		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   65 kg

My acid experience, my “trip”, as most would call it, is by far the most important thing I have experienced up to date, as it revealed to me my life mission, my real origin, and my ego; love and beauty itself.

It was a Friday, and my best friend (we’ll call her V), had informed me the week before that she could get LSD from a dealer at college. We’ve been trying to get our hands on it for a long time, and since every single one of those times ended in disappointment when something went wrong, I was a bit skeptical that she could really get it.

She told me that she had done it already, one time, and that she wanted to do it next week, on Friday. I gave her 12 bucks, which is what 1 hit cost, and she got it on Tuesday. I was so excited; I couldn’t believe that we were actually going to experience LSD for the first time. I had been anxious all week, looking forward to Friday, time couldn’t pass any slower for me. I was ready.

Friday finally came, a day on which I had no college and neither did she. She picked me up at 8 AM and went straight to her house. There was no one home, we were completely alone. We cleaned her house and proceeded to take a shower, after that we started getting ready. I wanted to feel beautiful while I was on acid, and really appreciate my beauty and body.

I wanted to feel beautiful while I was on acid, and really appreciate my beauty and body.

 I wore a pink skirt and a small white blouse.

15 minutes in: The LSD was kicking in slowly, at first I could feel myself light as a feather, I closed my fists and it almost felt funny. I was texting my mother back, as she was angry at me for something silly and not important, all of a sudden the keyboard on my phone started moving. I found this funny, and chuckled a bit, and told V about it. She said she was feeling it too. I proceeded to put mascara on, which I was doing in front of a full body mirror. All of sudden, I could see the veins of my eyelids just swirling slightly. They were so visible and clear and I was so utterly amazed about how beautiful they looked. They were so thin and partially green, I kept saying “Oh my God,” to myself, it was all I could say. I was shocked.

I told V about it, and she kept on telling me how amazing she felt. She turned on the music, playing “Home” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. I didn’t know the lyrics to the song, but I didn’t care and V encouraged me to just sing along. I felt amazed as I kept staring at my body in the mirror, astonished, I felt the tears accumulating in my eyes. V noticed and told me she had also cried in her first experience, overwhelmed by the beauty of it all.

I kept telling her about our legs, our body and how amazing it was that the human anatomy was so perfectly formed. We talked about how it was possible to have so much knowledge, to really understand and be able to view the world the way humans do, unlike plants and trees, who are merely feelers of the earth. We considered ourselves so lucky, to be the only race able to appreciate this beauty of the world.

We kept talking about how LSD was like a box, it takes you in, then you come out, and again it takes you in, and you come out again. At times I felt overwhelmed by so much truth that V was speaking, our ego and hateful, spiteful feeling, government disgrace, the way the world was falling apart, something only us humans could do. It was like I was seeing everything from a new perspective, everything I knew before was presenting itself in a different light and I felt new to this world, I felt cleansed.

We went outside to her mother’s balcony; it was full of plants and had a tall fountain with a child dipping his hand in the water. It looked beautiful in the sunlight. We could see the ocean from afar, the park, and the streets. To the side, was a big mountain covered in white, moving clouds. I sat in a chair and observed the beauty around me; finally awakened, taking it all as if it was the first time I saw this world for itself. Her small cat that had just had babies came outside to join us, and it was the happiest moment of my life. She drank water from the fountain and just lay beside us.

I realized we were just humans who picked the wrong path; a race gone terribly, terribly wrong. We ate so many cherries, strawberries, and watermelon. I studied algebra and finally understood some of the things I had been struggling with for quite some time.

As we kept on going about the way our society lived, V started talking about how everything is a competition on earth. Everybody wants to be better than everyone, struggling for acceptance and success. We kept on going about how our emotions are assigned to us since birth, how a crying baby when born, has to be sad, and they comfort it, how they teach us to be afraid of the dark, how crying means sadness, and how it’s wrong to say “I love you”, when you’re in a relationship to anyone of the opposite sex.

I realized that I had been put here on earth to accomplish my mission of saving people. Kindness, friendship, and patience is the reason I am here. I’m not here to make money, to have the best job, or the best car; I realized I am here to help people, that is true freedom. Love is true freedom.

I analyzed my relationship and realized I was being too hard on my boyfriend; I wasn’t being the girlfriend I always said I would be. I was being selfish and getting angry for small, stupid reasons that only caused him pain. Mainly his personality, I felt he was too silly and that annoyed me, I felt people saw it too. I felt so guilty that I had treated him that way these past few days, the pain of having wasted so much precious, precious time with my significant other deeply pained me. All I wanted to do was say I’m sorry and kiss him passionately, and fix everything I did wrong. I realized nothing is forever, and there will be a time where we won’t be together anymore, either by a break up or by death, and I longed for him more than ever in that moment.

V and I spent the rest of the day talking about our feeling and events in our lives. I went home at 7:30 and found no one home, so I made some tea and read in my room, spending time with my pet turtle and my cat. I took pictures and videos, and couldn’t fall asleep because I didn’t want this amazing experience to end, and I only prayed that I could hold this lesson forever

I didn’t want this amazing experience to end, and I only prayed that I could hold this lesson forever

, and apply it every single day of my life.

I look forward to my second acid trip very, very soon. I plan on going into it with a different state of mind, now knowing what to expect. There is no hiding with LSD, every single one of my fears and feelings came  out and made me face it. I consider this the most self-rewarding experience I have ever come across until now. I am not the same person anymore. I have seen real life, and I look forward to achieving this state of mind in my daily life. Safe tripping!

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 108478

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 19

Published: May 29, 2020	Views: 637

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Relationships (44), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		 Pharms - Lamotrigine
		 (daily)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   140 lb

I had always been interested in trying acid. However, I never took it before because of a mixture of limited opportunities and the fact that I take prescription medication (Synthroid and Lamictal). One night I walked into my friend’s apartment to find one of his roommates tripping on acid, and to my surprise, she seemed fine, besides seeing all types of weird stuff. This opened me up to it a little bit more. So having acid available to me, I decided to actually research if it reacts badly with any of my medication. It does not. So soon after, I figured I’d finally give it a try. I bought a tab from his roommate’s friend who was there, put it in mouth, and let it dissolve.

About an hour in, we went to see a midnight movie. Much to my surprise, it didn’t really kick in all the way through the movie. I was feeling emotions more intensely, and felt a little numb/high, but I certainly wasn’t “tripping.” We all got home and hung out for a bit. By this time, it was very late, and it was about 2.5 hours since I took it, and still wasn’t feeling that much. Everyone went to bed and I slept on the couch (I feel very comfortable/safe in this apartment).

It’s at this point in the story I should tell you about my condition: I have a unique skin condition brought on by my nervous system and natural body temperature, in which when I go from a cold outdoor space to a hot indoor space in the winter, my skin breaks out in an intense burning/itching/stinging sensation. No doctor has been able to diagnose or give any kind of treatment for this. Winters are a nightmare for me. I just kind of have to wait until my body adjusts to the new temperature. It is also greatly caused by my anxiety (you might see where this is going). It was still chilly in New York, but during the entire time I was on acid, I did not feel this sensation at all. I just felt comfortable in my skin.

Back to the story. So a bit a time passed as I was lying on the couch waiting for my trip, when two of the roommates came back out to smoke a joint. I didn’t mind, I could use the company. I took a couple of hits of their joint, and it was shorty thereafter that I began to trip. Very hard. The acid hit me like a ton of bricks. Their faces started to morph into other faces entirely, and I couldn’t really speak coherently through the haze. I saw them wish me luck and walk out of the living room, leaving me alone in the dark with my experience. It was in full-flight for about 5 hours, or until the sun was again shining through the windows. It was during this time that pictures from my deep past (like 3 or 4 years old) that I thought I had forgotten were vividly presented to me. This was extremely euphoric for me, and I kept getting these blasts of early memories that I wasn’t totally prepared to see.

I kept getting these blasts of early memories that I wasn’t totally prepared to see.

 I was laughing, I was crying, I was making “O” faces. The LSD was taking all my dirty laundry out by showing me that everything was still in there. It was very, very intense, and very therapeutic.

The sun eventually came up and I transitioned out of the trip very gently. Very smoothly. I finally felt “sober” again. It’s worthy to note that at this point, it was still coursing through my veins, as evidenced by my still-dilated pupils. What I noticed, however, was a very palpable sense of having been emotionally cleaned out, as though the acid had ripped out all my deep-seated feelings that were giving me anxiety. I just felt good. I felt light. I couldn’t help smiling. My friend and his roommates noticed it too, after they woke up. And you know what I still wasn’t feeling? My itching burning skin condition. I felt a weight lifted. Going to breakfast that morning, we went outside and inside several times, with no signs of my skin condition in sight.

