So my Twitter account has been suspended.

Again.

The only thing that surprises me about that is how long it took. I wrote a few days ago about the feral Beyonce fans who showed up uninvited in my feed with all manner of death threats. I responded to those threats the same way I respond to every idiot who threatens me with violence: I don’t back down, I double down. I go medieval.

Threaten to cut me like a New York cheesecake? I promise to flay you and bolt your head to the Brooklyn Bridge. In short, don’t fucking threaten me. I won’t cry. I won’t call the police. I won’t set my account to private. I won’t even report you for abuse to Twitter or even block your account.

I will let you know, in no uncertain terms, that you do not frighten, intimidate or impress me out in any way.

You piss me off.

And I am perfectly capable of defending myself, thank you very much. Attack me with a knife, and that blade will indeed be going under your skin, not mine. Naturally, when David Futrelle decided to write up the events that transpired, he didn’t include the tweets that provoke my response. Because of course not. Apparently, I’m just a psycho who goes around threatening to go Theon Greyjoy on the innocent wittle children on Twitter who never, ever threaten women they don’t know with violence. They’re all just innocent, blushing maidens and I’m the Big Bad Wolf.

At some point during my first altercation with the feral women of the #Beyhive, someone forbid me from wearing blackface. It never occurred to me to wear blackface, and in fact, I’ve even written a blog post against it. But you know what? I’ll do whatever the fuck I want. Besides, I could immediately see the potential to expose #BlackTwitter for the racist, violent abusive Twitter users they tend to be. I tweeted my intention and then went to the local cosmetics counter to try and find a suitably dark shade. Unfortunately, the darkest shade I could find was more Trump than Sambo, but I’m pretty white, and it was significantly darker than my natural complexion, so I bought it.

I did an absolutely wretched job applying it, too. I did a very splotchy layer and let it dry and then added another layer on top and did the world’s worst eyeliner and blush and contouring job, and I didn’t blend or use primer so my crow’s feet and all the fine lines on my face were highly visible. I dragged black mascara through my eyebrows, creating a clumpy, horrid mess I didn’t try to shape or frame at all. I posed to minimize my lips as much as possible and at the same time, try to look ratchet. I tied a do-rag around my hair. I then set the filter to deepen contrast, just to make everything look even worse, and voila! My blackface:

I knew I was going to get epic amounts of abuse, but holy shit, the amount of abuse was crazy! The #Beyhive went insane. My goal was to return every abusive tweet I got in exact kind, but I couldn’t keep up. A lot of people got ignored. I did not tag anyone in my original tweet, so keep in mind that every person responding to my tweet was doing so unsolicited. When 100K people respond to a tweet and tag one person they do not follow, who does not follow them, Twitter normally calls that ‘targeted abuse’, and suspends users.

But I’m special, you see. 100K users pissing on me is not abuse by Twitter standards. No, in actual fact, I’m the abuser. I was asking for it! And by responding to abuse in exact measure, I was engaging in abuse. Some people were pretty mild and would tweet me ‘bitch’, so I tweeted them back ‘whore’ and that was that. Very few people got more than one tweet from me. I muted them, rather than block, and they continued to tweet abuse at me, sometimes for hours. I didn’t see any of the subsequent abuse, since the accounts were muted, but other users kept me informed of what was going on in my feed.

I was just trying to stay on top of the original abuse as it poured in.

Anyone who called me racist terms like Becky got it handed right back to them.

People who threatened me were threatened right back.

Anyone who called me old got thoroughly mocked. I tweeted them back a random age over 75 and called them jealous, because I look so fabulous. This went on for hours, until I finally ended the day by tweeting:

The next day, #BlackTwitter showed up to rain more abuse on me, but since I felt I had made my point rather nicely, I just ignored all of them. I don’t think I responded to a single tweet after the tweet above. I just let them throw their hissy fit, call me every obscene and or racist name they could come up with, insult every aspect of my looks and personality, and I carried on with my day.

Two days later, my account was suspended. I don’t actually have any idea why. I’m guessing it will be because I responded to 100K people showering my account with abuse with some abuse of my own. The 100K people, who are on the right side of Twitter politics, will not be held accountable. Tweeting me threats of violence and death and just casual abuse will be tolerated because they are attacking the right person, who asked for it, after, by tweeting a picture of herself wearing dark makeup.

My favorite tweets, by far, were the people who showed up to bemoan the fact that I failed so miserably at blackface and at being a racist. I couldn’t even do that right.

Yes, my little genius friends.

That was the point.

Lots of love,

JB