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Here's a picture of Mayor Ford while he allegedly grabbed a former mayoral candidate's ass at a political function:

Facebook, O Canada

We're not sure if that's a sweat stain or if Rob Ford has a birthmark shaped like Spain.

Have you caught the pattern yet? Rob Ford has the self-awareness of an alcoholic bull in a china shop. Speaking of China, the mayor once used the council floor to praise the work ethics of "Orientals" -- his word, not ours. OF COURSE Rob has been kicked out of a hockey game for verbally assaulting someone while shitfaced drunk. If you want a mayor who doesn't get booted from a military ball for public intoxication, go to Detroit. Don't go to Toronto, because Torontonians knew exactly what they were doing when they elected Rob Ford. They LOVE him.

Steve Russell / Toronto Star / Getty

"Canada needs its own Mussolini."

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For proof, when Ford ran for mayor in 2010, 53 percent of Toronto turned out for the vote. That's not an impressive number until you realize that turnout was only 39 percent in the 2006 election. For perspective, only 15 percent of Los Angeles voters bothered to make it to the polls for their latest mayoral election, and that was choosing between two candidates who don't sweat through their clothes on a regular basis. Until Toronto knew about the crack thing, they were fully committed to Rob Ford. That probably says more about his political skills and the undying loyalty of Canadians than it does about anything else. And also, Los Angeles voters kind of suck.