Time to run around screaming murder?

I don't think so.

We'll go downsides first.

As many other popular psychology books, this book conflates many contradictory notions, pulls on wrong social stereotypes, therefore propagating them and jumps to conclusions, whenever an inattentive modern reader would distract him(sic!)self.

While pornography can certainly be a problem in many cases it is an outlet for those who are unable to form normal social connections, here the author engages in slut-shaming, ver

Time to run around screaming murder?

I don't think so.

We'll go downsides first.

As many other popular psychology books, this book conflates many contradictory notions, pulls on wrong social stereotypes, therefore propagating them and jumps to conclusions, whenever an inattentive modern reader would distract him(sic!)self.

While pornography can certainly be a problem in many cases it is an outlet for those who are unable to form normal social connections, here the author engages in slut-shaming, verbal beating of women into stereotypical sexual roles ("virgin on a pedestal") and social stereotyping of women as the proper "keepers of sex" which is counterproductive and wrong, considering that the system which made men restricted in their career choices, shamed them for showing emotion and destroyed their self esteem is also responsible for the continual assault on women's rights in the past and today.



That also brings me to a tangent - many surveys in this book mention separating men and women (or male and female pupils) for better learning, and glorifying very specific places (such as the army). I have nothing against the army and its attainment of goals by violence - if not for my condition, I would have been a mercenary somewhere in the more interesting regions of this world, however a thinking person could not help but wonder, how an age-old masculinist institution with strong gay, ludophobic and misogynist undercurrents could shape men to find themselves, understand women and to be better suited to a modern world?



It doesn't help the general point when the author cites an example of a typical cognitively dissonant person , as to show that men want to have a cake and eat it and now when the cake appears to have a will of her own, they flunk away.

Guess what - it's the consequence of several hundred years, maybe thousand years of misogynous cultures and the coming changes are bound to make people, especially men, uncomfortable. The assumption of the only male obligation to work and bring income, the myths of the Golden Age (1950-1968) and the separation of child-rearing between genders are also recent American-originated phenomena, fortunately some countries have not been psychologically polluted by this nonsense and I sincerely hope that media (Mad Men f. ex.), promoting a longing feeling for such sick sad society will be erased from the public eyes.



The inclusion of the outdated and Maslow's Hierarchy of needs is a bit strange for a modern work, too.



On the upside - the author draws a good picture of the pornography and gaming addiction cycle, raises the glaring problem of an inadequate sex-education in United States, shows the real face of the pick-up artists (PUA) as unsatisfied hunters for ego-fuel.



I found another good commenter, albeit on a different website, who speaks of the wrong end of the causal link, and I happen to agree with it -



"As a shy and risk adverse man, I would say I retreat into video games as a safe escape from a unknown and adverse real world. Video games present worlds with defined and predictable rules, and set actions and reactions available within them. It makes them predictable, safe, and enjoyable, a sharp contrast to my experience of the real world, which I will share with you and Reddit to provide an example of qualitative context:



As a child I was repeatedly and habitually bullied on a daily basis for the entirety of my school life. That was what caused me to be a shy and risk adverse person, because frankly staying at home was safer then going to school.



Logic therefore follows that within the limited confines of a home, videogames provide a focus that is both entertaining enough for sustained interaction in an indoors lifestyle, and is also challenging enough to forestall boredom. At the time, it was an uncommon solo pursuit (this was the 80's), not maintained with friends, and thus it clearly provided a easily obtainable pursuit for a solitary child. As a child, it was an obvious fulfillment of the desires for play. Lacking friends and venues, it provided those things for me.



However I am also an avid reader, an online blogger, a martial artist and a lab scientist, (all indoor pursuits) but I don't see you listing those as causing shy and risk adverse people. I am not agoraphobic, and I have had girlfriends, but I still play videogames.

...



For similar albeit more sexual reasons, I also enjoy online porn, but again, I was risk-adverse and shy long before the internet even existed, and long before I even had an erection.

...

I find pornography fulfils (poorly) a basic need, since again as a child and teenager I had only negative experiences of social interaction. I would challenge you Professor to consider the difficulty trying to obtain a romantic date during high school when other boys would fling dog shit at you for fun."