		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 3.5 g
		 oral
		 Mushrooms

		   T+ 0:20
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		   T+ 0:25
		 200 mg
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 0:00

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   155 lb

I had Wanted to do something fun on the coming 4th of July Sunday that was approaching. I had never done mushrooms before and I heard of some very good ones that a friend of a friend had. After I got mushrooms I knew that I wanted to do a full cut for my first experience. On the 4th, I met up with two friends who were also going to trip with me. They had done mushrooms before I had not. Anyone I asked how much I should do my first time suggested I did not do the full cut I had planned on doing. But I was stubborn and did not know what they were like and thought I could handle it.

Anyone I asked how much I should do my first time suggested I did not do the full cut I had planned on doing. But I was stubborn and did not know what they were like and thought I could handle it.

It was a very hot day. I’d say it was around 85 to 90 degrees outside. We met up at a park near my house after I got off work. It was about 1 p.m. and I was ready to get my trip started. Between me and my two friends we had psybocilin, lsd, mdma(molly), and marijuana. We all ate our mushrooms in our respectable doses, mine of course being a cut or 3.5 grams. Also when I got the mushrooms I picked out a huge cap which weighed to be about 2.4 of my 3.5 gram cut. I ate it all. We then moved to a different spot and as we walked I suggested we go all out and do everything we had. I bartered with my friend to give me two doses of molly and intern I would give him and our other friend some acid.

About 20 minutes a dropped a hit of acid on my tongue then 5 minutes after that I ate two doses of pure molly crystal out of the bag it was in. I wanted to walk somewhere to buy a bottle of water so I did not get dehydrated on such a hot day. We walked to a gas station and I bought a liter of water. From there we decided we wanted to smoke a bowl. So we went back in the woods to smoke. We found a secluded area with a huge log on the ground that provided us with seats to sit there and smoke and relax.

I just realized as I write this I begin to feel anxious and sick to my stomach. I think bringing the memories back from this day is causing the anxiety.

We sat there and smoked as I played music from my phone. This spot in the woods is where I first started to feel myself coming up. There was trash and leaves on the ground and these things began to light up. Not at once, certain sections of debree would slowly light then fade as a different section would do the same. The ground was waving in front of me. I then began to lose track of how I got to where I was and how to get out of the area I was in. I was not worried at this point because my trip was very enjoyable. But we sat there for a while (personally too long for me) and I was ready to get up and go somewhere else and do something. But they did not want to go and I did not know where to go, so I sat there with them readily awaiting for them to be ready to move on. This is where my trip lost enjoyment. I soon began to feel uncomfortable sitting in the heat, in the woods, on a log. So I moved from the log to the dirt on the ground. I did not care about getting dirty I just cared about comfort.  I was hot and slightly nautious. Soon my one friend who was also tripping that said something that disturbed me.

“Imagine what it would feel like to kill someone.”

I sat there in silence but in my head I was saying “ok, I’ve had enough, I’m leaving”.

Five minutes later I stood up and made my departure announced. I said I was going home. I was too hot and too fucked up to be here in the woods doing nothing. So I started to walk home. They walked out of the woods with me but after that I went one way and they went another. I got to a main road near my house and immediately felt as if everyone was looking at me. I felt like I was covered in dirt from laying in the woods. I felt everyone’s eyes on me and that somehow they knew what I was on. I now did not want to go home. I called my friends to see where they were but they did not answer. From there a paced a quarter mile trying to find them but I felt too uncomfortable in mid day walking near my home tripping, feeling like everyone knew and everyone as watching, so I made my way home.

By the time I had gotten home my trip had intensified, which I did not see happening. I thought I was peaking in the woods but I could not have been more wrong. Time was hard for me to keep track of but I estimate I got home approximately 1 hour after I had ingested everything. I went into my house and there was no one else home. I immediately flung open the door to my room and ripped all my clothes off from feeling hot and dirty. I got in the shower because I thought it would make me feel better because at this time my trip had gone from undesirable to extreme discomfort. I felt more uncomfortable then I had ever felt in my live. The best way to describe it is I felt as if my skeleton has rotated lightly inside my skin and I just was not fitting right inside myself. Every movement I made was the wrong one. I felt like screaming from discomfort. Keep in mind, this is the hardest I had ever tripped at this point. What I was seeing and hearing was distorted. Walking was harder then usual and the mental trip was taking me to a level I never could have wanted to imagine.

I have tripped on acid several times before but the most I had ever done at once was 3 hits. I was nowhere near experienced for everything I did that day.

Soon after I got in the shower and cooled of I became extremely enraged because the shower did nothing to ease my discomfort. As soon as I got cooled off I felt even more uncomfortable. I quickly got out of the shower and dried off. I stopped at the bathroom mirror to see what I looked like. I did not even see myself as I had known myself. Instead I saw a body that had something inside of it. Because my pupils were so dilated my eyes looked as if they were all black. I had remembered a movie where a girl who was possessed by a demon had eyes that looked exactly like mine and this led me to think, is there something inside me?

I ran into my room to try and lay down and listen to music, making one last desperate attempt to make the trip enjoyable, but nothing worked. A few emotions I felt while tripping: anger, discomfort, fear, confusion, rage, discomfort, and paranoia. Laying in my bed listening to music was what I always did to make my unpleasant trips enjoyable. But it was not working this time. Just as everything felt uncomfortable, all the music I tried to listen to was the wrong choice. I became more frustrated and enraged which eventually led to psychotic thoughts.

“Why won’t anything sound good?”

“Why can’t I get comfortable?”

“Why am I so alone?”

“Why am I so itchy?”

“Is something on me?”

“Where is everyone?”

“Is someone home?”

Those thoughts repeated in my head for what felt like a few hours but in reality was approximately 3 to 5 minutes. I was laying in my bed trying to think of what to do. I did not want to be tripping but I knew it was beyond my control. The worst part was that it was not even 2 hours since I had taken everything and I knew I had a long ride ahead of me. I could not handle it at this point. I got up to take another shower, I don’t even know why, I guess at the time I thought it could help, but it didn’t. the second shower only lasted about 30 seconds until a ripped open the shower curtain and ran into my room naked. I felt so confined inside my room but I knew if I went outside I would feel exposed and this caused even more frustration knowing that there was nowhere to be that would make this better. The walls and the floors were moving. I was cold and hot, weak and strong. I was losing my grip on reality. Every trip I’ve ever had the thought “Is this ever going to end” has crossed my mind, but this time I was convinced that the trip was never going to end, even worse, that I was not going to get through this day to see tomorrow.

The next 30 minutes of my life felt like hours. And when I say hours I mean HOURS. I thought I was in my room for 6 to 7 hours tripping. The time after the second shower consisted of me going to all the rooms in my house over and over again looking for some kind of enjoyment. Every time nothing was found, I became even more enraged, scared and desperate. This was it, I gave up. I layed down in my bed. I was convinced I was dying. I called my friend who was experienced with these types of drugs and asked him if what I had taken was killing me. My hearing was so distorted that I could barely make out what he was saying so I just kept asking questions after questions without hearing the response. I very vividly remember asking him if I needed medical attention. His response came to me distorted. What he really said was no I don’t think you need to call an ambulance. But in my head what I heard and invisioned was, in a panicked voice: “Ok… um I think im going to call an ambulance for you, don’t worry they’ll be there soon.”

It was only about a second from the time he said that till he spoke again but in that second was the start of my death. I heard that and immediately closed my eyes and saw ambulances lined up in front of my house, with paramedics walking into my room to find my dead, deformed body, laying a puddles of my own piss and vomit. That 1 second did not even feel like time. I was outside of time at this point. I was no longer in reality. I was somewhere else.

That 1 second did not even feel like time. I was outside of time at this point. I was no longer in reality. I was somewhere else.

 I continued the phone conversation for a little after my friend repeatedly reassured me that I was not dying and was going to be perfectly fine and that I was just tripping really hard. But I did not trust him or anyone else. I was convinced that no one understood what was happening and that I was dying.

