		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 2 hits

		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 3:00
		   bowls
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   160 lb

LSD for me has always been a really strange thing.  When I first began taking psychedelics, it was the second real psychedelic I tried, after a few mushroom trips (which were spaced out over a long period of time).  The first time I tried LSD, it was probably my fourth time tripping.  Some friends and I all took the same dose from the same batch, and while they were experiencing a classic and enjoyable trip, I literally felt nothing beyond placebo.

Over the next 10 years, I tried LSD a variety of other times, always with the same result (threshold or nothing), no matter how much I took and no matter how hard the others I was with were tripping.  One time I even took 3 of the legendary Hofmann blotters and barely felt above threshold.  So I came to the conclusion that I have a high natural tolerance for or immunity to LSD and I sort of gave it up as a lost cause, since every other psychedelic I've tried seems to affect me as one would expect, and I was rarely ever able to find it.  Then, a year and a half ago, it started coming around much more steadily.  I was at a music festival and decided to take 5 hits of what was pretty strong LSD (half a hit of this LSD got my friend tripping nicely).  Finally, I experienced a real trip from it, but I still found it sort of lacking, like it never fully developed but I was getting some visuals and a head change that was very enjoyable.  Once I 'broke through' to that level, I noticed that I was able to have that same level of trip on it with more normal dosages, though I still needed more than most people.  I've had several really nice but light trips on it since then, none of which were powerfully altering, but I enjoyed some really nice effects such as euphoria, light visuals, and an absolutely undeniable increase in my ability to play and feel music.

With that being said, I'd like to tell you about my first real breakthrough into a full and satisfying LSD trip.  My feeling is that now that I have been there, I will be able to get back to that same place in the future, much like how once I broke through to getting actual effects at all from LSD, that became my new 'LSD baseline' from then on.

It was Saturday, December 12th, 2015.  I was going to be traveling back to see my family for Christmas in a few days, and I felt the desire to have a good trip before that, as a sort of temporary farewell to the place I live that I love so much, before finding myself once again in Chicagoland, which is always a little hard for me.  The weather was almost unreasonably nice for this time of year, 75 degrees down in town and beautifully sunny.  My good friend and I decided we'd like to go on a high-elevation hike at this beautiful place called Black Balsam, which is at around 6000 feet, above the tree line, across a variety of balds, with incredible panoramic views of the mountains the whole time.  We decided that I would drive and we timed it so that I wouldn't be tripping while driving.  My friend took his hit as we got in the car, and I decided I'd wait to take my two hits (of probably the best LSD I've ever had) til we were about 10 minutes away from our destination (the drive there took about an hour).

And so we embarked on our journey in the morning.  I was rather low on gas, but as we left I passed up the nearest gas station because that one is almost always nearly out of gas and it's a huge hassle to deal with it, so I figured I'd just find one along the way.  However, the route we took had very few gas stations and as my friend and I talked, we both sort of just forgot about it.  About 45 minutes into the drive, my gas light came on and I noticed, but my understanding was that it was only a few more miles and we'd have had to backtrack a lot to get to one, and we already were getting started a little later than we wanted to since it gets dark around 5:30 at this time of the year, and I really wanted the timing to work out so I wouldn't be stuck sitting in my car waiting to come down later.  So I made the decision to keep going, since when my gas light comes on I still have 2 gallons in the tank.  However, as we kept going I realized to my worry that it was actually about 15 more miles to go, and it was all uphill.  My worry increased as we went on, and it kept taking longer and longer to get there.  By the time we rolled to a stop in the parking area, the needle was JUST above the zero-mark.  Basically right as we parked, I began to come up on the LSD, and anxiety filled my being.  I wasn't trying to worry my friend but as my anxiety built I was having thoughts about how this would go down later when we left... I envisioned it being dark and running out of gas on a very small back-country mountain road that is not very well-traveled, with no phone service.  So, entirely and annoyingly distracted by my worries, we set off on our hike.

At first, I was unable to move past it, but soon I resolved to myself that I should view this as a test and a learning experience.  Being able to put aside anxiety for something you have no control over is a very useful skill, and it's something I've been consciously trying to get better at this past year.  So as I walked, I made a concerted effort to intentionally turn off my thoughts and just take in the scenery and the process of hiking which I love.  My friend was coming up too and so it was totally okay that I didn't have much to say, because neither did he.  I felt a little self-conscious about it; at the time I thought maybe he was getting weird vibes from me and that's why he wasn't talking, but later he told me he didn't feel like talking then either.  But at the time it felt awkward.  I realized in the process of dealing with these feelings that I have always been a people-pleaser, sometimes to my detriment, especially as a kid.  So I resolved to put those feelings aside as well.  As we walked, I found it difficult to enjoy my surroundings, but I remained dedicated to moving past this mental set.  We made a couple of stops to rest, and passed quite a few people.  I felt a little awkward around other people but it was easily manageable since we didn't have to interact with any of them beyond a cordial 'how are you doing?' or the like.  I gradually felt more and more comfortable within myself as the hike progressed.

Eventually I was able to put my anxieties aside and start fully enjoying the hike and the growing LSD trip.  We stopped to take a breather a few more times, and on a particular stop where we perched on a rock overhanging the edge of the mountain top we were on, I finally was able to take stock of what I was experiencing.  My field of vision was absolutely gorgeous, a panoramic view of countless smaller mountains on all sides.  The colors I was seeing were greatly enhanced and whatever I looked at up close was slowly morphing, organic shapes seeming to emerge from the very fiber of the being of a rock or plant.  Waving my hands around was very enjoyable, as I was experiencing gorgeous tracers; for example, if I waved my arm in a circle I would see an uninterrupted swirl of my flesh forming a complete circle.  It almost seemed as if the air itself was made of a sort of substance that I was actually interacting with as I moved through it, an effect that is almost identical to 4-HO-MPT, at least in the one time I've tried it thus far.  There was still little head change, like all the other times I've taken LSD... it was something I had become used to and grown to expect so I wasn't surprised or upset about it.

As we progressed in the hike, we reached a steeply downhill part where the trail was an old stream bed, cut deep into the ground.  At times the rest of the mountain's ground was up to our chests on either side.  Within the groove were large and small rocks and tree roots.  It was quite fun traversing them, and suddenly both my friend and I realized we were past not wanting to talk, so we began discussing all sorts of things.  I found myself getting pretty personal and telling him about some personal thoughts and struggles, and it was a great bonding time.  My overall feeling was verging on empathogenic and I realized the trip had transitioned into something greatly enjoyable, but basically the same state as all of the other times I've taken LSD recently.  Of course that's what I was expecting so I was happy to be there, and I considered that perhaps the peak had started.  Already the visuals were stronger than any I had had on LSD before, and I felt that smooth, effortless flow feeling that I get from acid.  We continued on like this, talking in an animated fashion, when my friend suggested we stop and smoke some weed.  That was at about 3 hours into the hike.  We stopped on a beautiful overhanging rock and packed a bowl and smoked it.  I noticed little change, except that it made me feel even nicer and more euphoric.  We sat and talked for a bit, and then continued on.

Eventually we reached the point where you can turn around and the total loop is 5 miles.  Just ahead we saw a beautiful little stand of trees (the only trees we'd seen thus far that we were able to get to) and we decided to make it our end point before we turned around.  As we walked towards it, I very rapidly began to trip considerably harder, just like when you are coming up into the peak and smoke some weed, except it had been at least a half hour since we had smoked, and the total trip duration was nearing 4 hours.  It's as if each step towards these trees was causing a feeling of what can only be described as magic to fill me and the world around me.  As I walked through some brush and into the forest stand, it's like a switch flipped in my brain, and suddenly I was THERE.  My thoughts began moving in new and astounding ways, though I did not know what to make of it yet.  It turns out the trees sheltered a beautiful campsite that just struck me as being an utterly enchanted place.  It seemed a world apart from the rest of the hike, a little sheltered place filled with presences.  My vision began to absolutely light up with color and patterns.  The very nature of the place was mystifying to me.  What caused this isolated stand of trees to grow here and not anywhere else nearby, and then what caused the majority of them to die, leaving only skeletons?  As I stared at the bone-white trunks, they seemed to call to me, hauntingly, ethereally, desiring to reveal to me their secrets, yet I couldn't comprehend their message.

I closed my eyes and began feeling the energies around me, and my head filled with conceptual images, a dizzying cacophony of ideas that seemed too large for my awareness to contain.  I suddenly found myself in an extremely altered state, though I found it a bit overwhelming and confusing.  My friend and I sat there and rested briefly and talked about the little forest stand and how magical it seemed, and then after a bit we decided to head back, as it was several hours before we would return to the car and we wanted to make sure to get off the mountain before dark.

