This is going to sound stupid, but I'm really not sure what to do here, reddit. Obligatory throwaway because my boyfriend reddits. Also, sorry if this is jumbled or mixed up. I can't words good anymore.

Some background: We've been dating for 2 years (22 and 35) and, before someone starts, I know we have a large age gap. We met at a bar and we were fuck buddies for a few weeks, then became friends, and started dating soon enough. When I figured out he was 13 (13!!) years younger than me, I was ready to break it off. He was basically a kid. I'd been in the military and back out before he reached high school.

(note, for the people on this subreddit who really hate large age gaps: I've been able to date people my age and people older than me with no major complications. I'm not just dating him because he's younger than me or "easy to control")

But we stuck together and it's been incredible. He's the sweetest, nicest, funniest little shit. He's the light of my life and he's saved me from a lot of dark places.

Now, this is relevant for the whole daddy kink. His horrible fucking father abused him his whole childhood. He was manipulative, a narcissist, a general fucking scumbag, homophobic, whatever. You name it. I'm not really going to get into specifics, but he was physically and emotionally abusive.

(I think he was sexually abusive too, but I've never wanted to ask my boyfriend about it. Not because I don't want to know, but I don't want to hurt him by bringing it up.)

So my boyfriend had a shitty childhood. He has a few mental disorders (that I again, will not get into specifics with), and he was in therapy for a while. He currently isn't anymore, and he's been good. We've been good.

Yesterday, he told me over text - he was at work - that he's got a daddy kink. He seemed almost ashamed of it (which is weird, because we're ... pretty kink-positive). My reaction was basically "haha really?" Dick move, I know. My boyfriend didn't respond and when he came home that day he didn't bring it up again and seemed content not to. I didn't bring it up either because I wasn't sure how to.

Today, he's at work and I'm at home, and I'm seriously almost stressing about this. I don't want to psychoanalyze my boyfriend. It's not cool and I'm clearly not trained in anything related to psychology. But it ... seems pretty obvious that he's got this kink because of his dad. I've heard from mutual friends that my boyfriend used to sleep with men in their 40s/50s when he was 18. It doesn't really bother me, other than the fact that I'm pretty sure my boyfriend wasn't in a good mental space at the time (just moved out) and I think he got hurt pretty badly by some of them. But anyway.

I don't have anything against daddy kinks, and I think I could probably do it for my boyfriend if this is something he wants, but I don't want to do it wrong or hurt him or make things worse. He still has nightmares about what his father did to him, and I'm not sure if ... basically playing the caretaker role is going to help or hurt. Plus, the fact that I am so much older than him. It makes me feel a little uncomfortable because I'm almost old enough to actually be his father.

(And as I'm writing this, I'm suddenly self conscious of the fact that I'm 13 years older than him. Did he only start dating/fucking me because I am that much older than him? We've stuck together this long, but it still kind of ... hurts? that that might be what started our relationship)

I know, obviously, we need to talk. But I'm not sure how. I've never been good with talking, especially about things like this. My boyfriend usually starts the conversations and keeps them going when it comes to serious shit, and I can follow along. But now that he's shut down about it, I'm not sure how to start it back up. What do I say? What do I even do in this situation?

tl;dr - My abused-by-his-father and much younger boyfriend has a daddy kink and I'm not sure what to do or how I feel about it