		 DOSE:

		 3 - 4 hits
		 oral
		 LSD

		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   135 lb

Deciding Not to Suicide

My experiences on acid all blend together in my mind.  I took it about six times during my Freshman year of college.  I took three or four tabs of acid in each experience that contributes to this report.  One tab of this acid was enough to have minor visual distortions like breathing ground and walls, but no other real hallucinations.  It was a time of much depression and self destruction in my life.   I took acid to try to obtain some life experience before I went, despite my extreme disconnectedness from other people, I took acid in hopes it would push me over the edge and make me suicide, or allow me to wrap my head around the concept of death more completely.  I believe acid could potentially be a very positive experience that contributes permanently to the taker's outlook and happiness, but due to the mental set I went into it in, my trips were obviously a bit darker.

Generally I would wander in the woods and fields while on my trip.  I would usually plan on not smoking weed so as to be more clear and focused trip, but wind up smoking just about as much as normal anyway.  During this time I was smoking about an eight a day, and really was quite addicted to weed as pathetic as it may sound.  As I walked and smoked there was a great sense of newness, new thoughts came to my head and  all the little details of the trees and leaves would appear clearly to me, and I would sense my presence moving through the environment.

I remember once I was walking, high on acid, and it was a redish dusk.  I became more and more frightened, I felt something was after me, I began to get the urge to run, to flee, to get away, but I had no where to go and nothing identifiable to run from.  I distinctly felt hunted, like some animal was stalking me and my survival instincts were kicking in for a coming fight.  Then I realized the force trying to kill me was myself – and it was true.  Since then I have been conscious of this extremely destructive part of my personality, for better or worse.

I remember once putting my hands to the earth to feel the ground while walking on a dirt road that goes through the forest in the black of a upstate New York night.  I was searching for some sort of spiritual sense of connectedness to the earth, but I was struck with a very clear feeling of “it's just the ground.” I saw myself as creature cursed with a desire to find meaning in things due to being a human, and realized how in the giant empty sky above, and in the layers of dirt and rock below, I was the only thing near by that “cared,” and how comforting the artificial concept of being loved by God is.

Other times I experienced what is like to lose attachment to everything, to mentally say good bye to yourself, to your surrounds, to “seeing” and the experiences provided by the various senses.  These experiences made me lose my fear of death, and made me feel like I could easily suicide if I wanted to, all I would have to do is reoccupy a similar state of mind of dissociation from my self and from senses (pain.)  Yet obviously I did not go through with it, I knew in a way it would be “wrong.”

I thought about questions of “right:” and “wrong” anew and non dogmatically.  It seemed silly to really make any sort of rules about right and wrong, what is wrong is clear and easily understood by intuition: basically it is causing pain to others, but as I said there is no rule.   Yet even so, I felt I would be justified in the amount of pain I would cause to others if I took my life as compared to the amount I would relive myself from; hardly anyone knows me anyway.  It just did not seem like my body was quite 100 % my own so as to entitle me to make the decision to destroy it.

Despite the generally bleak nature of my acid revelations, I gained an appreciation for life as a force.  All the above preamble is really an attempt to make this point clearer, as I find it difficult to put to words.  I felt sure that it is impossible to understand what exactly “life” is while alive, but there is clearly something driving my heart to keep beating that was not my brain or my body exactly, but some power that constantly flows into me from somewhere else.  I am a complex form of this life energy, but it is the same thing that reaches from the ground towards the sun in the form of trees.  And it tries so damn hard, this “life,” and that seems incomparably more important than my own will to live or die, which comes from a small part of my conscious brain.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 69922

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Oct 28, 2020	Views: 699

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LSD (2) : Alone (16), Depression (15), Retrospective / Summary (11), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:

		 one half hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 1 cig.
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   65 kg

This was my first time trying LSD, which my Girlfriend brought. We both planned the day by bringing food, a Tent, a Hammock, and everything we would need to a small hill just outside the city.

From there we even had a look all over the town - and as we built the tent, it was around 11:00 in the morning. We took half a paper of LSD, and then waited in the hammock. After approximately an hour, the LSD began to kick in. First slowly, then more noticeable. Everything was nice, colorful and trippy. We began giggling at small stuff and talked to each other in languages the other person was not speaking – and somehow still understanding each other. It was an amazing feeling, although I did not have significant Hallucinations with my eyes open. When I closed them, I could see a vivid picture of constantly changing forms and patterns.

At one point, we felt the need to be naked, so we spent a few hours running around without clothes and looking over Leipzig. My senses were all more present, I felt, and the wind on my skin was just a great feeling. The point that was also really interesting was the completely non-existing sexuality in this time. We both agreed that it was really freeing to feel a general connectedness even more than usual, but all that while being absolutely non-sexual. It was like a feeling on a whole new level.

The day passed like that and the feeling decreased gradually. At sunset, it was still noticeable but slowly going, so the sexuality also came back. Sex while coming down from LSD is really awesome. I also decided to roll a small blunt with some good weed I recently got from Amsterdam -  the mistake of the day.

I also decided to roll a small blunt with some good weed I recently got from Amsterdam -  the mistake of the day.

Everything was fine the whole day, but this small son of a bitch just ruined me. It is difficult to describe how I felt, but it was a mixture of paranoia and psychosis, I guess.I was clearly paranoid, since it got dark and we were alone on that hill. I grew anxious.And second, which was really fucked up, I was feeling changes to my usual way of thinking. If you picture the brain as a reservoir lake with a few small pipes allowing some water to pass (as a metaphor for your thoughts), that dam was just gone. The whole weight of my thought processes was open to me, I could see and track it all, I could switch memories on and off.

My thoughts were racing, and so did my heart. I felt the weight of existence, and felt that the whole state of being was so mystical and unexplainable that there are thousands of possibilities how we can just be characters in a computer game of some weird species far more advanced than we are, et cetera… It was unbearable. Just for fun, I could switch off that I knew my Girlfriend, and then I was sitting there with an unknown person. That was scary. Usually, nobody notices how your brain deals with information it gets in a situation. You evaluate, check with experiences already made, react in a way you most likely already did. It felt like I could track all of that, which gave me chills and a huge brainfuck. According to my Girlfriend, my eyes were also moving very fast in uncontrollable directions. Overall, the combination was a very unpleasant experience for me. I would not  combine LSD and THC in the way I did – the weeks afterwards, I was still thinking about what I experienced.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 109364

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 20

Published: Oct 30, 2020	Views: 619

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Combinations (3), First Times (2)


		 DOSE:

		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

LSD and Intensive Solo Meditation

Drop 11:50 AM

Overall summary of events: walked around the park, went to a cafe, went home and alternated between meditating and sitting on my back porch and listening to music and smoking. This substance was tested using a home test kit and confirmed to be a variant of LSD.

+1:00 The effects became rather noticeable, hard to communicate well, becoming more aware of thought patterns around others, more mindful of my movements and others around me - particularly at the cafe I noted others banter and how it affected me - in this case a group of bros who were being somewhat loud, this did not greatly disturb me, I had a sense of curiosity. I maintained my gaze at the tree line and focused particularly on one tree. When I had entered a meditative state - the trunk’s bark began to curl somewhat and have a soft furriness to it like moth’s wings. This continued only as long as I meditated. When I softened my gaze and was mindful, everything had a bit of a warble or “breathing ness” to it. My altered perceptions didn’t make it too difficult to be around others.

+1:15  I sat in a gazebo in the park and meditated, looking at the floor, shapes began to appear in the floor in circular patterns. I was calm and excited, I noted my desire to reach out and speak to others but did not feel safe doing so as I was in public.

A note on physical exertion: I was very tired of walking at this point, I had been walking for 1 and a half hours at this point, since the beginning of my trip. This may have been partially due to soreness from being at the gym but I got somewhat concerned about my ability to continue walking

+1:30 I was relieved to get home my legs were tired. Transitions are of note here - I noticed myself at the intersection of all experiences and directions. I had given myself no structure so at this point I was drawn in many directions. I played around with noticing my awareness, such as when I was taking notes, and when I was talking to someone on the phone, and how that engaged different parts of myself. I noted that when I softened my gaze on trees and did not look directly at the limbs I could see the limbs turning into hands and curling inwards

+1:57

Checked in with my friend D, spoke somewhat in Spanish.

Note: This time period is when I began to meditate formally, in varying positions with varying degrees of formality. Sometimes outside just gazing, sometimes sitting upright and eyes closed, sometimes laying down and breathing.

+Between 2-3:30 I wrote “what surface, upon what surface, when plan, can a marble, or etch of your manifest be writ on… which words, what form, will be sufficient? Which is more right? Which is, is, more? Only that there be… aqui.” [here]

Overall at this point the process of what I was doing began to self analyze into a thought loop, somewhat. I found that my perceived need to understand the experience or be able to interpret it in a way that was meaningful to other significant peoples created certain types of struggles which I grew to accept and go past.. However this necessitated a new way of seeing the experience, a new acceptance, more integration.

+At 3:20 I wrote “periods of transition as identifying and then beginning to mold in each.. However structure is wanted to… basically take any lines to mold reality on… anything is what you make it.”

+3:31 I continued to meditate formally … I think this is the point where I began to let go of analysis and of perceptions’ of others’ interpretations etc etc.. However this created a depth and boundlessness of meditate state without grounding which was horrifying and magnificent… I wrote

 “Meditation - horror and beauty, back and forth… processes… experience.. Images… self.. Flow… continuous.. Flow in one energy.”

