How many times have you experienced this? You’re sitting on your computer browsing a social justice website or blog, or on your phone swiping through Twitter. You come across a blog post or article on female eating disorders, stats on how often a woman of color will be assaulted in her lifetime, or the suicide rates of transgender individuals. The arguments are sound, precise, well sourced… but then your eyes trail down to the comments, and you read the words “but men get this too!”

I’ll often also come across blog posts and articles on the topic of male rape, male eating disorders, and male assault. At first I’m pleased to see this as they are stories and stats that need to be shared. I’m pleased with this awareness, that is, until I see how passive aggressive the comments and suggestions sometimes are, with leading and concluding lines such as “This won’t nearly get as many hits as the female version,” “Do feminists even care about these men?” and “If this were the other way around then there’d be a public outcry.”

The derailing implication of “too,” and the presumptuous attitude that feminists (or anyone for that matter) will ignore the male side to things is a big problem in the world of social justice. This should by no means lessen the amount of awareness the cause receives, but it does bring up prejudices that need to be fought against.

When a man derails a story on the specifics of female hardship, when a straight individual derails a story on the specifics of LGBTQIA problems, or when a white person derails a story on the specifics of PoC issues, they, we, take away the small amount of awareness that the oppressed group has to begin with, one that is desperately needed.

As a whole, the world is run by men, white straight cisgendered able bodied men, they run the governments and are shown as the protagonist in the majority of film and television. They make up most of the representations, so why should every oppressed group out there take a step back when we’re given the awareness that we deserve? The little awareness we have to begin with. If they already have the power, why do they want to take the power they somehow believe we have?

As a whole, the world is run by men, white straight cisgendered able bodied men, they run the governments and are shown as the protagonist in the majority of film and television. They make up most of the representations, so why should every oppressed group out there take a step back when we’re given the awareness that we deserve? The little awareness we have to begin with. If they already have the power, why do they want to take the power they somehow believe we have?

Trying to take away what little voice the oppressed have, is the epitome of entitlement.

When some of us look at sites like Tumblr, and watch videos like Emma Watson’s #HeForShe or Laverne Cox’s The T Word, we see a large amount of awareness for oppressed groups in a small space, yet this observation often appears amplified , and we often fail to realize that the awareness doesn’t extend much farther than these types of sites or Youtube channels. Flawed logic dictates that if we’re seeing this kind of thing quite a bit then that means there’s a new privilege for these groups, right?

Wrong, the wage gap still exists, transfolk are still being arrested in Greece, and men of color are still being shot for wearing hoodies in inner city areas, just because the awareness exists, doesn’t mean the problems are fixed, or that anyone is really listening to the awareness being spread.

Imagining a false privilege such as “she’s playing the race/woman/disabled card” in a situation like this, is admitting that the oppressed group is actually oppressed, yet at the same time refuse to admit that the oppression is there, how does that work?

Women don’t want to be denied proper pay at work, bisexual individuals don’t want to be erased from television, and rape victims don’t want to be accused of lying when they admit to having been attacked. We don’t use our pain as a masochistic trophy, we’d rather be able to walk home safely at night, not shaking in fear as we re-tell our ordeals, forced to remember them every single day. If you see any of these experiences as privilege, just because it grants them a voice, then I highly suggest you look up the word in the dictionary right away.

When we say things like “Men get that too” and “No one will care about this because they only care about women’ issues,” we placing part of the blame on the oppressed group that you so firmly believe are getting all the attention. Feminists are blamed for the lack of awareness that male rape victims receive when they share their ordeal (not from the victims but usually from misinformed MRAs), under the impression that we “only care about female rights.” They call it reverse sexism when it should be called misogyny. The biggest priority in a situation like this is first and foremost the victim, but while it’s being discussed, leave blame where blame is due.

All this being said, sometimes the male issues are the ones with the smaller voice, and we have to do something about that, yet in every instance it can be done without demeaning other sufferers or guilt tripping feminism. Across the world, it’s been noted that males hold the highest rate of death to suicide, witha whopping 79 percent of all suicides in the U.S being male citizens, according to a 2012 study. Another example is the case of the 430 males that will die every year from Breast cancer, and the 10 million males that will suffer from an eating disorder in their lifetime. These examples are strong enough to stand on their own, but are often only brought up to attack other forms of awareness.

The reason for the lack of awareness and understanding around these issues, is not “the fem-Nazi agenda” but the misogynistic view that the male world has on masculinity, and the failure to acknowledge that such illnesses as breast cancer and bulimia nervosa are not gender specific. Boys are often shunned for discussing their body dysmorphia because “boys don’t care about weight,” and society often laughs at the male domestic abuse sufferer because “if he were a real man then he’d have fought them off,” but this sick attitude more often than not leads to the victim not getting the help he needs. We can’t forget these stats, but we also can’t put blame on anyone but the diseases, and those who refuse to help.

At the end of the day we need to fight each injustice as it comes, and though we have to give extra awareness to the groups who have less of it, or those who experience the injustice more often, we should be fighting every fight that comes along, not fighting amongst ourselves. We need to fight the abuse against male rape victims, and raise awareness on the increase of male eating disorders, but we can do this independently from women’s issues, or any other issues; men don’t belong in a discussion of female issues just as much as women don’t belong in a conversation on male issues.

So let’s continue to fight, and notice how well our campaigns flourish when we blame the true villain; the oppressor, rather than the already oppressed.

What do you think, beautiful readers? Are you tired of good campaigns being ruined by guilt tripping arguments? Do you have any blogs for specific male issues to recommend that don’t do this?