The way back, as I remembered from hiking there months before, turned out to be much more intense physically than the way there, because whereas we had gone steeply downhill across uneven terrain before, this time we had to go back up the same steep terrain.  As my heart rate increased from the exertion, I began to peak even harder.  The mountain views, when I looked at them for even a moment, would begin to pixellate into fractal coils, separate into distinct colors, and unhinge from one another into a beautiful spinning collage.  I was experiencing full-scale perspective shifting, in both color, shape, and apparent function of objects.  There was less outright patterning and bending than there was with ETH-LAD, but the visual alteration appeared real, glowing, significant and profound, tied intimately into my emotions.  As my level of exertion grew, I began to feel an absolutely coursing euphoria that I felt sure was coming from the dopamine agonism of the molecule I had taken.  As my heart pounded harder and harder, I increased my speed and force.  I began feeling invincible, tireless.

Slowly at first, I began to notice symptoms of mania creeping in.

Slowly at first, I began to notice symptoms of mania creeping in.

  I felt absolutely incredible, and strange ideas of my level of power began to occur to me.  I would periodically take stock of this and realize I was thinking delusionally and grandiosely, yet my thoughts seemed out of my control.  I began to feel on the edge of insanity, and for the first time in many years the worry crept up slyly that perhaps I had gone too far.  My thoughts were half amazing and half frightening to me.  I still felt that I was unable to fully comprehend what my brain was doing, and it seemed part of my thought process was splitting off from my ordinary, understandable mental pathways.  Despite that, I felt powerfully driven to try to communicate to my friend the vast awareness I was perceiving.  But each attempt was futile, I'd get a half a sentence in and realize I couldn't explain what I was feeling with words, and that would make me feel once again threatened.  I also felt self-conscious about it; despite knowing intellectually that my friend was having his own trip and was probably not even aware that I was feeling this way, the way I persistently felt was that I was making him uncomfortable because of my lack of ability to articulate my feelings.  Because of this, our period of intense uphill hiking was characterized by a rapid roller-coaster of feeling amazing and revelatory that shifted into feeling out of control and nerve-wracking, back and forth.  A very intense ride, not unpleasant but not entirely pleasant either.

At last my friend called for a rest, pulling me out of my manic drive from who knows where to keep moving as powerfully as I could without stopping.  We sat down on a rock overlooking a gloriously shifting long-range view and as my heart rate went down, so too did my racing thoughts.  I began to feel centered again, and though I was still tripping powerfully, I felt I had made it to just past the top of the peak.  I felt that it was suddenly easier to communicate, so that's what I started to do.  I explained where my head had been at to my friend, and we discussed the nature of LSD for a while.  I came to the hypothesis that, due to the dopamine receptor agonism of LSD, especially in higher doses, I was experiencing some mania as my physical exertion increased.  It certainly felt dopaminergic, as it was accompanied by euphoria and feelings of being powerful.  The discomfort came entirely from me worrying about why I was suddenly feeling rather unhinged.  With my thoughts calmed down, I began turning my mind to whatever I felt like thinking about, and deeply analyzing it internally and sometimes with my friend.  I had a lot of insights about the nature of humanity and what it is to exist, as well as my behaviors.  After a while we decided to push on through the next leg of the hike.

As we continued our journey, I noticed the change in the quality and lack of control of my thoughts whenever we had to push hard for a while, but since I had thought about it and was aware of it happening now, it didn't alarm me anymore.  Instead I observed and analyzed it, and enjoyed the euphoric push.  As the feeling would grow, so would the visuals and feelings of magic.  Everything looked intensely alive, at all times, but during this rising mania I would begin to almost see through to the underworkings of reality

during this rising mania I would begin to almost see through to the underworkings of reality

, the connections between the various life forms and the Earth itself, as if a veil was lifting and I was able to see things as they really are.  Eventually we made it back to much less steep terrain, and the peak had definitely ended.  But my mind was whirling with so many thoughts and observations.  My friend and I chatted in an increasingly animated way.  I found myself in a very introspective state, with the content of my thoughts focused on self-improvement.  I was identifying, through my thoughts and interactions with others, aspects of my personality I had never noticed before and that I didn't find desirable.  There was no shame or discomfort involved in this, it was simply a sudden awareness of something that was happening subconsciously.

As we began to encounter more people, I noticed that I was judging them internally based on factors I would seem to notice about them.  One girl walked by and she was extremely unattractive to me for various reasons.  I was surprised to notice that I was making all of these little value judgments about her, subconsciously, automatically.  These judgments served to repel me from her and see her in a negative way, without ever having met her or given her any sort of chance.  Generally these would have been happening on an entirely subconscious level, but because of the state I was in they were happening in my conscious awareness, but still without me having meant to initiate them.  It surprised me quite a bit because I would have thought I was past doing that sort of thing... it reminded me of being a kid when you're in school and everyone is constantly judging everyone else in order to make themselves feel more 'normal' or desirable.  I shook my head and resolved to be more aware of that in the future and attempt to break that conditioning, and then my friend and I talked about it for a while.

The rest of the hike was more of the same, with the level of intensity gradually lowering until I realized I had no visuals anymore and I felt pretty much sober, but glowing.  At last we got back to the car, and I realized I had been entirely successful in my goal of putting the stresses of a potential running out of gas on the way home situation out of my mind and enjoying the trip/hike.  But of course it was still an actual situation, so we did have to deal with it.  However my mind was in a tremendously better place about it.  It had been about 8 hours since I had dosed and I was on the trailing end of it, but I was still feeling that peaceful flow.  I told my friend that we just need to think positively and will the result into our lives that we want.  So into the car we climbed, filled with positive thoughts about our chances.  I looked in the mirror; no more pupil dilation.  I took stock of my situation and I felt good about driving, enough time had passed and I was in that afterglow stage, still a little trippy but capable of whatever.

[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]

As I turned the car on and began driving, the test to my ability to handle anxiety continued.  The gas needle was almost immediately on the empty indicator.  At first I was able to just give it a slight push and immediately put in the clutch and just coast downhill in neutral.  But sometimes there was a section of uphill, including one that lasted a few minutes.  During those times the anxiety would creep in and I'd start to imagine getting stranded in the dark with no cell service.  But then I would push those thoughts out and try to instead imagine making it to a gas station.  I felt it was very important for me to visualize the outcome I wanted, so I was diligent in doing so.  At last we reached the road we drove in on, which was all downhill for quite some time, and I started coasting.  As we got farther down, we started to encounter other cars, and it got less steep, so my average speed was about 25mph in a 35mph zone.  I had to wave a few people around me who were probably confused as to why I was sometimes going 40 and sometimes 25 and everywhere in between.

Eventually it got flat enough that I had to give it constant gas.  By this point the needle was a good bit below the empty indicator, and my friend's phone (service was back by now) said the nearest gas station was still 10 miles away.  I asked my friend how cool it would be if some guerrilla gas station that Google doesn't know about would just appear.  About a minute after that, such a gas station did appear.  It blew my mind a little because it looked old and broken down, and instead of a gas company's logo the sign just said 'GAS' in big orange letters, and right around there was when my gas light had come on during the drive in, and neither of us noticed it then.  As we pulled into it, laughing and celebrating, I felt the first hiccup of the engine that signifies your gas running out.  I bought $30 worth of gas and even though it pumped out at about $2 per minute (ironic given that was the reason why I had passed the initial gas station at the beginning of the trip), I was just filled with the most beautiful, giddy euphoria because I had successfully overcome this stressful issue, and kept my composure the whole time.  I didn't have a care in the world anymore!

After that we drove home, where there was a band practice waiting for me.  The rest of the night I spent playing music and then hanging out.  The band practice was actually a continuing lesson in dealing with stress... I tend to feel the stress from friends acutely because of a high level of empathy, and my friend was intensely frustrated and stressed because one of the band members was super late and not answering our calls, and we ended up getting only about half of what we intended for the night done.  It was instructional for me to have to deal with that, and also to try to help him deal with that.  After band practice I drank a handful of beers and had a great time in the company of friends I consider family.  I discussed my trip with them and we had many interesting discussions about all manner of topics.  I slept over there, and in the morning I woke up feeling great, light and content and refreshed.

In conclusion, this was the best and most complete LSD trip I've had to date.  The entire thing was a complete storyline, filled with magic, coincidences and lessons.  Once I hit the peak, it seemed that every aspect of every experience I was having was perfectly laid out to maximize the learning potential for me.  I became aware of aspects of myself that I had never considered before, that I have resolved to become constantly aware of and overcome.  It seems to me that this is what life is, a constant process of becoming more intentional and aware.  Psychedelics have really been a catalyst for me on this path, especially in the past two years.

The visuals I had were awe-inspiring at times, and very beautiful, and certainly much stronger than I have ever had from LSD before.  And I love about LSD that it almost doesn't feel like I'm on a drug... the trip instead seems to emerge from my surroundings.  My state of mind was changed but not in the same way as with tryptamines and phenethylamines.  My body and mind felt uninhibited, like I was just seeing things in a new way and not on a drug.  The peak really took quite a while to hit, I think it was at about 3.5 to 4 hours in when it peaked and settled in fully.

I really feel like I 'leveled up' with LSD that day, and I understand it much better now than I have in the past.  I look forward to future LSD trips, and I hope I can revisit this same state now that I've managed to make it there once.

