		 DOSE:

		 oral
		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   98 lb

Timothy Leary's first paper on his approved experiments with his psychology students utilizing very pure LSD had just been published in 'The Harvard Review'.  A fellow nicknamed Crow, a psychology student in Leary's experiment (long before he told everyone to 'Turn on, tune in, and drop out.'), offered us a guided trip on LSD. We accepted, as he explained 'set and setting', purpose, possible benefits, fasting from the night before 'taking the trip' to increase intensity, etc.

The next day, as planned, he returned to the Lower East Side apartment of our artist friend, Pompa, where we eagerly awaited this experience.  Five of us, Pompa, Dan, my boyfriend, Tim Hardin, and his girlfriend, Eunice, and myself ingested the LSD, feeling very relaxed and comfortable with Crow, a beautiful young man who looked like a Native American.  We had all done peyote, brought back from Mexico by Tim a few weeks earlier, just the five of us, and knew that we had it together as a group to go with LSD.

Crow was a gifted student of psychology, and very experienced with LSD. He did not take any.  He was there to guide us, and assure that we had a positive experience. Pompa's radiant paintings covered the walls of the room, and his sweet, gentle laughter as his cat insisted on coming in from the back courtyard, triggered my first smooth move into a new world.

Looking at the cat, yelling 'meow' very loudly, I felt his telepathic command to Pompa that the window be opened now. We all silently agreed that the grey, orange and white tomcat had the right to be with us, and would engender some interesting insights into feline emotions and thoughts. Pompa moved like a dancer across the room, opened the window and the cat laughed and leaped into his arms. They hugged, the cat purred vibrato and base with joy, as Pompa whirled around, snuggling and laughing with his friend, the very large cat.

Then he put him on the floor, and he came to each of us, jumping into our laps, tenderly tapping faces, meowing and demanding to be petted, as each of us received his attentions with great humility, as he was a one-man cat, and normally treated all but Pompa with typical feline disdain, ignoring profferred tidbits or any attempts to befriend him. But today was different.  He visited each of us, then sat in the center of the room, the perfect picture of an Egyptian statue of a cat God.

Having our complete attention, he poured out the story of feline-human relations from the beginning of time, delighted that finally we could understand him, intensely sharing all that was, is and ever will be in the world of the cat sharing the planet with other species, and choosing to be our companion, and an invaluable partner in his role of rodent control, which cats consider the smallest and easiest contribution that they make to humanity. Dumbstruck with awe, glancing at each other from time to time, able to read the cat's and each other's minds, we were humbled by this lucid being who gracefully shared important realities that we had never considered before. He shared with us how the cat had once been treated with the proper respect, in the ancient days of Egypt, how when a small cat died, their human families would mourn, mummify their little bodies, and give them solemn burials.

He gave us to know that our other close companion, the dog, was junior to cats in wisdom, but that their capacity for unconditional love inspired cats, who, by his admission, generally showed less patience, and were more inclined to just use pantomime and vocalizations to get us to respond to their needs, rather than continue to waste energy sending us their thoughts. He did remark that fortunately many cats had the good fortune to have humans who really made an effort in that regard.  He said that dogs never quit trying to encourage their humans to really hear their hearts.

Then he cut to the quick as he imparted the grave truth to us that we failed most animals, especially the horse, who, like cats and dogs, forgave us everything, as they served in whatever capacity we required of them; from plowing our fields to fighting our wars with us, only to be thanked by being sent to the knackers when their useful days were over. While the horse served loyally as long as they were sound, it was a criminal shame that so many were sold to wind up in a dog food can, or on the plates of the degenerate French people, and the other horsemeat eaters of the world.

Once again, we were humbled, and I vowed, as a horse crazy girl, that whenever I should finally have my own horse, I would never sell it to be meat.

But back to my first LSD trip.

After the cat was satisfied that we had received all the truth we could handle, and would never be the same, he ordered his dinner, and left us to our guide.  As we looked into each other's eyes, we saw love and compassion there.

As evening was coming on, Crow and Pompa made a fire in the fireplace, and we listened to Handel's Messiah, drank herb tea, graciously prepared and served by Crow, and nibbled on the best oranges we had ever eaten.

Our unity of bliss remained and we talked of the beauty of Pompa's paintings, and the infinite warmth and splendid dance of the fire blazing on the hearth. And we listened deeply to the power and majesty of the human spirit in the music. Everything in the universe was in perfect harmony, and we were grateful humans, having been blessed by a heart to heart talk with a normally distant cat.  We knew that we would never take an animal for granted again.

I did not know that night how famous Tim would become with the Martin guitar that Eunice shortly thereafter bought for him, as a songwriter and performer. I remember the day he cut his first record, and as a songwriter and singer/musician, he did have genius. I would, several times, over the years, go to see him perform, and we would always smoke something and reminisce about that night, and other really good times we had shared.

But I did not know that night how his life would be cut short by the tragedy of drug addiction. In those days of our innocent adventurous youth, I never imagined that he would die so young.

Although our first LSD trip left us feeling enlightened, believing we knew everything important, understanding how the entire universe worked, none of us foresaw our futures.

Exp Year: 1963	ExpID: 23845

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 13, 2018	Views: 1,042

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LSD (2) : Guides / Sitters (39), Retrospective / Summary (11), First Times (2), Second Hand Report (42), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 tablet
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 17:00

		 Pharms - Thioridazine

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   185 lb

I began fooling with drugs at 17, first with pot, hashish, glue &amp; alcohol...occasionally, when I bumped into something. Once out of hi skool, I took a job as a supply clerk/printer for a local dept. store. I met other 'heads' there, mostly stockboys...thru 'the Polack', a fat racist loudmouth who led me to an acid dealer in the mall... I paid $5 for a tiny orange pill with brown flecks...this was 'Orange Wedge', very intense stuff.

I dropped the whole tab around noon, a Nov. Sunday, &amp; then went to see 'heavy' flick 'Five Easy Pieces' w/ Jack Nicholson. The acid took about 90 minutes to hit; I turned into soup, and thought the sides of the theater were on fire; that passed and I got so deep into the movie that it became real. Jack's character Bobby Dupea was an alienated loner, full of angst, guilt and rootlessness. I would've seen myself in Bobby straight; on this shit, I thought I was Bobby, at least during the movie.

I would've seen myself in Bobby straight; on this shit, I thought I was Bobby, at least during the movie.

After that we split to my friend's apt. (he was straight) &amp; the visuals began. I stared at a watermark 'Printed In USA' on his big Elliot Gould poster; suddenly the poster flowed with words, in shocking pink / lime green dayglo; when I tried to read them, they'd break up &amp; change, undulating snake-like. I could shake the visions off; I dug this aspect, but was not into the abdomen to-head rushes.

Back home mom served dinner &amp; ate it but cldn't taste it. Later I watched 'Lassie' and 'Ed Sullivan'...TV seemed to blunt hallucinating. My mom was in failing health and went into a woe-is-me speech, during which her face aged rapidly; later she went into a life's-not-so-bad speech &amp; looked sixteen.

I repaired to my room &amp; listened to 'White Light/ White Heat', but it sounded flat. I flashed on The Words again, now appearing on my closet door. Around 12 AM, my head felt straighter but the abdominal rushes wldn't stop; I cramped up, kept changing positions, cldn't sleep...around five AM I threw in the towel &amp; asked Mom,'What shld I do?' She was quite mad, but said, Go to ER, which was walking distance. There I got rxed Mellarill to calm down &amp; Quaalude to sleep... I didn't need the latter, saved them for 1971, ha ha. The Mellarill was as weird as the acid, but heavy down...it took me a few daze to snap out of it...

I didn't fuck with acid again for five years, the source a close bud I trusted.

Exp Year: 1970	ExpID: 95837

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Apr 14, 2018	Views: 790

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LSD (2) : Various (28), Hangover / Days After (46), First Times (2)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   180 lb

It’s been over 20 years now. It’s hard to believe that it’s been that long, yet it is something that I still think about almost every day.

I was 17 years old. It started in Omaha, Nebraska, the summer of 1987. My friend “M” had his eyes on a new girlfriend. Her name was Cindy. The problem between “M” and I was that this was Cindy # 3 since the start of school last September. Cindy 1 and 2 ended up wanting to be with me, even though M did the leg work. I couldn’t help it though, it was out of my control, and M knew it and didn’t blame me, but DAMN IT.

M and I, and our friends were always game for dropping acid. I thought of acid as a nothing more than a party drug.

I thought of acid as a nothing more than a party drug.

M told me that his new friend Cindy was from Fremont, and she knew a guy there that had or made some really good acid. M arranged to go to Fremont with Cindy, and he invited me to go with him on the condition that I would not cock block him again. M and I always did well together when chasing the girls, despite the recent Cindy phenomenon. I agreed, and off we went.

When we got to Fremont it was getting dark. We got dropped off at the local convenience store, and soon picked up by the guy who had the acid. He was much older than us, an adult. M and I got in the back seat, and Cindy rode up front. We got to the guy’s house, and he and Cindy went inside.

They came out of the house and got back in the car. The guy started telling us about the acid. He told us that it was fresh, made that day. It was called “Rubik’s Cube” it was blotter. He also said that it went on the sheet thick in some spots, and that he wasn’t sure how much acid he was giving us, and as such would be a responsible “guide” and stick with us on our journey, as to keep us out of trouble.

No problem. M and I bought 2 hits each. M took them both, I myself was more cautious only taking one being a little spooked by the “thicker in some parts” speech. Our guide and Cindy weren’t dropping. They would take care of us. We smoked a bowl or two of weed in the car and off we went.

