		 DOSE:

		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

I am 16 and for a while now I have been terribly interested in psychodelic drugs. My first trip was nothing like I had expected. I can still remember looking across the dead parking lot on that cold Febuary nite, to see four trees bent in half at the trunk and expelling shadows that flashed beautiful psychddelic colours and spun around on an invisable axis. Ever since I witnessed the impossible, I have became aware of something intruiging: when I look in front of me, I once saw the empty space as nothing. Now I see something. Or at least I can feel it on some level. There is an energy flow that binds everything and makes everything function in the most ancient and perfect way.

I have had many trips since that night, including one recent trip during the day. I had been frustrated with myself before we dosed that day. For awhile I had been thinking beautiful thoughts without the mind-enhancing substances. But I felt that I was on the verge of something extraordinary. Something that will come into play in the near future. It turned out to be how to save the world. But I hadn't encountered that just yet.

Anyway, we dosed at my friend's house and went to a local park. It was outside of town and extremely beautiful; the perfect place to exclude yourself from the awful townspeople. The acid was from a Rusted Root concert; my friend had brought it back. Pyramid blodder with the most intricate detailing I had ever seen on an LSD inpregnated piece of paper. It took about 30 minutes to take over my mind. I was soon seeing all kinds of imaginary vines coming out of the swirling patterns on the floor of the picnic shelter where we were sitting. Soon we were all tripping our balls off and decided to go to the 'trippin' tree'. The trippin' tree is a tree that I smoked weed at on 4/20 the previous year. I was tripping on liquid that day. Just by chance.

It took us a long time to reach the tree that was relatively close. The forest was just too alive to ignore. Plants were living right in front of me, and it was the most amazing thing. Green forest dwelling plants were sprouting and growing all around me as the trees swayed in the humid mid-day air. When we got to the tree, I noticed right-away that it was crawling with all kinds of strange creatures (indescribable beyond their roach sized, black bodies). We were wandering under the canopy for awhile, lost in the great nothing, never wanting to return to what I knew before. This feeling was common between the three of us and then my friend muttered,'we aren't lost, man...we have just been found...'

We then decided that we were all going to peak soon so we decided to find the sky. And it was so. Our war-cry bacame incoherent as we swiftly moved about the trees with a primal passion to witness things we always look at but never see. Suddenly we came to an old wooden dock that led to a small sandy beach next to a large river. The sun filled everything with a reassuring sense that things were coming together. The forest took a breath in with a huge wind and turned brilliant white, as I shouted, 'We found the sky! Look! We found it!'

I was feeling great at my accomplishment until I looked to my right and noticed a fisherman sitting on the bank of the river. Fear came quickly and left even faster as I realized that he couldn't ever harm me in any way even if he tried. I was untouchable. I didn't even think he could see me.

I soon remembered my friends and ran a feet feet back to warn them in case they needed to yell something about acid. Then we all walked across to the other side of the beach and layed on the bank of the river; more than safe from the view of the fisherman. I'm not really sure if he could hear us or not though.  If he could, I'm sure he could probably tell that we were on drugs or something to that nature. Awful townspeople...

As we were staring at the sky, the nothing morphed into a huge beautiful cathedral. Pink walls and purple columns. It was mesmerizing to say the least. The peak was begining to go away so we looped around to the shelter where we had begun our adventure. Taking the back way of course. When we got back to our suprise, it was later in the day and people had showed up to enjoy themselves at the pretty park. They wern't enjoying it on the level that I was. They were there to abuse and I could smell it on them.

I first saw a fat woman whose car had aparently broken down. I laughed at her from a distance. She saw me an I didn't stop or even care. It was beautiful. 'That's what she gets for bringing that huge hunk of metal out here. This is no place for an automobile.', is what I was thinking. We got back to the shelter and there were people with their arms around each other's shoulders sitting on the swing near the overlook of the river. This was funny, so I laughed as hard as I have ever laughed and stumbled around in extreme amusement. I then proceded to annoy them with music. It wasn't my intention, it just played out like it was. Techno was on the menu and I was definitely craving something phat. Hard trance at first. The people soon walked to their car and drove away. And with the fat woman long gone, we noticed we were alone again. No more worry about being freaks to these people. But of course they were a lot freakier to us.

Without saying anything beforehand, we giggled, all stood up and began stacking picnic tables to get onto the roof of the shelter. The shelter roof was steep and hard to crawl up. We managed somehow and layed on our backs and looked at the sky again. This time it was dominated by a massive pattern-covered dragon. It wasn't moving much, just sort of wiggling its legs and body a lot. The only words said in the next half-hour were mostly 'Wow' and 'Oh my God' etc. And that was enough, for we had Jimi to fill the gap of silence.

After this we said goodbye to the forest and went back to Squaresville. It was more awful than before in strange ways. I was laughing hysterically as we pulled up to the convience store near my house. We went inside and I just sort of stared at the different things happening. The expression read I was not Impressed by the glossy lies of the Squaresville.

We did eventually go back out the the woods when nite fell. It was nice. We lit off fire works to celebrate our wonderful day. The drugs had worn-off but the meaning was there all the same.

We then began weaving ourselves back into the anti-flow very slowly. My first friend did it with his love of fire. Easy destruction. My second friend did it with playing mind games on himself and everyone else. And finally me. I went back because of my addiction to different drugs that the anti-flow has to offer. And most immediately that day it was the simple cigarette. When I took my first drag since I had separated myself from Squaresville, I was embraced once again with the empty promises and lies. But it was a good cigarette let me say that much.

Since that experience, I have yet to trip and wonder again. But I will sometime. And I will walk over to the other side and remain over there with the beauty and the peace and the love. It is sunnier on the other side. I just wish I would have opened up a long time ago.

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 11370

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Nov 17, 2004	Views: 22,237

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LSD (2) : General (1), Nature / Outdoors (23), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00

		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

		   T+ 0:40
		 1.0 g
		 oral
		 GHB

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   170 lb

The Bright White Mist -- When your mind finally reconnects all iterations of the universal fractal within a single moment.

Hey, so it had been approximately 4-5 months since my last LSD trip.  I have approximately 15-20 of them under my belt, with most being in the 100-250 microgram range (estimate, of course).  I typically acquire liquid lsd, and have been told that it is approximately 100 ug per drop.

The vial I had ran out, but I kept it in my drawer in hopes that I could rinse it and trip one more time.  Well, this past weekend, I remembered that it was in there, and realized that I really wanted to trip again.  It is the beginning of the school year, I haven't tripped in a few months, and I wanted to deal with some mental/emotional baggage that I had picked up recently.

I had no idea how much was in there, so I tried to have a light trip, but prepared myself for the possibility that I might not trip at all, and also that I might trip harder than I planned.   The uncertainty of it was definitely a bit exciting, and in a way, really helped me to be more sure of my resolve.

I licked the inside of the top, the dripper insert thing, and added 15 drops of liquid to the vial in order to absorb anything coating the inner surface.  I tried to drip 2 on the back of my hand, but it came out quick, and 4 hit my skin.  There was a brief tinge of anxiety, but I quickly let that go and resolved myself to ride things out.

For me, I can almost instantly tell if I have any lsd in my system.  There is an almost abstract feeling of muscle tension that is present for a few minutes, that fades away only to return as the initial signs of the 'coming up'.  This first sign was a little stronger than I remembered, but I simply figured that I forgot the sensations of the chemical.

About 30-40 minutes later, I felt that buzzing return, but this time with much more intensity.  I had a large amount of muscle tension and clenching.  My jaw was clamping shut, and my hands were trembling.  I quickly felt very dissociated, and I still wasnt really having any visuals.  Never before had I felt this, and I realized that I was in for a pretty intense ride.

I was quite uncomfortable at this point, actually.  I could not keep my hands from shaking, and everything in my body was tensing up.  Some fear had developed at this point, since I was alone, and had not experienced this before...at least not to that degree.

I have a new (3-4 weeks) pet bearded dragon that is about 5-6 months old, and I decided to pick her up in hopes that being in contact with another living being would help relax me.  Unfortunately, due to my obvious nervousness, she was very tense and would not allow me to hold her.  I put her back in the terrarium, and layed down on my bed, which is right next to her.

The visuals began to become more and more apparent at this point.  Strangely, instead of producing the standard trails and 'crawling' type visuals, it started creating strong fractal patterns.  I can look out a very large window while laying down and see three very large and magnificent eucalypus trees.  It was foggy and quite surreal.

At first, the fractals were integrated with the 3 dimensional space.  As with most of my trips, if I 'let go', the 3rd dimension would disappear and the world became a flowing 2 dimensional plane of colorful fractals.  That in and of itself was not particularly surprising.  However, I noticed that unlike anything else I had ever experienced, the trees were all flowing into each other.  It was as though I was looking through a kaleidoscope, to illustrate the type of movement that I mean.  THAT was very impressive.

Beyond just that, though, I found that they would meld more and more, eventually flowing back out in the color white.  I lost myself for X amount of time, and came back out.  I remember the thought, 'wow, that has never happened before.  VERY interesting.'

I tried to look back at my computer and read some email when I found that I simply couldnt view the screen as anything other than a lighted fractalized plane.  I gave up and decided to watch the trees again.  Additionally, due to the extreme body load, I decided to take a relatively small dose of ghb, approximately 1 gram.  A few minutes later, my body began to relax, and I felt that I could finally let my mind flow.

