		 DOSE:

		 2 hits
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		 1 tablet
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   65 kg

I’ve had experience with opiates before (endone, oxycodone), as well as social marijuana useage, alcohol and tobacco. All my life I had wanted to try LSD, the mysterious drug of hallucinations and wonder, and I finally found some. The guy I was purchasing it off is renowned for having the best of drugs, and he told me this was a new, higher-dosed acid he ordered in for me.

After school (3:30PM), I changed my clothes and drove with a friend to a dealer’s house. Let’s call him V, and my friend C. When we entered I saw several lounges and chairs around a TV with some crappy show on, and about ten people passing around a bong and just generally laughing. I had two bong hits whilst waiting for my acid to arrive.

When the guy arrived, he sold me the little paper tab that would become my misery for the night. I put it on my tongue and swirled it around a little, keeping my chewing gum on the side of my teeth. (4:30PM) The people knew I was taking it and C was eagerly awaiting me to start tripping, himself wanting to try it after I told him what it was like.

About ten or twenty minutes later, my heart started beating immensely. I thought it was just nerves at the time. Everyone then noticed my eyes were massively dilated – they took a photo to show me, and I stared into the black dinner plates with surprise and laughed. I then swallowed the piece of paper.

Another ten minutes later I started shaking, and my mouth turned extremely dry. I felt very odd, and decided to walk outside and get a drink and lay on the grass (backyard).  I got a drink from the tap and then proceeded to lay down on the grass, but V’s wife immediately got me to come in out of concern I might get seen. I sat down, and within five minutes, it began.

I immediately noticed my head getting insanely heavy. I couldn’t resist it, and it pulled it down to my shoulder and I felt my brain dipping its toe into the Tripworld. I snapped out of it immediately, noticing the walls covered in crawling fur, but then my head became heavy again and rolled to the other side, and it ‘splashed’ again, and I mouthed in an exaggerated way “woahh”.

For the next thirty minutes, I kept slipping in and out of trip in this stifling room, each trip lasting for longer. The return was like being woken up in the morning, and I was unable to talk or walk. Everyone was watching me in horror/amusement (as in, wow, this guy is tripping balls on acid, I hope he doesn’t murder us) and they all began to fool around with me. I only knew three or so of them, so they didn’t give a shit if I was okay.

They poked me, jabbed me, told me I had snakes in my hair and on my shoulders and that I was going to die etc. I didn’t believe any of it, and knew it was all lies, but they continued. When I tried to move closer to someone they would jump away in fear. They were scared of me.

C asked me a few times if I was okay, good or bad. I shrugged before slipping back into trips, hitting my head on the TV. My chewing gum felt like a weird paste/powder in my mouth and was very unpleasant.

V came out and looked at me, and told C to get me out of there. I understand this, but still feel unhappy about being booted out in the state I was in. I tried to explain I was okay and apologise but all that came out was a baby’s gurgling. I stumbled and fell to C’s car, got in, and had him drive me to my brother’s. I for some reason told him directions that took us on a ten minute wild goose chase, slipping in and out of trip, and he got very unhappy at me.

I arrived at my brother’s house, and stumbled across the road in half-trip, trying to compose myself. I walked up the 70-something stairs vigorously, trying to stay out of trip, and walked through the door. My brother (a pot smoker) asked me what I took, and I replied in a daze ‘An LSD’ and he took me to his bedroom and got me a warm glass of water from his en suite. It was very hot in the room. He left and I laid down, and then the trip pulled me in.

It’s too much to describe. It’s like looking at a kaleidoscope, or a fractal pattern, or a TV on a channel that just registers fuzz, but infinitely more detailed and focused. And each little grain is a complex image, moving, expanding, enveloping, and it takes all of your focus to just observe this image. Time slows to a crawl. Seconds feel like hours. The whole time a vibration was going through my body, shaking me and hurting, and the sound of an engine was in my head unpleasantly. At this point I knew I was in this for the long haul – I just had to go along with the ride.

And I thought. Every second a thousand thoughts each unfolded in my mind, the meaning of life, each little detail about me, all the things wrong and right about me, what I like and what I hate, all unfolded and answered in my head like a debate, all the while this stunning image in front of me. I only slipped out of Tripworld when I heard a noise, or forced myself to, and at this point trips were lasting for around 30 minutes at a time.

My brother re-entered the room to check on me and use the toilet. I replied “Mm. Yeah. Ok,” To the things he said, unable to form sentences or focus on his words, knowing that the whole time Trip was waiting to pull me back in and envelope me. I slipped in for a second and forced myself out, and in my mind I wasn’t sure if I hallucinated my brother or if he actually entered the room. I called out his name, and he replied, and this was concerning to me. It was blurring the lines between reality and fiction.

At the peak, around 8-9PM, I went into a two hour trip. I thought I was going to die. I lived a thousand lives and discovered everything about myself. I had to record all I was thinking. My first thought was a tube of blue paint on his bedside table. I had already removed my shirt due to the intense heat and sweating I was undergoing, and proceeded to try to write with my fingers on my stomach and chest. I also wrote on my jeans.

At some stages I went through euphoric falling sequences of trip. I felt as if my body was falling towards the ground for minutes at a time, and I had the rollercoaster-type euphoria throughout my whole body during this, but afterwards when I ‘hit the ground’ my body became immensely sore and tired.

I lost focus easily when trying to complete tasks. For example, when trying to get a sip of water, I’d move halfway to the glass and then trip and fall into the bed, come to, and then go for the water again. Now I decided to record my thoughts in text messages by saving them as drafts. I completely forget writing them, but I read them in the morning and they are both full of gibberish and some rather wise sentiments. (The blue writing on my body was just a smear and dots when I checked, haha)

At 10:30PM my brother entered, and I was coming down but still strongly tripping, and told me to go sleep on the lounge because he wanted to go to bed. I obliged in the out-of-trip objective based mentality, where I could only do that one thing, and went and laid on his lounge. When I observed myself in the mirror, I was horrified to observe that I didn’t recognise the person looking back at me. My thoughts were, “Is this who I have been living as all my life? This isn’t the person I know.”

Walking while tripping was extremely odd. Whilst on his bed, I noticed my arms moving themselves and hands doing movements above me head without me controlling them, but when I was walking, if I moved my head it would ‘lock’ into that place, and I forgot my body. I was told I was walking on the spot with my eyes closed and tongue out by one of his roommates when trying to walk there after having my head lock in (it happened several times) which he found amusing.

I was still going in and out of trip, but I was strongly aware that it would be over. I sat out on his balcony, overlooking the beach in a nice breeze, and another of his roommates came out and started playing acoustic guitar. It sounded incredible. The music echoed all around me, and I sat very reflective of my experience, and ate several Doritos. Tastes are all changed around, and everything feels powdery or dry in your mouth.

I finally achieved sleep at about 12:30AM, and in the morning I was still noticing the fractal patterns when looking at anything, as if halfway between my eyes and the world like a filter, and this was off-putting. Walking also gave me the same ghostish feeling, as if I was drifting through and it was all a dream. I walked home that morning and had a shower and slept. My body and mind were both exhausted. For the rest of the day I noticed sparkles and glitter over everything and this was enjoyable to observe.

LSD is incredibly powerful. I had a bad trip, under bad circumstances, with very strong acid. Whilst I do not regret this, it has put me off of drugs for quite a while – I did not realise the strength they actually have and the torment they can inflict on the unprepared user. In summary, I will leave some notes for a potential LSD-user to think about (I will not be held accountable for my words, this is not advice, just what I have learnt).

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 89907

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Feb 8, 2018	Views: 1,327

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LSD (2) : Various (28), Bad Trips (6), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   200 lb

1rst Time's the Charm

For a while I had been changing my mind about whether I should do LSD or not do it. Around the time I did it, I think I was succumbing to seasonal affective disorder, but at the time, I thought it was because I was using drugs too much, and I should stop. I decided that I'd smoke the rest of the weed I had, then do one hit of acid, and then take a break from all drugs, and slowly get back into them. The day I did the tab I kept a happy mind, looking forward to it all day. I stayed in my basement for the duration of the trip, and my friend was there, sleeping over.

At around 11:30 I put the tab under my tongue, and it stayed in my mouth for about 1 1/2 hours before I subconsciously swallowed it with my saliva. During the onset, I watched 2 of my favourite movies to keep me in a good mood. After about 2 hours, I started to feel kind of strange. It felt like an ecstasy high, not extremely strong, but it was there. At the movies, I laughed at almost every joke, even though I had seen each of the movies 5-6 times before. My laugh was nervous, it was a mix of a laugh and a shiver, I was a little cold. After 3 hours, I was a little anxious and angry. I was not hallucinating, and I didn't buy a hit of acid to get an E high. Around that time, my friend wanted to go to sleep (about 3 in the morning), so I turned out the lights and lay down. I was looking into space, hoping I'd see something, hoping I'd soon be in a magical colourful world, but I didn't feel much more than the ecstasy high, but it had evolved into a new feeling.

Soon enough, I began to hallucinate, if you can call it that. No, it wasn't a complete different place like I was expecting, and I didn't see anything with my eyes. But there was a world going on inside my brain. It was a revolving series of fencing construed with people I knew. An actress from the TV show 'The O.C' was the god of this world. She was gorgeous. I was so attracted to her....and I'll just say I did something about it. As I orgasmed, it was the most intense moment of my life. I felt the energy of a stadium or people pushing my senses to extreme intensity. I most likely saw everyone from my school, but I only remember a select few, 2 girls were gatekeepers, guarding the iron fence to this LSD world. Another girl wore a pouffy dress, she was the queen of this world. I saw a short boy in my grade, but he was an adult, and he was very tall. Ever since the trip, I have looked at my Science student teacher differently, he looks like a wizard, and I imagine him with a pointy hat, which leads me to believe I saw him too.