It has been a week since then, and while I’ve some bouts of my condition, they were fleeting and very mild. In short, LSD may just have cured a tortuous condition that no doctor could.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 108231

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 24

Published: May 30, 2020	Views: 1,568

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LSD (2) : First Times (2), Health Benefits (32), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (edible / food)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   210 lb

I had been curious for a number of years about LSD.  I had read all about its mind expanding potential, as well as its influence in pop culture of the psychedelic era. I also loved psychedelic music for a number of years, which also made me very curious.  I had smoked pot before, but was told that being stoned was 'nothing like tripping on acid.' I was curious, but at the same time a bit wary.  I had heard some acid horror stories about people who lost their mind, or had watched their flesh melt off, or something to that effect.

Some years passed, and I became a bit of a stoner, and associated with other stoners.  I smoked a lot of pot, but still had never come across lsd.  Then one day, my best friend came to my house one night, and told me that he had bought four hits of acid.  My nerves got the better of me, and I said that I had to be up early the next morning, so I would be happy to trip the next day.  Well, I didn't hear from him the next day, or the day after that.  Then, about three days later, I was getting off from a very stressful work shift at a fast food restaurant, when he called me on my cell, and asked if I was ready to trip.  I said yes, and figured it was as good a time as any.

How terribly wrong I was.  I was very anxious and stressed from work, and the rush hour traffic made it even worse.  On top of this, my anxiety was compounded by the anticipation of what an acid trip would be like.  When I finally arrived at my friends house, he was waiting for me, and had one hit left out of the four he had bought.  This was perfectly fine with me, because I really only wanted to test the waters, figuratively speaking.  It was a lifesaver that had the acid dropped on it.  I told him I needed some time to relax from my day before taking it, but he reminded me of the longevity of the effects, and that I should take into consideration my coming workday.  I know he only wanted me to be good for work the next day, but I sort of felt coaxed into keeping a schedule.  And, stupidly, I gave in.

I sort of felt coaxed into keeping a schedule.  And, stupidly, I gave in.

  I took the hit.  I put it in my mouth and sucked on it just like a normal strawberry lifesaver.  I haven't thought about it till now, but when I did this, my friend said: 'Ok, now what's done can't be undone.' I didn't consciously think about that statement, but I remember thinking that whatever happened, I was just along for the ride, and there was nothing I could do.  Somehow this thought didn't make me feel too easy.  I tried to be giddy, and to laugh, and make merry with my friend for the next thirty minutes.  If I said something silly, I would be like: 'well, what do you expect of someone tripping on acid?' Even though I wasn't yet.

Eventually the effects started to set in.  He said that I would feel a pleasant warming sensation in my stomach, and then feel happy.  Nothing like that happened at all.  I felt the sensation in my head first, like I had been hanging upside down for ten minutes, and my head was filling with blood like a water balloon.  This was not a pleasant sensation at all.  In fact I was feeling very, very strange in a way I can't describe, and my depth perception started acting up too, like I was looking through someone else prescription glasses.  When I sat down and tried to relax, everything I stared at seemed to expand, like I was getting smaller, and the horrible sensation just kept getting worse.  I honestly felt more anxious and freaked out than ever I had been in my life.  No matter what I did.  No matter what position I got into, I couldn't calm down.  I was out of control.  I asked my friend to hold my hand, but when he did, it was like it wasn't even there.  I couldn't tell where his hand and my hand met.  I hated this, because I wanted the comforting sensation of external touch.  At the same time, I was trying to lay back and relax on the couch, but the sensation was so fucked up.  I couldn't tell where my body ended and the couch began either.  And all the while this horrifying sensation that my spine was trying to crawl out of my body.  I finally couldn't take it anymore and threw myself on the floor,screaming into my hands.  At this point, my friend was pretty freaked out as well.  I screamed at my friend: 'Why in the hell would anyone enjoy doing this!' 'Fuck LSD! I'm never touching this horrible shit again!' At this point I started crying like a little child.  What was strange was that I wasn't embarrassed.  It actually was a comfort.  Then I started dousing myself in water, over and over, until it looked like I had jumped into a pool with my clothes on.  I couldn't tell you why, but the sensation helped me to compose myself somehow.  The water on my face was a comforting sensation, and kept me from losing it.

The water on my face was a comforting sensation, and kept me from losing it.

Finally, my friend said something that helped me, in my mind, to deal with this horrible trip.  He said that all of us, and everything in the universe is made up of nothing but atoms, and that on an anatomical level, nothing is being harmed, only changing.  We are one with it forever.  This is difficult for me to explain.  I don't know how much time passed before I felt calm.  It seemed like only a few minutes, but in fact several hours had passed.  For the rest of the trip, everything in my visual field still seemed to move quite a bit.  We went over to another friends house, for a change of scenery, and the whole time it was like I was watching everything that happened like it was a movie, and that I was only watching.  When I returned home, it was nighttime, and I felt the strong urge to structure everything in my life down to the last detail.  I also had a very hard time falling asleep.  The after effects seemed like an upper that wouldn't let me drift off.  Finally I did, and the next morning, I felt like my physical mind had gone through a lot of stress.

The only positive thing was that I didn't have a single headache for several weeks.  After the horrible terror I had experienced, normal life didn't seem to stress me out enough to give me a headache.  I think I'll stick to exedrine.

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 93305

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 24

Published: May 30, 2020	Views: 768

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LSD (2) : First Times (2), Hangover / Days After (46), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 2:00
		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 2:00
		 1200 mg
		 oral
		 Pharms - Lithium
		 (daily)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   200 lb

AVOID if Taking Lithium

I had not tripped acid in several years. Maybe even since high school. But one thing was for sure, I held no fear in my heart for it, and I was looking forward to a good time.

The first two hits did not have any effect on me, even after two hours.

The first two hits did not have any effect on me, even after two hours.

 I eventually gave in and popped two more hits, unworried. The resulting LSD trip began as usual, enhanced perception.. drawn to music. Philosophical ramblings, art, ideas, etc. The makings of a good trip.

Eventually, I had to stop listening to music as the intensity was continuing to increase to a level I had never experienced before, but I knew I was ok. I just needed to reduce sensory stimulation. I turned off every light in the house, and unplugged every electronic device that I owned, in an effort to quell high frequency sounds, lights, fans, and other annoyances. Music persisted anyway. Immutable and driven by the rhythm of my heartbeat and breath in my lungs. Intense, amazing, a gateway to extra-dimensional consciousness, and... becoming a bit exhausting.

The music turned against me, no longer controlled by my biometrics; instead, literally controlling my life.

Heartbeat, erratic, uncontrollable. Cannot speak. Communicating with gestures. Breathing, struggling to maintain some modicum of control. Short gasps, fish out of water. Violent willful determination to keep trying to breathe, to slow my heart. Rational still, believing my life is safe, but this is the most difficult peak anyone has ever had, ever. At least my friend was there to try to help bring some regularity to my breathing. Calm, comforting words.

Frustrated with trying to normalize my breathing for over half an hour, I got up from the couch to leave the room. Perceptions mixed, and intermittent. I knew that something was now severely fucking wrong. Nausea in my stomach, the equivalent in my head, heart out-of-control, trying so hard to breathe just plain sucks.

I was just sick of everything that was going on and I wanted to get away from it fast. I made three steps on my feet, then probably about three more on my hands and knees... I woke up, face cut up. My chin smarting, and scraped up. Blood on the floor, from when I bit the side of my tongue away during the seizure.

Somewhere in the seconds that I lost, terrfied, I felt that I should probably die now. That this was what that was like, and it is happening. And resignation, please, whatever, just as long as its over.

I felt terrible when I came to, if I tried really hard, I could say one or two words. I just spent several moments afterward unco-ordinatedly bouncing off the walls in the hallway, trying to make my way into any other room, away from the mess. Still mostly trying to communicate with gestures. I found enough words to plead my friend to call 911, and then I immediately begged her not to while she was trying to find her phone.

A couple hours later, I had returned to normal. Chin hurting, tongue chewed up. The most intense trip of my life, physical and sickening, and thoroughly regrettable.

