		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   147 lb

To give some context and background information: this is not my first trip on a psychedelic. Mushrooms was my first, then it was DMT and then acid (LSD or some research chemical, I'm not entirely sure). Since my second mushroom trip, I’ve thought of psychedelics as something that can aid spiritual development, indirectly if not directly. It was actually psychedelics that made me decide to take my life in the direction of spiritual development, which to me means ordaining as a Buddhist monk. Though the Buddha taught that intoxicating substances should be avoided, and I agree with his advice, it’s hard to deny that dabbling in them could inspire insight or investigation into things such as the four noble truths, and the nature of our being. I’ve also smoked weed, a lot, and at the time of this trip I’ve found it to be detrimental to my practice, so I’ve begun to abandon it. It makes me think too much, particularly in a negative way. It obviously clouds my awareness, I zone out a lot on it.

Speaking of my decision to become a monk: practicing Buddhism, to me, is not just about believing in peace and love. There’s an active effort to be attentive to one’s experience, and it’s necessary to not let oneself get caught up in emotions and thoughts — after all, the purpose of the path is to liberate oneself from suffering, as is said in the Simsapa Sutta (SN 56.31), and being dragged around by the mind is a way of suffering. Suffering comes when emotions and thoughts are both indulged in and resisted, so a balance is needed. My rule of thumb is to be open to experience, but not careless with it, and to have responsibility for my actions. At the same time, my practice is not perfect; at times I do resist things such as entertainment and drug use, and at times I welcome it and embrace it. I think this experience was part of my effort to find a balanced way to approach psychedelics and entertainment, in between indulgence and aversion.

My brother, being a huge Grateful Dead fan, invited me to one of Dead &amp; Company’s recent concerts with his girlfriend. He brought along some LSD. I’ve never listened to the Grateful Dead much, and I figured this would be an interesting way to spend time with my brother before I leave home for the monastery: going to my first concert as they did back in the day when the Grateful Dead were touring all over the place. I think my relationship with my brother has always been sort of rocky, but we get along. His impatience and arrogance can cause conflict but he has good intentions.  Aside from friction here and there, our relationship is well. It was his generosity that lead him to invite me to this concert. His girlfriend is similar to him in some ways, different in others. She’s more calm and relaxed, but can be overwhelmed at times, by anger or sadness.

In addition to all of this, for a while I’ve had a suspicion that I’ve got Asperger’s. It’s never been diagnosed, but I’ve had some symptoms such as poor social skills, difficulty articulating speech, and “specific interests”, or interest in things that people find unusual. Looking at myself in videos, I hold myself (in terms of posture) awkwardly. But it’s just speculation. Saying this may offer a perspective on my behavior and mindset, in one way or another.

Now, the story. First thing is the concert. We had taken the tabs of LSD (one for each of us — the amount on each tab is unclear) 30 minutes to an hour before the concert began. I had the tab on my tongue for three minutes before I swallowed it, unintentionally (I always found it difficult to hold it there). My brother assured me it would still work. All was well. I was a tad apprehensive (as usual before a trip), but it was manageable. I had my camera with me and was taking pictures here and there, but it was hard for me to find a good one.

About fifteen minutes before the concert, I began to feel a sort of heaviness in my step. My jaw was getting a little tense and I was yawning often — whether on acid or mushrooms, these were the signs that I was beginning to trip. Soon enough, everyone’s skin was shifting between their normal skin tone and red, the color of blood. For a Buddhist, this is a good opportunity to consider asubha (foulness or unattractiveness); when I start getting this visual effect, I begin to perceive the body as a sort of bag, a bag of flesh and blood. It can be entertaining, frightening, or calming. If I could photograph it, I would have.

After making a trip to the bathroom (a missed opportunity for me to reflect on asubha), we went to the venue, which was a steep hill. We set down a small woven mat, and waited for the concert to begin with everyone else. My brother’s girlfriend tried to sneak a chillum into the concert via her bra, but had lost it. She was pretty frustrated. “We’ll survive,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. “Yeah, you will,” she told me. And so it became apparent that perhaps she uses marijuana to sooth her anxieties.

The concert began. The trip was coming up, and I didn’t really know what to do — I felt like I was supposed to be doing something, like dancing. But insecurity has been an issue of mine for a long time, and still is here and there. But I remembered my motivation to be open and willing to express myself — being afraid to do so is suffering, and so is detrimental to one’s own well-being. I noticed that my insecurity came with a sense that somebody was watching me, critically, behind my back — and with that idea I was hunched over, as if cowering away from whoever it was that was judging me. It’s worth noting that, for much of my life, my brother did this sort of thing to me. He could be a bully at times. And he was sitting or standing behind me for much of this concert. But I questioned this worry and insecurity, and dropped it. I relaxed the tension in my back, and I let my body do its thing. Instead of experiencing the concert the “right way”, I was lead to just experience it however I pleased. I tried to take a picture of the venue, but it was getting dark and the angle wasn’t interesting: the result was just a blurry picture of the stage.

And so it rolled on. I became fascinated with this idea that “this is where it’s happening”. It. The party. The thing people do when they’re not working. Self-expression and celebration. And not just concerts, it was this concert. If you weren’t at this concert, you were at home or at work. This idea was quite big for me during this experience and continued to evolve.

The intermission came by about an hour into the show (or maybe not, as my sense of time was becoming distorted). It took me by surprise, because everything was grooving but now it just paused. First came the cheer, and now everyone was doing nothing but talking. I felt a sense of panic in myself and in the people around me: what do we do? What’s going on? But the LSD reminded me: just go with it! It’s part of the show.

I felt a sense of panic in myself and in the people around me: what do we do? What’s going on? But the LSD reminded me: just go with it! It’s part of the show.

 Everyone’s actually doing fine. And as soon as I accepted, it was as if everyone else did the same. The chaotic halt became a rest, a time to socialize with other concert goers. I turned around to face my brother and his girlfriend, who were both having a good time, as was I. I was trying to tell my brother that this was great, but talking is very difficult for me to do on a psychedelic. My mouth is tense, making it hard to articulate, and I hear my voice as if it were in my ears, like when you yawn. And I kept yawning! But I did what I could to communicate to him that this was a great time. I was celebrating. I was also witnessing the cliches of concerts, and my brother was acknowledging them as well, uttering phrases I’ve heard before but never in the context of a concert, where it became apparent that “this must be where that phrase comes from!”

At this time, the trip wasn’t maxing out, but it was pretty intense. I felt as if I was “riding the waves” of the concert. Not only did the hill give the impression that the audience was a giant wave, but it seemed as if the audience’s behavior was rippling, and in a sense it was. Beach balls from one corner of the venue would bounce their way to where I was, as if the beach ball was in turbulent water. And each time It would come to me, I’d hit it elsewhere, and it would go to the next part of the sea which was the crowd. I was a like a wave, the beachball an object on its surface, and everything happening within the crowd was either like a fish underwater or a part of the water, in the sense of a bubble on the surface. My brother said something about “shoelacing”. I noticed he and his girlfriend were sitting side-by-side, with their legs extended in a “V” shape, and so I did the same, putting my left ankle on his right, thinking, “shoelacing!”

He looked at me like he didn’t know what I was doing, and then he untied my shoe — remember, this is part of the wave. My shoelace was like a bubble in the water. I heard people laughing behind me, in a fun sort of way. No need to resist out of a sense that they were laughing at me, it’s just part of the wave, why not join? I did what felt like the right thing to do, which was to tie my shoe. I noticed it was full of grass stains. My hands were shifting between red and pink. The crowd sounded like a very low quality mp3 file of people talking, pure wobbly gibberish.

I learned a very useful way of shoe-tying on youtube. I just wrap the shoelaces around my finger in a certain way, cross them, pull, and I’ve got the bunny ears in one single fluid motion. As I was going through this motion, which is naturally focused on the laces, my vision began to zoom in on the task at hand, quite intensely. As my vision intensified, my hearing did as well. Everyone’s voices became louder, especially the ones behind me, who were being blown away by this shoe-tying technique. My mind filtered out the nonsensical noise of the crowd and focused on the gradually clarifying and intensifying sounds of my immediate surroundings. As soon as I had finished, my vision and hearing was back as it was before, broad and aware of the waves — I had just dived into the water and was back riding on the surface.

The concert started up again. It was probably around 8PM. We were all excited. My brother’s girlfriend had found the chillum, it was mysteriously hidden in her bra where she had put it in the first place. For the next few hours, the band jammed. During the jam, I noticed the way I was dancing with the music felt like I was stomping on berries — making jam. All of my kinetic energy, or chi, was going down into my elbows, and down into my heels. I was making jam with my elbows and heels. I was jamming! Surely this is where the term comes from? I don’t know, but the music is what lead me to dance in this way, and feel this way. Unfortunately I don’t know what the song was, but man, what a jam.

