		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 2/3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:30
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:00
		 1/3 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   47 kg

My first trip had been planned for two weeks. I was going to do it with two friends, one of them was an experienced tripper, and the other was doing it for the first time after 10 years. I had been thinking about acid absolutely every day for five or six months, I was fascinated and apprehensive, but needed to do it because my curiosity turned into an obsession was becoming heavy. The two weeks' wait helped me come to balance with the fear, and on Day -1, I was thrilled but calmer.

My mates met me on the train in the early afternoon of a nice day. We got off at a station by a forest... It was quite busy that day, kids and parents and dogs, but there was enough space, there were enough shady hilltops people wouldn't make the effort to climb. We sat by a trunk, and took the blotters. My friends took two and two thirds, and I only took two thirds, because I wanted to get into it gradually. Once the blotters were swallowed, we went and sat ourselves by trees dwelling on a field, chatting away. My experienced friend came up after about twenty minutes. She was actually going to remain ahead of us first-timers in terms of level. She had tracers and glowing colors, while we were getting slight giggles.

After a while we started feeling cold and decided to go for a walk. I couldn't actually tell if I had come up whilst we were in the woods, because they looked surreal no matter what...but I knew something was going on. We went to the public toilet, and our experienced tripper friend came out of there after a long time, having fallen in a completely different world. While we were waiting, us beginners were exchanging funny looks that seemed to ask: 'Is this it? Eh? Do you feel that?'. What was to be my catchphrase along the trip erupted around then:'how very foreign!'. I didn't know this feeling, and it was not overwhelming in an invasive manner. So I just embraced it. Taking one look at the sky proved that I couldn't be wrong, the sky was so beautiful that this experience I was having had to be something I'd be grateful for.

We returned into the woods, and sat ourselves on the top of a little hill. It was amazing, there were red squirrels running around, one of them came really close to us, it didn't touch the nuts we gave it...as if it just wanted to say Hi. Everything looked beautiful. We took the stuff we'd brought out of our bags. I had candy, chocolate bars, some crisps, pens and paper, an MP3 player, and orange juice (which I regretted bringing when our experienced friend said it was likely to take the edge off the trip - well, I drank some anyway and was fine). Around that time (probably an hour and a half after we'd arrived), I took a whole tab, and started drawing. That was really nice, I kept all the things we've done that day and watching and reading them again makes me very serene.

Some time after, my two friends (who had been plotting!!) threw a little plush squirrel at me. I was so taken aback that it sent me on the next level. How very foreign, and how uncanny was that little fake among the real ones that were coming to greet us. I drew the 'Mushroom house on a Hill', and wrote sentences like 'embrace otherness'...I was probably encouraging myself, although I had no feelings of fear whatsoever. I think I also kept myself from going into inconsiderate euphoria...because, you know...the higher you fly, the harder you fall. I started having mild synesthesia, I could hear colours. I was made the 'Master of Time', supposed to remind my friends of the time it was because we had to call another of our mates who was going to join us.

When he arrived, he was an amazing entertainer. He took all sorts of toys out of his bag, and he was just so trip-friendly. (he didn't take anything with us but we all knew he's very experienced) Apparently, the other first-timer was having a tough time there. We had to move on, change the setting. I was happy with whatever we decided, there was novelty and amazement everywhere I looked.

We walked back to the train station, among all the normal people... I found it quite funny, we tried to keep our mouths shut or just say things as mundane as we could. It actually made us laugh, the bollocks we came up with. On the train, I was once again fascinated by the sky...it was a beautiful day, I didn't make it up. The sky was a light, bright blue, and the white clouds formed gradients of light...I'll never forget the sky that day.

Anyway, we walked back to our experienced friend's flat - where the most fun was to be had, I think. The other first-timer started feeling better, and I dropped the other third of a tab I had left. I had another two thirds, but didn't take it, perhaps knowing what was to happen next. We put some music on and started playing trippy games - like, growing our fingers, juggling with the air or throwing an invisible boomerang that I didn't need to 'see'. I haven't hallucinated the slightest. My vision had gone different for sure, but I never saw anything that wasn't there. I saw everything in patterns, gradients, basically, it was made obvious that everything is composed of other things, that there is no unity, or, that unity is plurality.

My sense of touch was the most disturbing though, and made moving around a bit tough at first, as I could feel before I touched, while I touched, and after I touched, somehow, simultaneously... It made eating quite a fearful experience, because I was really afraid I'd badly bite my tongue, or bite my piercing and break my teeth. The taste of things though, once I got used to the temporal anomaly, was incredible. (I recommend cheese and crackers!) (and ummm, also, don't let anyone mention 'cheese mites' while you're eating cheese on acid...)

I found myself sitting in positions that made me feel balanced, and put me in the right state of 'reception'...I considered myself some kind of antenna for the energy of the world. I realised the importance of the notions of 'balance' and 'focus'.

Our non-tripping mate left after a while, and I gave a call to my boyfriend. He knew what I was supposed to be doing that day, but he thought I was 'sober' on the phone. That encouraged him to come round, and when he did, it occurred to me that I had two thirds left. He took the acid too, and it was great to have him joining in. (although he was sick with his brutal come up). Around then it must have been 8pm (we'd arrived in the woods around 1.30pm). We played games, drew stuff, listened to music. It was really a pleasant evening. I found 'my' sound of peace and the movement that went with it, the sound being something like 'wonw', a powerful vibration, and the movement, the swimming a squid.

I was playing with the mirror between my hands, there was no mirror, but I felt like there was one splitting my body in half, and to remain in peace I had to maintain the symmetry between each 'side'. I got a little scared thinking about what was between two mirrors facing each other. I really didn't want to know that. I think that's what triggered my downhill mental exhaustion. I started saying I was insane, and felt like I was. I acknowledged I was fine, but questioning everything like I did made my brains boil.

I also felt that I was alive, I felt what made me alive, and freaked out a bit when it occurred to me that if I wanted to die, I could easily just stop living. Fortunately, I said so, and the other first-timer who was almost down by then reassured me by asking if I wanted to die. I said no! and he said, there you go, that's why you won't. That taught me a valuable lesson that was to last. No more suicidal thoughts.

It was getting quite late, and everyone was more or less down already. I really wasn't, I was 'insanely tripping balls', as I couldn't help telling myself. That's why, if I were to change anything, I wouldn't have taken the tabs so long apart. The exhaustion was really hard to cope with. My two friends went to bed and I stayed in the living room with my boyfriend who reassured me, said I would come down and find sleep eventually. When he fell asleep, as the sun started rising, I finally stopped worrying and just went with it. I fell asleep around ten in the morning...

That is it for the trip itself, but I think its consequences are probably the most important. The next day, I was still very tired and confused. My ego was crippled. I was feeling down as well when I heard everyone cheerfully talking about their trip, when I just couldn't have any perspective on it yet. I was to have bad surprises when we came back home, discovering various exam deadlines that made me panic. I couldn't get my thoughts together and work for university...

So, I was on a bad slope. I'm incapable, I've lost my skills, I'm a loser. And the next day, hardly rested, I was bitter and angry and miserable, I'm a monkey, I'm an animal, I should never have taken acid. That's the only thing I'm gonna have to watch for my next trip, acceptance. Being a fighter by nature, I have a hard time accepting a condition induced by something external.

The actual problem was that I needed more (much more...) sleep. After the second day, I still felt strange but I was at least being logical, thinking that whatever changes had occurred in me, I'd get used to them and assimilate them as myself. Because we do change and evolve constantly anyway.

I would do acid again, when I have a reason and a good occasion to. Ever since this first time, I have had perfect days and enjoyed my life much more. This trip was very controllable, and that feeling of control remained in me. The power of suggestion and intention was made more obvious as well. I am happier, and I try to make people happy.

I think everyone can use a little bit of distance and perspective on their usual ways. But it has to be done with care, and a genuine desire to learn.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 66951

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Dec 27, 2015	Views: 2,542

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LSD (2) : Hangover / Days After (46), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 1 drop
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (cookie / food)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   80 kg

In preparation of an event in the Nevada desert I had traded a tiny bottle of liquid LSD with a good friend. It was to be enough for 25 to 30 hits my friend said and after some research I decided to dispense what turned out to be 26 drops onto nicely colored sweet tarts, since this candy seemed to soak up the liquid reasonably well. Giddy I looked upon my pretty babies and decided to bring no more than 12 to this gathering because I did not want to have in my possession any more than I could use or give away.

We arrived at the gathering at early morning Monday and was happy to be awake and decided to set up camp prior to the hot Nevada sun became too overwhelming. My friends had a geodesic dome made out of metal conduit and it was a bit of a chore to get the structure together. Geodesic domes are basically built out of three different lengths of pipes all neatly arranged into stars and pentagons following a intricate pattern downloaded from the internet. After finishing the top three layers we decided to call it morning and sleep for a bit. The next morning we made some food, rested and tried to stay in the shade that we had created from the 3/5ths partially finished dome. As the day turned evening we once again set out to finish our shelter for the week.