After the phone conversation I laid in my bed starring straight ahead. I had remembered something my friend once said about people getting so freaked out when tripping that their face droops to the side and they have a heart attack.  I felt my face and it felt sideways. I got up to look in the mirror and it looked like the left side of my face was drooping. I tried to concentrate really hard to see if it really was or if I was just freaking out. But it did not matter. Either way I was dying. And after I looked in the mirror and couldn’t see what I wanted, I was convinced I was also going blind. One final time I laid down in my bed convinced I was blond and dying and I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. My eyes started leaking. I don’t mean I was crying, I mean liquid started flowing out of my eyes and I couldn’t stop it and had no idea why it was happening. My first thought was that I had drunk too much water and gave myself water poison. I now had 3 different things that I thought were causing my death. Now in my bed, it happened. I was lying there with my eyes wide open but I was not seeing reality. Instead I saw the scene of my death as it was about to happen. I saw police and ambulances in front of my house. I saw the police tearing my room apart finding drugs everywhere. I saw my mother in my room looking at me in disgust, lying there dead in puddle of my own piss and vomit and being ashamed to call herself my mother. I see her shed not one tear. I saw myself. I saw my dead body lying there, motionless and white. I saw all this from what I can only explain as 5 or 6 feet above my body. But I could also see outside in front of my house from the same position. Its hard to explain and even harder to understand. But at this point in time I was dead and was not coming back. I was outside of my body watching the last moments of my life and the first few minutes of my death.

Then out of no where I was back in my body again looking straight ahead., the fan in my window still blowing and my room still  a mess from me tearing it apart. I know felt the biggest sense of euphoria I had ever felt. The rest of the day was my comedown and I was not normal again after I slept that night. But the rest of the day(remember was the 4th of July) I spent telling my friends about my experience and trying to get insight on it. But no one had any words of comfort to say. I knew that part of me died that day.

It has been10 days today since that happened and I think about it every day. Some day’s it gets me so worked up that I still want to cry like I did that day. It was the most traumatic event of my life.  I have not felt the same since that day and in a way I am convinced I died that day and was reborn a different person.

Since that day my anxiety and sadness have become worse even just smoking marijuana now is not as enjoyable as it used to be. I am also much more paranoid and untrusting of people. I feel like I’m trapped inside my body. I am hoping someday this will all go away.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 86375

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 19

Published: Sep 3, 2018	Views: 3,774

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Mushrooms (39), LSD (2), MDMA (3) : First Times (2), Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Depression (15), Hangover / Days After (46), Post Trip Problems (8), Various (28)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00

		 oral
		 2C-E
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 0:30
		 150 ug
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:00

		 smoked
		 Unknown

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   67 kg

A multi-faceted evening

(aprox) 10mg 2ce 7.00pm

One 150ug tab of lsd 7.30pm

What follows was generally a very pleasant trip. Nothing exactly life-changing, but pretty intense, and certainly thought-provoking for me.

Some background:

I’m a twenty-year-old student in the UK, and having been steadily building up my experiences with psychedelics over the past year. On the evening of this trip – about a fortnight ago - I had two tickets to go and see the London Philharmonic Orchestra (not a typical evening evening in my life, but I thought why not?) play an evening of work by the composer Sibelius (who I really enjoy). I had previously planned to go with this girl I’d really like to get to know better, but in the end she decided she was too hungover, and so I invited my old friend L – also making the decision to go along and see what live classical music was like whilst fried out of your head.

[Erowid Note:
Two samples of powder (even of the same chemical) with equivalent volumes won't necessarily weigh the same. For this reason, eyeballing is an inaccurate and potentially dangerous method of measuring, particularly for substances that are active in very small amounts.
See this article on The Importance of Measured Doses.]

As is often the case in my life, I wasn’t properly organised that evening, although I was in a good mood that day, and generally in my life at the moment. I ended up in a rush to eyeball (bad, I know…) and dropping an indeterminate amount of 2ce (somewhere in the region of 10mg) at about 7.00pm, on a pretty empty stomach, before hurrying into town and treating myself to a tab of decent lsd at about 7.30. L had some acid as well.

The concert started at 7.30, and we arrived just after the orchestra had taken their places. Our seats were… not great. Front row of the stalls, literally underneath the orchestra, with the wall of the stage right in our eyeline.

The music started, and it was predictably fantastic. However, I started coming up on the 2ce pretty quickly as well, and my memory of the LPO is pretty limited. The lead violin stands out, I remember him standing literally right above me, playing so superbly, transcendently, he was obviously enough to distract me from the drugs – which needless to say were occupying most of my attention. I remember feeling moderately concerned, as one might expect, at what the people around us thought of our late arrival and general characters… I also became moderately agitated by the stillness of the audience (entertaining the typical thoughts of ‘what if I just jumped up and shouted! What would happen?’) and increasingly, as the chemicals picked up, by the ceaseless energy and desperate passion of the music; I began to long for a little stillness. I was also having problems working out exactly where to put my right leg, and vaguely worrying about it starting to shake uncontrollably, which it seemed to want to do. My concluding thoughts on the subject of classical music live on drugs are: it’s probably better sober. I didn’t experience synaesthesia, or any ecstatic engagement with the music, as I’d vaguely hoped. That said, our seats, and our rushed arrival were not particularly conducive to a really great time either.

Regarding the drugs, the dark wall of the stage in front of me started to do very interesting things – vine-like patterning appearing all over it, and behind the viney stuff, distinct sentences! I could clearly tell that my mind was seeing words on the blank wall in front of me, but try as I might (and I spent quite a lot of time trying) I couldn’t read what they were. Pretty though.

We left at the interval – went outside for a smoke – and then I decided that actually, I’d probably be happier outside than in, which possibly annoyed L a bit, as lacking the 2ce, he wasn’t feeling much yet, and felt that we were missing out. We went down to the beach, always lovely, although bitterly cold in the dark of early February. The scene was beautiful, filled with dark colours, the shingle seeming to ripple in rivulets down to the sea. I also remember observing (which I’ve noticed before on 2ce) how the colours of the scene in front of me seem to merge into each other, for example when I lit a cigarette, the warm red-orange of the cigarette end somehow gets caught up in other things. Good fun. We talked – L and I do well when it comes to being able to easily talk about interesting subjects – although on this occasion I was doing most of the talking I think, as I was more drugged up, and having escaped the confines of the auditorium I was feeling a need to exuberantly express myself. My general theme was language, and words, and communication I think. L’s general theme, the cold. Words were obviously very much on mind (following my first 2ce trip, and my first solo trip two weeks before – where I’d wandered around on the hills in the snow, and then sat the roof of my house trying, and generally failing, to write poetry) and again they popped out of my brain! After I while I noticed that the white surf of the incoming waves was spelling out words, as each wave rolled in. Again, I couldn’t read what they were! I then remember looking up to the sky, and observing that the starlight was somehow numbers! How or why, I don’t know.

After a while of freezing around the sea-front, L was coming up on the acid, and getting moderately agitated (to be expected, he’s had less experience with psychadelics than I, and had made the decision to join me tonight at very short notice.) Walking places was interesting, we were both experiencing a distorted sense of time. I was striding around, feeling particularly confident and intelligent, enjoying playing with words and making new ones. Would have been great to have a sound recorder of some kind with me, as I’d love to know quite how much of a dick I was sounding.

We eventually decided to go back to my house and chill (and perhaps start some incredible arty, creative project which would surely be amazing - but neither of us quite knew what it was yet… Embarrassing, I know). My acid was coming on as well, taking me down the usual paths of deconstructing and debating as many aspects of the world and human civilisation as I could think of, but over time leaving me with the vague feeling (as acid always does) that I was somehow never quite getting it. Getting what, I don’t know – its just a general feeling that lsd always seems to bring with it - that I’m on the right track, but I never quite completely express, completely capture, all that I have to. This also perhaps has something to do with the fact that also, when taking lsd, my ability to communicate with others tends to steadily break down – and indeed, as we walked home, the silences grew longer and longer. This feeling was the only thing that I thought was more lsd-y, other than that I think the 2ce was more dominant, although it was hardly to really put my finger on any definite synergy taking place.

L was having a moderately intense time, he described his whole memory of the walk home as being like watching one giant rolling tv screen, and we weren’t as connected as we could have been. (Theres also a lesson here I think about staying on the same trip, perhaps I shouldn’t have done the 2ce, but I wanted to push my boundaries a little and I’m not sorry I did.) The one interesting take-home thought that I managed to salvage from the walk (that at least I find useful) was the realisation that you can’t treat other people entirely as entities entirely distinct from you. You’re constantly shaping all your friends and they shape you.

