The plane delayed in landing as we approached Sabier City. They spoke of a storm, and I thought nothing of it. It rained the day I left too, to make the hills around the city green for a few months. That was what a west coast winter entailed.

It took me until I landed to figure the truth out.

Rarely if ever did it snow in Sabier City, much less enough to stick to the ground. It happened to that extent over a decade prior but never since, until that week. But I came back to white powder all over the city. They cleared it from pathways and roads, but gardens and rooftops and parked cars all had a coating of snow.

And I wondered, what would Thu say about snow? I saw it enough growing up, but she almost never did. That is, unless Andrea ever took her somewhere else. I could see him, before he got sick, skiing in the Alps while she wistfully watched from indoors.

I would get to ask her. The subway ride to Uptown was not that long. And I wanted to see Thu again in the worst way. It was getting more and more clear how much of a wreck I was without her. I didn’t find as much fulfillment with exploring Windenburg again as I did with our small “dates”. Windenburg was home, but Thu and her reactions to the world outside her glass prison were so new. It was like watching a young child venture outside for the first time, and it filled me with so much love.

There was a lot of comfort with the security officers on the first floor knowing who I was. One called me “Axel”, like he should. The other knew my name, but always referred to me as “Thu’s German boy toy” instead. Yeah, I wished. Perhaps I was the platonic equivalent, acting like a security blanket when she dared step outside her front door.

It helped my feelings a little. But I wanted to listen to Oma’s last words to me and make that next step. My wank on New Year’s made me even more addicted to Thu, and I almost would have rather it kept things the same. But it made the anticipation of seeing her again even more intense. I could barely see where I was going down the hall.

I wrapped her in a hug the moment I walked in, and she reciprocated. Thu buried her face into my shoulder. I could smell her hair, which I didn’t have much of a choice about.

“I missed you too,” she said.

Thu let go of me. “You probably have so much to tell me.”

“Oh, tons,” I said. “And you too. Mind if I make some tea?”

“Not at all.”

“…and Axel? Nice haircut.”

We drank our tea on her couch. If we spilled anything, it was one of those things I could justify outsourcing, so I didn’t have to clean it! And we were careful with our drinks anyways.

“…well, we did have to change flights in Berlin once,” Thu said. “But no. Furthest north was Salzburg on our honeymoon.”

“Did you like it?” I asked her.

“It is a beautiful city. I…I think that was the one time in my life that I could enjoy it. Everything was so much more peaceful then…as newlyweds.”

“You should come to Germany with me sometime. See it from outside the airport.” I shuddered at the thought of bringing her to see my family, though. “I do like Berlin…and Leipzig! My father is from Leipzig.”

“I’m sorry…not right now,” she said. Thu looked into her cup of tea with a dejected pout. “I’d worry too much and then seize and die in the street.”

She took another sip of tea. “I know…I like seeing you happy instead,” I said. “And I’d like to see you happy in Europe. It’s clean and it snows in the winter–”

“But you’ve seen the city now. It snowed again,” said Thu. Her voice brightened up when she mentioned snow. “I couldn’t believe my eyes either. I had to call Gian and everything.”

“I can imagine that this is a treat for you,” I said.

“More than anything…I had my first kiss the last time it snowed.” Her cheeks started to glow red as she recalled it. “Andrea started talking about his wife and started crying and I did too, and we…” She clasped her mug with two hands and let out a desperate giggle. “You probably know what we did. It was magical.”

“…does this make you miss him?” I asked her.

She sighed. “More than anything.”

“Look, we still need to enjoy this snow while we still can,” I said to Thu. “It wasn’t the same without you.”

“It wasn’t the same alone for me either.”

“So what do you say?”

“Alright, you’re very charming!” She started to laugh…at me. Which I could accept. It beat tears and anger, and angry tears. “I just hope they haven’t cleared it all away.”

They did clear a lot from Sabier City’s parks and streets and courtyards. To many people in this city, it had to be something too strange and dangerous to keep. But later that day, we had a lot of fun driving around the area, seeing if anything was still snowy. We reached Loiolak once we found it: the quad of Loiolak State University. Few students walked it while they were still on their winter recess. So therefore, it could stay snowy until it melted.

We dressed in sweaters. Me in one of my own grey turtlenecks, and Thu rolling up the sleeves to a long green one from Andrea. Again, she looked adorable in her husband’s clothes. Her hair was tied in a loose ponytail and her gorgeous dark eyes peered from behind Andrea’s glasses.

“You can still see the fish and frogs in here,” said Thu. She knelt down at the edge of the small pond to get a closer look. “See? That’s a carp.”

“You’re right,” I said.

“I…I forgot that Sabier City still had wildlife.” Even though we were in Loiolak, rows of close brownstone apartments towered over us. It was not a place for wildlife, in either of our minds. “And now you keep reminding me of all these fish and swans and…I hope the butterflies are okay.”

“They survived the last snowstorm…they did, right?” I asked her.

“You know…they did. Some of them did.”

Thu got up from the ground, with a sly grin on her face. “Can you believe I’ve never been here before?” she asked me.

“But you never went to uni.”

“True…Andrea offered to help me with it, but, you know, it wasn’t the right time then and it isn’t now. But we went to two of his reunions together at Harvard. I liked those.”

“I’d want to go there sometime,” I said. “Just to visit. They’d never accept me as a student.”

“Me neither…it was weird visiting there with him. I was this old alum’s wife who never went to uni, and there were students my age. Unmarried, smart students. Plenty of young Viets too…so weird.”

“Well, us Viets are all over the world now. And anyone can be a student. No one here will think anything weird about you,” I said. “Or even in Windenburg.”

