		 DOSE:

		 1.5 tablets

		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 650 mg
		 oral
		 Mescaline
		 (powder / crystals)

		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

		 oral
		 Pharms - Citalopram
		 (daily)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   75 kg

It had been a while since I’d had a deep psychedelic experience and it was the right time, set and setting with which to take the plunge. This was getting towards the end of a batch of synthetic mescaline hcl and some LSD tabs. It isn’t the most potent acid I’ve had by a long shot but it is really nice and clean...it ain’t all about the potency I have learned.

Three of us would be tripping...me, my sister and one of my best and longest known friends. I have known this guy since the first year of secondary school and we began our pioneer psychedelic experimentation at the same time while at university in London together. This is someone I have a great deal of trust in, he’s a great guy and highly intelligent and empathic. I hadn’t seen him in a long time, and he was free of his rather controlling girlfriend which was a big plus, so he could just be himself. He is also good friends with my sister, and her first mushroom trip was with the two of us, a good few years ago now, and it had been a very special night for us all. My sister is less experienced than us but is by no means inexperienced. She shared an interest with us in psychedelics, and it was on an LSD trip with her then fiancé that made her realise she wasn’t happy. She thought the feelings were induced by the drug and would pass, but they didn’t, it seemed things came into the light she needed to be made aware of. Skip forward to now and we are living together and both working at or going to the same university and have our own flat we’ve made our own space, life is good.

So, I had decided having experienced synthetic mescaline twice before at decent dosages, I would experiment by combining it with LSD, as this was the last of my stash and I had heard great things about this particular combination and here was an opportunity to try it. I’d really enjoyed the past mescaline experiences but found the visual domain much less inspiring than what I experience with cactus, so I hoped that the LSD would more fully open the doors of our visual perception. My sister and I were taking 650mg (approx) of the mescaline, and one and half tabs of acid. My friend is sensitive to the nausea of mescaline so he took around 500mg with two tabs of the acid. We are all in good spirits catching up and looking forward to the experience. The setting was our living room with appropriate lighting, tasty musical habitats to explore, sofas and pillows, a fair few plants, my sister’s beloved little dog, and last but not least a tropical aquarium with fish and other things in a great variety of forms and colours, and something really, really nice and relaxing to look at.

The come up was gentle, the acid first. I felt some stomach awareness but this passed, and I didn’t purge this time with the mescaline, or feel much in the way of nausea. The last two times I did. My friend was sick and felt better immediately. The sun was starting to go down and it was a really nice evening. The mescaline started to build...and build. We all had the desire to stretch out. My sister and friend felt tension in their upper back and shoulders...not from the mescaline per se; just the mescaline was bringing to the surface imbalances in posture and a desire for massage. My sister experienced tangibly and more so than any experience previously the feeling she was being thoroughly examined and scanned in a healing sense. She had a little pain in her ovaries which passed...this is interesting in that the first time we took mescaline together, a lower dose of cactus extract...she had experienced pain in her ovaries, and a feeling like they were sapping her energy, so she went to the doctors and got diagnosed with dermoid cysts which had to be surgically removed. So mescaline I feel definitely has a particular attribute for self diagnosis, and not in a purely mental sense.

The fusion of mescaline and lysergic acid was fantastic. There was energy and colour from the LSD, and this earthy grounded sensual body feeling from the mescaline. I felt enveloped in thick walls of soft bliss and comfort; it felt benign and like the air in the room was thick with it.

I felt enveloped in thick walls of soft bliss and comfort; it felt benign and like the air in the room was thick with it.

 The LSD added some nice colour, depth and vividness to the visual domain. We were split between wanting to dance a bit and just stretch out and chill on the mescaline. Another difference from the cactus is I find the synthetic mescaline more sedating and harder to move around on. Or maybe I just felt less inclined. But I recall a few woodland adventures into the night on cactus before that had been great fun, but this just wasn’t the vibe with the pure stuff.

The experience began to build more and change in character, becoming more internal, with effects continuing to build for a while. My sister has a little dog that we are both very fond of, and as the effects began to build he began to act stranger and stranger. I have heard of animals acting funny around trippers before many times, and I have experienced this myself a number of times. But this was something else. I fully appreciate we were both altered but we know this dog very well, and have done for the two years we’ve had him. He was acting very restless and we watched for a while as he seemed to be chasing something invisible around the room while attempting to chew it. It was like there was a magical moth in the room. He wasn’t running around lots though but had his neck craned upwards and it really seemed he was playing or trying to chew on something we simply couldn’t see. This behaviour went on for some time, and was of concern to my sister. I reassured her and said he certainly didn’t seem scared, more just curious and playful. It was very strange though and I would love to know what was going through his doggie brain then. It really seemed something was up, and I haven’t had that kind of experience before.

Effects continued to build. The sun had gone down and it had clouded over. I felt a little tinge of darkness then. The trip was shifting gears into something else as the creeping mescaline started to peak. It was around then that my sister started to seriously freak out. She started to get very anxious and voiced all her insecurities, and kept worrying about her dog. This wasn’t good but I have encountered this kind of situation before and we were both talking her through this. She said the experience had become incredibly internal and introspective and that all her senses had crossed over into each other and it was incredibly confusing.

I went into the kitchen having rolled a joint to get some frozen food for the fish in the tank. I walked into the kitchen and heard screaming and shouting and ran back into the living room to find my sister was scrabbling madly for the window and tearing off cloths. She was very distressed...to her, she would later explain, everything, including herself and us, the whole room, was on fire and melting. She could smell it, see it clearly but she really felt it too. She thought we were all burning alive together, and when she looked at us, it looked as if we were melting like molten lava, and this seemed incredibly real to her, so was a truly terrifying thing for her to experience. She got up a few times, and after her going for the window I had to physically restrain her a few times, something I’ve never had to do. She was convinced she was dying, along with us, and she kept having this experience repeatedly in cycles. I could kind of sense that she was both inside and yet outside of herself somehow. For a time I think she really felt out of body, but she described us as being with her there. At other times she wasn’t really aware of the room we were in anymore. Part of her was glad she was on the drugs as she thought these were killing some of the brain as she was dying. She voiced the same anxieties and concerns in cycles. Her concern for her dog was interesting in that she didn’t refer to him by name just a little dog that we need to care for. My friend and I just comforted her and hugged her and reassured her. It was horrible to see someone you care about so much experience such mental agony. And I was the one who had provided the doses, so it was partly my fault. While this was going on I was obviously a lot more focussed on her than myself, but I noticed that despite this, my trip had taken on a really dark nature...the visions I was seeing, especially of people’s faces changing, were really grotesque, and the earlier beautiful fusion of the acid and mescaline seemed to have fizzled out and it felt a bit now that my mind and body were caught between two different opposing powerful currents of the drugs. My pulse was elevated and it felt like my blood pressure was up, and I had weird and uncomfortable electric tingling in my body. My friend didn’t experience this discomfort, but the ratios of mescaline and LSD he ingested were different to myself and my sister (more tipped towards the LSD side of things).

My sister was also really hot and sweating profusely, and I thought she may have had serotonin syndrome...this, along with the body tremors and confusion made this seem quite likely. She does take the SSRI citalopram, (which I personally don’t like) but she has taken this along with LSD, psilocybin, 25i numerous times and only had very positive experiences without any trace of physical or psychological discomfort, and had taken her last dose a few days before. So it seems the combination of mescaline and LSD could well pose a risk to people on SSRI’s. I also suspected serotonin syndrome from the cyclical nature of her anxieties. When everything was at its very worse for her we told her to let go and not fight it, and often with psychedelics this release can end one’s suffering. She said afterwards love for others in her life was the only thing she still held on to. She did let go but all her anxieties and insecurities would come and bombard her again repeatedly in a cyclical nature. It is possible that marijuana may have contributed to the confusion, although it wasn’t affecting me or my friend in that way; on the contrary it seemed to me to meld very nicely with the mix we had going on, and the combination was very pleasurable.

After reassurance and hugging for a while, the anxiety attacks began to fizzle out in intensity and regularity. Later on it was much easier to talk her out of these loops of doom. Primal brain circuits had been activated though so even when she was ‘back’ from this, she had a strong aversion to candles burning or a joint being smoked, lest the whole room erupt into flames again.

This was the only time my sister can ever say she experienced true terror. It is bizarre the extent to which one’s own mind can rebel against the self and devise extremely convincing and elaborate plots that work against one. Yet it is the experience of terror, to be gripped by the fear of losing everything in an instant that really makes you appreciate all you have in your life. So despite how horrific this experience was to my sister at the time, AND how horrific it was for me to witness this, she came back with some profound and lasting positive revelations on love, life and consciousness. I don’t really label trips as ‘bad’ or ‘good’, this seems far too shallow a way at labeling them...I guess this trip would be a monumentally bad trip for my sister, but in my experience, it is the more difficult experiences one learns more from and brings more back into their sober waking life. We all had the old reoccurring revelation of just how difficult these types of experiences are to put into words...words are great n’ all, just not up to describing the nature of such experiences that transcend their labels to such a degree.

