LaCrosse, WI – Rachel Ferrara has a very low tolerance for infidelity. Though honestly, “low tolerance” may be an understatement and Rachel’s definition of infidelity is probably one of the most stringent I have ever come across. When Rachel returned home from work to find her boyfriend watching porn and, how can I put this – slapping pappy, shucking bubba, engaging in the five finger knuckle shuffle, doodling his noodle, wrestling the eel, oiling the pogo stick, jerkin’ the gherkin, burping the worm, choking Kojak, boppin’ the bologna, playing tug of war with cyclops – she felt a wee bit slighted. What happens when you slight a crazy bitch? You got it. Punches get thrown and people get cut.

According to the police report, Ferrara came home to a front door chained from the inside. She yelled at her boyfriend inside to open the door. His response of “no” only peaked her curiosity and when she asked what he was doing and his reponse of “nothing” only made her want to know more, she pushed the door open. What did she see? Well, loverboy was on the couch with some porn on the television and his johnson in his hand. Upon closer inspection, Rachel realized that not only was he watching porn on HER television, but he had HER computer hooked up to it and was chatting and mutually masturbating with someone from the intarwebz. Hawt!

Ferrara ran at her boyfriend like a bat out of hell and punched him twice in the gut and kicked him in the groin. She called him a “fucking cheater” and at some point made it to the kitchen to get a knife. Her boyfriend, wanting to talk it out, followed her only to be called a cheating fuck once again and then stabbed in the abdomen. After a couple more slashes to the wankers forearms, she allowed him to get his wallet and screamed at him to leave. He then drove himself to the hospital where he was treated and released.

Ferrara was placed under arrest for disorderly conduct while armed and recklessly endangering safety.

Guys, if you are gonna indulge in some self love while your significant other is at work, please, pay attention to the time. No one wants to see that. Also, if you are gonna use the internet and some cybersexing skank to help you get off, don’t be an idiot and put that shit on the television where anyone who walks in the room can see what you are up to. Discretion is the key. Learn it. Live it. Love it.