		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 140 ug
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 11:30
		 2 tablets
		 oral
		 Hydrocodone
		 (pill / tablet)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   145 lb

I'm riding shotgun next to my friend Chris. Connor and Ted are in the back. This will be their first night meeting my long time friend, Lucy.

We arrive and head straight to the basement, it's about 9:30. Ted airs his anxieties about tripping tonight, we talk him into it. The basement is spacious with a large tv and some black-lighted sublime posters on the wall, we are so ready. I put a tab under my tongue and we go for a walk. The others choose to wait. It is a temperate night in the fall and mostly dark. We walk around the neighborhood, Chris has a pipe and some weed. They smoke up behind some building in a small patch of woods and we head back to the street. I did not participate as I have given up weed. Rings and halos are appearing around houselights, most people are still awake.

30 minutes after leaving the house we are back. Ted and Connor pop a tab in their mouth and Chris contemplates putting it in water and re-dosing throughout the night. He ends up drinking it all. We turn on adventure time, pupils massive, bodies full of anticipation, we watch.

I am standing by the wall, flailing my arms claiming these jumping jacks will get me jacked. Chris seems very in control, I inwardly doubt that he is tripping while Ted and Connor giggle on the couch. By this time everything is green and red. I'm on the phone with a friend, asking him to come and hangout with us. Connor and Ted seem to be having the same experience as me, Chris still appears sober.

We are melting into the couch and each other, discussing what we had read online about LSD. I repetitively state, possibly in my mind, that I feel like a puddle in the middle of the ocean.  Suddenly 'Chris, come up here' - we are all terrified. However, he returns, a champion, holding a large bowl of popcorn and bearing the news that his parents are going to bed. We rejoice and revel at the fact that Chris talked to his parents on LSD. I continue to doubt he is tripping.

I assume it is now hour and a half after I dropped and an hour after my friends did. We have now talked to many friends over the phone asking for food and company but receive neither. We feel content and blissful and Chris now shows signs of tripping. We begin to venture off the couch and around the room resulting in wondrous discoveries such as the floor being completely covered in Connor's flowing mullet, later identified as the carpet.

The idea of recording our experience in a series of quotes is born. While walking past an artificial plant Connor lifts it from the ground and spins in a circle, enthusiastically stating that he could 'dance one million plants'. I am in the bathroom peeing, it is beautiful, a stark white with a small green plant on the toilet bowl and a recessed light shining down on it. Ted approaches me from behind and requests a 'non-gay size comparison'. I turn him down and go about my business. Prior to this I had experience with LSD and others having bad trips but was not well versed and researched. We noticed Ted staring into the mirror, unaware of the danger this posed, we let it happen.

After watching the toilet flush multiple times we return to the couch and all seemed well. Ted sets up his phone on the tv stand to record us, we later find out it was facing the wrong way. Chris begins to show us scientific drawings and shit that he has because he's a smart guy. At the time they seemed fantastic, Ted takes his own shot at a breakthrough and writes 'pInk' on a piece of paper in pink marker. Later, Ted goes to the bathroom and returns claiming to have no idea who he is and requests to be called plant, reacting very negatively to the name Ted. He showed signs of ego loss such as speculating what his life had been up until this point and what he should do with it now.

I request taking a walk but at this point Ted is anxious and seemingly overwhelmed. After accepting that he was truly Ted he began to act strangely. He curled up on the floor when we suggested going outside. When I asked if we could turn the lights on he said he would scream, which he actually followed through on. Not taking the situation seriously I did not handle this as I should have. Standing by the door we contemplated moving the blinds, we were to varying degrees convinced that outside this door was outer space.

We then chose to watch trippy videos we had seen before. They took on a new layer of hilarious as we were catapulted into another peak by the psychedelic, whirling images. A plate of spaghetti flashes across the screen and about 30 seconds later Ted yells for us to check out this spaghetti, he operated on somewhat of a delay for a short period of time.

Going outside was a bittersweet decision. The night was beautiful and the grass lush and damp. Ted sat in dog poop. The others then smoked another bowl in the front yard. Ted decided to run down the street and we found that terrifying experience enough incentive to return inside. At one point Ted grabbed my phone without us noticing and called a girl I was talking to at the time explaining 'don't tell Alex but I never took any acid, he'll be angry with me' he told her he believed we were conspiring against him. Shortly after coaxing him into unlocking the bathroom I saw him staring into the mirror. The facial expression he was making did not match the reflection. I will never forget the horror of thinking I had caused one of my best friends to go insane.

After leaving the bathroom he called my father, the time was 3 in the morning. He left desperate video messages to himself describing a key to life, trying to make the trip something it wasn't going to be. This lasted a fair amount of time.

We were at a lull near the end of the peak or starting to come down when we ventured outside again. I then noticed Connor had become anxious when thinking about his duties tomorrow and worried that this may never end. I wished it wouldn't. I vainly attempting to explain that we don't have to worry, this is chemically induced and that until it wears off and our city wakes up we have the world to ourselves. Connor obsessively stared at the LSD time chart on a reputable website. Chris later brought to my attention that he believed Connor to be anxious for much of the night and that could've been possibly what negatively impacted Ted.

I decided I would take some responsibility as an experienced tripper and take them on walks to ease their worries as we came down. The soundness of my decision-making is debatable as I split up the group. I worried that Ted would run away and not only would I be at fault for supplying and pressuring him into acid but also being the one watching him when he got lost.

Walk 1: Ted and I ventured onto the street which was illuminated an ample amount by lights outside houses. I spoke with him about the beauty of nature. I told him that this is the pinnacle of our lives right now, spending the night with our friends tripping. I desperately felt the need to convince him that he had to enjoy this because we would remember this moment forever, which I believe I will. While admiring the beauty and getting farther from the house Chris and Connor resided in I began to fear Ted believed we were out to get him and would try to kill me. Obviously this suspicion was greatly increases by the acid. We returned to find Chris on his laptop and Connor staring at the time chart, worried he would be this way forever. I believe Ted was significantly calmed down from our one on one time.

Walk 2: I took Chris for a walk and had a similar experience as I did with Ted. Describing natures beauty and the wonder of what God had created. He expressed to me that he felt very in control throughout the trip. He acted as if he had a significant amount of experience. We spoke about the potential for this chemical and what we could do with it. We were both eager to repeat this experience.

Walk 3: I convinced Connor to go on a walk with me. He was my closest friend and the one I had been friends with the longest. I desperately did not want this walk to end. We spoke about how this would end and that we would be fine to do what we had to the next day. He was much calmer after this. A slight rain had started and being fans of Chance the Rapper we sang a few bars of acid rain. I was in awe of the beauty of God's world. I gave him my sweatshirt and walked around the mist, my cold feet on the road and chilly torso meant nothing as me and my best friend walked around the most peaceful neighborhood on earth, in a light rain during our comedown.

Upon returning everyone was in high spirits, we layed around a Bluetooth and listened to Chance the Rapper, discussing what had happened. Ted apologized for ruining it for us. He blamed himself while none of us did. I blame myself to this day for his and Connor's bad experiences. We returned to the couches, while they tried to sleep, I desperately did not want my trip to end. A bottle of Gatorade filled with water sat on the floor and Connor drank it, it didn't taste right. I tried a small sip and could not place the flavor. Ted tried it and loved it, gulping down half the bottle. Connor panicked thinking it was the water Chris had put his tab in. After Ted had drank a considerable amount of the water we concluded it to be water from a swimming pool.

We parted ways around 8:30-9 am, time had somehow seemed to be dragged on forever while simultaneously flying by. Connor and I had a field trip that morning. Returning home I still felt a glowing body high and had minor visual distortions. I parachuted two Vicodin to attempt to keep the trip alive. I believe this is what caused my visual distortions and body high to persist until 3 pm.

As a consequence to this trip Connor is no longer interested in psychedelics. Ted is on the fence about another excursion into the world of LSD. Chris and I have used the fear that resulted from Ted almost losing his identity as motivation. We are now incredibly well versed on all drugs, especially those we plan on doing. Chris is very interested in tripping in the future and my insatiable thirst for psychedelics and transcendence are stronger than they previously were.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 105578

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 16

Published: Jul 31, 2017	Views: 2,866

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LSD (2) : General (1), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:30
		 1 hit
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   190 lb

Before this incident I had never done LSD before but was by no means unexperienced with hallucinogens or just about everything short of highly addictive drugs(heroin, meth, crack).  I spent my last two years in highschool stoned and taking anything I could get my hands on (now a sophomore in college).  Near the end of senior year I quit drugs all together for a while.  Even stopped drinking coffee.  I would do this on and off for a couple months going back and forth from sober and being high on something from when I woke up until bed.  Each time going back to drugs I would just get worse and worse, (most regular substances- always had marijuana, addicted to diphenhydramine and would take pseudoephedrine and drink coffee to stay awake, and drank 5 days a week or so, smoked salvia almost daily for a while) just destroying my brain (my vision had been screwed up for a while now (hppd) and whatever other damage was done).  I must mention I suffered from severe depression for many years and drugs were my escape.  I knew I had a bad problem and kept trying to stop but … well, you know how it works.

Anyway, I got out of college freshmen year and was high for about a month and a half before a friend got some acid and wanted to trip.  I always wanted to try it so I was excited and I’m pretty sure we took it the night he got it.  I put one tab in my mouth at around 8 and the next at about 9:30 maybe.  My friend took them both at about 9. Before I took the second, I was tripping about as hard as I ever had, not expecting what was going to come.  Little did I know it was some ridiculously strong acid.  As the second one hit me, I started to tweak out, and couldn’t sit still.  I was coming up too fast and I was with drunk people so I went outside with my friend.  It was then that it all hit me.  It must have been about 10:30 now.  I was experiencing a level of existence I never thought possible.  For measure, anything I felt remotely close to this was when I took about 4 grams of mushrooms, smoked a gram of “sour diesel”(strong weed) and took a couple hits of 20x salvia.  I usually worry about focusing on something negative around this time and getting depressed which has happened a couple times on mushrooms before.  That wasn’t the case seeing as though I wasn’t capable of creating a thought that made sense to me.   I would look up at the stars and be right next to them looking down at the earth from outer space.  Cars in the driveway were floating around and would move as I pushed them… I’d like to see what that looked like to a sober person.  I loved it to say the least.  My friend was running around with me having a similar experience.