Arriving home, most of my housemates were going out to a party, and tried to encourage me to go a party. I flounced ridiculously round the kitchen at them, brandishing an avocado, and kind of wanted to go to the party, but equally knew it was probably more sensible to stay in. I would also have felt very guilty about L, who’s evening I had interrupted, and who was now trying to chill in my room. Eventually everyone left, and I had the very physical experience of trying to eat an avocado with just a knife over the sink in my room. Felt quite brutal to cut the soft, beautifully patterned fruit, although it tasted great. We stayed in for the next few hours, listening and discussing music, which sounded great, and generally chatting and having a good time. L did some writing and drawing I think, and I just enjoyed the music, and patterns in the floor, and seeing some of the posters and things I have in my room in a new way. Needless to say, no great creative work emerged. Naïve, we were!

One less than pleasant aspect of the evening was that at one point I became very concerned with mine and L’s sexuality. Basically I started worrying we might be gay, which is pretty ridiculous because neither of us are, but nonetheless I couldn’t get it out of my head! I think L had picked up on this vibe as well, but we weren’t really able to talk about it, although I tried once. It just seemed annoyingly inevitable that we would sleep together, which was aggravating as at the time I knew I definitely didn’t want to. It added this unwelcome sexual overtone to much of the evening, but we were eventually able to get past it. Not sure why this happened, but I guess cos neither of us are stereotypically masculine guys, and we have a close friendship, and first he’d kind of taken care of me that evening as we left the concert, and then I’d had to look after him a little as we walked home. Also perhaps I was feeling a little insecure, as I’d left the attractive girl in the kitchen who’d been trying to get me to go to the party, and because the girl I’d initially meant to be going to the concert with had cancelled. All rather immature anyway, although certainly interesting!

We ended up watching Dr Strangelove and smoking a scraped-together joint, as the intensity of the drugs slackened off (although it is a good film to watch on drugs, you can find an awful lot of layers in it, and its serious enough to be very interesting, but light-hearted enough it shouldn’t get you down.) I had one last very impressive open-eye visual, the whole of the wardrobe in my room seemed to turn into a large, blue, and divinely perfect female face. Prompted in part I imagine by the concern over my sexuality earlier in the evening. She was calm and beautiful, and I thoroughly enjoyed her being there.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 99280

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 20

Published: Sep 8, 2018	Views: 2,152

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2C-E (137), LSD (2) : General (1), Combinations (3), Music Discussion (22), Relationships (44), Various (28)


		 DOSE:

		 oral
		 Cannabis
		 (edible / food)

		 1 tablet
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   165 lb

It was late July and a couple of my friends and myself were on our way to see a concert not far from our hometown. It was extremely hot out that day and seemed like it would be the perfect day to see an outdoor concert. To make the situation even better, I received some tickets for the event that morning completely out of the blue. Prior to that I thought that I was going to have to buy from a scalper.

I've seen a number of concerts at the venue that we were going to, so I knew what to expect. Before the concert starts, tons of people hang out in the parking lot and drink, grill, sell food, walk around etc. The type of music that we were going to listen to also basically turns the parking lot into a pharmacy; drugs are being sold everywhere and people are using drugs everywhere. My friends and I knew this and planned on ingesting some mind altering substances upon our arrival.

When we arrived at the venue we walked around for a little and sat under some trees to cool down because it was so hot out. A bunch of our other friends drove down separately and they joined us as we sat and cooled down. We had about two hours or so before the concert so the plan was to relax, eat some LSD, and get ready for a great night. If I recall correctly, everyone in our group including myself had several experiences with LSD.

I'd taken acid approximately ten times up to that point and every experience was wonderful. I had a few instances in previous experiences where I would get a little paranoid, but nothing I would call a bad trip. On one occasion (coincidentally at the same venue) I had to undergo a sobriety test during the peak of my trip. I was escorted to a police trailer along with a friend and a couple of other people we didn't know. Even though it was a very stressful situation being taken away from my friends by cops while I'm well into an acid trip, and I was quite paranoid, I held myself together and performed the sobriety test perfectly. The only thing that the officers said was peculiar was that my pupils very large (so large that they exceeded the largest diameter pupil measuring device) and that there was a 'relapse' or something when light was shined in my eyes. Although this is another story, I thought I'd mention it because I believed if I could go through that experience I could go through any.

I knew LSD was very powerful drug, but I didn't realize how powerful until that day in June. With a number of experiences under my belt, I believed I knew what it was about and what to expect. So here I am sitting in this field with bunch of my friends under a tree, and one of my friends that joined us had just baked a fresh batch of cannabis brownies. I received a brownie and ate it quickly. The concert was scheduled to start at 7:30 and I ate the brownie at about 4:00-4:30. Having eaten cannabis a number of times before, I knew I would be feeling the brownie before I went into the concert.

Right before the cannabis brownie started to take effect, I took one dose of white paper acid. With two doses, the plan was to take one and then take the other in the show when the effects from the first began to wear off. I have taken up to eight hits in one sitting, so I thought one would be nothing to worry about. I  couldn't have been more wrong. As the effects of the brownie started to settle in (about a half an hour after I ate it), I started becoming paranoid. It had been a while since I had last eaten cannabis, so I didn't remember how strong its effects can be. The combination of the heat and the unsettling feeling that I had from the brownie was making me uncomfortable. I felt tired, paranoid, fidgety, and very anxious.

The friends that joined me had also ingested some acid at this point and everyone was kind of silent as we waited for it to take its course. We decided to return to my friends car and lock up our belongings so we wouldn't need to worry about it later. Sitting in the car is the last thing I can remember before things started getting out of hand.

The first thing that I remember bothering me was the intense heat. I must have been at least 95 degrees that day so I felt like I was melting. Now, I don't know if I was just destined to have a bad experience that day, but I think the heat and the brownie had something to do with it. In any case, I was in a delicate situation. I then made the worst mistake I think one can make while taking LSD or any psychedelic: I forgot that I took the LSD. It was at this point that I was in for the most terrifying experience I've ever had in my entire life.

The bad experience lasted for about two hours, but it seemed like a million lifetimes. While most of my memories of it are blurry, there were some very vivid moments that I don't believe I can ever forget. As the acid took effect, I became extremely confused and I didn't want to be in that parking lot. The two friends that I was with were just starting feel the effects of their LSD as I stumbled around aimlessly and they followed me.

They noticed that I was having some trouble after they tried to get me to follow them to our other friends but I refused. I feared that my two friends had turned against me and were bringing me to the police who would then search me and throw me in jail for the rest of my life because I had more acid in my pocket. There was a small hill in the field and behind it was supposedly where our friends were. Every time that I would finally give in and start to follow them I would envision the police waiting for me on the other side to take me away.

I'm not quite sure if the order of the next sequence of events is correct, but as we were walking around I noticed words from conversations that people were having were meshing together into offensive sentences in my head. All that I heard were people's voices taunting me and making fun of me. I believed that everything I was experiencing was real life as I forgot that I ate LSD. People's faces were terrifying me as they melted and twisted around. I thought I had done something terrible and I was about to be given some sort of trial to see if I would be thrown into hell for eternity. I am not a very religious person, I'm agnostic, so what happened next really freaked me out. For some reason I knew that everything I thought was true. I could see into the future and it was horrifying. The scariest part of my trip was when god and the devil became involved. I realized that all of the horrible things that I was hearing actually was god speaking to me telepathically. One of my friends then said something to me, I don't remember what it was because I was in such fear that god had actually stopped time and begun talking to me through my friends body. He told me something along the lines of that I was a failure and I was damned for eternity.

I then believed that I was the anti-christ and that all of the horrible things that were happening to me were all planned my whole life. I saw hints everywhere that I was the devil and I was crushed by it. I could see nothing but horrible things happening to me. At probably the worst part of the trip I asked my friend if I was the anti-chirst. They laughed at me because of how ridiculous the statement was and I perceived their laughter as negative. I thought that they knew very well that I was indeed the anti-christ and they were going to lead me to where I would be killed by god himself.