The latter part of the trip was nice. My sister was back and compos mentis; she was clearly exhausted and slept for a while on the sofa. My friend and I talked and listened to music, the electrical nature of consciousness seemed to keep coming up in conversation, and at some point we experienced a rather strange technological malfunction I cannot easily explain. We were listening to a playlist of new albums I had downloaded onto my iPod and prepared for the trip, and through my friend’s recommendation. We were listening to an album on this playlist, a Bluetech album, and the music very suddenly switched to something else. I am not sure what, but it was something with female vocals I didn’t recognise, but definitely not my kind of music. The fact that myself or my friend didn’t know what it was, was strange. I am very familiar with all the music on my iPod, I don’t have ‘filler’ music, and yet I am adamant the music that played is not on my iPod. It played for around 12 seconds before returning back to the Bluetech album, and my friend clearly experienced this too. Now, having downloaded many of these albums, it is possible that this snippet was downloaded with the music somehow, but I have listened to these albums individually multiple times and it has never come up, but for some reason it is now a part of the playlist. My sister identified the singer as Mariah Carey, and I don’t have any of her music in my iPod.  The iPod dock also has radio capabilities, but it was on iPod mode at the time so that shouldn’t have made any difference. It seems people tripping report electrical/technological glitches with a fair degree of frequency, and this was definitely a bit odd. Since the trip there have been a few other malfunctions, and on his return home my friend’s computer suffered multiple major malfunctions having been completely fine before, requiring several reboots and some degree of effort to make right again.

We went on a walk at some point the next morning in the park in the sun which was nice, nature is always grounding. We got a few hours sleep and then stayed up for the rest of the day chatting and chilling, and all really enjoyed the rest of our weekend together. My friend decided it would not be wise for him to drive that day on so little sleep and stayed an extra night which was nice.

My sister had a headache the next day and was tired. This went away though leaving a little residual tiredness for another day, but otherwise she felt good and grounded and the insights of the experience are still very much with her.

The combination of two different chemicals may well be more than the sum of its parts in a biochemical sense. Also these compounds certainly aren’t toys, and this experience reminded us of their incredible power.

Sister view! ~ after only about 20 minutes I felt the mental shift, it was gentle and soothing and the slight, teasing movements soon began: in art work, carpets and on the wall. Almost instantaneously alongside this, I had the urge to create myself a comfortable, cosy cushion bed on the living room floor besides the fish tank and facing the windows.

As soon as it was ready I lay down and could feel some medicinal power working its way through the inner of my body. At first this power focussed directly on my ovary area, like the last time I took mescaline which soon lead me to discover that I had ovarian cysts that had a cancerous danger and which needed to be removed surgically, and, for he second time, I couldn’t help but massage them and feel the inside of me being paid attention and worked on. It did hurt but not in your normal, sober pain-sense way, but the hurt version you can experience under these circumstances instead. This lasted a while and then I found myself massaging my neck and the top of my back, my hands knew exactly what to do and I was finding the exact knots that have been causing me pain in the working week recently. It felt good!

However, this medical attentiveness didn't stop or lessen, it was constant and was becoming stronger as were the visions in both intensity and speed, the clouds for example were now rolling and skimming noticeably fast across the sky in an exaggerated cartoon, thunder storm type way. The medical checking was now working on my physical body, my muscles as well as my skin. I wanted to control it after a while and the boys wanted to attempt playing UNO, as we had previously said we would! So I sat up and my posture was demanding to be corrected and straight, and I couldn't stop twisting my neck to stretch the muscles, and it was a good feeling but demanding in an out-of-my-control way. We started playing UNO and I think this is when my first paranoid thinking started. Because I couldn't get a grasp on the simple rules and kept on saying, 'wait, can I...?' Being typical of me, this would normally just be funny and not matter, but my altered state was telling me otherwise and I began becoming sure that our friend (A) was looking at my brother (B) in a 'really!?' type way and that B was thinking it would be best to just ignore me. I knew these things weren't true and I tried to push them aside but my whole posture had turned so that my head was pointing away from A and more at my brother, and to look at A, someone I love very much, would bring the insecure thoughts flooding back, and I couldn't understand how a game of UNO could take such a sinister turn. I had to concentrate and sort of stalk their actions to make sure, but it didn't take too long to realise that B and A were both definitely also in completely trippy worlds, undergoing enveloping journeys of their own, and that at this point I wasn’t over tripping nor the centre of a private side topic of the little, stupid girl in the room. We then attempted to return to giving the UNO game a real try, I wanted to so I joined the group mentality and, for a short time, understood where we each and all were, and that this paranoia was silly and would pass, and managed a bit of cards-playing with some laughter and rule remembering. However there was still doubt and darkness in my mind, I was trying to displace it.

We all agreed we had given it a good attempt and that we would move the night onwards to wherever it was going to take us. With the gradual arrival of the darkness of night, I also felt a darkening shift in my mental state, the only way to describe this right now is exactly that, dark and heavy, but not scary or overwhelming, yet, I then found myself in a yoga-type position, bending over on the floor with my head between my knees. For me this would usually be too much of an attention-seeking kind of position, a weird one, but I couldn’t help but stay in it, while I felt the trip getting stronger and stronger, with a strong sense that it was going to go somewhere I didn’t want it to go. I soon forced myself to lie down on my side, facing the underneath of the table, where my dog now was, and behind him I could see my brother if I twisted under a little bit. This is when my dog started chewing and following something otherwise invisible in the air under the table, between B and me. I wanted to close my eyes but thought I should be experiencing the sights and that A and B would think that’s a wrong thing to do. During my last look into the clouds outside of the window, the specific area of cloud I looked out, twisted and formed into an evil-joker face; I acclaimed out loud to my brother that I could “see Mr. Mescaline in the clouds.” The battle of wanting to refrain from closing my eyes was lost, and from here on my eyes were either closed or open, but I am not sure because everything I saw, I now know but certainly didn’t then, was definitely not there.

The next few hours are hard to order and explain clearly, because clear they weren't! I can only tell you what was going on inside my head, as that was all the reality I had, all everything, there was no material or normal sense or MEMORY - of anything, apart from right now, in my head - everything was, temporarily, lost. The 'reality' was going on in my head and we were talking and going on as normal, until I actually spoke out loud part of the conversation that 'normal life me' was having with the boys, and then this would abruptly break the 'normality' and I realised that all that I was imagining was just being imagined, and when I spoke out loud I realised what was going on was a very sinister game and realised that the conversations weren't going on at all, but they were all in my head.

The 'reality' was going on in my head and we were talking and going on as normal, until I actually spoke out loud part of the conversation that 'normal life me' was having with the boys, and then this would abruptly break the 'normality' and I realised that all that I was imagining was just being imagined, and when I spoke out loud I realised what was going on was a very sinister game and realised that the conversations weren't going on at all, but they were all in my head.

 The game was this: if I didn't speak the two guys would go about their ways as normal. At this point B was rolling a joint and A was dancing but, as soon as I spoke out loud, because I forgot for that split second that if I spoke I would completely disrupt the peace. There seemed to be two worlds: one in the room that we were supposed to be in, having a nice, chilled night like we were supposed to be having. But the other side was the trip side, but the one I was sure was reality - only none of us could see the incredibly dark truth - the world that was preparing to take our lives away that evening.

I kept making the mistake of speaking out loud and getting ‘it’ wrong, and the intensity of this confusion worsened every time I slipped up and made a noise. I soon realised that I couldn't speak properly, as I knew that by getting what was going on wrong, I was making the situation worse and deepen towards a point of no return. So I figured I would have to just say one word at a time either to ask a question or vocalise an insecurity or worry. By this time I was so confused that words lost their meaning, and then I couldn't really remember what words were. Before I knew it the game had taken a disastrous turn and because I kept getting the game wrong, the consequences were becoming more and more serious. A part of my normal consciousness was attempting to break through and try to make sense of the whole situation. But trying to find reality backfired and instead caused a stronger sense of confusion

A part of my normal consciousness was attempting to break through and try to make sense of the whole situation. But trying to find reality backfired and instead caused a stronger sense of confusion

, a state of confusion so strong, that the consequences of that confusion were more and more quickly becoming a matter of life and death. The more I tried to figure out, the more I realised I couldn't remember. I was suddenly faced with the fact that I could not remember the flat we lived in, who I was, what was this thing we were doing. In this spiral of blocked mentality I burst out and demanded 'Somebody please tell me something! Anything!' the word I was looking for was quite literally 'life,' because I couldn't remember it myself, I had no idea what was the purpose of anything, what were the words for anything, even how to speak or ‘what’ I was.

I lay back down and I think after some time I opened my eyes and was having some horrible, rapid visions of my little dog weeing on me as well as humping his teddy all around me with disgusting, bright red visions of his penis out, and baring his teeth in lots of different areas all around me. The next thing I saw was him cocking his leg to wee on my face.  I felt my face and, though my senses had seemed to all conjoin into one and I had no hope of differentiating between them, I was certain I was soaking wet, face, hair and all, and I was also sure that part of this wetness was his semen too. I bolted upright and to my horror while feeling for more semen on my clothes I suddenly realised I was melting in a slow, electric, amorphous type way. I looked at the table which was now my shoulder height, where we had some tea lights lit, and the only explanation I could find right then was that one or all of them had somehow spilled over and set the table on fire. I glanced towards the living room door and saw that only the dark corridor on the other side of it looked cool and airy, but from inside the living room door and all around the whole room was a thick smoke, and I quickly put two and two together and was sure that in the real world, which we were all blind to because of the trip, the living room had caught fire and in my trip I had been so out of it while lying down, that I hadn’t noticed the fire, none of us had, and we had made one HUGE mistake and this was the end - I was burning to death and there would be nothing or anything any of us could do. We couldn't call the police and we couldn't phone a friend and in our states we were incapable of putting the fire out, we were already on fire, us, the dog, the table, the room. The sensation of burning alive was soaring through the whole of my body, and the room around me was contorting and melting as one. I remember thinking that maybe someone would see me if I went into the dark outside, or even the cool air might stop the fire. A flash of my lost consciousness attempted to return here and I remember tackling with this message by wandering 'would I die if I jumped off the balcony? wait, I'm tripping, this could be a really bad  idea, try and think, have people died from trips - particularly balcony jumping trips - before?' The answer was not there. I am guessing it was at some point during these thoughts I jumped up and was scrabbling for the windows and tearing my clothes off. This is HIGHLY unlike me, I am wretchedly insecure of my body, something that also came out in this trip, but funnily enough I do have a snapshot of looking down on my body and seeing my knickers and trousers down by my feet. But I remember viewing this at the time, and the result was neither self-consciousness or even self-applied, I looked at these bare legs as if they were not mine, and if they were mine then it probably wasn't happening, and there was nothing I could do about it anyway. At the time, I certainly didn’t recall doing it to myself; however I do almost remember jumping up and true and terrifying panic taking over and engulfing me. When I got up the extent of the situation hit home and the flames and burning and melting were out of control – it was happening, it was too late.

