CHICAGO — Bicyclists along Chicago’s popular Milwaukee Avenue corridor now have additional clearly marked lanes where they can be accosted by the city’s sensitive and infallible drivers.

The city’s newest bike lanes feature curbs that separate them from the motor vehicle lanes, clearly defining an area of the road where emotionally inconvenienced drivers can aim their scorn.

Linda Redman, who drives her GMC Yukon in the area regularly, said the new addition has its trade-offs.

“It’s helpful to know exactly where people on bikes are going to be so I can more safely cuss and honk at them,” said Redman. “Looking around to try and find them while you’re driving can be dangerous.”

“It’s just that now I can’t graze inches by them in my Yukon to let them know their stupid lives are in my hands,” she lamented.

P-Kush, a food delivery bicyclist, also said there is good and bad with the new lanes.

“We definitely need more lanes—for sure,” he said. “I don’t like the curbs, though. Makes it harder to weave in and out of all lanes of traffic and totally own the road. I’m P and I got to be free, yo.”

However, Tanner Shafer, a driver for Lyft, said he wants bikes to be in their own lanes because one once hit his passenger side mirror.

“Ever since then I don’t like them and want them as far away from me as possible,” said Shafer. “Sure I’ve been in automobile accidents, too, but those things happen. I try not to get too worked up about it.”

The Chicago Dept. of Transportation’s website states that the installation of bike lanes saves the city’s drivers tens of thousands of dollars in totals costs of scratches, dents, and replaced mirrors for their vehicles each year. Gregory Jacobs, speaking through his full body cast at University of Chicago Medical Center, said that’s a good thing.

“The guy who hit me was driving a sweet Jaguar and I felt bad that it was damaged,” said Jacobs. “He said he saw me, but figured I would get out of his way. Wish I did. I’ll heal—mostly—but his F-type will never have original paint again.”

Linda Redman said no one has ever hit her Yukon, but if someone did she would be totally pissed.

“I park in the bike lane so those bozos know ‘Hey, my vehicle is right here. Don’t freakin’ hit it,’” said Redman. “That’s also why I yell in the general area of the bike lane before, during and after I get out of my car to run an errand. You just got to let these people know what’s up.”

Dept. of Transportation officials confirmed that the new bike lane can also double as a place for cyclists to yell at pedestrians.

Andrew Voris wants a new, separate lane for his self-balancing scooter.

Image by Steven Vance