I eventually forgot that I thought I was the anti-christ and as we finally reached the hill that we were trying to get to earlier (I was with other friends at this time as the other ones decided to let someone else deal with me). On the other side, my thoughts from before about bad things on the other side of the hill were somewhat true. Two of my friends were being searched by policemen right upon my arrival and I thought the whole parking lot just got busted and we were all screwed forever. I very slowly began to come back to my senses in short increments. I actually experienced some of the most vivid and extraordinary hallucinations I've ever experienced during this period in the trip.

I had become so used to the bad trip I guess that I didn't really even care anymore and I started to think positively at times. Finally I sat down in a chair and I remember thinking that I could just blast off from the Earth and go anywhere. I closed my eyes and saw the most unbelievable fractals and geometric designs I've ever seen. It was like I was painting in the backs of my eyelids. I felt a great deal of creativity. But the bad side wasn't over yet. I was still very confused as I floated along with my friends' faces in the air. All of our heads were flying together (bodies were not there) which was cool but frightening at the same time. One friend had mirror sunglasses on that I thought contained another world of some sort.

At this point in my experience, it was time to go into the concert. As we waited outside the entry gates for our other friends it hit me that I had just had a horrible trip, and I didn't even realize it until then. Though I was still hallucinating for several hours, I pulled myself out of it after indulging in two hours of complete chaos and hell. I confirmed with one of my friends that I just 'freaked out' and was completely stunned as to how it happened. I was fine the rest of the trip, but I felt very strange and couldn't stop thinking about why it happened.

I took a break from doing LSD for a while and I've only done it one time since my bad experience. My last experience was wonderful, but I don't know if I'll ever do it again. I wanted to end my experiences on a good note. But I've now realized just how powerful LSD really is. I only took one hit and one brownie and I was done for. I'm thankful that I didn't eat anymore that day because it could've been 100 times worse.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 82764

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 20

Published: Sep 12, 2018	Views: 3,196

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LSD (2), Cannabis (1) : General (1), Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:00
		 1 cig.
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   195 lb

I have had an EXTREME phobia of centipedes my entire life. I am completely fine with other bugs. And even, if there’s a wasp or spider in my room, I will catch it and let it outside. When a centipede crawls across the wall, however, my heart skips, I get very nauseous, and every muscle in my body tightens. Where I live, there are many bugs, and including centipedes, so it’s common to see one. The phobia has been very negative. If I were to see a centipede in my room, and it would get away before I killed it, I could not sleep in my room, out of fear. I would close my room’s vents in the summer time, since that’s where many centipedes come from, but I would be pouring sweat because of it. If I see a centipede, my moral value that it’s not right to kill an insect, completely ceases to exist, due to the crippling fear they give me.

Last Saturday, May 17th, I had decided to take some LSD. I've taken LSD more than 50 times, and I am pretty familiar with it, I've never had a serious bad trip it either. There would be the occasional odd sensation that would make my heart skip, but nothing serious. I had bought 3 average strength hits a couple days before, and decided to take them on a day that felt right, and when I was in a good mood (something I usually do…I could wait a couple days, or a couple weeks).

I took the three hits around 10:30 PM, in my room, by myself. I do not recommend taking LSD alone. My brother was in the house so I figured if I had a bad trip, I could go to him. Around 11:30 I went outside and smoked a joint, which I find, sort of sets off the trip.  At 11:40 I was walking in, and felt really high on the weed, and I could feel the acid starting. I walked in my room, flung my sandals off, and went to lie down on my couch. At this point I was VERY happy. For a couple hours it was like any trip, I was listening to Daevid Allen’s “Stroking the Tail of the Bird”, and far from this world.

At around 2:00 AM, I was still listening to music staring across my room, when suddenly, a full grown centipede made its way up the wall. Even though I was high on pot, and tripping on acid, my reaction time was swift. I realized right away that it was a centipede, and a big one. At this point, I became really worried that it would trigger a bad trip; I knew I wasn't in any state to go get a vacuum, or smash it with a shoe. I thought about going to another room, but with my brother downstairs I decided to avoid an awkward confrontation. At this point my heart was pounding. I had all the usual symptoms, nausea, racing heart, and tense muscles, but greatly intensified. As I tried to ignore the effects of the LSD, so I could keep an eye on the centipede, they seemed to intensify. The effects of the LSD were like a blindfold, and being in the same room with my worst fear, while wearing a blindfold is very uncomfortable. I felt like I was on a roller coaster, and I wanted to get off. I was tightly gripping the couch cushions, and I felt like screaming.

As I was staring at the centipede I felt I was being pulled to it, and it looked like it was getting closer. I also felt like I was merging with it, which made me jerk around, as if it was crawling up my leg. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, and I sort of plopped over onto my side, with my head on the armrest of the couch. I was staring at the centipede still, it would move across the wall a little, and stop, sometimes disappearing behind a book shelf. I began to take deep breaths, and calm myself down. As I stared at it, I remember that there were translucent clouds of colors, originating from the centipede, and moving out like a ripple. I continued staring at the centipede, and all of the sudden a felt a calming wave. I began to see not the centipede, but its being. I had a feeling that the centipede and I, were in some other plane of existence. Not a human and a centipede, but two identical beings. I was completely focused on it, and I felt that it was completely focused on me. It was like we were telepathically connected. I immediately realized what was happening, and I was stunned. It brought me extreme joy, that I had the privilege to have something in my body that could strip away my most intense phobia.

It brought me extreme joy, that I had the privilege to have something in my body that could strip away my most intense phobia.

 I began to deeply think about the centipede, and its life. I thought about all the centipedes I've smashed or vacuumed up. They come to my room, and see it as a warm, dry, paradise, only to be killed. I thought, in my whole life, a centipede has never attacked me, and would actually run away from me. By the time I started to focus in on my surroundings again, the centipede was gone. Knowing that there was a centipede somewhere in my room, out of view, didn't bother me one bit. Once again, I was amazed at the capabilities of LSD. The rest of the trip went well. I watched 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas', and 'Alice in Wonderland', and honestly didn't think on bit about the centipede.

I was up the whole night, and the next morning I went down to eat breakfast. I went outside with a cup of coffee and sat in my hammock. I had the usual post-LSD glowing, refreshing feeling. I thought about everything that had happened the previous night, and I was still shocked at what happened. A couple days later, I was watching TV late, around 2:30 AM, when I saw a small centipede crawl into view. At first, the movement had startled me, but when I saw it, I remembered everything from my trip. Amazingly I didn't feel nauseous, or stiff. I could ignore it, and go back to watching TV. I soon went to bed, and as I was falling asleep, I felt really good, and had the sort of feeling I would get from doing charitable work. The same exact thing happened last night too.

This experience has made me even more amazed with the power of LSD. I had always heard about how it can stop alcoholism, and help solve problems in peoples’ lives, but never have I heard of it instantly destroying a phobia. My idea is, the LSD forced me to face my fear of centipedes, except it, and then see the centipede in a totally different way, and that stayed with me.

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 71403

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Jun 8, 2018	Views: 3,704

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LSD (2) : General (1), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Health Benefits (32), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 2:00
		 175 mg
		 oral
		 MDMA

		   T+ 0:00

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   145 lb

I utilize Yoga and Meditation as long-term practice in life.

Some background: I’m a 23-year-old Atheist male, and was diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder at the age of 16. After an inpatient hospital stay, several months of psychotherapy, and an experimental regimen of mood stabilizing pharmaceuticals (Risperdal, Depakote and Trazodone), I was deemed 'okay' and allowed to stop taking my prescriptions. The medications made me feel defective, sick, or like something were wrong with me. I took a pill daily when I woke up, which made me feel dependent on the pill and I thought, 'I’ll always have to take this dumb pill every day.” The side effects were immensely displeasing, and I didn’t like that dependent feeling at all. In turn, I made up my mind to say the 'right,' things, while genuinely using the psychotherapy sessions to help me as best I could. I needed to get the green light off that prescribed garbage. I was soon weaned off the Depakote (the main pill I took daily).