During the concert I had noticed that there was a photographer next to me. He looked pretty nervous, which was understandable: he had a huge telephoto lens on his DSLR camera. But it was getting me nervous. “Didn’t the signs in the lot tell us that no professional photographers were allowed? Is this guy going to publish these pictures on Facebook? Is he going to get me in trouble on purpose?” I’ll say it again: this concert was where it was all happening. Everything. Everyone was here. Everyone was enjoying it, everybody was on drugs — except the people who were at work. My boss. “What if she saw me on Facebook, tripping as hard as I was? Surely, this guy must be trying to cause trouble. I won’t be able to ordain as a monk because I’ll be caught in a scandal with everyone else at the concert. I’ll be screwed.” Bhavatanha, the craving for becoming, was invading my mind and inspiring fear and anxiety.

But then it occurred to me: just ride the wave. Let this guy take pictures. He probably just works for the venue, and it seems like my nervousness is actually rubbing off onto him. Not only has he been pointing his camera at the stage the whole time, his lens looks too long to get me in trouble; if he pointed it at me, he probably would have gotten my nostrils, not my groove. And so, I jammed with this guy, and he didn’t even know it. Let him be! Let him do his jam!

I looked behind me, to my left, to see my brother’s girlfriend sitting. Sitting! When she could be dancing! Is something wrong? I immediately realized that my expectations that she should be dancing were taking over. I turned it to compassion and kindness. “All good?” I asked, to be sure. My brother assured me she was fine. All good! Let her sit if she wants! Let’s get back to the groove.

I noticed there were some big guys a few feet in front of me. Probably security guards. I think I remember them approaching a group of people and asking if “everything was all good here”. They were the authorities, but what amazed me was their ability to harmonize with the situation. Everyone’s on drugs, but that’s a given here. Might as well go with it. Ride the wave!

The trip was really intensifying. I remembered how my brother once said that the Grateful Dead played in accordance with the quality of the audience. I could really feel it. It was so good. The band was sending waves in all directions, and I was riding them as if I was a boat in an beautifully intense musical storm. The way I was standing (in a horse stance) naturally lead me to adopt the attitude of somebody commanding the waves like I would if I were commanding horses from a chariot. My hands were grasping the waves like whips, and I was sending ripples across the audience towards the music stage. When a wave came from the left, I grabbed it and threw it to the right. When it came from the right, I sent it to the left. But here and there, I’d throw it at the stage. This was a few hours into the concert, maybe 10PM.

I began to think, “THIS is what Dean Moriarty was talking about! This crazy jam, this self expression!” The guitarist was going nuts. I was playing the air-guitar right handed, and when the wave went left-to-right, I immediately switched to a left-handed playing style. Then the guitarist began to tell me something in the language of sound. What it was, I’m not sure, but I was listening hard, bringing one hand to my ear as if paying close attention, while keeping with the beat, dancing. Again, which hand I was using depended on the direction of the waves, of the music, of the energy of the crowd.

As I jammed with the band, I began to think about what I was doing with my life, but in what felt like a great way to do so; in the same way I was expressing myself via my body, I was expressing myself via thought. “Luang por” — my teacher at the monastery — “certainly wouldn’t encourage everything I’m doing here, but without a doubt he would acknowledge that the harmony and collective celebration here at this concert is something beautiful. Buddhism doesn’t reject these things, it simply transcends them.”

Contemplation of birth, aging, sickness, and death is also part of Buddhist practice. But here, as the concert was approaching the final hour, I could not think of birth and death in the usual way. Though during these moments I was totally embracing these thoughts, now I look back at them with a sort of weariness. The thoughts were as follows:

“This concert is a moment of history. I’m a part of history. And by history, I mean that this is THE event that’s happening right now. It’s HUGE.” I had lost any sense that anything was happening beyond this concert. I was practically born here. I had no parents, no brother. I was born from nothing, as was everyone else, and it was this concert we were born into — nothing happened before this. Those who were older than me weren’t old at all, as if we were all the same age here. I began to wonder what would happen after this concert. “Everybody’s going to be talking about it! When I go to the monastery, Luang Por’s going to ask me: ‘hey, you were at that concert too, weren’t you?’ And we’ll both reflect on how great it was!”

I noticed I was getting hot, and taking more frequent sips from the water jug that my brother had taken into the concert. I wasn’t feeling good. I was probably exhausted from all of that dancing. Thought I was overheating. Thankfully, the concert was now ending.

It seemed so abrupt. Everyone was jamming out, but now it was like they all woke up from a brilliant dream and had become totally different people. It was pure chaos. Everyone was rushing to get out. What was the hurry? I was so confused. What about the collective celebration? Where’d it all go? I began to realize: it was illusory. It was the acid that made me think like that. And so, my brother and his girlfriend — whoever they were, I had no relationship to them because we were all just born today — and I made our way to the parking lot.

I was so sweaty. It felt like my backpack was covered in sweat — or worse, piss. Did everyone piss on my bag during that huge party? There was so much garbage all over the ground. My brother assured me that there was nothing on the bag, but I was skeptical, so I didn’t put it on. I walked followed my brother and his girlfriend around, holding my bag to my chest. I was struggling to grasp the situation. Where were we going? Who are these people I’m following? Did I drop anything that I need? What do I need? Nevertheless, I had faith in the idea that I should be following these people who I might’ve met before. I remembered, visually, my wallet and phone. “I have no idea what these things are, or what their purpose is, but I hope I have them. I’ll be screwed if I don’t”. I found them in my pockets, along with my camera. Hoping they wouldn’t fall out, I wondered: “is there anything else I’m missing?” And I kept trying to find whatever it was, even though there was actually nothing else I had taken with me.

We were all heading in a direction that was a total mystery to me. I had just come out of a womb (the concert), the first stage of life. Now was the second stage, and I was stumbling everywhere. We made our way to the bathrooms and vendor booths, which looked trashed. “Wait here and don’t go anywhere,” said my brother, who still might as well have been a total stranger. I don’t know where he went. I waited in the light of an extremely bright lamp, as hundreds of people rushed past me, wasted out of their minds. I briefly came face-to-face with an older woman who had her makeup running down her face, looking like a monster in distress. I nervously said “hello” and walked past her to get out of the light, fearing I would become a target of the police; it began to dawn on me that we were all running away from the police, to safety.

I had forgotten why I was standing where I was, and began to walk around the area when my brother found me. We kept moving. A girl who was a few feet away said “trap” in the strangest way. “Traaaaaap”. My brother and I joked about it afterwards. Somebody in the stampede compared the whole situation to a meat-grinder. We were all like cattle, blindly heading towards these big giant bright lights, crammed together in a hot and confused mess. Suddenly something caused us to change direction, and we were now heading in the right direction, towards the lot.

I was still questioning my existence. I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing, I couldn’t comprehend anything. Everything about harmony and jamming had gone out the window. All I had was this sense that I was mortal, and I needed to stay alive, and a contradicting thought process that I was just born yet was never born and was always here. We got to the car and left, all of us were tripping. Car sirens were going off, people were huffing nitrous oxide from balloons, some were throwing up from being so drunk or high. I saw lots of police too.

We escaped the madness, my brother behind the wheel, his girlfriend in the passenger seat, me in the back, still wondering if I had all of my necessities for this new life I had just been born into, and at the same time, for the life I’ve been a part of for 20 years. I was tired, but afraid to close my eyes and fall asleep. My brother was confused about the brights on his car: “are they on or off?” We were on the highway, and here he was distracted by the interior of his car! I was terrified. I managed to say that “we need to pull over… for our safety”. We briefly had gone off the road, before my brother refocused on the task at hand and drove on. “We are NOT pulling over”. I remembered the police who were all over the place, and saw them pulling people over. I realized: if we pull over, I could get in serious trouble.

[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]

Though it took more than an hour to get there, the drive back seemed like it took only 15 minutes. We were in one part of the state, then 30 miles away, instantaneously. During the drive, as I avoided sleep, I tried to get my bearings on reality. Again, the question: what should I be doing right now? My sense of responsibility was coming back to me.

Again, the question: what should I be doing right now? My sense of responsibility was coming back to me.

 “Well, I’m alive. I have a responsibility to stay alive. We all do. My brother’s tripping and driving, but he seems to be doing fine, so I’ll trust him. I won’t interfere with him. If I die, I die, and that will be the consequences of my own actions, as well as his.” I was glad to be able to reflect on karma and death. It helped settle me. It also made it hard to deny: acid can be very dangerous. In his teachings on the precepts, the Buddha advises us to abandon “intoxicants which lead to heedlessness”. I began to remember that this acid, as awesome as it was, is one of those intoxicants. My understanding of life was totally distorted and I had no idea how to do anything. I couldn’t comprehend things. How can I be heedful like that? And so I was faced with another realization, or reminder: I have a responsibility to be heedful. I must be alert. The Dhammapada says: “Heedfulness is the path to the Deathless. Heedlessness is the path to death. The heedful die not. The heedless are as if dead already.”