[this meditation and its visions: this meditation was particularly intense… I noticed a general sense of repulsion about certain aspects of life, of humans, of being.. I was confronted with a wall of and bulging teeth and eyes and bile and filth and disgusting experiences of every sort… I noticed my reaction to them… accepted them… found myself wanting to accept them to move past them but when I did so I could not move past them… I had to truly accept the experiences, not just “accept them” in a superficial sense. I had to see those negative things in myself and accept them and befriend them and the like. I was able continue upwards upwards to a sensation of just me and a light at a mountaintop.. It was me and a peak and the sun was coming over the peak of the cliff… and I am the breathe by the light on the cliff… I sat with that

I then came to and did a chanting meditation… “hare krishna hare krishna krishna krishna hare hare hare rama hare rama rama rama hare hare” and I noticed myself stripping away aspects of myself… I was there in the room, then it was my breathe and my arms, then it was just my breathe and the words, then it was my sense of self as a person with the words, and then it was just the words with only the smallest sense of self attached, in that I knew I was the one saying the words but the words were simply being spoken] ….

[ as a side note about intensive meditations like this one… it is very hard to recall them with any meaning, as the most intense moments of connectedness with oneself and the universe are the ones in which there is no way to communicate that idea and no perceptions about the self and no experience rooted in language… for this reason my memory about these experiences is lacking and I struggled to create this synthesis of this meditation]

 this proved difficult to integrate and I found myself unsteady, as I knew that “everything” on a eternal plane is fine and peaceful, but how identify myself with that same peaceful “okay”-ness proved a challenge

+3:30-4:30 I worked with this for some time, and was able to find some comfort, but almost abandoned the venture completely. I found that my body was extremely worn by then, I have smoked many cigarettes and the substance has worn on my mind. I felt somewhat frazzled and overwhelmed by the sheer imagery and immensity of the stimuli and reactions I was having. Without a way to structure the experience or ground myself I was lost. I found myself recalling my therapist's’ guidance (who guides me through meditation), which was to focus on my grounding (feet, back, legs, physical sensations etc) as well as my feelings - not the thoughts or stories about my feelings, just the visceral sensation of the feeling. I was able to sit with my feelings and meditate on the discomfort I felt - I felt that I was messing up the process and wasn’t doing it right. I told myself “you’re doing it wrong” and it immediately released an immense amount of tension. I told myself things like “it’s okay that it’s not okay” (some things along these lines). Then I was able to sit with the feelings and the breathe as an anchor long enough to find peace but be able to connect it to my sense of self and my body. I was able to feel a calm peace radiating throughout me. I can still call it to being at the time of this writing - 8:05. This peace I was able to take with me from the meditation and connect with myself.

4:38 I wrote a song to myself in Spanish and attempted to write some lines and notes in order to better recall it. [lyrics translated basically are “I’m saying to you from I don’t know where, I’m talking to you for reasons I don’t know why, what does it matter, the important part is… today… hello”

5:03 I took notes on the experience… at this point I was tired… tired physically, mentally, and wanted to speak with someone to get out of being in my own head so much. I wrote

“Meditation with little to no structure: very powerful, enlightening, however immensely (expensive), defying of self and out of context, hard to integrate….”

…. Back and forth, berating the self for “not doing it properly, facing the self”

…… structured meditation with grounding and feelings much more concrete and peaceful bliss in centering and connected way… everything really is okay.

Feeling need to understand self or report to others in certain ways or authorities…

The substance began to tone down and wore off almost completely by hours 7-8. I went and ate some food and was generally relaxed and mindful of my surroundings although somewhat on edge and tired. The food felt sustaining and revitalizing. Generally after hour 5 I chose not to use it to delve into my consciousness any longer so there is no more useful or unique data and I will end the report here.

In conclusion I want to state that my overall tone about solo trips, combined with meditation, is to proceed with caution... it seems like it can get messy, fast… I do not think I was quite experienced enough with meditation to go as far as I did. Since this trip I have more or less learned to access similar states without psychedelics (with less intensity) however utilizing psychedelics makes it much much easier to go deeper, faster.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 108808

Gender: Not Specified

Age at time of experience: 23

Published: Oct 30, 2020	Views: 715

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LSD (2), Meditation (128) : Combinations (3), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 300 ug
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 8:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   70 kg

I was on acid, around 300ug, walked around the city for a bit, listened to music then went back home. I've done this perhaps 15-20 times in the past 6 years or so, sometimes at doses up to 800ug (a completely different experience to what I shall describe here). This was a fairly normal dose for me however, my vision wasn't obscured, I was capable of typing, speaking, understanding other people, etc.

I got home about 8 hours in, I felt like it was fading somewhat and was somewhat tired. So I smoked a single bowl of weed, it wasn't the strongest weed and I often smoke weed on acid, it intensifies the experience but what happened here was otherworldly. I started to get a little bit paranoid, hearing voices coming from outside my window, this has happened before when I was extremely sleep deprived and smoked a heap of strong weed

this has happened before when I was extremely sleep deprived and smoked a heap of strong weed

. I tried ignoring it but couldn't, even walked outside down the street to confirm that they weren't next door but following me, always out of reach. Having realized I was just hallucinating them I went back to my room to try and calm down. 30 minutes or so had passed since I had smoked.

I opened a word document, within one sentence I instantly felt chills run down my spine and something plug itself in. The screen glowed with an insane neon surge, changing colours, the words themselves jumping out at me. I knew that something was controlling me. I felt myself in the backseat, something was on the forefront of my mind, yet I was simultaneously aware of it (aware as in of its basic thought processes) and my own mind. It was speaking to me, yet something was inaccessible. The entire room changed, my guitars seemed to be living, the fender logo was swirling outwards as flowers across the walls.

The entity forced me to type, it loved the experience as it had never experienced it before. It was my subconscious, it referred to itself as the Id but when I said that may be wrong it simply told me to write, fully capitalized ''FUCK SIGMUND FREUD LOL'.

What was previously rather dull, became insane, the entire room pulsated and with each surge of emotion it intensified further. Visuals were directly linked to thoughts, the text seemed like wordart even when I typed certain phrases.

I stepped away to get a drink of water and I could feel tendrils following me, they tapped me on the shoulder even to force me to return. I felt some strange feeling in my spine again, as if they were directly controlling it once I touched the keyboard. In retrospect I felt it at the C7-C8 level of the spine - responsible for hand movement. It kept dropping revelations, some were impossible to type and it taunted me by dangling them just out of my mind, only for them to disappear once I tried to formulate them coherently.

I study science and have literal paranormal beliefs. That being said I am skeptical of practically everything and the human mind is by no means understood fully. I believe my subconsciousness was somehow brought to my awareness, that dormant part that controls you during life or death circumstances, that guides you away from bad habits, decides what you want to eat before you make a conscious decision, consolidates memory and builds decisions on various matters whilst you are otherwise occupied. I've felt that take over before, you aren't fully aware of it but your body reacts during danger, part sympathetic nervous system, part instinct, part something entirely different. It's what makes you dance automatically, makes you kiss properly without even thinking of it.

It was out however, and was somewhat mad at me for depriving it, and the rest of my body, of proper sustenance. It wiped out my mind at one point, the normal me seemed stupid in its awe of this experience, and I recall a maniacal sense of glee in calling it cringe (as my subconscious). It knew we were one and the same however.

Ultimately it made me promise to get a job, to gain weight as I was appallingly skinny (I felt my stomach/intestines relay a message saying that they weren't happy, and thus I wouldn't be), I felt every single part of me so normally neglected by my self destructive ego call out and demand change.

I felt every single part of me so normally neglected by my self destructive ego call out and demand change.

It's been a year since, I've gained 12 kilos, have decently defined muscles, have a job that I love, and haven't cut myself since. That last part wasn't even a conscious decision on my behalf, I simply have not had the urge. I feel like crying writing this, but truly it just made me realise how important it was for the conscious self and the body to be conjoined, in a proper functioning relationship. The mind cannot be happy otherwise.

I experienced possession a few more times, each time I was guided towards improving myself, though was fucked with often (they told me that CAPTCHA was part of an interdimensional psychedelic network on the internet). At one point they masqueraded as a collective consciousness formed by psychedelic users on the internet (perhaps it was that masquerading as my subconsciousness lol), similar to serial experiments lain.

The last time it happened, I smoked a heap of weed and got too high, whilst at first they wanted to fuck me with (read: I wanted to fuck with my ego), they then decided that it was for  the best if they guided me towards watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force whilst taking a backseat role - they could tell I was too anxious and that it wasn't the time or place ( I had work the next day).

Lesson one: you control your own reality. I had been hearing paranoid voices just prior to this, with a muted sensory experience, now I was euphoric and truly enjoying myself. I've since been able to control my trips a whole lot better.

Overall this experience has not just encouraged me to improve my life, but research the manner by which LSD exerts increased connectivity between certain regions of the brain, and way in which synesthesia is produced.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114881

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 20

Published: Nov 3, 2020	Views: 511

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LSD (2) : Alone (16), Depression (15), Entities / Beings (37), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:

		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   105 lb

This was probably my 4th or 5th experience with LSD (I’ve also done shrooms, DXM, and I smoke weed regularly), but it was by far the best. My boyfriend (we’ll call him Don), and my best friend (we’ll call him Max) were going up to Saratoga with me, to stay at Don’s house for the last weekend before college started. We decided that on the last day, me and Don would do LSD with Max as our sitter. This situation was responsible for it being the best experience ever, because we didn’t have to be worried that our parents were going to find out that we had skipped school to do drugs (or anything like that, which has happened before), because it’s impossible to think clearly on LSD.