Exp Year: 2015	ExpID: 107585

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 32

Published: Jan 10, 2016	Views: 9,848

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LSD (2) : Nature / Outdoors (23), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 3 hits
		 oral
		 DOB
		 (blotter / tab)

		 2 hits
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		 smoked
		 Products - Spice and Synthetic Cannabinoids

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   180 lb

(Yes, this trip report is the length of a novel but I do this because I try to explain what happened in the most logical way and show how cause and effect led to the outcomes. If you read this all the way through, I promise you will not be disappointed. If you don’t then take this one lesson, don’t be an idiot like me and never assume that just cause someone says they are selling you “Acid” that it is actually LSD and not a research chemical that can be sold as Acid to those with little experience.)

I really hoped it would never come to this but it happened. I got in over my head using psychedelic drugs and ended up in the hospital.  What happened was that I though I would be taking LSD. I know there is barley ever real LSD around my area (Maryland) so I jumped at the chance. I have taken 12 hits of LSD before and not ever had a problem. The problem though was what I though would be LSD turned out to be a research chemical, my best guess from other reports, DOB. Let this report also reinforce how important Set and Setting is.

Here is a brief summary of my history with drugs (Weed, Salvia, Cocaine, Kava Kava, Morphine, Opana, Vicodin, Adderall, Inhalants, Pure Molly and Moon Rocks, Ritalin, Ambien, Xanax, Valium, and the biggest category hallucinogens: Ketamine, DMT, LSD over 200 times, Shrooms over 15 times, 2c-E, 2c-I laced Ecstasy, AMT, DOC, 25-I, and my mind goes blank here even though I know there are more.) I considered myself to be a hardcore psychonaut and I seldom went into experiences looking to enjoy them, rather to see what I could learn from them and bring back. I decided to take 3 hits when I got them. The kid who sold them to us claimed that he had taken 4 and been fine although it was a rough ride. I later learned he took 4 after taking the shit for the 3 days previous in increasingly large doses. Day 1 he took one hit, day two he took 2, and so on up till 4. What this meant is that his tolerance was about as high as it could possibly go and he still had a hard time. This would have saved me if I had known.  What really led to the hospital though was the state of chaotic entrapment of mind, and severe amnesia that led to me fighting my parents and the hospital staff, caused by the power of the blotters I took.

As soon as I took the three blotters and began sucking on them, my mouth immediately went numb and an overwhelming bitter taste spread over my tongue. As soon as the bitter taste got stronger instead of going away, I knew I was in for more then I bargained for. I turned to my friend and said, “This isn’t LSD.” And he was like “Yes it is.” I knew it wasn’t however. It had a bitter taste, which meant that is was most likely DOB, DOI, or ALD.  I knew that all three were substantially stronger then LSD because of my previous experiences with 2c-E, 2c-I, 25-I, and AMT. For me, one hit of a DO-X usually equals the strength of a 2-3-tab LSD trip. I had just taken three hits. I can’t be sure what exactly it was that I took because I have no way of testing it but by best guess is DOB. I had never done DOB though and I had no idea how strong it would be, made even stronger by the fact that I hadn’t tripped in months and my tolerance was as low as it was going to get.

The other big problem was Set and Setting. I was hanging out at my friend’s house with the owner and another one of my friends who drove. I will call the owner R and the driver and my friend J. R is a massive hippie with experience in many psychedelics but I don’t like hanging out at his house while I am tripping because it is very cluttered and gross. J is a hilarious pot dealer who I hang out with almost ever day.  One of the things that I really like about J is his ability to be sober while I am tripping and not piss me off by asking me all sorts of questions and making me feel like I am an animal in a zoo being watched.

Fool I am, I ignored the old saying, “if its bitter it’s a spitter” and kept the three tabs in my mouth. I knew my trip was going to be very strong but I was sure I would be able to handle it. I was at my friend’s house and when he had to leave and drive me home, my parents wouldn’t be home for a few hours. I assumed I would be able to act normal by the time they got home. I assumed wrong. Holy shit was I in for a surprise. Within 10 minutes I was overcome with a massive feeling of lightness in my chest. I though I was imagining it but then the corners of my vision began to waver. All I could think of was that this must be some sort of joke that it was coming on within 10 minutes. I repeated to my friend that this was diffidently not LSD because by this point, I began to see close eye visuals. They were not the organic visuals of LSD but the geometric math formula oriented visuals I had on other Do-X chemicals in the past. I didn’t mistype math-oriented visuals either. I see geometric shapes and in the background, I see tons of mathematic formulas that literally explain everything. They are usually complex Physics formulas; I recognized one as the threshold formula under the field of Relativity. I usually can’t make out the whole formula but I see enough to get the idea.

The first obvious open eye visuals were posters on the wall. A poster with many different stripes of color appeared to spin like a wheel. I knew I was in for something massive though because I could stare directly at the poster and it would still spin. It wasn’t distortions out of the corner of my eye; they were full on hallucinations within 15 minutes of dropping. Holy Fuck.

Within 30 minutes, my mental capacity was rapidly expanding in frightening ways. I started to forget how to do everything in ordinary life that I am used to and started to perceive language in my head that was build up of pictures and motion. The language was like Mandarin as in, the same picture could represent 3 or 4 different words depending on the way the picture moved, just like one word in Mandarin can mean 4 different things depending on the tone of voice when spoken. This language evolved into more and more complex meanings. Soon, I felt like I had discovered a completely new language and at the same time I understood all the flaws of the English language. I realized that English was way to obsolete and basic to ever convey what was learned from psychedelics. They were showing me their language which was so much more complex then English. One animated picture that I saw held a complete story. This is very hard to explain due to the fact that this language is not spoken or written in anyway. It is conveyed by pictures and images that each holds a wealth of information. I am just touching on the surface of this idea as it became much more relevant later.

It was now about 40 minutes since I had taken the tabs. By this point, the entire room that I was in was moving. My friend’s faces began to seem like they all had shadows covering them. It was like I was looking at the room through a light fog. I had never experienced this “fog vision” before except for on the comedown of a DMT trip and I would use the words “Rubber Vision” to describe that. I picked up this collapsible ball then my friend had and tried to calm down my racing thoughts and just focus on the ball. I broke it about 30 seconds later by trying to mold it into an abstract shape.  After this, I for the first time conveyed to my friends that I might be in over my head. This was a bad idea because I have much more experience with psychedelics then both of them put together and they had no idea what to tell me which further convinced me that I was in trouble. I still had the situation under control however. I was able to make jokes about my condition still. I started to really feel the dissociation at this point and it felt like I was only powering 50 percent of my body in this condition. I could move my head but it was really tough to get my brain to send the message through to my nerves to move my arms or legs. My speech became very muddled and took on a pitch that was much lower then normal, kind of like I had just inhaled a huge hit of Nitrous.

This is when things in general started to go downhill. Not to the point that I was worried, but to the point where I began to gradually set myself up for a bad trip by ignoring old rules that I had established for when I take hallucinogens due to my previous experience with them. One of my rules was to never watch anything on TV that was frightening, depressing, or provoked too much negative thought and worry about my state of life (such as a Michael Moore documentary). Due to my drug use though and already heavily altered state of mind, I decided that there was no way that some reality TV would negatively impact my trip.

I pulled out my laptop and decided to watch an Intervention episode about a woman who was addicted to Heroin who could maintain her habit because her mother was a terrible parent and gave her all the money she needed to buy Heroin, even using it with her own Daughter. For the first 10 minutes of the episode, I was fine although I was being a complete asshole and laughing at how stupid the poor heroin addicts were for getting themselves into this situation and not just quitting. (I really kicked myself later for my ignorance) About 15 minutes into the episode though I started to get very concerned, as the episode grew darker and plunged deeper into the addiction. I realized how easily this could happen to me with my addictive personality and then I realized how close I had been to a lifestyle like this at several points. I realized that if I had not quit some of my earlier habits I could be the one on this show, with my parents being the people that I was making fun of 10 minutes earlier. I realized then watching Intervention was a terrible idea and I shut it off but this had certainly negatively impacted my state of mind. It began to move my though process toward negative thought loops and I knew I needed to go outside and pull myself together.

I managed to convince R to go outside and smoke a cigarette with me. Standing up was hard and opening the door was harder. By the time I got out of the door, I completely forgot why I had stood up, let alone left the room and assumed that I was leaving my friend’s house. I was completely surprised when he came out after me and lit a cigarette. I lit my own and just stared at the road, not even talking.

Outside, the visuals seemed to calm down but the mental disarray started to build more and more. I had to sit down because I was literally falling over because my visual input felt like it was inconsistent with where my legs should be. I stared straight at the ground and watched as a pattern jumped from stepping stone to stepping stone, moving in an animated way very fluidly across at least 8 different rocks. I told R that I might be over my head. He asked again if I was close to ego death. I stared at him with disgust and confusion and he realized that I was in no condition to be talking. He told me that he was going inside and I suddenly realized that he had finished his cigarette. I hadn’t taken one puff off of mine and it had burned all the way to the filter.

