On Wednesday night's Survivor, we bid farewell to John Rocker's immensely likable girlfriend Julie, who was ostracized for being the only smart person on the show. I'm a little emotional right now, so bare with me.

JOHN ROCKER/JULIE QUOTABLES AND NOTABLES:

- The two tribes merge at the beginning of the episode. Julie talks about how in the old tribe, there was only one couple. "That was a little annoying, seeing them have their lovers' vacay." That's a rough sentence, because "lovers' vacay" sounds like a line that Woody Allen would write for a precocious millennial. "It's really tough on me, because I miss my boyfriend, John. I kinda want to separate myself from the group and go and cry a little bit." Stay strong, Julie. They don't deserve any of your tears.

- Julie (already having fashioned her new green bandana into a halter top mere seconds after receiving it) commiserates with Jeremy. "To see everyone with their person, it makes it so ... it hurts. Just know that, whatever you're feeling, I've got the same thing." For the record, Jaclyn also fashions her new tribe bandana into a halter top later in the episode. So there will still be bandanter tops after this week.

- After the big merge feast, Julie dumps a bunch of leftover trail mix into her bag, which is the first smart thing anyone has done on this show in seven entire episodes. The very first smart thing. There is a bunch of leftover food, guys. Dump it into your bags.

- Unfortunately, this completely understandable hoarding of food proves to be Julie's downfall. When someone suspects that someone snagged all the leftover trail mix, all the non-Julie people just start going through everyone's bags until they find it. Then, when they discover Julie has been keeping it, they all act like she pooped on the floor of the Sistine Chapel. "It is one of the most selfish things you can do in Survivor, I feel like," says Wes.

Seriously, when they find the trail mix, it's like they just discovered who killed JFK. The hashtag #TRAILMIXSCANDAL flashes on the screen, where it remains for exactly three seconds before disappearing again, forever. I timed it.

Really murdering that social strat, CBS. Really just crushing it.

- The venom directed at Julie for this. The unmitigated venom. "She's selfish and she's awful." "Why does she think she's so much better than us?" "She is so entitled." The montage of people sneering at her is teen movie new-kid-walks-through-the-cafeteria levels of bullying.

- After a solid 30 total minutes of scheming and alliances and stage-whispering in this episode, Julie calls a meeting with Jeff Probst and, knowing she's never going to get a fair shake after #TRAILMIXSCANDAL, quits the show.

- After Probst breaks the news to everyone else, they sit around and trash-talk her for several minutes, saying she never did anything and that she's a selfish person. Probst of course prods more awful comments about Julie out of people for a few minutes, because he is the devil.

- During the end credits, Julie gives her brief exit interview. Everything she says is exactly correct, including saying, "I'm going to deal with a lot of backlash, but I was the one living it. Only I can know how hard it was on me." I'm sorry you were railroaded off this show, Julie. You truly caught a raw deal.

SURVIVOR DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE:

- Every now and then (by which I mean every week), there's a sentence that just blows my mind with how insular and serpentine the vernacular of the show is and how completely inscrutable it is to someone who, for example, is watching the series for the first time ever. This week's sentence in question: "We got our treemail that said we were merged." My brain folded in half.

- Everyone goes to the top of a hill, because they're all one big(ger) tribe now, and a massive feast is laid out before them. Hashtag MERGE, of course

- Like, there's seriously a stupid amount of food here, and literally a day ago, one of these dumb tribes gave away everything they own for a big bag of rice. Jon says there is "cheese and trail mix and BOOOOZE and lobster and shrimp," and they show a shot of the plates of food they're eating, which includes CRAFT SERVICES MUFFINS.

All you had to do was wait a day and you could have had all the food you can handle, you dumdums. And yet IN SPITE OF THIS RIDICULOUS ABUNDANCE OF FOOD, Julie is the only one (including all her tribesmates who literally just traded everything for rice) who thinks, "Yo, gonna stow some of this food in m'satchel for later." They crucify her for this. I am too angry about Survivor, please send help.

- Wes and his dad Keith have matching boots, basically.

They appear to be either stockmans or buckaroos. I've worn boots at various points in my lifetime. Not ... not what I'd take to an abandoned island, guys.

- Everyone sits around after the merge and comes up with a portmanteau of their two team names, Hunapu and Coyopa. For some bizarre reason, they scrawl their new team name on a big leaf.

MUST-SEE TV.

- Baylor is conflicted that she's being courted by two different alliances that she feels loyalty toward. Her mother, Missy, sets her straight by telling her, "It doesn't matter. It's a game. Suck it up." That should be Survivor's slogan, I feel. IT DOESN'T MATTER. IT'S A GAME.

- Josh sits down and has a whisper-sation with Jon and Jaclyn, saying that they should vote Jeremy out, because he's the strongest competitor. He then blows my mind once again by saying, "Who do you think they're going to give a million dollars to? Two Broadway guys who are very successful, or a fireman who has two kids?"

It's at that moment I realize I have no idea how the game is decided. Does ... does America hold a live vote? I just kind of assumed it would be voting all the way to the end and then ... I dunno, duel to the death or something. The runner-up on Survivor is murdered, right? It's probably settled via murder.

At any rate, I'm certain they won't tell us how the game ends until shortly after they announce the winner. That's how Survivor rolls.