I wasn’t on any kind of vision quest when we dropped. I was just a teenager looking for a good time, but what transpired next has changed me forever.

My trip started off as per usual. Trails, laughing, and the on rush of what was to come. I waited anxiously for the trippy things I would see and feel. We smoked some more weed. Our guide started driving us in a loop, into and out of town as we waited for the acid to take full effect. He put his ZZ-Top tape in, and it played on a loop for the duration of the night.

So there we were, smoking weed, listening to ZZ-Top “la Grange” over and over, and then driving in and out of town, going from the “LIGHT” to the dark in an endless cycle.

Before I knew it I was tripping really hard. I began asking myself a question. I’m not sure what this “divine” question was exactly, but I was asking myself this question over and over in chorus with riding in and out of the dark. When we would ride into the dark, I was fearful. I’m not sure if our Guide ever actually spoke, but it was as if he was saying to me “We are going into the dark, do you choose this dark path? Only you can choose the path to the Light. The decision is yours, Dark or Light?” The dark way was empty, void of anything. The Light way was Truth, Love, and the connection to everything that binds everyone and everything together as one.

As I sat there in the back of the car, I lost my connection to my body. I couldn’t feel my body in the same way as normal. I had a different center. I could not tell what my hands were doing. I had the sensation that I was… touching myself inappropriately. I had to sit on my hands to ensure that they weren’t doing anything that they ought not to be doing, and I felt very embarrassed. I then had the sensation of crying uncontrollably. I felt the strong emotions related to crying complete with uncontrollable Alligator tears, yet my face was dry.

From time to time we would stop in town at the convenience store. This at first seemed to be a reprieve from my current condition… choice between Light and Dark, but it wasn’t to be. I was loosing track of myself. At times I would slip into another world, and spoke words in another language that I do not know. I would then suddenly “return” not knowing what I had just said, or what actions I had just taken. I asked M, “What did I just say?, What did I just say!!?” He didn’t know. “I don’t know, it sounds like you are talking backwards.”, he said. “It’s just the acid”.

Back into the car we went. Back into the cycle of light and dark, ZZ-Top, crying, and now the added freak show of speaking in tongues that I do not understand. The reality that I was destined for the dark was becoming all too convincing, and I pondered the Question in an absolute panic to save my own soul when WHAM, the Love and Truth of the Light overwhelmed me. I had answered the riddle.

I pondered the Question in an absolute panic to save my own soul when WHAM, the Love and Truth of the Light overwhelmed me. I had answered the riddle.

 I basked in the glory of the Light of Love for everyone, and everything. The Light of Truth and Love shined on me proudly, and at that moment I knew everything that there is to know. The truth of us all, and of the love that connects everything in the Universe. The Light was proud of me, and so was Cindy who was also in the Light. She looked at me and smiled. She was as proud of me as the Light was, and I loved her for it. She, the Light, I and everything were One. We were the “Only One”.

We got back into the car and somehow I forgot the answer to the question. It put me in a panic. I knew that I didn’t want to go back into the dark, but that it would be my destiny if I couldn’t solve the riddle. While I pondered the question I learned that we are all One. “THE ONE”. We are on the Journey of the One. All of creation in the universe, and all of time in all places is one thing. One beautiful “One” and it was me, I was everything, and everything was me.

Despite the revelation I continued to go into and out of the dark. I would answer the question and see the love, joy and bliss with everything in the Light, then back to the darkness of ignorance. I did this over and over, back and forth.

Finally the Light said to me “Thank you for coming, don’t forget I love you. Don’t forget the lesson you have learned. Take heed as I have shown you the true path to me, don’t let the dark be your destiny, you now know the way, and we will meet again. Always believe in the sacred Love and Truth, and practice Goodness in your life, and you will find me easily.”

Morning came and the trip was over. That was that.

M, our guide, Cindy and I started back to Omaha to drop M and I off home. I was speechless on the way home. I had so many questions. How could this be? Who else knows the Truth? What do I do now that I know that life is an illusion?

I never saw Cindy again after that. M and I drifted apart, yet that night will live with me forever. I will never forget it. Thank you Cindy for being the love of my life. I miss you and will always love you. You showed me the way, and I am forever grateful. I hope one day to join with you again. May truth and love be your companion for eternity.

Exp Year: 1987	ExpID: 70668

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 17

Published: Apr 19, 2018	Views: 782

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LSD (2) : Mystical Experiences (9), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 smoked
		 Tobacco - Cigarettes

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   120 lb

It was around my 15th birthday if I can recall, give or take a couple weeks, when I had the hardest trip I've ever had. It was the 3rd time I had ever taken acid. The 1st time was either in late 91 or early 92 with a friend of mine that scored it from someone at school or something and we stayed out all night riding our bikes around in a shopping mall district where there were a lot of lights. That was the 1st time I had ever gotten high right there, so I was drawn to acid from the very beginning and back then it was more readily available than nowadays it seems.

But anyway, an old neighbor and some of his friends I had met were about to score some acid so I jumped at the opportunity and got some as well. I think I payed $20 for this strip that was equivalent to at least 5 hits of cut blotter, and this was some really good acid too. I was kinda scared to eat them all but I saw someone else eat one just like it so I said screw it and ate the sucker. Ohhhhhhhh man I wish I didn’t have now. I knew that once you drop there isn’t any turning back so I just went with it and rode around with them smoking up.

It wasn’t until about  90 minutes or so later that it 1st peeked its evil little head out the door so see what was going on. I was smoking a Camel Wide (at that time they were brand new) and I looked at my cigarette and watched the camel start doing laps around the cigarette while everything in the background (road, cars, houses, etc.) was increasingly starting to get a reddish haze to it. I knew right then that I was in for it. I was supposed to go to school the next day so I went home like a dumbass thinking I could lay back and enjoy it for awhile and then go to sleep.

I'm about 2 hours into it now and sitting in my little room with my blacklight on and listening to the radio (classic rock) just thinking. I was new to the area and had just moved there from out of state around a couple of months before and had a lot on my mind at the time. It was suddenly getting difficult to breath and the red haze over everything was starting to get pretty intense. From there all of the minor details are difficult to remember. Maybe 20-30 minutes after that they played Pink Floyd Comfortably Numb and I was starting to get a little jittery thinking that I had done way too much and prayed to god silently that it wouldn’t creep anymore. Not more than 20 seconds after that the radio violently sounded like a tape getting eaten up and was slowing down, similar to putting your hand on a record while it is playing but with a evil intensity about it. I immediately freaked and jumped up screaming at the top of my lungs  like a little girl and right then it was as if time was standing still, the clocks stopped blinking and I felt like I was in a horror movie. The strange thing was I never even got up while all this was happening, I was still sitting on my bed. I then knew I really did it this time and it wasn’t about to get any prettier so I got the hell out of that room and once I walked out into the living room it just completely ended, everything was peaceful as could be like I wasn’t tripping at all hardly. I asked my parent if they heard me yell and they said no while watching TV.

From this point on it is all bits and pieces that I can remember. I completely lost 3 hours and I don’t even remember what I did during that time, I think I may have went back to my neighbors house but I don’t remember, even a few days after I did it I didn’t remember. All I remember from the next point on is that its early morning and I'm laying in the living room curled up into a ball on the couch scared to death of my surroundings.

All I remember from the next point on is that its early morning and I'm laying in the living room curled up into a ball on the couch scared to death of my surroundings.

 The TV was on some early morning religious show and I remember I suddenly looked up at the TV and the guy turned into an extremely evil reddish figure pointing at me saying in the worst voice you can ever imagine “its your turn to burn”. It was then that I was so terrified that I ran into my room and actually hid under my covers shivering. I wasn’t safe in there for very long because a few moments later I thought I was being sucked into the bed and at the same time was trapped inside of the covers and couldn’t get out and felt like I was suffocating. After I managed to get myself out of the covers I bolted out of that house quicker than a dog chasing a rabbit and ran down the street in dense early A.M. Fog. Oh man, this was really messed up. I was actually hearing people getting shot everywhere and people screaming off in a distance and it was just pure chaos everywhere. A dog started barking at me and his barks were getting louder and louder and louder and it then turned into a scream. It wasn’t far of a run but it seemed like at least 20 minutes when really it was less than 2 maybe. I eventually made it to the house of someone else that dropped (another neighbor) and he was tripping pretty good too. I was freaking him out telling him that I was about to die and all this. He tried his best to reassure me but it did not work. I wigged him out too bad and he acted like he needed to go to sleep or something so I walked outside and once he shut the door I felt like I'd been cast out to the wolves.

I cowered home and sat at the kitchen table and put my head down praying it would go away or at least lighten up and then I started drowning in the table, now that was most disturbing. This has happened to me another time also on acid but not near as frightening or intense. I knew my parents were about to get up and I was supposed to go to school but there was no way in hell I was going to make it in that day, so I walked to my neighbors house and luckily he answered the door and let me in. I felt a little more at ease for next few hours. I remember sitting there on the couch and smoking a bowl with him and someone else and I just layed back and I started tripping so fkn hard hearing some kind of messed up 70’s sounding tune in my head and I whenever I closed my eyes I was seeing all kinds of extremely intense stuff, there wasn’t any blackness like when I usually close my eyes, it was like looking at an alternate reality whenever I closed my eyes. I wasn’t about to come down and I thought that I had seriously screwed myself up and played it off with them like I was going to go home and lay down. I went home and I knew that I needed to go to the hospital because I was mentally melting down. I calmly told my mom that I took something and that I was fkn losing it but I lied about the who, where, and why. My dad came home and they both and my sister took me to the emergency room. The radio was off in the car but I was hearing music and I remember telling my dad to turn the channel when he pointed out that it wasn’t even on I started flipping. They got me to the hospital and the doctor quickly put me on a bed and strapped me down for some reason, that was very unpleasant. I remember my dad looked scared to death that I was gonna die. The doctor gave me a couple of pills to swallow and not more than 20 minutes later I was dead tired. I finally went to sleep not long after that and slept for around 2 days.