Final words:

Don't take LSD while taking Lithium. I had a really shitty time where I ended up struggling endlessly against my own body's naturally automated functions, terrified as they spun chaotically out-of-synch. And then, also, I got to have a seizure. Ugh.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 91616

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 28

Published: May 30, 2020	Views: 873

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Health Problems (27), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:

		 0.5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   145 lb

I took two hits of LSD to a music festival, and I split them between my friends and I. I cut one of the squares in half and gave the other full square to my other friend. We walked down to one on the tents and settled on the ground to wait for the effects of the drug to begin. My friend that took the full square began to feel the effects within thirty minutes. The friend that split the hit with me and myself did not feel anything for another hour.

When the acid began to take effect, I felt my vision sharpen. Soon after that, sounds became richer. When I reached the plateau, I became extremely giddy and laughed uncontrollably. Everything seemed so absurd, from our mannerisms to our demeanor. When I tried to straighten up, it would cause me to laugh uncontrollably at the futility of my efforts. Even though I was in a room full of people, I did not care how I appeared to others. I could feel the sound from the stage vibrating all throughout my body. Insects seeking shade tickled my skin as they brushed against my body. As soon as the set ended, my friend and I decided to find our other friend that broke off from us sometime earlier. We left the tent, and headed towards the headliner stage. It was situated in a large field, and it intuitively seemed like an ideal place to go.

The whole journey to the stage was an incredible experience. The different textures surrounding me were extremely pleasing to my eyes. I felt weightless as I walked along. Along the way, we spotted our other friend. He had a dream like expression on his face and was wandering aimlessly. We rejoined and made our way to the main stage. When we made it to the stage, I realized that we might need to go back to our campsite to get a shade umbrella. The task was daunting. It was extremely difficult to formulate a plan and follow through with it.

It was extremely difficult to formulate a plan and follow through with it.

 It was difficult to talk as well. When we arrived at the campsite, we collapsed into a fit of laughter.

When we collected ourselves, we walked back to the stage with the umbrella and laid on the grass. Normally, the umbrella felt heavy, but it felt weightless in my arms.

As I stared into the sky, I watched the clouds dissipate in extreme detail. I could see a swirly pattern over everything I saw. My ears felt like they were full of cotton, and I kept getting the sensation that I was in a wind tunnel. I thought that I was feeling the velocity of the Earth's rotation. When I looked at my hand, I thought that I saw the structure of my veins for an instant. At times, the sharpness of everything hurt my eyes but I could not close them. I simply tried staring at the sky because the grass was moving in such detail that it was overwhelming. I also had a sensation of understanding things for the first time.

The effects of the acid came and went like the ebb and flow of the tide. The acid peaked within an hour of taking it and began to wane four hours later. For the rest of the afternoon, I felt a buzzing sensation and a general feeling of calmness. When the last of the acid left my body, I felt irritable and tired. I slept like a baby that night and felt refreshed the next day. However, my brain felt a little fried and I had trouble formulating complex thoughts. It wore off the next day, but the positive mood stayed. I feel more confident about myself now. I still have a little trouble trying to put into human words what happened to me that day.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 85747

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 22

Published: Jun 16, 2020	Views: 587

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LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)


		 DOSE:

		 2 hits
		 buccal
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

This was my first experience with LSD.  I had plenty of experience with weed and alcohol, and had done some nitrous.  Somehow it came up that the guy I'd been casually dating had acid in his freezer, and we agreed to trip together a week later.

That day, it was beautiful out, so we went for a walk before I reminded him of our plan.  We ordered Thai because he—much more experienced with drugs—said we would get sick if we took it on an empty stomach.  I was impatient to begin, but careful to set positive intentions.  I wanted to see the world in a new way.

I wanted to see the world in a new way.

  Whenever my typical anxieties crept in during the few hours leading up to the trip, I consciously and urgently calmed myself to prevent a bad trip.  I put the two little pieces of paper on my tongue and moved them around my mouth for twenty minutes or so before swallowing it.  Another half hour passed, and I began to express doubt that there was really any acid on those pieces of paper.  But soon I began giggling a lot, insisting “I still don’t think I’m tripping but…I just feel so funny.”  The physical feeling was somewhat like full-body nerves, but accompanied with happiness and an amusement at my very being.  “Yeah,” he said, “you’re on acid.”  With those words, the music built, but it built to me to something more intense than it would’ve been were I sober.  It was not unlike listening to music after consuming a lot of weed.

I no longer had a sense of time, and it was not just that things seemed longer or shorter than they really were.  If you asked me how long I had been sitting in a given place I would only be able to tell you less than 12 hours because the sun was still up.  We had a timer set, but it took a huge mental effort to read and make sense of the numbers.  We went outside for I think three hours.  I danced through his tiny, urban, fenced-in backyard, feeling the grass and mud between my toes.  I felt the gravity and suspension of leaning back while holding onto tree branches, and danced with the tree. In my mind, I described what I was doing as “a communion with the universe.”

In my mind, I described what I was doing as “a communion with the universe.”

  I wanted to touch everything.  Things I touched did not physically feel different, or at least not much so, but I took much more joy in feeling them.  I felt an urge to create “art” by stacking the objects I found in his yard, to not only feel the universe and dance with it, but create a beautiful space for myself, build my own world.  I began to think of everything I did in life as building up my world.

For a while I sat and smoked cigarettes—chain smoked six or seven, when I was smoking only 2 or 3 a day at the time.  I was mesmerized by the smoke.  In it I saw many individual pieces of glitter dancing up into the heavens.  I didn’t feel the nicotine.  At one point I could no longer discern how loud things were, even relatively.  A small party a couple of houses away sounded louder and clearer than the music we had on, then the music sounded booming to the point that I couldn’t hear myself talk over it, and I was worried we would get complaints and have to speak to a cop so we turned down the music and eventually went inside.

I had been entirely in my own world, but inside now I began to talk with him.  He was much more businessy than I was, but speaking to him on acid I began to understand his values and concerns.  He was building things for other people, the very thing I’d been trying to do with my “art.”  Building things they wanted enough to build things in exchange.  I wasn't just building my own world: everyone was building the world for each other.  I remember this conversation as the moment I fell in love with him.  It was a hard smack in the chest feeling and I just knew.  I don’t know whether that clarity was because of the acid or because what we have is different than any other time I’ve been in love.  We’ve been together two years now.

At some point, I checked Facebook on my phone, and just felt so happy that everyone was sharing these bits of their life with me.  A bit later I sat up and spoke non-stop about traumatic moments in my childhood and felt peace with a lot of it.  We had sex, which felt WAY nicer than normal, possibly better than sex had ever been for me, it was like I was in a world of skin and every motion had poetic weight.  Eventually we decided to try to sleep, this was 13 or 14 hours after we’d taken the acid.  He went outside to smoke a joint to calm himself, and then being alone in the dark room was when I started to get some negative visuals.  The shadows looked like devils.  Lying on the bed I felt like a sacrifice in a satanic ritual.  I was momentarily afraid, but soon able to see it all as funny and cartoonish.  I had really committed myself to stay positive throughout the trip.

I had really committed myself to stay positive throughout the trip.

  It took me probably 4 hours to fall asleep, just constant racing thoughts that I couldn’t slow down, but not unlike the insomnia I get sometimes off drugs.  I only slept for about an hour, woke up clear-headed, no hangover, with that second wind feeling I get when I have very little sleep.  I could remember things pretty well, the memories came slowly, popping up with some visual cue and surprising me.  Reflecting over my morning coffee was half thinking about how I had grown personally and half thinking about this relationship.  I was embarrassed about how much I’d opened up to this guy I’d gone on 4 or 5 dates with, but I also had these new, stronger feelings for him.  I wondered why he’d chosen to do acid with me, since he knew what acid was like, and I really didn't.

The “building the world for each other” philosophy has stuck with me, and so has the boy.  I’d say I grew more that day than I do over the course of a typical year.  I think what made my experience so good was that I was in a fairly positive emotional phase and I committed myself to keep my thoughts positive, over the course of a full week leading up to the trip.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 105607

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 20

Published: Jun 17, 2020	Views: 611

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LSD (2) : First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 1 - 2 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   14 st

I'd taken LSD twice before. I'd wanted to do acid since I found out about it, at 12yo. I was drawn to the shift in consciousness that it promised, all that. Once was at a party, a few weeks before this experience, I was also smoking weed/hash and probably had a beer or two, although I don't remember what I drank.  That first time was fine.  The experience was enjoyable, mild.  Some cool visuals - cartoons playing out on a towel that was hanging on the clothes horse in front of me, giggles with friends, stuff like that.  I couldn't go fully into my trip because I had a friend with me who got really paranoid and negative so I had to help him through it.  But other than that, it was generally a good experience.

