I love my sons. One is 29, engaged, with a full-time job, living in his own home. The other is 19, a sophomore at Caltech which is a difficult school. I'm no longer working due to having an illness, so time is slower for me than it is for them, something I remember, and you should too.

When I text them, it is to let them know I'm thinking about them, or to tell them something amusing, maybe to share a joke or a picture. I don't expect them to respond. They have busy lives and schedules, and I don't know what they do when. They'll text me once in a while when they think of me too.

The only time I expect an answer is when I am doing something like making flight reservations that requires me to know something specific. I text rather than call specifically because they are so busy. I don't expect an response instantly.

Your question sounds like one a 13 year old would write. Ignore a birthday? Is that something any adult really cares about?

If it bothers you that your child doesn't text back, why not call them up and tell them it hurts you, and ask why not? And then listen to the answer and accept it. Then make some sort of arrangement that you both can live with, so that you don't feel left out. Maybe you agree they will call you every Saturday, or text you back a couple times a week. Adults negotiate feelings and problems and come up with compromises that work for both. Emotional blackmail does not make for a healthy relationship.

We parents of adult children must recognize that we did our jobs. We raised successful, busy people with lives of their own, which was the goal, wasn't it? At this point, our job is to be supportive. They will want to be in contact with you when you are loving, uncritical, and understanding. My kids contact me frequently, because I don't try to make them, and I'm not critical of them when they do. I finished my job, now I get to enjoy the men they have become.

I hope you can work this out.