Happy to finally be at this place I had prior only heard about I decided to bring out the sweet tarts and offer some to my dome building friends. We thought that this was a great idea and ate one per person with a wink and a nod. After about half an hour some of us started having a hard time concentrating and started to laugh as they tried to make sense out of the now fairly faint printout. The dome poles we had where painted red and black and also blue, to distinguish them from each other but the printout had it all different. Blue was black, red was red but represented a different length and our black was yellow on the print. There was also some mystical numbers representing the order of how it was all to be put together. To make things even more confusing I had had the plan folded in my back pocket the entire day witch had made the ink bleed through onto the opposite quarter of the page, mirrored. (I don’t know how it happened). Finally all participants except me fell out of the dome construction game and I was on my own thinking to myself that this should not be that complicated. After about another half an hour I finally had to give up and found that I could see only two places where I could not find matching poles to be attached.

At this point we all where pretty buzzed and we took some time to look at our surroundings. It seemed to us that the dome was indeed very large and kind of slowly rocking back and forth. A light breeze lifted the canvas we had on top of the dome in the most peculiar way and we felt a funny melancholy and we told each other that we had ruined our cozy low to the ground dome and turned it into a ball skeleton with a funny looking cap, a fragment of our secure shelter from the previous day. Giggling we told each other that we have to do something about that the next day realizing that there was no turning back at this point. We had brought bicycles to the event but decided to be safe as people where rolling in and looking for friend and campsites and it seemed a bit unsafe to bike around right at that time.

Instead me and my wife decided to take a look around on foot since we where new to the place and had pretty much stayed resting around camp the whole day. As it turned out the area we now entered had bright signs and lots of people with multicolored glowing glowsitcks and blinking light emitting diodes witch led to a visionary bubble bath of  colors and confusion. I went into the “registration” tent where I saw  the familiar glow of computer screens but when I walked up to one of them I found that I was unable to decipher the text nor was able to comprehend how to operate the machine. After some hilarious moments I retuned out to my wife without registering.

We met some friends from our hometown who was dressed in rather unusual vests with animal fur on the cuffs. They where friendly and took us for a magnificent ride on the backs of their modified bicycles. This time it was like moving into a unknown universe altogether with blinking lights and streams of colored matter all around us. The way we went was smooth and easy for the bikes to move fast from one place to the other. Our friends seemed to take no notice of our (me and my wife’s) obvious intoxication. At this point I do not think I was able to communicate with anyone else than my wife. Our friends rode us home (I guess they thought that was a good idea). We insisted however to stop at the bathrooms just a little bit away from our campsite. The bathroom felt very uncomfortable and all made out of my least favorite material, plastic. I felt thoroughly discussed and the fact that I could not distinguish my own pants from toilet paper made the whole thing even more peculiar. Up and down also seemed more like abstract phrases and I had difficulty recalling where the floor ended and my own body started. Went out to my friends and the sky was star filled and beautiful. My wife was clearly more sure of our exact location and was able to get home before me and I was alone with my friends. After what seemed an eternity I recalled how to walk across the road to our kitty-corner camp and we all stepped into the little area where our dome was. I was now in good spirit but felt a strong urge to cleanse myself since I still felt the aftereffects of the portapotty lingering in my mind.

At our camp people from the former dome-erecting crew was doing tricks in costumes on the soccer field right next to our camp (the soccer field was the brain fart from someone named Canadian Beacon, she chased people away but that’s a whole different story altogether) I was used to camping and had no problems to washing myself naked in the nature. This was indeed nature (but it more resembled the moon with RVs planted on it) so I set out to get myself a shower. The shower itself turned out a bit of a disappointment but I ended up naked and almost clean on a soccer field on this other planet. After some encouraging conversation also I thought it was a good idea to try to localize some new clothes. It was easier said than done because it seemed to me that some weird lady and not myself had packed the bag with my clothes, and I had a hard time finding anything that would feel like proper clothing to wear.

I ended up grabbing a wool bike shirt from back in the day and some denim pants. I found some socks and shoes also For some reason I wanted to avoid anything plastic and wanted only natural materials. Now it was time for some more explorations and me and my wife set out on bikes to see the lunar eclipse further out where all the blinking people where. However we hid ourselves away from the visual noise and sat down on a blanket close to a colossal green neon man sculpture standing on top of a green circus tent.. There we sat for about half an hour reflecting back on our previous hours while the moon in the sky turned brown and deep red. It seemed fairly still and gentle for a little while. Nearby some people are standing on a platform on top of a golf cart and we decided to go over and see what the locals where doing there. They where actually from Detroit or somewhere and seemed to just be hanging out watching the scenery and we just did the same with them.

Then something happens. A flicker of light rolls down the side if the circus tent and a small grey cloud is emerging from the right leg of the green giant statue. It was intriguing enough to make us stop our train of thought and pay a little attention. Now people around us seem to slowly and almost comical notice how the statue was on fire and no one seemed really sure of what to do. The statue also known as “The Man” was now clearly on fire and it spread up his leg. People from all over started to pour in and it looked as we where the epicenter of a highway of blue and red neon lights. My newfound friend from Detroit or wherever offers a drink of hard alcohol with seemed really a nice thing to have a taste of right then.

Fire pumps have suddenly appeared and people are yelling at them to stop their seemingly hopeless attempts of stopping the fire. From our raised platform we could se how the spouts from the engines could hardly even reach the base of the statue and it was quite the spectacle to watch the crowd getting wild down below. Eventually the hard work of the fire crew paid off and it was time to bike home to the nutty dome . It seemed like we where biking for a long time through streets thick with brown  RVs covered with lunar dust and ash. Finally we arrive at our tent by the dome and just feel like sitting down for a while.

At this point my vision is in hiccup mode and everything I see seems to flash pictures three or four at a time. Its now getting very bright and it was time to call it a day. I had no problem sleeping and I believe we held each others hand, me and my wife.

We did not eat any more sweet tarts that week.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 65647

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Dec 27, 2015	Views: 1,906

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LSD (2) : General (1), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 oral
		 Alcohol

		   T+ 0:00

		 oral
		 Mushrooms
		 (cookie / food)

		   T+ 0:00

		 oral
		 Chocolate

		   T+ 546:07
		   repeated
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   160 lb

It was New Year's Eve.  The final day of a three night concert run by the band Umphrey's McGee.  The weekend had been full of emotional peaks and valleys as I had given every ounce of positive energy I could muster to make certain that everyone involved was safe and having a good time.  15 of us piled into that hotel room that weekend, I certainly couldn't turn away old high school friends spun out of their minds on god knows in the middle of downtown Chicago.

One of the wayfarers offered me a homemade mushroom chocolate as we stepped out the door of the hotel room.  It was about the size of two reese's cups stacked on top of each other and I somewhat drunkenly munched down the delectable treat with a smile.  We hurried to the Red Line L-train for the 30 minute coast from our hotel to the venue.  As follows is the timeline for the worst New Year's Eve ever:

7:15 p.m. - Chocolate consumed in good spirits.

7:30 p.m. - Train is boarded, seat is found, things are comfortable.

7:50 p.m. - normal anxiety and stomach aches begin to kick in and I become more aware of the force of the train beneath me and the mass of people inside its corridor.  I am beginning to feel a little bit uncomfortable, but talk myself into believing it will subside.

 8:00 p.m. - pillars and walls begin to bend and deform as the train races past them and the anxiety and uneasiness begins to shift into confusion and fright.  I am unsure which stop to exit the train and frantically hoping to reach our destination as soon as possible.

8:05 p.m. - We arrive at the Lawrence St. Stop, the Aragon Ballroom is directly across the street from the train station, but I am having a hard time functioning.  We stand in line and at this point I am in the full on throes of a mushroom trip.

8:10 p.m. - Security is passed and I nervously follow my friends as they waltz carelessly through the lobby and into the theatre.  Taj Mahal is playing a ripping set but the music is too loud, the floor is too crowded... I'm freaking out.

the music is too loud, the floor is too crowded... I'm freaking out.

8:20 p.m. - I sit in the lobby near the women's restroom hugging a garbage can and manage a gag but cannot expel the fungus.  I'm REALLY disoriented at this point.  This place is a freakshow and I'm caught in the middle!

8:40 p.m. - after another 20 minutes of sheer terror, my friend Heather arrives and in my mind none too soon.  'she's here to save me,' I think to myself.  She has to use the restroom but swears she will return.

8:45 p.m. - She returns and helps me stand and I try to relate to her my dire situation and we hug and she kisses me and a couple of times and smiles and tells me everything will be fine.  I'm beginning to realize that she is in fact hammered drunk and is too far gone to help me in my state of panic.  I ask her to catch me a cab, she says they won't let her back in so I tell her that I'll be alright and just need to sit out a while.

