		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (edible / food)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   185 lb

My first acid trip was a jarring and sobering experience that recontextualized my view of reality. Its attitude could be summed up as, "You think you want to understand existence, huh? Think you want to exist? Well HERE. HERE IT IS. This is the fundamental nature of existence in this world. This is your life, right now. What are you gonna do about it?"

A thought I was toying with long before the trip:

Consciousness isn't the material particles here in the physical world, it is the thought which is represented in that moment of space. When there is a thought to perceive it as something meaningful, that thought inherently causes that meaning to exist. It is the junction between the physical and the conceptual world that is our existence. The conceptual world is what people in different cultures refer to as things like the spirit world, nirvana, or god.

Late morning, I and several friends ingest 1 standard dose of LSD in the form of a sour candy. I hold the candy under my tongue for a few minutes, moving it from side to side before swallowing. I had not planned to do acid until my friend Michael offered me a tab moments prior, nor had I any idea of what the experience would be like.

I had not planned to do acid until my friend Michael offered me a tab moments prior, nor had I any idea of what the experience would be like.

After about 1 hour, we all go on a walk. It's cold and there's snow and ice on the ground. I am experiencing no effects other than warmness in my chest, and begin to feel disappointed. I begin to notice that my thoughts are somewhat unusual. We step on a thin sheet of ice on the pavement and I have the strange realization that 'this ice is like my social interactions: I act like I'm afraid the ice goes all the way down, but really it's just a thin sheet over the firm concrete.' The realization comes as a physical sensation that I am unable to understand or put into words. We continue to walk for about another hour.

Sitting on the couch, my entire existence becomes the singular point of perceiving, being in this moment. There is no further knowledge of the passage of time and the details in my vision are reduced to the singular perception that I am here right now. This idea, this perception, is very completely and very definitely real. This is a fundamental truth; I perceive therefore I exist. It is entirely distinct from the physical world, as it is simply a thought, but it exists as a thought. The fundamental truth of my existence persists unwaveringly throughout the entire night and the next day, as I write this, it has not gone away. By its very nature, its desire to exist, I do not expect that it will ever leave, though it may become partially obscured by the slow return of my normal cycles of thought.

Over by the counter where people are talking animatedly, more thoughts become present. Everything everyone says is reduced to the simple truth implied by those words, and that truth is "I want to connect with you". I then become aware that this thought is being expressed because that person is embodying the perception that they have the desire to exist; to continue perceiving. The truths of wanting to exist and wanting to connect coalesce onto a single point of perception, and enmesh with each other. I envision this as a band of color in closed eye visuals, as if part of a spectrum shining amid darkness. I embody this point of thought as well as other such coalitions of perceptions, which I perceive as different colors along a spectrum. Many thoughts coalesce and weave into different frequencies, overlaid upon the solitary point of my existence. One definitive coalition of thought that arises is that to maintain our desire to exist, we must grow. In the moment, right now, the opportunity to grow is to connect with these other people; these other existences that share the desire to exist. I am aware that because they have a desire to exist, they have a desire to grow and to connect with me. I find myself actively attempting to contribute to the conversation, applying great effort to attempt to connect. Cooking spaghetti with Portabella mushrooms, Ryan says, "mushrooms are weird." I say, "Yes, they are. Ryan says, "I like them." I say, "I don't really like them". The coalition of the desire to exist and connect induces an intense curiosity for trying to figure out what our combined existence is; this great mystery of what this world and our existence is.

It becomes obvious that now that I have realized it, the meaning of life is to grow as much as possible. As we experience, we experiment with perceiving different combinations of thoughts. Some combinations inherently lead to spinning cycles of thought; self sufficient bands of existence that press forward their will to exist despite any competing thoughts. These self sufficient cycles result in a beautiful array of spectrum, which presents itself over and around the person (in my mind's eye, not in my actual vision). This array represents the entirety of the person's expression, and is their soul. Some people choose to experiment more freely than others, and their souls contain lots of self-sufficient cycles. This results in a larger and more beautiful aura, but the lack of care with which the cycles were constructed causes them to be potentially harmful to delicate, less assertive thoughts. Because of the nature of growth, one very important goal is to create an environment in which as much thought can exist as possible. Another important goal is to maintain one's perception of existence, so that they may induce change with intent. The coalition of the desire for permeation of as much thought as possible and the desire to exist is the perfect junction at which to grow. However, some if not all people are unsure about their desire to exist. This causes them to either hold back and not express as much as they might, or to create self sufficient patterns with gross negligence as to the damages they might cause. If someone is generating self sufficient patterns with gross negligence, it might be because they have internalized a partial desire to not exist. This may represent itself in a person as sadism or abuse.

In the real world, Michael shows these attributes by playing gleefully with a blow torch. Just as the talking earlier exemplified a desire to connect, his playing with the blow torch blatantly exemplifies his desire to impose destruction on the world. The combination of the beautiful patterns caused by the desire to grow and the diminution thereof caused by his negligence to the physical world results in the spectrum that is Michael, embodying goodness and greatness as well as amounts of lethargy and hatred. I quickly find myself being affronted by his experimentations as well as those of others, as I am less willing to impose destruction on the world (because doing so would make me less than what I could be). I continue to try to connect and to share the experiences with others, but it becomes rapidly difficult to do so, as I must invest more effort to assert my will among the cycles of thought cast out by others. I embody the thought that because I am unable to connect with others, they are unwilling to interact with me. The fallibility that is this imperfect world forces us to impose our will upon other thoughts, causing them to die. I continue to try to force my will on the thoughts of others so that I may connect, but the increasing difficulty forces me to become more and more disconnected. I am forced to face the question that if I want to grow to my full potential, I must use more effort to impose my will on the world.

Out of a hidden thought that I need to protect myself during this acid trip, I remember that I have a profound duty to protect the integrity of the structure of my molecules in the physical world. Therefore, I do not consider becoming any more negligent than I can possibly avoid while still maintaining the perception of existence. I am forced to face the reality that I must continue to assert my will with as much fervency as I can muster. However, I realize that I can't reach my full potential as I am right now. I need to love myself better, and allow myself necessary indulgences such as sleep. I am faced with the conundrum that in this imperfect world I am not ready; I am not complete. Even so, I feel the intense need to press forward and grow from this experience of now as much as I possibly can. As the evening progresses and I am continually faced with the harsh reality of this imperfect world, my intense desire to live gives way to a feeling of "I really don't know if I want to keep going or what I want out of life. I mean, I guess I should keep going. It wouldn't really be fair to the rest of existence if I stopped". By the next day, this thought has turned into "I don't know what I'm doing and I'm not ready to answer the question of "do I want to experience life?", but I'll keep going and maybe I'll find the right answer later, once I've learned to love myself".

During the whole evening, I look at people and am faced with the fundamental truth that they are sharing this experience with me, and have somewhere within them the desire to grow. This truth is so blatantly obvious that I feel unable to express it to them, for fear of looking stupid and therefore causing them to think that there is no value to connecting with me. I try to communicate my desire to connect by asking things like "how are you feeling?" This leads to only moderate success. At times I say something without enough intent or don't say anything at all, and it does not lead to the connection I desire. This feels terrible, as it forces me to face the truth that right now, I am not good enough to connect with that person. Each time I fail to connect, I experience my unworthy being die, to be replaced in the next moment by a different being. Even so, I press onward, experiencing the moment and learning from my mistakes. Throughout the evening as people say things, I am so entrenched in the thought that we are sharing these experiences that every time someone says something, I interpret it as meaning something about the profound nature of existence. This causes several awkward interactions, where someone will say something about some mundane or unrelated topic, which I interpret to be a commentary on the miracle of our existence

someone will say something about some mundane or unrelated topic, which I interpret to be a commentary on the miracle of our existence

. Ryan says to Michael, “...it isn’t the same as it was last time.” I cut in, “If you’re saying what I think you’re saying, then YES.”

Throughout the night, I try to force myself onto a path of loving myself, with what feels like partial success. Even as I force myself to press onward and continue to experience life, I continually remind myself that I've done enough growth for the night and should give myself a break. These conflicting forces cause a very uncomfortable sensation in which I feel just barely grounded, while simultaneously like I should press forward but each time I do, part of me dies.

The day after, I feel like I have a level of control over myself that I never have before. I am able to directly apply my mind to solving particular tasks, and I feel that I am present in a given moment with definitive certainty.

I don't know what the f*ck I'm doing right now, but I know I should give it a shot. F*ck. Life.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114774

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 20

Published: Sep 23, 2020	Views: 1,282

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), First Times (2), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   206 lb

This experience was very profound and has greatly improved my self confidence and self worth. Prior to this I had experimented with drugs before; I had five mushroom trips and five DXM trips under my belt (DXM is  bad), so I was fairly experienced and felt ready to try LSD. Previously I had been somewhat scared of it because of how long it lasts and the fact that you never truly know what you’re getting with LSD, but upon further research I discovered that LSD is less intense mentally than mushrooms, so I figured I would give it a try. LSD was in fact less intense on my brain than mushrooms, but it felt like I reached a few layers deeper into my subconscious than any of my mushroom trips. I truly underestimated LSD and I’m grateful that the Lsyergic gods showed mercy on me despite doubting them.