“Hey, if you’re right, it’s a good feeling,” Thu said. “You’re not gonna make me go to a frat party though, are you? It’s something that’s more fun to watch than, you know, attend.”

“We’re not going to recreate Animal House ourselves, okay?” I said. “I promise. We can watch it at home again instead.”

“Yeah. Let’s play in the snow.”

Some students and one fun-loving professor were already preparing for a snowball fight on the quad. No walls or fortresses to protect the teams, since there wasn’t that much snow. We had to pelt the other team as much as possible with snow, like it was a cold game of dodgeball.

I did not feel right playing against Thu, so we joined the same side. It wouldn’t have been a fair fight against us, with her weak throw and poor aim. Not one of her snowballs made it to the other side, instead falling flat on the walkway between us. I couldn’t stop watching her try though. I felt so proud of Thu.

One snowball knocked her to the ground. I worried, but then she knelt upright.

“Oh god, she can throw!” said Thu. I laughed along with her. All she could do was laugh during that snowball fight. And I expected a lot worse.

“See? Now when is the next time you’re gonna be able to do that?” I asked her. We settled on a bench near the pond after our battle was over. Our team lost, but they were good sports to us two weaklings. They might have been able to tell that Thu was weak and sickly, and congratulated her on trying.

“We just approved a big loan for building an indoor snow arena,” she said. “On Carpenter Street. I thought you would think about the future and science.”

“I should…that would be fun too.”

“Banking is interesting. I get a first glimpse at stuff I never thought to care about,” said Thu. “Approving loans for all sorts of new ideas for big corporations to cash in on. I didn’t even own a computer until I met Andrea. That was so new to me and now…well…we serve tech. A lot of tech.”

“Your world is…it’s new to me too,” I said. “I thought at this time right now, I’d be at an independent start-up. And not working for a bank’s CEO.”

“I never thought I’d be corporate either. Or anything…this is weird too.”

She started to walk away from me, and I jumped up in absolute fear. I feared what “weird” meant for Thu whenever she used that word. Her world was so warped and dark, and no emotion for her was on everyone else’s standards. Not even my own warped ones.

“Thu…please tell me you’re feeling okay,” I said. “Please.”

She fell down.

“Ah, it’s so cold!” She sprawled out her limbs on the snowy grass. Her eyes opened to a dull sky with no stars. “I thought we’d actually get stars here. We’re not in Uptown.”

“It’s the clouds,” I said. Then I got an idea. “Do you mind if I help you look for them?”

I lay on my back next to her. She folded her hands on her torso as the clouds rolled by.

“Yeah, there’s not much up there,” I said. “But it’s a full moon tonight.”

The moon beamed down on the two of us. Between that and the soft streetlights, Thu’s face was highlighted in the most perfect ways. It reflected off her soft cheeks and shiny black hair. And I had never lay down next to her before that night. I had never been so close to her.

I wanted to give myself time to make good on my promises. To Remi, Layla, and my dear Oma. They would understand if I wanted to gauge a right time to tell Thu I’m in love and it’s going to kill me.

But it wouldn’t snow again in Sabier City, at least not in a reasonable timeframe.

“I’m used to it,” she said. “As a city girl.”

“And you’re doing okay tonight?” I asked.

“I…I feel okay at a different point than other people.”

“Do you mind if we talk about it?” I squirmed closer to her. “I…I opened you up to some heavy thoughts taking you out tonight.”

I put my arm around her. She didn’t flinch at all and rested her head near my shoulder.

“It’s not even…you know…remembering him. But it is. But it’s the way you make me feel,” said Thu. “I get these tastes of the outside world and enjoy it and I feel terrible for it.”

“But I’m not judging you for it,” I said.

“I know…but everything is miserable and I know it’s supposed to be. So what does it mean to enjoy something? And something so…simple. And then come back home and feel so alone.”

I turned on my side, to look at her. “You’re not alone with me.”

“I know…you’re special. I appreciate that.”

“Can we get up? My arse is freezing.”

“Yeah…mine too.”

I took her hands to help her up, and she squeezed tight. She even looked at me with her sparkling eyes.

“We both need each other,” I said, once we stood up. She still clasped my hands. “And there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while…it’s really been eating at me.”

“I get it,” said Thu. “I want you to be happy too, and it’s only fair that I help.”

“Really?”

“I mean…just say it. Say what you want. I want to hear it.”

“I love you so much, Thu.”

“You mean it?”

“I always think about you, and spending all that time away from you made it worse. I don’t want that again,” I said. “Can we kiss in the snow?”

“You mean…like I did with Andrea?”

“However you want it.”

“I…uh…I never thought I’d do this again. Not even with you,” said Thu.

“But will you try?” I asked.

She pulled in and touched my arm. I hugged back, but embracing her body was like embracing a floppy toy. Thu had little muscle tone, and everything from her stance to her kisses were fundamentally weak. But I loved it. I loved returning her delicate peck on my lips with something almost as gentle.

I didn’t expect it to go that way. We didn’t attack each other out of passion, like I often daydreamed about. But holy shit, it was still everything I wanted. I wanted any kind of Thu. I just happened to be in the reality where she was so weak.

It did not last long actually. Thu let go, giving me a brief smile. And then she stumbled backwards.

“Oh my god…I kissed you,” she said, covering her mouth. “What did I just do?”

“Thu…wait…you agreed to this a minute ago.”

Her face dropped into a horrified stare. She kept backing away, almost falling into the pond.

“I’m sorry!”

She started to walk away. I needed to stop her. I needed to grab her and squeeze her tight until she couldn’t leave or regret this.

But I didn’t.

“I’m sorry too,” I said.