We went to the main park in Saratoga to take the LSD. It came on the same way it usually did: I started feeling a little disoriented and dizzy in a nice sort of way, I lost all sensitivity to temperature,  all moving objects began to have bigger and bigger trails, my vision became imprinted with the image of chains and bubbling graffiti, and everything Max said became increasingly more funny. Don and I waded deep into a river that was running through the middle of the park. Neither of us could feel the icy-coldness of the water, which was nice because the push of the water against us felt amazing, and as I looked at the water, chains started to form over my vision, which made the ripples on the water start to churn and turn into animated graffiti-like images that were imprinted over my vision.

There were tons of people at the park that day, and there was a lady in pink walking her dogs near the stream. For some reason, the LSD made it easy for us to interact with her, but would have made it impossible for us to interact with people we knew, like Don’s parents.

After staying in the river for a very long time, we got into Don’s car and Max drove us around for hours, literally, using more than a tank of gas. It was AMAZING, thanks to both Max and the LSD. Max is incredibly funny, and we always joke about him having an LSD personality, because he’s crazy and hilarious and has a great personality. He pretended to be giving us tours of all the towns we were exploring through in the car, which made everything we saw become incredibly funny. We were laughing for hours and hours, and had to ask Max to stop being funny for 5 minutes so we could take a short break from laughing.

We stopped for a bit on the side of the road because there was an extremely pretty park with a lake. The LSD was reaching its peak at this point, and I had a lot of trouble walking and remembering where I was or what was going on, which wasn’t a problem because I knew Max was there and would make everything be okay. This let me just completely let go and enjoy myself, and I know Don did too, although I don’t think he was tripping as hard as I was.

Clouds are AMAZING on LSD. They immediately turn into a pattern of faces and objects that seem so real and 3D. Most of the objects are human bodies, faces, or skulls. A lot of the objects are actually very morbid, for example, I usually see mostly skulls and ghosts and bodies that look like they’re in a lot of pain, but that never bothered me.

I started getting these hand-twitches that I usually do on shrooms or LSD, where if I hear any music, my hands start moving around to the music on their own, as if they’re trying to play the music or the noises that I’m hearing. It feels very natural, and I just let go of my hands, and let them all fall to where they naturally want to be, which lets my fingers able to move around to the music. Sometimes this makes colored sparks and waves appear around my hands. These colored waves also go along with the music, and then eventually it begins to seem as if my hands are what is making the music.

When it got late, around 11pm or so, we went back to Don’s apartment. His parents weren’t there, which was good because we were still tripping pretty hard. I remember walking around the coffee table  - around and around and around, because walking in the circle I had made felt completely natural, and it felt as if something else was compelling me to keep walking. A few hours later, Don and I went into his room and Max stayed outside on the sofa, because he knew we wanted to have sex on LSD. Sex on LSD is amazing. It combines the euphoria of LSD with the euphoria of having sex, to make pretty much the best experience ever. However, for some reason, it’s not addicting, which is really good, because I can enjoy it once in a while without craving it.

After we had sex, Don started to cry because it was our last weekend together before college, and since we were going to different colleges, we didn’t know when we would see each other next. LSD has been really good for our relationship because it makes him able to show his emotions more and say exactly how he feels. It helps me too, because I’m usually very resistant to showing those sorts of emotions. LSD has only made us closer and I’m almost positive that we have a better relationship because of it. LSD allows us to connect on a level beyond the physical level, and helps us understand each other more, and lets us just have a really great time together.

We only do LSD once in a while though, because it is very exhausting, and at the end of the trip, it’s always very comforting to know that it will eventually end, and the world will be back to normal.

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 73958

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Nov 4, 2020	Views: 537

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LSD (2) : Relationships (44), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (gel tab)

		   T+ 1:30
		 100 mg
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (powder / crystals)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   280 lb

I started taking psychedelics' in the spring of 2019. My friend, let's call him Gary, took my first tab of acid with me. Gary had done it a few times before and wanted to share the experience with me. We tripped at my house and walked around my neighborhood at 3AM.

It was an absolutely fantastic experience and from that point I was hooked. Every two weeks me and Gary would meet up with the plug and get our hits. I never went above 2 tabs or 200ug while Gary would always 3-4 tabs every time we tripped. At one point we candyflipped together and it was honestly the best night of my life. I felt completely connected to the universe and the universe was nothing but vast and infinite love. Me and Gary ended up cuddling in my bed. We had never shared any romantic feelings in our friendship and this was completely not sexual. After that point all I could think about was candyflipping again

all I could think about was candyflipping again

. Gary and I still tripped every 2 weeks but we could never find any MDMA.

Fast forward to April of this year (2020) and we were preparing for Bicycle Day. Our plug had gotten in gel tabs when all he had before was paper. He told me that these would come on faster and hit a little harder then the regular dose and I was so excited. He then told me that he finally got some MDMA in and my excitement was through the roof. I bought two tabs and a point of molly for myself and couldn't wait. Then Gary tells me that he can't come with me on Bicycle Day since he had to work and I decided 'Fuck it' and dropped on the night of April 13th. I took the two tabs and planned to wait 90 minutes before taking the point of MDMA. I texted my plug and told him I was dropping tonight and then he told me that they were dosed at 150 not the 100 he told me. I thought it would be fine, I've never had a challenging experience before while tripping so I buckled myself in for the ride.

These tabs hit me like a fucking train. It must have been 15 minutes after ingestion and I was already in Lucy's arms. My walls were vibrating and moving with an intensity I had never seen before. I start to panic and text Gary that this might be more intense than I expected and didn't know if I should take the MDMA, but he never texted me back. At the 90 minute mark I was already tripping harder than any other trip I've had. I called Gary and asked him if I should "Full send" or not. I called him on snapchat so I assumed he read the messages when he picked up but after he told me that he didn't read them until later. He responds with the "Fuck yeah full send it." Now I would trust Gary with my life, he has been one of my best friends since we met in middle school so with his answer I take the point of MDMA. I convinced myself that the MDMA would calm me down when it kicked in. I would feel the love of the universe once more and all would be okay. But I couldn't have been more wrong.

From this point until I started coming down my memory is super hazy. I remember my room being so small it could fit on the end of a needle and then it would instantly be miles wide. The closed eye visuals were even more intense than the ones in my room. Everywhere I looked I saw psychedelic patterns. My anxiety overwhelmed me and I couldn't hold myself together. I called Gary once more, bawling my eyes out. I was so scared of the place that I was in and I could do nothing to escape it. I couldn't even close my eyes and take a break, it was my entire existence. I don't think I fully ego-death but I was teetering on the edge of insanity. Gary assures me that I'll be okay, that it's just a drug and I will be back to normal soon. My mind was racing and I had such a hard time completing my thoughts on the phone. By the time my mouth could form the words my brain was already 10 steps ahead with no signs of slowing down. I remember violently crying and telling Gary to never let me go back to this place. Like I said my memory is very hazy but I remember that one moment exactly. The moment where I promised myself I would never return to the place I was in has been seared into my memory. it feels like an eternity that I was on the phone with Gary. Gary falls asleep on the phone and I just sat there and listen to him snore. Knowing that he was there on the other end of the phone, even asleep, was extremely comforting. I eventually mustered up the courage to leave my bed and go into my computer room. My buddy was playing on our minecraft server so I hopped on discord and talked with him a bit and then I went back to bed.

I was finally coming down but this is the strangest experience I have ever had on a psychedelic. It was like I was split into two versions of myself, one was laying on my bed and the other was floating above on the ceiling watching me, except I was both of them at the same time. I was in this state for about 20 minutes. So for the sake of making this easy for me we will just call the floating me Nat#1 and the one on the bed Nat#2. Nat#1 could see there was clearly something different about Nat#2 and Nat#2 didn’t really care about Nat#1. It finally clicked in that Nat#1 was looking at a woman. At the same millisecond the two mes’ were slammed together and for the first time in my life I accepted myself as a transgender woman. I’ve struggled with my gender ever since I was a little kid and I had known that I had felt dysphoria over my gender for as long as I could remember. I originally just said that I was non-binary and kinda shoved all of those feelings under the rug. Deep down a part of me always knew but I just wasn’t ready to really come to terms with it. Then lady Lucy absolutely destroyed me and then taught me things about myself that I don’t know how I could have dealt with if I didn’t have her.

After that experience I sobbed for an hour. I thought my original candyflip was the most beautiful thing I had ever experienced, but that moment of self realisation easily tops it. For so long I had been struggling with myself and who I was but I came out of that trip with all of those problems gone.

For so long I had been struggling with myself and who I was but I came out of that trip with all of those problems gone.

 Since then I’ve made good on my promise to myself not to go back there. Gary and I got together and did a low dose of psilocybin but it made me feel similar to the bad parts of that night so I didn’t have a good time.

In total I am so thankful for the experience I had but also never want to go back there. Maybe one day I can return to Lucy, I sure as hell miss her. But for now I think it's best that we stay apart.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114906

Gender: Not Specified

Age at time of experience: 19

Published: Nov 6, 2020	Views: 949

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LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Combinations (3), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:00
		 3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   62 kg

I want to tell you the story of how I died. This happened recently and I mainly write it down for myself to remember and integrate, but I figure I could as well make it as good a read as I can for your pleasure and inspiration.

