Mission America’s Linda Harvey has finally exposed the secret that all gay people have long sought to conceal: that they are secretly straight and are just pretending to be gay!

Who told?

In a WorldNetDaily column today, Harvey argues that “no one is a homosexual and everyone is a heterosexual.” “‘Gays’ are all closet heterosexuals, terrified someone will find out and blow the lid off [the gay rights] movement,” she adds.

The only reason gay rights advocates oppose Russia’s new propaganda law, she claims, is because it will stop secretly-straight gay people from influencing children “toward harmful behaviors that are unnecessary, unnatural and harmful.”

“‘We can’t let anyone figure this out, not while all this television coverage is going on!’ HRC must be thinking,” she continues. “So the perpetually ticked homosexual movement will screech, prance and whine, accusing everyone in Russia of mob attacks, or human rights violations, or whatever.”

While she never explains why anyone then would “choose” to be gay, Harvey does compare gay people to damaged cars in need of an auto repairman to fix them.