I had been chatting with this trans guy I met on Tinder and he offered to give me a tab, so I took the offer. He said he had done tabs from this batch before and been fine so I trusted that it would be authentic LSD, and thankfully it was. In hindsight I shouldn’t have been so eager to trust someone I barely knew, but hey, everything turned out alright in the end didn’t it? He dropped the tab off at my house at around 11:15 PM and I spent the next twenty minutes staring at the tab working up the nerve to put it on my tongue. Eventually I talked myself up enough to take it at 11:39 PM and I was off to the races.

The first thirty minutes were pretty uneventful, only noteworthy thing was that my tongue felt weird as the tab dissolved. I started coming up around 12:20 AM, the onset was much smoother than a mushroom trip and the visuals took longer to kick in. The body high was very similar to shrooms but minus the nausea, it's kind of like being really stoned but I didn't feel drowsy and I actually felt somewhat energetic. For the most part I just danced around my room and listened to Dorian Electra or whatever else I felt like listening to.

By 1:00 AM the visuals start to set in. The visuals manifested themselves as triangular patterns forming on my skin and embedding themselves into my surroundings as well as pictures on my phone and computer. To be honest I was somewhat underwhelmed by this, but it was fine because the high felt amazing and I knew the visuals would intensify as the night went on. I spent the next hour and a half snapchatting my friends and watching various music videos, as well as coming up with funny realizations like “duuuude why do we never think about the amount of hours we’re awake in a day?” But around 2:30 AM the trip begins to take an intense and introspective turn.

At one point I caught a glance of myself in the mirror from across my room and I felt very dysphoric. Being trans dysphoria is nothing new and usually it's easy to shrug off, but dysphoria during a trip is something I wanted to avoid at all costs, so I quickly looked away and tried to move on to something else. However, I was drawn back to the mirror in a “No, let’s dive into this and see what I’m so afraid of” kind of way.

I quickly looked away and tried to move on to something else. However, I was drawn back to the mirror in a “No, let’s dive into this and see what I’m so afraid of” kind of way.

 It’s difficult to describe what followed, but it genuinely felt like I was confronting my mental illness(es) face to face. I was talking to myself in the 3rd person, coming to all of these realizations about my life and things I’ve been unknowingly doing to hold myself back from being myself. I was very angry with myself, but it was a cathartic kind of anger, the kind of anger that actually feels productive and like I was releasing a lot of built up tension within me.

This back and forth with myself lasted about two hours and I jotted down a ton of notes on my phone, which is something I wouldn’t have been able to do on mushrooms and especially not DXM. I decided to say fuck it and smoke some weed because I felt amazing and was comfortable upping the anti. I don’t think the weed did much since the weed I had at the time was pretty weak, but it felt quite nice. After I had essentially worked through everything I needed to, I felt like I had reached a state where I was the most authentic version of myself. Not concerned with what anyone else thinks like I normally am, even when I’m alone. I felt this unwavering confidence, as if I had just KO’d someone in a boxing ring and was flexing to the audience. It was unreal and I would kill to feel that again.

The rest of the trip was essentially me basking in my confidence. Around 5:45 AM I moved to the balcony of my house to smoke weed and watch the sun come up. The sunrise was beautiful and the birds sounded wonderful. Once it got a bit brighter I decided to take a walk to my local corner store and buy some snacks. I was still tripping balls but I could handle being in public just fine. The walk was quite nice and it was fun watching all the trees dance around me. After I got back I decided to say fuck it and cook some breakfast. I friend an egg very poorly and made an egg sandwich out of it, it still tasted delicious despite the egg looking mangled.

The trip past this point was mostly uneventful except for one bizarre visual thing. After eating I sat on the balcony and stared at the trees in the distance forming gorgeous patterns and constantly shifting, but if I focused hard enough, suddenly my peripheral vision was much clearer, colors started changing really rapidly and it felt like I was being sucked into something. It was very bizarre and I’m curious if I’ll feel that again the next time I decide to try LSD.

So in conclusion, this was an incredible trip. It's been nearly two weeks since the trip as I’m writing this and I feel much better about myself and my life. I feel like I’m slowly but surely working toward the vision of my true self I saw during my trip. I will say though that after this I’ll be taking a break from psychedelics. This year has been quite chaotic and frankly I’ve been using drugs as a form of escapism, even when I had genuine intentions of exploring my subconscious. I think I need to take some time to actually incorporate the things I’ve learned into my life before I decide to trip again. Honestly I’m just thankful this trip didn’t go south, which it very well could have if I wasn’t prepared, but I stuck it out and I have no regrets.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114768

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 19

Published: Oct 13, 2020	Views: 1,632

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LSD (2) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), First Times (2), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   54 kg

This is a true story of my experience of entering what I call "The Abyss" in a time where I was going through a really rough patch in my life, and feeling completely healed by it.

For a bit of background, I am a health professional and my job is to help others who are struggling with issues in their lives. On the side, I have researched and published academic articles on the use of psychedelics for therapeutic and recreational purposes. I am happily married and a mother of 2. I was struggling recently with family issues, as my dad has developed a severe alcohol use disorder and is in a DV relationship, and I have tried in futility to help him for the past 2 years. I was coming to terms with the fact that I could not help him, and my dad has been the most important man in my life since I was born, my hero. I was experiencing severe anxiety and feelings of insecurity and abandonment for several weeks.

I was experiencing severe anxiety and feelings of insecurity and abandonment for several weeks.

In October 2020 I decided to take an LSD trip with my husband. I have a lot of experience with psychedelics and have had many profound experiences.

We had been to dinner and had a lovely evening with approx. 2 glasses of wine. We came home and put the kids to bed. I took 1 tab of LSD and did what I usually do, hula hooping and listening to cool music. I felt sick at some point and went and lay down outside with my husband. I was feeling pretty trippy, a bit of visuals and the well-known changes in overall perception and consciousness, nothing profound at this point. I had expected to cry and process the stuff that was going on with my dad but not much was really coming to the surface.

I set up a "nest" inside with comfy blankets and candlelight and my husband and I made love. I smoked a little cannabis after that. I felt tired and uncomfortable and at that point I was probably in the peak of my trip. I remember a feeling of forgetfulness, like I would forget what I was doing, where I was going in the house, and this was unusual but I put it down to the cannabis (I'm not a regular cannabis user). I told my husband I was going to bed.

I went into the bedroom and turned off the light. I instantly entered a most unusual state that I have never experienced before. I can’t even say “experienced” is the right word, because I was not in my body to be able to experience anything. It was like I spontaneously did not exist, there was no time or space, no body, only black. I gradually came back into my senses and I had no idea who I was or where I was, I had no idea of my life history or any other person in my life, it was complete amnesia and I was disoriented in the room. I managed to find the light switch and turning on the light in the room helped me to piece together my identity gradually. I still felt really tired but I decided to try to sleep with the light on because I was concerned that I might forget who I was again.

This time with closed eyes I experienced some close-eye visuals. I don’t really remember the nature of them, detailed undulating imagery and patterns. I had the urge to peel back the layers and keep going underneath each visual to see what was behind it. It was like looking under a rug to find another rug that you need to look under. Eventually there was a black opening, like a crack in the overall visual. I edged closer to it in my consciousness (as I was just lying in bed this whole time with eyes closed). I entered the abyss for a second time, the same thing as what happened with the light off, complete black, nothingness. I once again forgot who I was and had to piece it together. There was no emotion attached to this process, no fear or elation, it just was.

After re-entering this realm of reality for the second time, I thought of my dad. I felt intense emotional pain. I envisioned all the terrible things I fear for him and allowed myself to see them and feel everything that I had been avoiding. I did not go to sleep, I went upstairs and told my husband about the abyss experience. I was not very surprised by it or entirely amazed. It just felt like a normal thing to happen really. He was very intrigued and referred to it as “the cosmic vagina”  (some sort of pop culture reference, I believe). I described it to him as though my brain was “rebooted”, a “factory reset” on my consciousness, if you will.

Since then almost a week has passed, and I am feeling so much better within myself. I do not feel anxious, or when I do, I can view it and process it immediately. I am still sad and feel some degree of emotional pain about my dad, and the situation has not resolved, but it does not take over my life anymore.

Overall, I feel that I was reborn through the cosmic vagina and it healed by emotional problems for now. I am thankful for this experience.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114851

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 32

Published: Oct 17, 2020	Views: 1,007

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   75 kg

At first it started as an LSD experience somehow similar to the one I recalled (I had LSD once, two years ago - the experience was very mellow and comfortable). After about an hour, colors became brighter, flashes of light in front of my eyes occurred. Everything that caught my eye was suddenly extremely fascinating, I felt I was slowly drifting to the trippy state. My mind was a little dizzy, maybe like mellow high, but still sharp. As tens of minutes passed, the visual hallucinations started to be extremely vivid and real. Beetles crawling on the ground, little trees sprawling in the distance, patterns making waves, moving up and down, showing me all colors of the spectrum. Shit was quite heavy – in this moment, I was fully in the trippy zone, not really functioning normally anymore, only feasting my eyes on everything I saw and all the emotions that came with it, partly forgetting my real surroundings.

(Hour and a half after taking the tab)

But then the vibe grew exponentially. The feeling of being in a different realm than usual began to be extremely strong – I was no longer able to think straight. Every second that passed brought a whole new reality, but before I could relate to it, try to understand it or at least look around, another reality came in the next one. It was like slices of thousands of trippy dimensions stacking randomly on top of each other in matter of splits of a second. I forgot where I was. I couldn’t no longer figure out how I got to the spot, what I did the day before, what was to live a normal life. I couldn’t remember what normal life was. The information in form of words still emerged in my brain, but without any emotion, image or relation. I was trapped in the moment, flowing recklessly with it – there were no other possibilities.

