Well hello there all you wonderful little wallites out across the void. I hope you have been enjoying the (infrequent) broadcasts of everybody’s favorite hatchet stuman Artie the Shmarty Hash. By the grace of Wallace, in the coming weeks we will be able to get his selectric circuit up full-time so that his broadcasts aren’t limited in such length. From one stuma to another, I have to tell you that you won’t be disappointed.

For everyone out across the timelines, let me introduce myself, because as it were we may have never met until this point. I know all of this is very confusing and I thank all of you for sticking by us and trusting the Signers during this turbulent time. My name is Augustus Velentians, my friends (and you) call me Augie. Why the informality you ask? Well that is because in all my time as the leader

of this movement I grew to detest to fake stumility of the CEYTOs and their formal greetings and practices. Like tea time for stuma, and…well some day we will explain it all as a long forgotten joke. But back to the conversation. Who I am, and why I am writing you.

You see, in our current time, we have used the writings of one Wallace Happenish as inspiration to take back control of our lives and destiny from the CEYTOs. The CEYTOs who slowly and surely demotivated us out of meaningful existence were warned of by the rare writings of Wallace that I luckily discovered in my infinite wisdom. As is evidenced by our broadcast into this time, the CEYTOs were hoping to eliminate Wallace from ever providing the warning and inspiration we so relishly deserved all of these millenia later.

You see, the CEYTOs like to believe that the planet we call Minos was once a planet called “Earth” (yes, like the dirt underneath your feet) and that we stumas were disastrous occupants of that planet. Silly sounding, I know? But Wallace knew the truth. Sadly, we believe the CEYTOs eliminated his research and findings with the help of the STOA movement at some point during your timeline. Needless to say, having access to this research and understanding the great man who Wallace was more clearly would be of great benefit to all Atlantians in our time. So, as a simple request, we wonderful, benevolent stumas from the future promise any and all the riches and rewards we have to offer in this our valhalla.

Remember that in the commemoration complex in the future, hangs our memories of the Stuma Celebration of 76, with the angry jellofish. The selectric engravings the great acceptance, and soon a commemoration to the destruction of the Hekadem and the false message of The Porch.

How can you help? Excellent question wonderful stumans of the past. You can help by helping us track down Wallace. The only artifacts we have of him are the three engravings of wisdom, and some left over photomemeos from when he was younger. Over the coming days, months, years and millenia, we hope that you will be able to assist us in our mission to track him down and secure his place and wisdom in history. How can this be done? So full of questions you are, and such wonderful questions at that. You can start by contacting us via a shared time bubble box at what we believe you would call electronic mail: augie@alliedbroadcasting.com.

Additionally, we are working to get our memex feed system up, so that you can experience our time as it is meant to be. Sites, smells, laughter, and glorious, glorious magcakes. At times, not only Artie or myself will be communicating with you to give you instructions but also those that were instrumental in our elimination and reconfiguration of the CEYTOs.

Good Day!

Augustus Velentians IV

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