I’m not going to bore you with a lot of background, suffice to say I’m quite experienced with psychedelics: mainly LSD but also some shroom trips (mostly when I was younger), several DMT breakthroughs, 2C-B, DOM and Mescaline. Overall easily over a hundred trips, accumulated over more than a decade and a half. This experience was with LSD. I had taken dosages well beyond 1mg before, but this 500µg trip was by far my most intense LSD trip. Let me try to piece together what happened.

It was about the last occasion for me to trip for a while as I was going to start a new job shortly after. I had a decent stash of some very good acid from a trusted source. I had tested it before and was surprised by the punch this batch packed. It was standard 100µg blotters but this batch seemed to have a magic to it that surpassed my extensive experience with this substance. I was tripping alone, like I do most of the time, especially when I’m seeking answers. And boy, answers I got!

I dropped 200µg around 9pm and the other 300µg around 11pm. I like to split my my dose when I’m going higher than 200µg. It requires more acid in total but makes for a smoother transition between the dimensions. I was already tripping reasonably hard when I munched the other three blotters, and I felt the second dose come quickly and forcefully. It must have been around midnight when I temporarily left this side of reality and transitioned to an immersive, visionary realm deep inside. I can only speculate what happened in the physical reality during the next 3 hours, but more on that later.

On the other side I was rapidly following along a path that I’ve trodden on before. But this was the first time I actually got to the end of it and remembered it afterwards. I’m pretty sure it’s the same path and destination DMT took me few times, but  DMT goes so fast that it’s difficult to transport anything meaningful over to this side. With this acid trip it’s still not easy but I could take with me a lot more than I could from my DMT breakthroughs.

The path was not visual or spacial or temporal, it was total immersion across all my senses and then some more. I felt and smelt and heard and saw and tasted and sensed it in ways I had never before, a reality that had no dimensions, no time, but a clear direction. The direction was forward, and it was an irresistible imperative. I only hesitated briefly when I was about to die. But I quickly realised that resistance is futile, no one can escape death. And I was damn curious as to what was on the other side. I briefly thought about my poor mother, and how she would blame herself for my death. But I instinctively knew that I was moving into the right direction, that my journey and its destination were inevitable, and that my mother would realise that she send me on the right path.

So I died.

On the other side of my existence I was cast into utter nothingness. For precisely one eternity. And from the nothingness emerged a spiralling maelstrom of causality. Space and time had no meaning here, cause and effect were the only reference. I saw how petty our struggles are, when viewed in the context of the whole. I saw that every end is a new beginning, and that every beginning is necessarily followed by an end. And that this is the only absolute certainty there is. Everything else is just fluctuations, cosmic ripples if you will. Everything that’s not directly connected to our own, very limited causality is inherently uncertain, and that’s fine. We should try to make the best of our limited time, but we shouldn’t take our success or failure too seriously. In the big picture it’s just a tiny point, and the big picture is beautiful. With or without us. There is no good or bad in absolute terms. The universe is inherently neutral, out of nothingness into nothingness, a beginning to an end to a new beginning.

I emerged from this cataclysm around 3am finding myself on the bedroom floor (I had been lying on my bed when I embarked on this journey). I had some fresh bruises all over my body and a benign bump and a little scratch on my forehead. A chair was fallen over, my blanket was on the other side of the room, and my fairly robust plastic waste bin was shattered. The kitchen floor was covered in water and a carafe I use for tap water was lying on the floor. I have no clue what had happened in the physical world during my journey, but it must have been somewhat violent. Maybe unsurprising considering I had just died.

So what’s the message here? You decide!

I know that this was what people call “ego death”, I never put much relevance to that concept and still don’t. This felt not like my Ego was dying, in the sense that my Ego is one part of me, but like literally all my existence coming to an end. And I’m convinced that’s what actually happened, at least for the short time of one eternity.

I feel changed after this experience. Like a part of me that had always been a little fearful about the future and my own impact on this world had been left behind. But not the part that wants to make as positive an impact as possible, only the part that was afraid of the prospect of failure or success.

I do not recommend to try this at home. It was truly cataclysmic and quite scary at times. It was certainly what I had been looking for all the time with my experimentation with psychedelics, but it was not at all what I expected. Psychedelics are powerful and on my journey I also realised that this type of experience will lead to madness if one can’t let go. It took me over a hundred trips of preparation to be able to do that, but even then not without hesitation. If you want to seek this type of experience, make sure you are well prepared. Especially well prepared to encounter something you are not prepared for.

Namaste!

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 110302

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 32

Published: Nov 10, 2020	Views: 930

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LSD (2) : General (1), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1.5 hits
		 sublingual
		 LSD

		   T+ 1:30
		 40 - 50 mg
		 oral
		 4-AcO-DMT
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 1:30
		 100 mg
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (extract)

		   T+ 1:35
		 15 - 25 mg
		 oral
		 4-AcO-DMT
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 1:35
		 0.25 g
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   155 lb

Author is an experienced user of psychedelics and daily cannabis consumer.

Wake up very early in the morning (4am) to maximize my time to search for mushrooms on a cold but still fall day. Search as the sun rises but find few. Trim a recently harvested cannabis plant and wait for my friend to be ready to join me to search for mushrooms again. We find many. As we were picking it struck me it would be a good idea to trip later this day after getting home. Not wanting to use the mushrooms I just picked, I opted for LSD. I didn’t mention to my friend the plan of tripping later in the day.

Upon returning home I eat a small meal and do some minor chores in the house. An hour or so after eating the meal I take 1.5 hits of LSD (115ug per hit according to darkweb source) letting it sit sublingually about 10 min before swallowing. I relax during the come up first by masturbating (sexual behaviour works well with LSD for me) and then trimming a plant and watching a documentary on youtube where a man was living with a tribe of people in Tanzania. As the acid develops I find things the host is doing to be more and more stupid then eventually laugh each time he faces the camera.

I don’t just want to do regular things in my house, I want to get very high and explore whatever space my mind is in. At some point before the LSD I had decided I would take acid and do stuff for a bit, then take 4-AcO-DMT and do a big dab as the acid started to approach the initial peak. After the show ended I took out my AcO-DMT stash (sourced online in an rc store) and poured out what I figured was enough for a solid trip on its own. I didn’t use a scale, I was aiming for 40-50mg. I’m experienced eyeballing doses of this stuff at this point (although I checked the pile of drugs and my remaining bag several times to make sure the acid didn’t get in the way of my judgement). Mix the pile with some juice and knock it back. This is about 1.5 hours since the LSD.

Go do a dab. Sit on the floor and stretch my limbs and close my eyes and focus on developing the trip. I’m starting to see some wispy closed eye visuals and gain a growing body load (feels like after you finish spinning around a lot in place). Have the feeling I might not quite have enough in me to get where I need to go so I ingest another dose of AcO-DMT in the 15-25mg range then vaporize some weed (do a bag). Again I sit and close my eyes and develop the trip. I decide I should go outside with my dog.

I put on my shoes and coat and put my dog’s collar on him, then I glance back at the steps and I’m struck with a strong feeling. I say to myself “but man what are you doing?” and I mean with my life. This year I had lost a well paying professional job because I lost the will do do it anymore. I have had no idea what to do next but know I couldn’t dedicate so much of my time to something I cared so little about. My life recently up to this point had consisted of social assistance, bouts of hopelessness, feeling as though I fucked up everything, and believing that I have no ambitions. As the words I said to myself started to sink in I began to cry and feel like I had to change something.

Walk through the neighbourhood with my dog and search for mushrooms on our way. I feel as though I have a great ability to see them in this state after spending most of my sober hours earlier in the day picking them. There are no visual distortions when I view the grass and everything else in the world is tuned out. I feel like I’m in a hyper aware athletic state and travel very quickly. I can’t know if this helped though because I did not find any.

We get to a park about a half hour after the AcO-DMT and I begin to notice that I am high as fuck and getting higher. I begin to play with my dog running all over the park (it’s just a big field on a hill) and having no trouble keeping up with him. He is really big and can run fast. I reflect on how it’s usually pretty hard to catch him. I was not noticing visuals although it is likely they would present themselves when I tried to focus on something in particular with my eyes. My body load had developed into a pleasant lightness.

I notice the less I conduct internal dialogue the easier it is to run around and not get tired. I have to maintain this state of no extraneous thought to be able to compete with my dog properly. It felt like a stream of consciousness performance state except with the added layer of my mind analyzing how to maintain it. The only other people in the park were two kids playing with each other. It was very nice to be able to pay attention to the kids as I played dog games. I liked watching them craft fun out of nothing and enjoyed how their focus seemed to shift quickly from one thing to another but always be so genuine and total. All of this put me in quite a state of bliss.

As the dog game slowed down I started to have more internal dialogue. My thoughts developed to thinking about how much fun I was having. Then I thought about weed and how I like it a lot. I thought about how it costs a decent amount of money and will likely just wind up costing more over time and after my country legalizes it. Then I realized that I just want to grow weed to make a living. I already do it for fun. I believe that my deep passion for the plant will lead me to a happier more fulfilling life.

When I tried to raise the energy levels playing with my dog again it started to cause my left arm pain for some reason. I wasn’t using it to throw things at any point (right handed) but the more I run the more it feels like I am damaging it. I stop trying to play.

I realize just how trippy my experience has been so far. With a truly psychedelic feeling of having thoughts then realizing afterword why I had them, and running until my arm hurts. Laughing at how overwhelming it all is but I am still able to follow myself. I feel very sure and happy. I cry and ecstatically say “yes” to myself, I feel thankful and happy about having achieved this psychedelic state.

There are no visuals, just what feels like a hyper clear reality. I feel as though I can manifest visuals if I let my mind wander but it feels as though they are distractions from focusing on introspection.