For those who know hallucinogens, this was just the chaotic onset.  When I peaked my ability to think came back to me and all I could think was WHAT THE FUCK DID I GET MYSELF INTO?  Why would I pay to feel like this?  The irony of it all is that I had spent the last couple years trying to numb my thoughts.  Trying to render myself unable to think about the problems in my life. Hiding from them.  Now is the part of tripping my friends and I like to call “living hardcore” but of course this time it was much more intense than ever before.  The physical me sat crouched in between two cars looking as depressed and confused as one could possibly look. Mentally… the metaphysical me, the metaphysical human mind, all of life, all possibilities.  I was remembering that I am everything, I am “god”, I make everything happen, and I am every single person.  time is no more.  My body is no more. What senses one choses to feel no longer limits one. One is no longer on earth. One are no longer ones self.  One is no longer anything.  And then One make the most terrifying realization.  More terrifying than death.  One are completely alone.  Entirely the only thing that’s real.  Alone  Hahaha, it’s maddening.

And as I write this I bring myself back to this oh so uncomfortable place and fight the urge to realize the futility in trying to use the limited median of language to express something I already know, to myself.

Oh I’d been in this state before this day a couple times before, and I blocked it completely out of my mind.  This time I was going to accept it though.  I knew what I had to do… something.  Anything at all.  It was like I had just been born again and everything was entirely new to me as I slowly rebuilt reality as I knew it. The next 12 or so hours I did everything I used to do as a kid and spent the entire time outside rediscovering all the joy from doing things I thought I was no longer interested in.  And over the next month I slowly grounded myself to where I felt like I’d fully adjusted to my new mindset.  And here I am.  Though I can’t say entirely how, I have been living life as a completely different person.  Previously afraid of being alone and separated… lonely and depressed.  Now accepting the fact that if I love others and everything else, I’m loving myself.  Be kind to ones self and feel the goodness in everything.  Happiness is subjective and it’s difficult to remember that.  I did go back to drugs but only for three days, and immediately felt them pull me back to my depressed state of mind.  It’s been about three months since I last abused drugs, and four since this experience,  and I’m more together and happier than I’ve been in for as long as I can remember.

And for the record, if you met me, I wouldn’t seem crazy.

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 56785

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Sep 3, 2017	Views: 2,516

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LSD (2) : General (1), First Times (2), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 240 mg
		 oral
		 Methylone
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 0:30
		 .67 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:00
		 1 cig.
		 smoked
		 Cannabis - Hash
		 (plant material)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   65 kg

21:30 - I mix 240 mg of bk-MDMA (methylone) with water and drink.

I've done this several times in the recent past, and it always makes me feel very nice.  There is nothing heavy about this experience, just a pleasant body high and feeling of well being.  This time, I decided to make the experience a little more interesting by adding a small dose of LSD.  The methylone should ensure a good experience, I thought, and the small LSD dose wouldn't seriously blow my mind.  Would it?

22:00 - The methylone has kicked in very nicely.  I eat about 2/3 of a tab of LSD.  Each tab supposedly contains 120 ug.

22:30 - I'm thinking that this LSD isn't doing very much.  I go out to smoke the joint I had rolled before.  I come back inside and sit back on the couch.

Suddenly, it hits.

We were talking about the nature of reality, and the old question of 'why is there something rather than nothing?'  Suddenly, the concept of existence is mind-boggling.  My visual field is breaking up into moving blurs.  My thoughts are out of control, as if the depth and complexity of anything I choose to consider is utterly overwhelming.  During this, I am able to speak coherently, not showing any outward signs of the storm that is raging within.

The objective observer within is intact, and I can still make sense, but the mind that I am observing is in chaos.  Reality seems to be an illusion, and it's breaking up all around me.  I ask that my sitter continue to speak to me in order to keep me grounded.  I request that we discuss something very concrete and mundane, because all this philosophical speculation is causing much distress.

2:30 - We both go to bed.  I drift in and out of sleep until about 8:00, when we both get up.  I go back down for a long nap later.  It is now 15:00, and I am still feeling some aftereffects.

This has been an unexpectedly heavy and bizarre experiment, and not pleasant.  I expected that the methylone would guarantee a good trip, but instead what I believe happened was that the elevated energy provided by it was hijacked by the LSD, creating an uncontrollable gush of disturbing thoughts.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 93721

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Sep 13, 2017	Views: 3,240

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Methylone (255), LSD (2) : General (1), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 6 hits
		 oral
		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   135 lb

I was suffering from severe opiate addiction at the time of this dose. I had been battling addiction for nearly three years, and had managed a few months clean by use of methadone to wean. The cravings and psychological addiction never went away, and I relapsed as soon as someone offered me Roxicodone. I spiraled right back into addiction, and after only a few months, was injecting up to half a gram of heroin/ 10 30mg Roxicodone a day into my veins. I desperately wanted to quit, but could not find a viable treatment option. I tried cold turkey, and in my first three days of cessation, I suffered severe and disturbing auditory and visual hallucinations, tremors, shaking, disturbing thoughts, and extreme sensitivity to light and touch.

I managed 9 days clean total, but relapsed again because I could not handle the nausea and diarrhea anymore. I got worse over the next two weeks, until I heard about the use of psychedelics in addiction treatment. I was informed that Ibogaine has the highest success rate, but could not find any. After learning that LSD had a hand in the founder of AA’s recovery, I decided to give it a try. After all, it couldn’t hurt. I figured 6 hits would do the trick.

When my peak first started, I felt very uneasy. I almost felt like I was going through acute withdrawals, but to a much lesser degree. My whole body tingled, and I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. Very discomforting thoughts began circulating in my mind, and I felt claustrophobic. I was with three close friends, and despite the fact that they left me alone, I still felt overwhelmed. I began tripping harder, and felt more and more uncomfortable. I wanted to scream but could not get the words out.

At some point I realized that I hadn’t fixed up in a while, but the people who owned the house I was at would be furious if I did it there. So I dealt with it. After a few hours, the uncomfortable thoughts broke into a major moment of clarity—I realized that I was spending disgusting amounts of money to ruin my body, life, and friendships by shooting drugs into my veins, for a high that made me largely non-functional.  It made no sense. And almost anything makes sense on LSD, so if it made no sense while tripping, it just MADE NO SENSE. I pondered this for about two hours before I decided that I did not need opiates. I didn’t feel like doing them anymore. I was wasting all my time, dealing with shady people, getting robbed and ripped off, and many times, running out of drugs and having to be dope-sick. And if I did not need them, and did not want to do them, I shouldn’t do them. So I quit.

That’s the best explanation for it. I just quit.

That’s the best explanation for it. I just quit.

 After all this mental exhaustion, I fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning, I felt mild flu-like symptoms (physical opiate withdrawals) but absolutely no mental withdrawals. The desire and drive to use were simply lifted from me. I spent a few days in bed, and treated myself as if I had the flu. After a couple days I felt fine, though I had night sweats and mild feverish symptoms for about another week (these were barely noticeable.)

I have not done opiates since, although the opportunity has presented itself many times. I simply tell people “I don’t do that,” because I don’t. Despite this newfound mental strength immediately after quitting, I felt almost like a newborn baby with no real knowledge of self. The only thing I truly knew was that I was not addicted to drugs, and did not want to be. Since then, I have rediscovered old hobbies and friends, and keep myself occupied with healthy and stimulating activities. I am also enrolled in college, with a major in physics. I was in school at the time, and I went from failing to B-grades within a month of quitting simply by focusing all the effort I would have spent using into school. I have also aided the process of recovery through use of psychedelics, as they stimulate my mind and help me discover and re-discover parts of who I am.

This process is far from over, but I am happy to share the experience which jump-started my recovery, and add another small tally to the people who recognize the medicinal properties of psychedelic use.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 91097

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 25

Published: Sep 23, 2017	Views: 4,902

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LSD (2) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Health Benefits (32), Unknown Context (20)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 3:17
		 15 mg
		 oral
		 2C-B

		   T+ 3:17
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis - Hash

		   T+ 8:00
		 5 mg
		 oral
		 Benzodiazepines

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   144 lb

[September 2021 Note: This report was originally published under the name Kallisti23, a name used previously by the author LiminalMugwump.]

Laying the foundation:

9.23: It's a grey and cloudy morning and I decide to take one tab of LSD, that although advertised as 160ug my subjective experiences with them lead me to believe them to be more like 90 – 100ug of very nice clean LSD (Let debates on dirty vs clean LSD ensue). I plan on taking some 2CB a couple of hours in to add some more colour and visuals, and to also hopefully add an extra positive push to the trip. It's a combination I haven't tried before but have wanted to try for a while as I have heard good things about it and love both LSD and 2CB in their own right.

10.23: I can feel the acid start to come on very mild, the gentle electric current of LSD is starting to flow through my body and my vision is getting sharper. I decide to sit down and meditate for a bit to try and move the energy around my body to the vital points.

12.26: I ended up going downstairs for a bit because there was someone down there who was working a late shift today. The TV was on and I watched a little, I can speak and socialize naturally without to much hassle or arousing any suspicion as to my slowly expanding consciousness. The acid has settled into a nice mild trip, a ++. Watching an anchor speak on CNN her face seemed to take on a serpentine alien form.