When we got back to my brother’s apartment, still tripping, we watched that 70’s show, and I was grateful to be alive. I was still having trouble comprehending things the next day, but I was glad that I had not forgotten the importance of being mindful and attentive to the experience at hand, with a sense of responsibility. My memories were coming back; I was no longer simply a sentient being who was born at the concert. I had remembered that my brother and I came from the same place. Things were coming back to me. I was sane again!

Reflecting on the trip: I don’t know if I’ll ever trip again… I’m going to the monastery soon. But I know that I have no need for doing that sort of thing anymore. Earlier I said that this trip was about me trying to find balance in drug use. Thinking about it now, I think that the balance is found by realizing the “allures and drawbacks and escape” (described in the Mahadukkhakkhandha sutta) of drugs. Simply put, drugs have their pleasures and pains, as does everything else — why trap oneself in them? To attach to them is to be chained to samsara. One escapes from the drawbacks of all things not by pushing them away, but by letting go of them. Even life itself has its drawbacks — if escape was about pushing away, we could just kill ourselves. But that’s not the way. That’s the way I understand it. I’m looking forward to ordaining.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 108949

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 20

Published: Apr 6, 2021	Views: 582

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LSD (2) : Music Discussion (22), General (1), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   90 kg

Background:

7 or so years of experimenting with various substances, such as mescaline, psilocybin, LSD. marihuana for the most part, combining with training in other altered states of consciousness such as dream, waking etc. Slowly, I had returned to the conclusion that I cannot do everything alone, and that some things are only attainable through the Grace of the Lord (After all 'The Father and I are one'). I have also noticed that from a certain perspective, duality disappears, and polar opposites begin to fulfill each other. An example of this would be a monk sitting in Zazen, who from our perspective would be sitting still. However if we were to look at him from the viewpoint of the sun, he would be moving indeed (because our planet is hauling ass through space). Truth has stopped being an absolute for me, it is a process in which I discover more and more, and these new truths contain all of our past previous experiences and more. Quabbalistic diagrams reveal this very openly.

Preparation:

It appears that a clean, and healthy body not only needs smaller dosages, but is also able to percieve more clearly the effects of various substances. The day before I tried to carry out a small fast (about 24h) - but I didn't make it all the way to the end because I ran into some trouble with chocolates. Nevertheless, it was a good little cleanse. I think that sometimes LSD can give just a little boost, so that I can see over the edge of a big wall that is called 'Matter', a little leg-up if you will. Over the past couple of weeks I had been sleeping not so well, going through some emotional hold-up and general lack of sleep due to issues related to the past. Additionally I have been trying to stretch more daily, using Hatha Yoga, Falun Gong, and in general just moving myself more which I noticed also feels really good.

My interest in Naturopathy recently lead me to the field of Urynocology, which caught my interest. This morning in order to try the effects of this substance I drank a little bit of my own urine (apparently the middle part of morning urine is the healthiest due to various iterference patterns etc), which had a golden yellow colour, and after the liquid settled for a while, in the middle of the fluid I could see a little 'string' of red. It reminded me of Bohm's implicate order. Nevertheless I downed some, it wasn't so bad - and the taste reminded me of how much crap I had inside my body. The day proceeded slowly, I did some work around the house, ate only about two sandwitches and an apple throughout the day, in the evening I smoked some weed with a friend and slowly headed home.  Throughout the day I drank lots of liquids, and had prepared some for my experience, making some tea with herbs and water. The evening had finally arrived, and Zero Hour came around.

Opening the Doors of Perception:

22:23 (T 0:00) - I place one square blotter containing a fragment of Alex Grey's wonderul artowork on my tongue.

23:10 (T 0:41) - Lying down, I begin to feel some distance towards things. Not the kind of indifference distance, but the fact that some things that I considered large (for example a three month relationship) began to seem really small as I once again grasped the infinity of time before and after my life. I head into the kitchen for some more water, and I turn on the light. Everything seems brighter than usual, more intense. A feeling of peace slowly dawns over me like the settling of a low, thick morning fog. The perception of sound is also amplified. I start to feel again some pain around my liver, which has been appearing now and again for some time. However I know that pain is sometimes required to transmute energy and burn up karma.

23:23 +/- (T 1:00) - As the effects start to slowly appear, I do some stretching to open up the energy channels. My body moves easily. My body becomes more relaxed and elastic. During the warm-up Falun Gong exercise I begin to feel some heat, and while in the last position which is focused around the Dan Tien (area around the navel) I begin to feel some heat, and I feel as if the pain that I had felt before in that area slowly begins to melt away.

23:27 (T 1:04) - I head towards the kitchen, the headlights from the cars on the street pulsate, changing their intensity, however I'm not sure if it is them or me causing this pulsation.

23:51 (T 1:28) - Once again I lay down on the bed in the darkness. I close my eyes and begin to see the world as a growing thing, I see various kinds of plants that also share this characteristic of growth. Little growing cabbages bloom in front of my eyes. The world seems to also be growing, resulting in new buildings being made. I notice that the organic and cultural development seem to be part of the same I also begin to see little doughnut shaped energetic rings that appear to be the basis out of which all things are made, perhaps they symbolize the power of creation which is inherant in every part of the universe. Slowly I realize how bad of a person I can be sometimes, which allows me to become more humble not only towards myself, but towards others as well.

0:06 (T 1:43) - I realize that the only way to move forward is to assimilate the past, become one with it and use it for future growth. There is no point in getting caught up in what we percieve as that which could have or should have been. The next couple of hours I spent analzying various events from my past which allowed me to gain a higher perspective on things in which all of the elements that I did not take under consideration earlier came together all at once like pieces of a pizza, forming a complete circle. I noticed that the thing which I had before seen as a good event, really wasn't so good at all, and now that it is over I shouldn't worry too much about the loss, but accept it as a necessary part of my life path which no longer needed those circumstances and individuals for it's growth. At a certain time in the night I also saw various nasty visualizations such as intestines, blood, and other sexually oriented things, however I knew that these were elements that were emerging from my own psyche and I shouldn't be too troubled by them, for they will soon pass.

5:00 (T 6:37) - I go to the bathroom to once again relieve myself, but this time I collect the urine to drink. It has a much different colour than before, it seems more clearer and has a slight shade of yellow. I drank it again and this time with much more ease than the first time. The taste is much better this time around. For the next couple of hours I lie in bed again and wonder at the marvel of creation, and the beauty of life. I think that in urine there could be the funnelling down of all aspects of the human being, it contains information about all of our body parts, like a daily review.

8:30 (T 10:07) - Warm bath. Afterwords I go for a walk outside, I marvel at the flying birds and the bird feeders which I never noticed before. The sun is shining and I think: 'What a wonderful world this is.'

----------

Afterword:

The following day I felt really well, had lots of energy, I was much more happier and I was singing lots. The trip allowed me to let go of some of my previous beliefs about myself and what had happened to me.

The trip allowed me to let go of some of my previous beliefs about myself and what had happened to me.

 Due to that I feel a lot lighter and I do not spend so much time as before being sad and lamenting over the past. Additionally I also realized that I have inside of myself huge potential, everyone of us does! I feel really relaxed after all of that, and a general sense of calm has futher accompanied me throughout the following days. I am thankful for the experience and perhaps sometime in the future I will repeat it. However I have also noticed that regular physical exercise and just 'sitting' also posess beneficial effects of the expansion of consciousness, although it is a much slower process. Therefore I think that we need a dual approach to ourselves, because as someone once said; 'Spiritual and Physical life should grow together'.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 95016

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 23

Published: Apr 15, 2021	Views: 564

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LSD (2), Yoga / Bodywork (202) : Combinations (3), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 8 tablets
		 oral
		 Pharms - Tramadol

		   T+ 1:00
		 1 tablet
		 oral
		 MDMA

		   T+ 1:30
		 6 bowls
		 smoked
		 Cannabis

		   T+ 2:00
		 3 g
		 oral
		 Mushrooms
		 (dried)

		   T+ 2:00
		 1 hit
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   140 lb

This experience happened to me when I was 19 and I had done all of these substances prior on their own. I want to point out that this experience is being written to emphasize the importance of intention-setting before embarking on a journey with any substance, as well as the dangers of mixing various substances at the same time. This was the most (negatively) intense trip I have ever had to date, and I have not mixed so many substances in such a careless way ever again after this, although I have definitely tried new substances since and the same ones in smaller doses or singularly.

I was at a stage of my life where I was really depressed and self-destructive, although optimistic about the nihilism of life, even if that sounds strange. In the weeks leading up to this, I had discovered Tramadol and it had quickly become my DOC, as I am an individual who suffers a lot of physical (and emotional / mental) pain, at the time. I was taking usually around 6 - 9 Tramadol every time I would ingest the wonderful body-numbing substance.

