I don't even know where to start with this because it's so perfect, except imagine my disappointment when I realized that the little pot was actually a little pot (that's awesome). I can guarantee that the roommates and I will be putting all of this to good use, and there will be many toasts to you as we get shitfaced off coquitos.

I couldn't have been more astounded by my first experience with Reddit Secret Santa! Thank you so much (you're probably a beautiful-er bastard), and happy holidays!!

[Card transcribed below for the gallery]

HOHOHO ITS YOUR SANTA HERE,

As a forward I'm typing this because my handwriting sucks.

What I sent you is very simple it's just what I like to call a college care package.

Enclosed are a variety of items that I truly hope you'll enjoy.

Ping pong table set cause it's fun when your drunk

Krabby patties because I think this will be the closest we can get to the real thing

Ramen because it's the college kid go to food

A little pot to take the edge off

Some dog treats for your pups

A bunch of candy

Chamomile tea for relaxation

Tylenol because the holidays with the family is tough

Condoms because safe sex is great sex

Oh, also a lighter just in case island stuff happens



Now I bet you're wondering why I put cinnamon, vanilla extract, and coconut stuff in there right?

The answer is simple I'm going to teach you how to make a holiday favorite for Puerto Ricans (which I am)

The drink is called coquito (co-KEY-toe) recipe is simple but you may need to do some subbing because it does involve milk and I saw you were lactose intolerant.

1 tbsp. cinnamon

1 can coconut (provided)

1 tsp. of vanilla extract

2-12oz cans of evaporated milk or 24 Oz almond milk your choice

Shit ton of rum I recommend like a quarter bottle of clear rum is you use spiced rum don't put as much cinnamon

Step 1) mix all that shit together in a blender and adjust rum and cinnamon until the rum is completely hidden in taste (the coconut does well at this but just in case). Also mix in your glass as you drink because the alcohol will separate over time.

Note: I didn't send alcohol or a knife mostly because I feel like that might get me into trouble.

Happy holidays you beautiful bastard.

Much Love,

Your secret Santa.