To this day I am positive that I never fully recovered from that particular trip. I realized this when I dropped a  hit last night. I haven’t done acid in a few years and I forgot how it felt, even though I have probably done half a sheets worth in my lifetime. Not to sound like a public service announcement but a word to the wise, I took too much at once, and I fkn regretted it.  It was like jumping off the deep end without a lifeguard and once I dove there wasn't any turning back.

Exp Year: 1992	ExpID: 46828

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 15

Published: Apr 19, 2018	Views: 881

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LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Overdose (29), Post Trip Problems (8), Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   155 lb

The Stages of Ego Death A Detailed Analysis

Disclaimer:

All information that is explained here is based on a combination of my own personal experience and accounts of similar experience in others. Ego death is very personal and your own beliefs and knowledge of this incarnation will be expressed outwardly and inwardly. I also find it essential to establish that you, and I, do not know anything. We think and we interpret, but to know is to end. We will not know until we know. As a result, the explanations below are simply interpretations in the infinite search for Truth :) ALSO worth noting is that his experience is LSD specific, I have not experienced ego death on other substances (yet).

Background: (skip if you don't really care about my beliefs going in)

I have experienced this beautiful phenomenon only two times and the first time I was tripping while drunk and on bars so I wrote it off as drug induced psychosis (good story for another time, much more chaos, much less answers). The next time I experienced ego death was on a humble 150ug and in a beautiful place with beautiful people. There was no reason for anything to go 'wrong'. Additionally, I figure it's worth noting that I have been meditating daily for 3ish years and have been studying psychology for the same amount of time. The trip I will specifically mention  was probably my 30-40th if I had to guess.

Vocab:

The mass of religions around the world use different words and myths to largely explain the exact same concepts. I have my own personal vocab for these metaphysical concepts that I will list below:

The Devil = 'bad' vibes = death = negative = yin = fear

God = one = love = universal consciousness = unity = yang

Ego Death = third eye opening = divine intervention etc.

1. Pre-Death:

Not much worth posting about this because it's simply the start of your trip. At this point, you're probably in that excitatory, mildly-anxious acid come up. You're leaving your sober reality behind and entering the very familiar trip realm. If you're like me, ego death isn't your goal and you're planning on drawing and bonding w/ nature. During my trip, I was following a small stream that slowly trickled around rock formations for about a half mile before reaching a massive waterfall along narrow cliffside. I was with two good friends who I was comfortable with, but I had just met them this year. Both lovely people. Only one of them also decided to trip with me, who we'll call Brice. (The other dude we'll call Tyler).

2. Something Strange / The Mirror

It was at this point in my trip, at the bottom of the waterfall, that I felt an absolutely strange energy emanate throughout the trees, the wind, and my own body. I can literally feel that something very very intense is about to happen. The care-free fun I was having climbing on rocks and running my hands through the water was entirely diminished. Unfortunately, my memory gets hazy at this point and I can't give a flawless account of what I was feeling at the time. What I can tell you is that slowly, or maybe rapidly, every single thought and emotion that I produced was reflected flawlessly by my environment. No slip ups. Perfect synchronization.

On a side note, moments before the claws of insanity took hold, I asked my friend if he could do this thing that I've been able to do anytime I'm tripping. Basically what I do is completely relax my eye muscles and look at nothing in particular. Rather than focus on one specific thing, you relax, breathe, and focus on everything simultaneously. He had no idea what I was talking about.

3. FEAR

For reasons I have yet to uncover, the transition to this 'place' (I like to call it the grey, I'll expand later) is almost always met with terror. I'm talking visceral, life-threatening fear. As I felt the aforementioned strange vibrations echo through my being, a group of fellow college students began to approach. Seeing outsiders on acid is either a warm and loving experience for me or an awkward, flustered, anxiety-induced miscommunication. With the nature of the things going on around me, I was nothing but scared. They had a dog without a leash with them and I strongly prayed it wouldn't approach me so as to avoid communication with these people who would most likely think I was insane. Of course, the dog chose me. It was at this point that I completely lost any illusion of control I had over myself and the external world. As these people walked by with the dog, I looked at the girl who owned it and I swear I had seen her face before. But in a very surreal, unexplainable way. These people were not external entities outside of myself going to see the waterfall. They WERE me.

These people were not external entities outside of myself going to see the waterfall. They WERE me.

 We were all one. It wasn't like I was watching them and thinking about what they were doing, they were acting out my thoughts. And due to my fear of them and the nature of my mirrored reality, they turned on me. One member of the group was a black man with a tight, orange sweater with a completely shaved head, black pants, and black boots. I knew he was gonna kill me. This complete stranger, whom I have never met, stood roughly 10 feet away and looked me directly into my eyes. He had this look that showed he was absolutely gonna kill me if he needed to, and it was his mission, but he really didn't want to.

Whenever I feel anxiety or any other devilish vibrations on acid, my two safety blankets are drawing (Creating) and meditation (Being). As I felt this terror of death and infinity, I suddenly had the idea to draw. To set the scene, my backpack was under a very large withered log that arced over it about 20 feet from the waterfall. As I walked toward my backpack, the orange sweatered man climbed on top of the log and stood over my backpack just staring at me. He wasn't going to let me create. And I knew this. I cannot quite discern how the following transition occurred, but Tyler, the sober one, suggesting we traverse deeper into the woods.

4. The Holy Mountain

At this point, I just wanna say thanks for reading this fucking monolith of a reddit post. I've never explained some shit to this depth online so I hope it's entertaining enough.

Anyhow, I should point out that our sober friend Tyler, had recently gotten out of a very long and intimate relationship with his lady. Due to the nature of acid and potency of the vibrations you can feel when in the trip realm I could tell he was hurting. As we traversed deeper into the woods, for some reason, I got it in my head that the rest of the trip was for him. I imagined us going to a spot we all deemed suitable for kicking it where he would suddenly break down and we would build him up and it would be beautiful and all that jazz. I was fucking wrong. This trip was all me.

We went deeper into the woods and quite literally and metaphorically reached a mountain. Less like a mountain and more like a slightly larger than normal incline to a higher ground. But you get the symbolism.

The mountain was full of trees that had burned and were utterly gnarled. There was ash nearly up to my ankles and it was overall just a complete shit show. Really steep incline too. I should note at this point I had the strong assumption that all of this was leading to my death. I wasn't sure if it was gonna be my death or my enlightenment but I knew it was something along those lines.

We crossed over the top of the mountain and oh-my-fucking-god lemme tell you it was beyond beautiful. It was a field that seemed to go on infinitely and vast clouds that blanketed the entire sky in beauty. Me being naive and having a head full of acid and divine synchronicity, I assumed I had reached heaven. I dropped my backpack and proceeded to run full speed toward the sun (it was about 2 hours before sunset). I had elation that I was gonna merge with the universal consciousness that exists in everything and I would reach the end of suffering. But, as I'm sure you guessed, I was wrong yet again.

5. The Grey

This is the part of the ego death experience where you experience existential dread like never before and supreme fear of the infinite. The Devil is able to access your thoughts just as easy as the Light is. And to be reborn with the knowledge you gain from the experience, you gotta look evil in the face.

After reaching the middle of the field I realized nothing was going to happen if I didn't initiate something. I also ripped my shirt off on the way and threw some pretty dope rings I had into oblivion (I thought god wanted me to remove my material possessions, fuck me right). The most logical explanation was that I needed to meditate. I needed to radiate metta and become truly free of fear to properly reach nirvana. I then proceed to meditate (very poorly might I add, much more forced than usual) only to reach extreme frustration. I was getting close but it wasn't working. I would meditate and ohm and hear a divine echo of the ohm. I can't explain it well in words, but if you imagine a sound echoing infinitely until the echo and the sound become the same frequency, I assumed this was what the God consciousness sounded like. I was literally screaming at one point because I completely thought I was ascending. Only to open my eyes. Every single time. And still be at the same field. And then came fear.

I realized I wasn't ready to ascend because I was far too afraid. I wasn't completely at peace. I was horrified of death. Thoughts are like viruses. And the next thought I had was that, in order to completely remove myself from fear, I had to be brutally killed and be okay with it (think the monk burning in Vietnam in the 70s.) The sun was near setting at this point and I was very cold from having no shirt on. If had to weigh the forces of evil at this I would put the devil at 85% and the light at 15%. He was winning. Viscuously. I had an awful headache and my stomach churned. I was freezing. I was scared. I thought I was going to be stuck in the grey forever. I had images of wild dogs coming out at sun down and ripping me apart. I thought this was an initiation to reach the after life. I began to cycle between good and evil. I would experience intense bliss and love and then descend into fear and hatred for everything. I was a perfect yin yang. Balance. When I looked down at the ground the grass was literally folded around me to form a yin and yang around my body. Additionally I had a near-transparent 'wall' that cut directly down the middle of my body and extended infinitely forward and into the sky. The Devil had had his turn winning, the Light had shown me a proper way, and then I got an answer.

Side note: I think the devil 'wins' in the grey when a person decides to kill themselves. A LOT of imagery and thoughts tried to point me in that direction. But I knew that wasn't the move.