THE EXPERIENCE: (T: 8:30am) I was in high school at the time. It was a Friday and I had decided to skip school. My dad was on a business trip and my mom worked 6am - 8pm every day, so I woke up to go to school and then came back when I knew my mom had left. My dad had let me borrow his car and I was very thankful, as I had reliable transportation. I decided to go to a nearby park and I took 8 Tramadol at about 8:30 am and enjoyed the beautiful Florida weather. It was not humid whatsoever, and slightly windy. I then thought to myself, 'hmm. I want to have a crazy experience today. I'm going to try to find mushrooms and trip at home!' I stayed in the park, trying to find connects, waiting for the Trams to kick in. Once I had gotten a reliable connect, I drove back to my house to meet them.

(T: 9:00am) I got home and while I waited for the connect to come thru, I watched episodes of the Office, which I really enjoyed at the time. I was definitely starting to feel the beautiful sedating euphoria that comes with Tramadol, and then suddenly, to my intention-less 19-year-old mind, I remember that my friend had gifted me a roll the other day and I decided to ingest that as well, while I waited for the connect to come. I sat watching the Office.

(T: 10:00am) A knock at the door. The connect was here. I was barely starting to feel the tingling of the MDMA, although it was a strange contrast between the numbing Tramadol and the tingling MDMA. I was starting to feel really excited and uppity, but I had never met this connect so I didn't want to act bizarre. She walked in, sold me 5 grams of mushrooms, and right before she walked out, she stopped and looked at me and said: 'Hey, can I make you a deal?'

'What's up?' I asked casually.

'I'll smoke you out if you let me smoke in your house and watch the Office with you.'

'I'll smoke you out if you let me smoke in your house and watch the Office with you.'

'Sure,' I said slightly hesitantly, as again, I had never met this person before. I was also at a point in my life where just one bowl of weed would get me extremely high, but it was that giggly, giddy, happy high. I was what my friends called a 'One Hit Wonder,' and I always laughed at that because it was true. However, she smoked me out on 6 bowls of cannabis, and by the end of the session I was extremely faded and she proceeded to thank me and leave the house.

(T: 10:30am) As soon as she left, I made myself two mini-sandwiches, each with 1.5 grams of shrooms. As I ate the first sandwich, my intention-less mind thought 'Hey, I just remembered that my friend gifted me a tab of acid yesterday!' I searched my room for it and found it, proceeded to place it under my tongue, and then ate the second 1.5 gram mushroom sandwich.

Just a recap, at this point I was on 8 Tramadol, had started rolling from the MDMA, and had just ingested 3 grams of mushrooms and a tab of acid after having smoked 6 bowls to the face. I sat there, watching the Office, waiting for it all to kick in. I was in for an experience unlike any other I had ever had.

(T: 11:00am) The first thing that brought my attention to the fact that my trip was about to become discombobulated was that, in the midst of the numbing faded euphoria I was in, my eyes started rolling to the back of my head. This has happened to me multiple times on opiates and while rolling, and I took it as no sign of concern. I closed my eyes briefly as it felt pleasant to not have and visual stimulation for the TV at the moment. I kept my eyes closed for what seemed like a minute or two, and when I opened my eyes, that's when everything started to get wonky.

(T: 11:15am) Once I opened my eyes, the first thing I discovered was that the Office, which I had obviously just been watching, had suddenly started to not be in English. I was confused, as I felt like I just wasn't paying enough attention, and so I turned on the subtitles, only to find that the subtitles were also not in any language I could understand (Spanish is my first language and I know Polish, so it wasn't just a different language; it was characters and symbols straight out of hieroglyphs). This concerned me, as up to this point, the Office was the only thing that was making cohesive sense, the only thing keeping me tethered to the world around me, in a sense. This seems naive in hindsight.

The next sensation I felt was extreme bodily discomfort; not soreness or pains, but mores like my skin was too receptive to everything I was touching with my body; the couch, the blanket, the TV remote, they all seemed foreign. I got a little uncomfortable and decided to lie in my parent's bed and try watching TV to calm me down a bit. I walked to their room, lay in bed, and turned on the TV, but at this point I wasn't paying attention to whatever was playing at all (I think it was Spanish infomercials???), instead, I was increasingly focused on how my touch receptors were reacting; the soft covers that my parent's bed had felt TOO soft, TOO comfortable, basically to the point of discomfort. This is when it all went south.

(T: 11:30am - 1pm) For the next hour and a half, I cycled between watching TV on the couch, getting up after 2 minutes, watching TV on my parent's bed, getting up after 2 minutes, lying down on my own bed trying to listen to music, then getting up after 2 minutes and repeating this cycle over and over. I felt like nothing I did felt comfortable or right. I was looping in an anxious state, as if this was all I could do and it never felt comfortable. This discomfort was most definitely brought on by the combination of Tramadol and MDMA at doses that I would have done them separately, but I had decided to combine them. I quickly went to my backyard to realize I had also started tripping pretty hard and was having intense color enhancement and the wind felt soothing on my face. I sat outside trying to light a cigarette for 20 minutes, getting distracted by my own bodily sensations, and trying again. At this point, I was starting to feel very nauseous and I panicked and told myself, 'Fuck, I think I'm about to have a bad trip.' This was my first mistake, nailing that thought into my head. I had never had a bad trip before this one so I was nervous because of all of the other substances I had ingested as well. I took a few drags off a cigarette and, no matter how pleasant my external environment seemed due to the hallucinogens, my body was feeling really overloaded. I went inside to try and vomit, thinking I could spare myself from what was to come.

(T: 1:30pm) I lay by the toilet and tried to vomit, but nothing would come out. I was getting more and more high by the second, my body felt like it was melting and electrifying all at the same time. I thought to myself that a shower would help, and so I got completely naked and sat in the cold bathtub and let the water slowly trickle from the faucet as opposed to actually taking a shower (I was afraid that the feeling of hot water all over my skin would be too intense). I sat in one corner while the tub was slowly filling with cold water, creeping up towards me more and more. The second that the icy water touched my feet, I freaked out, jumped out of the tub yelling 'NOPE' and proceeded to run into my room and jump onto my bed.

Now, as soon as my body landed on the bed, I can only describe this sensation as the feeling of every single bone in my body breaking in unison. I felt extreme agony and pain in every fiber of my body, and for about 7 minutes, I muttered to myself in inebriated sentences; 'Holy shit, I just broke every bone in my body. I need to call 911. How can I call if I just broke all of my bones? I wish somebody would help me. Oh, I'm going to die.' As I was immobile on my bed, the walls of the room started to distort in size; one second, it felt as if they were suffocating me, right up to my face, and the next, they were stretching endlessly into the furthest realms of time &amp; space. I wasn't even sure of where I was. The pain continued in excruciating agony.

Suddenly, I had a moment of clarity; 'Wait, my bones aren't broken. I'm fine. Look, I'm going to get up now,' I told myself. I slowly sat upright on the bed, feet dangling, looking at my room; the patterns being cast by the sunlight through my blinds, moving very quickly, almost as if I was inside of a dryer with my room; everything was swirling around and changing shapes and colors and pretty soon I couldn't distinguish if was I was experiencing was reality or not. That thought sent me over the edge, and I stood up quickly.

Now, I've had tracers in many trips on many substances, but these tracers were unlike anything I had ever experienced. I was moving through time. As I stood up, I felt what I can only describe as a human presence behind me. I slowly turned around out of fear, and what I found scared me even more; it was me. I was staring at a naked version of myself that was a few seconds delayed, as if I had just stood up quickly again.  I freaked out, needless to say.

I started running from my room, turned around to look behind me, only to see a bunch of naked me's chasing me, just a second or two behind the last. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and running didn't feel like anything. It felt as if I was deprived of all of my senses and experiencing them at their strongest all at the same time. I continued to scream and run around my house, being followed by a bunch of naked me's, while everything around me melted; the walls, the paintings, the tables, the couches, all became a swirl of a multitude of changing colors. I had never felt fear like this. I didn't know what to do. I was on the verge of running out of my house, naked, asking somebody if they would help me or call 911. My bones felt like they were melting with every step, like I was sinking in quicksand and then getting out of it with the next step. I didn't know what to do next so I called my girlfriend at the time.

(T: 2:00pm) My girlfriend, 'Z,' was still in school, but I called her and she picked up:

'Hello?' I heard on my phone.

'Z PLEASE COME PICK ME UP IM AT MY HOUSE AND IM DYING I TOOK TOO MANY DRUGS AT ONCE PLEASE COME AND TELL ME EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE IM BEING CHASED BY ME'

My girlfriend at the time was very inexperienced and naive when it came to drugs and had no idea what to do, so she told me she would pick me up as soon as she got out of her last class, which ended at 3pm. I told myself I could survive until then.

I tried laying in bed, but I was too hot, then too cold, then the covers felt like they were braking my bones, then my bones felt numb, then my entire body felt numb and I punched myself a few times to see if I would feel anything. The visuals were too erratic and intense to describe any further. I had no sense of time or spacial awareness whatsoever. I decided to lay in bed and videotape myself doing whatever I was doing so I could watch it later. It turned out to be a video of me fidgeting around in bed endlessly while muttering to myself, turning music on just to turn it off again (NOTHING sounded pleasant to me at the time), and more muttering.