I remember, next, that the whiteness was becoming more and more powerful.  I could not resist it, and at this point, I actually did not want to resist it.  I let go, and it overtook me.

After this point, there is no time; there is no me; there is no body; there is no universe; there is no pain; there is no anxiety; there is simply that moment, followed by that moment, and that moment again.  I was nothing but a flow of thought. It was a strange mode of consciousness unfamiliar to me.  My mind made logical connections with fluid grace, and I found myself remembering things that I had not thought of for years.

I entered a state of deep introspection.  There was some elation, and some sadness, depending on what was being analyzed, but the actual subject was beyond my control.

Depending on the initial thought-stimulus, I found myself becoming either the center of reality, or the personification of scum.  I could talk myself up or down within seconds.  One second I was going to contribute a vital piece of information to humanity, and the next I felt as though I was the most self-centered human to ever live.  I knew fundamentally though, that either extreme was just that, an extreme.  The extreme low was too familiar as sober I am almost psychotically self-critical.  The extreme high was terrifying because I am so afraid of developing a huge ego or a narcissistic personality.  So, because I knew that neither was real, I had an important insight into my mind: I learned how to not take either seriously.

I also thought about the state of my room compared to the rest of the house.  I realized that it is impossible for me to keep my room clean because of the fact that its state will come to a balance with the rest of the environment, which is extremely chaotic.  I realized that it is opressive, depressing, and is keeping me from reaching my full potential.  I am not comfortable enough to go into more detail, but never before had I ever seen those qualities before.

I realized just how important my friends are to me.  I realized that I had been neglecting friendships out of anxiety, out of laziness, out of the subconscious desire to have SOMETHING that I can beat myself up about.  I realized that the simple thing which seemed to me to be massively impossible was simply taking action.

After several more, very personal insights, I slowly slipped back into this reality.  I even remember the process of my ego re-integrating with itself.  The white mist/light regressed, and I could see trees again.

I slipped in and out of this state for 4-5 hours, and was in love with every moment of it.  I never understood what true, egoless bliss was, until this.  My powerful mushroom trip (hangin with dad in heaven) had a small amount that resembled this, but that was more ecstatic wheras this was more profoundly blissful.  Where that was a white light of knowledge, this was a white light of merging with everything.

I 'dropped' at approximately 3:45pm, and started to come out of the peak around 8.  I drifted in and out of the white mist for a couple hours, but never reached the totality of the initial few visits.  Around 12:00 am, I finally felt like the peak was starting to drift away.  I figure, by this amazing duration, that I took close to 700 micrograms, possibly more.  In fact, even at 6:00 am the next day, the walls were still crawling slightly, and I felt as though I had taken a single average hit of lsd.

At approximately 11 pm, I called a friend and decided to go over to his house.  I was well aware of the fact that driving a car would be suicide, and the only other mode of transportation was bicycle.  I decided to go for it, and took my time getting ready.  I took a shower (phenominal, of course), fed my bearded dragon (who had stopped looking at me as though I had gone insane), and hopped on the bike.

The ride was all downhill, and was really nice.  The brakes werent that great, so I couldnt just let myself fly down the hill, but just keeping a nice, relaxed pace was thoroughly relaxing.  I got to my friend's place, and we spent the rest of the night watching cartoons and talking about life.  I shared with him many of the insights that I had, and asked for advice about alot of things that I became concerned about.

After finally feeling sober enough to go home, we took the bus (I asked him to ride with me, as I was still feeling kind of paranoid around strangers, and really wanted some company), and I was finally able to lay in bed.

I had a great sleep, with some very intense and vivid dreams.  Today, I woke up feeling great.  I felt energized, happy, lucid, and ready to go.  It was the first day of school, and I felt as though this trip was exactly what I needed to gain some real perspective on myself.  I can't say for sure if the changes that I want to retain actually are still there, but I do feel a bit different.  Maybe a little more confidant, a bit more relaxed, more honest with myself regarding strengths and weaknesses, and with alot more motivation to succeed, in order to fulfill my real potential as a person.

So, as far as I can tell, this was an ego-loss (possibly death?) experience.  It was profound, mindblowing, enlightening, wonderful, scary, easy, difficult, intense, and amazingly...completely natural...  I hope to be able to return to the white mist in the future, but I do not believe that I can go back soon without lying to myself.

I have felt for a while that I understood what lsd did, and what its particular character is.  Though I had alot of insight and even some intuition about what was to come, the reality of it was nothing that I could have prepared myself for.  I recognized it for what it was, but it was beyond my ability to anticipate.

Amazing.  Truly amazing.

Exp Year: 2002	ExpID: 17069

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Nov 19, 2004	Views: 24,647

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LSD (2) : Mystical Experiences (9), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   120 lb

I don't want to sound like some kind of elitist or anything, but I think people like myself are a dying breed, at least among 16- to 18-year olds in this town. What I mean is that, most kids see drugs simply as a way to get fucked up. 'There's nothing to do in this town, so get fucked up!' This is the mindset of nearly every high schooler here. I, however, thanks to sites like Erowid and a very influencial brother, feel that drugs, especially psychedelics like acid, are for something that is exactly the opposite of getting shitfaced. Most kids here are just potheads and alcoholics anyway. Once recently, a core group whom I used to call my friends decided to take some acid, with the mentality that it was just a new way to get trashed. Consequently, one ended up in the hospital, many were caught, most freaked out or otherwise hated the experience. I, however, had been doing research on LSD for well over a year, reading and reading, much off of this site. I also took acid that night, for the first time, and stayed in one place. I had to deal with people being caught and talking to my parents right as it was kicking in, but thanks to simply knowing what I was getting into, I worked through it. The trip was beautiful, even after such awful happenings. Fast forward three months, to my second trip.

I dropped the two hits at about 12:05 AM, with everything around me set for a night alone with LSD. I had music picked out (to be listened to with headphones), soft lighting on, made sure I was on good terms with friends and family, especially my girlfriend. I wanted this to be a smooth trip, one that I would remember, one that would leave me satisfied. I am a strong believer that acid should not be taken often. I believe in the incredible positive potential of LSD, but I don't go off on Leary-esque rants about how it is the end-all be-all of knowledge. Anyways, the trip.

I felt the first effects about 20 minutes after dropping the hits. A feeling of anticipation, an uneasiness and excitement. Like going up the first hill of a roller coaster, all in my head. I thought it was time for a little music. So, I put on 'Sister Ray' by the Velvet Underground, but about two minutes into it, I had to turn it off. It was too abrasive, too wild, too much. The acid was kicking in hard. So, I tried putting on The Soft Bulletin by The Flaming Lips, but again, halfway through the second track I had to turn it off. I had forgotten from the first trip how much acid actually takes you over, how it actually changes the way you think. By this point, the world was beginning to blur. I was giddy, and I couldn't stop myself from moving. I looked up at the ceiling, where the shadows of the light I had on (one of those lightbulbs shaped like a flame), were suddenly in complete 3D, moving and completely blurred, but a sharp sort of blur. Intense rushes went through my head. A sort of intense buzzing, that I could feel bouncing around in me. I guessed this could have been due to the acid on the hits reacting with the aluminum foil it was wrapped in. Who knows if that was the actual cause, I know I don't.

I had to have some sort of stimulus to avoid the buzzing. Either television or music. I tried to listen to something more soothing, but it just seemed fake and almost annoying. I could only watch TV for a few minutes before I simply had to turn it off. It was too bright, too bizarre. At about 1:30, the acid had taken my head completely over. I suddenly thought of my first trip, of having to talk to my parents. All I could think was, the acid has completely backfired on me. I want reality again. I want to be able to control this. But alas, acid is not pot, and as hard as I tried to simply ignore it, the more it would kick in. I began to forget where i was two hours before, the way I thought two hours before. I was now in a state of panic, all alone. And it had only just started. I knew I was in for it.

I made the decision soon after that if my parents were to wake up, I would simply admit to them that I was on acid and that I just needed to be alone. I knew there was no way I could fight it. I felt ashamed of myself, for being just another teenage junkie bent on getting mindfucked while his parents slept. I began to think, what would happen once they find out? What would they do if they saw me freaking out like this? Why would the doctors do that to me in the hospital? What would they put on my record? Would I be held back in school for this? Would I make it into college? Was my entire life completely fucked forever because of two little squares of paper I ate? No, that's crazy. That's stupid. That's impossible. They are asleep, man. Get a grip.

Somehow making my way back to sanity, I found myself hanging off my couch, eyes wide open, staring at the ground, breathing heavily. I suddenly noticed the beautiful sensory symphony. The light on the ceiling was soothing, the carpet swayed as if underwater. Forms simply morphed and distorted, all with an incredibly peaceful rhythm. The world around me became alive. I could feel my skin in a new way. Dry but also oily, smooth but rough at the same time. I looked in the mirror. My eyes were big and dark, and just glistening. It was definitely not just my pupils that were dilated. It was my entire brain. The world around me swayed and bubbled. Surfaces were no longer solid, and in my mind i could feel them fizzing and popping, like the fizz on a carbonated drink. I almost felt as if I were in a Chuck Close painting. One of those incredible portraits he did where the people's faces did not simply end at a line and the overall picture was perfectly realistic but at closer examination brilliant color and pattern became apparent. I felt as though I were breathing liquid. Breathing alone became an incredible experience. The world around me truly was alive, like I had thought before. I was in some kind of psychedelic wonderland. I almost imagined like I was in some futuristic city, with flying cars buzzing by me, like the Jetsons, all under that brilliant orange light. I had to have the music to match. So, I put on Air's Premiers Symptoms, and let myself go. During this, and most of the peak experience, words are simply inadequate. So many things happen in an experience like this that trying to explain it in any way just doesn't do it justice. I remember thinking to myself, there is NO way I could ever describe what this whole experience is like. There is just no way.

