After selling a batch of CD's a crusty ginger geezer produces an equally crusty CD from his pocket.

C: Are you interested in this interactive Limp Biscuit CD Rom thing?

S: Not really.

C: Are you sure?

He then opens it up - there is no CD inside - only a soggy digestive with a hole carefully crafted from the centre to form a neat fit.

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S: What's your surname?

C: White

S: With a Y or an I?

C: Just WH

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A member of Groucho's staff found the following note attached to the toilet door at a Sepultura gig at Q.M.U. in Glasgow -

'If I were Paw Broon I'd be suspicious of the fact that none of my children look like me or each other (except the twins of course, whose resemblance to Oor Wullie demands an explanation from Maw Broon)'.

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C: Have you got a copy of Mortal Kombat Ornothology?

S: Is that the one where they go looking for birds?

C: Yes, I think so.

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C: What sleeves do you have for 12" albums?

S: PVC or plastic, they're 50p or 10p.

C: How much are the 50p ones?

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C: Can you settle an arguement? Who was in Wham with George Michael?

Was it Boy George or Elton John?

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Customer on phone: How much are records for decks?

S: Any particular record?

C: No, just recods for decks!!!

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Have you any Steve Miller CDs? I've tried the shop in the high

street but they've only got one that's a copulation of his stuff.

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Young lad selling CDs:

S: Do you have any ID that says you're over 16?

C: No, but i've got a fag packet!

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Vacant looking skater comes in for his T in the Park ticket:

C: One weekend and camping.

S: How're you paying?

C: Not bad, how are you?

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Two gadgie minks come up to the counter looking for Oasis tickets:

GM: How many have you got left?

S: About half a dozen.

GM: What's that? Like a hundred?

(even his gadgie mate looked embarrassed)

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C: Is it true that Midge Ure is joining Runrig?

S: Sounds daft enough to be true.

C: Well, I hope he's not gonna sing any Runrig songs!

I don't want him dropping his standards!

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C: Got any Enigma? Where's the ' N ' section?

________________________________

C: These batteries you sell....are they second-hand?

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C: Do you sell tickets for the Playhouse ?

S: Who for?

C: For myself...oh..I mean Evita.

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Customer hands over 'Plague Of Zombies' video and asks 'Is this a horror?'

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C: Any information about Reading?

S: No-none yet.

C: When will it be? How much? Will it be held in Scotland this year?

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C: Why do you destroy all the Bay City Rollers records?

(the one question that doesn't need answered)

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