(T: 3:00pm - 11pm) After what felt like an eternity, Z told me she had reached my neighborhood. I hurriedly put on clothes and ran all the way to the gate of my neighborhood, which felt both extremely long and extremely fast simultaneously. When I reached her car, I jumped into the passenger seat, muttered 'Drive.', and then she drove me to her house. The next few hours were me sitting on a couch, watching the Office (again), and being caressed (only sometimes, because it still felt really intense to touch anything, including the blanket I was under). I was in a catatonic, brain-fried state for the entire weekend and I didn't come home until Sunday afternoon, having told my mom I was sleeping at Z's house. I did nothing but process what had just happened to me, try to eat but couldn't, and stared at a screen while Z worriedly tried taking care of me.

This experience taught me a lot about the use of intention when ingesting substances.

This experience taught me a lot about the use of intention when ingesting substances.

 It is never a good idea to take a substance without first setting an intention of what you want to accomplish during the journey, without feeling comfortable with what you're about to do. I foolishly had taken all of these substances in those same doses separately, and my mistake was taking the same dose but all of them mixed together. Mixing substances so carelessly can definitely result in encounters with law enforcement, hospitalization, and / or death. I honestly felt like I had died every single time I felt all of my bones break.

I have since tried DMT, Kratom, LSA, and various other substances, and I have never had an experience as excruciating as this one.I have grown and learned immensely from this one experience.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 110521

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 19

Published: Apr 15, 2021	Views: 1,580

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Pharms - Tramadol (149), MDMA (3), Mushrooms (39), LSD (2), Cannabis (1) : Alone (16), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3)


		 DOSE:
 T+ 0:00
		 1 hit
		 sublingual
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

		   T+ 7:00
		 8 - 10 hits
		 vaporized
		 Cannabis
		 (extract)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

Last night, (April 19, 2021), was a very foreign experience.

After receiving 2 small white tabs of blotter from a new friend, supposedly straight from Austin, TX, I realized that the next day would be Bicycle Day! I hadn't taken any LSD for over 6 months, and was very eager to celebrate 4/19 authentically for the first time. I kept in mind that the LSD I had just purchased didn't have a known dosage along with it, simply my new friend's anecdotal, "this acid don't play."

I had decided to wait until noon, so that I could finish online work for school early. I nearly couldn't sleep the night before in excitement. Noon rolled around, and I placed one blotter under the tongue carefully.

About 1 hour and 20 minutes after noon, I was finally rolling along. An almost identical experience to the notorious gel tabs I had partook in last year. It was definitely good acid. Giddy, euphoric, and very comfortably manageable, I was simply under the impression that it was a small amount, most likely 50 - 100ug, being such a small blotter. I can ramble on about the minutia of a moderate dose of LSD and its fantastic effects, but with the sheer amount of experiences available, I can wholeheartedly say, I would be redundant in rehashing what thousands have said already. I came to the conclusion that the blotters were simply average, and I was receiving all that I would from the one tab.

I was dead wrong.

Nearly about 6 or 7 hours after I had truthfully accepted that the trip was over, I was only observing faint, almost indiscriminate OEV's. I was oily and felt like I had been through the wringer, as many will describe the come down. Then, a close friend texted me, asking if I wanted to try her cannabis cartridge she just bought. I told her "absolutely, would be really nice to cool down after today."

I park, we visit, we pass the cartridge back and forth about 8-10 times, and I am beginning to relax. Cannabis is great on the tail end of getting fucked up, but I was not prepared in the slightest for the following 3 hours.

The geometry was creeping back gently. It was identical to countless stereotypical video replications provided by the internet. I told her "Fuck, I'm still tripping hard, this is great. Get to ride the roller coaster again."  We said our goodbyes and good lucks, and I trudged off to my truck.

[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]

I then carefully drove home, parked, and enjoyed my tripping self. My experience had doubled, since the "Peak" around 4 PM, in the span of 40 minutes. I was ecstatic, and frankly in the best mindset possible. I was then tasked with accompanying my mother with her evening walk. Mind you, it was windy and quite chilly yesterday, so while we walked and visited, my responses in conversation were perfectly coherent, but limited. A gorgeous orangey purple hue filled the late evening sky, houses rippled on the horizon, and I was enjoying it intensely. I did not venture into beginning any talking points to my mother, I simply provided simple responses to her in lieu of my condition. The wind felt like I had formed freezer burn on my forearms and legs. We both decide to head to our home since I was wearing shorts and a button up shirt, she would circle our cul-de-sac, and she would finish her walk after I returned outside with a jacket. I sat down inside my room, I grab my jacket, and I am still very intoxicated. I then forget my current task.

I didn't return outside, I simply couldn't.

I was then propelled full speed into a blistering fit of hallucination. Palpitations, sweating, and an unfathomable "unraveling" of the very constitution of the reality around me. Had my mother decided to enter the house and confront me for making her walk the block (apparently 6 times), waiting for me to return with a jacket, I might have been babbling as incoherently as a sea lion.

I wish I could describe with much more concise language; I truly wish I had the vocabulary to describe the "opening ceremony" that unfolded before me. I had a slippery, intangible sense of horror, pure adrenaline-fueled terror. The acid had begun this rampant, thought-looping, and fascinating display of intense visual aberration. Nearly touchable three dimensional geometry filled my plane of view. As I peered around my room, my room was still there, but I was not perceiving what truly was occurring. The lamp and digital clock were beaming with an orangey flame, like an acetylene torch with too much oxygen. Some objects had streaming halls of mirrors behind them, edges of objects began to ripple and shift with as much vigor as they were made of smoke, transfixed into these shapes of items I hold dear to my reality.

Suddenly, therein lie the punch. I had been bitch-slapped back into the purest, most visceral hallucinations I have ever experienced. Some part of me wanted to google if cannabis ACTUALLY could have just sent me into this hell scape I was now in, 8-9 hours after initial dose. I was certain I hadn't just been dosed with something foreign in the cartridge, it was just good-ass cannabis oil. Shifting in and out of my reality, observing changes in hue, texture, and tangibility. Tunnel vision occurred intermittently, piercing into another plane of reality, like a fish bursting out of the water, to be suddenly cast into an entirely foreign environment. My inner monologue was scraping to remain intact, and I gladfully was competently able to stay composed, at least physically. The only fear that remained was lingering mildly; that which I had slayed already. I was afloat upon tumultuous waves of perception. Surfing you might say. I could transverse this experience, paddle along, and remind myself that my reality was HERE. HERE is my plane of existence, and I am coming down soon, and I will be just fine.

Gradually, I was returned to normalcy. At about 11:36, 11 hours and 36 minutes since initial dose, I had regained my choke hold on reality again. What I had experienced was the immediate issue of concern, so I pounced to my computer. What came to my realization, was that I had undergone the tail end of an acid trip, sent into overdrive in the last few hours possible, pushing my previously solid mental limit of conceptualization. This acid took that limit and chewed it up, and spit it the fuck out.

It only took 20 minutes of reading within the difficult LSD experiences; they were describing what has been identified as LSD induced ego death. I immediately related every, single, small, detail of personal disintegration from reality I had experienced. I couldn't recall my life, my only reality, I only knew I was observing something in the eyes of some vessel much less personal, much more spiritual.

I then tongue-in-cheek decided to listen to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon before succumbing to sleep around 12:20 AM this morning, enjoying some faint CEV's.

Here I am now, perfectly fine, April 20, 2021, refreshed and rested.

I got to celebrate Bicycle Day 2021 in the most existentially shattering way possible, and I have a new found understanding, respect, and admiration for those who truly see the benefit in these substances.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115397

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: May 6, 2021	Views: 550

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Cannabis (1), LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3), General (1), Various (28)


		 DOSE:

		 0.5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   120 lb

(( the actual experience begins several paragraphs down. ))

I knocked the second thing off of my bucket list a few months ago (the first being able to speak another language.)

Hallucinogens. Ever since I first heard of them, I knew it was something that I had to experience myself. Being a natural loner, I accepted that I probably would never be able to since I don't have many hookups. Nevertheless, the opportunity showed itself to me and I jumped at the chance. My best friend, T, invited me to go to Life in Color with her and her friends. We would drive down, stay the night in a hotel, and drive back the next day. I agreed without hesitation.

I met T's friends when I got in the car with them on our way out of town. There was L, whose parents were rich and had just bought her a new car for her 16th birthday. She seemed nice, but in a condescending way and I got vibes that she didn't approve of me. There was her boyfriend, D, whom I immediately got along with. Lastly, there was D's best friend, J. They had kicked out one of their friends so that I could come. That friend was supposed to be their hookup for the acid tabs, and an hour into our drive he called to say that he might not be able to get it for us. I suddenly felt very unwanted and I could feel everyone's regret for bringing me instead. Even T.

