		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 3.5 g
		 oral
		 Mushrooms - P. cubensis
		 (dried)

		   T+ 1:00
		 2 hits

		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:00
		 2 hits

		 LSD
		 (gel tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   155 lb

My culmination of mushroom experiences has led me to believe that there are mushroom spirits and that use of psychedelic mushrooms grown in 'labs' and indoors with the intention of tripping leaves one vulnerable to any harm whether psychological or physical by these spirits. I truly believe use of the fungus should be left to shamans of native peoples who harvest the fungus from the natural environment and invoke and commune with the mushroom deities, I have been hospitalized on two occasions, both times against my will, but the one time I had called 911 to tell them I died. It was a complete ego death experience in which all visual connection with reality took place and after the inner journey there were blackouts and when conscious thought and awareness of my environment returned I believed I was somehow dead even though I was moving around and had my eyes open.

This experience is the pinnacle disaster and ignorance of my drug use as a teen. The introduction is quite lengthy to include my previous experiences with drugs up until this trip and also my current views on drug and psychedelic use.

My prior drug and entheogenic use includes but is not limited to marijuana, lsd, mushrooms, ketamine, 2-ct-2, mdma, mda, dxm, alcohol, nitrous, opiates, benzos, amphetamines, and cocaine with other drugs that I know have been taken but am unable to recall.

I am now 24 years old, this particular experience occurred ten years ago at age 14 and I do believe it changed my life in a detrimental way, mainly socially and behaviorally but I feel grateful for being able to realize this and live a wholesome, positive, and reformed way of life that does not involve using substances and entheogens to 'further' my understanding of life and reality. I have come to the conclusion that psychedelics and drugs are not the highest way, but in fact they are the opposite way, to any sort of spiritual awakening and ultimate understanding, especially the way they are viewed and used in American culture i.e. dead heads, Timothy Leary, Terrence McKenna neo-shamans, psychonauts, etc.

I am hoping someone reads this and a lightbulb goes on over their head and snaps them out of the spell of psychedelics and using drugs, even for more 'noble' or 'spiritual' purposes if that is what you are using them for. No doubt my curiosity and desire to use drugs and psychedelics has come from influence from American counter culture, peers, and filling my head with information and stories from places like Erowid. A desire to see things in a different light, solve psychological problems, and deepen my knowledge of life itself was the fuel for my entheogenic and psychedelic use. However I can now see that hallucinations and visions are mere 'distractions' and 'distortions' from any true sort of understanding or light, and that the insights and wisdom gained from using entheogens is not ultimately beneficial or helpful in any way to solving problems or attaining true wisdom, sure it may allow you to see things in your life you were not aware of before and could not understand, but I know in my heart that it is a false path and has no real merit in it, just a self absorbed delusional idea that one has seen some kind of enlightenment through entheogens.

Entheogens may allow one to see into spaces of reality that do actually exist beyond our ordinary awareness, but of what real value is it?  What about the hallucinations that aren't even real or grounded in any kind of reality and all the negative and bad things and forces one can encounter while on these substances? If I want to learn about myself or the world I would be better off finding a path with some real merit or truth in it that does something to help other people and make the world a better place. If drugs and psychedelics have any true merit in them, then why is it that most people involved in them deeply are 'drop outs' both whether in school and life or are 'out there' with their minds and view of the world not at all grounded in reality.  Why is it that parents feel so much agony and sorrow when they're kids are involved in them? Is it an ignorance to the drug or plant? I don't think so, it is the lifestyle they foster and the lack of any truth, light, merit, value in using them, just a false sense of being tuned in to some truth when in reality you are just exploring delusional spaces that aren't tied to reality. However I will acknowledge that people do have experiences that are healing and life-changing, but that continued use with any entheogens and psychedelics is often abandoned after such an experience.

On to the trip report. The times are a rough but pretty accurate representation, the content of what happened is recalled as if took place was last week, this experience is being written 10 years from the occurrence.

Set: I am a freshman in high school who has been smoking pot heavily with his teenage friends for the past year or two, we all have been looking up to and trying to emulate the older 'hippie' kids in our high school as we think they are the 'in' crowd to be a part of. My previous drug use includes social drinking of alcohol, heavy marijuana use, mild doses of lsd - a sugar cube that was dosed very weak and the same with some white on white, so as not to bug a young teen out, I guess it was a nice thing of the source to do in retrospect. The only effects experienced were mild visual i.e. patterns in wood and walls swimming and swirling, feeling of spatial distortions i.e. environment getting bigger and smaller but nothing really mental going on. Also a full blown lsd experience with 2 hits of very potent spiderman blotter in which the meaning of 'tripping' was discovered, with pretty bad depression and lack of talking on the come down, probably due to the extremely intense elation and euphoria never before experienced in my life that the drug was giving me, my friend said he never saw me so happy. Another trip with spiderman blotters took place at a Phil Lesh and Friends show. Not really any intense mushroom experiences I can recall at this point but I am not a 'virgin' to tripping due to the spiderman experiences.

Setting: This trip begins at an Allman Brothers concert at Darien Lake Amusement Park, New York State. Three friends and I have been going to these types of hippie concerts i.e. Phil Lesh and Friends, String Cheese Incident, etc. because that's what the older kids are doing and there must be something of value in doing this. I for one could give two shits about the music and am just going because I am caught up with these druggie/hippie counter culture type of kids and I am wearing tie dies and acting like some kind of hip druggie because I think hippie culture and smoking weed and tripping have something of value in them. The desire to use psychedelics at this point is a blind curiosity and association with the wrong crowd (I now clearly see the true state of drugs and entheogens and why people use them, and my use back in high school was nothing more than delinquent.)

T + 0:00 - 3.5g of dried P. cubensis has been acquired and is ingested by me and one other friend, the other two are waiting to acquire lsd in the lot at the Allman Brothers concert.

T + 0:45 - Starting to doubt that the mushrooms were any good however mild effects were coming on, mainly a nervous jitteriness that your primal nature knows something big is taking place to your mind and body, a poisoning by psilocybe so to speak. By random chance we encounter the guy who sold us the shrooms and being an impatient smug brat I immediately start questioning him as to the genuineness of his fungi. He fires back that is hasn't even been an hour yet and assures us they are worthy specimens and that is end of that.

T + 1:00 - We encounter a genuine man and his female partner selling some lsd, he has both orange gel tabs and pyramid blotters - said to be fresh and very potent, he was using tweezers to handle the blotter for chrissakes. The man is certified legit after a lengthy conversation reveals his intentions and persona. Both of each acid are purchased by all four of us. The two friends who didn't ingest fungus immediately dose 2 hits each. The one friend who ate fungus with me takes one blotter himself, and for some unknown reason I take 2 gel tabs along with 2 pyramid blotters. (I do not recall why such an amount was taken, perhaps the mushrooms were starting to affect judgement.) The doses were taken as if I had dismissed the mushrooms as not working, never ever turn your back on a drug as Fear and Loathing would say. What a horrible mistake: not only in taking more than one blotter after being clearly warned about the potency of the lsd but nearly having forgot about ingesting 3.5 grams of psilocybe mushrooms. (I have much experience with mushrooms especially at high doses, +5 grams, and can now vividly recall the distinct feeling of coming up looking back at this experience.  My naivety and ignorance at the time and lack of waiting for the effects to grow led me to dismiss them as 'not working'.)

T + 1:15 - 1:45 - Ok, something big is happening. A silliness has swept over us and I recall walking through the parking lot to go head into the venue, definitely feeling the effects growing fast. The feeling of a practical joke is present simply from walking around, taking a step has become something of a game and is hilarious, I start speaking and counting out loud: abc, 123; this elementary behavior has become riotous and laughter ensues at nothing. Perhaps the fungus has brought on the lsd very quickly and things are going downhill fast. It feels like a storm is setting in: I can vividly remember the atmosphere growing darker and just losing touch with my surroundings as this haze is setting in.

T + 2:00 - 2:30 - We have just been patted down before being let inside the gates to the venue, however no paranoia is present as there is nothing to be found and we are aware of this. The band is not on stage yet and we are going in to find a spot on the lawn. At this point things keep getting hazier and hazier and any hilarity has disappeared. My mind can't make out what is happening to it, the amount of drugs taken was absurd and simply way too far beyond my ability to comprehend the effects or remain in control. Shortly after we enter the venue all control of myself, thoughts, and actions is lost. However, I remain vividly aware and conscious of the experience as my mind is swept away in a constant thought loop of several major things in my life and consciousness. This state can be likened to being a puppet with strings and the drugs are pulling the strings, there is no control over the experience at this point, my mind has been taken over and I am 'swept up' in the thought loops which can only be described roughly as it was beyond any reasoning or sanity, it was lunacy in it's purest sense.

T + 2:45 - My friends are having a great time except for the fact they are dearly frightened at the state I am in, they know I am 'bugging out' and am not really there at this point. I remember at one point taking bills out of my wallet and trying to set fire to them and my friends and people around realizing how far gone this kid was, this is most likely because this money was stolen from my parents to buy drugs with and my subconscious was speaking up and trying to burn the money at being such a disrespectful and ungrateful child. (My other friend took money from his parents bank account to buy weed with, so it was through him I learned to do this and it was fueled by a heavy marijuana habit and mental addiction to drugs, and being a bad teenager, a troublemaker who didn't weigh whether his actions were right or wrong, and was only concerned with chasing pleasures and catching a good buzz even at the expense of his own parents.) Not much else can be put into words at this point.