9:00 p.m.  - I have switched to a more central location in the lobby and in a major last resort move begin calling out to random heady looking people that 'I'm tripping too hard and need some help'.  Some answer brashly with responses such as 'buy the ticket, take the ride!'

9:10 p.m. - A young guy with big dreadlocks kneels down next to me.  I am completely drenched in sweat, even my hair is soaked, and by now I'm actually crying a little bit.  This is a complete and total nightmare; a traumatic experience no doubt.

Dudebrah: 'Hey man, you don't look so good.  Can I help you?'

Me: 'My friend gave me some mushrooms and it's just too intense.  I've been freaking out for a while now and I just want a taxi back to my hotel'

Dudebrah: 'well, let me tell you from experience that a hotel room is a terrible place to come down from a mushroom debacle as you are currently experiencing.  And I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't have come here to spend your New Year's Eve if this wasn't your favorite band.'

After another couple minutes he ushers me up the stairs to the handicapped section of the theatre.  'Sit here and hang out.  Nobody will mess with you.  Just listen to the music and get what you can out of it.  You know how it works, things will be cool again real soon.'

For the first 2 of 3 sets, I sit in the handicapped section with my eyes closed.  The music is somewhat soothing, but only because it is familiar.

The music is somewhat soothing, but only because it is familiar.

 I make it to the floor for the midnight balloon drop but refuse to walk out into the pit.

12:30 p.m. - I decide to beat the rush and take a taxi back to the hotel and get a few minutes in of non-stimulation.  Of course, within another hour the crew shows up and are ready to party.

I don't know how many times that night I told everyone to 'shut the fuck up', but I was still way out of sorts until I finally caught a little shut-eye around 4 a.m.

Fast-forward a year...

New Year's Eve again.  The first few months of this year were tough.  It began with a major debacle and I was thrown off kilter completely.  After turning 21 and moving into my own apartment, things started to turn around and I knew I'd have to return to the same spot again on New Year's Eve with a vengeance.  I had bought a good amount of acid from the kid sleeping on my neighbor's couch.  The stuff was great.  I'd taken it over a dozen times by this night and started my day off with another dose.  The effects were equally amazing every day and not once did I feel any anything negative: this stuff was clean.

7:30 p.m. I've already been out of my face on this stuff for the last 4 days (although with plenty of sleep in between) and I'm feeling great.  My room this year has 8 people including myself and we are mellow and having a great time.  We go through 7 bottles of champagne and a bottle of rum and decide it's time to get going.

7:40 p.m. We arrive at the train station.  I eat another half of a tab.  I have decided that it is much better to increase in half tab increments because they are less drastic but give me plenty of warning as to when I've had enough.  And, even if I've already had enough and still have another half tab on the tongue, everything is still groove central.

8:10 p.m. After many jokes and high spirits, we arrive quite suddenly at the Lawrence street stop.  This year has already been far more organized and enjoyable then last year and the excitement level is huge.  I rush to the bar across the street to close my tab from the night before and immediately back to the line.

8:20 p.m. Security has just molested me at the door searching me more thoroughly then most prisons in this country.  But I'm in like sin with 5 hooters of homegrown sour bubblegum and tin foil full of half tabs.

8:25 p.m. I have lost all of my friends but feel no panic.  I ascend the beer-drenched stairs to the top and enter the dance floor.  After a small amount of exploring, I find my friends in our usual spot for the run.  Along with them are about 20 other people from my high school.  It is beautiful.  We are all looking and feeling so beautiful, enjoying our youth and celebrating the coming of another marvelous year.

11:55 p.m. - I'm having a great time, and so are my friends.  Every once in a while I fill as many pint-sized beer cups with water, knowing that a good majority of us are on this great acid or a tenth of really great molly that the good phreakers are trying tonight.  The band starts playing their last set which will take us through the arrival of the New Year until the wee hours of this beautiful morning.  At this point, I'm probably on 5 tabs for the day, but about 3 since I left the hotel.

At this point, I'm probably on 5 tabs for the day, but about 3 since I left the hotel.

11:59 p.m. - 'This is it people, the end of 2007... Make this last minute count!' yells the band's lead singer.  And as we dance and spin and laugh our way closer and closer to those magic numbers, I look around at my 2 dozen friends who have shown up tonight, and the thousands of other kids that I've never met experiencing this beautiful night, the light show becomes more intense, the band rages on with fire and we count '10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

12 midnight - HAPPY NEW YEAR!  Without skipping a beat, the band breaks into Auld Lang Syne.  A thousand balloons of assorted colors and sizes fall from the ceiling.  I'm so in love with life, and I thank my lucky stars for granting me wonderful friends and the experience of such joy, and I thank myself for allowing it to happen.  I am crying profusely, but not because I am sad, but because I am just so overcome with this emotion and relief as I hug my friends, some I've known a decade, some I met only this week.  I know now that everything is truly alright and that I've been ready all along to make this year one of the best of my life.  It has certainly started out that way.

2 a.m. - We return to the hotel to eat, drink, smoke and enjoy each other's company.  Our room has a view of Lake Michigan straight ahead of us, and the chicago skyline to our left.  The lights are enchanting and psychedelic and we are all enchanted and out of our minds.

7 a.m. - Some of us have gone to sleep, but one of the girls and I hang out in the hallway stinking it up with cigarettes and super chronic herb for hours until we finally collect our spot in one of the beds and drift into carefree sleep.  It is January 1st, 2008 and for the first time ever, I have rung in the New Year partying with my friends in a controlled, enjoyable manner.

for the first time ever, I have rung in the New Year partying with my friends in a controlled, enjoyable manner.

  We were all safe, we all had fun and nobody got too fucked up.  All in all, it was a love-fest and the best new beginning I could've ever asked for.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 68180

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Dec 31, 2015	Views: 3,594

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Mushrooms (39), LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Retrospective / Summary (11), Large Party (54)


		 DOSE:

		   repeated
		 oral
		 Alcohol - Beer/Wine

		 1 line
		 insufflated
		 Ketamine

		   bumps
		 oral
		 MDMA

		 1 drop

		 LSD

		 inhaled
		 Nitrous Oxide

		 insufflated
		 Amphetamines

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   70 kg

I was ready to go. I had some cash (borrowed I might add) and I was wearing my favourite clothes. My hair was done, and a few beers had already passed through me. 2009 New Year's baby, yeah. And I was ready to go.

People started to arrive at my place, most of them I had never met in my life. All sorts of alcohol was getting consumed, and I was in on it. I wanted to get off my face. And when people started to disappear into rooms to snort ketamine, I was quick to follow behind to get my line. And of course, when the girl next to me offered a dab of MDMA, I appreciated the offer and accepted accordingly.

At some point we were all walking. We were all walking forever, we were lost, but I was happy. The countdown had happened and, as much as it was somewhat of an anti-climax, we knew the party hadn't even begun.

Eventually by putting our numbed-out heads together, we found the Alchemy Records psytrance party, and within 2 minutes of walking in, my friend spots an acid dealer he knew. Drop on my hand, licked it up, ok, so that's that, it's going to be an acid party.

We explore. Some friends go one way, some go another. I drink a beer and then I drink another beer. It reaches an hour, but still nothing. I hate waiting for the come-on with any drug, but I knew it was best to wait before I take any more. More time passes, I dance.

I hate waiting for the come-on with any drug, but I knew it was best to wait before I take any more. More time passes, I dance.

And then it hits me, and it hits me well. All I can keep saying is 'Guys! This acid is really f**king good!' I am smiling at little things from the corner of my eyes. I want to do something, anything, so my friend suggests getting some nitrous balloons, and I agree.

A bunch of us go, and I'm tripping balls. We each get our balloon and my friend starts to hit his right away. Fine. I would much prefer to sit down somewhere, but fine.

I know how to make balloons work very well, so I did. Inhale a bit, blow the balloon back up, inhale a bit, blow the balloon back up. Hyperventilation, while should never be encouraged, is a hefty kick in these circumstances. Next thing I know, it happened.

I died, basically. And the first thing I was aware of was that I had died before, many times. I no longer knew who I was, but there was a force so much bigger than me all around me. A definite conscious being, it addressed me without any words, it was a part of me and it loved me. It really loved me, unconditionally. So much love to the degree that I had never felt before. And then I knew the answer to the whole universe, and it was a joke. I can't even begin to remember or even imagine what it was, but it was THE epic cosmic joke. My reaction was 'God has a sense of humour!' Life was just meant to be blissful and not taken seriously all this time, and love was the basis of it all.