The next time I feel like I opened my eyes, I was now, new-to-me, on the sofa. My brother was holding me and looking into my face from my right, and A was staring into my face with fear-wide eyes on my left. The look on their faces hit home and I knew something was up and had seriously changed the vibe in a bad way. A was saying 'you've got nothing to worry about, what are you worried about?' The way he phrased it made it seem as though this wasn't the first time he'd asked me it, and in a sudden epiphany I realised the answer to save us all, to save us from the trip which I now understood was the world that was on fire, but had the very definite reality of burning us all alive if we let it go too far. In an instant I understood the answer and cure, and had to vocalise it all at once. In this episode of declaration I verbalised that I was worried that we were all dying, it felt and looked like the room was on fire, that we should put all the candles out, that the name of the game was confusion and I was getting lost in it, that there was a dog that we should be worrying about, and, last and definitely least, that I ‘looked bad’!

I don’t remember what they said exactly, but I knew they were trying to soothe me but I had already started lapsing back into it, and was once again sure that they couldn’t see it, that we were all dying, all on fire burning alive, the room, the fish tank, us, the dog, and I leaned back and in front of my vision was being enveloped in flames and twisting round from my peripheral view and edging it’s way in a melting, circular fashion towards the very center of my vision. The panic was strong and I knew I had the power to stop it all but I just couldn’t figure out how. In desperation I was thinking through my options and trying to figure out this horrific game’s main rule, and realised I had to snap out of it by getting it right and focusing on and verbalising the facts. At absolute peak point the world and boys on either side of me had twisted and contorted around the center of my vision. I could feel as well as see the pain of burning fire inside me, melting me alive. As I looked at my beloved boys I knew that they too were despairing of the fact that it was all up to me, we were all burning alive beyond repair, and that it would, within seconds, be too late. We would die from this Earth and in the morning all that would be left is burning ash.

At that point I shouted and sat up “wait wait wait wait wait!!! Ok ok, we’re dying, we’re dying, we have to do something, I’m so so sorry, we’re dying, we’re all burning alive, I’m burning alive!” I turned to my brother and genuinely asked him, we’re dying aren’t we, I’m dying? The response I saw was a nod and tear in his eye, the fire and melting had temporarily subsided; yet I was still sure I was dying somehow. I looked around the room and could see the smoke among all the surfaces was slowing alighting once again. I returned to look at my brother and remember thinking, ‘it’s such a shame, this beautiful man, who I love so much, this one trip, this one mistake or slip-up, is going to be the end of him, of all of us, and what a shame, what a waste, that would be’. I started to cry as this reality retook control and I declared out loud the things I was letting go of. I said “so there’s no morning, there’s no waking up, there’s no going to school (where I work), there’s no K (rediscovering my dogs name), there’s no sun, there’s no mum, there’s no granddad, no D (my soul-mate, life-lover, who couldn’t be with us on this evening) there’s no us, there’s no you”.

I cried more and closed my eyes while being hugged by B, I also had my arm around A and I told them that I loved them, and said “as long as K knows, as long as he knows I loved him as best I could, as long as all of you know…” The burning had returned and I remember some serious leg tremors going on as I lay on my side leaning on my brother.

My legs began to shake more and more, violently so, and I don’t know if K really was there but at this point I looked down and he was snuggled into my tummy as we were lying on the floor. I stroked him and repeated to myself, that I loved him and I loved the boys, I looked at him and remember thinking how sorry I was that he would have to burn alive with me, I could see flames rising around him and his body melting slowly beneath his singeing fur, I told the boys that I was so sorry, so so sorry, they said it’s ok and this only further affirmed that they too were letting go, and we were all in the realisation that this was the end, one trip had been the cause of it all, and there was nothing any of us could do. And in my head, with my eyes closed, I now saw darkness. However I was never fully gone. Because in the darkness I did have something to grasp onto, I had love. I felt it so strongly and my metaphorical hands were reaching out in front of me and clutching onto it because it was, and is, everything. I could see the faces and was saying the names inside my head of some people I truly love, I thought of my boyfriend, my brother, my mum and my granddad. And I remember thinking, this is the end, but as long as they know, truly know, that I loved them and will love them forever, then that is the most important thing and all that ever mattered. From previously worrying about work and day time, none of the other things mattered anymore, and love was the only reason, the only cause and the only matter of importance; and I hadn’t lost it, I had found it in a more profound, intense, beautiful way than ever before. It was all that mattered and everything, and I knew that all this love I felt, for the people in my life that I was thinking of, was wholesomely and unconditionally true and pure. I could no longer see their faces but I saw their soul, they each shined a bright, active, silver glowing trail of iridescent silver/white body-streams. It didn’t matter what they looked like, what anyone looked like, because when we truly love, we love the soul and this is the only constant and matterful thing which exists throughout the whole expansion of our lives, and as an old man, I could see my boyfriend, and his glowing, energetic soul and knew that our souls would still be connected, and in love, because they had electrically conjoined with each other in a magnetic, irreversible type way. I don’t know how long after but I suddenly became aware that I was clutching onto my brother, almost lying across his chest, both on the floor. A was at my feet, and my first thoughts while coming back into the world, was that love is all the same. True love, for anyone, family or otherwise, is holding each other, embracing, non-embarrassing, rich, and intense love. And if you loved anyone properly, then that would be the truth of it.

This calmed down and after a long time of gathering together the reality that I hadn’t died, that we had survived, and that K was still here, tired but fine. I searched my surroundings and reabsorbed the room bit by bit. I looked at A and it seemed as though he was lighting a joint, I realised he wasn’t when he answered my fear of “careful of the fire, we should turn everything off, all candles and everything” by pointing out that everything in the room had already been blown out, and used my funny language to respond to me specifically, that everything (even though I was talking about fire be it a lighter or candle) had indeed been “switched off.” My brother later moved me up onto the sofa. I remember feeling completely drained and exhausted, mentally and physically, and I clambered onto the near bit of sofa and curled up. K immediately joined me and began curling up with me to sleep too. This hugely comforted me but I was also flooded with a familiar feeling of remorse for anything I had put him through. I fell asleep and when I woke up, I was exhausted yet uplifted. I welcomed back the light of day, and another chance at this life we all share.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 100568

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 28

Published: Oct 13, 2019	Views: 4,833

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LSD (2), Mescaline (36) : Combinations (3), Bad Trips (6), Health Problems (27), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Guides / Sitters (39), Second Hand Report (42), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00

		 Cannabis
		 (daily)

		   T+ 0:00
		 2.4 g
		 oral
		 Piracetam
		 (daily)

		   T+ 0:00
		 250 mg
		 oral
		 Vitamins - Choline
		 (daily)

		   T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 0:00
		   repeated
		 smoked
		 Cannabis - Hash

		   T+ 6:15
		 12 mg
		 oral
		 Melatonin

		   T+ 6:15
		 1 g
		 oral
		 Tryptophan

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   160 lb

I'm a somewhat experienced experienced user of using psychoactive drugs to achieve an altered state of consciousness, including daily cannabis use for about a year, and occasional use of MDMA (perhaps a bit more than occasionally...), LSD, DOx, shrooms, DXM, diphenhydramine, LSA, and 2c-I. I am a very health conscious individual and avoid all the crap food &amp; drinks. I try to keep it organic as much as possible and I walk everyday.

It had been a couple months since taking LSD at the time of this experience for my girlfriend and myself, and we had also recently moved in together; I'm sure many of you know the challenges that can present. Also at the time of this particular trip, I had been on a regimen of 800mg of Piracetam 3x daily and 250mg of choline &amp; inositol each for about 3 weeks.

I had been on a regimen of 800mg of Piracetam 3x daily and 250mg of choline &amp; inositol each for about 3 weeks.

 I had already begun to notice much easier memory recall, less social anxiety, easier ability to focus on the task at hand, more fluid speech and verbal recall, increased energy throughout the day, less mental haze (I attribute this to slight MDMA abuse), as well as many other numerous benefits with the only side effect ever being a minimal headache.

Anyway, on the the trip! I had acquired some white on white blotter my dealer said was supposed to be even better than the Purple Nebulas (or are they called naked ladies? Idk. They were purple with gold chicks all over it looking into a big orb of energy in the middle). I was skeptical as I'd never tried WoW before but my mind was soon to be changed. We had 2 tabs, one for each of us.

The saturday night finally came, we both didn't work until late the next day….it was on like Donkey Kong. We both preloaded with 1600mg Piracetam and 250mg/250mg choline/inositol. I also take [brand supplement] daily along with various other supplements for general health.

T+0:00 (4:45PM) - We drop one hit each. We always put it on each others' tongues, more fun and sexy that way, lol. Held it underneath the tongue for about 10 minutes, and then swallowed….let the waiting begin. Before dropping we had decided once tripping we would go on a walk in our neighborhood to the little nature trail, then decide what we would like to do from there.

