Full disclosure - I am aware that no one is perfect. I know that not all relationships work, and I know that just loving someone isn't enough. You can love a person, really, truly love them with all your heart and still not have things work out. But of course, knowing that doesn't really make me feel any better about all of this. My wife has a lot of stress in her life. A LOT. She's a full time nursing student, works full time on the overnight shift at a hospital, and in her free time is raising her 5 year old (my stepson). A few months ago, she hurt her back pretty bad at work. This was during one of our earliest "big fights" about how I wasn't supportive enough or being a good partner. Since she was at work, they sent her down to the ER, and I went to be with her. I stayed in the hospital with her for hours, drove her home, and helped her do basic things like get on/off the toilet, get into bed, etc. The next day, I called off work to take her back to the ER so she could get better pain meds. Her back is still a problem now, which limits the amount of help she can provide with cleaning, etc. She goes to the chiropractor at least once a week now, on top of her work and school schedules. I want to be clear, I'm not trying to complain about any of this. I just want to lay out all the facts. Since then, we've had a few minor arguments here and there about me not being supportive enough, and her being unhappy and miserable in the relationship. In February, just before Valentine's, she told me she wanted me to move out and end the marriage. She then left for the weekend on a 3-day "galentines" cruise for her friend's birthday (planned well in advance). I wanted to try and save things. Eventually we agreed to try, but I was under the impression I should still move out - That didn't happen, because on nights when she has class or work, I take care of the kiddo, and she needed all the help around the house she could get. I had even agreed to keep helping if I moved out, because they're important to me and I don't want either of them to feel like I'm just walking out of their lives. We did explain to him that I was going to look for somewhere else to live for awhile, but that I still loved him and would still come spend time with him. After that, I thought things had been getting better. I've continued to do all I can around the house and to help out, and she's been happier and more affectionate towards me than she has in a long time. I thought things were ok. Then this week happened. I had a really long, stressful day on Monday. My wife got home as I was making dinner and helped me out a bit with it. She tends to be very critical, and makes comments that I know logically aren't meant to tear me down, but they do. Things like "Well, I'll just do this, because the last time you did it, it was wrong". Which is true, the last time I had done it I made a mistake - She was speaking factually. Anyway, I usually just bite my tongue and deal with it, because, hey, it's a true statement - just not something I need constantly reminded of. Anyway, I go to pull dinner out of the stove and she laughs at me. "Oh, you're just so oblivious - This is edible, but it's totally not done right" Ok, so I offer to put it back in for a few more minutes to finish cooking. "No, it's fine, you're just oblivious. It's ok though". Ok, really though, if it's not done I can put it back in, it's no big deal. This goes back and forth a few times, until eventually she says "Well you just didn't do it right, that's all" and I tell her then next time she can just make it her damn self. I snapped. It had been a long day, and this is a pattern for her. So she got angry, and stayed angry. She was still furious about it yesterday, that I had been overly sensitive and snapped at her for no reason - She said that I make jokes like that at her expense all the time (which I don't). I admit, I overreacted and she didn't deserve that kind of attitude or response. Then today she messaged me that she was re-folding all of the sheets in the linen drawers. I thanked her, it was something that needed done, they were a mess. Then she messaged me asking why I had put a vomit covered sheet, balled up, in my stepson's closet. I told her the truth - I had no recollection of ever doing that. The last time he threw up on his bed, I stripped the sheets, washed them immediately, folded them and put them with the extra blankets (which are not in his closet). Those sheets are currently on his bed. I really have no idea what she was talking about. "I'm done. Get an apartment and get out. I. Am. Done." Wait, what? Because I snapped at you on Monday, and because you found sheets that you say have been in his closet for months and I don't remember ever putting them there? I've NEVER put sheets in his closet - There just isn't room. And while I am the one who always washes laundry, I'm not always the one who puts it away - His dad usually helps him put laundry away, and up until a few months ago had been living with us. But no, they were there, so it's my fault. I try to make her happy. I try to show her that she matters to me, I really do, but I just feel like it's never enough and it never will be. No matter how many things I do right, there is always something I did wrong, or just didn't do, that's more important. Like, housework for example. As I said, she hurt her back, there's not much she can do at this point without aggravating it. But long before then is when the division of labor started - I do all the laundry (she has done it less than 5 times in a year and a half). I do the dishes when she cooks, I do the dishes when I cook, I basically just do the dishes whenever (as with laundry, she has done this less than 5 times in the past year and a half). More often than not I make dinner, take care of the pets, make sure my stepson takes his shower, does homework, and gets up and ready for school on time. I take out the trash and recycling, I pick up dishes left around the house and trash off the floor. These are things that I do 90% of the time or more, all the time, since we've been under the same roof. She gets a back rub at least 3-4 nights a week, and has since we started dating. Leg and foot rubs after she's been at work for a night or two. Gifts of bath bombs and bubble bars because they're supposed to help with stress, and I always listen to her when she