Meanwhile, I always had a keen interest in exploring the realm of consciousness on my own, under my own terms, in my own set and setting. So, after finding a Pure Source, I took to psychedelic drugs for healing, and I experienced spiritual awakening along the way. “Awakening” is a term/concept I wrestle with because it feels disingenuous to suggest that I have a better understanding of how things are than the 'average,' person. However, “Awakening,” is a pretty solid description of my psychedelic experiences, so I suppose I claim it, still with a healthy dose of skepticism.

“Awakening,” is a pretty solid description of my psychedelic experiences, so I suppose I claim it, still with a healthy dose of skepticism.

 This story is the most beneficial psychedelic trip I've had (so far).

I’m a History Major in college because history and social studies are basically the only academic pursuits that really “click' with me. I enjoy learning the history of how things came to be. I feel the study of history is the only true way to understand one’s current position and how one gets there. I enjoy philosophy as well and wish to pursue that field of study further.

For many years I confidently claimed Atheism, but I have recently taken significant interest in Hinduism. Taking Humanities in college introduced me to The Bhagavad Gita. I am currently reading a small paperback copy of The Gita, which was passed onto me through a series of events that could only be explained by the ever-giving and wonderful loving Karma of the Universe. I wouldn't have purchased this book (Remember: Staunch Atheist), but it was given to me by a Rasta-Man while I was on a journey…so obviously I have to read thru it, lol. I’m on Chapter 4 (Transcendental Knowledge).

Okay, enough exposition, onto the CandyFlip. As of this writing, the Trip was approx. 1 year ago. I originally planned to watch the movie Inception, but I ended up staying in my room instead. I smoked some weed to enhance the experience. I dropped LSD first (one tab blotter with dolphins printed on it) and at two hours in, I dosed 175 mg of MDMA.

The come-up on acid was pretty intense, as it usually is for me. First, I noticed my laptop was kind of swirling around in front of me. Both the image on screen was swirling, and also the laptop itself. It’s a familiar thing I look for when I’m about to blast off. The swirly laptop began about 15-20 minutes after placing blotter under my tongue. I swallowed the blotter after 45 minutes or so. During the acid come-up, I watched some trippy videos online.

As I prepared to dose the MDMA, a light-bulb of an idea came into my head: talking myself through some underlying psychological issues that I’d been pondering (this was an idea I’d read about previously in a report). My bed is very comfortable and makes for an optimum setting. My younger brother was in the other room on the TV, anyway, so if I wanted to watch Inception, I’d have had to interrupt him. I decided to stay in my room. Listening to music is one of my favorite things to experience while on LSD. I’m able to hear the music on a deeper level than when sober. It’s hard to explain in words, but somehow I just feel the music more. The Positive Acid Vibrations are intense, and I feel them throughout my entire body at this point. I repeat to myself over and over throughout the trip just how wonderful and amazing this experience is.

At two hours (peak of the come-up), I dosed 175mg MDMA, and I began recording the talk-therapy on my phone. I was able to address at least two major issues from my childhood. I’d repressed some memories far back in my mind to the point of blocking them out entirely, and this trip brought the memories to the forefront in a way I’d never experienced before. I was finally able to accept the way things were, and what had happened. I was able to accept them not with anger and resentment, as I’d done before, but with love and compassion for myself and my family. It is great to know what actually happened, to truly look forward now, and be able to finally move on. Or, at least, to better understand my path and the direction in which I am moving. As with most of my psychedelic experiences, it didn't take long for the MDMA to kick in. I’d say, probably 10 minutes, and I felt a surge of love, emotions, and euphoria rush throughout my entire body.

The Candy-Flip was super intense, almost like a turbo boost, because my mind was flooded with a seemingly endless stream of thoughts and feelings all at once. My thoughts were coming in very fast, and continuously branched off into different directions. Time seemed to pause…Or more-so, it seemed that time didn't exist; I was simply in the moment and euphoric. Although I could see the time changing on a clock in the room, the relevance of those numbers wasn't present or apparent to me. Sometimes it seemed as if my thoughts would collide into each other. And at one point, I felt this weird/cool sensation of being able to move thoughts from one side of my brain to the other. It felt really cool to be able to follow a thought around inside my mind and to be able to shift them to different parts of my brain. It’s difficult to describe the phenomenon, but it was totally amazing to feel that much in tune with my own consciousness. Although I’d done psychedelics before, this feeling was totally novel to me.

I remember being glad to have been recording the Session, for two reasons: 1. Talking out loud helped prevent the common MDMA Side-Effect of chattering teeth. 2. So I’d be able to review the session &amp; integrate later on, once I’d sobered up. What I was experiencing was an intense awareness of the connectivity of all beings through some Divine Source…this is something that flies in the face of my claim of Atheism, and so it’s quite a bit for my mind to handle. In some ways I am still integrating the trip now, a year later.

Irony or some sense of coincidence struck me as I realized my night of simply re-watching Inception had turned into something much more valuable than I’d planned beforehand, and all due to my karma and the wisdom/healing potential of psychedelics. The thoughts that followed in this self-talk therapy session also helped me overcome some issues with respect to my diagnosis of Bi-Polar Disorder. For many years after I got off the Depakote, I denied to myself that I had BPD. I tried to pretend I was fine, and that everything was okay. But my mood swings, and anger issues had been on the way to destroying some relationships with those I was closest to. My denial of the way things are, how my mind works, etc., lead to me being a ticking time-bomb, just waiting to explode on those who didn't give me my way. During this trip, I was able to perceive myself outside of my own Ego, and I came away with the understanding (and acceptance) that my symptoms clearly fall into the realm of BPD. I remember the precise moment when this happened. Again, it was almost like a light-bulb shined brightly in my mind: “I am Bi-Polar. Whoa!! It all makes sense now...”

I no longer deny my diagnosis; I understand it for what it is. And for how it affects me. This understanding has helped me find ways to maintain my balance (Meditation, Yoga, Positive Affirmations), and ensure that my mood swings don’t take over my normal, extremely positive demeanor. Before, when I was denying the fact I was bipolar, I’d have temper tantrums if things didn't go the way I wanted, and I never thought to attribute that to Bi-Polar, I would just argue until I got my way. In my mind, I was not bipolar. Before psychedelics, I attributed the diagnosis to foolish doctors who didn't really understand me and just wanted to label me. Now, with the understanding that I exhibit Bi-Polar symptoms, I’m able to notice ahead of time before things go down a negative path. Or if I feel a manic or depressive episode coming on, I’m able to circumvent the resulting bad behavior &amp; get back to my sense of Balance &amp; Inner Peace. Meditation and yoga help me a lot more than the psychotropic medications ever did.

Meditation and yoga help me a lot more than the psychotropic medications ever did.

Finally, after a few hours of healing, I ventured out into the other room and spent time with my brother, getting to know him on a deeper level. I work a lot and don’t get to spend as much time with him as I’d like, but this night was perfect: We just talked, I learned about the games he likes to play, his friends, thought processes, etc. And I expressed my true purpose to him more clearly than I’d really ever been able to previously.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 103902

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 22

Published: Sep 28, 2018	Views: 3,126

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LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:

		 4 hits
		 oral
		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

At the time I took this, I was also taking 10mg of Prednisone and 35 mg of methotrexate bi-weekly for my psoriatic arthritis.

2:30 pm: I dropped 4 tabs of LSD. Went in with positive mind set. To help me not be hungry during, I had a fruit smoothie that was prepared for me by my friend A.

2:40pm: When it started there was a feeling of being very overwhelmed. Describing it simply as “muscle fatigue” would be inaccurate but it did seem like it, mixed with that restless leg feeling a person sometimes gets when they are very tired and haven't yet gone to bed. Instead of being in the legs however, it was in the back of my neck and shoulders. It made me tingle a little so I'd try to stretch and yawn, even take a few deep breaths to relieve it but nothing worked. I told my friend A I had this intense feeling that I “needed relief from.” He seemed to understand and said that the LSD was just making me feel pains that I usually ignored.

I wanted to take a walk outside because my first trip went bad, and I remembered that I felt a little boxed in the first time. This time I wanted a much different trip so my and A agreed that showing me his neighborhood would be perfect for allowing me to get out and go on a walk if I felt I needed a change. He showed me around and I remember feeling different and slowly noticing a difference in my perception. Also to note, throughout most of the trip but particularly at the beginning before the “peak,” I got this weird shuddering feeling and felt very shaky at times. Particularly in my jaw.