T +  3:00 - 6:00 - My mind has fully been swept up into a constant thought loop and I am constantly traversing physically back and forth from the bathroom to the spot on the lawn where my friends are, literally walking back and forth for hours to this spot and the restroom. I recall in the back of my head hearing and seeing people watching me people and commenting 'Holy shit this kid is bugged out' 'That dude is gone' 'He is definitely bugging out'. It was as if I was a passenger aboard this train that I had no idea who was controlling it or where it was going, I was stuck in a loop. Two obsessions buried deep in subconscious are the content of the loop and my mind takes turns jumping from one loop to the other.

The one loop was my marijuana habit and mental addiction, there was a vision of a transparent bud beating like a hear right above and in front of my head, I would have the word 'nugget' play in my working memory nonstop and simultaneously be watching this clear pulsing nugget of weed in my 'mind's eye' which seemed like a little above and in front of my head. I was mumbling nugget to myself during this time endlessly. The other loop I would jump to upon entering the bathroom and staring in the mirror for some time upon each return from the lawn was that of 'dreadlocks' as I so envied people with long fat dreadies back then. All of our friends and myself thought that dreadlocks were the coolest thing and meant you were a real 'head', no doubt instilled in me from frequenting Phish and Dead shows and envying the style of many 'heads' there. The desire to have dreads was strong due to this. I was pulling and playing with my hair in the mirror and mumbling dreadies walking in and out of the bathroom. I don't know where one loop began and the other ended but it seemed to alternate randomly. The loops were these two obsessions in my subconscious brought into working memory and spun out into lunacy. The whole experience during this time is remembered like I was having a vivid dream, the absence of reality is distinct and seems like a muffled noise outside the walls of this insanity I was experiencing.

T + 6:00 - I have left the show as I was not even aware of the music being played and didn't even like the Allman Brothers to begin with. I am having more rational thoughts now and can make out better what was going on in my mind. Hallucinations if any are besides the point and the mental themes seem to be what I am aware of. I start regretting being here and am realizing the negativeness and wrongness of my actions. My conscious mind is returning to me. I am still tripping hard at this point but after returning from that place of insanity I somehow have a feeling of control over the experience come back. I realize that I am just 'posing' as a hippie and am trying to emulate this way of life and am so infatuated with my appearance and being cool and trying to dress like these people. This idea is strangely reinforced outside the venue when I walk by a person about my age in an Allman Brother's tie die who asks me 'if I have a piece of gum' with what seemed like a very nerdy voice. I immediately had a revelation that this kid had no idea who the Allman Brother's really were or why they played the music they did, and felt sorry for this kid who was probably trying to be cool and find a place among 'hippies' in his school or some other ulterior motive for really being there. Another insight I had upon returning from that awful peak took place just as my conscious thoughts returned. I thought that it was horrible that this could happen to such a young person as myself, and I felt so small and vulnerable and lost and worried as to why people would sell such drugs to people so young and how dangerous what just happened was.

T + 7:00 - I call my father to pick me up and don't even bother trying to find my friends, we were getting separate rides home anyways, at this point I can act and speak 'normal' but visuals, trails, and a sense of inebriation is still strongly present. I can act fine around my dad however when he arrives. There was a feeling of sinking into the ground at this point both walking around and on the car ride home. When I got home I went to my room and prepared to go to sleep with visuals still present as I was seeing stars 'dancing around' on my wallpaper. That night was probably the worst of my life, I was filled with terrible regrets from taking money from my parent's and devising ways to apologize and admit it to them. I also realized how my drug use had made me very selfish and closed off from being a good person, and how mean and negative I was to my sister and how little I spoke with her let alone tried to be a good brother. I felt like a failure as a son and depression set in for the rest of the night and didn't dissipate until I was exhausted in the morning after a sleepless night and the tumble through insanity yesterday. The next day it was revealed that I stole the money and that really crushed my parents especially my mother. However my drug use continued on after that and any insights into my problems and faults was quickly lost in the coming weeks.

After thoughts: I think an experience like this really wrapped me up into the counter culture, inner explorer lifestyle I was trying to emulate and shut me out to the world around me. Being so focused on those thought loops and staring into the mirror in the bathroom no doubt created an obsession with 'hippie' appearance that lasted throughout my first couple years in high school as well as habitual marijuana use. It was not until I went to rehab in my freshman year of college, after having abandoned the 'hippie' lifestyle and quitting marijuana for sometime, but getting heavily into speed, benzos, drinking, and cocaine that made rehab a clear choice to make. Having taken up martial arts when I was 18 and practicing meditation and finding a faith and way of life that is truly positive and healthy, have I come to see why people seek an entheogenic experience for whatever reasons. If I have kids I now realize how important it is to teach them how to be a righteous person and really be aware of what they're kids are involved in especially coming into the teen years. Association with positive role models and friends is crucial for the development of a strong, responsible, and stalwort individual. I am glad that I will tread no further down the path of psychedelic use as that is a road I do not want to see the end of for I know where it leads to.

Exp Year: 2002	ExpID: 88252

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 14

Published: Dec 2, 2012	Views: 12,584

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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66), LSD (2) : Festival / Lg. Crowd (24), Combinations (3), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 100 mg

		 MDMA

		 3
		 oral
		 Alcohol - Beer/Wine

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   155 lb

This entire event transpired on the Saturday night before Halloween. I was visiting my cousin, James (not his real name) and his girlfriend, Sherry (not her real name) at their house about three hours away from where I live. I was planning to visit them for the weekend and together attend a very festive Halloween house party that had a phenomenal psychedelic-jam band playing there all night. I was excited; I knew it was going to be a great night with some great friends.

After suiting up in our costumes and arriving at the party/concert, we all decided to drop some acid before the music started. This was 30-something-th time for me so I was pretty comfortable with the drug and familiar with what to expect. However, having taken this specific batch of acid multiple times before, I decided I was comfortable enough with it to up the dosage to 2 hits – which was something I’ve never done before. I’ve taken a hit then taken another several hours after peaking, but never have stacked two together simultaneously. “I’ve got this shit,” I thought as I dropped the blotter paper in my mouth. “This is business as usual.”

While waiting for the L to kick in, I decided to just take a little dip of molly – not too much; 100mg seemed about right. I figured this would ease the tension I always get when waiting for the acid to hit. About an hour later, I was feeling GOLDEN! I had an amazing body high. I was jamming to the music and was completely perplexed by the setup of on-stage lighting effects. I was very familiar with what I was feeling. It was just more intense, but nothing uncomfortable or foreign. With these two hits of L paired with a smidge of molly, great music, a few beers and great friends and family all around me, I was on cloud nine. I was experiencing different dimensions of reality and different ways of experiencing music. I felt like nothing could have brought me down.

Shortly afterwards, a friend of mine who was there, Charles (not his real name), lit a blunt and passed it to me. He and I both shared it as we danced to the music. This is where I made a poor decision. I have an uneasy history with marijuana. I’m not an avid smoker, but the occasional times I DO decide to toke up, I will sometimes find myself dizzy, confused, stupid, and completely unaware of my surroundings. I didn’t know it then, but adding a hefty dose of cannabis to what was already in my system was a recipe for complete and utter chaos, ESPECIALLY with my history of becoming paranoid and irritable while under its influence. I should have known better.

About 5 minutes later, all I remembered was that I was completely overwhelmed with sensory input and was suddenly very ill-equipped to process reality now that I was high. I had become disoriented, confused, and very uneasy with my surroundings. “I’ve gotta get outta here,” I thought. “I need to get out in the open.” So I left the dance floor and escaped to the exterior of the house. I decided to retreat from the party and head back to the tent I had pitched in the close-by field. James and Sherry’s tent was right next to mine. I thought it would be best to just sit down in the grass, relax and just take it all in. It only got worse. I starting to forget where I was, who I was, how I got to where I was, what time it was, and even who I was with. This complete stupor was most likely a result of the cannabis, because in the past with taking just acid alone, I’ve stayed sharp. I may have been tripping, but at least I was still sharp and in tune with my surroundings. This time was different. I wasn’t just tripping. I was beginning to lose my entire grip on reality. The full moon was surrounded by swirling kaleidoscopic patterns of color. The trees around me were composed of fractal, geometric structures. Everything was FUCKED!

At this point, I panicked and managed to pull out my phone and dial James up for help. “James, you’ve gotta get out here! I’m having a bad trip and am starting to lose it!”

“Alright, I’ll be right there,” he reassured me.

James had always been there for me when I needed him. He was a mentor to me; someone I had looked up to for a long time. He is a very kind and open-minded individual, which is something I had always admired about him. He was also very experienced with LSD and knew how to navigate through its waters with ease. Shortly after I hung up the phone, he came out to check on me. I told him I was starting to lose it – that I was having trouble recalling where I was and who I was. At this point, he thought I was kidding around with him and playing a game.