Some 30 or 40 minutes later I came to, now in silence, except for a tapping at my door. Suddenly the incredible feelings of peace and happiness were shattered. The light was still on but I desperately wanted it off. Suddenly the old thought loops came back. What was the tapping at my door, why wouldn't it go away? I want my future! I'm not a bad kid, honest! The sense of terror was very real. So real, in fact, that the only reason I am even now choosing to hold off for a long time before I take acid again, is because of those moments.

But it was just my cat, and for the time he was in my room he was the perfect companion. He moved silently and gracefully. I almost had the sense that I was finally seeing the world the way he had his whole life. But still, this was not enough to cool down my head. I was still going crazy in the back of my head. Suddenly, the light became too bright, so I turned it off, and slipped away into blackness.

The awful buzzing quickly came back, now louder and more painful than ever. As if the awful thought loops weren't bad enough, I had to deal with that. So I spent the next hour or so frantically turning the TV on and off, trying to listen to music. Anything to stop the madness. I even got a snack, which was terrifying, considering I had to walk past my parents' bedroom in a house as creaky as ours. However, the reward was well worth it. I smoked plenty of pot before this trip, and never had eating or drinking been so glorious. Simply incredible, undescribable.

Eventually the buzzing stopped, leaving only the intense, intense peak. I was experiencing full-blown pyschosis at this point. Thought loop after thought loop, over and over, uncontrollable. I could have bitten through nails I was clenching my jaw so hard. Any life or any thoughts I had before the last 3 hours had been completely forgotten. I was building a very scary void in my head, and it was expanding at a huge rate.

If I opened my eyes and looked down at the rest of my body, the blankets covering it would simply shrivel up. I watched myself disintegrate into madness. I pried myself up and looked out the window. The outside world was going batshit. Nothing stayed still, buildings oozed, the street and cars breathed and waved as if they were on rough seas. The branches of the trees grew, in any direction, I couldn't tell. A few seconds of that was all I could handle.

The thought loops kept going. I looked at some photographs I had taken (I am very much into photography) out of my window one night. They moved as if they were real. the branches swayed, the street lights were bright. I had to put it down.

Eventually the awful thoughts became unstable. They were growing and spiraling at rates I couldn't handle. This universe was getting too big for it all. In a matter of seconds, it collapsed. Every thought, every question I had been frantically asking for what seemed like forever suddenly broke down, until finally I had only one question to ask. I didn't know who I was asking, but I got my answer. I felt the universe collapse and incredible speed. I saw every particle come together in a fantastic implosion of everything I knew and didnt know or ever knew or ever will know. Finally, everything this trip had been riding on and every thought and visual and everything that had ever happened in the universe came down to a single answer.  Everything came down to this one single moment. I was sure, that this is where I would meet God. Leary was right after all. But, oh no. That was not to happen. I got my answer, alright. A single, fleeting vision, that explained why all of this was happening.

It was just the acid.

I stopped. The collapse was complete, and the very first reaction I had, in the split second after I got my answer, determined everything thereafter. I died.

When I woke up, I was still in darkness. The awful thoughts were gone, replaced instead by pure psychedelic noise. Like TV static in my brain. Only a few minutes had passed, but the peak was definitely over. Somewhere in my head, I had a firm grasp on reality. Something was telling me to get up, go to the bathroom. So I went.

The brightness in the room was incredible. Everything was sharp, but also very much alive. The countertop was 3D, and the fake granite pattern moved much like the carpet of the lobby of the Mint Hotel in  the acid scene of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Beautiful trails followed my hands. The fibers of the small bath rugs grew, like ivy. Everything was still a blur but at the same time perfectly clear. Who knows how long I was peeing. I figured I should leave before it gets suspicious.

Returning to my room, once again I listened to Premiers Symptoms. This time, I only listened to 'Casanova 70', which was incredible. The visuals both and and out of my head were beautiful. Soon after finishing that, I worked up the courage to listen to Siter Ray again. Already, I was beginning to piece together what had happened before, and make some sense out of the trip. I had originally planned on making this trip more for visuals and the sensory high, instead of the intense mind trip I had taken nearly four months earlier. But, once again, the peak was over, and the visuals were beginning to fade and my sense of reality and my memories of everything before the trip were returning. Slowly, but surely. So, I put on Sister Ray, and smoked an imaginary cigarette, and congradulated myself over and over for making it through the night in once piece, and jammed for 17 minutes straight, laying on my couch, under a single blanket.

Listening to Sister Ray was so good, that I immediately listened to it again. I noticed every note, every incredible sound. I was just blown away. Once again, I seemed to just understand the whole psychedelic scene in the 60's. That's not to say I was there, or that I actually do know all about it or why happened, but I just got a small, beautiful sense of the time, of how the world was flipped upside-down. San Fransisco and LSD. New York, Greenwich Village, Heroin, Vietnam, Hippies and Beats, Civil Rights, complete social, political, cultural madness. Incredible. And here I was.

Dawn broke as Sister Ray ended. Spring was finally starting to show. The morning sky was beautiful. I got out my camera and took a whole roll of pictures. As the last of the tracers faded away, I was left with pure exhaustion. A euphoric exhaustion. I was happy as hell. The real reward of the trip came after it was gone, some seven and a half hours after I dropped the hits. I ran over the trip over and over in my head, and each time getting happier and happier. I got through it. I got away with it. All by myself. I was THE MAN. And, just as suddenly as it had taken my head over almost 8 hours before, I passed out.

I woke up around 1 in the afternoon. The trip was officially over.

There is something incredibly powerful in LSD. I do believe that if everyone in the world had an experience like the one I had, the world would be a better place. But, I know that that's never going to happen.

I can't stress it enough. LSD IS NOT A PARTY DRUG. It is not for the faint of heart or mind. The most important part of an acid trip is the tripper. If you are just looking for another way to get trashed, or you just want to see some cool shit or something, stay very far away from acid. The rewards of acid are not immediate. It's not like smoking pot, where you get fucked up and then pass out and return to your normal self without getting anything real or lasting from the experience (in most cases).

But at the same time, LSD is not some fountain of all knowledge. I learned a lot from this trip. But the happiness I got out of it did not, and still does not, extend to anything else. The experience was completely self-contained. Why did all that happen? It wasn't God. It was acid.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 23181

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Nov 20, 2004	Views: 26,780

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LSD (2) : First Times (2), Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   100 kg

This report is easily the most intense experience of my life. I respected LSD before for its ability to change one’s perception but I am now totally humbled by what it has the power to do in very high doses. I have taken LSD before about 20-30 times and considered myself experienced, having tripped on doses of 5-7 hits quite often but this experience totally changed my opinion of the drug. On a higher dose it may as well be a completely different experience. I have emitted a lot of the less important details for the sake of brevity.

There were 5 of us and we got out 5 sugar cubes and dropped 5 drops onto each. However when we got to the 5th cube we only got 2 drops out and the bottle was empty. The “empty” (yeah right!) bottle still had residue on the inside that you couldn’t squeeze out. It was a tiny plastic bottle used for mint breath drops so I was offered to “eat the bottle.”  J had previously “eaten” another bottle and said there was a lot in there still so I cut the tiny bottle in half with a knife and chewed on it for about 10 minutes. Everyone else had there cube of 5 drops and I ate the bottle which I now guess to have easily 10 or more drops.

I soon realised that there was an insane amount still in the bottle when heavy visuals started happening in as little as 15 minutes. It felt like I was “peaking” after 30-40 minutes. Besides the usual “melting walls” and “sliding floors” I was getting quite intense colour shifts that were unlike anything I had seen before. Soon the ground was swirling with the most intense fractal geometrical patterns I had ever seen. The world was exploding in life. I was tripping harder than everyone else (who were off the planet regardless) and I suggested we go outside as the cramped inside of the house was getting too much for me. I walked outside and the frost covered ground was like silver. I remember looking at two friends and they looked like some kind of mole creatures, which was the first disturbing part of the trip. The others soon joined me outside and we decided we should climb a mountain that is just near our house.

At this point (approx. T=2 hours) reality started to slip away totally. Normally on acid (highest doses prior to this was 5-7 drops) I have got amazingly changed “perspective” on the world but at the end of the day everything was still “real” and tangible. From this point on I was honestly not sure what part of my experience was real and tangible and which was just a construct of my mind.

