This past week, there were no women in my bed. Whereas the week before, there were four.

Catching up on real life is a must, and its good to get the charges charged back up again.

The libido comes and goes, ebbs and flows, like waves on the beach, and I prefer it that way.

Change is when learning takes place.

So I went out this weekend, during the day, camera strapped on, ready to see what the city was going to provide.

It started off normal. Two young blondes sitting on a bench in the sun. Young, fresh, empty heads, not much else.

Wandered around a bit more enjoying the sunlight. It was chilly for the first time but I was dressed properly: layered, not too cold, perfect sweater for the conditions. It felt good.

Swooped around and felt the pull of attraction from a very well put together woman on a bench.

Had to go over.

“Excuse me, but I really like your style, may I take a photo?” (I switch up the intro depending on the circumstance)

“I’m also doing a project…blah, blah”

As she was writing, my jokes weren’t flying, the flirting wasn’t working, something was off. She was not responding at all.

Then she showed me her response:

I asked if she was waiting for an agent to call, she said “No, a guy” and went silent. I tried to keep up the conversation, and kept getting short blunt replies.

All of a sudden, an old familiar, hated foe crept up inside.

My stomach got tight and twisted, it felt like a big knot was forming in my throat, I heard my voice shake.

Fuck…this is exactly how I used to feel when approaching women for the first time. I thought I got over this a long time ago.

It kept getting worse and I told the pretty vixen to have a nice day and got out of there to go reflect.

Down the block is a little pub that I enjoy recharging at, this time I needed a beer and a strong smoke.

Sitting there thinking, I thought about what anxiety really is. What causes it, why it was such a problem, and how I got over it.

This woman had thrown me for a loop. It was something that I wasn’t used to, unfamiliar.

She was nice and all, there are actually a few girls who flat out say no when I ask to talk to them or take their photos–that doesn’t bother me.

But she truly didn’t give a shit, her mind was completely occupied, really waiting for a guy to call, and was totally unresponsive.

My ego had been inflated from so much success in the past few weeks, that when it came across this challenge, it crumbled and allowed the anxiety to win.

That’s what anxiety is–the ego attempting to protect itself from a challenge or the unknown.

It was a simple revelation, nothing new, but to experience it and come to understand it for myself once again was a true lesson learned.

Not every woman is going to respond to your game (charisma/charm), at night I’m rejected most of the time and don’t give a shit.

But during the past few weeks, I had so much success with the camera, that when I came across someone who didn’t respond the way I wanted, it was like hitting a wall.

Anxiety is that psychological wall that your ego builds up in order to protect itself.

I wish that I could say that after the lesson was learned, I went out there, found an even more attractive girl and banged her.

But…I just wandered around the sunny streets for another hour, went back home and finished True Detective (good show by the way).