“You KNOW who you are,” he replied. “You cannot be serious. C’mon, act like an adult, here.”

I began rattling off facts about myself. I told him my name, where I was born and who my parents were. At that moment, I began thinking about my family -- specifically my mother, my father, and my sister. While trying to remember my family and the memories I had with them, I think James was trying to explain the universe to me (I honestly cannot vividly remember). He was talking to me about atoms and energy and waves and LSD and thoughts and emotions. All the while, I was trying to hold on to the memories of my family that were slipping away from my mind. On one hand, I’m trying not to lose the memories of my family that are near and dear to me. On the other hand, my cousin was severely fucking with my head (which I don’t believe he was doing on purpose) trying to calm me down and explain things to me.

Nevertheless, I began FREAKING OUT! I somehow got it in my head that this man in front of me was evil and was attempting to steal my childhood memories of my family from me. In hindsight, what scared me the most was the fact that, at that point, I lost all connection with reality and no longer recognized James as my cousin. All I knew was that I was losing the memories of my family forever and the person talking to me was responsible for this. This was NOT okay with me! All I wanted was to feel my mother and father’s love one last time before I was sure I’d never see or remember them again. My fight or flight instinct kicked in. I remember swinging at him and wrestling around with him for a while. I tried booking it and taking off running, desperately attempting to get away from James so I can catch my memories before they were completely gone. He caught up to me and tackled me. I didn’t know it then, but he did this out of love and concern. He didn’t want me running off into the street or getting lost while completely blitzkrieged out of my gourd. When he tackled me, I thought I was getting attacked and was about to be beat to death. “Oh my god, this is it. I’m about to get killed. I’m going to die!” I thought.

I began screaming, “Help! Get off me! I don’t know you!” Almost as soon as those words left my mouth, I heard him trying to calm me down. “Shhhh. It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re just having a bad trip.” Right then a stranger ran up to me. He smiled, told me his name, and that everything was going to be alright. This kid was very calm and very welcoming. Just his presence alone made me feel calm again. I began talking with him and immediately started calmeding down. I explained to him that I was losing the memories of my family – that all I wanted was to feel their love one last time before they were gone forever (which I still believed by the way, I believed James was taking my family away from me). He told me to try and remember my parents; I couldn’t. I had very little memory of who I was and where I came from.

This is what is called ego-death: losing your sense of you. I had heard about it before, but had never experienced it for myself until that night. It was the most terrifying thing I had ever experienced. I was gone. I had no memories and no recollection of who I was. Everything and everyone was completely foreign to me. I began panicking even more. “Fuck!! I’m forgetting my family and my friends!!” I thought. “I must be dying!” I realized that if I was dying and losing my memories, then my parents were going to be gone forever. To this day, my parents are deeply religious. Up until I was 18 or so, I practiced Christianity with my parents. Although I was no longer religious or believed in the Christian doctrine, I had become convinced that I was losing my family because they were leaving me behind in this life because I wasn’t following in their religious footsteps. Don’t ask me how. Don’t ask me why, but that idea somehow was very plausible to me at the time...probably from the years and years the childhood, religious indoctrination I had lodged in my subconscious mind.

I was convinced that my family and all my memories of them were leaving me, and it was all because I went astray from the religious upbringing I was brought up under. I somehow thought I was going to be without them for the rest of my existence unless I could make them want to come back for me. I climbed the house’s pool fence in order to get as high up to the sky as I could. I reached out to the full moon and began desperately screaming, “NOOO! NOOOOOO!! DON’T LEAVE ME!!! MOM!! DAD!!! I’M SORRY! DON’T LEAVE ME!! JESUS!!!! JESUS!!! JESUS!!!! MOM!! DAD!!! I’M SO SORRY!!! DON’T LEAVE ME!!!”

I had never been more terrified in my life. Here I was in the middle of this party screaming out at the top of my lungs for Jesus, not because I suddenly believed in the trinity or wanted to become a Christian, but because I thought it was the only way my family and would accept me and return to me; to me, it was the only feasible way to get my memories of them back.

At this point, everyone at this party was either freaking out or just staring at me, either laughing hysterically or too shocked to know what to do.

Now feeling like I had lost my family, I felt as if I somehow transitioned into a world devoid of all love, compassion, warmth, and kindness. I just collapsed on the ground too fucked up to even remember I had taken 2 hits of acid and had smoked a blunt. I was convinced I was now dead and stuck in an eternal world without love or joy. At this point Charles came up to me to make sure I was alright. I was so fucked up, I didn’t even recognize him. All I saw were people in their Halloween costumes and believed everyone was out to get me...to kill or rape me. I completely freaked out and swung and Charles, hitting him right in the face. I took off running again.

I ran into James and explained to him that I just wanted to feel love again. I just wanted to feel the kind of compassion that my mother and father gave to me all throughout my life. I just wanted to be able to love others and be loved. He took me over to Sherry and had her comfort me. She hugged me and told me everything was going to be alright. I looked at her and recognized her as someone I knew, but not as my cousin’s girlfriend. All I knew was that I was being reassured by someone I vaguely recognized who really did genuinely care for me and love me as family. I felt like she helped pull me out of the dark space I was in. I started feeling relief. I didn’t know what to do other than to try to kiss her out of sheer gratitude. Almost as soon as I attempted this, I immediately was hit with the realization that I just tried to kiss someone that I shouldn’t have been trying to kiss. Looking back, I am sure I would have tried to kiss anyone, male or female, (probably even James or Charles) if he or she was the one who pulled me out of that dark state of mind. Sherry just happened to be the person that did just that and ended up getting caught in the crossfire of my nasty trip.

I think at this point, the kind stranger (who later introduced himself as Jared) stepped in and said, “Let’s go for a walk.” The next thing I knew, I was walking down an empty street with him trying to recollect what had just happened. I was trying to gather any memory of who I was and how I arrived at the place I was in. Just walking down this silent, empty street surrounded by green traffic lights was both peaceful and haunting. I was completely convinced that because my memory had completely been erased, I had died and was transitioning into my next stage of existence. I felt as if he and I were the only beings left in the lonely world we were walking together through. He told me he was my guide and that I would find my parents again soon. I kept telling him I was no longer myself but had died and was waiting to be born again into a new body. I was telling him of all the things I wished I could have done and all the things I wish I could have said to my friends and family before I died. I told him how selfish I was to my parents all through my childhood – how I never gave them back the love they so dearly deserved in return from me. I began weeping after suddenly realizing I could have given so much more back to the world before I died if I wasn’t so selfish. I didn’t care that I was being watched. At that point, I had nothing to prove to anyone; emotions just flowed freely through them and I wore them on my sleeve.

Jared then hit me with stunning news:

“You’re not dead,” he said. “You had just mixed LSD and marijuana to the point where you forgot everything you had even known. You are very alive, but your ego – your sense of self – is completely dead.”

Ironically enough, I had then looked up and gazed across the street to see a church with a giant cross lit up on the side of it.

“My parents are in there!!” I exclaimed. I didn’t realize or remember this then, but since a very young age, I had always associated the symbol of a cross with my mother. So seeing this giant, lighted cross somehow immediately convinced my subconscious mind that both my extremely religious mother and father, whom I thought I had lost forever, were in this church. Jared and I walked around the church for a bit. I don’t think he knew this, but I was looking for a way in. I told him that my parents were trapped in there and that I needed to get in the church to be reunited with them. He suggested instead that I sit down and evaluate my life – what I didn’t like about myself, what I wanted to change about myself, what I want out of life, and what I should do to mend my broken relationship with my parents.

We sat in front of this church for a while just facing the street. I sat thinking to myself with Jared by my side for what felt like hours. After a while, the LSD and marijuana began to subside. My memories began coming back to me. I was so relieved to know I hadn’t died and would be able to see my family again. Almost as soon as I became overjoyed with the awareness that I was alive and actually didn’t lose my memories, I began to remember everything had transpired that night.

“Oh fuck…I crashed a party, didn’t I?”

“yeah...” Jared said.

“Oh my god...oh my god...I attacked James!”

“He’s fine,” Jared reassured me. “You should just feel grateful you didn’t end up in jail, or worse, dead in the middle of the street.”

I took a while to gather my thoughts and attempt to meaningfully recollect everything that happened that night. I remembered struggling and wrestling with James not knowing he was James. I remembered attempting to kiss Sherry not knowing she was Sherry. I remembered screaming at the moon in terror and agony thinking it would keep the memories of my parents and my sister return to me.

“God, I’m pathetic,” I thought. “I made a complete basket case of myself in front of friends, family, and strangers. The only way I’m going to recover from this, is if I take a few lessons from this and learn from them.” That is exactly what I did and am still striving to do now. As I was coming back to Earth and regaining my footing with reality, I began asking myself, “Now what? Where do I go from here?”

It didn’t take long to realize the biggest lesson I was taught from that night was that my parents and I have a lot of unfinished business; I am not ready to lose either one of them yet. They both needed to know how much I truly love and care for them. The following morning, on the drive back to my house, I called both of them and told them I was thinking about both of them and that I loved them very much. Just doing that seemed to fill a big hole in my life. I can’t remember the last time I had said that to them.

