Spoiler

Show

Read Magic: Sits and looks at things believing to understand them.



Magic Stone: Picks up stones from the ground.



Summon Horse: Finds a horse.



Lesser Flight: Jumps.



Mage Hand: Picks up anything. Ever.



Detect North: Happening to know which way North is.



Longstrider: Casts it on himself every morning.



Detect Poison: By consuming it.



Charm Person: Flex oily barbarian muscles.



Shrink Item: Takes item. Folds it in half or squish it in hands.



Blindness: Gouges out eyes of subject.



Magic Circle Against Evil: Draws circle in ground, punches everything evil that crosses it.



Summon Storm: Performs a ritual. The next time it rains, he explains that the spell can take weeks to work.



True Seeing: Sort of squints. Claims loudly that anything he couldn't detect must "have mighty power of illusion!"



Bull's Strength: Flexes his muscles.



Bear's Endurance: Takes off his shirt and flexes his muscles.



Stoneskin: Barbarian's DR.



Protection from Arrows: As above, but pretends arrows don't hurt.



Wish: Tells opponent that he will grant him a single wish. When he answers, punches him in the face and tells him his wish sucks.



Locate Object: Arbitrarily picks a direction. When proven wrong, it must have moved.



Knock: Slams body into door. May require material focus: battering ram.



Sending: Makes something up.



Teleport Object: Throws it, and it's gone.



Color Spray: Throws multi-colored sand in opponent's face.



Silent Image: Crudely draws carboard cutout.



Minor Image: As Silent Image, but stands to the side poorly attempting ventriolquism.



Stinking Cloud: Farts prodigiously.



Disintegrate: Hits things until broken into a bajillion pieces.



Unseen Servant: Forces other party members' to carry gear. (This one works especially well with a 20 Strength Half-Orc, which is what I intend to make Korg.)



Rope Trick: Throws rope with grappling hook into nearby tree. Sleeps in tree.



Summon Monster I: Picks up one of the creatures attacking him and throws it at another.



Suggestion: Makes an Intimidate check.



Reduce Person: Messy.



Enlarge Person: Also messy.