(Two hours after taking the tab)

The visual hallucinations got to a state of me reconstructing the visible, not only connecting patterns, but moving it. Changing the shape. I looked at the stars and they were randomly running around the sky, zooming in and out. Everything I glimpsed from this point was living, moving and reacting to my existence – all absolutely indistinguishable from reality. Shape, color, velocity… all together in a fraction of a second melted and shifted, as another fraction came.

From this point I can’t recall the events very clearly, because my sober mind is unable to perceive what started to happen with my conscious, the trip was too strong. About tens of times stronger than the first one I had two years ago.

(Two and a half hours after taking the tab)

My mind was lost. I had nothing to hold on to. My whole perception of reality in a freefall. I started to have physical hallucinations. The tips of my fingers no longer felt as a part of my body, like someone cut off the synapses that took care of them. My whole humanness narrowed to my mind only. I couldn’t feel myself anymore. Just like we forget a thought we wanted to say few seconds ago - I experienced that with most of my senses. I forgot to feel.

My consciousness was so overloaded and lost that my brain started to forget taking care of my body. Seconds in which I touched my face and felt nothing. And then, instead of a touch, I felt a taste. But not with my tongue, simply with my consciousness. When I watered my mouth and played with my tongue a little, I realized it disappeared. I forgot what taste feels like to my mouth. I grabbed a water bottle. The hand grasped it successfully, but I didn’t feel it. Looking at the bottle and holding it tightly with my hands only made something like a tickle in the middle of my brain. The shape of it constantly shifted. I took a sip, and the second the water started pouring into my mouth, I couldn’t taste it. I didn’t feel my tongue. After I swallowed, the water didn’t go down my throat. It disappeared, right behind the place where my tongue used to sit. There was no throat. There was no me.

(Three hours after taking the tab)

I started to doubt there was even something like the „normal sober reality“. It was like something I heard about, but had no idea what should it be. I felt like my real life happened some really long time before, a few years maybe. I didn’t recall anything, only words came up in my mind from time to time – for example my name, which I was trying to repeat to reassure who I am and not forget. I got scared. My senses were disappearing, reappearing and transforming. I was terrified that my brain will be damaged for good, that I lost the normal cooperation between my mind and body - which is absolutely natural in normal state for all of us, and there is no way to feel it. But now I realized it can be separated. And it got separated. I was free.

Like a newborn baby. That’s exactly how I felt. I was new to a world I’ve never seen before, same as my own me. I didn’t know how a human works. I had to learn how to process what I see, what I hear, what I touch. I had to try understand what signals is it giving me and how to sort them out in my head to make a proper reaction. Time kind of stopped existing, knowing I have a never ending amount of this. The actual clock went so slow it seemed as days and days going by. I was trying to understand the feeling and just relax and glide with it, but when I got too relaxed, I feared I would never return to the original space and time again.

(Three and a half hours after taking the tab)

I pushed myself to stand up and start walking in the middle of a field at night, with only the moon illuminating my path. I thought it could be a good way to make my mind finally understand that the living ME still exists, breathes and walks. And it worked out well. As I was coming back to the safe spot and back out in the fields again, I began to experience something like my own life line. My life in this realm, the only real one I had left. A campfire in a crater-like structure with about 25 meters in diameter became my home. A base camp, like in some RPG game. There was a world out there, and a safe place right here, with my friend taking care of the fire. I could only remember things that happened since I got in the trippy state – it was the only life I knew, and it felt as days, maybe weeks old. I had a home, a friend being there with me, an outside world full of crazy ass sceneries that looked like the most beautiful landscapes I’ve ever seen, constantly flowing and changing the height of their horizons, and only thing I still got the chance to do was perfecting my perception of reality and being more united with it.

(Four hours after taking the tab)

I wanted to learn how to work with this feeling rather than fighting it. I gained skills in calming myself down and being able to relax, with every minute. It was extremely difficult though, at times I thought I can’t take it no more. But my mind endured well and never succumbed, even in times of almost panicking, even after I realized a horrible thing – there is nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. Once you start to refuse and throw yourself in despair, there’s no way to help you. When you’re wasted? Water, throwing up, laying on the floor and you’re good to go. Overly high? Pretty much the same thing. But this. This bullshit is in your mind – not only it’s in your mind, it’s YOU. It’s a part of your realm. Maybe calling an ambulance to get a transfusion? Wouldn’t work. It’s stuck in your neurons, not in your blood. Once you refuse, you’re fucked. That’s why I learned how to relax and observe it with a little clearer mind, not focusing on things happening to my body that drove me insane.

(Five hours after taking the tab plus, from this point the heaviest hallucinations started to wash away slowly, they finally did about 8 hours after I took the tab)

And to be honest – that was when I got to FREEDOM. My mind unleashed, set free from my physical substance. But guess what – it does not feel good. It’s not fucking natural for humans to live this way – we were born a species that works as a tight symbiosis between mental and physical. Once your arms, legs, mouth, tongue, lungs, air in your lungs, your heart, intestines, ability to touch, taste or accommodate your eye disappear, part of your soul disappears. Our natural bodies are our freedom – our home.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 108615

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 19

Published: Nov 13, 2020	Views: 1,184

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LSD (2) : General (1), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:00

		 vaporized
		 Cannabis
		 (extract)

		   T+ 0:00

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (flowers)

		   T+ 4:00
		 50 mg
		 oral
		 DiPT
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 8:30

		 vaporized
		 Cannabis
		 (extract)

		   T+ 8:30

		 vaporized
		 Cannabis
		 (flowers)

		   T+ 8:30

		 oral
		 Alcohol - Beer/Wine

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   240 lb

A lot of experience report authors  like to post their psychoactive 'résumés,' I thought I should too in at least one of my reports, for completeness, and for science! Here’s the list: cannabis/concentrate, cocaine, opium, alcohol, mushrooms, dmt, lsd, lsa, mescaline, mdma, mde, 4-aco-dmt, 4-ho-mipt, 2c-t-4, 2c-c, 2c-e, 2c-i, dipt, doi, 25i-nbome, 25c-nbome, mxe, dxm, nitrous oxide, 4-mmc, methylone, jwh-018, jwh-073, salvia, and other various herbs/plants and pharmaceuticals such as: alprazolam (xanax), amphetamine (adderall), buprenorphine (suboxone), bupropion (wellbutrin), clonazepam (klonopin), diazepam (valium), oxycodone, hydrocodone, lorazepam, metazalone (skelaxin), methylphenidate (ritalin), paroxetine (paxil),quetiapine (seroquel), tramadol (ultram), venlafaxine (effexor), zolpidem (ambien), morphine, phenibut, pseudoephedrine, ephedrine, caffeine, amanita mushrooms (muscimol), syrian rue, guarana, morning glory, mimosa root bark, nutmeg, tea, coffee, damiana, mugwort, valerian, 5-htp, melatonin, piracetam, kava, ginseng, tobacco, ginkgo biloba and miscellaneous inhalants.

I had been sitting on this DiPT for about six months, and at this point I could wait no longer. Being that this semester is the busiest of my entire college career, the one day that I didn't have an essay to write or an impossible organic chemistry concept to grasp, I decided to utilize for this experiment. I will admit that I had some nerves about this trip. I hadn't taken any type of psychedelic in at least a year, but there was A LOT of heavy use of cannabis, both buds and concentrate (wax/oil). The year directly before that had been one of the most copious and exploratory periods of my life when it comes to psychedelia, having tried close to a dozen new tryptamines and phenethylamines.

After I had returned home from a long day at my internship, I realized this would be the perfect time to delve back into the psychedelic universe. My girlfriend was out of town for the weekend, I had no responsibilities, and I was in a relatively good mood overall, having done well on my organic chemistry midterm. I retrieved a single blotter tab of some cid from my freezer. I had it (along with my 50mg capsule of DiPT) in a pill bottle wrapped in plastic, filled with rice, then wrapped in foil. So all the goodies were stored well for that time period and in my opinion lost little to no potency. After all, the three most important things to keep away from any compound you want to preserve are light, oxygen and heat, and I had looked out for all three.

So I wasn't that surprised when it turned out to be a decently strong dose of my good old friend, LSD. I put the blotter under my tongue and allowed it to sublingually do its thing for approximately half an hour. This was around 3:30PM. During this time, I drove to the store and bought a single 16oz PBR before the effects became too strong and I wouldn't be able to do such things.

[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!] When I returned home, anxious as usual during the come-up of anything, I tried to find something to kill an hour during my psychedelic adjustment. I decided to take a long, relaxing shower, and it definitely was. After getting out and drying off, I finally noticed those first signs, the electric tingling throughout my body and the slight breathing of everything at which I stared, along with some mental cues associated with tripping I can't properly explain.

To get more comfortable, I decided to take a few dabbles of wax off of my new oil rig (basically a small glass bong with a glass-on-glass fitted removable dome and loosely placed titanium nail/plate suspended between them both). Watching the butane torch flame wrap around the concave titanium nail was like witnessing a micro-aurora borealis, and as the metal began to glow cherry-red, the detail of every single particle of light was overwhelmingly apparent, and beautiful.  I took a few generous globs of my homemade wax and a thick cloud of vapor burst upward, percolated and delivered painfully deep into my chest. After a few ordinary bong rips of some buds, my lungs had finally relaxed once more. Now I was high. As fuck.