The person just left so I decide that now is a probably a good time to take the 2CB.

12.40: I weigh up and take 15mg 2cb and I also smoke a pipe of hash.

13.15: I go out the back garden to smoke a joint. Outside it's a chilly winters day, and an ocean of cloud rolls across the sky like a blank sheet - the clouding of ordinary consciousness with the intent of creating a blank sheet on which a new script can be written is a good metaphor for the trip.

13.30: Lying down on the floor with my eyes closed listening to Ravi Shankar I can feel the warm gentle bliss of Eve wash over me, enveloping me in a subtle psychedelic comfort.

The meeting of Hoffman and Shulgin:

LSD and 2CB mix very well together, the two allies flow into each other effortlessly and synchronise into a nice tranquil hedonistic symbiosis. There's no opposing forces at work here, they seem like natural allies.

13.50: I find myself in the kitchen eating plum tomatoes and strawberries, both which taste exceptionally good. I wonder if this is a subconscious pull of the popular psychedelic myth that vitamin C somehow adds something to a trip? I often find myself drawn to any fruit rich in vitamin C when on psychedelics, but apart from tasting damn good I can't say whether it has brought about any change to the flavour of the trip.

It is worth noting that I have been smoking pipes of hashish throughout. I find Cannabis to be the perfect accompaniment to any trip. It acts as a psychedelic glue that ties the whole experience together.

15.43: I've spent the past couple of hours in a very psychedelicised state. At various times I invoked and/or identified with particular deity's or mythic figures, there was a strong theme of the dual masculine / feminine force inherent in all humans.

At one point I was Adam standing naked in the garden, the 8-pointed star pendant of hermes that hung around my neck representing the evolution humans must undergo through the 8 levels of consciousness throughout their existence – maybe the purpose of terrestrial life in preparation for the next cycle?

I also ran myself a nice hot bath with some aroma therapy oils and lay there soaking feeling the emotional and physical toxins get drawn out of my body and into the water around me. I became one, floating in an ocean of universal consciousness. During my time in the bath I went through various psychological states, at times feeling filled with great power and strength, at other times hints of the darker and vulnerable parts of my subconscious showed themselves.

The visual aspect to the last portion of the trip has been very electric and neon, a characteristic I've come to realise that I find less appealing than the more organic flowing visual character of a mushroom trip, or even LSD on it's own for that matter. I would guess that's a result of a phenethylamine thrown into the mix.

20.08: I decided to take 5mg diazepam around 17.20 as I knew people would be returning home soon and I was still flying rather high. I certainly mellowed out the trip and took any edge off to the extent that I could talk and interact relatively effortlessly, but it by no means made me come down, part of the trip still remained leaving me feeling more open and sensitive to whom I spoke with. I found myself striving to understand the emotional root that underlay what was being said.

I found myself striving to understand the emotional root that underlay what was being said.

 Even at this point now I still feel the subtle expanded flow of the residual LSD flowing through my consciousness.

Evaluation:

The 2CB brought the trip up from a mild ++ to a mild +++, which was a bit under what I was shooting for. If I where to do it again I think I'd up the LSD dose but leave the 2CB dose the same. The 2CB dominated the trip adding a nice positive push, with the LSD laying down a nice deep psychedelic foundation that 2CB on its own lacks.

I think this combination in the dose I took today would be great for a social trip with a few close friends, or maybe even at a festival as due to the fun energetic qualities of both substances and the empathogenic aspect of 2CB. Although I did gain some valuable insight, and at times did get pretty far out, for entheogenic purposes I think a stronger dose of LSD on its own might have been more effective than this combination.

All in all though it is a good combination and one I would definitely try again.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 110029

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 25

Published: Oct 3, 2017	Views: 5,868

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LSD (2), 2C-B (52) : Alone (16), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 8:00

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 0:00
		 1 tablet
		 oral
		 Melatonin

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   110 lb

NOTE: This report was written a few days after my initial trip with a few updates made after.

BACKGROUND: I've considered myself a sort of depressed and anxious person for a very long time, but lately I've been doing relatively well. I have never felt that my mental health was poor enough to warrant a therapist or medication, and I did not think that I have enough legitimate problems to cause a bad trip.

DROPPING

My three friends and I dropped what was supposedly 125 mics of LSD around 2:30 pm at one of their houses. The girl (E) had four or five trips under her belt while the boys (S and V) had only tried 1/3 tab each before. It was my first time.

We played a card game while we waited for the effects to kick in. Just as I began to understand the rules, I was no longer able to play because everything seemed so damn funny.

One of my friends claimed he wasn't feeling anything at all, but his pupils looked like saucers. Even though I believed him, this notion was hilariously ironic to me.

After about thirty minutes of tear-inducing laughter, everything suddenly ceased to be as amusing.  I felt almost sober. I tried to eat a cookie but it didn't taste like much and was very dry and weird.

We messed around with this game (don't know the name) where you manipulate the music and the environment. I just kind of watched while S and V talked about how the human brain interprets lines as environments, seeing patterns in what is essentially nothing. S thanked V for the (like 2 hr long) conversation and claimed that it was allowing him to stay grounded in reality. V said he felt the same. I didn't really know what they were talking about. Instead of having racing thoughts like they were describing, my mind felt empty and foggy, like any thoughts I tried to make had to slug through molasses before they registered. I didn't understand how one could even begin to stray from reality on this drug.

E talked to me a little about the enhanced colors and distortion effects. I could only really notice the distortion when I was looking at uniform lines, and I couldn't tell if colors looked slightly brighter or if I was just being more perceptive because I thought they would. I had no idea what she was talking about when she said things looked like they were melting. The only effects I noticed were that I kept thinking that a stuffed seal was a real dog and that a green bag was a kid wearing a minecraft creeper hoodie when I saw them out of the corner of my eye. This was only mildly entertaining at best. I felt very bored and kind of lonely this whole time.

Soon a sober friend dropped by and offered to take us for a ride before he had to go to work, and I readily agreed so that we'd have something to do. I sat in the middle seat in the back between the two boys, S and V. The sober friend, T, rolled down the windows, opened the skylight, and played some bass-heavy chill electronic music very loudly. I tried to ask T to turn it down but he just kind of scoffed at me, and E seemed shocked that I do not like loud music. And so, my request was denied.

T drove through some scenic back roads. V stared out the window. S sat on my left looking pensive. E kept taking photos of perfectly ordinary 'beautiful' clouds through the skylight. I just kind of freaked out.

The car seemed much more spacious than I had previously noticed, which would normally be comforting, but up until the point I had been convinced that I was essentially sober, so the fact that my sense of reality could be distorted without me even realizing it jarred me.

I had been convinced that I was essentially sober, so the fact that my sense of reality could be distorted without me even realizing it jarred me.

 My ears felt stuffed with sound, and everything seemed so big and overwhelming. I tried to talk to the others but I couldn't speak over the music, and my inability to communicate caused me some distress.

A surprising amount of people were out on the streets. I felt really conspicuous, what with the teenager-filled car blasting music as we went through small neighborhood roads. I was very glad when we returned home.

I sat around drawing for an hour before I got bored again. I felt very antsy and very lonely. I am not an affectionate person, but I wanted someone to hold me. My mind was still empty.

I wanted to go outside, but no one wanted to go with me, so I went by myself. I sat on a bench for a couple of minutes, but I was no more intellectually stimulated and no less alone. I went back inside.

We ate microwaved pizza around 8. We weren't really hungry, but we knew that we should eat. It didn't taste bad, but it felt kind of slimy and the act of moving food around with my tongue seemed really unnatural. I then hugged S while he was talking. He didnt react.

Afterward, we walked to the lake (20 minute walk, tops) and looked at the lit up boat docks. They were pretty, but no more than usual. E also found a wild cockroach in the street. She tried to pick it up, which I found disgusting and terrifying, but no more than usual. We sat under a tree and felt the breeze while looking at the stars. It was very nice, but still no more than usual. I was very underwhelmed by the trip. I noticed that I was seeing patterns appear in the grass and and the stars start to rotate, but I dismissed these visuals as nothing, since they were very mild and I thought it was too far into my trip for me to be peaking.

We returned home and decided to smoke weed around 10:30, 8 hours after dropping, which I assumed would be safe. However, I weigh roughly 110 pounds, have next to no tolerance to marijuana, and do not usually react well to weed. So this was indisputably an awful, terrible, no good idea. But I ripped that bong anyways.

POST WEED

I took my second hit, and it was fucking huge. I was already a bit out of it from the first, but the second made me start coughing and gagging a little. I left the bathroom and flopped on S's chair. I remember barely being able to see (like when you suddenly stand up, but worse) and V coming over to ask me if I was alright. I don't remember what I said in reply.

At around this point I began to 'hallucinate.' It was more like vividly imagining, only I had no control over what I was seeing or my reaction. The first thing I remember after I briefly blacked out was being trapped in my own thoughts. I felt as if I were being 'forced' to have certain thought patterns. I was spitting out code, the basic code that codes for feelings and responses to stimuli. But my brain's code was broken. A frame corresponding to a code word would flash in my vision, and then the next, and the next, and so forth. For the most part, these happened incredibly quickly, like frames in a movie, 24-30 per second, but often consisted of a slow buildup before it reached full speed. Chains of code would result in an incredibly intense feeling that would build up in my mind and exit via my temples in an almost painful fashion. The final strength and length of each chunk of code varied, but generally became stronger and stronger as time passed, progressing from an uncomfortably intense feeling to a feeling akin to extreme overstimulation via vibration, like a painfully strong orgasm.

At this point I was rambling that I was a computer simulation and shuddering/twitching/seizing up whenever a particularly intense wave came upon me. I was convinced that our brains are essentially incredibly complex computers that function on a system of multiple inputs as code (as opposed to binary, which has 0 and 1, or DNA, which has GCAT, brains have dozens of different code words such as blue, square, and five, all of which I remember saying out loud robotically).