6. Revelation

Somewhere out of the oblivion, out of the infinite matrix of time and space, the answer to all of my suffering found its way into my consciousness. 'I'm gonna be okay'. I literally said it out loud to my friends.

'I'm gonna be okay'. I literally said it out loud to my friends.

 I said it multiple times with each iteration confirming for me its truth even further. I realized I'm the Devil. And I'm also God. Nothing in the external world had any intention of harming me until I assumed it did. I had fucking POWER at this point. I honestly felt like a God.

Despite the removal of all fear and negativity, the universe was not finished testing me. The Devil recognized a loss of power (I'm probably 95% Light, 5% Evil at this point) and wanted to confirm that I truly understood I was going to be okay. On the way back to the car, Tyler was guiding us and completely getting us lost (sometimes sober people have way worse directions than people tripping tbh). I viewed that as the Devil still trying to convince me I was stuck here forever, but I was stronger than that now. I took charge and forcefully and bluntly told Tyler we need to go to the left and we were going the wrong way (I had a STRONG feeling I knew where the car was and he was getting pissed off that we thought he couldn't get us there).

My suspicions were correct. We weren't stuck there and we did get to the car. But that slimy motherfucking snake (Mr Devil) still wanted to fuck around. As we drove out of the parking lot and headed home (45 min drive) I had the thought (virus) that what if I'm not out? What if they start driving around in the car forever? Literally as I think this my friends in the front seat start laughing hysterically. Straight up out nowhere. As they're doing this I hear them say things like 'yeah we can just drive around FOREVER hhahahahah'. Simultaneously, Tyler, who's driving says 'hey you wanna bet Carry On My Wayward Son is the next song on the radio?' He said it in a very sinister way. Keep in mind I had the only phone that wasn't dead and the dudes car had no aux. You already know the song fucking played next.

6b. The Purge

I'm honestly really fucking tired of writing this post so I'm gonna skip a lot more details (probs should have done that from the start). Basically, I still had the strength of knowledge that I fully going to be okay and I took charge of navigation and directed us home. As the devil was diminishing intensely, I quite literally threw up in the car (in a bag, I aint no rookie) and instantly felt like something horrifying had left my body. I was free. I have only read about this happening in a few trip reports so it's not exactly an essential physical stage.

7. Rebirth

Congratulations. If you're like me, you have wrestled with good and evil and come out with knowledge that will last many lifetimes. You've touched the divine and been allowed to remain and spread positivity and love. You may have some idea of your grand purpose and what it is you feel you were meant to do or something you were meant to change.

Thank you so much for reading my overly long tale of insanity!! I hope it brings you connection to your own experience or some sort of inspiration.

Much love to all.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 111775

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 20

Published: Apr 19, 2018	Views: 3,855

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LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Nature / Outdoors (23), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 tablet
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:00
		 1 tablet
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:05
		 2 tablets
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   70 kg

At 10:50 took 1 blotter of acid. An hour later noticed patterns appearing on carpet. Happier and light is different. Pupils are contracting and dilating a lot. Decide to take another blotter. 5 minutes later decide to take two other blotters. Unlike some people I never regretted this rather impulsive decision. The hallucinations on the carpet intensify and the euphoria increases.

Light continues to change, having neon appearance. Slightly nausoeus/have mild indigestion symptons. Pupils very big even under bright light. Tracers appear and grow stronger. Haven't lost these tracers to this day, when I've been clean for days. Not complaining though, adds an iteresting effect to life.

Music sounds superb. It's like something muffling the muic when you're sober has been peeled away. Music is cleaer sounding, more fluid. Listen to Royksopp, Air, Orbital and FSOL, my favourite music for tripping. Light on people's faces is different. Strong closed eye visuals -  a carnival of light. Mad creative thoughts. My emotional strings were never plucked like with shrooms once. I am happy throughout and never feel depressed.

Loud noises are irratating. Textures are different. Strange colours appear on peoples faces. The floor swirls like liquid, just like on Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I'm content to relax for hours. Woodgrains look amazing - they flow like waterfalls. Looking at people skin, my eyesight is enhanced to the degree that I can clearly see every individual hair follicle on people's skin.

Symptons gradually fade. Patterns on walls and carpets remain for a log tome, the tracers even longer (still have them now as I write this report). I really enjoyed my trip on acid and wouldn't hesitate to do it again.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 32243

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 19, 2018	Views: 1,026

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LSD (2) : General (1), Unknown Context (20)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 2 tablets
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 5:00
		 2 bowls
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   100 lb

 It was about 10 p.m when my cousin , sister, and myself put 2 hits of acid under our tounges. At this time , we didn't know what was going to happen.

Between 10:30 p.m. to 10:45 we all began to have the 'giggles' which in 10 minutes , our giggling started to echo. Visuals started to kick in when I looked over at the mural on my wall - a waterfall with many trees , rocks , ect.

11:30p.m. - All of us wanted to get out of the house ,the thing was, my mother was sleeping and we didnt want to get caught tripping on acid. We tryed to formulate a plan but our minds were blank , we would stand in a circle saying one thing and then totally forget what we were even talking about.

12:45a.m - After standing in a circle for an hour and 15 minutes we decided to just sit down and watch ' Alice in Wonderland '. When the movie started we paused it at the begining , when its a picture of the pond with ducks and flowers everywhere - and played some music. It was unbelivable. I love music when I am sober , but there is nothing like listening to it on LSD. I closed my eyes and it felt like I was standing front row at there concert , i could see the music playing in my head. I began to stand up and dance around.

1:30 a.m - Watched some of 'Alice in Wonderland' but could keep our minds focused on it. The rest of the movie played while we once again tryed to figure out how to get out of the house. I remember finally saying ' ok man look , it not like we havent ever snuck out of the house , we have over a 100 times , just remember we are on acid , we are retarted , but lets just go '

2:00 a.m - We got outside! Walking into the apartments across the street we heard screaming, but we ignored it for a while ( im not sure if there was really screaming going on) It got louder and we decided to just go back inside after all the hard work trying to get out.

3:00a.m - Smoked about 2 bowls to trip a bit harder - it worked. I played some more music and said ' im seeing music and hearing colors ' and that right there, is the perfect way you can describe it. The music played for a couple of hours and i never got tired of dancing

5:00 a.m. - Started to calm down a bit , relaxing , laying down, you know. I looked at the clock and it seemed to only be 30 minutes passing when it was really an hour and 20 minutes.

6:30 a.m. - I was sinking in to the bed , falling sound asleep

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 39412

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 19, 2018	Views: 799

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Music Discussion (22), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 2 tablets
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (extract)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   165 lb

2 Tabs of LSD

This experience is about the time I took two tabs of LSD. This occured April 7, 2017. I feel like sharing my experience for some reason, it was both positive and negative. This was basically what I thought was the last time I was going to be able to hangout with a close friend before attending court for a drug possession with intent to distribute charge so my chances of being on probation was high but I got lucky. Anyways I needed to explain that because it affected my experience going in with that mindset. I planned the day before to hangout with my friend. I planned to buy and consume two tabs. The day came I rode the city bus to the friends residence. Purchased the two tabs and took them right there in friends room. He ended up being with his companion so friends companion was there. This may sound weird but within maybe 20-25 minutes of taking these tabs I started to feel the effects, I pulled my phone out and noticed how the icon apps on my phone screen seemed to be slowly moving I felt this energy.

We planned to take a walk to the nearby river. I went outside and felt different I felt this energy feeling, also before we left friends house I smoked some wax(dabs) out of friends vape. I was high on marijuana and acid. We began walking I felt definitely different small but noticable visuals. Best I can describe it is everything was sort of wavy. We planned to stop at the grocery store and on the way there we came across a camera bag sitting at the bus stop and inside was heroin inside of a syringe, friend threw the bag in trash we proceeded to the grocery store because friend wanted to wash his hands after touching that bag. We eventually got inside the grocery store and the effects grew stronger I felt out of it. Visuals were increasing inside this store I could see the glare off the floor from the lights above moving I didn't feel comfortable inside the store but we ended up walking around inside the store looking for drinks and snacks for the trip to the river.

We finally left and proceeded to the river and I felt great just this body high that felt like energy we crossed the bridge over the river and stopped half way on the bridge to look at the water below us and this water looked honestly crazy it looked like the water was morphing into itself I was excited to walk down below into the trees where there are trails you can walk into. We walked down into the trees and now my visuals are at an all time high everything was moving. I could see the trail of my cigarette when I flicked it. I tried to look at my phone screen and it was all over the place the numbers of the time on my home screen were bending so crazy. Being surrounded by trees and nature was beautiful. The trees and plants were bending. The floor was moving. The still water in this puddle were moving. I sat down under a tree and just enjoyed the moment with my eyes closed and my closed eyed visuals were very strong. I had tunnel vision with my eyes closed. I felt like my head was a dark arena with this show of unexplainable designs. I can't explain it very well.