When we got back in I noticed the color schemes. Everything was so beautiful. I noticed a rainbow centered around A's dining table. The way everything was set up it was like one corner was red and the plants took care of the blue and green on the opposite side. When I pointed it out A said he couldn't see it. I noticed it because I believed that these things (patterns and specific “programed signs”) were all around us all of the time but that our brains are designed not to notice them so that we don't realize we are in a simulation. I kept this incredibly hard-to-articulate thought to myself for obvious reasons. (My speech was turning into rubbish). I remember we returned outside briefly to relax while the sun was still out. This is when I first noticed actually visual distortions as some might call “fractals.” I made my hands into a triangle for some reason (think of Tien's Tri-beam cannon from Dragonball, if you're familiar with the series), and inside of the “window” I saw all kinds of different distortions and colors. It also made a bubble-like affect. Around my hands themselves the corners of this bubble were blue. I was so fascinated and I looked over at A to notice him being amused at my wonder. When I looked away from my hands the visual distortions had spread to everything else as well. My hands now left long trails behind them when I moved them, with my glowing fingertips highlighting the shadows left by my hands. I think it was the way my fingernails themselves were reflecting the sunlight.

There was an intense sensation of deja vu with this trip.

There was an intense sensation of deja vu with this trip.

Not like the regular deja vu when I feel like I've “been here before” or are “re-experiencing a memory.” Rather it was like I have had a very similar trip before with the same after image affects and the same distortions and emotional intensity. But I have never done 4 tabs of LSD or any similarly strong substance before. I couldn't place it nor explain it. It seems like I've watched movies or shows with these same effects in them but the references escape me, except maybe the scene in the movie Wanted where he shoots the wings off of the flies. There was no describing the level of familiarity I felt, almost like a lost memory just below the surface.

Visual and touch sensations also became distorted. My hands felt as if they were growing and shrinking at the same time. A and I would take another walk and A would find a rock and pass it to me. I felt it in my hand and I felt as if my hands would shrink and grow at the same time. I said to A that the rock was one and everything. (Whatever that meant but sometimes I would talk just to fill the silence). It sounded profound to me and then I noticed that the rock really did have aspects of everything when it was in my hand. The heat from the sun, the cool from the shade underneath, the air I felt under it too, there was my flesh and the stone, but most importantly light and darkness. I felt as if this rock had a power to it and wanted to hold onto it so I did.

Unlike with my first trip my heart wasn't beating too fast, in fact according to my fitbit my heart rate was very normal and sometimes even calmer than usual. There were times I felt euphoric in this trip. Also, going back inside I noticed a lot of things had shells around them, not just lights. As if looking at them through a prism or a mirror angled at another mirror in a specific kind of way. This led me to the conclusion that all of reality was “light reflected through glass.” After images began to become so obvious that they trailed slowly behind my hands. (Reference Hunter X Hunter when the old man uses his nen to hit Pitou before they attack the Ant King. There were distinct afterimages but all of them were a part of the image). There were at least seven after images to everything (I'm re-iterating this, the trails become more obvious by this point). Birds left long, mostly black with a bit of bright color vibrating through, trails behind them as they flew. Cars also did the same but the colors would match the cars.

I got to a point where I felt sleepy. When I came back inside the second or third time, I forget which it was, I had brought the rock with me and A had taken it to put it away. I was feeling tired somehow, sleepy even, and decided to briefly lay down while A went to take care of his pets. As I lay there, I noticed symbols forming when my eyes were closed and when they were open too. I saw a person who looked like a mixture between a goddess and a man. In my mind this being was kind of like a guardian of some kind but I think it also had a bit of myself mixed in. This person/entity had many arms and gave off a very strong Hindi kind of look/vibe. I saw the symbols taking on Egyptian and Hindi qualities, although I cannot remember them clearly anymore. Some of them may have been alchemic symbols. They aligned themselves to three sides, one set on top, the other sets on the right and left. The ones on the right and left began to glow blue and red on opposite sides. (An entire side would be highlighted by only one color). The top never got to glow but I think it was about to when A came in. I was sure something awesome was going to happen because I think the symbols were going to combine together or do something like a spell. But I guess I'll never know. Upon being awoken from this I remember thinking I had seen many feathers around the room, but there weren't any when I actually looked. I thought they were like a male peacock's feathers but it must have been from the mental images I had seen of that one entity.

During this trip I saw many many symbols of which only some I can remember that stuck out to me. Of these symbols, all of which moved constantly, and some of which were filled with color, while others were transparent and had a glowing kind of iridescent outline. Some of them I could look at and see part of them, move my eyes and see another part, and move them back to see the original part. It was kind of like looking at eye floaters but way more complex and beautiful.

One of the symbols I saw resembled the “Cube of Metatron” which is also coincidentally my phone's lock screen. The largest symbol I saw, which was kind of faint to look at, was the Flower of Life, except it just kept going on and was everywhere. I'm not too familiar with their names, but when I saw them I realized I've seen these signs before and consulted Dr. Google. While watching television I noticed a lot of them and in the center was a six-armed swastika. I couldn't find anything quite like this, but it was thick and had rounded ends. One of the trippiest symbols I saw, however, was something like a triskele (a Gaelic triangle-looking thing). It was purple and had other colors too, was kind of transparent and moved.

A's head looked like it was vibrating intensely. This trip was getting really strong by now. Emotions felt more powerful so I knew I had to tread carefully here. This was around the time the symbols would be constantly there, kind of like how fractals are described. Fractals were there too. I decided that maybe I should go watch TV with A. A ended up falling asleep so I got out my headphones and started listening to music videos. My favorite one was Umbrella by Rihanna. Under the influence of LSD I realized this song was a masterpiece. I will also note that even though the songs seemed longer and there was obvious music euphoria, the drug-induced music pleasure wasn't quite up to par with what DXM could do to music. This is just my opinion though, other people may have the opposite affect with them.

I had gone to the restroom at some point and looked in the mirror. I noticed a wrinkle on my forehead and the white hairs on the side of my head that are mostly hidden. This bugged me because I haven't accomplished much in life and I'm already seeing the signs of senescence that aging causes us. When I went back to my music I closed my eyes again feeling tired but this time saw something horrifying. I saw a guy in a mirror, not necessarily me or the mirror I saw myself in, and I saw him get shriveled up into something even more shriveled than a mummy. His eyes and teeth all disappeared into black holes in his face, like a skeleton. His horrified face burned into my memory. I knew instinctively that he died lonely, accomplishing nothing and feeling so alone and unwanted. I knew the reason this happened too. There was a Great Evil in the world that drained all things of life, youth, health, and everything good. It was the orchestrator of Death, war, hatred, and deceit. The reason we all die and live horrible lives could be attributed to the fact that we all at one point or another have used its power. To lie, to hurt someone else, to feel envious, to try to empower ourselves... I knew then that the only way to avoid this kind of life where I would die just like that guy would be to try to be a better person. A better Christian. I'm not going to get too religious in this report though. I will say that there was a fear of death and that I feared in this death I would be in a place of extreme mental anguish and possibly physical pain as well. I visualized more eye guts and bodily gore than I actually want to describe. I thankfully managed to minimize this by not trying to visualize it so it never manifested into my mental imagery. But it was always there and made my teeth feel very weird. Tripping makes my teeth feel strange anyway though.

I afterward realized that the thing we all want the most in the world is the same kind of peace and comfort we got when we were small children being held by our mothers. It's a calm and peace you only got when you were very tiny though, and you lose it over time as you lose your innocence and everything else that makes you adored, special, and full of hope/potential. Once it's gone it's gone and you spend your entire life wishing you could get some of that back in some way. Not necessarily a mother/child bond, but more like a kind of fully loving, fully supportive reassurance that can stave off the bad thoughts, the anxiety, and the fear of the unknown. I would dwell on this thought quite a lot.