T+0:15 (5:00PM) - First alert. Signs of something additional on top of our weed high.

T+0:30 (5:15PM) - I tell my girlfriend I can definitely feel something is different; the chemical is beginning to do its magic. We mozy about our bedroom distracting ourselves until it is in full effect.

T+1:00 (5:45PM) - Things are beginning to breathe. I can sense of sort brightness when I close my eyes that would seem like the beginning of CEV's. Light spots stay in my eyes much longer now, beginning to feel in a very good mood and warm &amp; euphoric all throughout my body.

T+2:00 (6:45PM) - The past hour has consisted of my gf and I repeatedly laughing hysterically at the most mundane things. We found a toy flashlight in a random box and began looking at the carpet with it. After seeing all sorts of specks of gross looking shit, she stated 'I'm done looking at our carpet.' which seemed like the funniest thing in the world at the time and we laughed for about 5 minutes about it. The various paintings on our walls (done by my gf) are more alive then I've ever seen them. Not merely just paint on canvas, but a collection of emotions created by the artist but interpreted uniquely by every individual. At this point we smoked some hash, and we talked about the effect it had on the visuals. It seemed to make them more….fuzzy and warm. It made me feel like instead of being right inside the maelstrom, I was gazing at it comfortably from the distance; like watching beautiful fireworks from afar while lazing on a private island in the middle of the caribbean with a bottle of rum. Perhaps rum is a bad metaphor to use for LSD though. Lol. I just felt it was easier to kick back and enjoy the trip rather than be hammered by the intensity acid is known for.

T+2:45 (7:30PM) - We decide we our ready for our walk. We pack a little weed and hash, our pipe, warm clothes, and head out.

The first thing we both noticed was the energy coming from all the plant life surrounding us.

The first thing we both noticed was the energy coming from all the plant life surrounding us.

 Even the sky and the clouds were pulsating, the clouds looked like something out of a movie where they show a fast forwarded scene of the sky, and all the clouds are moving and changing really quickly. Like that, but in more slow motion. The edges of the clouds especially were all wispy and watery and just so goddamned beautiful, we had to check ourselves not to look like crazy tweakers (which are ample in our neighborhood) staring at the sky. You know how it is tripping in public. *insert giant pupils here* Also quite fantastic was the effortlessness of walking; it was as if something had taken over the job for us. I was just a pair of eyes riding along on some magical LSD driven legs. The hillsides in the distance are all varying and vibrant shades of green; every time I drive by the same hillside sober it's just a plain old mound of grass, but now it was like everything else, alive. Much like all the trees we observed while smoking our pipe along the nature trail, sitting on one of those sewer entrance things. 'This is like, Avatar status' my gf said. She was right. All the trees seemed to be chanting along with the rest of mother nature, the tops of all of them were obviously pointed east towards where the sun is during the day, and it was really moving to see it. They seemed to be reaching with all their might, doing all they can to absorb every last ray of sun, simply for the miracle of living. It started to get pretty dark at this point, and some noises in the bushes made my gf promptly usher us back into the neighborhood and on our way home, but not before I had the most incredible part of my trip thus far, visually at least. I looked into the sky at the bright half-moon, and the entire rest of the sky from the horizon to the moon were suddenly filled with hundreds of inter-looping circles, all different shades of pink and green and purple. It was as if the entire night sky had transformed into an LSD inspired venn diagram on steroids.

It seemed the acid was having a trippy effect on the lens glare you see a lot in movies when the camera pans across the sun. We talked at this point about what we would do for the rest of our trip, as going back inside would be quite lame compared to the infinite beauty we'd just spent an hour observing. Body high was fantastic at this point, very warm and happy and energetic; perhaps also because walking in itself can make you feel great.

T+4:30 (9:15PM) - Back at home, ate some strawberries (my favorite thing that the hash added to the trip was it made it 100x easier to eat, usually it's nigh impossible for me) and had some water, smoked a little weed. Platinum Grape Ape :D It's always fun when I'm tripping on LSD in a room with the lights on and then right when I turn them off it's like 'ohhhh ssshhiiiiitttttttt I'm tripping balls!' it seems to me when I'm on acid that the darkness is the new light and the light is just too much and too intense. Vampire-y if you will. So Dracula was like on LSD all the time. Haha.

We talked a little about how we could tell how much harder we were tripping now than before we left to go on our walk. The entire room, including in my peripheral vision, was moving in and out, breathing if you will. The painting that before had only barely moved was now constantly moving in and out, side to side and up &amp; down. Everything was made new again, every sensation and perception, as if we were children again. My entire field of vision was filled with subtle layer of colorful patterning and fractals, somewhat easy to ignore if I chose but definitely present. All the space that I normally associate with 'air' when I'm sober was now replaced instead by a living, thriving field of pure energy.

All the space that I normally associate with 'air' when I'm sober was now replaced instead by a living, thriving field of pure energy.

 Everything was energy, in one way or another, just different temporary manifestations of it. I think that's how it always is, it's just easier for me to perceive it while in this state of mind.

The CEV's were random fractal like imagery that gave me the feeling I was being pulled into the center of my own existence, or perhaps the center of the universe, or maybe it's all the same thing. What's that diagram called where you zoom all the way out and you just end up back where you started? I can't remember. There was also a point where I was attempting to get my phone charger out from behind the bed, which my girlfriend was sitting on. I came really close to telling her to move, then the acid helped me stop and think for a second. I had just read earlier in the week about people in relationships blaming each other for their own problems as things progress; I realized I was about to do just that. I put a little more effort into getting the charger out, and after about 10 seconds I got it. Telling my gf to move wouldn't have changed anything, and I felt grateful for the lesson in love (does this sound corny?). Anyway, we decided at this point to drive about 5 minutes away to the beach, and walk along the pier. Our first LSD trip was at a different beach and it was very positive.

[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]

T+4:40 (9:25PM) - We arrived at the harbor. The drive there was a little intense, as driving on LSD can be, and I don't recommend it, but hell, we wanted to go to the beach. Anyway, we parked, and had absolutely no idea where to go (we realized on this trip it might be a good idea to explore a desired tripping area sober beforehand, as to not feel like we're lost in the middle of a strange jungle, Jumanji style.) We grounded ourselves and worked up the courage to get out of the car. We walked over to a nice looking bench seated looking out over a bay full of sailboats and other various restaurants &amp; stuff. After we were sitting there a few minutes we decided the noise we were hearing was definitely a seal barking, and I think there was a show going on across the bay. I told her I thought I could make out the trainers directing the seals; but then again who the hell knows (the first time we did LSD at the beach we were tripping so hard we were absolutely convinced that a plane flying by was a UFO. The lights looked massive and weird shaped, and our minds were blown for a few seconds). The seal barking was quite funny though, if that's what it was.

We sat here for about a while, relaxing and drifting off into the technicolor dreamworld. My vision would be normal one minute, then the next minute 100% of what I saw would be warping and melting and moving and dancing and vibrating, it was all so incredible and euphoric, I absolutely love the visual aspect of LSD. Every time a couple or someone with a dog would walk by on the sidewalk behind us we would just be silent and cling to each other; in a way the fear of other people was bringing us closer. Just like God (lol), acid works in mysterious ways. We left when we decided we'd gotten what we could from this spot, and ventured to get food and water at the natural foods store.

T+5:15 (10:00PM) - We arrived at the grocery store. This is when the trip began to get a bit gnarly. Before we got out of the car, my girlfriend realized she didn't have her purse with her. We frantically searched the car and concluded we immediately had to go back. We got on the highway and headed back, the drive being about 5 minutes. 5 or 6 minutes later, I realized I had gone the wrong way on the highway! Intensely frustrating. I was a little bummed because I could feel myself peaking but there was no way I would be able to enjoy the visuals at this point. The mission now was to just get the purse, get gas (our low fuel light was on), and go home. We turned around and finally made it back to the beach about 10 minutes later. To our dismay, the purse wasn't on the bench where we were sitting and she had thought she left it. I hoped she was just tripping and had actually left it at home. We drove home, and the purse was not there. We decided she should call and cancel her credit/debit cards, which she did.  We got the cards cancelled and talked each other down a bit; the good news was there was no cash in the wallet. An intense night out, but through it all we only felt closer to &amp; more grateful for each other.

(an elderly couple who found the purse called later that night. Whew!)

T+6:15 (11:00PM) - At this point the visuals had begun to lessen in intensity and I could feel things winding down; it had been an incredibly refreshing trip overall. My girlfriend commented that she 'hasn't laughed that much in a long time' as she's been quite stressed from working 7 days a week. We finished off our substantial supply of hash and nug of mary jane, and surprisingly got the munchies and ate some random stuff like cheese and fruit. I took 12mg melatonin and 1g tryptophan &amp; my gf took 9mg melatonin. We laid down in bed and began to feel each others' bodies. Skin feels incredibly soft on LSD, and the sensation of being able to feel every inch of my body is orgasmic. We fooled around a bit and eventually began to have sex; the feeling was absolutely nirvanic. We agreed it was much more fulfilling than sex on MDMA in just about every way

We agreed it was much more fulfilling than sex on MDMA in just about every way

, including the ability to climax. It's just like I could feel every single square millimeter of my nerve endings being stimulated in the most erotic way, I was totally engulfed in a sea of love making and euphoric energy coursing through my body.

