Yes, spoilers.

That being said, VOLDEMORT. Ralph Fiennes deserves the Golden Globe for best actor in a musical or comedy, because his portrayal was what woke me up from the Hogwarts scene where major characters were dying suddenly and not harping on it long enough to get a tear out of the viewer. Without further ado, Voldemort’s top shining qualities in Deathly Hallows: Part 2:

1) Voldemort is a great public speaker. To his detriment, in fact. This was the first movie in the series that Voldemort only said a sentence before smiting Harry Potter, and boom! His most successful Potter-smite to date, even though it only lasted a few hours. Every single other movie, he loses after giving Harry Potter so much damn time to gather his bearings because he’s making a twenty minute speech about how much he wants to kill him. Apparently, this is not as much as he wants to hiss about it.

2) Voldemort has fallen, BUT HE CAN STILL GET UP. Favorite part of Deathly Hallows: Part 2 was by far when Bellatrix tries to help him up after the aforementioned Potter-smite and he’s like “Fuck you, I got this” and kicks her aside. Positive-ass role model.

3) He knows a hilarious joke when he hears one. When Neville Longbottom decides he wants to tell a quick joke, Voldemort listens for the millionth time about how following your heart and doing nice stuff will overcome hissing, noseless supervillians. Harry Potter has worn this act out, but Voldemort leaps to Neville’s rescue and starts cracking up, as do all his henchmen. And that is how Neville Longbottom’s mediocre career in stand-up comedy began.

4) Voldemort likes to cuddle. Case in point. Look at that affection.

5) Voldemort is an excellent pet owner. So maybe his snake was an extension of himself, but they’re total BFF’s! Voldemort is bi-lingual thanks to his little serpentine pet, and feeds her well; no off-brand dried mice for Nagimi, how about some delicious PEOPLE?

6) Willing to take joyrides with the enemy. “We’ll finish this like we started it—together!” Voldemort realizes that Harry Potter’s a big drama queen and refutes this cheesy line by flying around with him for about two minutes and landing smoothly, with both of them unharmed.

7) Ability to die by exploding into cat dander. I haven’t read Deathly Hallows since it was released four years ago, but I know he didn’t become Voldemort dander in the story. However, this is a good cinematic touch: if anyone is allergic, he will bother people into the afterlife.

8) Robes of infinite power. That moment when he decides to turn his flowing, magnificent robes into Harry Potter strangling devices that look suspiciously like black licorice? This, fashionistas, is called making an outfit work.

9) Spin-off?! Think about it: dead people chill out with Harry Potter all the time, even when he’s been unconvincingly aged nineteen years at the close of the film. Why not our pal Voldemort? Maybe a rom-com where he falls for a Muggle who would love to marry him except she promised herself as a child to only wed a man with all his facial features intact. Sigh! Harry Potter and the Mysterious Nasal-snatcher.

So, that’s it for Harry Potter. I’m cool with it. If I hear one more twenty-five-year-old human complain about their ‘childhood ending’ after watching the hilarious vaudevillian spectacle that was Deathly Hallows: Part 2, I swear to God I’ll shove their own fifty-dollar oak sticks up their ass. Sorry your childhood’s over, but you’re twenty-five. This is an established thing. Get a life. Get a job.