The eighth-grader fidgeted nervously during an impromptu meeting with the principal of Haven Middle School in Evanston just before the start of first semester.

While classmates and teachers had long known the student as a girl, the 13-year-old actually identified as a boy and was starting to make that transition. He explained that he's transgender and asked to be called Avery from now on instead of Sarah, the name on his birth certificate.

Principal Kathleen Roberson commended him for his bravery and openness. Avery was shocked.

"I don't think I've ever really heard about a positive reaction from a school," he recalled. "I was so scared she was going to be like 'no, you can't do that.' "

Avery Kaplan is Haven's first openly transgender student, so he, his supportive mother and Roberson crafted a plan. It included staffwide diversity training, specific instruction on transgender issues for his core teachers, meetings with the school psychologist and — at his request — a private space where he felt comfortable changing clothes for physical education class.

Schools across the Chicago area and the nation are grappling with these kinds of decisions as they address the needs of students who don't fit typical gender norms, with policies spanning a spectrum of tolerance and support. While there are no definitive statistics on transgender students in the Chicago area, about 0.5 percent of adults identify as transgender, according to a Massachusetts phone survey published in the American Journal of Public Health in 2012.

Chris Walker, Chicago Tribune Avery Kaplan, an eighth-grader, poses in a hallway at Haven Middle School in Evanston. Avery was born a girl but now identifies as a boy. Avery Kaplan, an eighth-grader, poses in a hallway at Haven Middle School in Evanston. Avery was born a girl but now identifies as a boy. (Chris Walker, Chicago Tribune) (Chris Walker, Chicago Tribune)

Chicago Public Schools in October adopted its first guidelines for supporting transgender and gender non-conforming students. It includes affirming the right of students to wear clothing, attend classes and use names and pronouns that reflect the gender they identify with; restroom and locker room use are determined on a case-by-case basis. CPS spokeswoman Lauren Huffman said all schools will be trained on the guidelines.

But sometimes even well-meaning educators can go awry. East Aurora School District officials about two years ago approved anti-discrimination rules that included allowing transgender students to use locker rooms and bathrooms of their identified gender, but rescinded it just days later in the wake of community backlash. The policy was pulled on Spirit Day, a day when lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender supporters wear purple to take a stand against bullying, though school officials said the timing was coincidental.

And nationally, the LGBT community was livid when Kentucky lawmakers recently attempted to pass legislation that would have forced transgender students to use separate single-stall bathrooms and locker rooms while barring them from facilities that correlate with their gender identity, though the bill died in March.

While this relatively new area of school policy can be controversial, advocates for transgender youth stress that school support is critical to the safety and emotional health of this group often referred to as the minority within the LGBT community.

"Take away the politics or the emotions people might feel about transgender individuals and let's boil it down to something that I think every parent can understand," said Dr. Robert Garofalo, pediatrician and co-director of the Gender and Sex Development Program at Lurie Children's Hospital. "And that's that every child deserves to go to school in a safe and nurturing environment."

Two diplomas

As for Avery, he said he's more excited to go to school since coming out. He walks more confidently through the halls of Haven this year, his blond hair cut short and swept to the side, his gray eyes framed by unisex glasses.

When a few classmates have made rude inquiries about his gender or questioned why he's singing with the boys in the school play, Avery said he simply responds "because I am a boy." Close friends who dubbed themselves the Avery Defense Squad are quick to correct anyone who addresses him with the wrong pronoun or his former name.

He started the year using single-stall bathrooms that are open to anyone at school but recently began going to the boys restroom, which he said hasn't been an issue.

And Haven formed its first gay-straight alliance this year. Co-sponsor and school psychologist Allina Nikolopoulou said Avery was the catalyst for the club, which now has about a dozen consistent members.

"Avery has been very thoughtful in helping us transition as well," Roberson said. "I think we had more anxiety at the beginning of the year, just not knowing. As soon as we got into it a month or so, Avery is just Avery."

The one glitch came in the fall, when he was proud to make the honor roll but dismayed to read his old name, Sarah, on the certificate.

"I felt a little rejected," he said.

He was gratified that school officials fixed the problem when he made the honor roll again in March. And Roberson said he will receive two diplomas when he graduates in June — one with the old name because it's still his legal identity, the other honoring him as Avery.

"This year is the first year that I transitioned; I kind of want to remember that," he said. "And now I'll have a diploma with my name on it."

The pronoun cup

Teachers and administrators milled around the hallways during a break at a seminar in Naperville in late February, chatting about everything from single-stall bathrooms to appropriate pronouns to gender-neutral uniforms.

The conference, called "A Day in the Life of Transgender Students," explored policies and cultural changes to promote transgender inclusion in elementary, middle and high school, sponsored by the Naperville Community Network for Professionals Serving LGBT Youth. It was the third-annual seminar of its kind, attended by roughly 150 educators from 23 school districts in DuPage, Kane, Cook and McHenry counties.

A kindergarten teacher asked for advice on how to respond when parents would ask whether a student was a boy or a girl, because the child was consistently bucking gender stereotypes. One participant lamented how even innocuously starting the day with "hello boys and girls" can be rough for kids who aren't sure where they fit.

A west suburban mom spoke of her son who is now in college, noting that it was a third-grade teacher who persuaded the mom to stop forcing her son to wear "girl" clothes, and it was a fifth-grade teacher who explained to her that her child was transgender.

"You educate the parents as you educate the kids," she said. "You are the front line."