After we had finished having sex and eaten a bit more &amp; smoked some more weed, we laid down in bed. We drifted off gently listening to music around the 8hr mark and woke up feeling incredible; that feeling of everything being perfectly crisp, almost vibrating with the newfound energy we were just a witness too. All my prior problems, fights, worries, stresses….all gone. Insignificant, trivial, not of great importance. The meaning of life to me is to love and be happy, and I feel that loving and being loved are the greatest sources of happiness for humans. Not to mention the feeling of being bonded I get with the people I trip with, sometimes it can feel like we went to war and came back together alive, lol. 'Mmm I get by with a little help from my friends, get hiiiigh with a little help from my friends..' to quote on of my favorite music artists (especially whilst on LSD) John Lennon. Damn I'm stoned right now.

I enjoyed expanding my mind with this beautiful substance :)

*One last note, after a few different LSD trips with/without the usage of piracetam, I've come to the conclusion what the main effects it's had for me are.

With Piracetam -

- Easier to get lost in the visuals, visuals much more prominent and noticeable, don't have to 'try' - More present and noticeable physical euphoria - Shortens the duration of the trip by about an hour or so - Had a bit of a headache the day after using LSD/Piracetam, usually none with LSD alone.

I think that's about it. Piracetam has been a really fun supplement to use in combination with all sorts of things. MDMA, mushrooms, caffeine, cannabis, alcohol, they're all great with piracetam. Especially MDMA though.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 90383

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 21

Published: May 29, 2019	Views: 2,324

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Relationships (44), Sex Discussion (14), Nature / Outdoors (23), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		 0.5 tablets
		 oral
		 MDMA

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   155 lb

Candyflipping DMT Delerium

I'm at this point in my life where I am ready to redefine the ways in which I give and receive love. I'm an experienced tripper for almost a decade, who has always embarked upon these journeys in the pursuit of diving deeper into understanding. I'm a little bit confused about who I am. I just switched careers. I'm in love with someone who doesn't love me back, and I'm working through navigating toxic family habits.

I have arrived at long anticipated 3-day camping and music event, with the ambiance of psychedelia frosted all throughout. I drove 8 hours through the night, to arrive there in the morning and get ahead of all of the hype. I am too excited to nap, yet too tired to party.

I am too excited to nap, yet too tired to party.

 I set up my campsite and run off to retrieve the half sheet of white-on-white LSD that I had reserved. At this point - I decide to take half of an ecstacy pill to keep me jolly, as I've decided that I won't be sleeping today. I wander through the forest and across the fields to where some friends are staying, and I take a tab out of the amount that I had picked up. Figuring... I have candy-flipped plenty amount of times and I always have a very uplifting experience of divinity and wonder.

It's about 1pm now, the music will be starting soon, and I'm feeling rather strange. I feel the ecstasy coming on with a very warm rolling sensation and I'm feeling the acid coming on slightly as well. I wander over to the stage areas and join in on a session of people on swings and hanging gymnastic rings - inside of a dome that has been set up for the event. As I am inside of this dome, we are all there together, yet - I start to feel extremely disassociated from everybody there. I feel like I am the "other". I try desperately to connect and stay connected but I drift further and further into my own shadow self and deep social boundaries. I cannot avoid them. Still I remain swinging for 2 hours as people come and go. I'm just swinging back and forth for 2 whole hours watching people and myself interact... or at least try. The weather is amazing. Everything is perfect, or at least it feels like it should be. But - something is terribly wrong and I cannot pull myself out. I fall further and further into this deep subconscious hole that just completely engulfs me with no mercy.

After 2 hours of being alone, yet surrounded by so many people on these swings, I get off without saying a word to the people that have met me there, and I start walking back to my site. Completely ignoring artists that have began to play, I feel completely swallowed by this overload of acid and MDMA in a state of sleep deprivation. I can only describe the next 4 hours as a waking tunnel of DMT and a scrambled identity that hates itself for all of the right reasons. I can't see where I'm walking. On the way back to my site I keep getting lost. I think I know where I'm headed, and I intuitively try to follow paths that only lead me behind vendors and behind the stage areas. Basically everywhere that wouldn't lead me back to camp, and everywhere that nobody would think to go. At one point I stumbled into a complicated mess of wires and generators with no idea of the direction from which I came.

Somehow, I made it back to camp. By this point I was feeling a very deliberate punishment from my higher self as I feel like every single person at this festival is a rogue double-agent of myself

I feel like every single person at this festival is a rogue double-agent of myself

, there to watch and observe me losing much more than just my mind. I was punishing myself for everything. I knew somehow that due to my sleep deprivation I had triggered some form of waking sleep. I felt like I was completely in a dream and my emotions were taking control of everything. In the thick of it, I have a hard time remembering what was actually happening to me but I felt completely lost in a glitch. My reality was falling apart and I didnt know what to do with myself. I felt on an external level that I had actually lost my mind, and this one would really put me in a padded room. On the inside - I was rolling through thoughts and emotions like some severe form of hijacking. Sound was cancelling out and turning into frequencies, in and out. My thoughts were externalizing themselves through the people around me and what I was hearing from my surroundings. Sometimes, I was completely surrounded by what I know was loud music and jolly friends having a good time, and there was only silence in my perception. In my visuals, I saw the beings that I normally see on DMT acting out my emotions through the fractals. I felt touched at all times. I was hearing a very loud voice guiding my thoughts and trying to integrate it back into my own mind because it no longer felt like mine.

I eventually draped a scarf across my face and stared up at the sunlight for a few hours going through a mass purging of .. everything. My higher realm beings were rubbing down my body and I just kept going deeper and deeper. I had stopped asking for help and I just allowed this to happen. I was being guided by a shape-shifting jester who would guide my emotions and vomit to help me release them. I wasn't throwing up, but I would be bending over in pain as if I was, while he was throwing up in my visuals. Friends and strangers came to ask me if I was okay and all I could reply is "I'm so lost in my own sauce, just let me endure this". The pain and suffering that I had felt from the judgements and emotions that I was harboring, and the vibrations that they create - I felt their true quantum effects. I felt what I had created. All of the pain and sadness that I was holding onto, I felt how it was making me sick, and I had to let it go. I cried and cried until the voice came to me loudly again and said "You are the most amazing one of all because you love everyone and everything without hesitation. You do not stop yourself from loving, but when you do, it hurts you like this. You will see now, that you can only love, and those who cannot love like you, will always look upon you with confusion. You will never be understood like you understand, and that will always cause you pain. This is your curse, and your gift. It is the endless bi-polarity that you will experience, and you must go on loving."

After I listened to this voice, I started to sob in gratitude for everyone that had been around me, at this entire event to facilitate space for me. I was exactly where I belonged. I finally was able to fall asleep. I learned a lot that day. I woke up the next morning and found the guy that I loved so much, but wasnt ready to love me back. I gave him a humongous hug from behind, I said "I'm so happy to see you, just the way you are". He spun me around and hugged me tight. I said I'd see him later and walked away, feeling completely loved, with no attachment, and at peace. That day was amazing. I felt cleansed and reborn.

I now keep in mind that a mixture of LSD, ecstasy, and complete sleep-deprivation catapulted me into the hyperspace of emotional healing that a sleep state would naturally achieve on a much milder scale. I experienced mind bending hours of emotional unveiling and purging, my reality breaking down through all senses, and feeling like I was stuck in my own personal dichotomous heaven and hell, forever. I would imagine Ayahuasca to be similar to this experience on some level. I'm super grateful to have experienced this. Stay loving, mind surfers ~

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 113316

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 23

Published: Jul 5, 2019	Views: 1,882

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LSD (2), MDMA (3), Sleep Deprivation (140) : Difficult Experiences (5), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Combinations (3), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)


		 DOSE:

		 5 hits
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   170 lb

This is my forth time dropping acid, and as of right now, my last. This was the largest and stupidest dose I've taken. The setting for this trip was thought to be planned well enough for it to be the perfect setting. It was a Saturday, I was house-sitting for my mom, it was a beautiful day and I was with two of my best friends, B and W, who were my trip sitters. Both are experienced with psychedelics and with trip sitting and whom I feel most comfortable with and have the most trust with keeping me safe as well as keeping me happily entertained.

Writing this now it has been weeks, maybe a month or more since the actual trip, and it still haunts me. To get to sleep some nights I have to completely block it from my mind

To get to sleep some nights I have to completely block it from my mind

, and I've also noticed that I've been smoking more weed (when I have it) then before. I've managed to somewhat make sense of what I've experienced but at the same time I’m utterly confused on how some of the thoughts and visions came from inside my mind.

On this day I had 5 hits of some really strong LSD. Stronger than I or my trip sitters had anticipated. Originally I had planned on taking 3 hits, but my buddies and I like to make things interesting. I had told them that I might have wanted to put this acid to the test and take all 5. We were all on the edge about it, so to make our decision for us, idiotically, I rolled a die. However it rolled would be the decision of the day, and not that I knew it, but it would be the decision of my life. I threw it on the ground and it landed on a 5 (I hadn't said anything at the time, but I noticed that the die wasn't completely flat and that it was leaning slightly due to the carpet it had landed on). This should have been the sign to roll it again. Before taking the hits we decided to eat something. On previous occasions I had always eaten various fruits just to help my body and my mind feel “clean” against the dirty electric chemical feeling of the acid. Today, we had eaten Kraft Dinner.

I dropped all 5 hits on my tongue at once, fucking dumb. We then proceeded to play rock band to pass the time. I regularly play drums and have a real set of drums in my basement, it is my favourite instrument. I play on expert difficulty on the pro drums setting, this is not put here to brag, this is here to compare to my later state.

