

(Shutterstock / Tyler Olson)

We never thought we'd be the ones to defend your right to anonymously scrawl "bike lanes fart lampshade" on a post about food stamps but Albany's idiocy so moves us. Identical bills that have been proposed in the Assembly and the Senate that would require New York websites to "remove any comments posted on his or her website by an anonymous poster unless such anonymous poster agrees to attach his or her name to the post."

Republican Assemblyman Jim Conte, a co-sponsor of the bill, which hasn't been voted on yet, says that besides cutting down on cyber bullying, the "legislation will help cut down on the types of mean-spirited and baseless political attacks that add nothing to the real debate and merely seek to falsely tarnish the opponent's reputation" on the web. Indeed, those baseless attacks belong on national television, not the internet.

The Amalgamated Brotherhood of Men Who Prefer That Other People Not Know They Live In Their Mom's Basement & Surf The Web On A 1997 Packard Bell is said to be throwing tens of dollars at lobbyists in Albany to block the legislation. Not that it will be necessary: the law violates the First Amendment. As Daily Intel rightly points out, founding fathers Madison, Hamilton, and Jay would have been outed as the authors of the Federalist Papers, and Patrick Henry probably would have called them all "trifling fatties" who "dip their quills in ink paid for by their mommies."

There's another loophole in the language of the law:

(C) INTERNET" MEANS THE GLOBAL SYSTEM OF INTERCONNECTED COMPUTER 17 NETWORKS THAT USE THE INTERNET PROTOCOL.

WRONG.