Anyways, my world kept spinning around my head, and I felt amazing for the rest of the night. I was constantly feeling my torso to confirm where I was in the world. After a while, I lost track of what was happening, and possibly passed out, though it didn't feel like waking up when I regained full consciousness. The next day felt like a pleasant hangover, like a buzzing that felt nice, tired, but comfortable.

Ever since the experience, the intense moments of my life have been much more intense. Whenever I see a thrilling movie, I feel the strong humming of the sound system and see the fast pace moving screen in a different way. That was my only time but I certainly intend to do LSD again, but I know well to do it in moderation.

I'm not sure if LSD caused it, but recently I had some sort of seizure, where I got dizzy, and heard voices clearly speaking to me. I was expecting more from the trip for overall I saw it as purely fun, and not the spiritual change I've heard of it causing. The next times I do it, I'll experiment with writing music, listening to music, leaving the house, going somewhere with light, anything to make it more interesting.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 61910

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Feb 12, 2018	Views: 1,036

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LSD (2) : Hangover / Days After (46), First Times (2), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 75 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:00

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		   T+ 1:30

		 smoked
		 Changa

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   65 kg

Things about me:

I have a few psychedelic experiences under the buckle, done shrooms once, LSD once before, and changa a few times.  Smoked a lot of weed, done some phenibut, and other minor things, so I am not the most experienced psychonaut, but I would classify me, as at least a little experienced.  This trip was easily the most intense and challenging I have ever experienced.

Characters: Me, M, M's gf, and A.

It was a saturday night, and we were all hanging out a friend (M)'s house. A and I decided we wanted to trip a little, M couldn't cause he was picking up his girl later. M had some 150µg acid blotters laying around, but we had to get up in the morning so we did half a blotter each. After about an hour the acid had pretty much kicked fully in, and we were feeling nice and peaceful. Not any hallucinations atm, which was to expect. M left to get his gf, and we hung out and packed the pipe. We smoked the weed, and it potentiated the LSD a little bit, close to a hallucinatory extent but still not very intense, this was fine though, everything was going as planned.

After about T+1:30 we remembered M still had some changa lying around. We have smoked it a few times before, and it has led to about 15-20 minutes of some pretty intense shit, so we thought “hey let’s trip a little bit of balls and party on afterwards”... Oh boy was that a bad (good) idea. I put a few grains of the changa in the pipe, just enough to get a sober man, seeing some weird shit and think some thoughts, we agreed that it was probably about 0.02g. I lit up the pipe, and got a little disappointed when the effects didn’t kick in immediately like I’m used to. I didn’t redose though, as I was pretty sure it would kick in eventually and I was right. About 15 minutes after I smoke the changa I notice the floor starts slanting. Anywhere I look, the floor slanting upwards in an about 20 degree angle. That is where I notice “oh fuck guys I’m tripping balls!”

My friend takes me by the hand and says “dude you gotta look yourself in the mirror”. We often do this while tripping. As I look at my face I start giggling. The giggling turns into uncontrollable laughter, as my face begins looking unfamiliar and gets a red glow. The red intensifies, as the face in the mirror turns into a red siluet. Then suddenly *poof*. I’m back and I’m looking at my own face of amazement in the mirror. Or at least some colors and shapes resembling my face.

At this point I am walking surprisingly well. My friend told me it was impossible to see I was tripping, until I looked at him or opened my mouth. My sight was very weird. Kind of like looking through something that isn’t quite transparent. Nothing feels real, it feels like the world is seen through a tv screen. Sometimes I wasn’t sure if I could grab things, it felt like my hands would just hit the screen or something. The world is still slanting and everything is still shapes and colors. It was kind of scary at times, and hard to keep a good mood. It was fun but challenging.

Suddenly I think “I’ll play some guitar I must be super creative right now”. When I pick up the guitar, and look at the strings, they surprisingly look pretty familiar. When I try to put my fingers on them though, they start twisting, and avoiding me. Sometimes, a 7th string would appear and just screw with me, so I gave up. Fuck that guitar, if it wouldn’t let me play it, then I wouldn’t try.

I was told that after this, the others went outside, and I followed them pretty normally. The next thing I remember is suddenly standing outside and going “Wow shit! We’re outside!” and everyone starts laughing. This was kind of scary, and this “teleportation” happened a couple of times, but I (fascinatingly) didn’t bad trip.

The next few hours were pretty uneventful (I think they were very eventful, but not much to talk about) and at about T+5 I go to bed. At this point I still have pretty good visual hallucinations. As earlier mentioned the changa should have lasted about 20 minutes. This was about 4 hours later, and I was still tripping! While I lay in my bed, I have “while my guitar gently weeps” in my head and it keeps on playing. Not as you would normally have an annoying song in your head, I could literally hear it. This was a problem I had encountered earlier in the evening, and sometimes it had been louder than the people speaking to me which was really annoying, but not as annoying as this. I got up 3 times to turn off the music, only to realise that there was no music playing and it was all in my head.

I used some pretty low doses, and I thank god for being careful, cause if this was a friday evening, and I didn’t have to get up in the morning, I could easily have doubled the dose. This would 100% have resulted in a bad trip. It was a very challenging trip, especially because of the duration.  Changa should last about 20 minutes or so, but it lasted about 2-3 hours with very high intensity, before I even noticed it starting to wear off.

The next morning, I was surprisingly fresh and sane. That being said I could easily feel that I was a little slow, but I felt more normal than I feel like I should.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 111606

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Feb 17, 2018	Views: 2,169

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LSD (2), Changa (816) : General (1), Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 2000 ug

		 LSD

		   T+ 5:00
		 100 mg
		 smoked
		 DMT

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   265 lb

[Erowid Note:
The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]

Being an inquisitive being, I grew up with questions... How this or that works, why does this do that, what is that, who is that, why do they behave this way, and etc. These ideations typically stemmed from my Christian upbringing as an adopted child who had a much different mind and concept of reality than my parents or community, not quite a black sheep, or really a sheep at all, maybe a fox? Anywho, ever since I set out on my own journey into adulthood and self-responsibility, I have detoured down many side roads in search of knowledge, wisdom, and change.

Whether that be change of mind, heart, or paradigm, I have aimed to grow, learn, and become fluid with change in an effort to become more centered and grounded when perceived negative changes manifest themselves in my life; as they do in all lives at some time or another.

It was a Saturday, in June, and I was with some of my best friends, shooting the sh*t and entertaining conversational journeys into the unknown and mystical tropes of life. My two good friends and I decided to take some LSD at around 11am. I had just come into possession of a vial of LSD from a buddy who had acquired it from Oakland a week prior. I had also acquired some DMT and Harmine for a future pharmahuasca journey as well.

I decided that I would take a saturated dose. A feat that I had done before, which had yielded quite a bit wisdom and knowledge about myself and the world. Which I had hoped to experience again.

10 200μg drops. My friends each did 5 drops.About an hour later, our freefall into the grand abyss began. So off we went. We continued hanging out, talking about the Matrix, thought-loops, and how love is actually the answer (but only from within).

Color seemed to bleed into itself, flowing into other colors like torrential river rapids. The clouds began to spin into vortex's. Like 2nd dimensional hurricanes spinning towards us in the distance. The majesty was beyond incredible.

We contemplated the significance of language and how everything we know is built on a very convoluded framework that faces translational inconsistancies even from one neighboring community to another, let alone from continent to continent; yet somehow, we continue to thrive, build, and grow. Now more fluidly than ever (contrary to mass media belief, we live in the best period for humans so far; which isn't to say that there aren't a lot of issues like crime, global warming, or hunger. But now, more than ever, more people have those needs at least partially met than ever. We definitely need to make some changes to fix some problems, but we are overall becoming better, more concientious beings.)

We then dithered into our own minds for a time, as our memories began to fracture into a mosaic of lessons that we would each have the opportunity to learn from with our minds eye.

About four hours of scattered ideas and conversation later, my mind latched itself onto an idea. Probably a basic idea, if I'm being honest. Think about a brain as if it were a TV. Normally one can switch between a few channels (i.e. day to day living). When one takes acid in a significant dose, it's almost as if one can begin streaming a ton of channels at once. One has new ideas, spark new creativity, process information with ease, and more. At least for me it amplifies my ability to process the omniverse around me. Anyways, I thought, if I can process better, than maybe I can process the data from the beyond better while on LSD! Thus I decided to do something... A massive dose of DMT, five hours into a gargantuan dose of LSD.

We retreated from the backyard to our trip zone (i.e. the garage), turned on some cool lights and prepared the space with some smudging, incense, candles, and meditaion. I even put on some cool refractor glasses (glasses shaped like cut gems that refract what you see in 11 different ways).

We refined our emergency plan a little, as I was kind of breaking protocol, adding to my order after the food had already come, so to speak (luckily, we are all psychonauts and were equipped with at least moderate experience, and generally keen minds).

3...2...1... Inhale... ... ... ... What happened next was beyond fascinating to me. It was as if my consciousness split into two. Normally, when I'd done DMT in the past, I either got a euphoric dose where I stayed entirely connected to my physical body, or I blasted off and became an observer of the universe, no longer existing as myself, but as a presence stripped of self. But this time, the weirdest thing happened, I was conversing with my friends, while I was also journeying into the beyond, as if my soul and body had split but I was aware and in control of both at once.