I also learned (relearned actually) that the universe will fuck you sideways if you’re not willing to accept what it’s presenting to you and deal head on with personal issues that LSD forces you to see in yourself.

I learned that mixing marijuana with LSD is a bad idea...at least for me. It was a very unsettling feeling for me to be so sideways, I didn’t know who I was and what was real anymore. Never again, do I want to get to the point where I fail to recognize friends and family or become senselessly violent. This scared me because I am not a violent person in the least; I am usually very friendly to others.

Lastly, I learned that I am not invincible. This may sound silly, but until that night, I have always walked through life believing that nothing terribly bad could ever happen to me and that traumatic events always happened to “the other guy.” I couldn’t have been more wrong. I don’t care what anybody says. I died that night. I may not have died physically, but I got as close to death as I could ever imagine...to the point where I felt I had once been that way before I was born: without any sense of self or memory. I’m sure it would have been beautiful had I been expecting it and had been in that space under different circumstances.

After all was said and done, everyone I had negatively affected that night had forgiven me, even James, Sherry, and Chuck. I feel there were more people who felt sorry for me than there were people who were angry or scared of me. In fact, the following day, I came to find out that many of the party-goers thought it was one of the funniest, most epic meltdowns they had ever seen. Apparently, according to James, some people, at first, thought I was putting on a hilarious act when I was climbing the fence screaming with every fiber of my being. Although, it was very real for me, I am glad there was entertainment value for others that came out of it. For me, it was a valuable lesson the universe taught me.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 98101

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 25

Published: Dec 12, 2012	Views: 39,901

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Alcohol - Beer/Wine (199), Cannabis (1), MDMA (3), LSD (2) : Large Group (10+) (19), Bad Trips (6), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 0:00
		 1 cig.
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 1:30
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 0:00

		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   115 lb

At around 3 pm yesterday, my friend and I each received one dose of acid in the form of Sour Patch Kids and ate them in her dorm room, neither of us having eaten anything else that day. The last time we tripped with two tabs of this particular dealer's acid we got subtle visuals and the trip lasted only around 6 or 7 hours. We decided to stagger our trip this time just to experiment with potentially stretching out its duration. After rolling up two spliffs in my room we ventured off towards the dealer's house. We smoked them both over the course of the ten or so block walk there and I searched for hints of psychedelia in the sky. Other than the clouds seeming particularly beautiful in a vague, intangible way, nothing seemed quite different yet.

We met the dealer in the middle of an intersection and he brought us into his house and started dosing two more Sour Patch Kids. This is when we learned he had just made a new batch which was supposed to be like 'a trip and a half' (according to his first customers). My friend and I each ate one more at about 4:30 pm. When we left his house, the outside world had changed.

This was my first time taking acid in broad daylight outside a city setting. In the suburban town we're in, the trees are very tall and vibrant; walking around on acid they glowed, each soft leaf in its own distinct way. My friend and I were in awe by the different fractal patterns of each tree and traced the unfathomably deep grooves in the bark. We hadn't made it out of our dealer's intersection yet and decided to just sit on the curb and enjoy the surroundings we had familiarized ourselves with. The different greys within the pavement by us shifted around and began to create the same circling, tribal mask/contoured face pattern that I so far always have seen after taking psychedelics (shrooms, lsd), and even at this point in the come up the hues of the designs were slightly more prominent than the subdued visuals I had at the peak of the last trip. Windows of nearby houses seemed like they were slightly waving, and this one particular translucent curtain was slightly melting as it blew in the wind. Meanwhile, my friend and I were debating whether or not we were seeing a unicorn or a seahorse in an epic violet cloud roaring its way through the sky. I thought of James and the Giant Peach, my favorite childhood movie, and felt like a child as we began to walk back.

Our suburban neighborhood was slowly turning into Halloween town in many different ways. For one thing, the entire avenue was breathing and beginning to distort, but also the houses on the block had been decked out with decorations. It's that time of year! My friend and I felt so genuinely excited at that moment, being completely in touch with the bite of the cold and pointing out glistening orange leaves.

Eventually we were back in her dorm room. She played industrial music on her speakers which I normally don't listen to but found myself quite enjoying the heavy percussion and bass. As we listened in silence, I stared into her dresser, watching the remarkably different hues move in front of each other and swim around in the wood. Her floor was beginning to look very tribal and I confronted a couple more realistic looking faces in the linoleum tiles.

Then, we remembered our two other friends were tripping as well -- at 2 pm they had taken two tabs -- and decided to reconvene with them, though after going to my room so I could put on a bunch of sweaters. Walking through the hallways of the dorm gave me a headrush feeling with slow panning-out visuals, similar to the Dali zoom. My room felt and looked very blue (in terms of energy and physical appearance) and we felt very comfortable in it, and after getting warm I crawled on top of my bed. My friend and I gazed at my ceiling, which I had put glow-in-the-dark stars on. The bumpy paint job was a sand bed for the starfish-like stickers that were crawling and sliding around. We decided to watch an episode of Xavier Renegade Angel ('Going Normal') and each got shock-like sensations/the chills sporadically throughout the 20 minute long video. By the end of my episode we had slumped into my comforter and both found our positions to be pretty hilarious.

We left the residence hall in a laughing fit, meeting two other friends on the bench in the Quad who had no idea what we were up to. My friend and I kept to ourselves, commenting on the floating skateboarders and hockey players and otherwise common pedestrians that made up campus life. We called our friends and desperately wanted to meet them but couldn't because they were tripping so hard that they couldn't tell us where they were. Eventually they appeared behind us with a group of people and we all mingled in different circles. The muddy ground in front of the bench had a lot of faces in it now, as did the pavement leading back into the residence hall, the clouds in the sky, and the bark on the great tree in the quad.

The four of us day trippers decided to get weird, returning to the dorm and finding this trio of boys listening to rap music who were incidentally also tripping on acid. We contemplated going to the main dining building to get food. As at this point human interactions seemed incredibly weird to my one friend and I, one of the two we had met up with, we concluded it was the only thing to do, and that it would be a challenge, like Fear and Loathing but in the dining building! Going in there the entire place was shutting down and we had absolutely no concept of time (usually it closed at 10 pm, but that couldn't be right...but it doesn't not feel like 10...but it doesn't feel like 10...). No one else was in there besides the workers and us, and then our one other friend who randomly appeared out of no where talked to us about his theory of the Post-Apathetic culture that is developing and how paradoxical it is -- something I understand on one level, but couldn't quite grasp -- and then literally skated away on a longboard which was kind of bizarre. I asked the worker at the grill for 'grilled cheese,' which seemed silly to me for a couple of different reasons and didn't quite make sense to the guy either so we laughed it off together and I specified wheat bread and cheddar cheese, and then my friend made the same mistake ('can I have grilled cheese please') and the three of us laughed together.

The atmosphere seemed to be perfect for us and we felt like we had conquered the dining building...until we payed for our food and discovered the eating area had been transformed into a casino! It was too coincidental. Card tables were set up, the lights were dimmed and everything was orange and especially halloweeny; the ambient musicians in the background seemed like automatons and the totem poll decorations were ominous. My friend and I picked a booth that was as far away from the scene as possible. We felt like we were in a different entity than the rest of the crowd in the dining room and were perplexed as to how we could all be a part of the same school, and whether or not we were active in the community, and what it meant to be tripping in one of the most prominent buildings on campus. Then we realized he had taken my grilled cheddar cheese sandwich and I had his pepper jack, and also that neither of us could eat, two factors that made us lose it. We were hysterically laughing and staging conversation ('blah blah blah') while pretending to eat our food. At that point we knew the atmosphere had actually conquered us and we decided to leave.

We met up with our other tripping friends plus one kid from Portland who had to catch a bus back but didn't know where to go. This was, again, hilarious -- some dude asking a crowd of acid heads to lead him somewhere. On the other hand, we all felt well equipped for the challenge, especially since the bus stop happened to be right in front of the same 7/11 we visited weekly for restocking packs of cigarettes and such. This time the walk included the tail end of the sunset and went by rapidly quick (all in the small group of trippers agreed on this). Everything I encountered on the walk, especially the people walking in front of me, had trails and was shifting around inside itself. The fact that I couldn't differentiate properties between trees was tripping me out because they were so vivid before; now it was dark and I just saw the same, melting, tribal face in all of them.

By the time we got to the bus stop I needed to pee so I went inside the 7/11. This really old, wrinkly guy with a huge white beard opened the door for me. When I tried to enter the bathroom he came to me with a key. When I left the bathroom (which had a crazy mirror in it that really messed with my brain -- everything about the reflected image was convulsing and morphing at a rapid pace, and the walls had infinite grey faces inside them) he took the key from me. It was weirding me out that this guy was with me the whole time because I didn't (and still don't, really) think 7/11 had attendants that wait outside for people and help them out with the whole bathroom thing.

Meeting up with my friends I wanted to tell them all about it but our Portland tagalong had to catch his bus. It felt like every other passenger on that vehicle was looking into my eyes and I felt like I could see into their sketchy, eerie, Halloweeny souls. At this point all around us was darkness, other than the starry beams of light shooting out of the lamp posts lining the streets.