I remember climbing up an alleyway before the mountain which had stairs and rails and covered in trees and plants… it seemed to go on forever and it seemed like I was climbing through it for hours (its probably only 15 metres) I cannot stress how much it actually felt like “forever” in its most pure definition. It was like I was stuck in a 2 second loop of time that kept repeating itself without stop. Eventually a friend came and got me and snapped me out of my infinite stairway dream and raced me to the top. We were at the base of the mountain and getting up was really a bit of a blur. I remember climbing again for what seemed like forever. The long grass underfoot was entangling me. The grass no longer looked anything like “grass” or any earthbound form of vegetation. It was actually bright neon pink in colour and seemed to be laid our in patterns one might make in one of those spirograph things. I had never seen any visuals to match this.  I kept climbing, but in hindsight the thing that seemed really strange was the fact that I wasn’t put off by this pink grass which was more a part of my mind than reality but I just smoothly fell into a mindset of accepting this new reality as truth. By the time I was at the top of the mountain I was barely cognitive of any sense of self. I have experienced ego-loss before on LSD… a humbling feeling of oneness with the world but I experienced total and utter ego-death while there. I was no longer myself. I just was. The others seemed like ghosts wisping past me and any conversation was totally lost on me as my mind was busy building a new reality in front of me. That is what it seemed like… my mind was literally wiped clean and I started gathering information in order to create a new mindset…a complete new way of thinking. You cannot adequately describe in words what this feels like because your entire mind works in a completely new and alien way that describing to someone who has not experienced it is futile because they are trying to comprehend it using the sober method of thought.

I honestly can’t remember everyone else leaving but at some point I realised I (whatever “I” was) was alone. Apparently when the others left I told them I would stay for a while but I have no recollection of that which scares me a bit. I don’t think they realised how distorted my reality was at this point. With no company to latch me to any lingering traces of the real world my mind went on a journey through “forever”. I remember being wrapped in a scarf that G must have given to me which felt like a warm vine entangling me. It was more a part of me than a piece of clothing. I remember looking out over the mountain at the city lights which my mind recognised more in terms of “concept” than as actual tangible objects. I turned around and more hills and a beautiful landscape scene greeted me. I kept looking from the lights to the hills back and forward in a looping cycle that seemed more like a dream than a real world event. The grass was still pink and seemed like nylon cord more than organic. The city lights seemed like ribbons of light, the concept of streetlights was lost on me. I kept looping through a pattern which is what I imagine insanity to be, I would look at the street lights, spin around, look at the hills, rub my neck and look at the ground…I repeated this pattern for what seemed again to be nothing less than pure forever. It took the most intense amount of willpower to snap out of this cycle. While looking around at the alien scene in front of me my mind raced and thought about things in a way I have never experienced and find hard to verbalise. I went into deep thought and pondered life and death… I pondered reality… I even pondered the concept of a “concept” for a while. I was not thinking in a normal conscious sense, I was far beyond any cognition of the normal world which included my mind. Looping concepts ran through my head, not in chronological time but rather in the form of pure thought. Ideas and loops like:

Life – death – birth – mother – father - life – death – birth – mother – father etc. etc.

Food – Warm – Air – Live - Food – Warm – Air – Live – etc etc.

While this was happening I was aware of little or no visual or physical stimulus whatsoever. I was in a dreamland of the mind and this is where “I” (whatever that might have been) seemed to exist. Eventually I broke out of this repetitive chain of loops. As I came out of this bizarre and alien state of mind tiny traces of the real world started to creep in. A friend called me concerned at why I was up here so long and said I should come down because they were making some special tea. I had no idea how long I had been up there. I was still half in this dream world but made a conscious decision to walk down the mountain back to the house. Making a conscious decision was quite a task considering I had just been trying to work out what the hell consciousness was. As I walked I really wasn’t sure if all of this was even real… I may as well have just been curled up dreaming it all. I walked down the steep hill a different way to the one we came and it seemed to go on forever like the way up even though it was just a short walk. I arrived at a barbed wire fence and considered jumping it but my sensibility which had only just started to find root again decided I would probably hurt myself. I carefully examined the fence and squeezed through two non barbed wires unscathed. Finally I got to the bottom of the hill and hit a road. It was so relieving after having seriously been considering that this walk might in fact go on “forever”. I realised where I was and started walking the road back home. The moon was in the sky and was insanely bright. The moon has been out during the day lately and it was like watching a “moonrise”. I was totally amazed with how bright it was even though it was now daylight. It was right at the end of the horizon I was walking towards and seemed to totally suck me towards it. The strange thing was that as I was walking and reality came flooding back it was the real world that started to seem “alien”.

When on LSD (lower doses) I get a certain clarity in my vision that makes the real world seem crystal clear but my view of the world now almost seemed “too clear”…there was so much clarity and detail that it seemed like a dream, I was amazed at how beautiful the world is. I always appreciated the world and how amazing it could be but this new perception took it to a whole new level. I cannot emphasise how detailed the world seemed… it was like the opposite of a dream visually…it still seemed “unreal” but the level of detail far exceeded what I knew to be reality.  After a few minutes I turned down the street towards my house and saw the other guys sitting out in the park watching the sun and the clouds. They cheered as I walked toward them and I breathed a sigh of relief as confirmation of reality had been achieved. The moment I saw them was really my first realisation that I was actually not dreaming and this was in fact all induced by a drug…I seemed to forget that while I was up there. We went inside and the house was warm. I sat down and just rested for a good while and tried to assemble the mess that was my mind back together.

The events on the mountain really did seem to deconstruct my mind and, as I came to, I had to reconstruct it from scratch.  It is a totally overwhelming experience to say the least and not for the faint of heart or mind, but was totally amazing. I talked with the guys for a while about what exactly happened last night and they filled me in on some points that I really couldn’t remember. I had a cup of coffee and walked outside again. I was still tripping very hard visually but I was cool with that, my mind had been exhausted and I was just glad that my mind had stopped racing. I decided I needed sleep, or at very least to lay down and rest. My body and mind were both just totally depleted of energy.

I wrote down a few words in a book I keep summarising my experience and view of the world and reality:

There “is” a certain place where one’s mind is free to float in an infinite sea of forever. One’s “mind” is as much a reality as the physical world that we cling to. The mind and the physical are not two separate entities on different planes of existence. There is an infinite fractal architecture linking the mind and the body woven into itself forever. The entity we know as consciousness is a combination of our minds taking stock of the “real world” and the real world creating tangible realisations of what the mind would perceive to be “true”. The idea of forever lends itself to an infinite void of conceptualisation that can only be countered by stopping to realise the moment that is “now”.

That night LSD really handed my mind to me on platter and let me see inside. It was an amazing experience to have total ego-death and to question ideas like “self” “I” and “real” with total conviction. But it is also an experience that gave me a huge appreciation and respect for the drug. High dose LSD is not for everyone but in the right conditions with right mind set it can be amazing. I wouldn’t say this experience was good or bad… I was in a world in which those concepts where non existent…it was simply an experience and a reminder of how fragile reality actually is.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 34238

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Nov 21, 2004	Views: 143,941

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LSD (2) : General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   125 lb

I waited years to try LSD. It had become such a hard drug to find by the time I was interested in it, so I waited a long time to try the FIRST drug I was really interested in.

The place: a wonderful campground in a forest in Ohio. The atmosphere turned out to be better than I could have hoped for.

I took a single hit of blotter (it had fractals on the back) at 11pm. It was hard to tell exactly when I started feeling the effects, as I was too excited and jumpy to begin with. I think it was about fifteen to twenty minutes though.

Normally I can be pretty paranoid, especially on psychedelics. I would never dream of taking mushrooms in a forest in another country with people I had not met before...but LSD turned out to be much different. I think it was the rather slow and long rise to the peak - it gave me enough time to adjust to the changes.

As I neared my peak, a group of us walked down a path to the edge of a lake. The sky was completely full of stars, and the light reflected off the tiny ripples on the water. I watched the light dance around the lake with a life of its own. The stars moved constantly, and each star appeared to be a small cluster of three or four stars. The body buzz was neither unpleasant nor enjoyable. More a tensed-up feeling of anticipation. It didn't bother me though, and even added its own effect to the feel of the trip. There were times when laughter would bubble up from my depths for no reason. Life is funny, amazingly funny!

I tried smoking some bud a little after the peak, and as I suspected I promptly got much higher. At this point it was suggested to me that I should go for a journey into the forest. I walked off with another guy (I still have no idea who he was, just that he was tripping too) and was lost within ten steps. The darkness under the trees was thick. It looked like the air itself was inky black. None of this bothered me, though. I'm not sure if I could have been bothered, as I was so utterly confused by this point that I had no room for thought. We stumbled around in a daze, trying to figure out where it was we were going in the first place.

I ventured back to the campsite after only a few minutes, when I realized there was no point in going somewhere I didn't know.

LSD lasts a long time. I wish it would last a little longer still...but the length is something I have never experienced before. Mushrooms are mostly over with in five hours, sometimes much less. I had taken my hit at 11pm and by the time 6am rolled around I was far too many hours into my trip. Everyone else at the site had fallen asleep by the time the sun peeked over the horizon. I decided to go back down to the edge of the lake, to watch the sunrise.

The ten minutes that I watched that sunrise will live with me forever. The feel of the place and time left me in such a state of awe I had no words to describe it. I still don't, really. The sun was rising on the opposite side of the lake, casting its rays directly towards me and across the rippling water. A foot or two of mist covered the entire lake as well. A gentle breeze came up from behind me and began to blow all the mist away from me and towards the rising sun. The top of the mist rippled and rolled like the top of the water below it, except the mist travelled away from me while the light twinkling on the water came towards me. If I experience another moment like that in this life...I will count myself greatly gifted.

