		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 7 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:45
		 4 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 1:15
		 3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 0:00
		 1 bowl
		 smoked
		 Salvia divinorum
		 (extract)

For this trip I dosed at 11:00 PM (T+0:00) on the night of April 18th, so that I would start really tripping exactly at the start of Bicycle Day, and this would be my celebration for it since I wouldn't really have another chance to really have one. I was thinking about taking fourteen hits for 2014, but I decided to start with an initial dose of seven to see how I would feel after it started kicking in. Since I've always been breaking up my large doses with this LSD, this was actually the most of it I'd taken at one time so far. At first I felt like it was a little bit of a rough comeup, but then I realized that I still had this mindset from when I was getting panic attacks and the like from psychedelics

it was a little bit of a rough comeup, but then I realized that I still had this mindset from when I was getting panic attacks and the like from psychedelics

 (and other drugs) that I might still need to monitor a drug's effect to avoid that sort of situation, but I already knew that this was real LSD and there's truly no reason to worry. At that moment all of my past psychosomatic symptoms cleared entirely, and I was filled with a powerful euphoria. I would even go so far as to describe it as ecstasy; it was an intensely freeing and spiritual feeling....

At T+0:45 I decided to take another of the four hits that I had cut out. I felt it kicking in over the next half an hour or so, along with the first dose really reaching a full effect, and at T+1:15 I took the last three hits I had prepared for my total of fourteen. With the second and third comeups, there was no sort of anxiety at all, and there was never any sort of increasing feeling that I wouldn't be able to handle what was coming or that it would be anything but I smooth. I remember thinking that it kind of just felt like drinking water and hallucinating harder from it, it felt so benign on my body and mind in every way.

The comeup of LSD tends to be very inwardly focused and psychological for me, so even though there often are powerful visuals growing, I don't often pay attention to them enough to really have that concrete of a memory of the first phase of the trip, if I'm alone anyway. Of course, the higher I dose, the harder it gets to remember all the random little things I thought about. What I do know is that like usual with my high dose trips, my thoughts started to pick up very, very quickly. My mind was racing in a way comparable to a synthetic cannabinoid trip, but not as frantic as those tend to feel for me, but rather LSD feels more just like being deliriously excited. I was also smoking weed pretty frequently throughout this, just to add to it all.

What I *do* remember about the beginning of the experience is that I had basically entered a state that I would describe as lucid dreaming while awake, or a level of consciousness at which my imagination was seamlessly blending into reality around me without preventing me from being able to interact with what was actually there whenever I needed to. There was no point at which I felt as if I was not lucid enough to do that if I wanted to, but the hallucinations I was seeing were very powerfully integrated into my surroundings. As usual on high doses of LSD, I was starting to see furniture transforming into and other furniture and surfaces being covered in vivid and often three-dimensional perceptions of people in the room with me, and also as I always experience with LSD the images given to these people were reflections of how I felt at the time, which in this case made them all females who were representative of many (both regular and psychedelic) sexual aspects of my personality both in relation to what I find attraction in women and what sorts of desires I have for myself. Because of how all of this was blended into the room I was in, which was usually my bedroom, I felt very much like I was inside some sort of virtual reality room of my mind.

It didn't take me long to decide that this was the best LSD trip I had ever had. I felt so relieved of all stresses and anxieties after everything that had been happening in my life lately, and now this experience was really just incredible. I had the sudden desire to try to get the most out of this trip that I possibly could, and so I reached over to the side of my bed and grabbed the rest of my salvia extract; there was still enough for about a bowl left after my last experience using it with LSD, one which had ended with the salvia giving me a message about what would happen if I took this any further.... I actually have an interesting sort of relationship with salvia that I don't often meet people who say they can agree with me on, but I can definitely notice it in my experiences. I find salvia to be in many ways like the antithesis of LSD. I say this because many things about their trips for me are more similar to each other than just about anything else I've tried - their general visual style and many of the more complex motifs, the way their entity perceptions are formed, the way that they both feel to me to touch a more primal aspect of myself more deeply than other hallucinogens do.... The difference however is that LSD is a substance for me which causes intense control and the trip often bends to my will without me even having to put it in any effort, while salvia is more like an intense lack of control where I am completely subject to the will of the trip. In this way, I tend to relate them most directly as my dominance and submission drugs....

All psychedelic experiences, in which I include salvia, have a very sexual feeling to me in one way or another, and the LSD trip always tends to feel like it allows me to enjoy a very dominant energy whereas the salvia trip just attempts to force me into submission, which can also be very satisfying especially upon reintegration into reality. The trip that I was experiencing on these fourteen hits of LSD so far was to me proving to be the most powerful kind of dominance trip I had ever had, the first one where I was ever able to utterly and completely let go into it without fear and let the electricity flow through me. And now, it would seem, it was time for me to experience total submission as well.

I loaded the full bowl of salvia extract, probably the last of this fascinating plant I would be able to obtain for a while. I figured that this would be as good a time as any to enjoy it. I ended up taking two or three big hits until the bowl was cashed, and then I leaned back and closed my eyes to just let it hit. Another way that salvia is comparable to LSD for me is how much it has a reverse tolerance.... In my second to last salvia trip, during a recent LSD experience, I had had to let go of fear of the unknown to the point of knowing that I wouldn't be able to monitor my own bodily state, but the emotional impact that this had on me was more like taking a risk, in the way that thinking 'I'm not sure if I'm alive or not.' would not hit me nearly as hard as 'I'm definitely dead right now.' This was made evident to me when I came down and smoked it again immediately, and instead experienced on the verge of an out-of-body experience that I was certain would show me what it was like to experience my own death.

The message was very clear to me at the time: if you take this even deeper, you will experience it. Given that, this trip was really not surprising. The first thing I noticed is that I became consciously aware of some (quite possibly entirely delusional) process by which my entire exterior world as I perceived it was constantly refreshing itself in order to create the seamless stream of awareness that I experience at all times. I was again, as seems to be a common theme with me on LSD now, experiencing things on what I would call the neurological correlate of the subatomic level, and at this moment I could actually see each individual 'pixel' which composed my entire matrix of reality. These pixels all appeared to be blue hands reaching up and out; definitely a salvia contribution. The process by which my reality was refreshing was actually that every single one of the pixels would update themselves according to my sensory input literally one individual pixel at a time, but I just simply knew that this normally occured so unbelievably rapidly that it created the sensation of an image stream constantly in motion in my normal real-time consciousness.

So like I said, normally this process is always moving forward in the same direction, but at this moment it suddenly froze. When that happened I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that this was because my brain was no longer working to sustain my existence, because I was dying. I had finally fucked up, gone too far, made one too many mistakes. This realization brought me a profound feeling of despair and fear. I started thinking that there must be some way to undo this, there has to be something that can be done to make things just go back to the way they were before, back before I did this... but none came to mind. I started thinking about what my parents would think... and once I did the (perceived) gravity of the situation really began to sink in.

Suddenly, the pixel-refreshing process started up again, but in reverse; it was slowly dissolving my current perception of reality, and once that faded away I would simply be gone forever.... I felt myself start to panic, as even though I had no normal visual input, I could still feel my body pretty well. I tried to get up out of bed and feel my way to the door, but I just ended up stumbling over and crashing into the wall and falling to the floor, very thankfully not injuring myself in the process. I felt so hopeless in the physical realm, so all I had left to resort to was the metaphysical. I could attempt to 'grab' this process in the same sort of ineffable gesture by which I could hold back a normal salvia trip's hallucination (the kind of resistance one shows instead of letting go) and this would stop the dissolution for just a second or two, but then it would just resume even more quickly than it had already been going. My fear grew, and my heart was pounding so hard and fast that I thought it might explode out of my chest. It got to the point where the process was almost finished and the moment felt very 'final'. My heart sank. I had already known that there was nothing left to be done at this point, but this was the moment that I really resigned to it. There was no reason to fight it anymore. It's over, and all I can hope is that if something's waiting for me on the other side then maybe it'll be good....

At that point, everything faded to black, and there was silence. After a few moments though, an image of my room from the perspective of my body collapsed on the floor next to my bed began to fade back into existence. Everything had happened so quickly - I barely even got to think any 'final thoughts' - that even when it did it still took me a few minutes to really realize what exactly was going on. As soon as I did though, I was filled with an immense appreciation for life and thankfulness for the fact that I was still in it. I started laughing so hard that I was sobbing. All of the euphoria that I had been experiencing before with the LSD came rushing back into me in full force, but now even more enhanced by my new mindset.

The visuals, which had also reached a realism I hadn't seen before even before the salvia and included lots of vivid eyes, now started to resemble Alex Grey artwork, like astonishingly so. When the salvia had hit there had been an initial frame that entered my perception which I believe to be centered at the tips of the fingers of one of the pixel hands, and that frame was now repeating all throughout my vision in the imagery, such as all other the faces of entities who were otherwise covered in what looked like veins. These entities all appeared massive, and while some of them were staring at me directly, others I was given bird's eye views of things such as one just appearing to be towering over the ground in this transforming hyperspatial room. The frame that the salvia had contributed was also starting to peel away in all of its locations, mimicking the way the camera angle seems to spin for me around that image on the salvia, and as this frame was ordered by the mirrored set this would actually create a visual of these frames unzipping something underneath the surface where they are, something that I'm very familiar with with salvia, and this was opening up to reveal even more eyes all of the entities' bodies. From the intensity and emotion of it all, I felt as though I was watching an interacting with these cosmic titans who preside in dimensions aside from our own. There was so much more going on as well but I can't even begin to describe the complexity of it; the entire visual experience was just awe-inspiring.

