This is good! You're quite a good writer. I have two grievances though:



1. Although there's much less of it this last chapter, you repeat terms often. For instance, you used "a yawn confirmed this" twice in one small paragraph, up top. And sometimes you resort to the characters' names too often, rather than using terms that describe them ("the man", "she", "their", "the Swampert"). You clearly know how, but try doing it more often! Make it a habit.



2. This is a bit of a broad thing. The Rock character appears like a... self-insert. At least when you described him as looking like Soundwave. Who's Soundwave? And just generally, mysterious and powerful characters early on - if they're not part of the base game - seem a bit, well, forced. Of course, they sometimes exist, but... Well, yeah. If he's a self-insert he's overdone, and if not, make it clearer what "looking like Soundwave" is. :c



But otherwise, it's definitely worth following, so I'll do just that. :v