You’re an American, and you’re hanging out with your (totally platonic) man-buddy after a long day of driving pick-up trucks and buying guns…or whatever normal Americans do (I wouldn’t know, I live in Hipsterville, Urbancity USA).

So you’re doing typical American stuff like wolfing down hamburgers and drinking shit beer when you turn to DiAngelo (that’s your friend’s name) and say-

“You know, Di, I’m bored. Let’s go to a dance club and and do dance club stuff.”

DiAngelo’s eyes go wide with abject terror. He smashes a beer can on the bar in a fit of rage, stands up and screams.

“I will not go to another witch house party!”

DiAngelo also owns a fabulous selection of sensible dress shirts.

“Oh no!” you reply, watching the terror-rage quickly drain from DiAngelo, “witch house went the way of tumblr.seapunk.edu and is no longer cool – both ironically and non-ironically. Also I hate trap now” (you feel the need to remind people you hate trap too).

DiAngelo sits down and nods while shoving another hamburger into his face and says-

“So what are we gonna dance to – yo?”

“I don’t know” you wistfully reply “I’ve been thinking that it’d be great if someone took the swinging sounds of the 20s and somehow merged them with the modern hip beats of todays electronic music.”

“Sweet doobies! That sounds fantasti-mundo!” DiAngelo replies in slang that may or may not be real, “I’ve been thinking that I’d like to wear suspenders in a non-ironic manner… again!”

“And I’ve been wanting to wear [insert whatever clothes you’ve been wanting to wear] in an environment where I won’t be judged by ‘The Coalition For People Who Judge Your Taste in Vintagesque Clothing’ (aka the CFPWJYTVC)!”

“But where do we GO?!?” DiAngelo howls in agony as he slams six more beers.

“I know, I’ll call up everyone’s-best-friend-electro-swing-DJ, Vourteque, and he’ll tell us where to go!”

And that’s what you do – and this is what I tell you.

Continuous Parties

(Events that Happen at Least Four Times a Year)

1 – Rouge! Electro-Swing Cabaret

Where? : Chicago and Detroit

When? : Chicago, 3rd Wednesday at Double Door. Detroit, bi-monthly at Tangent Gallery

Perfect For : People who hate dress codes and like to dance in basements and warehouses.

What is it? : Founded by Vourteque (that’s me, told you the list was biased) and Mr. Automatic (of Dead 2 Me Records), Rouge! is the Midwest’s top electro-swing event (that is a factual statement). It features Djs and live bands from throughout the world such Dutty Moonshine, Good Co, Doctor Danish as well as top tier burlesque and variety such as Midnite Martini, Titano Oddfellow and Angela Eve. It draws an eclectic mix of steampunks, carnies, burners and kind of normal people(?). All of which are more than happy to have a drink or fifteen with you… because it’s the Midwest and you’ll either be in a basement of a rock club in Chicago or a warehouse in Detroit.

Cover? : Chicago is usually free, Detroit is $10

More Info : www.Rougeelectroswing.com

2 – Trapeze

Where? : San Francisco, Los Angeles and a road show, venues vary

When? : About two dozen times a year, next shows are 3/4 (LA) and 3/5 (SF)

Perfect For : People who want to remember the night but not the next day.

What is it? : Founded by The Klown and Delachaux, it’s known for it’s over the top raucousness. After staying at The Klown’s place I’d say Trapeze is the neo-vintage equivalent of an electroclash party, except everyone actually looks good. They also feature world class DJs and bands, Swingrowers will be there in March, and they heavily vet their burlesque and variety talent. The Los Angeles Trapeze is about to be taken on by the fantastic duo The Gentlemen Callers of LA, so you can expect a lot of parties out that way this year. Also everyone in San Francisco stops aging at 27, so don’t plan on sleeping for like six days or ever.

Cover? : Varies; $10 – $25

More Info : www.Trapezesf.com

3 – Speakeasy Electro Swing

Where? : All over, Atlanta, Seattle and DC have well established one

When? : ATL & Seattle are monthly, DC is a few times a year

Perfect For : People who know how to swing dance and own actual vintage clothes, also people who don’t.

What is it? : The original electro-swing dance party series, founded by the Montreal Speakeasy Collective (known for their compilations) they’ve outsourced the events to fantastic Djs & performers such as Atlanta’s Doctor Q (known for his work on Dragon*Con), Seattle’s Carey Rayburn (of electro-swing band Good Company), and DC’s BEATrix (also known for her tropical Dj beats.) Each Speakeasy has a unique feel but all feature a solid array of Djs, bands and performers from all over the world. Also it’s hands down the best party for picking up someone who doesn’t end up being a drug runner for an international crime ring.

Cover? : Varies; $5 – $10

More Info : http://speakeasyelectroswing.com/atlanta

http://speakeasyelectroswing.com/washington-dc

http://www.speakeasyelectroswing.com/seattle

4 – The Speakeasy Sesssions

Where? : Brooklyn, NY

When? : Semi-Regularly, one just happened (in Brooklyn (but you probably didn’t know that)).

Perfect For : Hipsters who aren’t geeky enough to be steampunks but also won’t go above 27th Street in Manhattan.

What is it? : Initially part of the Speakeasy Electro Swing series; east coast DJ/producer Faith in the Glitch broke off with some of his cohorts to create his own Brooklynese brand of electro-swing parties. Often opening with live bands and rotating through various venues in Brooklyn (and occasionally outside it). It’s exactly what you’d expect; a multi-cultural crowd, gritty music that tips more toward electro, lots of beards, an occasionally lost/drunk 55 year old Russian guy and great cocktails that aren’t that expensive. They’ve recently had Max the Sax in and blew the roof (pun intended) off the place. Also, they’re occasionally upended by South American comics, don’t ask, it just happens. It’s Brooklyn.

Cover? : Varies; no cover – $10

More Info: https://www.facebook.com/TheSpeakeasySessions/

5 – Electric Swingset

Where? : South Market, San Francisco, CA

When!? : 1st Friday of the Month, 7:30pm

Perfect For : People who actually have a schedule, people who like to swing dance, functioning adults.

What is it?: One of the longer running electro-swing shows in the US. Not quite as debaucherous as some other shows. The concentration here is on partner dancing with a good mix of electro-swing, live jazz and everything in between. Curated by Brian Gardner of Steamstock fame, it’s more about the show and social dancing than just going wild. That said, it’s electro-swing, so you know, there will still be plenty of booze.

Cover? : $15 – $20

More Info : http://www.electricswingset.com/

So that’s all I got! Feel like I’m missing an electro-swing party on this list? Feel like these are terrible decisions to suggest to people? Feel like I’m biased? Well just comment below and I’ll respond / ignore properly!

Kisses,

-Vourteque