This new understanding led her to discover that two of her close friends are also asexual. It's also been helpful with dating, which remains a low priority for her. "It was a big relief," she says.

Soft-spoken and with an air of serenity, Antonia seems at peace with herself. The biggest challenge for her when it comes to her asexuality is finding a community where she can fit in. She has gone to local events for asexuals like Meetup groups, but to her the scene seems to skew pretty young and is focused largely on talking about asexuality and what it all means. "I'm kind of over it," she says. "I just want to be around other people who happen to be asexual and do regular stuff." Many of the celibacy groups are religiously oriented, which she is not, though she does practice an eclectic mix of shamanic and mystical traditions.

As far as people's lack of understanding goes, it does occur sometimes. She recalls a man she'd had a dalliance with some years ago for whom it didn't compute. "He couldn't believe it," she says.