This is where I began to have minor bouts of memory loss, which would really fuck with my mind and put me in complete states of confusion. It started when I turned around and was completely surprised to find myself at R’s house. Even though I had been at his house for hours, my brain was moving so fast and my thoughts were so complex and racing that my mind simply began to stop processing less relevant facts, such as where I actually was in real life. Because of this, my mind started to trick me and I found my utter loss of the ability to know where I was located unsettling at best. At this point, I had stopped joking around. I walked back into the room where J was smoking a blunt and just stated:

 “This isn’t good Gentlemen.”

I sat back down and this is the part where I started to loose the ability to talk just like while on shrooms. My mind was racing so fast that I would start a sentence, forget the next word, and in the second it took me to remember the word, my brain had moved on and I completely forgot why I had started the sentence and I would just stop talking and stare.  At this point, the only thing I could really say was “I can’t believe how strong this is”

The open eye visuals began to become so real that there was no way of telling that they weren’t there except for the fact that I knew it wasn’t possible that there were mathematical formulas floating and circling in between my fingers. I’m not joking there. I literally saw 5 or 6 mathematical equations that were floating around and snaking their way through my fingers. These were no ordinary open eye visuals though as I moved my hand and looked at it from every angle. The formulas circled my hands and rotated in 3d, never once fading, and they would be there whether I was looking right at my hand or just seeing them barley out of the corner of my eyes.

My friends began to look at me like I had lost my mind. They suggested that I take a hit off the blunt to calm myself down. I should have known better. I always use weed to bring up my trips into overdrive. Even worse, the blunt was laced with “Scooby Snacks,” the synthetic weed as well. I should have refused to hit the blunt but in my state of mind, I actually assumed that my friends knew what they were talking about and hit the blunt without questioning it. I took two long drags then realized how much of an idiot I was and quickly passed the blunt away.

About 3 minutes later, I started to begin fading away. I would close my eyes and instead of the normal close eye visuals, my entire consciousness would dissolve away and I would be seeing 360 degrees in my head into this vast desert. There were these huge totem poles rising out of the sand and spinning as if on a wheel, emerging and disappearing from the sand. Each totem pole represented a year of my life. I could see them rapidly emerging and I saw the quality of the year that was displayed on each pole was directly proportional to the construction of the pole. In hyper high definition detail, I looked at the totem pole with the most flaws in the woodwork, with cracks and pieces chipped out of the wood. I realized that this was the year that I was addicted to Duster and Adderall, I crashed my car, and realized that I would have to leave my college due to issues of not yet being mature enough to handle being on my own. I have since resolved these issues and am back in college but seeing this all before me in this completely real situation brought back bad memories. I then realized that I was not aware of anything in the real world anymore when I closed my eyes. There was only this endless desert. The realization of how deep I was in the Rabbit Hole hit me like a ton of bricks and I opened my eyes and I was back in the room, completely shaken. It took me about 30 seconds to realize that I was at my friends house and that I had been lying on the ground completely cut off from everything. I realized this had never happened before where I would close my eyes and suddenly loose all touch with reality and literally fade away from where I was to a different plane of existence.

(I wonder if this place was what convinced Heaven’s Gate that there was another level of existence that could be reached but you couldn’t reach it in your human form? Haha. As If. But in all seriousness, back to my dilemma)

J began to tell me that he was leaving soon and since he was my ride, I would be leaving also. I began to get very worried at this point because I knew I hadn’t even peaked yet, let alone been tripping for more then an hour, and I was going home where my parents would be in an hour or two, when I was tripping harder then I ever had off of 9 grams of mushrooms and 12 tabs of LSD.

By now, I had started to repeat the phrase: “I can’t see anything.”

This greatly confused my friends but I really could barely see. It wasn’t like my vision was going dark, there were so many visuals and my vision was strobing so fast that I couldn’t see a foot in front of me through the maze of exploding colors. J told me it was time to go home and he was going to drop me off at my house. At this point, I would normally have him drop me off at a local park and pick me up later and take me home but it was thundering and pouring down rain and that was out of the question. I should just have refused to leave R’s house. That was the only thing that would have saved me looking back. At the time though, I was so out of it, I though I could get away with it by just locking myself in my room and not making any noise and my parents would think I was doing homework.  I should have realized that there was no way to avoid talking to them eventually.

I left R’s house for real this time and walked with J to his car. On the way, I told him how hard I was tripping. The gravity of the situation that I was in and the utter mental confusion and turmoil was very intimidating.  The ride did nothing to calm my nerves. It felt like my friend was breaking every law, alerting everyone that we had drugs, almost like some sort of sick joke to scare me. In reality he was doing nothing wrong and driving great. He even managed to make me laugh for the first time in hours by rolling down all the windows, rocking the car, and screaming like he lost his mind. I laughed because it was such a preposterous sight and it temporarily shifted the chaos of my thoughts to something different.

I was so out of it by the time that I was almost home; it felt like I was floating away. I didn’t recognize my house and I looked J and asked him why we had stopped driving. He didn’t say anything and then I realized I hadn’t actually spoken out loud. I knew that I was indeed heading for an ego loss because each second that passed, the fight to stay on this planet became harder. Every second, I forgot more and more about my normal life. I started to get very concerned that I would just disappear, get lost among the raging and chaotic void that had consumed my mind and simply not exist any more. The feeling that I am trying to convey is very obscure but it is a very sobering feeling. This is the feeling that makes people want to fight the psychedelic experience when it starts because it feels like if you don’t do anything, you will just fade away.

(For those who are still with me, I know I am long winded but I try to elaborate as much as I can because I know there are people out there like me who want to read reports that are detailed about the trip.  Anyway, I’m reaching the climax of the trip.)

When I got to my house, the worst-case scenario happened. I discovered that I was locked out of my house, in a thunderstorm, with both of my parents at least an hour away. I sat in the car with my friend and tried to think of a way out of the situation but the only thing that I realized I could do was call my Dad. I wanted to give the phone to my friend to call him but realized that was not an option because my Dad would know in a second something was wrong if I couldn’t talk to him. I felt like I was Custer during his last stand as I dialed the number. I knew that it would take a superhuman effort to talk to him without going of on some ridiculous tangent or just forgetting how to talk while he asked me what the hell was going on. I knew that as soon as he was suspicious, it was over because I would in no way be able to explain myself in my condition. It was really a horrible situation knowing that I would probably give my self away calling him but had no choice. I called him. I summoned every sober cell in my body and focused on simple sentences, straight to the point.

He answered and I started off the conversation pretty good. He told me to check the basement door, as it might not be locked. I kept him on the line as I walked to the basement. The basement door was unlocked luckily. I told my Dad that I was inside but failed miserably saying goodbye and thanking him for the help. I couldn’t put together a sentence to end the conversation and I ended up saying a mix of broken statements, questions about the weather, and how I wouldn’t have been locked out in the first place if he had installed upgraded keyless locks. Then I just hung up.

Smooth

My last clear memory was entering my room and lighting up a cigarette as I pulled out my laptop. I wanted to attempt to write a trip report for Erowid while I was peaking but I failed completely as the English language lacked the words I needed. This is what I managed to type:

.Think about M MMMMM ./…………………/…./. how funny iy is got you right now. For every being in this un universe is limited to what you make of it jut sit here every day, take it all in, don’t disrupt life if any way Y9U TH8NI GHIDSHD S9DIGJ

IIITS GGGOOOTTT MEEEEEEEEEEE00000000-09-09-09-YOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOIUOIUOIUOIOIUOIUOIUIUIUO8IOUOI8UUFGGG-09000000000SHITSHYTShITYFUKFUCK!(())))))O

	HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYSSSHHHIIITTTT

GGGGFGGGGGGGGGGGGFGFGFGRT56FGHGFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRYTRYTRYC54XEWOOOOOLOLOLOLOL

123IRJOSJFDKDJJJJJJKLSDKJFA;LDKFJKDDDDDFDFDFDFDFDFDFDFDFDFDFDBFDBFDBF

What I was attempting to do was write about how pathetic free will was from the point of view of a god or creator as he watched his subjects obey but clearly, I lost it after the first few sentences. I entered the part of the trip where I was so cut off from my body, I had no idea what was real and what wasn’t anymore. My memory starts to experience huge gaps at this point too which led to my going to the hospital. The reason for this will make sense as you read on but what happened was that since there were gaps in my memory where I would move from one place to another, I became convinced that I had never left the place that I last remembered being in. This in turn convinced me that anything I saw past that point wasn’t real and I was still in my bed imagining it all. As you can probably guess, this phenomenon could pose real problems for me if say, I ended up in the hospital and was convinced it wasn’t real because I never remembered going there. That part comes later though.

This started while I was lying on my bed typing. The next thing I knew my laptop was gone and I was lying under the covers of my bed. In reality, I had thrown my laptop across the room and crawled under the covers but I didn’t remember anything. My memory just skips to the next point in time. This is where I lost all connection with the outside world entirely. From this point on, everything that I did in real life didn’t even occur to me because I wasn’t there. I was completely inside my mind and had no awareness of my body. Everything that I saw after this point was interpreted by my brain as being a creation of my mind and I knew that I had never left the bed where in reality, I was rolling on the floor naked and running around my house.