Leave the park to drop my dog home before visiting a friend. The walk back from the park was at first pleasant but built to chaotic once I lost track of my thoughts and stopped being able to remember the root of trains of thought I would go on. This felt like it could degenerate into thought loops trying to figure out pointless roots of psychedelic inference. Instead I laughed and thought about how it doesn’t matter why I’m thinking any of this, it’s just stuff my mind is filling itself with while I’m between tasks. I at one point sort of panic thinking I will go mad when I get home sitting in my house with nothing to do, but then I remembered I was on the way home to get some stuff before I saw my friend.

I was wondering how to remember this ability to deal with challenging thoughts, it always seems easier to be happy when on psychedelics. When I got home I felt the need to channel some of this feeling into some words so I could remember it the next day. I wrote:

						  wait

						eat.meditate.think

						 tomorrow depends on today

[Meditate and think are synonyms more or less, and wait also means the same thing in this context. Kinda redundant, but they felt important. Wait also means don’t panic. Eat is a reminder to eat healthy food because you’re made of food. ‘Tomorrow depends on today’ is more or less the same thing as eat. If I look after myself today it will help tomorrow even if it doesn’t feel like it will. I kind of like this little message now. I wouldn’t present it with description if it was a piece of art but I’m trying to tell you what a high person was trying to leave for their sober self.]

Was pleased after I wrote this, it felt strenuous to write although it happened quickly. Decided to follow it before I saw my friend. Was hungry so I got some food, also did a bag. My sore arm had come back with me from the park and was developing into a strange tightness in my hand like the muscles and tendons were out of whack and some parts were pulling harder than they should. It felt like my joints would pop and crack if I did too much with this hand (especially in the palm). This became difficult when trying to open a zip locked bag of grains. I tried to open it without my bad hand for a while but was too rushed and used it anyway. I felt like I had injured my hand more after the bag was open and vowed to find alternative ways to interact with the world until my arm felt better.

My racing mind made it difficult to be in my house quiet and alone. I knew the distraction of people to talk to would help me come down and also hopefully stop my strange pain. It was now 5 hours since I took the acid. Gathering my stuff was taxing, I decided to sing songs about what I was doing to help me focus on something feel chill. I made my way to my friend’s house and on the way I felt as though I lost my ability to judge good/bad in the usual way. Sort of like I knew it was probably a good idea to not get hit by cars but things in reality felt so intangible I didn’t feel any real danger from vehicles that passed me. Similarly when I got to my friend’s place I was having difficulty gauging his reaction to things I was saying, whether it was acceptable or offensive or funny or what have you. This was to be a quick visit to pick up hash and weed because I had other meetings as well. I felt bad about this for some reason and didn’t know how to respectfully visit and didn’t want to disclose this information.

Conversation was difficult, I couldn’t really tell what my friend was talking about most of the time but I seemed to say things that allowed it to cary on. I was looking him in the eyes and rather close to him to show I was engaged in our chat but the whole time I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing. He was very baked though and struggled to find all his products and bags to put them in. While I was sitting on his couch watching him move around his home my visual perception was very strange. It felt like I could see everything in the room in front of me, even some of the things behind me, but I could focus on certain areas and then it was almost like I flew over there and had a closer look although I didn’t leave the couch and also had no physical sensations of moving.

I watched my friend find a bag, then lay the bag down and then immediately go look for a bag again. I found this quite funny but did not help him. He then asked what he was looking for. I said “a bag I think” he agrees and goes looking again. His roommate tries to tell him where there are bags, I knew this would further confuse my friend so I mention: “you got a bag a minute ago man look there”. He then goes back to the bag he found before and we all have a great laugh. It felt strange to watch this situation unfold but part of me had a sense that delivering the information slowly would keep me from looking impatient and also not accidentally hurt my friends feelings because I was not able to control my tone very well at the time (at least I thought). We talked more, and I felt as though my friend was trying to find his place in life as well (projecting my own feelings onto him though I think) and I hoped that the trip he is soon taking for several months would help him on that quest. Then I got my weed and went on my way.

As I travel toward the bar where some of my other friends are hanging out I feel as though the distractions of having to talk to them will help me regain my judgement and have me feeling more normal. I also tell myself that drugs wear off you just need to wait and that I haven’t lost it forever. I have a minor panic and don’t really believe myself, I think that I’ll be stuck awake all night wishing I could sleep. But I also have a belief that seeing my friend who was in jail the last few months will return some balance to myself and have me feeling better from then on. I had a strong trip earlier in the year where I felt like I knew the reason he went to jail (not the offence but the societal cause) but I came out of it with no tangible thought of what that was, or really what that meant, but somehow felt it was important. Now I connected it to my wanting to produce cannabis for a career, since he was in jail for cannabis production but now free and still planning to continue when it is reasonable to do so. He went to jail because he is meant to produce cannabis, he’ll keep doing it because he loves it. Our country is going to legalize, everything is going to be fine. I’m meant to produce cannabis as well, everything is going to be fine.

I get to the bar and see my friends. The bar is having a trivia night and I have difficulty understanding what the questions are even asking. My friend consults with me on some of the questions and I give answers. I feel like I am very wrong and have no idea where the answers really came from, retracing logic in my head feels impossible. We kind of give up on it all eventually and just have a chat anyway. I was having a lot of fun drinking a glass of water and eating a slice of lemon. I got to see my friend out of jail and another friend was working at the bar, this made it feel very right and I felt a great sense of belonging and calmness. When trivia answers came in I actually got all the questions correct that I bothered to answer. This made me feel like I was probably doing a good job so far in all my struggled interactions with people.

My friend and I left the bar and walked around talking about his time in jail. I contemplated telling him I was tripping but decided not to. I didn’t tell anyone I was tripping the entire time. After he had to go home I went back to my house. On the way I realized I felt quite a lot better than I did before I went to the bar. I’m happy knowing that I knew earlier that distractions and time would make me feel normal again.

At home I spread out my mushrooms from earlier in the day properly to dry and did some bags. Another friend came over to visit me, we just had some good conversations and smoked a few joints. It was 8.5 hours now since the LSD, 7 since the AcO-DMT, I felt quite good and no longer had any difficulties in conversation or any pain in my arm. After my friend left I was quite tired, it felt like I had been through an ordeal, and I was very ready to go to sleep 11 hours after my initial dose. LSD usually is quite stimulating for me and keeps me awake long after I dose, while AcO-DMT and mushrooms allow for sleep (or a sleep-like state) even while still tripping. Whatever the case, the combination of the two allowed sleep to come easily. I laid in bed wishing my partner was there to cuddle then within a few minutes of laying down they texted me asking if I wanted to sleep together. I felt very happy about this and made arrangements to do so. I was hungry so I said I’d go to their house whenever they were done drinking so I could get food on the way. I fell asleep and they got quite drunk and forgot I was to go to them. This worked out ok because they showed up while I was asleep and woke me up and said nice things to me.

The next morning I awoke to find them not in my bed. I thought somehow I must have imagined them visiting but it felt too real. After I got out of bed I found them in another room. They were drunk and passed out while smoking some weed after they got home, all good. I feel very refreshed and happy this day.

It’s been over two weeks since the event. I have felt very good ever since. Getting goals accomplished and spending my time doing things I enjoy. New grow lights are on the way, I am going to learn the art of cannabis production and find a way of life that I enjoy. I also gained closure on a heavy trip earlier in the year that left me feeling a little strange the past months. A very healing trip. I don’t feel lost anymore.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 111203

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 28

Published: Nov 13, 2020	Views: 664

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4-AcO-DMT (387), LSD (2) : Various (28), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   125 lb

The bulk of my experience with psychedelics has been with mushrooms. I am, however, a regular user of cannabis (on and off) and I’ve had a few encounters with salvia as well as one experience with what I was told was 2C-E.

I was dying to try LSD but had been deeply skeptical for purity reasons. I had always relied on mushrooms so I could be sure of what I was taking.

A friend studying chemistry at a local university had obtained some pure acid from a friend he knew who had personally synthesized it. I made sure he put a couple tabs aside for me. He gave me two and I let them sit in a drawer for nearly 6 months, waiting until I felt I was “ready.”

I had been feeling well and the reading I had been doing had me stoked on tripping again, so when a few other friends got some mushrooms and told me they wanted to trip I figured that now would be a good time to take my acid.

We decided on A’s apartment as a setting. They ate their shrooms and I dropped my acid (single tab) around 11pm. I would have liked to taken it earlier in the night, but that’s how it played out and I didn’t have anything to do the next day, so I wasn’t bothered by the late start.

We chilled in the living room talking and listening to music waiting for the drugs to kick it. The other guys started tripping 30 or 40 minutes later. I was still waiting for the acid to kick in.

A little more than an hour had passed, and I still wasn’t tripping, although my body was getting shivers and my head felt slighter bigger and lighter. This could have been the acid or my nerves. I began to wonder if it would really work.

About an hour and 30 minutes after dosing I realized I was finally starting to trip. My friends on shrooms were playing NHL and I started becoming very distracted by various light traces. The game graphics were beautifully detailed. Almost too much so. “How are you guys not distracted by the reflection on the ice from the stadium lights.” Laughter ensues. “I think I’m starting to trip.”

