Thomas writes: My wife and I play a game with our 5-year-old in which I pretend to be a man obsessed with salad, called the Saladetarian. She calls herself the Lollipop Lady and will only eat food on a stick. Searching for a food that could satisfy both of us, my daughter suggested a miniature caesar-salad wrap on a toothpick. I think this is an elegant solution, but my wife argues that a salad inside a tortilla is no longer a salad. Please resolve this dispute.

I promised myself I wouldn’t adjudicate this sort of thing ever since ruling in these pages that a hot dog is NOT a sandwich. But I am simply too fascinated by your family’s bizarre fantasy life to not weigh in. First, congratulations on teaching your 5-year-old that it is her job to find some way to keep your strange needs satisfied and save your marriage. Given the work she’s doing, I think your stick-itarian wife should ease up a bit. Whatever it’s called, that food is unquestionably on a stick, and you all should eat it.