A couple hours later, we arrived and secured our hotel room. We smoked a few bowls while we waited for my stepbrother to show up because he was going to be the driver. Everyone was a little disappointed because they weren't sure if they could find acid inside the venue and for most, that was going to be the high point of the trip (no pun intended).

We got to the rave and I was separated from the crew almost instantly.  I ended up spending the majority of the rave by myself, but I didn't mind at all.

I met up with my group around 2 am and they were all rolling. They'd found molly and taken it and they were all so lovey and wanted to hug me. We left and it was hard to get out of the parking lot because there were paramedics. Someone had collapsed in the parking lot and we still never found out if he or she is okay.

My stepbrother drove us back to the hotel and he went home. We went to our room and smoked some more while everyone took turns showering. Apparently they had found some acid tabs after all; D and J would each get one tab, and T and L would split one. They didn't get any for me.

Everyone left to look for a vending machine and D stayed behind. He hugged me and said he was worried when I got separated. He asked if I was going to trip with them. I explained that there wasn't enough, and he worked it out so that I would get a half tab because he really wanted me to experience it with them, especially for my first time. L was not happy when she found out. I dropped my half tab and then the other girls dropped theirs.

We waited about a half hour and got worried that we weren't going to trip at all. The first thing that I noticed was the vibration of my body. I could feel every muscle; every miniscule movement I made stretched and felt amazing. I didn't have any visuals yet so I lifted my fingers to look for tracers... I didn't get that far because I was instantly distracted by how INCREDIBLY SOFT the air was. The whole atmosphere was almost tangible, fuzzy and so comfortably warm. I could reach out and pet it and it made me so happy.

Everything about going up was soft, warm, comfortable, and SO pleasant. It escalated from comfort to happiness to pure ecstasy; it was honestly the most extreme happiness I have ever felt in my life. Every tiny movement felt like and orgasm and I couldn't stop smiling.

I looked straight up and the place where the mirror met the ceiling looked like another dimension. I could feel myself going up and over the light at the top of the mirror and into a classroom setting. I didn't like it so I came back.

I remembered L saying that looking at yourself in the mirror is the biggest trip and you'll never see yourself the same way. I was disappointed when I looked at myself and I looked exactly the same. I was almost disgusted to look at myself because I was so ugly. Dark circles under my eyes, no makeup, disheveled hair, acne scars, and pale, chapped lips. When I was sober later, I realized that isn't actually what I look like, but when I was tripping I was convinced that I was the ugliest person in the world and maybe that was why I was so unwanted, even by T, my best friend.

I was teetering on the edge of a bad trip when D started talking. 'Is this show even real? Whaaaaat?' The TV was on and I think we were watching Friends. 'I'm frying,' said D. 'What the fuck?! Look at their necks!' We all laughed, deep belly laughs that felt amazing and genuine, because the actors on the show all had ridiculous giraffe necks and we were all seeing the same thing. J laughed too, but he hadn't taken his tab so he wasn't on the same wavelength as us. It was like we were all thinking the same thoughts, laughing at the same moments and gasping in pleasure at the same sensations. All someone had to say was one word and we all agreed enthusiastically because we knew exactly the meaning. J took his half tab. A commercial came on TV that had a man in a pig mask. We thought it was scary so we turned off the TV and the darkness was very intriguing.

At some point, D turned on the light. It was the most beautiful thing we had ever seen: glowing, alive, crawling across the ceiling with electric and jumpy motions. It was almost too much for us and we wanted to go back to darkness. We turned off the light but turned on the hall light so that we could see.

We got up and smoked several times. We stopped worrying about blowing out the window. We wanted the whole hotel room to be filled with the sweet smelling smoke.

We decided to go out in the hall. It felt like the most rebellious thing we could do. We had this sensation that 'they' didn't want us to go out, 'they' wanted us to stay in the room where it was safe and 'they' would get mad if we went on an adventure. We walked out, slowly, gasping and laughing and the carpet and tumultuous walls. We touched the ice cooler at the end of the hall and then ran back to safety, hysterical from such an adventure.

Someone asked the time and it was 5:30 am. What? How?? Time was such a trip. I swear it went backwards sometimes.

I kept getting the sensation that someone was missing, but after counting realized that everyone was there. I saw someone run across the room to the door several times, but checked and everyone was sitting or laying on the beds. I realized that there are others and they protect us, sometimes scare us, and they make the air thick and soft with their presence. They aren't threatening. They aren't ghosts or demons. Maybe angels. My good friend claims that they are Jinn, and maybe he's right. Just... Others.

At one point, my finger brushed against T's side and we both gasped in ecstasy. Amazed, I did it again, but she shied away from my touch. She didn't want me anywhere near her. I felt incredibly sad and I felt excluded and unwanted again.

I went to the bathroom as I was reaching my peak, and when I came back, everything got intense. Everything was folding into itself. Time, and space. Everything had a sense of repetition. My thoughts were fast and repetitive. I felt like I was always on the verge of a groundbreaking discovery, but just when I almost figured it out, my mind would jump backwards to the first thought in the chain. I felt frustrated that I couldn't dwell on one thought, but decided to just ride it out. Literally. The bed underneath me was moving. It stretched and moved in waves and folded in on itself, just like time, my thoughts, and the flow of everything going in circles. Someone found a video of optical illusions; one of them had patterns that were disappearing into themselves and repeating, spiraling vortexes and resurfacing shapes and objects. 'That's it! That's exactly what it looks like right now!' L said, and we all agreed excitedly.

The bed I was on felt so enormous at times, and I lost track of where the other bed was. They wouldn't stop moving and changing places and flipping upside down and folding in half. Despite my bed taking up so much space, I felt if I moved at all I would fall off and the vine pattern in the carpet would grab me. I clung to the blankets and tried to keep my balance.

We smoked again. And again.

I looked at my hand. It was surrounded by electric energy, like colorful lightning zapping around my fingers and up my wrist, following my veins to my heart. I touched my skin and explored my body. I was so soft, especially my breasts. I was surprised and delighted to rediscover that I had nipples. I was in awe when my fingers traveled into my mouth and I could hardly stand the warmth of my breath.

I let myself drift into one of the vortexes. I don't know if I actually slept or was just in a trance, but next thing I knew, the sun was up and L was standing between J and I, telling us it was time to leave. T was parroting everything L said and they both seemed very condescending, complaining that they would have to baby us because we were too far gone. I was annoyed and my best friend was still ignoring me.

D wouldn't get up. He said he wasn't okay. 'Just have to make it to the car, love,' L said to him gently. We somehow managed to gather all of our things and make it downstairs to the car. We left the room smelling dank and there was kandi everywhere but there was nothing we could do.

Just as going up was pleasantly warm, coming down was pleasantly cool. Water was amazing. We listened to music in the car and it was healing. I felt a headache coming on, but I somehow absorbed the music and it healed me. We were all so peaceful, except for D, who was groaning in the front seat, and J, who was just reaching his peak since he dropped his tab later. We stopped at the store for snacks and everything smelled so very good.

At some point during the drive home, J's fingers twitched against my thigh and he made a little noise of delight when he experienced how soft my leggings were. He continued wiggling the tips of his fingers against my leg and that tiny gesture felt so orgasmic to both of us. It was strange how we had hardly talked all weekend, knew nothing of each other besides our names, but we were sharing such an intimate connection. As the car ride progressed, so did our touch. We wanted to explore more -- but it wasn't sexual in any way. I had no sexual thoughts or desires and his hand never ventured anywhere besides my outer leg. By the time we got back into town, our hands were clasped together in his lap, he was leaning on me making comfortable mumbling noises, his other hand was running the length of my leg and my other hand was tracing the designs on the back of his shirt. I got out when L got to my house and I haven't seen or spoken to J since.

I would not take back this experience back for anything. It was the happiest I've ever felt in my life. If I ever get the chance to trip again, I will in a heartbeat, and hopefully have more adventures.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 105634

Gender: Female

Age at time of experience: 18

Published: May 15, 2021	Views: 800

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LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Relationships (44), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2)


		 DOSE:

		 2.5 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (liquid)

		 Repeated bowls
		 smoked
		 Cannabis
		 (flowers)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   145 lb

I had little experience with drugs. I had heavily smoked marijuana for the past 8 months or so, and decided to give myself a little more than I bargained for. I started out with shrooms and ambien. I loved both of them a lot. Hallucinogens seemed to be the right drug for me. I soon did shrooms about 10 times in the span of 4 months.  I always had wanted to try acid, but was just scared of actually going through with it and doing it. Finally, one of my friends lets call her K, said that she had found some acid, and asked if I would like to buy some.

I had to find another person to trip with, since I knew that I would not do too well on my own. My friend, S decided that she would buy two hits, and trip with me. We were expecting to get two 150 microgram gel-tabs each, but was surprised when we received sugar cubes instead.

Apparently, the 3 whole sugar cubes all had one hit on them, but the last sugar cube was cut in half. That one had about 1.5 hits on it, so I decided that I would take I ALWAYS do more than S.