The way that the trip basically felt at this point was just the lucid dreaming while awake from before but now with the dream world pushed all the way up to some sort of lucid hyperspace. I still never lost the ability to interact with reality properly, but I was hallucinating harder than ever. Various scenes would wash by me in the visuals effortlessly, and entities constantly danced through my room. They had gone from just being a few entities as they had been on the LSD alone to having a style similar to what I get on DMT, where I see a whole group of the same entity (like seeing quintuple) moving together, and the visual style have become very sharp and electric, and so sexual sometimes in ways I'd never even thought of before that I couldn't believe that my mind was generating this so effortlessly. I also just couldn't stop laughing and crying because everything about the experience was so intense and overwhelming in the most wonderful way. The body feeling I had was incredible, it was like an undending, toe-curling orgasm.

I was in pure bliss. I kept thinking to myself that the only way I could possibly describe this state of mind and overall experience would be to call it heaven on earth. And I really mean that in the sense that heaven is a very human concept.... Even in a religious context, it's meant to represent a place or state in which all of one's earthly desires are being fulfilled at once. I say this to differentiate because some psychedelics to me, especially some particular tryptamines, tend to have more of a 'meeting with the divine' kind of feeling, but while LSD does have that mystical aura to it for sure, the experience to me is very much down to earth

while LSD does have that mystical aura to it for sure, the experience to me is very much down to earth

. It allows me to explore my animal self much more than any other psychoactive I've yet to try. On that note, this trip also reminded me just how phenomenal an actual orgasm is in this mindset, on these doses of LSD. I had no one there but myself and my imagination and even still afterwards I was completely immobile and out of breath for at least a good five or ten minutes. I've yet to try anything that even *approaches* high doses of LSD in this way.

The full experience with lucid control of the hallucination actually continued for much longer than the heavy trip phase of LSD usually does for me, though I'm sure the salvia helped with that. Those kinds of integrated visions continued to exist for the next several hours, though as often happens at such doses I've forgotten many of them now. All I can say was that it never stopped being fantastic, and the body feeling continued to last far beyond the end of the trip. Until about the afternoon of the next day I was still very wired as well. The afterglow that this trip gave me was great. I felt totally released of so many stresses in life. The death experience especially was, of course, very moving to me.... I thought about it for quite some time afterward, and still do.

In some ways I don't feel as though it has actually directly helped with my general fears about death in the way that it might for some people, though I would say it did help me get started down that path... but rather, I feel that it helped to rid me of some old defense mechanisms that I developed while growing up and no longer need anymore. Before I came out and started transitioning I always had this fear that because of my risk-heavy and generally unhealthy lifestyle choices I might die before I got to live the life I always wanted and felt I deserved, and so every time I ever had a panic attack where I thought I might die (which was a lot) that was always the first thing on my mind. The fact that that didn't even cross my mind this time actually had a much more profound impact on me than giving into death itself, which to me felt more like accepting that there was no other choice rather than making peace with it.... It made me realize that I finally have reached a place where I'm happy with life, and I no longer feel like if I were to die I would be cheated out of anything, and now I've been able to simply let those feelings go.... And though it didn't quite help me overcome a death fear yet, it definitely prepped me for the experience which I now feel like I can start to work on in a healthy way for the first time after dropping my old baggaging surrounding it. It's an amazingly freeing feeling, and I'm very excited for future experiences.

Since that was the end of my salvia however, that will probably be the last time I can use it for a while. The last thing I would have to say about it is that my experiences combining LSD and salvia so far have always been intense, but in terms of powerful experiences I think it may be one of my favorites of all. A euphoric LSD trip is the perfect place to reintegrate to from the depths of salvia's madness, and it keeps all of the good aspects of the trip around for a long time afterward while integrating them into its own and still letting the most overwhelming loss of control part of salvia only stick around for its regular amount of time. The visions are always just so incredible too, I feel like LSD really helps bring out salvia's more sexual side as well, which I have seen with it alone but it's rare. But since they do have such similar motifs for me, I feel that they actually synergize in this way very well.

In the end, I would have to say that it was a pretty successful Bicycle Day celebration!

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 103269

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 19, 2020	Views: 1,910

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LSD (2), Salvia divinorum (44) : Glowing Experiences (4), Sex Discussion (14), Combinations (3), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (edible / food)

		 2 - 3 g
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   135 lb

I've used LSD for (almost) strictly recreational purposes many times throughout the years, only vaguely aware of its true potential. Against the hysteria and distractions of overly elaborate party settings, it is impossible to see what LSD really has to show me. I'm no stranger to its effects but only recently began experimenting with it alone in meditation. It wasn't until this trip that I truly understood what spirituality meant.

The setting is my apartment, thoroughly cleaned the day before in preparation. I live alone in a modestly decorated 1 1/2 bedroom apartment. The living room walls are red. The couch, rug and furniture are various browns and beige's. The blinds are a light beige and were left down all day for ambient lighting on this sunny day in the dead of winter, which had a truly remarkable effect. There is a high counter/bar space separating the living room from the kitchen creating a nice open flow in the apartment. I also have several plants and a cat. This is my sanctuary.

10am: I eat my acid laden Oreo cookie and head for the shower. By the time I am done with the shower I am beginning to feel the first body effects. I get dressed and sit at my computer and begin working on music. I play keys and produce music, and already at 45 minutes my motor skills are rather impaired and I quickly gave up on the idea of writing/playing during this trip. This was the heaviest dose I had ever taken - three hits liquid, very strong and very clean. So, I grab a couch cushion, throw it on the floor and sit down cross-legged facing one well lit window (blinds down). I have no real experience meditating, however my whole life I have been very much concerned with the bigger questions. So I sat, and thought.

12:00pm: I am now for the first time in my life feeling my so-called 'Chi' flowing through me in the space that seemed to be just in front of my physical body. It was a warm energy that I could feel flow far beyond my own body in space. I begin feeling love and pondering all the people in my life. I begin making connections (but are really coincidences) about people and events throughout my life. The love intensifies. The visuals were all very beautiful as well.

1:30pm: I have now been through various positions of sitting/laying on the couch and floor experimenting with body position and symmetry for maximum 'Chi' flow. I now decide to stand and with my palms open and head up .... I was ripped open. I was ripped open in the most pleasant way I could imagine being ripped open. Inside 'me' was light. 'I' soon no longer existed. Only light and love existed and I was a part of it. I then perceived another light entity examine me. It looked me up and down so-to-speak and as if to say 'Well sir, you're not dead yet but I'm going to show you some shit', it smeared me across the universe and I felt infinity. I felt as if I experienced everything, all at once. As I realized I was experiencing this I was able to almost control it. I could come in and out of this feeling of infinity. Tears of joy are now rolling down my face. Uncontrollably so. I soon felt compelled to write something down, which proved to be quite difficult. I wrote in a very shaky/disembodied hand 'you realize that the mind's physical connection to the world is not the only connection it has. self exposed. and gone. ego matters not. love overwhelming. everything, all at once'. Ego death is a humbling experience but I have read recently that it can be terrifying for some people. I was having a bit of an out of body experience as well, but I'd say not completely really.

2:30pm: I am now face-to-face with my refrigerator staring at it (go ahead, laugh) and the space in front of me opens up. I begin zooming in on the fridge. It was the strangest thing. With each zoom in, there would be a slight pause, then a fast zoom, slight pause, fast zoom, etc. This created a tunneling effect. Like what I imagine the idea of a wormhole to be. It made me a bit nervous at first so I stopped it, slowly backing out of this tunnel. But gained confidence and went back in. Now, at this point there are no crazy colors. My thoughts are really very clear and my third eye is cranked wide open. That is what is allowing me to tunnel like this. Everything I saw was crystal clear. It was really so strange. I felt like I was peering into the smaller dimensions of the universe that we are normally unable to perceive.

3:30pm: It was around this time I began having what seemed to be a psychic connection with my cat and plants and feeling our 'spirits' communicating. I continued pondering people, love, physics (particularly Quantum Physics) and of course music. I went on like this as the peak wore off for the next few hours until a friend of mine, who had also gone solo that day, came over and we discussed our experiences.

During this whole time, it was pretty much silent except for one CD I would play randomly throughout the day. I do not watch television and stayed away from the computer the whole time as well. I am not afraid nor ashamed to tell you that that was the single most profound, eye opening, and humbling experience of my life. I believe I experienced what some people would describe as seeing 'god' or maybe Nirvana or what? I don't know exactly. It can't and maybe shouldn't be put into words. But I will say, my spirit has been awakened. I realized that I was shown all this to come back and be as compassionate as possible and that is what I intend to do.

