I am an attractive girl that no one likes for no apparent reason except to make you feel sorry for me. I have plenty of unrealised potential, but I think I’m a loser. There’s this boy I like, but he doesn't know I exist. My best friend is popular, but she’s not mean popular, she’s nice popular. Somehow she still wants to hang out with me, only suffering to increase my unpopularity among jealous contemporaries. I can also have a best friend who’s gay, or a genius. Either way, as long as my best friend is drastically different from me, I don’t give a shit. I pine after the handsome popular guy who was nice to me one time, ignoring the nerdy friend who’s very obviously in love with me.

I am so morally upright I wouldn't kill an ant. The world is against me, and its evil controlling dictators makes life miserable. Yet, I am the only one capable of seeing their true colours, while others live in misery, perfectly happy and content. One day something goes wrong, and I realise I’m the only one who can save humanity, even though I don’t even have a high school diploma and almost got kicked out because I punched a bully in the face.

I embrace my destiny as a teenage superhero who is still totally normal, just like you. Except that I can knock out two evil bodyguards twice my size with my bare hands while saving someone’s life. Did I also mention that I have never learnt martial arts? I must be a natural. The power of being the chosen one is enough to give me strength to defeat all evil.

My best friend, who tries to convince me not to go on this crusade gives up and risks her life to join me. Her useless skills now become useful. Can’t crack the password? My genius friend is fluent in a thousand programming languages. The door is locked? No worries, my friend whose father is in jail for burglary has taught his child how to pick locks using a hairpin that just happens to be found in my long and beautiful hair.

We somehow survive being shot at, punched, kicked and tortured, only to realise the biggest obstacle is yet to be tackled. All hope is lost, it is impossible to win against this big bad evil man. I have done all I can. I give up, resigned to spend the rest of my life a failure. But fear not, I remember something my mentor once said ten years ago without context, and I realise that it is the key to winning this doomed fight. After a long hard battle, I am triumphant.

My hair is still beautiful. My friend is proud of me. The boy I have a crush on finally realises that I’m a badass beauty and his girlfriend is a bitchy piece of shit who’s actually jealous of me. It’s too late because I am now in love with my nerdy, but still cute previously friend-zoned pal. Only through slaying evil did I realise that he looks like Zac Efron when he takes off his glasses.

We live happily ever after, and no one mentions going back to school again because what is school when you've just saved the world?