For those who lose a spouse unexpectedly, the pain can be unbearable and it can feel nearly impossible to go on, said Karen James , of Dallas, whose husband, Kelly, died in 2006 while climbing Mount Hood. James said she tried to reach out to Patti Stevens last week, but never heard back from her fellow widow. She said she knew what Stevens must have been going through."Those are the darkest, darkest times," James said Monday after she heard about Patti Stevens' death. "My deep, deep sadness is that she just didn’t get a chance to get over the worst of the worst darkness."James said she sometimes found herself thinking about dying so she could reunite with her husband in heaven."I knew I had no desire to do anything physically, I just kept asking God for me not to wake up," she said. "The pain was so horrific."James said she thought she would never smile or laugh again in her life. She would sleep with her husband's jacket at night and found herself hoping he was just doing carpentry work in their garage."There's a sense of disbelief and a complete loss and, 'Where do I go now?'" James said. "When you're happy and in love and your life is defined by your relationship all you're thinking about is your future with this person. When it's taken away, it is the most devastating thing."Grief is a long process, she said. It took her about six to seven years to get out of the depths of despair, to feel stable in her life. She said she only kept going because she felt God gave her life a purpose and she had support from her girlfriends, church group, grief counselors and family.James said her close girlfriends teamed up and didn't leave her side for weeks after her husband's death, even though she never asked them to stay with her.She remembers the gestures, big and small, that helped her go on with life. Her friends went through her home before she arrived back in Dallas from Oregon, and hid her husband's slippers that were by the door. When she walked in the door, her friend had baked rosemary chicken and mashed potatoes.About a year after the death, she noticed a stranger mowing her lawn and asked him who he was."Karen, I've been mowing your lawn for the past year," she recalled him telling her. "Your neighbor hired me."That type of support helped her see she wasn't alone."I don’t think I can stress the importance enough. ... For anyone who thinks that, 'Oh maybe they just need their time or their space and they don’t want to intrude,'" she said. "I was too broken and devastated to ask for help. I just didn’t have it in me."More to come.Staff writer Tristan Hallman contributed to this report.

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National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255. Confidential online chat is also available at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org