But then there was even more to the joke, an added punch line after punch line. And every time I thought it couldn't get any funnier, it did, and every time 'he' told me the next part to the joke, all I could think was: 'I have heard this one! I remember this one! I remember everything now!' And the presence loved me, and it seemed to tell me that it knew I had heard this one. And I laughed, harder and harder and harder.

The first thing that made me think something was up, was that I was laughing so hard that I was banging on the floor. The floor? That doesn't make sense, I'm dead. My friend lifted me off the ground and that’s when I got another realization. My life was playing backwards. It was starting from the point I died and was now going to play itself back to me in rewind. And I was kind of bummed, I just wanted to die with that presence for all eternity and now I had to watch my life all over again? In reverse??

Of course, that wasn't the case. I soon realized that there were people all around me, strangers, staring at me. My friends were trying to get me up and far away from the public eye. Wow. From reaching Nirvana to suddenly being so painfully embarrassed. Nice.

Wow. From reaching Nirvana to suddenly being so painfully embarrassed. Nice.

Regardless, it didn't change the fact that I had just met God. I told people I loved them, and we all loved each other just on a fundamental basic level. No matter what, we were based on love. And we were all one and the same and part of something beautiful. It lasted for hours, right up until I had a line of speed, and then I felt kind of dirty again.

Nobody  knows what time we left the party, but it was broad daylight, on New Years day, 2009. And I was still feeling great. We went to some shop in Camden and then started our final leg of our mission home. That was when I got the text.

'David died this morning.'

David was one of my best friends, back in my country of South Africa. I had spoken to him via the internet almost every working day for 3 years. I saw him practically every weekend. He was a one of a kind guy that I wouldn't even try explain to you here, because I couldn't. David. Had died.

We phoned my friend and he told us what happened. Cocaine overdose. That idiot. I had done my research, and have done a lot more since then, and it is my understanding that a cocaine overdose is extremely rare. Almost unheard of. I know people who do full grams in one line, and David wasn't one of them. I have no idea how much he took, but it must have been a lot.

'Well, this sucks' I thought to myself and kept walking. Each step felt like I was falling deeper into numbness, a surreal world of complete dissociation. One step. Two steps. By the fifth step, I fell. And I cried. I cried so hard it felt like my guts were going to come up. I felt tears come out of my stomach, tears that probably should have been cried 10 years ago came out. And as pathetic and as agonizing it was, it felt good in its own way.

Now let me remind you, I am on the side of the road of Camden Town. It is New Year's Day, and it is around lunch time. We were not alone, but I didn't even know those people existed. To me there was only the pavement and my dead friend. I was bawling like a child, I didn't cover my face; I looked people in their eyes. I wish I could show you how hard I was crying, but remember that I was still on LSD at that point, and not to disrespect the absolute sincerity of my grieving, I am sure it played a part.

We walked a bit more, and then I'd stumble. Cry and cry. Eventually get up, and try again.

I reached home and went on the net and there were my friends, all talking about it on facebook. We were all destroyed; the coolest guy we had possibly ever met was gone. I cried for 5 hours, until I think my tears ran out. And I haven't cried since.

I could go on, but I would rather stop now and summarize by saying this: When I thought I had died back at the party, it was the best feeling in the world. And when it abruptly came to my attention that I was still alive, I was so disappointed. And even though the memory is very hazy now, I can remember hoping that death was just like that. Because if it is, we are all in for the funniest joke of our lives.

And it is my only wish that David felt that way when he passed. I can imagine cocaine overdose to be somewhat unpleasant, but maybe when he crossed over, he met God. And he got the eternal joke. And he stayed there in perpetual bliss.

Just as an after-thought: my friend suggested that it was possible that I 'died' at the same time that David died. From what I have heard, this is extremely likely. And maybe for that moment, our souls touched, or greeted, or whatever. And maybe he was aware of it, and he was saying goodbye. I would never be so quick to believe in that conclusion, but something like that would have been the most beautiful moment in my life, and David, I love you. Thank you for everything you crazy, crazy man.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 76597

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Jan 1, 2016	Views: 7,569

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LSD (2), Nitrous Oxide (40) : Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Mystical Experiences (9), Combinations (3), Large Party (54)


		 DOSE:

		 100 ug

		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   50 kg

This was not quite my first LSD experience but it's one of my favorite ones to date. It was my 12th trip on LSD and the first report I’m translating to English on purpose because it's one of the few experienced I’d like to share with more then just the Dutch. It was mostly a very interesting experience visually. I found the visuals of this experience to be extremely typical for a medium to high dose of LSD which is why I assume it might be interesting to read especially for those less experienced and maybe recognisable for the more experienced psychonauts.

I was mainly looking for a visual experience in a party setting prior to the trip. My trip before this one had been a very mild dose and not overly interesting due to the location. It ended up more of a social relaxing night spiced up by some nice visuals. Mainly because of that I was looking for a full blown psychedelic experience once again. We decided on the perfect location; a squatted hippie village where they have monthly psy trance parties. The main dance floor is in a squatted church which with the natural church acoustics leads to possibly the most impressive sound system ever, although it's an acquired taste, people tend to love it or be annoyed by it. One more background fact might be that I had been in that village often as a child because my mother was friends with a few hippies there and they shared a field nearby where they kept horses and I’d often come along. This place isn’t just a good location for a party but also something connected to my entire youth and childhood, making the experiences there always feel a little deeper than the ones outside of Ruigoord.

So for the experience itself:

Once we arrived at the party we sat down at the church first. We decided to take the LSD at exactly 11 pm, because that would make it easier to know the duration of the trip once we’d be in it. We walked down a little street next to the church that goes to a large body of water held back by a dike. We always take that dike as point of rest in any trip so we decided it’d be a nice and calm place to take the drug. I took 2/3rd of a hit I had left, the amount I took would be an estimated 100 ug as hits of this sheet had been tested in a lab and were found to contain 175 ug on average, which even here is considered a high dose for one hit. My friend Maria took half a hit but at the time she’d always take a bit less then I would.

We quickly headed back to the party and sat down at the exact same place we had been before. After about fifteen minutes the well-known feeling in the back of my head started showing up but visually the trip had me waiting a few minutes longer. We decided to head outside again and check the official chill out, which is a small gnome house where they serve chai tea. When we were in there the trip started showing up visually, with mostly fractal like patterns on the floor. At that time we had no idea what visual madness would be waiting for us that night.

For some reason we decided to leave the rather comfortable home, possibly because I got the feeling my face was being boiled on one side by the heater in there. I’m not sure what we did up to that point but by now it was around midnight and the visuals were slowly but steadily building up. We decided to go for a little walk to the dike again. This time we found a cat that decided to follow us there. Maria found the cat a little annoying but I found it good company. When arriving on the dike we came to the conclusion it was very, very dark and we couldn’t even see where we were walking. I was feeling quite up for the walk even though we couldn’t see where we were going but Maria was a bit anxious about the darkness and the fact she couldn’t see where she’d put her feet. We decided to walk a bit further but once we got to a point where there's a row of trees Maria decided she didn’t want to go on walking the round. I then suggested using glowsticks as torches but that was a very stupid idea, mostly due to the fact they were far too bright and blinding us, leading to the fact we saw even less of where we were heading.

We walked on for a bit holding the overly bright glowsticks behind our back. I told Maria if we’d just walk on in a straight line it would be easy enough to just get there but she really didn’t want to. During the walk on the dike the visuals were slowly building up to the peak. I mostly noticed when we turned aroud to walk back. The middle of my vision was a line and both halves were mirror images of each other, and I literally saw no path at all, just water. On good faith I walked back, using my feet to feel if I was walking or ground or on water, I wouldn’t have been able to tell visually. With some luck we did not fall into the water and managed to make it back safely. We walked back to the gnome house but unfortunately it had  completely filled up with people. When looking at the church door we could see it was pretty obvious that was not a place for us to be either. We decided to sit on one of the blocks they had put there for people to sit on. There was a tree right in the middle of my vision which I didn’t quite enjoy but we decided to stay there and smoke one joint anyway. After complaining about the tree blocking my vision for a while we decided to sit somewhere else.

For unknown reasons we decided that wasn’t the place to be either but we left the glowsticks. We walked around for a bit feeling a bit out of place with no good place to just sit and stare at the visuals so after a while we decided to sit at the block with the tree once again. By lack of anything better to do I decided to look at the gravel and wow!! The gravel was completely made up of faces, with hands on them and a sort of skeleton like trees, and all of them moved and pulsated in the rhythm of the ever changing patterns. The patterns would constantly shift as well from completely abstract and beautiful multi-coloured fractals, and if I’d look closer they’d change back to faces and hands. I asked Maria what she saw in the gravel, she said it looked like little houses. At the moment I had asked that the faces became half face and half house, which obviously looked a little odd. While I was speaking out loud what I saw I looked on. Some of them were so odd I couldn’t find words at the time for them. One of the most insane ones were backwards praying plaque suffering christians in massive circles that kept letting themselves fall back and the moment they’d hit the ground they were bones and then dust. One moment later it was a giant field of cats that kept all rhythmically moving their heads, and all of their eyes together were another multi-coloured pattern that moved on itself.