I discussed how humans are literally no different than any other creature except for the definitions we have assigned based on our language that state otherwise. We eat, sleep, procreate, gather resources, excrete, breathe, travel, learn, grow... The main difference being that we do it in a very different fashion, but the goal is the same, fulfilling needs.

All that as a part of my consciousness flew through the beyond gathering information and processing it; until it came across a being... It's shape changed constantly, from humanoid, to blob, to animals of various types, to individual particles, and back to the beginning of the cycle again. The being was blacker than black, but had an aura of pure spectrums of light as if it was a force field eminating outward. Whatever form I was in tried to stare at the barrier of this being, it burned and was too bright to maintain a view of.

'Hello?' To which it replied with a bizarrely beautiful harmonic sound, that apparently carried with it a thought, because I understood what the sound said. 'Hello [name], it has been some time since you were here.' 'Where is here?' 'My home.' 'Who are you?' 'I am conciousness.' 'What do you mean?' 'I am the origin of this planes consciousness. I give all life here consciousness.' 'Why?' 'I experience everything that my consciousness experiences, feel all the feelings, and process all the thoughts. As a being's matter deteriorates and dies, the conciousness comes back to me and I feel the entire life, and send it back again.' 'But why? Why this life, these beings, why under the radar?' 'There are others like me, in other planes of this dimension and it's multiverse, and others, who all experience existence and share our results with each other and our culture. We cultivate knowledge, and study it in our dimension.' 'Where did you come...' Before the sentence could be said, it said, 'Goodbye, child.'

And with that, my parts became whole again. I was in a euphorically serene state. I felt like I had gleamed some fantastic data to mull over and consider. I shared my experiences with my friends and we continued our LSD trip, pondering the meaning of what I saw, coming up with new theories given that information and etc.

Overall, regardless of what is truth, I do think something is out there, and in our day and age the evidence is showing itself. Perhaps we will prove it in time. I like what I learned though:)

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 111502

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 27

Published: Feb 19, 2018	Views: 1,590

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LSD (2), DMT (18) : General (1), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 1 bump
		 insufflated
		 Ketamine
		 (powder / crystals)

		 oral
		 Mushrooms
		 (edible / food)

		 1.5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   105 lb

I am a physician, mother of three children, wearing many hats, but practicing integrative medicine, as well as a Hospitalist in a very allopathic model in ------  Canada.  I have been on a beautiful mystery ride of discovery, since childhood, to be sure, but amplified in the past 6 years.

If I may, I would love to share with you (I will aim to keep it brief!!) what I have learned, and with this, I am looking for a way to bring this to a larger audience, to inform wellness, and help others in their journeys.  I had an ego death about two years before the events I am about to describe…wherein I was in the whole, the unity, the no time no space.  It lasted for 5 days, wherein I was in pure consciousness, bliss, only able to eat plant-based foods, hyperesensorial, AWAKE in the dream.

The following is what unfolded 8 months after this ego death.

PART ONE

(via breathwork)

I had been to a Shaman earlier, last February, and during my vision quest (gained through breathwork alone), I had been reminded of these truths, but alas, we forgot them don't we?  Or we fail to understand how they fit into the Chinese puzzle, until we are confronted by a lesson, and it is shown to us, beautiful and perfect, all over again.  At that time, amongst 8 or 9 spirit entities/beings, I had been shown the face of a woman, in one instant, the most beautiful face I had ever seen, who then morphed in to an old hag, warted and hateful, then she was beautiful again. Her faces began to spin and blur, and then it was the yin and the yang, black and white, spinning spinning into grey and into UNITY. ALL. NO separation. Nothing is all or none. We are all ALL. During this vision, I was given a recording device (in my mind) by another sage guide. When I told this to the Shaman, he was pleased, and said any gift is one you need, and you will have this to overcome the need for words, and explanation, as both fall short, in these realms, don't they?  He told me I would be getting so much information the next year, it is to help me retain it all.

PART TWO

(via ketamine, tiny amount, right nare, no prior experience with this drug before, experience began about 2-3 minutes post inhalation).

This past August, at Burning Man,  I was catapulted back up to the blissful nirvana of the ALL, ONE, ONLY, of no linear time, no singular, the molecule amongst all the matter. I woke up in the hologram, keenly aware of the the game we are playing (my own emotion was total eclipsing joy, while receiving the download of information about the true nature of our reality)….but around me I saw the base, subconscious… how we utilize sex, substances, hallucinogens to try to regain the bliss we have known and forgotten, when our frequencies are low, kept down by our chemical restraints, societal constructs, industrial propaganda, etc…

It was as though I had been in this space an eternity, that my entire 42 years of memory, existence, multiplied by a millennia of lifetimes, was all encompassed in this one campsite space. I had been there a million times, but I kept forgetting it. It was the place of childhood dreams, of orgasmic joy (accessed through the act of orgasm).

I had had visions of what looked like two fingers (my index fingers) side by side…I saw this image in my mind for the past 2 years, never knowing what it meant (like Richard Dreyfus building the potato mountain in Close Encounters)….

In the campsite, seated on a lawn chair, when I looked down at my bare legs, side by each (wearing hot shorts :) ) it was the same image….two legs, side by side. It was MY TETHER. I had left myself this anchor, this talisman, this guidepost, that when I came back to the space of ALL NO TIME NO SPACE UNITY again, I would remember. I prayed that moment, 'Don't let me drop down, don't let me forget this time.'

I prayed that moment, 'Don't let me drop down, don't let me forget this time.'

  Perhaps because I had the device, or maybe the tether, or both, I did not forget.

Because the ALL was so whole and expansive and bliss-filled, I regarded that state as the ONE and The REAL, and our three dimensional earth-bound reality as the effect, the experiment, the playground that is false and secondary. There, with eyes closed now, in a pink swirling dust filled womb of all, I was making reality in my mind, creating and manipulating it, seeing it is a manifestation of consciousness through an aperture, consciousness wanting to experience itself. I put my hand on the forehead of a friend I had met that day, and said, 'LOOK, look what I see'….and then he too SAW IT! He said: 'oh my god, none of this is real…..none of it is real'….It felt hierarchal, that our earth-bound life is somehow less, false, and of lower value.

I was so wrong. I was caught still in polarity, in judgement of good or bad, or not appreciating the whole, and siding with the one.

PART THREE

(mushrooms, approximately 1-2 grams in honey, eaten over a 10 hour period, and 1.5 tab of LSD taken in the late afternoon, experience began post-LSD)

Three nights ago, with a collective of friends in [Nova Scotia] - on an energetically harmonic island - (my first foray into hallucinogens since August) I returned to the place of the singular, but this time it was different. Instead of bliss, and such exuberant joy, I was afraid. How can I have learned so much knowledge and wisdom, and still feel fear? If this world is a construct, a hologram, a product of the ALL, and I have seen the all, then why am I suffering in this moment? If the world is the work of imagination, and then LSD is part of the imagination, and I am back to consciousness, why am I not feeling joy?  What else is there to learn? Why am I lost in an infinite loop, unable to find the start, because there is not a beginning. Unable to reconcile the feeling of being unanchored.

Very luckily for me, I had my friends, the music we were making, my amazing boyfriend (my lightening rod, ground stone, earthbound place keeper) to pull me back in this place, and my dear friend (who has also awoken) to remind me, this is not the time that I will understand.  She made me hold on to myself, my shirt and said 'Feel this, this is REAL. Start here.'

I began feeling far far better, grounded and comforted.

A few hours later, as I lay in bed, the information I had been desperately seeking hours before began unfurling out to me.

I saw in my mind a massive cuboidal sliding box, with horizontal and vertical tetris logs sliding in and out, a matrix of all potential - green grid- with movement in every direction.  Within the structure, in every direction, were tendrils of energy, silk threads, dancing and collapsing, locking on to other threads, and rising or falling together. It was a massive primordial soup of energy and frequency, all at once light, and matter, depending on observation and awareness.  I was instantaneously reminded that there is no high or low, good or bad, female or male, better or worse, there is only the ALL. Our earth bound expression of consciousness is just as beautiful and intricate and profound as our nirvana of pure unity. Neither is the ONLY REAL. IT IS ALL THE REAL. We must navigate from one to the next, pulled up and down by all the energies around us, CHOOSING TO BE HERE, in this plane, learning to sail this most beautiful game by joining our forces, entangling with those who teach us, close our gaps, while we close theirs. Giving of ourselves to others who in turn buoy our own small boats, because none of us is alone EVER. We are all the fabric.  I can be a thread that pulls up, tent pole the weave around me, and lifts those threads, raising our small piece of this infinite cloth, just as another thread can pull me up with its wisdom and strength.

Just as there are forces of light and upward lift, there are forces that understand the box, who manipulate it for gain, and purposefully keep others base and blind.

But just as neither bliss nor earth-real is superior, the mountain of light and upward vibrational pull also needs the shadow, the downward pull.

It is the most beautifully intricate, perfectly imperfect, mind-blowingly complex yet absurdly simple cosmic dance, with forces within and without all trying to bring balance amongst the chaos. I was laughing aloud, clapping, hooting!! At the incredible fucking perfection of the whole goddamned thing!!! Like, WELL DONE!!!  WELL DONE.

We need to share what we know, collaborate our virtues and gifts. We all of us have superhuman powers, some ability that is unique, that helps us navigate these waters.

