As a lil' biatch, I never thought sex n thangs would be suttin' I could struggle with.

I never thought a sex n thangs addiction could be a girl’s problem. I was proved wack when I was bout 16 muthafuckin years old. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I came across a vizzle of sex n thangs, n' since I was ridin' solo n' curious, I peeped it fo' realz. Afta dat last time, I felt like I had ta peep suttin' every last muthafuckin day. It make me wanna hollar playa! I became addicted ta sex n thangs.

Viewin sex n thangs made me feel bad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I knew dat shiznit was wrong yo, but I didn’t do anythang ta chizzle. I was never happy, n' I felt dirty n' infected wit Satan’s temptin filth. But I still found ways ta peep it just so I could satisfy mah appetite. My fuckin addiction hustled ta mo' n' mo' wrongdoings. I lied ta everyone: mah brother, mah mother, n' most shitty of all, tha Lord n' mah dirty ass. I would tell mah dirty ass dat one mo' porno wasn’t goin ta hurt me, one mo' dirty rap wouldn’t be dat bad.

I be a gangsta yo, but y'all knew dat n' mah muthafuckin years addicted ta sex n thangs was tha roughest of mah game yo, but I felt so phat leavin mah bishop’s crib n' feelin clean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dat shiznit was as if a weight I had been carryin fo' muthafuckin years was lifted off mah shoulders.

I still went ta church, Mutual, n' seminary yo, but I didn’t have tha right attitude or tha Spirit wit mah dirty ass. I was resentful, so I didn’t git anythang from tha lessons. I stopped payin mah tithing, praying, n' readin tha scriptures. I felt guilty yo, but I still couldn’t brang mah dirty ass ta quit. I was brangin mah dirty ass down every last muthafuckin day.

Eventually, mah access ta sex n thangs was restricted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time fo' realz. At first I felt deprived without sex n thangs yo, but then I realized thangs had chizzled fo' tha mo' betta n' shit. My fuckin routine was different. I didn’t peep sex n thangs every last muthafuckin day. It make me wanna hollar playa! I still had urges ta peep it yo, but I became betta bout resistin dem wild-ass muthafuckas. Eventually, afta two muthafuckin yearz of bein addicted ta sex n thangs, I fuckin started prayin consistently fo' strength n' stopped watchin it straight-up. But I still felt dirty inside. I knew I needed ta rap ta tha bishop. I just couldn’t brang mah dirty ass ta do dat shit.

Finally, afta hearin a shitload of playas rap bout goin all up in tha repentizzle process n' tha trials they overcame, I felt dat I straight-up needed ta peep mah bishop. I also realized I was missin up on a pimped out blessin up in tha Church: mah patriarchal blessing.

I made a appointment ta hook up wit mah bishop.

I felt ashamed struttin tha fuck into mah bishop’s crib tha night of mah rap battle. I was afraid da thug was just goin ta look all up in mah grill n' tell me dat mah case was hopeless n' dat I had dug mah dirty ass a hole dat was too deep ta escape. I was afraid da thug would never look all up in mah grill tha same. But as I holla'd at his ass mah whole story, he gave me a gangbangin smile n' listened intently yo. Dude straight-up cared bout mah dirty ass fo' realz. Afta poppin' off wit mah bishop n' hustlin all up in thangs, he finally holla'd at mah crazy ass I was clean.

I be a gangsta yo, but y'all knew dat n' mah muthafuckin years addicted ta sex n thangs was tha roughest of mah game yo, but I felt so phat leavin mah bishop’s crib n' feelin clean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dat shiznit was as if a weight I had been carryin fo' muthafuckin years was lifted off mah shoulders. I was glad I could receive mah patriarchal blessin n' worthily partake of tha sacrament n' have tha Spirit again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I felt like a freshly smoked up person. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Muthafuckas even holla'd at mah crazy ass how tha fuck different I seemed n' dat I had a gangbangin' finger-lickin' different glow bout mah dirty ass. I was happier all tha time n' had a funky-ass betta attitude bout every last muthafuckin thang.

I know dat wit tha Lord’s help we can chizzle n' overcome addictions fo' realz. And our phat asses don’t need ta worry bout poppin' off wit tha bishop, cuz da thug will help our asses as we repent so we can feel clean once again n' again n' again all up in tha Atonement of Jizzy Christ.

What Is Repentance?

“Through tha Atonement, you can receive forgivenizz n' be cleansed from yo' sins when you repent.

“Repentizzle is mo' than simply acknowledgin wrongdoings. … It includes turnin away from sin n' turnin ta Dogg fo' forgiveness. …

“… If you have sinned, tha sooner you repent, tha sooner you begin ta make yo' way back n' find tha peace n' joy dat come wit forgiveness. …

“… As you strive ta repent, seek help n' counsel from yo' muthafathas. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Serious sins, like fuckin horny-ass transgression or use of sex n thangs, need ta be confessed ta yo' bishop. Be straight-up real wit his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude will help you repent.”

For tha Strength of Youth (booklet, 2011), 28, 29.