As I experienced the primal coding of my human brain going haywire, I felt like a robot. I understood that human consciousness is just a result of electrical impulses in a fleshy computer, and I was thoroughly aware of the simplicity of it. This made me feel unworthy, like a disgusting and lowly creature.  Realizing this would not have been concerning in the least if I was not convinced that my brain code was completely wrecked from me taking LSD.

In the worst part of my thought loop, I was a slave to the code. I would think a thought, which coded for the next thought, which coded for the next, and I could not stop. My brain was becoming overloaded, causing it to lag heavily.

Back in reality,  everyone else was feeling similarly overwhelmed. S and V found that they had little control over the direction of their thoughts. V thought it would be a good idea to put some music on, and asked for suggestions. S requested 'light comedy music' (???) so V put on the Book of Mormon soundtrack. (I did not learn of this until later.)

In my consciousness, my brain lag made the song seem really awfully out of time, like it was switching time signatures every bar. It sounded like the worst song I'd ever heard. I asked V to turn off the 'cowboy music.'

I was vaguely aware that control of my main train of thought has been wrested from me by my broken biology. I became increasingly convinced that these loops of broken code were what people in vegetative states (or with schizophrenia) experience and the reason for why they are not all there. I somehow also convinced myself that my subconscious would take control of my body for me and have me continue my life as a paranoid schizophrenic, guiding me through life with my basic animal instincts, while my actual ego would remain trapped in this infinite loop. I began to consider death as an outlet, a way to escape, but I quickly came to the conclusion that this was exactly what death was like, only death was guaranteed forever. I cryptically and said 'Death is this' at one point.

This went on for what seemed like at least 4 or 5 hours (though I'm pretty sure it didn't even last 20 min in actuality). Eventually I was no longer stuck in a timeless dimension and was again fairly aware of my friends around me, though I kept fading in and out of reality. I told them to kill me if I ever tried to do this again. Several times.

The codes were still flashing in my imagination. Each code from before began to correspond to a pattern. Patterns were the building blocks of everything. The world is made entirely of patterns. The universe is made of patterns. DOGS are made of patterns. This realization completely shattered my worldview. I couldn't believe, I REFUSED to believe, that this whole time, dogs were just patterns, yet I knew this fact to be indisputably true. My entire life felt like a lie.

The patterns kept flashing by until my mind's eye zoomed out. I could see that they were all flashing by on a stream, like a film reel, which warped and transformed into a stereotypical psychedelic tunnel. I was shooting down this multicolored roller coaster track of sorts and began to get lost in my own past.

I started remembering things from my childhood and the way I thought when I was a child. I remembered how I perceived and what I thought of stoners, recalling all this in the form of intrusive 90's skater dude montages. I was incredibly ashamed and angry at myself for ever abandoning the strong morals I had and becoming a piece of shit stoner. I hated my friends for doing it too. I hated the pseudo-intellectual bullshit they were spewing and I hated myself for involving myself with them. I thought about what held our friend group together and my reasons for staying and I hated it all.  I began to grow angry at them- angry to the point of loathing them.

I felt a great amount of contempt for S's acid-induced pseudo-psychology. How could he think what he said was profound? How could he laud this drug for its introspective properties when I didn't feel shit before I toked up? What was I doing hanging out with him? And what was I doing hanging out these other people? We had long stopped doing anything together but smoking weed. I only hung out with the female in the group because I, along with every single one of my friends, had a massive crush on her. I hated her for manipulating me and leading me on, but not as much as I hated myself for being such a beta fucking cuck and failing to see that she simply wasn't ever going to see me as more than a friend. I felt like not only a piece of shit stoner, but also a shitty fedora-donning neckbeard for ever pining for her like I did. I simmered in loathing for everyone and everything, particularly myself.

I felt as if I had let down my family by doing drugs. I would check my phone desperately, making sure that in the meantime I would not let my mother down by not responding to her if she ever texted. I wished I had chosen conformity over shitty rebellious teenage drug use. However, as I thought about what my life would be like as a 'normal' person, I felt anguish thinking about how empty and meaningless it would be. I continued riding the rainbow half pipe of patterns, images, explosions, and half soggy crackers, hating myself more and more every time I realized how classically 'psychedelic' of a trip I was having, equating myself to the likes of Shaggy and Ashton Kutcher. I desperately wanted the trip to end, but every time I wished for peace, I'd be reminded that when I was sober, I'd have to return to my piece of shit boring life. I was having an unbelievably awful trip, yet I believed that real life was immeasurably worse.

I became incredibly disgusted with society and human behavior. Thinking about how we exploit others for our own selfish gains, I wisely proclaimed 'we all sell CATS for a living.'

At some point I calmed down considerably and was moved to the couch. I took some melatonin and rested my head on V's lap and continued to loathe my piece of shit meaningless life and the meaningless relationships I had with my piece of shit friends, while relying on V's sick babysitting skills and feeling concerned for E, who was also having a hard time and seeing everything like it was an animated film.

Within about 30 minutes I almost completely stopped feeling anxious. I sat up and tried to explain what happened to me but my brain was too fried to function. Everything that happened in the past 3 hours seemed like a faraway dream, and every once in a while, I'd remember what had just happened to me. It was really hard to comprehend the fact that I actually experienced that, that I was trapped in cerebral hell.

I will not be smoking weed or doing acid for a long time. And I will never mix the two again. If I do, please, kill me.

Update: 2 weeks later

For a few weeks after my trip, thinking about what happened to me left me pretty spooked. It was (and is) hard for me to look back and think that that ACTUALLY happened to me. I managed to smoke weed once (a small amount) and had a very enjoyable time, likely because I didn't smoke myself into the state where it feels as if I am no longer myself. This is surprising because I have been rather anxious regarding my well-being when smoking or tripping again, especially because I consider the kush to be the main cause of my bad trip.

However, lately I feel my condition has deteriorated. Though I have spent much time pondering my trip, as of late, thinking about it causes me to doubt my reality. My belief that what I experience isn't really real fluctuates in intensity, and during a time when I don't really feel affected, such as the time of writing this, it is difficult to relate to and remember my feelings during my delusions. Even so, I will attempt to write about them.

I am especially prone to this state of mind when thinking about my trip or near my druggie friends. Wednesday, two days ago, was when I first noticed the effect was getting scarily pronounced, and I found myself wholeheartedly believing that the world around me wasn't truly legitimate.

I found myself wholeheartedly believing that the world around me wasn't truly legitimate.

 What made it fake, I can't exactly describe. The primary factor was that the trip had shown me that my brain is completely capable of deceiving me and of showing me falsities. At times I am sure that the world around me is merely a construction of my subconscious. A second factor is that the behavior of my friends seems so canned and so fake, that I cannot believe them to be genuine. This type of fakeness is almost exclusive from the other, as the former relies on the assumption that everyone is as genuine as they could be, since they are and have always been part of the simulation, and the the latter assumes that my friends are real but simply acting in a formulaic and manufactured manner. Despite this apparent dichotomy, somehow both notions coexist in my mind.

Though I'm sure that if I'm in a delusional state that everyone I talked to would seem similarly fake, so far, I mostly feel this way towards my druggie friends, with the only non-druggie exception I can recall being my little sister. Thursday during lunch, I felt entirely convinced that the world was a simulation constructed by some malevolent being who put me in a coma and was controlling my dreams.

The topic of my trip happened to come up during one of my 'episodes'. V joked about me being messed up because of the experience. I not-really-jokingly-but-in-a-nonetheless-joking-manner replied, 'I'm ruined,' and he asked for clarification. I told him that I am constantly questioning reality. He laughed at me and asked for clarification, saying that I said that before and that I'd never actually explained what it meant. I hated his fake canned response and I hated myself for thinking that opening up to a construct of the simulation would make me feel better. The feeling did not go away until about an hour later, when I was able to take my mind off things.

Today I did not feel particularly terrible. Semblances of this delusion appeared throughout my day, one even prompting me to write this, but I was mostly okay. I was able to tell myself 'don't be silly, all this is real' and halfway believe it. During an episode, I am almost always able to tell myself that, but I always get the very strong feeling that I am lying to myself.

Update 1.5 months later

Almost immediately after that last report I got better, and I haven't felt super weird like that since. I'm considering doing LSD again, but I get the feeling I'll regret it.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 108504

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 17

Published: Oct 4, 2017	Views: 3,970

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LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Bad Trips (6), Hangover / Days After (46), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   155 lb

As I have used many psychoactive drugs over the years and have professional training as a writer, I thought I could help out by sharing my experiences.  This will, obviously, be in regard to the use of the drug LSD-25, more commonly known as 'acid.'

I first tried LSD at age 16.  My best friend and I decided we would try it together and both cut a hit of blotter in half, as we knew it was a potentially powerful drug.  The first time, I had no psychoactive effect whatsoever.  This may have been because the acid was poorly manufactured, or that our 'acid' may have not contained any LSD whatsoever.

Eventually, we did begin to see a psychoactive effect from the drug.  I specifically recall during that time taking one or two hits at a time.  I would now say that the quality of the acid we were taking was average in strength.  Not having taken it many times, though, I did experience some very notable experiences.

One of the most beautiful was at a friend's house, we had all dropped acid.  I was relatively high or tripping on the drug.  I laid down on my friend's bed and felt as if I was laying on clouds, way up in the sky.  I felt incredibly serene and I thought it was beautiful.  We eventually advanced to taking more of the drug and mixing it with heavy doses of marijuana.

When I was a teen, I feel in love with LSD.

When I was a teen, I feel in love with LSD.

  I felt that it gave me a glimpse into Heaven.  I loved the feeling.  I loved the rush and the way it made me think of great things that I wouldn't have otherwise.

