“People across America are talking about the life-changing potential of Huckabee.

[Camera cuts to testimonials taken outside of an unremarkable convention center. Ensure full spectrum of ethnicities is represented in speakers.]

‘Oh, it’s just incredible. The energy just… it’s like a wave.’ [larger woman with short hair, a small cross necklace, and glasses]

‘I was laughing. I was crying. I know that I’m going to remember this weekend for the rest of my life.’ [neatly-dressed 20-something man with higher voice]

‘Yo, man, that Huckabee was on point!’ [man wearing snapback]

‘Yeah, I mean, all of my friends were saying, “You gotta go to Huckabee. You gotta to to Huckabee.” And I thought they were crazy, but… [shrugs, smiles]’ [Early-30s woman with infant in arms]

‘Man, this Huckabee thing, it’s somethin’ else.’ [mid-40s man in golf shirt]

What’s Huckabee? You’ll be glad you asked! Huckabee is a revolution in self-empowerment. Huckabee is about giving you the secrets to unlocking your potential and changing your life for the better. For over seven years, Americans just like you have come to Huckabee and walked away with new friends and new wisdom to take their lives to the next level.

[Play in any order during as the last paragraph is on-screen: lecturer gesturing excitedy, attendees sharing a long and complex secret handshake, crowd waving arms back and forth in-sync with person on stage]

Experience Huckabee for yourself! Join us in Des Moines and make 2016 the start of a new chapter in your life. If you’ve been asking, “What’s missing in my life?”

[supercut of conference-goers saying Huckabee]

Huckabee. Come experience the revolution! For tickets and more info, visit huckabee.com.”

For what it’s worth, I don’t know if this script should count, because this is kind of what Mike Huckabee has been doing with himself for the past few years, anyway.