The second time wasn't good.  I was with my brother and a good friend and I was tripping balls, terrified.  There was this constant nice, happy, interesting elevation really high, up to the crest of a wave and then, BAM!, crashed down into the depths of nothingness and despair again.  It was so horrific.  I hated that feeling.

This time was completely different, though. I had some (one or two tabs) left over from one of the other times and I decided to take on my own terms, on my own, in my family house, when everyone else was gone.  Thinking about the  creative brilliance it seems to bestow on some people, I optimistically set out some coloured paper, pastels and other art materials on the floor of my room.  I thought of going out to enjoy the garden a bit, chill out with my trip and maybe do some drawing.  Things did not turn out the way I'd planned them...

So I took the tabs and was waiting a good while, nothing happening.  I didn't get any stroke of artistic brilliance, did not feel the urge to connect with nature or do anything fun or interesting.  I wasn't having visuals or hallucinations, no interesting thoughts or mental experiences.  After a while of just being mildly bored with this clearly failed trip, I decided to have a shower.  In the bathroom, I ended up sitting on the toilet lid, frozen with terror, as this voice very clearly told me over and over again to kill myself.  It was a disembodied voice.  I knew it was inside, rather than external.

It was a disembodied voice.  I knew it was inside, rather than external.

  I didn't think there was a being there or anything.  It was just this voice.  It said over and over again, in a very firm way, 'Kill yourself.'  It shocked and panicked me and terrified and horrified me.  I thought, 'What?!  What?!  What?!'  And it just kept repeating that.  Obviously unwilling to kill myself and wondering was it some sort of magnified suicidal ideation that I'd experienced on and off during my life since I was about 11, I just stayed sitting there, hearing it but not doing anything about it, just drowning in terror.

I did finally have my shower.  That voice stayed with me for that trip and even after it, for months, recurring to me.  I've been thinking about that trip so much since.  Even two years later, I can't find an answer to it.  It may be just that – an amplification of the idea to kill myself that I've had before, at times.  Or it may have been a spiritual death that was implied.  Some people report 'spiritual death' from psychedelics and this 'death' causing them great enlightenment and freedom.  I guess I wasn't “brave” enough to find out if it would do the same to me ...

[My conclusion from this: Psychoactives like LSD are emotionally dangerous and, while they should not be banned from human research and healing applications, their availability should be limited to people who are using them for the right purposes – e.g. psychotherapy, informed spirituality etc.]

*	*	*

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 90433

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 21

Published: Jun 17, 2020	Views: 686

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LSD (2) : Post Trip Problems (8), Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 3 hits
		 oral
		 1B-LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Tobacco

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   185 lb

This is a report on my second LSD experience that happened a couple years back. I come back to this experience because at the time it was quite profound but left me with a feeling of isolation.

My previous drug use prior to this experience was Alcohol, Pot, Mushrooms and one LSD trip. The previous LSD trip  I took two hits of quality LSD  while at a beautiful location overlooking the San Francisco Bay with  a couple of other people who were not tripping. While this trip was a lot of fun and had its moments of introspection and mild ego dissolution, time distortion was the only severely significant feeling I felt and I still had the mindset of it as 'tripping' and not necessarily viewing it as a spiritual experience. Because of the length of LSD I was kind of hesitant to go back to it as I saw mushrooms having a very similar experience but not being quite as draining on the brain.

I decided to give LSD another try and this time the effects were quite different. This  time me and my buddy were taking it with 3 other people just hanging out smoking pot and hookah at my buddy's house.

(0:00) I took the 3 hits of blotter acid and my buddy took his two hits.

(0:20) I start to feel off and a little bit queasy not to the extent that I had nausea like I sometimes get with mushrooms but I felt like my body knew it had a potent foreign substance that it was breaking down and absorbing.

(0:30) I definitely am coming up a lot quicker than last time and harder too. I ask to hit the hookah to kind of ease my nerves of this unexpected intensity already. I became very cold outside as well and told my friends that I needed to get up and walk around. I planned to be outside the majority of the trip and my buddy has a cool little trail right outside his home that I was going to explore, but the intensity and suddenness of the come up changed those plans quickly.

From here on out I'm not going to give the time markers as A) some of it might be a bit out of place and B) time was a fairly meaningless concept during the trip so I think I am not doing it out of respect for the profundity of the experience.

I proceeded to tell everyone about the chills I was getting and told them I was in control but I simply needed to go inside. So as I headed inside I lied down on the couch and became engrossed with  the living room that looked quite different from when I went outside to smoke the hookah. Colors seemed sharper but constantly fluctuating their hues and I seemed to be able to pick up on corners and little specks in the table that I simply do not notice in a sober state of mind. Not too long after everyone came back in and my other buddy who took acid was laughing hysterically on his 2 hits and seemed to be having a good time but simply 'tripping.'

What I really was just completely amazed about LSD at this dose was the ability to make connections that I normally never even think of such as I remember thinking about what it would be like growing up as my friend and the difference it would be living under his parents opposed to mine.

I remember thinking about what it would be like growing up as my friend and the difference it would be living under his parents opposed to mine.

  My buddies put on the Beatles 'Magical Mystery Tour' which made me gain new appreciation of the true talent of The Fab 4 as I felt they totally understood and were trying to represent the psychedelic experience through their music.

Around the 5 hour mark people started going home and my buddy put on the movie The Doors. This is really where my trip was dramatically different from the last time. I didn't really have any interest in the movie but I would hear certain words or watch certain parts and relate my life to the movie, and as my friends fell asleep and my other buddy tripping was possibly swimming his own ocean of mind or whatever he was doing I started feeling like I was dying in a sense.

I knew I had not overdosed due to doing research and was pretty comfortable in my settings, but I think my ego was completely dissolved and I closed my eyes and saw a 'Heaven' of sorts that was this square grid fluctuating in colors and in this grid I saw my friends (some that were currently with me.) They all seemed happy and encouraging me in and I felt a presence that I guess the best word to describe it would be would be God and it seemed to be getting joy from this trick of toying with me in this altered state. (None of my close friends before or really since have had this kind of experience and actually most of them do not take hallucinogenic drugs so this is where that sense of isolation from the experience came.) So teetering in this purgatory 'reality' I just came to a conclusion that has stuck to this day. Human Beings are never really in control, just create the illusion that they are.

While that epiphany may seem fairly obvious it has helped me become  more aware of it. Subsequent Salvia, mushroom, 2C-B, 2C-E, and Ecstasy trips would reinforce these beliefs but this was the first time where I was just left in disbelief from the effects of a psychoactive substance. End your reading now if you just wanted to read about the trip as the rest of this report will simply be some philosophy and rhetoric that I feel is important.

Humans usually refer to themselves as separate from the animal world, and I don't understand as how we view ourselves as different as while granted we have arguably the most complex brains, our general behavior is no different from that of other animals: Communication, Eating, Sleeping, Dying, Parenting, Learning, Having Sex is seen all across the Animal Kingdom.

Furthermore bodily functions and I'm not trying to make light of some of these just being real: Peeing, Pooping, Farting, Burping, sneezing, yawning, stretching, laughing, crying, are all automatic responses at least some of the time.

It seems in our society this will be something very hard to realize and I possibly could be wrong about the whole thing as well, but the reason it will be so hard is our whole lives we are taught to value our autonomy and differences and to have an experience that shatters that in 12 hours is scary to some, amazing to others.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 68587

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Jun 30, 2020	Views: 576

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LSD (2) : General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 0:30
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   170 lb

Ryan and I awoke in a small cabin situated on a hill in a beautiful forest in northern California. For several weeks before, we had been looking forward to trying acid for the first time. He and I have been very close for several years; we’ve spent four weeks backpacking through Europe, we’ve spent countless hours submerged in philosophical discussions about society, existence and the universe, and we knew each other’s family and each other’s life story extensively. We slowly got out of our sleeping bags, excited to face the day.

Shortly after breakfast, we placed one tab each in our mouths. I swished mine around everywhere, being sure to create and swallow as much saliva as I could. Everything was prepared, and we went back inside. We sat on the couch, listening to Sound Tribe Sector 9’s album, Artifact, and waiting for the drug to set in.

After 20 minutes, we both agreed we were feeling a bit spacey but wanted more. We each took one more tab. We continued to sit and talk about the physical effects we were feeling. We figured we would set out on our forest journey, and that it would fully set in somewhere along the way.