For some reason as we passed campus these two drunk girls wanted to come with us to this bridge over a huge gorge where we normally chill at and smoke. My friend who I had originally taken the lsd with and I were both very opposed to our clan acquiring these girls because we generally don't like drunken females at all (unless we are them) (very hypocritical, we realized). However, we weren't going to say anything negative, so we just kept to ourselves and took in the beautiful, creepy setting we had immersed ourselves in. Everything felt ancient and almost post-apocalyptic at the same time, and by the time we got to the bridge I could see distinct noses and eyes in all the different pebbles on the ledge overlooking the gorge.

My friend and I tried to ignore the stereotypical nature of the two girls who we were stuck with, but it was hard, especially because we were smoking with them. Everyone's eyes were pulsating slightly and shifting around beneath this magnificent, hazy glow that was all around us, reminiscent of the rain that had passed five or so hours ago.

This is when my trip began to take a turn for the worst. The two girls that were with us ultimately reminded me of a part of myself that I could have easily developed further if I had even a slight change in the way I grew up within my environment. Further more, I began to feel like a failure of a female, and that I could hardly identify with my own gender. I tried to get out of it by suggesting we walk around but before we could stand up this huge group of people approached us including one of my hall mates and his 'home crew,' a group of childish folks that appeared to be rolling around on the bridge, though I'm not sure if this actually happened. We really needed to get out! So we began to walk away and ventured back in time to the prehistoric land, crossing the same intersection three times, not having a clue what to tell our friend when he called us asking where we were (this tripped me out because it seemed to be a motif of the evening, just because I had been on the other side of the situation with trying to meet my two friends that were tripping earlier).

Everything in the street had faces, especially when the light reflected off the slick wetness that coated it. This is when I began to see even smaller faces in everything and nothing, in darkness and in light, in the whites of people's eyes and in the solid coloring of a single brick on a house. I completely dropped out of our conversation and tried to focus on the rainbow, color changing, slow shutter speed view and intense tribal visuals. The drunk girls' voices were echoing in my head to the point of causing me physical discomfort, and I grew very cold, and saw more faces in my breath in the dark night.

Thankfully, I effectively convinced my friends to go back to campus. Though to my demise, we ended up stuck with them, and sat in the hallway waiting for the friend I had initially dropped with as she made tea in her room and talked to her boyfriend on the phone. The hallway was so surreal! I saw incredible faces in the walls and the striped pattern on the carpeting was completely wavy and unstable. Girls were stumbling down the hallway drunk off their asses and I wondered, why me! I could see craters in their faces and the individual particles of the caked-on makeup all over their cheeks and under their eyes. It repulsed me to a state of deeper discomfort and I went into my friend's room to intrude her conversation just because I couldn't take the hallway anymore. Her room didn't make me feel much better even though the tea she made me was very warm and tasted like cherries. Even the dresser was tripping me out a little too much as it began to slide around in its spot. I wandered the hallways, away from my friends and all the drunk messes, to try to call my boyfriend in my room.

The experience of getting into my room was traumatic enough -- I felt like a failure for being confused -- and then I was immediately confronted by my reflection in the mirror near the entry way. The visuals this mirror reflected were similar to those in the 7/11 bathroom mirror but this time I saw even more faces in everything except for my own face, which seemed to completely lack depth, especially as all my features twisted around inside themselves. I called my boyfriend and he seemed to just trip me out even more, his voice echoing in my ear and strangely distant and spooky, though it still felt beautiful to talk to him. I began to cry because I realized how much I deeply missed him. At this point I was curled up on my bed, feeling like I was stuck in a psychological hole. Everything around me was shifting but I finally got up the nerve to go on my computer and video chat with my boyfriend. I tried to explain how I was feeling but could only tell him fundamentally the opposite of what I meant to say. Talking to him was tripping me out so hard and, to make things temporarily worse, he kept sending me pictures of me that I had taken on his computer, and they were really tripping out my brain.

However, the whole spookiness of that experience regained its humor eventually -- I was sitting in my bed horrified by pictures of myself, paralyzed by an inexplicable, unnecessary fear. I came to terms with the fact that my boyfriend wasn't there, though through struggling a bit, which was extremely therapeutic and worthwhile. Furthermore, I found more value in my friends here at school, because I realized they mean a lot to me -- especially on the trip, at that moment. Upon meeting up with them they gave me chocolate and played music for me and we all sat and cuddled in my friend's room. It was just us four. We rolled up splits and went outside into the pouring rain, which had started while were taking that breather all together. The haze that was hinted at before now became all encompassing, the raindrops like an incredible swarm of tiny liquid bees. We stood under a great tree and seemed to hotbox it, our eyes stinging with pleasure. We had an intensely incredible conversation about nature, life, psychology, acid, tobacco, marijuana, the drunk girls, the rain, and our lives as young adults. It was extremely rehabilitating, and I realized nothing is a permanent issue.

The ground on the way back was particularly slick and mountainous, waving around a bit in place. I saw great, shiny faces, with rainbow hues in their glimmer. Outside the residence hall we met some of the people we had seen on the bridge -- the ones that weren't really rolling around -- and they told us they had just taken about five shots each and two tabs of the same acid we took! Them beginning their trip drunk at 3 in the morning, right as we all were starting to truly come down off a more than crazy enough trip, seemed incredibly cyclical in a very intense, distorted, spirally way. We were all forced into a state of reflection and moseyed off into our own rooms for the night.

I took about a half hour to set up my room for myself, keeping all lights off except for my blue and green lava lamp. My glow in the dark stars now seemed a part of the wall, though very distinct from the faces that were crowding the ceiling. I went on tumblr and saw faces in every single image while listening to my library on shuffle and feeling one with technology. I realized how innately nimble my fingers were at navigating my device. I rewatched 'Going Normal' and was only partially distracted by the faces that filled different parts of my computer screen. Even when I closed my eyes to try to go to sleep I could see different colored parts of the faces creating kaleidoscopic patterns. I eventually drifted off to seep listening to sounds of the rain, trying to induce a lucid dream.

I ended up slipping into this crazy, creepy, nightmarish scene where my old roommate came back to my now extremely messy single, physically labeling all of my stuff as 'trash,' calling in her buff boyfriend who started yelling at me saying he was going to beat me up. All I could think in the dream was that I was tripping balls and needed to make sure they couldn't catch me, but once they noticed my pupils their heads turned into serpent faces and they started hissing and yelling. I gained lucidity at this point and melted them away in my brain, into the floor, along with everything else in my room, until I was floating above it all in my bed. I could feel the wind in the infinite, boundless room that I created in my mind and could hear a strange music coming from the watery liquid pool of melted room/ex-roommate/ex-roomate's boyfriend. I dove into it and the music became louder, more intense, and until I recognized it as my alarm and inevitably woke up.

Since then (~36 hrs later) I've been smoking weed pretty consistently and watching the breathing of all solid objects slowly fade away.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 98027

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Dec 12, 2012	Views: 17,623

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LSD (2) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Various (28)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00

		 Cannabis
		 (daily)

		   T+ 0:00

		 Yerba Mate
		 (daily)

		   T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 DMT

		   T+ 0:00
		 300 mg
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 0:30

		 smoked
		 DMT

		   T+ 0:30

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 2:00
		 6 leaves
		 buccal
		 Coleus

		   T+ 3:30
		 1 hit
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 6:30

		 smoked
		 Cannabis - Hash

		   T+ 7:00

		 smoked
		 DMT

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   125 lb

For those with a short attention span, my apologies in advance for the length of this report.

Background: This experience took place in January, 2008. I am male, at the time of this experience 23 years old and weighing around 125 pounds, in good mental and physical health. I take no prescription or over-the-counter medications, but tend to use marijuana and yerba mate on a daily basis. I consider myself well-experienced with psychedelic substances. I had done MDMA quite a bit, often at doses most would consider excessive (highest dose was 452 milligrams over the course of a night). I had previous experiences smoking DMT, including breakthrough experiences. At the time of this experience I was just getting into LSD, so I was still getting accustomed to its personality. I had used Coleus pumilas (which plays an important role in this trip) several times before this experience via smoking and chewing. For me it had a noticeable but subtle psychoactive/dissociative effect similar to a low dose of Salvia or the initial come-up of mushrooms, lasting around an hour and a half. Other psychedelics I was familiar with at the time include mushrooms, hawaiian baby woodrose seeds, ayahuasca-type brews, 2C-I, 2C-E, Trichocereus cacti, Salvia divinorum and 5-MeO-DMT.

Substances ingested and a rough timeline:

T + 0:00 MDMA 300 mg taken orally

T + 0:30 DMT smoked in a marijuana joint

T + 2:00 Coleus pumilas 6 leaves taken bucally (chewed and held in mouth)

T + 3:30 LSD 1 hit held under tongue

T + 6:30 Hash smoked

T + 7:00 DMT vaporized one blade (a small amount)

T + 13:00 I was more-or-less baseline but with a pronounced afterglow

T + 20:00 I went to sleep

Prelude: We’d been doing DMT since around noon. I had already undergone two breakthrough doses and many more minor head buzzes. We’d smoked it in joints, we’d done it as blades, we’d vaporized it from the bottom of a glass pipe. Almost every possible method of smoking DMT had been given a go. For some reason I kept volunteering to be the guinea pig tester of all our methods of smoking. The repeated cycles of frying on DMT, then coming down for awhile, then diving again, had left me feeling energetically cleansed. Kind of like a sweatlodge ceremony, the multiple immersions in fractal hyperspace slowly washed me clearer each time. I’d experienced so much DMT that I felt I was done. No more, that’s enough third-eye cracking for today. Or so I thought...

