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(From left): Blackhawk Technical College student Shane Stapleton, speaker Darla Lannert and student Tina Olson chat about issues for the trans community. Lannert spoke with students about issues facing the trans community at a Monday event as part of diversity week.

JANESVILLE  "You wouldn't ask cisgender people what they have in their pants. Neither should you ask transgender people if they've had the surgery."

That was one of the many tips given by Darla Lannert at a presentation on Monday at Blackhawk Technical Colleges central campus as part of diversity week. The 62-year-old Lannert identifies as female, although she was born biologically male. Cisgender people are those who do not identify as transgender.

Lannert is a Vietnam combat veteran, parent and grandparent, who speaks on issues impacting the trans community as well as veterans. Lannert, who spent most of her life working as a truck driver, worked at Brussberg's Furniture in Beloit in the early 1980s.

At Mondays event Lannert discussed her personal journey, challenges to those in the trans community and how to show respect to trans people. Lannert used humor and no-nonsense advice to address many curious attendees questions.

Lannert urged people to consider how transgender people are the most marginalized people in the world, and are at greater risk for suicide. For example, 54 percent of young trans people have attempted suicide, four times greater than the national average.

"Trans people live in fear of their lives all the time, especially trans people of color," Lannert said,

Although Lannert said she generally feels safe, while living in Montana a man pulled a gun out when she was at a bar and told her she should be dead.

With many young people coming out as gender-queer or gender non-conforming, Lannert said many people may be confused about what gender people identify with or how to talk to them. Some may identify with neither gender, both, or a combination of male and female genders.

We have to allow people to identify the way they want to identify. We want to say male or female, or she or him. Why dont we ask them and see what they want? Lannert asked.

In some areas, terms like ze, hir, and hirs are being used to refer to previously gender specific pronouns like he, him and his or she, her and hers. However, the best way to determine which pronouns to use is to ask someone politely, Lannert said.

One man in the audience said he was nervous to ask someone their gender, as it might be like asking a plump woman if shes pregnant when she might not be. However, Lannert said its not taboo to ask gender identification  if done respectfully.

If one feels they have offended someone in trying to properly refer to them, a simple apology and moving on from the topic is best.

Another big no-no, she said, is asking if a transgender person has undergone gender reassignment surgery, as its personal. She also noted that the surgery is unobtainable for about 95 percent of the community as its almost never covered by insurance.

The term trans, Lannert explained, is an umbrella term used to describe those with a gender identity or expression different to their sex assigned at birth. Terms not to use when referring to those in the trans community include: transgenders, tranny, shemale, transvestite or hermaphrodite.

Lannert said she personally doesn't like to be referred to as transexual as the term identifies too closely with just sex as opposed to gender identity. She also doesnt recommend telling someone who identifies as female that they look like a real girl.

Lannert told attendees a little about her own personal journey. At age 6 or 7, Lannert knew she was different, although she couldn't figure out why. However, she felt normal when wearing womens clothes. With four older sisters, she joked there were many possibilities.

She went on to serve as a U.S. Navy Vietnam veteran as a gunner's mate and later worked as a truck driver. Married for 37 years, Lannert had three children and grandchildren.

In 2010, during a dark time in her life, she decided to move toward full expression as a female in order to live.

Lannert told her wife in 2002 about cross dressing. Lannerts wife eventually had to let Lannert go to continue on her journey.

I had the best spouse that any human being could want  a caring, compassionate person who knew that if I didn't transition, I would die, she said.

Her three children have all been supportive of her. Lannert is currently single and is attracted to women.

In 2013 Lannert said she moved to Madison from Montana to be part of a strong, powerful transgender community.