hallucinate, and see random images, or random things.

Then I got a PHONE CALL from someone who randomly played a trick on me. The voicemail said, “This is your secret admirer, do you know who I am…” I started to really freak out, then this person kept sending me messages, giving clues about their identity, saying we had met before. I was concerned that I had met him the night I did acid, but that I had no recollection of him at all (turns out it was an old friend that had tracked down my number and decided to call on Saturday, haha).

I absolutely lost my mind, and became very paranoid, and afraid to go outside, afraid of… the World, I guess? I kept thinking that, “I’ll never be able to handle the world.” I was also very concerned about what people would think. After I realized that my fear of what people think has been preventing me from living life fully--so it was almost like the acid was helping me metaphorically figure out my psyche.

While sort of coming down from acid, I kept on having flashbacks of the trip, and the clouds in the sky seemed to be flying towards me, and the entire city below (I live in a high rise apartment) had become cartoon like. The ceiling was covered in bugs, and everything was spinning. Then for a moment I’d be sober, but then I’d start tripping again. I felt like I was caught in a loop again.

Then my partner came over, and said I was in bed, freaking out/being very upset. He kept saying that “I’d be fine.”

After a while, G left, and said, “Just sleep.” Instead, I just kept freaking out, looking at my distorted face in the mirror… it was the most exhausting several hours of my life. I kept getting caught in mental loops, and I couldn’t remember who I was. I could NOT FUNCTION not knowing who I was. I just couldn’t Face the World. I felt like I had lost myself, and that I would never come back.

Then I decided that I needed to go to the gym in my apartment complex. I went on the elliptical for 30 minutes. It felt great to be doing something that required the bravery of leaving my place. I started to realize that no one noticed that I was messed up, and that I was only messed up inside… and that maybe I should worry less about what others think, because most people are pretty self-focused anyways…

I eventually called my brother and he said, “Put yourself in a good state of mind… you don’t want it to end… you have to choose… YOU JUST HAVE TO MAKE IT STOP. IT’S OVER! Just fucking sleep! Close your eyes and stare at the darkness!” Turns out he was still tripping on acid, and thought I was at his place at the time, haha.

So I spent the next while (how long I don’t know), talking in my mind. Various faces and images kept trying to overcome the darkness, and I’d mentally scream, “STOP ACID, STOP!” Then whenever I breathed in, I’d think, “SLEEP” and when I breathed out, I’d scream, “STOP ACID!”

Then I realized, I had to get back to the basics. I had to re-start, so I started with the basics of humanity: sex and sleep. So, I’d masturbate, then try to summon sleep. I just kept following this cycle. For hours? I’m not sure, all I know, is it seemed to be working.

I also kept thinking positive. I kept telling myself that I am way stronger than I think… that I am amazing and beautiful and that I can do anything if I try hard enough.

Eventually the darkness took over my mind, and this darkness was Sleep. I had to pray to sleep, and succumb to it’s power…. I had to “let go” and give full control of my mind to sleep.

Then I woke up gasping, maybe 10-12 hours later, to my alarm clock (which I set earlier, so that I would think I had “something to do” in the morning, and that was return to office hours and apply for jobs) clutching my pillow, and crying.

I had a text from my partner that said, “Call me.”

So I called him, completely freaked out, as I seemed to have had lost all of my memories of my Life.

So he came over, and I felt like I didn’t know who he was anymore, that we didn’t know each other. I felt like I didn’t know myself, or what my life was about. I felt like I had lost G as a friend, and that things would never be the same.

He looked really sad and said, “I still feel the same about you, Andy. I really like you.”

Then we hugged each other, and suddenly I realized that I was stronger than I thought, and BAM, my life came back!

Now I feel a bit frazzled (probably more tired, gotta catch up on my sleep schedule!), but excited for the future! It’s gonna be great! I learned a lot about myself, and I Faced my Demons.

