My Santa was awesome enough to provide a tracking number and I’ve been following the package all week. I am leaving on holiday tomorrow morning, and I was really concerned the package wouldn’t make it here in time. Thankfully, IT DID!!!

The box was huge and arrived from Poland. I was so damn excited. I opened it and inside was something wrapped in copious amounts of bubblewrap, with a handwritten note pinned on top of it. I read the note first and it was fantastic, thoughtful and very witty. And then, underneath all the bubble wrap, holy shit!!! My Santas made me a huge adorable jumping spider with beautiful sparkly eyes, huge fluffy legs and a psychedelic fabric body that doubles both as a pincushion (such pretty pins, HOW DID YOU KNOW I NEEDED LONG PINS OMG) AND a little box. Inside the spider’s magnificent storage butt was a nice pink spider thread, and a freaking mixtape filled with Polish funk music. A MIXTAPE. OF POLISH FUNK MUSIC. INSIDE A GIANT JUMPING SPIDER’S BUTT!!!

I have no words to describe how incredible this gift is or how much I love it. I love love love unique and weird things. I love funk. I love sewing. My ultimate pet would be a jumping spider with the size and personality of a cat. AND I GOT ALL OF THAT AT ONCE. This is the best gift ever. If there was a fire, it would be among the first things I grab as I run out of the building in panic. Seriously, best gift ever. I started listening to the mixtape and so far I’m loving it. I had no idea there was so much awesome Polish funk out there!!! Thank you so much for opening my eyes to it, Polish dudes. =) I’m so very grateful for your gift.

Santas, I truly hope you get a gift that’s just as awesome in your exchange (no dead/alive cats or angry bees!). I’m really glad you liked Parliament/Funkadelic too. =) Thank you so so much, you guys are outstanding human beings. Keep being awesome. =) =) =)