The word Kaleidoscope is the only was I can explain what I was seeing with my eyes closed, I was seeing perfect colors and shapes. We then decided to walk towards the river and it was surreal what it looked like the water looked like it was flowing in all directions the sunset behind it made it look even more crazy. This is where my trip began to get dark. I noticed my friends companion looking restless in a way like she wanted to be with my friend alone, I just got this vibe from her and it made me feel weird. We decided to walk back into society and I kept noticing her emotions that she maybe felt like I was a burden and wanted to be alone with my friend and it made me feel unwanted to be around them. I kept manifesting on this thought and it was making my trip difficult. The acid by now made me feel weird like I wanted to get away from them I just stayed quite following them. We stopped at friends highschool and sat at the grass field I remember looking at the field and it seemed like the entire field was waving like water. I still had crazy close eyed visuals. I had these dark thoughts of feeling unwanted by the people around me I tried to use my phone to arrange a Uber but I couldn't understand how to use my phone and this was really frustrating. Finally I just told my friend I wanted to leave and I felt really uneasy by this I wanted to hangout with my friend because I thought this might be the last time for a few months I'd see him. We started walking back to his house where I finally managed to arrange a Uber. I stayed quite still and my phone notified me my ride was here and I just got up and left without saying a word I had this feeling that I wanted to get away from them. My friend came to me and asked if I was alright I said yeah and left in the Uber tripping hard. I couldn't really talk and respond to the question the Uber driver asked me. I was thinking about to many things at once I opened my phone to text my friend to explain why I acted in such a way but I couldn't understand how to use my phone so I gave up on that. Sitting in this Uber I kept spacing out lost in my thoughts and emotions. I felt really out of it I noticed I kept moving around in the back seat and had this weird thought that maybe the Uber driver felt uncomfortable about how I was acting. I tried to sit still and act normal thinking about my every move to make sure I wasn't doing anything weird. I tried to untangle my headphones and failed at that I just couldn't I forget how to use my hands my coordination was all over the place haha. I looked out the window and felt like the driver missed my street and this freaked me out I had this weird thought that he was gonna drive me to the police station because of how odd I was acting. Finally I remembered where I was and we were coming up on my street. Finally I got home and went inside I remember how weird it was trying to open my door with my keys.

I went into my room and kicked my shoes off, took my pants off, laid in my bed and threw the blankets over. My mother was staying with me and I honestly forgot she was and I realized I'm on acid and I came inside without texting her I was coming back or anything and I was like fuck I'm tripping to hard to explain myself I started to panic because of this thought and realized how my clothes looked when I got into my room it looked odd my pants and shoes on the floor just messy it looked like so I got up and tried to clean but for some reason I put my clothes in weird spots around my room and when I realized that I panicked some more. Trying to clean on acid is hard haha. I laid back down and my trip felt stronger. I felt this overwhelming panic that my mom was gonna come into my room and I'd have to explain myself. I felt insane. I kept hearing inside my head these loud and different frequencies of vibrations. I thought I was having a bad trip. I tried to take deep breaths and that helped in a way. I tried to look for my phone in the dark and couldn't this made me feel uneasy. I finally found it and looked at my bed and noticed how tangled I was in my blankets. By this time I felt the panic come back because of the thought that my mother would walk into my room and see me losing my mind. I took more deep breaths and calmed down. Just got on my phone and began messaging my friend about the difficulty I was having and then finally the panic feeling went away and I got up to tell my mom I was back and she didn't care. This made me feel better I went back into my room got on my phone and listened to music for the next hours until the acid finally wore off. This was my trip on 2 tabs.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 110330

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Apr 20, 2018	Views: 673

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LSD (2) : General (1), Various (28)


		 DOSE:

		 oral
		 Alcohol - Hard

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   118 lb

At this point in my life I wasn’t an avid drug user, and still to this day I am not. Introduced to acid by two close friends, my friend, L I will call her, and I decided to buy two 100 micrograms tabs of LSD from a kid in the neighborhood. The exact date I remember was May 2, 2017, and the first time we had tried drugs was April 14, 2017.   L and I went from a day experience with marijuana to trying a decently intense psychedelic drug.

My parents left for a trip to Mexico, and I was staying at L’s home for the days they were gone. It was May 2nd, a Tuesday night, also a school night. At nearly 7:00pm, the idea popped into my mind, “What if we try the tabs which have been sitting in L’s cabinet for over a week?” I voiced this, and she agreed. We were both extremely nervous for we had no idea what was to come. Her parents were gone for her sisters ring ceremony and would be home late at night. We went downstairs, and with the freedom of being home alone, L grabbed the Malibu and we mixed it with cola to calm our nerves. Once it was gone, we retreated back to her bedroom and grabbed the tabs, one for each of us.

We stuck the tiny blue squares on our tongues, and let time pass as we let the tabs slowly dissolve. LSD takes around 45 minutes to kick in so we spent the time just on our phones, and we FaceTimed our boyfriends at the time who were also very close. Then I felt it, the first effect of my trip, my jaw felt tight.

Then I felt it, the first effect of my trip, my jaw felt tight.

 I related this to L, who said she was not feeling anything yet. I began to walk around her room uncontrollably laughing at everything, and I sat in the corner next to the door. The floor felt unusually hard but I felt at one with it, as with everything else I touched. We both got to the point where we were most definitely under the influence. I was mindless and uncontrollable, but she was anxious and careful.

I felt the sudden urge to go outside, not just a small urge but I felt that if I didn’t go outside I would simply explode or die on the spot. She blocked the door to keep me from running out, but as soon as she left it I sprinted out her bedroom to the backyard. It was the most bizarre experience I have had in my lifetime by far. The air seemed non-existent. My skin could feel nothing around me. I could see only what was around me, but the rest of the world to my senses was simply void. L grabbed my arm and coaxed me inside. I resisted her, not because I wanted to stay outside, but because I didn’t want to be controlled. We reached the point where we were at the bottom of the stairs, and she was holding onto my hair attempting to drag me up. I screamed at her to let go, but she didn’t know how to. For a moment she had lost control of her feeling and sense of movement. I felt a wave of emotion and wanted to cry, but my body couldn’t figure out how to cry. Within seconds she let go and we made our way back to the bedroom.

That was the moment we realized her mother would be arriving home any second. We panicked, because we knew we were too far gone to have a casual conversation, or seem normal for a couple of minutes. I tried to hop in the shower, but I couldn’t figure out how to work the knobs. I sat down in cold water, for what seemed like 3 seconds before I gave up and got out. I put my clothes back on without brushing my mangled hair. L thrust out her arm with a clean shirt, and was deeply convinced if her mom saw the wet marks on my shirt, we would get caught. I denied and convinced her it was alright.  Every second it seemed I would ask L to check her phone to see where her mom was at. The last time I asked, her mom had arrived. I walked over to the window and peeked out to see a disoriented view of a suburban right next to the car port. The few seconds seemed like hours. I turned to L and tried to figure out what normal teenagers did at 9pm, but we didn’t know because time didn’t make any sense to us. She asked her boyfriend at the time what we should do and he just said “turn on Netflix or something”. Every activity seemed “suspicious” and we had no idea what to do.

I sat on her bed and pulled out my Chemistry homework, and attempted to complete that. The memory at this point is blotched so I cannot recall the exact detail of what happened. What I can remember next is standing in the doorway of her bathroom as her mom walked in. We tried to hold a decent conversation about the ring ceremony, but we were obviously out of it. She says, “Are y’all doing something you’re not supposed to?” Her voice still rings in my head today at a slower tone than normal, for it was mutated by the LSD.  L says, “no, it’s just really hot in here.” Even though I was mentally gone I was thinking what a dumb answer that was yet I know I couldn’t say anything better. She felt our foreheads to check for fever. The next moment I was in the other corner of the room, as L’s Mom told her to take off her socks. She asked if we had gone anywhere, to which we responded “no”. Still not completely sure why her socks had to be removed, but we think it is because the grass from the backyard was on her socks. The next thing I know she was no longer in the room.

I panicked. L and I both have anxiety and so for the next hour we repeatedly had anxiety attacks. I recall texting my boyfriend over and over, “she knows”. These words today still give me a small bit of anxiety, for I remember my emotional state at that point.

I recall texting my boyfriend over and over, “she knows”. These words today still give me a small bit of anxiety, for I remember my emotional state at that point.

 We were eventually calmed down and just laid in her bed silent. At one point we just turned to each other with the attitude of, “what the fuck just happened?” We spent the next two hours recalling everything that had just happened. We were still very high, but the climax was over and we were able to express our feelings. We told the stories from a few hours ago as if they had happened years ago. Every minute we would remember a small detail that had blanked from our memory.

We had a momentary speck of a good time after this. I sat in her bathroom for minutes staring at my reflection. My face seemed long and slender, and my acne seemed to be non-existence for my face looked melted. My skin looked like plastic and my body did not appear to be real. I took pictures of my face and laughed saying I looked like a “melting max bird”. I looked at the pictures a few days later and though nothing seemed to be different with my face, for some reason I just looked completely fucked up. I genuinely had fun, we sat doing nothing on our phones, but nothing mattered for the moment. It came to the point where we decided since we had school tomorrow it was best to go to sleep.

This is the part where I can best describe the feeling of LSD, for everything was quiet expect my senses. She slept with a noise maker on, which was put on the setting of white noise. I wanted it to be turned off so badly for the sound was so magnified it hurt, but I wanted for her to sleep. I tossed and turned in her bed, again I felt melted. Every time my body would touch hers we blended together. Every time I turned in the bed the side of my body became one with the bed. I could not feel a thing, for I was one with everything around me. All of my senses felt magnified. I couldn’t feel pain. I got so close to cutting myself just to see what it was like, but the rational part of me that was left kept me from doing it. I found myself angry with the world, my senses were so intense all I wanted to do was go back to normal, but I couldn’t. I just laid down for hours waiting for the morning to come.