Will I drop acid again? Probably, but not for a very long time! Not until I’m a bit further along on my path, right now I’m just treading the water in the depth that is my Life.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 84824

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 23

Published: Aug 12, 2020	Views: 1,399

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Multi-Day Experience (13), Combinations (3), First Times (2)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (edible / food)

		   T+ 2:00

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 4:30
		 3 - 4 hits
		 smoked
		 DMT

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   200 lb

Closure and an Immensely Cathartic Experience

So for some context:

This experience took place about 8 years ago, and at the time I was living on campus at a liberal arts/farm college. I had spent the past year living there, including two semesters of school and a job on the campus over the summer. It had been the best year of my life, and possibly still is to this day. The campus (located in the mountains of NC) had a massive amount of land open to the students, including cow fields, forests, mountains, trails, rivers, and even a bamboo forest and an apple orchard. There were only two "public safety officers" on duty at a time, and they typically stuck to the main roads on campus... they didn't really patrol the fields, trails, or areas of the school without roads unless the were called. It was really hard to get caught using drugs on this campus, and even if you were they had very lax drug policies. If you were simply caught with possession of drugs (at least ones like weed or psychedelics), it just meant a write up and MAYBE a drug class. I had friends who had several write ups for drug use and never faced serious consequences.

This may seem like a lot of context, but I need to emphasize how important this time was for me. It was my first time living on my own, and it was also the point in my life where I was really able to experiment with psychedelics on a deeper level. Plus, the campus was relatively small (900 students or so) and very tight knit... the people were fucking awesome. I had made some of the best friends of my life there. And nearly everybody there smoked or tripped regularly. So I was working there over the summer, and I found out that due to a complex situation involving the school raising tuition, I would not be able to keep attending the next year. Naturally, this made me very sad.

That's where this experience begins. I began this trip knowing it would be one of my last living on this campus and even in that state. I was mentally prepared for the trip, I was sad but I was in a mindset where I was eager to appreciate the time I had left there. Me and two other friends decided to drop some acid that someone we knew had, and we already had some DMT so we decided at some point that night we would add that to the mix. So we bought the LSD (on sugar cubes), and we were told that the doses were a bit lower than usual so they were cheaper. Knowing this, I still took only two.

(it's been a long time since this trip, so time stamps are approximate)

T+0:30 - I began to feel that strange, silly sensation that indicates a trip is coming on. Colors seemed slightly more enhanced, and my friends and are were starting to feel 'giggly'. Pretty standard fare for coming up on LSD.

T+1:00 - It hadn't been very long, but I could already tell the trip was going to be very mild. I hadn't really developed in visuals yet, mostly just enhanced colors and a slight psychedelic head space. We decided to make our way to one of the cow fields and watch the stars.

T+2:00 - We were still in the field... lying down, smoking weed and looking at the sky. At this point, I was starting to get some mild visuals- very slight traces with motion and some rainbows stretching between the stars. If I closed my eyes I was beginning to see some familiar geometric patterns. As I had assumed it was a fairly light trip... I would probably guess that each sugar cube probably contained around 40ug of LSD. I was happy with the mild trip, too. I knew that we would eventually be smoking some DMT, so at the time I was content with how things were. The most pronounced effect was just a deep sense of love and appreciation for my friends as well as the time we were spending together in nature.

T+2:30 - My friend decides we should go to another cow field, as she believed there were actually cows in that field at the time.

T+2:45 - Sure enough, there were. The cows were always a bit skittish of people coming by at night, but we knew from experience that if we were quiet and still they would come to us. So we sat in the grass nearby and began to meditate. My closed eye visuals were pretty pronounced for how light the trip was, and it was very easy to just space out. Every time I opened my eyes, the cows were a little closer to us. Soon, they were right next to us, grazing silently. Sitting there in peace and quiet and having a bunch of cows slowly come up to you is a very beautiful feeling. We sat there with them in silence just enjoying that moment.