The trees in the distance were growing in and out and all the branches grew out more branches and they all kept moving just this tiny bit further then I expected they would, the tree looked like it had more then one dimension at the same time and some parts would slide down, some up and each time it’d move I felt this wave of amazement. I had some interesting thoughts at this point but they mostly consisted of a feeling of wonder at what the LSD was doing to my vision and are extremely difficult to describe. Every tree I’d look at would move in this odd way, and if I’d look back to the gravel it started morphing straight away. Also the church was part of the visual madness, it would grow, collapse, shift to the side, the other side, into itself and up again, like it was dancing to the music that was coming from it. We decided to take one look into the gnome house as it was quite cold outside but unfortunately it was still filled completely with people.

We sat down again on some blocks a little closer to the gnome house and ended up in conversation with some of the people that were also sitting there. They were looking for LSD but we had brought leftovers for ourselves to take so we had nothing to share with them. One of them gave us the advice to walk to the dike but we laughed at that saying we knew exactly what that dike was like. After I rolled two joints there and we had talked some more to the friendly strangers we walked back to the dike. The cat followed us once again, Maria still didn’t like it. I was in a very cat-inspired mood so I enjoyed the fact our companion for the moment was a cat. While walking down the path I kept seeing ‘people’. They were two dimensional and black and not very detailed. They’d constantly appear in the middle of the path and then fall sidewards and the moment they hit the side of the path they’d turn into trees. The visual was almost a pattern in itself, very odd to look at it. In the end it turned out there were real people as well besides the tree people and we found ourself in no state to communicate with even more strangers so we quickly headed back.

Unfortunately it was a cold night, it was almost freezing and especially Maria was annoyed by this, as I personally can tolerate cold quite a bit better then she can, especially when on LSD. As time passed the cold got so annoying we decided to warm up for a bit in the church, which was the dance floor. This was overly, overly full and we got the feeling we didn’t even fit in there. The faces of the people were morphing and it looked surreal, but mostly very crowded, not very pleasant so we left very quickly. We decided to go for another and third walk around the dike, we tend to walk around a lot while tripping. I found it to be a good way to release some of the energy it gives making the experience mentally much more mellow. The clouds at the dike were as impressive and the gravel had been earlier that evening. Everything turned into this beautiful mass of dancing patterns and the trees were beautiful moving black silhouettes on the sky line.

We were sort of still looking for a nice place to find some rest but apparently this party didn’t have a permit for a camp fire so there wasn’t any place that wasn’t either over crowded or very cold. While walking around I heard bird sounds that were equally fractalised as my entire surrounding. The world was a psychedelic painting that went through all my senses.

The world was a psychedelic painting that went through all my senses.

 A few strangers attempted a fire anyway but it only lasted for about 15 minutes as people came to put it out even quicker then it took the people to make the fire in the first place. Here another visual peak of the trip came. I realised at some point just staring into the space that each time I’d blink the world would be sort of reset, and the visuals would start again from the real world. I decided to not blink for a while and see what it would do. My theory proved to be true as while I kept my eyes open the trees would move further apart and become much more fractalised. From time to time everything got really blurry, then moved extremely fast and became extremely sharp. New patterns started shaping in between the trees and then I kind of had to blink because my eyes got a little dry so I went for a second try.

This second attempt, two trees in the distance started rising up in a sort of bow. They got arms and started dancing around and moving as if they were people, it was extremely realistic. There was a tiny trunk in the middle and they made movements with their arms as if they were caring for it. I was stumbling in amazement and couldn’t even tell Maria the impressive thing I just saw. We finally found some space in the gnome house (at 5 am) and quickly rolled a joint in there. It was still a little uncomfortable being with so many people in such a small space so we decided to walk around around the field once more. Maria was finally convinced it was light enough to walk the full round so finally we went ahead. The walk was comparable to the previous two times. Around the water the clouds and trees still reminded a lot of fast shifting fractal art, I moved my hand across my vision and the tracers merged in with the other patterns already there. On the way to the trees I couldn’t see the path, it again looked as if there was water in front of me but I could see a few meters before my feet, so I knew I was walking on (heavily patterned) ground.

Even though it was still very dark we managed to make the end of the round safely and we sat down in front of the gnome house. I had been carrying a french bread in my bag all that time and decided to eat a bit of it. For some reason that really warmed us up so the cold was eliminated from that point. I must mention it was also getting light a bit. We socialised quite a bit with the people around us at this time, I listened to a conversation for a while some other people had and was surprised how such a normal conversation was held at a party like that.

From the church we could see the first people going home so we had a chance of being able to dance without being squeezed together in a too tiny room now. As we saw that we decided to go into the church to attempt to dance. It was still very crowded but there was some space to move around so we decided to dance for a bit. The music wasn’t quite perfect though, we couldn’t get into the rhythm properly so we went back out. This was the first time we fit comfortably in the gnome house so we decided to sit there for a while.

The few people who were sitting there as well turned out to have been in the same school I was in a few years earlier and two of them turned out to be members of a Dutch drug-related forum where I am the moderator. That led to good conversations and we smoked joint after joint there, finally having the time to do the relaxing we had been waiting for all night. Outside the sun had come up and it was quite a lovely morning. Not as cold anymore and somewhat sunny. One of the people we ran into had taken a lot of MDMA and his eyes kept rolling away but it didn’t disturb me at all. The patterns by now were moving a bit less heavily but the trip hadn’t come down that much yet. While talking there I could hear some good fast and psychedelic beats coming from the church so we decided it was time to dance psychedelic.

While dancing I lost all track of time. Everything around me seemed faded and I kept thinking strange sentences while the music seemed to move me instead of me moving to the music. One of the sentences I thought was, I want to put the now into the everything. I had been thinking about the concept of time a lot

I had been thinking about the concept of time a lot

 as it was slowed down and the ‘present’ seemed to be a much wider concept then it usually is. After dancing for more then an hour we were finally hot instead of cold so we decided to go outside and cool down. Sitting down on the block near the gravel again I saw the same complicated colourful patterns as easily as in the night even though now the sun was shining. The visuals were only just starting to get a little less strong, this was one lengthy heavy trip. We decided, after we had cooled down, it was the perfect moment to dance so we went back into the church which was now even getting quite empty. This time dancing seemed even more amazing then the previous time we had done it. I decided for that moment LSD can be quite a party drug if you know how to party. I thought much and nothing at all in the same time. There weren’t many words but many visions in my mind, words didn’t fit onto my thoughts at that point.

In a strange way it seemed like I had infinite energy, it was around 7.30 in the morning, possibly even later and I was dancing like I couldn’t do anything else in the world. It wasn’t even me who was dancing, the music was dancing me and had become a part of me. I couldn’t refuse the music. Maria did not have the endless energy I had so we decided to go check for the bus times. Together. That would still be another hour away and seeing as we had to wait anyway I convinced her to stay a little longer. Until the end we sat on the block, danced briefly for one more time and around 10 am we finally left the party to go home. At home I still had visuals and thus unavoidable LSD insomnia so it took till far past noon before I finally slept.

It was a very fulfilling trip. Even though the report doesn’t show it, it was quite social, while both Maria and I were socially quite shy at this time of our lives, it seemed like a bit of a breakthrough on that point. Also the visuals, as described as best as I can above, were well impressive and added a lot to a beautiful experience.

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 77295

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Feb 18, 2016	Views: 2,815

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LSD (2) : Rave / Dance Event (18), Nature / Outdoors (23), Glowing Experiences (4), General (1)


           BODY WEIGHT:
	   140 lb

I am currently a Reiki practitioner who is committed to a deep spiritual path and planetary healing.  For several years, I tripped on mushrooms and/or LSD with spiritual intention, and have come to regret it.  I also used cocaine and marijuana regularly.  At my heaviest use, I ate 1-2 handfuls of mushrooms every day for 3 weeks.

I began to change my opinion about these substances after I was connected to a shamanic practitioner, who was guided to do a soul retrieval for me.  She discovered that my energy field had turned to Swiss cheese, and many individuals and entities were sucking my energy.  I would try to protect myself, but was not able to generate the energy because of the holes in my system.

I encountered her after my life got seriously off-track.  I am college-educated and from a loving home, yet I ended up house-less and without any income and monitored by an FBI informant.  And all the while, I was engaging with these substances with spiritual intention and awareness of their history and a sense of reverence.  I was not fully empowered in my practice and could not recognize the subtle ego that was creeping into my so-called spiritual practice.