The effects came on quicker than ever before and after about 20-30 minutes after the drop I was extremely lethargic and uncomfortable. I was reduced to playing on medium on regular drums before I became too intoxicated to even move really at all. We called it quits. There weren't any visual effects, but there was an intense feeling of intoxication and fatigue, I could barely hold my body up straight while sitting. Soon I became very sick and there was a strong pain in my stomach, I knew I was going to throw up indefinitely. This is most likely due to the KD. I got up and before I could make it to the bathroom I was puking, and I was struggling to keep it behind my lips with my hands, most of it went in the toilet thankfully. Prior to throwing up my guts I saved the hits, that were only in my mouth for a half an hour, and set them by the sink.

After all of the puke was up I was still dry heaving for a bit, which was causing the blood to rush to my head, this was when the first visual hallucinations occurred. The full noodles of the Kraft Dinner floating around in the toilet were splitting in to multiple pieces and spiraling around in place, and the patterns of the floor tiles were swirling about like ribbons but were restricted to each square. The fish eye effect was taking hold as well. B and W handed me a cloth while dodging the regurgitated noodles. I soon stumbled out of the bathroom to join them feeling 200% better. I slumped on the couch and they were smiling and asking me how that went. By this time I couldn't find words for anything, not even one word in my own head made sense to say.

English was no longer my language; all I could get out at times was gibberish, literally not even words at all. Like “ergjeruisw” or “gabberesdg”. This made them laugh which also made me laugh, at the time I didn't have enough energy to say words or even care if I did or not.

They put on music, handed me a cup of water and kept me well distracted and were playing around with me. W was almost crying with laughter when I attempted to answer his questions with complete nonsense. The visual distortions were absolutely, overwhelmingly awesome. EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING was morphing into millions of spirals, fractals and wormholes. The colours were often so vibrant that the edges of every spiral were a blinding white. The walls were caving in and out and the ceiling was rippling like multiple rapid rivers layering over each other. Though it was extremely intense, I was filled with euphoria and bursts of laughter would escape from me with great forces, it was the happiest I've been in all my life during those moments.

I was still fatigued and was gradually getting more and more tired; I thought I was actually going to pass out on LSD. I had never been able to get a lick of sleep when coming down on acid, so I was actually really excited to see what kind of dreams I would have while on a pass out dose of acid. I informed B and W of this, and they began to inform me that they would most likely leave once I passed out because W had to work in a few hours and B had plans later that day. This may seem bad to some people but we were not new to this environment and we all knew that I can handle myself fairly well alone.

The following events are scattered memories that I will try to put into chronological order and with some explanation as well. Beyond this point I thought I was not only IN a dream but ENCASED in a dream. I was having terrifying visions that I was acting out in real life and that B and W were seeing. This became so intense for B that he was almost crying from stress.

During this trip B and W were my safety, and I believed that they were my own blood brothers but that they were also guardian angels, when they were telling me that they were leaving I was unable to imagine surviving without their presence at all times, this was getting me in a panic. They were telling me to lie down and quiet down, not remembering that I told them that I was going to pass out because now that I was in a panic I was nowhere near sleep. I followed their directions though and stuffed my face in my bed, after a few moments (not even seconds) of being still and silent an intense pain of sharp needles surged through me, and I began to sweat. The only way I could stop the pain was to say something, this was the beginning of an inner struggle I've always had my whole life about not saying what’s on my mind, my mom as told me that and my girlfriend hates it when I don’t speak my mind. I don’t know why I can’t, it must be my inner shyness and awkward personality that unable me to easily say what I think. I know I can keep things bottled up inside, and I think this was my subconscious (mixed with LSD), trying to tell me this. So I blurted out loud noises and forgot completely that I was told to be quiet, soon after I would blurt out I would have the realization that I was supposed to be silent. I would then proceed to dive back into my bed face first trying to silence myself. This loop happened a few times, and without noticing I had head bashed a hole in my wall from jumping into my bed, and I became so determined to quite myself that I would grab both of my lips and squish them together, since I had braces at the time I had cut the inside of my lip while squeezing them together and blood was dripping out of my mouth, none of which I noticed.

B and W asked me to go to the bathroom adjacent to my bedroom to wash my mouth out. I don’t recall them asking me this. In my mind the room didn't even resemble my bedroom and I couldn't see B or W, it became dark and I can’t remember what exactly I was seeing other than a long and dark passage through what possibly could have been trees or arches. In my mind I was being told to “just go with it, give in to it”. I was extremely terrified so I screamed at the top of my lungs, though I couldn't hear my screams, and ran what I thought was straight through the darkness to the other side (I thought I was in a dream at this point, I didn't think I was actually running or screaming). While running I could feel intense forces of larges branches hitting me in the face and knocking my head around, I didn't feel any physical pain though. Looking back I think the physical pain I was supposed to be feeling was translating into emotional pain and creating more and more darkness and evil. The “large branches” I was running full force into was actually my bathroom door (which I put a hole in). I went straight through my bathroom door and into my bathroom wall on the other side, and running straight into a shelving unit which cut up my forehead in several places. The smashing of the wall created three different holes through the dry wall which cut open my toe, and badly bruised my knee and arm. I fell to the floor where B and W found me. I attempted to get up and clean out my mouth but my motor skills were shot and I just kept rubbing my lip where it was bleeding which wasn't helping.

They then asked if I wanted to lie down again, according to them as I have no memory of this, I started screaming again (these weren't normal screams, they were full out, top of my lungs, terrified for my life, bloodcurdling screams) and ran out of the bathroom and tackled B onto the bed, he had to hold my arms back and was yelling at me to calm down, I did. He got up, and since that point B and W realized that I was having very bad and intense peaks because I would calm down for moments, and then later I would begin to scream and hyperventilate.

This begins my next memory. I fell off the bed and onto the floor and began to flail my arms and legs around. The ceiling and walls were twirling and twisting and my limbs seemed to be stretching and being pulled up the walls and on the ceiling being twisted with them. B and W got on top of me and tried to physically hold me down for fear of me hurting myself more, and they were trying to talk me down and get me to relax. This is where some deep emotions started to surface, I kept going on about being worried that my brother was home, and I kept saying my girlfriend’s name, repeating this over and over in a weird accent accorded to my buddies.  This went on for around 40 minutes. B and W began to silently freak out as they had to leave soon. They had to resort to calling some of my other friends to take over the sitting, D, A, and M came, two of which are straight edge and all of them had not experienced anyone on acid before.

Before they showed up I wandered outside my room and tripped over my drum set where I would lay on the ground for the remainder of my trip, being completely awake and still having intense visions but unable to get up. I was having visions of me going insane and running around my house violently throwing pots and pans at my friends and girlfriend and smashing my face repeatedly into the stove (blood was everywhere and my face was mutilated in my vision). I heard sirens and saw flashing red lights, and at one point I actually saw a paramedic above me pressing down on my face with great pressure trying to get the bleeding to stop, my mind visions would zip around like mad from smashing my own face with my fists, and back to the paramedic above me each time I would look and feel more and more mutilated and blood would pour out of my eyes, nose and mouth like waterfalls. I began to think of my brother how I don’t talk to him anymore and how I seem to shut him out of my life, I thought I had killed him in real life but couldn't do anything to stop it because I felt ENCASED in my visions.

 I thought I had killed him in real life but couldn't do anything to stop it because I felt ENCASED in my visions.

 I also thought of my girlfriend and how much I loved her, one of the phrases that kept reappearing in my mind was “I hope the single idea of [my girlfriend’s name] does not disappear” then I thought that I had killed my own girlfriend. At one point I saw her standing above me, looking at me with such disappointment that in hurt me greatly.

I saw D standing above me looking at me (this was really happening) I had visions of him yelling at me saying “you’re almost there! Nope… he lost it.” Over and over in thousands of loops. My mind would uncontrollably loop the same thoughts of my brother, my girlfriend, and D. No matter what I thought, the loop would continue and I came closer and closer to the conclusion I thought I would never get to. I’m dead. I’m doomed to this loop forever, for eternity I will feel this pain, for eternity I will see the pain on the faces of the people I love. At the very end of each loop I would feel a large needle penetrate through my skull, down the right side of my neck and through my shoulder (writing this makes me cringe because I can still remember and feel the “pinch” of the needle through my neck). I had more visions of me eating and smearing animal feces and hair all over my face and in my wounds and sharp needles prodding into the end of my dick (this is what I can’t explain and it disturbs me greatly). When I eventually came to the conclusion that I was dead for sure the loop stopped and I saw myself lying on the ground with a large pool of pitch dark red blood pour out from the side of my head. All pain stopped. I couldn't see them but I could feel and hear my friends and family standing around my dead body talking. I heard someone say from behind me “Idiot. Why would he do this.”

The pool of blood disappeared and I felt like I could move again, I slowly looked up and saw D, A, and M sitting beside me. For some reason the first thing I said was “Did I eat my cat?”

From that day on my friends hardly talk to me; some don’t even talk to me at all. I thought I wanted to escape my own reality because I felt alone, what I didn't realize was that I was never alone, but now I am more than ever. I have a harder time talking, and I’m overall more depressed than I was. I've noticed that I can’t process sentences as quickly, and I feel as though I've lost some of my intelligence with that trip. I have seen my dealer since then and told him how messed up it was and he told me that it was a new batch that he had gotten. It was the strongest he had received and that no one he knew of had taken that much of that type of LSD all at once.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 100628

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: Dec 26, 2019	Views: 3,182

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LSD (2) : Post Trip Problems (8), Depression (15), Music Discussion (22), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Health Problems (27), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 capsl
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 0:00

		 insufflated
		 Cocaine

		   T+ 0:00
		 1 capsl
		 oral
		 MDMA
		 (powder / crystals)

		   T+ 12:00

		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   130 lb

A little background: I am a very type A, high-strung person. I am fairly extroverted, and became even more so after getting in shape and losing a lot of weight a few years prior. Drink socially, and my previous drug experience consisted of fairly regularly smoking weed and trying mushrooms approximately 2-3 times

my previous drug experience consisted of fairly regularly smoking weed and trying mushrooms approximately 2-3 times

.