wants to talk about her day or something else stressful. She generally affords me the same courtesy of listening, but there are still a lot of times when I will get "I don't care" or "So what?" in response. She's got a very real, and very understandable, frustration with me over finances. My credit was pretty bad when we got together, and I hadn't told her prior - It didn't occur to me to do so, since it's my credit not ours or hers. That was my mistake. I own that. Money from savings went to paying for things - I had to put a new engine in my car, and I know she told me to take some out to pay down the debt and improve my credit. So I did. That was a bit over $5000 total, and I was under the honest impression she was aware I had done that, because for the car I told her directly, and for the credit she had told me to. She doesn't recall either conversation, and treats it as though I had just stolen from her. Our savings came from a tax return right after we were married - She had just started working and paid 0 income tax at that point. Our entire return was based upon filing with basically just my income supporting three people, so we got different credits, etc, filing with me as head of household. It wasn't her money, it was our money, and it was used for responsible purposes. She says I'm fiscally irresponsible, and in the past I have been. But in the time we've been together, almost every major expenditure has been in relation to her - Dinner dates aren't cheap, neither are gifts of jewelry. Meanwhile she took a weeklong vacation last spring (and stayed with a friend to save money), and then the previously mentioned cruise this year. My last vacation was with her, 6 months after we started dating, to take her son to see his dad and pick up things from her family. She paid for the two of them, I paid for myself. Since then, the longest "vacation" I've had was to visit family for a day on major holidays. Always within a 2-2.5 hour drive, that's it. We outlined a budget last year, under which I would put at least $400 a month in savings - Ok, cool. I had two months of only putting in $200 because I was still paying for my own health insurance (while also being on hers) because the policy hadn't ended yet from when I didn't renew it. When we made our budget, we also looked at our individual expenses, and our "together" costs - All of our "together" items are paid by me, except groceries, and it evened out. Except I kept being sent to buy things, so those costs piled up as well. She got mad that I hadn't bought her any expensive or nice gifts, or taken her out to a glamorous dinner - I explained that I couldn't afford it. I'd been paying rent, phone bill, my "mandatory" savings, etc. What little I would have been able to save for a large thing was always taken up by our occasional date night, or being sent to the grocery. Speaking of that mandatory savings, though... It started with $1000 from me, the last from our original savings account. She wanted it all in an account that I had no access to because she didn't feel she could trust me after the prior big items. I agreed to it, because hey, if it's a major thing then it will force a conversation. She was supposed to be putting in $200, I would put in $400, it should build pretty quickly. In early January, she told me the account was at a bit over $1600, I said cool. I asked again when she first told me to move out, and she said there was around $500 after paying to take an animal for emergency surgery and buying groceries. Wait, what? We had budgeted for groceries. I had still been paying in during that time, so what's going on? If the account had the original $1000 when I started depositing, it should have had $400 from her, $600 from me (400 for one month, 200 for the next) at the time she said 1600. So it should have had $2000, but I hadn't thought of it. Maybe her figure was just prior to a direct deposit or two hitting it, ok. But then, from early Jan to late Feb to drop $1100. That's with me putting in $800 in that time, and her amount should have been between 3 and $400. So it should have gone from $1600 to $2600 or $2700, but it was down to $500? The emergency trip for the pet was $500, give or take 100. So we'll just say from $2000 down to $500. I can understand if she had taken money to pay for books or tuition - She hadn't gotten financial aid yet, but she also had education bonds to cash in for that, and she specifically said the money was for groceries and the pet. So in a month and a half she dropped $1500 on groceries, on top of the budgeted amount ($800 a month)? But you know what - Ok. Things happen, I understand, and she started funneling money back into it when she got a credit from financial aid. Since asking me to move out, I changed my contribution from $400 a month down to $50 - I had told her I would stop entirely, but I've also been trying to work things out, so I figured I would put a little in and hold the rest for moving expenses. I just... I don't know. Typing it all out, it reads like it's not entirely my fault. But I still feel like it is. There have been mistakes on both sides, and I know that, but I can't help but feel like anything she has done to frustrate me is acceptable - It's normal give and take and frustrations in a relationship. But anything I've done is this grievous offense. She could be happy if it weren't for me getting in her way. Her friends, of course, all say she should have left me long ago. I've a plague on her life, and she shouldn't put up with me. My friends, of course, all say that I should go - Not because she's wrong for me or a bad person. But because the relationship itself isn't healthy for me in it's current state, and things won't get better if I just stay around. As is, I'm still living with her - I started the apartment hunt after today's discussion. Which means that even while she wants me gone, I'm still taking care of the housework and watching the kid when she has work or class (which I don't mind, I really love my stepson - The thought of not being part of his life in the future tears me apart). My friends think I should stop all of that - Don't be a crutch for her, she needs to figure out how to deal with everything without me around. But I feel like then I'm just abandoning them both, and I love them too much to do that. tl;dr - Man... this just sucks. There's no winning.