T+3:30 - I was beginning to peak, but it was still a very tranquil and low key trip. As a group, we felt it was getting close to the time for us to smoke the DMT. We decided to take a short hike up the mountain to a cool little spot by the river. It was a bit of a long walk, so it would give us some time to prepare ourselves for the experience.

T+4:00 - It was a pretty quiet hike, but the walk really cleared my head and was a very meditative experience during this trip. As we approached our destination, I began to feel very emotional. The sadness that I would be leaving this place mixed with how happy I was to be with my friends in that moment become a combination of feelings that was hitting me quite deeply.

T+4:30 - We had arrived at the little patch of land by the river where we had planned our DMT trip. We had spent a few minutes in silence preparing ourselves, and then we loaded our devices. I personally used a small bong I had carried in my backpack. Once we had all prepared our doses, we smoked at the same time.

I took maybe three or four hits, I can't remember exactly. Colors began to consume the entirety of my vision, so I just closed my eyes and allowed myself to be transported. As I blasted off, I could feel those deep emotions boiling within me. And something new hit me -- loneliness. I realized I was leaving nearly all of my closest friends behind by leaving, and was suddenly beginning to feel a strange sense of nostalgic sadness. For some reason at that moment I began to truly appreciate that no matter how close we become to others, at the end of the day our journey is our own. For some reason in this moment, this idea was absolutely heart breaking to me. As all of this was swimming in my head, I felt a presence approaching me. It was actually a presence I was familiar with, because I had sensed it during many of my previous DMT trips. I never saw anything, but I always got the impression that it felt like some type of animal sniffing at me in a curious way. At this moment, I was in the middle of a huge emotional revelation and desperately trying to sort out my feelings, and this presence just felt distracting. I found myself wishing it would go away so I could focus on myself, but it just grew more "curious" of me and continued to invade my space. That's when it hit me.

So for just a little bit more context. When I was a kid, like ages 7-12, I had a dog. It was a dalmatian named 'Chester'. I had loved that dog as a kid, but my parents had left him outside while we were gone one day... and when we came back he was gone. I don't know if he got out of the fence or if someone took him, but I never saw him again. I was crushed that I never even got to say goodbye to him again.

The realization that this presence that was sniffing at my face was Chester came instantaneously. And as soon as it did, I began to bawl my eyes out. Immediately, the presence became a million times more playful, and I could feel it run around me excitedly. I was playing with my childhood dog again, and I felt like I had been given the farewell I had always wanted. I just sat there crying harder and harder.

I felt like I had been given the farewell I had always wanted. I just sat there crying harder and harder.

 All my loneliness was gone. It became clear to me that people, animals, and things that meant so much to me would always be a part of me. And suddenly, the thought that I was alone on the path of life did not feel like such a sad thing. As the trip began to fade, I had a strong feeling that it wasn't "goodbye" at all.

Tears still running down my face, I realized something. I was still sad to be leaving that school, that state and my friends, but that sadness wasn't heavy anymore, it felt so much more pure and beautiful. I was thankful for the time I did have, and optimistic about the beauty and new experiences ahead of me. I felt like a new connection had been made within me... a connection to everything and everyone that has touched me and a connection to life itself. It was one of the single most cathartic experiences of my life. I spent the rest of the LSD trip just sitting in the forest talking to my friends, knowing that there was significance in that present moment.

Even in the weeks after this experience, the sadness of leaving that school wasn't so painful, and the new found sense of connection and optimism remained. I want to clarify that I don't necessarily believe that the entities encountered on DMT are 'real', or that you are actually taken to another dimension. I acknowledge that I don't really 'know' anything for sure, but I do not operate under the assumption that I was actually contacted by the spirit of my childhood dog. What I do believe was that I found a part of myself that I had left buried for years, and rediscovering that was able to heal me tremendously on an emotional level. It was the type of experience that doesn't matter if it's "real". It was beautiful and it changed me for the better. So in that sense it was absolutely real.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 114662

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 19

Published: Aug 14, 2020	Views: 1,383

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LSD (2), DMT (18) : Entities / Beings (37), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)