AUDIO LOG

DATE: 2015/05/19

NOTE: Audio recovered from an MP3 player by MTF Pi-8 ("Playa Hataz") during containment of an online 'seduction community' that used anomalies to acquire sexual access to women. The community was later determined to be affected by SCP-3089.

[BEGIN LOG]

VOICE 1: One of the things a lot of us don't seem to get — not even veterans — is that women are wired to want to sleep with you. This isn't some sort of 'Dumbo's Magic Feather' confidence trick, either. I'm just talking neurology. I'm just talking science. It's just how we're wired.

VOICE 2: Right. I mean, yeah, a lot of people don't —

VOICE 1: But when you approach a woman and you're hoping to —

VOICE 2: It's like she unconsciously picks up on it.

VOICE 1: — sleep with her — right, yeah. It's similar to Van Eck Phreaking, which means you can block it. That's Mystery's stick, with his hats. He lines them with steel mesh. (laughing) You think I'm joking. But yeah, an alternative approach is to retrain your brain. Know you're sleeping with her. Because if you're hoping —

VOICE 2: That means you're selling.

VOICE 1: Right! And women aren't looking to buy. They're looking to be bought.

VOICE 2: (laughing) Jesus, that sounds bad.

VOICE 1: I know, right? But yeah. It's just science.

VOICE 2: Another thing you've mentioned before is how — how you should never aim low. You should always —

VOICE 1: Oh. Right.

VOICE 2: — you should always aim for the ten.

VOICE 1: Right. A lot of us walk into a room, see a ten, do a basic probability matrix, and tell ourselves: 'Okay, I've got no chance, I'll focus on the 7 or 8 LSE in the corner'. And that's just bullshit. Aim for the ten. You always aim for the ten. Because if you don't —

VOICE 2: Then you're not trying to be the best you that you can possibly be.

VOICE 1: Right. Exactly. Always go for the ten. Never sell yourself short. I mean, we're all products of evolution — a four billion year old iterative process dedicated to perfecting our ability to pass on our genes. We weren't put here to go for sevens and eights, you know? We're not here to win 2nd place. Go platinum or go extinct. Be a champion — or get out of the champion's way. If you're not gonna play hard, then you might as well just remove yourself from the gene-pool.

VOICE 2: (laughing) Okay there, Richard Dawkins. So, I have to ask —

VOICE 1: About the bug-rattler, right?

VOICE 2: Yeah. How'd you guess?

VOICE 1: A lot of people have been asking me about it. Here, I've got one on me.

VOICE 2: Uh, wow. So what —

[STATIC]

VOICE 2: Jesus, that's loud!

VOICE 1: Yeah. It's the preserved remains of a Cicadetta montana, which is just a fancy word for those really big, loud bugs that burrow and leave their shells everywhere. See these structures on the side? Those are 'tymbals'. The male cicada uses them to attract mates. (laughing) Well, I do, too.

VOICE 2: This seriously works?

VOICE 1: Yeah. This is actually — I actually came across this when I was doing research for my next book, Negging Your Immune System: How To Use Pick-Up Techniques To Win At Life.

VOICE 2: (laughing) That's one hell of a title.

VOICE 1: Ain't it, though? My publicist came up with it. She's fucking amazing. Anyway, yeah, the book's all about applying seduction techniques more broadly throughout your life. It's crazy how this stuff can apply everywhere — you can use the same tricks in finances, health — even to develop yourself spiritually.

VOICE 2: (laughing) …you're not going to try and pick up God, are you?

VOICE 1: (laughing) I mean, if he were a chick, I probably would.

VOICE 2: So, this bug-rattler — you figured this trick out from your studies?

VOICE 1: Yeah. Here, you can keep it, I've got a couple. Just, ah —

VOICE 2: Oh, cool.

VOICE 1: — ah, don't — don't use it around the same chick too many times, y'know? If you do — sometimes they'll end up… (laughing) They'll start chittering and hissing, shit like that.

VOICE 2: Oh, wow.

VOICE 1: (laughing) Yeah, it's —

VOICE 2: That's pretty, uh —

VOICE 1: It's kind of gross, yeah. So just be responsible with it, y'know?

VOICE 2: Right. I will, thanks.

[END LOG]

NOTE: Attempts to identify VOICE 1 are ongoing. Following Incident #409 (see below), this person has been tentatively designated PoI-3089-189.