All told, the trip wore off completely by about midnight and I was able to go to sleep. It is now two weeks later and the afterglow remains.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 89617

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 30

Published: Apr 21, 2020	Views: 1,369

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LSD (2), Meditation (128) : Mystical Experiences (9), Combinations (3), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 1 hit
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   155 lb

I had tripped before. Mushrooms a handful of times, and acid a couple. I had a good grip on how psychedelics affect me. At least, I thought I did. Even though LSD had blown my mind before, I was in no way prepared for the trip

I was in no way prepared for the trip

 I am about to tell you about.

I was a freshman at a very liberal liberal arts college in a rural area. Three months into my first year, I had what I would definitely consider to be a best friend. We will call him N. His brother was two years ahead of us (we will call him P) and had gotten his hands on some very clean and very powerful acid. We decided earlier in the week that we would put aside any other plans for Saturday and use the day to enjoy a nice trip. P and his friends had tripped successfully off of 2/3 of a tab, so we decided that a single tab per person would suffice.

Saturday arrived, and although it was a chilly November day, the skies were pretty clear and the weather was agreeable. We arrived at P's house and promptly put the tabs under our tongues. We put on a TV show and just hung around the house waiting for the effects to come on. I started feeling sped up and anxious, and we decided that it was time to leave the house and explore. Even though N and I were the only ones tripping, another sitting friend, as well as P and his girlfriend came along with us for a long walk back to campus from their house. We stopped at a pizza joint to get a bite to eat, even though I was not at all hungry. Instead, I just purchased a small Sunny D, in a tiny bottle like the ones I drank during my childhood. The nostalgia was just as delicious as the citrusy juice itself. I remember how strange things felt in that pizza parlor. I looked at a very basic painting that depicted some people eating pizza in the shop, but the colors were so vivid that it did not matter how simple it was. I marveled at the strokes of paint that were put into making the painting what it was. It was truly beautiful.

We left the restaurant, and I cannot begin to tell you how great it felt to be outside in the open air. N and I were in such a good mood; we could not stop smiling. We embarked on the long walk back to school and we kept telling each other how great certain colors were looking. We were so full of energy that it did not even feel like we were actually walking. I told N that it felt like my feet were full of very tiny people that were carrying me along. With the guidance of P and sober friends, we entered the woods. The colors of the fallen leaves were unbelievable. We had such a new found appreciation for all of the colors we were seeing. The visual effects were becoming more and more intense. The ground started to look like it was an ocean, constantly rippling and moving with the wind. Even though the temperature was chilly and worthy of a jacket, I felt so warm that I took mine off. We got to this very large abandoned building in the woods that probably once served some sort of farming purpose. It was full of graffiti and we spent a good while appreciating all of it. Abandoned buildings have this feeling about them that cannot really be matched by anything else. I started thinking about all of the building’s history and how it had become a place for anyone to visit and spend time in. Our friend who was not tripping had his field recorder with him, since he had intended on recording sound bits from our trip. He wound up recording a very cool sound in that building, along with other bits of our speech, and he eventually turned them into a song that he dubbed the 'LSD Song'. Witty of him, I know.

We finally left the building, and N and I realized that our sense of time was so completely skewed. It felt like a whole day had passed since we dosed, even though only less than two hours had passed. As we continued onwards to school, we discussed hallucinations. N asked me what it really means to hallucinate, since we were experiencing severe visual distortions but we were aware that this was a result of the LSD. We decided that there are different types of hallucinations: ones you know are not real and ones you are convinced are real. LSD does not make the mind delirious enough to believe that the hallucinations being witnessed are real. In fact, it makes me so conscious of what I am seeing that I earn a new appreciation for how things normally look. As we continued talking along our walk, I felt my state of mind coming slightly disconnected from N's. I remember thinking that he was focusing too much on the novelty of our visuals, as he kept on saying how amazing everything looked. I, on the other hand, just wanted to appreciate them for what they were. I did not feel the need to talk about them. I told this to N and he seemed to understand, which made me feel very comfortable. It felt as though we were entering a new phase in our trip, where the visuals were becoming irrelevant and superficial.

It felt as though we were entering a new phase in our trip, where the visuals were becoming irrelevant and superficial.

 What really mattered now was the complexity of what was going on inside of our minds on a much deeper level.

We got back to our dorm, and we decided that showers were definitely in order. I remember peeking into the individual bathrooms, thinking every time that someone was hiding behind the shower curtain. After being outside in the cold for so long, the warm water coming out of the shower head was unbelievably pleasant. Even still, being alone in a bathroom with no one but my naked body was nothing but weird. I looked at myself in the mirror, and then down at my body, and it I felt as though I did not even recognize it. I felt so primitive being naked. I even felt as though the in-and-out movement of my belly was not corresponding with my actual breath. When I got out of the shower, I ran into a good friend in the hallway and gave her a humongous hug. She had such warm and positive vibes. Needless to say, it was so great to see her. Being on acid felt so childlike in that I only wanted to be with people that made me feel 100% comfortable. If anything felt a little off, my intensified emotions forced me to move myself into another, more comfortable setting.

After taking a hit of a spliff with P and his girlfriend, they went off to go do some school work. N and I were suddenly put in an unfamiliar position; 'what do we do now?' This was when I forgot how interactions with people normally are. We ran into N's roommate, who is a great guy, but hanging out with him is always a little awkward. All of the sudden I felt so stupid for the relationship I had with him. Why do I say hello to people that I do not even really give a chance to get to really know? I started feeling like the life I had been living at college was somewhat fake. I like to present myself as a friendly person, so I say hi to people that live near me. I started wondering why I make no effort to deepen these relationships.

Running into these sorts of people really made me look at my social life from a new perspective. Specifically, there is a group of people that N and I often hang out with even though we do not feel really close to them whatsoever. We ran into all of them, and coincidentally they were tripping acid as well. But for some reason, it did not seem like they were experiencing anything close to what N and I were experiencing. It felt impossible to communicate with them, and then I realized that it is normally this way regardless of what substance we are on. I started wondering why we even bother putting ourselves around them. I plopped myself in a beanbag chair in the midst of them, and just watched them. I tried to talk, but I was literally unable to utter a word. At that moment, my ego died. I thought I had experienced ego death before, but nothing could ever compare to this. I abandoned the personality that I put on around other people, and I became nothing but a simple and pure human being, fresh out of the womb. I realized all of the bullshit that is behind my social life. Because we are social beings, we often put ourselves in social situations just to be perceived in a certain way. Ever since this realization, I have been more focused on being with people that I genuinely care about, rather than being with people for superficial purposes. I accepted that it is better to be alone and happy than to be with people that make you unhappy. With my fairly outgoing personality, this was hard for me to accept, but I did.

N and I went outside again to meet up with a girl that I had recently become intimately involved with and her friend. She had not been crazy about the idea of me taking LSD, so being around her while tripping was not the easiest thing in the world. But for obvious reasons, I did not abandon her and the four of us took a walk to the art studio on campus. We visited a friend who was working on his paintings in his studio. His work is always great to look at, whether inebriated or sober, but observing his art on acid was phenomenal. It was not just the visual intricacies that blew me away, but also more powerfully the level of passion he had put into his paintings. Seeing someone care so much about something as beautiful as painting really affected me. He was such a happy person doing what he loved to do. It was pretty life changing to witness the pure happiness that comes with doing what feels natural.

The four of us let our friend continue with his painting, and we went to the school cafeteria since the girls were hungry. Being in any sort of institutionalized place is not exactly the best idea on acid. It is very hard to follow routine when on the drug. We swiped our cards, grabbed our plates, and explored the food choices. I really could not tell whether I wanted anything to eat, so N put some food on a plate that we would both share. Being around so many people who were not tripping made me paranoid, to say the very least. I thought for sure that people would notice that something strange was going on with me. But sure enough, no one said a thing. Sitting down in the crowded cafeteria certainly did not help ease my anxiety. Even worse, our female companions were not making us feel any more comfortable. My girl's friend was continuously asking us questions about what we were feeling and we felt like specimens under her microscope. We constantly felt like we were being judged by the two of them. After what felt like hours, the two of them sort of got the hint and went off on their own. As soon as they were gone, it felt as though an enormous weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I felt as though I could finally relax and bond with N. For whatever reason, we did not leave the cafeteria and joined some close friends at another table. I tried all sorts of different foods, but only to experience their textures rather than their nutritional properties. Even though the drug was distorting our perception of time, we definitely spent at least an hour and a half in the hectic cafeteria.

Finally, we left and walked back to our dorm. N and I spent some quality time with the same friend I had hugged when I got out of the shower (we will call her Z). She put on such kind and soft music, like The Microphones and Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young. I specifically remember how overjoyed I became when she put on 'Our House' by the latter band. She was so comforting in her ways; she felt like a mother to me. Some other friends joined us in the room, which was great, because they had very positive vibes in them. Even though approximately seven hours had passed since we dropped, I still felt like I was tripping heavily even though it was not as intense as before. I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and I started to draw. I did not put one thought into my drawing; instead, I just let my hand carry the pen wherever it wanted to go. I drew this very abstract drawing of a face, connecting to a crescent shaped figure that looked like a moon with facial features. My friends said it looked like a fetus, which makes sense since the drug made me feel like I was back in the womb, if I could remember what that felt like. Obviously it is very hard to put into words what I drew, but it felt amazing to draw

it felt amazing to draw

, since I was communicating the complex thoughts inside my head that could not be transformed into words. Words and languages are so limiting. Although essential to inter-human communication, languages force groups of people to think and speak in similar ways, even though we are all so different from one another. That's why we have art, so we can speak in whatever way we choose.

