Here are some more finely crafted jokes from the folks over on Twitter…

[Testing Cat-Human Translator]

Scientist: Cat, what is your name?

Cat: I AM KANG THE DESTROYER

Owner: It's not working. His name is Socks. — Dan O'Brien (@OtherDanOBrien) November 21, 2014

[True Love's gf on 7th day of Christmas, forcing smile]

awww Swans! how sweet! thx hon, these 7 birds will go nicely with the other 16 birds — McSweatervest (@McSwtrvst) December 6, 2014

He's a detective that breaks all the rules. She's an officer consumed with revenge. Together, they're….fired. They're awful cops. — @rowdybowden (@RowdyBowden) June 18, 2014

A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame & place it on the mantel at the party. — karate horse (@Karate_Horse) November 24, 2014

Are women funny? Who knows. Do women exist? Who can say. Who is buying all these hair ties? Maybe men with buns. No-one can tell. — Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) May 14, 2014

*beats dead horse*

*kills two birds with 1 stone*

*lets cat out of bag*

*takes bull by horns*

*breaks camels back*

*gets kicked out of zoo* — The Dogfather (@matt___nelson) November 27, 2014

Your honor let the records indicate my client was upsexy Judge: what's upsexy? [lawyer whispers to defendant] quick, this is your chance — paperwash© (@PaperWash) November 22, 2014

A flirty thing to whisper to a guy checking out your butt is "I keep poop in there" but don't forget to wink or it won't work — Sofiya Alexandra (@TheSofiya) October 8, 2013

[taking tour of hell]

devil: careful, the floor is lava

me: technically it's magma. you see lava is–

devil: yep no surprise u ended up here — Blind Chow (@BlindChow) October 14, 2014

The most rewarding thing about watching a documentary is acting like the world's leading expert on the topic for the rest of your life. — Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) November 14, 2014

The photo holder in my wallet is full of all the money I've saved from not having kids. — Chelsea Lockwood (@Chelsea_Elle) August 5, 2014

It would be a bummer if your psychic friend gave you a prosthetic hand for Christmas. — Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) November 30, 2014

Sometimes I think I'm cool and then I remember I was one of those roller backpack kids — Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) December 19, 2014

The money is a nice bonus, but the real joy in robbing banks is watching the tellers move quickly for once. — John O'Connor (@johntoconnor) April 21, 2014