One friend at my house remembers every lyric of every song. EVERY ONE. It is uncanny. Superhuman. He just started rapping and singing, and it just continues hahaha on and on. No end. It's remarkable. He must be downloading the infinite, unconscious of this ability, but accessing SOURCE none the less. Then another friend has introduced me to Chaga, which I drank and it opened my eyes...another spoke of the necessity of this reality, anchoring my soul….

And on and on.  We are all at different stages of knowledge…again neither before or after, early or advanced….simply different, but complementary.

The signs are everywhere….in our music, our lyrical guidance, in our art, in the eyes of a baby, the beauty of a forest.  There is a reminder at every corner…we are not alone. We are asleep.  We need to wake up.  Be the change you want to see.  Dream, believe, act, work, fall down, stand up. We need to join each other, it takes a village.  Trust your friends. Know your enemies.  It is the teaching of all ancient texts, all religions, all spiritual prophecies.  Jesus and Allah, and Mohammed were BIG upward thrusting TENT POLES, and they brought up a massive surge of the fabric in the direction of AWAKE, LOVE AND KINDNESS. Forces of shadow, of darkness, of hate and greed are just as powerful, and want to collapse down this momentum, carve a downward spiral of energy, and oppose this light.

We are all allies in this life, working through this space.  Energetically entangled through a brilliant Rick and Morty time place warp continuum.  (Have you watched that show?)  My friend taught me I have to CHOOSE TO BE HERE. I choose to work here, and apply this to my medicine.

Also, like the ALL knowing space, this is but a sliver of knowledge. I accept that I will never know it all. I was blinded by pride, and the vestige of ego. How can we understand the infinite. I was a fool to believe I could, and I have surrendered to being the eternal student. Teach me and I will follow. Show me the light, and I will light those around me.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 111252

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 42

Published: Feb 21, 2018	Views: 1,903

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LSD (2), Mushrooms (39), Ketamine (31), Breathing (470) : Mystical Experiences (9), Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   12 st

I was young at the time, and my parents had gone away for the weekend, so two friends and myself each took one dose (blotter paper) of acid.  We took the stuff in a forest near my house.  It was midsummer, and where I live, it doesn't get fully dark till about eleven.  We sat around for an hour or so, until dusk had set in, but nothing was happening to me and not much to them, so we decided to head back to my house.  Another friend who hadn't taken anything came back too.

Soon after we got back, everything changed.  Mainly, I began to feel nauseous, and I was hungry too, but there wasn't a hope in hell that I could even comtemplate eating anything.  I went to the bathroom and sat down on the toilet and was horrified to see that my manhood had shrunk to about one inch!!!  After that shock, I was very anxious to rid myself of the general feeling of malaise.  Someone had told us that orange juice is an antidote to acid, so I forced myself to drink a small glass of it... it had no effect.  (I've since read that it's also meant to enhance the trip, so I don't know what's true).

Paranoia about being discovered on drugs soon began to set in, so I bundled my tripping friends out of my house and asked my sober friend to stay the night in case I went mental (I thought I would never come back down).  He agreed, but said that he'd need to write a note for his parents, so we walked back to his house so he could leave a note.  At this stage, it was about about 2 am.  I waited outside his house while he wrote the note and it was then that the strangest thing happened me.  I had gotten a few visual effects, such as objects (cars, for example) 'shunting' quickly one way and then straight back, but nothing too impressive.  But I was leaning on a low wall when I heard a man and a woman behind me.  They were talking about me...  The gist of their conversation was how 'awful' it was that I was on drugs and what would his parents think, and so on.  But it didn't just fade away - the conversation continued for minutes!  I know this, because my friend took about five minutes to come back out.  I could hear every word said and two distinct voices saying them.  I was utterly convinced that there were two people behind me engaged in conversation about my trip!  Eventually, I plucked up the courage to look behind me and face them, and when I did, the only thing there were the leaves of a palm tree (or something like it) rustling in the breeze.

After that episode, which I simply couldn't believe, we headed back to my house.  I tried to sleep, but it was after 7 am before I managed to get a couple of hours.  I awoke and looked in the mirror - one of my pupils was dilated, the other wasn't...  That wasn't what I needed to see either...  But it returned to normal an hour or two later.

It's well-known but very true, one's internal state of mind is very important.  Inner fears may be manifested as external stimuli.

I haven't tried acid since.

Exp Year: 1996	ExpID: 24042

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Mar 9, 2018	Views: 928

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LSD (2) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 3 hits
		 oral
		 Unknown
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   63 kg

[Erowid Note:
A substance(s) in this report might be identified incorrectly. Erowid reviewers question the author's identification of the drug described. Although the report is included in the collection, the substance might be something other than the author believed it to be.]

So...

I had 3 blotters... Each one was very strong according to what I had been told and the trip reports of others' on the same blotters , around 80-100 each...I took all three at once..Just by the time my they touched my mouth, I felt an overwhelming bitterness..I was sitting on my bed relaxing, having had a long hot shower before,and listened to some ambient. Needless to say I was a bit anxious and thinking about how the experience would be like, and about what I wanted to gain from it. As it was hitting me, at first I was feeling sort of stuck into the bed, trying to focus at the music.. I was feeling as if getting into time... For 1-2 hours it went up and up and up, I was slowly laughing all the time,also feeling some kind of shivering..

At certain parts I was feeling as if the substance was PUNISHING me, I suppose that was because it brought me a bit of nausea...after ~4 hours decided to go vomit, I managed to find the target.. :lol: Then I was sort of paranoid that my parents would figure out.. But I eventually managed to clean it.

All senses were intensified, I was hypersensitive to all of them, especially sound...

Furthermore, I felt a bit of ego death.. I didnt know who I am in the universe, confused,startled, --&gt;  :o  :huh:  :blink:  .. I largely wanted to express myself somehow, so I managed to find peace of mind in painting.. Just with a pencil, my hands were doing some sort of fractals, geometrical shapes and I was trying to concetrate and relax, fuel my energy somewhere..

I had the insight of being a much more 'primitive' being, but also using more of my brain in a different way, much more speedy.. I HAD to follow my insticts...

I wanted to become more extroverted...

After around 7-8 hours, in the morning , my mother woke up..

I went close to her, smiled, hugged her, asked her how she was doing..

I was restless but couldn't sleep.. When I was alone I had a shower. My sense of time was different, everything appeared more infinite in a way.

If I stared at objects they were changing,morphing, I believe  these 'hallucinations'  are the result of 1) Focusing,concetrating, 2)Images straight from the subconscious 3)Merging of the senses..

Funny thing is I imagined myself as some sort of elf... The way I was sitting on my bed or the way myself looked in the mirror..

Sometimes everything was just too much, even music so I took short breaks and trying to meditate by focusing on my breath and trying to visualize..

+7 hours.. I realize that if I focus too much on certain objects, everything else seemed to dissapear and/or seem more 'liquid' and blurry.. For exampe I would stare at my rooms lamp and I was seeing only it existing, just hanging in the air.

+14 hours after I decided to have a walk and meet some friend to talk..I had a strong urge to communicate. I found one at the moment, we decided to meet in a small park.. He was also startled and was asking me where/how I found the blotters.. I told him to be cautious about lsd and not just take it for 'fun', fun in the 'mainstream' way. I was laughing inside me, smiling , he though I was 'burned' so in the end I just decided to hug him...

It was feeling weird, as if power of gravity was stronger, as if the earth was grabbing me... I decided to have a walk in a [relatively small] forest... All I wanted was to hear the birds sing and feel the trees, the humidity,the air.. I was sitting on the benches...

I was forced, and also tried myself, to reform consciousness and awareness, body and mind awareness, reprogramm myself into something else, a new self emerging.

I was slowly coming down.. My reality had been flipped,decomposed, and I was slowly trying to re-form it, like a puzzle.

My reality had been flipped,decomposed, and I was slowly trying to re-form it, like a puzzle.

Weird enough , finally my memory has become better, more vivid, I learned to focus and channel my energy where I want.. But I've also become even more of a daydreamer, and learned to enjoy everything in life more, even just sitting and breathing.

I was seeing the similarities between things rather than the differencies, everything was ONE in a way.. Even music.. I was into it, every second was perceived as  eternity. I was stunned at Tom Heasley - Desert Triptych , the magic of didgeridoo !!

+20 hours I was there sitting with my father and bros , touching them, hugging them and talking to them.. Relaxed, sitting on the couch.. About their problems, my problems, generally..

+24 hours.. I didnt want to sleep alone.. Decided to sleep in the same bed with my brother.. Trying to calm down and meditate.. Insomnia. I had this fear that I will never return, but I managed to sleep for a few hours I think, having really vivid visuals. I had opened some doors of perception.. What if they never closed again ?? I persuaded myself that it's about which doors you decided to open and which to close ;)  You create your own reality.

On the other hand I also wanted to remember this experience and integrate in my life, which I've done.. The trip never ends, you have to change yourself, it's pointless to trip and then be exactly the same, making the same mistakes etc etc.

Also I had this insight that ,at least in our society, you'd better not deviate a lot from the normal.. We should always keep a bit of touch with the ground..  Example: Job. No one wants to but unfortunately you HAVE to.. Ideal would be trying to see everything as a game, so that you enjoy it more. Like a child.

Things seem newer now, I discover more of them, stare at them...

Intense appreciation for art , and a stronger need to express myself , to be more creative. I am calmer but at the same time more energetic.

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 51309

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Mar 15, 2018	Views: 1,197

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LSD (2) : General (1), Various (28)


		 DOSE:

		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   118 lb

The experience I had was totally antithetic from the usual trip or high.