We spent a great deal of time in Z's room discussing the problems surrounding our social lives at college. N, Z, and I talked about how we value each other because we can really see each other as genuine people, and not shallow figures in a sea of many. It felt so great to have such a grounded conversation with just the three of us. Even though I had already felt very close to these two people, they now felt like siblings to me. We got comfy in bed and turned on a movie. 'Get Him to the Greek' was the perfect flick for the time; it was humorous and lighthearted, and it involved several adorable relationships between the main characters. After a while, the effects of the drugs were becoming severely diminished. N and Z wanted to go out and listen to live music, but I was unsure as to what I wanted to do. It took me a while to realize that all I really wanted to do was spend time alone. So I went back to my dorm room and turned on some music and chatted with a few friends from back home online. I doodled for a while as I listened to the album ‘Sung Tongs’ by Animal Collective. The song ‘Winter’s Love’ moved me tremendously. It evoked such a warm and comfortable inside of me and made me remember how great life can be. It’s pretty ridiculous how something like a song or a piece of art can do that to you; make you forget about the negative aspects of life and just focus on the good parts.

I definitely consider myself to be a ‘big picture’ kind of guy. All day long, I had been slightly troubled because I felt as though I was unable to put all of my incredible psychedelic thoughts towards greater use. However, I came to realize that the way that acid had made me so present in the moment was a good reflection of what my general life should be like. I realized that the little things that bother me, like my interactions with people that I really cannot relate to, will not matter to me at all further along in life. Not only did this trip help me realize that I should live my life the way I want to, regardless of what other people might think, but it also made me realize the importance of looking at the big picture when things might be bothering me. As clichéd as it might seem, I realized that in the end, everything ends up working out the way it should. Instead of getting all worked up about the bullshit behind being a social being, I should just embrace it for what it is, and if I am not happy with the situation I am in, I always have the power to change it. I always have the ability to make myself comfortable. Life is great.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 88875

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Nov 12, 2019	Views: 1,332

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LSD (2) : Relationships (44), General (1), Various (28)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   158 lb

When I first tripped on LSD, I was forever moved by the effects of that mystical, mycological molecule. My already introspective mind knew that someday, I would need to explore its capabilities when all parameters were in my control… my set, my setting. No room for distractions or derailment. Since I trusted what I had tried, I bought and stored enough to last me for plenty of aesthetic experiences in between then and the day I took it alone. While I was prepared for it, I was unsure that I would ever get the chance to see it through.

Regardless, as the years passed, the silly encounters with friends came as I expected. I also went to college, fell in love for what I thought was the last time, and capped off the years of academic abuse touring through Europe, enhancing my perspective of the world through my new educated lens. So young and naïve. Mid-excursion, in the triumph of surviving a bioengineering program that I had so desperately wanted to leave, I had planted a seed that I had no choice but to water: a striking realization that there is something more to my life than what I had more or less passively built.

So, I came back from the trip and began cultivating. I broke up with my “last” love, the first of many changes that I didn’t truly see coming, but knew had to happen. After months of two-hour, one-way commutes to a job that was neither bio nor engineering, I stopped working, only to go back home and get denied from every one of the hundreds of jobs I so furiously applied to. The post-college life that I had envisioned was nowhere to be seen, and as far as I was concerned, I was no better for having made any of these decisions. A failure I was, as if all the classes that I shouldn’t have passed were coming back to haunt me all at once. Serves me right, I supposed.

During that time, I moved from constantly doing to just being. It was around Thanksgiving, so the month to follow was very family oriented, but I would also take this time to really be what I was: a bachelor, academic and marital, just unemployed. I traveled some more, revisited some hobbies, and then the highly anticipated opportunity presented itself. My parents had gifted themselves a week-long trip out of the state in January, my sister and I were finally starting to get along as adults, and I was, luckily, without any real responsibilities. I had never envisioned it to be this way, but I knew it was the perfect chance—and so it was on 01/12/20.

The days leading up to it, I had started to meticulously plan hour by hour how it would unfold.

The days leading up to it, I had started to meticulously plan hour by hour how it would unfold.

 I would first make sure that I called my parents early in the day while they were busy exploring so that they wouldn’t call me later. I would tell my sister that I absolutely will not be available to drive her anywhere later that day, so if she needed anything, let’s do it right fucking now. I was going to take a tab and a half, more than the first time, and I was going to watch a funny movie to set the mood. Once the tabs would start kicking in, I was going to move to visiting songs of the past few years that meant a great deal to me: On the come up, the album that defined my feelings about my relationship. During the peak, the album I wanted to explore as an anthem of the years to come. On the way down, a seamless electronic album, all with sprinkles of other songs in between.

I was going equip myself with a pen and paper, an expo marker and white board, and my well connected mind to jot down ideas I had about DNA, the other acid that has had a particularly big role in my life. I was going to try and make music and play guitar, one of the hobbies I was revisiting. It was all going to be finished at a reasonable time, I wasn’t going to look at my phone during, and I was probably going to eat after everything was said and done, because damn is food fucking delicious when I'm tripping. A great plan, to be sure.

After coming back from seeing some friends at an art museum earlier in the day, the time had come. Called my parents, explained the deal to my sister, and got the tabs ready. Since it was a warmer day, I made a game time decision to scrap the movie and go watch the sunset by the nearby reservoir instead. I left my phone at the house and started on my way out. I was about 100 yards away when I decided to take the tabs that were cut into halves, three in total. As I moved to place all of them on my tongue at once, two of them fell into the grass, one to the left and one to the right. Great. I followed the one that fell to the left, promptly put it on my tongue to accompany a second half tab that was spared the blunder, but couldn’t find the third absolutely anywhere. As striking as white can be on a purely green background, the tab was lost in what seemed like an entire sea of grass blades compacted into a square foot of backyard.

After I wasted about 10 solid minutes doing this, I realized that this was supposed to happen. All these years of waiting to receive a transformative experience, and I was going to be the one in complete control of it? Not on my watch, she gently but rudely reminded, and from then on my perfect plan was soiled. So young and naïve. I trudged along slightly upset but soon excited by what else would surprise me… it was no longer my set and setting, it was hers.

I was born and raised on this property, and I have only really explored it alone a handful number of times. Sitting right by the reservoir, it is beautifully open with some trees strewn about before abruptly hitting a more densely wooded area between it and the water. Since I had spent so much time looking for the tab, I had missed my chance to get down to the reservoir to catch the sunset with enough time to come back and follow out the rest of my plan. But then again, the complete plan was no longer, so I decided that I was going to begin the trip where I began my life. I walked up to a pond and sat alone among the birds brushing back and forth across a warm but cooling orange canvas. The water was still and reflected their movement, and the silhouettes of the bare trees in the distance started to blend into the ever deeper violet sky as the sun gave way to the moon, day giving way to night. I was in utter peace with the world that I had thought was at a stand-still as it continued on with its routine, rotating away from the sun but still making its way around it.

After what I was sure was an hour, I started back towards the house, worried that this was going to be the peak of an experience that never happened. I stopped half way to sit for a while in the grass and look at the stars and my hands, both known metrics I could use to gauge where I was at. The stars, while beautiful, were static, and my hands disappointingly familiar. The opportunity was not ideal after all, and time has taken its toll on the teacher whose lessons I had been putting off. I walked back to the house and turned on some outdoor lights so that I could kick the soccer ball around to warm myself up in the cold blue night, defeated and none the wiser.

But there she was in full force, creating a first lesson of the trip out of the earlier foreshadowing: you are not in control. I graciously welcomed the intense but familiar giddiness that is an LSD come up, grateful that I was wrong after all. The class had only just begun! The limits of my smiling muscles were tested as I closed my eyes in the pure ecstasy of electricity surging along the river of my blood, getting off at every stop of my circulatory system all at once, all the time. Warm from physical and chemical activity, I opened my eyes and looked back at the stars and was in awe at the scale of the universe and the stars within it. Impossibly vast and unknown, always present to wish us a good night. The diamonds’ still twinkling turned into a gentle vibrating as if they animated themselves just to say hello to my cosmically insignificant self. I could stare into the abyss forever, mind racing through the endlessness it can now inhabit just by observing.

I went back inside into my older sister’s room that now served as an office and started playing some music, lamp on for now. The room I had been spending most of my time in lately had taken on a new light aside from that which the warm bulb provided… the first step inward. It is colored with a green and blue color that you would paint onto Easter eggs, and scattered about the open space are instruments and audio equipment, a combination inviting of creation. My creative space, of course! But also within it are my computers and books, the toys of my left brain, as well as the fact that this sister and I share an unfortunate history with faulty genes. My office, it seemed, was really the general contents of my own mind, glued together by the molecule her and I share, the molecule that all life has in common.