I closed my eyes to check in on myself now that I could feel the drug kicking in. “This is acid.” I quickly felt a strong peace overcome me as I realized it was working and I could cut my attention from the room and direct it at my body and the visuals. Holy crap, the CEVs. These were not slimy or dark or creepy or crawly or solemn and religious like I was used to with mushrooms. There were shapes playing beneath my eyelids, but they didn’t seem to be focused on or reacting to my attention, which also seemed to be a characteristic of CEVs on mushrooms. They were bright and swirly, with definite shape and dimensionality. This was hugely impressive to me. I applauded them.

I opened my eyes again after having relaxed into a new but not entirely unfamiliar psychedelic state. I spent some time enjoying the colors and waviness of the room. Every flat surface seemed to be embossed with floral and lattice patterns where there were none 20 minutes ago. Wood grains assumed they’re playful fluidity in the same way they do with mushrooms.

The next thing my attention latched onto was the other voices in the room. A circle of people at the other end of the room (us three on psychedelics hadn’t yet left the couch) were playing Kings Cup (a drinking game). Every so often the group would erupt into bouts of yelling and laughter. This irritated me at first. “How obnoxious. I hate drunk people.” I found myself anticipating the silences between the voices and room noises. Silence suddenly felt like a hidden treasure; Something that had infinite possibility and room for thought and imagination in a state like this. When another tide of screaming came, however, I caught a wave of their intense joy. How much they were enjoying themselves. How deep those emotions for that moment. In the name of Dionysus I forgave their drunken fun and laughed at my impatience. It was, however, time to seclude myself. I wasn’t about to join the drinking game and I was sick of watching NHL, and there wasn’t a chance in hell they were getting off the couch. I put on my boots and my jacket and went outside for a walk.

Best decision ever. Free from the pressure of being around others and immersed in the outside world, I was approaching ecstasy. It was a freezing cold night but I couldn’t be bothered by that. The trees seemed to be greeting me, dancing with the wind and my waviness. Without leaves they look like wiggly bundles of nerves, intensely alive and sensitive. The stars were hard to look at. I could get lost in cosmic thoughts. The rays of light from each star shot out, connecting with each and every other star, and then to my eyes, forming grids and patterns. I’m sure it means something to someone who can read these patterns. I’ve noticed this before on mushrooms. As the moon caught my attention, hanging low and yellow in the sky, it startled me. “Holy shit. That thing.” A fit of laughter ensues. “You bastard. You’re really out there.”

I realized I must look really strange. I’d been standing at the end of the driveway for who knows how long in the middle of the night in the freezing cold, and was now laughing really hard while staring at the moon. I decided I should keep walking before someone called the cops. The snow felt amazing crunching under my feet. So detailed and fine-grained. The snow reflecting the street lights was another breathtaking sight. I spend so much time looking at this stuff with intense resentment. For being cold and getting in the way of everything. For clogging up the streets and piling on my car. But my god, is it beautiful when the light hits it.

I didn't want to walk around, because there was so much to look at. I felt extremely silly walking when I knew I had nowhere to go or to be. Being still felt much more natural, but it probably looks strange. The thought about someone calling the cops hadn’t entirely left me, and it was really cold so I decide it was time I headed back inside anyway.

My shrooming buddies were still on the couch, and A was playing youtube videos for them. They were seriously tranced out. I shut myself in A’s bedroom with his brother’s acoustic guitar (which I’m in love with). The room was super trippy as it is. It didn’t have a single fluorescent light in there. He had replaced every bulb with blacklights. This was wild. The blacklights didn’t have radiance or traceries like most other lights. They were like an ink that dyed everything in the room a strange deep purple, including my skin (maybe the shorter wavelengths gave the light a thicker characteristic? this is an afterthought). I liked it anyway.

After sitting to warm up from being outside while enjoying some silence and some serious CEVs, I decided to play guitar. This is always a fun experiment on psychedelics. This was easily the peak of the night (app. 3 in the morning). The vibrations from the guitar filled the room and my body. Everything the sound touched seemed to be screaming with joy, demanding more music. Each note felt huge, and heavy, and utterly significant. A three note phrase contained more meaning, if I paid close attention, then a novel. I understood deeply, like I never had before, why music is so important. The importance isn’t in words and can’t be explained using them precisely because it is above and beyond words in its very nature. Besides life itself, it’s the ultimate zen koan. The only correct answer to “why is music important?” is to play it (or listen to it).

I felt deeply grateful for being able to communicate this way (if only with the room at that moment). I had been given the gift of music from my inspirations and my teachers. I enjoy school and learning, but it all seems somewhat superficial compared to truly inspired music or art. It seems people are in school or other professions mostly to get something out of it. Usually money. Art isn’t about that. Art is for its own sake. This trip was an incredible reaffirmation of this for me.

I finally decided to leave my trippy blacklight cave, put the guitar down, and check in with my other friends. The other guys still hadn’t left the couch. They were coming down. I was still tripping hard. We watched videos of Jimmy Fallon sketches. I must admit, I laughed my ass off. He’s funny as hell. This was good entertainment for a while, but it was getting late and everybody else was ready to go to bed (app. 4:30 in the morning). They made sure I was okay by myself (even though they know I like alone time when tripping) and they took off.

After they left I went to the bathroom. I spent a very long time after that looking at myself in the mirror. This was a ton of fun. My face was shifting shape quite rapidly, and it seemed like I was in control of how I appeared to myself. If I wanted to, I could seem quite ugly and strange, but I could also see myself as extremely friendly and attractive. My skin was slightly see-through. It scared me but if I concentrated I could see my veins and muscle and even my skull through my skin. I then become very intimately aware of the different structures in my body, all while looking at my face in the mirror. It felt like a spotlight was being shown on my different bodily systems. I felt the intelligence in my body that I normally wasn’t aware of that maintained all the functioning in my body that I wasn’t consciously in control of. I was afraid that I might mess up this system if I was too consciously aware of it. I decided this is something I could experiment with on later trips if I wanted, but it scared me at the moment. Freaky stuff.

I went back into the living room and did some stretches and meditation while I was coming down. This felt great and very natural. It was a relief to have normal consciousness creep back into my head and body. The come down after a long trip is actually one of my favorite parts if it’s peaceful. I drove home to sleep in my own bed at around 6:30am. I was still tripping very slightly (do not try to operate vehicles under the influence) but I felt very in control and alert so I wasn’t very worried. If I slept at all that morning it was very lightly. It was too much fun thinking about the experience from the night.

All in all, it was a remarkably successful first encounter with the legendary Lucy. I’m so happy I have another tab.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 102660

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 22

Published: Nov 16, 2020	Views: 617

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LSD (2) : Various (28), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2)


		 DOSE:

		 300 mg
		 oral
		 Pharms - Lithium
		 (daily)

		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

		 4 glasses
		 oral
		 Alcohol - Beer/Wine

		 0.25 g
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   160 lb

Cannabis __.25g_, LSD _approx. 400ug_, Alcohol __4 beers_ Lithium _300mg daily_

To give you a little background on myself, I’m in my late 30s, male, well educated, designer, etc. I’m no stranger to drugs and mind altering substances and have been tripping semi-regularly since I was 17/18. I’ve never smoked crack, meth or shot heroin, but that’s about it. Oh, I’ve never tried PCP, but I’m not sweating that either. I’m quite active in the American dance music scene and as such, have at least the opportunity to party every weekend, if I desire. Drugs, it seems, are relatively normalized in my life and it's not unusual to lose a whole weekend with your friends, imbibing, snorting, dropping, etc. It’s just what we do and we are really good at it.

Sweet, right? Well, I also struggle with mental health issues, and have since I was in my early 20s. I’m undiagnosed, but show a pattern if bipolar behavior, but don’t exhibit traditional signs of “mania”. I get depressed tho, seriously. As such, I take lithium as a mood stabilizer. For whatever reason, I was unaware that lithium and LSD interact. I’ve tripped a number of times since being prescribed lithium (LSD, 1P-LSD, AL-LAD, DMT, 4-Aco-DMT, 2C-B, 2C-E) and never had an issue... until the other night.

So called “Techno New Year” is coming up and I wanted to get a bunch of acid for the weekend. I ran into a friend at a club who said they could hook up quantity. I was looking for at least 20 tabs of blotter. A few days passed and I contacted my friend and they invited me over. “I dunno why,” they said “but everyone wanted acid this week. This is all I have left.” And they handed me a small bottle of Clear Eyes. “Shit,” I said, “Liquid?” “One hundred doses”, my friend replied. Well shit. Ok. I forked over the cash and we sat down for a light dinner, with wine’n’weed (twas the holiday of their people). Around 9pm I left to go to a club to hear a DJ I was interested in. I got there around 10pm, paid cover and went in. Now, at this point I was a little buzzed from the wine and a bit stoned. I’d say my spirits were high. I was super curious about this DJ, and super curious about this acid... I ordered another beer and posted up. A couple DJ friends arrived who I was glad to see. I laughingly told them that I picked up a vial of acid and that I was going to dip into the bathroom to blast off before the DJ really got going.

Now, my recollection from here on out gets a bit hazy. I got into the bathroom and unscrewed the tiny bottle. I contemplated dropping it in my hand, then licking it up (like you are supposed to do) but I was in a strange and mischievous mood. Fuck it. I’m a pro. So I just squirted some into my mouth. Wowza. The taste of pure consciousness. Zap. I exited the bathroom with a smile on my face and rejoined my friends with a “thumbs up” sign. Let’s do this. Now, I know this sounds kinda dumb, but the DJ was going to play for 8 hrs and I wanted to basically be there for the duration. I was with friends who knew I was tripping. I had my phone and Lyft ready in case I needed to punch out. I think I was around 6/10 on the “responsibility” scale.

