I just saw a picture online of Britney's period stain

and I am horrified. I don't know why they would post a

picture of that and I really feel terrible about it. I

think that the paparazzi have gone too far. It is just

tasteless and barbaric. I am so sorry for Britney and

I hope she is ok. The only thing I can think of doing to

somehow make it better is to say that this has

happened to me about a million times.

I am the worst when it comes to period stains. That is

why I never move because my mattress is so so so so

stained that whenever I change the sheets it just

looks like a murder scene. I'm serious. Somebody

should put crime scene 'do not cross' tape up. It's

awful! I can't understand any woman who hasn't had

some kind of hot menses mess. Those women are weird

and probably perfect, and always get a pap smear every

six months, and have never had a weight problem or

worried about sitting on a white couch - and they are

no friends of mine!

Every month my body completely purges everything it

has been holding onto. My periods are heavy, long,

arduous - old furniture and books and records come

out. Gold coins and anchors and treasures and lace and

shoes. It's like a big clearance sale. Everything must

go! That is just the way that I am built. I am just

puzzled at the idea of a pantyliner or a regular

tampon. I need to stuff half an emergency room in

there every 28 days or I am looking at dying

everything I own black. (Here's a hot tip - if you

stain something with your own blood, spit on the stain

- your saliva has enzymes that will break it

down.unfortunately it has to be your blood and your

saliva - you can't do it for anyone else). When my

Aunt Flow comes to visit - the bitch brings presents.

All the feminine products I use have "overnight" on

the box.

The point here is let she who is without menstrual

stains throw the first tampon. Britney is not Carrie

and Chris Crocker was right - leave her alone!