During the first album, I tried playing my guitar along with some of the tracks I had taught to myself. This was an utter failure, yet another humbling moment in a trip that I thought was going to be progressing much differently at this point. As most new knowledge is, it takes several attempts at trying to understand it before actually understanding. This was my final attempt at trying to steer the ship, and I decided to finally let go of the wheel in the same moment. I promptly made myself available to be overcome, to be enlightened, in whatever way the experience saw fit. As such, the first order of business was to stop denying the opportunity to think about my past. Early into the album, I was nervous that I would start falling into thinking about the guilt I had about ending things with my ex. But I allowed myself to think about it, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that I was not bothered, but relieved… relieved that I allowed myself to see that it wasn’t truly working, and relieved that there truly wasn’t any guilt to be had. In hindsight, it was the first reward to letting myself be in the trip, not control it.

The album played through, and as I was enjoying it with a blanket covering me, I felt the peak coming on as planned, perhaps another reward for applying the first lesson. I moved to turn off the lights, opened the blinds to see the stars again, laid down, and listened to the second album. I had been making music for about 8 years at this point, so I was well able to analyze the many elements that go into a track, conception to finished product. I was never one to write lyrics, but I was starting to get better at listening to the written message of songs and hearing what the artist has to say. The second lesson was in full swing when the first song opened up: “You don’t know where you’re goin’, but you smile even so and you’ll see…”

The music entered a force that was able to speak to me directly through lyrics that have hit my ears many times before. It has been here my whole life, the second lesson taught, and now I was to listen properly to what it has been trying to tell me through the spoken words of English and the unspoken words of groove. The contrast of thinking and feeling fused into one and feeding off of each other, the matrimony of logic and emotion. “Said my mind is only workin’ when I’m winnin’, and my heart is only beatin’ when you’re in it,” it told me, though it could have easily been me delivering the message to it, it seemed.

The elements of the tracks became personified, taking residence in my mind and the room just as they sat in the track itself. Each spoke in tongues of rhythm to pay respects to its physical position as well as its literary part in the whole message so gracefully jumping on my ear drums. The melodic instruments each sung a part of the magical story, offering distinct emotions towards a beautiful motif of introspection with harmonies of infinity within the boundaries of my head. Acoustic drum kits and human voices clashed with the bit-crushed buzzing of saw tooth synths and dreamy square arpeggiators, my computer now a conductor instructing my speakers to use their cones to push the translation of 1’s and 0’s across the air between us. All of these beings were as real as the feelings I felt, each dancing and chanting in metaphysical space just as the stars did in their own. “Don’t get lost, you might need yourself…”

Once the last track of the album was finished, I had the feeling that I was leaving a theater after a play of cosmic proportions, but it was only the intermission. I sat back up, turned on the lights again, and picked up the white board and marker, drawing shapes as calmer, more instrumental music played. I started with a big swirl, a shape fit for the state I was in. I drew a vine curling around the line, like a snake wrapping around a branch, and soon another to accompany it. It was poorly drawn, so I erased and remade it as needed, slowly improving it and later adding intervals of straight lines, creating an organic ladder. “All in me, all in me, all in me…” the music repeated, over and over as if falling into the two-dimensional void I created.

Thinking back to earlier in the day, I remembered that I tried appreciating the art at the museum a little more than I normally would. My friends and I started by walking around an outdoor exhibit they have, beginning with a piece that was just a big, warped, metal bar with no particular shape at first glance. The day was sunnier than expected, but thanks to some well-placed clouds, I could safely look at the structure from underneath. This angle allowed me to connect the two open ends of the bar, completing a loop. Perspective matters, of course, and so I decided that I was going to improve that lens moving forward.

Scattered about were sculptures made of different materials, shapes, sizes… all man made, all immediately appealing to the senses. I took note of other things like the color and texture. Some surprising combinations, like sanded metal that looked the part but felt like the wood in the trees surrounding it. They and their limbs dangling above swayed in brief winds, gentle reminders of their presence in the garden. Fractals, a mathematical concept made sense by irrational numbers, were alive and well in the branches, decidedly rational objects. Beauty was not limited to the work with descriptions. As trees are alive, they too have DNA, doing what it can to pass it onto their next generation by their own means separate from ours.

This early study came rushing back to me during my drawing, smacking me in the face with what I thought was the third lesson: though a generally invisible molecule, it’s a material, and like the now obvious DNA swirl on the white board, it is malleable. I jumped out of my seat to write this down, grabbing a purple colored pencil and writing it in big letters. I put a box around it to emphasize the point, but soon realized that I didn’t want this massive idea to be confined to such a small space. I took a highlighter and drew arrows pointing outwards, hopefully encouraging more ideas to spew out of the box and onto the surrounding paper.

More music continued as I kept writing down what came to mind.

More music continued as I kept writing down what came to mind.

 A simple thought from a previous trip came forth: humans are builders. Like the sculptures, the world around us was created by our manipulation of various materials, so why not build with DNA? I was beginning to feel wired, but in a more literal sense. It felt like I was attached to strings, a puppet being commanded by a puppet master… I kept writing. I remembered stories about computer code learning how to code itself and thought about the feelings that people might have about it. Awe. Fear. It’s a marvel at any rate, but people don’t tend to realize that DNA already does this. Computers just have the speed to move through iterations faster, by design… “You got me over here screamin’ waitin’ for you…”

I kept going. Surrender, I remembered. DNA moves through its iterations via evolution, a relatively slow but definitely random process. What would happen if we were able to help it move along more quickly, more precisely? We can with technology like CRISPR-Cas9, which originates in bacteria as a defense mechanism against viruses… wait. DNA is malleable by design. Of course! Slowly into sure mania, I was becoming a mad scientist. “Dysfunctional, that’s what you are. I’m tired of sittin’ on you babe, til’ I’m just waitin’ on you, babe,” the music cried… DNA needs our help! We as humans, natural builders, need to help move it into a realm that it so desperately wants to be in. “If you don’t read my signs, I’ll make sure you see,” it continued, as did I. But we ourselves are directed by DNA… our code is becoming aware. The very thing that defines life has become sentient, and we need to be the ones to realize its potential. It is inviting itself to be more than it is literally shaped out to be.

It is always pushing the definitions of what conventional life is and what it can be. Humans have fears about AI becoming sentient, as if it is right or wrong for it to break through that boundary and mold the scattered pieces into something new, albeit uncertain. Who are we as humans to deny the molecule the same chance through us? We are at a point where it knows that it can edit itself. We are the collective vehicle through which this was realized and through which it can be done, regardless of our fate. The fact that we are in active debate about whether we should speaks to its novelty, its necessity to be acknowledged. History has always been written by the victors, but now the victors can be rewritten themselves, serving a higher purpose of divine creation.

Images of a demonic animatronic suddenly came into mental view. It was front and center with nothing else but black around it, head periodically spinning with no regard for the limits of a traditional neck. It blinked on a sequence as its eyes followed the head’s suit, spinning sawblade hands and taking jabs with long spike limbs. Its metal jaw with razor teeth opened and closed, silently laughing as floating wooden crosses with strings dangling from them shook in front of the cloaked whole. The devilish puppet master, while scary, did not frighten me. I welcomed its presence and almost felt a strange sense of familiarity with it. I wanted to continue down the hypnotic spiral I created earlier along with the being, seeing where it might take me, what it might teach me.

“Won’t you stop and listen to the music?” I complied with the instructions, teased by the cliffhanger while thinking back to the second album’s advice: “Don’t get lost, you might need yourself.” The entire night was my right and left brain wrapping themselves into one and self-replicating into parallel instances: the objects in my room, the elements of the music, my art and my ideas. The third lesson had been delivered, but the takeaway wasn’t necessarily the ideas that I wrote. It was the fact that I wrote them, as motivated by DNA, my DNA. And so, the combination of the three: You are not in control, and it has been here your whole life… I am your DNA, you. It was my genetic material, the ultimate material, speaking to me, and my perspective shifter helped me break through its functional fixedness and show me its purpose, my purpose, “all in me, all in me, all in me…” all along. What started as a death sentence when I was born had morphed into my destiny, and the living contrast had finally taken off its mask for me to stare right in its spiraling eyes, my spiraling eyes.

While the trip was over, I finally did get to eat. It was delicious, of course, but I could not stop thinking. I knew that it would take some time to truly unravel all of the information, but I had gotten what I had wanted after all. I really was in control, but I certainly wasn’t alone. I can’t imagine what more acid would be able to tell me at this point, and I have no clue if I would have been able to gain the same exact insights on the stronger dose I had planned to take. I was able to see who I am through and through, no more hiding. It was an ego rid of the skin that it had grown into like a shedding snake, a fitting animal and phenomena given their respective symbolisms to the acid of life and that of the night. Forever moved once again, I now stride in parallel with my DNA, both towards an unknown but transcendent destination.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114320

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 23

Published: Apr 25, 2020	Views: 1,353

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LSD (2) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Music Discussion (22), General (1)


		 DOSE:

		 0.4 hits
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   59 kg

Drug history: Started with THC at 22, MDMA and cocaine at 24. Being a Science school teacher I’d like to think I’m quite responsible with my drug use as I always use my physical observations and research  to guide my use. I stopped using cocaine altogether after the 3rd use as my heart simply didn’t respond well to it (having irregular heartbeats and shortness of breath), especially the one time when mixing it with a small amount of alcohol, that is half a beer. With MDMA never used more than 2 capsules at any one time (did this on 3 occasions), and spread out the usage to using it 11 times over 3 years. Having had the opportunity to get some LSD I thought the time is right to try it.