At one point, while I was listening to music on my phone with my headphones I began to hear all of the sounds of the world at once. It was incredible. I heard the fish tank, I heard crickets, birds outside, and an almost inaudible humming or buzzing sound that's always present but unheard. I referred to all of this noise as “Hidden Chatter.” I was thoroughly convinced that the Universe itself was trying to talk to me. It was both frightening and beautiful at the same time. After my first LSD trip I was always worried that I could easily fall into a bad trip, so I am now always cautious. I was the one that kinda convinced my friend A to try it with me. He loved it, but that first trip really messed me up with anxiety I never knew possible. So now I'm cautious with it. I've also noticed that tripping, particularly on acid, makes me more shy and afraid to share my feeling and opinions. I guess I feel more vulnerable in that state?

tripping, particularly on acid, makes me more shy and afraid to share my feeling and opinions. I guess I feel more vulnerable in that state?

 While I was listening to my music earlier I had seen an image in my mind of a woman. A woman I was somehow familiar with but couldn't quite place. I've seen her in advertisements, tv shows, movies, and possibly in passing. I thought this person could be some type of spy or a regulator of the simulation that is Life. I'll do my best to describe her. At first I thought she kind of resembled my crush, but she definitely also resembled a mixture of Tatiana Maslaney and Betsy Beutler, to name a couple, with a very strong resemblance to Chelsey Reist). Sometimes she'd appear to have darker hair and brown irises but mostly she seemed to appear in my mind with the blond hair and lighter eyes. I had so many theories and speculations about this woman. One of which was that I was incapacitated and in a simulation of life and my body was being cared for by her, who was either a supervisor or a nurse. But then my mind started to think that she was me, and that I was remembering who I actually was. It sounds weird but I was briefly worried that I would wake up in her body. At the same time, I thought, if it's my body then I wanted to.

I decided at a certain point to go back outside and walk around the neighborhood while A was busy trying to get some sleep. I noticed that there were a lot more neighbors than I thought there'd be so I was kind of paranoid about that. I remember trying to keep calm and remain “cool” while I walked by some of them because I was a stranger here and didn't want to have to interact, especially with my speech and comprehension extremely compromised. During one of my laps around the neighborhood I noticed that there were children playing. I was walking and suddenly one boy shouts something indiscernible to his mother. She tells him “No, get back inside” etc, something, I'm guessing because she's never seen me before. The kid then starts shouting louder and louder, and I assume he's trying to follow me too. “No! That's him! THAT'S HIM!!!! THAT'S THE GUY!!!!!!” is what my hilariously drugged up mind thought he was saying, even though I couldn't actually hear what was being said. I don't know this neighborhood or anyone in it so I get worried and try to remain calm as I walk away. When I get back to A's house I make the executive decision to stay in his yard, away from any obnoxious brats.

I try to get relaxed but no matter what I do it seems the only place I can feel the breeze, which really helps the euphoria start in, is to be sitting in the middle of the grass. I obviously cannot walk around the neighborhood anymore, no matter how good the air feels. A couple jogs by, seeing me kneeling by my friend's car. I decide that it looks suspicious as hell so I move to the center of the yard and lay down in the grass. I am watching the sun setting and am enjoying the view of the clouds in the sky.

When I'm looking at them I see some of them changing shape, slowly. I see a big bird in the clouds, like a phoenix. I also see swords pointing straight down at me. Clouds can't do that unless it is a funnel cloud but that looks different. This more so resembled one of those checkpoints in a video game that shoots a thin pillar of light upwards. At this point the shapes take on more character-like movements. The clouds, whenever I wasn't thinking, began to move on their own and turned into armored warriors, some of them on horses. I saw so many horses up there. I've never seen clouds that look like horses before. I look away for a second and look back only to see that all of the warriors have been impaled by gigantic white arrows. All but one, who stands in the center of the rest of the fallen soldiers. I think the imagery is really cool. I'm a bit confused because I cannot tell if he is riding a horse or if he is a centaur. Either one is still pretty bad-ass.

The sun goes down slowly and I can feel my thoughts betraying me. I begin once again thinking about that shriveled up mummy-looking guy, the one that represented that evil force in the world that decays all things. Thoughts like “no one will ever love you” and “you'll die alone, in agony, and then you'll rot in Hell” casually glance by me. I gravitate towards them for brief atto seconds and then shake myself out of it, not wanting to experience that level of misery. I notice the street lights now have these shells around them.

(Keep in mind, it's been a few months since this happened, I'm just now finishing this trip report in September because of a lack of time and procrastination. Also, I took shrooms on the last day of July so for some reason that makes it harder to remember the timings of this one). (So I took the shrooms around 2:30 pm, and the sun goes down some time around 7:30 or 8 in the summer if I'm not mistaking. The peak was definitely between 6 pm and 7pm because I was watching music videos and noticed that some of the people became extremely distorted and everything took on much deeper meanings and became a lot more personal. Also that was sometime around the “Hidden Chatter” which felt kind of like my head was ringing. I think after the sun went down I was slowly but surely tapering off).

I remember I wanted to watch anime shows or movies but my friend didn't know what to put on, so he turns on Netflix and tells me to choose. But I'm super high right now so making choices seems an insurmountable task made even harder by my heightened insecurity about my own likes. He ends up turning to a bunch of stuff I don't even want to watch. Some of it was pretty graphic, which I still think even sober that it was intentional because he's talked about tripping and watching horror things before. But those are passing thoughts. He's a very good friend and one of the only people in the universe I trust to that degree. But while I was tripping I perceived a lot of what he said as dismissive, like how you'd talk to a child that had too much sugar for breakfast. A thought that came to mind was “You're supposed to be a trip sitter, not a baby sitter.” I did feel stupid trying to explain some things, mostly because my words didn't work. The thoughts were there but the words weren't so what came out of my mouth was incoherent babble.

Later in the night we decided to walk around the street. I notice that even now the street lights had the shells around them and they were beautifully multi-colored. Instead of the usual star-shape that bright lights have around them, they had an oblong yet octagonal shape, with pointed corners and multiple layers. It looked vastly different. Even car headlights looked insanely different, I'd say futuristic sometimes because they'd look like a merged line with the lights on the corners.

When we passed by one of the houses I perceived something that looked like a gigantic bacterium wrapping itself around a street lamp. It was like an anaconda, but segmented, see-through, and had this energy vibrating off of it. It glowed on the edges. I wasn't sure what the hell it was and I tried asking A but he was in his own little world and just told me to stay off of that neighbor's property and to stop pointing. I asked him later what it was and he said it was probably a security system. I asked “What kind of security system looks like that? I've never seen that in my life.” He said “Probably because you were high.” Yet for some reason he was unable to describe what it looked like to me when I was sober. I have theories about that for another time.

Anyway, we spent an inordinate amount of time walking just for the hell of it, at night time on the side of the road. We walked through a few neighborhoods, me making note of how beautiful they were. When we finally got back, and trust me I wanted to get back before the LSD wore off because I felt myself getting more sober by the minute, we turn the tv back onto Netflix. Some show that is an accumulation of bad movies with three characters that talk during the movie about how bad it is. It's pretty amusing, and I find it to be one of the more enjoyable parts of the trip involving tv. There's also this very dumb movie called Yoga Hosiers which we watched before that aforementioned “movie night” show. After A goes to sleep on the couch I start seeing that one person who looked like kind of like Chelsey Reist again. Actually, I never stopped seeing her in my mind. I kept thinking I was in a simulation and that she was the real me, which was disorientingly arousing in a weird way.

By morning the trip has pretty much worn off. I'm starting to feel negative feelings for some reason. Me and A go for another walk, and I feel extremely dirty. Weirdly enough I am getting depressed the more sober I get. When we get inside and I'm busy getting my things ready to leave I decide to have a couple of Not Your Father's root beers because I had heard that alcohol can help negate the affects of a trip. I feel as if the depression would be too much to handle. Honestly I can't say that it works because I think it could, but at the same time if depression is part of the come down alcohol won't help with that specific part.