At this point for me, the only thing I could see was these four pictures that each represented 25% of reality. Together, each picture combined to make up one quarter of everything. These pictures broke apart and I was only able to view one at a time in rapid succession. I knew that I would never be able to go back to my normal reality unless I could mentally fit all of these four pictures back together in a linear sequence.  These four pictures are very hard to explain in themselves. Each picture was animated in a different way, with its own specific motion and color. I would play them one after another in my mind as fast as I could in an attempt to make them overlap each other. Sort of like when you flip pages in a book really fast and there is a picture that changes slightly each page that appears animated while flipping. The animation of the four pictures got slower and slower and I realized that I was loosing the fight and sliding farther and farther away from reality as these pictures stopped fitting together.

I started to count out loud from 1-4. Each number represented one of the four animated pictures I was seeing that I mentioned earlier. Number 1 was the upward pounding motion of these green blocks, 2 was a yellow spinning triangle, 3 was these dark blue bubbles that would stretch as if they were traveling at light speed, and 4 was a red flowing sea. Like I said, as hard as it may be to understand, each of these numbers and the pictures and motions they corresponded to ¼ of existence and I was currently failing to fix the gaping gap in reality that I had slipped away into. I went through this phase for what seemed like hours, with no awareness of where I was or what I was doing. I knew that if I stopped playing this sequence or I waited to long to repeat it and forgot a small detail, that it would be the end of me.

All I was concerned about was counting from 1 to 4 to over and over again, desperately try to set the raging broken reality back together.  Soon, I couldn’t count past 3 before forgetting what I was doing and having to start again. Soon I couldn’t count past 2. I knew that this was it. I had failed to correct the rift and now I would never go back to my life. I knew that tomorrow, life would go on, my parents would never know they had had a son since I had in effect, slipped away into a different plane of reality in another dimension. I imagined a scenario straight out of a time travel movie where I changed the past and thus altered the present. My parent’s lives would go on, never knowing they had a son. I would disappear from all of the pictures, my room would be a guest room, and there would be no evidence I ever existed. This was completely terrifying.

In real life however, my mom had gotten home. I’m my desperate quest to count from 1-4, I had removed all of my clothes, lit several cigarettes, and was rolling back and forth on my bed holding my head and screaming. I had knocked over my bookshelf and my dresser, thrown my laptop, and as she walked in, I was currently busy putting a cigarette out into the wall. This would be a horrifying sight for anyone to walk into. My mom immediately began trying to find out what I had taken and she called my Dad to come home right away but you will not fucking believe how I perceived this experience.

In my state, I didn’t remember my mom coming into my room. I became aware of a presence that looked like my Mom but since I didn’t remember her coming into my room (one of the gaps in my memory), I became convinced that it was some sick trick played on me by my mind and she wasn’t really there. I knew that I was still on my bed, typing on my laptop. I can’t believe how small gaps in your visual input can convince you that nothing is real.  In my mind, she was an entity created by the drug to get me to give up the fight to bring myself back. I truly thought that the drug was using my mom as the entity to do its bidding because the drug knew that I would be more likely to give myself into it if it used someone I knew in real life.

She asked me over and over again what I had taken and screamed my name and asked what I had done to myself.  This is where it gets even more surreal. My mind was receiving such little visual input that I actually saw complete loops of action that were played over and over again. My mom would come into the room, ask what I had taken, open my draws, scream my name, and then leave the room crying. Then she would come in again exactly like she had the first time, angry and asking me what I had taken, then she would open all of my drawers, scream my name some more, then leave again. This same scene kept repeating in my head, exactly the same as the time before which made me realize with absolute clarity that what I was experiencing could not be real and had to be a creation of the drug.

I then started to realize that to escape from this mental torment, I would have to do something to disrupt the loop of my “mom” coming into the room, yelling at me, searching my drawers, then leaving crying. This really seemed like the only logical course of action so the next time my mom came in and asked me what I had taken I answered “enough to get where I needed” I was convinced that if I could keep answering her questions then I could trip her up and prove that what was happening was in fact not real therefore causing me to break out of my mind and wind up back on my bed with my laptop.  In reality, this led to a completely insane exchange of dialogue that my mom relayed some of to me later. Ill try to remember some parts.

Mom: What did you take?

Me: Would it really make a difference even if you knew?

Mom: Come on! What is the matter with you?

Me: Matter defines anything with mass and volume in a three dimensional space! There is no “matter” where I am right now.

Mom: (Screams my name)

Me: You know that tone of voice you just used was the same as the 5th time you came into my room!

Mom: I need to know what your on!

Me: I’m on the second floor of a structure that is known as a house.

Mom: WHAT DID YOU TAKE??!

Me: I didn’t take ANYTHING! The only thing that was TAKEN was my sanity, livelihood, and it appears my clothes!

Mom: (Screams my name again and pleads for me to stop)

Me: You’re not even real. I’m sitting in my bed. This is fun isn’t it? Any more questions?”

Mom: Oh my god…

This literally went on and on for im guessing a good 20 minutes. I was completely out of my mind but what I was doing seemed to make perfect sense. I was answering her questions with logic and my own questions about her since I “knew” she wasn’t real. I scared the fucking shit out of my mom. I feel really bad that she had to see me like that. I wish I had stayed at my friend’s house…

It was now probably 3 hours or so after I dosed initially. At this point my mom had called my dad and he was on his way home. My mom had given up trying to handle me in this state and had gone to her room to wait for my dad. I have virtually no memory of this part. The only thing I remember was a surprisingly sober moment where I walked down to my basement, got a water out of the refrigerator, and then sat down at my keyboard and played “Moonlight Sonata” My next memory was me back on my bed which further confirmed my belief that nothing was real, with my dad’s voice now yelling at me, saying the exact same things that my mom did, but of course without all of the crying and emotional bullshit (he had much experience with psychedelics when he was younger and he knew his shit on the subject) I didn’t see him at all while I was in the room which led to the next catastrophe.

The next thing I know I am in the back of my mom’s car and we are driving. I have no idea where we are. I don’t recognize the roads that I drive on every day. More importantly, I don’t remember leaving my room, which once again reinforces my indisputable logic that this was not real, I was imagining it. I realize I can’t move anywhere and I discover that my Dad is holding both my arms very tightly. Since I never saw him in my room, I instantly am fooled into another insane though loop of self-deception. This one however was a lot worse. It went something like this: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Another god damn trick! Now the drug is taking the form of my Dad!

Since I am driving on an endless looped highway in my mind, I realize that the stakes have been raised since I failed to break out of the thought loop when the drug was impersonating my mom. Now, I was on the road that would lead to the end of me! I have to get out of this car! RIGHT NOW! We were driving down the highway at 80 miles per hour and I suddenly start trying to push my Dad off of me and open the door and jump out. He grabs me by around the neck to stop me from getting the door open. I elbow him but he gets his arm around me and holds on really tight, trying desperately not to hurt me. In my state of mind, being grabbed and physically restrained was like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it. I started screaming and fighting for my life. I was kicking and squirming around, trying to get some leverage so I could get out of his grip and get out of the car so I would be back in my room. I kicked my dad away and started pounding on the window, determined to break it and fling myself out. My dad grabbed me again and this time put me in a wrestling “arm bar” where the side of his arm was pressed into my face and nose. The pain was almost unbearable (due to how much I was struggling, there was literally nothing else my dad could do. I’m 19 years old, as tall as he is, and he taught me how to wrestle years ago)

I realized that I couldn’t beat him though and decided that I needed to employ deception to escape from this just like the drug was using against me. I became very calm, turned to my Dad and told him that I was sorry and I acted like I was completely calm. He gradually loosened his grip and then just held my hand. After a few minutes he let go of me. I waited for about 30 seconds then lunged for the door. I got it open this time and was about to jump out when he grabbed me by the neck and pulled me back into the car. I tried this stupid stunt at least three times before I gave up. Another reason that it didn’t occur to me that what was happening might actually be real was my complete lack of physical sensation. When my dad would grab me, it would hurt for a second but then quickly fade and there would be no marks or bruises on my arm. (There really were but I was just to fucked to see them.) This seemed impossible to me, which cemented my logic that everything was fake and I was still in my room.

The next thing I know, I am sitting in the waiting room of a hospital. I knew that I was in a hospital but I was under the impression that I was still in my room and I was now peaking. I though that this was the final test the drug was going to throw at me. To me, here was the scenario as I saw it: I was sitting in the hospital, waiting to be led to the morgue. My Dad was sitting next to me and he looked so defeated and sad. (In real life, he was completely exhausted from fighting me for an hour and disappointed in the situation, as well as scared for my well being) I though that the drug was showing me my death, and showing me my dad’s sadness resulting from losing his son. I could not let myself be taken farther into this hospital! It would be the end of me.