Mindset: I approached LSD with more ‘respect’ and caution then I did with other drugs. Respectful of the fact of how valuable LSD may be as psychological tool to explore reality and how I may not be able to ‘consciously’ control my trip especially after reading about ego death. In terms of excitement It felt like similar to my first THC experience, where I did not do enough research and ended having the worst trip I had from any of my drug experiences. Researched about THC and it’s been good to me ever since. I was not going to make that mistake again.

I was quite positive and at ease as I made thorough preparations.

I was quite positive and at ease as I made thorough preparations.

 The prior 2 weeks before taking LSD I bought EZ-test LSD, read extensively on LSD reports [and] watched videos  on Youtube, they were very informative and help me ascertain (as much as I really could) what I was getting myself into.

Setting: My granny flat at home. My home is surrounded by trees some of which are over 8 metres tall. Bright sunny day with a scattering of clouds. EZ-test for LSD was done the night before to ease any nerves and bad mindset (essential, probably what put me at ease the most). 3 people in the granny flat, a trip sitter, my close friend from high school and I. Main house was empty.

My friend and I thought it was a good idea to graphically plot out trip (from 1 to 10) with the help of our trip sitter. During the trip we realised we didn’t know what scale to compare LSD experience too, whether it's how high we’ve ever felt or our own subjectivity. The following observations are mine with discussion with my friend. Our experiences were very parallel.

I also had a FitBit on to track my heart rate. Resting heart rate 65bpm.

Dosage and timing: +T0, 0.4 tab each 12pm. Cut 0.8 tab in half (0.2 of which was used for testing). Whilst having the tab under our tongues we put on a 10min guided meditation audio track to help be in the right mindset. We decided purposely to not put on too many videos or music during the come up, saving these for after the peak.

+T1: We agreed at this stage it felt most like THC so we used THC as the measuring scale.

4/10. Very mellow and calm. Perfect balance between a body high and head high. I just enjoyed sitting and looking at random objects and seem somehow find intrigue in to them. Geometrically symmetrical and parallel lines were especially attractive. Heart rate 80bpm.

+T2: 5/10. As we lay on recliners the warm and fuzzy feeling similar to MDMA really started to kick in. I remember saying ‘I’m sinking and meshing into this recliner hehe.’ Very smooth come up. I remember hearing a flock of bird fly our overhead, I heard nothing else (not the rushing wind or symbol sounding rustling of the wind). I could whatever layer of audio my mind chose to hear in isolation. Rather sounding like noise the birds sounded like they communicating purposely with proper language, with urgency and precision in their tones.

We then went outside for a while to take in nature. This was when the feeling of interconnected was really clear.

We then went outside for a while to take in nature. This was when the feeling of interconnected was really clear.

 Every rush on breeze feels powerful and energetic. The interconnected of the wind, flowing through the grass causing it to sway to and fro as in a dance. The rustling of the leaves as an accompanying symphony. I felt so at ease, not a care about what drug I may be on. I was an observer of natures of work. Thinking back I realise the importance of nature, the flow of energy negates being stuck in bad thoughts, keeping me ‘in flow,' I am just in awe yet calm. Heart rate 92bpm.

+T3 6/10. This was when things started to feel different to any other drug. Visions of geometric become precise, very slightly warping of lines. I become slightly lost of my thoughts, at times blanking about. I remember looking at the lights with clouds in the background. The gaps in the leaves looked like glitter. Heart rate 102bpm.

+T4 to T6. 6.5/10 The low dose is not clear, we were now on a plateau. We put on Pink Floyd ‘Wish you were here’ and Jimi Hendrix ‘All along the watchtower'. Wow what a journey. The guitar which once sounded like isolated strums mesh into a string like instrument creating an immense atmosphere. Lyrics of the songs made so much sense, it spoke to us. Heart rate 103bpm.

+T7-11. 6/10 and dropping on a linear line come down as smooth as the come up. I never reach the real visuals deeper experience of what LSD has to offer.

Physical effects summarised: My heart rate peaked at 122bpm (not too high) but my heart rate on average around around 25bpm for 10-12 hours on LSD. This is a long time, so exercise and good fitness should help stay safe and get the most of the experience. For 2 weeks, before the trip, I jogged 3 times a week for 20min. On MDMA my average heart rate was 125bpm and peaked at 145.

My only other complaint, a very minor one, is my saliva ‘feels’ very slightly thicker and it becomes a bit hard to swallow during the come up. Whether this is physical or just forgetting to swallow I’m not sure. This discomfort is very minor and I notice this for about 10 seconds on around 3 occasions during the trip. Relax and it goes away.

Overall assessment: Although I did have a ‘full’ experience I think the experience is valuable before taking higher doses to keep me calm and be ‘primed’ for the peak. In my humble opinion minimal stimulation with music and videos prior to peak I think let my brain 'handle' the peak better. 3 hours before the peaks kicked in. Having gone through this experience will make me even more at ease for my full venture with high doses. I plan on doing 0.8 of tab next time. I realise rating scale I used for each hour should be halved to be comparable to the LSD experience scale. I really on reach 3.5/10 of what LSD I feel from my 0.4 tab (feels like 40micrograms).

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 110002

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 26

Published: Apr 28, 2020	Views: 1,006

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LSD (2) : Nature / Outdoors (23), Personal Preparation (45), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 Unknown
		 (blotter / tab)

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   115 lb

My Experience With LSD and Anorexia/Bulimia

BACKGROUND: I used to be REALLY eating-disordered– like, starve-myself-to-death eating disordered. I wouldn’t eat anything except celery basically, and when I did I would throw it up ASAP. It began taking over my life, I was obsessed with food and starving and getting smaller

It began taking over my life, I was obsessed with food and starving and getting smaller

, and eventually my parents forced me into a program. They would weigh me once a week and I had to go to a dietitian and a counselor every week, and a physician every month to make sure I was getting healthier (or at the very least, not getting unhealthier.) For a few months, I tried to trick the program, I would chug a TON of water (I’m talking 1-2 GALLONS, enough to get water poisoning if I didn’t throw it all up afterwards). before my weigh-ins so that the scale looked like I was maintaining weight, when in reality I was still losing. My relationships with all of my friends and family deteriorated so much because I was so angry all the time about being put in treatment– and just angry in general.

I went to summer camp on the condition that I would be weighed in every week and that if I lost weight I would go home. After the first week, I hadn’t water-dosed before the weigh in (they didn’t tell me when it was supposed to be) and since I had lost weight they sent me back home. My doctors told me that if I didn’t start cooperating they would put me in in-patient treatment until I gained back all of the weight I had lost from my eating disorder (this scared me SO much because I had lost about 60 lbs and that seemed like a LOT of weight to me– I was already afraid of my body AS IS, and at this point of time I would rather die than live in a doctor’s office for what I thought would be forever (as I absolutely REFUSED to gain back 60 pounds). I became completely hopeless– so hopeless I didn’t even try to kill myself because I couldn’t bother to get out of bed. I ate when I needed to– followed my meal plan because that was the only thing going on in my life any more and I was too tired to resist any more. Gradually, things started improving and I began to realize how horribly the eating disorder had affected my life. I still didn’t eat normally, I still didn’t eat ANY grains or fat, but I started to EAT, at least.

MY FIRST TRIP: One day, I dropped acid (I later learned it wasn’t even REAL LSD, it was some designer drug. I'm not sure what it was called) for the first time with one of my friends and had a HORRIBLE trip. She ordered Chinese food and up until I needed to eat everything had been going fine. Once I started trying to eat, the food was nasty and it looked really fatty and greasy, I was trying to eat with chopsticks but they were bending all over the place and I thought I was spilling the food all over myself. It was absolutely terrifying, it looked like everything was starving– the walls, my friend, myself, her cat, the chair, the TV, Buddy the Elf (we were watching Elf– not the best movie to watch while tripping hard). Everything just looked grotesque dirty and awful. I think my friend was able to tell I was having a bad trip, but I was afraid of ruining her trip too so I didn’t ask for help or anything. Eventually I pulled myself out of it and had a decent time, by the end of the trip we were just hanging out and smoking weed. At the time, I did not realize the food was what started my bad trip

At the time, I did not realize the food was what started my bad trip

, but in retrospect I'm quite sure that the food was what set my anxiety off. Before the food, I was having a good time. I was excited, ready to go for a ride.

MY SECOND TRIP: After that trip I figured I’d try it again at my house (more familiar surroundings, and REAL LSD this time) and see if things went better. My dad made me some stir fry for me, I was in the basement and I started feeling kinda anxious but I couldn’t tell why. I started analyzing my surroundings and trying to figure out where the bad vibes were coming from. I quickly realized that there was nothing wrong with the room, or my TV, or the drugs or the music, but that stir fry sitting there was just bothering the FUCK out of me because I knew I had to eat it eventually and I REALLY didn’t want to. I started feeling very upset with my eating disorder for trying to take over my trip, for taking over my last trip, and for taking over two years of my life. I was angry that it took over my body, my mind, and that it had destroyed my soul. I took that stir fry, and I ate the fuck out of it, and I FORCED myself to enjoy it because I wasn’t going to let the eating disorder win any more.