I love weed. I feel more comfortable in that state than I do in any other, or lack of one, I have experienced. But like any drug, it can without a doubt be pushed to an intense level. It is hard to overdo it with straight bud, but when I start messing around with concentrates, whether extracted from outdoor, indoor, medical grade, Mexican grade, etc., it will be potent. If it is made with a good technique (rapid) and good solvent that is (such as IPA, ethanol or butane). After a good few hits, or if I am simply on some other psychedelic drugs (such as LSD, currently) it can have a powerful and unordinary effect without a doubt. It feels as if one is free falling, or being sucked through a vortex at incredible speed, hence the reason we (friends) refer to it as vortexing. By actual definition, one could argue this is a cannabinoid overdose, I have witnessed many arguments on forums about this, but honestly, if you are experiencing effects you didn't expect, and that are extremely uncomfortable (to you), then I would consider that an overdose, yes.

Though I have grown quite fond of all the mental quirks and effects cannabis has to offer, these more powerful effects have taken some time to get used to. Amidst my acid trip, I began to feel that sensation of free falling and have occasional tactile rushes of energy and euphoria throughout my body. And every time I would open my eyes, I could see and feel everything vibrating with me, on the same frequency, tuned into the same radio channel as my soul.

I tried to relax, and I began to mentally recite a mantra (om… ma… ni… pad… me… hum…) for several minutes, until all of my thoughts had ceased. The continual ADHD, OCD and manic stream of thought had been dammed. Finally, I stepped out of my spare bedroom (it is the smoking area) and into the hallway, and it is here where I experienced something I had never experienced 'somewhat due to weed' in my entire life. Yes I was on a hit of cid, but it wasn't overwhelmingly strong. The several hits of hash oil must have played a SIGNIFICANT role in this 'vision' that occurred. Behind closed eyes, it took form similar to a MXE (methoxetamine)-induced vision. Slowly, a body manifested over a black background and it was clearly a voluptuous female. With very sensual proportions, she had generously curved hips, and then I suddenly noticed a bluish tint. Then as the idol's form came into fruition, I could see her skin was that of a tiger's, specifically a Bengal tiger. The image clearly displayed before my closed eyes was reminiscent of an amalgam of a character from the recent Avatar movie (the native alien race) and a goddess, with the skin of a Bengal tiger perfectly stretched over her human-esque form. After opening my eyes, she was gone, and I began to think deeply about what thought truly is, and in what way I am even actually participating in the phenomenon.

The autonomous function that is the mental stream we can only perceive and act upon, modify or dismiss, had lowered its arms; it was no longer running at full power. This idea of a mantra always fascinated me, and now it has helped me rid myself of any behavioral or other type of pharmaceutical rubbish, and I feel that I have even more control over my brain now (during this period of my life) than I could with those pharmaceutical drugs. Emotion and feeling cannot be ignored, no, but one can bury that deep, and other rushing ideas like wanting to tell the world everything and do everything instantaneously and having quantitative quirks and requirements in order to feel at peace is a nightmare, or can be, if a person submits to such thought patterns. It has taken around 25 years, and after working on this since my elementary school years, I finally feel like I'm almost there. It is possible. Behavioral and mental 'disorders' such as ADHD for the most part are a product of lobbyists, not research. And a lot of times these 'disorders' can be 'fixed' with medication and help to produce a more 'desirable student' for the classroom.

In my honest opinion, with hard work, most behavioral problems can be understood and controlled, as can any actions, using self-control. And with the personal integration of techniques such as the utilization of a mantra, breathing and deep-thinking, a lot can be accomplished as far as understanding and being in control over your own mind. I will say that some mental disorders, such as schizophrenia and Alzheimer's, are not like the ones I am speaking of (ADHD, OCD, manic depression, generalized anxiety disorder, etc.). With mental ailments such as schizophrenia, until the industry finds a decent treatment, sedatives and other medications are definitely necessary in 'some' cases. It is a shame that we have such a high level of mental illness in the world, but what I am getting at is that a lot of it is rubbish. Being uncomfortable is not always the worst possible state of being. Mental work can go a long way and not as many people (especially children) should be pumped full of these behavior-modifying drugs. America should be held responsible for such a selfish and easy pattern of diagnoses.

Reflecting on all these ideas during my trip brought me great peace, because I do not feel as if I have any mental 'disorders' at this point. I like to think of it more like if life were a video game, I would be playing on hard or expert. Though it may take me twice as long to learn the controls, when I do, I will have much more control than a person playing on normal. I also spent some time reflecting on my brother and my father. Both can be very angry and stubborn at times, often over trivial things that do not matter. Though my dad has cancer and could die in the next few weeks from major surgery, my brother doesn't want to try to let him in. But for good reason, well, Jim Morrison said it best, dads are well, no one has a 'great' dad, I'll just put it like that.

It had been around four hours (it was now 7:30PM), and the acid was just starting to come down. Never having reached a strong psychedelic state, I decided it would be a great time to try out this weird tryptamine I had lying around. It is called DiPT and is mainly an auditory psychedelic, as opposed to the typical and more widely known visual ones. I emptied the contents of a 50mg capsule of DiPT into a glass of orange juice and drank up the whole thing in one go, along with the empty and tryptamine-dusted capsule shell. I had virtually no effects for the first 30 minutes, then the next hour was just more gentle breathing and morphing but with that strong tryptamine buzz and edging to everything around me, similar to a gram or two of mushrooms.

But around the hour-and-a-half mark, things started to get noticeably stranger. I had been occasionally turning on the TV to try and hear if any voices or sounds were distorted like I had read about in the book TIHKAL. I only noticed slight changes but wasn't really sure if anything was truly different. I took a shower to kill some time. I took a long, steamy shower for around half an hour and mentally ran through the mantra again for at least 20 minutes, relaxing to the point of near-sleep! But alas, all things must come to an end, and so I jumped out, eager to see what, if anything, was on the psychedelic radio tuner.

To my not-so-much surprise, everything was auditory! There was an SNL special on with interviews from all the cast members from the ’90s and they were talking about their best and worst moments. There was a clip being shown and the voice speaking was akin to Louie Armstrong's voice: very, very deep. I couldn't place it. Then they showed the person that had been speaking and it was Chris Kattan. He by far had the deepest voice of anyone who spoke. It was strange; some people were almost entirely unaffected, such as Molly Shannon. Then Will Ferrell and Norm Macdonald began talking and sounded almost as deep as Kattan had. It was as if a few random people had their voices lowered several octaves. Music took on a new form as well. I can't describe what had changed really, but most music sounded very unpleasant, and so I gave up on it relatively quickly. This is an example of one of the only psychedelics I would say watching TV on could be a great use of the substance. Getting to hear so many voices and obscure sounds showed me how strong this stuff really was and what effect it was having. The synergy between the DiPT and cid was amazing. This was close to a perfect dose for me. A little higher could have been better though. But this was unknown territory and 50mg was a safe dose. And strong.

I didn't want to actually talk to my girlfriend on the phone that night because of how freaky-weird and distorted her voice would inevitably sound. It would be too disturbing, so I just opted to text instead. After saying goodnight, I broke into that PBR I had purchased earlier, and it was good, really, really good! I packed a few bongs and took another hit of wax before sprawling out on the couch. At this point (around midnight) I was really exhausted, not just from the psychedelic adventures but also from the internship earlier in the morning. Since I had to wake up at 6AM yet again the next morning, I decided to try and go to bed. I ended up smoking weed, writing poetry and messing around on Facebook until 1AM. When I got into bed finally, it was the most comfortable I had felt in years. I fell asleep practically instantaneously and slept like a rock all through the night. In the morning I felt relatively normal, definitely a slight afterglow of effects but no hangover and the internship went fine.

I probably won't try DiPT again because of its rarity. It was quite a unique experience and I definitely won't forget it.

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Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 103130

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 25

Published: Jan 20, 2021	Views: 1,404

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DiPT (110), Cannabis (1), LSD (2) : Alone (16), Music Discussion (22), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 4 hits
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:40
		 1 hit
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   235 lb

It was a Saturday, my major exams were finished for the semester, and I’d bought a relatively large amount of acid to use over break earlier in the week. I’d used LSD a few times before in my life, and purchased a large quantity as it had a profound psychotherapeutic effect, and worked well for treating my various mental health problems. I’d observed that the dosages in the 100-200ug range were effective for a few months, but symptoms would slowly resume after, so I planned to try 400-600ug after reading various experience reports and discussing it with those more experienced online. I woke up a couple hours later than I’d wanted too, and took the initial dose at around 11:40.

A quick note before I begin, I’ve had multiple episodes of psychosis growing up, but nothing in the last few years, and nothing while using psychedelics, including this trip. I’ve found that alcohol is an extremely effective antipsychotic if used sparingly in moderate doses, which is why I reached for it here, more on that later.

T: 0:00

I took 4 tabs, each 100ug. I’d tested this batch before, having taken a single tab when I first got it to make sure the dosage was correct. Sticking them under my tongue, I headed into the shower. Within 20-30 minutes (I like to take long showers) I could feel the effects come on.

T: 0:40

I got out, dried off, got dressed and went to grab something to eat from my kitchen. My memory begins to be a little hazy at this point, and I felt fairly disoriented. I stepped into my backyard to get some fresh air, and noticed everything in my visual field begin to twist into itself. I headed inside. My kitchen felt strange and alien, though I felt like I was managing alright. I decided to take another 100microgram tab.