Her alarm went off, and we got out of bed. Somehow I was still high, but barely. I took an actual shower where I was sane enough to cleanse myself. We went downstairs to eat breakfast. Neither of us could taste the food for apparently the acid altered our taste buds as well. We waited for her mother to ask us what had happened last night, but the conversation never came. I walked into school, and I felt like I ghost. The girl with the locker next to me tried to speak to me but with the commotion in the hallway taking my mind I couldn’t understand a word she said. In my first period class the girl next to me tried to get me to fix her calculator, but I just looked at it and handed it back because my mind couldn’t comprehend it. The next period I looked at the Chemistry homework I tried to do and was impressed on how I actually did it, but my handwriting was so big and sloppy and out of the ordinary. Throughout the day I went on and off with feelings of my body being completely lost.

It was the most awful and exciting experience in my entire life, and I’m just now getting to the point, after 9 months, where I feel like I could do it again.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 111729

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 14

Published: Apr 26, 2018	Views: 1,109

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LSD (2), Alcohol - Hard (198) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 0:45
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   160 lb

LSD Changed My Life

My first time taking LSD doses was a magical experience I feel the whole world should be able to experience.

First off, I have to describe my background and where I am in life so you all understand the context of my report. Since I graduated high school, I served in the air force for nearly a decade so by the time I was 27, I never have smoked weed, or have done any hard substances that could give me such a psychedelic effect.

My friend, whose in a band I became close with is a major hippy and loves LSD, so naturally he describes its effects and what its like, and convinces me I should try it. Long story short, I meet up with some of his friends or (the clan) in the woods, in the middle of nowhere and we dose out in the piece of land.

What I am about to describe is the point in time I took the LSD, and the point in time I slept the next day. The first 45 minutes I did not feel any effects, which I attributed to the fact that I regularly take ambien. So I took the other dose. 10 minutes after taking the other dose was when I noticed my mouth becoming really tingly, and metallic tasting. I started thinking to myself, wow something's going on here, it must be kicking in finally. Members of the clan I was with, were asking me if I'm feeling it yet, and at this point I did not know.

About 20 minutes later we were sitting around the bonfire, and that is when I felt a rush of a vibration sensation encompass my whole body, and I just felt like I had to get out of my chair, and dance to the music that was playing. I danced, and danced, and danced. Mostly using forms of my Katas I'm using in the style of the martial arts I'm training. The strange thing was, is I was even doing advanced katas that I saw based on viewing the advanced students while listening to everything from techno- ting tings.

After that rush of energy passed, and I started pondering life, I noticed my astigmatism became clear HD hypervision

I noticed my astigmatism became clear HD hypervision

, and the shadows of the forest trees against the night sky became very prominent in my parameters of view. I watched as the shadows of the treelines started shaping and morphing into giant digimon pocketmonsters most notably in the shape of Agumon, and I was enchanted with the shadows for nearly half an hour. Not only did my visual senses heightened, my sense of smell Hyper heightened, and I was able to smell the beach, which was about 20-25 mls away. My skin is covered in colorful tattoos, and I noticed as I was looking into the darkness my tattoos were coming to life. The stories they're depicting were actually being acted out, and I imagined that they were doing this because the inspiration I have for my designs came from dreams I had, and I was reliving these dreams in this moment of clarity. I was seeing faces in the trees that were surrounding us, and they were smiling, like they were glad to be a part of our experience. I know that basically is pareidolia, but it was a heightened sense of clarity that I was experiencing. At one point, I literally was holding a conversation with the tree about where life came from, what his view points were on existence and what I should do moving on from here, and the biggest thing the tree told me, was that I needed to write all this down, and share the world with what I just experienced. After the tree experience, I got so disoriented, I did not realize I walked as far as I did from base camp, and I realized I couldn't discern what was west, north, east, or south. Also I did not wear my watch so I did not know what time it was and I had not known how many minutes passed since I dosed and started feeling it.

By the end of that sequence of events, and finding my friends again who were all huddled around the fire. We all were pondering over what I experienced with the trees because they figured there was an important message that was being broadcast through me. We spent the next hour talking about that message, and the direct message was if we don't fuck w/ nature, nature won't fuck with us. Plain and simple.

When the party died out I was still high. I ended up going to my sleeping bag which was on the ground, and I said out loud, I recognize I am in your space, but I am asking you if I can occupy it for a little while longer so I had no issues with bugs, or spiders or any creepy things that might be lurking around the woods with us. For me, though, there were some noises hovering around me of footsteps and whispers in the wind that were not threatening by any means. As matter of fact, those whispers really let me fall asleep for a few hours.

When I woke up, I knew I was still high but this time I was day high, and this was where I was seeing the red filter that I hear about so much in culture. My fingers were leaving trails. The most fun part of the whole experience was, there was a point when I was imitating Bach by directing a choir of nature calls from different birds and squirrels and other animals. I felt like I was in sync with nature, and it to me sounded like a masterpiece.

After those shenanigans, I decided it was time to pack it up and head home so we cleaned up everything around the site, and I went back to my house, laid in bed, still coming down from the climax of the night. I was in my own bed, still hearing those footsteps I heard out in the woods. Again it wasn't threatening, It was a very happy moment, like these beings or whatever that were watching us party that night, they were really happy to have met, and crossed paths in life.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 111848

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 29

Published: Apr 30, 2018	Views: 1,205

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LSD (2) : Nature / Outdoors (23), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 0:40
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 4:30
		 1 hit
		 smoked
		 Methamphetamine

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

This trip does not consist of crazy visuals like monsters or whatnot. It is an example of just how real and frightening an acid trip can become.

I was 18 and had gotten ahold of 10 tabs for pretty cheap but trust me when I knew they were good quality (the dealer had a very good rep already, known for giving good deals). I had done acid once, months before, I took  1.5 tabs and felt virtually nothing. I’m pretty sure anything I even thought I felt or saw was placebo. I knew I got ripped off so I was looking forward to trying these new tabs.

I originally planned on doing one  tab by myself on a Friday night in my room. But on Thursday my friend (16 years old) ended up staying the night and I suggested we do some together. We decided we would each take 2 tabs.

Once we were ready, at 8pm we dropped our tabs. For some reason however 40 minutes later, we thought it would be a wonderful idea to drop one more. Don’t ask me why—terrible decision.

At around 9:15 or so walls started slightly moving but I was really enjoying it. Slowly, colors became more vibrant and then by 10pm I was completely color tripping, and EVERYTHING was hilarious. Complete sensory overload, visually and auditory as well, but it was enjoyable. We were dancing and laughing and having a really good time. I looked in the mirror and I could literally watch my face age. Like I watched it grow wrinkles and change shape, it was crazy to watch and I was a little grossed out seeing my old self but I wasn’t scared at all, I thought it was cool.

This is where Time starts to get a little blurry. It was super hard to keep track of—sometimes 2 minutes would go by and it would feel like an hour, other times an hour would go by in what seemed like a minute. This is when my psychotic stage started to begin.

My friend and I started questioning everything from the government to social media to conspiracies. We were convinced we had been coming up with revelations and had to tell the rest of the world.

We were convinced we had been coming up with revelations and had to tell the rest of the world.

 I wrote down notes warning my sober self of the government and FaceTimed my friends trying to explain that I was telling the truth. Over time, I started to doubt everything, including reality. I had a constant feeling of forgetting what I was just about to say or do. It felt like I was repeating myself, like time was moving backwards then forwards then backwards again. For example, at one point I picked up a lighter to play with then when I set it back down it felt like I was going backwards in time—rather than simply setting it down in the future, if that makes sense.

At what I guess was around 11 or 12pm I convinced myself I was in a game and that I was in control of everything, and that nothing I said or did would have an actual effect in real life once I was sober. My friend was FaceTiming a guy and I was sure he was just “part of the game” and that I could say whatever I wanted to him. Looking back I was pretty rude but I thought it didn’t matter because nothing was actually real to me. I also ended up texting and calling my ex boyfriend of one YEAR. Embarrassing, right? I thought it would be funny to talk to him since in my mind I wasn’t REALLY talking to him. Even when he answered the phone and I abruptly hung up, I was still convinced it wasn’t actually him that answered and that it was still part of the game.

I also started thinking about what it would be like waking up the next day and realized I literally couldn’t remember what being sober felt like. Like, I couldn’t comprehend what the word sober WAS. I felt trapped in this new state of mind.

At some point probably around 12:30 my friend remembered that I owned a meth pipe and suggested we dry hit the remains of the last time I used it. Don’t ask why we thought that was a good idea but yeah, I literally took hits off old brown solidified meth. I’m not sure if that’s what led to the paranoia that eventually set in.

I was scared and had overwhelming anxiety. At this point it was around 1:30am and I was super tired and wanted to sleep. But I couldn’t for the life of me. You know that feeling when you’re really tired in bed but just can’t find the right position to fall asleep? That was me, except every time I laid there for more than 5 minutes I was convinced I had to go do some task in order to fall asleep. It started out with normal ish things like taking off my pajama pants because I was burning hot. (WARNING: gross and explicit content ahead) But when that didn’t work I, and don’t ask why, I decided I should take my tampon out. I bled all over my bed but didn’t seem to care. I was sure the blood was part of my imagination and that I could simply wish it away. I continued to take all my clothes off and became really horny. I’m straight but I thought it would be a great idea to call for my friend in the other room to come in. I don’t know what I was hoping for but thank god she was too tired to, otherwise that would have resulted in a really awkward next day. I pursued to masturbate all the while blood was getting everywhere but I didn’t care at all. I became really frustrated though because I tried to “command” the mess to disappear but of course it didn’t.

