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Builder of Her Home: The Value of Faithfulness #4 Part I Based on a Naaleh.com shiur by Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller

In Malachi, the navi says, “Vehi chavertecha v’eishet britecha. She is your friend and the wife of your covenant." Rav Moshe Cordovero explains that the Shechina’s main presence comes to a person through his wife. Therefore, an unmarried man cannot experience the Shechina fully. A man has two women in his life. The first is his actual wife. His role is to provide for her and to see that she has food, clothing, and shelter. Then there is the Shechina, which is referred to as a woman. The Shechina won’t give man the ability to provide if he has no one to provide for. A person’s life isn’t just a personal drama that involves him, his wife and kids. It is rather a higher expression of Hashem’s desire to give.

Marriage is different than any other relationship in that there is commitment and continuance. The husband signs the ketubah document, pledging to be there for his wife. She accepts the kiddushin, committing herself to be his wife. In other relationships, there are changes, stops, and many times separation. Marriage is a covenant which runs much deeper. It’s a pledge to provide, receive, and build. All of this is a reflection of Hashem’s relationship with us. He desires to give and we must receive and create with the things he gives us. Similarly, the wife must desire to receive from her husband and the husband must want to give. Then the Shechina will bless him with the ability to do so. Secular society touts that both the wife and husband are expected to give and receive equally. She must move away from that misguided notion. She must let herself feel dependent on her husband. When we say someone is alive we mean that his soul and body are joined together. This is compared to the life force of a ma'ayan (spring), which is called mayim chayim, living waters. It flows continually. Similarly the soul brings life to the body from Hashem. There’s nothing static about a human. We have enormous potential because we are alive and continuously receiving and changing and giving. The primary place where this takes place is in marriage. Someone who receives from Hashem but doesn’t have a continual place to give isn’t called alive. When a man has no wife he has no life because he isn’t moving. There is no one receiving from him. This limits his ability to receive from above.

Rashi says a man signifies the letter yud. This symbolizes the spark of divine creativity and wisdom with which everything begins. A woman represents the letter hey, bringing it all down to earth, concretizing it, and giving it an address. Together, his yud and her hey spell the divine name of the Shechina that rests between them.

Since he is meant to give, she should not conceal her needs from him. This will draw down his possibility of providing her with it. The fear of vulnerability and neediness that so many women feel is a tragedy. Being a faithful wife means being vulnerable enough to say, “I need,” but at the same time being honest enough to say, “I need from you what a husband is meant to give. I still have friends, I’ll ask a Rabbi when I have to, but I want you to give me what I need materially, emotionally, and physically.” You have to be vulnerable for that but at the same time real. It’s a tightrope. People tend to go to extremes. It doesn’t mean you can’t have a career or outside interests, it means your deepest needs are meant to be filled by your husband.

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