T: 1:10

Somehow, and I only realized this after coming down, I’d managed to boil some eggs without burning my house down because at this point it was very difficult to complete basic tasks. In any case, I grabbed a popsicle, checked that I had my wallet and phone, lighter and transit cards, and headed outside for a walk around my block. I usually go out in public alone while tripping, and I was starting to get worried, so I figured some fresh air, and being around other people would help me calm down. I was about halfway around when I started to feel really weird, so I got back to my house quickly so I could sit on my couch or lie down or get a drink to calm the possibility of paranoia and prevent hallucinations (though, I’ve never really had any on psychedelic drugs). I circled round to my house, went to open the door, realized it was locked, reached into my pocket to grab my keys, and that’s when I realized I’d left them on my desk.

T: 2:10

Doing something so stupid wasn’t unordinary, and I don’t think the acid was the reason I forgot my keys--it was probably just bad luck. I knocked on the door desperately, my heart was beating incredibly fast, and on top of all this, the acid had really set in, the “ego death” experience which I’d read about online, which I was chasing after with this dose as a way to permanently fix my problems, was beginning to set in. It was at this moment that I kept cycling between three thoughts: I’m going to be put in a hospital, I’m never going to get out of this trip, and I’m going to die. My immediate concerns of course, were practical. I didn’t want someone calling the police on a deranged, psychotic man beating a random door down--though when I think back to this, it was extremely unlikely, as my neighbours were familiar with my antics, and probably would’ve helped me if I needed it. I called my Dad, who had plenty of experience with psychedelics. He told me to breathe, I did. He told me to calm down. He asked how much I’d taken. When I told him, he was shocked. He said he never took that much at once himself. This was not what you wanted to hear while approaching ego death sitting on your stoop. He then asked if I’d called my roommate yet, and then I remembered I should probably call him. But he was asleep, he’d been sleeping in very late so there was no way he would answer his phone. I called, I tried desperately knocking a few more times, no answer. I called my Mom (who also had experience with psychedelics), told her what was going on, and asked her to pick me up. She was as shocked as my Dad when I told her the dose, and that’s when I thought I’d really screwed up. She stayed on the phone with me as I paced up and down the sidewalk. Finally, after a length of time I can’t possibly measure, she arrived. I got in the car and held onto her desperately as we drove away, still freaking out.

T: 2:40?

My Dad called again to talk, and somehow, being in the car with my Mom, with my Dad on the phone, I was lucid enough to hold a conversation, even lucid enough to tell my Mom not to snipe at my Dad, since they’d been divorced for years and it was enough already. My Mom led me into her house, and I went straight for the liquor to prevent psychosis from setting in (I need to note, as I’ve mentioned it a lot at this point, I DO NOT use alcohol regularly, only in emergencies and occasionally with friends and family). The alcohol went down very easy, it was hard to measure how much exactly I’d consumed, but my Mom stopped me from having too much. I began to calm down, lying down on the couch with my Mom, listening to music, I let go of all sense of self, all attachments, and the world began to melt around me. According to her, for the next few hours, I was repeating the same words over and over again. I remember very little from then, and before I knew it night was falling.

T: 6:00

My roommate called me, according to him I managed to give him the basic details of what had transpired, and also that I needed him to let me back into the house when I got home. I remember going to the bathroom several times, each time it was different. Once, everything in my vision was “bubbly”, another, I thought I saw eyes in the tiles on the wall. I had a number of visual distortions, things popped and moved in strange ways, there were so many at once it was hard to describe, but at this point I knew I was beginning to come down. We watched a movie, people’s faces were distorted and cartoonish, and I felt cognizant of underlying social structure which the film pulled from, but which seemed obvious to my Mom; I had difficulty putting together the meaning of a scene sometimes. I cried during the film because it was about a queer kid, and I was a queer kid, and I realized my Mom was just trying to understand me. I told her not to pause it.

T: 7:00

My Mom had to make a skype call to another family member, she asked if I wanted to be in it but I told her I didn’t want them to see me “like this”. She went into her room, and I was alone in the living room. I lied down and thought about how dangerous it had all been, how worried I made my parents, who loved me so much, and why I fucked myself up so much, and how much it must hurt them to see me get so fucked up, and what if I had actually died, in a way I was trying to die, I was trying to screw myself up beyond recognition. I cried so much, I cried more deeply and longer than I’d cried before. After, everything felt clear, like a great torrent had flooded out of my body, my soul, and many of the visual distortions had cleared up. My head was clearing up, too, and I was at the point in an acid trip when I start to notice patterns in everyday objects I hadn’t seen before, but magnitudes more intense. I noticed the light fractals in the refraction of a magazine page, I must’ve stared at that for 20 or 30 minutes. In general for the next few hours I was staring at shit around the living room, and picking at a cyst on my back that was really bothering me, and noticing how uncomfortable my lower back was from standing on two feet, like, was my ego the thing that made me stand on two feet woooooh, and every time I saw something cool I would loudly exclaim wooooah and my Mom would laugh. She made me dinner at some point, the alcohol had given me the munchies and I was eating plenty of salty and fatty food so I felt fine.

T: 10:00

I cried again about something else, I can’t recall, it was more painful but less teary. I was fairly lucid at this point, but my eyes were still dilated. Not to the extreme they were before, where my pupils were blown out waaaay larger than I’d seen them on my lower trips. My Mom got me an Uber to get home, and I called my roommate to let him know, repeating exactly what I’d told him a few hours before. I felt very calm on the ride back. I hugged my roommate when he answered the door, went to grab my keys, and went straight back out of the house to check out some christmas light decorations I’d seen in the car. I spent about an hour tooling around and staring at various lights and ornaments before heading home, expecting the trip to be over soon so I could finally get some sleep.

T: 13:00

But it didn’t end. I was extremely hungover, and I felt like absolute dogshit, and I couldn’t sleep, and I still felt weird, and I was still tripping. For the next twelve hours, I did nothing in bed but watch “safe” youtube videos to keep me distracted while cycling between getting water, shitting, and lying in bed. I took some melatonin at 2 or 3pm the next day and finally slept for a few hours before being popped awake.

Epilogue

It’s been over a week. I’m basically back to normal but I still have weird visual distortions which are gradually receding. My thoughts are slowly becoming less racy, my regular habits and psychological states being brought back. It was valuable, but I'm never doing this again. I haven’t touched a psychoactive drug aside from melatonin since, in the fear that it will slow my mental recovery. In terms of my mood, I’m usually calm and collected, but about once per day I’ll feel my heart begin to race, my thoughts grow unorganized, and my visual space become slightly distorted, but then predictably within 30-45 minutes it recedes and I feel closer to normal. I’m sure within a few weeks to a month I’ll feel totally fine, but for someone with such a history of psychosis this was incredibly risky and probably inadvisable, although after this it would be hard to say that it’s still something I should worry about. It wasn’t a “good” trip, nor was it a “bad” trip, it was a fucking hell of a ride, but I got what I wanted out of it, I probably “cured” my mental health issues, for whatever it's worth.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 115083

Gender: Not Specified

Age at time of experience: 21

Published: Jan 26, 2021	Views: 2,250

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LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Families (41), Hangover / Days After (46), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Various (28)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 5 - 6 glasses
		 oral
		 Alcohol - Beer/Wine

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   64 kg

Headed over to a mate’s house for the night, he was having a small gathering or around 10-20 people. He suggested that I try the LSD I had purchased at his, as he was experienced and able to take care of me. I was in a very optimistic mood and definitely comfortable with the crowd that was at the house currently. I had not eaten anything since breakfast, over the course of the trip had between 5-6 beers (4.7%).

- 7:45pm I decided to just try out one piece of blotter, just as a test. Tasted sort of weird... almost metallic, the sort of taste when you put soap in your mouth (as I have found out, when my idiot 9yo brother decided to cover my toothbrush in soap, and me not noticing started to brush my teeth).

- 8:15pm Hmm, not really feeling all that much, maybe a slight change of perception and general thought process, nothing too obvious, no pupil dilation, no discomfort at all. Seriously considered at this point having another tab, my close mate talked me out of it, claiming that 'I should just let it happen'.

- 8:30pm Decide to go for a walk down to the bottle-o to buy some beer, walk up to the counter, pay for it, then start my walk back to the house. Now, this is when thing started to happen. I felt the sudden urge to urinate, which I thought kind of odd because I hadn't eaten or drunk anything since 8am. I walk down an alleyway, and face towards a metallic corrugated garage door. All of a sudden, I notice that the door is 'breathing' moving in and out as if it is weightless and being blown by a gust of wind. This is where the trip starts to begin.

- 8:40pm I can feel that my pupils are dilated before even looking in the mirror, I was able to tell this as I could see when I looked at the street lighting, the colours of the rainbow with a strong blue hue around them. This is generally the same with me, when I have taken MDxx substances; it is one of the first things I notice. I feel very tight around my chest area, my mouth is starting to dry out.

- 9:00pm Arrive back at the house. I can definitely feel the acid taking control of me now. After a quick glance in the mirror I notice that my pupils are extremely dilated and pretty much cover the entire iris. Fortunately at this current time, I was with a group of friends that were experienced with the drug and could give me advice. My thought process is racing, yet also very clear, there is some definite intent there in my thinking, just what yet I don't know.