As I become more comfortable with the drug, I tried more.  But even more importantly, friends from other cities began providing me with much more potent LSD.  The effects of the more potent LSD were almost incomparable to the LSD I had obtained in my own city.  I began having experiences which challenged my ability to keep myself 'together.'

Several times, I took significant amounts of this more potent LSD, and when mixed with marijuana, I had several experiences so intense that I wished that they had never occurred.  Seriously.  When you take a psychedelic drug such as LSD which has been purchased on the streets, you do not know the potency.  You should understand that just because you take LSD once, twice, five or ten times... does not mean that you will be prepared for the time when you take a hit that is stronger.

Over the years, my love for this drug went on... I usually enjoyed taking smaller amounts of it because I mostly liked the 'rush' it gave me and not really the feeling of uncertainty that a large dose could provide.  I definitely had multiple experiences where the drug overwhelmed me.  If a person has not experienced this, it is near impossible to explain.  Being overwhelmed by a drug is NOT fun or cool.  It can cause you to panic and question your sanity and your health.

Overall... I have very mixed feelings about LSD-25.  I know that part of who I am now has been influenced by the many fun and beautiful times I had with this drug.  At the same time, I feel that it did in fact do me significant mental damage.  This statement is not to be taken lightly, nor do I intend it to serve as a horrific 'anti-drug' statement.

LSD was invigorating, entertaining, and beautiful for me at times.  But I also could have suffered permanent mental illness from it.  I attribute some of my problems to this day to my excessive use of this drug although I can neither prove nor disprove this theory.  I learned, 13 years after starting to take illegal drugs, that sometimes the negative effects can not be realized for many years.

Is this to say that LSD is the product of Satan and all that is bad?  No.  Far from it.  But if I could live my life again, I would probably think twice about taking this drug.  Mostly because I took it before I was an adult.  Using drugs such as this, and others, led me to make my real life and my education of secondary importance.  In my late 20's, I realized that I could have been much more successful in life without doing drugs like LSD-25.  I had a lot of fun doing it.  About this, there is no doubt.  But I would probably, and honestly, as a 29 year old... If I could relive my life, I would probably not choose to use this drug or I would have waited until I was 21.

Exp Year: 1997	ExpID: 77811

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 17

Published: Oct 11, 2017	Views: 3,482

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LSD (2) : Various (28), Retrospective / Summary (11)


		 DOSE:

		 2.5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		 smoked
		 Tobacco - Cigarettes

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   78 kg

I've seen many a dawn break across the long-suffering night's sky. Each time searching for that imperceptible moment when night becomes day. A gradual lightness eventually breaks the back of a mysterious darkness. But no sunrise was quite as dramatic or brilliant as the time I did acid with Flex. It is common knowledge that the most important part of taking LSD is the careful selection of setting. So allow me to explain my property. A crow flying across the North Eastern Victorian sky would see a simple land of squares. My property resides in the centre of five squares. A property of one hundred acres (484,000 square yards) comprising flat fields, rugged bush land, and a house like a shoebox. The house we were in is psychedelic by its nature. It is composed of one large open room comprising of the kitchen, dining room, and loungeroom. The furnishing includes indigenous artwork (gathered from volunteer work in Indigenous communities mainly in the Northern Territory and New South Wales) and intricately patterned rugs. The roof itself is a grainy-sloped wood. Under the influence of any psychedelics the house would come alive. I’d spread a number of art-books throughout the house in order to add to the experience. These included a Salvador Dali book, a book titled simply ‘Renaissance Art’, and a carefully sequestered H.R. Giger book.

The acid trip began at eleven-o-clock at night and would range across this area, from feline antics in a kitchen oven, to a fiery crescendo on a verdant hill beneath the stars with The Beatles in the background.

Flex and I drove to my empty house after his band had played a local gig. Arriving at ten PM we began preparing the house. He set up the music while I closed the curtains. After coffee and a shower we took out the five acid tabs. We took two and a half tabs and waited. After an hour in order to speed up the onset (and intensify the trip) we each smoked a bit of marijuana. We milled around worrying that the tabs might be inert. The first sign of things to come was when we noticed that a large Indigenous dot painting that hung n my loungeroom was beginning to animate, as the yellow and red dots shifted and twirled. With the onset of effects we walked around the house for an indeterminable amount of time enjoying the tame visuals. I munched happily on a packet of potato chips while Flex gazed at the tile floor. I didn’t know it, but things were soon to enter a new level, a hallucinogenic intensity that I had never experienced before.

As Flex put on the song ‘Feels Like We Only Go Backwards’ by Tame Impala I saw the mirror like door of my oven and sat down in front of it. I gazed at my warped visage. My face darkened and isometric patterns began to twirl. “I’m seeing the most amazing thing I’ve seen in my life.” I said to Flex.

“What’s that?”

“Everything is going like really weird… like into weirdness. I’m turning into a cat.”

He sat down beside me on the tile floor and said simply, “You have a very shiny oven.” I stared at the reflection as my face twirled and spun. I glanced at my friend’s reflection and saw that he now had an impossibly long goblin-like face. Looking back at myself I saw that I was now growing whiskers and my face was taking on a feline form, I could see a tail as well poking up from my clothing.

“I’m in a box turning into a cat!” I cried.

“You actually do look like a cat.” Flex said. I watched as my face became more and more cattish. I was in the grips of the acid euphoria.

“Such weird things are happening to my face right now.” I said.

“Same.”

“Like my face is melting, and there are all these patterns, all going across my face. And my entire face is all vibrating and moving along with it.”

“That’s incredible. My face is just becoming so warped when I stare into it. I look like I’m 60-years-old. Also I don’t really trust these guys.” He said pointing at the mirror. “I feel like we’re a bit of a duo, and they’re a bit of a duo, and I don’t really trust them.”

“I know what you mean.”

“Yeah they’re just sitting behind glass watching us - talking about us.”

Then my face began to become less conventionally cattish and shifted again so that now I appeared like a Navi from the shitty movie ‘Avatar.’ “It’s amazing how much more intense this has become since we looked at the oven. Like I’m on a whole other level now.”

“I know what you mean.” He said.

“As I’m looking at myself, I can see my face with war paint on it… with cat’s teeth.”

We both laughed, and he pointed at the mirror, “I like it when this guy is happy and has a smile on his face.”

Then there was some banging from outside, I assumed it was my dogs who were in the laundry. But then there was the unmistakable sound of a door opening. My brother walked into the kitchen.

Flex turned to him “Hi I’m Flex.”

“I’m turning into a cat!” I said.

“Oh, cats are the worst things to turn into.” My brother replied matter-of-factly.

“What have you guys taken?” He asked.

“Acid.” I replied.

“Okay have fun.” He said as he walked to his room. Fearing that I had been looking at the mirror too long I suggested we go outside. Flex agreed.

We stepped outside onto my patio. It was well lit and surrounded by a fairly lush garden. I lit up a cigarette and we lay on the grassy lawn. We stared up at the sky. I could see white lines connecting all the stars. I’d see faces and shapes emerge from the sky as the heavens blinked and twinkled every colour. The grass spun and twirled in squares. I felt completely at one with nature. The smoke I blew danced in the air like a beautiful grey ghost. Flex and I spoke about the size of the universe and how small we all were. I suddenly felt like I could see the world. I saw my property floating in a completely black space. All that existed was that which I could see. My house and the area in front of my house that we sat was simply by itself flying through space. I wondered at this, and felt as if I could see the strings holding up the world. I got up and walked. It felt as if I was a giant with uneven legs. As I walked closer to my patio I felt like I was shrinking. When I arrived at my table I felt like I was only two feet tall. I walked around some more and suddenly I felt like I was walking through the space between time and between moments. I reflected that the world and time is like exhibits in a museum being put on for the benefit of the viewer, and I could not see the museum because I’d been trained to walk between the pictures and moments, rather than through the cosmic gallery in which the pictures hung. In those moments I knew instinctively that our world existed in a black cavern spinning on a string, with pricks of light creating a mural. I could see into the corridor of life. Things were getting too intense. I turned to my laptop and wrote two sentences, “Ben Askot, I’m the DJ of the human soul. Sit back in the universe café while I twirl you up something. Some experience.” I hit the enter bar a number of times and wrote, “SIT HERE AND LOOK DEEP WITHIN YOURSELF, IN THE OVEN… INTO THE CAT EMPIRE IN YOUR KITCHEN.”

I went into my darkened room and turned the fan on and lay in my bed. In the dark I imagined myself as a giant lying in a giant desert. I lay there in my bed for around twenty-minutes and emerged feeling much more collected. I walked out to find Flex sitting on the couch looking at the Salvador Dali book. We sat on the couch admiring his artwork and then went back outside. We lay under the stars and I felt myself sinking into the earth and could feel the earth spinning on its orbit. The sky was filled with shooting stars and periodically the world would flash into a brightly animated form. As I lay under the stars on the grassy hill The Beatles were playing. I felt the music through every part of myself. As I listened I could actually feel the texture of the music. The climax of ‘A Day In the Life’ seemed to last forever and with each note my body rose higher.

When it finally finished I fell back to the earth exhausted, I felt as if every part of my body had been exercised and stretched by the experience of listening to that song. When  ‘The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill’ came on something bizarre began to happen. I noticed that steam came out of my mouth when I breathed. I had not had a cigarette for a while, and it was a warmish night. Then this steam started to stream from every part of my body like smoke. I saw my face from a profile view and saw that it was flowing out of my face as well. Then I smelled the smoke and could feel the fire. I saw my shoulder and body were consumed with fire. While this was happening I could hear in the background, “Hey Bungalow Bill, what did you kill? Bungalow Bill.” The feeling was so intense and so real, the fire filled my vision and I could feel the heat (though no pain) I could feel myself dissolving into the air. I lay there for some time as my body dissolved in the flames. Flex lay oblivious a few meters away. I got up and was relieved to find I was not actually on fire. I walked again to the patio, Flex and I stared at the plants for sometime. One plant resembled hands and these hands swayed and reached menacingly into the air. I walked to our pool and looked out into the paddocks. Inside the pool the light rippled off its blue walls.