“How are you feeling? Are your drugs healing?”

T + 0:00 All day I’d had this funny feeling that I was going to be taking MDMA later in the evening. Sure enough, Star asked me if I wanted to come with them to a small party at Condor and Ronald’s house. And sure enough, within fifteen minutes of walking in the door I was scraping about 300 milligrams of pure MDMA into a glass of water, courtesy of Condor. Perhaps not the best idea, each sip got more bitter tasting as I drank the glass down.

T + 0:30 While waiting for the love to kick in we rolled up a joint, with a little DMT in it of course, and retired to the back yard to smoke. Silly me, thinking I was done smoking this stuff for today! Puff, puff, pass and we admired the nighttime sky. The constellation Orion was prominent, and following the belt stars down there was Sirius, winking and flashing merrily. The ruddy hue of Mars was also visible from where we were standing. Certainly not a breakthrough dose of DMT this time, but WOW did it ever kick off the MDMA in a hurry. There is something special about smoking a DMT doobie while coming up on MDMA, it really made me feel open and ecstatic.

T + 0:45 As soon as we got back inside, the open-hearted communication and sharing of love and energy began. I had some really good conversations with people that I care for and it was wonderful. You know, typical high dose MDMA effects. Group hugs blocking the hallways and such.

Jess (Condor’s girlfriend): As soon as I saw her sitting on the floor, I had to go over and hug her. She held me close, and I think in that moment I fell in love with her. She captivates my attention, and I respond to her very sexually. So much life energy and joy radiates from her, she is so beautiful. Jess told me I am beautiful man, and like Condor she is attracted to my intelligence. Both Condor and I like to share information freely to help and benefit others, we are not arrogant with our intelligence. She is very in love with and happy being with Condor, and I am okay with that because I can see how nicely the two of them fit together, and the quality of love they share. Jess and I also share a special kind of love. She reminds me of how at the solstice party I kissed her, and I said of course, I’d wanted to kiss her from the first moment we met!

Jess had put a purple dot on her brow above the nose, and when I comment on it she asks if she can draw on my face. I can’t imagine saying no to her. I get a dot on my brow, and a line above the dot dividing my forehead vertically. Another line divides my chin vertically. I like having this face paint, makes me think a bit of tribal Maori tattoos. It accentuates the lines of my face and gives me a feeling of the flowing life energy. Such face paint or tattoos I feel are reflections of the spiralling life energy within us.

Nessie: A girl I know passingly from festivals and parties. I respond sexually to her also, though not to the same degree as with Jess. Like Jess, Nessie radiates an incredible sense of life energy. Though she did not take any drugs tonight, she exudes the same vibrancy and brilliance as the rest of us, and was getting us a nice contact high. She tells me about how females can harvest an incredibly powerful earth energy through their womb, a boundless source of power that can be channeled for their benefit.

Although I am somewhat interested in her sexually, I don’t think I should pursue that angle. One, she gave some subtle hints that I’m not her type. Two, she channels so much powerful female energy it scares me a bit, like I could be caught, trapped and crushed by it. Three, she has the same name as my ex, and I’ve not had good luck romantically with the multitude of girls sharing her name that have come through my life. “Oh no, here we go again!” was the feeling I got.

Eliane (Star’s girlfriend): I love her too, though in a very platonic way. I am glad she is with Star, having the two of them in my life is wonderful. Eliane is often just quiet, calm and collected. It was nice tonight to see her so expansive and expressive, though I know in her day-to-day life the emotions she expressed tonight are the same and she is happy. Like me, she is just not a naturally effusive person. I am very comfortable around her.

Lana: She has been having a bit of a rough time recently, and did not take any drugs since she was not in a comfortable mindspace. We gave her an incredible contact high, however! There was an incident where she slept with Tom, and Kathy came home and found them sleeping together in her bed and room (since her and Tom were still sleeping in the same room, though they had broken up). Star seemed to be acting cold towards Lana when she arrived at the party, but when the MDMA had taken effect he sat down and had a bit of a talk with her trying to resolve or straighten out the issues between them.

After their talk, though it was a positive one directed towards resolution, I could see that Lana was shaken, distraught. I ask her if she is okay and she says “No!” and breaks down into tears a little bit. Holding her in a hug I tell her it is okay; she is surrounded by people who care for her, and we all make mistakes. But unlike a lot of people, we talk through the issues we have with others. We are all forgiving and accepting people. That each and every day, we can choose to be the way we want to be. We can move past our mistakes, and each day choose happiness and honesty over self doubt and deceit.

Lana pulled a crystal out from around her neck and asked me what I thought of it. Holding it, I felt a warm and heavy, earthy energy. She asked me if I thought there was anything wrong with it, to which I responded no and asked why she thought there was something wrong with it? She told me that Bill had given it to her, and that Star had warned her against some kind of energetic shielding technique that Bill had taught her. She was worried the crystal might be harmful like this shielding thing.

I told her that shielding isn’t necessarily bad. Sometimes we are around energies that are uncomfortable or unpleasant if we are open to receiving them. Certain people, places or things may not jive well with our energetic body. It is good to be able to close ourselves off from these energies when necessary, and to do so I feel the best way is to stay centered and grounded within oneself, not allowing the external energies to affect you.

However, I also believe it is unhealthy to systematically or habitually try to shut down or choke off the energy flow within the body. When we start clamping down on the energy flow, it can form knots and pockets of stagnation within our body. By shutting down, we are not open to receiving love and energy from the universe. I said it is good to be able to let go of that shielding, to feel life, emotions and energies as fully as possible. To experience being fully and vividly alive, not scared or trapped or separated from the world. By the end of our talk, Lana thanked me for our conversation and she was definitely feeling a lot better. I said she’d always struck me as a strong and resilient person.

As you can see, most of the conversations and bonding I had was with the females at the party. Although I was around Tom, Star and Condor, I mostly just acknowledged their presence with gladness. I am glad to have these people in my life. But in truth, I am a little lonely. I wish there was someone in my life like a Jess or a Eliane, someone who I connect with deeply on all levels, emotional, physical, mental, sexual. There’s so much sexual energy within me, that it had to come out somehow. Right now it was being distributed across all the women present, all of whom I love in various ways.

Love is a complex emotion, I feel there are many different types of love as well as many different ways of expressing it. MDMA has helped me understand a lot about love. It helped show me that love doesn’t always have to be sexual, that it can also be sensual, or just friendly and appreciative. MDMA breaks down so many of my inhibitions and barriers, allowing a natural and free expression of admiration and love of those around me. Lots of people would get uptight if you hugged their girlfriend and expressed your love for them. I think MDMA helps us see past touch as something purely sexual. There is a societal expectation that affectionate touch must mean sexual interest, but when I’m high on MDMA I revel in the pure sensuality and experiential quality of touch. It is nice to touch and be touched by others. I think touch is something we all crave and often deprive ourselves of, fearing that if we touch it will be interpreted in a sexual way.

I must say, I do prefer higher doses of MDMA. At amounts over 200 milligrams, the effects seem to increase in psychedelic intensity and impact dramatically. There are times I just get high, and then there are times I have an experience. This, this was a fucking experience! I was perceiving the life energy flowing through us all, running through the earth, wafting through the air, vibrating in the water we are drinking to quench the thirst. I thought of a quote from Lord of the Rings: “I feel it in the water... I feel it in the air... the world has changed.”

Coleus as reality-flipping catalyst:

T + 2:00 So I was dancing in Condor’s room in front of the speakers, pounding bass being mixed right there in front of me by Condor. Jess came dancing around the room and offered me a couple sips straight from the bottle of a pleasant merlot. Normally I don’t drink any alcohol with psychedelics, but I was in a really expansive mood and figured, why not? The wine smelled and tasted really good, my senses had been heightened. I only had a couple sips, not looking for a psychoactive effect but just wanting to appreciate the taste.

Looking around, I noticed the Coleus pumilas plant Condor has hanging from the ceiling. I recalled my past experiences with the plant, how chewing or smoking the leaves had provided a mild, dreamy, vaguely mushroom-like high. The plant was calling me today, strongly, loudly. It wanted me to eat it. I could almost hear a little voice saying “Take a fresh growing tip for yourself, and chew it. Take one for Tom as well.” I asked Condor if it was okay, and with his permission took off two growing tips, a handful of leaves clinging to each one.

I took it over to Tom and explained carefully what I wanted him to do: “This is Coleus. Put it in your mouth, between gum and cheek. Chew it a little, hold the juices in your mouth, and eventually swallow the juice and plant material. Pay close attention for a subtle shift in your state of consciousness.”

The effects of the Coleus became noticeable after only a few minutes. I felt slightly relaxed, a little calmer and less frenetic than I had been moments ago, in my bedazzled MDMA state. Then the flipping of realities began...