I hiked back up the hill to the campsite and tried to take a nap. No use...still too much energy.

I finished coming down by lunch, with the last visuals subsiding around 10am or so. I left with my ride shortly after lunch and headed straight back to Canada.

I have learned much from what I experienced, and I know there is still too much more to learn. LSD is a great teacher, indeed.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 26967

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Dec 1, 2004	Views: 25,968

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LSD (2) : First Times (2), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 150 mg
		 oral
		 Tryptophan - 5-HTP
		 (pill / tablet)

		   T+ 12:00
		 7 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (gel tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   180 lb

What I saw this night, I have decided to write about, is beyond comprehension, but some of it can be put into words.

I was at my house, which is in a rural area, alone. It was nighttime, and I planned on having a good solo trip. I had acquired 10 'windowpane' gel tabs of good quality lsd. I had the next day off, so I wasn't concerned about how I would feel the next day. A week before, I had tried 1 of them at a party. It was strong, with good visuals, social anxiety, some good body vibes, and mystical thinking.

I turned on some trance/house music. I had a plan of visiting another world, I knew I could because of my sample of the magic the week earlier. I had been taking 5-htp for depression. I took it in the morning at about 10am.

At 10pm, after thinking of a dose, popped 7 of them. I let them partially dissolve in my mouth and then swallowed them. I will try to put what happened next in a linear time perspective, but these are estimates, and at some points are rough guesses.

20 minutes later, I feel that tingle, the stimulating, awakening vibes of acid. The rush is quite strong, I shiver. I lay back on the couch, squeezing a rubbery 'stress ball'. Light visuals start, I see the dim room light up some.

At 10:45, the walls, ceiling and floor are breathing, warping, melting and swirling, some with extra color. The music sounds distant, but it feels like it has physical contact with me. I feel nervous, it definately feels too intense to be completely comfortable. But, I smile at the new, changing environment. My thoughts separate and manifest into observations of my life at such a different angle, the thoughts flood my mind and I try to tune them out.

11:30? I have thrown up yellowish green stuff on the floor. I am still on the couch. I walked around briefly but found the environment around the couch to feel more right. I put my fingers in the substance. It was slightly warm. I begin to loose comprehension of who I am. This is where words become hard to use. I think I close my eyes and I am in a lake, surrounded by millions of bacteria. I see them so detailed, large, brown, jelly things swimming with hundreds of flagella. I am one of them. I am comfortable with this, because the life is simple and there isn't any immediate worries. I am not thinking. I only see, and feel. The presence of the music in the background adds to the idea of peacefulness in my bacterium life.

12? Something goes wrong with my feelings of peace. The devil turned my water red with death. He seeks to harm. I wake up into my body. What the fuck is this, I think without using language, because language is gone. 'This body, my hands! so complex...' The idea of evil after me still is there. I am now a spirit floating unwillingly from random body to body. My thinking is of pure defense, and this is a rough interpretation. I get up off the couch. WINDOWS! they cheat reality, they trick reality, the devil could see that my fortress here is not of normal nature. (I am not sure completely of my thoughts). I get up and grab a stick of reality material, which happened to be a fireplace rod. I go smashing windows and glass. I strike them like they tried to kill me. I wasnt sure who I was but I was taking steps to protect it.

2: I wake up on the couch, was I asleep? I dont know what happened. My normal consciousness is slightly returning with my confused ego. I do not recall the window breaking. I get up and feel cold and then see the mess. OH shit! I dont know what happened. I think that I did it, but there are paranoid thoughts about an evil that has been chasing me. I see light visuals only now. I recall a time when the music was invisible globs of brilliance, and when they hit me they burst color all over.

4: after laying on the couch a while, I think to myself, I'm going to enjoy this trip, and ignore the horrible mess until I am sober. If I closed my eyes, I could voluntarily enter a trance with some hazy visions.

1pm: I wake up, feeling terrible. My back, my stomach, my head, my mood, all hurting. I look at the window near the couch. This sinks my stomach. I get up and head for the shower, noticing on the way a broken picture frame. It was about 50^F outside, and it all came in. I feel a little better after the shower. Then I review the damage. Later I put plastic sheeting over the windows and cleaned up the glass, getting cut 3 times.

6 Windows broken (3 small, 2 larger ones, and a glass door :(, and 2 picture frames). I also had oddly turned the computer keyboard and monitor face down.

This night was madness, insanity, craziness. Some of the memories are lost. I wouldnt regret it at all if it wasnt for the property damage. But, the rational way of thinking disappears too much for this dose, I imagine 2 hits of this stuff would severely impair someone.

I will never trip this hard again. This happened last week, I still feel weird and see light tracers. Its not like I can take a bunch of acid and go crazy and loose identity of everything I know of, and not have lasting side effects, possibly permanent. I sure hope I return to normal. I think the 5-htp increased the trip, and made it different than usual, but I cant put my finger on what.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 21922

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Dec 30, 2004	Views: 43,980

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LSD (2) : Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:59
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 10:00
		 1
		 oral
		 Alcohol
		 (liquid)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   300 lb

 [Erowid Note:
Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]

How to begin? Where to start telling the tale of the night my Old Self died, died on my living-room couch? That fateful night had been long in the coming so let me briefly flash back to a few years ago before telling the tale of last Friday, when I died and was reborn again on approximately 150 micrograms of LSD.

I’ve been a Psychedelic explorer for 11 years now, and my first true voyage started in 1993 with 1.2 grams of Liberty Caps mushrooms. (Psilocybe semilanceata) I have tripped approximately 100 times on mostly Psilocybin and LSD, using LSD only about once per eight fullblown trips. As my experience grew the trips got evermore intense, the difficult/bad trips started happening and intensified. In my view the so-called ‘bad trips’, Hellish as they may be, are a sign you are experiencing life itself in its fullness, that you do not flee suffering but rather confront it. But since a few years ago something startling started happening every once in so many trips: I felt a Presence, demon or angel I cannot tell, who asked me if I wanted to follow it. And I always knew that if I were to follow that there was no turning back, that I would experience the greatest horrors imaginable. And so I declined, time after time, not ready to go Beyond.

Last Friday night no such luxury as Choice was offered to me. LSD took me beyond that threshold and made me face the greatest Hells imaginable, only to discover that the Gate of Heaven sometimes lies in the Center of Hell.

One of my Spiritual Brothers and me got together for a weekend-long LSD Session. The plan was to take a small dose of LSD on Friday night and then take a larger dose on Saturday afternoon. We had blotters that had tested to be 50 micrograms and microdots that had tested to be around 200 micrograms of Lysergide.

But it was not to be.

Blotter sheets, shortly after they are laid, are often hung out to dry. This can have the effect that the lower rim of the sheet through gravity accumulates more Lysergide solution and ends up to be laid with far more LSD then the rest of the sheet. These blotters are called ‘sheet ends’ and it happened to be so that on the night that we were to try a 50 microgram blotter they turned out to be 150 mcg plus, a dose roughly comparable to 3.5gr (1/8 ounce) of dried Liberty Caps mushrooms, or 5 grams of dried regular Cubies (Psilocybe cubensis) as they are usually sold.

After having gotten our weekend groceries, dined and waited 3 hours for our stomachs to empty my Spiritual Brother and I each took a blotter of LSD under our tongues to absorb the LSD through the mucous membranes of our mouth. This provides a rapid ascent and greater dose efficiency. And a greater dose it was, easily three times the amount we had planned to take.

We were aware in a minute, and steadily climbing some twenty minutes later. About one hour into it, 10 PM, we were clearly on higher ground. We had turned the light off and there were many visuals, but they were bleak. It was hard to gauge the extent to which we were high. It proved to be the silence before the storm. A little later we both were intellectualizing and pacing around the living-room and kitchen, discussing all kinds of matters of the real world. We discovered we were clinging on rather then letting go of consensus reality, so we turned off the light again and looked inward, by which time it was clear that we had widely overshot the mark by three times and that a Great Session was to unfold.

A candle was lit and guided our way through the night.

We found ourselves intellectualizing once more.

‘The Queen ought to come and give us a medal for still being in the Resistance sixty years after the war.’ I joked, and indeed we were fleeing into rationality and again turned to introspection. By now it was obvious it was going to be a direly intense trip.

At about two hours into it, 11 PM, well after we had achieved plateau and were subjected to the great mental compressions and decompressions of intensity that are called ‘waves’ I started to feel an all-too-familiar aura. The room was shifting in color and lost proportion, looking almost like it was filled with water rather then air. I knew all too well what this meant: I was in the Place where the Mushroom had taken me several times, but now on LSD, the place that lay between trips as I knew them and the Great Beyond.

The Mushroom had often asked whether I would follow, a bit like a telepathic thing or rather an intense thought emanating from my Subconscious. LSD offered no such choice: It pulled me right in, no questions asked. I was starting to feel suffocation, as if I got no air, and this became evermore acute and intense. Finally it overcame most of the Trip and was quite overwhelming.

Oh God Almighty.. was I going to die?

I decided I had an acute anxiety attack and that the feeling of suffocation was due to hyperventilation, so I slowed my breath and breathed through my cupped hands as to accumulate the CO2 my lungs needed to break the cycle of hyperventilation. It passed, but now my back locked into tight muscle tension like I never had experienced before. ‘I feel like a Ninja Turtle, I already got the half-shell, but it remains to be seen whether I can be the hero I need to be this night.’ Trippers in peril say the oddest things. The suffocation returned with a vengeance.