It was a regular school day, and the day before, I bought some weed from a local dealer and two hits of LSD. I smoked one dime bag before and save the other for the next day. I was anxious. I’ve never tried LSD before and I researched assiduously about the substance and its effects two months prior to my trip. I was exited. I’ve tried marijuana plenty of times and every high was a spectacular one. I was going with two of my friends. G and J. Both experienced psychonauts. And I was soon added to the crew of this trip.

It was finally lunchtime and I was one of the first ones out side. It was about 11:20 am. The weather was great, seemed unusual for mid winter weather. Especially for the city of New York. Clear sunny skies, cool breeze, warm air, birds chirping, even the nakedness of the trees of winter brought optimism with great avidity. Waiting for my two friends to come out of the school, two minutes later they appeared with smiles on their face. I could tell they were as exited as I was.

We all got together and started walking to a park not too far from our school. We decided we might as well cut school if we’re going to get high. One of my fellow friends, J is in grade 11, and the other my closest friend G whom I’ve known since 5th grade have been smoking for over a year. J asked me for the blotter tabs I bought the day before. They were about one inch by one-inch squares split in four halves. I decided to take two fourths of the blotter. I gave two to J and the full blotter paper to G who was more experienced. It was then we were getting ready to take off into a realm of consternation. The space of alternate perception that goes beyond all standards of society, the final frontier of the human mind and reality that is filled with galaxies of wonder held together by standards of true psyche. Ready to explore that frontier aboard our ship that is LSD and we are the psychonauts ready to explore this second “space”.

About 6 minutes after I placed the blotter paper under my tongue, I started to feel light headed. G told me to pass him the bag of weed I had brought. Placing my hand in my pocket to reach for it, I start to feel a little fearful. My heart was pounding. I felt it as if it were banging on my chest trying to get my attention as I try ignoring it to avoid panic. I start to feel something similar to a head rush, like I’m going to pass out. I pulled the bag out of my pocket and gave it to G as J started to try to start a conversation with me. I’m thinking to myself maybe he’s feeling the same way. My trip soon changed when my visual experience changed dramatically.

The people passing us by as we walk seemed different. Not human; warped if you will. I began to notice the little hallucinations taking place. People say its like stepping into a Picasso. I describe it more of a Dali or Barbara Brody painting. The ground twisting and warping around the feet stepping on it as if it were made of play-doh. Tall buildings seemed taller and arched over us as we walked in this new realm, trees twisting and swaying with the vivid emotions worn on the faces of the passing pedestrians like theatre masks. Twisting lampposts, getting taller and taller. I began to slip out of my discomfort and began to enjoy the effects of the LSD that was taking place in my head and before my eyes.

I realized my friend G had already finished rolling up the weed. We took a break in a park that was empty and isolated from the pedestrian freeway we got out of and lit the blunt. I was euphoric when I was passed the blunt and immediately took a hit from it. It was a pretty large hit, felt as if the air was the smoke itself. As I exhaled, I felt an immense pressure was being unloaded off of my lungs. As the smoke left my mouth and filled the air, it looked like it was forming a cloud above my head raining compensation upon me, embracing me and welcoming me into new perception. The marijuana started to take effect almost immediately. I took 5 more hits form the blunt before I was done with it and the substances completely consumed me.

Then came the euphoria. The euphoric experience was extreme. My well-being was strong and I felt incredible. My mood came out as vivid as the colors I saw. The shadows of the buildings seemed darker and to rise up off the ground creating implausible but incredible new structures. The sky’s clouds were melting, and seemed liquid like hovering above us. The hallucinations soon began to amplify and the unbelievable became believable. I was sort of freaked out but it was like an emotion tug of war. Every possible emotion pulling me every which way towards it. But happiness won that war because my euphoric state was strong.

We soon stopped at a mc Donald’s to chill. We went upstairs and sat down. There were mirrors on the wall. I looked at myself and saw a stranger. I saw a totally different person staring back at me and wondered what he was thinking, who is this person. I feared the worst. Has LSD slain my ego? I began to think that my soul was replaced with another. That I couldn’t return back to the standard world I usually live in. Without all the hallucinations. I feared that I lost my ability to get sober again. Then the hallucinations took a drastic turn for the worst. As the chairs and tables, light bulbs and decorations on the wall looked back at me, taunting me. I tasted the colored tiles on the wall, and they were bitter, stinging my tongue with hostility.

My friend J looked at me in concern and asked if I was all right. That emotional tug of war came out in my voice. I replied with a two-faced “yes” then began to sit. I was trembling. The racing train of thoughts in my head and my racing heart seemed to compete against each other to the finish line of my composure limit. I started to think I was having a bad trip. I started viewing LSD as a superior being that I have disobeyed and was waiting to punish me with a horrible trip waiting in its wings. Dysphoria hit me like a bomb. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was unconsciously talking to myself. My friend G told me to calm down. I replied with a “How could I when death is just around the corner” I wanted to yell, but I somehow controlled myself not to.

J suggested I listen to music. Then I remembered my iPod. I soon began to calm down and feel a spark of hope setting off my blaze of euphoria again. Looking forward to a musical experience on LSD. I took it out and turned it on. The bright screen projected like a hologram. Like the one you would see in star wars. I was then thinking about the perfect song. Then as I was scrolling I stumbled upon Type-O-Negative and played the song ‘Christian Woman’. The vocals set off a vibe in me that was powerful. I was elated. The word Euphoria lost its meaning, for what I felt was something ineffable. The experience soon felt dreamy. I saw a gorgeous woman that walked up the stairs. She seemed like a goddess, the fantasy type with light piercing around her figure and wind blowing through her hair. Time was slowed to the tempo of the song and perception seemed movie-like. I was captivated within the mood of the song until it was over. I scrolled to Nirvana and listened to my favorite song. It was Aneurysm.

The song was different. It sounded robotic. I remember replaying the whole song over and over. Just to keep it as an asylum from bad tripping again but I eventually stopped and joined in a conversation G and J were having about their trips, hot girls in the school they would sleep with, how hungry they were and such. The conversation was of great depth. I saw my friends in a different way. Like two strangers I knew, but didn’t quite get at times. It was about two hours and forty-five minutes into the trip/high and I was beginning to come down. Although I still had some visual hallucinations that I once again started to enjoy.

On the subway ride home, the LSD finally settled down with the sun. I was a bit buzzed by the weed. I felt as if the remaining effects of the weed were sad, all alone because the effects of the LSD were diminishing. That the weed lost its friend and partner in helping themselves at my sanity, but ended up being a battle I won with a little friend called euphoria. This coaster ride was rough but overall amazing. I’m definitely tripping again.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 76842

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Mar 19, 2018	Views: 932

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LSD (2) : General (1), First Times (2), Various (28)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		   joints/cigs
		 smoked
		 Tobacco - Cigarettes

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   140 lb

The experiences of lsd had always somewhat interested me, even before I’d gotten into psychedelics. I started smoking weed about 3-4 years ago, and a friend of mine suggested we try to get some of that wonderful Sunshine we’d heard so much about.

For a good 3 months, we were out of luck; no one we knew had any idea how or where to get any. Then, while hanging out with some buds for a jamming session, we got the news…a friend of a friend of ours had some in their possession, and they were letting us buy 10 hits for $90. Sweet.

So, me, W, C, and J waited for them to get off work and show up with the goods…we waited, and waited, and waited. It was about 9:30 PM when it arrived, and we immediately began splitting up the hits. Since C and J had bought the strip with their money, they got 3 hits each, me and W got 2. We decided to eat only one at a time after extensive research online, which we naively thought prepared us for the effects. Needless to say…we were wrong.

Waiting for 30 minutes was excruciating, but soon we were finding the most mundane tasks hilarious. Lighting a joint was enthralling, and occasionally one of us would drop our lighter, sending us into giggle-fits. Then, we had the “brilliant” idea to turn off the lights in the apartment, and put on some trippy music…starting with the Beatles’ Revolution 9. Once “number 9” started repeating in the semi-darkness (because we’d also turned on a lava lamp in the corner), it all started.

Thinking back, I really can’t remember exactly what color that damn lava lamp was that night. I remember hues of green, red, and purple, but I’m not positive. Anyway, after enjoying mild visual distortions for about half an hour, such as watching the ceiling fan lower and raise as it spun, walls breathing, etc. etc., J and I decided to go out on the patio for a cig. Now, I’m a reasonably stable-minded guy, but he almost convinced me he was my Tyler Durden…my alter-ego, as it were. Hey, at the time, I wasn’t in much of a state to argue, I just denied.  Here’s where the trip really set in.

10:30-ish…I was almost done smoking my cig. J had gone back in, and I remained outside trying to straighten my mind out. For some reason, his argument that he was my double seemed reasonable, but I couldn’t accept it. I finally got my head straight…reasonably…and turned to go back in, when I realized there were people coming over from across the parking lot. Paranoia set in like a ton of bricks. I ran inside, shut the door, and went into the bathroom. Once inside, I completely forgot why I’d come back in, and proceeded to take a piss. Coming back out into the living room, I noticed the other guys kinda freaking, and I asked what was up. W told me these people had come in, one chick wearing a weird mask, and he had scared her off by staring and touching the mask to make sure she was real. I had no clue what he was talking about. The people had completely slipped my mind!

