To list three things that tell you a lot about me, I’m a Quaker, I’m queer, and I’m a Star Trek fan. There are other things, of course, but I think that gives you a good idea of what’s shaped me.

I wrote in my first entry on this blog that when I came to Quakers I was already a pacifist. It was Star Trek and my participation in Trek fandom that prompted me to consider pacifism.

The most direct Star Trek-related influence on my decision to consider pacifism was my favorite Star Trek actor, Andy Robinson. In his youth, he engaged in pro-peace activities before it was fashionable to do so, and suffered unjust consequences. (He quit and picketed the mandatory ROTC program at his university with two other students, and his degree was withheld.) Some online biographies call him a pacifist, although I don’t know if he would identify himself as such.

I often wonder if I’m brave enough to endure violence or injustice over my pacifism. I’ve been blessed with a lot of peace in my life. Aside from a bully or two in childhood, nobody has ever tried to hit me. I have only once been robbed of anything expensive. I have never been denied educational opportunities or freedom.

Star Trek contained the first depiction of a pacifist character I can remember seeing. He was an immensely powerful being, and in the climax of the episode he confesses a monstrous transgression – after his wife and neighbours were killed by alien aggressors, he wiped out every member of that alien species with a single thought. [Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “The Survivors”]

The character used a phrase that caught my attention – “I am a man of special conscience.” I felt a kinship with that phrase. I also identified with the frailty of the character and his failure to live up to his ideals when he was tested by grief. When I was considering committing to pacifism, the possibility of failing held me back for a time. I finally decided that failing was better than not making the commitment at all.

The possibility of failure is also what prompted me to seek out other pacifists – living up to a commitment is a lot easier when I have support!

I wouldn’t call Vulcans pacifists, but their non-emotional demeanor and their dedication to logic are in service of a peaceful society. They actually have very powerful emotions and their history is full of violence. They turned to emotional control and logic in order to save themselves. I identified pretty heavily with Spock during a difficult adolescence, and it probably prevented me from committing violence aimed at myself. (Substance abuse or reckless behaviour.)

Finally, one of the other Trek fans I knew was a Quaker. When I started looking into attending Meeting, I didn’t have some unattainable idea of perfect people in my head that would lead to a disappointing reality – I had a friend with whom I shared a secular interest. I e-mailed her before my first Meeting and she gave me a pep talk!

Being a fan of Trek from childhood shaped the way I think. In different words, it taught me that there is that of God in everyone. It showed me that struggling with violence doesn’t mean we must inevitably succumb to it. In the words of Captain Kirk, “we are killers, but we will not kill today.” [Star Trek episode “Arena”]