Suddenly separating barriers slammed shut between me and my Spiritual Brother, I was in a cocoon that separated his reality from mine. When he spoke I heard him, but his words had lost all meaning to me. I knew he was making sense but it just did not register. I was mad, psychotic, clinically insane and dying by suffocation. I walked off to the bathroom but was smitten in my kitchen and sat down right on the floor, looking away as my Brother, now quite worried went to sit in front of me and started a talkdown which must’ve been a gem… if only I could register his words because nineteen out of twenty times I just could not understand and was kept away from his tender loving care.

‘Ooohh.. I want out… Yup I want out of this mayhem.. I got a goal in life and that is to make it out of this insanity.. This is the grandmother of Bad Trips…” And my grandmother had died. And I was to die that night in agony and insanity. My friend rationalized away, very deeply involved in his Trip but committed to get me into the good space where he was. He had Trust and I trusted I was fucked.

‘It can’t BE worse. I have reached rock bottom.’ I replied to my Brother’s question, or at least I believe it was a response to what he said.

I got up and hugged my Spiritual Brother with all my might.

‘Life is so hard.. It is so hard to hold on.. I don’t want to die…” he lovingly held me in his Spiritual embrace and I cried lamenting my life. I believe he must’ve cried too.

After three million years we let go.

I went to the bathroom and slammed my ass on the bowl. The bathroom door and walls breathed and closed me in, but not nearly as closed in as I was by my isolation from reality. I leaned with my head against the wall and was consumed by the torment. I was beside myself, sometimes on the outside, or above, looking at my tortured self just sitting there. I put my hand on my bare leg and looked at it. My hand lost size and shape, my leg bubbled and boiled as if it were full of reptiles fighting their way out of a leathery egg.

‘Oh GOD… Help me PLEASE…’  It couldn’t be more from the heart. I was at the end, Sheet’s End, in the bowels of Lysergic Hell.

And then I felt it. That is when it happened. Amidst my suffering I sensed I was not alone. A benign force was with me. I felt the Presence of God. Somehow it felt like matter became transparent. I felt the Cosmos as One. I felt the galaxies through the walls and straight through the earth beneath my feet as if it were somehow transparent as glass. My Brother asked if I were OK.  Yes. Somehow I was. I was an Organism, a suit of flesh wrapped around an Essence that was I. And I was not alone. A Force that encompassed and permeated everything was with me. The Universe was the Body of God and all matter was his Flesh. There is nothing but Deity, and nothing does not follow the Master Plan. And my Hellish Death was entirely symbolic and I had to go through it that night.

Off the toilet.

Dying outstretched on my living-room couch.

I felt a calm come over me. I remembered it well: It was the calm I felt when I lay on the Heart Ward of the Intensive Care Unit with my heart attack, and Death was imminent. It was the Calm of Death.

This time a peace came over me that reassured me it was truly good to let go, even if I were to die by ceasing all struggling.

My Spiritual Brother was talking non-stop trying to get me out.

‘No: It is my destiny that I must die tonight. I’m going through a Grofian cycle of Ego Death and I must complete it. If I don’t complete this I will come out of this trip insane. Let me die.’

‘Well, DIE THEN!’ my Spiritual Brother blurted out and seemed to feel sorry.

‘You are forgiven. All is forgiven.’ I said this from my death bed. I would die, there was little doubt that at least my mind would die and that death was imminent. Then he asked if it were good if he left me to go to the bathroom. I said yes. He went, and I would die.

Peace in Death. Tripping is for real. Having had a true Near-Death Experience I can vouch for the facts that the fears and torment that accompany Ego Death, and the calm that may follow, are identical to the struggle of Biological Death, exactly the same and every bit as intense as it can be when you will die.

I closed my eyes.

‘Goodbye, my Ego. I have loved you with all my heart, but now you must die, die so I can be reborn anew. Goodbye, my Old Self…”

The calm gripped me. I saw veins, and the blood sinking down through them. I saw my body as if from a distance. Detached from it. Totally in peace. Time dissolved. My Spiritual Brother returned and I snapped back into my body. He pounded away with his good intentions, but sky-flying on LSD his mind was vexed by my agony and he had locked into talkdown-mode.

I got up and ended up on the kitchen floor again. He sat down in front of me and we established connection, slowly but surely he got me in tune again. Bless him. I was amidst the stars, the Earth and bricks of my house transparent to my mind and at one with Deity, the Deity that is the Universe, the sum of the Anything &amp; All. I still was in pain and very much out of tune with my Spiritual Brother. But I was returning to normalcy, my Brother talking me down from the agony that still was.

‘Keep going: I don’t know what you’re doing but it’s working.’

Slowly my agony dissolved and gave way to what Eastern Paths and the hippies of old call Cosmic Consciousness. I was emerging from Hell to find Heaven at the deepest depth of it. I looked at my Spiritual Brother. I was still a million miles away, my mind separated from his by the cocoon of realities. It dawned upon me that each organism is like that: fully isolated in their own universe with but few ways to communicate between them. He had told me it was 1:30 AM which now dawned upon me and it gave great comfort. I was smack in the middle of a raging LSD trip, approaching or already in the peak. I wasn’t insane, it wasn’t the aftermath with me emerging mentally unstuck: we were four and a half hours into it, a good two hours before the descent would even present itself.

‘I want to be who I am. I really want to be who I am.. I want to LIVE..’

This was far more then a yearning for sobriety: this was nothing short of a renewed commitment to life itself. I felt profoundly changed after my Ego had died on that couch. I was no longer suffering. I was tripping on LSD once more. I wanted to go outside to see the Cosmos, my Spiritual Brother opened the door and told me the sky was overcast by clouds, no Cosmos to see.

‘Oh trust me: it’s there.’

Back on the couch. I closed my eyes and there was so much to behold, most of it symbolic and three-dimensional. Suddenly I was gripped by imagery.  I saw Africans. Men, women and children, not just imagery but I felt them like I had been them another time around, that I had known them. I held their memories and accumulated them until it seemed I felt what seemed like racial/ancestral memories, the suffering and greatness of our African heritage and those who remained in Africa after my later ancestors left it for the lush forests of Europe. Then, when the fullness of the experience was reached, the imagery and experience shrunk into the tiniest of the tiny and merged with a tiny speck of a geometric patterning I saw before my eyes. I felt like all this was part of the pattern, and that the pattern was the Energy Form of the Universe.

We got up off the couch again into the kitchen. I was overcome by the organismic Experience. My Spiritual Brother and I so clearly were animal beings walking the surface of a planet, I felt One with all the Beings that ever were or will be. I sliced an orange in two and shared it with my Brother. I leaned to the sink and sank my teeth into it, overcome by the organismic experience of eating. Suddenly I was overwhelmed by the feeling of being a young African boy, leaning against a hot loam wall in a village eating a fruit. This lasted a split second but gave me great joy: I knew I had been that boy in a former life and would be him again, fully convinced reincarnation is absolute and the Divine Force is perfect and infinite. Then Divinity let itself be truly felt and filled me. My Spiritual Brother talked about his love and devotion for Jesus Christ. ‘Back off with that Christianity!’ I said rather harshly because I felt the Divine Force touching me, that it was All Gods of All Religions, that he was Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha in one, and his loving words from his Christian faith felt like they fenced in the Deity that revealed itself to me right then and there. The God/Goddess/Force truly is the Anything and All.

I remained in Cosmic Consciousness for the longest time, aware of the galaxies and stars that are all around, aware of this Force that was the Anything and All and acutely aware of my organismic nature and our shared but separate universes. Beyond the six-hour point we started a peaceful descent and discussion of what we had experienced but I was too overcome by the naked intensity of what I had lived through to grasp his experience, no matter how I wanted to I was filled to the brim.

‘God is ready with me this weekend. I will not take LSD again for some months but I definitely will take it again.’

About on the tenth hour we popped open a beer to celebrate our Journey, and later on we went to sleep. We clanged together our shotglasses of ice-cold Jägermeister and toasted.

‘To Brotherhood.’

Then he went to the guestroom and I went to bed myself. In darkness there was much imagery but all too soon I drifted off into deep sleep. My final dream before awakening was that I stood in front of a closet with many compartments and was neatly putting matters of Life into the appropriate compartments. When I woke I sat down on the couch where my former Ego had died hours ago. I wept overcome by the sheer beauty of the Divine Force that had revealed its presence to me. I was in awe and joy. I grabbed the phone and called my other Spiritual Brother, a Tripteam-mate who couldn’t make it to this Session and blew him away.

‘Full Intensity. I lived my worst fear and got through it. I feel reborn. I know I will meet with these Hells again, and far worse then I did now, but I know that if you truly surrender to Hell, Heaven awaits.’

We talked and talked until his mobile phone battery went flat and that night he joined us. We embarked on an MDMA-Journey which made it the best Session the three of us have ever had.

The Spiritual Brotherhood, the Cult of Three...