I was in the midst of a stressful semester in nursing school. I was living without a roommate for the first time and had been feeling quite lonely. I was chatting with a friend who I had met online a few years prior, but had never met in person (we live in different states). On a whim, he offered to use his frequent flyer miles to come visit me for a weekend so we could get out and have a bit of fun with some molly and acid.

Friday: My friend "Nick" arrives and after picking him up from the airport and grabbing dinner, we find a nightclub and get ready. I take my first capsule of molly- I know I took 200 mg total that night, but I'm not sure exactly how many mg the initial dose was. Nick also brought some coke, so we just do a tiny bit of that as well. We get to the club and Nick slips me a second, smaller dose.

It's maybe 20-30 minutes later, and I'm starting to feel a little nervous. I'm not feeling the molly yet, and being in a nightclub is a bit out of my element- yet here I am, wearing a tiny dress and heels, face-to-face with Nick for the first time after talking for years. The music picks up a bit, and Nick suggests we start dancing (something I rarely do around other people because I'm self-conscious and have almost no rhythm).

Suddenly, the lights swoop upwards in a way I'll never forget, and everything is different. It's like I'm an appliance that someone has finally plugged into the wall. I stop dancing for a second to stare at the lights, the bass of the music making me feel as if I’m conducting electricity through my bones and my skin. I kiss Nick repeatedly, his hands on my body feeling like no one else’s ever have before, and we start dancing again.

I felt like we were dancing for days. I could feel the sweat dripping off of me, but I didn’t care. I had somehow become the most beautiful and sexy woman in the whole club. I was convinced that everyone was admiring us dancing, and my heart felt so warm to see other people dancing and having fun around us. I danced like I never had before- to this day, I still wonder sometimes if I actually had rhythm that night or if the magic of the molly just gave me a temporary rhythm. Nick and I were all over each other, his hands creeping under my dress, me grinding my ass into him. At one point, a guy walked past us and said, “You two look so hot dancing together,” and I literally thought I was going to orgasm just from those words.

Nick had done molly many times before, so he helped me remember to drink water periodically, and reminded me to chew some gum, as I hadn’t even noticed how tightly I was clenching my jaw. A few times, I’m pretty sure I put my mouth to Nick’s ear and told him how fucking happy I was and how amazing everything was. Eventually it was 3 am, and Nick suggested we grab a car and start heading back home.

We got home, and got into bed together. I don’t know if it was the fact that I was coming down, or the awkwardness of sleeping with someone you’ve really just met, but I wasn’t feeling very turned on or sexual at this point. I wanted to focus more on cuddling, and I was starting to get mentally tired. We did fall asleep, but I woke up with the worst case of restless legs that I had ever had. I am already prone to restless leg syndrome on a good day, but this was by far the worst experience with it that I’d had. I had to get out of bed and pace around the apartment for a long time before my legs stopped hurting enough for me to fall asleep.

Saturday: We didn’t sleep long, but after waking up and having a light breakfast, Nick and I felt pretty good. He had brought acid with as well, another new experience for me. I don’t remember how many tabs he gave me, but it ended up making for an experience that was not too extreme. We took the acid and then started walking along the lakefront that I lived near (it is a major lake in a big city). The lakefront is open enough that we could keep from being too close to other people, and the scenery is beautiful.

We walked a few miles before I noticed small changes. The trees and the water had begun to look more vivid in color, the leaves on the trees more defined. The wind even felt different on my skin, almost like I was being tickled by a giant paintbrush. I stopped to look up at the sky, and it suddenly hit me that we were inside of a living, breathing painting. We continued to walk, while I felt absolutely mesmerized by the sky and the clouds and the leaves on the trees.

Suddenly, I was somehow back in a September day back in 2009. It was the day I had gone to an old mill by a river near my childhood home, taken an overdose of prescription pills, and waited to die. Somehow this spring day in 2018 was morphing into that fall day in 2009. Nick had warned me ahead of time that I might feel sad, but to just go with whatever feelings came up during the trip. I turned to him and asked if we could go sit under a tree; this particular tree just felt like where we needed to be at that very moment.

We sat down and I started to cry. It was as if these 2 days in 2 different decades had become one day

It was as if these 2 days in 2 different decades had become one day

, as if my emotions from that day of my suicide attempt were being pulled into this acid trip 9 years later. I sobbed as I tried to tell Nick how part of me was back in that day, but none of the words that came to my mind felt right. And it was as if the more I spoke, the more dark thoughts came pouring out of me, like leaks sprouting from a garden hose. I sobbed harder than I ever had before as I told Nick all of my dark secrets- about a sexual assault years prior, about my many years of mental illness and being sent to a group home as a teenager because my parents “couldn’t handle” me anymore, about the deep loneliness and stress I had been feeling. Nick just held me as we sat in the grass, shaking and crying. To this day, I have no idea how long we sat there, but I felt safe in his arms. We eventually started walking again.

The living painting effect continued for a few hours as we kept walking, eventually stopping in a park that hung over the lakefront, overlooking the city. The skyline looked like the most perfect city scene I had ever seen, and as Nick held me, I silently wept, feeling more alive and raw than I ever had before. Eventually, although I wasn’t hungry, I found myself wanting nothing but some chewy candy and my bed. We bought some taffy and headed home to lay in bed and watch Netflix. I couldn’t pinpoint any moment that the trip ended; it just felt like a gradual slowing of my senses until we fell asleep.

I drove Nick to the airport on Sunday and cried harder than I ever have before when saying goodbye to someone. As he walked into the airport, I told him that I loved him, although it was a feeling of love that I had never experienced before, and still never have to this day. It was almost as if we were connected in some deeper way than a friendship or even a romantic relationship; as if I had given Nick a small piece of my soul. When I got home that night, I wrote him a 14-page letter, describing every emotion I had felt that weekend, every thought I had, how grateful I was to him, and mailed it to him.

It’s been over a year since that weekend. I haven’t done any acid since that trip, and while I’ve done molly a few times since, both have been smaller doses with different people in different environments, yielding very different (but still amazing) experiences. However, I feel that this particular weekend changed me, between the molly and the acid. The boost in self-confidence, while slightly faded now, has mainly remained strong in me. My heart feels more open since that weekend- more capable of love, happiness, and strength. It was a life-changing experience that I will forever be grateful for having, and for having Nick to help me experience it.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 113799

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 29

Published: Jan 14, 2020	Views: 1,578

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LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Various (28), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Multi-Day Experience (13), Sex Discussion (14), First Times (2)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 tablet
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 2:00
		 1 tablet
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 0:00

		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (plant material)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   125 lb

My very first LSD trip brought with it some of the greatest revelations of my life. But for some reason, I can’t recall what most of them were. I made sure to take it the drug in the most supportive comfortable environment possible. Both me and A took two tabs each, while M supervised us, and provided us with activities.

I first remember noticing subtle changes in light and color, about an hour after taking the first hit. We lounged on my bed and watched a beautifully animated movie called Spirited Away as waited for the drug to take effect. About two hours after the first tab we decided to take the second.

The light that poured in from the window in my room looked strange to me, almost shiny. We decided to move outside to take look around.

The sun was warm, and a cool breeze blew into the yard. It was perfect weather actually. 75 degrees Fahrenheit with big fluffy clouds rolling through a rich blue sky. I sat by the pool and stuck my hand in. The water was a little chilly, but I moved my hand slowly to watch the ripples. The water seemed alive. I saw details in it I’d never seen before. Patterns almost. It was at this point I noticed more apparent differences in my perception of reality.

I went back inside to have some tea, but the tiles in the kitchen caught my eye. The light from the window poured onto the stone squares divided into the most intricate pattern I’d ever seen. It was like a primitive Escher-like cave painting, composed entirely of simplistic human figures linked together.  The figures joined form an spiral in almost every tile on the floor. But looking closer the figures themselves seemed to be made of smaller figures. And they moved, not a great deal, but it almost seemed like they were alive. Dancing maybe. My entire perceptual reality was composed of these tiny fractal figures.

Using this new ability to see patterns, I began wandering around the house looking at various textures. I saw these little people in the different layers of the carpet, and in the golden paint sponged on my wall. The colors in the many paintings around the house seemed to melt or move. We made our way outside again.

Lying back on a lawn chair I gazed up at the sky. The clouds too were composed of these fractal people, and their movement through the air left me awestruck. I could see all of the layers of clouds above me moving slightly independently of each other. I let myself see a patch of wispy white clouds as the rough outlines of a man and a woman locked in an embrace. As I swept my eyes across the sky, they moved together, fluidly, turning their heads in a subtle but beautiful dance.

I began seeing spirals in almost everything I looked at. I began to think that I was a spiral (whatever that means) At this point that we decided to go to the park, with M as the designated driver. We smoked some pot and left. It was about then that I began to peak. Sitting in rush hour traffic was agonizing. The mysteries of the universe were unraveling themselves to me. I understood them, and yet, couldn’t vocalize them. Words were inefficient symbols, that could not possibly convey what I knew. I understood my place in the universe. I knew exactly who I was. How I got there. How everything was connected.

For some reason, I began to feel that my death was eminent. That that day was the grand crescendo to my life… Like the discovery of the secret to the universe was finalizing enough to be the end to my entire existence. I became afraid that in gaining this knowledge, by some freak stroke of luck I would die.