About 15-20 min go by and the DJ was heating it up. Another friend shows up, and asks us if we wanna split a J outside. Now, I’ll admit that this was dumb, especially since said friend is known for smoking extremely powerful weed and lacing his joints with hash. A couple months prior I shared a joint with him and literally had to call a car and go home I got so blazed. So yeah. We went outside to smoke. Again, the memory banks are incomplete here. But according to one of my friends, we passed the joint around a couple times and by the third time I got it, I simply held it in my hand and stood motionless. A friend asked me if I needed the lighter, so which I apparently replied “Why?”. Oof. So yeah, the acid was kicking in. We went inside and hit the floor. By now, my vision was full fractal to the point of basically being unable to see. I’m honestly not sure if I was “dancing” or just squirming around. One of my friends decided he’s too stoned off that crazy joint and has to go home, so he calls a car. Hugs. Then an unknown amount of time passes and I go to the toilets. I presumably do my business and exit, but get stuck in the corridor that leads to the bathrooms. Now, there certainly wasn’t anything (in this universe) preventing me from leaving the hallway, but I was def trapped. After a while, some friends came looking for me and asked if I was ok and I gave ‘em the “thumbs up”. They proceeded to check on me every 30min for the next hour or so. Finally they were able to convince me that I didn’t need to be stuck and should go back to the dancefloor. Awesome.

At this point, the archive is effectively scrambled. Here’s what we do know; I have a recollection of leaving the club, and “calling a car”. This was an obvious impossibility because my phone was dead at this point. My theory is that I realized this and “decided to walk”. The club is approx. 12 miles from my home. It is cut off by rivers and freeways. It’s literally impossible to walk home. But that wasn’t going to stop me. I should note here that I wasn’t, or at least don’t recall, being frustrated or otherwise pissed by the (impossible) prospect of walking home. In fact, I saw it as a kind of adventure and had a good attitude about it. So far, no aspect of this trip has been “bad” or unpleasant, despite being totally consuming and intense. Rather, it seemed as if one reality was simply switched for another. Nbd, right?

I take off in some direction. Mind you, my phone is dead and I’m pretty unfamiliar with this part of town, so I doubt it was the “right” direction. My vision is still full fractal, but clusters of intensity described traffic, street lights, etc. so I wasn’t exactly blind. It was probably around 5am by now. After an unknown amount of time, I notice that the ground feels weird. I pause and look down at my feet. My motherfucking shoes are gone. “Oh well,” I thought to myself, “water under the bridge!” and continued on my quest. By now, I was in full ego-death territory. I was just blitzed, wandering through the streets like a zombie. I was probably smiling, tho. Very positive so far.

As the trip went on and my exploration continued, I began to get incredibly cold. My lizard brain suggested I take shelter. But this is a pretty inhospitable part of town. Very industrial. Rough. After some time, I managed to wander into a dirt parking lot where I noticed sheets of artificial turf piled up like blankets in the corner. Bingo! I wrapped myself in these makeshift “blankets” and snuggled down in the dirt. Awesome. I fell asleep for a couple hours.

I awoke warm, refreshed and still tripping, tho with considerably less intensity. I knew what my name was, at least. I checked my phone; dead. I check my wallet; bank card gone. Shit. Did I leave it at the club? And... where the fuck am I? I was wandering all night. I’m lost as fuck. Ugh. Today is going to suck. And what the hell? Where are my goddamned shoes? I arise from my dirt nap, pick a direction and start walking. My vision is still really ~~wavy and I’m doing the old “that’s not a word, is it?” acid thing. I come to the realization “swirlydinks” is not a word, although just “swinks” might be. I come upon a bodega. A lone outpost in the wasteland. I try to look semi sober and walk in to ask if they could charge my phone. This is a total long shot, but the dude behind the counter seems to know everyone in the shop and is joking around. I may have just lucked out. A kid buys some candy in front of me and the its my turn. Oh shit. I can’t really talk yet. “Yes, my friend?” the guy behind the counter asks, I manage to slur out the words “phone?” and “charge?” and hold out my now completely dusty phone. “Are you lost or something?” “Yeah, haha, need car.” He notices I’m not wearing shoes. He knows I’m a total degenerate. But it worked. As a thank you, I managed to find $2 in my bag and buy a juice. It was the right call. Things are looking up. After about 15 min the dude gives me my phone back and I fire up Google maps. As the app loads I steel myself for a nightmarish journey back to the club to recover my bank card. I wandered all night, I must be in a completely different... what the fuck? According to the app I was 2 blocks from the club. No way. Things are definitely looking up.

I stroll over to the club and notice that the side door is open. I pop in and see a bartender. I don’t think he noticed that I wasn’t wearing shoes, but generally the “get your card the next day” move is a dead giveaway that you are a degenerate, no matter how much acid you did or didn’t take. After a bit of searching, they found my card and cashed me out. I’d only purchased two beers. Sweet. Thrifty tripper. I inquired about my shoes as well and they said they hadn’t seen any black Nike slip-ons the night before. Fucking weird. I wonder what happened to those damn shoes. I thank the bartender and go outside to call a car. The neighborhood is pretty saturated with drivers and it only takes 2min to get a ride. The feeling of the black Honda accord pulling away from the broken curb was was of the most satisfying feelings I’ve ever experienced. I’m ALMOST home. The driver is quietly playing Bob Marley, and I’m totally not a fan, but in my lysergic haze, it worked. Everything is going to be alright. Damn. It really is. Driving down the freeway the skyline danced like flames. Unreal.

We arrive at my apartment and I profusely thank the driver and practically run into the building and dive into bed.

The next day, perplexed as why I was sooooooooo out of it, I was doing some research on LSD online and read about the potentially dangerous interaction with Lithium. Wow. I really dodged a bullet. Not only can it case total ego death on relatively small doses of LSD, it greatly increases the risk of potentially fatal seizures. Jesus. I guess that explains it.

I’m currently in the process of weaning myself off of the lithium. Aside from the obviously uncool interactions with LSD, it poses a number of other health risks and drug interactions. I’m simply not comfortable taking a drug that has so many side effects. One thing I have noticed is that the information on acid and lithium is not nearly as prevalent as the information in say lithium and alcohol (which is also a no no). Its pretty standard boilerplate lingo to say pretty much any medical drug interacts with “street drugs” but I’ve always read that as like, heroin or PCP. Those of us who have a fondness for acid like to think of it as a relatively benign substance. However, my experience, although never “bad” could easily have landed me in the hospital, victimized or much worse. This is absolutely something I will never do again, and something that should be avoided at all costs.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 111869

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Nov 16, 2020	Views: 1,249

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LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Various (28)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 8:00
		 1 tablet
		 oral
		 Pharms - Alprazolam

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   165 lb

It has been a difficult week for me, most likely not the best time to be tripping but I head into the weekend with some good news and decide to commit to the trip. After a 4 year break up last December, I have been seething in negative energy that I need to work on. Not that I would think the xtal could fix this but perhaps point me in the right direction.

I dose with two friends at mid day, one I am close with and one who also may have his own issues to work through. We all commit to supporting each other for the next 12 hours.

0:00 - We each take ONE tab @ 100ug.

0:30 - I can already feel the effects, a sign that often leads me to believe I have just taken a strong dose. Feeling alert and happy.

0:45 - I am differently starting to trip, things are shifting and we are laughing uncontrollably. A fat man playing guitar appears in our youtube recommendations and we skip watching the video due to our fear of how large he is.

1:00 - I am tripping what I would considered 'hard' and starting to feel a bit overwhelmed knowing I am most likely 30 minutes from the peak. I ask if we can go outside and the cool air and sunny day immediately relieves me. Similar feelings of a previous trip induced panic attack start to set in so I let my group know who both comfort me and bring me back down to reality. I snap at one of my friends who confronts me and I tell him I am just scared. He hugs me and I apologize three times - each time making me feel better.

1:15 - Our driveway is alive and pulsing like a semiconductor, my friend encourages me to give in. I let go of all anxiety as a rush of LSD enters my brain. I am slowly starting to feel less like myself and more like the LSD.

1:30 - We move to our back patio where the true peak sets in. Our mossy stones come alive and I am memorized by their shifting patterns. My two friends lie down and I feel encouraged to follow as to not be left out.

1:45 - The most beautiful bliss I have ever experienced enters my entire body. I close my eyes and am thankful I am one of few humans on earth to have experienced this. I keep my eyes closed for what seemed like forever as patterns of red blue and green dragons swirl around my eyelids. I feel my friend start to be come overwhelmed and I encourage him to focus on breathing. He quiets.

2:00 - Something has changed. I am connected to something I have never felt before. I have tripped on numerous occasions and numerous psychedelics but never felt this odd presence of something or someone else. I lean to my closet friend and say 'this is not human'. Out of fear of sounding insane I refer to this as a feeling as transcendence and not as of god which my initial thoughts led me to believe. For an unknown amount of time I am connected and forget who I am and what I am doing. Only that this feeling exists in me and the world and it is beautiful and pure and white.

2:30 - We go to my room to play my record collection where I had the pleasure of showing them Aphex Twin Selected Ambient works. We have a long conversation about music, synths and other forms of art. My roommate walk in who is sober and we immediately banish him from the room.

3:00 - I realize I am still tripping hard but in total control, my friend says I have mastered the trip but we all end up agreeing that the strong peak we experienced has merely left us. We leave to go play our guitars.