- 9:15pm It is around now that I start to notice from what I will now call 'Time-Lag'. I would watch people move in front of me, and instead of their body being in one place, it seemed that there body was in many places at once. Someone would throw something, and I could see it in all stages of its motion, as if it staggered camera action shots all thrown together to form a sort of video. I was experiencing tonnes of visuals, for a period of time I saw everyone blowing a bubble with a piece of pink bubblegum out of the corner of my vision, yet when I looked at the person directly it would disappear. I am seeing patterns and shapes appear on the brickwork of the outside of the house, twisting and turning snakes and branches. Around now, a friend at the party asks if he can buy a piece of blotter from me, I told him the price (which was what I paid, no profit) and he gleefully accepted, more about him later.

10:00pm - A new bunch of people arrive to the house, some that I know, some that I don't. This makes me feel very uncomfortable, the sort of feeling you get on your first day of school, where you don't know anybody, yet it seems that everyone else already knows each other. One of the biggest revelations I experienced during my trip occurred around now. Two of what I would call my friends sat down next to me, they are extremely closed-minded about drug use, I thought to myself “no illegal substances, but poisoning yourself to death with alcohol and cigarettes is fine?”, kind of hypocritical considering I do both. My sense of humour is still working. They kept on asking me if I was “OK?”, I remembered thinking “What do you want me to say? Yes? No?” and then thinking to myself... “Am I really OK?” I thought back to what I would call my “previous life” all the choices and decisions I had made which had got me to this point, how some of them turned out bad and some of them good. My thoughts were going like crazy, a million miles an hour, it seemed like I had opened up a doorway, through which an endless torrent of thoughts/feeling/emotions flooded through. Playing with my head, tormenting me.

11:30pm – Basically, from 10pm til now, I am certain that all I did was just sit on a chair and apparently “mutter under my breath”. Yet it felt like so much more than that. Maybe to the far more onlooker I looked a little like a zombie, almost in a trancelike state. But in my head amazing thoughts and visuals were playing themselves out. The next thing I remember is a wave of thoughts about my family and friends. Distinctly thinking, that they are just a figure of my imagination, the labels/tags that I place on them are unfair and maybe I need to revaluate my feelings towards them. This was further proved by the fact that one of my friends spent the next 15 minutes waving his hands in front of my face asking me if it “tripped me out” and asking me “is it as good as weed?”. What kind of a question is that, how can you compare something as mild as weed to something as wild and untamed as LSD? Chalk-and-cheese. I remember thinking about how “naïve” they were to even ask me that question. From now on, I just wanted to me left alone.

12:00am – Two of my mates who live near me decide that it is time for us to leave the house, and head off towards home. Against my will, we begin walking. The next 30 minutes consisted of me walking, for what seems like miles, but as I understand was only around 2 kilometres. One of my mates asked me if I wanted a smoke, I declined saying “I don’t smoke”. He seemed puzzled, I am normally the one who gives smokes out to people, and he was only trying to repay me for my generosity towards him, a true, kind friend. Thoughts still are racing. Both closed and open eye visuals, as well as some auditory hallucinations.

12:15am – We decide to stop off at a park. My friends are only drunk, it makes me realise how much I dislike the effect that alcohol has on people, turning absolutely great people into retarded, semi-coherent infants. We met up with the guy that I had previously sold blotter to earlier. We walked up to him, he was an absolute mess, he had no idea who we were, much less where he was. I had prepared myself for this trip mentally beforehand; I had made a conscious and fully-sober decision. I read up all I could on websites, til I felt that I had the best knowledge possible and felt comfortable. When I had sold blotter to him earlier, he had been under the influence of speed, weed, and a lot of alcohol. His decision to take it was spur-of-the-moment; he didn’t fully understand what he was getting himself into. Yet I sold to him anyway, in hindsight a bad decision. I thought he could handle it, and I freely admit I was wrong. He throws up, his pupils the size of dinner plates, completely unintelligible. I feel the need to leave this scene, so I head off, without even saying goodbye.

12:45am – Arrive home. Wander through the darkness towards my bedroom, careful not to wake my parents or my brother. Take off my clothes, and chuck on an old T-shirt. This is weird; I feel an amphetamine type buzz running throughout my body. I feel like I am regaining some sense of normality, but I know deep down I am deluding myself. It seems to me that sitting alone in the darkness only amplified the effects of the LSD. I had a stage... where I thought about my friends and family and how they were just a figment of my imagination. That they didn’t really exist. That I didn’t exist. I tried staring at myself in the mirror, I found this very horrific, one of the worst decisions I have made. I saw myself with bugs crawling out of my skin, I wanted to look away but I was horribly transfixed. My face morphed into many different things; most disconcerting at all was the featureless face of a manikin. I felt like crying, scared and alone.

2:30am – The experience continues. Although I can feel it weakening, the powerful grip releasing me, slowly. By now, I just want this experience to end, I have had enough. It is now that I feel the first sign of a slightly normal consciousness reappearing. The sense of hunger, a feeling which I had forgotten and had only just relearned. Since I had arrived home, I had visited the bathroom multiple times to urinate. The weight on my thoughts seems to have lifted slightly, like a patch of blue sky between grey clouds. A sign of the future, after the trip, which I could have, if I manage to succeed. I am not sure if I experienced what they call “ego-loss”. IF ego-loss means reforming one’s identity into something better by the insight given to them in the trip, then this has definitely occurred. I feel built anew, rejuvenated.

4:00am - I manage to eat something. Two small packs of potato chips, I know that the experience is almost over, and I am returning to somewhere near baseline. I check my pupils in the mirror, almost back to normal. I can feel the tiredness washing over me, for some reason I have aches and pains in my joints and muscles, and cant keep still and keep occasionally have muscles spasms which cause me to jerk around. I turn on the portable miniature radio, I find that listening to the spoken word helps me to fall asleep, and deal with my insomnia problems. I tune it into the cricket, Australia have lost 10 wickets between lunch and tea. My stomach drops.

5:00 – I lie down in bed. I am sure I am ready to sleep now. I know that I only have around 5 hours sleep maximum as I have to get up at around 10am. I think I fall asleep around about 5:30, although I don’t actually remember it, no memorable dreams at all.

Day After - When I wake up I feel as though I have slept for ages, despite this I feel sore in all my muscles and joints, and desperately hungry. My thoughts about this experience are very muddled, and that is part of the reason I writing about it. It allows me to systematically go through my memories and piece together the events that unfolded. I think it also will allow me to communicate how the experience was the many of those who haven’t tried LSD yet.

There were parts there where I felt like I had lost it all. Despite all my preparations, I barely made it through with my sanity intact. I do think that the experience was positive, and if not positive certainly not negative. I feel like I have a definite goal in my life, I want to finish school and go to university. I feel that I have a lot to learn about myself still, and who knows maybe LSD is the only way to really learn who I am and why I am here. LSD could provide the answers, but then again it might just open up more questions.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 80761

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Jan 30, 2021	Views: 1,377

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LSD (2) : Various (28), Combinations (3), First Times (2)


		 DOSE:

		 100 ug

		 LSD

		 38 g
		 oral
		 Cacao

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   80 kg

The intention of the journey was to explore the healing benefits of LSD combined with Yoga. I was also curious to see how meditation and LSD would work together – if there was room for it after LSD + Yoga had been explored I would be curious to try it. The ceremonial grade cacao was meant to help with physical energy (for yoga) and the empathic warmth seemed like a positive addition. The mindset was one of open curiosity and yet determination to explore the healing properties of these techniques under LSD.

The investigation of Yoga + LSD was done together with a friend and successful, but I will describe it another time somewhere else. In the evening my friend left. I had some food and returned to the room where we had done Yoga (this is around 7 hours into the experience). I felt I wasn’t done with my work but was unsure what was to come next. Part of me had wanted to explore meditation, and I felt drawn to it now.

I sat down. First played soft music over speakers, then switched it off. Tried to sit cross-legged, but my legs hurt, so I changed position over and over. Tried to settle in, felt like I needed to go to the bathroom, left and came back. Tried to meditate without music, but it didn’t feel right.

I was clearly avoiding something. I didn’t know what it was, but something made me quite apprehensive, and I just couldn’t manage to sit still and let it come.

This went on for something like 15-30 minutes until I managed to pull myself together. I put on the meditation timer for 30 minutes, sat down cross-legged and vowed to see what was to come, to sit here no matter if anything happened or nothing would.

It took a couple of minutes where nothing at all was happening. I was following my breath and softly paying attention to the “white noise” that I hear when everything is very quiet.

After a few minutes, there was some sadness, some tears and the realization that maybe I was avoiding and running from the fact that today’s dosage had been too low for meditation and there was nothing that was going to happen anymore today. It felt good to feel the sadness and to come to terms with it. But soon it would become apparent that I couldn’t have been more wrong.

My mind had moved at this point to a kind of focused place of non-attachment and surrender. The best image that describes it is a mountain: Steady and strong it stands, unmoved by anything that is brought before its eyes and into its experience. I was undoubtedly influenced by the report I had read  (https://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=25635) which reminded me of the books I had read by Jed McKenna. And here I was to explore myself. Interestingly, the non-attachment and the focused surrender to anything there was came relatively naturally. Once I settled into it, it was possible to maintain the mindset even while adjusting sitting posture or putting on a new meditation timer every now and then.