Well, halfway through the stir fry (only took like 10 seconds to eat it all because I was so determined) I realized it was actually pretty good. I realized that my dad is a damn good cook, and my soul overflowed with love for him. The love I felt spread to encompass everything and everybody I knew, EVEN myself (which was something I had always hated) and my body (which was what the hate manifested itself in.) I looked in the mirror, picked out all of my faults and realized that they were only there because I had been treating myself so badly. I knew that a lot of damage had already been done– my heart was working at such an inconsistent pace, I was dehydrated, my skin looked awful and discolored (it had turned yellow because I had such a bad iron deficiency). There were permanent scars on my body from cutting, damaged teeth from vomiting, thinned hair because it had started falling out. I knew that not everything could be fixed, but I decided that I would be persistent to bring myself back into a healthy state.

I decided that I would be persistent to bring myself back into a healthy state.

 Even despite all of the physical damage my eating disorder had caused, I began to look past it-- my body morphed in the mirror into an image of what I COULD be, who I was SUPPOSED to be all along and who I had been suppressing all this time. Surprisingly enough, the image I saw in the mirror was about 50 lbs heavier, and I thought she was BEAUTIFUL. I was no longer afraid of losing control of my thoughts, my actions, or my weight. I knew instantly that if I made myself healthy, for the first time in my life I would never need to worry about losing control of myself again.

It was really hard to get where I am now. Dropping acid did not by any means ‘fix’ my eating disorder– I’ll take all of the credit for that. It brought out a different side of me– one that was always there but was being suffocated by doubt, fear, and hate. I was already on my way towards recovery, but I was so afraid of myself-- I thought that even IF I recovered, I would STILL be a horrible person (I have no clue where this idea came from) and that if I HAD to live, I would rather be skinny and horrible than fat and horrible. LSD changed the way I thought about myself and it reminded me of an ability I thought I had lost forever– the capacity to love. With that extra push, I became entirely motivated to better myself and get to know that girl in the mirror-- the one without the eating disorder, self harm, and pessimism.

LONG TERM RESULTS: Looking at where I am now, and where I've been, and how far I've come . . . It makes me think that I'm pretty lucky. I mean, I think that for my age-- because of all the struggles I've had, I've become a lot more aware of the world and I think that I've figured a lot of things out that I wouldn't have without going through what I've gone through: for example, I have a lot of empathy now that I used to lack. During and before my eating disorder I thought that most feelings were weakness. I suppressed them, and that's why they manifested themselves in the way that they did. I hurt myself to avoid conflict with others-- when I was sad or angry I took those emotions out on myself rather than expressing them in a healthy way.

Now, its a lot easier for me to understand other peoples emotions, or at least appreciate them and try to understand. Everybody has feelings-- when you don't acknowledge them in a healthy way they'll come out in a healthy way. I'm also a lot more patient with people because I realize that sometimes it takes a long time to figure things out, sometimes you hurt a lot of people really badly in the process. C'est la vie. If the person figures things out, they will come back and apologize. If they don't, that's unfortunate for them-- they are probably hurting more than I am. I've learned a lot about myself and about how I deal with things-- I have a tendency to take shortcuts and try to fulfill my needs in an unhealthy way rather than a healthy one-- when I get depressed I stop taking care of my body and when I stop taking care of my body I get more depressed, so now I know that exercise and wholesome eating is something I need to keep tabs on. Now, I'm more aware of when I feel bad and I try to pinpoint what it is that makes me feel bad rather than blaming myself. Now, I know I have a really addictive personality (starving and cutting was a very very hard habit to break), so I take strong notice of even very subtle warning signs of emotional or compulsive eating, drug use, gambling, exercising, dieting etc. All in all, I think I've figured a lot out about myself through this experience, and it happened a lot faster than I think it happens for most people. If I hadn't had an eating disorder, I would have destroyed myself some other way because the fact is that starving wasn't REALLY about being skinny, or pretty, or anything material. It was about trying to see how far I could stretch my ability to handle pain until I died. It was about unhappiness, it was about a tornado of feelings that I was trying to suffocate. I'm glad I hit rock bottom-- the only place to go was up.

At any rate, I'm only 16 now. Most people live till like 85, so I've got a long time to go. If I don’t, the happiness I feel now is more than enough to compensate for what I’ve gone through. I think that even if I died now, it would be a happy ending. Hopefully, I won't die any time soon, and I'll have a ton of time to get to know myself.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 100497

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 15

Published: May 25, 2020	Views: 2,190

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LSD (2), Unknown (120) : What Was in That? (26), Health Benefits (32), Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)


		 DOSE:

		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   160 lb

This story that I’m about to share took place not too long ago. I wanted to write about it as soon as possible because the experience is very fresh in my mind. Acid is one of those drugs one absolutely cannot underestimate. No matter how big your ego is, or how tough you think you are, acid will tear it down and bring you to your knees while you grovel in awe of the beauty in the world, all while contemplating deeper thoughts than you thought your brain could muster. And while acid for the most part is a wonderful drug that enhances the subconscious to new dimensional levels, if the right precautions are not taken, the substance can turn on you, and make the world dark, twisted, and terrifying. This latest trip I had gave me glimpses of both sides of the drug, and while for the most part the trip was positive, due to my lack of preparation, I took a peek into the world of the dreaded “bad trip” and am now infinitely more respectful of this molecule because of it.

My experience began when my buddy, K, got a text from his acid dealer that he had just got a new shipment of tabs to his house off the deep web. I had had 5 experiences with acid before this

I had had 5 experiences with acid before this

, the last of which took place about a month and a half before this trip. That last trip had been my highest dosage yet (around 400 ug) and had been overwhelmingly positive for me. Because of this, I was itching to get my hands on some more Lucy and foolishly assumed that this trip couldn’t be any less positive than the one before it.

K, my other friend, E, and myself set aside a Saturday to trip on this new batch of acid. We decided we were going to tell our parents we were going over to our other friends house for the day, when in fact we were going to go down to the small beach and park that is a mile or two away from K’s house. I was slightly nervous about this decision because that left us out in the open for the entire trip without a safe house to retreat to, but my ego took over and told me that nothing could ever go wrong with my acid experience because I knew how to handle myself.

This was my first big mistake. My next mistake was not eating anything the day of the acid trip. It was around one o’ clock when we dropped and I had not eaten breakfast or lunch and had no sound means of obtaining food for the entire trip. Not believing this would be a factor, I decided it wasn’t a big deal. We dropped in my car which was parked outside of the park by K’s house then decided to take a walk to the beach and come up there. We each took 2 tabs. This was less than my previous acid trip that was extremely positive so I thought I could handle this just fine.

Around the 45 minute to an hour mark we began to feel the first effects of our 8 hour endeavor. It started off with a very heavy body load and all of the colors around me looking very bright and HD. I am really not a fan of the acid body load, and began to feel very weighed down. Feelings of anxiety crept into my mind because the body load began to become so intense I could not physically stand upright any longer. I asked my buddies if they minded sitting down for this reason, and they happily obliged. We took a seat on a grassy hill that overlooked the bay and put on some tunes. This was when the hard visuals began to kick in. I remember looking at a tree in the distance that seemed to be swaying in the wind, only there was no wind, the tree was swirling and moving all around almost as if it was alive. I soon began to realize all of the plants around me were doing the same thing, swirling and swaying in counter clockwise circles. Then my whole visual plane began to move, like my vision was a television screen someone was rocking up and down and side to side. Fortunately when the visuals began the body load subsided, and I was able to stand on my feet again. That was when we decided to start walking.

Acid gives me an incredible amount of energy, and our walk soon turned into more of a hike. We walked down this very long path for what seemed like 10 minutes but in reality it was more like an hour, all the while my visuals were getting more and more intense. I began to see hovering shapes above the path we were walking on, and people who walked past us looked the same size 100 yards away as opposed to right next to me. The trip so far had been a blast, I was fully enjoying myself and was loving the beauty of the world and all of the insightful thoughts I was thinking. I remember talking intensely about how all of human warfare has just been the perfection of the sharpened stick, and how human progression was absolutely astounding.  We stopped at another part of the beach and my buddies decided to smoke a spliff. I decided to not partake in this because I sometimes get bad anxiety after smoking cannabis and did not want to ruin my experience with the Lucy.

As my friends were smoking, I began to feel funny, but I could not quite put my finger on what was wrong. It took me a long while to realize what I was feeling was hunger, and that I really needed to get some food into my system. I told E and K this, and since they had just smoked some maryjane, decided that they probably wanted food as well. We decided the best place to get food was at our friends house who we told our parents we were going to be at, and we began the very long walk to his place. We had reached his street when I had the thought that maybe we should call him and warn him we were going to come over before we just showed up unannounced tripping major balls, and I dialed his cell. I vividly remember the numbers on my phone appearing to be three dimensional, and floating around the screen like sail boats in a pond. Somehow I managed to call him, and told him we needed to come over to grab some food, to which he responded that under no circumstances were we allowed to come over, because he did not want us tripping balls at his house. While this is a semi-reasonable thing for him to say, especially if his parents were home, acid me took that rejection very very badly, and felt terrible that I had even called to ask him to come over. This is where my trip went from overtly pleasurable to downright terrifying.