I considered this water and thought that perhaps we’re all submerged by water that dims our awareness of everything that goes on around us. All the stimuli is drowned by this water and becomes less intense and more ordered. The soundscape of the world rendered mute by that film of water. Flex and I spoke of blindness, how if you were to suddenly get vision the world would be a mess of colours and stimuli, because it is our brains that eventually draw order out of this chaos. Throughout the trip I experienced a kind of nausea. I was usually able to ignore it and at some points it was overtaken by a kind of euphoria, but I could never shake it completely. I was also perturbed by a facial numbness and fluctuating temperatures (sometimes I’d be too cold, then too hot, or feverishly sweating) all these effects were fairly easy to ignore or treat though.

After hours of the outside lights being on, the air was thick with light seeking insects, and also the bats that ate them. As we stood in the patio a tremendous moth began flying around and banging into things. The moth appeared to us to be at least as large as a crow and was brown with brilliant green stripes across its body. It landed on a pole. Flex was deathly frightened of it and I picked it up with both hands and offered to take it away. I could feel it squirm underneath my hands and I threw it up into the air. I returned but so did the moth. It looked bigger than ever and was making a terrible din. Flex expressed a desire to go inside and I agreed. We entered the house. We both felt exceedingly hungry but couldn’t find anything we wished to eat. We played some music and were fascinated with the empty noise created by the subwoofer. It was the sound of being ready to make sound, but not quite making it.

I lay on the kitchen floor standing at the greenish ceramic tiles. The tiles began to turn into a satellite map. And I imagined myself as some giant satellite astride the earth, focusing in on the mountains. Looking at the tile I felt like I could see my house from the air. After a while staring at tiles and carpets and looking at art we went back outside. One thing that stood out for me on LSD was the calming effect of a cigarette. For some reason the LSD made me enjoy smoking more than I ever had before. It also instantly made me calm. Whenever I felt nervous or like the trip was getting too much, a cigarette instantly made me feel calm and happy. At this point our trip seemed to have peaked visually. The intense visuals and warping seemed to have receded and while we had the twirling colours, tracers, and other visual stimuli, powerful hallucinations like my body turning into smoke, or Flex’s perception of himself aging were not as common. Consequently the experience became less about riding it and we were able to talk and interact more freely. While the visual hallucinations were not as prominent the acid was still heavily sparking our minds. Beside the pool we spoke about God and dharma, and tattoos that we wanted. We sat down and talked about Jack Kerouac and what “beat” is.

As dawn began to make its circadian appearance we walked into a paddock to watch it. We each took a seat on a rock and saw the light begin to creep up the hill. The light chased away the blanket of darkness that had enveloped this Australian valley. In the dim dawn light a kangaroo walked by us. It stood a mere 15 meters away. It paused looking around while balanced on its hind legs. It seemed able to sense our presence if not see us.

It stretched itself out and scratched its stomach with its claws and ate some grass. I coughed and it looked straight at us. It was an odd moment where for ten minutes Flex and I stared at this beautiful creature. Eventually it bounded away. All through our vision specks of light roared into life and receded, and I still sometimes flashed into a cartoonish view of the world. As the light crept up the hill and shifted the colours around it, I knew that it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. After that we wandered around the newly lit gully and enjoyed its vibrancy. The morning light obscured much of the visuals. While the world we saw was much brighter we did not see many actual visual effects of the LSD, this late stage of the trip was simply watching the effects diminish. We prepared a breakfast of fried homegrown tomatoes. Flex wanted to go to the tomato patch in his socks to which I simply replied, “Put on some crocs, we’re not animals.”

We ate with gusto and then watched part of ‘Finding Nemo’ eventually we both fell asleep at around eight and woke up at twelve. At the end of the experience I felt incredibly refreshed and can only look back at the acid trip as an enriching and enjoyable experience.

There is a habit for people into psychedelics to believe that “everyone should experience this.” I have no illusions about psychedelics; they can create a kind of intellectual narcissism in those that don’t  question the new perspectives they are shown. They simply know that not everyone who has used them has experienced it, so feel like they’ve been bestowed with some kind of unique insight. Psychedelics are an interesting and useful tool for many people, but should always be reflected upon and certainly not unquestioningly praised. Rather they should be treated as all drugs are respected and understood. I understand that what’s helpful for me, isn’t necessarily helpful for everyone and it’s a personal decision to try drugs. With that in mind I would say that this use of LSD was probably the most enriching and enjoyable experience I’ve had with psychedelics and am extremely glad that I could have these experiences, though would urge others to evaluate for themselves if they wish to try it.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 99314

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Oct 26, 2017	Views: 1,974

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LSD (2) : Music Discussion (22), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 4 hits
		 oral
		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   63 kg

I believe that it is the most simple and obvious feelings and experiences that are the most difficult to describe to others, and this is an attempt to do just that. I don´t think that I possess the poetic skill necessary to do the memory of my so called trip justice, but as I´m unable to find any story quite like mine, I feel obligated (most of all toward myself) to give it a shot.

Let me begin with saying that I had around 5 to 10 experiences with LSD prior to this one, and that I never was far from praising the drug for the intense beauty, warmth and love that I had come to intimately associate with it. Only the one mild trip I had taken just before this one had any implications of the nightmarish potency of it that I had been completely ignorant of to that point, and that experience I had reason to blame on setting and company. This time, however, I was in the good company of my girlfriend and two other friends that I felt I could trust.

We had decided to go on a trip to my aunt's cabin in the forrest for a few days, and me and my friend R could not think of any better way of enjoying this beautiful lakeside setting than tripping in it. We also felt this would be a good opportunity for us to introduce our girlfriends to our drug of choice. So the day after we arrived, me and R each had four sugar cube hits of the same acid from the previous trip, and the girls shared the remaining four.

It all started out just great, and as I felt the initial muscular tensions told me that this trip might be slightly stronger than what I was used to, I enjoyed the company of my friends and prepared myself for the trip of a lifetime.

The first one or two hours brought on the vivid, colorful hallucinations that I had come to love, and me and my girlfriend were performing some strange contact dance on the porch of the house, in what we both felt might be the most intimate physical connection of our lives up to that point. We where climbing around on each other like monkeys, and it was great, if (naturally) maybe a bit to intense to fully comprehend. Then the complicated part of the trip started.

I can´t say for certain how it began to shift. As it was more than one year ago now I cannot recall the entire series of events with complete clarity, but it had something to do with language and how I communicated with the others. Since my friends were of other nationalities than myself, we spoke english amongst each other. I had also developed the habit of thinking to myself in english, something that now began to puzzle me. I couldn´t help but feeling that this was in some way a sign that my identity had gone astray, and I thought to myself that I better start doing my inner monologue in my native tongue to somehow bring me 'back to myself'. As I tried harder and harder to do so, my ability to think clearly in any language at all started to fade, and at the same rate I lost my ability to communicate with the others.

As I tried harder and harder to do so, my ability to think clearly in any language at all started to fade, and at the same rate I lost my ability to communicate with the others.

 It was as if the more I though about myself, the further away my sense of identity would stride, and after some time of doing this I felt as if I was completely and irrevocably lost. There was simply no part of me that was truly 'me', and at this point I started to panic. I thought about different episodes of my life, stretching from the very early to the most recent, and it was as if I suddenly realized that I had always been some kind of social chameleon, adapting to - and feeding off of - the behavior and identities of others. There was simply something missing inside of me, and I thought myself to be forever lost and empty.

At this point I was overcome by a deep sense of guilt, and I started crying and apologizing to my friends for making them believe that I was a 'real' person that had actual emotions. I didn´t want them to waste any more of their love on me, a person that could be described as nothing else than a social black hole. For doing so I got nothing but concerned looks in return; the eyes of my friends seemed to be staring at me and through me at the same time as I to tell me 'we already know' or asking for this missing part of me. I realize now that my friends where deep inside their own trips as well and where unable to understand why I kept apologizing to them, but I could only get more paranoid.

All the visual effects of the drug where now gone, even though it was probably just three or four hours into the trip. I was overcome by a sense of absolute stillness and numbness. It was as if I had just come to the realization that I was nothing but a ghost, a creature unable to take part of the actual human world, and my panic grew even stronger. I took my girlfriend off to a separate room, as she was the only person I felt I was able to confide in. The two others appeared to me as if they had always known that I was not really human, and I even came to believe that they had only accepted my false friendship in order to go to my aunt's cabin. I sat on the floor with my face buried in her lap as I cried rivers and kept the apologies coming in an ever increasing flow, at the same time as I kept telling her that I loved her even though I was a no-being. And as I said above, this was her first experience with LSD. She was in complete loss of what to do with me, as she herself already was going through a difficult trip and couldn´t tell if I was being honest or just trying to mess with her. Realizing nothing of this, and instead feeling increasingly guilty about fooling such a beautiful creature into loving an empty shell, I started telling her that I wanted to change; that we together could build me up from scratch. At this point she did what was probably the only reasonable thing and left me alone. I was to paranoid about the other two that I was unable to leave the room and face their stares.

After sitting alone in that room for a while, considering if it might not be best to just kill myself and spare humanity my empty presence, I finally started coming down a bit. The panic slowly faded, but the sense of having lost myself or my identity sort of set in and became natural to me. It was now obvious that the acid had done nothing but reveal to me what had always been there - an empty hole where a self should have been. As I confronted my friends again their eyes were still telling me that they knew, and every word they spoke was a sort of confirming indication one way or another. It felt as if I was being toyed with by beings superior to me, as if they could see the parts of life that made it livable and I could not. It was the most lonely feeling I have ever had, and I felt it useless to try to talk about how I felt with anyone as it was already apparent to everyone around me, and talking about it would only make them even less interested in sharing my company.