At some point, ever so vaguely, images started to appear before my eyes. They were somewhat black-white and only on the edge of being visible, but their meaning was clear. They were images of a future of mine that could come to pass. I saw myself with a partner in a loving relationship (which I had always wished for). I sat there, watching the image, insisting on staying unmoved. I was alone in the room, so I had the freedom to speak aloud:

“I don’t require you. What’s next?”

I used the phrase “what’s next” that felt just perfect and that was used in the report mentioned above. The phrase “I don’t require you” contained the meaning “no matter if you are my future or not, I refuse to attach to you and ask you to come to live. I am willing to take the future as it is. I stay in surrender, I stay in non-attachment.”

The image passed, being uncovered as an illusion. Another image appeared. Me with a wife, with kids, having a family, leading a loving life. I stayed unmoved. “I don’t require you. What’s next?”

Other images came, piece by piece. One image would cause me shame, made me appear in a hurt, sad way, humiliated, having my dignity taken away. I did not move or react to it. Other images would even be trivial. Some touched upon success in life, some showed me following the footsteps of my parents in life.

The response would ever stay the same.

This went on for quite a while. Until the coming image fundamentally changed, both in its vividness and in what it displayed. What I saw was a gigantic object made of light, somehow resembling a vacuum cleaner, rising up high into a black sky. In it, there was an innumerable amount of pictures, or better, life scenes – these life scenes were the perceptions of every human being that had ever lived, every single perception that had ever been perceived in the eternity of time, all collected within this gigantic machine.

But there was a horror in this image. This gigantic vacuum cleaner simply had the function of collecting all this information, and what was it for? It became clear that all of humanity was simply a simulation. Data was being gathered by this machine which some entities that can best be described as Aliens had created. Humanity was a simulation of insane complexity. And the whole project was a … hobby some entity had loosely engaged in for a short period of time. Because they didn’t know what better to do and wanted to pass some time. It was a side project that was running by itself somewhere. An entity went by every couple of weeks to look what the simulation was doing and if anything could be done with this gathered data. No more or less importance to it.

Thinking of all the tragic, trauma, horrors and sufferings of life in such a bleak, non-caring way readily could have evoked emotions of anger, injustice, insignificance and wanting things to be different. It was a tough, tough image to be presented with.

Yet very soon a realization occurred that would exceed the horrors of the previous image: That this image presented, while clearly seeming to be on a higher level of reality, could very well in itself be another layer of illusion, not truly existent, no reality.

(This may be hard to understand, but the prospect of humanity, everything, existence, this (me) not having a foundation in reality was so much more terrifying to think.)

But it indeed seemed this next image I had perceived had also no realness to it. I regained inner posture. I looked at the image, looked at the aliens, the collector machine, images of humanity infinitely compressed and collected in there.

“You do not have foundation in reality either, and if there is no realness to you I refuse to accept you. I don’t require you. What’s next?”

The image and the illusion of it had been seen through. It took a bit until the next image appeared which was a golden-red helix-cascade rainbow of love. Love being expressed in all colors of the rainbow, not only taking the form of love itself how we know it, but all emotions and experiences there are, negative and positive ones, ultimately being love. While the image would have been incredibly beautiful under normal circumstances, I had settled on my inner posture and refused to leave it. “I don’t require you. What’s next?”

It disappeared. Then came what can best be described as the source. Somewhat shaped like a square, not round, but in no way limited like a square would be. Consisting of pure light, as pure as light can be, or rather pure energy. The very purest essence of existence there was, still in its ultimate raw form of pure energy. The essence of the Universe. It couldn’t be traced down to a more ancient, original form. This was the beginning of everything.

It was magnificent. And yet – I saw it and continued. “If you can fall apart, then there is no realness to you, so if you fall apart – what’s next?” I felt there was something to see and to understand here, and I was “determined” (not really, as I was even unattached to anything like determination) to see where it would lead.

---

The source would disappear. I would be presented with the last thing I would see.

It was the great nothing.

At this point, there was no “I” anymore. What had gone onto this quest had been reduced to perception itself. And perception which had gone onto the quest of finding what is real was now facing the absolute truth.

The absolute truth was nothing. There was nothing that was real. Piece by piece had been taken away. Everything had been taken away. Nothing was left.

Nothing was real. And in facing the nothing, perception was facing the most horrible threat it could encounter:

Non-existence.

The fear this instilled was of an otherworldly degree. The sheer fact of non-existence was terrifying beyond words. Perception had sought realness, yet all this search did was strip away everything. The last thing left was perception itself which now stared into the threat of non-existence.

Just like reality had been traced down to its purest essence (if there was one which there was not), so any beautiful ornaments that hide the true character of fear had been stripped away. What stayed was the purest, most absolute form that fear could possibly have, shaking the foundations, the sanity and the core of perception, taking all hope away.

I have to this day never much believed the stories of people “losing their minds on psychedelics”. I figured it’s just people struggling with traumatic memories coming up and not being able to deal with them. But this – seeing this changed my mind. This made all the sense in the world: Being confronted with the threat of non-existence on the purest level would have to drive you mad with fear, anguish and horror.

This enemy could not be overcome. If everything is taken away – if nothing is the only thing there is left – you lost. No fight against this opponent could succeed. Fear of non-existence was the conclusion of this journey. Chances are it would haunt me for the rest of my days.

Yet coming here had not been an accident. I had been led by forces other than myself to this place. There was a reason why I was here. And I refused to let utter fear be the conclusion of the journey to this place. “I refuse to let fear be the conclusion of this, and I refuse to leave here in fear. What is the resolution to this?”

I wrestled with this for what was probably just 10-15 minutes, but considering the degree of fear felt way too long. Perception was still looking at the great nothing. Something needed to happen here – this was leading somewhere. I had read the books by Jed McKenna which had somehow prepared me for this quest for realness. I remembered how he interpreted the tale of Arjuna ultimately giving the signal to fight.

And the resolution came.

Perception had gone on the quest for realness, and perception had come to an attitude of perfect non-attachment: Not accepting anything that was not real. Now perception stood facing the great nothing, knowing that the consequence of stepping into the great nothing was likely being extinguished. And perception regained inner posture. It looked at the great nothing and spoke:

“If you do not have the power to extinguish me, then I will persist. And even if I have nothing else then, I will have perception. If this is what is real it is all that I require.”

“If you have the power to extinguish me, then I am not real.

If I am not real, then I have not been real in the first place.

If I have not been real in the first place, my existence was then an illusion too.

And my search for realness will surrender everything that is not real.

If it then turns out that I seek realness but that I am not real –

Then nothing is lost by me being extinguished.

I surrender myself.”

So it spoke, and the last opponent had been vanquished. Not the opponent of the great nothing – the last opponent to the search for realness was indeed perception itself, its hope for life, its clinging to existence. Yet in this final call it yielded its last attachment – the willingness to exist. It was abandoned. Freedom was found. The threat of non-existence was not anymore.

Anything would be surrendered, even perception and existence itself.

…

I found myself quite disturbed and unsettled the following day. As in: What in the world is one to do with this kind of experience? Why had I been led here? I was wrestling with it, the sheer insignificance of everything, yet allowed myself to be pulled back into reality somewhat by family life around me.

The day after was though when a resolution emerged. It came in the form of gratitude. A non-specific kind of gratitude that stretched out to the existence of everything, and most of all to perception. The fact that anything was being perceived – and that I was the one perceiving it – was the greatest miracle.

They say we don’t know how valuable something is until we lost it. I had found myself exposed to the threat of existence being lost, and most importantly, perception being threatened to be lost. Knowing how fragile reality is, knowing what an unlikely gift perception is gives incredible value to everything you see, hear, feel, perceive. I found myself marveling at everything, treasuring perception of everything – yet acknowledging within me that none of it might be real, but that it was incredible that perception could perceive it anyway.

And I found myself silently nodding to the great nothing. Remembering that one day, perception may be consumed by it fully, non-existence being complete. Anything non-real to be extinguished, including everything, leaving nothing behind. But if that would be so, realness could be searched. And in the process, everything could be yielded for it. Even the will to live. And thus, the threat of the great nothing could not hold anymore.

…

I was hesitant in writing up this experience, as I cannot figure out if it’s good for people to know of this perspective on life. It is disturbing for sure. I was exposed to it earlier by reading the books by Jed McKenna. I could never quite figure out if I appreciated having read them or if my life was worse for it.

I guess this report is worth something to those who seek psychedelics for spiritual reasons. And I feel there is some benefit in having had the experience I have had. In my days now, no matter if they be good or bad, I know somewhere in the back of my mind that the seeming existence of life is incredibly precious. Moments of perception are fragile, so fragile, and seeing life after this almost feels like a sacred gift. I suppose it is possible to walk away from this experience with a remaining sensation of fear, and fear only. And I suppose this is also the place where people can lose their minds. For all I know it can go horribly wrong, and I know I had been very, very challenged by what was presented to me. Yet it feels I was able to come full circle, and the persisting sensation that seems to stay with me is gratitude. Gratitude for perception. Gratitude for everything.

So maybe the journey is worth the price.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115124

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 26

Published: Feb 6, 2021	Views: 1,207

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LSD (2), Migraines (154), Yoga / Bodywork (202) : Mystical Experiences (9), Entities / Beings (37), Combinations (3), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   70 kg

The following is my account of my first LSD experience.