I stood up and attempted to walk out of the waiting room. My dad jumped up and grabbed me. Security ran over just as my dad got me under control. They walked away as my dad sat me down and returned to where they were originally standing. This seemed so absurd, such a pre determined sequence with no negative repercussions. (Everyone knew what I was on, my Dad had told them I took acid and he said he had it under control so security returned) In my mind this was not possible. I would have been arrested and restrained. So I tried to run out again. Same result. I knew that I would have to be clever. I said I needed to use the bathroom but my dad insisted on coming with me. I went in for a few seconds and looked for a vent or anything to climb through but had no luck. I tried to run out the door but was caught. I told my dad that I just “needed to go out to my car in the parking lot” because I though if I could just get outside then I would be back home. My dad just shook his head. I knew I had failed to escape and was running out of tries. My dad was just shaking his head because I was claiming that I drove here by myself, which was absurd, but I just needed a split second to make my escape. I tried several more methods of getting out including acting like I was going to get a pamphlet on depression then slipping out the door but was stopped by security.

Eventually my Dad told me straight up that the police were going to have to get involved if I didn’t calm down. This stopped me in my tracks because it didn’t make any sense. This was the first time that I had heard him say something different. (I was starting to come down slightly) I stopped fighting really quick after that because I knew that no matter what was going on and what was real, police were bad. I calmed down and just sat there, waiting to see what would happen next. My name was called and my Dad led me back to the first room you enter, where they take your information, insurance, and give you a wristband with your information. I cooperated for a while but when they told me that I was going to be staying the night, I again became panicked and was a total pain in the ass. I removed the blood pressure gauge from my arm and once again claimed that I just wanted to run outside to my car for just a second. They refused and the nurse called over security who told me once again that the police were going to be involved if I didn’t stop. They were very serious and their tone of voice sent me into one of the scariest moments of the ordeal.

It suddenly dawned on me why I was in the hospital and why there were huge gaps in my memory, the last clear memory being me in my room. I must have gotten in my car, driven away from my house, and surly caused an accident where people died. That explained the gaps in my memory and how I went from my room to the hospital. I had killed people. In my drug-induced negligence, I had gotten behind the wheel and because of that, I had killed someone. This realization hit me so hard that I almost fell over from a panic attack. I knew that I had done this and all these scattered memories from the past few hours were the result of me going insane because what I had done. I knew that my brain had created all of these fake memories to shield me from the terrible realization that my life was over. I was in a state of denial, my brain still trying to prevent me from coming to terms with the fact that I was going to wake up in the hospital and be informed of what my actions had caused. I knew I was going to jail for manslaughter. I was in the hospital because I had gone insane and was not yet fit to stand trial. That’s why security was watching me so closely and wouldn’t let me leave! That’s why I was being restrained this whole time!

H.O.L.Y S.H.I.T.

At this point I began hyperventilating uncontrollably. It felt like my heart stopped beating and I was afraid that I was just going to pass out.  This is the scariest moment that I have ever had on drugs. Luckily, one of the nurses realized what I was thinking after I asked her how many people I killed when would I remember and assured me that nobody was hurt. Thank god.

I was led away from my Dad and told to change into the hospital gown.  This task seemed as complex as diffusing a bomb. I want to stop to point out for a second here that at this point, I wasn’t hallucinating anymore really. I was still in a state of complete mental confusion with no idea that I was actually in the hospital. I just could not shake my logic away that I am still at my house.

For the next few hours in the hospital, I slowly gave up on trying to escape. I realized that I was never going to get out of the hospital because my mind was still playing tricks on me. There would be these really weird occurrences where I would be able to predict exactly what the nurses would say and ask me periodically through the next few hours because my mind was still so behind my input that I was living a staggered existence. In real life a nurse would come in, hook up the Iv’s ask me questions and leave. For me, I wouldn’t even be aware of the time they actually came into the room. I would imagine it happening a few minutes after it actually happened which is why it would play in loops in my head if I didn’t cooperate. The event had actually happened already and so I would just be in this endless loop of refusing the Valium and Ativan that seemed to go on for hours when in reality, I already had taken the pill and been given the shot.

The point where I started to realize that I had ended up in the hospital was probably around 7:00 at night. A doctor came in and explained to me that I was having a bad trip and that I would be staying here until I calmed down enough to go home.  I was still tripping so hard that I didn’t believe that I was in the hospital but it began to dawn on me that maybe I was going to wake up in the hospital tomorrow. I was a day behind in my brain. I still had no sense of time and I was surprised by how brief my visit in the hospital seemed to me. I lay in bed with my eyes as open as they could go and just stared at the wall. It seemed like 10 minutes later, the nurse came in with my parents and said that it was Midnight and I was free to go home.

I apologized to my parents many times. My mom actually made a joke referencing my insane counting from 1-4 when she found me in my room. I looked at her in horror. “Holy Shit! That was real?” I realized that everything that I had though wasn’t real after I had left my room was completely real. I really fought my parents, tried to jump out of a car, said some really embarrassing things as well as removed my clothes, and I made them have to sit in the hospital with me for hours. I felt terrible after that.

I was worried for a while that this meant that I would never be able to take a Psychedelic drug again. The day after the incident, I realized that all this ordeal had did was give me the upmost respect for hallucinogenic drugs and crushed my idea that I was immune to the bad trip. It can happen to anyone when they get out of their league. I had read plenty about people blacking out and reporting similar things that I did while having no awareness of the actions in real life. I just dismissed this as if it would never happen to me. I stand here today saying that I am an idiot. I assumed that I could take it, let alone take it and be okay in front of my parents. I will never make this mistake again.

If you have read this far, I thank you very much and I hope you enjoyed this report. Its been about 2 months since this happened. I have taken the same tabs about 10 times since then, never taking more then 2. I will not take 3 again unless I am completely sure that I will be alone for 12+ hours. I probably would have been okay on the 3 if my parents were not home or I had stayed at my friend’s but that not the choice I made and I should have realized. Thank you again for reading and I wish everyone here the best in their journeys!

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 98139

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Dec 28, 2015	Views: 14,157

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DOB (19), LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), What Was in That? (26), Various (28)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 0:45
		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 0:45
		 5 carts.
		 inhaled
		 Nitrous Oxide
		 (gas)

		   T+ 2:05
		 25 mg
		 oral
		 4-HO-DiPT

		   T+ 2:05

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 inhaled
		 Nitrous Oxide
		 (gas)

		   T+ 2:05
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

This experience happened two weeks ago as of this writing. I was out of town visiting an incredible girl who for anonymity purposes will be known as X from this point forward. This was near the end of my visit, and it would be our third time taking psychedelics together. On this trip I had tried 4-HO-MiPT and nitrous oxide each for the first time, and together. I found the combination quite enjoyable, especially after coming off of a dose of DMT, so I was eager to try the nitrous on LSD this time. X also told me that 4-HO-DiPT would make a good addition to the LSD experience, so she prepared me 25 mg to take at a later point and then pulled out four sugar cubes.

I decided that I wanted to see how these doses were going to hit me first, so I ate two sugar cubes. It occured to me as they were dissolving in my mouth that this would be more like a true oral dose than I was used to, as opposed to letting it sit on the tongue longer first, so I figured it might take a little longer to creep in too. X took her dose, and we just talked for a bit. At T+0:45 I was starting to feel pretty good, so I went ahead and ate the other two sugar cubes as well.

X likes to use nitrous to kick in her trips, so she started preparing balloons for us. The sound still got me off guard a bit, but I was getting more used to it. I want to say that she loaded somewhere between five and six chargers for me for the first balloon, with the most I'd done before being around four or five.

Around the time that I was really starting to feel the second dose kicking in and the first one approaching a peak, we got in bed together and prepared to inhale. Each time that I've had a balloon of nitrous so far, I've been feeling that there's definitely a traditional psychelic feel to it in the sense that I feel like the furthest into the dissociation I can go is only limited by how much I'm willing to let go of my normal consciousness, and to an extent how much I inhale of course. In my last encounter with it I had noticed that as the effects would start setting in there would be some anxiety about not being able to monitor my own health anymore the higher I got, and as I got higher there was also a feeling like I might pass out. After talking to X about this and putting more though into it, I realized that this was just my mind reacting to entering a drastically altered state, and it should be ignored. I tried to keep that in mind this time around.

As I held in lungfuls of nitrous, I felt the same tug as before, but I simply released myself into the experience and charged forward. A very orgasmic body feeling was steadily increasing, but at the same time I felt like I was becoming less aware of it. My field of vision mostly consisted of the ceiling with some bits of the wall in front of us in my lower peripherals, and suddenly textures began to appear as if they were constantly spinning around a point in the center of my vision but without ever leaving one set part of the circle, if that makes sense. Everything just had an intense rushing feel to it, and what I was seeing actually began to look like a desert (the first one that came to mind for me was Nevada) that I was seeing through a distorted lens like tunnel vision, and the sky was light blue along with some more minor psychedelic colors like neon greens and purples. There was an RV along the horizon of the image, and it appeared to be moving I think because of the way everything was still spinning, but I feel like it was actually parked. There were two girls hanging out outside of the RV, and the only thing I really remember about them is that they had long hair and were wearing sunglasses and daisy dukes. I just watched this scene for a moment before the effects started to fade and I began remembering that I was lying in bed in the hotel room. I definitely made it a lot further out with the nitrous that time than I had before.

