April Fools’, Opposite Day Coincide For First Time In Centuries

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Pranksters nationwide are in for a confusing day this April Fools’, when a rare cosmic event will cause April Fools’ Day and Opposite Day to overlap for the first time in nearly 600 years. Scientists are warning the public to be aware of potential complications and exercise caution.

“In accordance with Opposite Day, all comments will signify the opposite of their usual meanings,” explained astrophysicist Harriet Palmer. “However, remarks followed by a festive shouting of ‘April Fools!’, will then revert back to their original meanings.”

“Unless the speaker has her fingers crossed, of course,” she added. “Then again, if the person also concludes the statement with ‘NOT!’, well then, we’re not sure anymore.”

Valid April Fools’ Day pranks on Opposite Day must embarrass the perpetrator, rather than the victim, who must shout “April Fools!’” or alternatively “October Geniuses?”, immediately before the prank occurs. It is also recommended that this year’s jokesters intend their pranks to be unfunny and cause serious, long-term harm.

“April Fools’ Day is always my favorite holiday,” said Palmer. “So this year it’s gonna suck.”

Indeed, many epistemologists are skeptical of the public’s ability to follow the complex chains of logic, fearing that the convergence of the celestial events may have more significant implications for the nature of communication. Some argue that a state of “intercontextual truth” will manifest wherein the laws of classical rhetoric and linear thought break down and truth and untruth simultaneously exist as the same.

Others disagree, pointing out instead that, “Nuh, uh. I’m not falling for that.”

Palmer refrains from choosing sides, saying she’ll just be glad when it’s all over.

“Of course then, we’ll also have to deal with the implications of both Thirsty and Throwback Thursday,” she said.