Photo: Beth Spotswood Image 1 of / 40 Caption Close

Image 2 of 40 The Hall of Justice smells like industrial cleaner and regret. The Hall of Justice smells like industrial cleaner and regret. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 3 of 40 One must appear alert and attractive for court. One must appear alert and attractive for court. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 4 of 40 While the DA's office is a dump, there is some cool artwork on the walls collecting asbestos. While the DA's office is a dump, there is some cool artwork on the walls collecting asbestos. Photo: Beth Spotswood

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Image 6 of 40 There is no in-house graphic designer at the DA's office. There is no in-house graphic designer at the DA's office. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 7 of 40 I spotted this dead mouse in a trap on the floor of the records room. If San Francisco is ever swept by the black plague, this will be why. I spotted this dead mouse in a trap on the floor of the records room. If San Francisco is ever swept by the black plague, this will be why. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 8 of 40 Here are very important court documents that hold the key to justice stacked along a mouse-filled hallway. Here are very important court documents that hold the key to justice stacked along a mouse-filled hallway. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 9 of 40 The DA's office has bad inside jokes. The DA's office has bad inside jokes. Photo: Beth Spotswood

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Image 11 of 40 No. I will not sit on this broken chair in an abandoned auditorium next to an empty jail. No. I will not sit on this broken chair in an abandoned auditorium next to an empty jail. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 12 of 40 It is frowned upon to ask any questions about Detectives Elliot Stabler or Olivia Benson. It is frowned upon to ask any questions about Detectives Elliot Stabler or Olivia Benson. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 13 of 40 The only working elevator in the Hall of Justice is a set of stairs behind the snack shop. The only working elevator in the Hall of Justice is a set of stairs behind the snack shop. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 14 of 40 This is exactly how people die in soap operas. This is exactly how people die in soap operas. Photo: Beth Spotswood

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Image 16 of 40 San Francisco is keeping things clean and sanitary at the Hall of Justice. San Francisco is keeping things clean and sanitary at the Hall of Justice. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 17 of 40 One cannot imagine the graceful and chic Kamala Harris suffering the indignity of the dump that is the San Francisco District Attorney's Office. One cannot imagine the graceful and chic Kamala Harris suffering the indignity of the dump that is the San Francisco District Attorney's Office. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 18 of 40 Here is pee overflowing from the jailhouse toilets upstairs. This is (alleged) criminal pee. Here is pee overflowing from the jailhouse toilets upstairs. This is (alleged) criminal pee. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 19 of 40 The interns at the DA's office better know their place, or else they end up UPSTAIRS. The interns at the DA's office better know their place, or else they end up UPSTAIRS. Photo: Beth Spotswood

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Image 21 of 40 I don't know what this machine is, but apparently it's used for life and death decision making. I don't know what this machine is, but apparently it's used for life and death decision making. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 22 of 40 Dozens of emergency kits line the walls of the Hall of Justice because scientists agree that the building will collapse the next time there's a big gust of wind. Dozens of emergency kits line the walls of the Hall of Justice because scientists agree that the building will collapse the next time there's a big gust of wind. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 23 of 40 San Francisco is the tech capital of the world, and the DA's office is at the forefront of cutting-edge technology. San Francisco is the tech capital of the world, and the DA's office is at the forefront of cutting-edge technology. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 24 of 40 It's reassuring to find the penal code dumped in a box along an abandoned hallway full of urine and rodents. It's reassuring to find the penal code dumped in a box along an abandoned hallway full of urine and rodents. Photo: Beth Spotswood

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Image 26 of 40 You are about to enter the saddest room in San Francisco. If you cannot handle heartbreak, do not click to the next photo. You are about to enter the saddest room in San Francisco. If you cannot handle heartbreak, do not click to the next photo. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 27 of 40 This is where child victims of crime go while their folks are dealing with the DA. It's also where kid interviews take place. This is where child victims of crime go while their folks are dealing with the DA. It's also where kid interviews take place. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 28 of 40 While the Teddy Bear Room is a well-intentioned, private space for kids, it is also filled with the world's most negative energy. While the Teddy Bear Room is a well-intentioned, private space for kids, it is also filled with the world's most negative energy. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 29 of 40 Back to the grind, there is not one hallway in the DA's office that isn't full of important paperwork. Back to the grind, there is not one hallway in the DA's office that isn't full of important paperwork. Photo: Beth Spotswood

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Image 31 of 40 Here are some of the boxes dealing with evidence from the recent SFPD texting scandal. Here are some of the boxes dealing with evidence from the recent SFPD texting scandal. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 32 of 40 Everywhere you look in the DA's office, there's either a dead mouse or an emergency backpack. Everywhere you look in the DA's office, there's either a dead mouse or an emergency backpack. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 33 of 40 Victims of any crime in San Francisco can come to this window and get some assistance. I assumed there would be a line of cyclists without bikes. Victims of any crime in San Francisco can come to this window and get some assistance. I assumed there would be a line of cyclists without bikes. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 34 of 40 While we're in this neck of the woods, I wonder how close we can get to the jail? While we're in this neck of the woods, I wonder how close we can get to the jail? Photo: Beth Spotswood

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Image 36 of 40 The jail rules are very specific about your sexy bra straps. The jail rules are very specific about your sexy bra straps. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 37 of 40 According to Sheriff Captain Paul Miyamoto, people sneak cell phones back here and post photos of jailhouse chats to Facebook. Tag me! According to Sheriff Captain Paul Miyamoto, people sneak cell phones back here and post photos of jailhouse chats to Facebook. Tag me! Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 38 of 40 Another tidbit from Captain Miyamoto was that Prune-O, an alcohol made from old food and fruit is a bit of a problem at the SF County Jail. It's particularly popular during big sporting events. Another tidbit from Captain Miyamoto was that Prune-O, an alcohol made from old food and fruit is a bit of a problem at the SF County Jail. It's particularly popular during big sporting events. Photo: Beth Spotswood

Image 39 of 40 This photo was taken by a DA employee and appears to be of a live rat, wrapping up a delicious meal of vital evidence. This photo was taken by a DA employee and appears to be of a live rat, wrapping up a delicious meal of vital evidence. Photo: Beth Spotswood