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And just to show kids how cool Eddie is, here he is talking to his good friend 90210 star Jason Priestley, who considers this badly drawn bird his personal friend and -- according to his contractual obligation -- a "hero."

NRA

"Yes, Eddie. Without the 2nd Amendment, we aren't America."

Here's the thing, though: Eddie is the worst. For starters, his lessons didn't actually work on kids. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, "existing programs are insufficient for teaching gun-safety skills to children" as when they tested a bunch of Eagle Eye schooled kids, none of them knew what to do when around a firearm. It's almost like the solution to protect kids from guns is to not leave guns lying around, a responsibility that should rest squarely on adults, not on schoolchildren and a smarmy cartoon bird. All Eddie seems to achieve with his awareness is to normalize the idea of being around firearms from a young age. A study by the Violence Policy Center called him "Joe Camel with feathers" and concluded that the NRA's "hoped-for result is new customers".

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Hell, even the woman who designed the Eddie the Eagle program recently said that if she'd known how the program was going to be used she "wouldn't have anything to do with it." Why? Because the NRA literally props up Eddie the Eagle as an alternative to imposing stricter laws on negligent adults, calling a 2016 bill to make it punishable by law to leave firearms around children "unnecessary" like they've actually started believing their magic superhero bird will come and save the day.

But creating dangerously inappropriate cartoons themselves wasn't enough for the NRA. Tired of the weak spined Grimm Brothers leftist propaganda, the NRA also published a series of revisionist fairy tales. Guess what, kids, if Hansel and Gretel had been packing heat, they could have painted the witch's gingerbread walls strawberry red with her brains. The same goes for Little Red Riding Hood, who makes great use of the "stand your ground" rule to take on that shifty, vaguely ethnic looking Wolf.

NRA

NRA

The only thing that stops a bad wolf is a good grandma with a gun.

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With clearly so many children's authors working for the NRA, we're starting to wonder if Bambi wasn't originally a super happy story until they rewrote it for political purposes. We're just kidding. If the NRA had made Bambi, he would've been wearing gang colors and the entire forest would've been massacred by one hunter and his truck-mounted machine gun.

Think Nana and Pop-Pop's loving 60-year monogamous relationship is quaint and old-fashioned? First off, sorry for that disturbing image, but we've got some news for you: the monogamous sexual relationship is actually brand new relative to how long humans have been around. Secondly, it's about to get worse from here: monkey sex. On this month's live podcast, Jack O'Brien and the Cracked staff welcome Dr. Christopher Ryan, podcaster and author of 'Sex at Dawn', onto the show for a lively Valentine's Day discussion about love, sex, why our genitals are where they are, and why we're more like chimps and bonobos than you think. Get your tickets here!

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