We were stuck. If we went back the way we came, we would not have food, and if we went to the nearest store that had food, we would have to walk another mile or so on major busy streets to get there. Neither of these prospects enthused me, and I began to feel very conflicted on what to do. I decided for the group that we had to get food in our system, as it had now been about 3 and a half hours into our trip and I had not eaten anything all day, and we began the journey to the nearest place to eat.

While walking, I began to feel overwhelmingly lethargic, my legs wanted to give out, I was sweating, and my head began to pound. I kept telling my friends how much this walk sucked and how I did not want to continue, but they reminded me that we had to get food and we couldn’t just stop in the middle of the street. While I knew that we couldn’t stop, I kept complaining aloud to my buddies, saying that I’d rather get hit by a car than walk any longer, and that I’d kill to take a shower. E and K kept telling me to stop complaining and to just go with the flow, but I physically couldn’t bring myself to do it. I just kept repeating how I’d rather die than be out in the open any longer, and slowly this statement turned from hyperbole, to an actual thought. Once I realized that I was seriously considering suicide my mind began to panic, wondering why I could not muster the energy to just walk to food like my friends were. At around the same time, the cars that were around us began to sound like jet engines, and the smell of exhaust and dirt overwhelmingly filled my nostrils. I also began to feel incredibly trapped out in the world, and I began to panic over the fact that we did not have a house to retreat to, and I was going to have to wait out the rest of this trip in the dirty, nasty city.

Finally we reached a place to eat. I watched as the man who was making me my sandwichs face contorted into grotesque positions, and how the meatballs he was putting into the bread looked utterly disgusting.  I got my food as fast as I could and walked out the door, I had to beg my friends who wanted to sit down in the store because all I wanted to do was get back to the beach where we first began to trip. I started to have paranoid thoughts about my friends, and I thought that they were talking about me behind my back, whispering about how I couldn’t handle my drugs and how they wished I would just leave. This of course was not true, but my paranoid drugged up mind began to resent my two best friends, a feeling which terrified and deeply saddened me. Waves of depression started to wash over my psyche, I have struggled with depression in the past and this felt like that times ten. I thought my only friends hated me, and that I was going to die alone with no connection to anyone in the world. I wanted to go home so badly, and deeply contemplated calling my parents to pick me up, a thought that I hated to even think about.

This was when I started to have my first dark visuals, faces on posters and people on the street began to look like skulls, and I kept thinking that there were bees flying around my ears. I also began to feel as if I was badly sunburnt to the point of my face being swollen. I felt ugly and un-presentable to the world, and that everybody was looking at me and judging me. I took maybe two bites of my sandwich, and then threw it away. I tried to focus on my breathing and continue walking towards the beach, but it was an almost impossible task. But somehow, I made it back to the beach where we first started coming up on acid in one piece, and once I was back away from the peering eyes of sober people, off the streets with all of the deafening cars, and with a little bit of food in my stomach, my trip began to ebb back into a positive light

with a little bit of food in my stomach, my trip began to ebb back into a positive light

.

This would not have been possible without the help of my two wonderful friends, who when realizing that I was under serious stress talked to me and kept me calm on the walk back, trying to reassure me that everything was going to be fine and that it would soon be over. This is something I am immensely grateful for. This terrible aspect of the trip that was the worst thing I had ever experienced at the time when looking back on it now has taught me a couple very valuable lessons, number one being to not underestimate the power acid can have over my psyche. Once the molecule takes hold, I am no longer in control, and the drug will take me wherever it wants to take me. Number two is to always have a place to retreat to if the trip becomes too intense, the lack of a safe house caused my drugged brain to believe I had no place in the world, and that I was going to be stuck outside forever. And finally I learned that you gotta eat some damn food before you trip, your body will forget while you’re trippin and you won’t understand why you’re so tired midway through. We were walking for probably over half of this trip, and my legs by the end of the day ached worse than they ever had before.  This is the only time in my experiences with Lucy that a negative side has emerged, but looking back on it, it was exactly what I needed. I now realize what I need to do in order to ensure a fully positive trip, and it checked my ego not only with dropping acid, but my life in general as well.

I wanted to share this story not only to entertain, but in hopes that if others read, they can take something away from my experience, and apply it to their own trips in order to make sure nothing unexpected happens.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 109286

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 17

Published: May 29, 2020	Views: 1,410

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LSD (2) : Bad Trips (6), Personal Preparation (45), Difficult Experiences (5), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 0.5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 2:00
		 1 hit
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 3:00
		 1 cart.
		 inhaled
		 Nitrous Oxide

		   T+ 4:00
		 1 hit
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 7:15
		 1 hit
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   325 lb

Approximately 70ug LSD25 (half of one paper blotter)

3-4 hits of good hydroponics lab marijuana

I have substantial experience with this chemical over the past 22 years. I believe my top dose was in the vicinity of 1000-1200ug with no tolerance. My last dose was nearly 7 years ago, and was a strong gel tab, I estimate around 140-150ug. It was very pleasurable.

I have never had a bad experience. I received this batch via the dark web from a very reputable distributer who claims each tab of blotter is 140ug. I donned nitrile gloves and used a razor to split one tab in half. I anticipate a very light and easy experience, with few visuals. This may well be the smallest dose I have ever ingested. My purpose is to sample the batch and ease back into tripping with a minimum of fear and uncertainty.

My purpose is to sample the batch and ease back into tripping with a minimum of fear and uncertainty.

 70ug is far enough beyond the 30ug threshold dose that even a man of my size should feel something. I have an excellent batch of hydro nuggets and some nitrous oxide bulbs put aside for later. I have very little tolerance for marijuana, and last night, after sampling the nuggs, I was overwhelmed by the potency of the weed, such that I was having panic and fear. That caused some apprehension about taking LSD again after so long. Hence, the micro-dose.

T+ 00:45- I seem to feel a mild change in consciousness along with a slight increase in my awareness of textures. At this point it could be placebo effect.

T+ 01:15- Very little further to report. I feel a little weird, but not in any way that couldn’t be written off as a placebo effect. I’m starting to think 70ug is simply too small a dose for someone over 300 pounds.  I am considering re-dosing with an additional 70ug. I will wait at least another 15 minutes to allow effects to surface.

T+ 01:30- I definitely feel it starting, but I’m sleepy at the same time. I just feel weird. No visuals. Mild body high. I am certainly hoping it gets stronger. I don’t think I will re-dose though. I have appointments starting at noon tomorrow. In an hour or so, I will have a puff and that should intensify things a bit.

T+ 02:00- I am certainly high and smiley, but disappointed at the weakness of the dose. I’m going to have a puff and watch something trippy. I am very tempted to redose, but that would screw all my plans for tomorrow.

T+ 02:20- After a half a puff of decent green, I am definitely tripping, coming up and excited. But still a bit disappointed.

T+ 02:50- Nice body high, smiley and a bit weird and silly. But no visuals. No major shift in thought processes. I’m a bit hungry. I’m certain more marijuana will increase the effects, but I don’t want the marijuana to overpower the LSD. This is the first time I’ve ever had to be concerned about that.

T+ 03:00- Nitrous bulb into glory. Watching The Rules of Attraction for the first time. I huff my bulb and as the NO2 hits me hard, carrying me into a new level of trip, time switches from backward to forward and the music changes, right after the opening credit scene. It was bizarre. No doubt I’m tripping now.

T+ 04:00- Smiley and right on the cusp of something wonderful, but definitely short of the mark. I think another hit of weed is in order.

T+ 04:10- There can be no doubt that I am heavily under the influence of LSD. Feeling some anxiety now. The marijuana seems to cause this in me. My tripping partner has gone to bed, saying it did nothing for him all. He is a bit lighter than I, and a bit older as well. It seems that I am very much the lightweight, though, when it comes to marijuana. I also think that one side of the blotter may have been stronger than the other.

T+ 06:15- Watched the last hour or so of The Acid House (1998). Wowzer. Def over the peak point now. Very hungry and going to venture downstairs for some of the spaghetti I made earlier today. Def high. Def enjoying it. Wishing it was warm weather and day time so I could venture outside. Looking forward to dosing again tomorrow with my 20 year old boy toy. Then again Saturday with a 26 year old blonde hottie I’ve been meaning to lay pipe with.

T+ 07:15- Definitely winding down. Still high, but feeling it wane. Thinking 1 more hit of weed ought to do the trick.

T+ 07:30- One toke was all it took.

T+ 09:15- Still have the body high and weirdness, but getting sleepy. Going to lay down soon. Been watching parts of City of The Lost Children. What a nice, mellow trip. I am definitely eager to enjoy a more intense trip tomorrow. And since I only took half a tab of my 10 strip, I figure 2 tabs will affect me like 210ug would with no tolerance. A much stronger dose tomorrow, but still small compared to many of the doses I have experienced in the past. I will still have 6 tabs left after tomorrow’s fun.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 102251

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 36

Published: Feb 6, 2020	Views: 1,291

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LSD (2) : General (1), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)