We returned to the bedroom to listen to more music. Visuals were getting more and more intense. I could’ve sworn there was a strangely-shaped talisman or ornament of some kind suspended directly in front of my face, and I “grabbed” it and put it away. Now here’s where the fun began…

C said he had a cd that was really trippy, and he put it in the big, multi-tray stereo J had in his room. Lights out, lava lamp on, music beginning…but this was strange music. It was dark, sinister even, and we immediately felt a cold menace begin to creep into our reality. For the curious, the cd was Delerium Cordia by Fantomas. Shapes began moving and flitting about the dark room. We still had the giddy feeling of coming up, but it was rapidly becoming shadowed over by this…apocalyptic music invading our minds. Deep chants, strange screams and breathing sounds, weird moans and giggles and clangs…We felt like we were in some devil’s kitchen. The stereo became some kind of boiler, an oven that radiated evil. W began staring at the corners of the room, mumbling from time to time about things coming out of them. By now, we’d lost all association with time and the outside world. Our reality was the 9th level of hell. I recall C nonchalantly stepping into the closet on one side of the room and, just because I was feeling ducky, I shut the door behind him.

“Dude, no, let me out, seriously, man, open the door I can’t stay in here open the door man really OPEN THE DOOR MAN DUDE!”

Realizing it wasn’t locked or anything, he stepped out with a calm look on his face, which momentarily sent us into peals of giggles again.

Finally, We decided to explore the rest of the apartment. That was quite possibly the most difficult thing we did that night. Opening the door was like opening a door into a different world, a separate universe. We’d forgotten to leave any lights on! Darkness greeted us, and it took quite a while for us to reach the kitchen, where the only light on was located. J, C, and W became fixated on a bubble rising up from the tiles of the floor, but I, for some reason I haven’t yet figured out, decided to return to the bedroom and finish listening to the music. Here’s where I blacked out a little. I do not remember what went on in that dark room where demons pranced about and laughed as they picked at me and flitted from corner to corner. I just sat in a chair, enraptured by the darkness.

Suddenly, W opened the door, and I realized the music had stopped.

“Dude? Dude, why are you in here?? C’mon, we’re about to go outside.”

The idea intrigued me, and we all headed out onto a grassy lawn just outside the apartment. The sky, which should have been black from the night, was a blazing orange punctuated by small, black clouds rushing across its surface. We sat in the grass, captured by the brilliant display. Then, thinking we were coming down, we went back inside to the room, wisely flipping on the lights as we did. W somehow rolled a joint, and we smoked as we debated whether or not to take another tab. W and I were all for it, but C and J were against it, so we smoked the rest of the joint instead. Almost instantly, we peaked again. The next few hours or so are a hazy recollection of running around the apartment, laughing, staring wide-eyed at shapes that weren’t there, shapes that chased us, eluded us, played tag with us. W and I met up in the bathroom and stared into the mirror for a while, just to check our eyes. As we suspected…big as dinner plates. I remember distinctly one of the funniest moments of the night. J, C, and W were in the kitchen, I was in the living room. Suddenly, the kitchen light began to strobe, and each time it did, J would cry out in momentary panic. I went in to see what was going on, and found C and W laughing their asses off as J laid on the floor, squealing every time the light flashed. Then, J’s roommate, who was across the parking lot with some other friends, walked in the door.

“I…noticed my kitchen was flashing…”

Gales of laughter.

 Finally, we’d had enough. C and J went back into the bedroom to chill out to some Led Zeppelin, and W and I stayed in the living room playing a game to ground us. Before long, we realized the sun was shining in through the blinds. It was morning, real morning this time, and we felt ourselves crashing from the night’s events.

Although my first and only trip from acid was riddled with fear and darkness, it was also punctuated with mind-opening, euphoric revelations and visions. I’ll definitely do it again at any given opportunity, I guess because I’ve gotten the bad trip out of the way. Anything else would be a good trip in comparison…or so I thought. A month or two later, I first read others’ experiences with acid, and I was dumbfounded at the number of trips that were inconceivably worse than mine. This hasn’t changed my decisions in the least, however, and lsd still beckons me forward.  I still feel it at the edge of my consciousness, and I can’t wait for the next time.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 68131

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Mar 21, 2018	Views: 825

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), General (1)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 105 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 4:30
		 500 mg
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   135 lb

Date: Monday, January 22, 2018

Substance: 105μg 98.9% Aztec Xtal Lysergic Acid Diethylamide-25 on blotter paper

Initial Dose: 06:23 AM

T+ 0:00 105μg LSD

T+ 4:30 .5g Cannabis (Hybrid Strain [White Widow]) 23% THC Sativa Dominant

I have been interested in exploring my consciousness since I refused to accept my Christian indoctrination as a means to an end as a child. Only recently (

I started doing serious research on psychedelics a few months before the start of 2018, eventually narrowing down on LSD, and eventually spent a week planning out the circumstances and the objectives of my first trip. Knowing the importance of set and setting; the plan was to trip alone at my house, during the day, starting at about six o'clock in the morning.

Aside from smoking cannabis, this has been my first experience with a psychedelic drug.

I cleared the entire day for the trip so that there would be no distractions and I would have plenty of time for the trip itself as well as time to recover. I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock at 6:00 in the morning and had initially planned on ingesting the acid on an empty stomach, but was considerably hungry when I woke up so I ate two pieces of toast with blackberry jam. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and took the initial dose of 105μg LSD on a single tab of blotter paper by 6:23 AM, approximately one hour before sunrise.

My heart began to race as soon as the paper hit my tongue

My heart began to race as soon as the paper hit my tongue

--this was more excitement than nerves, but I quickly became very calm as I waited for the acid to dissolve until I swallowed the paper after about 15 minutes had gone by. This was the point of no return, no turning back now.

‘I just let one hundred and five micrograms of LSD dissolve in my mouth and swallowed the paper.’ Like unlocking a door and throwing away the key. I let this sink in for a moment, knowing that I was about to be completely at the liberty of my own subconscious or “Psychedelic Ego” for the next 8-10+ hours. As the late Terence McKenna never tired of pointing out, this guarantee of profound effect, for better or worse, is what separates psychedelics from every other method of spiritual inquiry.

I spent the next hour waiting anxiously for the effects to become apparent. I began to notice a mild body high and euphoria, but saw no immediate changes in perception or thought. I stepped outside my room and began wandering throughout the house, studying the environment. I noticed the shadow of a light fixture which appeared to be swaying back and forth against the wall, even though the lamp itself was completely still. This was about an hour into the trip and aside from some mild euphoria and hallucinations of shadows swaying and expanding, I otherwise seemed to be thinking clearly and felt somewhat “normal”. I was observing this environment that I interact with on a daily basis, from the perspective of being on a tour with my mind and the many tricks it’s capable of as the guide.

It was a very gentle ascent into the trip, I must have spent the next few hours walking around enjoying the visuals as they became more intense, and was reporting my observations to a friend I was speaking to on a voice call. This part of the trip was almost entirely extrospective, I was engulfed by the senses. I recall listening to “On the Beach” by Neil Young, running my fingers against the crisp texture of the paint on the walls while I watched as the world around me breathed and changed.

My mind was quiet. I wasn’t worried about anything and I was starting to get the idea that this is what it was all about; being present in the moment.

I was starting to get the idea that this is what it was all about; being present in the moment.

 I wanted to test this idea by creating what I considered to be the “perfect moment” for myself, and basking in it. So I made some chai, loaded some very potent cannabis into my pipe, turned my music up and stepped outside. I sat down in my favorite chair on my patio and paused for a moment to take it all in. The piercing sun was presenting the most beautiful blue sky I had ever seen, with strips of clouds that looked like they had been painted on by a French impressionist. It was 60°F outside, the 20mph winds were crashing into me with every gust, seemingly in synchronicity with my music. Without a doubt, I was sure I had created the perfect moment, and I was immersed in it.

Perhaps in a lapse of judgement, I waited for the wind to pause, sparked my lighter and took a long toke on my pipe, followed by another to finish off the bowl. A few moments later I got up from my chair, laid down in the grass and looked up at the sky. I could feel every single blade of grass massaging against my skin. In a single moment I became aware of everything that had led me to this moment. My senses and my consciousness seemed vitally linked. I felt alive and vibrantly awake with everything I had. I was completely unaware of my body yet I was overwhelmed with a euphoric cocktail of sensory and emotion, it brought tears to my eyes. I was crying harder than I ever had before. I was crying harder than I did during the saddest moments of my life, and it was because I was so happy. <pullquote was grinning like an idiot sobbing uncontrollably and laughing>, because for that moment I think I felt what I could only describe as absolute love and understanding.

The more extrospective the trip became, the more in tune I was with my senses, the more I was able to be aware of the moment I was in--which is to say the more I became aware of existing. As soon as I caught on to this, my mind was suddenly racing and my blissful moment had ended. I stepped back inside and the extrospection instantaneously turned to seemingly infinite introspection as though someone had flipped a switch. It then dawned on me that what I might be experiencing was akin to what some have described as an “Ego-Death”.

This term is troubling to me. It is a linguistic paradox, which in my case induced a terrifying, seemingly endless thought loop upon asking myself the question; “Who is it that seeks to destroy the ego?” I came to the idea that the ego is something created when we attach a thought, sense, or a memory of an experience to oneself (self meaning a conscious physiological organism). So to say that “I” had this incredible moment of absolute bliss during which there was no ego present, seemed almost insulting--because if there is no ego, then who just had this experience?

With that in mind, it would seem to be that the experience itself of having an “ego-death” is the ultimate reassurance of the existence of an ego, contrary to the linguistic implications of the term. If ego is something we create by attaching a thought, sense or a memory of a moment to oneself, thereby marking the end of that moment; what happens when we try to attach a moment of egolessness to oneself?

