Allyson Robinson, a transgendered woman who is the executive director of the 6,000-member OutServe-S.L.D.N., which fights for equality in the military, agreed.

“We often say that the gay community is the same as the larger society,” Ms. Robinson, a West Point graduate and U.S. Army veteran with a degree in theology, told me. “We share the faults and failings of society in a broader way: fewer opportunities for women, lesser pay, less respect. But this community is well positioned to play a leading role in our society. The strongest leaders are women.”

That seems clear at a new group, Young Conservatives for the Freedom to Marry, a fledgling faction of Republicans with high-profile leaders who happen to be straight women. One is Megan McCain, who disagrees with her father, Senator John McCain of Arizona, on same-sex marriage; another is Margaret Hoover, a political commentator who is a great-granddaughter of President Herbert Hoover; the third is S.E. Cupp, a New York Daily News columnist and co-host of “The Cycle” on MSNBC.

Ms. Hoover, who worked on Capitol Hill and in the George W. Bush White House, has seized her role with the Young Conservatives, where she said she was made to feel comfortable in a leading role as a woman among mostly men: “I’ve felt totally welcomed.”

For Mr. Wolfson, the head of Freedom to Marry, there is no question about women’s roles. “The women are at the forefront,” he said. “They have a central role shaping strategy and leading the work.”

He mentioned Thalia Zepatos, an activist of 25 years who led the project to reshape the Freedom to Marry message. Ms. Zepatos, who is straight, is considered a big wheel in the movement, though living in Oregon, away from the media glare, she is hardly known outside the gay network.

“I was one of the people who thought of rebranding the same-sex-marriage campaign,” she said over the phone. “We started talking about love and commitment, and not so much about equal rights and health and other benefits of marriage,” which didn’t project an appealing and warm image. She and others rebranded the campaign, calling it “marriage equality,” a soft sell that has proved a big success.

As for leaders in this area globally who are women, one stands out. She is Mariela Castro, the daughter of President Raúl Castro of Cuba and director of the National Center for Sex Education there. Her work has turned around a government and society that not so long ago ostracized, arrested, jailed and deported gay people. Today, she is recognized as a leading advocate for the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered people in Cuba.