When I was 18 I had my first experience with LSD. Like many others before me, I had been raised to fear drugs, and to accept unconditionally and without question the so-called ‘drug propaganda’ we are all so accustomed to; drugs are bad, they will ruin your life, etc. etc. And, also like many others before me, it didn’t take long for 18 years of societal conditioning to be dropped when the opportunity to take LSD presented itself. I had had very brief experiences with mind altering substances before; I had smoked weed perhaps once or twice before to little avail, but still considered this all the experience necessary to dive headfirst into the psychedelic realm. I was also a pretty heavy drinker at the time (as most young and dumb 18 year olds are), so any chance to inebriate myself with a new and apparently exciting substance was too good an offer to pass up on.

My friend had previously ordered magic truffles from online and taken the entire packet, and told us that, although an overwhelming experience at times, was something that we ourselves just had to experience. After some ‘research’ (as much research as someone with no knowledge of psychedelics can carry out), we decided we would try LSD, with the effects being not too dissimilar to those of truffles and easy access to dark net markets.  We ordered 10 250 microgram blotters from the darknet, managed to get a house to ourselves for the evening and split the blotters between us. After some discussion, two of my friends decided to take just under a full blotter (about 5/6 of one), and one friend sensibly volunteered himself for trip-sitting duty. I, on the other hand, felt it was better to go headfirst into the experience and saw no merit in cutting off such a small amount of blotter paper, and decided to take an entire tab. We dropped our respective tabs at approximately 6pm, with high hopes for what was to come.

I had prepared myself a notebook and pen to write down the effects during the trip itself, with the hopes of gaining some introspection or being able to report at a later date what I had experienced. After just a few minutes of the blotter being under my tongue, I was feeling like the effects were already coming on; I remember writing down something to the effect of “bright colours appearing, wall breathing”. I was very much under the impression that the effects would be subtle and that the reports of ego death and hallucinations were nothing more than metaphors; simple figments of imagination that I could easily observe and separate myself from. This innocent and naïve understanding of LSD was shattered just 20 minutes later, when I started to experience real, tangible open eye visuals. Any doubts I had about being able to feel the trip began to leave me as I sat there in the garden with my trip-sitting friend. I began to see what I distinctly remember to be hieroglyphics forming on the patio stones. They were constantly adjusting themselves, transforming into new and incredibly complex patterns. I remember thinking the patterns were being formed by worms, or perhaps some other sort of insect or creature. Just several minutes into this, I already knew I was far too out of depth, with the hallucinations becoming increasingly more potent and my sense of reality starting to shift. During this time, I remember feeling incredibly nauseous and sitting alongside my friend asking him if he was seeing what I was seeing, to which I received a funny look and a resounding no.

After about an hour sat outside and starting to wonder what I had gotten into, I returned inside and lay down on the carpeted floor. At this point, the come up had ceased and was turning into the peak, but at no point was I consciously aware of this. It was as if the short-term memory of having taken a drug was fully erased and only the present moment existed; no past or future, simply now. I closed my eyes and began to experience the most breathing and unfathomably beautiful visuals I have ever see. It is hard to remember exactly what I saw, but I remember the general theme of these visuals being overwhelmingly complex kaleidoscope patterns, moving incredibly fast and switching from colour to colour. This is where I can definitely make the distinction between shrooms and LSD; shroom visuals are much slower and stoner like, whereas LSD visuals move at a thousand miles an hour and adopt a form more similar to a kaleidoscope collage. Accompanying these visuals was an incredible headspace of awe, astonishment and disbelief.

I had heard the rumours about LSD and I distinctly remember laying there, telling myself over and over “This is where the trip begins”, accompanied by a strong sense of peace and euphoria. My original come-up anxiety had been replaced by this general sense of euphoria and I remember feeling like a sailor about to set out on a long journey, ready to explore the world that had inspired the minds of rocks stars and geniuses the world over. As the drug became stronger and stronger, the feeling of disbelief became to overwhelm   me. “Is THIS what they’ve been talking about all this time? THIS is LSD?” The feelings of ego disillusion and connectedness were so intense I could not believe they were real. What I had once believed were simply metaphors, old wives’ tales and hyperbolised stories of over-indulgent rock stars had become a reality.

The realisation that these feelings were real brought an incredible sense of peace, contentedness and joy. I remember standing up, headphones blaring and visuals flaring, and thinking to myself “I could die now. Nothing in the universe feels better than this”. This is where I draw up an interesting comparison into the effects of psychedelic euphoria compared to the euphoria other drugs such as amphetamines can provide. Although the euphoria of the latter does certainly feel good, and provides a uniquely pleasurable experience, I still maintain the LSD euphoria is the purest and most intense euphoria an individual can feel. There’s no worries about comedowns, or what I have to do tomorrow, or whether so-and-so texted me back. When you can feel the universe pulsating through your fingertips, and you feel as if you have uncovered the secret to life, I think it’s fair to say that no other feeling can even come close.

After about an hour of this strong introspection into the universe and euphoric overload, something happened that would change the direction of the trip, and unfortunately not for the better. My phone ran out of charge. Seemingly insignificant, but in that moment, my music stopped, my train of thought completely derailed and I found myself completely confounded and confused. “Wait, WHAT is going on? What even is this? What even am I?” Extreme confusion set in, and I began to question whether what I was experiencing was even real. It was as if the sudden stopping of the music had dragged me out of the psychedelic bliss and placed me into an entirely alien world, void of any sense or meaning. I began to forget who I was, where I was, who any of my friends were, what reality itself even was. I began to panic and felt dread build up in me, and at times was sure I had simply stopped existing. I remember asking my friend if I was breathing properly, as by my estimation at least 30 seconds had passed since my last breath (although in reality it was more like 3 or 4). As this panic and confusion began to take over, I remember grabbing my friend by the leg to try and cling onto the reality I had once known but now had no understanding of. The being I considered me, with all its memories and loves, desire and hopes was completely gone, and there was nothing but a visual field. I was simply a human at an observer level, a set of eyes providing visual information to something, whatever, but it certainly wasn’t “me”. I began to wonder whether I had died, and looking back I suppose I did. That is, what I considered me, my ego, had died, and all that existed was a bundle of atoms walking around aimlessly.

The feeling that I had died began to overrule me, and I started to beg my friend to call for an ambulance. I tried desperately to run out the front door, but my friend calmy and firmly told me I was not going out. He refused to call an ambulance and instead tried to comfort me, but to little avail. Such a strong dose of a drug for someone so inexperienced will rock anyone to their core, no matter who the trip sitter. I entered the kitchen and began to walk in circles, grabbing my hair and combing it back to try and feel some part of myself, to try and remind myself that I was in fact human. The open eye visuals were almost unbearably overwhelming at this point; my phone had reduced itself to a puddle of metallic liquid literally dripping out of my hand, and the clock face of the clock on the wall was constantly changing colours from green, to red, to blue, to purple, and everything in between. I begged my friend to make it stop, to just do something to make it stop. I pleaded with the drug itself, telling it that if it just released me, telling it that if it made me me again, I would never touch a drug again in my life, that I wouldn’t tell anyone what I had seen or experienced.

My pleas went in vain, and after about 30 minutes of this my friend eventually dragged me upstairs away from my other tripping friends so as not to ruin their experience. Upon arriving upstairs, the most intense nausea I had ever experienced overwhelmed me, and I ran to the bathroom to vomit. I didn’t end up vomiting, but the entire experience of being in the bathroom, standing there and leaving seemed to repeat itself in my head for an eternity, as if the visual tracers I was seeing had latched themselves into my memories, and now my memories were tracing as well. I then experienced an extremely strange phenomenon, and one I haven’t read about before in other LSD experiences. I would go from extreme anxiety and stress to extreme euphoria within the space of a second, and then switch emotions again. And again. And again. For about 20 minutes, I was caught in a loop of feeling anxious, euphoric, anxious, euphoric, changing emotions every 2 to 3 seconds. My sense of time had completely disappeared alongside my ego, but even in my far out state I chuckled to myself at the absurdity of this phenomenon and had a brief moment of respite.

From this point on, it is unfortunately hard for me to remember what happened in the rest of the trip. I do remember my anxiety fading somewhat, and gaining my composure enough to help my friend put a pizza in the oven (quite the trip activity, might I add). At this point, I had been tripping for about 5 hours, and the peak was fading into a slightly more manageable glow, although I was still profoundly dissociated from my surroundings and still unsure whether I would ever be human again. I also remember looking at the stars outside and seeing the clusters transform themselves into a panther, or a tiger of some sorts, darting across the night sky. At some point, I put myself to bed and put on some music to calm myself and awoke the next morning to find myself pretty much fully back to me. I felt relieved to be alive, although had a peculiar feeling of reality for the next few days, as could be expected from someone who had gone through my experience.

What I cannot express adequately in writing, or indeed through any medium is the ineffable quality of the trip. The feeling of non-existence, the unbelievable visuals, the feeling of having broken through to some alternate reality are all feelings which are beyond the scope of the capability of language. I also wish to add that I know that the time frames for this experience do not really add up as I described, but as I had no sense of time during the experience, I have tried my best to put somewhat of a time frame onto it, so forgive me if this is confusing. Although I do not regret this trip experience, I know without any doubt that, if not for my friend, I would have ended up in hospital at the very least, and perhaps injured or permanently scarred in some way. LSD is an amazing drug, but always ensure you use a sensible dose with the right people, in the right environment.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 115138

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Feb 27, 2021	Views: 1,473

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Guides / Sitters (39), Music Discussion (22), Glowing Experiences (4), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2)