Earlier we had gotten a dub, and decided to smoke it right after we ingested the sugar cubes. We ingested them at 10:20 a.m.

T: 0:00 – Took 2.5 hits via sugar cubes, and smoked 4 bowls. Instantly, things started creeping barely. I felt a little more than stoned. Just a tad bit more over baseline than I would have been without it.

T: 0:20 – Twenty minutes after, I begin to see my peripheral vision tweak out, and realize that it’s about to begin.

T: 0:40 – I am full on frying, and we decided to watch Alice in wonderland. About 10 minutes into the movie, I am fully enveloped in my visual hallucinations. I couldn’t focus on anything. I was just hysterically laughing at all of the colors and shapes whizzing by me. S and me decided that the house was a bad idea, and that the park would be a much better place to hang out.

T: 1:10 – We are at the park, in the middle of a field. It was about 85 degrees out, and I was basking in the ambience of the atmosphere. I remember seeing rainbow flowers everywhere. After about 5 minutes of just rambling on about nothing, I started talking about the earth. The grass felt like the earth’s fetus. The Earth is so massive, and life is above the surface, but we only have 1 atom’s depth until we are below the surface. I was so fascinated. Then, the grass started to morph into a big mound, and we started to witness the earth showing us the vagina of wonders.

T: 1:30 – I was starting to feel weird, which was not good when it came to me and hallucinogens. I knew that a bad wave was coming on, and that it would’ve been good if we returned to my house. At my house, I started seeing everything turn dark, and take over my body. My skin felt loud, I tasted pink in my mouth, and I was watching feelings. I seemed to have been in a trance, because I could not control my muscle movements.

T: 2: 00 – I decide to call my friend H, to see how long this “bad feeling” would last, and she informed me that the next peak would bring me great relief. No sooner did I talk to her, that my feelings got worse.

T: 2:45 – I was beginning to become very nervous. I was under the impression that my mother had been gone too long just to pick up a few things from the store. I began to grow worried, but was relieved about a half-hour later when my mom arrived with groceries.

T: 3:30 – Me and S decided to finish Alice in Wonderland, and watch the Flintstones. I saw geometric patterns everywhere, and was quite interested in them. I began to feel amazing, like no other euphoric feeling that I had ever gotten. That was short lived when my parents decided to leave for a barbecue.

T: 5:00 – I start getting a headache, and S starts to feel a little uneasy, too. We decide to calm down, watch some more TV, and wait out the uncomfortableness.

T: 6:30 – I started getting over my headache, and it got worse and worse, and more excruciating, and decided to smoke more pot in order to make the visuals come back. S and me had a very close talk about god. She had recently been wondering what she believed in, and what the afterlife is. We came to the conclusion (in relation to quantum-physics) that God is Infinity, god is time, substance, and space. We thought that Christians’ just tried to make this idea into the form of human life. They tried to make god seem like a human being of some sorts, make him life. We discovered that god was a system of logic, and that when we die, we sleep forever. We are reunited with long lost memories and loved ones. We are in peace and eternal serenity. We govern our own world, and we become one with the idea of life.

T: 11: 40 – It was around 9 o’ clock, and we decided that drawing would be a good idea. During this drawing period, we saw rainbows and sparkles dotting the paper that we were drawing all over. We also came to the conclusion that we are different people from the rest. That we understand something that no one else understands. We became closer. We are total opposites, but with the same human rhythm to be compatible. Her hallucinations were totally opposite from mine, but we experienced the same things. We were convinced that we are telepathic.

Her hallucinations were totally opposite from mine, but we experienced the same things. We were convinced that we are telepathic.

 It was really a crazy, spiritual release that calmed me.

T:14:00 – Still grilling our brains out, we decided to smoke about 4 more bowls before watching a move and going to bed. After smoking, we decide to put in Cheech and Chong’s Up In Smoke, and instantly regretted it. The part where the crack head snorts up the 3 fatty lines of AJAX, and tweaks the fuck out, really terrified us. We instantly put in Beauty Shop, and watch a hairdressing comedy until I fell asleep. Before falling asleep, the weed intensified the acid feelings again, and I soon was fidgeting around, and thinking crazy again.

T: 18:40 – I am startled at 5 a.m. to the alarm clock of my friend S’s cell phone, and wake her up to give it to her. I remember waking up and still seeing faint geometric patterns on the walls.

T : 24:00 – I woke up 24 hours after I first ingested them, and still saw slight geometric patterns randomly. I smoked and walked to Starbucks, got coffee, and went back home.

I under estimated the full power of LSD, and decided that I would never take it again. I do know that even though it was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life, it taught me a lot, and brought me and my friend S closer together. And, we now have a billion more inside joke because of this experience. It changed me spiritually and motivated me to do something with my life. I am very glad I tripped on this, because if I didn’t, I would have the same mind set I had before.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 63443

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: Apr 22, 2021	Views: 666

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Cannabis (1), LSD (2) : Combinations (3), First Times (2), General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Mystical Experiences (9), Nature / Outdoors (23), Relationships (44), Small Group (2-9) (17)


		 DOSE:

		 2 hits
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   210 lb

After this past weekend, I feel I have enough experience to share the effects of LSD on my athletic performance on multiple occasions. I have done various physical activities approximately 5 times on LSD, and I'd like to detail each one. For reference, I have done LSD about 15 times in my life, so about 1/3 of the time I was playing a sport or exercising.

I have done LSD about 15 times in my life, so about 1/3 of the time I was playing a sport or exercising.

 Although dosages vary, I tend to take 2 tabs each time which I would put around 150-200 mcg.

Experience one was opening Pandora's box. During college I was a bartender. One night my fellow tender and I were cleaning the bar. We found a jacket left on a barstool and emptied the pockets trying to identify its owner. What popped out blew my eyes wide open. In a ziplock bag, five 10x20 sheets of LSD tabs laid before us with colorful Grateful Dead bears dancing in harmony printed on them. Naturally we sold most of it, but about 50 I kept for myself and friends.

One weekend all my roommates went home for break as I stayed behind on an empty campus. With nothing better to do, and it having been about 3 years since my last trip in high school, I popped two tabs and fired up the Playstation. After an hour or so, I felt the lightness in my chest and knew the trip was beginning. I turned off the PS4 and stared in the mirror. Colors were sharper and I pondered what activity would interest me the most at that point. Without much thought I bent to the ground and started doing pushups. Now, I consider myself in excellent shape, but have never broken 40 pushups in my life. After a set of 25, I knelt on the hardwood floor and felt blood pulsing through my entire upper body but zero fatigue. So I reassumed the pushup position. With my hands perpendicular to the floor, I could feel every fiber in my shoulders and chest and how they connected under my skin and how to most efficiently use them in tandem. I proceeded to do 100 pushups without stopping. ONE HUNDRED.  After the set I just sat on the floor and wondered what I had just done and how mysterious the mind is to assist me in such a ridiculous personal feat. I am aware of people doing incredible feats like lifting cars in times of crisis, a display that shows the human body has much more muscle power in reserve, and I felt like I had control of 100% of my strength.

Two days later my curiosity got the best of me. I had to test out my new found strength in an actual gym. The campus gym was entirely empty which was great because I might have bugged out a little bit with crowds there. I took another two tabs and jumped on a stationary bike. Typically I do 10 minutes on the bike to warm my body up but this day I decided to go for a ride. I biked 10 miles in 20 minutes. The pool of sweat underneath me needed a mop to clean up and my t-shirt looked like I jumped in the pool. For reference, 10 miles in 20 minutes is professional level riding, something I could never dream of replicating. On LSD however, each bike pedal was like a heartbeat, in perfect synchronicity with absolute efficiency and power. Full-speed on one of the highest gears available on the bike, my mind and body became one.

Snowboarding is one of my biggest passions, and testing the insane sensory control you have on LSD while riding was on my list of to-do's. I should note that for me, LSD has enabled my focus to expand from one object or item, to 3+ things at the same time. This is why I consider video games so fun on it, because I am able to concentrate on multiple high cognitive-load things at the same time. To visualize, if I was looking down a city street sober, I would see a person walking, or an interesting structure one at a time as I looked at them, but on LSD your mind is able to focus on both simultaneously. This grants things like anticipation and quick decision making during something like snowboarding. The same mind-body unification I experienced on the stationary bike found me while riding the snow. I no longer felt my feet strapped into metal bindings that were screwed to a board. The board felt like an extension of my body that I had complete and utter control over. I also had nerves of steel and the confidence of a king. This combination of insane confidence and control over my equipment led me to more feats I had only dreamed of. After nearly 10 years of riding I was only capable of pulling off 360's from small jumps in the terrain park. But on this day, on the first run of the day, I rocketed full speed at the biggest jump in the park and did a 720 like I was born for it. No hesitation, no panic, just controlled and effortless. I felt every small undulation in the snow and my muscles reacted with lightning speed response. The beauty at the top of the mountain made my eyes tear up as I felt like I was in the place I belonged the most.

