Dear Diary: I am going out for ice cream. Yes, I feel indulgent tonight. I had a pretty insane four-hour day at work. I was on my feet the whole time, and my trackers say I’ve got so many extra calories that I can eat or drink anything I want for the next four hours. So I’m going to The Sweetline.

My ride is plain—a typical U.S. Robots mini three-seater. The car introduces itself. WELCOME. I AM AL-76. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO? Printed and assembled eight days ago at a car fab in Schenectady, New York, I see. Quark, another pop-up factory.

AL-76’s probes seem a bit jumpy. It hiccups as it scans ahead every few hundred yards, devouring information from the GLM like…What did they used to call it? A SPONGE. Thanks AL-76.

(Historical Note: The Global Local Micro Network was created by the mega-merger of Cisco Business Machines and Appltel Corp. in 2021.)

This is a busy stretch, the heads-up shows AL-76 is hyper-tuning for squirrels and stray cats. It is seeking deer and falling branches; and of course other cars, even though no one’s seen a crash since 2025.

I usually like LessTraveled, although their standards seem to be slipping a bit. Cloud car services are getting pretty competitive these days; I should have waved off AL-76 for a real cruiser. Then again you never know who you’ll meet here. Anyone can subscribe to LessTraveled, but mostly they market to people like me: singles under 40. Which means the cars are smaller and you pay for different services. I get a lot of discounts at restaurants via LessTraveled. The transportation service you subscribe to is all about where you are in your life right now. If I was married with kids I would probably subscribe to FamilyVan and then I’d get groceries delivered whenever I want them, for free.

It’s a very pretty, muggy night. The highway is smooth, the road sensors are hardly bleeping at all and we haven’t passed any repair drones. I can’t say I miss the smell of smoothing agent, they spray it everywhere as soon as the sensors report any hint of a crack or bump. I feel the AL-76 drift to a stop. The windshield tells me a squirrel is passing.

Apparently, 50 years ago, squirrels used to fear roads. It was bred out of them. Now they just step right out. Nothing is going to run them over. Cloud-based subscription-driven automotive lifestyle services are good for squirrels.

Off we go.