More recently, I connected with an elder shaman who taught that 'drugs are the gateway to the dark side,' especially when used without a trained shamanic guide.  I have experienced a lower consciousness and a higher susceptibility to acting out low-level behaviors if I use a substance (even weed) or am around others who do. It is very subtle.  Because I meditate regularly and live in joy and light thanks to the Reiki, I notice when I am suspended in depression or despair and know something is amiss.

I read a channeling from Jesus where he stated that we give our free will over to these entities, who offer us spiritual insight in exchange for taking our personal power and directing our energy toward darkness.  The spiritual gifts and visions that are granted are not worth it.  Spending time connecting with nature and yourself in solitude offer similar, more lasting gifts, without negative repercussions.

While tripping, I found myself naively purchasing and wearing traditional reverse pentagrams (which represent the triumph of matter over spirit and connect the wearer with 'evil') and casting spells that were aligned with ego and attempts to control other people.  Years later, Albert Hofmann repeatedly came to mind, and I pushed it away because I had stopped tripping. I finally realized he wanted me to channel him.  I began channeling him, and he gave me directions for how to activate a ceremony that would help heal the dark forces I had unleashed in the collective consciousness through my misguided mix of hallucinogens and magical practices.

And now, my home is filled with a dark entity who has been feeding off of me and my housemates by reactivating our substance use in subtle ways.  We were living sober, but began occasionally smoking weed because it was a gift to our home. The energetic effects have been slowly ripping our community apart by creating distance, separating us from our hearts, and activating our weakness/failure programs so that we feel isolated and depressed or angry. We found out the home used to be occupied by a drug dealer and are going to do intensive lightwork to clear the energy.  We were up all night last night with violent dreams and intense nightmares as the entity attempted to keep our vibration low enough for it to feed off of.

So, please beware of the energetic context and subtle effects of engaging with hallucinogens and make a responsible choice. If I had read this myself several years ago, I would not have taken it seriously or fully understood the importance of this message. I now know being fully empowered to live in service to light requires addressing the underlying issues that led me to seek out substance use. Living with Reiki is like being high all of the time, but without escaping from the world. The appearance of the world is remarkably similar to that when I am tripping on mushrooms, but without any energetic hangover or darkness.  It is pure love and light  Feeling the gift of the Holy Spirit also brought me higher than any drug. There is a lot of collective pain that needs healing and is getting trapped by well-intentioned individuals allowing their personal power to go to darker forces through engaging with substances like hallucinogens.

Please check in with your inner guidance or dream teachers to discern your spiritual truth.  Engaging with marijuana, cocaine, LSD, and mushrooms has been highly problematic for me in my attempt to live in balance and walk in beauty.

[Reported Dose: 'Multiple doses near daily use over a year']

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 92962

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 23

Published: Feb 22, 2016	Views: 6,134

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Yoga / Bodywork (202), Mushrooms (39), LSD (2) : Not Applicable (38), Post Trip Problems (8), Retrospective / Summary (11)


		 DOSE:

		 300 ug

		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   repeated
		 inhaled
		 Nitrous Oxide

		 Ketamine

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   50 kg

People: Me, female, at the time 19 years old and 50 kg and boyfriend Ri, 22, male, 73 kg.

Substances: LSD, plenty of cannabis, some nitrous, a tiny bit of alcohol and a tiny bit of ketamine.

Dose: Me on +-300 ug, Ri on +-150 ug

Location: My house

At the time of this trip I was 19 years old and it was my 22nd LSD trip, my trip companion was my boyfriend Ri, for who it was only the 2nd time of trying LSD; this difference is quite relevant to the report because it added a lot to my thoughts and mindset.

The setting wasn’t quite ideal but had its upsides, it had been a rainy day and due to circumstances we only got to my house at midnight. It was already late and when I got home the first thing that happened was getting a phone call my grandfather's mother only had a few more months to live, I knew she was in her 90s already and has had a fulfilling life so I didn’t expect it to influence then trip too much, it was still a harsh realisation though.

Around 0.30 AM we took the LSD, I gave Ri who was less experienced two hits and took three myself. Just before we took it and while waiting for effects I was complaining most of my LSD trips were mentally so calm, not confusing and just a lot of visuals basically, and how I felt like doing some good old mushrooms again for some proper tripping confusion and weird thought loops. I was feeling like having a really hard trip but I wasn’t too sure why. The hits of LSD were lab tested and confirmed to be 60-70 ug of LSD each, that's possible in the Netherlands because we have drug purity testing points in every major city where you can have your drugs tested on both purity and dose at a lab.

About 20 minutes after taking them Ri said he was already getting some decent visuals and feeling the come up. I felt some early effects too, but found the come up to be a bit slow until this point. He was overwhelmed by the beauty of his visuals and I noticed I saw patterning on the wall, quite fractal like, my vision had gone overly sharp and I noticed my furniture was both moving in a breathing-like way as well as buzzing a bit. I was annoyed though by how amazed Ri was, he was just saying ‘wooow’ the whole time while looking wide-eyed at my wide ceiling, so I looked there too, and noticed a pattern but I wasn’t nearly as amazed, I had seen these things often enough anyway. Well, it bothered me to the point I figured I should take more, so I took the other half hit he had left, and 10 minutes after that a whole other one too. That makes the total dose I consumed in about 30 minutes around 300 ug. At the moment it just felt good, and the more hits I took the more I started looking forward to the trip, and I figured if I was feeling good about it now that would just last.

No more then half an hour later I was caught in the same amazed state, the patterns were flying through my vision, overly bright neon colours dominated my vision and things moved like they had rarely done before. Auditory hallucinations where more apparent then usual and every spoken word and sentence would echo through the room in sound and image. All my senses blurred together, much more then the normal ‘the patterns and the surroundings are moving to the music’ effect of lower doses, now every sound echoed on in this odd way and I would see the echo ripple through visual reality. We had planned to watch the DVD Earth in the trip for some amazing visuals, but since I couldn’t find the DVD anywhere I had just prior to taking the LSD started a download, we’d have to wait for it to finish for more then two hours so we were thinking about what to do until then.

While waiting we decided to walk into my living room, there the neon colours were just as bright and moving through the room and the patterns just kept growing more complicated and detailed, larger and more and more obvious. I attempted to look outside for a while, where I could just see masses of morphing patterns and fractals that kept growing more and more complicated, in the colours of what the street is normally like. First faces appeared in the patterns, then entire people, also neatly distributed over my visual field, and after that a fast stream of all kinds of different semi surrealistic images that were still completely fractal like patterned. The entire thing was pulsating and sliding around so I moved my vision back inside. Ri was standing a few meters away and every few seconds he would completely disappear behind the bright and mutating fractal like patterns. Him standing in bright light a few moments later didn’t help one bit, even then, and with the extreme colour difference between him and the white wall behind him I would still see him twist into fractals into the wall and the patterns on it and he would again completely disapear into the visuals.

I managed to walk back to my room and found my computer, where a friend on msn had asked over 15 minutes ago how my trip was. The only thing I typed back (I type blind, so typing on psychedelics goes fine for me) was “fractals, lots and lots of fractals.”. That's was about the best I could describe it. These visuals were exactly like visuals always are, only they’d transform and mutate further and everything would move and twist and fractal into other things where eventually I wasn’t even slightly able to tell what I was actually looking at. If I looked around fast enough I didn’t get time to develop to full visuals and I could see where I was

 If I looked around fast enough I didn’t get time to develop to full visuals and I could see where I was

, but if I kept staring it would go to the point I’d see only visuals and nothing else.

We decided to go back to my room, where I had all my stuff. I attempted to pour myself a cup of tea, which failed, mostly because the tea pot is already leaky, so there was tea on my desk and keyboard. In a very serious voice Ri said I should get some paper and clean it up, where I first had thought “what's so bad about a bit of tea on my desk”. I took his words very serious because they sounded like that and went out to look for a roll of toilet paper. By blinking fast (each time I do that the visuals reset for a moment and if you’re fast enough it gets almost no chance to start morphing enough) and looking around a lot I was again able to navigate by sight and I found a roll of toilet paper to clean it up with. I think I spent around 30 minutes cleaning up the tea and it had a nice ritual feel to it, and I kept saying that too, “getting the paper, putting the paper on the tea, throwing away the paper, getting the paper, putting the paper on the tea, throwing away the paper.” Etc. Because of the visuals I couldn’t actually see whether or not there was tea on my desk and how much and if it was already dry. Ri eventually said I was looking a bit obsessive compulsive and that it had been dry for about 10 minutes already.

At that time, Ri suggested putting on some music. I responded completely surprised, thinking I already heard more then enough interesting sounds. I saw sound like wires that echoed and it would move in an echo in little shocks through my room that would make my entire room pulsate. Everything was still morphing in and out and if I stared for too long I would still be seeing no reality behind my visuals. It was so beautiful already I felt absolutely no need to add any stimuli to my surroundings, but Ri seemed so set on the music idea I decided to try it anyway. Finding music was really hard, I could barely read and even with huge concentration I could still barely see the letters in that morphing mass, in some weird way I still managed to put on music, and we enjoyed some dark psy trance, at the moment the music started the whole room changed in atmosphere, it turned even a little more psychedelic, but another thing that grew was the feeling of loveliness, greatness and euphoria, probably directly coming from enjoying the music.

