Superfood's battle cry is the science-substitute soundbite. That same smart feeling with zero effort or calories! The battle is marketing versus everything humanity has ever learned about itself. Never mind ignoring words that are hard to spell, superfood-science has to be easy to say. They need phrases that can be remembered by people who genuinely believe pomegranates are the key to immortality.

"Your hormones are made of saturated fat, your brain is made of fat, and the membrane of every cell in your body is made of fat," says Asprey, explaining why chugging butter is actually super double-secret good for you. Shit, if biology is that simple, why haven't we cured everything yet? Answer: If somebody is prepared to distill their medical knowledge into two sentences and sell it, they'd provide more useful biological insights by pissing into a test tube.

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"I MADE A SCIENCE!"

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Listen, if you want to butter your coffee, go for it! I've eaten and drunk worse and enjoyed it. By all accounts it's pretty nice. But don't try to justify your cholesteroccino by writing medical fan fiction.

"Kids' brains are developing, and the fat helps their cells grow." That's why he gives his 5- and 7-year-old kids an espresso shot in the morning. So how does he justify ignoring everything every doctor has ever said about nutrition? "I have years of my own bloodwork ... and if I start to die, I'll know it's not working." It really is the perfect summary of his ideas. He's a vortex of rich privilege. As long as he's OK, everything's fine. He's trying to redefine the human diet, and the idea that other people might be different hasn't even occurred to him. No wonder he argues with doctors: If he thinks biology is this simple, he must think medical textbooks are mainly about coloring in all the the organs.