Explorers in the Further Regions of Experience.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 39856

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Jan 19, 2005	Views: 20,816

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Bad Trips (6)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:59
		 0.5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:30
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:00
		 0.5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:59

		 smoked
		 Tobacco - Cigarettes

		   T+ 9:00

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		   T+ 9:00

		 smoked
		 MDMA
		 (pill / tablet)

Over the last year I've experimented with many different substances, and have consequently had some very memorable experiences. But my first trip on acid (about a year ago) was definitely the most exhilarating, and it happened more or less by accident. I lived with my boyfriend marc at the time, and it was a friday night. We'd planned on getting some X but unfortunately left it far too late and were unable to obtain any. The situation was looking grim and we were both very disappointed, until a friend rang and said he had some acid, if we wanted that. Well, I'd never had it before but am always up for a new experience, and LSD has always interested me. So we said yes, collected it and settled down at about 9 o'clock, both of us very excited. We lit some candles, put on the lava lamps and organised the computer so that we could play some music, it was all very cosy. Marc decided that we should take it easy, only taking half a hit each at first. It felt very strange on my tongue! However, after half an hour, neither of us were feeling any effects, so we decided to take a whole one each. Then again, after another half hour we took a final half.

By now 1hr 30mins had passed and I was beginning to feel  slightly strange. I couldn't decide if I was tripping or not, and desperately wanted to be, the whole thing seemed very disappointing. I kept saying things like 'I might be tripping, that cord could look like a snake' but in reality it was just wishful thinking. And then...Marc said something, and before I knew it we were both in hysterical fits of laughter, my cheeks were killing and I couldn't figure out what was so funny but that just made it funnier! Still no trips as yet and I was beginning to think this was all we were gonna get, fun tho it was. How wrong was I?

By the time 12o'clock rolled around, I had irrevocably lost touch with the world as I knew it. I remember looking at the end of my cigarette and realising that there was a little animal sitting on the tip! it was truly amazing, as the cigarette burned the animal kept changing shape, sometimes it was a bunny, sometimes a cat, always moving, and always friendly. Thoroughly transfixed I tried to show marc, but he was still in fits of laughter. Well I stayed like that for ages, just gazing at my cig, then the plant on the table caught my attention - it was electric green with pink spots! and this time when I told marc he could see it too. All around me everyday objects were changing shape, and colour took on a whole new meaning. I had descended into 'acid vision.'

I have a habit of writing when I'm on drugs, we had a doodle book specifically for that purpose, and I found myself writing 'cabbage, cabbaged, cabbaging' over and over again. Not very productive I know but no other word could explain the way I felt. I felt unplugged, my coordination was gone and I could most definitely not talk coherently at all. Trying to eat a cracker I  found that my hand just kept missing my mouth, my brain could not compute the two in connection with each other. It was truly terrifying, I just sat there and said 'I feel insane. This is how it must feel to be insane.' Marc instantly agreed with me, and we had quite a discussion about it, both realising that we had gained a strong empathy, pity and understanding for the mentally disturbed. It was not that we felt bad, but that was only because we knew that this loss of touch from reality was only temporary. To feel like that all the time, so disconnected and lost, would be horrifying. The most simple of things, making a cup of tea or even sitting up were suddenly almost impossible, the messages between our brains and bodies were just messed up, missing their targets.

Marc wrote a poem at one point; and to this day, when I read it I get chills down my spine because it was just so RIGHT, everything he wrote fitted our emotions perfectly, although to someone else it would make little sense.

The most profound moment of the trip came at about 2o'clock. We had stopped talking, both lost in our own fantasies. The atmosphere was so calming, the lava lamp was casting lazy swirling shadows aroud the room and an amazing song, PPK, Resurrection (the full version), was playing on the computer. I was sitting on the sofa, marc was standing by the fireplace, and I can honestly say that for the first time in my life time stood still. The only way I can describe it is that I felt like me and marc were inside a luminous pearl, or a bubble, completely removed from the world in our own little plane of existence. Neither one of us spoke, we just stayed in our positions, perfectly still, and I felt that this was the way it should always be. Each note of the song tugged my heart, transported me into a realm I have never before imagined, just a perfect little bubble of RIGHTNESS, where my surroundings were arranged in the most perfect way they could possibly be. It wasn't euphoria, it wasn't happiness, it was just rightness, which I discovered was the most important thing in life, finding that balance and holding on to it.

it felt like this moment lasted forever, but in reality I think it was only a few minutes. Marc suddenly moved, and I came out of my trance, but the feeling of awe remained, and is with me to this day - whenever I hear that song I just go quiet and remember my beautiful epiphany.

My sense of time was warped, and it seems to me that the next few hours passed in a flash. we spent a long time comparing trips, both seeing the ceiling ripple and pulsate, just laying there bathed in love for each other and the world.

There was one brief, but horrific, moment when I found out just how wrong things could go on acid. I'd heard of 'bad trips' but nothing had prepared me...I snapped out of one of my little head journeys to find marc looking at me - I have never seen such an expression of abject terror in my life. 'help me' he moaned. 'I'm on a bad one..' I just froze, I could not speak or move. It was like he was transferring his emotions to me, I was suddenly knocked over by an unbelievable feeling of uncontrollable fear and uselessness. 'Why won't you help me?' he kept asking, and I just shook my head, unable to form words or even to go to him. That's when I saw something out of the corner of my eye, something big and dark moving across the ceiling. Although I refused to look directly at it, I could feel its shape and hostility and it was getting closer and closer. I freaked completely, shaking my head from side to side and crying, then marc was there hugging me. As he moved away I saw that his face was covered in pulsating green lines, they were all over his eyes and forehead, he looked like a devil! I couldn't look at him but couldn't explain why, and then he hugged me again and just whispered that it was going to be alright, I was gonna be ok - and I snapped out of it. just like that, just because he loved me, everything was perfect again.

But the experience taught me that acid can be very fun and enlightening, but when it goes wrong I really DOES go wrong. However, a little bit of reassurance is all you need, just stay calm and still and be positive and it can be dealt with very quickly - always make sure you are with a close friend, in a very safe and comfortable environment.

At about 6am we remembered that we had half a pill left from last weekend (X), and decided to smoke it, with some dope, just to chill us out. That was nice, the two are definitely a good combination, but by this time we were both tired and so didn't really notice many of the effects. We just spammed out, watching tv, thoroughly at peace, until 8ish when we both crashed out. Making our way upstairs in the dark I was utterly transfixed by my mobile fone (if u are ever tripping look at your mobile in the dark, it's cool!). the screen was lit up and as I moved the fone the screen left electric trailbacks, and then totally separated itself fron the handset, becoming a spinning ball of light! I swirled it round, and the light literally became a planet spinning round and round in the air, I felt like I could touch it!! I sat in the hallway for ages just waving my fone around and giggling, until marc dragged me to bed.

There is much much more that I could say, many more trips I could describe, but I think you get the gist and I have waffled on for far too long! I would just like to say that I think that LSD is an absolutely incredible drug, and side-effect wise much less damaging than speed, coke, pills etc. I felt no depression in the ensuing weeks, no paranoia, nothing really except a mild feeling of unreality, which quickly passed. And I also had several small blackouts, but cannot say which drug caused these. I can't exactly say that I would recommend LSD, simply because the effects  vary so greatly from person to person and trip to trip. but I can say that it was an incredible experience for me, beyond anything else I've ever felt. I plan on doing it again as soon as possible!

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 12607

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Feb 10, 2005	Views: 33,220

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LSD (2) : First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 4 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   125 lb

I had experimented with LSD before, amongst other drugs, all throughout my high school years.  I ate my fist hit of blotter acid while sitting in first period Geometry, sophomore year.

Junior year, prom weekend, and many trips later, my friends and I decided to skip the traditional 'weekend at the beach' following our prom, and get a camping trip together instead.  5 of us piled into a Blazer, and armed with a few cases of beer, a substantial amount of pot, and roughly 20 hits of Felix the Cat.

We dropped as soon as we got to the campsite.  It was nothing special, a state park, but it suited our needs.  Although it was still daylight, my friends began openly smoking and drinking beer.  Being 16/17, and generally leary of 'The Man', I protested such an obvious display of underage drinking.  However, I quickly began to succumb to the acid, and retreated into the tent.

The familiar jolt of energy and excitement that accompanied the onset of a trip was absent.  Instead, I began to feel very tired, which worried me, having eaten 4 hits an hour previous.  I layed on my back, staring at the tents roof, and tried to enjoy the intense visuals which had come on a little too quick for my liking.  The tents roof was my canvas, and upon it i saw swirling deep vortexes of color, faces, melting into faces, melting into faces, some familiar, most not.  Vivid, vivid pcitures, which almost seemed to make a soft scraping sound, as they slid along the rough material of the tent.  It was beautiful, but I could not shake that feeling of tiredness, which was joined by a sense of impending doom.  I was aware of my feelings, and new I was letting the acid get to me, and was determined to pull myself out of it, before I went any deeper.

As I pulled myself up off the floor, and started out of the tent to join my commrades, I heard a car pull up to the campsite.  Unnerved, I peered outside, only to see a State Police car sitting no less than three feet from the tent.

I sat back down.

I heard the doors open, feet, crunching the soil beneath them, the offensive 'DOODLE DOODOODOOT' of the officers walkie talkie.  I heard the initial questions...How old, from where, names, ID, beer, where, how much, any dope, who else is in the tent?  My cue.  I stepped out, eyes straight down, and joined my friends.