Finally it was getting closer to watching Earth and after the long wait we could finally watch it. That too proved difficult, because even though my computer is easy, it was all very hard to see with all those visuals, it did work eventually, with a bit of Ri’s help, and there was Earth. My first impression was that I understood very little of what I was looking at, and that I what I saw wasn’t actually what was really there, but it was absolutely beautiful and left us quite breathless. Both of us couldn’t really believe it was actually this beautiful. For some magical reason we left the room while Earth was on and walked through the living room. I sat down in the middle of the floor behind my couch and Ri sat on the couch itself. I was looking at the back of my couch and saw entire societies of people build up and break down again in the fractal like pattern chaos, it was so logical and it went so deep I could hardly believe what I was seeing. After that I moved my vision to my floor, which gave the same entire visuals, and then the ceiling, which wasn’t much different. Ri was sitting on the couch looking at me and told me I looked like I was swimming in the visuals, I was in fact lying on the ground moving around a bit.

I decided to try some closed eyes visuals as well and the three dimensional multi coloured patterns on the usual black background weren’t any less significant then what I saw with my eyes open. Ri closed his eyes too and described what he saw, a lot more Earth-like and more concrete than my surreal bizarre visuals, but the same odd nature to them.

I rolled a joint while sitting there on the ground (I can roll joints in any trip, no matter how intense, it's such automatism I barely notice I roll it at all). We decided to smoke it on my balcony for another change of view. It wasn’t very warm there, but very very strange. Even in the kitchen I had difficulties seeing where I could stand, but looking over my neighbour's gardens was really odd. There's this net before my balcony to prevent my cats from falling off, and through the net we could barely see any of the outsides, because it was so bright and moving around it blocked everything behind it. While sober the net is barely visible and very thin wire. I pressed my head against the net to look through more easily and I saw black and very bright chemical green, very square 3D patterns grew up to the clouds and close to me, and all the trees were very wooly and bizarre moving. It was beautiful so we smoked up the joint there and then went back to my room to watch Earth again, which we had sort of forgotten about.

It turned out Earth was already over, so instead of going back through the movie we put on music again. I had been asking Ri about it a few times already but he felt his trip had been too intense but he was finally also in for a balloon if nitrous. Even though I had just gone over my max dose by 100 ug I still found the idea of doing nitrous good throughout the entire trip so far, but I guess experience also gives confidence. When doing the nitrous (one whippit) the entire world broke apart and grew back into one, black sharp fields in the patterns and then slowly that very pleasant physical sensation of buzzing. Each time we did a balloon it’d be no more then 5 minutes because I’d ask “let's to another one”.  The music was good, but after a while we had listened through everything we already knew so I decided to go on youtube and try to pick songs by ‘related songs’, and I typically chose the image with the nicest colours as the images kept morphing into absolutely anything and I couldn’t really see what they were anyway. I found some very good psy trance tracks which I managed to find back through the history of my browser and are still pretty nice.

We spent a great deal of tiem just sitting in my room, talking odd. I was pretty bad at talking and would often say short sentences only, and confuse Ri with asking odd questions he didn’t get either. We just spent most of the time watching the intense visuals, while I had this odd sensation where I had a hard time telling the difference between swallowing, coughing or sniffing my nose, and that felt pretty odd.

Somewhere around this time I decided to draw, and I really couldn’t believe the next day it would be just black and white as the colours were dripping off it. The peak hadn’t gotten any less intense and the visual mass was still very intense; extremely complicated morphing patterns that told entire stories and would occasionally take over my entire visual field, mostly with faces and human shapes in them, things moved so far they seemed to slip into extra dimensions. By now around 6 hours had passed and I gained a bit more of my ability to speak, as I had been overly silent up to this point. I still didn’t get much further then ‘wauw, wow, amazing, fractals’, but we managed to form a conversation and I decided the two most important things were love and music. Around then Ri’s comedown had probably started a lot more than mine, as he was having his first interesting deep tripping thoughts and even though I couldn’t really talk back as there were and are no words for the thoughts I was having at that point, I felt so happy he finally understood deep tripping thoughts.

We had by now run out entirely of nitrous so I decided to take some ketamine for my dissociative chaos. It hit me like a balloon of nitrous, only it lasted. We had also decided we should really have sex in the peak of this trip but didn’t get to it for quite obvious reasons. Only about 10 minutes after the ketamine we started the sex, normally on LSD it's absolutely great, but on ketamine and LSD it must’ve been the weirdest thing I could’ve possibly imagined at that moment. I wasn’t able to tell which boy parts where from who, or whether we had morphed together into a sort of strange machine. I won’t mention too many details, but I have to say sex on LSD and ketamine is seriously weird. After that the ketamine was still going strong, I was surprised because I thought it was’t that much, but for some reason it gave me back the ability to speak properly. I stood up from my chair feeling the most energy I had ever had at 8 in the morning, I actually jumped up and down a few times saying ‘energy energy energy’, I still felt like on one balloon of nitrous, but just like the sky outside had cleared up and became very bright with the sun that had just come up, my mind had the same feeling. It was a kind of false comedown, I kept saying sentence after sentence about this trip, and my life and almost everything. To how I was feeling it felt like suddenly everything had become completely clear to me, the same thing happened to me on a trip a year back, where I got the feeling I kept getting answers without even having asked any questions.

I started realising how this odd come up had happened. When I was sober I had been in a kind of blur, I had this arrogance over me, and over LSD, and I had already thought that the difference in experience could be problematic for me and Ri’s trips, as he would be amazed and I’d be like ‘yeah, I had that 20 times already, its not that big of a deal’. In some unconscious way I had felt his amazement at it and wanted to feel the same, so without thinking I just kept taking more and more until I did as well, which for me meant taking 300 ug, while I had never taken over 200 ug prior to this trip (I by the way always have my blotters tested, I know every single dose I have taken which makes comparing much easier

I by the way always have my blotters tested, I know every single dose I have taken which makes comparing much easier

). This amazement made me a much better tripmate for Ri as we could both share the ‘wow’ in the experience, even though for me that meant tripping so hard I could barely even talk or see. After that I decided, because ketamine conclusions aren’t always that logical, that LSD is always right, and because LSD is always right, the LSD made me take that much to understand Ri. Of course even at the time I knew that made no sense, but I felt amazed at the substance so much I, in an odd train of thoughts, almost declared the LSD molecule ‘god’. The sun was shining into my room and I felt so much love, so much respect for everything, I felt so small and so huge at the same time; but I also felt desperation, because of the desperation of life and some personal thing at the time (it was the time of final exams, which I due to skipping too many classes wasn’t allowed to participate in that year), so I started rolling a joint which I put all the desperation in, took a picture of it, and smoked my desperation. After that it felt a lot better. I told Ri how LSD just kicked my mushroom nostalgia’s ass with a big foot of deep meaningful trips. LSD had gone completely back to favorite again and I completely remembered why I liked it so much.

At the same time, Ri was standing in front of my window looking out on the early morning people, in his underwear but wearing a coat, with a cigarette in his mouth and a cheap half a liter can of beer in his hand looking at the busy Saturday morning outside. He was laughing so hard his face was all red. I already knew that phenomenon in trips, finding normal people hilarious, but he saw it for the first time, and the idea of people seeing him standing like that so early in the morning was kind of funny. A few people noticed him and that made him laugh even more. Ri was laughing so hard that his eyes were tearing and his ears were purplish, and that looked so funny I started to laugh as well. I took a photo of Ri, that moment in his coat, only that moment he was looking more serious and even from a photographical point of view that's one of my best photos to date, that whole image, so I somehow thought that maybe tripping I could capture people's essence better in photos and took a picture of me and Ri together and one of my own odd face. The moment the ketamine had finally completely worn off my normal LSD comedown came back, it had no odd thoughts, and felt more like smoking joints and remaining entertained. It was just like any other comedown, but I still felt the love I had felt in the early comedown, and told Ri that, to which he hugged me; that made me feel the love flow through my veins instead of blood and I don't think I ever enjoyed a hug that much before. The sun was still incredibly bright, like the sun was trying to land.

At around 11 am my visuals had gone back to the level of a lower dose trip and we started watching family guy on DVD, eat some food and smoke some more joints. After watching for a few more hours we started to really feel tired and I thought my trip had wore off enough to sleep, but when at 2pm we went to bed I still saw bright open and closed eye visuals, everything still moved, was bursting with colour and patterns were like a layer over everything. Luckily after 14 hours of tripping the tiredness took over and we had some hours of sleep left.