I spent the next 2-3 hours in an endless game of tug-of-war between this state of egolessness and my ego which was trying to process what just happened. I was beginning to think I had lost my mind, which of course caused me to get the idea that I might be having a “bad trip” which sparked another thought loop over questions such as “Who is tripping right now?” “What makes a good trip vs a bad trip?” “If there is no ego, then who is going to come down from this trip?”

The loops continued, and I the concern I was having for being in the uncontrollably terrifying state was producing more concern because I was concerned which produced concern that I would never come back from this state which I was concerned about which lead me to ask myself again “Who is in this state?” and it happened over and over again like that. Which is a definition of insanity, to repeat the same task over and over and again expecting different results.

By a certain point I began to get the idea that each step of this psychedelic experience, each phase of this “ego-death” was part of a larger process. The initial moment of egolessness I experienced birthed the awareness of this happening and thus the awareness of an ego, as it is the ego that is aware of the happening.

A series of involuntary thought loops and caused by the paradoxical validation of an ego after experiencing a state of egolessness is what lead to the final dissolution of the external ego and thus the understanding that the polarity between ego and egolessness defines existence itself. As Ramana Maharshi says, the question ‘Who am I?’ is not really meant to get an answer, the question is meant to dissolve the questioner.

This I believe is the state often referred to in psychedelic culture as “oneness with the universe”. Wherein it is possible to reach the understanding and feeling of singularity between the constructed ego and the underlying constant of existence and consciousness which lies beneath.

Once I came to understand this, I was finally able to return to the present moment and quiet my mind again. It was during this time which was the comedown that I was also experiencing the most intense fractal visuals of the entire trip. I was listening to classical music and Alan Watts lectures, who’s words brought me peace and comfort as he seemed to be able to explain everything I had been struggling to put into words.

This experience has changed my perspective of the ego. It has awakened me to the interdependent relationship of consciousness and existence--which was the case before I came to this understanding, and is still the case now that I have come to this understanding. The difference is the awareness of the understanding.

This experience taught me that it wasn’t about what I wanted to go in and ‘get’ from the experience. It was about redefining who ‘I’ am altogether. This experience taught me to appreciate the high definition that polarity gives to existence.

I also know now that going into these states is not about recording what I can of them so that I can explain it all to myself when I come back down. It’s an awakening of sorts. I come to understand that the ego is something that is birthed from a state of egolessness. So being in the psychedelic moment is to be without the ego. To try to understand is to have the ego present.

So my objective now, when re-entering this headspace is to be completely present in the moment it provides. The moment of egolessness. In Hinduism, this is called Sacchidānanda, which represents “existence, consciousness, and bliss” or “truth, consciousness, bliss' and is an epithet and description for the subjective experience of the ultimate, unchanging reality, Brahman.

[Bracketed text was additional detail or an edit provided by the author one week after the first time they submitted the report, and added after it was first published.]

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 111573

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 6, 2018	Views: 1,101

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LSD (2) : Alone (16), First Times (2), General (1)

</pullquote>


		 DOSE:

		   repeated
		 oral
		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   100 lb

I went through a year of partying when I was 21.  My husband was going in the army and the time would soon come where I had to put aside my old ways and become a prim and proper officer's wife.  So I decided to go ahead and cram as much partying as I could in as short a time as possible.  I'd discovered acid when I was 20 (I never did drugs as a teen *gasp* and tried pot for the first time when I was 19) and I loved it from the start.  I had been using e since I was 19 and I was bored with the sameness that I always experienced and I found something new and wonderful in acid.  From that first sugar cube, I was hooked.

I loved everything about it.  I had absolutely no inhibitions, everything was fun, and I was rediscovering the world like a five year old.  It was wonderful.  Well, I started to do it every weekend.  Friday, I'd drive over to this guy's house and score some acid for me and my friends.  At first, I'd only take one or two hits, but as time passed I was taking up to six hits at a time.  At first, I just stuck to Fridays, but then I started doing it on Saturdays too.  Then, nothing else would do but to start tripping on all the days of the week.  I went a week without breathing a sober breath.  I was working at a video store at that time, and I would sit there watching movies and helping customers with dimed-out pupils and a vacant stare.

I was totally frying myself out on acid, but I didn't care because I was having fun.  I still thought I was having fun when I started making big mistakes.  I'm not going to mention the biggest, because I still hate myself for it and will never get over it, but I did charge my credit card up to the max so that I could save my money for pot and acid.  I was such a fool.  I don't know when it stopped being fun for me.

I don't know when it stopped being fun for me.

  It was just something to escape the problems I'd created for myself.  I'd drop a few hits, turn on some music, dance around, and talk to my friends.  Before long, I would be crying or freaking out and screaming.  All of my friends told me that I needed to stop, but I couldn't.  Acid is my Achilles Heal.  For some people it's alcohol or heroin or coke, no, mine's acid.  I've never heard of acid addictions, I didn't go through withdrawls or serious pain, but if I didn't trip, I would get so depressed and suicidal that I just had to do it to forget.  This went on for several months and then I moved to North Carolina.  My husband go stationed here in the Army and of course I followed him like a good wife should.  Of course, there were no drugs to be found (I will not get him in trouble) and I had to quit cold-turkey.  I sank into a depression so deep that I was practically catatonic.  I would sit in my chair and lay there all day, I'd be in the same position when my husband came home 9 hours later.  I eventually swallowed all of my prescription pills for depression (zoloft) because the info brochure said that overdosing could cause fatal injury or harm.  I sure wanted that.  My husband came in the bathroom and noticed the empty bottle that had been refilled the day before and questioned me.  He then rushed me to the emergency room where I had to drink liquid charcoal.  They put me in ICU and kept me on suicide watch.  They then committed me for evaluation.  Let me tell you, psych wards are no fun.  I was so scared and just wanted to go home, I kept beggin and begging, but they wouldn't let me.  So I just pretended like nothing was wrong and told them what they wanted to hear.  The dr. knew I was doing that, but he really couldn't prove it so I went home.

During my acid binge I went from 110 lbs to 95 lbs.  I was skeletal.  I honestly don't know how I could have done that to myself.  I didn't eat much, and I never slept.  I look at pictures from that time period and I just can't believe that it's me.  I still have permatrip.  I see trails and have difficulty driving at night.  I still have flashbacks, but no where near as many as I used to have.  I can look at the ceiling right now and see it start to shift and move and the walls breathe ever so slightly.  I think I will be like this for the rest of my life.  I wish that I had made wiser decisions.  Now I'm 23 and I'm trying to make something for myself.  I have a hard time making conversation and I stutter when I'm nervous (and I used to provide such sparkling conversation and wit!).

Over that year, I can honestly say that I tripped at least 100 times and many of those times I took more than 3 hits of acid.  My average was 5, but I've done as much as 8 at one time.  I also used ecstasy and marijuana regularly.  I know that I've fried myself out and a lot of my friends have to.  I feel really guilty for turning on my friends to acid.  Some of them have gone totally nuts and fried themselves out on harder drugs and some don't really do that much anymore, but I think their lives would have been a lot simpler if I hadn't introduced them to that stupid peice of paper.  I have regrets, but I also have wonderful memories.  Perhaps with time, I will recover completely and the memories will become rose-tinted with age.  Until then, I long for acid.  I want to do it so badly, but I stay away and plan to forever.

Exp Year: 2000	ExpID: 18337

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 11, 2018	Views: 2,137

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LSD (2) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction &amp; Habituation (10), Depression (15), Hangover / Days After (46), Post Trip Problems (8), Not Applicable (38)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:45
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 7:00
		   repeated
		 insufflated
		 Ketamine
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 7:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 oral
		 Alcohol - Beer/Wine

		   T+ 0:00

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (extract)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   120 lb

Trip Report: Saxophone K-Hole (+LSD) and I now think my friends are aliens.

This last weekend I performed at a grassroots music festival. I arrived on Friday between 1:30 &amp; 2pm. When I arrive I check in, park, and take a walk to catch my bearings on the venue and say hi to people. Checking the set times for Friday I learn that I have the day free because one of the groups I was playing with changed their performance time to early Saturday.

At about 5:30 I drop an Owsley Bear tab from my friend I’ll call “B” that is said to be just over 400 mics. I walk around and feel myself in a real smooth come up. At about 6:15 I come across my friend again and he asks if I’m ready for another tab already. Since the day is pretty much open for me and I don’t have anything to be too responsible for, my inner rockstar kicks in and I drop another tab.

I want to say I really started feeling a peak start about 6:30. I am feeling great going through an ego dissolution (not a full on ego death). I can’t speak straight by this time but I can still communicate with reality for the most part. The LSD wasn’t visual really at all but I could definitely feel it kicking strong throughout my body. I could feel everyone around me and I felt like I could simultaneously feel where they were directing their attention and energy.

I could feel everyone around me and I felt like I could simultaneously feel where they were directing their attention and energy.

 The stage is indoors to escape the rain and I start feeling like the room is getting smaller and smaller. The auditorium visually didn’t get smaller or change at all I was just experiencing the feeling of it.

At some point claustrophobia kicks in then everything became way overwhelming. I walk to the car to smoke a blunt (which was hard to roll with shaky hands) and grab a couple beers to help ease up the trip, and just by holding a beer as I walked around helped me feel like I was more apart of the vibe that was going on for some reason. I am comfortable enough to go back to the auditorium and listen to the bands that were playing. But I would have to intermittently step outside smoke some weed and recenter my self before I go back in and bob my head (I don’t dance) to the tunes. One of the times I was outside a DJ friend of mine  came up to me and said that he was hosting a VIP late-night Ninja Stage that night in one of the other rooms at the venue and told me (didn’t ask me) that I was playing on his set. He knew I would be up for it anyway because that’s just who I am.

