Kind, Misunderstood Male Eliminated from Boyfriend Contention

Despite hugs and exchanging an exuberant “Hello!” every time Jarod Wilson sees his beautiful friend Natalie Cardwell, sources confirmed yesterday that Wilson has been eliminated from boyfriend contention with Cardwell. The two became friends after teaming up for a group project in English 1102 covering a modern take on Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter, and Wilson had hopes of maybe seeing this turn into something more, up until yesterday’s heartbreaking loss.

“Oh Jarod? He’s so sweet! We had to make a website for English and now I feel like I see him everywhere,” laughed Cardwell, who just yesterday had to dodge an attempted kiss from Wilson. Continued Cardwell, who has never even once had a sexual thought about him, “He’s so funny and smart, he’s always there when I need him.” Wilson’s offseason would extend to a solid twenty-seven months, and he would then be eliminated from boyfriend contention almost immediately when he innocently volunteered to carry classmate Julie Lacey’s backpack across campus because her neck was sore.