Conclusion:

Up until the point of this trip it had been my strongest trip, I have since then topped it, in a way more chaotic setting but I’m still working on finding words to make that one into a report; but at the time of this trip, it was the most I had ever done. The whole peak was mentally very very calm, I was so amazed by the visuals I had little time to think, especially because I had never before been unable to see what I was looking at for 6 hours straight. The 1.5 hours on ketamine were extremely odd, I felt like I suddenly realised everything, as if I had been asleep for months and finally woke up. It was really good to feel that awake and I have since that day maintained the bright mental feeling. After that the normal LSD mindset took over again, and it was wonderful to have a trip where you just have to go with it and see what happens after being more experienced with my usual dosage. I told Ri in the trip we had melted together and formed a third eye together and that that found never be broken down, one thing remained true, today, 10 trips later, all of which were with Ri the love has only grown and LSD made me feel it properly for the first time.

I feel like I haven’t described the mental effects as well as I should have, but seeing as at the time I couldn’t speak, I feel it's safe to say there are no words for what I thought (I’m a visual thinker by the way, I think images instead of words) and that they can’t be put into any human language I know, unfortunately, because they certainly felt amazing.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 84794

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 19

Published: Feb 25, 2016	Views: 2,595

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LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Sex Discussion (14), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit

		 25I-NBOMe
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   60 kg

A few weeks ago, three of my close friends and I decided to try ‘LSD’ (which I would discover later was 25I-NBOMe). We were quite baked and it was getting late at night, however the combination of excitement and a little nervousness drove us to purchasing a few ‘tabs’. For me, it was my second time to be doing this; for a friend it was to be his 5th time, and for the other two it was their firsts.

So at 10pm at a friend’s cottage we all took a tab and begun the wait. I did not have large expectations, as my first experience with the substance was hardly noteworthy and mildly pleasant. Also, with just one tab I believed that nothing much would happen. However this experience would be far different, and very challenging.

Roughly an hour in, the telltale signs began as the walls begun to shift slightly and the patterns on the carpet begun to twirl. It was very enjoyable at this point, all four of us were enjoying the effects. However as the night progressed and the mental effects began, it became increasing uncomfortable

as the night progressed and the mental effects began, it became increasing uncomfortable

. I started to feel quite sick in the stomach and confused. I sat down and closed my eyes, but my head was a cauldron pot of thoughts. I reminded myself that I was just feeling the effects of the drug, but it was an uncomforting thought. A burning sensation begun under my skin and I felt an irresistible urge to stretch my arms and legs. Feeling quite worried, I sat down on the couch and attempted to sleep, to which any experienced user would understand that it is absolutely impossible. A friend muttered that it was a terrible idea to take it so late in the evening. My thoughts raged out of control, and I experienced what many would call ‘a loss of reality’ and a ‘death of ego’. This continued for many more hours, and no sleep was to be had until 5 in the morning.

The day after I awoke feeling groggy and sick, and unable to eat anything. My experience with 25I-NBOMe was definitely unpleasant, however there were many rookie mistakes that could have helped avoided the bad trip. Firstly, it is a terrible idea to take it so late when sleep will be unobtainable. Secondly, I was not properly acquainted with the effects of the drug and was not ready to handle it.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 104376

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 17

Published: Jun 13, 2016	Views: 4,963

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25I-NBOMe (542), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Difficult Experiences (5)


		 DOSE:

		 2 hits
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   70 kg

I had been going through an extended difficult period, and had gotten into a very dark place psychologically. I was reading 'The Globalisation of Addiction' by Bruce Alexander, and felt that I had adopted some addictive behaviours (mostly around computer use, and romance seeking). I felt like nearly everything around me had collapsed, and was terrified that I was close to reaching the end of my rope and collapsing too.

A friend of mine was preparing to pack up his life and go become a modern monastic at a meditative community in Vermont. Naturally this called for a going away party. A short while before the going away party, he realized that his community would be webcasting a meditation retreat on the day of the party, so the party was restructured to allow people to come early (by about 6 hours) and participate in the retreat. While discussing this with him, and whether the shift in timings would change my choice of drug for the rest of the party (which was to involve watching some psychedelic anime, and then going to a rave), he made it clear to me that I was welcome to participate in the retreat on psychedelics.

Having that permission, and knowing that I was in a dark place that only seemed to be getting darker, I became hopeful that a day of meditation under the influence of a dose of LSD on the strong end of moderate, would be a perfect opportunity to perform something of a reboot on my brain. I've heard that people have a bad habit of driving cars into trees, lampposts, etc. when they begin to lose traction in a large part because we tend to drive towards what we're looking at, and we also tend to look at what frightens us. In many ways, I felt like I was staring at my impending ruin, while skidding towards it, and I wanted to direct my gaze as forcefully as possible, back towards the road that I'd been sliding off of.

The retreat was to begin at noon. At around 11:30, I placed 2 tabs of respectably strong blotter (I'd estimate their strength at around 100-125ug per hit) under my tongue, and then got on my bicycle to ride to the party.

By the time I arrived, I could feel my first report coming on, and was introduced to several of my friends' coworkers who were either there for the party, or were hosting it. We got ourselves onto cushions on the floor (except for one guest, who'd brought a meditation seat), got the webcast going, straightened up, and settled in.

The first exercise began with a cultivation practice. An early instruction was to consider how fortunate we were to have the time, the energy, the safety, and the intention to engage in the practice. Because of the dark place I was in, I felt like I lacked the energy and safety being referenced. I sought to convince myself that I must have the time and safety because I was there, when the instruction came that we may be feeling happy, grateful, or relieved. I clung to relief as a positive emotion that I was capable of feeling at the time, the practice then switched to observation, then inquiry, and then doing-nothing, to complete the overview of the techniques we'd practice in more depth throughout the day.

There was some discussion, and a dedicated sit for each practice. One event of note was that I opted to do the cultivation practice lying on my back on the couch, and that around the time we were instructed to add the feeling of a little love into the breathing feedback loop we'd established, the host's cat wandered on to my chest. In the state that I was in, I felt this was an excellent vehicle for the cultivation of love, and took to petting the cat for the remainder of the meditation. She also seemed quite happy becoming the object of cultivation of love, and remained on my chest and in my arms for the balance of the practice (which was somewhere in the neighbourhood of half an hour).

I don't remember anything particularly notable from the observation practice, so will skip along to the inquiry practice, in which I had my most intense experience. The general idea of the inquiry practice was to remain in the state of not knowing by asking a question. Every time our mind would produce an answer, we were advised to immediately respond by asking ourselves 'what's that'. At some point in this practice, I found myself confronted with a slight chuckle coming out of me, and with the question 'what's so funny?'. Having already taken the cat laying on my chest as a vehicle to cultivate love, it seemed entirely natural for me to take 'what's so funny' as a line of inquiry. Answers kept coming at me: I'm making a disruption and it's wrong, this is some sort of strange meta-joke, it's become a running gag, it's completely absurd; and each time I asked myself what's so funny about that, I laughed harder and harder, until I fell over laughing. And I kept asking 'what's so funny about that?': it's hard to tell whether it's a laugh or a sob at times, it's got a spasmodic quality like a cough, something's coming out in this laugh, it's an eruption like a zit being popped, it's still unbelievably funny, I can't not be making a scene with all this, this is certainly the longest I've held focus on a single thing, surely the most intensely too, what an astonishing joke, and somehow it isn't even a joke.

The instructor rang his bell. I let go of the question and gradually regained my composure.

The instructor rang his bell. I let go of the question and gradually regained my composure.

 I apologized to the group for having been so noisy, explaining that I'd somehow latched on to 'what's so funny' as a line of inquiry, and that it seemed to be working as something I could hang on to. My monastic friend (who I should probably mention had already done a lengthy temporary residence in the community in question, and led the occasional workshop himself) mentioned to the group that it's not uncommon for people to break out in laughter or sobs during a sit, and we chatted a bit about it. He made a remark in the psychedelics-as-shortcut vein and how he looks forward to having enough practice behind him some number of years down to road, to be able to have a sit like that without the need for drugs.

While we were having this conversation, and as the day progressed (and then night, as we went to the rave), I realized that I was thinking and acting with a levity and joy that I hadn't remembered feeling in quite a while. There wasn't any impending doom coming to my mind any more. That sensation I had while laughing, that something unwanted and unhealthy was erupting from me--there really had been something there. The darkness I'd been living with was gone, burst out of my soul in a fit of laughter while I asked myself 'what's so funny'. I had become my real self once again.

The pharmacological effects of the LSD are long past, but the darkness is still gone, and I'm continuing to feel the joy and levity that I was missing for so long.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 108184

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 36

Published: Mar 26, 2016	Views: 3,258

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LSD (2), Meditation (128) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), General (1), Group Ceremony (21)