I remembered that I had a Xanax bar in my room but couldn’t find it no matter how hard I tried. I was convinced it simply disappeared on its own and became extremely frustrated and even more anxious because I couldn’t even find medicine to calm me down. So I went to take a shower. I felt good and clean after that and got in bed with my friend because that room was cooler. I thought I finally could fall asleep but I suddenly became burning hot again and couldn’t find a comfortable position. So I thought I would just watch recipe videos on my phone. But literally nothing the chefs were saying made sense to me. It was as if they were uttering complete gibberish. Like the words sounded insane to me. I thought that the internet world had gone crazy and that I was the only sane person left. I turned to my friend and asked her if she was experiencing the same things as me, but she was so tired and out of it all she could reply was “mhmm” or “yeah”. I began to think she wasn’t real either and that she had become a part of the trip. In a panic, I googled things such as “how to stop a bad trip.” The main thing that came up told me to remember that it isn’t real, but I was so delusional that I thought the government had put that online to make me think the trip would end when it really wasn’t going to. I was so excruciatingly frustrated about not being able to sleep that I began to contemplate calling 911 or calling my parents (both of which would have resulted in my life being absolutely ruined, given my parents are adamant on their stance on drugs since I had been caught abusing in the past). My friend told me it wouldn’t be a good idea and that everything would be fine in the morning. For some reason I was convinced that the trip would never end though. I thought that taking acid had put me into this permanent state of delusion. I started to contemplate suicide as the only way out. Like that was literally reasonable to me.

Eventually around what I assume was 4am I fell asleep. I don’t remember falling asleep but when I woke up (past my alarm and missing school) I was so shocked to see that I had survived, that the trip ended. I sat in bed in awe that there was blood all over my bed and that it was actually real. In the end I wrote this to show just how frightening an acid trip (especially taking such a large dose for my first time) can become. I hope I was able to get my point across about the level of fear and paranoia I experienced.

Afterwards, the comedown was just terrible. I was extremely depressed and anxious and had my first ever panic attack. I almost considered checking myself into a hospital so someone could calm me down but thankfully a different friend was able to meet me and talk me through things. This trip scarred me, so I’m not sure if I’ll ever try acid again. It was the first drug I ever tried that I couldn’t act sober on and where I couldn’t differentiate tripping from reality. I thought I could handle any drug, but acid is a different beast.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 111870

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: May 7, 2018	Views: 899

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LSD (2) : Hangover / Days After (46), Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 1200 ug
		 oral
		 1P-LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   240 lb

[Erowid Note:
Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]

After a long day at work, I drove over to a friend's apartment where two of my friends lived. My best friend was the only other person at the apartment with us. I brought with me 1500 micrograms of LSD and gave my friends 100 micrograms each leaving me with 1200. I also had about a half ounce of cannabis that we smoked a decent amount of during the come up.

I noticed I had tracers only 10-15 minutes after dosing which was very unusual. It typically was 45 minutes to an hour before I had anything that noticeable. I really don't remember much after noticing that until some time later. I don't know why I had this gap of memory during the comeup.

Within what I'm told was no more than an hour I no longer could remember what was happening or what drug I had taken. My best friend ceased to exist and soon so did I. I devolved into a black screen with green lines of text relaying the conversation I was having, making my thoughts, my voice, and my friend's voice indistinguishable. We were 2 bodies controlled by 1 consciousness. In such a state of confusion, I no longer was enjoying myself. I began grasping my chest and gasping for air, and feeling intense pain throughout my body, particularly my arms. Briefly flashing back into this reality, I began asking what I had taken and how much and was certain despite knowing that you cannot die from LSD that I had taken too much and was going to die. I imagine a lot of this came from not dealing with the emotions of overdosing on fentanyl shortly before this trip (maybe a week to a month prior, that's a blurry time from my life to try and remember). I begged to be taken to a hospital.

At this point my friend and I had been getting too loud in our two other friends' apartment so we were sitting in my car in the parking lot. My friend started looking for my car keys to take me to the hospital and ended up leaving me in the car to go in the apartment to retrieve them. He came back out to the car asking me where my keys were (he says he was gone for less than a minute, but to me I was alone in the car for an endless amount of time. It's hard to put a time frame on how long it seemed like as time basically lost meaning by this point) while our other friend followed behind and began yelling to 'get him out of here! He's obvious I don't want to get arrested over him!' I perceived her to have a knife and want to kill me so I took off running, arms flailing in the air, screeching at the top of my lungs 'help! Help! Somebody! I think I'm going to die!' My friend had warrants at the time and did not chase after me, fearing that my screaming in an apartment complex in the early hours of the morning would bring police to the situation. I kept running then would collapse on the street or on the grass and at one point on a bush, flashing to scenic trips in a completely different reality. I kept dying over and over in different horrible ways.

Running and stumbling alone I realized I had a phone in my pocket. I couldn't remember my phone password so I swiped to open the 'emergency call' screen. I dialed 911.

'911 what's your emergency?'

'I'm going to die!'

'Okay, what's going on?'

'I don't know!'

'Okay, why do you think you're dying?'

'I'm on drugs I think I took too much'

'Okay what did you take?'

'I don't know!'

'Okay, can you tell me where you are?'

'I don't know!'

'Okay what do you see?'

'Uhh there's a lot of cars'

'Are you in a parking lot?'

'No there's tall buildings all around me'

'Are you in an apartment complex?'

I look around in a state of panic and try to hang up the phone. It's locked up in emergency mode so I can't hang up. I get the 'they know where I am' paranoid feeling, look around and yell 'oh shit!' Throw my phone as hard as I can on the concrete and watch it shatter. I ran away as fast as I could yelling things like 'fuck you!' I have no idea how long this ordeal lasted since time had no meaning to me any more, but soon enough a police car pulled in to the complex and probably didn't have much trouble finding me since I was yelling at the top of my lungs. I was ecstatic that a figure of authority had arrived and ran out in the street waving my arms yelling at the police car 'I'm here, I'm here, thank God you're here!' The two officers stepped out of the car and asked what was going on. I made absolutely no sense and was probably pretty obviously in a psychedelic trip if they knew how to recognize that. I was flashing in and out of this reality into scenic trips again, many of which portrayed the officers as wanting to hurt me and/ or violate me despite the fact that they actually did a pretty good job of not being threatening to me.

I was flashing in and out of this reality into scenic trips again, many of which portrayed the officers as wanting to hurt me and/ or violate me despite the fact that they actually did a pretty good job of not being threatening to me.

 In fact I remember asking at one point when I had no clue what was happening and no memory from anything before that moment 'am I a threat to anyone? Have I hurt anyone? I'm so scared I don't want to hurt anybody'. He was saying things like 'I don't know, but help is coming okay?'. I asked for today's date and when he told me I realized that no longer had any meaning to me other than knowing that it was a date. I asked him how old I was and he told me 'I don't know, you're asking me.'

'Well how old do I look?'

'I don't know'

'Can I look in the side mirror on your car to see what I look like?'

'Please don't get close to my car'

A lot of this nonsense went on but eventually I would flash into another scenic trip with some perceived threat and run away. I kept running from them and then giving myself back up out of desperation for help. Eventually an ambulance got there and a paramedic approached me. I leaned back and lunged my whole body into the hardest punch I could throw, right into the side of his head. He swung backwards and hit the side of the ambulance. I took off running as fast as I could and one of the officers yelled 'Oh hell no' and this time they all chased me. I pulled my shirt off and realized I was pissing myself, so I dropped my pants as well. I was then tackled on the street butt naked. I fought back as hard as I could but eventually I was knocked out. I never really fell asleep per se but I lost speech and motor skills. I flew out of my body and into the worst hell I couldn't have imagined 30 seconds prior to being there. There was an incredible sense of loneliness and intense pain there. I was in a small, dark area with a burning ball before me. I intuitively understood that the ball was the 'core of my being' and was burning out. The goal in this place was to be able to die so I could stop suffering, but in order to do so I had to watch each piece of myself be torn away and float off into the darkness. All of my memories, my desires, my goals, I watched it all be thrown away as the ball burned smaller and smaller until it finally burned out.

From there, most of what I experienced was sensory overload that I couldn't make sense of. All of my senses were taking in way too much data to form anything that I could put into text. I assigned myself a name to feel better about not knowing who I was, so I called myself Bob. Bob was a horrible idiotic drug addict (I wasn't too far off from my real self in that guess) who didn't care enough to not push his own limits. I felt like a shell of a person that simply wanted drugs to feel whole. It was the most lonely feeling I've ever experienced. I didn't know what I looked like but I had a picture of my parents in my head and thought about how disappointed they must be in Bob. I came to in the hospital the next morning and couldn't remember what had happened or how I'd gotten there. It took 3 months to remember. I quit all drugs for that 3 months and ended up taking a few hits off someone's joint at a concert. When I took my seat after the intermission was over the memory all came back to me, and I shook physically out of terror until I went to bed that night.

I have not been the same person since I had that trip and in a lot of was it's for the better, but I have to live with the memory every day. There hasn't been an hour that goes by since that day that I'm not thinking about it, trying to process it and understand it. I developed HPPD and have had hallucinations persisting for just shy of a year now. Psychedelics are valuable tools when used properly, just remember it is possible to hurt yourself with a hammer.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 111865

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: May 8, 2018	Views: 1,727

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), HPPD / Lasting Visuals (40), Post Trip Problems (8), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Bad Trips (6)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 0:00
		 1.66 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:45
		 138 mg
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (powder / crystals)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   165 lb

I got MDMA a few weeks ago from a good friend of mine and had been wanting to try this chemical for quite some time. I was extremely excited to try it and was waiting for the right time. However I did not choose the right time. What followed was possibly the worst trip of my life.