We started walking down a path surrounded by plants and trees, and my perspective started to change. I began focusing on the fact that I, like everything I saw, was just an organism that has evolved to its current state. As we reached the clearing and got out from under the trees, I thought about how he and I appeared from the 3rd-person perspective: we were two humans walking down a path and nothing more. I said to him, “we’re just two humans walking, that’s it!” He said, “yep, that’s it!” We continued to jokingly say, “That’s it!” for several minutes, becoming lost in the fact that that was all we were.

We reached a point where the path diverged into three: the path back to the cabin, the path down toward the car, and the path to another trail. I was walking in circles with a big smile on my face, and he was asking which path I wanted to take. I told him, “I’m totally content with standing here walking in circles.” I did not want to stray far from the cabin, knowing my material possessions were there. Additionally, the couch in the cabin was comfortable and warm, and that sounded nice too. We headed back up the trail toward the cabin.

We arrived and sat on a bench outside the cabin, not knowing I was about to have the most powerful moment of my life. I don’t recall exactly how the conversation went, but he said to me, “You are already dead. Your children, if you choose to have them, are already dead.” His saying this made me feel a way I have never felt before. In that moment, I felt the entire history and future of the universe flowing through me.

In that moment, I felt the entire history and future of the universe flowing through me.

 I realized that this moment was nothing more than a summation of everything that has happened before it. I came to see myself and the world I saw as one, being nothing more than the current physical manifestation of the matter that was created at the birth of the universe. Everything I knew about the world exploded in my brain in one constantly moving moment of clarity. Throughout my entire body, mind and spirit, the duality of love and death became clear. It was beautiful in that we have been born into such an amazing universe, but tragic in that we know how our story will end. My eyes were open wide and my jaw hung low. I fell from the bench into a pile on the ground, my cheek on the deck and my head turned toward the vast forest. I lay silently in awe and clarity.

In this moment, everything I knew about the world made sense as a reflection of this human condition. All literature, all music, all science, all philosophy and all religion are just a reflection of this human condition. The structured way that humans live their lives on this planet made sense. It made sense why everything is the way it is.

After a few minutes of running around the cabin saying, “Oh my God, it all makes sense!” I found my way to the couch. I started talking to Ryan more about what I was thinking about: I said something like, “so, all we are [as men] are organisms who wander the earth and impregnate females?” He jokingly said, “yep, and they just incubate that shit!” After a good laugh from that comment, I fell into a state of deep appreciation. I was appreciative of my parents and all they’ve done for me, of every little detail of this beautiful world, and of those who spend their time to take care of the cabin where I found myself. I was mesmerized by how lucky I am to be part of the constantly moving and always living painting that we know as the universe, and realized how beautiful it is that we can choose to live any lifestyle we want. It amazed me that the matter of the universe had transpired in a way that I could come up to this cabin with one of my best friends in the world, take this drug together, and sit and enjoy the glory of existence and the universe.

I noticed the guest book on the coffee table, and I had another epiphany. Seeing as all that is real is the matter of the universe, every moment is the sum of everything that has ever been written. At this point, quotes on peoples’ Facebook profile began racing through my mind; so many brilliant minds have come through this life, and they have done all that they can do, which is write down what they’ve discovered so that I can understand better the situation in which I find myself. I realized that human life is simply being aware that you are part of the physical universe, knowing that you have your entire life to explore it, and having the ability to share your story through changing the matter around you. Writing on pages is like giving instructions to those who come after you, even though those pages are just other pieces of matter. And it’s not only writing; the physical universe is a canvas, and you can leave your mark in any way you choose.

All that truly matters is how we help those who come after us understand the world of which they are a part, just as those scientists, artists and philosophers before me have helped me understand the world of which I am a part. In this moment of truly understanding what it is to be human, I not only felt reborn, but felt truly alive for the first time. The meaning of life for me was to take this drug at this place at this time. I was about to say my first words, and I thought it beautiful that I could pause, think about everything I know, and consciously choose them. I looked at Ryan and said, “our stories are gonna be amazing.”

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 77994

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Jul 1, 2020	Views: 604

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LSD (2) : First Times (2), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 smoked
		 Tobacco

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   155 lb

I would like to start this off by saying that I believe I am a very introspective individual. I obsess over self-improvement, and I have gone to therapy to deal with relationship issues in the past. I went into this trip with a positive mindset

I went into this trip with a positive mindset

 since I was surrounded with my brothers for life. We all met in college, and we have been very close for 6 years now. We had planned this trip 2 months in advance, and I could not wait to try acid for the first time.

It was a blazing hot Joshua Tree morning. We dropped the 150 micrograms of acid at 9:30 A.M. It was a tiny square of paper that tasted like nothing; I kept it underneath my tongue as advised. I had never done acid before this, but I had a good general idea of what I was getting myself into; but of course you can never fully plan for a trip. You later realize that the trip will guide you along the way and if you just give in to it then you will likely have a much smoother experience. That much I knew, for I had tripped twice before; once on San Pedro cactus tea and once on a 1g dried up magic mushroom. I wish I knew the dosage for the cactus tea, but all I know is that we overdosed on it. The mushroom was strong too, and it was a nefarious trip.

But this LSD induced the cleanest trip of them all.

There was seven of us; three sober individuals along with four soon-to-be intoxicated souls. We climbed the steep, nearby mountain and discovered that the climb was much harder than we had previously anticipated. My heart was quickly tiring out. We had all stopped about 2 or 3 times before 2 sober brothers and I decided to chill out on a rock for a bit. The other 4 men continued their journey to the top. Us 3 were about 60% of the way up. This was also about 30 minutes after dropping the acid. I could begin to see the landscape swell about and breathe with life like a painting yearning to leap outside its canvas. My brothers B and J were bullshitting about the climb and how hot it was. I was starting to feel my anxiety climb up rapidly; my brother, B, let me know that this anxiety was normal and that I would approach the peak for a few more hours. He had previously tripped on acid, so I knew I could trust his advice. He let me know the anxiety would vanish as soon as the peak plateaued, and that made me feel better.

The 3 of us decided to get back down and walk around on the flat ground. We began our descent into safety, and my descent into tripping balls. We took our time getting down. I soon found it more fun and less scary while jumping down and gliding across the rocks. I could feel our pre-programmed instincts for survival kick in. I knew I would be safe so long as I took the necessary time to analyze and then choose the best possible path whenever I descended an appropriate amount of distance. My sober brothers B and J followed behind me, but I was much quicker on the path down. Rocks were loosed and fell as B and J slipped and climbed down. Many, “Are you ok?”s were exchanged on the way and then confirmed with thumbs up.

We touched ground and decided to drink lots of fluids. I had sugar-free Gatorade as well as cold water that was stowed in my retired college backpack. As we were re-hydrating, 1 of my brothers, B, started talking about a viral video of a woman, I believe a politician, saying something very dumb on live television. My thoughts were racing as I was anticipating the funny sentences this woman must have said. It felt like my brother B was taking his sweet time to get to the point, and this was driving me crazy with anticipation. I grabbed him by the shoulder and yelled, “Stop it! Ahhh!” and I laughed maniacally. My brothers also laughed but more so at my current condition. This also caused me to laugh even more but this time along with them. I decided to put my earbuds in and walk away from them a bit. I played Iman Omari’s “High-Loops &amp; Higher-Loops” which I *highly* recommend for any intoxicated situation you may find yourself in. The vibes were strong and I felt great. We 3 walked over to a concrete cylinder that I kept referring to as “the ring”, and my brothers found this reference comical. It was a source of shade and retreat from the scorching hot California sun. The air was dry as hell. We quickly got into comfortable positions. We chatted about the other 4 men on their ascent up the mountain. We could not see them anymore. I decided to call one of my brothers, E, to ensure they were still alive and that none had fallen down the mountain to their doom. My empathy was strong and climbing, for I wanted them to feel as great as I did and I would have been uncomfortably upset if any of them were hurt. They picked up and let us know they were at the top planning to come down soon. I asked them to do so ASAP and hung up. I giggled at our little interaction. Such a simple interaction like a phone call was very comical to me. I giggled with glee as my 2 sober brothers were enjoying the intoxicated company.