X and I talked and laughed about our experiences, and at T+2:05 I decided to take my 25 mg of 4-HO-DiPT. We also decided to smoke some weed in the meantime. This is about the last time I really payed attention to time for while. While smoking we were just talking about various things - I recall trying to explain the way in which weed makes my life feel more 'third person' when I'm tripping - and X was loading us more balloons of nitrous. This time I want to say that I went with seven or eight chargers. X had told me that the 4-HO-DiPT would be kicking in pretty quickly and I was definitely starting to feel an extra energy building up, so I figured this balloon would probably kick in that trip as well.

We got back in bed and prepared to dive in again. What it was exactly escapes me now, but X mentioned noticing something odd as part of the experience in taking the nitrous, and I attempted to give some perspective on it but I forgot what I was saying almost as quickly as I started talking, and X just told me to keep inhaling. She continued to do this while I kept laughing, which is good because I honestly don't think I would have remembered to do so on my own. My vision was becoming replaced my two gigantic gears which were grinding against each other in opposite directions.

My vision was becoming replaced my two gigantic gears which were grinding against each other in opposite directions.

 I was aware of this entire structure, but where my perspective was located was zoomed down to a microscopic level along the border where these two gears met. At this level, it was clear that the ridges of the gears were actually female faces; this is the same kind of visual I've had before when smoking Syrian rue on LSD years ago. However, this time it was more animated and remind me of the kinds of visuals I get from tripping while drunk.

Along the border, the faces were making out with each other, and if I watched them for long enough they would expand to full abstract scenery and perceptions of people. The cartoony visionary aspect of the visuals I was getting reminded me of combining LSD with mushrooms, but it was more futuristic and technicolor, more energetic. The combination was very nice. The imagery that was forming was always very romantic or erotic.

X and I talked more about our experiences as they were beginning to level out, and I noticed that all of my psychedelic doses were now running in full force. We both felt like exploring the outside world for a while, so after a little bit of preparation we went out for a walk. The first thing we really came across was a bridge covered in graffiti, one part of which was explicitly psychedelic. We took some pictures and then walked around some more trying to decide what to do. Eventually we decided to head down to the nearby nature preserve and check it out, which turned out to be a pretty good idea. There was really no one else there at any of the stops we went to, so we just got to enjoy the mindset of beauty of it all. I got to see forests and valleys way beyond what I normally get to see at home, and some gorgeous lakes as well at the bottom of those. The psychedelics of course only made this all even more wonderful, as did getting to enjoy it all with X. I took lots of pictures and just appreciated life for a bit.

I would say that by this point the 4-HO-DiPT was starting to lose most of its influence on me - it really does hit fast and then not last too long - but the LSD had switched more into its second phase which is always more stimulating to me. X and I had actually been talking about the studies researching the differences in these two phases earlier on and so we were both eager to see if doing nitrous again would be different this time around after we allowed that transition to happen. Eventually we headed back to the hotel room to find out.

Upon arrival we smoked more weed while X prepared the balloons, and this time I definitely used eight more chargers. The visuals had died down a little bit by the time we returned, but even just being back in that room was bringing back the feeling from before a bit again. However, when the nitrous was kicking in this time, there was almost no significant visual focus whatsoever, but rather an auditory one, which isn't really something I had gotten from nitrous before. I thought it was interesting because X and I had been talking about DiPT earlier when in the preserve, and now I was getting an experience with a strong auditory component. We were still just talking during our experience, and everything that we said was echoing several times and hearing registered in a very low pitch. During this experience X also imparted to me something of great importance to remember, so I did my best to take it to heart. We continued our discussions until the effects began to wind down again, and then we decided to smoke some weed and order some pizza. We just ordered it from a local place, but it was freaking delicious!! It was definitely a great way to feel refreshed at the end of a long day.

We ended up doing nitrous once more after this which was mostly just a refresh of the earlier experience for me, and I remembered what X had told me. Afterwards we ended up watching a movie that X really wanted me to see and that fit the mood of the trip for me perfectly, and then we ended up ending the night on an (innocent) romantic note, before finally going to bed.

X kept saying about this experience that it had a strong anti-anxiety effect on her, and I would definitely have to say the same about my own. I laughed a lot and really enjoyed myself. The LSD and 4-HO-DiPT also made for a beautiful combination, and being able to let go into the nitrous more than I had before several times left me feeling even more confident than I had already been feeling lately with all the tripping I've been doing. As this was also the last full day of my visit with X too, I felt it was a very nice send off. It left me in pretty high spirits when I got home.

The last note I would add is that I would really like to try 4-HO-DiPT by itself some time too. It certainly seemed like it has some promise to me, and the onset and duration seem like they'd make it very practical. I can say at least that it made for an excellent complement to the first phase of the LSD.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 103265

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Feb 28, 2016	Views: 5,465

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LSD (2), Nitrous Oxide (40), 4-HO-DiPT (281) : Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   135 lb

Mid January - I am at the peak of my existence in terms of health, energy, and happiness. Present and happy to be here now I have been practicing Kundalini Yoga regularly for 4 months now and it has opened many doors and caused me to be moving faster than ever before in my path in life. For about three weeks I have been practicing every day, sometimes twice a day and feel great. I had also been setting a lot of intentions through my spiritual practice- to embody the essence of love and to be open and honest with my actions among others. These intentions, in the process of reshaping my life would shape my trip as well. All my other psychedelic and spiritual experiences had taught me so much about life and truth that I couldn’t imagine that I had much more to learn. One thing I was interested in learning more about was the nature of our dreams. This inquiry I submitted into the universe gently and patiently to see what I would be taught. Along with my personal spiritual practice I have met many wonderful and open people who share my beliefs and goals in life. Among these is A, a new friend who has experienced many other natural psychedelics and such but has never experienced LSD. I, having dabbled in it enough to consider myself experienced, enthusiastically agree to share her first experience with her. It is at this point that our journey began.

I kind of wanted to take a large dose, but wanted to be on the same level as A. We agreed to take 2 each. I took the vial and gently dropped two on each of our tongues. This acid is called Amber and tastes unusually bitter. We talked and played some music, waiting for the trip to begin.

It took about 45 minutes to start feeling the effects, first some interesting body sensations and then distortions in perception. The visuals kicked in for A before they did for me, probably due to the fact that I had eaten relatively shortly before dosing. They started to work for me too and I began to have an urge to go outside. It was very cold for Texas, about 30 degrees and it took us forever to bundle up and go outside. Finally I managed to get my water bottle and my keys and we headed out. I was struck by more rainbows than I had ever witnessed before. The sky, which had been dark and cloudy for days, cleared up enough to glimpse the striking contrast of the black night sky behind the swiftly moving clouds. I saw what I perceived on a microscopic level to be each individual water molecule connected to create the whole cloud. Everything was changing and flowing and it looked marvelous. After staring awestruck for a little longer we proceeded to migrate to an elementary school field in my neighborhood. This took a long time because everything looked amazing! The concrete seemed to be sinking in twisting patterns and the trees reached out to us, beckoning with bright rainbows streaming through them.

A and I laughed and ambled along and I was struck with a certain familiarity, as though I had known her forever and we had been on journeys together before, though we had only met a few months ago. We surmised it may have been previous lifetimes. Finally we made it to the field and it seemed that the grass was reaching up at us and waving in those same rainbow patterns. We lay up at the sky again and talked and stared. The half moon made a surprise appearance, cascading brilliant white light through the void in the clouds. Everything was so beautiful. After probably 3 hours, we were both freezing and decided to head back. I was once again struck by the grandeur of the trees but the low temperature rushed me along. We came across an immensely fluffy cat, whom I consider a neighborhood friend. The cat’s personality cracked me up as in unabashedly rolled all over the place seeking attention. I sensed the energy present inside this cat and respected it as its own being. We made our farewells and then proceeded to continue on the path to my apartment.

When we got inside I truly realized how cold we had been out there. My fingers and toes were numb at the tips and I massaged them to try and bring back sensation. I was very calm and clearheaded at this point and felt at complete peace. My mind, usually assailed by thought torrents, was completely serene. I felt meditative and calm, relaxed and immobile. A and I sat on the couch together and talked some more. She attempted to describe to me what was going on in her mind and what thoughts, ideas, and sounds were popping up. What she was saying seemed so amusing to me and I tried to imagine it but felt only the calm detachment of my mind. After awhile I got up to stretch and briefly did some yoga poses. I couldn’t really focus on a complete set so I just let it flow as I felt. It was about 3 in the morning at this point and most of the visuals had tapered out. I began to think about how sore my body was and how much I would appreciate a massage. Then I thought about how I can help other people and was struck with sudden inspiration to give A a massage. I just felt out what would feel good to me and proceeded to give her what I was feeling. I could tell she really appreciated it and it made me happy to be able to help and show my love. A received a text message from our instructor at this point which ordered her to arrive promptly at the yoga studio for morning Sadhana which she is required to do as part of teacher training. We didn’t quite know what to make of it and I was sorry to see her go so soon, but I made her some cereal and berries and sent her off with a blessing.