I would be talking to someone, and all of a sudden the reality I was seeing would start breaking down. It started flipping, or vibrating, back and forth with extreme rapidity. It was as if someone was shuffling rapidly through the pages of a book. In this book, every second page is a still-frame of normal, everyday reality. But the pages in between are other realities entirely.

So there I was, flip, in this reality, flip, shifted to some other reality, flip, back to this reality again, flip, to some other reality. Flip, flip, flip, flip. This feeling was intense, nearly overwhelming, and not like anything I have ever experienced before. The flipping would last for several seconds, then go away. Several minutes later, another bout of flipping came over me. This happened a few times.

It was like I was vibrating, in and out and in and out of this reality. Playing with the cosmic tuning dial, and catching little bits of music here and there between the static. The Coleus had acted as a catalyst, letting me access a part of my mind I never knew existed before. I was struck by how powerfully the Coleus effected me this time, it was one of those experiences where everything comes together. I felt the plant was actively communicating with me, I followed its instructions, and a completely unexpected and amazing effect resulted! Tom got this effect too, so I think it was triggered somehow by the two of us ingesting Coleus.

“The very magical idea that drugs can put us in touch with a transcendent, powerful reality.”

T + 3:00 The effects of chewed Coleus wear off relatively quickly (in an hour or so), and the waves of reality-flipping faded with the Coleus. However, I found that by concentrating very carefully on what that flipping feeling felt like, it would start happening again. I seemed to be able to now induce this flipping effect at will. Nearly a day later, I could still get this feeling faintly, the back and forth of realities, by thinking hard about that sensation.

Lysergic Soundscape Dreaming:

T + 3:30 I hadn’t been planning on taking LSD, however when Condor walked around offering everyone some blotter, I decided what the hell, and put one on my tongue. By this point I felt I was well into the plateau of the MDMA high, and if everyone else was dosing acid, I didn’t want to be returning to sobriety hours before them!

“Message on the tongue goes straight to your brain.”

“The acid had shifted gears on him.”

T + 4:15 When I felt the LSD taking effect, the nature of my experience changed. I became much more introspective, and felt more like wrapping up in a blanket, sitting down and drifting with eyes closed than socializing and cuddling with others as I had been doing before. I began to lose myself within the music. I felt chilled and goosebumpy.

T + 4:30 With eyes closed, the music would form complex visual imagery, feelings, sensations, all bundled together. Very synaesthetic, as if I were in a waking dream. Lana, Tom and Ronald were jamming together in the room with me, acoustic guitars, voice and drumming. With eyes shut I saw concert halls and tree-lined laneways, and felt raw emotions in the music as physical sensations across my body.

At one point, the music became a long scaly reptilian beast, crawling up and over a barrier of some kind. The scales of skin were gray to black and slightly moist, and there was a row of curved spiked coming off its back. I felt the spikes hooked onto me like velcro, so as the reptilian beast inched over the barrier in little spurts I was being pulled along with it.

“The mind behaves as if it were a dream...the subconscious is a powerful thing.”

“You ever have that feeling, where you’re not sure if you are awake, or still dreaming?”

If I opened my eyes, I could come out of these dream-like soundscape trips. Everything still felt very dreamy, but I was pretty sure I was just high on acid and not dreaming. For some reason, the idea that I might actually be dreaming, and not tripping, disturbed me a bit. Because how could I know for sure that this experience was real and not a dream?

T + 6:30 When the acid was calming down a bit, Ronald proclaimed “Let’s go to the moon!” He was wearing his “space suit”, a tight fitting white (but stained) women’s Roxy shirt, with the hood up, and a pair of snow pants secured across his chest with only one of the two suspenders. “What do you guys think, hood up or hood down?”

“Definitely hood up!” we replied, laughing at his appearance. Instead of going to the moon, Ronald started serving us hits of hash instead. The whole process was strange, watching Ronald heat the glass blades using a blowtorch, having all the intensity and skill of a mastercraftsmen, then using a blue (“alien technology” man) glass trumpet hooter to inhale smoke off the blades which glowed red hot. I was unable to feel the smoke as it went in, and was not really sure if it was getting me high, since I was already tripping madly. Finally I made Ronald serve me a huge fat chunk of hash, enough to make me nearly choke. That toke, at least, I felt.

T + 7:00 As if doing blades of hash wasn’t enough, Star suggested we do some blades of DMT as well. Wait, didn’t I say I was done with DMT for today? Nevertheless, once more that plastic fantastic smoke filled my lungs. I was not strongly effected from this one blade, mostly it just gave me a great feeling of clarity and high awareness. Everything became brighter and clearer, and I felt more alert and balanced. I passed up a second blade of DMT, finally having my actions fit the words I’d been saying all day. No more! The lungs and mind begin to rebel.

T + 8:00 By the time several people had gone home or gone to bed, the rest of us zoned out and treated our fried-out brains to some South Park cartoons. We watched the episode where they drink cough syrup in order to get “inspiration” and end up tripping balls. Hilarious! When they buy the cough syrup, the pharmacist tells them it has all the “dextromethortryptophan” they’ll need to “trip balls.”

T + 13:00 Although by mid-morning I felt sober and safe to drive home, facing the cold and bitter winter wind and snow outside, I did not really achieve baseline for the rest of the day. I stayed up for a total of 36 hours straight (about twenty hours awake after dosing) without feeling tired, and was very much on an afterglow. Every time I smoked a joint or bowl I would see rainbows rippling over white surfaces, and these sessions got me obscenely high. I went over to a friends house and hung out with her, just talking and smoking marijuana. I was really blissed out and enthusiastic, and our conversation ranged over many topics. We discussed psychedelics, sexual relations, different types of love, and several philosophical topics. It was a good day after an amazing trip.

Thanks for reading

Love love love

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 89351

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 23

Published: Dec 20, 2012	Views: 26,668

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DMT (18), MDMA (3), LSD (2), Cannabis - Hash (93) : Large Group (10+) (19), Combinations (3), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   lines
		 insufflated
		 Ketamine
		 (powder / crystals)

		 3 bowls
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

Brief background – I have numerous experiences with drugs, and to date have tried: Marijuana (too many times to count), Salvia Divinorum, Oxycontin, Codeine, LSD (this experience was my fourth time), MDMA, MDPV, Speed, ‘black mamba’ (a ‘spice’ type variant) and Mephedrone,  and so as such I consider myself experienced, and open to experiment with combinations.

 The evening was originally planned for me, and 3 friends, R, G, and J to spend the night tripping at R’s house, as his parents were away for the weekend. 2 others, C and JM were also present, but did not trip with us, instead opting only to smoke marijuana. Over the course of the evening more people arrived, however I didn’t regard these acquaintances as friends, mainly due to my altered mindstate, and their realative inability to comprehend what I was experiencing.

 After taking a drive to pick up our acid tabs and a gram of Ketamine (which I had personally never tried before) we made the journey back to R’s house, and each ingested our ‘tabs’ (the LSD was actually dropped onto fruit pastels, and given to us wrapped in tin foil to avoid light destruction, heat destruction etc.) Whilst waiting for the LSD to hit us we retreated to R’s garage to smoke 2 bowls of marijuana from J’s bong. The marijuana must have been potent, and I recall J mentioning that he had smoked a small joint of it earlier in the day and reported that it was ‘very strong’, which was surprising to me as J is also a regular smoker, and as such he has developed a tolerance, and indeed a complacency with the psychoactive effects of the herb. J wasn’t wrong, and after our bowls I mistook the high for the LSD beginning to take effect; the marijuana appeared to be sativa dominant, and gave me a boost of energy and chattiness I often only associate with the come up before an acid trip [on hindsight this could have been the case, as I remember the dealer mentioning the acid was particularly ‘energetic’ and ‘happy’].

 After we had smoked the bowls we returned indoors, and I began to notice the beginnings of the trip I was about to be lead into. Reality was slowly becoming distorted, and inconsequential actions seemed to be taking on obscure humour. A close friend of mine, C, had just finished work, and phoned up telling us he was bringing some work mates down. I remember feeling uneasy about this, as I felt as though our private hallucinogenic-themed evening was slowly transforming into something less entertaining. Ignoring these feelings of unease I challenged R to a game of pool. I took note that my vision and focus were definitely compromised/altered, and focusing on the balls on the table was becoming increasingly more difficult. The need to converse with R was also insistent, and we often found ourselves delving into philosophical, often meaningless conversation between shots. The lighting in the room began to take on an almost artistic feel, and I commented to R that the lighting was similar to that of a professional snooker game shown on TV. The surreal nature of LSD was definitely taking hold. R turned another light off, and the room began to take on a distinctly ‘atmospheric’ feel which I commented on, thanking R.