Finally, last weekend I went to Maine to play some of the best Disc Golf courses in the U.S. Over two days my friend and I played 7 rounds across 4 different courses and walked nearly 30 miles. Those 30 miles are a testament in itself to the power of LSD. You are able to push your body to its limits. Again, from these previous experiences, I wanted to see what my mind and body could do as one during a round of disc. If you haven't played the sport it is much like real golf in the sense there are par 3's, 4's, and 5's, there are fairways in open fields and in the woods with a basket (hole) at the end, and various types of discs to throw a huge variety of distances and shot shapes. It is a very creative and relaxing sport that everyone should try. For reference, I compete in the amateur 1 division during tournaments where the winner will typically shoot -3 on a good course per round, where a pro would shoot around -12. Putting is nearly as difficult as real golf, where my putting percentage inside 30 feet is about 40-50% where pros are in the 90's. I popped two tabs upon arrival to the course after a long drive. It was sunny, a soft cool breeze, and 100+ holes ahead of us. On just the third hole (about 20 minutes in), things got interesting. On a par 4 I threw in my second shot from 150 feet away for the eagle. I could feel the wave of focus starting the envelop me. All the neon discs in my bag looked like they had their own light sources, like they had beams of sun emitting from them.

I remember my bright pink driver looking so bright in the sun it could glow at night. Each throw following that third hole was more and more accurate with increasing power. I was throwing laser beam drives through tight windows in trees and only using half the normal exertion. The woods are already beautiful on LSD, so throwing neon discs through fairways in them is just the most visually pleasing thing. When I stepped up to putt, my vision seemed to have a vignette effect where every ounce of sensory input and control available in my body was focused on a single chain in the basket. No outside thoughts of my life crossed my mind. Only the single chain my disc was going to hit for a birdie. No longer was wind an enemy when throwing my disc, rather, it whispered to me, it told me the angle, and height, the power I needed to deliver my disc to the basket. I finished that round -12, rated on that course as an elite professional score. Like my snowboard, the disc felt like a part of my body with my mind as the puppet-master.

To conclude, I have never been more fascinated with the potential of this substance and its use in athletics. The creativity, the focus, the efficiency, the confidence, and the control you have while doing sports or exercise is the fullest potential the body has to offer. Although I can never replicate my abilities entirely when sober, there have been many technique changes and lessons I've learned about my abilities that I am trying to utilize.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115398

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: 28

Published: May 8, 2021	Views: 628

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LSD (2) : Performance Enhancement (50), Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)


		 DOSE:

		 1 hit
		 oral
		 LSD
		 (blotter / tab)

           BODY WEIGHT:
	   150 lb

It began like any other powerful episode does. I began to drift in and out of lucidity, sometimes anxious about the loss of control, sometimes exhilarated about the loss of control, sometimes euphoric in absolute madness, a madness aware of- and somewhat directed. As the night wore on, I entered new places that I had perceived- something that I am not sure I can any longer, but rather it is something I assume after a certain point.

I began to realise the place I was headed was a very exciting, new and strange place. It had no familiarity, yet it was as if I found something so obvious that I had never truly looked before but it was as if I had always known. It is not explanatory but it fills with the need to express further the actuality of what occurred. Near as I can figure it, when I allowed and accepted where I was going to do for me exactly what I wanted it to do- allow me to feel as though I was truly able to catch a glimpse of a not-material reality. A world that is not based on even language, for as I try to decipher what I was learning, I quickly quickly that I was doing so in the alphabet- A’s, B’s- all of which are part of the very reality that I was annihilating. The identity itself- the ego- began to tear. The fabric itself of what is around me tore and my memories are nearly impossible to translate, for as the ego leaves so do the explicit material ways to explain where I was, I was now beyond a reality where these material issues are of much importance. Now, I started to move internally into a heightened understanding, an understanding and direct association with the self- that one has separated from it so completely that it is not difficult to believe that sometime soon in this state I will feel a true all powering sensation.

A quick glance around the area, the room, the bookshelves and the people- talking about things completely innocently and materially based, they can not be allowed into my place. I have discovered my place so completely that it is absolutely imperative that people not disturb me. It is somewhere very much the absolute of peace and feels as though I was learning how to reveal to myself the ability to navigate the course of the rest of the journey.

At once I began to mentally realise the interventions of the other trippers- two acid, one ecstasy- was a disturbing tie to the material realm. I felt my ego suffer and swell to far too encompassing prominence as I fell to the floor to search for an earring guard. The time I spent on the carpet fed the ego and helped to feed the poison of scientific certainty.

The time I spent on the carpet fed the ego and helped to feed the poison of scientific certainty.

 At that point, I withdrew from the carpet, cursed the strength of my ego, and declared to myself the certainty with which I would turf it. I began to drift. I drifted hard and I drifted deep under the layers. I could feel my essence move within itself, contort inwardly yet separate absolutely from where I had been inside the ego itself. This very ego that was so all encompassing I had never seen it fit (nor had the comfort to admit) anywhere, yet it was everything absolutely everywhere in the material reality I had assumed the misfortune to believe. At this point, I was gone- I was in a new place in its absolute entirety. The truth of the matter is that once one has comprehended how absolutely utterly impossible – totally impossible- to truly trust that which is “here”- material reality- assumes the place of a set fantasy, where the reality one can see through trust and experience with the annihilated ego “self”. This is a place where all consciousness blurs into one base understanding, one felt with extreme clarity, but it is not certain if that feeling comes from my material shell or from my actual understanding, my true essence. Once I understood- something so powerful total and absolutely illuminating- at that point I began to cry and laugh and every massive emotion welled and the pleasure and the realisation was almost so potent as to feel like I was overflowing with sensation. The sensation began to take on something beyond this world so utterly- so entirely so- that nothing other than the experience could be understood. I was looking but I could not see yet I saw more than was there- I breathed yet was unaware of the air or even the body taking it in- I thought and felt both infant and 1000 years old, older than true knowledge itself.

I was in the closest thing I can define to true sanity, the total expression I have known. I saw where I had earlier torn the fabric of the connection I had to the material egos in the form of my close friends. Then I began to mentally, as though sewing a T-shirt- began to assemble a mentally constructed cellophane separation across the room that kept their material selves from interrupting the space I was in. I had turned away from the room while staring across it and sitting right in the middle of the plane that was here. I thought of little else, except that I had tuned them out entirely. I was off in a new existence to my senses, but again I felt comforted. I learned how to struggle against all the expressions of the petty: I tortured my ego, I attempted to separate from my space as best as one entrance level can take one. I was guided to a place where I was shown doors, choices for paths. I did not have the knowledge as to how to navigate any path as of yet. I was too much the novice. The clarity that was euphoric was the simple spotting of these paths, the conformation for even the sceptical side of the ego that what I saw was very much what was going on and offering itself as a higher knowledge. It was to know that the ego gets in the way. To look around and see the suffering caused by the deception, a deception so clear that the ones I was with knew not even they were being deceived.  That felt utterly evil yet brilliant. At this point, I began to wander about the house- including a journey into my room to stare at books, feel the true power and absolute bliss that is my brain itself. The bliss rolled upon itself as the creative imagination took me on more journeys and I stroked the back of my truly attuned cat for quite some time.

the creative imagination took me on more journeys and I stroked the back of my truly attuned cat for quite some time.

 As I faded from joy to joy in rapid succession until the eyes for the book nor the hand for the notes could function at all.

At this point, I realised that I had only begun to truly challenge the ego, never more than 5-10% of it was attacked at the same time at any one point. I never escaped the shackles of the clock, which my friend was kind enough to help me understand- turning it around and watching me fidget, finally culminating in my unplugging it. This I came to see as an act that accepts both the materialist interpretation of the problem and also allows the materialist “solution” to continue to pollute and waste the efforts of the self to attack and crush the ego. The utter attack on all that IS, all that can BE- that has not even begun to be undertaken. But being shown the doors, and given the secrets to what feels near divine- to control the process and to travel deliberately- is a certainty that truly allow me to understand my own insignificance. Yet the greater aspect of my new knowledge is that the insignificance is truly breathtaking and positive. It is to truly know how little we need get caught up in that which is material. It is to see the path free of petty jealousies, concerns towards that which is uncontrollable and to see the need for absolute inner peace part of a pre-requisite to being one who can fight the injustices which ravage and torment so many unwilling egos. It is to know how little is known and to be absolutely delighted in a world and a lifetime of searches. It is to appreciate the word, it is to denigrate the attitude that represses and attacks that which is part of the human spirit.

It is to know the paths exist and that there is so very much more. It is to be certain of uncertainty, it is to know that reality itself is the only true insanity. It is the vision of the window.

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 13976

Gender: Male

Age at time of experience: Not Given

Published: May 28, 2021	Views: 492

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LSD (2) : Mystical Experiences (9), Relationships (44), Small Group (2-9) (17)