At this point I decided that I would make myself cereal and smoke weed and then go to sleep. It was cold and I was exhausted. This is when things really went crazy in my mind. I hadn’t smoked weed for a day or two prior and was not expecting in the least bit what was going to happen.

I hadn’t smoked weed for a day or two prior and was not expecting in the least bit what was going to happen.

 I fixed myself cereal, loaded my bong and took a few good rips. It was a creeper and I found myself in a completely altered state of awareness very suddenly a couple of minutes after smoking. My mind which had been so calm and tranquil earlier began to run at least four times as fast as usual. I was filled with all these crazy noises and bizarre cartoon-like thought voices. It took me a little bit to orient myself and I realized that this was my glimpse into the parade of A’s mind, which she had only been able to describe to me earlier. I found myself amused and challenged by the constant thought barrage. The invasive thoughts were not limited to the likes of A’s mind but rather were what I perceived to be auric energy imprints of other people whom I had interacted with recently or frequently. Some of the thoughts seemed like insignificant background noise, others were invalidating bullshit, and some were just bizarre.

I found the amusement within to take the situation very lightly so there was no point in which I was out of control. I found I just had to keep on recentering myself amidst all this hullaballoo to remain connected to truth and love. I used all the tools of acceptance and detachment which I have learned in previous psychedelic episodes and through my spiritual practice.  Many thought forms and torrents were from my friend H, whose mind I have entered once before in the depths of a strong acid trip. I realized the residual effects resulted in creating a channel between our minds through which thoughts, ideas, and emotions could travel. This was fascinating yet dangerous and I feel that this experience truly helped me to realize the effects people can have on each other. We have tremendous potential as groups for motivation and growth, yet there is also immense danger when people use this influence for manipulation and deceit. Thankfully, I was in a position where I could clearly see beyond all the psychobabble and cut through to pure truth in love, or else this would have been a different story entirely.

Everything in my mind was happening so fast at this point that its hard to recall clearly, but I learned many things. My request to learn about dreaming was answered and I realized the nature of dreams, as alternate aspects in the dual nature of consciousness. What I mean by this is that what happens in our daily waking life that affects us on a subconscious level is mirrored in our dreams. These can be very subtle things that affect our mindset which may be exaggerated greatly in the framework of our dreams. I realized that our dreams are also not limited to ourselves but are also influenced by others whom we interact with and the thought-forms which they generate.

Another interesting thing I realized was that I had been given this psychedelic experience already in the dream state the night before. This was not the first time it had happened but one of the most pronounced times which it had happened in a while. For almost a year prior, I had had these dreams in which I was a third person observer of my waking state, making comments and watching myself intently in the process of daily activities. When I awoke I would always forget the dream, but smoking marijuana brought about awareness and remembrance and allowed me a shortsighted (30 second-couple of minute) premonition of what events were going to take place, what would be said and done-etc. I realized that I had made this agreement in my dream last night that part one of my trip (as well as my dream) would be filled with clarity while part two would serve as the mirror in which I would experience all the auric attachment and subconscious thought analyzation mumbo-jumbo in order to learn the what I needed to.

Everything was happening so fast I could barely keep up. I felt my chakras vibrating, spiraling, and going crazy. I felt all of them but some were definitely more pronounced. My naval chakra felt very strong and I realized that this was why I was remaining centered during this crazy mind hurricane and was a result of daily navel strengthening exercises of kundalini yoga. My heart also felt open and this was the source of my acceptance and openness to love so I could let go of all of the unwanted thoughts. However, the most intense feeling of the chakras resided in the third eye, from which I felt the most intense throbbing and pulsing of my life. It seemed like a sky beam shooting out of my forehead and into the universe. I got an intense urge to meditate and abandoned my cereal to go lie on the couch. I tried to focus but like I said my mind was going 4 times faster than normal and every time I tried to focus my awareness had already fled to some other fancy.

The same thought pattern looped in my mind: A bizarre thought would come up, I would accept it and realize that I was God (endowed with infinite creative energy), then I would realize that this meant that it was my duty to affirm all that is God through love. I would hear the universe laughing in this little jingle sound as all the molecules which make up all that is manifest would vibrate with joy. Then the whole process would begin again! This took less than a second but happened continually and was actually quite amusing. I looked up at my ceiling fan and saw this ancient script spiraling and making up the form of the fan. I looked around the room and realized that this script was what composed everything. It was one word and I knew it meant love. It was continually moving but I saw that it contained some sort of molecular code for the composition of all objects. Perhaps this was the source of manifestation seen it yet another light!

I closed my eyes and really felt my body. The last Kundalini kriya I had done the night of this trip was targeted very much toward solar energy or Pingala. According to yogic science, chakras are aligned along the shushmana, the central energy channel along the spine. Spiraling in a double-helical fashion similar to that of DNA are the lunar and solar energy channels: Ida and Pingala, respectively. The left nostril is responsible for Ida while the right is so for Pingala. This gained a whole new meaning for me as I felt the intense split in power between my right and my left side. My left felt thick and heavy and when I closed my eyes I saw a purple-blue moving maze on my whole left side. My right on the other hand felt airy and almost empty and when I closed my eyes I saw yellow-orange-green spirals. I felt as though the solar kriya had made my energies go off balance with my solar almost depleted. This also served to explain my calm meditative state of the night before (and may also have something to do with my lack of sleep). The disparity was so intense that when I closed my eyes and tried to travel up and down the chakras, I was unable to because I had a sort of skewed double-vision, akin to astigmatism. This amused me and empowered because it was an affirmation of the power that the Kundalini Yoga was giving me.

Amid all these rapid revelations was the same recurring theme: I am God, I have the infinite power to create things into manifestation, as part of the Source, I am the Source. But every time I got caught into the wonder of the power always the universe reminded me laughing that this was all love, my power was intended for good, for the greater service to humanity. There was no place for the ego. I realized that this would be my biggest challenge as growing to become an enlightened being I needed to be responsible with my gifts and not get caught up in an ego-trip.

I closed my eyes and began to get rapid visions of the past, present, and future. I saw that my weakness, arrogance, was inherited from my father in my DNA but that I could let go of it and live with love first, through continual and vigilant determination and practice through service of the greater good of humanity. Certain messages and bits of information relevant to my immediate life were transmuted to me in the forms of images and words: “You are a very special being, and are here on this planet at this time for an important and specific reason to assist in a global transformation. This time on earth is very crucial, everything is moving faster and further than ever before. There is about to be a massive shift, in which you will play a huge part. Austin is going to be one of the crucial centers for this transformation so it is very important for you to be here now. I saw images of many of the wonderful people whom I have met in this community and realized that we were all here together right now for this grander purpose. I saw my spirit- light, bright, colorful, mischievous, and perpetually filled with the wonder of a child. I knew I was here to move quickly on an accelerated course in life so I could help and heal others with my love. I saw all the people in my life- my relatives and how they had shaped me as a child, though I was wild and had flown into the world to be free. I saw so many old friends and family who were not ready to take the jump, let go of fear, and live for love. Their spirits were delicate and beautiful but suppressed by some areas of darkness, knots of fear. I loved them but I knew they were on their own paths and would come home to love in time on their own.

In the mean time all I could do was keep space in my heart and let my love flow to them. I saw in particular my (step)sister M, my oldest friend whom I have grown up with. I saw her spirit, also light, airy, interspersed with glittery iridescent swirls of color- aqua, coral, cream, and teal. I saw how important her purpose was in life, how we had been partners in past lifetimes in many different types of relationships and how integral our roles had been in each other’s growth and development. I saw how deeply she had been wounded in this lifetime so far and all the steps she had made to uncover her brightness in the healing process. I knew she would grow above and beyond and that our roles in each others paths would continue and strengthen over time. All these revelations filled me with wonder and remembrance of purpose and I glowed with gratitude to be exactly where I was in my journey in life.

After awhile the visions subsided and I realized that I had pretty much completely come down. I thought about all I had learned and been shown and tried to remember it all even though it had come so fast. I’m sure there are things that I have forgotten. In conclusion, though I have already grasped the larger scope of the meaning and purpose in life, there is always more to learn and experience on the journey. The overall theme of this trip for me was that the animating love energy of the soul is infinite in scope and power, yet it is only through love and service that it may be tapped into and expanded.

This trip definitely empowered me and assured me of my purpose and path in existence. I am very grateful to myself for keeping strong with my daily practice of Kundalini Yoga, which has strengthened and transformed me to a degree where I was able to accept these insights. I am equally grateful to my friends and teachers who have helped me get to the point where I am at. As for LSD,  though it has taught me much I don’t want to trip too often, because I believe that psychedelics are great tools for awakening, but it is through a daily practice and discipline that we really progress over time, continually laying the foundation for being and becoming who we are. However, next time I do choose to trip I plan to go full out and take 6 or more hits and see what the universe has to show me this time. Namaste :)

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 89368

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Apr 19, 2016	Views: 5,526

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LSD (2), Yoga / Bodywork (202) : Combinations (3), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)