Abstract:

I can't stand to to think that there's even one thing in my recipe repertoire that could be bested by packaged food; especially when that thing is as silly-simple as that "just add mayo" bacon and ranch pasta salad out of a box. I've attempted a few times now to duplicate this dish, and I just don't have the pantry of a food chemist necessary to make that happen. As it is, I'm throwing in the towel, as I can do a fresher reinterpretation with my eyes closed. This is a bacon and ranch pasta salad that defies mass-production with identifiable flavors and ingredients (and real beacon to boot). And while I can't deny that the packaged salad is quicker, this interpretation of that fairly ubiquitous summer side dish is just as easy, infinitely more satisfying, and a helluva lot less shameful to have on your plate next to a big ol' grilled steak and a pile of fresh greens.

Purpose:

Believe it or not, there are a few foods in my house that my wife will insist come from a box. And while I have made strides in this department, that blankety-blank boxed pasta salad with the fake bacon and the dehydrated peas and carrots is the culinary albatross that hangs around my neck. I've tried like hell to come up with a suitable copycat recipe that will elicit a nod from my significant other, and after a few good tries, I come to the conclusion that I'd have to sacrifice my scruples to do it. I don't know about you, but if I'm going to tarnish my pride, I'd rather be doing it with a lampshade over my head after having three drinks too many.



So does this mean I've succumb to defeat? Not hardly. I've given up on my wife where bacon ranch pasta salad is concerned (I already do a salad she likes anyway), and decided instead to upgrade the recipe entirely: Real bacon, vegetables that aren't NASA-certified, a dressing that doesn't use mayo as a crutch, and doesn't contain any of that ingredient known for its taste receptor chemical pathway-foolin' business. What we're shooting for here is a pasta salad that's light, creamy and fresh; and likewise tastes like something besides a salt lick.