By the time I go home I just want to be close to my parents. I can't explain it. I feel like there's something missing from my life and that feeling is really strong after acid, and persists long after it's out of my system, for months even. It's probably partly a lack of sleep, so when I get home, and shower I try to go to sleep. The only problem is that in the come down of acid it's hard to want to be alone because of the depression. But the depression is rough because of the tiredness. It's a Catch 22. I finally get to sleep because no one is home anyway, and eventually after that I am back to normal and actually feel a lot less depressed and sad than I've felt since my first LSD trip.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 112405

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 27

Published: Oct 4, 2018	Views: 1,589

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Depression (15), Combinations (3), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   47 kg

To give you some backstory, I lived six years with the fear of vomiting, so I stayed away from all drugs, including weed. This year though, I started liberating myself. First I tried some Ecstacy and I absolutely loved it. After some trips, I did cocaine but I never felt any effect. Meanwhile I began to smoke weed and drink a bit more. So when I was offered an LSD dose, I was finally calm and ready. I have to mention also that all substances (except cocaine) have a strong effect on me in small doses, maybe because I am very thin, or my system is like this, I don't know.

Anyway, I was invired by a friend to attend a psy-trans festival. His name is Fabio. With us came another friend, Elena. We went as volunteers. The first night we did cocaine, the second some shitty MDMA, and the third LSD. All this while smoking weed during the day.

The festival was small and calm. There was a house with kitchen, bathroom and space to hang around for the volunteers. We immediately felt like home and met many nice people. It was the kind of place where you forget your tobacco somewhere and nobody touches it. People were talking about drugs freely. The second day I was already feeling like home. It was an ideal setting for my first acid trip. The third night, the three of us took one dose each.

PART 1- FREEDOM – I was sitting with Elena outside the volunteer house when I started feeling some effect. I got anxious and a bit nauseous, mainly because I had no idea what would follow. But I was relatively calm, no comparison to the anxiety of the first times I did Ecstacy. In one moment all the negative feelings were gone, and I realized I couldn't stop laughing. Me and Elena made this fantasy about Fabio, that he is a huge cat, and she wants to take him home and feed him. It seemed so funny at the moment that we ended up crying and falling off the bench.

After this, we went to the main stage were we found Fabio and for the first time in my life I danced 100% comfortably in front of other people. I couldn't even dance properly but I didn't give a fuck. Actually this made me laugh even more. I felt the music entering inside me and guiding my moves. At some point I started jumping (cause walking was not enough) towards Fabio and I shouted at him something like “Thank you so much for this trip, its crazyyyy”, and continued dancing.

We went back to the volunteer house and passing from the bathroom I looked at myself in the mirror, seeing only pure beauty. It was something beyond the concept of beauty; I am beautiful because I exist. Then we ran like children to a hill above the stage. Meanwhile somebody had sprayed everything white there. It looked like snow. I ran like a child shouting “Merry Christmas”. We continued dancing and I remember these moments as absolutely liberating. I was jumping around, saying stuff like “Nothing really matters” and “I don't give a shit”. At some point during this delirium I stopped to watch a tree. I had never seen a tree in this way before. I was astounded by its complexity and beauty. Then, I don't know why but I cut a leaf. I immediately felt like crying. I was asking myself why the hell would I destroy something so beautiful. I started caressing the tree in an effort to apologize. After a while I went back to dancing.

PART 2 – NATURE- We moved towards a trail that brought us in the middle of nature. Immediately I felt the magic of the trees and the plants. I was exactly where I wanted to be. Elena was following butterflies. We spent hours walking and resting, walking and resting. The first time I sat down, I opened my tobacco and I found inside a fluo yellow string. I put it around my neck and I couldn't stop playing with it and watching it. The color seemed amazing. I had never watched the flowers and the trees so profoundly. I could see every detail and I was amazed by their complexity and beauty. We were dressed in comfortable clothes that looked a bit like pyjamas. We agreed soon enough that we were attending a pyjama party in nature.

Elena started putting leafs in my hair. We had some blueberries with us and spontaneously we rubbed them on each other's face. Never in my life have I felt more part of this planet. The sense of gravity was crazy. I felt like a mix of a child and an animal. After a while Elena became in my eyes a forest nymph that was guiding me through this trip. I was one of her followers. We were walking in nature more comfortable than ever. We were one with our surroundings. Meanwhile almost everything made us laugh. I didn't care if I got dirty or if I destroyed my clothes. Everything was worth this feeling. Only the idea that I would come down made me sad.

I don't know how much time we spent in nature. I had lost the concept of time. When we came back to the festival we all felt uncomfortable around people that were not part of our trip, so we went to a river nearby. I was finally coming down. It felt ugly. We smoked some weed. I had three puffs. After about five minutes I felt the effect of acid coming back. This time different.

We smoked some weed. I had three puffs. After about five minutes I felt the effect of acid coming back. This time different.

PART 3 – THE INSIDE TRIP – I got nauseous and I was convinced I would vomit. I went a bit far from the others but I didn't vomit. I started walking around and after a while I realized I was hallucinating. We were again in nature but this time nature was ugly. There was trash around and many insects. When I was looking down I was seeing a million insects. I knew they were in my head but it made me uncomfortable. I walked around searching for a safe space. I had the impression of people watching me, calling me, but there was nobody. I didn't panic though. Everything was under control, I just had to make myself comfortable again.

I touched almost every tree on the riverside. This time, after smoking weed, the trip became more profound and personal. I spent a lot of time touching the trees, watching them like never before. But one tree seemed special to me. I kept going back to it. In the end I hugged it and I closed my eyes. I felt its heart beating. My heartbeat was syncronized with its. I was connected with the whole universe in these moments. All the beauty, wisdom and complexity of nature were inside me. It was so intense that I felt aroused.

I opened my eyes and I started touching the tree the way I would touch a lover. With every touch I could feel the waves of pleasure I was offering to it and this aroused me even more. And then, I saw its vagina. It was in front of my face. Without hesitation I licked it. Then I climaxed. It was the most intense orgasm I ever had. I can't say for sure but I think it lasted a minute. I was feeling inside me the ages of evolution of the earth. I know it sounds perverse but in that moment, under the effect of acid, it felt natural and beautiful. The feeling of arousal remained for at least an hour.

I needed to move so I returned alone in the festival. But I was feeling uncomfortable around people. My cat came to me. He was purple. I went to the other side of the house hoping there were no people. A volunteer came to me and started talking about some fires back in my country. I was unable to respond normally. Then another cat came close to me. I was watching every detail, the eyes, the fur. It was absolutely beautiful. I could understand everything he was feeling. I felt like I could talk to him. I decided to return to nature.

I found a calm spot and I lied down. I realized that if I focused on something it started transforming. So I played a bit. It was like watching television. I enjoyed it because I knew it was all in my head. The leafs, the trees, the sky, the branches, became animals, people, cartoons. It was time to reflect on stuff profoundly. I saw my real self. Everything was so clear. In the end I fell asleep.I woke up because of the heat. The trip was over. I was tired, stoned but full of thoughts. I was reborn. Immediately, I started to draw. My hand was free. I was free.

AFTERMATH

Now, one week after, I am still drawing everyday for hours. I am also taking pictures. I feel an unstoppable need to create.

Now, one week after, I am still drawing everyday for hours. I am also taking pictures. I feel an unstoppable need to create.

 I can't stay still. I feel lucky to be alive. I also feel sure for myself. True. Pure. Beautiful. I realized that I shouldn't try to fit in situations, because I am already part of the universe. All I have to do is be myself without the fear of rejection. And now I know myself better. I am no more than those trees I was hugging. Their existence is as valuable as mine. So many things that made me anxious now seem unimportant. The depression I felt all those years seems useless. Why I was blocking myself when there is so much to do, to discover, to create? When there is so much beauty in everything? I am ready to face the world with calmness. In the end I am a very small part of a large cycle of life. A very small part of eternity. My life is the most useless and important thing at the same time. I found a place inside of me that I have to take care of. And I know that if I do that, I have nothing to be afraid of. If I keep it pure, clean and full of light nothing can harm me.

It is hard to describe well this experience, also because english is not my native language. Anything I write cannot come close to the feelings I had. I can say it has been one of the most important experiences of my life. I am changed forever. What acid does, it cuts through the bullshit. It made me see myself profoundly. And the realizations remain. I think I need months to absorb all the information. I am ready to face anything. I am stronger than ever. I feel thankful for everything.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 112242

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 24

Published: Oct 8, 2018	Views: 2,215

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LSD (2) : Depression (15), Nature / Outdoors (23), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)