 After the game was over I decided to go and look into a mirror, in the bathroom. My friends are well aware that this is one of my most favourite activities to do whilst tripping, as I often find it leads to deep, introspective feelings, and leads me deeper into the experience acid provides. Wary of the ‘danger’ of becoming enthralled by my reflection, and as a result, becoming anti-social, I brought JM to the bathroom with me. Staring into my reflection I noticed the first abnormality – one eye appeared ‘fallen’ and slumped lower down, resting on my cheek bone. My face wasn’t ‘melting’ but more so it had become malleable, and mouldable as with plasticine or clay. After prodding and poking at my face and watching the ripples it created against my skin I turned to JM. As he was sober (other than a small amount of marijuana) he seemed noticeably amused, but it was clear he wanted to return downstairs to the group. For some reason in my head I believed that JM should be equally as interested in his surroundings – I mentioned a simple picture of a boat hung on the wall, ordering JM to stare at it, and appreciate the picture. Standing in silence, I let my mind ‘project’ into the picture, I could ‘feel’ the wind against my face. The strange thing is that the wind was not ‘blowing’ but yet I felt my face become noticeably colder, much like a sea breeze would affect it. Slowly a distinct point on my forehead became pleasantly warm, whilst the rest of my face remained cold. Staring deeper into the picture I noticed that the temperature zones on my face mirrored the landscape – the sun in the picture was the heated point on my forehead, the cooler zone was consistent with where the ocean was relative to the picture. At this point I had become so enthralled with the picture that I had started to laugh at the absurdity of a generic bathroom landscape picture becoming so meaningful and interactive. After around 5 minutes of complete silence and mesmerisation (only on my part!) I announced ‘it’s the simple things’ and JM lead me back downstairs to join the group.

When I returned downstairs C’s friends had arrived. C had also purchased around an eighth of marijuana for himself and his friends. Sitting at the dining room table I decided now was the time to play some suitable music with which I could experience the combination of Ketamine and LSD. I chose Underworld – Mmm Skyscraper, I Love You. At this point I was still coming up on the acid, however after taking LSD 3 times previously I was sure that I had peaked, as my previous trips had never become too intense. I felt that I was ready to go deeper into ‘the void of consciousness’

 I had promised J a line of Ketamine as we had both never experienced the substance, and so I felt that having someone to share the experience with would be beneficial to us both. Crushing the sand-like crystals into a powder I created a small line for J. he snorted it and instantly commented on the intense burn it had created in his nostril. I mentioned the K would kick in after around 5 minutes, quickly creating my own line and snorting it. The Ketamine had hit J much quicker than I expected, and before I knew it we were both in the grasps of this powerful dissociative. I turned to J, telling him ‘it’s working’ when suddenly the surroundings become dark, grainy and swayed in synch, as if the room was affected by a gentle, monochromatic breeze. The fact that J had also taken Ketamine must have affected my trip, as the only other person I could now ‘see’ was J. The words I spoke were now the only thing in existence as we stared into each other’s eyes – I could feel a distinct spiritual link to J. I felt a huge rush of energy pulsating through my body, with each pulse receding and sinking my body into a lower state of consciousness, almost as if I was on a see-saw of energy transferral between the Ketamine and LSD effects. At some point J hugged me, and this feeling of human contact was almost too much. Each fibre and string of fabric on J’s clothes resonated with a dull ‘grey’ energy, which pulsed into my inner being, this time raising me, bringing me back to reality. Slowly the darkness subsided, and I ended the embrace with J. I commented to the ‘audience’ sat around the table that my body felt extremely fluid, liquid-like, and that I was aware of my chest being transformed into a honey-like substance, causing me to slump down into my chair, the pleasure of what I had experienced still washing over me. The dissociative effects of the Ketamine were certainly noticeable at this point, though I was aware that the combination of LSD with Ketamine is known to reduce the likelihood of a ‘K-hole’ and other such ‘out of body’ effects. Reality at this point could only be described as being ‘debateable’. Standing up from the seat I had been sat on I noticed that R’s house had taken on the appearance of a funhouse. Doorframes were wider at the bottom, so much so that I felt inclined to stoop before passing through into the kitchen. The landscape around me had become ‘zany’;  lighting was infinitely more pronounced, with light distribution incredibly inconsistent – rooms had distinct areas of shadow and light, and I was reminded of my previous thoughts upon the lighting of the snooker table.

I decided to retreat to the pool table yet again, originally with the intention of playing another round. My memory is hazy, but I seem to remember R was playing someone, and I was leant against a wall with G, conversing upon how our vision had been completely altered. Looking at the pool table I commented upon how the nature of 3D was becoming unknown to me, and that instead all objects had become ‘pseudo 3 dimensional’ much like the PC game ‘Doom’ objects appeared flat, and when I tried to view them from a different angle the image would simply turn and alter to match my position. At one point this became overwhelming, and the distortion had now taken effect on G’s face. I was viewing her face from side-on, though it was almost as if I had completely forgotten the notion of three dimensions, G now looked completely wafer thin, though I could see the slightest edge suggesting that she was indeed 3 dimensional, but only so much as a piece of paper would be. Because her face had been ‘forced’ into two dimensions her features had also become nonsensical. The arrangement of features on her face had become Picasso-esque, but somehow still managed to retain a human quality. Different parts of her face had also changed, her mouth had ‘slid’ round and down toward her neck, her eyes had become large, though each time I returned to gaze they had altered shape, and position. Initially this was shocking, but in my mind I still knew that I had ingested powerful psychedelics, and so I was able to find humour in the morphing, two dimensional character stood next to me, on reflection the perception of facial features was very alike the animation style used in a cartoon called ‘angela anaconda’ but with a cubism style twist – very otherworldly!

 Looking around at the room in front of me I took note that even when focused on a single point objects would wave and sway – though this movement was somewhat different to the traditional movement caused by LSD that I had previously experienced; the very edges of my vision moved, as though my viewpoint was a picture frame, and this picture frame was being pushed from side to side. Occasionally I would notice that the ‘picture frame’ had been pushed too far to the left or right, and that all I could see out of one eye was blackness, as if I was viewing ‘the edge’ and staring into a void. This effect was extremely disturbing, but simultaneously humorous.  I also noted that though it had been 40 minutes since the initial ‘burst’ of Ketamine ingestion, the effects had laid residual in my body, and I could now feel my mind becoming acutely detached from my body. Co-ordination had altered dramatically, and a feeling of drunkenness was noticeable.

 Still leaning against the wall with G I turned to my right, noticing a large house plant of which I had never noticed before. I commented that the plant gave the feel of a ‘beach’ type landscape, as it resembled a miniature palm tree, G seemed to share in this observation, and we both laughed at the absurdity of the experience we were having. Watching the palm tree I also noted that this gave the room a feeling of ‘fakeness’ and plasticity as if the room had been set up much like a shop window. This idea resonated in my mind, and my distorted perception of real and fake echoed the thoughts that the myriad of active chemicals had created in my brain.

Later on in the evening our original group of friends retreated to R’s bedroom. Turning the lights off we all crashed down, ready to let our minds fully explore our altered states of consciousness. Slumped on the bed, my head against the wall, I noticed that my sense of gravity had been severely ‘off’ throughout the night. Earlier in the night I had felt uneasy standing in the center of the room, and felt the need to be ‘attached’ to walls, as if gravity had shifted and was instead pulling me horizontally, rather than vertically. This perception was now extremely pronounced, and several times my sense of equilibrium would be drastically altered, I felt as though my head was actually lying against the floor, not the wall, and that the room had been flipped on its side – again the theme of ‘fun house’ returned, this time reminding me of those giant ‘hamster wheel’ attractions.

Enjoying this gravitational illusion I was allowed to delve deep into my inner self. Although I struggle to remember my ‘visions’ I feel that this is due to the fact that I had entered a dream state much like those reported on Datura (although obviously much less destructive and mind-bending!). This mind delving was broken when JM began to play the guitar. At first the sound began to annoy me, as I felt as though the sound of the guitar was disrupting the effects that sensory deprivation were giving me, however JM then began to play ‘Blackbird’ by The Beatles. I found this to be an incredible experience, the enjoyment was tangible, and the air began to thicken and swell around me, lulling me into an audible trance. It was so incredibly overwhelming that toward the end I could feel my eyes fill with tears – never once has any live performance (Amateur or otherwise) given me such feelings of elation. I could have listened to JM play that song over a million times, indeed I feel as if even if I had not appreciated the tune, the very atmosphere created by this small, intimate audience would still have captured my soul.

After listening to more songs performed by JM we each retreated to bedrooms. Wherein I am still unsure as to whether I had slept or stayed awake – I experienced introverted trance-like visons of which I have never encountered before, and although I may have closed my eyes to experience them, I feel that I was conscious throughout it all – it is puzzling to me as to whether I slept a wink that night!

Overall I would say that of all my experiences this night had been the most intense. I would recommend this combination of substance, though be wary if it is your first time with Ketamine, as the doses required are (supposedly) much less than if ingested when sober – I never properly measured my dose, though I know that it was extremely naïve of me not to! The experience was extremely visceral and mind bending, and large gaps in my memory are present, I am still piecing together some of the events of the night (during JM’s performance I was eating a pasty, though I have no idea how I acquired it!) and since taking Ketamine sober, I can confirm that the interaction between LSD and Ketamine is the most tangible I have experienced. I would go so far as to say that Ketamine + LSD combined is a unique experience that couldn’t be recreated with any other one substance.

Xelanid

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 96165

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 17

Published: Dec 20, 2012	Views: 17,494

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Ketamine (31), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), First Times (2)