We were forced to pack up all the beer into their trunk, then, we were ordered to pack up our stuff and leave the park.  Leave the park?  Where would we go?  Heads full of acid, two states from home, no money.  I ventured back into the tent to collect my belongings, as the officers watched from their vehicle.  I heard my friend behind the tent, trying to stifle a fit of laughter, as he freed one of the tent spikes, and dropped the entire tent on top of me.

Fast forward.  What started out as a bad trip induced by my unfamiliar surroundings, in the woods, and friends getting on my nerves, had taken an interesting turn.  Luckily, our driver had ingested only one hit, and was able to drive.  We drove, in search of a motel, getting lost in a Penn. town, which time had seemingly forgotten.  One 'Inn', had men in suspenders and greased handlebar mustaches shooting billiards and smoking cigars.  I swear i saw a woman wearing a classic 1920s gown, although I can hardly recall if it was real or not.  This was nearly 3 hours into my trip, and the visuals had been reduced greatly, but reality was now beyond my grasp.

Lucky for us, my friend had been a boy scout, and recalled there being a boy scout camp in the area.  We abandoned the motel idea, and set out.  We arrived, and grabbed only some blankets and a transistor radio, not eager to pitch the tent.  We picked a spot close to a waterfall, deep within the trees, and settled in.  Finally relaxed, and quiet with my thoughts, I began to assess where I was mentally.  I found I was still annoyed at the whole ordeal, but felt good.  Converstaion dwindled, and we were lost in the acid.

It was the noise of the waterfall that got to me.  That unstoppable roaring, which would under normal circumstances might be pleasing, began to reshape in my brain.  I began to replay the noise, backward, slowed down, and quicker still, tweaking the sound.  When I got bored of the game, I tried to move on, but found the noise was inescapable.  The roaring was louder than ever, and playing at a lower pitch than normal.  I spoke, in an attempt to divert my thoughts, and end the audible halluciantion, my most profound to date.  When I spoke, however, my voice trailed off, and I heard it repeated, as if echoed, over and over, growing more faint, but increasing in tempo, as if circling the group.  My words seemed to travel upwards, and increasing in speed, much the way a marble will travel down a funnel.  Finally, with a *pop*, they were lost to the sky.  I waited for a reaction from my friends, not realizing until then that this hallucination was my own.  They remained quiet, as if I had not spoken.  I did not repeat myself.

As chatter did spring up, the same 'funnel effect' would always happen to their words.  I knew I was alone in hearing such things, as it was so maddening, none suffering the same would dare to speak.  Every so often, I heard a faint moaning, seeming to come from the sky, from all around me.  I tried to ignore it.

Soon, their voices began to slow in tempo, which was terrifying.  Like a record playing, and turning the power off, any sound started normal, and gradually came to a standstill.  As I sat up, and opened my eyes, silently begging for some moonlight so as to focus on some visuals, I noticed that not only the sound of their voices, but all around me slowed as well.  The trees blowing in the wind, the water hitting the rocks, and life as I knew it, that electric hum that exists in everything, slowed to a standstill, before starting back up, over and over.  I found that everything began to slow only as I lay still.  Life started back up when I moved.  I realized I had to keep moving, for if Life were to stop completely, it would end.  I could not let it stop.  I had to keep moving, forever.

I became terrified.

I was so lost in my trip, that I dont know how I came to be walking, holding my blanket out in front of me like a child.  I was following my friends through a grassy field, all four of them in front of me.  I turned, and saw a few more behind me.  This confused me, as there were only five of us total, including me.  I broke into a run, trying to reach the figure I was following, but I could get no closer.  The closer I got, the further away the figure went.  I stopped, and my friend strolled alongside me.  'Who are we following?' I asked.  He claimed he didnt know.  I think I saw fear in his eyes, but couldnt be sure.

I am still not sure why we came to be walking.  We found a nice, (quiet) area in the tall grass, away from the water, and spent the rest of the night staring at the beautiful sky.  The stars, colors, movements, were amazing, and I was all too happy to have my visuals returned to me, being out under the direct moonlight.  On it's downslope, the trip had taken an altogether unexpected turn for the better.

Soon, the Sun began to rise, and reality began to sweep back in.  I felt like I had been hit by a truck, yet I was happy.  Later, coming off the rest of my trip in a tire park we discovered  that morning, I heard that moaning noise again, however faint.  I popped my head out of the tire in fright, but as I did, the noise vanished.  When I retreated into the tire, the noise returned.  I attributed the noise to a plane overhead, it's drone reverbing in the tire.  We went home.

In the weeks to follow, I remained very paranoid, and nervous around certain noises, and trees of a certain shape...real abnormal fears which made no sense, yet they remained.  I tried to connect with my friends on it, but they hadnt experienced the same audible hallucinations I had.

That, was the last one.

In retrospect, I think it was my mood, the surroundings, the police encounter, and the dark which all attribiuted to my very real fear of this drug.  Nearly 10 years later, the thought of that night still makes me nervous.  Setting is critical to a good trip, so be safe.

Exp Year: 1995	ExpID: 13509

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Mar 10, 2005	Views: 18,282

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Post Trip Problems (8), Difficult Experiences (5)


		 DOSE:

		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   170 lb

[dose: slight overdose, squirt where a drop was the idea]

We are significantly addled. That is good. How near the flame now! Verging on the edge of incineration, we see that the business of selfhood itself is in flux.

There is a blob of light just outside of me, perhaps two feet in front of my eyes. The blob of light dances away as my vision moves toward it. I cannot place my gaze directly upon it. It exists only in the dreaded Zona Peripheralis. Upon the blob of light, or rather pouring from all directions into the blob's pulsing, white-hot center, is the nexus of reality. The color, shape and essence of all things in the room flow and dissolve into the center of the light blob. And because thusly the light blob becomes a phenomenon so fascinating and compelling that I wish to pour all of my five senses into its center, I find myself in the quite desperate situation of wanting to 'be' the light blob, yet frustrated by my inability to fix any of my senses upon it.

As this occurs, I become aware that my senses ( and therefore 'me') are being drawn and dissolved into the blob of light. Now joining all the matter of the material world in this commingled mess, my selfhood begins to bleed away. The blob of light expands in front of me, becoming a portal through which I plummet for no distance and zero time. I emerge awash in a most terrifying place. My selfhood has joined everything which exists around me in a chaotic mixed ocean of reality, sensory information and consciousness. In this place, I become suddenly aware of the process which got me here. This knowledge does not come alive inside my brain 'privately'. But rather seems to 'happen' outside of me. And though this thing had begun to play itself as a memory, or as a thing to be known about some ill-remembered before, it displaces the present and becomes what is actually happening. Therefore, I find myself living the various steps which got me from normal perceptual consciousness to this place of madness, but now as if for the very first time. In other words, what began as a hazy memory of something that had already occurred (as if I were sitting in my car parked on the side of the road, trying to recall something of the trip to explain my present location) instead becomes a new experience which is happening to me for the very first time.

This is how I got here: I become aware of 'sensory traffic' (i.e. the flow of sensory data between perceived object and sense organ) as something tangible. This 'stuff' of seeing, tasting, smelling, hearing and feeling begins to dissolve into itself. This sensory 'data stuff', which had existed in distinct categories appurtenant to each of the senses, begins to flow freely out of those categories and into a variegated morass. Thus the profoundly abstract and disturbing synaesthesia state becomes a reality. Colors speak to me and touch me. The air smells of red and green. I can taste my own excitement. This last observation does not register immediately as a portent of what is to come (what already came). But it should have.

As I lean forward to place a kiss on Lauren's hip, the sight, smell and taste of her flesh rushes so rapidly into my brain that the aggregated sense phenomenon that was kissing her hip becomes an emotional event inside me. Or rather, the bundled sense data shifts instantaneously from being about Lauren to being of me. This bizarre transformation triggers the breakdown of the boundary between sensory traffic and internal self-awareness (i.e. the current inventory of thoughts on my 'desktop' which owe none of their essence to any externally originating stimuli.). This understanding lasts only for a moment, though. Because as soon as I hold it, it disintegrates - leaving (in the wake of a small, bright explosion) a pool of undifferentiated thought energy. This pool mixes reality's emanations, my reactions to those emanations and all the other ejecta of consciousness in a seething mass which glows brightly white for the most part, but pulses spasmodically with intense non-primary colors for tiny instances.

My selfhood has broken down and has been lost into all which had previously existed outside of me. My jaw dissolves into Lauren's hip, tugging my brain behind it like a slab of cold liver pulled by a coat hanger. I flow with the jaw into a place of warm and agreeable darkness somewhere inside her body. I believe my flesh eyes are closed. But I can see the effects of a highly reticulated prismatic kaleidoscope at work before my vision. I become afraid. Nothing is real. The things generated by my imagination become indistinguishable from whatever really exists. I panic. I need desperately for the real to assert itself over the imagined. I get up from the bed, turn on the light and command Lauren (though she will remember it as a whimpering plea) to exist more forcefully. She complies. I stand there shuddering and try to describe to her what has just occurred, and how now all of that experience seems a pool of molten gold, still stretched across the bed, from which I have just emerged, and whose gold liquid still drips from my body as a lingering memory.

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 14224

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Mar 25, 2005	Views: 19,124

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LSD (2) : General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)