Eventually, I could see my 4 additional brothers descend down the mountain from which we had climbed. They were taking their time, and I was both happy and irritated since I was anticipating their touchdown to the Earth again. The visuals were very strong by this point. I remember laying my head back and resting my neck so I could bask in the feeling that was growing on me. My anxiety was melting away as the enjoyment of living in the moment took over. I closed my eyes as I turned and faced the bright sky. Patterns of yellow and orange light-orbs collided into themselves over and over again. My visuals were split directly down the middle. What I noticed on the left half of my view was directly mapped in the opposite manor on the right side. The two visual halves collided in the middle, disappearing and reappearing again on the outskirts of my visual field. Waves of astonishment crashed over me.

My brother, B, was offering J and me both jerky and granola. I took some and enjoyed the tastes and textures of both foods. The flavors weren’t enhanced, per se, but I enjoyed them nonetheless. I only needed a little bit of both, for I wasn’t hungry but merely curious about the tastes. I then turned to see my 4 brothers come back down the mountain; they responded to my far and silent waves with friendly waves of their own in return.

We 7 had finally re-convened. It was a great feeling to have them around me again. My brother, A, was playing a guitar constructed of 4 strings and a cigar box. The reverb traveled from the top to bottom and back to the top of the cylinder that we were inside of. The notes rang clearly and laughter ensued amongst us all. We were all very sweaty, and my brother A wanted to head inside the Airbnb we had rented out. I followed his pursuit, put my earbuds back in, and listened to the instrumental beats of Iman Omari while wholeheartedly feeling the vibes that permeated my headspace.

This part of the trip was great. This is a bit over an hour in. We went inside the house and began looking at objects. The analog clock on the wall warped in a cliche, psychedelic way that made me laugh. I kept pointing to it and letting A know how cliche it was. He agreed, and I went to the restroom. As I was urinating, I looked around and witnessed how every object breathed with life. As I washed my hands, I stared into the mirror and couldn’t believe how striking my features were. My dirty blond hair and eyebrows sizzled bright gold. I watched my entire jaw rapidly warp back and forth. I was also focussing on my facial hair and blemishes; I was honestly disgusted by how prominent the acid had made these things seem. I finished washing up and then decided to change from jeans and a long sleeve shirt into shorts and a blue tank top. The cloth of the tank was silky, and I can’t help but recall how difficult it was determining how to place it upon my torso.

Once I was dressed I noticed my brother A was shirtless in the living room and setting up his speakers to produce some music. I decided to stay hydrated so that I could try and prevent a hangover the next day. The dry heat had taken a toll on my body, and this I knew but did not feel. My smart watch was telling me multiple times that my heart rate was over 120 beats per minute, but internally my heart felt calm. The veins in my forearms were growing and moving under my skin. My hands seemed especially prominent, and around this time the rest of my brothers from outside had decided to catch up with A and me.

We were sitting on couches and traveling back and forth from inside the house to outside the house. I sat outside with my other brother Al, and we didn’t even exchange a single word. We didn’t need to. It felt as though language was not necessary, and body language was more than enough to send messages across. A hammock next to me kept flapping in the breeze and had slapped me a few times. I let it happen, and Al shared a smile. I stared out onto the mountain we had all climbed a little earlier that morning. My mind was at peace. I decided I wanted to be back inside with the rest of my brothers.

I went inside and sat on a chair next to my brother J. J seemed to be in a dejected mood, and he was sober. I remembered how my old therapist used to act for me to open up, so I asked him, “How are things with you, J?” J responded, “You mean right now or in general?” I smiled. “Both.” He immediately started talking about how he went to the club the previous weekend and caught up with some other friends of his, and how he was feeling alright in the moment. His body language opened up and I noticed this. I felt successful in getting him to open up a bit and feel social. I moved on to each one of my brothers individually. I could sense closed off body language from cliques that had formed amongst some of them. I respected such boundaries and would move on to the next clique. Laughter was my response to most things. I was feeling very primal at this point while peaking.

About 3 to 4 hours in, I noticed that I didn’t feel like talking anymore. I found that body language was more than enough for most social interactions. I could analyze and interpret every little detail of body language between everyone.

I found that body language was more than enough for most social interactions. I could analyze and interpret every little detail of body language between everyone.

 I noticed how twisting my body just a little more towards someone made me feel closer to them. And how inching forward or backward just a touch more would make me feel more like I belonged in certain temporary cliques between my brothers. We exchanged glances with one another and used our hands to further express wants. I realized that our hands are what built society and how things such as cranes and vehicles are just extensions of our physical will to get things done. I felt powerful knowing I had two biologically working hands. I felt more than capable of accomplishing anything I set my mind to.

I soon realized that when I was not actively doing anything I felt useless. I paced around the kitchen looking for activity. My brother Al had come back inside and asked me to get him a drink from the fridge. I realized how happy I was to be of use for another. There was a bond there that I could not ignore, and this bond was forged over a stretch of time that had already passed long before. I have known my brothers for over 6 years now; this is really a quarter of my life. Once again I felt useless after retrieving Al a drink. He was tripping as well, but he seemed confident and satisfied. I found myself sitting on a stair step thinking about how isolated I felt. Only then did I analyze my feelings and understand that it was really me who had isolated myself. The feelings I was having had flowed through me because I did this to myself. I decided that if I wanted to feel apart of the group then I had to physically place myself within the group. Being alone was a choice here, and they weren’t casting me aside simply because they didn’t have any tasks for me.

I felt like an ape. I felt all the deep-seated, underlying programming within us that allowed us to survive the ages along our evolution. Vocal language and ego were useless. I felt as though if I was not contributing to the social scene that I was a useless monkey; fit to be sad and alone on my own accord. I decided to engage with my brothers as much as I could until I realized I wanted to be alone and listen to some music. I went into my room and laid on my big bed with my Bose headphones in. I listened to live music by Kings of Leon and realized that live music was way better than studio music. The intentions and imperfections came through the speakers clear as day. I felt my social battery “recharge” as I spent more time in solitude. After about 15 to 20 minutes I felt lonely and like joining my brothers again.

By this time everyone was doing their own thing. Some were outside in the desert heat sitting and chatting. Two of my sober brothers were sleeping after having a couple Modelos. I felt lonely and returned to my room. I sulked as I listened to 21 Savage’s “A lot”. It made me think about my ex-girlfriend, N, who had chosen a different life path and had chosen to be with someone else. I felt sad realizing we do not talk anymore. I felt like it was such a shame how we, as social animals, sometimes choose to disconnect and destroy bridges that once carried so much mutual love. I still had her number and wanted to get in touch with her, but I decided to respect her life and let her be. I decided it was ok to feel these negative feelings. I used to bury my emotions in order to not have to deal with them and the resulting pain. Distracting myself and others from negative feelings used to be my MO, but after finishing five months of therapy I knew that if I chose to feel my feelings then they would eventually subside, and I would get over them. So I told myself it was ok to be sad; that sometimes it really is ok to not be ok.

It took about 10 minutes of feeling these feelings for me to be over the temporary sadness. Letting go is a process. It is not a one-and-done situation. No matter how bad we want some things to be, sometimes they just won’t be, and learning to be ok with this is something I had struggled with before, but tripping while thinking about the truths I learned from therapy drove them deeper into my brain. They felt more true than ever. Around this time a few of my brothers decided to see what I was up to and crashed on my bed. It was great because this got me engaged socially again. It was like an immediate switch flipping in my brain that took me from introspection and analysis to outward presence and integration. We laughed and bullshitted some, and then I suggested we play the board game Resistance. It is a great game where we just accuse each other of being a spy trying to thwart the mission of the allies to win 3 out of 5 rounds of individuals voting for either the allies to win or the spies to win the current round.

Heading out of my room I felt even freer from my past baggage than I ever had before. Feeling anew and realizing where I was, in both peaceful mental solitude and in a physical presence with my brothers inside an awesome Airbnb, I decided to be happy. I decided that I can do whatever I wanted. I can go down any path in life.

We played for perhaps an hour or so. My head was clearer than it had ever been before. I was noticing the body language of the players and trying to determine for myself who was the spy and who was on my team. I realized how easy it is to actually influence another’s decision-making process. It seemed like the louder guys were able to sway the quieter guys into choosing certain people to vote in certain rounds of the game. I pointed this out and was obviously accused of being a spy. It was all great fun and I thoroughly enjoyed my brother, E, deciding to eat popcorn for the entire duration of the game. I pointed this out and asked him to “please stop fucking eating!” which got a lot of laughs from the group. It was funny realizing we really are all just social apes carrying out tasks and laughing at the truth of things along the way.

