Lots of people have asked me to pipe in on a situation that happened a few days ago at a Texas Roadhouse in Boise, Idaho. Katie Leach was eating out with her family which included her 10-month old son. I guess the little bugger has just discovered the joy of yelling at the top of his lungs and was practicing the whole time they were dining. Two women who were sitting nearby did not appreciate his verbal explorations and discovery and consequently plopped down a nasty note (with bad penmanship) at the table to express their dissatisfaction.

Thank you for ruining our dinner with your screaming kid! sincerely,

The table behind you

The mom was upset. The women were upset. The kid was probably upset. And I bet many customers had stomachs that were upset because they were eating at a Texas Roadhouse. The manager asked the women to leave as soon as they finished their meal and then he paid the bill for the family with the screaming kid. What can we learn from this? Well, basically that if your kids screams like a fucking loony bird with his head stuck in a blender, you will be rewarded with Internet fame and free steaks at Texas Roadhouse. The world is not right.

Guess whose side I am on: the women! While they probably could have gone about it in a slightly kinder manner, they were absolutely right to be upset that a child behind them is out of control. The mom has said that yelling is “his new thing” but you know what that means, Mom? It means that your “new thing” should be taking that big ball of loudness out fucking side when the decibel level reaches a point where it’s causing blood to squirt from earholes.

Yeah, I get it: he’s only 10-months old and he’s learning and you’re doing your best, but c’mon. If he was “screaming off and on just with everybody as they were singing happy birthday. And when one of the waitresses would come up, he’d scream to tell them hi,” you need to step in and nip that in the bud. Maybe he doesn’t get the difference between indoor and outdoor voice, but that’s where you have to make sure that no one else is subjected to his screams. Take him out of the public place. Sorry, Mom, but I think you failed.

Mom also was quoted as saying, “He was not yelling to be mean or because he was mad, it was purely from excitement and being happy.” Newsflash, Mom: no one gives a shit why he’s yelling. All they know is he’s yelling. Just make him shut the fuck up.

Maybe after this incident, Mom will try a bit harder to teach her kid how to behave in a public place. After all, if you can’t teach him that, how will you teach him other important things like where to go get a good steak? (Hint: not at Texas Roadhouse.)

No word on the two women, but my guess is that they have holed up somewhere in an Olive Garden. Ever since the Never Ending Pasta Pass started, it’s as quiet as a church in there because everyone is too busy stuffing their faces with pasta to bother with talking. And if there is a kid in there who is screaming too loudly, all you have to do is grab a handful of tricolor rigatoni and cram it in his mouth and you are blessed with peaceful silence again.