Throughout the years, I’ve had all kinds of relationships with women. Some were extremely short, only lasting a week or two. Others were considerably longer, lasting anywhere from several months to several years.

Managing serious or semi-serious relationships is very different from meeting women on the street or luring them back to your man cave from a bar or a club. The difference is night and day. While I understand that some guys prefer their interactions with women to be limited to one or two nights, I happen to enjoy forming relationships with quality women.

Successfully managing middle- or long-term relationships requires a particular balancing act. There’s scramble for control. While some women are very easy going and don’t demand much of you, there are also women who’ll be more demanding, leading you to sacrifice some of your time and freedom in the process.

If you’re a man who’s scared of being dumped by your girl, you’ll naturally be more accommodating in a relationship. You’ll go above and beyond what’s required of you in order to keep her around. What was once a decent relationship will quickly down-spiral into some unhealthy codependency. This is especially true with the so-called “Nice Guys.”

The solution to this dilemma is to structure your life so that instead of seeing your girlfriend dumping you as a curse, you see it as a blessing. Paradoxically, you must view it as though she’s doing you a great favor by dumping you.

What prompted me to see things this way was a conversation I had with a good friend in Rio de Janeiro back in 2010. He was a very capable, good looking and confident guy. He was also a black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. At that time he was in a serious relationship with a beautiful Brazilian woman who looked like a Victoria Secret supermodel.

I had just returned to Rio de Janeiro after spending a week in Belo Horizonte, a great city about eight hours north of Rio. I told him that Belo Horizonte is an excellent city with extremely beautiful women. I also told him I had an amazing time.

He smiled and nodded nonchalantly. After finishing his tropical drink, he replied that if his girlfriend ever left him for someone else, he’d be on the first flight there. The way he said it felt like his girlfriend would be doing him a great favor if she ever left him.

Since then, I’ve never forgotten what he said nor the expression on his face as he was saying it. His nonchalant attitude of not having a single care in the world stuck with me like glue ever since.

While I wasn’t quite sure how to adopt his mindset into my own life, over time, I gradually came to understand that it’s not the most devastating thing in the world when your woman leaves you. I realized that they’re indeed many benefits to this that I didn’t notice at first.

The hidden costs of relationships

The first thing you have to understand is that semi-serious or serious relationships are never free. They can actually be pretty expensive. First, there’s the financial burden: dinners, drinks, gifts, flowers, renting a nicer apartment instead of a cheap apartment/room in a less expensive neighborhood, etc. That burden can be high or low depending on your area’s cost of living (If your relationship is long distance, there’s also the costs of airline tickets and lodging).

There’s also the hidden opportunity cost. When you’re spending time with your girl, you’re not improving yourself by working out in the gym, training Brazilian Jiu Jitsu or building your online (or offline) empire.

Generally, the more demanding and “high-maintenance” the woman, the more expensive is the relationship, in terms of both time and money.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind any of that at all. I know that a quality woman can add value to my life in immeasurable ways. Being in a great relationship brings lots of benefits, so if the person makes you happy, spending the extra money or time isn’t really a big deal. Think of it as the cost of living a great life.

I’m also a realist. While I’m always striving to provide my side of the bargain—my masculine energy and protection—I do understand that a woman has her own needs. She can be more demanding that necessary. She can endlessly test you to see if you cave in and give her what she wants. She can also one day decide that you’re not giving her what she wants and find someone else who will. These things happen all the time.

However, instead of seeing doom, gloom and loneliness that will result from a possible breakup, I see benefits. I see the upside. I see the bright side. I see lots of positive things. Above all, I see nothing but opportunities.

The savings will be huge. I’ll save money by renting a cheaper apartment. I’ll save money by foregoing various dinners. I’ll save money because I’ll no longer need to buy gifts and flowers. These things do add up, especially if you’re having difficulties making ends meet; that extra cash in your pocket would very welcome and noticeable.

My time will be freed as well. It can be used to lift weights in the gym or to build and grow my business (you do have a plan, right?). Never mind that I’ll become a free man overnight who can get on a plane tomorrow and land in a new country where I’ll build new experiences. That’s not really a bad thing.

Viewing relationships from a different perspective

It’s important to stress that understanding all this won’t suddenly turn me into an irrational and unyielding prick. Seeing all these benefits doesn’t give me the permission to behave like a dick who doesn’t want to make the relationship work. I like relationships with quality, feminine women. I respect a woman who respects me. I won’t purposely destroy a relationship to make someone else miserable. I’ll stay in the relationship as long as proves fair and fulfilling to both parties.

What this mindset does, however, is let’s you see the whole relationship from a different perspective. It’ll prevent you from going above and beyond to try to salvage something that’s making you miserable. It’ll prevent you from rationalizing staying in the relationship if you feel you’re being taking advantage of and your inner self and identity are being compromised. And it’ll prevent you from being a pushover just because the thought of being alone is irrationally devastating.

Relationships with quality and feminine women can be extremely fulfilling and amazing. What makes managing relationships difficult is the fact that you’re involved emotionally with the person, and the mere thought of that person leaving feels like they’ll take a piece of you with them.

Nevertheless, every relationship comes with its associated costs. Sometimes it’s difficult to see it right away, but it’s there. It’s always there. There’s no free lunch after all. Seeing every relationship as an exchange of different values gives you a more balanced and complete picture instead of seeing only the pleasant emotional elements because you happen to be with a really cute girl. All of this helps you become more sovereign and independent, ultimately leading to better and more fulfilling relationships with quality women.

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