A burglar's tale, or what happens daily in the world of Talisman By Matt Thrower

Look at all that extra cardboard real estate Look at all that extra cardboard real estate

There was once a burglar, who grew tired of stealing trinkets from the rich and decided, instead, to steal the whole world.

One day, in the rooms of an incautious wizard, she took something she believed to be a gem. On examination it turned out to be a Crystal of Power, an extraordinary artefact which boosted the psychic ability of the owner. Needing no more push from fate than this, she set out on a quest for the legendary Crown of Command.

Eager to use her newfound power, she sought wizards and spirits to battle and found them aplenty. So, with practice, she became ever more able with her craft even as she stayed physically weak. Drunk on hubris, she did not hesitate a moment when she found a passageway leading underground from some mossy ruins. She descended without a thought.

After fleeing combat with a feeble hobgoblin, she plunged heedless into a hall of darkness. Her confidence carried her through this deadly peril and out into a rough kitchen. There a sumptuous feast was laid out in stark contrast to the crude surroundings. Eating, she was refreshed from her exertions. In a nearby cavern she discovered a cache of gold, which proved fortuitous. For the very next room was a grim chamber, spiky with instruments of cruelty. The torturer demanded a bribe else he would sear her flesh, but she had plenty to sate his appetite for wealth.

Good thing that there are no Grues in Talisman Good thing that there are no Grues in Talisman

At the end of the dungeon she found a treasure chamber, splendid with riches. Each object within worth many times anything she had pilfered in her life of crime. They were guarded by a terrible demon who engaged her in psychic combat. Enveloped in the fire and brimstone of his aura, even her Crystal and her training were not enough to defeat him and gain one of the precious relics, but neither did she lose her soul. Grudgingly, he let her pass to the dungeon's secret exit. Long she wandered in the labyrinths below before finally emerging in the crags beneath a towering peak.

A flighty soul, she had learned nothing from her close brush with death and she decided to climb. At a group of runestones around the plateau entrance she met with one of the seelie folk, who deigned grant her fate. More chances to swing luck in her favour should she choose. Climbing higher, she came to the mouth of a ruined mine, gaping from the rockside like a wound. An awful wraith came howling forth, thinking to have found prey. But she brushed it aside like a bothersome gnat, so strong had her force of will become.

Next, she tried to force the pass, and this proved the toughest test she had yet encountered. Dressed in light clothes for life in the city, she had not the equipment nor the skills to survive in such a place. Several times she tried to find the way, and became lost. Eventually, tired and hungry, she tried another route that wound long between the spires of rock, emerging at a wondrous place. It was a city, long forgotten, the inhabitants long dead but the buildings preserved in the still highland air. She looted the houses for treasure, finding gold aplenty, and carried on up to the peak.

At the pinnacle, she was attacked by a vast eagle, many times the size of ordinary birds. Such was her skill that she leaped from boulder to crag with inhuman grace, dodging its swoops and beak until, with her dagger, she cut off one of its talons. As it fled, screeching into the cold white skies above, she examined her prize. A single talon would serve as the magic weapon she had been seeking. Now she had power enough to defeat anything that stood in her way.

She descended from the Highlands into a hidden valley, where she fought a harpy and found treasure beyond the dreams of avarice. Taking stock of her surroundings she saw she had already crossed the river, one of the barriers between her and the crown. Now all she needed was a Talisman to survive the hellish environs where it could be found.

In the valley she met a centaur, who agreed to accompany her. He told the burglar that she had a competitor, a wicked Necromancer who planned to seize the crown for himself. That it might aid him in his plan to raise an army of unread servants.

All his evil had not endeared him to fate. He had taken gold to the city, searching for magical trinkets, but much of it had been stolen and, as he left the gates, he encountered a witch who had transformed him into a toad. When she heard the tale, our hero felt she had little to fear from such a bumbling opponent.

But the Necromancer had a trick or two left. As a meddler in death and undeath, it seemed even the Grim Reaper owed him a favour, and he sent that ghastly apparition to visit the burglar in the night. Death demanded that she throw dice with him, her life the wager. Terrified, she used the fairie's gift of luck to ensure the dice rolled in her favor, and the Reaper left without his prize.

Alarmed by the Necromancer's display of power, she found the path which led to the portal that guarded the way to the Crown. She attempted to pick the arcane lock; twice she tried, twice she failed and twice the infernal power of the door reduced her skill until she dared not try again.

Disheartened, she wandered to a nearby temple. There, after hearing her tale of woe, they agreed to try and remove the curse the portal had laid upon her. They were partly successful. Next, wandering in the desert, she found an extraordinary treasure: no less than the Holy Grail itself. Not only did its ever-flowing waters sustain her in the waste, but its power removed the last of the baleful enchantment. She went back to the portal to try again.

This time, the lock could not defeat her craft and she entered the most trying part of her quest. In the blasted, barren lands of the inner region she descended into labyrinthine mines. Finding the right way with guile and cunning, she emerged at the jagged tower of a vampire. The vile creature flew down, demanding blood. Having little left of her own and knowing the road ahead would only get harder, she offered up the centaur in her place. She walked on, covering her ears against the ghastly sounds of feasting.

Across that frightful plain she walked, every step closer to her goal and further from her humanity. At last she came to the foot of a great stair carved into the rock. The valley was wreathed in fire, but her Talisman shielded her from the heat. Out of the smoke stalked four demons, wearing the guise of great lizards. The first three she slew with ease. The fourth would not fall and it bit her about the face and shoulders until the blood made her sword hilt crimson and slippery. In despair she cast it aside: right into the eyes of the last demon.

Where's my chicken dinner? Where's my chicken dinner?

As it fell, she heard in the distance the sound of the great door slamming shut. The Necromancer had made it through. But too late: the crown was hers. As she climbed the steps, however, one last misery awaited her. Atop the precipice was not the fabled crown but a horrid thing, small yet tense and ready like a balled spider. It was the Hand of Doom, an artefact she would need to master to make it do her bidding. It even had the power to destroy all creation, if misused. And she had spent her luck, and was weak from the bites of the last fiend.

Yet the hand of fate, which had been with her from the beginning, will not be denied. She raised the hand and called upon it twice to strike down her foe. Twice it did not fail her. So she stood alone, bent and blooded but master of her tiny world. She looked at the Hand and wondered, what world would it take her to next?

This tale was based on a game of Talisman: Digital Edition with all the expansions added on. I’ve played the original many times, but had never stopped to think how easy the digital version made co-ordinating all those extra cards, board and rules. It was a fantastic, varied and thrilling experience. My favourite add-ons were The Reaper and The Highland expansions.