Also while playing the game I started thinking about my sexuality. I am heterosexual, but as I was thinking about it I believe we really do fall on a spectrum. I do not believe heterosexual people can be 100% only attracted to the opposite sex, and I had my suspicions about this before taking acid, but the acid really made me think about this even more. Granted we may not go through with pursuing someone of the same sex, but I think we can all appreciate and hold a real interest in a handsome or gorgeous individual of the same sex. I was thinking about society and how sad it is that we cannot all just be absolutely free to admit such things without worrying about social societal repercussions.

We all agreed to start a barbecue after the game. Two of my sober brothers, B and J, who I hung out with on the rock in the beginning, are very close. The rest of us could tell that B and J wanted to take over the setting and cooking. The rest of us happily obliged. By this time the acid peak was over and we 4 who took it were gradually coming down. My brothers A and E decided to go back out to the cylinder outside and climb on top of it. I later followed them after sitting with Al for a bit, and we 3 began to bullshit back and forth about the revelations and realizations the acid bestowed upon us. I told them about how the acid made me feel so primal and engaged via these low-level evolutionary circuits that make us act as the animals who survived until this current point in our evolution.

My brother Al showed up about 10 to 15 minutes later with his DSLR camera, and he started taking pictures of us. We posed and laughed as he took candid shots. He offered us better pictures for our dating profiles which I really appreciated since his camera cost $3K and my camera is an iPhone X. We decided to head back as the sun set.

Liquor was brought out and placed on the table in the back, and everyone reconvened to talk and share general life experiences. We tried to include M in our conversation more since he seemed a bit more detached from the rest of the group for the better part of the day. He quickly opened up as we laughed at A taking the longest piss of his life. “Your balls will shrivel into raisins!” M yelled at A, and that was how I knew he felt included and I could stop concerning myself with the status of how inclusive he felt.

I lit a cigar and passed it around my boys. They appreciated the flavor and asked me questions about cigars, and I was happy to share my knowledge of the wacky-tobaccy with them. Around this time of night the barbecue was in full swing, and ribs and sausages were passed around the group. Everyone was socially lubricated and having a great time. I felt like getting a head high, so I lit a bowl with 50% CBD and 50% THC kief leftover from a previous smoke session the night before. As the weed and the acid mixed together along with the nicotine I felt my mind percolate with static

As the weed and the acid mixed together along with the nicotine I felt my mind percolate with static

, and the way I would describe the feeling is “frosty”. It was a perfect day and night considering all the events that had occurred. We ate and sat under the stars admiring the Big Dipper and the Milky Way galaxy. I recall seeing the stars glow and approach me. The feeling that blanketed over me was pure awe; I wish every living human being could witness what I had that late July night.

The shower I took before bed was the best and most refreshing shower I had ever taken in my life. This was 15 hours after dropping the acid, and I still had visuals. I was happy in my bed listening to A Perfect Circle and reading about others’ LSD experiences on my phone. I fell asleep around 12:30 A.M. and woke up about 7:30 A.M. the next day, and I felt very refreshed. We cleaned up our Airbnb and then went back to our lives.

I felt at peace in my mind that night, and I still do 2 days later as I finish writing about this amazing experience. I can see just how much ego plays in every day situations at work and home. I can choose to turn my ego down and honestly hear someone out. I can smile and be happy for others. I can do whatever I choose to do. I do not even think I will smoke weed or trip again. I feel as though I am at peace with my demons. Of course this feeling could be temporary, but I feel like I am good on ever being intoxicated again. I don’t even drink alcohol as it is. What I ultimately got out of this experience is that this life may be ridiculous and overwhelming at times, but the fact that we can postulate and derive our own meaning from what happens to us gives me a hope that it hard to explain, but a hope that is nonetheless very much real.

We are not our thoughts or feelings; we are who we choose to become.

Finally, below is a note I wrote while under the influence of LSD. This was about 4.5 hours into the experience:

Start of recording

—

My heart feels as though it is beating extremely slowly. I had some realizations; some I already knew, but others of course… not lol. I can feel my shoulders burn from the rustling of being in nature. Climbing down rocks. It was easy; natural. Things are flowing right now in a synchronous way. Everything is a culmination of the energy we bring light to.

The instrumental album by Iman Omari is permeating through the walls of our dormant, lethargic natural state. We climbed a lot. E__ has been in the sun the longest on his journey. Al__ is sitting out back just observing and generally being in a good mood.

I had a couple of goofy moments along the way. Felt isolated but realized it was me who caused it in the first place. Others are willing to let you in if they know they can be brought into yours. At least that’s how it must be coming from me.

I’m worried about my jaw. I may have absentmindedly clenched it one too many times. But it could just be from chewing the gum too. The picture of me in the group chat is hilarious. Eyes wide shut letting everything permeate beneath. Every time I reread a sentence the visuals come back into swing again. It somehow seems very ok even though it is so very alien. Being presented something in a way out of our control is really forbidding.

Ate a banana. At about 5 hours into this experience. Visuals are wearing off gradually. Feeling more like I did before. Jamming out to “Just a girl” because I could use the feminine voice at the moment. Feeling good: 80/100 on the mood scale.

This experience is making me think about all the ego involved in every little thing we do. It can be observed and seen how insecure we may be in approaching a situation. I feel as though it is all that takes place in my mind. Analyzing what’s going on socially. Seeing who likes talking to who. Seeing what gets someone to unfold their arms. Seeing what it takes to get someone to open up or offer a mini task.

It feels better to sit up straight with a back arch. Realizing it’s easy to get our operating systems fucked up by preconceived notions and imposing thoughts and feelings onto others.

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 113425

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 24

Published: Jul 2, 2020	Views: 730

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LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Nature / Outdoors (23), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   350 lb

Background: Never tried acid before, and have not been smoking marijuana or drinking alcohol in the weeks preceding the event. The weekend before I took MDMA, 440 mg on Friday, and 220 mg on Saturday. (Poor choice, and not recommended, even at larger body weights)

During the week I felt the depressant after effects of the drug due to the large dose, and it manifested itself in a way that I was doubting why I was pursuing the arts as I was and about what I want to do with my life. By Friday, I was feeling pretty close to normal, and since I had already had the LSD sitting in my fridge, I decided to go ahead and make it an event on Saturday.

The trip:

I thought the 125 ug dose would be too weak for someone of my size so I got the next one up. Little did I know…..

T + 0:00 I dropped the blotter at about 12:30 by dissolving it under my tongue for about 15 minutes, and when it had disintegrated swallowed it.

T + 0:30 About 30 minutes later I was starting to feel the come up, which was like a mild alcohol intoxication. I decided to buy a pack of cigarettes for the day, and I went through about half the pack in those 12 hours from not smoking for months (which I guess is not unexpected as I usually smoked a pack a day).

T + 1:00 I messaged my friend X because I wanted to see him and give him a hug for a good trip while he was at the music festival near my home. I went outside and was not noticing anything visual yet, but I definitely felt the effects of the drug in a euphoric, goofy, smiley kind of way. I remember that the rain started to really upset me so I went back in to my apartment after running into X, as well as some other friends and acquaintances.

T + 1:30ish My visuals are kicking in now. I am looking at my computer screen, browsing around YouTube, and the search results are the first thing I see that get a little strange. So, they are stationary, and there is no movement, My perception was that the preview images were moving really subtly and slowly. It seemed almost like the images were stuck in a slow motion loop, even though they were not really moving. The rest of the screen seemed normal.

It is also around this time that I noticed the blinds “breathing”, or a visual effect that a portion of them are moving while the majority is standing still. This is the first “real life” hallucination I saw other than just a digital one from looking at the computer screen. As I continued, I noticed that my room would light up with yellows and oranges, and I often had to either open or close the window because my body temperature was changing and I was not feeling comfortable.

Somewhere after this, I had to use the rest room – it was the weirdest sensation ever as I felt like the toilet was starting to morph away into nothingness, and I was just trying to do my business. That is the moment when things turned from just visual to physical and it was pretty weird. During this time, I was also seeing the carpet in front of me have some swirling effects,  and there were dramatic shifts between light and dark and the colors they were bringing into the room.

T + 1:45 – I think I was just laying around at this point enjoying things, while realizing how slowly time was moving. I sent a text to X and said “I really took this at 2 hours ago? This is terrifying and exhilarating.” In wanting to make sure I was safe while not making him feel like he had to keep track of me, I asked him to check in around 6, and he replied yes.