Before dosing:

Before I dosed I went over to my friend that I mentioned before to smoke, while I was there I did two dabs, ate a 100mg edible, took a bunch of bong rips and smoked a few joints with her. I was considering just dropping acid that night, but I was in a great mood and wanted to Candyflip. So when I got home I weighed out my dose of MDMA (138mg) and dropped a tab and two-thirds (150ug blotters) and waited patiently for a short while before I dosed my MDMA.

I was having the time of my life on the acid, the acid alone was a lovely trip, all the cannabis from earlier really helped with the come-up and made the trip have a little more of a push in the right direction it felt. From the start I felt like this would be a top five experience for sure.

Forty-five minutes after I dosed the L, I dropped my dose of MDMA and awaited the onset. At first I felt like I was floating and was very smiley and giddy. I was loving it, then I suddenly rocketed into space and it suddenly became too much, all I can think was 'oh shit I took too much, this isn't fun anymore' but there would be brief moments where it felt like the best thing in the world and right back to fear.

One song by sevenlions had me feel like I would rise to the top of a skyscraper and then drop hard with the bass and it was just too much for me to take in. I freaked. I hopped to the next song by him and it made me feel alone and afraid, all I wanted at that moment was someone physically there with me

all I wanted at that moment was someone physically there with me

, to hold me and tell me it'd be okay. I had never felt so alone at that point.

I changed the song and started to play some Grateful Dead, which at that point I calmed down for a bit and started to think. I think shooting into space sort of chilled out, however when I started thinking I started hurting. Within a few minutes I was texting my friend, thinking he was my mom and telling him how much I love her, telling him my decisions behind choices.

The next thing I know, I think I'm having a seizure and I throw up. I rush outside and run down the street in my boxers after a car screaming to help me, ran back inside and called 911 and said I was having a seizure. In reality I never did. The cops come and I think I'm somehow in a coma and the cops are really my mom and dad, I tell them what I took, ambulance comes and takes me to the hospital. The entire ambulance ride was 'how much longer until we're at the hospital' every two seconds.

I get to the hospital and keep asking when to see the doctors, then curse out the nurses and flip them off. The doctor asks if I've had seizures in the past, told him about the one on shrooms and he was puzzled by that (as was I and everyone else I know, especially because I had eaten them a few times before I had a seizure on them) and he gets me an IV put in.

What I found out the next day when I got home:

I pissed on a nurse, cursed the nurses out multiple times, and my nurse stayed in my room with me for hours making sure I was fine. Apparently the nurse that had been there the entire time was the only one that could calm me down. When I saw the sheet of medication that was given to me the next day I really don't know why they gave me what they gave me:

100mg Ketamine IV, 100mg DPH IV, 2mg Lorazepam IV, 2mg Midazolam IV.

I really just can't understand the Ket honestly.

But overall it was too much. I'm still trying to figure out what could have happened that caused me to think I had a seizure. I'd love to try MDMA another time, but honestly I may just pass out of fear.

Exp Year: 2015	ExpID: 107011

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 19

Published: May 23, 2018	Views: 1,910

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LSD (2), MDMA (3) : First Times (2), Combinations (3), Bad Trips (6), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 Pharms - Citalopram
		 (daily)

		 Pharms - Ziprasidone
		 (daily)

		 1 g
		 oral
		 Mushrooms
		 (tea)

		 Ginger
		 (tea)

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (gel tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   140 lb

It was two days after a freezing Christmas. My partner - let’s call him “M”- and I had planned take a trip into the desert for months. This was our second attempt. The first attempt, his car broke down.  We also planned to trip on one of our days.

We ended up driving two hours into the far end of desert on some rocky off-road. It was the furthest I've been from civilization. As an introvert, that felt amazing and was the perfect setting for what I would find out would be my most intense psychedelic experience yet.

I had stopped my prescription of Citalopram two nights before and my Ziprasidone one night before. I had about five hours of sleep over two nights. I also have to note that I have always been cursed with an overactive bladder.

I took one tab of gel LSD (dosage unknown but I knew from experience that it was strong) and about a gram of shrooms. All of that combined led me to have this crazy experience.

We arrived and began to setup our camp for the trip. We put down a table and fire pit. M lit some coals in the firepit as I had some mandarin oranges so I wouldn’t be so hungry. After he was done, he started to cut up the mushrooms. I started to boil water and soon we had two cups of peach-ginger flavored mushroom tea. I specifically picked out this tea to help with the impending nausea. I remember being very hesitant to drink it because the shrooms were still in rather large chunks, but it ended up not being too terrible.

We finished the tea, put the acid underneath our tongue, and took our seats next to the fire pit. M leaned his face close to the fire. He commented on how warm it was on his face. I admired how cute he was being, sat back, and closed my eyes. Eventually, I swallowed my tab because I kept losing track of it and I started to get anxious about it.

The come up was fast and strong. About 10 minutes in and I was experiencing what could be described as a mix between the closed-eyed visuals from LSD and the visuals from shrooms. There were giant, brightly colored, rainbow fractals and they swirled chaotically back and forth, into each other. I opened my eyes and looked at a gigantic mountain in the distance. Becoming quickly overwhelmed, I shut my eyes again. They fluttered with energy, so I closed them tighter.

Suddenly, I had an intense urge to pee. I quickly got up, squatted down near a bush, and expelled a fountain of urine. I would soon find out this would only be the start of my bladder effectively freaking out.

A couple of potty and nausea breaks later, we both got up to explore outside of our camp. We had picked a cliff-side and there was a riverbed full of thorny trees. I picked a toy out of my bag to take on our adventure. It was a white stick with a rainbow ribbon attached to the end. It fluttered beautifully in the wind. I remember looking closely at the fabric and admiring how the colors twinkled and swirled. M led the way into the desert and I stumbled after him, laughing hysterically, waving my toy in the wind. Suddenly, I had to pee again. I squatted where I was and let out another huge fountain of urine. When I finished, I had some trouble getting myself back together. M and I concluded that it wasn’t time for an adventure quite yet.

Little did we know, how true that was.

We made our way back to the car and M suggested making a bed inside of it. I peed again as he rearranged the camping gear and blankets in the backseat. It was then that I started to peak. It was the beginning of a rollercoaster ride.

When I peaked, I basically started seizing but I was coherent. I don't have any other way to describe it. M quickly ushered me into the car and held me in his lap. He spoke reassuring words as I twisted my neck furiously and passed my hands through my hair frantically, drooling slightly. What was going on…? M explained to me that I simply overwhelmed my brain with the substances I took and this was its way of dealing with it. I yelled out in terror. I sobbed as I twisted my body in his lap. He just held me and told me it was okay. That he would be there for me.

The urges to pee didn’t stop with my peaking. Every few minutes, I would stumble out of the car and squat to release my river of urine. This time, my squat was more primal. I pressed my hands into the sandy ground and screamed, like I was trying to communicate with hell. That was about where I was at that moment. I would climb back into the car, back into M’s lap, and continue my writhing. I remember calling out for him, telling him that I was sorry, and telling him how much I love him. Over and over again. I kept asking if he was okay and he was. I definitely was not.

Finally, it ended. That lasted about an hour. At the end my neck was super tweaked. M left me for a little bit to explore and I played with some apps on my phone. I remember drawing pictures for him on it. He came back and we tried to go down to the river bed. This is where my memory had gotten super fuzzy.

Now, I remember trying to climb down the cliff with M, but I kept yelling at him saying I was going to fall. I was laughing really hard too. He told me I threw a couple funny tantrums because I was so scared of go down with him. I reverted back into a toddler, basically. I remember sliding down the rocks on my butt. We get down to the river bed and there's bamboo. He leaves me to explore the bamboo forest and I remember screaming for help because my toy broke. He told me later he came crashing through, so worried, only to find out that it was because my toy had broken.

Okay, skipping a little forward, I have to note I had extreme memory loss. By the time we got back to our first camp, I didn't know where I was or who I was. M basically had to give me a rundown of who I was and what we just did. All I knew, somehow, that I was his beloved partner and he was mine.

Going back: We came back up the cliff and it was about time to go. M packed me into the passenger seat with a heavy blanket. This is where I had something that I could only describe as a out of body experience. I was really confused and when I would talk, it was like it wasn't me talking. I was watching myself out of my body, talk. This was about five or six hours into the trip.

I was watching myself out of my body, talk. This was about five or six hours into the trip.

 So, we start driving back. We get lost and end up running into this couple in a jeep. We follow them for a time.

We finally get back to the visitor center and I throw up. Alot. I remember it not quite feeling like I threw up, so I looked to confirm. That's about when I started 'coming back into my body' and realizing just how confused I was. I tell M this and from then on I took solace in just listening to what he was telling me to do. I knew he would take care of me.

I remember getting to the tent and he asked me to take off his shoes. I don't know but it was just the right time when he asked. I found a lot of comfort doing something little to help him after a stressful day. Then we get into bed and I start the process of figuring out where I was, who I was, and what we just did.

I had some really vague recollections. M really helped me piece things together. I remember him joking that I was an alien who took over his girlfriend's body. I laughed and I remember wondering how I recognized his sense of humor and how it was so like mine.

So that was about it. He left to take a phone call and I tried to recollect on my own but I ended up getting tired and just wanting to sleep by the time he got back. When I woke up, I felt a lot better but I still needed help remembering some stuff. A couple days later and my memory returned, clearer. Overall, I wouldn’t classify this as a bad trip. But it was definitely a challenging, life-changing one and I learned a lot.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 111488

Gender: Not Specified

Age at time of experience: 24

Published: May 23, 2018	Views: 1,700

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