It took me several months before I was able to talk to anyone but my girlfriend about what had happened, and this feeling still stalks me on and off. I realize now how little I knew of the potency of LSD and what it can do to you. I also realize that who you are is defined to you by what you do, and what you do is in turn defined by what you become, not the other way around.

I wish now that I would have been more careful playing with a powerful drug in the presence of the people that care the most for me, even though I´ve learned a lot from this nightmare. I have yet to have had a proper trip since this day, but somehow I feel as if I need to go 'back in there' to finally get rid of this awful paranoia.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 85641

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 24

Published: Oct 31, 2017	Views: 2,296

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LSD (2) : Relationships (44), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 100 mg
		 oral
		 Ephenidine
		 (capsule)

		   T+ 0:00
		 20 mg
		 oral
		 Methoxetamine
		 (capsule)

		   T+ 0:25
		 70 mg
		 oral
		 5-APDB
		 (capsule)

		   T+ 0:30
		 30 mg
		 oral
		 2C-C
		 (capsule)

		   T+ 0:30
		 10 mg
		 oral
		 4-AcO-DET
		 (capsule)

		   T+ 0:30
		 50 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (capsule)

		   T+ 0:30
		 20 mg
		 oral
		 Methoxetamine
		 (capsule)

		   T+ 1:00

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		   T+ 2:40

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		   T+ 5:15
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		   T+ 7:00
		 1 bump
		 insufflated
		 Ketamine
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 8:00

		 vaporized
		 DMT

		   T+ 10:00
		   repeated
		 vaporized
		 DMT

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   120 lb

So I guess a combination of this magnitude requires a bit of background. We were hosting a party at our house later that night. I was trying to decide how to alter myself for this one, considering I had altered myself in a special way for pretty much every single party we’ve hosted. Alluding to my effort to develop streamlined and specific applications in combining substances, I decided I was going to put together the 'perfect' party pill. I decided what qualities I wanted in the trip and what substances would guide that. I am most social and functional on the comedown of trips, so I figured I would take it as soon as I could so I would be in that state by the time the party started. Here is my rationale for each ingredient:

2C-C – A visual psychedelic with an interesting headspace but functional lucidity. Not too stimulating and not too much bodyload which is a plus.

4-AcO-DET – A deeper psychedelic to add a bit of that tryptamine depth and profoundness to the trip. I selected this one specifically because of its short duration.

5-APDB – An empathogen would be perfect for a social occasion of course, I decided to keep the dose low so I wouldn’t make too much of a fool of myself. I chose this over MDMA because it is less stimulating. In general I didn’t want to mix too many stimulating things together.

Ephenidine – Probably the most social/functional dissociatives I’ve taken, with strong visuals, euphoria, and psychedelia. It was relatively familiar at this point, and it would provide a sort of dissociative base from which to work from.

LSD – Shulgin describes 2C-D as ‘psychedelic tofu’, and I figured a bit of LSD would serve this purpose too. I had a half tab left over from when I split some last week so I decided to just throw it in one of the capsules (this was a very strong batch). It would provide a familiar and functional psychedelic base from which to operate.

MXE – I loveee MXE. This was added for its rush and its euphoria, and to amplify the general dissociation. I chose less stimulating substances for the other parts of the combo, so I figure I’d this this experience be powered by the stimulation of MXE.

The next thing to be considered was timing. All of these substances had a different length of come up and onset. Ephenidine and MXE took the longest, so I put those in the first capsule. 5-APDB had a slightly longer comeup than the psychedelics in my experience, so that came next. Lastly all the psychedelics. At this point I decided I wanted more MXE so I just added some more to this capsule instead of cracking the other one open. All of the capsules were filled with powdered ginger to combat nausea.

[Erowid Note:
The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]

1st capsule (T0:00): 100 mg Ephenidine, 20 mg MXE

2nd capsule (T0:25): 70 mg 5-APDB

3rd capsule (T0:30): 30 mg 2C-C, 10 mg 4-AcO-DET, 50 ug LSD, 20 mg MXE

T0:00-Ingest first capsule. I am in math class right now, my last class of the day, and there is half an hour left. I don’t like doing drugs in school, but I had to get this started as soon as possible. I figured it would start to kick in a bit after I got home.

T0:25-Class ends, ingest second capsule as I leave the room.

T0:30-Ingest third capsule while walking home. Not feeling anything yet. Stop by the corner store and pick up some blunts.

T0:45-I’m home now. Our house is a wreck. I start cleaning by doing dishes and picking up the stuff that is littering every surface in our house. I can feel the dissociatives start to come on as I clean. It is this feeling of lifting and rising, of my weight slowly reeling away from my body. My roommate comes down to help clean. I feel a squirming in the pit of my stomach as the psychedelics begin to play. I flop down on a couch, it feels like my form is rushing along a rollercoaster, the wind slapping my face. I am sweaty and out of breath. I’ve really done it. The entire world seems to turn liquid as I begin to drift and wobble away. I confess to my roommate that I probably can’t help clean anymore. We talk for a bit, but I am struggling to understand what he’s talking about. I decide to go upstairs.

T1:00-I smoke a bit. The world begins to flash and come apart at the seams. Colorful lines begin to appear on every surface, twisting together and dancing their formless dance.There’s a tangle of incomprehensible rainbow forms that start to telescope and recede into infinity. My entire room looks like its shaking. Earlier that day, I took a test in organic chemistry. I am struggling in that class, so it’s been weighing on my mind quite a lot. Suddenly, the visuals shift to match the ball and stick depiction of organic molecules. Everything is overlaid by hexagons, shifting, rotating, switching and turning to represent stereochemical shifts in chirality, reactions and rearrangements of molecules, representations of some of the fundamental forces and properties that compose all things on this earth. My body feels like it’s been wiped with a cloth and smeared along glass. Or that my body has turned to putty and these great psychedelic invisible hands are twisting and turning, pinching and pulling and squeezing and smearing my form.

T1:20-I begin to fear for what I’ve gotten myself into. I do not feel grounded at all. What if I am still in this state when the party begins? I find myself adrift in an overwhelming and powerful confusion. All the drugs have kicked in, and it is almost like I can discern each one in this swirling maelstrom. But none of them are interacting with each other, rather they are all fighting and clawing for dominance of my headspace.

But none of them are interacting with each other, rather they are all fighting and clawing for dominance of my headspace.

 The dissociative kick comes in briefly, and I feel the river rush of MXE drag my form across the room. Then the melting, sinking, numbing weight of the ephenidine stops me in my tracks and sucks me into the floor. The 2C-C responds with a zap to fetch my attention, then straddles me across its framework of colored diamonds and hexagons. The acid cowers in the background, tossing itself ever so slightly into my periphery. The 4-AcO-DET smashes through the scene, dragging my mind into a different paradigm, blossoming violently. I pace my room in circles as I cycle through this, each drug taking its turn to ravage me in its own separate way. The 5-APDB is the only one that hasn’t reached its full potential yet, and simply presents as a warm and sweaty discomfort that colors the whole experience with a sickly shade. I feel like I am filled with sand and the grains are sloshing around me with each movement. I feel like my sense of touch has turned into static, a rushing river of interference eviscerating and distorting every bit of stimulus I try to take in with my skin. The loss of ego that suddenly strikes me is profound. I am not a person, a functional being, or any recognizable iteration of humanity. I am a physical vessel of flesh, within which chemicals react, and upon which those chemicals act. I am but a reaction chamber that physically responds to what is being reacted within it.

T1:40-I am still pacing my room. I try to lie still on my bed and listen to music, but for the life of me I cannot keep still. It is like in this battle for my mind, the drugs are tossing my body about, inflicting collateral damage upon my restless and discomforted form. There is no sign of them coalescing, only the confusion of this absurd shattering of my existence. I decide to try drawing to ground myself. Whenever I sit down however, it feels like every bit of me is being dragged across the room and into the ceiling. Like some jet stream has taken me to pieces and sprayed them about. All I can draw is frantic scribbles and jagged lines. No forms, just my hand being dragged and tossed about by this unconquerable current. I am still thinking about molecules quite a lot. I imagine that my axis and my limbs have become chemical bonds, and each movement is the substituents of this parent chain twisting and moving about through space, forming different stereochemical isomers. Walking has become a baffling ordeal as I am forced to crawl around my room. I am being pinched and twisted into all variety of shapes.

T2:20-It feels like something has washed over me. Or rather, it feels like a great warm upwelling from within. The sun seems to shine brighter. The entire world suddenly shifts in tint and becomes anew. I think the 5-APDB has finally kicked in full force. All of these sparring forces within me are suddenly swept up by a flash flood and swirl together in its raging waters. It feels like everything has suddenly clicked into place. Each drug is a puzzle piece, and for the past hour these puzzle pieces have been twisting and rotating every which way, struggling to find out how to fit together, but to no avail. But at last. It seems as if they have finally found their correct orientation, and have enmeshed with one another into a glorious shining beacon of existence. I feel like I have hatched from a cocoon, I feel like I have metamorphosed into my glorious winged form. I am in party mode. Miraculously, I can walk again, although I am still a bit unsure on my feet. All I can do is smile and glow and radiate colors and light. I am so fucking glad. I feel fully functional and capable of doing anything, in fact I feel capable of doing more than anything. I rush downstairs and run into my backyard to bask in the sun’s beautiful glow.