In the next few hours is when things got uncomfortably weird. While enjoying the visuals, I realized that time was moving too slowly. I was sitting on my bed trying to stay engrossed in videos, and would get up to walk to the bathroom to get a drink of water, come back and repeat the process. The problem is I was looking at the time, and it was become 3:10. 3:12. 3:13. I can’t put words onto the visuals I was seeing, but the slowdown of time felt wrong. I remembered that I put an alarm on my iPod for 3:30 before I started, with a message that would come up to say “You’re OK”. I don’t know why I latched onto that time, but as soon as I did, things went even slower. I was not moving in slow motion, my brain was just moving super fast. I kept pressing the button to light up my iPod while all these thoughts were running through my head and I realized this thing would never be fucking finished.

I took a video of myself during this time, and I was still pretty lucid. I watched through for a couple reasons – number one, I want to know what I was doing, and to try and get a deeper insight into my mind.

As I recall, I was looking out my window at the rain falling, and saw the building across from me as some kind of barricade. And I felt like super strong and powerful, and kind of got lost in that idea, which led to me trying to write This is all I wrote, with the quoted text being me trying to clarify my thoughts at the time…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A poetical attempt of capturing the fleeting moments of a thought

A barricade. Strong and powerful.

'I don’t wanna get too lost up in this experience of the memory that I remember that the memory isn’t a real memory---and not gonna try to explain this right now either'

What if this poem is my ticket to fame!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, I knew what I was seeing wasn’t really a barricade, I was just getting lost in the thought of it. Then I went to video…I seemed pretty normal, like I was drunk or high, but speaking normally, and I remember that things were still general positive at this point.

I did notice that I felt like I was playing a part like I do with friends - I am the goofy, funny guy who is always on, and I didn't want to lose control of that...Which is something I fought against for the entire trip. I was afraid that if I let go, then I couldn’t be in control, and bad shit would happen – and that one thought led to me catastrophizing and spinning me off into a bad trip that seemed to last forever.

T-4:00 So, it is like 4:30, and things are getting old. I feel like I am in this time loop where I keep walking to the bathroom to get a drink, and come back out to the bed (I guess that was happening after the videos because I seemed to be OK during those for the most part – I just didn’t want to keep trying to think things through and have pressure on myself) and I kept looking at my clock in between and wishing that time would go faster. I felt some kind of fear as I looked out my window and things were getting busy. Like a car would come in, and it had its lights on for some reason. And I started to get paranoid that they were looking up here.

I started seeing the delivery drivers walk out and to their cars, but it seemed like it was the same guy in a loop. And I kept looking down at my clock and not understanding why things were moving so slowly and that something was really wrong. I saw there were a couple guys by the elevator in the building next door, and I thought that I might need some real help, so I got dressed, and went downstairs for a cigarette to see how I was feeling. It was raining and there was no cover, so I just stood there in pants and a tshirt getting rained on while the 2 guys were smoking and talking. I have no idea what they were talking about, but I know that I felt like they were staring at me whenever I looked away from them.

The cigarette itself took forever to finish, and when I went back up only a couple minutes had passed. I was so fucked up and not realizing it, and I was out in public, but no one asked if I needed help, or talked to me while I was wandering.

Another car came by, and I had total déjà vu, which makes sense – I have read déjà vu is your mind having registered something already, but that it did not process it correctly, so you think you know what is going to happen.

During this the loop became worse, I would look down and see these two guys walking by, thinking that they were looking up at my room, and saw them walk by a ton, and in the grand scheme of things, really fucking slowly. Like, they were walking normally, and I would look away for what felt like enough time for them to leave, and I would look back and they were maybe a foot further than they were before. And again, I had the feeling of someone looking up at my window.

At one point the cleaning woman was out there, talking with someone in the truck that had lights on and engine running, I swear it felt like it was hours. At this point, my mind was really fucking up perception, and I had a hard time realizing what was real and what wasn’t. I kept having the time 6 PM etched in my head cause I knew that was when X was going to check in.

At some point I wrote to him and said, “Am I OK”, in a panic, and trying to have call him, And then realizing that I was (I wasn’t!). I wrote, I am OK at 5:22. And I got to the point where I was panicking, and trying to read online sites about what to do if you are having a bad trip, but it wasn’t making sense, I was going through what felt like walls of text in seconds, but I was understanding (at the moment) what I was reading.

Shit gets twisted here, and my mind was again going a thousand miles a minute. Eventually, things went quiet outside, The rain stopped, the fan from the building below me stopped and the rain stopped. Everything was calm and peaceful. It was during those 20 minutes that I struggled with, and eventually accepted, that I was somehow dead.

I had this 6 PM time in my mind, and it kept inching closer, and I just felt like everything I was thinking now is just a replay (like in a movie) and that I was going through the motions until I got to a place where 6 PM came and it would all stop and I would get pulled back into reality. And I was fighting back and forth between these thoughts of “If I am here, in my room, tripping balls, then I am fine” and “I must be blacked out somewhere on a street, and 6 PM is gonna come and I am gonna realize that something bad happened and I am actually in an ER somewhere being treated for an OD.” This also put me into a real panic to the point where I almost walked up to someone to ask for help and to call me an ambulance, but I had this thought in my head that if I got caught with drugs in my system, then my life would be over and it continued the panic cycle.

I had this thought in my head that if I got caught with drugs in my system, then my life would be over and it continued the panic cycle.

As I was sitting, It became 6, and everything was calming down. The trucks left, the rain was stopping. And I sat there, waiting for X, but I had catastrophized myself to this point so far, that I truly had thought “What if I am dead right now and this is just my soul. My soul is going to be here on this creation of earth and in order to move on I need to move up and better myself to get to the next place. What if I never existed, and all my experiences are just a part of this moment where I realize what life really is?” X messaged me a little later and said “You are fine”.

And I wrote back to him – “yes, the trip is finally dying down” and he was super calm and comforting, to the point where I assigned him at that moment my “spirit guide” through this world.

Words don’t really explain the experience – the bliss and happiness was amazing, the fears I had were paralyzing as I laid in bed trying to sort out these thoughts, and figure out how to move on with life now that I knew this, but I was still here on earth.

So I went out and wanted to live life as best I could. I went out for a walk, and stopped by the coffee shop cause I thought I saw a man I knew working there. At this point my thoughts are still like, everything happening now is a sign, and all the people know what is happening with me right now, but to keep the standards of this world then I just keep things the same as they always were. So, like I cant talk about the trip to anyone, cause they won’t get it, and they will think I am nuts. But it wasn’t actually him, it was just someone who had a similar hair style and beard as him from a distance. He was a total old hippy, and I tried my best to have a conversation with him – because I never stop and talk to people. I just live my life, and let others live theirs, and I never actually stop to really look at myself or others. That night I did.

That part is hard to explain – but I was truly believing that I had an experience that somehow opened me up to a fundamentally different world. At that point, I believed that the world, and everything in it, were created just for my soul as a way to move on to the next level of my soul's life. I still feared being ostracized from this world for doing something crazy, so I acted like things were normal, but I would still have thoughts that people were looking over at me and turning away as I looked up (which in reality they might have been since I obviously was still tripping).

So, I just walked around and took in the downtown, and saw that all the construction that was completed was a sign of my own growth that I experienced today. That the homeless man walking down the street just had obstacles in his life and that he was doing what he could to get through them and better himself. I wasn’t seeing visuals anymore, it was like the trip just died down at 6 PM, and I was just on the come down so I was still feeling kinda weird and panicked while going through what I thought was my “new world”. I will say, that I walked around proud that night, and although I am lucky I didn’t get stopped by the police women I walked by, or get hit by a car at the intersections around me, and proud that I realized that the meaning of my life is to improve myself each day, even if it is in baby steps.

T – 09:00 I am just trying to chill in my new reality, and I want to know if other people have experienced this stuff too so I was just popping around the internet watching some videos and reading about experiences. It is around this point that I really come down and the mental effects wear off, and I just start freaking out in bed about how loud I might have been earlier, who saw me fucked up, am I gonna get in trouble somehow, but none of that happened. I eventually was able to sleep at midnight for about 2 hours, then went back to bed at 2:30 till about 9 this morning.

So my trip turned bad, and I don’t know exactly how or why. Obviously, I used too much for a first dose, and not having a sitter who I trusted with me, I freaked the fuck out. There were some good ideas I got from it which I need to try and bring into my life, but some that are horrible that I don't want to feel again.

Exp Year: 2015	ExpID: 107136

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 30

Published: Jul 19, 2020	Views: 743

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LSD (2) : Alone (16), Bad Trips (6), First Times (2)