We got to the park safely, and after we walked around a bit, I peaked. The sidewalks were covered in patterns of spiraling fractal men. Spray painted symbols on the cement glowed neon green and crimson. I was overwhelmed. I hadn’t stopped crying since we got in the car to leave in the first place. I wanted to go home. I had discovered the ultimate answer, and it was too risky to be outside, in public. I needed to survive it, so I could return safely, come down from my high, and tell everyone what I learned. I needed to lie down and wait for the high to wear off.

Everything seemed so predetermined. I felt trapped  in the spiral of the universe. Everything I was ever going to do was predestined. I was stuck in the paisley fabric existence. Finally A and I were able to convince M that the outside world was “too dangerous” and that we had to head back to home base.

We got back, where I was able to finish the trip in peace. If I tried to analyze what “I” was,  it was like… seeing the depths of insanity. It gave me a massive headache. I got a similar headache when I tried to think about time. The high grew less and less intense, and slowly I forgot the “ultimate answer” I was so sure I had discovered earlier that day. By the time 2 a.m. rolled around, I was exhausted and finally passed out.

Since the trip ended I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the similarities in the behavior of all living things, the question as to whether or not time exists as a measurable flowing force, and the extreme importance of this miraculous drug. Seriously. Why does everyone seem to dismiss LSD these days? That may have been the single most important day of my entire short life.

Anyway, days later the details of the trip faded. Even now I can only vaguely remember what it was like to be on the drug almost like recalling a dream. But that trip changed me for the better. I feel like I was able to analyze myself, and better understand the person I am becoming. Regardless of the my little panic attack in the middle, it was an incredibly positive experience, and I would love to try it again sometime.

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 72387

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Jan 14, 2020	Views: 1,571

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LSD (2) : First Times (2), Glowing Experiences (4), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 3 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   215 lb

I took 3 blotters, my girlfriend took 2 and my buddy took 2. It was a pretty good time- it started out kinda like shrooms, and we were happy. About an hour into it, I just felt the urge to create. I grabbed a pen and just started drawing on every piece of paper I could find. I still have the pizza box from the incident. The whole time we have some great music going, and it was awesome. This is kinda the part where it turns iffy. Talking to people after the fact, I found out that everyone thought that I was freaking out. I wasn't. I was having the best time of my life.

everyone thought that I was freaking out. I wasn't. I was having the best time of my life.

While I was drawing, it seemed to me that I could sense something inside of me.. Like something that had been locked away behind countless doors was being released. Every time a door opened, I would be able to function less and less. I could see the doors in my mind. One after another, I pushed them open. Before long I was just standing in the middle of the room, not  moving at all except for a slight shaking from anticipation.

Finally, I opened the last door, and lo, what did I see? I saw art. Not like, paintings and stuff. I saw the essence of art. I was filled with inspiration and overwhelmed with emotion. 'Clay!' I screamed. 'I need some fucking clay! I need twice my own body weight in clay!' but no one had any. I became frustrated. Here it was, the dream of every artist. To bear spectator to the essence of creativity, yet I couldn't relate it to physical manifestation. I began to cry. Not just regular crying- sobbing hysterically into my hands. I fell to my knees- and yes, I was frustrated, but it felt so good to cry; each tear rolling down my cheek felt like it was devine nectar to my mortal flesh. But everyone in the room became worried. 'This is bad.' they said. 'This is really bad.' Did they know something I didn't?

Suddenly, I went further. Beyond the valley of creative essence..I began to realize things, answers to questions long asked. I was afraid at first at the answers to my questions, but it became clear what had to be done. The entirety of existence was to culminate very soon. I would destroy the universe; undo creation. I didn't want to, I was terrified. But I knew it was an inevitability.

As this moment came closer and closer, I began to realize something. I was the only one who didn't know this was going to happen. I looked around at the 10 or so people gathered to watch us trip and they all smiled at me. They had KNOWN. And didn't tell me. I became angry. My girlfriend must have seen this, because she grabbed me and started yelling to me, 'It'll be okay, sweetie. It's OKAY.'

I became angry. My girlfriend must have seen this, because she grabbed me and started yelling to me, 'It'll be okay, sweetie. It's OKAY.'

 which I took to mean 'It's okay, we know what you have to do. Do it.'

I could tell that the time for existance to be undone was fast approaching, because at this point, everyone's voices were warping. The room became smaller and the walls began melting. I accepted it. I went around to each one of my friends and I just looked at them. There was a small spot in the middle of my vision around which everything began to warp. I knew that the time was here. I looked at the clock. 'It's 7:14. Make a note of that.' I said. I grabbed both of my girlfriend's hands. I thought 'I love you' with all of my might, but I couldn't speak. My arms, without me telling them to, began to move outwards as my vision stretched. The scene was much like that of anaphase in mitosis.. Where the cell splits into two peices. I split, my girlfriend split, the room split. All was black.

But I still had conscious thought. 'Where am I?' I thought, and was surprised to find that I could speak. I felt a sensation of floating weightlessly. Soon the blackness gave way to specks of light. They grew brighter and brighter still. I realized where I was. I was in space. But how? I had just destroyed all of existence. I decided that the answer to this question was far too much for me to comprehend, so, seemingly unharmed, I decided to enjoy myself. I soared through the stars, at ever increasing speeds. I orbited planets and skimmed the surface of their bodies of water. I was happy. But then something strange happened. I began spinning out of control. The infinite space surrounding me warped in front of me until they formed an eye. A blue eye. It seemed familiar. Suddenly I was on my bed, with my friend Kevin sitting there. 'Howya doing, buddy?' he asked.

I looked at the clock. It was 9:12. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that my trip would end in about 4 hours. 'This is gonna take a long time. A very long time. This is gonna take a long time.' I repeated, over and over again. 'Yes, it will. But it'll be fine.' Kevin reassured me.

I looked at the ceiling and realized there was none. The vast space that I had formerly flown through was still above me. I marveled at it and wondered how this could be real. I realized then that it wasn't. It wasn't real. None of it was. It was all an illusion. I looked at Kevin and he nodded. He knew. And he knew that I knew. 'It'll take along time, but it'll be fine.' he repeated. Suddenly reality began to spin again and I fell into his iris.

Suddenly reality began to spin again and I fell into his iris.

 What I beheld was the same scene I was just in, except now jake was there. This happened a few times until my roommate, his girlfriend and my girlfriend were all there. 'Oh god, this sucks. This is gonna take forever.' I said aloud to no one in particular.

But then I saw it in the back of my head. It was a shining light, infinitesimally small. It was the meaning of life. I could reach it, if I tried. 'The.. Meaning of life?' I thought. I looked around. Jake smiled at me. 'Hey baby'. He said. His face was beginning to warp. His eyes were huge. 'You're funny looking.' I said. 'Is it to be gay? Is that the meaning of life?' I asked. But then I dismissed it. 'No, it's backwards... That doesn't make sense. We wouldn't exist if we were all gay.' I fell into his iris again, but this time, after I returned to the scene, I felt a cool breeze. I understood. The closer I got to the meaning of life, the closer I got to reality. Perhaps the meaning of life was to kill? No, that wasn't right. I unwrapped another layer. Pleasure? Pain? Pain.. That must be it. We must all endure pain to find true happiness. I looked at kevin. 'This is gonna hurt. This is gonna hurt so bad.' He smiled. 'No, it's going to take along time, but it won't hurt. I promise. You're almost there.' He said I was almost there. I was close to figuring it out. It began to dawn on me. 'I've got it!' I yelled. Everyone got up and gathered around. They were excited. They knew I would figure it out. They were waiting. 'It's to create.' I thought. That is the meaning of life. The light in my mind expanded and engulfed my being. A stream of words rushed from my mouth, I having no control over it.

I had broken through this false reality. I had peeled the shell. The address and time that I uttered would be where and when matter would be first created. That was the purpose of our existance- of the billions of years that came before. It all culminated in I, an inhabitant of this illusion, this dream world, was to name the time and place for the real world to begin. But now that we had fulfilled that prophecy, what was next?

Because we had reached the end of our planned existance, I realized what was going to happen next. It would have to be undone, and done again. We would all live our lives backwards until conception, at which point we would cease to exist. The cosmos would draw closer together until the beginning, and the big bang would happen again and it would all be over. But that meant billions of years in reverse.. Could I take it? 'This is going to take along time!' I said, but it came out backwards. It was garbled. 'No, you'll be fine.' came the voice. It was my friend jocelyn.

I looked up at her, seeing the stars behind her through my roofless dorm. 'Hi' I said, weakly. She smiled. 'Hey. How's it going?' she asked. 'Not so great.. This is gonna take a long time.' I replied. 'Yeah, but it's almost over.' she reassured me. And she was right. I watched as brick after brick fell into place, forming the upper walls of my room, and eventually the ceiling. Jocelyn soon left and I sat up and looked around.

Was it real? Or was this just part of the illusionary reality? I couldn't remember anything that had happened before that point. Seriously nothing at all. I remembered names, but I couldn't remember my birthday, my childhood, even what I had done in class that week. I got out of bed and looked around. I realized that my girlfriend had been in the bed behind me the whole time. I looked at her. 'I really have to piss.'

Anyways, my entire trip was about 7 hours total (which was a disappointment). I spent the rest of the night calming down my girlfriend who tripped well into the morning. It remains as the greatest experience I have ever had as a human being, spiritually, mentally, and physically. It was intense, but rewarding.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 68177

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Jan 17, 2020	Views: 798

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Guides / Sitters (39), Entities / Beings (37), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4)