T2:30-I feel so fucking euphoric. I am so proud of myself, that I ended up getting the exact desired effect from the cocktail that I put together. I feel so competent, like I’m a professional drug-doer or something. Whatever that means. It doesn’t matter I’m high as fuck. I want to tell everyone how great this is, this is reminiscent of that time I mixed MDMA with mushrooms and 25c.

T2:40-The first guest arrives. I greet him. I am really fucked up and he can tell. I thought I was functional, but I soon realize I am in no state to host a party. Whenever I sit down I sink into a well of colors that forms on the surface of whatever I am touching. The guy is pretty used to using hallucinogens so I don’t feel awkward or out of place being in this state. Conversing is awkward for me but he doesn’t seem to mind. We smoke more. Holding things is a strange feeling, as objects all feel so weightless.

T3:00-More people show up. All I can do is sit on a couch and zone out and stare at them as they seem distant. No use trying to talk. This is slightly worrisome, the party is beginning and I am in such a state of turmoil. Through frantic pacing and drinking a lot of water, I feel as though I can probably sufficiently sober myself up though. Every time I stand still or sit down however, it all comes rolling back and swamps me. Bright patterns adorn everything, and they are nice. My body is buzzing into numbness, and that is nice. I just don’t like the mental impairment that comes with the dissociatives and 5-APDB. It’s short term memory loss and slowed gummy thoughts, this makes conversing so difficult and awkward.

T4:00-Even more people have showed up. However, I am sufficiently down by now. I am relieved to have turned out okay just in time. I decide I will refrain from smoking for another hour just to make sure I don’t accidentally kick things up too hard.

T5:15-The time has come. I smoke. A lot. And it turns out okay, I just feel stoned. Somehow, the most acute effects of all the drugs seem to have completely passed. I am now just feeling slightly dissociated, and colors look brighter.

T7:00-My friend who has a lot of a lot of different drugs has been selling his wares in the basement. I am hanging out with him and decide to treat myself to a bump of ketamine. This does nothing more than give me a slight dizziness and wobbliness that lets me drift around the house like a ghost filled with sloshing water. I really only feel it in my body.

T8:00-He is also selling DMT, and has a vaporizer for it. I decide to hit some. It is the familiar DMT rush, and it is like the edges of my vision are bending inwards, a swirling pulsing cacophony of color at the fringes of everything. This is a nice effect to accentuate the state I’ve been in all night, but doesn’t last very long.

T10:00-Smoke more DMT up in my room. The party is winding down and people are just hanging out in my room, hotboxing it with DMT. I smoke more of it and all it really does is put me in a pleasant state of warping purple visuals and a warm rising body high.

T12:30-Go to bed finally.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 108612

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 20

Published: Nov 1, 2017	Views: 4,518

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5-APDB (715), LSD (2), 4-AcO-DET (188), Methoxetamine (527), Ephenidine (689), DMT (18), 2C-C (262) : Glowing Experiences (4), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 250 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

LSD for Borderline Personality Disorder

While this is ostensibly an LSD report (because LSD is the only one that worked...), this is really more of a “tripping with Borderline Personality Disorder” report, sort of a general retrospective on my drug use generally and how it has impacted my mood disorder. I've had 80 or so LSD experiences, and 30-40 each with mushrooms, DMT, and MDMA, as well as a handful of experiences with Shulgin analogues, bridgesii cactus, 5-meo-dmt (ugh), and salvia (double ugh).

I’ve struggled with extreme emotions since puberty, only getting a Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis in my late 20s. The main symptoms are intense mood swings featuring sudden bursts of rage and overwhelming loneliness/hopelessness and a total inability to manage interpersonal relationships over the long haul. My life is kind of a shitshow, and I try to keep a lot of my friendships superficial. I’ve never been in a long term relationship and I hardly ever date. Spending time with people is incredibly frustrating for me, a lot of work with minimal pay-off (and no, I am not autistic).

I have tried working with a half dozen different therapists over the last 7 years, have been practicing yoga for 12 years, and meditation for 5 or 6. It’s all been baby steps. None of it has a particularly profound effect.

But LSD was different. The first time I took LSD in college (about 12 years ago), a ray of sunshine broke through the clouds of my mind and pierced my heart.

The first time I took LSD in college (about 12 years ago), a ray of sunshine broke through the clouds of my mind and pierced my heart.

 I was never the same again. Friends and family all commented how different I seemed, how much more happy and full of life I seemed. Of course, eventually the sunshine faded, but knowing that it could exist changed my life forever. It was not my first trip, but it was the trip that cemented psychedelic use into my lifestyle.

However, none of the psychedelics and psychoactives I have used compare to LSD, in terms of managing my BPD symptoms. Consistently, over the years, LSD has invariably been the most positive available experience to me (I don’t mean psychedelic experience here, I mean experience), and, if I get the dose right, LSD eliminates my symptoms for days afterwards, sometimes up to two weeks. And unlike many of the others I have used (looking at you MDMA, and you too DMT), there is no crash as the symptoms suddenly and aggressively return five days later. With LSD, I am slowly and gently returned to baseline over a period of days without a shock to my system.

There are a few catches (outside of the illegality and inconsistent availability of LSD).

Most importantly, I have to get a high enough dose. I seem to need at least 250 ug. That’s obviously a ballpark figure, and while I know that it’s impossible to really know how many mics is on a sheet of street blotter, I’ve been eating this stuff and reading enough experience reports to feel comfortable making that guess. I have to get safely over a certain hurdle, to a place where the rigidness of my personality dissolves and my usual materialistic priorities seem hilariously misguided. I don’t necessarily have to be high-fiving God while trans-dimensional elves paint me with colors I’ve never seen before. I just need to snap out of my usual thought patterns, and (unless the blotter is strong) one or two tabs just doesn’t cut it. I don’t think I’ve ever taken more than 400 ug, and I’m very curious to find out what would happen if I did. I tend to err on the side of caution because I’ve never had an opportunity to take LSD with a sitter. I have, however, taken MDMA and a number of other psychedelics with a (bad) sitter, and it was terrible, verging on traumatizing. Maybe I’m better off flying solo. Anyway, if I don’t cross that threshold, the experience, while enjoyable, doesn’t really do me any favors. My symptoms come back pretty much as soon as the acid wears off (but not too aggressively, not like the legendary MDMA crash). But if I pass the threshold, I will feel fine for at least a week.

The other catch is that it seems to work a bit better these days if I avoid cannabis use. Cannabis, while very synergistic with LSD, seems to exacerbate my BPD symptoms. I’ve had to give up using it, which I’m bummed about, but as much as I enjoy it, my life really is better without it. Without cannabis, my comedown and integration process actually tends to be more smooth.

Now, why LSD, and not mushrooms or DMT or any of the myriad of Shulgin drugs I’ve tried? I think there’s something relatively unique about LSD, regarding a factor I call “emotional immediacy.” With the tryptamines in particular, I feel like my emotions can really overwhelm me, getting up in my grill like the facehugger from the Alien movies. DMT is the gentlest in this regard, but mushrooms (as many experienced trippers know) can get pretty hairy, and 5-MeO-DMT is the most intense (for me) by far.

Regarding phenethylamines, I have not had positive results. I have heard that many people find the phens less emotionally intense than the tryps, and while I can agree with that, they don’t really do anything at all for my BPD either, which means some of my phen trips go to some pretty dark places. Although 2C-I was alright, and I think that if I ever take a dose high enough to cross that ego threshold I mentioned with 2C-B, perhaps something powerful and beneficial could happen there.

On the other hand, when I take LSD, I feel like all of my emotions are at a comfortable remove. I don’t have to feel any of them any more than is comfortable. If I need to step back from an emotion, I can. If I want to step deeper into an emotion, I can. It’s a wonderful freedom, and it’s a freedom I don’t have when I’m sober, or under the influence of almost any other drug. While in the LSD headspace, I am much more open to hearing constructive criticism, and can think objectively about my situation and my behavior (unlike MDMA, which revs up my ego defenses to a disturbing degree). With LSD, I can actually be honest and authentic, instead of neurotic and evasive (again, unlike MDMA, which makes me even more dishonest than when I’m sober). I think it is this quality of emotional distance that makes LSD particularly useful for treating my BPD. The feeling of being comfortably removed from my emotions lingers long, long after the drug itself is out of my system. For me, it’s the most ideal therapy tool that I’ve ever come across, and someday I hope to work with a (good) psychedelic therapist who can help me use LSD to make real progress with my issues.

I’m just one guy, and this is just my experience. But I think perhaps someday LSD could be recognized as the best treatment for BPD, the same way MDMA is being looked at as the best treatment for PTSD.

Also, (close your ears and run away kids, it's grandpa's lecture time) I think it’s important  to write long-term retrospectives, especially when it comes to dealing with mood disorders or other health issues. I am getting really really tired of reading reports that contain some variation on the phrase “It’s the next day, and as I’m writing this, I still feel great!” Yeah, dude, of course you do. Give it five days. Give it two weeks. Give it a month. Then write the report! I can’t help but wonder how many of these dozens, if not hundreds, of people felt like total garbage three days after writing their report about how their “life is forever changed!” And how many of them went right back into their bad habits, and how many of them didn’t realize they had gone right into their bad habits.

There is far too much silver bullet talk in this community, and not enough talk about how psychedelics can help people develop better coping skills, but only if those people put in the time and effort to really integrate those coping skills. As much as I’d like to see psychedelic medicine legitimized, we are only hurting our cause by singing the praises of psychedelic healing while living as hypocrites. Life is hard, and life with a mood disorder (or any other health problem) is even harder. It sucks, but that’s the life that’s in front of us, and we don’t do ourselves or our community any favors by exaggerating or sugar coating the truth. These drugs are remarkable, but they’re not miracle cures.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 111231

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 32

Published: Nov 14, 2017	Views: 8,620

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LSD (2) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Health Benefits (32), Unknown Context (20)