Friday night on the Main Stage was coming to a close. The Frankie Hernandez Band was headlining Friday and put on an amazing show. After they were done just after midnight, I walked to buy a beer from the beer garden because I was tired of tasting the Rolling Rock I brought with me. As I was ordering I still felt like I was peaking and had one of the most awkward encounters ordering a beer ever. The people working the bar were making fun of me for being so high but they thought I was so dissociated I didn’t understand that they were making fun of me to my face. As much as I wanted to call the bartenders out for being dicks I couldn’t really form my communication at the time and I have a hard time participating or reciprocating with negative energy on large doses. It becomes a portal that if I go down it becomes very difficult to find another portal back toward positive psychedelia.

I walk back to the car and check on my friend that is tripping. I drink my beer, smoke a blunt, and restock my jacket pockets with Rolling Rock. I grab my saxophone and my friend walks with me toward the Ninja Stage room. He stays at Main Stage to watch the band and I walk over to the Ninja Stage to see what’s up.

At about 12:30am I walk in and the room is full of festi-kids and lasers. My friend is behind turn tables mixing back and forth between R&amp;B remixes and alien sounding tech-house tracks. I put my saxophone in a safe spot behind the turn tables and say hi to some of the producers and friends. At this time my LSD trip has seemed to settle into a nice vibey experience. A new DJ takes over as I start setting up my saxophone and he lets me know that he is going to switch it up from tech to deep house, I tell him to hit me with what he’s got and I’ll just go with his flow. I start just noodling on the sax a little bit to catch the feeling of the tracks that are playing. It doesn’t take too long before I lock in and the LSD is unlocking creative abilities as I am improvising on whatever the DJ is playing. My friend comes back in after a while and asks  the current DJ for his spoon and the little plastic jar of K. He takes a bump then gives us each a bump. B walks in and I ask if he can get a bump since he still has his K cherry to pop.

As the first bump kicks in I notice it gives more of a high than the first time I did K at Oregon Eclipse which felt more like a drunkenness. I keep jamming along and my friend takes back over the turn tables. B breaks off an Owsley Bear tab for each of us standing at the turn table and we all drop. Some point later my friend puts on a longer track so he can spoon up some K for us. As he is putting the spoon in my direction he kind of has a grin but I go down and get a good strong sniff and feel it instantly hit the back of my throat and I even cough a bit.

And this is where the story actually begins...

I start swimming in the K. Time and space start coming to a pause. Sound is starting to smear and break down into clicks and other weird noises. Through this I am unconscious within reality but am still playing saxophone. I am watching the turn tables and my frame of view starts reconstructing itself then linearly recreates itself again and again and builds a crazy repeating spiral Mandelbrot type fractal out of the the thousands of individual frames that were all created in my vision. Through the night I kept going in and out of frames of reference and couldn’t tell if If my vision kept creating new ones or if I was flying around the fractal visiting old ones. I remember having to lean back against the wall then somehow I end up leaned against the arm of a couch and it feels like I settle into a cloud. I didn’t know what I was sitting back against at the time and I didn’t care to figure it out. Right at this moment everything seemed perfect like I was supposed to be there like it was accorded to some universal order somehow. I was comfortable sitting in a cloud playing my saxophone in front of the loudspeaker pounding sound at me. The lasers on the wall kept breaking apart and each dot from the laser seemed like portals of information I could fly through. At this point I am no longer in reality by any means. I hardly remember playing the saxophone through this journey. But the little bit of playing I remember it seemed like I had to really make each sound I made absolutely matter. This felt like one of the strongest spiritual connections I’ve had while playing music or doing anything for that matter.

This felt like one of the strongest spiritual connections I’ve had while playing music or doing anything for that matter.

 All of my vibrato, swells, rhythms, crescendo, and other technical abilities were beyond anything I’ve felt like I’ve ever been able to accomplish on the saxophone. The emotion flowing out of me through the saxophone was unreal.

I come to reality for a minute and another DJ is on the turn tables free styling her set because her flash drive wouldn’t work and she looks at me and says this is one of the greatest things she’s been apart of and I jam out the set with her. This was also the first instance I have met her and her and I were throwing it down hard but what was more amazing is that she didn’t know any of the tracks she was even playing and she was on killing it.

All of my friends turned into aliens. The DJ before was back on the turntables at some point and when I looked up at him while he was talking to me and he had an eyeball popping out of his forehead. It wasn’t like your regular human eye either, it was big and looked like one giant pupil. After I noticed that I looked around and saw other people and friends with an eyeball popping out of their foreheads too. Not everyone had an eyeball on their forehead but just a couple of the male people in the room. The people with eyeballs on their foreheads also seemed like they were also communicating specifically with each other and less with others. It seemed like they were communicating about me and how they tapped me in so to keep me going. The dialog was crazy... I only heard parts of sentences here and there from different people over the night but it seemed like each part I heard completed the last part of a communication from an earlier time of the night. With the way my mind put it all together I was being asked if I wanted to stay on that psychedelic plane and board their ship and go with them or if I wanted to return to my body but if I chose to go with them I would never be allowed to return.

I told them I like where I am at but I want to go home at some point because there are things on Earth I need to take care of and make right with loved ones specifically my mom as I regret the way I’ve treated her and the hell I’ve sent her through and I wouldn’t want to leave her with the way things are even though I feel like everything we’ve done to each other is irreparable and I’ve lost her forever even though she’s alive today. I didn’t have any want to reconnect with my dad through any of it I noticed post-journey. I wanted to somehow see my dog again but I couldn’t find a resolution to that issue in my journey. My mom gave my dog away last summer without my knowledge while I was gone at a show and he was being baby sat and I haven’t talked to her since. I also realized I need to do whatever I need to to visit my grandparents before they pass on and before I choose to board the ship if I ever chose to. I had this conversation with myself about my belief in God and Satan which seemed to strengthen and validate my thoughts and beliefs. I felt like Satan was there with me trying to make me realize him and give me the sense that he is the bearer of light and intelligence. It felt as though Satan gave me the choice to accomplish anything I want to if I decided to commit myself to him right there as he would bless me with all of the talents and abilities I longed for from that point on... I could simply be the greatest ever in an instant. Right at that realization is where I caught my bearings on Satan. I don’t want to be the greatest ever and know it. I want to do great things and help my fellow people along their path but to live by the fact that I am greater than anyone or anything else is not my intention on how I want to influence the world around me. In earlier years I thought I was greater than others around me and let the ego play me into being a fool with nobody there for me.

As soon as I refuse Satan’s offer this girl with blue hair sits down next to me and starts talking to me. This girl is very beautiful and I am able to have an amazing conversation with her but then Satan comes back and says I can have her but if I become one with her I am his forever. I felt like Satan was playing on how lonely I am since I have been wanting to have a deep connection with a very special person in my life. I came to an understanding that loneliness and the feeling of wanting love in life is another form of personal sacrifice. Personal sacrifice is something I’ve felt God has been teaching me in a unique way. Talking with other people they have their own ways of personal sacrifice but it feels like the teachings through a brick and mortar church from a reverend, priest, and pastor are desensitizing from being able to feel the absolute true center of yourself. But then again each individual is on their own path and I cannot claim anyone to be any more or less sensitive than I am.

My friend and the other DJ are standing at the turn tables looking at me and I see them both looking like aliens with eyeballs in their forehead and one says to me “Now do you see?” and I respond with a very blunt “Ohhhhhhh FUCK” and they both start giggling and say “Oh yeah, it is what it is brother”. I realize at this moment I am actually sitting in one of the seats on the couch. DJ W*** is making his way behind the turn tables and I’m still jamming out on my saxophone this whole time. W***’s first track he mixes into pulls me out of my frame of reference and I get sucked back out of the individual frame and see the fractal spiraling again. Colors are exploding in linear patterns for what seemed like millions of years and at some point I come back to and notice my hands moving in grid like patterns in front of my face but I have no control over them. My hands are just dancing to the music. Then shortly I’m back to flying around the fractal playing my saxophone for what felt like eternity.

I get dropped back into reality trying to realize and understand what just happened. It’s like I woke up seeing the sunrise out of the window across the room sitting on a random couch with my saxophone in my hands and I was very confused on where I was, what I was doing, and how I got there. I look over and see W*** on the turn tables playing tech house then he drops a really funky tech house track and I play a little bit more with my journey fresh on my mind. Not too long later W*** flips on auto DJ and comes and sits on the couch with me and tells me what a great night it was and that he really enjoyed my sax playing. One of the promoters walk into the room and lets people know there is breakfast being cooked by the beer garden. For the first time all night I am able to stand up and I grab my saxophone case from behind the turn tables and put my saxophone away. People are in and out of the room and tell me about how sensational they thought I was through the night. People told me they could see me settle hard into my k-hole and they were all feeling it too. Soon the promoters walk in and let us know the venue owners are on the property so we need to get the room cleaned up of all the bottles, cans, and drug baggies. After doing a little cleaning my friend tells me to follow him out for a dab and we head out the back door to this tent. As I’m walking up to this tent this dude comes flying out of the tent to come shake my hand and tell me about how much he enjoyed the sax then introduces himself and the other people that are rooming with him in the tent. We all get in rotation for dabs and get invited to someone else’s camp for breakfast burritos which were amazing.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 111765

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 22

Published: Apr 13, 2018	Views: 1,388

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LSD (2), Ketamine (31) : Rave / Dance Event (18), Music Discussion (22), Combinations (3)