3:30 - For an hour we each play our guitars together, the notes pour from my eyes like tears and I am having an amazing time. I am still experiencing heavy visuals. I pose a question to the group to see if they two had experienced the 'inhuman' presence' earlier. One of them immediate locks eyes with me and I know he understands. We both agree we need to reconnect with more LSD but a friend not with us advises me to never redose on LSD.  I suddenly realize the madness of chasing the light and how dangerous this could be to someone with less guidance or mental will.

4:00 - I am glad I did not redose, I am still tripping extremely hard. We play more guitar and the notes come from my eyes like tears once again. My grin stretches the boundaries of my face as we lose ourselves in a soft improvised jam.

5:00 - I have arrived back into my own body while still having extreme visuals and psychedelic thoughts. We agree we MUST find the fat man video we saw earlier! How hard could it be to find a fat man playing guitar??

7:00 - Two hours. Two hours we have spent trying to find the fat man. He eludes us. I post a $60 bounty for the video on the internet in sheer desperation.

7:05 - A random man happens to see our post and knew what we were talking about. We gladly pay him the $60. He had just lost his job and needed the money for groceries. Such a stupid journey for such a stupid video made us feel whole and the trip complete. I wish the internet stranger the best of luck in life and he assures me he will be back on his feet soon.

7:10 - We watch the fat man video, who is actually an amazingly talented musician.

8:00 - I take a xanax to sleep and pose a question about if we had truly talked to god. One friend brushes me off but the other tells me we should talk the next day. He leaves and mentions that he needs to finish his 'self jihad' alone which I completely understood.

8:30 - Things are winding down, one friend continues to take various drugs and drinks and I no longer feel connected with him. I find my cat and tell him we both have a lot of work to do to fix my issues. He meows and asks for food which I take as a sign of agreement. I go online and set my first therapist appointment of my life for next weekend.

It is now the next day. I do not feel as I normally do after tripping. Lower doses or lower quality (what have you) of LSD have normally answered my questions and left me refreshed. Today I have millions of questions about what I experienced and what was real. I have no desire to return there any time soon but know I will one day. What a truly mind bending and amazing experience.

I have briefly spoken to my friend and we both are hesitant and scared to discuss what we had experienced, I assure him that ego death is real and that we have not lost our minds.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114930

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 27

Published: Nov 17, 2020	Views: 555

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LSD (2) : Mystical Experiences (9), Music Discussion (22), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:30
		 500 mg
		 oral
		 DXM
		 (liquid)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

I went camping last weekend. I had planned to drop 5 hits of acid, but my friend didn't come through for me. I ended up only having 1 hit, but it was of fairly strong quality. I dropped it at about 10:30 pm. My friend and I were leaving at 11:00. On our way out to the lake, we stopped by the local drugstore and bought some coricidins and Robitussin.

We got to the lake at about 11:30. After we got all of our shit unloaded and walked the 1/4 mile to the site, we started the Robitussin. I held my nose and took a huge swig. My friend only had a little drink. For about 15 minutes we walked around with a bunch of drunk people. Then I took another huge swig, which took the bottle to a little under half full. I was feeling pretty weird by this point. I started losing my balance, so I decided to lay down. I staggered my way over to my sleeping bag and fell to the ground and put my head on it.

Just a few minutes later I was in a world of my own. There were melting colors, vortexes, about 5 or 6 different tunnels that I fell through, a hallway composed of black fractal patterns, with doors and windows on the sides, and my view kept shifting... I would see behind me, see a side view of me running full speed, a front view, and I could actually feel myself running. After the hallway disappeared, I turned into a corkscrew... I felt my legs and arms start twisting. And eventually my whole body was turning over and over, but I was actually laying flat on the ground.

I had an out of body experience where my mind left my body, and I saw myself from a full frontal view

my mind left my body, and I saw myself from a full frontal view

... I had the thought 'Why was this body singled out for me? Why do we even have to have bodies? Why cant our mind's just exist? What is our purpose?' Afterwards, there was a room that I was in, with colors running down the walls, dripping from the ceiling. All this happened within an hour, while I was laying on the ground.

I started to come down afterwards, and I was finally able to open my eyes. I sat up, with everything swaying, with double vision, and looked at the fire... the light from it only reached a certain point in the woods, and it seemed that the only place that existed was that point in the woods, where only the light touched, and that we were the only people in the world. It seemed like the fire was the center of the universe and everything else was radiating out from it.

Me and 2 of my friends sat in a triangle for a while, like we had a mental connection because we were all tripping, and talked about weird shit for a while. A few hours later, I was completely down. It gave me a new respect for life, and actually a new respect for just being able to move around. DXM completely fucks up my coordination. I feel like I've grown a lot from this experience... like I'm a new person. I feel new. So, DXM and LSD is a combo that I recommend.

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 9772

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Dec 7, 2020	Views: 1,427

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DXM (22), LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), General (1), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 480 mg
		 oral
		 DXM
		 (pill / tablet)

		   T+ 0:00
		 64 mg
		 oral
		 Chlorpheniramine Maleate
		 (pill / tablet)

		   T+ 0:30
		 3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   250 lb

First some basic info: I was 18 at the time. Pretty overweight at 250lbs, standing 6 feet Tall. I was in poor physical shape, then.

I had been abusing DXM spontaneously. Robitussin had become too disgusting for me, so I got hooked on coricidin. Yeah, I heard it's dangerous, but I'm a light dexer, so I figured it would be allright for me. It was a shitty trip, but I did it anyway. I think I was addicted.

Anyhow, the night of terror begun on April 16th, 2000. Me and a friend planned to go to a semi-local rave and locate some good old 'cid. I had been dying to try LSD for 2 years, I was pumped. I figured, there's a slim chance of us finding it, so I bring some good ol' coricidin with me.

After about an hour, we had given up on finding acid, so I go in the bathroom and choke down 16 coricidin. And when I come out, I hear 'hey, I found it dude, go talk to the guy over there'. I can't resist. If I don't do acid now, will I ever? So I buy 3 hits of liquid LSD from this scraggly looking fellow for a good 14$. Down the hatch it goes.

I'm going around the party, just chilling out for a while, waiting for the drugs to kick in. After about 45 minutes, I'm starting to feel the coricidin, and it's quite heavy. Each bass drum thump of the music vibrates through me, tickling my molecules. For  some reason, I feel the impulse to hand out all of the candy I've brought, telling people 'here, I gotta get rid of this. I'll be on the floor in a couple minutes' or 'dude, trust me, there's drugs in this' :)

I feel the impulse to hand out all of the candy I've brought, telling people 'here, I gotta get rid of this. I'll be on the floor in a couple minutes' or 'dude, trust me, there's drugs in this' :)

At about 60 minutes, I sit down, definitely starting to feel the acid. My vision and psyche go down the vortex first. Everything I was seeing in reality started going into this vortex, and I had these strange thoughts that would bounce off each other. If I had a positive thought, another thought would enter my mind that was negative. It was like, there was this little demon that would mock everything I thought. It was the start of a terrible trip.

At 70 minutes, my senses started going away. I can faintly remember people trying to coerce me .. 'are you okay?' 'dude.. you must be fryin' balls' 'do you need some water?' .. I was fading in and out of consciousness up until 90 minutes.

I can't remember anything for the next 2 hours. People report that I was shaking uncontrollably, not responding, had pure black irises, etc etc.. Apparently some kind soul called 911 after a long period of time of me sitting there.

Apparently I was psychotic and the room I was in had to be fenced off. There were policemen and EMT's all about me. I guess I was going violent on them. They had me fully strapped down to a hospital bed. Even my neck, I think, was strapped.

I don't know what point I woke up, but it must have been real late. In the hospital I went through different periods of being 'asleep' and tripping insanely (having hallucinations so strong that I couldn't see anything with my peripheral vision). They had me on 150 cc's (I guess that's a lot, a nurse told me) of valium to slow my heart down.

So more hours pass. I become sober enough to answer basic questions like 'did you try to commit suicide' and 'what's your address'? This was very degrading. I was hating myself so much. The acid was tapering off, and I could see floaty colors and hear echoes. I had a nurse take off some of my restraints. I could tell that she didn't trust me, but she did it anyway. I inspected myself and found many bruises about my arms.

The next day, here's what I found out. My heart was pounding away at 100-160bpm when they found me, and I was lucky to be alive. I can only imagine how long my heart sustained damage. Almost 3 hours, before the EMT's found me. Fucking shit. My heart is gone. They kept me at the hospital for another day, with a catheter in me, and an iv hooked to my arm. I think it was potassium, or some sort of diuretic. The doctors asked more questions. I think a nurse told me that the police wanted to talk with me. That put me on edge.

Another day passed. I had fully recovered mentally. I did not know why they were keeping me. I was told it was the doctor's orders. One of the nurses is actually compassionate. She gives me some words of wisdom: 'stop doing drugs.. I did that when I was young, turn on to meditation instead..' Unfortunately I never followed that advice.

Day 3.. They let me out. I had to call my mother to pick me up. I had to explain what happened. I made my mother cry. The bill was pretty big. The hospital charged me 800$.

Afterwards I was not the same, mentally and physically. I'm almost 20, now, and I've got the heart of a 50 year old. I haven't seen a doctor, but I think I should. Ever since leaving the hospital, I've had a pulse that's a little higher than normal, constantly, and my heart seems to beat harder than it should when I'm exercising.

Exp Year: 2000	ExpID: 11325

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Dec 8, 2020	Views: 2,476

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DXM (22), LSD (2), Chlorpheniramine Maleate (164) : Various (28), Post Trip Problems (8), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Health Problems (27), Combinations (3), First Times (2)