The way you explained non-binary and transgender really made sense to me, and I’ve used it to help other people understand. Is this line graph you used, where ‘male’ is at one end and ‘female’ is at the other – did you come up with this yourself?

Kai:

Technically, I did make up that graph, but the concept that gender is not so rigid has been talked about for ages.

S:

I had no idea – I was really unprepared and surprised when we had that conversation. Was it difficult to come out to me?

K:

I mean I had the normal fears anyone would have coming to someone about something they have been hiding for years. I was pretty confident you were going to react positively, but the fact that there was even a slight chance you would’ve rejected me scared me.

S:

I didn’t even know you were going through this – just thought the changes in your personality had to do with ‘teen angst’, a phase you were going through. So, what ultimately pushed you to tell me?

K:

Just overall tiredness is what drove me to come out. I also think the Orlando “Pulse” shootig had a large impact on my coming out process. I couldn’t live another day in the closet after that. I didn’t want to have the possibility of dying and people not knowing my true self.

S:

So terrible that shooting happened on your birthday…I never cried in the past on your first day of school. But, when I dropped you off at school, the first day of your senior year in high school, after you came out on FB, I went home and cried. I was afraid of the reaction you would receive from people and friends at school.

K:

What was going through your mind when I told you i wasn’t a woman but that I also wasn’t a man?

S:

Well, I was still trying to absorb what you said about the gender binary, but when you said you didn’t identify as a woman, I wasn’t too surprised because of what a tomboy you were from a very early age. You never did anything typically girly. I bought you a doll house when you were about 3 and you showed zero interest.

K:

It seemed that you always knew I was different..? What did I do as a kid to make you think that?

S:

Well, there’s that incident when you cried and cried when I put you in a dress. I think you were 3 at the time. When you were 18 months old and barely speaking, your aunt handed you a wrapped Barbie doll for Christmas, you opened the corner, saw the pink, handed the doll back to her with a firm”No.” We all laughed, but that was the first tangible moment in my memory.

K:

Were you sad when you came to the conclusion that you were losing a daughter?

S:

Initially, yes I was, especially when I looked at your pictures as a toddler because you were so adorable. But, I spoke to trans man and he said that I was mourning someone who never was. That you are who you are supposed to be now. By that time, had a much better understanding of how you had struggled, so when he said that it was like a lightbulb went off i my head.

K:

What was it like to tell your friends, long-term and recent, that I changed my name and pronouns?

S:

I didn’t tell anyone at first, except your Dad. We had hoped it was a phase that wouldn’t last. But, when we realized it wasn’t, I was encouraged by how brave YOU were and was actually anxious to tell everyone – my church friends as well as other friends. I figured I would find out who truly were my friends and would support me. And, they sure made their positions known. But, I did receive a lot of support when I made my public post on FB.

Do you have memories of your childhood when you felt something wasn’t quite right?



K:

I don’t think there was anything ‘wrong’ with my childhood, I got along with everybody and I felt respected, but there was definitely a feeling of judgement and confusion coming from the kids around me because of how I dressed in ‘boys clothes’ and played the typical ‘boy games.’

S:

So, you felt different from the other girls?

K:

I mean, I didn’t talk about what the other girls talked about and I dressed differently.. .that’s it.

S:

I know you struggled and went through a very difficult time before you realized you were transgender. Are you still having a difficult time?

K:

No, I don’t think so. I think I’ve come to terms with everything regarding my sexuality and gender identity. I feel the most comfortable in my body than I ever have.

S: