Do not anger it. The New York Times

The data geeks who write for the New York Times’ Upshot have found a perfect mechanism to drive their readers into the deep depths of madness on election night.

I’m talking about the needle, of course. The section’s election meter, with its jittery gauge swinging from red to blue, has become an election night fixture, delivering a real time forecast that serves as a functionally useless IV drip of moment by moment return data for political junkies. And with Alabama Democrat Doug Jones in an extremely tight race against an accused child molester, the thing drove Twitter absolutely out of its mind tonight. People practically started praying to the thing like some sort of angry deity.

Me? My muscles tensed up in fear and anticipation the second I saw it earlier this afternoon as my mind flashed back to election night 2016, when the needle careened from Clinton blue to Trump red.

Here’s just a sampling of how things unfolded for people watching the Upshot tonight:

If Jones doesn't win this thing, NYT is going to have to destroy the needle and any server that hosted it in a ritual ceremony on 8th Ave. — southpaw (@nycsouthpaw) December 13, 2017

Me 10 minutes ago: What's this NYT needle I've hard so much about



Me now pic.twitter.com/7ieB5w0Cto — Benjy Sarlin (@BenjySarlin) December 13, 2017

The NYT needle just told me to buy bitcoin. — Emily Richmond (@EWAEmily) December 13, 2017

The NYT needle is like when an ex you really don't want to hear from texts you after a year — Charlotte Wilder (@TheWilderThings) December 13, 2017

everyone loves the dial when it swings their way — Matthew Zeitlin (@MattZeitlin) December 13, 2017

I'm terrified of needles. — Lydia Polgreen (@lpolgreen) December 13, 2017

Ban it. Kill it. Destroy the needle. It has brought only pain and ruin. https://t.co/QHULFXUqHB — Rebecca Traister (@rtraister) December 13, 2017

I'm going to fucking murder you pic.twitter.com/IQbbT8HNqZ — Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) December 13, 2017

No needle, how have we angered you pic.twitter.com/dGY68cFPjQ — MedicaidMatt Cortland, Esq. 🎄✨☃ (@mattbc) December 13, 2017

I never want to see that fucking needle again unless Jones wins and then let’s go get matching tattoos of it on our bodies — Emmy Bengtson (@EmmyA2) December 13, 2017

how long until the first dissertation on dial angst? — Adrianna McIntyre (@onceuponA) December 13, 2017

The needle told me to kill. Must obey needle. — James Urbaniak (@JamesUrbaniak) December 13, 2017

Originally I was going to argue that the Times needs to redesign or eliminate this thing in order to cleanse our collective Trauma from 2016. But no. If you’ve got half of the political pundit class literally pleading with a piece of graphic design, you have to keep it, no matter what ill effects it might have on our mental health.

Anyway, the needle says Doug Jones won. All is forgiven.